Original subtitles

Snowflakes and candy canes. Frosted cookies and paper rays.

Just a few of the wondrous things on this holiday season.

Decorating the Christmas tree.

Singing carols so melody. And now, the pièce de

résistance.

Oh my gosh, more food. I mean, how is that even possible?

Don't worry, we're going to jog it off tomorrow.

You guys know my motto.

There's always room for dessert.

Yeah, not after five courses.

Okay, fine.

I'm going to put it in the kitchen in case anybody changes their mind.

Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Just out of curiosity, what is for dessert? Oh, this is my signature

Pumpkin cheesecake with a graham cracker crust.

You're killing me. Is that maple whipped cream?

Yes.

All right, put that down. I'm going to grab a slice.

I cannot.

This has been the best Christmas with you guys. I want to do this every

Christmas Eve.

Let's make Christmas Eve dinner our tradition. Okay, and I think I speak for

family when I say...

We are in.

Yeah.

We're in.

It's so pretty, I don't want to cut it, but I'm going to.

Okay, you guys, come on. Get in position.

Get in front of the tree.

I don't want to stand next to her.

Why don't you go outside?

Guy, be nice.

Look at the supermodel, dork.

Guy! Oh, my gosh, someday you guys are going to get along, I swear.

Never. Oh, would you look at that?

We're finally agreeing on something.

Honey, come on. Come on, you guys. Get in front of the tree. Okay.

Get in tight, everybody.

Come on. Nice. And everyone say pumpkin cheesecake.

Pumpkin cheesecake.

Pumpkin cheesecake.

Oh, what fun to laugh and sing a sleighing song tonight.

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Thanks for coming in.

Hey.

That's what you wore to your interview?

Online waist tie.

And they're only hiring unpaid interns two summers from now.

I'm okay with that because I like having you around.

You'll get something very soon.

Big flex.

Did I say that right? Kind of thinking you shouldn't be saying it at all.

Okay, Pooh Bear.

Mom.

You're painting over Dad?

Yeah. I think it's better composition.

Also, I feel if we're officially divorced, he doesn't get to be in my art

anymore.

You okay, Mom?

Yeah, I'm fine. You coming tonight?

What's tonight?

Christmas charades at the Rivera's. Guy will be there.

I think I'm going to sit this one out.

I mean, I love it so much when you're home with us. Yes,

you do, too.

And I'll be back permanently in June, so... Yeah, but then you're going to be

applying to grad school, and then you're going to be interning, and next thing

you know, you're going to have a corner office at a Fortune 500 company.

And I kind of feel like this is like our last Christmas together.

MBA, 80 -hour -a -week job, marriage, kids, grandkids, and funeral

Might as well end it right now.

Okay.

Let's just get through the holidays.

Kate! Sorry.

He's excited to be out of the city.

Well, you know what? To be fair, I do have meat.

Are you in town for the holidays?

Kind of a working holiday. I'm renting a house down the block.

Oh, the Morgan place. You must be the writer.

I guess everybody here does know everybody.

Oh, you have no idea.

So, welcome to the other North Pole. The one without polar bears and elves.

But you do have reindeer.

Usually. They pass through here every year except for last year, and it

look like we'll see them this year either. Oh, no.

The Wildlife Bureau was supposed to send someone up, so... Hey.

Is there something fun going on over here without me?

Trish, this is... Kendall Curry. Hi. Trish Rivera.

Self -proclaimed queen of the North Pole, mother of all cheesecakes, and

of game night records.

I'm Diana Forrester.

You're Trish and Diana.

You've heard of us? Literally everyone I have met in North Pole seems to talk

about you two.

The unstoppable duo who wins the home decorating contest every Christmas.

Oh, well, that's Trish. That's all Trish. I just helped her out. That is so

true. Diana is a yin to my yang.

Hey, would you mind if I take a photo of you two for American Life?

The website?

That's the one.

We love American life. Yes, we do. It is about time we did a story in our little

town. Well, that's the perfect place to start.

Okay. Okay. Smile.

Now that's a friendship.

Aw, you look great.

You both look great. Oh, Judy calls.

It was nice meeting you two.

Yeah, I'm sure we'll see you again. Merry Christmas.

You see that purse?

Yeah. Fake Fendi.

How can you tell?

They either have a real one.

Uh, Tim Soldier!

Um... Nutcracker!

I... Pear Tree!

Yeah!

And this would not be a party without Diana's fabulous Da Vinci cookies. A

culinary art people. And you know my motto.

There's always room for success.

All right.

One lone cookie left.

Painted in 1503.

In oil.

Not canola.

Paid attention in art history.

Thank you for recommending the course.

It was really interesting.

Hey, it was Jake.

He's job hunting.

Yeah, we thought that a diploma from his Ivy League school would guarantee him a

job right away, but that is why Skye is going to grad school.

You'll thank me later.

I'm sorry, I gotta take this. It's, uh, I'm working.

