Original subtitles

Previously on the Real Housewives of New York City.

So I was just actually talking about Bethany. I said, can you just please

by just for 30 minutes?

I can't.

I'm not going to say mad. It makes me sad.

Are we 1 ,000 % not able to go to Ramona? No, you have to be there at 7

have to be at the red carpet at 7 .30. So are you guys excited about coming

upstate? I am. Mary? We can agree on that.

I'm actually not going to get there until 5. My friends are taking me out

birthday. Are we invited?

No. We're not invited. That's what I'm talking about. That's bull.

I plead guilty to being fabulous.

The only thing I'll settle for is more.

People call me over the top, but lately, I prefer being a bottom.

Game set.

Now, I need a match.

When life gives me limes, I make margaritas.

If you got a problem with me, it's your problem.

Bye, have a good trip.

So what do you think of the house? Oh my gosh, I love it.

It's like a bird's nest, right? It really is. This morning I saw an eagle

that buoy out there. You did?

I can't wait for the girls to come up here and see this.

Hi. I just texted my friend, so I think I can order.

Sure. I think we'll try the mushroom quesadilla. Okay. With light on the goat

cheese creme on it. I was just given a mandate that they're on diet.

I'm going to get some flowers for the house.

I love all this. Hi.

Hi. How are you? I'm Dorinda. Hi, Vicki. Nice to meet you.

I just moved in around the corner.

Welcome to the neighborhood. It's a great neighborhood to be in. It's a

fantastic neighborhood.

This thing is a mobile office. It's like a private plane, but it's on wheels.

Everything is so luxurious.

The watch TV or the news, you know, has a toilet.

I will use the toilet on this one. I don't use the toilet on the Chitney.

I'm so excited to finally see Lou's house. Upstate, I mean,

she almost sacrificed everything, and I mean everything, to be in this hood.

It's just a fifth of the size of the mansion she wanted.

I can't help but laugh.

Believe me, I called everybody I knew for $6 million.

I'm paying a million dollars for it so I don't lose it to the other people.

Everything's brand new, like a new car. People don't like you bringing your

daughter around.

This looks like an owner. Is this the owner? Yes, he is. I think the mustache

threw me.

Yeah,

that was the giveaway. I want something dark, sultry, kind of sexy flowers.

That one is fantastic.

Can you deliver it? Yes, of course I love it. What's amazing about Sutton

is I feel like I'm back in London. I walk everywhere every day.

It's truly these are the people in my neighborhood.

I don't really like that round.

More like that round. A wider round.

Sorry. I don't want to start off on the wrong foot here.

Thank you. It was wonderful meeting you. I hope I see you soon.

Enjoy the neighborhood.

It's just so accessible, everything now.

It's so empowering.

I actually, in the morning, feel emotional about it.

Oh, boy. Now we're talking.

Hello. How are you? I'm great. How are you today? You are a very lucky man

because a cheese lover moved into your neighborhood.

That's awesome. So, great. Where do you begin?

Yeah, like hotter or softer cheese?

Well, it depends on the night. There you go.

And what we're drinking.

I'm kidding you. All right. Give me some cheese to try.

Awesome. What's amazing is the 30 block.

Down and four avenues over have changed the whole dynamics of my life. It's easy

to get to Hannah. It's easy to go see John.

It's easy to walk to Bergdorf.

It's great.

This is a triple creme from France called Delice de Begonia. Rich, creamy,

buttery, about 75 % butterfat. Oh, wow.

But you end up eating a little bit less of it, but it's really rich and buttery

from France. Oh, my God, that's delicious. Yeah, it's delicious.

Awesome to eat.

Hi, how are you? I got you vodka. I don't know if you're drinking. You don't

have to drink it. I could just drink white wine. Oh, you want to get that?

you know what? I'm so sorry. A pinot grigio when you get a chance. Sure.

you. What's going on? Oh my gosh. I just had like a hell of a weekend. My dog

had cancer.

My baby.

No.

That's so bad. I know.

He's my baby.

I mean, it's like I can't even. I just, I just.

I'm sorry.

Bambi is the type of dog that gets loved and caressed and his whole body

smothered in kisses.

Oh, there we go. There's that. Chad is so cute on you.

This is the handsomest man ever.

If there had ever been any lumps, we would have felt them.

These just came up.

I saw Sonia and Ramona on Saturday night, and Sonia was a little weird. I

talking about how I'm 43, and I don't think this kid thing is going to happen

for me.

setting. She was yelling at me. I don't understand why she wants to be married

and have a kid and she thinks that's going to make her happy.

Sonia, you're wrong.

