All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 04x15 - Valentines Day

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you for being
a friend" ♪

What did you get?

I'm not sure.
I think it's coconut.

It's white on the inside but there's
a red ring around the outside.

Oh, that's my lipstick.
I don't like coconut.

That's disgusting!

That piece of chocolate was in your
mouth and I just put it in mine.

Big deal. We took a bite out of the same
piece of chocolate. Call C. Everett Koop.

I only breast-fed you for two years of your life.
You wanna talk disgusting?

That's disgusting.
All right. Enough already.

Don't take it out on me because your
date dumped you on Valentine's Day.

Edgar did not dump me.

He and his lawyer were called
out of town on urgent business.

Oh, please. The man sells
birdbaths for a living.

What happened - a sparrow
slipped and is suing him?

I can't believe it.

Raymond called.
He's got the flu

and he can't take me to
the big Valentine's Day dance.

I guess I'll be keeping you
company, Dorothy.

Why do you automatically assume
that I don't have a date?

She assumes there are
seven days in a week.

Have a chocolate, Ma.

The doctor didn't know
what he was talking about

when he said they were
bad for you.

Well, have you ever seen anything more
devastatingly beautiful in all your life?

Gosh, let's see.
Um...

That was a rhetorical
question, Rose.

When are your dates
picking you two up?

We don't have any dates,
Blanche.

No dates? On Valentine's Day?
Oh, you poor things.

Oh, I feel awful for you.

Well, the important thing is to keep
your spirits up and don't get upset.

Oh.
(phone rings)

Hello. Oh, hello, Steve.
I'm all ready to go...

What are you talking about?
I spent all day getting ready.

Oh, I could just scratch
your eyes out.

I hate you, I hate you,
I hate you. Drop dead.

What's wrong?
Nothing.

Well, don't wait up.
I'll, uh... Good night.

Blanche. Steve called and
canceled your date, didn't he?

Yes. How did you
know that, Dorothy?

I'm clairvoyant, Rose.

You're so lucky. I get into
a pool, I sink like a stone.

But how did you know
about Blanche?

I cannot believe this.

Stuck here on Valentine's Day
with the three of you.

Oh, this is the worst day
of my life.

Quit complaining. There are worse things that
can happen to you on Valentine's Day. I know.

Was there ever a Valentine's Day
when you didn't have a date?

Please. Until I was 80 I was combing
geezers out of my blue rinse.

I'm talking about something
that happened a long time ago.

My Sal and I were driving my
father cross-country to a wedding

when we had some car trouble.

Of course, Sal and Papa
never got along anyway,

so there was trouble
even before we left Brooklyn.

But once we hit Chicago, the car
started making a strange noise.

What are you looking at?

You don't have to pretend
you know about cars.

You wanna impress me, learn to eat
with a fork instead of a bread crust.

If you ask me, he ran out of gas.
Nobody asked you.

Was I talking to you?
I'm talking to my daughter.

To me, you don't exist.

Then who's driving you to your
niece's wedding in California?

You're upsetting Papa. Please find a mechanic.
It's freezing in here.

Of course it's
freezing in here.

Mr. Ziti-for-Brains
decides to take a shortcut

through Chicago
in the dead of winter.

Pop, he didn't plan it that way.
He lost the map.

He didn't know where
he was going.

I could've told him
where he was going.

I told you where he was
going the first time I met him.

Nowhere.
That's where he was going.

You married a bum.

Excuse me. We're having
a problem with the car.

I'm sorry, I'm starting
my lunch break.

When I get back, I got
three jobs ahead of yous.

Beautiful. Just what
I always dreamed about -

spending the winter in Chicago.

And, of course,
the volcano season in Pompeii.

Look, uh, here's two bucks.

Would you lend me your tools
while you're gone?

Help yourself, buddy.
Yeah.

When you want a beer you ask me
which end of the opener to use.

What the hell are you
gonna do with his tools?

Relax. I'll have us out of
here in no time.

The same words he used when he moved you into
that crummy cold-water flat 12 years ago.

Papa, he's trying his best.

And that doesn't scare you?

You're not being fair.
You've never really given Salvadore a chance.

You know, I don't understand
what you see in this man.

It's not something I can explain.
Everything you say about him is true.

Lord knows, he's not
terribly bright.

He's not terribly good-looking
and not much of a provider.

But I love him anyway.
I don't know why.

It's... the little things.
You know what I mean?

I gotta take a leak.