You... Helping them out with best holiday house again?

Uh, yes, she is. And we're going to win another golden reindeer.

She does love winning.

It's not the worst quality to have.

It is if you text pear tree to your charades partner.

Uh -huh.

Okay, all right. She does bend the rules sometimes, but it's harmless.

You know, and then she will host.

A dozen fundraisers to make up for that.

You're such a good friend.

You always defend her.

Yeah, I guess I do.

So when do we get to meet this new boyfriend? Oh, no.

We don't.

That's over and done.

I'm single and so not ready to mingle.

I hear that.

At least we've got each other this Christmas.

Give me a hug.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Will you please take this over to Jake, please?

Do I have to?

Yes, you have to. It's Christmas. Go. Walk it over, please.

Thank you.

I know, right? Yes. Can you please? Yeah. Thank you.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Don't stop, please. Thank you. Delicious.

Merry Christmas.

Merry

Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho.

That just came on.

Uh -huh.

What? You never seen a four -pack before?

Looks more like a two.

Leftovers. Thanks.

If I'm not stealing you away from frat boy.

We're not together anymore.

Oh.

Sky Rivera without a boyfriend on Christmas.

That's a first.

For you too, huh?

First Christmas without your dad here.

Yeah, well, he wasn't all that here even when he was around.

And now he's with his new wife, so that'd be a little... Awkward.

Yeah.

So he broke up with you, or... I think I did it.

Good.

Good? I just mean good.

I'm glad you did it.

So that you're not heartbroken.

Wouldn't want to ruin your Christmas.

Hmm.

Surprised you care.

I don't, really.

But with us knowing each other for so long and all.

Yep.

Long time.

Yeah, long time.

Anyway, um, I better get back.

Be around?

Yeah, see ya.

I like your hair.

Burnett's a good look on you.

Wait.

Was that a compliment from Jake Forrester?

No, it's just an observation.

Thanks for the observation.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Goodbye, holy day.

the reindeer i thought there was supposed to be reindeer well not anymore

guess but it's still full of holiday spirit around here there's this house

decorating contest on christmas eve the entire town goes bananas for it and

there are these two women trish and diana they're best friends and they team

every year and win they're like local legends they're perfect for american

okay okay i'm gonna stop you right there we are no longer interested in american

life What? It's literally the name of the website.

That may be, but we have a new mandate.

Since when?

Ever since my father retired.

But he told me nothing was going to change.

I'm afraid it has to.

Daddy nearly drove this company into the ground.

He wouldn't listen to me when I told him that nobody wants to read about small

-town, fireplace, hot cocoa crap anymore.

That crap got us through some tough times when I was a kid.

I'm so sorry your childhood was so hard for you.

But I'm running a business.

I need something new. Something edgier.

Everybody wants a feel -good story once in a while. Feel -good doesn't pay the

bills.

Look, my father liked you.

I like you. But if you want to stick around here, you've got to help me out.

I need clickbait.

Clickbait?

We almost bought a Montmartre in Prague. It was breathtaking and a true

dichotomy of past work.

The way he captured the subversive hermeneutics of this life. I'm so sorry.

Could you two excuse me for just one minute? I just... Hi!

Hello!

Please pretend you know me.

What? I'm trying to escape Mr. and Mr. Pretentious 3 o 'clock.

Isn't this your gallery?

Yes.

How do you know they're not buyers?

They're not.

You can tell that just by looking at something?

Because they come in every holiday for the free wine and appetizers.

Merry Christmas.

So, am I a buyer?

Huh.

Um...

are thinking about.

You're traveling. You don't ever really stay in one place for very long. Also,

you're just not ready to commit to a reindeer.

It's close.

Except I am willing to commit to a reindeer.

National Wildlife Bureau.

I've been waiting for you.

Nick Ames, specializing in the conservation of caribou. What did you

Reindeer. Diana Forrester, painter of reindeer and terrible salesperson.

Nice to meet you, Nick Ames.

Nice to meet you, Diana Forrester.

See you around.

Yeah.

Who's that?

That's the reindeer guy.

Who?

Nobody.

Well, is he cute? I don't know.

I don't know. I mean, he's just here for the reindeer, so, you know.

So, he is cute.

Diana, you cannot just wallow in this divorce.

You have to get back out there.

I so don't want to get back out there.

Okay, well, if you don't want to do it for yourself, then do it for Jake.

For Jake?

Yes. As soon as you move on with your life, he's going to move on with his

too. He's job hunting.

Sweetie, he's floundering.

You cannot let him just do whatever he wants.

You're enabling him.

What?

I just feel like you're always pushing me.

Well, that's our thing.

Maybe this year I'm a little more sensitive.

Okay, but if I don't push you, who will?

Besides, Bob's already remarried. You can't just let him win.

It's not always about winning.

What is that supposed to mean?

