Original subtitles

Mom, are you up?

Yes, dear.

Janet, you better get moving. You gonna be late.

What about you?

I'm up.

So am I.

Your knee bends, Mom.

Do those knee bends.

And don't forget your sit-ups.

We got to tone those stomach muscles.

Wanna come for a jog?

No, I'm too old.

Excuses, excuses.

Who needs the exercise anyway?

Introducing... Janet

Janet, I'm in a hurry.

What's your rush?

I have to take my comment first thing this morning.

- What's the topic today? - Food.

Janet, don't you think one Danish would do?

I could not decide between blueberry and cinnamon.

You really could stand to lose a little weight.

You know, I heard about this fabulous new exercise program

called "Dancerciser".

- It really sounds like fun. - Not interested.

Oh, I wish you would not say that all the time.

- What? - "Not interested".

And it bothers me because I really wish you were.

What?

Here, give me a bite.

- See you later, dear. - Ok. Bye, Mom.

Bye-bye. Have a nice day.

- Ha! - Ok!

- I can't wait for this party... - I think weekend already here.

Hey, hey, hey, it's the Big J.

Hey Big J, Rick is having a party with a live band.

Oh yeah? The Dead Brain Cells, huh?

So you'll come?

No, I gotta watch TV.

You're nuts! How can you stay home when you could be all partying?

Because I boogie

with my Sony.

- I'll see. - Goodbye.

Do you think she'd really rather watch tube?

Maybe she didn't get an invite.

I want you to finish the phrase...

"Why people...?"

And then write about it.

As your final assignment, it's worth 50% of your grade.

You could write about...

why people love,

why people hate,

why people ride roller coasters.

Now I'm giving you the time to do a good job.

If anyone is short of ideas, they can come and talk to me.

Now! Here are the last assignments you've wrote.

Now, I'm sure none of you are surprised by your marks.

A few of you put time, energy and thought in your work.

When you don't make an effort, it shows.

Which is why most of your marks are not satisfactory.

One notable exception

was Janet Taylor's composition... "My Bubble".

Janet, would you come up here and read it for us?

I think we would all enjoy it.

Do I have to?

Sure, it's a nice piece of work. Come up.

Yeah, come on, Janet.

Come on, Janet. Go.

- Get up. - Alright.

Right.

Go for it, Big J.

"My Bubble".

I live alone,

floating from place to place,

person to person.

When I reach out to touch...

I can not,

for there is the world,

and then there're I am, alone.

The bubble dis... distorts.

I talk...

and people talk to me,

but I never hear me as I... I am.

The bubble is on the way.

People don't see me as I am,

and I... I do not want them to.

My bubble protects me."

- You girls wanna go have some coke? - Yeah.

- Where? - Joe's in Coney Island.

- No, are you sure? - Hey, Big J.

- You all right, J? - Yeah, no sweat.

- How about coming for a coke? - No thanks, I wanna get home.

- You sure? - Yeah.

- I'll see you tomorrow, okay? - Ok.

- Bye. - Bye.

- You done? - Where are we going?

- Joe's, clown. - Joe's.

...out of their daily budget.

How bad is it: in Atlanta from from 50 to 60 cents.

for bus and subway. Hi, honey.

And now, with some food for thought,

here's Judith Taylor with her evening comment. Judith?

Thank you, Tom.

We live in one of most out of shape societies in the world.

And I think it's time we settle a better example

for our children.

We're not setting a very good example, when with a aim of saving money,

we stock our schools cafeterias...

You think my hair better like there? ...with poor food.

I don't know. Recently visited

some cafes in the city schools.

Was it any different? And they said that students...

Come on, be serious. ...do not eat nutritious food.

Is your hair that important?

Of course it's important. It's part of my image.

Image is important. Let's face it.

It's quality we after when talking

about our children lunchtime food.

And glossy packaging

does not necessary translate necessarily

into good nutrition.

Oh, mom, your hair is so delicious.

Join me again tomorrow evening.

I'm Judith Taylor.

There are two problems to which I may have a solution.

Coming up next, we'll be meeting with Arpeggio, the singing dog.

Sounds wild, but it's true. We'll be right back.

Station's looking for a teenage host for a new program.

I thought you'd be good at something like,

so I've arranged a time for you to audition.

Mom, I don't want to.

But honey, it'll give you a chance to get involved with something.

But I'm not interested.

Sweetheart, it's only an audition.

Think of it as a challenge.

It may be a real boost for you.

Janet?

Come on, do the audition. You'll see, it won't be so bad.

Hey, Big J, how are you doing?

Okay.

