All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 04x09 - Scared Straight

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you
for being a friend"

(sighs)

(sighs)

Hey! You're not even
gonna ask what's wrong?

What's wrong, Ma?
I got three days to live.

Fine, Ma. I'll scratch the
Bengay off the grocery list.

I can't believe
you're so insensitive.

Ma, you are not dying.

I am, Dorothy.

I had a dream last night,
a death dream.

Your father spoke to me.
Spoke to you? How?

Do I look like Rich Little?

Just listen.

I'm sitting in the living room,

and the clock strikes 9:00.

Then the bell rings.
It's your father in his fedora.

He always wore a fedora
on Saturday.

He walks towards me,
reaches out his hand

and says, "Sophia,
you can come now.

There's room for you now."

That's it? You want him to
show up with Barbara Eden

and the college
all-American football team?

It's a dream,
not a Bob Hope special.

I'm dying, Dorothy. Saturday, 9:00.
Don't make any plans.

Ma, you're being ridiculous.

I know.

When was the last Saturday
night you had plans?

Oh, thank you, Dorothy.
Those look lovely.

So do you.

Oh, Blanche, you really got all
dressed up for your brother.

Well, we do
come from the South.

We always felt it was important

to look absolutely great
in front of company.

Hi, girls. What time
does Clayton get here?

Oh, any minute now.

Oh, we better put out
the welcome mat.

We don't have a welcome mat.

What about the one Dorothy says
is at the foot of your bed?

(doorbell)

Oh, there's Clayton now.
Remember what I said.

No remarks about
his marriage breaking up.

He's still a little touchy.

Clayton! Baby brother!

Sister!

Oh, my, look at you
all gussied up.

Prettier than
a spring-bloomin' peach tree

on a dewy April morning.

Well, you oughtta talk,

all fresh-scrubbed
and rosy-cheeked

like a country parson
at a September hoedown.

Why do I get the feeling
they had a maid

named Honeybee
when they grew up?

(door closes)

Come on in, Clayton.

I want you to meet my best
friends Dorothy and Rose.

Nice to meet you. It's a pleasure.
Rose, so nice to see you.

How was your trip, Clayton?

Oh, fine. It just
went by in no time.

That usually means he met
a stewardess he liked.

Blanche.

Lunch, dinner or drinks?

Dinner.

I'm beginning to see
the family resemblance.

Honey, come on inside.
I'll get you all settled down.

Then I want to tell you
all the wonderful things

I have planned for us to do. OK.

It was so nice finally
meeting you all.

See you later, Clayton.

Isn't it nice to see a brother and
sister who are such good friends?

It certainly is.

Oh, I always wish that
I could have been closer

to my brother, Phil.

You know, go places together,
share experiences.

Although I did love
borrowing his clothes.

Did you like wearing
boys' clothes growing up?

No, but fortunately
neither did my brother Phil.

Ma, why are you
sitting here in the dark?

Conserving electricity
for those

who will still be
living past Saturday.

Oh, Ma...

Put out your hands, Dorothy.

What for?

So I can say hello
like Magic Johnson.

So I'm gonna give you some
of my personal things.

My bank book, some stocks...

Oh, Ma, come on, now.
This is crazy.

Hi, y'all.

Oh, fabulous.
Roy and Dale are back.

So, where are you two
off to tonight?

Oh, that's a surprise.
Wait a minute.

Isn't that my silver
locket in there?

Nice getting to know you, gomer.
See you around.

What's all this
about a surprise?

Oh, well, I've done
a little matchmaking.

Blanche, not again.

Yes, again.
Now, you are 45 years old.

You've been single
almost two years.

Well, both Dorothy and I know how
much fun the single life is.

Many's the night Dorothy has
sat here alone in this room

watching me go out on dates.

Sometimes I watch her go
from the kitchen window.

It's easier to bay at the moon.

I just don't want you
being afraid

to get back on that horse
and make a commitment again.

(doorbell)

Here's your horse
pulling up now.

