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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:02,839 >> LASSITER JENKINS, SENATOR 2 00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,636 FROM THE STATE OF TENNESSEE... 3 00:00:04,638 --> 00:00:06,308 FAMILY MAN... 4 00:00:06,307 --> 00:00:08,137 LEADER OF THE PRAY FOR OIL 5 00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:09,282 FAITH INITIATIVE... 6 00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:12,407 AND A SECRET PETER TWEETER. 7 00:00:12,413 --> 00:00:13,613 >> AH, THERE'S JUST NO REASON TO 8 00:00:13,614 --> 00:00:14,424 SEE ONE OF THOSE. 9 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:14,775 >> YEAH. 10 00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:15,852 MAN LIKES TO SHOW HIS JUNK. 11 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,419 NOW, WHAT I NEED IS AN EMISSARY 12 00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,819 TO GO FIND THE ESTEEMED SENATOR, 13 00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:21,861 PRESENT HIM WITH THESE 14 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,415 GLAMOUR SHOTS, AND PERSUADE HIM 15 00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:27,264 TO PUT ME ON THE NICKEL. 16 00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,501 HUH? 17 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,926 HEH. 18 00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,170 ALL RIGHT. 19 00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:31,865 SO WHO WANTS THIS ONE? 20 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:33,365 >> ME! ME! ME! ME! 21 00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,437 ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME! 22 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,166 ME! ME! ME! ME! 23 00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:36,940 I CALL IT! I CALLED IT! 24 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:38,267 >> CLAUDE, I THINK I SAW YOUR 25 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:38,942 HAND GO UP FIRST. 26 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,169 >> IT'S ALL FOR YOU, SATAN. 27 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:40,944 I WON'T LET YOU DOWN. 28 00:00:40,941 --> 00:00:41,611 >> WHOA. HEY. 29 00:00:41,609 --> 00:00:42,709 CLAUDE'S MY INTERN. 30 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:45,180 HE IS GREAT AND ALL, AND I 31 00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:47,179 APPRECIATE HIS ENERGY. 32 00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:49,821 BUT, I JUST FEEL THAT MY TALENTS 33 00:00:49,817 --> 00:00:51,617 ARE BEING WASTED JUST SITTING 34 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:53,849 HERE ON THIS RED-HOT IRON SPIKE. 35 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,624 >> ALL RIGHT, FINE. 36 00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:56,823 BOOK IT WITH TRAVEL. 37 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,294 >> YEAH! GARY! 38 00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,292 >> ALSO, UH, GARY, WHY DON'T 39 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:02,704 YOU GO AHEAD AND EAT THESE, TOO. 40 00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:03,296 >> OH, OKAY. 41 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,227 DOES THIS HAVE ANYTHING TO 42 00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:04,832 DO WITH THE MISSION? 43 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:05,872 >> WHAT? NO, THAT'S JUST FOR MY 44 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:06,466 AMUSEMENT. 45 00:01:06,467 --> 00:01:06,827 BON APPรฉTIT. 46 00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:08,304 GOOD MEETING, EVERYBODY. 47 00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:12,739 >> SENATOR JENKINS' OFFICE. 48 00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:13,910 >> [ High-pitched ] YES, HI. 49 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,307 I AM A REGISTERED VOTER, AND I 50 00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,379 WAS CALLING TO SPEAK WITH 51 00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:16,977 SENATOR JENKINS. 52 00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,477 >> THE SENATOR'S NOT HERE RIGHT 53 00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:18,709 NOW. 54 00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:19,552 HE'S ON VACATION. 55 00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:20,647 >> OH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 56 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:21,878 [ Normal voice ] BUT, I DO NOW! 57 00:01:21,882 --> 00:01:22,522 THANK YOU! 58 00:01:22,516 --> 00:01:25,916 BOO-YAH! 59 00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,889 OH, SHOOT. 60 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,689 [ HIGH-PITCHED MUMBLING ] 61 00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:31,531 ALL RIGHT. I GOT IT. 62 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:33,525 [ DIALING ] 63 00:01:33,527 --> 00:01:34,597 [ RINGING ] 64 00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,995 >> SENATOR JENKINS' OFFICE. 