Can you find the bathroom?
If not, I'll find a wall.

Sal, you having
any luck under there?

To be perfectly honest, no.

No? You botchagaloop.
Can't you do anything right?

I'm cold. I'm tired.
I'm hungry.

You're hungry?

Here.
What's this?

Today's Thursday.
Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day is...

Wait. We left Brooklyn
the 11th, so this...

Sal.

You planned this three days ago
before we left Brooklyn.

Yeah. I hid it under the seat
when I was loading the suitcases.

Happy Valentine's Day, Sophia.

I think this is what I was
trying to explain to Papa.

Come here, you big lug.

(gunfire)

OK, I'm ready. Let's go.
Papa, what was that noise?

My guess is machine guns.

What? I'm in the back
looking for the john, OK?

I see a bunch of guys
lined up facing the wall,

so I figure
the toilet is broken,

so I'm gonna wait in place
behind one of these guys.

Suddenly, someone's
yelling to me,

"Get outta there.
You don't belong here."

I say, "Wait a minute.

I've peed against better walls
than this in my time,"

when I see he's holding
a machine gun.

So I decide to take
his advice. I move.

Rat-a-tat-tat, everybody's falling
- like flies on your Aunt Regine.

You're letting your imagination
run wild, Papa.

This is Chicago, not Sicily.

You're just a little
homesick, that's all.

(gunfire)

I saw another garage
a couple of blocks away.

The car's not running.
Hey, who cares? I am.

Ma, that never happened.

You were not at the
St. Valentine's Day massacre.

I didn't say I was at the St.
Valentine's Day massacre.

I said I was at
a St. Valentine's Day massacre.

It was Chicago, and in those days
Chicago stood for two things.

What were they? How the hell should I know?
What am I, Studs Terkel?

I forgot.

Well, let's not just sit around
wasting time eating chocolates.

Let's do something
constructive.

You wanna eat some ice cream?
Mm, that's not a bad idea.

OK, Rose, go get it.
I'm too weak from disappointment.

I'm disappointed, too.

So what?
Dorothy, make her get it.

Get it, Rose.

Why are you two being
so mean to me?

Because we're in bad moods.

And because we remember what you
did to us last Valentine's Day.

You promised you'd never
bring that up again.

What happened?

You don't remember what happened
last Valentine's Day?

Please. I'm 82.

Be thankful I remember not to wear
my underwear outside of my dress.

Most of the time.
Tell your story.

Last St. Valentine's Day
the three of us

thought it might be fun
to go away for the weekend.

So we went away to this cute
little woodsy mountain retreat.

Well, when we got there
were we in for a surprise.

Isn't this lodge great?
Oh, boy, it sure is.

It's just so beautiful up here.

The fresh air,
the wide open spaces...

You know, being in the mountains
always puts me in a romantic mood.

Dorothy, did you ever make love
on top of a mountain?

No. The closest I ever came was making
love of top of a fat guy called Old Smoky.

Let's check in.

(bell rings)

(man) Hello, ladies.
Welcome to Sunny Meadows.

Oh, thank you.
We... Whoa!

His klingenspritzer's showing.

Excuse me. Where would
you like me to put this?

Oh, well, buy me a drink
and we'll talk.

Blanche.
I'm sorry.

Um, just hold onto it.
Uh, them. I mean the bags.

Where do you put your tips?

Who cares?
What is going on here?

Obviously there's
some confusion.

Sunny Meadows is
a clothing-optional resort.

You mean a nudist camp?
Oh, well, we didn't know that.

Who made the reservation?

Well, don't look at me.
Rose, you made the reservation.

I know. I just don't
want you looking at me.

Look, I'm terribly sorry about the
mix-up, but this is not for us.

We'd like to leave.

I'm afraid you're with us
for the night, ladies.

The bus doesn't leave down the
mountain till tomorrow morning.

Ladies, may I show you
to your room?

Just point the way.

Oh, good, it's on
the second floor.

Thanks a lot, Rose. Oh, this is
a great Valentine's weekend.

Stuck in a hotel
at a nudist camp for ten hours.

I'm sorry, Dorothy. It's all my fault.
I misunderstood the brochure.

"Fun in the buff
at a mountain retreat.

"Hike, swim and play volleyball

while the sun beats down
on your fanny."

Call David Horowitz. I mean, how can they
get away with this misrepresentation?

I don't understand
how people can run around

showing their naked bodies
to total strangers.

