All language subtitles for The.Real.Housewives.of.New.York.City.S12E03

Previously, on The Real Housewives of
New York City.

The basement?

It's the lower level.

The lack of Ramona's consideration is
just mind -blowing.

She's got some f***ing nerve.

I just wish I had someone that could
step in and say, I'm gonna make it all

better. There's nothing carefree about
me anymore.

I'm not nice to anybody.

I don't talk until it's that time. And
if you forget that, you just need to

around and bend over.

Like, do you ever leave, like, your
little 1 % Upper East Side bubble?

Ever? Oh, my God.

Christina, lovely to see you. How are
you? Oh, my God, my other girlfriend.

Hi.

Hey, Laurie. Are you here? Are you sort
of here? She just called me. I feel like

I'm being ignored.

How can you socialize too much, okay?
I'm a single woman. I need to be social.

I mean, get over it. Just be present
with us. I am present.

I'm not always right.

But I'm never wrong.

I'm no one's accessory. I'm the whole
lifestyle brand.

I don't need to find love.

I love myself.

I may float like a butterfly, but I sing
like a bitch.

Life isn't a fairy tale, but I'm hoping
mine's the exception.

Raise the curtain, lower the light. I'm
taking center stage in my life.

God, you've got the glue all over your
face.

It dries clear.

No, but look at it on your forehead.

You mean on your forehead? Yeah, you
just roll it off.

Girls, we're not going to a party. It's
just a vineyard.

Look who's talking. You're dressed like
you're going to Studio 54. I mean, come

on. Do we like going up like that so you
see the shoe more?

No.

Leave it down.

You like it down? Yes, absolutely.

Having these five women stay with me,
I've got to make sure they're not bored

and fighting.

Children, are you ready? The little
girl.

We're first going to go to a winery.

It's just something about bonding
together, looking at the beautiful

wine trees. Whatever you call them. What
are they called?

Okay, I'm taking this glue with me, like
Tinsley does. Now I know why she always

says glue.

Oh, Luann's at the chiropractor. That's
right.

The what? The chiropractor. Luann, I was
thinking, where is she? Oh, she's at

the chiropractor. She's on her boat
right now. It's somewhere in the middle.

Surprise, surprise. Luann woke up this
morning complaining about her room.

Ramona, you got a little fighter issue
downstairs, by the way.

Yeah, I was brushing my teeth and then
the itsy bitsy spider came down the

She's like, I need to go to the
chiropractor. Wait, wait. Are we opening

card? This is not good.

Yeah, we'll open it.

Oh, those shoes are going to get wet.

Oh, my gosh.

That's a lot of ass on there. We got two
mama casitas here.

Let's do it.

Oh, God, my dress is all in.

Oh, jeez.

Whoa.

That's fabulous.

Hey, ladies, how are you today?

Hi. Any questions about the menu so far?

What do most people drink?

I think Tom and Rose is the most
popular.

Sure thing.

Can I get a Merlot?

Of course.

Oh.

I thought you don't drink. I'm not
sober.

I don't consider myself an alcoholic at
all. The reason why I stopped drinking

was because I didn't like what it did to
my life, but that was a long time ago.

And now I've been drinking again for the
last six months or so, and I pick and

choose when I'm going to drink. And
today I'm choosing to drink.

We're all on our own little journey,
and, you know, we've got to figure it

Okay, I'm doing pink tonic.

Because she's at her house having a
grand old time, I told you.

Hey, girls, my neck cracked and still
have a headache.

Doctor told me to take it easy.

Sorry, not going to make it. Saving my
energy.

On the boat, having a great time.

Doctor said take it easy. So we'll see
you later.

You know what? I mean, it's a winery.
Okay, right. In what world would it

to you to invite your friend that's
battling sobriety to a winery?

and act surprised that she decided not
to show up.

Not a big riddle, guys.

Oh, Carrie, here come the drinks, girls.
Yay! All right.

Drinks, drinks, drinks. I got Tom and
Rose in a wine glass. Can you bring a

glass? Absolutely,

no problem.

Cheers. After 24 hours, we've already
gotten her to drink.