Because I knew Sonia a little better than some of these girls when I moved

to New York, I think she thinks that her advice is the one that I need to listen

to. And if I listen to anybody else's, it's almost a betrayal to her. You're

being realistic and you're being like, Dale, you're putting that in her head.

Dale's a great woman.

Every woman needs a son.

Every woman doesn't need a child. But she wants one.

She thinks she wants one. That's why she's up.

Okay. I just sometimes with Sonia just wish that she would open up that wing

let me fly out because I don't want to be under there anymore.

She wasn't just being compassionate. She wasn't being compassionate. And you

don't need her to solve your problems or be your therapist. And it gets that

good.

Oh, look, the relaxation's again.

It is cold.

Now, if you find anything, Oscar, give me a call.

Thank you. This was heaven.

Oh, this is so Luann. Oh, wow.

This is so Lu.

Honey, I'm home.

Oh, hey. Hey, Austin. How are you? Hi, Marley. Hi.

This is so you.

Hi, honey. How are you?

Oh, my God. Look at you with a hat. I'm sorry. I messed up your whole hat.

How are you?

Welcome. I know you're not drinking, but we'll have it for the guests.

Perfect. Thank you, sweetheart.

I'm hoping the girls come up and we have a great time. I don't want my home to

be referred to as the Berserkshire. You know, this house has good karma.

I want to keep it that way.

So, yeah, I'm excited to have you stay with me. This is incredible. It is a

little Frank Lloyd Wright. This is where all the cool people live. I love it.

The chic, discreet type.

Exactly. As I live in such a small town in the Hamptons and...

Right next to the street, I felt like, you know, people passing by were looking

in my windows. And I did have photographers in the bushes. So I didn't

secure. Upstate, I don't have that problem.

You want a tea? Yeah, I'll have a tea. I'm not drinking now, I'll tell you.

I have burned the candle at both ends.

Uh -huh.

When I'm drinking, I'm drinking. You know me. And then when I'm not drinking,

I'm not drinking. All the way or no way. Exactly. And Bethany's like, you need

to find some kind of happy medium. And with me, there really is none.

That's why I'm not drinking, because, you know, one wasn't enough and 100

weren't enough. I'm just trying to keep my shit together.

Well, I'm glad you're here. I didn't keep my shit together when I saw Tinsley

and Ramona.

Ah, what happened?

Well, it just was being a downer about, oh, the dog was sick and has cancer.

Tinsley's. Tinsley's is.

Oh, I didn't know that. That I said I feel very bad, you know. That's rough.

We're here to have a girl's night out. Her boyfriend, now the dog. That I feel

very bad about. But then Tinsley started again about, I want to find a man. I

want to get married. What do you mean she just broke up with Scott?

Oh, my God. And I just, I flew off the handle. I was like, you know what?

I've never been a woman that just wanted to have a child.

When I married my husband, I wanted to be with my husband.

I wanted to be selfish and be with him.

Yes, I get that. I never wanted to just have a child. But you're not. Never.

Come back to me when you're 47 with no kid. Hold on. She wants to be married.

She wants to have a kid.

I didn't want to be married. You never wanted to be married. You want a baby?

Get a baby. You don't need a man. You want a handbag?

Get a handbag. You want shoes?

Get it. Wear shoes.

How many women get married and have kids and they're miserable?

Sure.

Upstate we have to drink

I didn't mean it that way. I didn't mean it that way. I want a drink, girl. You

know me.

I want to say something to you, but I want to preface it first. I went to

Club. Oh, okay.

Yeah, because I want to make my delivery.

That's the point. And she said, you know what, Ron? I'm realizing you're a bull

in the china shop. You're like my mother. You're unfiltered.

Your delivery sucks. You say things the wrong way. Your intentions are good, but

it comes out terrible. So now I want to say something to you, and I want you to

know I'm going to make my delivery as good as possible. Don't get mad at me

because I'm trying. Let me get.

Let me get stretched out and ready for this bullshit.

Coming up, my favorite move is take the girl's head and put it right into the

hand dryer.

Bam!

Yeah.

I'm really happy that we're here today for lunch, but part of me feels that,

like, somehow you've been on an island with all of us.

And I know you're busy, and I know you had a lot of problems going on, and I

that. I'm just saying, we feel ignored, okay?

Which is a good thing, because we like you. So that's a good thing.

So someone sent me a text, how you went to Victoria's Secret.

I understand you were invited, but I think you said you were going to be late

for the red carpet. I just wish you could have missed the red carpet to come

us. That's all I'm going to say. I wish you could have missed the red carpet.

Ramona.

Know thyself. Know thyself. Okay. Could you, I mean, let's talk about what you

would do.

I don't know. I know you know.

I'm going to give Ramona an R for a reach.

I'm never going to lie to you and I'm never going to lie to you. So if I were

tomorrow, I would probably.

