Original subtitles

an actual bank robbery.

Just put all the money you got in this bag

and nobody will get hurt.

Stand and deliver!

They range from 75 to 80 years of age

and so do their clothes on their backs

and the guns in their hand.

You want me to go out there and tell the world that

the Brinkman Security Agency has decided

that the son of Butch Cassidy is on the loose in Manhattan

and following in his father's footsteps?

[theme music]

McCloud: Make one move and it will be your last.

- What do you think, Joe? - Very convincing.

You about ready?

Never wanna hurry yourself, Joe,

even when you're fixin' on robbin' a bank.

Clifford: Last year, there were over 1200 bank robberies

in the city of New York.

That's an average of more than four a day.

Now half of you are already painfully aware

of those statistics

because you represent the banking community

up and down the East Coast from Boston to Miami.

The other half represent the news media.

And it's our hope that all of you

will be enlightened by today's operation. Because...

Wanna leave a wakeup call, Sam?

Clifford: Something to command the attention of you...

[sighs]

This assignment's about as exciting

as that toothbrush convention.

We are about to bring to you live, as it is happening,

an actual bank robbery.

[indistinct murmuring] Well, that's some compensation

for getting us up at this hour.

[sighs] Furgy, you died along with the newspaper industry

in this town sometime ago.

Nothing personal.

You call television news alive?

[scoffs]

Ten headlines, twenty commercials,

semi-literate weather girl.

- Hmm. - Nothing personal, Samantha.

The target of today's bank robbery

will be the First Trust Bank of Second Avenue.

[dramatic music]

Clifford: Of course, the bank's personnel know

that a robbery is to take place, but they don't know

when or by whom.

And to commit today's robbery,

in an effort to keep the bank's employees off balance,

we try to select as unlikely a police officer as possible.

Hold these for me, will you, Joe?

Clifford: There is, in fact... - Well, I think I'm gonna go.

- Where are you going? - To bed.

In about ten minutes, everyone in this room

is gonna be asleep and I'm gonna be the only one with a pillow.

I'll give you $10 for your notes.

Fifteen.

Snake. 12.50

Twenty.

Fifteen, and you have your messenger deliver it.

Clifford: Desperate enough to try a bank robbery.

You know, I keep wondering...

what if somebody, he doesn't know what's going on

and decides to become a hero?

[laughs]

That'd be kind of embarrassing, wouldn't it,

to expire right up there on TV screen?

Just a minute, chief.

You're sure there's no risk of the simulated robbers

getting shot up by the bank guards or maybe...

by some cop who didn't get the message?

No, I assure you. It's difficult enough

to get good men without shooting them up ourselves.

No, the guard on duty at this particular bank

is employed by the Brinkman Security Service,

represented here on the platform by Mr. Clayton Gillis.

He's been with us in the planning of this robbery

from the beginning.

After all, his company has been

in the crime prevention and security business

since the days of Jesse James

and the-- the Pony Express.

And I can honestly say

that, uh, while I haven't been with the company that long,

uh, this is the first time in my recollection

that our guards have been given orders

to look the other way during a robbery.

[chuckling]

Clifford: Thank you, Mr. Gillis.

[dramatic music]

Joe: I guess this is it.

You mean you're not gonna wish me luck

on my first bank robbery?

Oh, forgive me, Sam. Have a nice robbery.

- Thank you. - Oh, and, Sam...

Don't be late for supper and, uh, remember to say please.

[chuckles] There you go.

Employees in banks have been trained in recent weeks

to adhere to a newly prescribed set of rules

in the event of a robbery.

To remain calm in the face of a gun. To be observant.

Good morning, sir. Can I help you?

[sighs] Would you...

just put all the money you got in this bag

and nobody will get hurt?

Clifford: Rule number one, keep cool.

Rule number two,

at the first opportunity, trigger the silent alarm.

Mornin'.

[alarm ringing]

[applause]

She's a good girl.

She's done her homework.

We got the message and help is on the way.

Man on radio: Attention all units,

proceed to the First Trust Bank.

[siren blaring]

[dramatic music]

Man on radio: Attention all units,

proceed to the First Trust Bank.

[music continues]

[truck clanks]

You just keep your eyes up front, young fella,

and you'll be alright.

Hey, what is this?

Virgil: Now don't be stupid, young fella.

It's a holdup, of course.

Oh.

Clifford: With the aid of a live-action telecoptor,

we'll be able to see firsthand

an actual bank robbery pursuit,

utilizing the combined forces

of radio cars and police helicopters,

which are now zeroing in on the First Trust Bank.

Clean as a whistle, Joe. Let's roll.

[dramatic music]

Hey, you're going the wrong way, Joe.

We're supposed to shoot down Second Avenue.

There's been a change in plans.

- Who changed it? - They did.

You just keep your face turned on around the other way

and pass that poke on back here.

[chuckles] Is this some kind of a joke?

That's funny. That's what I said.

[chuckles]

I said pass that poke.

Sam, pass the poke.

And now the stage is set for a quick,

efficient apprehension of the perpetrators.

[siren blaring]

Blue van down 14th Street

approximately two blocks.

[dramatic music]

Piece of cake, boys. We got them in sight.

Well, let's make this nice and neat for the chief.

Remember, boys, we're all on television.

Virgil: Now just keep going straight

just the way you are.

You'd be a whole lot better off sticking to the nice,

fast trails straight out of town.

Don't you be tellin' me my business now.

Just trying to help.

Virgil: Then turn into that alley.

Clifford: As you can see, the police helicopter

with an accurate description of the van is now in pursuit

and we see it speeding along 14th Street and...

turn into that alley.

[dramatic music]

They're turning into an alley.

That wasn't part of the deal. They were supposed to head

for an open field where we could set this chopper down.

Unit 411 to Command, there's a flag on the play.

Everybody, stand by.

The perpetrators think that they've gotten away

clean as a whistle while in, uh, reality,

they'll very shortly be apprehended and under arrest.

Why'd they turn into that alley?

Don't you know?

- No. Do you? - No.

[siren blaring]

Pull over so we can find out what the chopper has to say.

Now you see that van right up there?

Right up in front of us.

You just go right up into it.

Alright now, boys,

I want you to get up on them each one at a time

and start backin' this way.

[dramatic music]

We lost them.

Don't tell me Broadhurst is pulling

a McCloud. Let's go.

I believe the correct law enforcement response

at this point is you'll never get away with it.

Seems kind of inappropriate, don't it?

As you see, uh,

we're closing in from all sides effectively blocking

all possible escape routes.

I don't have the faintest idea

what could have happened to that van.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I see it.

Flip on the siren, Dan.

[siren blaring]

Even, uh, attempted diversions are useless

when a highly organized law enforcement agency

makes up its mind to...

[dramatic music]

[indistinct chatter] Hey, chief.

Those two men look like they're tied up.

Oh, no need to, uh, play out the entire scene.

As you could see, the, uh,

police moved in quickly, efficiently,

and made a, uh, a clean arrest.

That, uh, that ends this, uh,

morning's demonstration, ladies and gentlemen.

Uh, if there are any further questions,

Mr. Gillis will be glad to answer them for you.

[indistinct chatter]

I, uh, don't seem to have anything to add.

Uh, everything, uh,

seemed to... go fine.

[siren blaring]

[dramatic music]

We'll have them loose in ten minutes, chief.

Can't go any faster without burning them.

I'll assume that responsibility in full.

Now, look, chief, I know how you feel, but--

McCloud, you haven't begun to...

