Original subtitles

Created by Freejack

Can you hurry up?

Hello? Hello, I'm using the restroom.

You've been in here for so

long, come on.

Just leave me, can I get

some fucking peace?

God, I need to use the

bathroom, I'm going to be late.

Can you guys stop fucking fighting?

I am on a phone with some clients.

What are you doing?

Are you serious?

I'm in the bathroom.

Okay, can you let her into

the bathroom or what's going on?

Can I get to eat some fucking peace?

Okay, can you just leave him

alone for a few minutes?

I already did, I had to come back.

Well, I'm sorry that the

bathroom upstairs is broken,

but like you can hold it for

another minute or two, come on.

He always does this.

Well, I'm trying to work and

you guys are in the

background fucking screaming.

Okay, so clearly this is not

a good situation, okay?

So, I really need you guys to stop.

You shouldn't take a car.

Okay, but you don't have to

be screaming at him while

he's in the bathroom either.

Well, I'm trying to work, okay?

Jesus.

Whatever.

I- Stop.

Yeah, why are you eating my food?

It's been in there for like forever.

I thought you were done with it.

When I asked you, are you hungry?

You should have said yes, I

got to order some food.

I was saving those.

You were- I thought you were

done with it.

If you're hungry, I just got

to order some food.

I wasn't hungry then.

Now I'm hungry and you didn't

finish it, so I was like,

okay, I'll just eat some.

Oh my gosh.

This is-

There's nothing else like made

in the fridge.

It was just a snack.

When I asked you when I'm

ordering food if you're

hungry, that was like, hey,

I'm going to get hungry.

How about I order some

fucking food instead of eating mine?

What is going on?

You were done with it.

What is going on?

Why did I just talk to you about-

Am I done with that?

This is my fucking food.

I thought- I thought you were done.

I thought you were fucking done.

Stop!

Stop!

What are you doing?

She's being fucking rude.

I asked if she- I'm eating.

I'm having a snack.

I don't- I don't get why

that's like so crazy.

It was in the fridge.

Let's talk to you guys about

healthy conflict resolution. I'm here.

I'm trying to work.

My clients are on the-

I can hear you screaming in

the background.

He started it!

Last time I saw, there's

still dishes in the sink.

When I want to get my

fucking food, you need to

quit eating my food.

I said that, oh, it's just

my food, and you don't want to eat it.

Neither of us can fucking eat it.

Good.

Nobody eats the fucking food.

How about that?

You are children.

Both of you.

I'm the child.

Okay.

This is-

Well, you shouldn't have eaten

his food.

He was done!

I'm not sleeping.

It's like-

This is a joke.

This is crazy.

Alright, we really, really,

really need to work on our

conflict resolution here.

Okay?

I don't want the two most

important people in my life

fighting like this.

While I'm supposed to be

having a peaceful day working.

This is not okay.

Look, when I married you, I

did not sign up to have some

crazy fucking step-daughter.

Well, when you married me,

you signed up to have a step-daughter.

Didn't know she was going to

act this fucking crazy. I'm crazy.

I'm crazy because I wanted to

eat something and then he

just like had a tantrum like

threw this everywhere.

I'm the one being a child?

Look-

Look, I'm the child!

Yeah!

You're the crazy one.

You're eating food that's not

yours after you denied

ordering food and you didn't even

heat them up.

Who the fuck eats cold french fries?

It's fucking disgusting.

They're soggy as fuck.

You're supposed to heat them up.

She could have heated them up.

Exactly! Fucking A!

But unfortunately, now nobody

gets any french fries because

you had a fucking tantrum and

then she had a fucking

tantrum and now I'm about to

have a fucking tantrum because this

woman-

You see what you did?

You made your mother upset.

What did I do?

What do you think what you did?

Start with a french fries?

I just wanted to fuck-

Go do my fucking meditation.

We need to all calm the fuck down.

This is ridiculous.

Okay?

Go meditate.

You know what?

I'll tell you what.

I'll do the dishes. It's okay.

You'll do the dishes?

Yeah, I'll do- they gotta get

done somehow.

Oh, that's the first.

Okay.

I'll do it. Thank you.

I'll order some food later.

Fucking joke.

Hey, sweetie.

Yeah?

I wanted to apologize for my

outburst earlier.

I get hangry and so I just

wanted to come in and say I'm sorry.