And I get it. I'm just saying I wish you were there. That's all. Okay. So I got

it. I'm glad you got it out. I apologize for not making it.

By the way, the Victoria's Secret after party didn't even do the after party.

Went in, had one drink, came home to be with Brynn. I'm trying to fit 25 pounds

of. Five -pound bag. I just want to be with Brynn, number one. You'll never get

these years back with her. Well, that's why Halloween, Luann said, I'm making it

at 11. Now, I swear on my daughter, I wouldn't go to Justin Timberlake at 11

Madonna. I don't go out at 11. You know me for how many years. I don't go out

late. So I left at 11 .30, and she said to Dorinda, why, to watch Brynn sleep?

No, to watch her wake up the next morning, too, with Halloween.

I'm trying to do everything, so I can't be everywhere.

Off. It doesn't matter if I'm going to score crack in Washington Square Park at

1130. But you can turn into a pumpkin, and I left.

She thinks she's a queen now. She deserves everything.

She can have it. You're more famous than me. You hate the Hamptons. My costume's

over the top.

You want my room. You did so much to help her. She wouldn't be in a situation

right now if it weren't for you.

Well, and so did Dennis, but I don't want it to be about that. It should be

about common decency. I don't want it to be about, like, I did all this for you,

so then you owe me. She doesn't owe me. I just have, like, baseline. I think she

just expects people to do things for her, and she just doesn't know how to do

anything back to them. Like, she does think that people work for her. With

Luann, it's almost like she's on this hot... horse and that he's on this, you

know, not that I'm on the couch, but,

oh, I am a cabaret star.

Do you know who I am?

I'm a cabaret star.

So, darling, you must do this for me and that for me because I am Luann, a

cabaret star.

I'll show you around.

Ashton has a little bed in here, too.

Yeah. Look, it matches mine.

And you can see everything from everywhere. You can see everything from

Love it. Oh, let me show you the guest room where I'm going to put Barbara.

This is so gorgeous.

And I did chairs like this in my apartment. See, I did this too.

Love what you did with the place. This is where I would put an intern.

Oh, so Sonia said to me that she was in a bad mood. She had been like running

for four days straight.

And something about that you want to have a kid and you think it's not going

happen for you, but that you can do it on your own.

Or that you should look for your partner or something first. You know, it's

hard. I'm the only one around you guys that doesn't have a child. And it's

I feel inadequate as a woman. I don't feel like I've done something I can be,

like, proud of, like, afterwards. Now I'm like, maybe it's not going to

I'm going to adopt.

But a lot of people, many people don't have kids, have very full lives, are

happy. Do you really want it or do you want it because you think you should

it? Because, and it's not a bad, there's no bad answer.

I'm programmed as a woman, as a daughter of my mother, to think that this is

what I want. I also know that when I have been a mother, which is to my

chihuahuas, I have been the most loving and in there. And I know I could be a

great mother. She wants to embrace that part of her life.

It's how I can relate being a mother. It's having my chihuahuas, whom I think.

I look exactly like.

I really, honestly, for the first time in my life, though, do not right now

to date, even though I know I've got the time clock and the whole thing. So

right now, I always go from one relationship to the next. Like, that's

always done. That's a great decision, but if the kid thing is worrying you,

maybe you should have a kid.

So why can't you do it on your own? Because it's possible. You can't have it

all, lady.

You can try, but you can't. Right. You can try.

Right. But I'm still trying.

Well, when the clock's ticking...

You got to. But I, you know, because first step is I do want to be in the

committed, loving relationship that I've always wanted. But you just said you

don't want to date. You don't want to date. Right now.

Because it just happened. But now you're going to lose another six months.

Exactly. At your age, you can't do it.

I know Tinsley's a lot like me. We're traditionalists. But you know what? She

running out of time. She is 43.

And sometimes your old thoughts should be rebooted. I think she has to rethink

this really seriously and really quick.

You got to really figure this out. You got to jump in and go for it or jump in

and have a baby on your own. Yeah, this is it. You're actually, I don't envy

this decision, to be honest.

Pimpy's a little bit like Peter Pan.

I know that you don't want to grow up and you don't want to deal with this

inconvenient conversation about fertility, but, like, not everybody's

Berry and Janet Jackson.

So if you want to have children, we got to get cracking.

The man is not the decision. The baby has to be a decision.

I know.

That's the only thing. I guess that's the problem. We don't have time to wait

for a man to get the baby.

I want a family.

Yeah, but any guy that loves you is going to love whatever you've already

created ahead of time. But if I have a baby on my own, who's sperm and who am I

having the best sperm we can get?

Harvard, Spanish, Latin, whatever. You want part chihuahua? We could speak

the best sperm we can find. I do want part chihuahua. Yeah, it's called the a

carte menu.