No pictures!

And not one word out of you, Ferguson.

Not one word! You hear me?

When I get through with the two of you, you'll wish

he'd fed that flame in through your ears.

Now get them out of here.

- Like that? - I said get them out of here.

I want them away from Ferguson and the rest of the press.

And if either one of them so much as even starts

to give out his name, shoot him!

[instrumental music]

[telephone ringing]

[crash]

[continues ringing]

[sighs]

- Hello? Who is this? - This is God!

[gasps] Mr. Harris?

Now that we've captured your attention,

Miss Johnson, what happened?

What happened-- what happened to who?

- To what, sir? - To your story, Miss Johnson.

The one you were supposed to do for your employers.

Oh, you remember us? The "Six O'Clock News?"

I realize that it's only 2 o'clock,

but we would like to get a crack at looking at the stories

before putting them on the air.

Sort out the chaff, as it were.

You could take that personally, if you like.

Mr. Harris, I don't know understand your tone of voice.

I was on the job this morning.

I have the entire story. I was just going over my notes.

Oh, well, in that case, I guess I owe you an apology.

Mm-hmm. I'm afraid you do, sir.

Tell me, Miss Johnson, uh,

just so as I can brace the film boys on your scoop,

uh, how'd they manage to pull it off?

There wasn't really anything at all.

It was just a... a television crew

and a bunch of cops playing like bank robbers.

It was really pretty dull stuff.

Not that robbery, I'm interested in the other one.

- Um, the other one? - Yes, Sam.

The one in which some fella or fellas, unknown,

managed to rob the entire New York City Police Department

in broad daylight while they were on closed circuit

coast to coast television.

- Television? Harris: Yes, Sam. Television.

I realize that one of the other stations

should have phoned us about it, but I guess maybe they thought

that we had somebody on the job!

Oh, yes, sir.

Oh, I-- I promise you, sir,

I have the story under control.

Uh, I'm, uh, on my way to headquarters right now.

And I promise you that I'll have

everything together before our deadline.

Not our deadline, Sam, your deadline.

[line disconnects] Goodbye... sir.

[reporters clamoring]

No-- no comment.

No comment!

Alright, fellas, hold it.

There's to be no announcement

on the First Trust Bank case this afternoon.

[indistinct chatter]

We'll have a prepared statement

for you at 9 o'clock tomorrow morning.

[reporters clamoring] That's all.

I like that. A prepared statement.

A prepared statement.

I haven't seen so much security around here

since that rookie busted the mayor on a 402.

You get the feeling we got a live one here?

- I sure do. - Let me get some coffee.

Furgy! Excuse me. Furgy!

- Well, well, well... - Furgy, I gotta talk to you.

If it isn't the journalistic Dorothy

from the Land of Oz.

Better known as Miss Television News.

- Is that sugar... - What?

- Yes. - Thank you.

Listen, Furgy, my job's on the line.

Well, there's always the Women's Lib Bakeoff.

Oh, Furgy, please, I know I act like a jerk once in a while,

but that's just because I'm trying to be one of the boys.

Now all I wanna be is a good reporter.

Yeah, well, it takes more

than a kick in the pants from the boss, Sam.

Oh, Furgy, this job's important to me.

- You want some coffee? - No, thanks.

I've worked five years to get into feature reporting.

If I blow this, they won't even let me

on a Saturday night weather.

That's good. Have babies. Buy a dress shop.

Oh, Furgy, please.

- Oh, come on now, Sam. - Oh.

Don't start doing that, will you?

Alright, baby, alright.

I'll try and help you,

but I won't be doing you much of a favor.

We don't have much.

W-- well, that doesn't matter. You're the best there is.

Just tell me what you know and I'll be up with all the others.

Well, you see, so far...

It's not so much a case of big stolen money.

Now it's municipal embarrassment.

Oh, brother, did those two cops look silly?

What happened? Whose fault was it?

I don't know.

But I did see a picture of two of New York's finest

handcuffed to each other in their own truck.

[laughs]

Brother, I wouldn't trade places with them for a million bucks.

[drumroll]

Hmm.

Yes, sir?

I was just clearing my throat.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

Well, I guess we've gone over all the ground we can.

We can go over it again if you like, sir.

That's right. You betcha. We'd be glad to do it.

As a matter of fact, we figured it's our duty.

No, that's alright.

If I want to review the facts,

I can always call communications.

We've got it all on videotape.

Half the country has it on videotape.

We wired it directly to Chicago, Denver and Seattle

to save on distribution costs.

[sighs] Well, chief, I'm just as sorry

as a lovesick gelding. I really am.

McCloud, spare me your hickory-smoked scriptures.

We spent thousands of dollars printing up flyers

to inform civilians to be observant during a bank robbery

and my own officers come up with descriptions

that sound like ghost riders in the sky.

- Now listen to me-- - More like the James Gang, sir.

Oh, I would say it's more like "The Wild Bunch," Joe.

Oh, come on, Sam. What's the difference? Cowboys are cowboys.

McCloud: Well, cowboys ain't cowboys.

The Wild Bunch is a much more recent gang than the--

McCloud,

Broadhurst,

now you hear me and you hear me good.

Until we come up with something

slightly more tangible than your descriptions

of a Wild West circus on Second Avenue,

I don't want it mentioned outside this office.

It's enough that you were snookered

all over the front pages, we don't have to turn it

into a costume ball.

No one will ever hear it from us, chief.

That's for sure.

Good.

Now if you don't mind, I'd like to be alone a while.

We understand, chief.

Chief, I know this may not be the right time to bring it up,

but if you don't mind, I would like to follow up on this case.

I'd like to continue on it.

McCloud...

my service revolver has a busted safety catch.

And after what you did to me today,

no jury in this world would convict me of anything

more serious than discharging a lethal weapon

into a public nuisance!

I appreciate your honesty, chief. Appreciate it.

[reporters clamoring]

Grover: No questions, boys. And no pictures.

Reporter 1: Who knocked you over, marshal?

Who said anybody got knocked over?

Reporter 2: How long did it take to cut the bracelets off?

[clamoring]

Well, we're not gonna find anything out here, Sam.

- Let's be on our way. - Wait a minute.

Isn't that the marshal who's been observing here

from Shoehorn, Nevada?

Taos, New Mexico. Why?

- I just got a hot flash. - You did, huh?

What does that mean? You're onto something or you're pregnant?

- Furgy! - [laughs]

[instrumental music]

- Hello. Geri: Hello, Sam?

Geri. Hey, I was just picking up the phone to call you.

I was calling you.

Well, just goes to show that we're closer

than two mules in a sideband harness.

Am I gonna see you tonight, Sam?

Ah, well, that's...

that's why I was callin' you.

You know, this hasn't been what you'd call

a bumper crop day for me.

I was thinking about stayin' in tonight

and doin' a little thinkin'.

Well, you gotta eat.

And you could tell me all about your problems.

Well, there's only one trouble with that.

I'm not supposed to talk to the press.

That's Chief Clifford's orders.

Well, I'm not the press.

I'm just a little old columnist.

We could go to that nice place you like on 48th Street.

Well, I gotta admit, it sure'd be good seeing you.

There you go.

Oh, marshal. I got a message for you.

It came in about five minutes ago.

Well, I was in my room five minutes ago.

Man 1: Well, I told him that, but he didn't wanna go up.

He just wanted me to make sure that, uh, you got it.

I don't know. He looked like a cabby to me or something.

I see.

What do you think I ought to do about this?