65 00:01:35,996 --> 00:01:37,426 >> [ High-pitched ] HI. 66 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:38,931 YES, THIS IS THE -- THIS IS THE 67 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,532 VOTER FROM BEFORE, AND I WAS 68 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,004 CALLING TO SEE IF YOU HAD A, 69 00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:43,602 UH, OH, NO, AN EXACT LOCATION 70 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:44,914 OR A PHONE NUMBER FOR THE 71 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:45,565 SENATOR. 72 00:01:45,573 --> 00:01:51,513 >> NO, I CANNOT GIVE YOU THAT. 73 00:01:51,512 --> 00:01:52,512 >> [ GRUNTS ] 74 00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:53,283 >> OKAY? 75 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,851 >> OKAY, THANK YOU. GOODBYE. 76 00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,778 >> HE'S IN THE SMOKY MOUNTAINS. 77 00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:58,554 >> [ Normal voice ] OH, HEY. 78 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,452 >> I REALLY THOUGHT, UH, I WAS 79 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,364 GONNA GET TO DO THIS ONE, SO I 80 00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,016 HIGHLIGHTED HIS HIKING ROUTE. 81 00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:06,564 >> THANK YOU FOR THIS. 82 00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,700 YOU WANT A BRIQUETTE? 83 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,358 [ WOMAN SINGING IN FRENCH ] 84 00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:24,382 >> [ Echoing ] HELP! 85 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:25,648 >> HELLO? 86 00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,576 >> DOWN HERE! 87 00:02:26,580 --> 00:02:28,450 HEY, MAN, HELP! HERE I AM! 88 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,549 HEY, HEY, HEY! 89 00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:29,950 HELP! 90 00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:31,750 >> DON'T YOU WORRY, ALL RIGHT? 91 00:02:31,752 --> 00:02:33,822 I'LL BE DOWN IN A JIFF. 92 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:36,061 [ GRUNTS ] 93 00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,586 AAH! AAH! 94 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,392 [ GRUNTING ] 95 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,664 OW! 96 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:43,733 OOH. 97 00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:44,731 OOH! 98 00:02:44,732 --> 00:02:46,572 >> YEAH, THAT ROOT WAS SLIPPERY, 99 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:46,897 HUH? 100 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:47,640 >> YEAH. 101 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:49,565 IS THERE ANY CHANCE THAT YOU ARE 102 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:50,840 UNITED STATES SENATOR 103 00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:53,338 LASSITER JENKINS? 104 00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:54,741 >> NO. 105 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:55,842 >> CAN I HAVE SOME OF THIS? 106 00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:56,913 >> OH, NO. THAT'S URINE. 107 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,080 I'VE BEEN PISSING IN THAT FOR 108 00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:58,678 TWO DAYS. 109 00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,579 >> HOLD THAT THOUGHT. 110 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,410 HOLD THAT THOUGHT. 111 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:00,784 [ DIALING ] 112 00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:01,351 >> YELLO? 113 00:03:01,349 --> 00:03:02,579 >> CLAUDE, THANK GOD! THANK GOD. 114 00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:03,623 DON'T TELL SATAN THIS, BUT I 115 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,587 AM TRAPPED IN A RAVINE. 116 00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:05,015 >> HEY, GAR! 117 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,088 >> I DON'T KNOW WHERE I AM! 118 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,086 ALL RIGHT, I'M BLEEDING. 119 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:07,787 >> YEAH, MAN. 120 00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:08,918 I CAN HARDLY HEAR YOU, BUT IT 121 00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,022 SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE HAVING A 122 00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:10,793 GREAT TIME, BRO. 123 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:11,931 WHY DON'T YOU GIVE ME A CALL 124 00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,085 BACK TOMORROW WHEN I'M BACK IN 125 00:03:13,093 --> 00:03:13,693 THE OFFICE? 126 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,804 >> THIS IS YOUR OFFICE LINE, 127 00:03:14,795 --> 00:03:15,325 CLAUDE. 128 00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:15,999 >> RIGHT, WHATEVER. 129 00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,496 >> CLAUDE! 130 00:03:17,498 --> 00:03:18,328 >> DICK. 131 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,872 [ DIAL TONE ] 132 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,467 >> OKAY, BUDDY. 