- What's shaking? - Not much.

Hey, Merilee?

Why do you always wear so much... war paint?

Because it makes me beautiful.

Uh, just what I need.

You know what?

My parents are splitting up.

- Really? - Yeah.

Seems kinda weird.

Well, I survived.

It's gonna be strange living with only one at a time.

Think of it this way... No more "Ask your father."

No "Do what your mother says."

Yeah, I guess.

- Look who's here. - Hey, Merilee.

I saw the tall blond guy, and guess what his name is?

- What? - Arnold.

- Oh, no. - Hey, Big J, what's happening?

I am beautiful.

"All this ye shall see;

and ye shall marvel, after your ignorant manner,

that men twenty centuries ago

were just such as you,

and spoke and lived as ye speak and live,

no worse and no better,

no wiser and no sillier."

Think about this. I'll be getting back to it.

Do not forget your essays.

Janet, can I talk to you for a second?

Yeah.

About the other day...

I want you to know, that I think

you should be proud of your feelings and your talent,

not ashamed of them.

Okay?

Okay.

I'm look forward to reading your next assignment.

Have you chosen a topic?

I think so.

- What is? - Why people laugh.

For example, have you ever seen that one

where this guy and his wife,

and they, like, walking down the street and the mailman stops, right?

The mailman says this: "Hi, Mr. Johnson, Mrs. Johnson,

nice to see you. Oh, Mr. Johnson!

Ring around the collar.

Ring around the collar...

And they always take it so seriously. Orange soda...

Especially the housewife, she's totally shattered.

and cake. "Nothing matters now."

- I'll get you for that later. - Thanks.

"Not my PhD in philosophy, nothing. I've let my family down."

And then she looks up at her husband, for some kind of reassurement,

you know, well... while their laundry being criticized, right?

She looks for a kind word... but her husband never any help.

He just pics her up and:

"You sewer wreck.

Can't you keep my laundry clean?"

I always feel so bad for the housewife.

She's down in the gutter, right? Feeling like she's not worth two cents.

Like she can't fulfill herself as housewife, like it's always her fault.

Really? Why her husband doesn't wash his filthy neck once in a while?

People never think about that.

But you guys have been a great crowd,

I enjoyed working for you tonight. Thanks very much.

Thank you, thank you very much. Good night.

Is Freddy Goodman, folks. Come on, Freddy Goodman.

Yeah!

Right, give him a big hand.

A big, big hand 'cos that's all he gonna get.

Ok, ladies and gentlemen, as you know,

two weeks from now we having another "Battle of the Buffoons"

right here at Giggles, I think you gonna love that.

So, uh, anyone out there who's done a five minute streak on our stage

and think they can take abuse to handle 15 minutes

let me know after the show, OK?

This gonna be my first step to stardom.

The big winner,

provided there is big winner and not just a bunch of losers...

You must be the guy who get's rid of the losers.

The big winner is... A bunch of clowns.

What do you write now?

If that not incentive enough...

- Notes. - Yeah, on what?

What makes people laugh.

That's simple. That's funny makes people laugh.

If something is not funny, they not gonna laugh, right?

Yeah, very simple.

Listen, if you wanna see people laugh, come back tomorrow night.

I'm doing a five minute bet.

See you tomorrow night?

Maybe.

OK, ladies and gentlemen,

let's just have a nice, warm welcome for Donna Cherry. Come on.

Donna Cherry. Let's hear it.

Hi. I'm Donna Cherry,

and I'd like to do for you my favorite piece,

it's called: "The Wizard of Oz in One Minute".

"I'm Glinda and you've had it all along."

- Have I? - Yes, you have. Just tap your shoes

three times and say: 'There's no place like home'."

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

There's no place like home. She makes my bed.

There's no place like home. There's... no... place... like...

Huh...

Aunty Em, Uncle Henry,

Billy Bob, Betty Bob, Booty Bob, you won't believe what's happened to me,

but I was in this land and trees are talking, and fruits talking,

and flowers talking, and Toto was talking too."

" - Emmy, I think you should go to the doctor. - No.

I telling you the truth! Toto, you can talk, god damn it. Talk now!"

Toto decides to tell the story.

He's not only merry dead but actually sincerely dead.

And thank you very much. Good night.

Why do people laugh?

People laugh at lots of things.

But I know what they really like to laugh at...

Other people.

Some people have a natural talent for making people laugh.

The ones who always step on banana peels.

Or those who can't help but look funny.

Like me.

Forget it.

- What's wrong, Janet? - It doesn't fit.

Well, try another size.

No!

What's the problem then?

It looks ridiculous.