Hello, Lois. Come in.

Clayton, remember Lois
from the museum?

Of course. So nice
to see you again.

Oh, it's a pleasure.

You two can get
reacquainted on the way.

These are your tickets for
the concert in the park.

It starts in 15 minutes,
so you better hurry up, now.

Bye. Have a good time!
(Dorothy) Good night!

I was never any good
at blind dating.

I always felt so awkward.

Oh, Dorothy, I have
a surefire icebreaker

I can teach you right now.

Oh, once you learn this any
man is putty in your hands.

Oh, Blanche, come on.
That is ridiculous.

I mean, I'm certainly
not gonna waste my time

listening to this
adolescent nonsense.

Did you say putty?

Ha ha ha ha.
Sit back.

Now, just play like
we're at the movies.

OK.

First I start to yawn a little.

Then I put my hands up
over my head like this...

Oh, Blanche, I know that one.

You end up with
your arm around me.

Yeah, but that's
just the first part.

Did you know that if you blow right
on the tip of a man's earlobe,

it can drive him
absolutely crazy?

I'll show you.

I'm gonna be dead in 24 hours.

Couldn't you stay in the
closet for one more day?

Rose, what are you doing here?

Clayton.

It's my late night
at the counseling center.

But what are you doing here?

Blanche told me she was
sending you on a date.

Oh, she did.
Didn't it work out?

Well, let's just say
Blanche has it in her head

what type is right for me,
and she's way off.

I'll bet I could sit here
for a minute

and tell you what your type is.

I'm good at this.

Gosh, I'm stuck.

You haven't even started.

No, I'm stuck on the gum
somebody left on this bench.

OK, now, you just give me your
honest reactions when people go by.

That's how I'll tell.
OK.

Here comes one. Go.

No. Too thin.

Here comes one.

Too short?

Next.

Oh, Clayton!

Clayton, you're not
playing fair.

That's a man.

That's a man and you're a man.

You're both men.

(laughs nervously)

Clayton, you're that thing

that everyone said
Olga Larsen's nephew was

'cause he wore paisley clogs

and gave out puff pastry
on Halloween.

I've been called a lot
of things in my time,

but that's a first
for that one.

Yeah, I'm gay, Rose.

But Blanche told us
you were married.

I was. After a while I just
couldn't deny the truth to myself.

Seems silly still denying it
to my big sister.

Well, have you tried
telling her?

Every time I see her.

And I always chicken out.

Oh... I know Blanche.

I mean, she'd be upset,
but not for long.

And just think how it would
help you two in the long run.

But how do I keep from
chickening out?

By telling her.

Tonight, while you've still
got your dander up.

I'm sorry.

Did I say something
embarrassing?

No.

No, Rose. You're right.
You're absolutely right.

I've got to tell her tonight.

But it's not gonna be easy.

I mean, I still
haven't told Blanche

I was the one who stole
the Montgomery Clift poster

off her wall
when she left for college.

(sirens and gunshots on TV)

Ma, what are you doing up?

Someone left the lock
off my cage.

I couldn't sleep.
I was afraid I'd have that dream again.

What are you two doing up?

Well, I'm waiting up
for Clayton.

I'm gonna make sure
he had a good time tonight.

My brother and I
are very close.

Oh, that's sweet, Blanche.

Evening, ladies.

Well, Clayton Hollingsworth,
it's about time.

You and your date
must have really hit it off.

Hey, Rose. What are you
doing with Clayton?

We ran into each other in the park.
What happened to Lois?

Oh, she went home.
We weren't really suited, Blanche.

Not suited? Clayton, sometimes
I do not understand you.

Time after time I fix you up

with attractive, eligible
women, and nothing happens.

It's time you found
yourself a woman.

Now, what is the matter
with you?

Tell her, Clayton.

I will, Rose.

Tell me what? Well, I ran
into Rose in the park, and...

And?

And we had a long talk, and...

And?

And... we slept together
tonight.