133 00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:23,039 [ LAUGHS ] 134 00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:24,436 YOU TOO, MAN. 135 00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:25,508 ALL RIGHT. 136 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,606 CHECK YOU ON THE FLIP. 137 00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,938 OHH, DO YOU HAVE ANY ASPIRIN? 138 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:37,115 >> MY BOSS IS A TOTAL DICKHEAD. 139 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:37,987 >> YEAH. 140 00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:40,545 MY BOSS IS THE LIVING EMBODIMENT 141 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:41,394 OF ALL EVIL. 142 00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:42,459 >> YEAH, MINE TOO. 143 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,786 HE'S ALWAYS LOOKING FOR A 144 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,461 WAY TO TEAR ME A NEW ASSHOLE, 145 00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:45,959 LITERALLY. 146 00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:46,959 >> YEAH, MINE TOO! 147 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,130 LIKE, LITERALLY TEARS ME A 148 00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:48,898 NEW ASSHOLE. 149 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:49,896 >> YEAH, LITERALLY! 150 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,027 MINE LITERALLY, TOO. 151 00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,631 >> MINE LITERALLY TORE ME A NEW 152 00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:53,033 ASSHOLE. 153 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,373 IT'S IN MY ARMPIT. 154 00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:55,138 WHERE'S YOURS? 155 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,795 I WOULD SHOW YOU MINE, BUT 156 00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:58,544 IT'S GOT THE RUNS RIGHT NOW. 157 00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:00,139 >> OH, MINE'S NOT LIKE 158 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:01,070 LITERALLY. 159 00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,484 >> YEAH, I MEAN LIKE LITERALLY. 160 00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:03,877 >> OKAY. 161 00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:04,647 >> YEAH, YEAH. 162 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:05,905 >> A LOT OF PEOPLE MISUSE THAT 163 00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,153 WORD. 164 00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,818 [ TAPPING ] 165 00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:11,988 >> HOW'S YOUR SPEAR COMING 166 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:12,515 ALONG? 167 00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:13,820 BETTER BE SHARP BECAUSE WHEN 168 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,161 THAT SQUIRREL COMES BY, I THINK 169 00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,655 WE'RE ONLY GONNA GET ONE MORE 170 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:17,387 SHOT AT HIM. 171 00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:17,861 >> MM-HMM. 172 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:18,488 >> YEAH. 173 00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:20,032 HE REALLY WANTS TO LIVE. 174 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,727 BUT ON THAT NOTE, YOU'RE LEG IS 175 00:04:21,729 --> 00:04:23,829 NOT LOOKING GOOD, SO I THINK WE 176 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:25,031 COULD TUCK INTO THAT PRETTY 177 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:25,902 SOON. 178 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:26,869 >> NO, MAN. 179 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,667 WE'RE NOT EATING MY LEG. 180 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,769 >> ARE YOU CHEWING SOMETHING? 181 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:30,840 THERE'S A GRANOLA WRAPPER! 182 00:04:30,838 --> 00:04:31,938 WHAT DO YOU GOT IN THAT BAG? 183 00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:32,509 >> HEY! 184 00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:33,766 >> WHAT DO YOU GOT IN THAT BAG? 185 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:34,114 >> HEY! 186 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,177 THAT -- THAT'S PRIVATE! 187 00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:36,505 >> YEAH?! WELL, FINE! 188 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:36,780 FINE! 189 00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,707 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT? 190 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:38,851 'CAUSE IF I WANT FOOD, I CAN 191 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,076 JUST GO OUT AND I CAN HUNT WITH 192 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:40,880 THESE TWO GUYS. 193 00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,051 I DON'T EVEN NEED THIS KNIFE. 194 00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:44,419 JUST -- [ SCREAMS ] 195 00:04:44,418 --> 00:04:47,788 GAAAAAH! 196 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:48,888 >> DON'T DO THAT. 197 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,519 HEY, I GOT A LOT OF YOGURT 198 00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:52,194 RAISINS, AND YOU CAN HAVE ONE. 199 00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,592 >> YOU KNOW WHAT? NO. 200 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:54,804 I'M GONNA EAT THESE BERRIES. 