It's what everyone will be wearing this summer.

Everyone but me.

Could I take a look?

I mean, you've gotta have something for the audition.

Oh, well, that's not so bad.

Actually, that's quite nice.

Could you imagine a Fonz

hosting a cooking show?

"A-right.

Take the pat and you put it on the stow.

Like dis.

First, you fill it with water like dis.

Alright, you follow me so far?

Now, you turn on the stove, like dis.

For those of you who are a little slow,

I'll do it one more time, like dis.

Alright. Now, you wait a couple of minutes,

and what you get? HOT water!"

Thank you very much.

You guys have been great. Thank you, have a good night.

Tony Moroni, ladies and gentlemen.

Tony Moroni. A guy with a great future...

as a dishwasher.

And you can forget that new Maytag.

OK, you can catch Tony in two weeks time,

when, believe it or not, he will be up here

as part of our "Battle of the Buffoons."

And I'm telling you that, to shape view of a one great night.

So what do you think?

No, tell me, I really wanna know. I need feedback.

- I don't know. - Come on, come on!

You can tell me. Tell me.

I was on my way to work this morning, and I saw some of the strangest things

you've probably ever seen on the street.

You could take the one or two things that are already pretty good...

and work on them.

But I'd been two minutes routine.

At least you had a good two minutes.

OK, what else?

Get some new material.

Sure. How am I gonna do that?

I don't know.

Used to cruise... You know, driving up and down the streets,

over and over again, and yell out, "Hey".

Maybe you can help me.

- Hello there! - Hi!

It's a beautiful day, lets go to the park.

- Okay. - Wanna ride double?

Nah, I think I'd rather walk.

Okay. Lets walk double.

Tony, you have to pretend physically you're him.

You have to look like him.

Yeah, but I don't look like him.

I know.

Here.

Look, Tony, watch me, okay?

You know what, Tony?

You should do some things that don't just only try to make people laugh.

Because if all you do is goof around,

people will say: "This guy is a goof,

he doesn't have a brain."

You have to let them know you have a brain.

How we gonna do what?

I don't know.

Janet...

help me prove I have a brain.

What's my time?

- 11 minutes. - What?

Oh, sorry. 7 minutes, 40 seconds.

That's better.

What's that? Tony's routine?

- Yep. - How's it going?

- I'm not sure. - What's the matter?

I don't know if this stuff fits Tony.

Well, what do you know about him?

- Not much. - Then find out about him.

You gotta do some research.

Maybe I'll ask him about his background.

Yeah, that'd be good for a start.

And ask him if he has a brother to help my back.

- A chiropractor? - Good idea.

Oh, Hats! I love hats!

Hats are a Moroni tradition.

I need something that'll...

show my suave personality.

What suave personality?

"Babushka".

What are you trying to say?

I was born at the corner of 53rd. and 22nd. Do you know where that is?

That's not right on the corner, but it's near the corner.

- Do you play golf? - Mister,

I've had it up to here!

10 fingers to the sky.

I say.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

I'm Ready. Blast away.

Grandma.

Grandma. I'm after seeing my grand mama.

Come here and talk with your old grandmother.

Grandma, you've changed.

Cherie. I am...

Tony from Paris.

That's "Paree", Tony.

Oh, I'm... How do you say?

Very "sorrees".

No. No, it's not gonna work.

Why not? Is very distinctive.

Yeah, but...

I wanna look like...

Tony Moroni.

My father wanted to be a singer.

And he never did.

Is he a good singer?

Oh, I think he is. He thinks he is.

But I guess he's better salesman.

- What does he sell? - Used cars.

Buddy, I've got a car for you.

Just look at this heap. No windows, no doors, no engine.

You needed a gem and I'm gonna sell it to you.

Few things my father told me how to do.

How to sing and how to sell cars.

So what do you do in the Giggles?

I wanna be in show business.

You know? Up on that stage with bright lights focused on a...

Audience riveted to their seats.

Well, not me.

I could never go on stage.

I'm even terrified of doing an audition.

Don't kid yourself. I'm scared too.

That's half the fun is overcoming the fear.

And when people laugh, it's...

Sweetest sound you could ever hear.

Yeah, but what if they don't laugh?

Well don't worry, sweetheart.

You keep writing that great material,

I'll do it for you, we'll both be famous.

You know, bright lights,

big city...

I think you're too tense on stage.

I like how I am.

Yeah, but look at the way you hold the microphone.

It looks like you strangling it.

- Come on. - Really.

You should be looser, more relaxed.

Yeah, but the audience picks up on high energy. They really like that.