I just wasn't hungry when you

ordered food and you asked me.

You know, I just-

So, I just wanted to

apologize for my behavior in

the kitchen.

I wasn't called for.

I did yell a little bit too.

I'm sorry too. What else?

I don't know.

It's just-

I feel like I just like-

I do like a small little

thing and then you freak out

and then I get really mad and then

it's just this whole big

thing and it wasn't supposed to be.

Well, the thing is, is I

promise not to tell your mother.

I promise. I promise.

No, look at me.

Promise?

I promise.

Okay, then I'll pick you for me.

You guys?

Yes, I promise.

Okay.

So, I've been kind of hard

on you because I think you're

really cool and it's not a good thing.

So, I was trying to like- Like, cool?

What does that mean?

Like, I think you're really attractive.

What?

I'm-

You're with my mom.

Yeah, but you see that mean

she is to me all the time.

You've seen it too, right?

Maybe.

She's just-

She does it in a way that is like-

It's not-

It's not even like passive

aggressive but it's like almost.

Exactly.

I don't do passive aggressive.

It just-

Oh, it's-

It pushes me away and then

it's always this zen.

Let me go meditate.

Yeah, I don't get that either.

But, you know, you've always been-

It's really nice and I was like-

Okay, I was trying to be-

Trying to be mean so I could

like push you away but-

Well, and I-

I react like that because like-

I kind of see you the same

way so I just-

All the way-

You get really like mad at

me and then I'll just-

I'm like, oh my god.

Wait, so you're into me too?

I wasn't going to say anything.

She-

Hey, we peaky promise.

I'm with my mom so I just-

I didn't-

You know-

I was trying to be- Good.

Sorry I got so mad.

I'm sorry I got mad. It's progress.

I'm so happy to see you two

getting along.

I also feel so much more

calm now after my meditation.

And I'm happy that you guys

are working things out.

And we are working on our

conflict resolution in a very

healthy way.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some apologies and- Forgiveness.

Giving it to our inner zen.

Yeah.

Yeah. Very good.

Yes.

You know, you should do some

yoga with me sometime.

That would be so nice.

Yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

Yeah.

I don't think he'd be

interested in that. But, maybe.

Anyway, I'm really happy that

things are going well between you two.

And I'm thinking about going

to the farmer's market.

Is there anything you want,

honey, from the farmer's market?

Um, I think we're out of

goat's milk if you want to

get some- Yeah.

Goat's milk.

That sounds good.

Would you like something from

the farmer's market?

Strawberries or something? Surprise me.

Surprise you?

Yeah, surprise me.

Okay.

Great.

I'm going to head to the

farmer's market now.

Mwah!

Mwah!

And you guys continue to have

a very peaceful, lovely,

lovely afternoon.

Yeah.

I love this.

Read my book.

I love this.

I love this.

I love this.

I love this.

She's so weird.

Shhh.

Nothing more. Come on.

Isn't that a little for you? A little?

A bit. You know?

Dude, I told her to wash the dishes.

She didn't even get mad.

She's just like, um, I

would've slapped me if I was her.

I don't know.

I just, she's very calm.

I'll say that.

I don't know if she ever would do that.

I don't know if I'm about to ask that.

I suppose you're what?

Is she like, weird?

Like, it's just you too.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, tantric.

Let's let our souls emerge.

I was like, I don't know.

My soul hasn't left my body.

But you know, I learned a lesson.

Sometimes you just nod and smile.

Yeah.

Yeah, I do a lot of that. You do.

You do.

I guess I like, I don't know.

I got used to how odd she is.

It's different.

It's gotten worse. Has it?

Yeah.

Really?

She's more into it because

she's like, happier or

whatever with you around.

Yeah.

Is that happy?

Until we started arguing then.

Even when we were arguing, I

was like, she wasn't really that bad.

No.

Yeah.

It's nice not yelling. Should we?

Do you want to?

Hey, there might be cameras in here.

Do you want to go upstairs?

Yeah.

We can do that.

Yeah, do you?

Yeah.

Shut up. Let's go.

No cameras in here.

Yeah.

We got some paint.

You don't need that anyways.

Look at that. No panties.

We bad. We bad.

We bad.

I've been thinking about this

for so long.

That's a lot.

Trying to hold it back.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

No.

I love you.

I should invite you to join next time.