201 00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,025 >> NO, NO, NO. DON'T EAT THAT. 202 00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,199 THOSE ARE POISONOUS, MAN. 203 00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:57,867 >> NICE TRY. 204 00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:58,965 THESE ARE MINE. 205 00:04:58,966 --> 00:04:59,566 MMM. 206 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,467 IF YOU WANT SOME, GO GET YOUR 207 00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:02,469 OWN. 208 00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,810 [ GRUNTING ] 209 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,705 >> OH! 210 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,537 ARE YOU OKAY? 211 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:09,882 >> I'M FINE. 212 00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,547 [ GRUNTS ] 213 00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,205 DO YOU HAVE ANY PEPTO IN YOUR 214 00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:14,113 BAG? 215 00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,824 >> NO, MAN. 216 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,216 WHAT THE HELL DO YOU HAVE IN 217 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:17,887 YOUR BAG? 218 00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,145 IT'S FILLED WITH CRAP. 219 00:05:19,152 --> 00:05:20,952 YOU HAVE BOTTLE ROCKETS?! 220 00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,094 >> YEAH, I WAS SAVING THEM FOR 221 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:22,719 THE FOURTH. 222 00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:23,793 >> THEY'RE WET OR SOMETHING. 223 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:24,891 WE GOTTA USE YOUR HORN, MAN. 224 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:25,732 >> USE YOUR HORN. 225 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:26,726 THAT'S GONNA HURT ME. 226 00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:27,727 >> I DON'T HAVE A HORN. 227 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,498 >> [ GRUNTS ] 228 00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,672 >> NO! 229 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:41,908 [ BOTTLE ROCKET WHISTLES ] 230 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,779 >> LET'S MEET AGAIN, BROTHER. 231 00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:45,577 THIS VERY SAME SPOT A YEAR FROM 232 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:45,909 NOW. 233 00:05:45,913 --> 00:05:47,253 >> LET'S DO IT ON TOP OF THE 234 00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,247 RAVINE NEXT TIME. 235 00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:49,078 >> YEAH. 236 00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:52,252 >> [ LAUGHS ] 237 00:05:52,252 --> 00:05:54,252 >> YEAH. 238 00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,864 >> BUT, YOU REMEMBER WHAT I 239 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:56,256 SAID. 240 00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:57,756 TAKE LIFE BY THE HORNS. 241 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,128 >> I DON'T REMEMBER YOU SAYING 242 00:05:59,126 --> 00:06:00,686 ANYTHING LIKE THAT, GARY, BUT 243 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:03,534 YOU, TOO, MAN. 244 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:04,501 >> THAT GUY... 245 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:05,668 MY...HORN. 246 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,596 MY HORN! 247 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,540 YOU'VE GOT MY HORN! GUYS! 248 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,980 >> OH, GARY, YOU WERE GONE A 249 00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:15,775 WHILE. 250 00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:18,676 WE WERE, UH, GETTING WORRIED. 251 00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:19,949 WHAT'S UP WITH YOUR LEG? 252 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,777 >> OH, IT'S FINE! I JUST... 253 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:23,052 JUST KINDA TWISTED IT. 254 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:23,950 >> OH, OKAY. 255 00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,651 UH, SO... 256 00:06:25,653 --> 00:06:26,823 HOW WAS THE SENATOR? 257 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:27,790 >> HE'S GOOD... 258 00:06:27,788 --> 00:06:28,788 HE'S -- HE'S GOOD. 259 00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:29,559 >> AH, GREAT. 260 00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:30,787 SO, YOU SEE, YOU FOUND HIM 261 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,061 OUT THERE IN THE WOODS, HUH? 262 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,029 >> OH, MOST CERTAINLY. 263 00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,296 BECAUSE PHOTOS... 264 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:36,955 DON'T LIE. 265 00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:38,634 >> WOW. 266 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:39,232 THIS IS GREAT. 