All language subtitles for Crutch s01e07 Matchmaker Crutch.eng

* *

Crutch is filmed in front
of a live studio audience.

(clears throat)

What are you doing?

I love you, Auntie,
but you know you leave crumbs.

You act like the queen
of England is coming.

It's just your mother-in-law.

Why do you always have
something to say about Kathy?

I like her.

It's just that she's
always so... happy.

Well, Kathy's fun.

She's a bright light.

And she was
so good to me back home.

And we always
used to cook together.

And she even taught me
to play sudoku.

How are you gonna feel
if her reason for coming here

is to convince you
to stay married to Andrew?

Or she's coming to visit
her grandkids,

like a grandmother does.

I just think that you should be
prepared for a conversation

about the state
of your marriage.

She got used to you all
being with her

in Minnesota for 12 years.

I don't think she's gonna
easily let go of that.

Well, I think you're jumping
to a lot of conclusions.

Maybe, but I'm gonna keep
my eye on her, just in case.

You've been working
at that prison too long.

When's Nana getting here?

Your grandpa went to pick her up
from visiting your dad in rehab.

They should be here any minute.

(gasps) Cookies!

Freeze!

Did you clean your room?

BOTH:
Yes, ma'am.

Are your clothes in your hamper?

BOTH:
Yes, ma'am.

Did you make your bed?

Ah!

(yawns)

Morning, sunshine.
Look who decided to join us.

Yeah, somebody tiptoed in
at 3:00 in the morning.

Hey, hey, hey,
pump the brakes, TMZ.

I didn't know you had
a girlfriend.

I don't have a girlfriend.

I was up all night
working on a case.

That's what they're
calling it now?

Working on a case?

* Bow chicka bow wow. *

Ugh.

Anyway, what is
the ETA on Kathy?

She'll be here any minute.

Can you go get dressed?
You look a mess.

It's only Kathy,
not the queen of England.

Go.

That's what I said, Jake.

Yo!

* A party ain't a party
till we come in *

* My favorite Minnesota
homegirl and me *

* The notorious K.A.T. *

Well, look who it is,
Snoop Dogg and Martha.

* Harlem and Minnesota *

* Now you know you in trouble *

BOTH:
* To the beat beat *

-* Check it out. *
-(laughs)

Oh, baby.

Ooh!

* Tells it like it is *

* Crutch is here *

-* For friends, family, kids *
-CRUTCH: Yo, it's Francois!

-* Crutch is Crutchfield *
-* Crutch. *

I'm so glad you finally made it.

How was the trip down?

Oh, it was beautiful.

I didn't expect
Andrew's rehab to be

in such a gorgeous location.

Yeah, trees help you recover.

And then we get into the city,

and there is graffiti
everywhere.

I was putting her up on game

on New York City artwork.

Crutch is helping me appreciate

the art of tagging.

JAKE:
Oh, there she is.

Hey, Mama Kathy!

Jake, still looking so handsome.

Well, congratulations
on your big corporate job.

You must be over the moon.

Well, that wasn't for me.

Um, I'm doing legal aid now.

Oh. Well, when one door closes,

-another one opens.
-Mm-hmm.

You still living in that big,
fancy apartment?

Nah, I'm living here,

right in that room over there.

Oh. Well, nothing better

than being around family.

I bet you are dating
somebody special.

Nope.

I got nothing.

Oh! But, actually,

I do have gifts from Minnesota.

Oh!

You guys know
that one of my rules is...

BOTH:
Never show up empty-handed!

(chuckles)

You know my rule--
never turn down no gift.

What you got for me in that bag?

Oh.

Ooh, a wave cap.

Silk, like I like it.

I remember you telling me
how you get your hair so wavy.

-I just love all those waves.
-Ooh.

Finally somebody recognize
my waves in this damn house.

You better get your life jacket,

'cause I'm gonna
make you seasick.

You know, gift giving is
my love language.

I just wanted to thank you
for getting Andrew

into such a beautiful
rehab facility.

Well, he's family.