I don't know, like cheating on family game night and then making your daughter

lie about it.

She told you that?

Did you really cheat at charades?

You were cheating, Mrs. Rivera?

Hi, girls.

Look at those great outfits.

Got any cookies?

Door deliveries are over.

Was that three -peat really fake?

No, Maddie. Your parents lost fair and square, okay? It's Madeline now.

Oh. Well, sign me up for five boxes of Thin Mints, okay?

Sorry. You'll have to wait until cookie season like everyone else.

Flanagan was arrested for shoplifting. And who turned her in?

Trope 9.

How could you do that to me? I didn't see them.

You didn't see five Girl Scouts popping out of Christmas trees? No, I go tell

them you're joking.

No.

That's what you always want me to do. I always defend you.

What is wrong with you today?

Well, apparently everything.

My husband left me. I'm not ready to move on. I'm a bad parent.

I never said you were a bad parent, okay? I'm being a friend, and friends

each other things that they don't always want to hear.

Okay, well, in the spirit of friendship, you should know that Skye thinks that

you smother her.

Oh, smother?

I mean, my God, Trish literally lived her life for five minutes without you

planning everything about it.

Well, you want to know why Jake's really back home?

Because you want him there so you don't have to be alone.

When the kids were freshmen and you were in Turks and Caicos, Skye asked me to

adopt her.

Why would my daughter want to trade down?

I don't know.

But maybe I did see those Girl Scouts.

You want to see a show, everybody?

Trish's signature pumpkin cheesecake recipe is Bobby

Flay's.

Oh, my God. Did you

hear about Trish Rivera?

She got caught cheating a Christmas charade. Who's done that?

Are you kidding me? Look, Trish tells everyone she's 44.

Honey, I know for a fact she is 49.

Now, this is what I'm talking about. You can just see the hostility in Diana's

paintings. Look at those antlers.

You know, Trish and Diana's houses are right across the street from each other,

which means one of them might be on the market soon. I hope it's Trish.

Bigger commish.

So, what did she throw?

I didn't serve it, but my sources tell me it was an iced holiday latte with

double whipped cream.

Messy.

Uh, did something happen?

Trish and Diana split up.

Officially, not like that fake fight they had in 09.

That's awful.

Seriously, what will we do for entertainment now?

I thought you said these two were supposed to be best friends.

Well, one of them, Trish, apparently she cheated on game night.

And then Diana called her out on it, so Trish threw a frappuccino in her face.

Really? I know you said you wanted something edgy. Yeah, go on, go on, go

So, I'm thinking, it's this cozy Christmas town, perfect on the outside,

with a kind of... Dark underbelly. Well, it's not quite that bad. I can see it.

Backstabbing modern mothers living in first world anarchy.

Anarchy? These women will stop at nothing to destroy each other's

We'll call it...

The Real Housewives of the North Pole.

Are you sure this is what we should be doing?

This is exactly what we should be doing.

Stay on it. Get a story.

Mom! Guys, guys, please help me. How do I get these pictures of Diana off of

here? And I'm going to need a new iPad because I'm going to smash this one.

What's going on?

What's going on?

She betrayed me.

She betrayed our entire family, okay? So effective immediately.

All contact with the Forresters is forbidden!

Ugh!

Everything okay?

Yeah, everything's fine.

Oh, BTW, we're no longer in speaking terms with the Riveras.

Wait, what?

Just the facade.

Just like a house.

Their house is a palace.

Well, the bank owns it.

They're living off of fumes, and she is going to regret that she shared all her

secrets with me.

What happened?

It's best you don't know the dates.

You and Sky were never close, so it shouldn't really affect you anyway.

Trish has been your best friend since we moved here. People change, right?

People that you've known for years. People that you've made memories with.

People that you've been married to.

Are you sure this is about Trish?

Dad, I'll call him back. No, no, no.

It's okay.

It's okay. Take it.

You know what? Actually, invite him to the gallery tomorrow.

He always liked the Christmas show.

Actually, they're in St. Lucia.

Lugrato?

Yeah.

Please be sure to wish them both a Merry Christmas for me.

I'm not supposed to talk to you.

My mom said the same thing.

Let's meet.

Uh, no.

Hanging up now.

Wait, wait.

If our moms break up, they're going to be on us even more.

Plus, my mom just got divorced. I'm not going to let her lose her best friend,

too.

Where?

It's Christmas.

Time for the light to start to shine in.

Impressive.

And excessive.

That's why you married me.

How much is this going to cost?

Honey, we cannot skimp this year. I have to show Diana that I can win without

her. I get it, but we have to cut back. After the holidays, I promise, okay?

And then after you land that London account, which you will... Is this fight

really about Diana?

Or is it something else?

Something... Related to this.

She has all but accused me of being pushy and controlling.

I mean, maybe I am those things.

But I thought she liked that about me.

Honey, there's bumps in the road in every relationship.

Just call her. No.