Yeah, but after they've seen you, they're wired.

- Hey, hey, hey, it's the Big J. - Hi, J.

Hey J, did you leave any food for us?

Food. Are you kidding?

- Hey J, who's your friend? - Him? He's a clown.

Yeah? What kind of clown?

Tells jokes.

You know.

Hey, Merilee, over here.

Yeah, I'm coming. Time to go.

Nice to meet you, Mr. Clown.

- Yes, see you later. - Bye.

Could you move to left, sweetheart?

Not your body, though. Just your head so we can see more your profile.

Could you tilt your head up, please?

And look into the camera.

No, the one that's on, with the red light.

Yeah, okay.

Now, can you start talking?

What do I say?

Anything. Tell the people about a movie you saw yesterday.

I didn't see a movie yesterday.

Well, fake it.

Alright, forget about the movie and tell us about yourself.

My name is Janet Taylor.

- I go to Oakwood College... - Hold on, hold on.

- I'm in 10th... - This isn't a funeral, sweetheart.

We wanna see some spark, a little bit of light.

- My name is Janet Taylor. I go to... - Can we see you smile?

Well, if you look like you in pain,

think about how it is for people who are watching.

Smile, bigger smile.

Bigger. Let's see some teeth.

I'm sorry he was so hard on you.

I wasn't interested audition.

- I know, but... - Couldn't I decide for myself?

I thought it would give you the boost you need.

Why do I need a boost?

Because I'm fat? Because I'm not perfect?

If you want a perfect daughter, find someone else.

I don't want a perfect daughter, I just want you to be happy.

Well, I'm sorry if your daughter is a do-nothing-fatso.

That's she was born to be.

That's not true, Janet.

Yes it is.

I'm the one who should know.

Wouldn't it be nice,

if when you were down and someone said:

"What would cheer you up?" and you could say:

"Oh, I'd like to see you'd slip on a banana peel.

Or walk through a pane of glass."

Have you ever listen to the different laughs people have?

Have you ever noticed the different ways people laugh?

It's really something else. For instance, there...

Wait a minute, Tony. Here.

Use this as your microphone and don't strangle it, okay?

Take it from the top, OK?

Have you ever noticed the different ways people laugh?

It's really something else. For instance, there is the...

snorer:

And then there is the whistler:

"What the matter, my fly down?"

The screamer:

Call an ambulance.

And then, of course, there is the machine gunner:

And of course, when you get whole room-full of these people,

like here, and they all doing it at the same time,

you get... a symphony.

- Here. - Thanks.

Thank you.

May be an audition would be fun for you,

but it was the worst experience of my life.

- Really? - Really.

Thanks to my mother.

I don't know what she expects of me.

She's always pushing me into things I don't wanna do.

She is not the only one.

What do you mean?

You let your friends push you.

They're idiots.

Yeah, but you make a fool of yourself for them anyway.

What do you talking about?

That game you played in the restaurant.

You like being like that or do you do it for them?

Who's side are you on?

Look, all I'm saying, you should be yourself.

- I am. - No you not.

You let them push you.

Well, you're just as pushy as everyone else.

Janet.

I hope you'll have fun saturday night.

I hope you lose.

When I look in the mirror,

I see someone different every time.

I never know it's really me that I see,

or if it's someone else.

Maybe someday I'll know who I really am.

Not who I'm pretending to be.

Not what someone else wants me to be,

but who I really am.

I'm tired...

of putting on...

and taking off my costume...

depending on who I'm with and what they expect of me.

I'm tired...

of putting on...

and taking off my costume...

depending on who I'm with and what they expect of me.

There's no reason to.

Except that I'm scared.

Scared of people won't like...

who I really am.

People always wanna know where I come from

as if it's automatically gonna be funny because I'm a comic.

So they ask me: "Tell us about your family."

OK, I will: "I have two parents.

My mother's a good cook."

"Oh yeah, really?"

"That's my mother you laughing at there.

You know, all I said was that she cooks well."

"You've gotta be kidding."

I guess if people think you're funny,

they laugh at anything you do.

How's it sounds, Joey?

Not so good, eh?

You think I should shorten it?

Tony, it's late. Why don't you pack it in?

I gotta lock up.

Yeah, okay. Sure.

You better practice laughing for saturday night.

Okay?

Laugh.

Come on, laugh.

I don't hear anything.

Joey.

They not laughing.

Good night, Tony.

And now, with another insightful comment,

here's Judith Taylor. Judith?

I have one advantage in being an adult.

That's no one puts any pressures on me to grow up.