It's like The Blind Side
but in reverse.

As a reminder, Kathy,
please don't bring up

Andrew's gambling
around the kids.

They know he's upstate
and in rehab,

but they don't really
understand the complexities

of what's going on.

I remember.
No need to tell them too much,

in case this whole thing
blows over.

(Lisa giggles)

Nana! You made it!

I missed you so much!

Oh, I missed you so much.

-What'd you bring us?
-Lisa.

We know she has gifts
in that bag.

Oh! (laughs)

Clothes?

You got us clothes?
(weak chuckle)

Keep looking.

-Nana!
-(chuckles)

Caramels from Shloogers.

I love these!

Yum! They kind of make me
miss home.

Yeah. Your dad told me
those were your favorite. Oh!

Jamilah and Jake, I know
you are both into style.

Oh, a pretty silk scarf.

-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.

I remember Andrew loving you
in that color.

And, Jake.

-That's a trapper hat.
-Thank you, Kathy.

I'll, uh, you know,

wear it next time I'm chasing
those waskily wabbits.

Jake, between your trapper hat
and my wave cap,

we will be unstoppable.

* *

-Ooh, that was delish.
-JAKE: Mm-hmm.

I can't wait to tell
my girlfriends back home

that I had authentic soul food.

So trendy.

Wait till you see the A train.

Man, that sea bass
and oxtails was delicious,

but they in here
fighting right now.

I really enjoyed
those short ribs.

The barbecue sauce--

Nobody cares.

I'm rooting for the oxtails.

(laughs) I forgot how you two
go back and forth.

Mom, me and Mase want to go
check out the artwork.

Uh, Mase and I.

Well, can Lisa and me go see?

I want to check out
the artwork, too.

Let's we's all go together.

Here's some tea,

and I brought you extra lemons.

Thank you, that was
very sweet. And sour.

(laughs)
Do you need anything else?

Oh, I-I got this, Crutch.

Kathy, you need to visit
more often.

I hope you enjoyed your meal.

All right, come back soon.

Did you see that?

The question is,
did Jake see that?

Oh, you two need to take
whatever this is

and go on the road.

She gave you extra lemons.

Last time somebody gave me
extra lemons,

I ended up with two kids.

I can't tell if she's my type
from extra lemons, Dad.

Type? Are you living
an alternative lifestyle?

No, Kathy.

I'm just not looking
for anything serious right now.

-Uh, Brooklyn, right?
-Yeah, that's right.

Do you got a boyfriend?

Oh, come on.
That is so inappropriate.

No, no, no. It's okay.
No, I don't have a boyfriend.

You heard that, Jake?

Please stop talking.

Are you
in a situationship, dear?

That's when you're
casually seeing someone,

but it's not exclusive.

Ooh, I've seen that
on Sister Wives.

Brooklyn, you ain't one
of them sister wives, right?

Brooklyn, I'm sorry
for this entire conversation.

No, no, I don't mind.

No, ma'am. I am not
in a situationship

or a sister wife.

-I don't play games like that.
-Uh, well.

Well, Jake here is a lawyer
and he's single.

And he graduated
from Columbia University,

top of his class.

And he has a nice blended fade.

(laughs)
Nice to meet you, Jake.

It's nice to meet you, too,
Brooklyn.

Ooh, she wrote her number
on the check.

You got the number, boi boi.

I'm out.

Thank you so much
for dinner, Kathy.

She got good handwriting, too.

Mm-hmm. Good penmanship
means fertility.

Mm.

* *

(ukulele playing nearby)

Is this not weird to you?

No, it's not weird.

The kids love it
when she plays her ukulele.

I feel like she's sending us all

to the sunken place.

Oh, Aunt Toni,
you're just paranoid.

This ain't Get Out.

And what exactly
did she mean earlier

when she said, "Blows over"?

Oh, she made one statement

and now you're building
a whole case against her?

You watch too many
Tyler Perry shows.

Honey, Tyler Perry is
a truth teller.

Oh, I love Madea.

Hellur.