Well, if it was me, I'd think twice a...

Oh.

Well, it wasn't sealed, marshal, you know,

and I wanted to make sure that some crank around here

wasn't botherin' our guests, you know.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

That's Van Cortlandt Park.

That's on the Bronx Westchester County line.

Man says if I want to solve the First Trust Bank case,

I should be there at 8 o'clock... alone.

[sighs]

- Make a phone call? - Yeah, go ahead.

That will be 10 cents, please.

[sighs]

[line not connecting]

First Trust Bank.

That's that robbery today where they, uh,

ripped off a couple of cops, right?

- Mm-hmm. - [scoffs] Oh, boy.

I bet those guys sure felt stupid, huh?

Oh, um, I didn't even say that.

Do me a favor, will you?

Make this call. Tell the lady I'll be in touch.

Yes, sir. I will do that.

Good luck, sir. And I hope you solve the case, sir.

[instrumental music]

[dramatic music]

Help!

Help!

[instrumental music]

Help!

Help! Somebody, help me!

Help! Oh, don't...

Lady, lady, I'm a police officer.

Just a minute. I'm a police officer.

- Oh. - Everything's gonna be alright.

- Oh. - Just get a hold of yourself.

Oh, I feel so foolish for coming into the park so late at night.

- [sighs] - What happened?

Well... well-- well, he looked so innocent.

He had this little dog on a leash and...

Well, people with dogs aren't supposed to be muggers.

[sighs] I just leaned down to pet the little thing and...

[sighs] he grabbed me around the neck. It was awful.

- Did he hurt you? - [sighs] No.

I feel so stupid!

He took my purse. I had two weeks' pay.

I feel so dumb. Dumb!

Now, look, I know just exactly how you feel.

It's alright. I...

I've done a couple of dumb things myself today.

[sighs] Oh, you're just saying that to make me feel better.

I am not even... No, it was dumb.

Just dumb's the only thing you can say about it.

Just kind of like you and your dog.

What do you mean? What are you talking about?

[sighs] Well...

you see, my partner and me, we had this

kind of a special assignment.

- Hmm. - What were you doing?

[sighs] We didn't realize how special it was

till these five jokers showed up in the back of the van.

[chuckles]

What were they doing?

[sighs]

[chuckles] Well, you know, you're not gonna believe this.

Now here-- here was the dumb part. You see...

[knock on door]

- Who is it? McCloud: Fella come to call.

Oh, Sam.

McCloud: I just want two minutes, Geri,

to explain to you what happened, that's all.

Alright, two minutes.

Hey, how about you?

Just as pretty as a newborn colt.

Don't come trotting in here in the middle of the night

trying to smooth-talk me after standing me up.

Ooh.

- Sam. - Mmm.

- Do I smell perfume? - Perfume?

About $25 an ounce perfume

if I'm not mistaken.

[chuckles]

Well, you know, Geri, you're clearly mistaken.

- Your two minutes are up, Sam. - Now wait a minute.

Hey, Geri, listen, I can explain that perfume.

Oh, I'm sure you can and I'd love to hear all about it

some other time!

You know how to let yourself out, don't you, Sam?

Geri, would you open up the door?

I can explain the perfume.

Geri: Be sure the door is locked. Bye, Sam.

This is ridiculous!

[sighs] I'll be dipped.

They were your men, chief,

operating your plan under your surveillance.

It seems pretty obvious to me that Brinkman Security

is clear of any responsibility.

Maybe obvious to you, but from where I stand,

your organization could have breached security

in any one of a thousand ways.

Oh, yes.

Very likely, hmm?

Some master criminal in my organization

going to all this trouble to steal $1100?

On the other hand, police have been known

to compromise principle for incredibly slim pickings.

I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

Just so we understand each other.

We both intend to bring these criminals to justice

regardless of where the chips may fall.

And I suggest you buy a helmet.

And in the meantime, you won't object

to my submitting your, uh, Sgt. Broadhurst

and Marshal McCloud to a heuristics computer analysis.

A which?

Heuristics is the science of hunches

or making educated guesses.

I'd be glad to give you a demonstration.

You know, these new computers,

they actually think.

I'm already aware of thinking.

It may come as news to you boys,

but the police department has been doing that for years.

Chief, about McCloud and Broadhurst...

Oh, yes, you wanna question my men, go right ahead.

Oh, and, Gillis, be sure and let me know

when your computer cracks the case.

Well, here we are.

The policemen of the future.

It'd be a tight fit in a patrol car.

You know, someday we'll be cross-indexed on computers

not only according to our individual traits

and characteristics, but also as we relate to, uh,

various groups we may play a part of.

Job force, church force, political force.

Well, [chuckles] uh, does seem to me like

you're rubbing up against few personal freedoms there.

You know, spread-eagling a man's life

and thoughts across a machine?

The Constitution of the United States

was devised to accommodate change.

We give up certain freedoms in return for protection.

Now society can protect us from crime and criminals.

That in itself is a new freedom.

Freedom from fear. Freedom from worry.

We get something, we give up something.

That's progress.

Oh, we've sure had a lot of that.

Good morning, Miss Adams.

Gentlemen.

We've got a lot of work to do

so, uh, we better get started.

Uh, let's see. One each of the early morning white.

Before I give you specific questions

relating to the, uh...

One each of the corn flour yellow.

Uh, the First Trust Bank robbery of the 12th.

Then we have these chalking series.

I'd like you both to fill out some questionnaires.

- You sure this is all? - One more.

Uh, look here, marshal.

Isn't this the loveliest shade of baby blue you've ever seen?

Really delightful.

You know, statistics show that it's more pleasant

to write on this color than any other.

Well, better get started.

Uh, Mr. Jenkins?

Mr. Jenkins has been with Brinkman for 50 years.

He started in our Denver office.

Now pass your forms to him when you've completed them,

so he can start processing them.

Uh, we're ready, so let's begin.

Step right this way, gentlemen.

Okay, I'll buy that.

We'll open with the terrorist bombings

in segue right into the Indo-China footage

and do the follow-up story on the president's position.

- That will be from Washington. - Oh, Mr. Harris?

- Oh, yeah. - Is that, uh, live or tape?

- Mr. Harris! - Oh, that's, uh, film...

Mr. Harris! Excuse me.

Mr. Harris, I'm sorry I'm late.

I know it's way past the deadline,

but I had trouble getting the artwork.

Well, here it is. Read it.

I don't have time to read it.

Now even if I loved it,

there wouldn't be any time to get it ready.

I-- it's about the cops, the ones that got

ripped off on closed circuit television.

We did that story last night.

Yeah, but the cops aren't telling the real story.

They got ripped off by the Hole in the Wall gang.

Five of them. At least 80 years old apiece.

And everything authentic. Clothing, guns, everything.

Are we the only ones in town with this story?

Even I don't have the whole story.

Cue cards, get out here right away!

Cue cards, you got a whole new deal.

We'll change the opening. Let me see that.

You were always a strange girl, Sam.

- Even when you did the weather. - Thank you.

- George! - [sighs]

Oh, here, I'll take this up.

What are you waiting for? A raise?

Oh.

Where the hell have you been?

No, you listen to me, you old man.

Eleven hundred lousy dollars

isn't worth the price of ammunition.

Now you promised me big money.

Wrong, old man. No one is looking like an idiot but me.

And maybe you.

Now I'm gonna give you one more chance.

Uh-huh.

Sure.

Now that's a little more like it.

But this time it better come off.