267 00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:40,572 WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO 268 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,798 JENKINS, DID HE MENTION JUST 269 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,042 HAVING, LIKE, UH, LIKE, UH, 270 00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:44,296 I DON'T KNOW, AN IDENTICAL TWIN 271 00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:45,744 OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT? 272 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:46,569 NO? NOTHING? 273 00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:47,584 A DOPPELGANGER? NO? 274 00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:48,975 THAT'S WEIRD BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, 275 00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:50,306 WHILE YOU WERE JERKING OFF IN 276 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:53,650 THE WOODS, CLAUDE WAS, UH, VERY 277 00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:56,247 ACTIVELY BUSY FINDING THE REAL 278 00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,319 SENATOR JENKINS IN THIS HOTEL 279 00:06:58,318 --> 00:06:59,148 ROOM. 280 00:06:59,152 --> 00:06:59,922 >> YEAH, SATAN. 281 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,150 UH, SOMETHING JUST DIDN'T SIT 282 00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:02,564 RIGHT ABOUT THE WHOLE "HIKING" 283 00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:02,856 THING. 284 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:03,816 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 285 00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:06,164 >> GARY, YOU HAVE LIED TO ME FOR 286 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,559 THE LAST TIME. 287 00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,901 I AM DEMOTING YOU TO COAL 288 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,827 SHOVELING... 289 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:13,932 FOREVER! 290 00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,274 >> [ COUGHS ] 291 00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,268 ALL THE COAL IN THE HOLE. 292 00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,440 [ RUSTLING ] 293 00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,846 MORE? 294 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:25,845 SERIOUSLY? 295 00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:26,676 COME ON! 296 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,020 COME ON, GUYS. 297 00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,675 >> YOU KNOW ALL THIS COAL WE'RE 298 00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:30,183 SHOVELING? 299 00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,023 >> YEAH. 300 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:35,089 >> I CARVED AN "X" ON A PIECE OF 301 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:36,188 COAL. 302 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:38,029 I PUT IT IN THERE, AND IT JUST 303 00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:39,685 CAME OUT AND FELL IN FRONT OF 304 00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:40,033 US. 305 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,257 >> NO, NO, NO, NO, THEN THAT 306 00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:42,861 WOULD MEAN THAT THIS WHOLE THING 307 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:43,863 IS A WASTE OF TIME. 308 00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:46,074 >> GARY! 309 00:07:46,066 --> 00:07:47,636 >> THAT'S YOU! 310 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,365 THEY'RE CALLING YOU. 311 00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:50,769 >> [ LAUGHS ] 312 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,211 I KNEW THIS WOULDN'T LAST 313 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:53,235 FOREVER! 314 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:54,810 >> HEY, GARY. 315 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:57,278 LONG TIME, HUH? 316 00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:58,877 LOOK WHAT I GOT HERE. 317 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,379 IT'S A BOOK. 318 00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,821 AND LOOK WHO WROTE IT. 319 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,046 >> THE BUDDY OF YOURS FROM THE 320 00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:05,221 RAVINE? 321 00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:07,048 >> "TAKE LIFE BY THE HORNS: 322 00:08:07,054 --> 00:08:08,624 HOW A DEMON TAUGHT ME TO 323 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,962 RAISE HELL WITHOUT GOING 324 00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:10,387 THERE." 325 00:08:10,390 --> 00:08:11,630 >> IT'S GOT THE SECRET HELL 326 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:12,055 HANDSHAKE. 327 00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,229 IT'S GOT THE FINGER LIGHTENING. 