But guess what? The weekend's not over
yet. We don't know if she'll laugh.

Nervous? Scared? I don't know.

I'm scared of what happens when I drink.

So are we.

So bring it on.

All right, so listen.

So I think everyone should share a story
about something that makes them

vulnerable just to show who you are.

This is like that Rose and Thorne game
that I always am like, what the hell?

this is real.

The way you bond with someone is to open
up.

Not like where you get your hair done
away, like your earrings. Like, no. What

are you feeling inside?

I had no love for my father. I didn't
know what I was coming home to.

Like dishes flying, screaming, yelling.

We are the product of our parents'
unresolved issues. And we get to be the

mothers we want to be. We get to like, I
think I broke the chain. No, you broke

the chain. We broke the chain. We all
broke the chain. We broke the chain. We

did. That's how you get close to
someone.

That's how you get to know someone.

So I'm going to start first.

So basically, I grew up in a very
destructive household.

When I was about 15 years old, I didn't
know what was going to happen with my

life. And I would play my music on the
record player, look out the window, in

the clouds of the sky, and I would just
be...

saying, where am I going with my life?
What is out there for me?

You didn't know how you were going to
get there.

Well, now, years later, I'm driving home
from the Hamptons, and all of a sudden,

I flash back. I felt like I was 16 years
old.

Where am I going?

I don't know where I'm going with my
life. I'm being serious. I don't know

I'm going.

I don't know where I am. And I started
crying for my mother. I said, Mommy,

Mommy, help me.

Oh my God, I didn't think you were so
self -realized. I thought you were

avoiding that.

My mother died like 12 years ago, and
I'm in the car crying for my mother like

little kid.

What's really important in life is to
feel safe with a person, and I don't

that in my life. And that's what really,
really kind of scares me to the core

that I really don't want to admit to,
not even to myself.

In my position, not having a child and
having that same feeling.

I don't really know where I'm going
either. But at the same time, if that's

you're feeling, at least you have
something you've, like, done. Like, you

kid. Like, you've got, like, shut that
off.

I don't have that. Do you feel that? And
all you guys have that. You've checked

it off.

Yeah,

that's right. Not a thing to check off.
It's deeper than that. Cindy checking a

box. One of my frustrations with you is
that I do enjoy you, Tindley, but I do

feel like...

I was watching your Discovery Channel
the other night. Just hear me out, and

then you're going to be mad at me.

And they were talking about icebergs. It
said the amazing thing about an iceberg

is, as big and as beautiful as it is on
the surface, 90 % of the iceberg is

under the water. And I sometimes feel
like we're only seeing the 10%. And it's

not because we want to be nosy. Like you
have a boyfriend.

Somebody told me you have a boyfriend. I
didn't even know about the new

boyfriend. Yeah.

Coming up...

different for me because I've never been
around children and I surprised myself

in the fact that like I was like
immediately like able to like deal with

like be a part of this family and the
kids all hang out together and this

is why I really talked about it because
I don't really know if this is going to

be a long -term situation because I'm
not used to being like one of like an

of people

We talked about Bruce a little bit. Do
you feel like waiting to see him? Do you

feel you're wasting time?

I'm always feeling that way. And I'm
walking into a relationship with a man

has three kids, and I probably won't
have my own.

So, it's hard.

The problem is that I've had three
different times in Chicago, whether it

birthday or a son's birthday or another
kid's birthday.

A lot of family was happening. And I was
just like...

I can't deal, I need some alone time
with you. Of course you do, it's

But also he was having you socialize
with his f***ing friends.

Right. And that's crazy.

That's okay, but what about just you and
him, right?

Bruce and I are really not in the best
place. I mean, I don't really love being

number six on the totem pole.

So I just don't think that I see this
really working out. That's a f***ing

How do you not know what that is? How do
you think that's something good? It

doesn't even, like, sound good.

I appreciate you sharing this.

I appreciate it.

Okay, so Leah, tell us something about
it.

Right after high school, I went to rehab
for three months because I was having

some issues.

And so when my parents came to come get
me after the three -month rehab, and

then they were like, you're not coming
home.

