Original subtitles

Shit!

Carl Deegan, we want to talk to you

about a shooting earlier this afternoon.

Guernica? You got a back-up plan?

'We just told a lunatic we have a plan.'

Yep. We need a plan, don't we?

With a restoration team in there, that rules out going in at night.

The security guard, I sort of kept in touch with him.

But now we've got a requirement for an inside man at the museum.

Hey, hey!

Roberta, are you mad with Mother?

Shouldn't Mother be mad with you?

Why, cos I went off to live my life?

What about what I was owed for having you being dumped on me?

I know you want a relationship with your mum,

but you can't get between them.

She doesn't need special treatment. I'll judge how I treat Caitlin.

I can't end up in prison like Bert did.

She took the rap because it was her rap to take.

Your decision to contact us has been key to our investigation.

GASPING

'You could have killed her, you prick.'

GRUNTING

SICKENING THUD, JACKIE GASPS

It was wild!

I am calling the police. No.

'He deserved that, yeah?'

I did the right thing.

Sam?

Yeah, you did.

I need to speak to Jackie.

No, Bert, not now. She's at the hospital.

Just need to get this back. Yeah?

And what if she blabs to the police? Just give her some space.

Look, take it home. Get some sleep.

Where are you going? To check on Caitlin.

'You've reached Jackie.' BERT GROANS

'Leave a message.'

RINGING TONE, SHE SIGHS

Come on, Jackie.

'You've reached Jackie. Leave a message.'

Fuck it.

Is he gonna be OK?

He has suffered a head trauma,

and we had to put him in an induced coma

to avoid the risk of bleeding on the brain.

He's recovering well,

but the next 12 hours are very important, OK?

You're a bloody idiot, Craig!

Jackie? No. Out!

You're rewriting what happened. Look, I was defending you.

What are you playing at? You cannot be here.

What do you want me to do? Do you want me to say sorry?

I'm sorry. Please, you can't be here.

Next of kin only. Yeah, I'm...

When you are ready, the police would like to speak with you.

Just remember why you left him, yeah?

SHE SIGHS

GLASS SHATTERS, CAR ALARM WAILS

KNOCK AT DOOR

MUFFLED SHOUTING

Hey. Hey.

He's really hurt, isn't he?

What the hell was that? Is she going to be a problem?

It was a lot, I know,

but this is what it's like with Bert.

It's exciting, but it always gets out of hand.

Sam, we don't have much time.

We can... We can keep it on track, can't we?

PHONE VIBRATES

Hey...

We can make this work.

Yeah, we can.

And if for some reason, it doesn't work,

we make sure our fingerprints are not on this job.

What if Jackie talks to the police? She won't.

She just needs to cool off.

I think she's out.

There is a version of this where we don't go through with the job.

No, there isn't.

Sam, think of the life we could have.

It's three days away.

I can manage this. I'll go see Jackie.

OK. What do you need from me?

Nothing for now. You relax.

Yeah?

Sam?

COCKEREL CROWS

All right?

Hello?

'It's Sam. Leave a message.'

Where are you?

SIGHS

Where is the controlling cow, eh?

SOFT CLUCKING

"I don't know, Bert, they've all fucked off."

Oh. Oh, have they now?

SIGHS

RINGING TONE

'It's Sam. Leave a message.'

FRUSTRATED HISS

CAITLIN, IN SPANISH:

Someone answer their fucking phone!

PHONE VIBRATES

Yeah?

'Bert. It's Blas.'

Where the hell have you been?

'There's a problem.'

THEY SPEAK SPANISH

SHE SIGHS

Jackie. Jackie.

Hey, Jackie!

You know, Bert was here, telling me she was defending me.

Didn't want to know. And then the police turned up.

And you told 'em it was Bert?

No.

I said I didn't want to talk right now.

Please don't talk to the police.

I haven't decided what I'm gonna do.

But one thing I do know - I'm out.

Without you, this whole thing falls apart.

We need you! I don't want to do it.

I can keep her on track.

No, you can't.

If you could, you'd have done it years ago.