No. Okay.

I'm just going to cancel the trip.

No. No. Paul.

It'll be okay.

And besides, it's only one at Christmas.

So? We will do an early Christmas Eve dinner over video chat.

That sounds awful.

But we will make up for it on New Year's.

Yeah? Yeah. I promise.

Why?

Uh -uh. I just want to put that right near the snowman.

Look at that. More Christmas decorations.

Don't worry.

It was all on sale.

99 cents is my middle name.

More like FedEx overnight.

Hey, John.

Hey, don't make fun of your wife's passions.

You're one of them.

Call Diana.

Go to the airport.

You're going to miss your flight.

Love you.

Love you, too.

Bye. Bye.

Are you sure that's a good idea?

What if our moms catch us talking about them? Not going to happen.

Big public place, Friday night crowd.

We'll blend right in.

Besides, I feel like skating.

I haven't been on the ice in a very long time. I'm excited.

You want some help?

Oh, no, I got it.

Thanks.

What time is it?

7 .30.

Why?

People might just talk.

Men and women hanging out after 8 on a weekend is a date.

As a rule.

Well, we should wrap this up fast then.

Rules are rules.

I remember the last time you and I were both here, you were showing off for Kyle

Simon. and took out the entire senior class.

Yeah, you did.

No, I wasn't showing off.

Oh, okay.

Okay, fine.

Maybe I was.

But I remember you were spinning around trying to impress Ashley Kay.

Oh, please, no. I never liked Ashley Kay.

You took her to prom in your powder blue tux.

Wait, you remember my prom?

And my wardrobe? I do live across the street, you know.

Okay, so you're watching me.

No. Got it.

No, I mean, not exactly.

I mean, it's like an accident. You know, sometimes you just can't look away.

Okay.

Gotcha.

Thanks.

So, what are we going to do?

Maybe our what?

Our moms.

Right, yeah.

Isn't that why we're here?

Yeah, um, let's just get around for a while and I'm sure we'll think of

something.

As long as we're done by 8, right?

Let's make it 7 .59 just to be safe.

This will be the third Christmas in a row I have spent alone.

Last year, I was in Hot Coffee, Mississippi.

Before that, Love Ladies, New Jersey, and Scratch Angle, Alabama.

Ooh.

To being alone at Christmas.

So, um, I heard about you and Trish.

Oh.

The rumor's really bad.

Well, um, see, she gave you a black eye.

Uh, you embezzled.

Um, she cut the brakes on your car and something about arson.

Wow, this town is ruthless.

For the record, I am Team Diana.

Thank you.

It's funny, I feel like everybody wants to make this out to be a Christmas war,

but...

Honestly, it's just the end to a very long friendship.

If you want to talk, I'm a good listener.

It's hard because he's always been there for me.

And I don't know if you heard, but my husband left last year, and this is my

first Christmas without him.

I'm so sorry

Hey

Where

have you been?

You're not You're not carrying a body, are you?

No. Come over here. I want to show you something.

I had an epiphany.

A supermodel snow woman. Is that my swimsuit?

You're donating it for the greater good, Skye.

Listen, I have held this title for ten years.

I'm not letting someone else take it from me now.

Wait, Skye.

Maybe you can hang out here with me and we could do this together.

It'll be fun.

Now, you're on your own.

Hey, hi.

Busted.

Sleeping at 10 .30 in the morning?

Cut me some slack. It's winter break.

For me.

For you, it's just another weekday.

I think we should change our contact names, just in case one of our moms sees

our phone.

Oh, good idea.

I'm gonna make you Tupac.

Like the rapper?

No, like your abs.

Were you calling for any particular reason?

Yeah, about our mom. I got an idea.

And for those of you with a gluten allergy, they're delicious.

Morning.

Hey there, Pooh Bear.

Mom, you weren't going to call me that anymore.

I know, I know. I'm sorry. I forgot.

Hey, do you think I'm a bad parent?

What? Nothing.

So, I was thinking about your gallery party tomorrow night, and I think you

another treat.

We have a great treat.

Well, you want to sell paintings, right?

Ideally, yeah.

So, trees create oxygen. More oxygen to the brain equals a better mood.

Equals greater likelihood of selling art.

What's going on?

Nothing. I just thought we'd enjoy hitting the Christmas tree lot.

A little mother -son bonding time.

You hate shopping.

Yeah, but you don't.

When was the last time we did anything together?

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Okay, so we'll go later.

Yeah. That's a yes?

Yeah.

Love to.

I'm telling you, it's hard to find the right

Christmas tree.

Every year, I torture myself trying to find the right Christmas tree.

It's not easy. I know, I know, I know. I like that one.

It just needs one more tree for the boy.

I've got a feeling about over here.

Hey!

Who's here?

Look at all of us, chilling in the trees. Like the good old days, right?

I just... I just... I know. I feel

terrible. Do you really?

Really, I do.