Really? Can you imagine, Hannah, you're
not coming home? I was a really...

I put my parents through hell.

My mother was like, hey, we really can't
have you in the house anymore because

you're disrupting your brother and
sister's life.

And I was like, where am I going to go?

And they're like, you're not coming back
to our house. We can't have you there.

We don't want you there.

Where was home?

In Connecticut at the time. They were
like, you're not coming home, but we did

find a halfway house for you to live in
that's run by nuns. And I was like,

you've got to be kidding me.

So they drove me all the way to upstate
New York.

And they dropped me off at this nunnery.
And the f***ing car drove off. And I

remember the dust was all clouding up.
And I was looking at my feet like,

happening to my life, you know?

Now I realize that my mother was trying
to save my life. Because she had to push

me out and go, you need to face the
consequences of all your actions, all

behaviors. And honestly, it gave me
perseverance to be like, I'm starting my

company. I'm doing things my way.

Because I've already been through the
worst. Nothing can get worse.

It takes a lot of vulnerability for Leah
to confide to all of us women what she

went through. I feel bad for her.

I do. I can have empathy because I went
through a bit of that myself growing up.

Oh, God.

And you're next.

Come on.

Well, then give me another napkin. All
right, give me one too. I've been crying

for it.

A month now. I don't know what's wrong
with me. You're pregnant.

You want to see a therapist together?
I'm going to the therapist, by the way.

if I had to give a secret to the world,
what's the secret?

I am scared every day.

Of what?

Just...

I know everybody thinks I'm so strong
and so tough and so able and so this and

be the anchor for everyone's boat.

But sometimes I want to be the boat
every once in a while and just anchor to

someone. She's very overwhelmed with her
home.

It's not that I don't have it. I have a
strong family. I have a boyfriend that

loves me. I have a daughter that loves
me. Heather's very dependent on me. So

John's very dependent on me. My family,
my house.

My this.

I'm always running the show.

No, you do everything for everybody.

My life has gotten very heavy. I wake up
worried.

I go to bed worried.

And I'm not with anybody that can help
me with this. John's never had this kind

of life where there's been homes and
responsibilities like this. I need a

partnership. Quite frankly, I'm tapped
out.

Maybe it's a wake -up call that you
can't do as much for everyone. You need

do more for you. Even if it's nothing.
Yeah. Because it's too much pressure on

you. Honestly, so much pressure goes on
women. It's insane.

We have to do everything.

Men are supposed to, they think they're
the stronger ones. No, it's the women.

All right, Sonya, you're next. You're
next.

Wait, I got to go back to my seat.

I saw Ramona, I guess, a week ago, and I
just lost my shit. Sort of like Dorinda

does every 15 minutes now.

It's just so bad.

And then you die and you catch some dick
on the way. I mean, the dick's good.

You've always been run out of the house.
Daddy's got a shotgun.

You know those onesies?

We're just going to be big babies.

So I'm also saying, what do I want to
do?

How we were expressing our hearts.

She's had a couple drinks. And she's
used this opportunity to tell us

except for what she's vulnerable about
right now. What she is vulnerable about

lot of stuff.

But she's talking about everything else.

Stop her.

I'm going to go. I'm going to go check
out where we're having the party

Let's all go. I think we're all ready.

No, no. You're going to go back to the
house. I'm going to go to barrel sex.

Tonight, I had a... Fabulous cocktail
party planned at my friend Joe Farrell's

home. 31 ,000 square feet in
Bridgehampton.

Beyond stunning.

Their mouths are going to drop.

That was great. Love you, girl.

Oh, my God.

Thanks for making us do that.

I said to my daughter, she goes, what's
Leah like? I go, well, I didn't think

I'd like a girl with tattoos. She goes,
Mommy.

Oh, my God. I'm getting them all
removed.

Leave me alone.

Coming up.

What are you wearing tonight?

Oh

my

God.

feed you or anything.

I found out when I was on my date with
Joe Farrell that he knows Ramona and

he went on a date with Bethany. So I
could just tell he's not my type.

I don't think he drinks either, so he's
definitely not my type.