It's disgusting.
It's sickening.

It's terrible.
Yoo-hoo!

Blanche, would you please get away
from that window for two seconds?

Come here. I want you to see
this guy playing volleyball.

Blanche, will you stop
acting like a teenager?

You have seen naked men before.
What is the big deal?

Whoa.

Is that a legal serve?

Everybody seems to be
having such a good time.

You know,

the more you stare at everyone,

the more natural it seems.

I have been thinking
exactly the same thing.

Hey, why don't we just put our
inhibitions aside and have some fun?

Yeah. I mean,
we don't know anybody here,

and we'll never see
any of these people again.

I'm really getting
kinda hungry.

I wouldn't mind getting
something to eat.

All right. Then I say we just
cast caution to the wind,

get butt naked
and have a good time.

If I had a dollar for every time you
said that, I'd be a wealthy woman.

I'm starting to chicken out.

Now, Rose. Don't you be
self-conscious.

There's probably
lots of people here

with bodies worse
than yours and Dorothy's.

Well, then...

let's just do it.

OK.

OK, we're almost there.
Here we go.

No, wait a minute.

Blanche, come on,
this is ridiculous.

We can't go through
an entire dinner

holding these hearts
in front of us.

Dorothy's right.
How will we cut our meat?

Well, look, either we
do this or we don't do it.

Now, what's it gonna be?

We go at the count of three.

Ready?

One, two,

three!

Excuse me, ladies, but we always
dress for dinner here.

And in your case,
we'd appreciate it

if you'd do that
for all three meals.

Oh, look, what are we sitting
around here all depressed about?

Just 'cause it's Valentine's Day and
our dates dumped us? Yes, Blanche.

I wanted to hear it out loud before
I had another bowl of ice cream.

I have an idea.

Let's go out to dinner and celebrate
Valentine's Day ourselves.

Just 'cause we don't have dates doesn't
mean we can't have a good time.

It doesn't?
Rose is right.

I mean, this is
hardly a disaster.

We're not the only women who don't
have dates on Valentine's Day.

Ma, you wanna join us?

I can't.
I have a date.

You do?

She's making that up
to annoy us.

No, I'm not.
I have a date.

What's his name?

I can't tell you.

Have I met him?

No, he's from outta town.

Where is he taking you?

I'm not allowed to say.
Security reasons.

Ma, none of this is true.
OK. I'll tell you.

It's Julio Iglesias.
You satisfied?

Make the reservation for four.

She'll tell us the truth
when she gets hungry.

That is the truth.

He was visiting his aunt
at the center.

He said he liked my spunk.

I guess it's not easy for anybody to
accept being dateless on Valentine's Day.

What's so special
about this day anyway?

Honey, it's the most
romantic day of the year.

George proposed to me
on Valentine's Day.

We know.
You told us.

So what? You don't
have anywhere to go.

I wasn't gonna tell you
about that night,

I was gonna tell you about
another night many years later.

Same little romantic bar
where George proposed.

My finest champagne...
and two glasses.

Very romantic.

Well, it is St. Valentine's Day,
after all.

You can pour both of them.
I'm not expecting anybody.

It is St. Valentine's Day, lady,
not St. Patrick's Day.

I'm not gonna drink them both.
I'm just celebrating.

My husband proposed to me in this
very bar on St. Valentine's Day.

After that, we sort of made it a
tradition and came back every year,

so since he passed away I've just
continued the tradition by myself.

Oh.

That's so romantic,
proposing over champagne.

I never think of
things like that.

I'm gonna ruin
this whole night, I know it.

Wait, don't tell me you're
thinking of popping the question

right here on St. Valentine's
Day, just like George did?

Yeah. But now I'm thinking
maybe it's a bad idea.

No, no.
Don't be nervous.

Don't you see?
This was meant to happen.

I'm here to help you.
I can tell you everything George said to me.

I don't know if that will work.
Sure it will. Oh, come on, now.

We may be from different generations
but some things never change.

Love is love, period.

Yeah, I suppose, but every
couple is different.

You just listen.
We were sitting right here.

George took my hand
in both of his

and looked deep
into my eyes and...

and he said, "You know, Blanche,
you're a very special lady."

And then he said how he just
couldn't bear the thought

of spending even one day out of the rest
of his life without me right there.

And then he said:

"Blanche,

would you be my wife?"

And...

after I stopped crying
I said yes.

Blanche, you're right.
Love is love, period.