And I want you to know that I accept your apology.

I'm sorry. You accept my apology?

I do.

Do you remember what you said to me?

I remember what you said to me. Hey, remember those family forest trips we

to take?

And Trisha's hot chocolate in Mom's hand -painted Santa cup?

I remember Trisha's scalding chocolate.

I remember her cups because I chipped a veneer. Look, look, look, look. A blue

spruce. Your favorite tree, Trish. Oh, no, no, no. Trish's favorite tree is a

Douglas fir because it's big and fleshy.

Well, I think bigger is better.

Big like the bill from your nose job.

Big like the boobs on your ex -husband's new wife.

Look at what you did.

Look at what you just did.

I cannot believe that we were ever friends. Me either.

Goat.

What? Yeah.

Mom, goat is actually a compliment.

On goat.

Uh -huh.

And you are so not winning that golden reindeer this year.

Who's going to stop me? I am.

You may be good at... painting your little reindeer, but winning a golden

out of your league, sweetie. Do you really think that you can win without

Oh, I know I can.

And I will.

This is a terrible place.

That one will.

Your mom is pretty extreme, huh?

Yep.

She gets that from my grandparents. No matter what she did, it was never

That's rough.

It can be.

To another Christmas.

Another Christmas.

Oh, wow.

You're right, that is...

The best bike -talk cocoa in town.

So,

how's the job hunt?

Well, I'm still 22, still living in my childhood bedroom, so how do you think

it's going? Well, that's not... 22 is not exactly ancient.

I just... I want to do something that matters, you know?

Like what?

Well,

don't laugh.

There's this program where you can teach English in different countries.

all around the world.

I'm not laughing.

It's something I've always thought about.

Living in a different place, doing something to help people.

Well, where would you go?

Well, I've narrowed it down to South America, Asia, Europe, and Africa.

Mmm.

Not Antarctica?

Oh, no, I didn't know you'd be this easy to talk to.

Cheers, then.

Cheers. Penguins.

I'll be right back.

Hi. Hi.

Wow. Oh, thank you. You look really nice, too.

Thanks. It's a nice turnout.

Yeah, right?

Yeah.

How are the reindeer?

Well, it looks like an avalanche blocked their migration route.

Do you think they're going to be okay?

Hope so.

They're survivors, but there's not a lot of food in the mountain.

Maybe they'll take another route.

Maybe. It's not exactly in their nature, but...

We are hoping for a Christmas miracle.

Yeah.

I miss them.

I know, I know, I know this sounds stupid, but they're my inspiration.

It doesn't.

Don't repeat this to anyone, but my inspiration is a whistling marmot.

Yep. I don't have any paintings of those.

Well, I guess I'll just have to get this one.

Now, I thought that you weren't a buyer.

You said that, not me.

I can't think of a better Christmas present, but do you think you could hold

to it for me for a few days?

No, no problem.

I can gift wrap it for you or box it up or whomever.

It's for me. Oh.

Well, I better get going. Oh, yeah.

We'll see you in a few days. Yeah, well, I'll be here.

Okay.

The second time he's been in the gallery.

Yeah, yeah, he likes a reindeer.

Oh, yeah, and you.

He's just a nice guy.

Leaving a painting so that he can come back later? He's asking you out.

He's not asking me out, and even if he was, I wouldn't go. Why not? Because

I'm your mom. Aren't you supposed to be disgusted at the thought of me dating?

Oh, I'm totally grossed out, Mom. But I also want you to be happy.

Well... You really want me to be happy?

Help me take that golden reindeer away from Trish.

No, I'm not doing that.

She's stealing my country.

This is getting completely out of hand.

You know what? I don't want you to worry about it. It's fine. I got it.

I'm your mom.

Mom? No, no, no. I'm a single mom. I can do it by myself. I don't need you to do

anything. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Stop. I'll help. Okay. Thank you, Pooh Bear.

Mom.

Everything looks amazing.

Oh, you came!

Oh, hey, listen.

I wanted to invite you to Christmas dinner with Jake and me. Diana, you

have to do that. No, I know. We'd really love to have you there, and I just

don't think anybody should be alone at Christmas.

It won't be extravagant, but I do make a mean vegan turkey.

I'd love to. Thank you. Good, okay, because we'd love to have you.

Thank you.

Hey, hey, don't look over there.

Trish will just say that I'm copying.

I'm not looking over there. She's already got the judges wrapped around

finger.

Okay, she's really... Manipulative. I know. I know what she is.

Didn't she just donate all that stuff to the hospital?

Yeah, and you know who's on the board of the hospital?

The wife of one of the judges.

I'm not sure that's why.

Okay, fine. Yes, she's generous.

Okay? Everybody has one good quality.

section I'm gonna call Elves Gone Wild.

Excuse me, what could be more important than what's going on here?

Let's see.

Everything.

Who's that?

Nobody.

Wow.

What?

Proud of yourself?