Probably better than actually dating. Well, I'm just saying. I'm just going to

take, though, like another month or so. Good. I will come back to this

situation. Let's come back to this right before the new year so we have good

things to think about for 019.

You have four weeks.

We are giving you four weeks.

You have four weeks. You have a deadline. You have a deadline.

And we'll be the godmothers.

Because we convinced you.

Okay, we'll see, yeah. So the other night when I was at Seville with Sonia

Tinsley, we were discussing it would be really nice for all seven of us to go

away before Christmas break and just do something special.

And I know, like, you know, I love Aspen, you love Aspen, but Tinsley and

were thinking, well, how about maybe more Miami?

So I found this house that we could possibly rent.

It's 18 ,000 square feet.

Wait, let me see. Is it nice?

I'm going to show it to you after. Amazing.

Very Miami.

Like white and chic and large and beautiful.

Pretty. After a pool.

I genuinely don't care.

That sounds good. I would love to go.

And Mario becomes like, what's going on there?

I don't know. I don't know. I'm just going with the flow. When's the last

you saw a pool? Tell her to do that.

It's liar.

Look at her face. No, there's no way.

You're embarrassing me.

Ramona, I have not seen him naked for three years.

We ate good bicep, you know, whatever it was called.

Coming up.

By the way, you're sitting in my house right now. May I remind you, eating at

table. So you better watch yourself.

How you

doing, Lou?

Good. My broccoli fire under here has taken a bit. The broccoli okay?

It's coming along.

Okay, because the broccoli I'm really interested in.

Perfect.

Oh, she's got her green jacket on.

What is all that?

Oh, I come bearing gifts.

Oh, thank you. Hi, honey.

How are you? I haven't seen you. I know. You look great.

Thank you.

Welcome to the new past.

Whoa!

Here, let me take this. What is all this? That's your present. Oh, my God,

heavy. It's really heavy.

This is beautiful.

It's like a Georgettson bubble.

You feel like you're in a boat, you know, on the water. I really love these

countertops. They're usually not this thick. Isn't it beautiful? And look at

cabinets. We're Sonia.

Barbara's here.

Yes, yes, yes. Hi, Chica. I'm so excited to see you.

Tonight we're going to, like, chill.

I brought champagne.

Yeah, get the girl a glass of champagne.

My first dinner here. So nice. It's my first dinner party. Aw, and I'm here.

Who were you for Halloween again?

I was Slash.

I laughed so much when I saw you. I felt very comfortable in

that outfit.

I felt like, you know, a second skin. Like, I really felt like it was a part

me. A second skin? Is that a foreskin?

Something like that. It was a really good party.

Where were you the whole night?

In the suite, getting ready like a star dog.

I need five minutes, and then we're going to go down.

Another five minutes? How do you do this, Luann? Two minutes. What time is

But you never came down the whole night. It was terrible.

All the girls were upset.

Oh. Oh, now I'm getting the 911. We're concerned that you're now this big

cabaret star.

Yeah. And spending your time with us.

Oh, come on. You're going to forget your friends.

I was with you guys for a while. No, no. I didn't think you were with us. No,

you weren't. That's a figment of your imagination. You never came.

Well, I was rehearsing with the dancers.

But not us.

You never came to say hi to Bethany. And you know when she has Brynn, she

doesn't go out at all. Well, she's going to wait 10 more minutes. Come on. So

what did you say? You said you're going to go home and watch Brynn sleep?

I don't know. I can't remember.

I would think that on Halloween night at 11 o 'clock or 12 o 'clock at night

that the child is sleeping in any case. So what's the rush? That I said, oh,

you're going home to watch your daughter sleep was horrible compared to the

things she said to me in the past. Come on. It's not that big of a deal. You are

a slut and a liar.

And a hypocrite. Oh, very nice. And a snake.

Say it again when I was dating a married man while I was in his house. You are

married, and he's married. You are a liar. You're a horrible person. You were

born a liar, and you will die a liar. I'm getting hurt for not having my

wait for me to perform for God's sake.

I can't believe this. I go on stage. I'm performing.

It's a big night, and my friends can't wait.

Well, 15 minutes for me to perform. Give me a break. No, she's acting like a

celebrity. Show up at this. Oh, you know what? By the way, you're sitting in my

house right now. May I remind you, eating at my table. So you better watch

yourself, girlfriend. I might be out with the dog, but. You better watch it.

at least I'm truthful.

Those girls are not telling the truth. What about having my back once in a

while? Well, I'm a Sagittarius. I tell the truth. I want you to know what the

girls are saying.

I love Sonia. She gives me a fair warning that the ladies are not happy

I just wonder how much she's been a part of that conversation and how much she's

had my back.