Oh, my God. I've been doing rosé all
day, and I feel great.

Hey, girl.

I'm home.

Yay, Lou.

I'm going to go down and just freshen up
a little bit.

Why don't you do your makeup in my
bathroom? Come up here.

I can do that. I'll bring it upstairs.

I don't want to miss any moment of
bonding with the ladies at this moment,

I'm glad I went to take care of my neck.
I did not sleep well last night between

the smell and the spiders coming down
from the ceiling. It was not

Dorinda, do you have my white shawl,
please? I'm going to use it tonight.

right here. How was the venue?

Pardon? How was your afternoon after you
left?

Well, I had a date.

No. You are kidding me.

I've never seen a person be able to slip
in and slip out of date so quickly.

I mean, she's like sliding doors.

I don't want you to get upset with me.
But you're starving.

No, I'm fine. But I need to leave at 8 o
'clock. What time?

8. Do you?

I'm going to go next week's date. I
didn't know you were going to leave.

Bitch.

On a date. Oops, off.

Whoops, went on a date.

Anyway, went on a date. Hey, went on a
date. It's impressive.

Is he gray -haired, like you said? No,
he has, like, dark hair. He's dark. He's

Persian. Really?

So he's sexy. I like that.

He's very sexy.

And he's more flirtatious than me.

I think it sounds amazing.

You know, I'm just going to... Hi, girl.

Yes. Hey, Lou.

Hi. Wow, that looks pretty.

Thank you. You look beautiful too. Very
nice.

This could be a faux pas.

Hi, Missy. What's going on here?

What do you mean?

You doing the Laura Ashley thing or the
Ralph Lauren thing again?

You have allergies?

I do. Is it all the flowers you're
wearing?

They're all fresh. I just picked them
out of my garden.

I think it's a beautiful dress.

But I'm not sure if I like the sweater
with it. I would do the sweater over.

It's a sweater. It's cold out.

I'll do the jean jacket. I don't like
the sweater with it. Oh, do the jean

jacket. Different areas have different
styles. And that floral dress does not

belong in the Hamptons. It belongs in
Nantucket. Or maybe in Atlanta, Georgia.

What were you doing? Were you on the
boat?

and super sad. Yeah, right.

She must not be feeling well. Come on.
We just wish you were there with us.

That's all. But we're glad you're here
now. I'm so glad I missed that lunch. By

the looks of it, Sonia's been way over
-served and we haven't even gotten to

party. Tinsley, Leah, are you ready?
Because if not, you can just take the

second car. We have two cars because I
got to go because I'm the host.

Maybe they left already.

I wish I could have... Maybe... You know
what I... Hello, girls!

Good bitches.

Where's Ramona screaming?

These guys were all, like, dolled up for
a New York party. I'm like... I just

wear this because it's all half.

How long have you been coming here?

35 years.

Amazing, isn't it?

So the guy, the host's name is Joe
Farrell. Yeah. And he did, he's a major

developer here, right? He's huge, he's
huge, he's huge.

Finally going to see the house of Joe
Farrell. Wow.

Ramona Singer pulls it out of her hat
again.

The social butterfly of the group. She
needs to really be knocked down a notch.

She's like, this one is my friend
because I go to pubs. This one is my

because I go on Johnson.

I go, you know, really, it's not a good
look.

This is my friend's place.

Campbell, Bobby Campbell.

Beautiful. He's the guy who invented the
lights on kids' sneakers.

I'm trying to hang on to my long -term
friends. And those people are your

people, but they're superficial friends.
They're friends that say, hi, how are

you? are you how's the weather today
next right you know the rent -a -crow

the party filler people they're not her
near and dear right ramona is hosting

this party at this fancy house to show
us all her fancy friends fancy schmancy

this is just going to be another boring
party with stiff people and a lot of

small talk sometimes i think my girl
ramona forgets what's important in life

Wow. Beautiful house.

Thank you for letting me use this bag.

Of course. I would have been lost. I
want to get it now. I know, it's

You know, it's like they're beautiful,
but it's the best one.

Hey, David.

Hey, darling.

How are you? Great.

My really good friend. Hi. Hi.