Dorothy, all that stuff I said

about preparing
for a burial, forget it.

Oh, Ma. You finally
came to your senses.

Yes. I decided
to be cremated instead.

Oh, Ma.

Oh...

It's a great idea.
My ashes can be divided among you,

your brother, Phil,
and your sister, Gloria.

Nah, forget Gloria.
I don't want to spread myself too thin.

Hi, girls. I need to talk.

Oh, honey, what is it?

All day long Blanche
has been giving me looks.

I think she's really mad at me.

Look, Rose, what happened
between you and Clayton

last night is your business,
not Blanche's.

That's just the point, Dorothy.

Nothing happened
between Clayton and me.

Nothing physical, anyway.

Well, why did Clayton say

the two of you slept
together if you hadn't?

Because he's trying to hide something
about himself from Blanche.

I don't even feel right
saying it out loud.

Maybe if I just whispered it.

Clayton is a hobo?

No, Dorothy.

Oh! Oh!
Now, now I get it.

Oh, good. I thought I was gonna
have to draw you a picture.

And I'm not sure I'd know how.

Hey! I don't get to know?

No, Ma.

OK, have it your way,

but nobody can keep a secret
from Sophia Petrillo.

Whatever that guy's hiding,
I could smoke it out of him

in three or four
quick questions.

Hello, ladies.
Perfect timing.

Ma.

So, Clayton,

what do you think of
this Miami weather so far?

Oh, it's lovely.

I see.

Have you ever been to Europe?

No, but it's always been
a dream of mine.

Interesting.

How many fingers
am I holding up?

Two.

Fine.

You can go back
in the living room now.

The man's as gay
as a picnic basket.

Ma, that... that is...

That is incredible.
How did you know?

I heard him
singing in the shower.

He's the only man I ever knew

who knows all the words
to "Send In The Clowns."

Rose, I owe you an apology.

You sure do.

I shouldn't have got you
mixed up in all this.

It's just so hard to
tell Blanche the truth.

Clayton, you're selling
your sister short.

Now, at times, Blanche can
be very understanding

and compassionate
and forgiving.

Get away from my baby brother,

you cradle-snatching,
empty-headed, two-faced dummy.

And then at other times
she can be a real bitch.

Blanche, there's something
you should know.

Butt out, Clayton.
This doesn't concern you.

It most certainly does
concern him.

Why? Because he was
seduced by a bubble-head

whose hair looks like it was
colorized by Ted Turner?

Now, just a minute.

Butt out, Clayton.
This doesn't concern you.

You're gonna regret this
when you have to come begging

on hands and knees
for forgiveness.

Oh? Then I shall
never regret it,

because I never
intend to apologize.

We'll see about that.

I wish you hadn't
done that, Blanche.

Oh, hush up. It was
for your own good.

There's something
you just don't understand.

Oh, I understand perfectly.

I pushed you into meeting
all those women.

That's why this happened.

But it is over.
Rose will be just fine.

Blanche, it's not as simple...

Oh, Clayton,
honey, leave it alone.

Blanche, listen.

Nothing happened
between me and Rose.

Just like nothing
ever happens between me

and any of the women
you set me up with.

There's a reason.

What are you saying, Clayton?

I'm saying...

I'm gay, Blanche.

Oh, Clayton, please be serious.

You're just saying that so I won't
set you up with any more women.

No, Blanche. Well, then you're
saying it 'cause you're trying

to get back at me
for something.

Blanche...
Clay, I know you too well for this.

After all, I know it can't be true.
You're my brother.

It's true, Blanche.

Maybe I ought to just
leave you alone for a while.

Clayton Hollingsworth.

You look me in the face
and tell me

you really are what you
just said you are.

I think you heard me
the first time, Blanche.

Hey, Harry.
Flip on the game, will you?

Not another game.

Come on.
Tina, let's go.

I'll see you back at the house.

(crowd cheering on TV)

Clayton.

Blanche. How'd you
find me here?