One of the problems for teenagers

is the pressure we put on them to be something

they may not want to be,

or to make decisions, that may not want to take,

and shouldn't have to make.

As adults...

as parents, we tend to think

we know what's good for our children

without even consulting them.

I know.

I made that mistake with my own daughter.

Sure, we have much to offer.

We should. We've lived longer.

But there comes a time when...

young people are intelligent enough and adult enough

to make their own decisions.

And very likely,

their choices are the right ones.

Join me again tomorrow evening.

I'm Judith Taylor.

Good evening. I'd like you to help me with my routine.

Come on, Janet, I'm serious.

I need your help.

You can't back out now, we gotta go on saturday night.

The routine is funny, Janet. And you wrote it.

Do you think I came here for the good of my health?

You think I need a shower?

Let's get to work.

Do you want a towel?

John, have you seen Tony?

No, I haven't.

- Have you seen Tony? - I haven't seen him,

- but he must be around. - ...finally here,

and I wanna say, we really glad to see you all here.

Because if you weren't here, we'd be out of business.

Okay. Why don't we give a great, big hand

and a warm welcome for a one and only,

Charles Smith? Come on, let's hear it.

Good evening.

- Have all people been served? - Just now.

- Is Tony around? - No and he better get here sooner,

or he's gonna lose his spot.

- Can I use your phone? - Sure.

Moo-cow.

Humble beast.

Devoted server of the master.

Calf, cow, riding, pony, unbranded Brahma bull,

Apis ox herd, stirrup, cattle and beef.

Geez, Tony, for a second I thought you weren't coming.

What's going on?

Tony, don't fool around.

You've gotta go on soon.

I'm not kidding.

- You've gotta go on. - What?

You have to go on.

Forget it.

Tony, I can't. I can't go up there with all those people.

Tony, they'll laugh at me.

Folks, we have a minor tragedy tonight.

Tony Moroni, who was slated to be our next comic,

mercily came down to a case of laryngitis,

and can't be here tonight.

So let's have a... warm burst of cheers for Tony, right?

OK. Look, actually, it's a shame because Tony did have some new material

and I really think you would loved it.

However, Janet Taylor is here and Janet is the author...

You can do it.

But I can't do your routine, I'm not Tony.

Janet has consented to relieve you of a boredom.

Tell them about yourself.

I'm just kidding, look,

seriously, folks, this is Janet Taylors first time on stage,

and so I would like you to give a nice, warm welcome

to Janet Taylor. Come on, Janet Taylor.

What makes people laugh?

Get up to the microphone.

What the...?

Lift it up. Up.

What makes people laugh?

People like to laugh at lots of things.

But what they really like to laugh at

is other people, like me.

I've always had problem being myself.

Like at school. I've never been part of the popular clique.

You know, the girls, who do everything in a group?

They can't go anywhere alone.

Not to a movie, or restaurant,

or library.

Especially to the bathroom.

"Guess what?' I'm going to the bathroom. Who's coming?"

It becomes a real problem when they're at home.

"Hello, Jan?

It's Marcy.

I'm desperate.

Can you come over? Ple-e-e-ease.

I have to go to the bathroom."

Boy, am I ever nervous.

When I get nervous, I eat.

A lot.

I just can't help myself.

Sir, could I please have your...

chocolate cake?

I guess that's called "breaking the icing" with the audience.

My parents are divorced.

I am a product of a broken home.

It is very hard on everyone.

Especially me.

There was a long custody battle.

And it was very ugly.

My father won.

But living with my mom isn't so bad.

My mother worries about me.

She's understanding and subtle.

She says:

"Janet, you gonna be happy,

successful and involved...

right now."

My weight's always been a problem.

Every summer I have to try a new diet camp.

Last year it was...

Camp Grapefruit.

This year, it's Camp Banana.

And I'm also on the waiting list for one of those survival camps

you know, where they drop you off on a top of a mountain

and expect you to survive of the fat of the land.

No problem.

You know,

when I came out here, a few minutes ago

I thought I was gonna faint.

Well, you thought I was gonna faint.

I almost did.

But now, it doesn't feel so bad.

Actually, it feels quite good.

Alright, Janet Taylor. Ladies and gentlemen, Janet Taylor.

Wow, I hope we'll see her again.

Listen, thought you had us fooled

with the old "I'm scared up to here" routine, right?

You did it. You did it.

You were great, Janet. They loved you.

Never again.

From now on,

you wear the hat

and I'll do the writing.

Understand?

It's a deal.

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, without further ado,

I'd like to bring to this stage Kevin Doherty.

Come on, give it to Kevin Doherty.

Come on, give it to Kevin Doherty.