Can I just say this? It was a very big party. It was a fabulous party, right?

Everybody was having a good time. Because you forgot your girlfriend.

Listen, my love, I didn't forget my girlfriends. I was getting on stage and

was rehearsing. I was in the zone.

I was changing.

You girls are big enough to take care of yourselves at a Halloween party. It's

fabulous. It was a fabulous party.

Now Luann's adding insult to injury. We could take care of ourselves. Isn't that

what we were doing for three hours? Taking care of ourselves, waiting to see

you. I mean, just the prep some of these ladies put into their outfits took

longer than her show.

So we're all here for you, but you're not there for us. So now we're upset.

You heard that people were saying. Saying what?

That you think you're a big star now that you're 24 years old. They think I'm

big star. Great. I'm not going to apologize for being a great star. I do

you're a big star, but you can't forget who your friends are. I don't forget who

my friends are. Oh, then he couldn't wait a few.

No, you should say thank you, everyone, for coming and showing up.

Luann doesn't like confrontation.

And she doesn't hear what you're trying to say.

Knock, knock.

Well, I hope they're not coming up here to, like, gang up on me. Not at all.

They better not be.

I mean, this is my happy place. I need my happy place.

horse like, oh. I'm not high on my horse. I think the girls felt they were

treated like a fan. I'm not treating her like a fan. I'm treating her like a

girlfriend that was there for me when I'm down, and I wanted her there to

celebrate my accomplishments.

Oh, this sounds better. I like this. Let's spin it that way. It's true. Let's

Ramon -icize it, package it, and move on.

Ramon -icize it.

Coming up.

How many times will the words cabaret be said? That's a fun game.

Oh, my God. That's the drinking game.

The cooler is in the car? Yep.

I got vodka, wine, and spicy.

I think it's a dry county.

But I heard there's a lot of bootlegging going on. Where's the bootlegger? Out

of the trunk. Where's the bootlegger?

Get in.

Oh, it's in the middle. I don't mind. Okay.

All right. You okay? Thank you.

Hi, how are you today? Hi, how are you? I'm cold.

How does cold happen so fast?

I know.

I'm Sarah. Nice to meet you. Sarah, lovely to meet you. I'm Ramona.

So I'm visiting my girlfriend. I need to buy an accessory, just something cute

to put in our house.

Oh, she'd like this.

Cock. That's fun.

Okay.

Oh, hell, I got it now.

It's always nice to bring someone a housewarming gift.

especially if you're going to be late, like I'll be. So hopefully it'll soften

all the edges of her and she'll really love what I got her.

I don't want to make a rash decision, so let me just look through some other

things here. Sure.

Trying to pick out what necklace I want to wear for my collection.

That's a huge dependent. This is a big problem. Look, look, look.

That's cute, right? After Sonia and Barbara told me that the girls have been

talking, this and that, I'm like, okay.

They have an agenda. I feel the wind coming down the Hudson River, and

the wind is blowing very, very strong and very fast, and it's imminent.

I know I'm going to get killed.

Tonight I'm going to wear this. What else is there? Tonight I'm going to wear

this for the cabaret thing. That's perfect. This is all from your

Yeah. Oh, my God. I never thought the cabaret was going to be as big as it's

gotten. And working on a collection of jewelry to go along with my dresses from

Giovanni for the cabaret show just came organically.

Yep, that's beautiful.

Yep, perfect.

Good? Yeah.

Yeah, no, I need my chin down.

No, no, chin out. You have to direct me, darling. I know you're a great

photographer, but I can't see from your side. And I don't like my hair, Mary.

Don't like the hair.

It makes a lot of sense for me to do a collection because I love my statement

necklaces. I like everything.

Oh, that is so me.

I was going to wear that, but I figured it was overkill. The girls would be

like, ugh, not another statement necklace. No, but that's so you with the

sleeves. It's a tough decision.

I love Luann's cabaret collection.

I think it is just lovely to see her passion being ignited. But now cabaret

trigger word with the group.

Don't say cabaret around the group.

I'll lose weight wearing this.

It's like carrying two pound weight around.

Let's start getting ready. The girls should be here soon.

How many times will the words cabaret be said? That's a fun game.

Oh, my God. That's the drinking game.

We take a shot.

We'll be blackout. We're at the hospital.

We'll go ahead and rehab ourselves.

I'll be fine.

I'll let them all in. The rehab facility is on the way back. It's true. Every

time Gabrielle said we have to take off a piece of clothing.

I think we're in trouble here. We're either in danger of alcohol poisoning or

hypothermia. Oh, these are interesting.

How much are each of these?

We have $78, $88, and $98.

Oh, good, because I want to spend around $200. Okay, perfect.