Some things never change.
I'm gonna go through with it.

Well, good for you. Here.
And thank you for listening.

Oh, Victor, come on.
Let's get a table.

There's something
I have to tell you.

Maybe I'm wrong.
Maybe some things do change.

Blanche, what a lovely,
sweet story.

Tell me, did his
girlfriend ever show up?

You're right, Blanche.
Some things never change.

My date'll be here soon.
I'd better get ready.

Oh, Ma, will you knock it off?

Ah, you're right. At 82
what am I gonna get ready?

I always have my purse, and I shouldn't
pee until he's got the motor running.

At any age you oughta be
ready for your date, Sophia.

Blanche, she doesn't
have a date.

No, I was thinking
more about that time

that the three of us
were getting ready

to go away on that Valentine's
Day cruise with our steadies.

Oh, I remember that.

And we were picking up some odds
and ends at the drugstore.

OK, we have the suntan lotion,
Chap Stick,

and half a dozen cheap,
tawdry romance novels.

We're all set. We have
everything for the cruise.

Maybe we don't have
everything we need.

Why? What are we missing?

We are going away for a romantic
weekend to the Bahamas

with Jeff and Rich and Randy.

In this day and age
it might be a good idea

to take along some protection.

What kind of protection?

Two armed Pinkerton guards.

No, Blanche is talking
about, uh...

A Nestlé's Crunch?

One over.

An enema bag?

To the right.
Dentu-Grip?

Condoms, Rose.
Condoms, condoms, condoms!

Calm down, lady.

You just get outta prison?

Girls.
What do you think?

Well, it's not
a bad idea, but...

I'm a little embarrassed.
Oh, me too.

Embarrassed? There's no reason
to be embarrassed.

These are discreet professionals.
This is a private matter.

Whatever we buy is nobody's
business but our own.

I'd like a package
of these, please.

And, uh, I'll take these.

And I'll take these.

Now, that wasn't
so bad, was it?

Uh, Joe, I need a price check
on some condoms.

These three ladies here want a couple of
boxes of the King George prophylactics.

(Joe)The lambskins
or the ultrasensitive?

Two of 'em have the lambskins and
the blonde has the ultrasensitive,

in black.

(Joe) The lambskins are $12.95
and the black's a dollar extra.

Look at all these people staring
at us. Oh, this is humiliating.

I've never been so embarrassed
in my life.

All right, just what in hell
are all of you staring at?

Haven't you ever seen
three vibrant, healthy,

sexually active women before?

We are embarking on a weekend cruise
with some longtime gentlemen friends,

and if we decide to be intimate,
then we'll be prepared.

We're not embarrassed, we're not
uncomfortable, we are not humiliated.

We're gonna walk outta here
today with our heads held high,

secure in the knowledge that what we have
done is morally and socially responsible.

Isn't that right, girls?

I have no idea who
this woman is.

I bought these for my brother.

Rose. Rose!

I was never so embarrassed
in my entire life.

But it did turn out to be
a lovely Valentine's cruise.

Well, it did not.

We never even had to
use those condoms.

You didn't?
I used every one of mine.

Late at night I filled 'em
with water

and threw 'em at the people
in the limbo line.

(doorbell)

I wonder who that could be?
Probably my date.

Don't make a fuss over him.
Your fiery Latin entertainers have a very short fuse.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Raymond, I thought
you were sick.

And I thought you had to work.

You told me you had
a last-minute emergency.

So they're all liars. That's an asset when
you're planning a surprise like this.

We've got reservations
for dinner and dancing.

Ma, I bet you were in on this
all along, weren't you?

Of course I was.
These dimwits' idea of romance

is a Coors Light
and a Love Boat rerun.

All right, let's go.
The limousine's waiting.

You little devils, you.

Wait a minute. Honey, are you
sure you don't wanna join us?

You got a marzipan bar
in your ear?

I told you. I've got a date
with... you-know-who.

Ma, we love you.

Yeah, right.
Oh...

You fell for it.
I did.

(knock at door)

Julio?
(man) Hello, Sophia.

Why didn't you use the front door?
I didn't want to be seen.

Well, what's the point in going out with
Julio Iglesias if no one's gonna see us?

Tell me.
No.

Once we hit the deli,

I'd appreciate it if you'd serenade
me with "Begin the Beguine."

All right. We sing together.
Oh, come on.

Let's try it together.

♪ When they beguine

♪ The beguine
That's it. Perfect.