Yep.

What's that?

Go big or go home.

We are home.

Bring me out to the park!

I don't remember it ever

being this crazy at Christmas before.

Maybe you just didn't notice because you always had a boyfriend during the

holidays.

Have you ever been in love?

I don't know.

Maybe.

You?

I don't think so.

Really? I mean, I've been in relationships, but...

I think they were just a way for me to feel not alone.

Is being alone so bad?

Sometimes.

Because when I'm alone, I have to think about who I really

am.

And how everyone thinks I'm perfect.

Well, if it's any consolation.

I never thought you were perfect.

You didn't?

You're a little too color -coordinated. You blink weird.

You like stamps funny. Have you ever noticed that?

Should I go on?

No, I'm good.

Didn't realize you noticed so much about me.

It makes you feel better. You can say some bad stuff about me.

Hmm, okay.

Well, uh...

Right now I... I can't actually think of anything.

Let's give it time.

Mm -hmm.

It's 8 .05.

It is? Mm -hmm.

And it's a Saturday night, so officially we may have

left a friend zone.

So what do we do now?

Rules are rules.

Okay, now our moms will kill us if they find out. Do not bring up our moms right

now.

Did you

get

the picture?

Yes, I got them, but they're not enough. I need more. More?

Yes, more anger, more fighting, more carnage. It's just... It's what?

She invited me over for Christmas.

Oh, that's perfect.

What? Oh, you know how people are during the holidays.

They give temper slayer, nerves afraid of jingle all the way.

But she's a divorced mom. She's going through a hard time. It feels wrong to

keep crying.

So work on the other housewife.

Okay, so I had to add a few more nines. We can barely afford our house payments.

We will work it out. We always do.

Will you please call Diana?

No.

Besides, she's already replaced me.

Now, come on. Who could replace you?

Apparently, it's not that difficult.

Well, I disagree.

I miss you.

Miss you, too.

Love you. Love you, too.

Thought maybe you could use a little frap action.

Wouldn't that be consorting with the enemy? I'm just an outsider.

Although, if I was a gambler, I would be leaning towards Team Trish.

It's beautiful.

Thank you.

A lot of memories in here.

And trophies.

48 hours.

I'll have another one.

It must be strange competing against your best friend.

X.

You know, she doesn't even care about winning.

She's only in this to take me down.

I've heard some of the tales.

You guys were legends.

We were.

I actually remember the day that it started.

They had just moved into the neighborhood, and there was this mom at

Bree Flanagan, Miss Perfect.

You know, she was the head of the PTA, threw the best parties, gourmet snacks

soccer games, you know.

And every year, she won Beth Holiday House.

And every year, I tried to take her down.

But Diana, she just walked over here one day and offered to help.

You know, for her, it's an art.

It's not a competition.

That Christmas, she was here every single day.

And we won.

Or I won.

And after that, we were a team.

You really miss her.

Yeah, well, I'll get over it.

This is the one place my mom won't look for me.

I'm pretty sure no place is safe from Trish.

We're like the Montagues and the Capulets.

Didn't Romeo and Juliet end up dead?

We should stop talking.

Here. Yeah, we should.

I'm terrible at this.

No, you're not.

I don't even know what we're painting.

But I'll take a guess that it's a reindeer.

Whistling marmot.

You know, seeing as I don't know how much longer I'm going to be here, and

that this is the most amount of human contact I've had in a while, can I take

you out to dinner?

I'm sorry.

That is so sweet.

What?

I think I'm ready yet to have dinner with a person, you know, a

man, besides my son.

Did I tell you that I have a kid?

I mean, well, he's not a kid. He's a grown -up, but he's back at home, which

nice to have him. Not that I, you know, need to have a guy in my house, or I'm

like, who am I?

Pretty recent divorce.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We've been separated for a year, but we just finalized our divorce.

Mine's been five years.

It gets easier.

Well, pencil me in five years from now.

Sure.

Yeah.

Well, I am here for the reindeer, so I better get back to it. Yeah.

You did good.

Did well.

Right.

Nice to see you again, Diana. It's really nice to see you, Nick.

You still have your dolls.

They're not dolls. They're actually limited edition action figures, and

only there because I'm selling them online.

I found that hard to believe.

Okay, maybe I'm not selling them, but I could. They are collector's items.

Mm -hmm.

You still have your My Little Pony?

Absolutely not.

Spice Girls?

Nope. Jonas Brothers autographed poster?

Okay.

Maybe.

But it's in a box, at least.

phone charger.

Boo bear.

Sweetie?

Yeah, yeah, just taking a nap.

Hey, do you have any laundry?

I figured I may as well do a load while I'm here.

Uh, no, we're good. I'm good.

Really?

Even those dirty socks and underwear fluttering in the corner?

No, no, I'll just burn them.

I mean, Rudolph, I feel like I'm missing something. Skye, help me.

Where do you want this elf?