This place is adorable.

The kids' room is
like a walk-in closet

that doubles as a bedroom.

I admire the way New Yorkers can
make a life with no space.

Well, it's a little bit
tighter than it was

back home in Minnesota.

Ooh, I love it that you still
call Minnesota home.

New York is a lot,
isn't it, Kathy?

Ah, it's a bit too loud
and dirty for my taste,

but to each his own.

I can understand that.

I heard
Minnesota is pristine.

I bet the bird-watching is
beautiful.

-Are you a birder?
-Mm-hmm.

-Ooh, I've always been
fascinated by that. -Yeah?

Well, the next time you visit,
you can come along.

Well, maybe next time you'll
come visit us in Minnesota.

Well, I'm gonna go freshen up,
get ready for bed.

Hallelujer.

"Next time"?

Why would I be going to
Minnesota unless you were there?

Well... what's wrong
with me going back home?

Nothing,
if that's what you want.

Is that what you want?

I'm not sure.

I finally talked to Andrew

and I told him
I feel like my life's

in a pretty good place here.

I'm just saying, Jamilah, don't
forget what you've been through.

I don't know, I feel like
you're just reading

into every little word she says.

KATHY:
This bathroom is even smaller.

It's like I'm on a plane.

* *

This reminds me of when
John and I would drive over

to you and Andrew's house
on Sundays for brunch.

Ah, spending that time
as a family

was my favorite part
of the week.

Well, you can have that back
any time you want.

You know, Kathy,
about that, um...

Do I smell Dutch babies
in my kitchen?

You remembered.

How could I forget giant hollow
pancakes filled with apples?

I thought the grandkids
might miss this.

Ooh, grandkids?

What about my culinary needs?

You know, Crutch,
you are so lucky,

having the kids and
the grandkids here with you.

I know
when I was visiting Andrew,

that's all he could talk about.

Oh. That's all he talked about?

Oh, no, you, too.

Oh, we talked about that time
he took you axe throwing

and you were not into it,
but you landed every bullseye.

Well, that's because I didn't
want to go axe throwing.

But it was kind of cool
to win a pound of venison.

Yeah, good aim runs
in our family.

I was eight and oh
in dodgeball.

Well, hopefully, you'll be able
to make more of those memories

once Andrew's better again.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

The good memories are the
ones we hold on to.

But the bad ones
are important, too.

Because those are the lessons.

-(timer chimes)
-Oh.

Who's ready for a Dutch baby?

I had an uncle, Leon,
that went into the army

and came home with a Dutch baby.

* *

Ooh, Brooklyn responded.

We got emojis, stars, hearts

and things I never saw before.

What did you text?

I just said Jake has 5% body fat

and a passion for justice.

That's a good one.

You should say he made
the Olympic swim team.

Nah, that's too much.

I'm just gonna say
he a lifeguard.

Women love guys who save lives
in Speedos.

(phone buzzes)

We did it. Brooklyn's
down to go on a date.

-(laughs)
-(whoops)

Wow, that's awesome.
I feel like a Dominican Cupid.

�Wepa!

Hey, Dad, I'm off to court.
What's going on?

Ooh, sookie sookie now.

I haven't heard you say that
since I was a kid.

What are you up to?

I knew you wouldn't do it,
so we texted Brooklyn,

the waitress from Melba's,
and pretended to be you.

(chuckles) It was a lot easier
than I thought it would be.

So now you have a date tonight.

I'm the man. You're welcome.

You slid into Brooklyn's DMs
and sealed the deal.

Texting and DMs are
two different things.

Yeah, call it
what you want to call it,

the message was slid.

Dad, I have a trial
in the morning.

But she is really cute.

I have so much work to do.

But she did give me
extra lemons.

See, that's what
I'm talking about.

You a overthinker.

Some of the best opportunities
come when you least expect it.

I don't want you to miss out.

Here, look at this text.

The font is so big.

"I'm super excited
about our date.

Can't wait to see
that beautiful smile."

I do have a nice smile.

So what's it gonna be?