So excited we're here. Beautiful house.
Oh, my God. It's so beautiful.

I love this mirror. You don't understand
how much I love standing mirrors. I

have one in my apartment. This one's
beautiful. Oh, my God.

I'm in love with this mirror. Well, it
can be arranged.

Oh, this is fancy.

It's for sale, Tonya.

Oh, it's for sale? No wonder we're
invited.

Are they checking our records?

You got your ID with you? We're never
going to get in. Oh, my gosh.

All four of us have punch -ups.

All four of us have punch -ups. I know.
We're in the right car.

We're not kidding.

We're so gutting it because we are Roxy,
baby.

Coming up.

Do I put my straps on? Just hold on.

Okay, good. Hold on. You ready, baby?

Yeah, baby. Are you ready? Oh, my God.

I feel like a sexy baby. Oh, what's
going on? All

right,

here we go, kids. Liz Parton is all
about, like, behaving.

Yeah. Who wants to behave?

Oh my God. This is like weird white
people.

This is not the type of party I'm used
to going to. It's seriously some weird

eyes wide shut.

People are going to start putting on
goat masks and I'm going to end up being

taken in a back room and be made to be
someone's bitch.

What are you offering?

We're in

a $30 million house. You don't have gin.

Okay, let me follow you to the bar.

This isn't the only house this guy has.
He should have invited us to the real

house then with the real liquor.

I'll go to Tito's.

Yeah, I'm taking after you.

You know my good girlfriend, Kathleen
Hister. We've met her before. Nice to

you. Why are you being so formal?

Hello. Nice to see you.

And this is Christina DeSimone's
husband, George.

Hi, George. And this is Tinsley. I don't
think you've ever met Tinsley.

And this is Leah, our new friend. Or
enemy.

Hi, I'm Leah.

This is Leah, our friend.

Yeah.

This is hilarious to me. Sonia legit
has, like, lived the way that Ramona's

trying to pretend that she's living
right now. What? Like, are you kidding

with your pashmina on and, like, oh, how
to, like, oh, yes, how do you do,

bitch? Like, I know you. What are you
doing? Why are you being this manner?

Because that's how I'm at a party. Okay,
okay, I mean, I have my party mode on.

Just because we're in a $30 million
house, you don't have to act like a $39

million bitch.

Let's act like we're in your $7 million
home, okay?

I said $8 million.

Fine, let's act like that. You're acting
very fancy.

Well, sorry.

I like to be down to earth. I live in a
two -bedroom. I only have 1 ,100 square

feet.

That's pretty large still for a single
woman.

This is how I act with my friends, my
other friends.

I mean, with Sonia, I have to bring
myself down.

to be with her the way she is.

With my other friends, I have to elevate
myself up. I mean, I'm hosting a party.

What does she expect me to do, hang from
the chandelier?

Here you go.

We went to Wolford today.

No, I'm not.

All right, I'm going to go drown myself
in the pool.

I swallowed the gum.

And now it's burning in my, because
it's, like, spearmint, and it's burning

my neck. Her eyes scared the hell out of
me. I just saw, like, this, and then I

just followed the gum. Like, oh, my God.

She just scolded me, and I felt like she
was a schoolteacher.

This is not, like, the royal family over
here. Do you know what I mean? She's so

worried that we're going to embarrass
her.

We have a new girlfriend who's lovely.

Leah, I think she's a classy girl. She
just doesn't look classy, and I told her

that last night.

I think she's quite lovely.

She's a beauty, but she looks kind of
rough on the edges.

I hope she's not listening. Where is
she? Wait, hold on.

I think she knows we're not listening,
but she's going to hear it. She knows we

care about her. We made it clear.

Ten years, a long time for me in a
house. Yeah, it's too long, right?

Too big. Too big.

Thank you for allowing me to host
tonight.

I mean, this is like an ugly night. And
this is this house. It's a beautiful

home. Well, because you're here.

And we're here in your beautiful home.
And I love the dual fireplaces.

I lit those for you.

Oh, thank you.

I'll light my fire.

You know, it is a little bit weird to
see Joe Farrell again, honestly.