SIGHS

Argh! Ah, fuck!

PHONE VIBRATES

Hello?

'She's out.'

She can't be.

'What the hell are we gonna do?'

Maybe I'll contact Selene, buy some more time.

And look weak? No. I'll...

'I'll finish the rig, I'll be the lookout,

'whatever it takes.'

I'm sorry, I just...

We need you on the inside.

'If anything, we need more of a distraction, not less.

'But don't worry, I'll work it out.'

Fine. Then let me handle Jackie.

'OK.' OK.

OK.

SIGHS

PHONE RINGS

HE SIGHS

Hiya, Mum.

'How long until you can come home, Bilal?'

Not long now. I'm nearly finished.

And I'll be on the first flight out of here.

'Can I see it?' Of course.

'Imagine being paid to copy a painting.

'Oh, Bilal, it is beautiful.'

HE CHUCKLES

Yeah, it's all in the glazing with Dali.

'Give over. Never mind Dali. You did that!

'Bilal, you can do anything you set your mind to.'

Thanks, Mum.

SIGHS

SHE CHUCKLES, HE SIGHS

All right?

The watch you gave me, the police chased me to question me about it.

Well, if you'd have given it to Maria like I asked,

then no-one would chase you anywhere.

If you hadn't given me a stolen watch,

then I wouldn't have been trying to sell...

You think I got it out of a Christmas cracker?

It's too risky for me at the museum right now.

What's wrong?

You. You're what's wrong? Hanging around here.

You're embarrassing yourself like a dog with its dick out.

Now get back to the Reina Sofia.

Don't talk to me like that. Or what?

Or I'll let Sam know that you're lying.

Yeah?

Or the authorities. Yeah?

Then I'll let the authorities know that you help me lie about cancer.

So you knock yourself out.

Maybe it's me that should give someone a call.

You do that, you'll end up back in prison.

LAUGHS

You think I give a shit about that?

I tell you someone who wouldn't fare well in prison.

You.

See, they love ex-screws inside.

You think about all that lovely attention you'd get.

Stop crying and get back to work.

Hey. You need to rein it in.

What? Well, Jackie's out,

we still don't have a distraction and Blas just called.

What did he want? The police are onto him.

Yeah. I spoke to him.

Well, we can't expect him to manage it.

Yeah, OK, well, you manage Jackie, and I'll manage Blas.

No, you need to let me deal with everyone.

How am I

Cheers for asking

I got into a fight defending our mate.

I wonder how I am

You're right. How are you? I'm OK.

But then I'm always OK, aren't I?

Right, let's go together to sort Blas out, yeah?

Yeah. Right.

You go in there and you front it, yeah?

You don't mess this up cos you can't tell a white lie

about a nicked watch.

Whatever they say - deny, deny, deny.

OK.

We'll wait on the next street over.

MACHINE BEEPS

Hi.

Have you slept?

BREATHES DEEPLY

You have had an enormous shock.

And this could be a long road.

The best advice I have is go home and do something -

even if it's just for 20 minutes - that is just about you.

OK?

PHONE BUZZES

SHE EXHALES SHAKILY

SHE EXHALES SHARPLY

PHONE BUZZES

Hello?

That's great.

We'll go together. Meet at mine.

Jackie's agreed to meet Caitlin.

I'll take you back to the house.

Get out your hair?

They're looking for two women in connection with the watches.

And the theft of a holy relic?

Did they get a description? Apparently.

We need to lay low in Madrid for a couple of days,

do this when there's less heat.

No, no, no. You need to go back to Madrid and stick to the plan.

Police are looking for you. Are you mad?

We're still doing this. We're so close.

We need to make this happen. Then we can all disappear.

I think we should split up. That's convenient.

You just said that there's a description of two women.

It makes sense to split up.

Also, you're sick. You need to rest to be ready for the big day.

I don't think you want me to have a rest, you want a rest from me.

SAM SIGHS I'm taking you back.

I'll keep you informed of everything that happens, OK?

PHONE RINGS

GASPS

Shit.

Hello?

'Ey, up, gorgeous. I'm out on bail.