No, no, no, that goes in elves gone wild section.

Oh, you should have said that earlier.

Something over here is missing.

What is it?

Jake!

Oh, honey, I realized what it was I needed to do. Look at this.

I call it Long May They Rain.

Dear.

It's good, right?

I could live with that.

Fred! Fred!

There are no more wire reindeer on aisle 10. Yeah, I just told the last one to

Mrs. Logan like two minutes ago.

It's looking great.

Oh, thank you so much.

It's just that I really need that reindeer.

Oh, I'm sorry. This is for my granddaughter.

I'm sure you could find her something else. Oh, no, I can't. This is what she

wants. She's seven. She'll get over it.

She's making a diorama.

I'll give you 50 bucks.

No. It's a $30 profit. It's not for sale.

How about 100?

No, I told you it's not for sale. Two.

Caught up in the holiday spirit, dear.

On the other hand, I hope Diana takes you down.

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

Work with this. Work with this.

Oh, good.

Good?

Oh, good.

Oh,

good.

These are very good.

I need a Blitzen.

You need a tranquilizer.

We are running out of time.

Okay, chop, chop.

Is that my bag?

What? Hold this.

That's my fag. You gave it to me. Nope, I lent it to you.

You never brought it back.

Fine. I want to make something very clear to you.

Skye does not love you more than she loves me.

What are you talking about?

Diana said that?

And worse.

Mom, that's crazy.

You know I love you.

More than her?

How can you ask me that?

Because we never talk anymore.

Because it's always so intense.

I don't want to be thinking about the future all the time, but you're always

pushing it and pushing it.

Look, and I know you can't help it, but it's too much.

Oh, honey.

Yeah?

Could I have the hammer?

Thanks for meeting me.

What are you doing?

I need a blitzen.

I need it for the judging tonight.

Blitzen?

Skye, aren't you a little worried that you're turning into your mother?

What's wrong with that?

Well, for one thing, she's completely out of control.

What about your mom?

Hmm? You love my mom.

Not more than mine.

Wait, what?

Did I miss something? Look, this thing with us is...

It isn't going to work.

Wow. You're ending this because of them.

It started because of them.

Not for me.

Jake.

You're really bailing because of our moms or because you're scared you might

feeling something?

Well, it's just, um, the last thing I need right now is another relationship.

Well, we hated each other before. No reason we can't go back to that.

Can we still be friends?

I don't know.

Maybe we never were.

Tank, I am a horrible person.

All right, Tank, it's time for the competition.

Come along.

There are many more houses to judge.

Yes, it looks like a tranquil town full of holiday cheer, but scratch the

surface and you'll find a nest full of Christmas vipers.

Sandra, what are you doing here? Didn't you get my message? Yes, I got it. Okay,

pan over there. Get that stuff. I am quitting.

Listen, you work for American Life, which means I own the story, and it's

to be big. You should watch. We start streaming Christmas Eve.

You can't do this. Watch me. Okay, pan over there, get some white shots. We're

coming up to Diana's house.

That's so cool.

Hi, everybody.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, Kendall, you brought a whole crew. That is so fantastic.

Listen, everything you see here on my lawn is biodegradable. Nothing you see

will hurt the environment.

There's no need to film second place over there. Come on. Come on over here.

There will be wheat, fresh gingerbread cookies, and white hot chocolate to wash

it all down.

Why? Because there's always room for dessert.

What's the big deal if she wins?

She won't.

She went low.

I went lower.

Mrs. Rivera cheetah at Christmas charades.

Mom.

the judges you yellowed my snow oh come on that was mrs logan's dog because i

couldn't sleep

We are

in

North Pole, Vermont, watching an all -out Christmas war where two

former friends try to destroy each other.

before the... Turn it off.

Kendall, get out of the way. No.

Oh, my God.

What do you mean, no?

The hatchet job.

She played us.

What kind of story is this, Kendall? I'm so sorry. It wasn't supposed to be like

this. Not at first.

I invited you into my home.

I invited you over for Christmas dinner.

Christmas dinner?

That's our thing. Everyone, American Life Online, The Real Housewives of the

North Pole.

Tune in. We start streaming on Christmas Eve.

You are not American Life.

You're a lowlife, a sleazeball, immoral, pathetic scroogebag.

Oh, no, don't break that. I'll sue you.

I mean, you would also have to break cameras B and C as well.

Fine. I quit.

You already quit.

You... You ruined Christmas.

You ruined everything.

I guess you don't have to worry about that anymore.

Because I am done with this place.

I'm selling our house.

And I forfeit.

Looks like we have a new winner. The Golden

Reindeer Award goes to Diana...

No, no, no. I forfeit, too.

I forfeit, too.

Please tell me you've got that.

How long, then, Dad?

Very English.

Hey, guess what?

I got the account.

Oh, I knew you would. Yeah, congratulations, Dad.

That's great.