Actually, I think those are pretty cool, right?

Because that's what I have in my apartment.

I have three candlesticks, like one, two, three.

So I can do, like, I think two of them would be good, like this one and that

one. And then it can go with any decor, because I don't care if it's gray,

purple, black, green. It works.

What? What? the two things that happened to you you got mugged when you were

nine yeah no but there was a second thing you said last night yeah when i

young girl and i used to go to the locker rooms of the gyms these girls

beat you up no well yeah i got beat up but then they would like try and touch

breath because i've had boobs since i was nine i didn't have boobs nobody did

that but when i would go in the bathroom they'd be like yay Hey, killer, killer,

butcher.

And I'd be like, oh, jeez. Wait, they hurt you?

Yeah, they wanted to beat me up. Well, my favorite move is take the girl's head

and put it right into the hand dryer.

Bam! So you actually are a killer.

Oh, yeah.

People just wanted to always beat me up.

Sort of like now.

Nobody's going to beat you up now.

Let's take a look, you guys, so we see what's going on here. Oh, look at that

old Victorian.

Haunted.

It used to be a big place for the Indians with American Indians. I can't

get that right. Whatever I say, I'm going to get in trouble.

Hannah's like... No, Dennis used to say always the wrong thing.

Dennis used to say Oriental.

I'm not that bad.

But I did say Mitch the other day and I thought Hannah was going to poke my eyes

out. What is the right term? Short person?

Vertically challenged? I think dwarf might be out too. I think it's little

people. That seems bad, too.

I do not know.

You shouldn't speak.

Yeah.

Coming up... I moved the performance from midnight. I came!

I know, I'm glad you're here. And I left at 11 .30. I came for three and a half

hours. Like, I don't think you're hearing me.

We're here. It is a roundhouse. What a roundhouse. It's so funny.

So what are we doing? Oh, where's my hat that I'm so excited about? I don't know

why.

Hi. How do you like your new home?

You are cute. Oh, accent.

Look how pretty.

Oh, my God. Hey.

Hi. We made it.

Hi. Oh, my God. We're all relaxed by the fireplace. You're like cowboy.

How are you? I just found a reason to wear this hat.

How are you?

Good. Oh, you look hot.

How are you doing? Marley.

Marley's wild. Marley. All right.

Yeah. Marley. So pretty.

Marley, go out. We're a little late for the fall foliage, but, you know.

Luann's house is charming. I saw the pictures of the $5 million house that

turned into a $6 million house, and I thought that was a terrible idea.

This is manageable.

This is just a small little bungalow. This is the master?

Yeah. This is your room, Luann? Yeah, it's really cool. I love it.

Isn't it so pretty? So pretty. I know. My God, the view. I know.

It's amazing.

More power to her, but it just seems a bit isolated and isolating and not

what I would have expected. But I'm going to put on those googly eyeglasses

be like, yes, I see it too.

Ah, it's so quiet and peaceful and, like, fuzzy blankets all over the place.

Look at this. If you think mine's in the boondocks, you must think this is

really in the boondocks. Yeah, it is in the boondocks, but it's on the, you

know, it's on the water.

Oh, that makes a big difference. I love the water.

Wait, so this is like a guest suite.

Oh, that's funny. There's a kitchen in here. That's nice for a guest. I just

painted it. It was all white. I just painted it this color. So you bought all

this stuff?

Yeah, that's what I've been doing. I've been very busy getting this house

together, right?

There's a kitchen in the guest bedroom.

You can take a...

and took us to play at the same time.

I mean, you could literally, you could be on the toilet and making an omelet at

the same time.

Yes, we all believe you got it together.

This is cute.

That came with the house, and that's about it. You like it, Jess? Yeah, I do.

It's really pretty.

It's kind of, you could be in L .A. in this house. The deck is nice. I think if

anything would drive me to drink, it would be to live up here full time.

It was very, like, mid -century. Yeah? So, Luann's been busy. Yeah. I've been

very busy doing this house. She's been MIA putting her house together.

I think the girls genuinely think the house is great.

Unless they're really good liars.

We beat her up a little last night, but we beat her up for not being available.

But she's been busy doing this. What are you, a spokesperson now?

Kind of, because I was being a spokesperson.

So I just made Luann a little bit of her project. Well, I've come up here now.

She's in a good space.

These are the topics we covered. And she now is in full understanding of what is

going on amongst the group. I mean, what happened?

I wonder what they're serving at Ramona's party. What's Ramona's party?

a lunch, some of her best friends. Her best friends that are not these best

friends. Her best friends are throwing her a birthday.

How many people?

How many?

The table is from here to the Hudson River.

It's so long.

How do you know what her party's like? I saw it on her IG stories.