[dramatic music]

Well, he just called. We go again tonight.

This time it will be worth it. $50,000.

You fellas about done?

Yeah, I guess that just about wraps it up.

You sure there's nothing else that you'd like to know?

Color of socks I wore in high school graduation?

My sister-in-law's brassiere size? [scoffs]

[chuckles] You know, I wouldn't wanna say

that Mr. Gillis won't ask you for those things.

It will probably show up on a new

lavender form he's workin' on. [scoffs]

Seems to me like you're not quite as confirmed a believer

in those machines as Mr. Gillis is.

Machines doin' the thinkin' for men?

No, sir, never.

I was a policeman for 50 years.

Maybe a little bit longer if the truth were known.

I tracked outlaws and bad men all over this country.

I caught up with them, too,

with sweat, hunches and sticktoitiveness.

Now you can't put any of those things in a machine.

Well, that's the most sense I've heard

since I walked into this place.

- Thanks a lot, Mr. Jenkins. - Elroy.

- My pleasure. Appreciate it. - Anytime. Bye.

[instrumental music]

Five minutes. Five minutes to air. Standby.

Excuse me.

[knocks] Mr. Harris!

- Let me see those. - Oh, I hope it's alright.

It's the best they could do on such short notice.

Oh, they-- they're fine. Who did them?

- Charlie. Oh, here. - That's great.

Yeah. Oh, [chuckles] dynamite!

Oh. Well...

Look at those faces.

[dramatic music]

Alright, boys.

Let's get those rocks there and those railroad ties

and put them out there in the middle of the tracks.

[horn blaring]

[indistinct chatter]

Hello, Winston. Hi, Charlie. Uh, the usual.

Well, how goes the battle?

Are you kidding? That... [horn blaring]

writers' strike is gonna keep us playing catch up

for the next two seasons.

Oh, I'd like to kill those... [horn blaring]

I'll buy that.

[dramatic music]

[train chugging]

[instrumental music]

Price on TV: Ladies and gentlemen, good evening.

Charles Price with the "Six O'Clock News."

In the headlines tonight, more terrorist bombings in Ireland

and more trouble for the President over Indo-China.

And right here in Gotham City, ghosts from the past.

As it appears that the famed Hole in the Wall gang,

which plundered the Southwest United States

in the early 1900s, is still alive

and back on the holdup trail right here in New York City.

Holy Toledo.

Price: When we return, following these important messages.

[knocks] Chief!

[train chugging]

I somehow wish the Western would return.

They spoke of freer days.

[horn blaring] True.

[grunts]

Let me grab this here. Let me grab it.

That's good.

Price: Now to the local scene.

Last night on this newscast,

we reported the skimpy details

of an even skimpier bank robbery.

- Only $1100... - Alright, knock it off!

Price: However, there's apparently a lot more

to the story than was revealed

by the New York City Police Department.

Here with new details and a "Six O'Clock News" exclusive,

Samantha Johnson.

Thank you, Charles.

Well, the story is already bizarre,

but I have a feeling we've only scratched the surface.

Yesterday morning, the New York City

Police Department was robbed.

That's right, in broad daylight.

Of course, now that presents a problem.

Just who do the police call when they get into trouble?

Maybe now they'll know how the rest of us feel.

Anyway, apparently, they didn't call anyone

because they didn't want the world to know

just who they were robbed by

or New York's finest might wind up on the funny farm

lock, stock and commissioner.

Why'd she have to drag the commissioner into this?

[horn blaring]

The cowboy will be back someday.

- Mark my words. - Oh, Charlie.

[grunts]

The original Hole in the Wall gang,

also known as the Railroad Syndicate...

Who else knew about this story?

Just you, me, McCloud and Broadhurst.

[sighs]

Samantha: Southwest United States and raised havoc

with banks and railroads from 1880 till 19...

- You see what I see, Joe? - I see it.

Samantha: Well, we don't know and the police aren't saying,

but authority says that

they range from 75 to 80 years of age

and so do the clothes on their backs

and the guns in their hands.

Hmmm, makes you wonder, doesn't it?

Maybe they've been hanging out in the Badlands all these years

just waiting for a comeback.

We can only guess why they picked Manhattan.

Their first job tells the story.

Easy pickings. Charles.

Thank you, Sam. You stay with that story.

We want to know how it comes out.

Back in a moment with the sports.

Grover, tell Sgt. Broadhurst and Marshal McCloud

I want to see them in my office.

I heard him.

- You got it. - That enough?

Yeah, that's good.

Now remember, boys,

the police aren't gonna be along for the cameras this time.

If there is shootin',

there sure is gonna be some bleedin'.

[train chugging]

Well, here's to...

Man 2: To "Playhouse 90."

[train chugging]

The world is full of cranks, crackpots and madmen.

My own department is even suspect.

The one thing in the world we didn't want to do

was give them any kind of publicity.

Chief, this time it was my fault, clear and simple,

and I am prepared to assume full responsibility.

Oh, well, that changes everything.

Now all we have to do is convince all of New York

that you in no way had anything whatsoever to do

with the commissioner, me

or the 30,000 men in this department.

Just how in hell do we do that, McCloud?

[train chugging]

Right on time.

Alright, boys, let's get ready.

Chief, have you considered the possibility

that this bunch just might not be crackpots?

McCloud, I can understand your empathy for oddballs,

but what in the name of logic

would suggest anything other than a bunch of lunatics?

Their degree of thoroughness, their organization,

their range of information concerning our operation.

[train approaching]

[horn blaring]

[brake screeches]

Hey, what the...

This is a holdup. Get on the floor, fast!

Didn't spill a drop.

[dramatic music]

- Stand and deliver! - I'll drink to that.

[gunshot]

I want everybody on the floor.

I told you Westerns were coming back.

Sit down, you idiot! [gunshot]

Get your hand down.

Hey, young fella.

Looks like you're tryin' to hide somethin'.

[chuckles] Oh, yes.

Yes, sir.

Oh, I'd sure hate to take your hand off with this.

I-- I don't have the key.

It's waiting for me a-- at the other end.

- Gopher! Gopher: Yo!

[grunts] Now if it was me,

I believe I'd stay put for about an hour,

'cause we got dynamite charges on all the doors.

[grunts]

Well, I wanna thank you very much, gentlemen...

and goodnight.

Come on, boys.

[indistinct chatter]

What the hell?

If the news of that bunch of crackpots

hadn't leaked out, McCloud, five will get you a thousand

they'd never be heard from again.

[telephone rings]

Clifford.

Where?

I'll be right there.

They've been heard from again.

[siren blaring]

[indistinct police radio chatter]

[horn honking]

[clamoring]

D-A-R-N-I-N, Charles Darnin.

[indistinct chatter]

Fifty thousand dollars in cash.

It's a-- it's a payroll delivery I make once a month.

Been doing it for six years. Never had any trouble.

Well, doesn't it seem a bit risky to transport

large sums of money on a public conveyance?

That's the whole point.

The reason we've always been so successful.

- It's unexpected. - Oh.

And we've always varied the time of day

and day of the month.

Ah, well, thank you very much.

Alright, now tell me, Mr. Darnin,

what happened from your point of vantage? What happened?

We were in the midst of discussing ways and means

by which we could reduce--

I-- I don't care about that.

But what happened? Will you tell me that?

Ah, excuse me, sir.

Sir, are you with the railroad company?

- No, Brinkman Security Agency. - Oh.

They-- they-- the courier was our man.

We're responsible for the loss.