328 00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,226 IT'S GOT EVERYTHING, GARY. 329 00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,127 >> BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 330 00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:16,398 "MINIONS, BEHIND HIS BACK, HAVE 331 00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,326 BEEN KNOWN TO CALL HIM 332 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,970 BEELZLEBOOBS." 333 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:19,826 >> [ LAUGHS ] 334 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:20,803 >> YOU'RE LAUGHING? 335 00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:22,741 >> I NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE. 336 00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:24,766 NO ONE'S GONNA READ THIS STUPID 337 00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:25,242 BOOK. 338 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,238 >> IT'S A BEST-SELLER. 339 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,339 PEOPLE ARE READING IT ON THE 340 00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:27,910 BEACH. 341 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,078 >> YEAH. HE'S DOING SEMINARS. 342 00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:29,976 "DO IT THE GARY WAY". 343 00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:31,777 >> EVERYONE'S REAL INSPIRED BY 344 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:32,779 THIS GUY, GARY. 345 00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:36,920 I WANT YOU TO UNINSPIRE THEM. 346 00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:37,587 [ GUN COCKS ] 347 00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,315 >> ALEX! 348 00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,849 >> GARY! 349 00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,364 [ CHUCKLES ] 350 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,185 IN THE FLESH! 351 00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,830 TO WHAT DO I OWE THE PLEASURE? 352 00:08:44,825 --> 00:08:45,585 COME ON IN, MAN. 353 00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:46,593 >> WHAT'S UP, MAN? 354 00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:47,964 >> YEAH, MAN, I WANT TO 355 00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:49,431 INTRODUCE YOU TO MY PUBLISHER. 356 00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:52,099 HE SAYS YOUR A HALLUCINATION. 357 00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,969 [ BOTH LAUGH ] 358 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:55,437 >> YEAH, I BET. 359 00:08:55,435 --> 00:08:55,995 >> YEAH! 360 00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:57,543 >> [ LAUGHS ] 361 00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,537 HEY, UM... 362 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,439 WHAT IF I KILL YOU AND I MAKE IT 363 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:07,012 LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE? 364 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,284 >> NO. NO. 365 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,152 THAT'S NOT THE GARY WAY, MAN. 366 00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,291 >> I'M GARY, ASSHOLE! 367 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:13,885 YOU HAVE MY HORN, AND YOU TOLD 368 00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,187 PEOPLE THAT I CRIED AT THE 369 00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:16,618 BOTTOM OF THE RAVINE. 370 00:09:16,624 --> 00:09:18,364 >> GARY, MY EDITOR SAID THAT 371 00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:20,228 MAKES YOU MORE SYMPATHETIC, SO 372 00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,357 IT REALLY WORKED. 373 00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,161 >> [ MOANS ] 374 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,303 WHERE'S YOUR CAN? 375 00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:26,027 >> IF YOU GOTTA DROP ANCHOR, 376 00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:27,073 MAN, HALF BATH. 377 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,997 >> MAN, THIS PLACE IS CRAZY BIG. 378 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,242 >> COURTESY FLUSH, TOO? 379 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:32,968 >> SATAN JUST HAD A COUPLE OF 380 00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,543 NOTES ABOUT A SECOND REVISION 381 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,041 BEFORE YOU GO IN THERE. 382 00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:38,053 HE REALLY WOULD LIKE YOU TO 383 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:40,145 MENTION WHAT A BADASS HE IS. 384 00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:41,507 AND ALSO, COULD YOU PUT 385 00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,484 SOMETHING IN THERE ABOUT HOW CUT 386 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,223 HE IS? 387 00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,317 HE'S JUST GOT WATERFALL ABS. 388 00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,389 >> LET ME SHOW YOU THE COOL WAY 389 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:50,217 TO MASTURBATE, HOLLYWOOD-STYLE. 