I think Joe and Ramona actually make a
good couple. She's batting her lashes,

and he seems to be into it.

What am I missing?

Nothing. This is a feeling that Joe is
feeling right now.

I mean, Joe is a nice older gentleman,
but men get to, you know,

be short and unattractive and still have
women running after them if they have

money. You know, this is the world we
live in.

Did you go downstairs?

You want to show me? Yes. A basketball
court? All right.

No house like it.

A sparkling, please.

You know, it's really hard to be at a
party like this and not drink.

The bar is there.

Everybody's drinking.

And it's kind of stiff, this party.
Thank you so much. Enjoy it.

I was really hoping that Leah could be a
good wingman for me and not drinking,

but that's not happening. And so I feel
like I lost my sober companion.

All right, listen. I love this yellow
one here. I've been in Joe's house a few

times. Oh, have you? But I want you to
see it. Oh, I would love to see it.

going to get a tour. Let's go. Maybe
we've been in this house a few times,

we're back.

Sorry, come on. This is really the best
room in the house. If you think this is

nice, this is the coolest.

Oh, wow. There's a bowling alley. That's
pretty cool. Oh, my God. That's pretty

awesome. Oh, look at this.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God. Don't get your panties all
wet. I think your panties are all wet

right now, Sony.

I think they're Niagara Falls right now.

Holy shit.

You look so hot right now. I do like
your magenta pants. Yeah, the house made

hotter, right?

House made you real hot. Oh, yeah.

Exhibit A. I rest my case.

They're touring the basement if you want
to go see it. Oh, they're doing a tour?

Let's go and see that. I would love to
see that. You know what I don't like? I

don't like touring houses.

I think it's tacky.

Well, they're already down here. That's
a very American thing.

I can't do it in heels.

Oh, I know.

That was a gutter. Where are you?

How's it going?

Good. Hi, Dorinda.

It's a beautiful home. Thank you. I love
all the woodwork and stuff.

I have an old Stanford White House, so I
appreciate wood.

Oh, my God, you guys are bowling?

I love bowling.

Since I lived in London for 10 years
with a British husband, I think that I

very sensitive to things very American.

When you're invited to a home in London,
they don't take you to the basement and

to every single toilet and loo in the
house.

that generally help through the living
room, dining room, and maybe the

Maybe. Did you ever see that before in a
house?

No. Look what it says.

Welcome to your pleasure palace.

It's hard to bowl and heal.

Yes, yes.

Oh, my God.

That's amazing, Liz.

That's amazing.

Oh, my God. You're good.

feet. Let's keep going. Oh!

Will we measure the moment by feet?

We got a long knife.

I may have a short knife.

What's Ramona doing?

This is a half pipe for the kids inside
if it's raining out.

We have an outside half pipe.

Are you kidding me? Oh, I hate touring
houses. By the way, does this guy really

know her?

Who is he? Does he care about her?

We do!

Exactly. Upstairs is a world -class DJ
booth.

A DJ booth? A major. It goes all over
the house.

Cameras. Are you serious? You can see
all over when they're DJing. They can DJ

in their own house.

I don't think he's interested in Ramona
because she wants to be banged a lot and

hard. What?

Do I put my... Just hold on.

Okay. Hold on. You ready, baby?

Yeah, baby. Are you ready? Oh, my God.

I feel like a sexy... Oh!

What's going on? Woo! Woo!

Hi, baby. Hi.

Oh, sweet.

Elise... been around this group a long
time. She was married to a very famous

hedge fund guy. She was a girl about
town, just like all of us were. All

girls making it happen in New York City.

Ted, this is cute.

Thank you. Very cute. What is it?

Very, very old Cavalli.

I'm going to stay here all night.

Hot tub, massage, hot tub, massage.

You want to keep me captive?

Right here.

I can be your prison. You know how they
say men like... Do I want to keep you

captive?

Coming up.

Party's over. Let's go. The party's not
over. You're over.

When I married my husband, he would
force me to buy clothes and I would get

embarrassed. You were his accessory.

No, no, no. Don't say that. Why are you
saying that? I was not an accessory. I

was a partner with my husband.