Thanks. Thanks, hon.

We miss you.

I miss you, too.

If you guys don't mind, I'm going to go to my room.

But it's Christmas Eve.

It doesn't really feel like it.

Merry Christmas, Dad.

Merry Christmas, baby.

I'll be right back.

Guy, wait.

Um, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm always on your case.

I just want what's best for you.

I know.

But I'm not you, Mom.

I don't want what you want.

I want something else.

You were right.

About what?

Everything.

Turn down the account.

What?

I don't care about moving.

I don't care about this house anymore or that stupid competition, which I

forfeited, by the way.

I've been spending all this time creating this perfect image so that

would see what a mess I am.

Well... I don't care what anyone thinks anymore.

I only care about you and Skye.

The next time I'm going on the trip with you, I feel like a change of scenery

will do us good.

I'm going to give you a Christmas present right now.

I thought we were doing handmade gifts.

We are.

I found it.

Mom, too much. No, no, no, no, no, no. I had a great season.

I won't you to worry about me because I'm going to be just.

Fine. And I want you to take that money. I want you to go somewhere you want to

go. Do something that you want to do.

Okay? You're going to figure it out.

I did.

Thank you. I love you. You're welcome. Are you going to be my

Christmas?

What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?

All my clothes are in the laundry.

And I wanted to talk to you tonight.

Are you legit crazy?

Maybe. Maybe I'm also jobless and living at home.

But I'm also hopelessly in love with you.

Jake.

I'm sorry about what I said before.

I'm sorry too.

You were right.

I was scared.

Still am.

Me too.

But I think I'm more scared of losing you.

And also falling.

Yeah, I don't want this to end like Romeo and Juliet.

So what do we do?

Get in here.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Wait, wait. Shh.

She's going to hear us.

and made the naughty list.

How long has this been going on?

Um, well, there's 12 days of Christmas.

You've been lying to us this entire time?

Lying, ice skating, drinking your wine. We're in a relationship,

I think.

So, the both of you are just going to have to get used to it.

And while we're on the subject of getting used to things,

I'm not going to grad school next year.

I'm taking a gap year.

And I'm going to take a year.

No gap.

Yep. We're going to teach English to kids in Africa.

Or South America. We haven't really talked about that.

We haven't really talked about that.

Well,

let us know.

I think this is... I think that... Sounds

amazing!

Really? I thought you might be upset.

All we have ever wanted is for the two of you to get together. We could be in

-laws. We could be co -grandparents.

Are you

really going to move?

I don't know.

I'm so sorry, Trish. I...

I behaved like a crazy person.

And I'm so sorry that I threw the frap in your face.

It was kind of refreshing.

No, it was nice.

I only said those terrible things because I'm jealous of how you and Skye

together.

Because she's not mine.

I mean, ask Jake.

It is not easy being my son.

Don't have to.

You were right.

I have been leaning on him.

Way too much this year. And then I took it out on you.

Hey, what are friends for?

Merry Christmas.

Oh, Kendall.

You are wasting your time here. There is nothing here to shoot. I'm not here for

that.

Actually, I quit.

But I do have something for both of you.

Thank you, Kendall.

The thing is, I lost sight of why I became a writer in the first place.

To bring a little happiness to people.

I'm so sorry for everything.

But you'll be happy to know that people were too busy celebrating Christmas to

watch the piece of trash website.

Oh, I watched everything on every frame.

I'm so embarrassed.

How I acted.

Okay, well, I guess I better get going.

You can't just leave.

What? It's Christmas. Yeah, I mean... And the spirit of Christmas is all

about... Forgive me.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Why don't I have my camera now?

Um, Mom?

Hey,

look who it is.

He brought the reindeer back. Okay, that's not a sign, I don't know.

You found them.

Well, they found us. Listen, everything I said before, I was just scared.

I haven't been single in a really long time. Everything is different.

And I wouldn't even know what to say on a first date.

And if you don't know what to say, start with Merry Christmas.

If I could do that.

Then maybe we can try Happy New Year.

Will you still be here New Year's?

Well, I thought that once I found the reindeer, I'd want to leave. But I

That is great.

Because Groundhog Day around here is pretty epic.

You don't say.

Duty calls.

See ya. Yeah.

Did you see that?

What? That reindeer had a red nose.

Shut up and kiss me.

No, I'm not kidding.

No,

I didn't.

Are you sure you want to be in this?

Maybe next year.

Yeah. Maybe next year.

Yep.

Right. Okay.

Get together.

Say cheese.

We have a different tradition.

Ready?

Pumpkin cheesecake!

I want it to be Christmas.

I swear it should be Christmas. I wish it could be Christmas every day.

I hear the sleigh bells going ring -a -ling -ling.

I feel the magic in the air.

I see the snowflakes falling on everything.

I know that Christmas is here Now

all the presents are stacked under the tree And all

the lights are hung in care And

everybody's going