390 00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:51,363 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 391 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:53,158 EVERYBODY IS DOING THIS. 392 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,430 >> AND ONE LITTLE LAST NOTE: 393 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,997 YOU COULD TAKE YOUR ORIGINAL 394 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,496 MANUSCRIPT AND EVERY SINGLE COPY 395 00:09:57,497 --> 00:09:58,667 OF THE BOOK AND BURN IT. 396 00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,026 I'M JUST REALLY GLAD YOU'RE OPEN 397 00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,203 TO TAKING NOTES 'CAUSE A LOT OF 398 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,241 PEOPLE ARE REALLY SENSITIVE 399 00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,335 ABOUT -- 400 00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:03,996 CLAUDE? 401 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,374 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, MAN? 402 00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:06,512 >> WHAT YOU COULDN'T. 403 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,276 [ BELT SNAPS ] 404 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,206 >> [ GRUNTS ] 405 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,954 >> HEY, ARE YOU SHOVELING THE 406 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,689 GARY WAY? 407 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:20,385 SHOVEL THE GARY WAY! 408 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:21,217 [ LAUGHS ] 409 00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,021 >> [ LAUGHS ] 410 00:10:22,022 --> 00:10:22,962 YEAH, THAT IS FUNNY. 411 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,516 [ LAUGHS ] 412 00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:26,134 >> HEY, GARY, EDDIE, HOW ARE 413 00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:26,456 YOU? 414 00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,359 >> HI. 415 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,360 >> YOU REMEMBER ALEX, DON'T YOU? 416 00:10:29,362 --> 00:10:31,232 >> HEY, MAN! WHAT'S UP? 417 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,971 WHAT YOU DOING? 418 00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,936 >> I'M BEING PUT IN HELL. 419 00:10:34,935 --> 00:10:35,965 HEY, I WAS TOLD I'M SUPPOSED 420 00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,039 TO SHOVE THIS UP YOUR ASS OR 421 00:10:37,037 --> 00:10:38,137 YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SHOVE IT UP 422 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,408 MINE OR SOMETHING. 423 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,207 >> YOU FIRST. 424 00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:42,108 >> I TELL YOU WHAT. 425 00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:43,079 WHY DON'T WE FLIP A COIN? 426 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:45,306 GARY, YOU CALL. 427 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:46,552 >> TAILS. 428 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:47,446 OH, WOW, IS THAT NEW? 429 00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:48,477 IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD. 430 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,251 >> CAME OUT NICE. 431 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,379 >> I CAN'T BELIEVE WE GOT ALL 432 00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:51,223 THE DETAIL ON THAT. 433 00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:52,118 THAT'S PRETTY AMAZING. 434 00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:52,719 >> FRANKLIN MINT. 435 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:53,490 UH, THAT'S HEADS. 436 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,546 SO WHY DON'T YOU BEND OVER? 437 00:10:54,554 --> 00:10:55,564 I GOT TO HEAD BACK TO THE 438 00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:56,085 OFFICE. 439 00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:56,989 GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS. 440 00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,560 >> OKAY. YEAH. 441 00:10:58,558 --> 00:10:59,728 COOL BEANS. 442 00:10:59,727 --> 00:11:00,727 >> UM, ARE YOU GONNA PULL DOWN 443 00:11:00,728 --> 00:11:01,958 YOUR PANTS OR DO I STICK IT -- 444 00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:03,062 >> NO, YOU CAN PUSH IT THROUGH. 445 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:04,103 I DON'T CARE ABOUT THESE PANTS. 446 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,127 >> AM I JUST SUPPOSED TO SHOVE 447 00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:05,402 IT? 448 00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:06,468 >> OH, YEAH, JUST SHOVE IT RIGHT 449 00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:07,066 IN THERE. 450 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:07,967 >> IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT'S 451 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:08,398 GONNA FIT. 452 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,501 >> OH, YEAH. IT NEVER DOES. 453 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,072 >> OKAY. 454 00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:11,070 >> ARE YOU DOING IT THE 455 00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:12,211 GARY WAY? 27157

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