A partner.

You know me.

Why are you saying that? Why are you
saying that? I am a boss, bitch. Sonia,

you're doing this and you need to do
this. No, you need to clap, clap, clap.

Let's just go. You don't want to be in
the drama?

No.

I was never a trophy wife. Take that
back.

I take it back. Take it back. I take it
back. Take it back.

She was a trophy wife. You were a trophy
wife. You were a trophy wife to Topper,

my high school sweetheart. What the hell
are you talking about?

Yeah, exactly.

Because it was the early years.

I'm going upstairs.

I met Topper at boarding school and he
is my teammate.

She was a hostess at a restaurant when
she met her husband, and he was like

That's the definition of a trophy wife.

I'm not arm candy.

I don't shave my pussy.

I don't shave my butt.

Sonia is drunk.

But I don't think Alicia would be
talking about being an accessory to a

It is no one's business to pass judgment
on who and what role we played in our

husband's or partner's life.

Oh, I can't take the screaming.

She's off the rails.

I don't know. I came home and had a cup
of coffee and went to sleep. She

shouldn't have kept drinking.

She's a pig. She's going to be out like
a light. Either that or it's going to be

a disaster.

Down the hatch.

This is my new best friend, Eddie.

If anybody told me that I'd be spending
the weekend at Ramona's house with your

guy, I would say you're out of your
mind.

You and my kids are like, what?

That's funny.

I left my beautiful house to stay in the
basement.

It smells like dog piss with spiders.

You see what I did for you guys? I mean,
unbelievable.

And, you know, there's also a fridge
down there with lots to drink in it.

Believe me, I checked.

Get him.

Get him.

Push me off.

Sit with your friend. Sit with your
friend with a diamond bracelet.

rich friends with a diamond bracelet.
Stop labeling my friends.

I love Ramona. I love her friends, but I
just think she's treating us friends

like sh**. Like we're chicken liver.

No. Chopped liver.

You're chopped liver, but I don't think
you're chopped liver. Chopped liver.

You know, when Sonia acts like this,
it's no wonder why she got invited to

certain events and parties.

Thank you for feeding me.

I'm not impressed with your rich
friends.

Oh, she's on a roll.

I got more money in the bank than any of
them.

She's on a roll. Hi.

Hi. How are you?

This guy, I think he wants to have sex
with me. That's great.

Who wouldn't want to have sex with you?
I'm so flexible. How old are you, 24,

27? How old is he? I like him. He
doesn't care I have a gas pocket. He

care if that's a Ramona.

That's my kind of friend.

Watching Sonia, basically, I...

This dude is the best part of this whole
party.

I'm wondering if he has any tattoos, if
she's going to say, never mind.

I have a feeling now.

No, she's fine.

Yeah, bring her close, though. I just
need to see your driver's license, and

we're good to go.

Men love my vagina.

I got an amazing vagina.

It's just amazing.

Hey, girls, what's happening over here?
How's your pussy?

Wait a second, let me check.

Saul's still there.

She just stole the show.

Yeah, you did, you did.

You stole the show.

So we're not getting late tonight. We're
not getting late, so let's go. No,

no, no, no.

Can we order pizza?

Pizza!

Pizza!

Good to see you. Not only is she
entertaining, But she's embarrassing.

Ramona's a party popper. Party pooper?
Pooper. He's afraid of you.

And now we get to leave.

Party's over. Let's go.

The party's not over. You're over. Who
are you?

How are you?

Belly to belly. Who are we?

Who are we?

Who are you? It doesn't matter. You're
so handsome.

You're beautiful.

William's married.

He's got a baby. Come on.

He's got a baby.

Sonia is off the charts. It's truly like
Godzilla has been let loose and

Godzilla is drunk.

Drunk! Luann, we gotta go. We gotta wrap
it up. Luann, I gotta go. Come on.

Tinslake, let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Should it be night of the week like
this?

Coming up.

Ramona, we have a problem. What's the
problem?

Luann's left and written a really out of
control text.

Uh -oh.

Ramona, can I come in?

Sure. We have a problem.

What's the problem?