Ramona's not in the car with the girls.

What?

20 minutes ago.

I'm

going

to cry.

So, Ramona, I'm going to cry.

We have put up with her for so long.

We've gone to all her birthday parties. And now what? We're not the main team?

Really? You're only fooling yourself.

Because let's see those people pick up the phone a few years from now.

We'll be there. They won't.

Rhinebeck's not that far.

That's where the hotel is. We're going to Rhinebeck. Have you been to

You're not. You're staying here. No, we're going out tonight.

I thought you said Kingston.

We're going to go to Rhinebeck for dinner and Kingston for out after.

after? Oh, God. It's a woman called Margarita, okay? She's from Cuba.

Okay. And she plays the keyboards. Okay. And she's 80. How many times will the

words cabaret be said? That's a fun game. That's a drinking game.

And she's hysterical. Lou didn't say cabaret, but it still counts, right?

I mean, I'm type A. I follow the rules. So I'm going to drink all the wine I

can, just in case, because I didn't come here to make friends. I came here to

win the cabaret drinking game. And she wears her feathered boas and her glitz,

and that's why I said just bring anything fun. She thinks she forgets the

I didn't bring feathers or anything. I told her, no one was bringing feathers.

have extra stuff. No one's bringing feathers. You brought feathers?

No, I brought a little fur.

When the counter says feathers and sparkles, it's like, oh.

It's a lot. I think I've got something for you. Let me see.

Luann, are you taking a look into your future here?

I can't get class.

Who's out there?

Is anybody out there?

That's funny.

Am I allowed to not want to go to cabaret? I had never been to a cabaret

whole life, and I was okay.

Do you want to borrow one? Perhaps.

But I'm okay. I'm all right. Yeah, maybe. I'm having an out -of -body

right now.

And I'm not even drinking.

And I don't know why not.

Also, Luann has signature necklaces that can sparkle up anything.

Okay, good. A couple are amazing.

Okay. Are the chickens ready or no? Yes. Hold on.

What's going on with you? I haven't seen you in forever.

I saw this one on Saturday night.

For a fun girl's night out, and that was a... I've got a time clock. If I could

do it in 20 years, that'd be great, but I know that I can't. Have you ever asked

yourself why it hasn't happened?

Who programs this shit in your head?

What do you mean? I'm sorry that my dog just got cancer, and I was really upset

about that, and that my relationship's broken up, and I'm 43 and feeling a

little bit sad and depressed a little bit about everything.

Trying to have a conversation with you, but you just, like, did not want to

participate in it. So you just got heated? Not really heated, just I was

and she was hurt.

Right, and you wouldn't even like ever listen to what I was trying to say.

She wanted compassion, not a prescription. Yes, exactly.

She didn't want a prescription for life. Live in the moment. Just be with me and

Ramona. All right, everybody's got problems, and everyone's got solutions.

all have problems, but we work hard to be together, and when we're together, I

just feel sometimes you have to compartmentalize, and I just didn't have

strength for the boyfriend and the baby story again.

Okay. Thanks, Sonia. It's not a sob story. It's actually... actually

my life right now. I guess I can't talk to you about things like that.

Got it. Well, this is fun.

Thanks for including us. Yep.

Coming up... I'm a mom. I come home... I know that. I'm a mom, too. You're not a

mom. Don't talk to me like I'm not a mom.

We had fun when we got here. We were just, like, you know, doing what girls

just yapping and talking about, like, personal stuff and, you know.

Some of the things that... Oh, we're back.

Oh, what were we talking about? We were talking about the liquid.

Metro liquid. Oh, yeah.

What does that mean? Gender fluid.

Gender fluid -y.

So, your spectrum, you are aware of... It's like dark chocolate.

But I think that's called liquid.

It's like dark chocolate.

You're not going to eat dark chocolate every day. But that's not bisexual.

That's called your gender liquid.

Is that the word liquid? I never heard that before. Yeah, it just means you'll

go wherever you go and you'll feel like it. Yeah. What is that? Because I

thought I was bisexual, and she told me I'm not bisexual. It means you're not a

lesbian, but you're confused.

I'm sexually fluid.

Like, I'll just take whatever's in front of me. Is that true?

Really? They have to be hot.

I don't know. Last I checked, I kissed Barbara.

Oh, see?

Good thing. What is this?

Sonia made out with a stranger.

Luann tried to...

Make out with everybody.

Oh, my God. Is there a kissing organ?

Aw. We're all a piece of dental floss away from being lesbian.

Well, she was in love with a woman before, and she had a relationship, but

wouldn't marry her.

How long was the relationship?

Over a year.

Was it super serious? Yeah. Did you say, I love you? Yeah. What broke it up?