I need to get home,

and you, Obi Wan Ke-nobhead, are my only hope.

CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY Me?

That little shit Prak's been making moves on my patch in Bradford

while I've been banged up.

He's gonna lose his marbles when he finds out

what's happened to his cousin Kyan.

Wait, what has happened to Kyan? Is he not OK?

Never mind all that. Listen.

Seeing as you're the reason I were banged up in the first place...

...you're gonna help me get out of Spain.

'And I can't exactly jump on the 3:45 out of Alicante, can I?'

Can't Rocky help you?

'Can't get in touch with him.'

And even if I could,

he hasn't robbed a massive bag of money off me, has he?

Deegs, look, I can't, I'll get in trouble.

Do you know how much trouble you're gonna get in if you don't?

'I need that money today.' And what about my mum?

'I just had a lovely little chat with her.'

So, do this for me, your mum'll be sweet,

your debts'll be cleared.

Me and you back to square one, yeah? Old buddy, old pal.

Go on, then. Let's have a look at that painting.

I know you're making a copy.

Come on, then. Chop, chop.

'It's proper good that, Bilal.'

Who did it originally? Salvador Dali.

'Did he?!'

LAUGHS

Dirty bastard.

It's good, that. LAUGHS

All right, then. I'll see you in a bit, yeah?

Get us that money, you prick.

CHICKEN CLUCKS

EXHALES

Fuck.

Where are you going?

I need to do something, and I need to do it now,

and if you don't let me... I can't finish the picture.

What?

Deegs is out. He needs this money. That massive lump? Bilal.

He said if I do it, he'll clear my debts.

If I don't, how do I ever go back to Bradford? How do I ever go home?

I don't know, but I do know

that you're going back in that house and finishing that picture.

You got your money, so paint.

What are you doing? Get up.

It needs to be finished by tomorrow. No.

If you don't let me go, I won't finish it.

I don't care if you shoot me.

Get your phone out. No.

Get your phone out. Why?

Get back in the house. We're gonna sort this out.

Come on.

Got no mates your own age to phone?

I wanted to see if you needed anything.

You've been sent on a charm offensive.

Firstly, I wanted to see how you were doing.

Secondly, how your husband is.

You don't care how my husband is.

Do you?

Listen, when I met you, you were not only doing something you loved

but something you were good at.

Why do you want this job so badly?

I'm just a huge fan of art.

And I'm sick of being broke.

My place is so small, I can touch the toilet from the end of my bed.

Bloody hell.

Handy if you want a wee. CAITLIN CHUCKLES

Look, I just want you in, man.

You seem straight up - you know, for a crook.

Hmph! Well, you know what to say to a girl

Listen.

Those two are full of shit.

My husband is lying in there because of them.

It does sound like he went pretty nuts, though.

That's not the point.

I'm still fucking raging with Bert.

It's so much money, though.

And I know that money isn't everything,

but money buys you the time

to decide how far away from this life you want to be.

SIGHS

So, are you in?

Jackie?

Yes.

But my foot will be on the pedal, and I am in charge of when we leave

and who gets left behind if they're misbehavin'.

Entiendes?

Well done. Thank you.

Well, you did what Bert and I couldn't.

She still isn't happy.

Oh, well, the money she's gonna make from this job

will put a spring in her step.

So, our next problem - the distraction at the museum.

Yeah, we're working on that.

Look, I didn't wanna mention it

cos, you know, we've got enough on our plate, but...

...Bert's in a volatile place. OK.

I mean, she can sense being managed a mile off,

so she has to think that she isn't being,

else we run the risk of the wheels completely coming off.

Thank you for trusting me.

It's OK.

Well, come on.

3pm.

Yeah. That's right. Yeah. Er, I'll be there. With the money.

That's it. Good boy.

Now all you have to do is stay here... and finish this.

I'm nearly there.

Bloody hell, Bilal.

I'm not just a pretty face.

BOTH CHUCKLE

No, you're a good 'un.

Just don't cock it up at the final hurdle

or I'll batter you.

Right.

I'm off to see a man about a dog.