Well, but it-- it sure is a powerful, curious thing.

- The-- - Oh, what's curious, sir?

Well, well....

from talking to the engineer and passengers,

this gang, uh...

It was-- it was the way they stopped this train

and the things they said.

You know, "Stand and deliver."

And-- and [chuckles] that red lantern.

- I-- I-- - Go on, go on.

Well, you see, I go back a lot of years.

And from what I recollect, this-- this gang of old-timers

knows more about the ways and means

of the old Wild Bunch than

[chuckles] than the old Wild Bunch.

Well, certainly you're not suggesting that--

Oh, no, no. I'm not suggesting--

- Mr. Jenkins. - You see, that...

Jenkins: Oh. Well, back to work again.

Would you come with me for a moment, please?

Yes, sure.

What are you doing here?

And who authorized you to talk to the press?

Well, I was in the office when the call came in.

I figured I ought to see if I could be of any help.

I put in a lot of years in the field, you know.

That was a long time ago, Elroy. Too long.

Now please go home.

Leave the detective work to others, hmm?

Well, just as you say, Mr. Gillis.

[chuckles] You're runnin' the company.

Ah, excuse me, sir.

You are Mr. Gillis, aren't you?

Do you have a statement for the press?

Gillis: Well, there will be no official announcement

until we have an opportunity

to collate all of the known facts.

Oh, I see. What's your theory...

What? Oh! Oh, who's that?

Oh! What are you doing to me? Put me down!

- What are you doing? - I'm taking you back to town.

I'm puttin' you in a police car. Gonna keep you out of trouble.

But you can't. I'll get fired.

I'm supposed to be here on an assignment.

This will make up for last night when you weren't

supposed to be on an assignment.

That was strictly off the record.

- Oh. Ah. - [grunts]

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey! [bangs on door]

[knocks] Come on out of there!

Now, McCloud, please.

I know you think I took advantage of your friendship,

but after all I'm a reporter.

But I'm fully prepared to make it up to you.

I'll make you famous.

You've already done that! Now come on out of there!

No, I mean good famous, not ha-ha famous.

You can't go any place. You might as well come on out.

McCloud, it won't do you any good to send me back to town.

It's only ten minutes away.

All I'll do is just come right back again.

Uh, I'd rather make a deal with you.

What kind of a deal?

Well, I'll give you my word that I won't turn in

another story without your direct approval.

And I'll even make it up to you

for all the inconvenience I caused you.

Man shouldn't worry about the road that he's covered.

It's the trail up ahead that counts.

With you, all I can see is ruts and grooves.

Well, I can't say as I blame you,

but I did what I did for my job, McCloud.

All I could see was five years of my hard work

going down the drain.

But I guarantee it won't happen again.

Right.

Then it's a deal?

Nope.

Well, then what am I right about?

It won't happen again.

What? [handcuffs click]

What are you doing?

McCloud!

What are you doing, McCloud?

- Good evening, ma'am. - McCloud! [bangs on door]

McCloud, let me out of here!

Let me out of here, you lying, treacherous man!

I'll get you for this!

[bangs on door]

[knock on door]

[sighs]

Who is it?

McCloud: Sam. - Go away, Sam.

McCloud: [bangs on door] I wanna talk to you, Geri.

Sam, you're gonna wake up the neighbors.

[knocks] Alright, lady, this is the police!

Open up or we break the door down!

Sam!

[knocks]

Charlie, get the fire ax.

You've got a lot of nerve, Sam. A lot of nerve.

Well, I got more than nerve. I got a need.

You know, I can't get more than a few blocks away from you

without needin' a refill.

Hold on.

Alright. What happened tonight?

This Hole in the Wall gang, they struck again.

- They robbed you again? - No.

No, this time they didn't rob me.

That's the only good thing about it.

This time they robbed a train.

A train?

In Manhattan, they robbed a train?

Now come on, Sam.

No, cross my heart. It's a train.

You know that I wouldn't have stood you up for anything

less than a train, you know that?

Well...

Hmm.

- Sam. - Hmm.

Do I smell perfume?

[laughs]

Well, I can explain that.

I'm sure you can.

Your train was running on My Sin instead of diesel oil.

You know the way out, Sam.

- Oh, Sam? - Hmm.

Don't forget to latch the door. Goodnight.

[bangs door shut]

Clifford: Now this is what we've got so far.

Two jobs both executed within two days.

Both executed by five men,

appearing to be anywhere between the ages of 60 and 90.

Both jobs well planned, well timed,

and based on precise information,

and protected by the Brinkman Security Agency.

However, the bank job only netted $1100,

which seems to rule out an inside job.

And the $50,000 bank robbery

would seem to take it out of the category of a prank.

And that leaves us running around in circles,

chasing our, uh, theories.

Well, chief, it seems to me like we got

more to chase than just that.

If you're referring to that Hole in the Wall gang

you're so intent on publicizing.

No, sir. I'm referring to just the opposite.

Seems to me like, that, uh, [chuckles]

people goin' around puttin' on funny hats and suits

gotta be doin' it for a reason.

Well, as our resident expert on funny suits and hats,

I welcome your conclusion.

Well, dressin' up like a pack of prairie wolves

is a good way to hide a flock of sheep.

McCloud, please.

All I mean is that if they're intent

on appearing like a bunch of old men,

that they may be doing it because they're tryin' to hide

the fact they're just the opposite.

You're suggesting the train was robbed by a bunch of old ladies?

Or a bunch of young men.

Young or old, it really doesn't give us any more to go on.

Well, except they... they must have come by them outfits

and that hardware someplace other than Bloomingdale's.

[scoffs] All those boys were totin' real museum pieces.

Do you have any idea how many private

antique gun collections there are in this state alone?

Well, still, uh... [scoffs]

You don't mind if I pursue it, do you?

Be my guest.

But understand one thing.

You communicate with me and me alone.

Not newspapers or television.

- There you go. - Wish you'd stop saying that.

[printer whirring]

Son of Butch Cassidy?

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.

Who's responsible for this?

Your computer, Mr. Gillis. We just turn it on.

Mr. Jenkins, kindly don't patronize me.

Our computer does as it's programmed to do.

It was programmed to arrive at a conclusion

based on facts that you ordered fed into the machine.

New facts as well as historical facts.

You want me to go out there and tell the world

that Brinkman Security Agency has decided

that the son of Butch Cassidy is on the loose in Manhattan

and following in his father's footsteps?

We'll be laughed out of the business.

Does seem rather far-fetched, doesn't it?

Still it was your machine that--

And stop calling it my machine!

I want that report buried forever.

I'll reprogram the computer myself.

Meantime, go tell the reporters that the, uh,

press release will be postponed...

Oh, never mind. I'll do it myself.

[indistinct chatter]

Uh, ladies and gentlemen, I have

a progress report for you on the robberies.

However, it is not the comprehensive,

computerized report we had hoped to have ready at this time.

[reporters clamoring]

Well, if you'll just be patient, you'll have--

Oh, patient, patient!

[indistinct chatter]

Gillis: Uh, perhaps the members of the press...

Well, it's a pretty long way to bring us just to tell us

there's no new information. What do you think?

Well, Mr. Gillis is running

the Brinkman Security Agency these days.

If he wants to reprogram the computer,

it's his business.

Reprogram the computer?

I can't say I blame him even.

Machines that come up with such far-flung conclusions,

you know, they should be reprogrammed.

Oh, you mean like the Hole in the Wall gang theory?