I mean...

it might actually be
a good idea.

You already did the hard part.

Yeah. She already think
we have a nice physique.

Flaco, get your mans.

What? Today all your compliments
come to me.

She thinks you got
a beautiful smile,

I got a beautiful smile.

She thinks you got
a nice physique,

I'm a Greek god.

So, please,
have fun on our date.

* *

So, how are you guys
liking Harlem?

It's been fun.
We started theater camp.

Oh, yeah, your mom
mentioned that. Tell me more.

I get to create characters.

The teacher says I'm too broad,
but she don't get it.

Well, maybe they
do drama differently

in New York than Minnesota.

Do you know how long it will be
till we go back home?

Well, if it was up to me,
I'd smuggle you home

-in my suitcase right now.
-(laughter)

-How's Dad?
-Oh, yeah, how is Dad?

Uh, well, uh, what do you know?

Well, Mom said he's in rehab,

but I don't know
what that means.

Ugh, Mase. I told you.

Rehab is like a hospital.

It's a place where Dad
can get better.

Better from what, Nana?

Because every time I ask Mom,
she says it's complicated.

Yeah, well, Mase, um...

You know how, when you play
video games like Fortnite

and you buy stuff?

Oh, yeah, it's such a rush.

Well, when your dad
played games,

he spent $450,000.

That's a lot of video games.

Mom didn't tell us that part.

Well, he's not
playing games anymore.

And he misses you both
very much.

Hey, who wants ice cream?

Mom, did you know
that Dad spent $450,000

on video games?

Uh, where did you hear that?

Oh, Nana told us.

Oop.

I didn't mean--

Kathy, do you want to go see
the garden on the rooftop?

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

I'll take care of them.

Here's your bowls,
here's your ice cream.

Eat as much as you want.
I'll be right back.

I would love to know more
about your acting.

Oh, I am an understudy
in a play on Broadway.

Uh, we train almost as much
as you triathletes.

What'd you say?

You can't do anything
without a strong core.

Huh.

Unbelievable.

No, it's true.
Your core really is important.

Look at Jake.

He look like an apex lion
on the Serengeti.

And the back of her head looks
like it's having a great time.

Which part
do you enjoy the most?

The biking, the running
or the swimming?

Obviously swimming. (chuckles)

Um, what else did I tell you?

That you bake your own bread,
you rescue puppies

and that you were
the first Black Gerber baby.

Oh. Wow. Uh... (chuckles)

(sighs) I can't do this.

I'm sorry, but, uh, Brooklyn,
none of that is true.

Um, in fact, the first Black
Gerber baby wasn't until 2024.

Shoutout to Akil.

Look, that was my dad
that was texting you.

(sighs)

My mom does stuff like this
to me all the time.

Really? Well...

don't look, but he's sitting
right behind you.

Why am I not surprised?

Yo, uh, how about
we teach his ass a lesson?

You think it's going to be
a destination wedding?

I hope they let me officiate.

You've been lying to me
this whole time?

I had my heart set
on a lifeguard, Jake.

Hold on, girl. I can swim, okay?

And I can bike. And I can run.

-That makes me a triathlete.
-Yeah, more like a lie-athlete.

JAKE:
Oh-ho-ho!

-Oh, we doing puns now?
-"Oh." Yeah.

And I'm gonna call my cousins,
they're gonna come down here

and mess you up.

No, no, no, no, no.

We don't need no cousins.

He's a lawyer, not a fighter.

-Gotcha.
-Gotcha.

(laughter)

Hey, that was actually
kind of fun, Jake.

If you want to try it again,
your dad has my number.

Whoa.

You mean to tell me
this was all an act?

From the beginning.

Created by you.

Wow, Jake,
that was so convincing.

I love improv.

-I'll leave you to it.
-CRUTCH: Mm.

Um, quick question, Pop.

Why did you think
that would work?

I was hopeful.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

Well, you always tell me
never to lie.

Be myself.

Lying never helps, Pop.

I mean, look what's going on
with Jamilah and Andrew.