Because I'm not a lesbian. Because I love men.

Oh. But more than women?

Oh. Much more. Oh, okay. Well, then she's not fluid. She just dabbles.

You went out with a woman?

Did you do everything?

Did you go downtown?

Well, what the hell else is there to do?

I mean, I was a little surprised.

I have to be honest.

Listen, I've known Barbara a long time. I was shocked when she had a

relationship with a woman because she likes men.

But, you know, I'm open.

I'm open.

So what do you guys think?

Think I landed on my feet?

Absolutely. Right?

Absolutely. You like it? Love it. Very good. Very proud of you, Lou.

You have to see, I mean, the views, I mean, you know, it's a little cloudy,

it's... The boats go by.

You love a view, and you love being on the water. Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm getting ready for my show, you know. I've got a Christmas show to

do. Where's that?

The Gramercy Theater.

So what do you do? You kind of do a song and then you just open it up to the

audience? There's a certain portion now that I do a Q &A.

What did you dress up as? Did you dress up? I dressed as a nurse. I looked very

similar to Tinsley. You had the knee thing? I had the knee thing. I know.

I didn't see you that night, but I know our outfit was actually the same.

Oh, you weren't wearing that to the show?

No, I came out in something different. Oh, you never saw the costume. I was

doing a show, so it was like, you know, I was working more than anything for me.

No, I didn't know when you were going to come on because you said 11. You

emailed and said 11. It was 11 .30. But then you were later than 11 .30. Well, I

mean, I was hoping you would stay, you know. I mean, I love you, but I'm there

for three hours. I had to let my babysitter go. She told me, you said

was like, why is she leaving to go home and watch Prince sleep?

I'm almost like a National Geographic photographer.

Sit there quietly and watch this craziness unroll until there's blood on

floor and someone ate for dinner.

Well, because I imagine a child at 8 years old by 11 .30 is sleeping. Right,

then guess what?

Tomorrow's school. So I would like to watch her wake up. And also, I don't

nanny. I have a housekeeper that I have babysit. So I don't like to keep her out

until 1 o 'clock in the morning. She might be there the next day.

Right.

Really came to my rescue in so many ways, and I just like I feel like one

thing No, I think no be nice to have you celebrate the good things that happened

to me like performing You know what I mean? I was like I'm a mother of an

-year -old in third grade. It's Halloween.

I was treating after school No, but really hear me. I need you to actually

receive this right.

I'm a mom I know that. I'm a mom, too.

You're not a mom. Don't talk to me like I'm not a mom. I know what it is. Well,

you're not a mom of an eight -year -old. Well, I have been a mom of an eight

-year -old, so I can relate. Well, you told me when we were in Miami at Art

Basel that I should just get somebody to take care of my kid at night when I

don't want to do that. Well, yeah, when you want to go out. But I don't want to

go out at 11 .30 at night. I understand you. I moved the performance from

midnight. I came.

I know. I'm glad you came. And I left at 11 .30. I came for three and a half

hours. I don't think you're hearing me. You always say you have to get home for

print. Right. At 11 o 'clock. Like at night, the child is sleeping. But

you wouldn't come at all. But I have to wake up with her to make her breakfast

and take her to school. This is my life. You're doing your cabaret and your

life, and I respect that, and I was there supporting that.

I'm living my life, and you're not supporting it by saying to somebody to

her daughter sleep. This is my life, the way that I'm living it right now. Well,

guess what? I was not thinking, first of all, I was thinking about you being

there to watch me on stage. Which I came to do. Yes.

And you were late and didn't text us.

And so for me, it was like, why should she have to rush out because her

is sleeping in any case? Who do you think you are? This is how I'm choosing

do this as a single mom. And I don't like to be with on it at all. I'm hurt

you would say something negative about the choices that I'm making to go home

when I didn't say anything negative about the choices that you're making

your car. And it actually really did. Well, you know, I was hurt because you

didn't stay.

kind of celebrated moment for me. But that's so narcissistic. I'm not

narcissistic. It is. I'm just, you know. I can't live my life to celebrate you.

I celebrated you this summer.

I celebrated you. What do you mean you celebrated me this summer? To be there

with you. To help you. I did.

I know. I'm John Luan.

It's enough.

Next time on The Real Housewives of New York City.

We all have a...

Dennis died.

Give me the bathroom.

Give me a massage and green juice.

Everybody's got their shit. She looks like she got electrocuted.

She looks like she put her hand in the socket.

I haven't been up here like in 10 years.

This is the town where I grew up. It hurt me when I read the will. It said,

to my daughter, Ramona Mazur Singer, I bequeath nothing.

Hello, hello, hello.

Morning, I'm at your place.

Morning, I'm at your place.

I've ever heard.

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