Oh, ma'am, [chuckles] I'm not allowed to say.

I-- I was ordered to throw the whole report away.

And it's just as well too.

It'll just kick up a big public ruckus.

Uh, Mr. Jenkins, just where would you be going

to throw that report away?

Hmm? Oh, uh,

out in the trash can in the back.

Oh, you'll excuse me, won't you? I better get to it.

[chuckles]

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

Hello, Geri. This is your old friend Sam.

Listen, uh... [line disconnects]

[knock on door]

Hello, Sam. I just stopped by to forgive you.

Oh, isn't this charming?

Early Flatbush Renaissance.

We're not working the same side of the street, remember?

But I conceded.

Look, I owe you one favor. I'm just here to repay it.

Well, I can live without it.

Now, Sam, I have here a report,

a report from the Brinkman Security Agency.

A report they tried to bury.

- That's none of my business. Samantha: But it is.

If it's the true story behind the robberies,

we can't allow them cover it up.

Sam, are you listening to me?

Don't seem to have much choice.

Well, according to this report,

there's a man right here in New York City.

He's sort of an amateur historian.

He's about 80 years old.

He lives in this old Brownstone on 41st Street.

He's lived there ever since he was born. [sniffs]

There's a bottle of aftershave lotion.

I think it's on the bureau there. Would you pass it to me?

Does the name Robert Leroy Parker

mean anything to you?

- Robert Leroy Parker? - Mm-hmm.

Well, anybody knows anything about the old West

knows that's the real name for Butch Cassidy.

- Congratulations. - What do I win?

Here.

Curiously enough,

this man has the same last name. Parker.

I don't know how good you are with history,

but according to the books, Etta Place...

She was Butch Cassidy's girlfriend.

Well, sort of girlfriend.

Anyway, she left Columbia

during the last days of Parker and Harry Longabaugh.

- He was the Sundance Kid. - Hmm.

Well, rumor has it that she was pregnant.

Huh? Don't you see?

It all fits into place?

She was carrying Butch Cassidy's son.

She came back here to New York, she had the baby,

and she lived with her son until the moment of her death.

[exhales]

[clears throat] Is that what that computer told you?

Sam, it all makes sense.

Now all you have to do is help me verify this information

and we can split this case right open, just the two of us.

[sighs] Just the two of us, huh?

Right.

Now I've been doing a little investigating on my own

and I found out that last Tuesday

Roy Parker disappeared from his brownstone.

The exact same time of the first robbery.

- It's pretty curious, isn't it? - Oh, yes.

There's a lot of things that are curious about this case.

For instance, what is it that you want with me?

Well, for a start, we gotta get into that Brownstone,

nose around, see what we can come up with.

What you're really sayin' is that you've already been over

to the Brownstone and you couldn't get in.

So now you think a policeman's badge is gonna help you.

Oh, Sam. You don't really believe that?

[chuckles] Oh, yes, I do.

But knowing how you operate, uh...

You scratch my back and I'll scratch yours, right?

Sam.

What's the matter? You've been crying?

No. Why?

Guess it's just your mascara.

Looks kind of like... [chuckles]

What?

What are you talking about?

What... Sam!

Sam, let me out of here!

[bangs on door] Sam!

Sam, you can't do this to me!

Sam! I thought we were friends!

[bangs on door] McCloud, I'll get you for this!

Hold on, lady. You, uh, gotta be announced.

I do?

I think so.

But I always go up unannounced.

Yeah, I know, but still, uh...

You see, we have a rule in the hotel here that, uh...

Well, you got to, uh, let the person know

that you're coming up.

Oh.

- I see. - Uh-huh.

- It's that way. - [chuckles] Yeah.

- Well, uh, I understand. - Hmm.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Hey, Geri.

What are you doing here? Where are you going?

Just goin' to leave?

I went for a walk and I decided to come

to apologize for hanging up on you.

Apparently, I, uh, almost embarrassed both of us.

Well, you should never be embarrassed, Geri,

to apologize. Never.

You know, I was just gonna swing by your place.

Oh, you mean you can just leave?

I mean, uh, under the circumstances?

What circumstances?

I don't know.

You mean you-- you can just go?

There's nothing to keep you here?

Nothing that I know of. Let's go.

[instrumental music]

217?

That's the only address my paper has on him.

According to the information I got, he was born, lives,

and will probably die in the same place.

Let's see.

R. Parker, downstairs in Room 1.

[dramatic music]

Well, you'd have told me

there was a place like this in New York City,

I would have sworn you'd been suckin' cider.

Sam... look at this.

"Tipton, Wyoming, August 29, 1900.

Second Section Train Number 3 held up by five masked men.

Brinkman National Security Company.

Six thousand five hundred dollars reward.

Robert Leroy Parker,

alias Butch Cassidy, George Cassidy,

known as a criminal principally in Wyoming,

Utah, Colorado and Nevada."

Sam, these newspapers and handbills

are the real thing.

Hmm.

Aren't you gonna say anything?

Seems more like a time for thinkin'.

Sam, no one is more cynical than a New Yorker,

but you've got to believe what you see.

[sighs] Well, seeing is in the eye of the beholder.

You see what you expect to see

or what you're programmed to see.

For instance, these clippings,

they're old, alright,

but look at the tape.

That tape's fresh out of the box.

That-- that couldn't be more than two weeks old.

Programmed?

Did I hear you use the word programmed?

McCloud: That's computer talk.

Something I picked up in New York.

Seems as though you can program people and machines

to think anything you want them to think.

Alright, McCloud, this is war.

Nobody locks me up inside their hotel room and gets away--

Now wait a minute. Now hold up. That's, uh...

There's no reason to kick up a fuss right-- right out here

in the middle of the street. [chuckles]

Well, you're certainly not gonna catch me inside

four walls again. What's she doing here?

Uh...

Why, I can see you two have a lot to talk about.

- Goodbye, Sam. - Now wait a minute.

Good luck. You, too, Sam.

Look, Geri, I can explain the facts, uh...

No? Geri!

"According to Marshal Sam McCloud,

New York City's newly appointed director

of special police posses,

an early arrest of the son of Butch Cassidy

and his Manhattan marauders is expected within 24 hours."

The son of Butch Cassidy! Broadhurst.

Chief, I don't know a thing about it.

Clifford: That's what they all said at Watergate.

Either one of you seen McCloud today?

[knock on door] Come in!

- Afternoon, chief. Grover. - Hi.

Joe. Beautiful day, isn't it?

Something wrong?

Apparently, you haven't seen Miss March's column.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I did see that. [chuckles]

Somebody's gonna have to speak to that young lady.

- I'd say somebody already has. - Well, that's just hearsay.

You don't see any-- any direct quotes in there? [chuckles]

Now, chief...

I think I got us a breakthrough.

Now don't try to change the subject, McCloud.

You couldn't get off the hook if you came in here

with your own obituary.

[chuckles]

You're gonna feel a whole lot better after you read this.

- Alright, I read it. - Well?

I feel worse.

Well, that's because you don't understand

the full significance of what this report says.

Why don't you enlighten me as to the full significance

of what that report says?

Right. This is a response

to the wirephoto of the rowel that I sent off to Denver.

Rowel?

That's the little jangley thing

that hangs off a pair of spurs.

McCloud: Right. - It's hopeless.

It's spreading through my whole department.

You see, uh, I sent the wirephoto

off to Denver for McCloud.

What wirephoto?

Well, the wirephoto of this rowel.

I found this on the train that was robbed.