Oh, for fuck's sake. Fucking spare me.

Where's Bilal?

What do you want Bilal for? I thought you just wanted the money.

I do.

Come and get it, then.

Drop the bag and piss off.

SIGHS

Just...

GUN COCKS

While you're down there.

PHONE BUZZES

MUFFLED GRUNTING

Take this bag off my head, you psychotic cow.

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah, OK, cos you've got such a lovely way with words

Argh.

HE GRUNTS, SHE LAUGHS

Hey. Bert?

Bert's gone to pay off Deegs.

What?! Whoa, whoa. Just wait.

Erm, let me explain.

COCKS GUN Ah!

What you doing? Where are we?

Up we go.

Ah! Ah!

Ah! Move!

INDISTINCT MUFFLED SPEECH

SHE GRUNTS

Ah! Fucking ankle.

Ah!

Get down, all right?

Ah! Ah!

Yargh!

Ah! Jesus!

Your mum must've dropped you on your head or summat,

I swear to God. Shut up. Sit still.

You're fucking mental. Argh! Ah!

All right.

HE GROANS, SHE YELLS

Bas...! F-F-Fuck!

Aa-a-a-a-a-ah! Fuck.

HE GROWLS What do you want?!

I want you to stay out of my business.

HE LAUGHS

Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen, is it?

Yeah, I've heard you've got Bilal forging a Dali painting for you.

I reckon I know why you're doing that.

That sounds like fun.

Fucking knew it.

Fuck.

HE YELLS, GRUNTS

You've burst my eardrum!

Yeah? I think I've caught your ear there, as well, Mr President.

Argh! What do you want?

Just tell me what you want and I'll do it.

You gonna leave Bilal alone? Yeah, I'll leave him alone.

Just let me go.

Yeah, the thing is, if I take you back with me,

I don't think you're gonna behave,

cos I don't think you're capable of behaving, are you?

HE PANTS Mm? So...

Aa-a-argh!

HE SPITS

I'd lick that up if I were you.

It's all you'll get for two days, cos I'm leaving you here.

You're fucking not! Oh, yeah. Yeah, I am.

And if you keep using all your energy to get free,

then you're going to get sweaty and knackered

and really fucking thirsty.

And that'll bring your need for water up to, what, in this heat?

Mm, day and a half?

So maybe you wriggle free.

Maybe you make it to the next town,

which is about three hours away on foot.

But in which direction?

So, that's the decision you're gonna have to make.

Or you sit there like a good little boy,

and in two days' time, someone's gonna come pick you up,

give you your money, and then off you fuck on your merry way.

Argh! Fuck you!

HE GROWLS Argh!

HE GROANS

HE PANTS

Argh, just leave me alone, you nightmare!

And if you need a little wee-wee,

you'll have to do that in your knickers.

Argh!

SHE LAUGHS

Deegs? Why didn't you tell me?

Oh, am I disobeying the boss

Where did you go? Out of the way.

Cos you said I couldn't mind my own business.

SAM SCOFFS

She gets like this, your mum.

What happened to him? Where is he?

I'm finished. I've done my bit.

Have you done yours? Yep.

You won't hear a peep out of Deegs,

and you're on the last plane out of here tonight.

So, go on, show us the goods. Right. Wait there.

Right, gently now.

Yeah. Yeah.

Bilal, it's beautiful. It's perfect.

BILAL CHUCKLES

Take him to the airport, Caitlin.

Argh, mwah! Oh!

Well done. Thanks.

SAM CHUCKLES See you.

Good luck, guys.

You don't have to look at her like that. Like what?

Like you're a team and you're edging me out.

I'm not edging you out, Bert, I'm trying to help.

Where is Deegs?

Probably in a puddle of his own piss.

But we don't have to worry about him any more.

SAM SIGHS

Where are you going now? Out.

Out, OK?

I need time to think.

Hey.

Hello.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

We're doing a job.

Bert and I. Big money.

I think you'd make a great addition to the team.

There's no "team" in "I".

CHUCKLES DRILY

What's the job, exactly?