Luann's left and written a really out
-of -control text.

Well, you know, I saw a car pull out,
and I thought someone stole my car.

Let me read it.

Sure. I read it slow and slow. I'm CC'd,
so I don't know why I'm CC'd. She's

right. Thank you for your hospitality,
Ramona.

This is not the fish room part two. I
live in the town you drive to every day

because it's the best and I have an
amazing home. I come to you and what do

get? Share the bathroom with someone I
don't know or the basement filled with

spiders and the smell of dog piss.

I'm shocked that I'm always the lowest
on the totem pole.

Good night from the lower level.

I asked her if she wanted the room
downstairs on the main floor or that. I

know what she's upset about. I think she
just said all that because she just

wanted to go home and not be here.

Just come up and say, you know what?

I don't want to be down there. It makes
me feel lonely.

Luann always seems to have an issue with
the room.

Vermont. I come here. I just got
married.

I came all the way from Palm Beach.
Nobody was thoughtful and gave me, like,

nice room.

Great Barrington.

Did you ever hear of the saying, it's
the thought, it's the thought that

I know you have a beautiful room. That
room is like, I probably know you have

empty room tonight because Madame
Bethany is coming tomorrow and you're

that room for who's coming tomorrow.

Ramona's house.

There seems to be a theme going on here.

She's not going to pick up.

At the tone, please record your message.

Careful.

Lou, it's Ramona. I hope you got home
safe.

But most importantly, I'm sorry that you
felt isolated, and I'm sorry that I

wasn't being more aware of how you would
feel. I was more concerned on the

superficial things and all that other
bullshit. It's really important for us

bond together, and I made you feel
separate from everyone, and I'm sorry

that. I never meant to make you feel low
on the bottom, low on the...

I never get my totem pole.

Low on the totem pole.

Please come back over here.

Let me think of a way I can make it up
to you.

Anyway, all the best. Call me back. Bye,
bye, bye.

No, she felt rejected.

I get that. You know what? I can
understand that.

I never would ever want Luann to feel
badly like this, but I really wasn't

thinking clear, because I had eight
girls, and I'm cooking, and I'm

and I'm shopping, and it was really a
lot, okay? So I stopped.

What's a good boy?

Oh, my goodness. What happened last
night?

I think I had a great time. Look at you.
You look fresh as a daisy. Look at you.

Oh, I'm a wreck.

What happened?

Did

she

leave? Yes, she left at 1 o 'clock in
the morning. What?

Yes. W -T -S.

Yes, she left.

Luann was humbled by her probation for
about 10 seconds. But once you put her

the basement, or as Ramona says, the
lower level, that's just not good enough

for Luann. Thank you for your
hospitality.

Ramona, explanation point. Wait, I'm
going to read it to them.

It's not always about you. This is about
you. You proclaim you love me, but I

know that's not true.

Good night from the lower level.

Oh, my God.

Let's go see the basement. I want to see
the dog piss and the spiders. Let's go.

This is where I put Luann.

This is a party palace.

This is great. You have your own TV
area.

Oh, this is great.

And look, these are real flowers. These
are real flowers.

But she thought they were fake. Oh, my
God, they're real.

Does Luann not want to sleep in Ramona's
guest room, or does Luann just want to

be home?

I mean, is there a bed? Is there a
pillow? Is there television?

It's enough.

The most comfortable house ever. It's so
deep, you can just hang out here. Yeah.

We should maybe watch a movie. Did you
get it at Crate and Barrel? Oh, wait.

Hello. Luann's in the phone. Don't say
that. Here we go. Hey, Lu.

Next time on The Real Housewives of New
York City.

Round one.

Oh.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. We're here to
groom Marley.

Don't get us done. Marley. Yeah.

Just hold on one sec.

Dog groomer? Really? I'd like to be
groomed.

Oh, my God.

This is amazing.

Do you make house calls?

Yeah.

You drink it!

There's vodka in there.

Oh, great.

As long as you're drinking around me, I
feel like it's not going to go off the

deep end.

is down here.

What is this? This is my home. Yes.
There's a vibrator in the chicken.

Oh, no.

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