Now we got a response from the Denver Museum,

and according to them,

one whole display room was robbed

of 1890 clothes, weapons, the whole works.

This was along about Christmastime.

Alright, we know the gang's been to Denver.

Just where does that take us?

Takes us one step closer than we were yesterday.

Forward or backward, McCloud?

I can't speak for the whole department, chief,

but I know which way I'm headin'.

Gillis: Hold 73581.

Mr. Gillis.

Marshal, you're not welcome here.

Well, that's too bad because you could be of some help

to the New York City Police Department.

And how's that?

Well, I understand this computer's wired

into police stations and security organizations

all over the United States.

- All over the world. - Right.

Well, what we need are the names

of private citizens and museums that have reported thefts

of antique firearms and/or Western clothing

in the past 12 months.

- Is that all? - Is that too much?

- How soon do you want it? - Tonight.

You can tell your Chief Clifford it will be ready.

- Good day. - Obliged.

Hello there.

I thought I saw you tucked away in here.

Nice seein' you again, Mr. Jenkins.

McCloud.

[dramatic music]

[telephone rings]

Hello?

We're gonna have to postpone the last one.

Uh, no way, pops. Now this is the big one.

The one that makes it all worthwhile.

I do the plannin'. I'll decide when we go.

We go tonight, pops.

Now the whole idea was we hit fast,

get out and never come back.

You wanna go to jail?

That's what will happen if we drag

this thing out. Now what's happened?

It's nothin' to get worked up about.

Just a country marshal nosin' around.

- The one in the papers? Jenkins: The same.

I say we waste him.

You say something like that again

and I'll put you out of business

just like I put you into business.

Marshal or no marshal, we're going tonight.

I say no!

Virgil: It's not at your hands, pops.

Anyway, this is the last one.

We won't be needin' you after this.

Listen, you... [line disconnects]

Mark? Virg.

[inhales] Listen, we got us a little added burden tonight.

[sighs] The old man's let that McCloud fella spook him.

[chuckles] Yeah. I was thinkin' the same thing.

I'll meet you there.

[doorbell buzzes]

- Who is it? Samantha: Uh, a former admirer.

Hello.

Come in.

Ah, it's not bad. Not bad at all.

Although I might have expected a pirate

to live in something a little bit more luxurious.

So that's what this is all about.

Mm-hmm. Tell me something.

Just where do you get off stealing my story?

The lovely Park Avenue columnist

who's never had to struggle for anything more vital

to her survival than a padded bra.

My dear Samantha.

- Mmm. - For your information--

Ah-ha, the day that I have to depend upon you

for my information is the day I throw in the towel.

Meanwhile, allow me to leave an impression

on that very carefully made-up face of yours.

Don't bother to show me out.

- No bother. - What?

[screaming]

[comical music]

You... [screams]

[screaming and grunting]

[crash]

[screaming and grunting]

[crash]

No!

[crash]

[crash]

Samantha: I'll get you for this.

[crash] That will cost you.

- Wanna bet? - You, you, you...

[indistinct shouting]

[knock on door]

- [gasps] - Ah, who is it?

Just me coming by to bring a peace offering.

[gasping]

I'll be a blue-eyed polecat.

Ah, you snake!

You! I'll get you!

Geri: Not the vase! Not...

[crash]

I'll just come back when you haven't got company, Geri.

I wish I would have clobbered him.

Look, if anybody's gonna be clobber him

around here, it's gonna be me.

- You? - I have the right!

You have the right?

He locked me in the bathroom!

He did what?

He locked me in the bathroom twice!

The first time he picked me up

like a sack of potatoes and dumped me,

and the second time, he used treachery and deceit.

How do you think you got your story?

- He did all that to you? - Yes.

How sweet.

Sweet?

Sweet?

I'll show you sweet! I'll show you sweet.

[instrumental music]

Here you are, marshal.

Every robbery involving antique firearms

which occurred anywhere within the territory

of United States for the past 12 months.

That's good. You don't mind if I sit down

and look it over, do you?

Mmm.

McCloud: There you are. There's some important

information missing here.

I guess that kind of puts the lid on the case.

You talking to me, marshal?

- I was hoping I'd be wrong. - About what?

About you being responsible for the robberies.

I kind of like you, Elroy.

I-- I guess I have a notion as to why you did it.

Is this when I'm supposed to break down and confess?

No, there's no need for that. It's all right here.

It's just a matter of simple deduction.

You-- you mean you-- you deduced

that I was guilty from that piece of paper?

This paper just seals your guilt.

You know, you left the one name off of this paper

that you shouldn't have.

That was the Denver Museum.

Pretty flimsy evidence.

Everybody makes mistakes, McCloud.

Specially computers.

Well, that's possible, yeah,

but you know you're from Denver, Elroy,

and I understand you took a trip home

around Christmastime.

Oh, now come on, McCloud,

if I was furnishing

inside information to those outlaws

about what to rob and where,

do you think I'd take that risk for eleven hundred lousy dollars

when this company trades in thousands of dollars,

and-- and even millions?

Well, that was the smartest thing you did.

You know, you had the entire New York Police Department

runnin' around spinnin' its wheels.

They never did get back your way

even when your boys hit the big money.

That fence you're a-building has a lot of loose boards.

Well, I can nail them down awful fast.

Matter of fact, I got enough evidence on you right now

to take you in.

[melancholic music]

You know, marshal,

there used to be a Brinkman office in Denver.

I helped build that office to the best one

in the whole organization.

And then one day, some young fella

comes in from New York City

and says there-- there ain't gonna be any more Denver office.

That we were in an era of computerized centralization.

That meant you go back and live in New York City

or you get fired.

And so I left Denver...

the mountains...

the clean air, and the nice folks...

and I came here to New York City.

But I knew that me

and the Brinkman Security organization

I'd given my whole life to

had come to a parting of the ways.

Man rides the same trail all of his life,

he...

he doesn't need to tell his horse which way to go

to get home at the end of the day.

He just kind of naturally goes in that direction.

Sounds to me like you're trying to get home to Colorado

before sundown.

Don't look like I'll make it after all.

However, maybe you could see your way clear to...

grant me a little favor.

If I can.

Well, don't let it end here in this room.

Let me go out of here with my head up...

past those damnable machines.

I'll go downtown with you.

You won't need no cuffs.

Sounds fair enough.

Hold it right there, marshal.

Now get in this van.

- Come on, move! - Come on, move.

Let's go.

Come on, move! [gunshot]

Come on!

[dramatic music]

[horses neighing]

Well, I sure wanna thank you for everything, Elroy.

Never could have done it without you.

Man's gonna bleed to death. He needs to get to a doctor.

Well, now, marshal, we've got other plans tonight.

Yes, sir, this is our last job.

Two and a half million dollars.

Enough to make an old man like me retire. [laughs]

Yes, sir.

[horses neighing]

Good luck to you now.

Come on before that truck blows.

[grunts]

[grunting]

Elroy.

Elroy, you think maybe you could loosen that knot?

- Yeah. - Take it easy.

Sorry I... made it so bad for you, Sam.

You gotta catch them.

You gotta catch... [coughs]

Where are they gonna pull this job? Where are they...

What was he talking about, two and a half million dollars?

[coughs] It's an armored car.

It comes in late every Friday

from Long Island.

It's big receipts from all the [coughs] shopping centers.

[siren blaring]

An armored car? Elroy, you can't stop

an armored car with a shotgun and a log.

That's all that matters.

It's surprise... [coughs]

What kind of a surprise?