Well, I knew that you and
Rose were here last night.

May I join you?

Of course.

Thank you.

You know what that popcorn
reminds me of?

Rex's Drive-In
out at the lake.

You remember the night
my date and I parked

right next to you
and your date?

Pretty soon
it got to be a contest

who could fog up whose car
the fastest.

I think you won.

You weren't doing too badly considering
you were in a convertible.

Yes.

You know,

Clay, I've been thinking a lot
about what you told me today,

and I've also been
thinking a lot

about that boy
at Rex's Drive-In,

and, honey, the two pictures
don't go together.

There's just something
wrong with one of them.

But it's not the one
you're hoping, Blanche.

It was the heater fogging up
my car windows that night.

So what can I bring you,
sweetheart?

Don't you dare talk
to him like that.

Now, you get out of here.

Blanche, I think
he was talking to you.

Oh. Oh.

I'm having a little trouble
putting this all together.

Clayton, I just feel like
I don't know you anymore.

I'm the same person
I always was.

No, you're not. You used
to be just like me.

What? Great-looking?
Yes.

Charming?
Yes.

Irresistible to men?

My God, Clayton, you are me.

But I still just can't...

Blanche.

I spent a long time
lying to myself.

It felt a lot better
when I stopped.

It feels better
being honest with you, too,

and I'd hate to think that this is
gonna keep us from being friends.

Well, honey,
of course it isn't.

Oh, no. I'll get used
to this. I will.

Well, look at me already.

I'm practically comfortable

seeing you here in a gay bar.

Blanche, this isn't a gay bar.

Clay, now, we did say we were
gonna be honest with each other.

All right, now, I can do my part.
You just watch this.

You all, over at the bar.

I just want to say
that I would be very proud

to have any one of you
date my brother.

I'd rather date you, lady.

Sweet Jesus, I've just
done the impossible.

I've converted one.

(door opens)

Dorothy, get dressed.

We're going out to celebrate
Clayton's last night in town.

Oh, terrific.

Let's go to José's.

We always go there
to celebrate.

The food is great.

And they make
all the waiters wear

these really skintight
bullfighters' pants.

Really?

Let's go to Amelio's.

T minus ten seconds, Dorothy.

Oh, Ma, will you give it up?

You are not dying.
Eight, seven, six...

There is not going to be a doorbell or a pop.
...five, four, three, two...

...one. There is not going
to be anything. You see?

Ten seconds, nothing happened.

(doorbell)

Oh, God!

Ma, stop.

Oh, suddenly
somebody believes me.

Did I hear the bell?

Listen, Rose, do me a favor.

Look out the peephole
and see who's at the door.

Sure, Dorothy.

Gee, it's kinda hard to tell.
All I can see is a fedora.

Oh, my God.

Who's that at the door?
It's me, Blanche.

The other side.

Move, Rose.
Ma, don't.

I have to, Dorothy.
Ma!

Mildred, what are you
doing here?

When do I always
wear my lucky bowling hat?

We're bowling tonight?

Didn't you get my message
the other night?

No one answered the door.

I figured you were napping,

so I yelled outside
your window we had room.

Wait... Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Were your exact words,

"Sophia, you can come now.
We have room now"?

And were you wearing
that hat at the time?

Yes.

Hasta luego, Dorothy.
I'm going bowling.

Well, let's go to dinner,
ladies.

Have fun.

Rose, honey.

There's something
I have to say to you.

It's just two little words,

but they are the hardest
two little words

in all the whole world
for me to say.

"Not tonight"?

No.

Blanche, if you've come here
to apologize, I accept.

Just like that?

Yes.

I mean, for me, just the fact

that you thought
of those words is plenty...

considering what a selfish,
conceited person you are.

But I had a whole speech
planned, Rose...

a-about how nice
you were to my brother

and-and how proud I am

to have such a sweet
person as my friend.

Now I can't say it.
Well, sure you can.

No, I can't.
You just ruined it.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, I forgive you, Rose.