You're right.

I should've texted her the truth
when I was pretending to be you.

Or you shouldn't have pretended
to be me in the first place?

Why'd you feel like you had
to make up lies about me?

I didn't mean to.
I just got on a roll.

Next thing you know, you're
fighting off three kidnappers

and rescuing a baby
on the train.

-What?
-(chuckles)

*

Kathy, I explicitly asked you

not to talk to the kids
about the details with Andrew.

-I know, Jamilah, but--
-But you still did it anyway.

And these are my kids,
and this is my life.

And I wanted to tell them
in my own way

when they were ready.

You're right.

And I just didn't think about it
in the moment.

I was put on the spot.

You could've said,
"I don't know."

That's true. And I should've.

Kathy, all you've been doing

is bringing up happy memories
from Minnesota.

But you know things have not
always been perfect

-between me and Andrew.
-It's true.

It's like you're
walking around here

making him sound like a saint.

Well, he's my son and--

You want us
to get back together?

Well, no, I j--

You forgot about how many times

he's drained
their bank accounts?

That's not true--

Or how many times
I had to worry about

how we would pay the bills?

Well, damn, will you let her
finish a sentence?

Sounds like she's
trying to say something,

if you give her a chance.

Oh, look, there's a lady
in the window.

We haven't been
properly introduced.

It's so rude.

My name is Miss Pearl.

Well, I'm Kathy,
Jamilah's mother-in-law.

Oh, nice to meet you.

-Proceed.
-KATHY: Oh.

Jamilah, I did not come here
to try to convince you

into doing anything.

I only brought up the good times

because they had
such sweet memories for me.

But I have not been
totally up-front with you.

I knew it. Here it comes.

After visiting Andrew
in rehab, I realized

he has a long way to go
before getting better.

And that there's a possibility

that the separation is better
for you and the kids.

Well, making sure
the kids are good

is always my first priority.

KATHY:
I know that.

And if you stay in Harlem,

I just don't want them
to forget about us.

Oh, Kathy...

I would never let that happen.

No matter what happens
between Andrew and I,

you will always be a part
of your grandkids' lives.

I love a happy ending.

Now I'm gonna go downstairs

and see if them kids
left me some ice cream.

I would love to go to Minnesota
with you.

I just love creating memories,

even though I forget
most of them.

What was your name again?

* *

Crutch, now you owe me a visit.

(laughs) I always wanted
to go ice fishing.

Oh, look, there's a sea creature
right there.

I hope your heavy ass
falls in the ice.

You two are hilarious.

-Antoinette, this is for you.
-Oh.

It's a monocular
for your birdwatching.

Oh, you are a good gift giver.

I just wanted you to know
that when I'm not around,

I'm glad the kids still have
a grandmother.

Oh, no, I'm the auntie.
Big difference.

-But I hear you.
-Ah. Say less.

Crutch taught me that.

Okay.

Kathy, take us home, baby.

Oh, this is a little number
I learned from Crutch.

* Do you remember *

* The 21st night of September? *

* Love was changin' the minds
of pretenders *

* While chasin'
the clouds away... *

That's my jam
from the Trolls movie!

-No, no, no.
-Oh, baby.

Oh, God bless your soul, baby.

I got to fix
your generation, too.

-Go on. Go on.
-What?

You know, I love
Earth, Wind and Fire.

'Cause I'm all three.
I'm Earth, I'm Wind

and I'm Fire!

ALL:
Shut up, Pearl.

* Ba-dee-ya,
say, do you remember? *

* Ba-dee-ya,
dancin' in September *

* Ba-dee-ya,
never was a cloudy day *

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

* My thoughts are with you *

* Holdin' hands with your heart
to see you *

* Only blue talk and love,
remember *

* How we knew love
was here to stay *

* Hey, hey, hey *

* Ba-dee-ya,
say, do you remember? *

* Ba-dee-ya,
dancin' in September *

* Ba-dee-ya,
never was a cloudy day. *

GIRL:
What's that, bro bro?

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