Huh? You need a baby-sitter for Bert?

That's not what's required. That's always what's required.

So, what's the job?

A heist in two days.

Cutting it fine, aren't you?

Well, we need someone who can cause a mistake-sized distraction

long enough for us to get in and out.

All differences aside, you're the perfect person.

What are you paying?

A million euros.

What are you stealing? The Crown Jewels?

I only share that information with my team.

Give me the address and my job description

and I'll be there.

Well... we're gonna need you before that.

Mm. Of course you do.

This one-million-euro job... Why don't we wait?

She's dying.

Wait until she's gone. Then we do it.

We'll get a larger cut.

No.

It's her dying wish.

Still sentimental.

Well, play your cards right, you might get it anyway.

She always had a soft spot for you.

So, are you in?

Can I trust you?

Well, as much as anyone can trust Bert.

That's not what I asked.

Can I trust YOU?

Oi-oi. Did he get on his plane? Yeah.

And now that we've got Jackie back on our side, we're winning. Hey.

Don't get mad, but I've invited someone to help lighten the load.

Roberta.

No. Absolutely not. I don't want her involved.

You wanted her here in the first place.

Yeah, now I don't.

Well, Caitlin can't be the only distraction. It won't be big enough.

And what is more distracting than this? Oh, give it a rest.

You've been knocking out the same schtick for years.

We don't want your help.

That's not what you said when you came to see me.

We do need the help.

From anyone but her.

Bert, it's you and I with 30 seconds to switch a painting.

We have to have all eyes away from us.

We need someone who can make sure

everyone leaves the Masturbator room,

someone skilled enough to turn the crowd to our advantage.

Control the crowd and we control the space.

Calm, Roberta.

Let's all work together.

You don't have to worry.

I put on a show to end all shows.

Nobody will be remotely interested in you two.

Yeah. BERT HUFFS

Oh, nice ambush. I'd only have been an ambush

if you hadn't already been backchannelling to her.

I want to see her because of everything happening with me

and she was just shit.

Well, you were right. We do need her.

Yeah, what's she gonna do?

Jump out of a cake or have everyone trip over on her bingo balls?

Well, we haven't discussed the details yet.

Who, you and Caitlin? No!

Me and Miss Take, or me and you, Bert!

You're worrying me. You don't have to worry about me.

Well, you're acting out. Yeah?

Fuck!

Fuck. How's your hand?

Fine! I scraped it.

Did you?

So, you're Sam's daughter?

Mm-hm.

I see it. It's the eyes.

So, how are you finding being back with your mother?

Good.

I'm glad.

I don't think she's natural mother material.

But then who among us is, really?

SIGHS

What's gonna happen when all this is done?

Are you gonna come back, nurse me,

or are you going to sail off into the sunset with Caitlin

and just leave me?

I told you I'd take care of you.

Gets messy towards the end, though. What do you want me to do?

Are you even sad that I'm dying?

Of course.

How long do you hope it's gonna be until I actually die, though?

What sort of question is that?

Because you want rid of me, don't you, as soon as possible?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do. You've wanted rid of me all day.

You can't even let me in on my own job.

Cos let's remember, this is my job. I know!

BERT LAUGHS

Oh!

This is nothing compared to what I'm capable of.

Getting in and out of a museum and stealing a painting.

It's a piece of piss compared to what I can get out of.

What, prison?

SAM CHUCKLES You got yourself out of prison?

How?

You haven't got cancer, have you?

And it's took you this long to even think about working that out.

Why would you lie about that?

Oh, my God, you're deranged.

No, I'm not. I'm smart. I am so much smarter than you.

I worked out how to pay for a cancer patient's records,

and then I lined up all the people inside prison.

I took pills so that you thought that I was sick, which made me sick,

and, actually, that was really fucking inconvenient at times.

CHUCKLES

I played the long game, and here I am!

That is so much better than any con that you could come up.

I put you to bed.

We-We drank to life.

Oh, admit that you're a little bit impressed.

And anyway, I'm not dead now, so aren't you happy?

To life!

Why?

There are worse things that I could have done.