Only way you can take an armored car--

What kind of a surprise?

You gotta put somethin'...

in-- in front of those boys

that's so [grunts] outlandish that...

so they'll put their guard down

for a [coughs] a split second.

[siren blaring]

What good's a second gonna do?

A second is a hesitation

and then-- then it's all over.

Hey, is that it? Try it.

[Jenkins grunts]

Where are they gonna...

pull this job, Elroy?

Jenkins: The bridge.

You don't have much time.

It's the bridge where they're gonna...

stop the armored car.

McCloud: What bridge are you talking about?

[siren blaring]

What bridge?

What bridge?

[indistinct chatter]

Help!

[clamoring]

Alright, Jim, now, look, I want you

to watch that number two hose...

Get some of those guys in there. Give him a hand with that.

Where's that bridge into town from Long Island?

- 59th Street. - I gotta use your car.

Get lost, will you? Hey, Jim, I told you--

I'm Marshal Sam McCloud.

I'm with the New York City Police Department.

- I'm officially commandeering-- - Hey, wait a minute, cowboy.

Who are you kiddin'? This here is an official vehicle. Nobody--

Now, well, this official badge, it says that I'm going to use

your car because this is a police emergency.

Police emergency? Who are you kiddin'?

[siren blaring]

[dramatic music]

[horses neighing]

[intense music]

[siren blaring]

[siren blaring]

[siren blaring]

[dramatic music]

Welcome to Manhattan.

Yeah. Whoopie! [chuckles]

What in the name of...

Hey, what's this, some kind of put on?

Last night on the news...

[indistinct chatter]

[explodes]

[siren blaring]

[sizzles]

[explosion]

Okay, let's move. We got a minute to get it off.

Now let's go.

[siren blaring]

Hold it! Hold it right there! [gunshot]

[gunshots]

Hey, I got his tire. Let's go!

[gunshots]

Virg, the truck. He's taken the truck.

Let's get out of here.

How are we gonna get off this bridge?

I don't know about you, fellas, but it's every man for himself.

[sirens blaring]

He's not going anywhere now. Boys, come on!

Oh, my leg!

Let's get out of here.

[groans] You broke my leg.

You try and move and you might just lose it.

Ha!

[intense music]

[gunshots]

[sirens blaring]

411, go ahead.

[telephone rings]

[groans]

Hello? Who's this?

Oh, hello, Mr. Harris.

No, I was just...

Well, no, I-- I really haven't been listening

to the police calls.

Uh, what?

They what? On the bridge?

Our bridge?

Oh, yes, sir. I'll be over there right away, sir.

I'm on-- I'm on my way.

[dramatic music]

You know what they say, [gunshot]

seeing is believing [gunshot]

and your idea [gunshot] just isn't real.

- [people screaming] Man 2: You can't have people...

[crash]

Bored and you gotta have

some kind of realism left.

[horses galloping]

As... as I was saying, Charlie,

we believe in realism...

[gasps]

[gunshot]

[dog barking]

[siren blaring]

[car screeches]

[dramatic music]

[indistinct chatter]

[gunshot]

[siren blaring]

[gunshot] Out of my way, boys!

Get out of my way.

[sirens blaring]

411, go ahead.

Man on radio: Chief, they just jumped over the roadblock.

You won't believe this, they're galloping past 59th.

Clifford: Tell me it isn't happening, Joe.

[dramatic music]

[gunshot]

[siren blaring]

[gunshots]

You're not going any place!

We got you in what they call a box canyon!

Get your hands up over your head and come on out of there!

Get him!

[reporters clamoring]

[indistinct police radio chatter]

McCloud: Let's go. Get them out!

You got one more chance!

[indistinct police radio chatter]

Get your hands up!

Higher!

Take him!

By the time you get back out on the streets...

these whiskers will be real.

Take him.

[indistinct police radio chatter]

Alright, alright, you guys.

Quiet now. I'll take care of it.

News boys are here, chief. They want a statement.

Broadhurst, give him a hand with those reporters.

McCloud...

you realize that you have broken

just about every city ordinance in the book.

Commandeering a fire vehicle,

galloping a horse through the city streets,

jumping said horse over a police barricade

endangering public property.

Do you realize what a professional job you've done?

Good work, McCloud.

Samantha: Uh, Sam.

Sam, I have to talk to you.

Sgt. Broadhurst is taking care of the press, Miss Johnson.

Now, Sam, after all we've been through together,

I expect a little more than this.

After all we've been through together, you're lucky

that I don't lock you in the trunk of this police car.

But, Sam, my job's hanging by a thread.

So is your life.

Samantha: Facts, Sam, that's all I'm interested in.

A few simple facts.

- Whoo! - Hey, hey, give me those keys.

Samantha: Unh-unh-unh-unh.

- Give me those keys. - Unh-unh-unh.

- Give me those keys. - Disguises.

- Why disguises? - No, you don't.

Come on, give me the keys. Keys, come on.

Wait, uh, uh... They wore the disguises

so nobody would recognize them. Their ages, their colorin'.

Now come on, give me the keys.

Then why did the Brinkman brain

come up with the Hole in the Wall gang?

Because with the kind of facts

that Elroy fed into that computer,

it was the only answer that it could come up with.

Now give me the keys.

But-- but what about the Brownstone

and the missing Roy Parker?

He was legitimate, Sam,

and everything in that Brownstone was real.

But the clippings were Elroy's.

- No! - I said...

They say he knew his friend Parker

was out of town for a couple of weeks

so he figured it was now or never.

And that's what it's gonna be with you

if you don't give me those keys.

Now or never!

Well, alright, I guess the interview's over.

Thanks a heap.

Thanks for the story, Sam. Muah.

Oh, and give my regards to Geri.

[instrumental music]

[doorbell buzzes]

- Who is it? McCloud: Three guesses.

H.R. Haldeman?

McCloud: [sighs] Come on, Geri, open up. I wanna talk to you.

Sam Ervin Jr.?

Jack the Ripper?

McCloud: Okay, alright, okay.

So, uh, you don't wanna see me now.

I can understand that. I'll come back later.

Goodnight, Geri.

Sam.

- McCloud! - Yes, ma'am.

Awfully sure of yourself, aren't you?

Whoo!

[chuckles]

We had a party.

Yeah, I know. I was here for part of it.

Alright, Sam, what's your explanation?

Explanation about what?

Young lady

locked in your hotel room?

[chuckles] Well, I don't have one.

I don't really need one because...

you know that I would rather spend five minutes with you...

than I would an hour in heaven. You know that?

Oh, Sam.

- Sam. - Hmm.

Do I smell perfume?

[chuckles]

[sighs] I don't wanna go through all that again.

[chuckles] Goodnight, Sam.

I-- I can explain the perfume.

- Did you kiss her? - What?

Yes or no? Did you kiss her?

No.

I mean, it wasn't what you'd call a, uh... [chuckles]

It wasn't, uh, that kind of a kiss.

It was just a, you know, a little, uh, peck

on the cheek out of gratitude is, uh...

That's all. Just a peck--

You mean like this?

[chuckles]

You put me on, didn't you, huh?

Okay, you got your pound of flesh.

I hope you're satisfied.

It will take more than that to satisfy me, marshal.

Hey, you know somethin'?

You New York women are corrupt.

Right down to the bone, you're corrupt.

Did you know that?

You did?

You know what my granddaddy used to say about corruption?

Hmm?

He used to say that if you can't make 'em,

then join 'em.

[theme music]