What's worse than pretending you're dying of cancer?

Wearing a wire for the police like a nasty little grass.

I didn't. Yeah, you did.

And then you watched as they dragged me out of that club,

and you pretended that we were in it together.

And I never once gave them your name.

And then I wrote to you, and I said, "You go and live your life."

But you'd betrayed me, hadn't you?

SAM BREATHES SHAKILY

I didn't have a choice.

They were coming for you, and you were wild.

We were gonna end up dead.

You put me inside! You put yourself inside!

The police came to my door because you put us on their radar.

I didn't have a choice! We always have a choice!

Not with you, Bert,

because you push and you push until you're in a corner.

And that is what you're doing now. You were nothing without me!

You were just some knocked-up little teen

working in a shitty little club in the middle of nowhere.

You think I don't hate myself?

No.

I'd have preferred to serve a sentence than live with this guilt.

You said you were my friend.

And then you took away ten years of my life.

SAM CHUCKLES

You're gonna fuck me over, aren't you? Huh?

Do you know, the only thing that we can both know

is that we need this money so that we can never see each other again.

And aren't you fucking lucky

that trumps me putting you in prison?

But how do I know that I can trust you?

Cos I'm doing this for Caitlin, and she needs this.

Fuck you.

You're doing it for you, cos you're a con through and through.

And when this is done, I'm gone.

SIGHS

I haven't got cancer.

Well, that's good news.

I had to do something to get out.

I made friends with the prison nurse.

And she needed the money, so I saw an opening.

So, why keep up the lie?

Because it's the only way I could get Sam to see me.

And cos I wanted her to feel it when I hurt her.

Cos I wanted her to pay.

For what?

For putting me in prison.

She was a police informant. I found out when I was inside.

So this is all revenge.

It didn't need to be. I...

I turned that around in my head. I...

I was gonna split the money with her.

She just used me, like she always did.

I'm sorry.

I should have stayed with you.

You're the only person that's ever really understood me.

How do you know she's not planning to do the same thing again?

Because she's doing it for Caitlin.

Roberta...

...we said some hurtful things to one another.

Yeah.

I need you to know that this isn't just about the money.

Bert, you were hard to love.

But Mateo and I, we cared deeply for you.

Is the job real?

Yeah.

Is the money real?

Very.

Can I be sure that I can trust you?

Pinky promise.

I will watch your back.

But anything to do with you and Sam...

...not my problem.

You understand?

Yeah, I understand.

BERT SNIFFS

STIFLES SOBS

THEY CHUCKLE

Are you going to be OK?

I only agreed to do this job cos I thought

she'd be dead by the end of it, and now I'm stuck with her.

When this is done, we need to leave.

We'll have enough money. We can go anywhere.

Why would she lie like that? Because she was born a liar.

I'm just sorry you got pulled into all this.

Look, I know you believed in her,

but you cannot trust a single word that she says.

Can we trust her to do the job?

Yeah, because without this, she really does have nothing left.

'Will you stop moving?'

'Ow! That hurts.'

Well, hold still, Bert.

My mum never does my hair.

When's she coming back?

She's not.

But you're OK here with me, aren't you?

Yeah.

LIVELY MUSIC, CHATTER

Showtime.

Hola. Would you?

Hm?

Come on, the flowers.

But they look so good.

We don't want any, thank you.

Goodbye.

MISS TAKE LAUGHS, SPEAKS SPANISH

MUSIC FADES

Trust nobody, kid.

'Tainted Love' by Gloria Jones

DOOR OPENS

♪ I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

♪ Once, I ran to you

♪ Now I'll run from you

♪ This tainted love you've given

♪ I give you All a boy could give you... ♪

You want some?

You must be starving.

♪ Oh, tainted love Oh, oh, oh

♪ Tainted love

♪ Now I know I've got to run away

♪ I've got to get away

♪ You don't really want Any love from me

♪ To make things right You need someone to hold you tight

♪ And you think love is to play.

♪ Well, I'm sorry I don't play that way. ♪

♪ Once, I ran to you... ♪

Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com