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1
00:00:16,394 --> 00:00:17,494
Whoo!
2
00:00:25,504 --> 00:00:26,703
I know, I'm late.
3
00:00:26,704 --> 00:00:28,639
Traffic was ter-ri-ble.
4
00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,208
I just watched you
take selfies for 25 minutes.
5
00:00:31,209 --> 00:00:32,809
You even did an outfit change.
6
00:00:32,810 --> 00:00:34,312
I wasn't gonna wear a yellow dress
7
00:00:34,313 --> 00:00:35,545
on a yellow slide.
8
00:00:35,546 --> 00:00:37,380
Fashion 101, Mavis.
9
00:00:37,381 --> 00:00:40,017
synced and corrected by susinz
*www.addic7ed.com*
10
00:00:44,021 --> 00:00:45,154
How you feeling, Deb?
11
00:00:45,155 --> 00:00:47,657
I'm bloated, gassy,
12
00:00:47,658 --> 00:00:49,693
and my feet are so swollen,
13
00:00:49,694 --> 00:00:52,297
I actually burst
through a pair of Crocs,
14
00:00:52,298 --> 00:00:53,663
and with Damien on tour,
15
00:00:53,664 --> 00:00:55,867
I have no one to blame my bad moods on,
16
00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:58,401
so overall, I'd say "not good."
17
00:00:58,402 --> 00:01:00,002
Good morning, ladies.
18
00:01:00,003 --> 00:01:01,570
I am stoked like a fire
19
00:01:01,571 --> 00:01:03,302
to sub for Ms. Feldman.
20
00:01:03,327 --> 00:01:06,275
After working in administration
for 15 years,
21
00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:08,645
I'm thrilled to be teaching again!
22
00:01:08,646 --> 00:01:10,680
It's as if Beyoncé went back
23
00:01:10,681 --> 00:01:14,086
and did another record
with Destiny's Child.
24
00:01:16,788 --> 00:01:18,588
Oh, Mrs. Adler,
25
00:01:18,589 --> 00:01:21,358
I noticed that you didn't put
your back-to-school board
26
00:01:21,359 --> 00:01:22,692
up in the hallway.
27
00:01:22,693 --> 00:01:25,228
Let's try to get that hung
by this afternoon.
28
00:01:25,229 --> 00:01:26,695
What are you doing?
29
00:01:26,696 --> 00:01:28,132
Toby...
30
00:01:28,133 --> 00:01:29,420
Right.
31
00:01:29,991 --> 00:01:31,567
Not my place.
32
00:01:31,568 --> 00:01:33,803
I'm not the principal anymore.
33
00:01:35,006 --> 00:01:37,676
Although it would be nice
if you could put it up.
34
00:01:38,675 --> 00:01:41,278
Consider my lippers zippered.
35
00:01:41,279 --> 00:01:42,612
I'm just a teacher.
36
00:01:42,613 --> 00:01:44,314
No, you're not.
37
00:01:44,315 --> 00:01:45,347
You're a sub.
38
00:01:45,348 --> 00:01:46,650
Okay.
39
00:01:46,651 --> 00:01:48,752
What up, hotties? Toby.
40
00:01:48,753 --> 00:01:50,588
Apparently, we have to implement
41
00:01:50,589 --> 00:01:52,322
this new online grading system,
42
00:01:52,323 --> 00:01:53,924
but I don't know how it works,
43
00:01:53,925 --> 00:01:55,492
why we're doing it, or who it's for,
44
00:01:55,493 --> 00:01:57,594
so... someone should get on that.
45
00:01:57,595 --> 00:02:00,297
We cool? Thank you for that
46
00:02:00,298 --> 00:02:03,655
very helpful information, Brent.
47
00:02:04,903 --> 00:02:06,537
I know this job
48
00:02:06,538 --> 00:02:09,140
can be overwhelming and stressful,
49
00:02:09,141 --> 00:02:10,507
so please know
50
00:02:10,508 --> 00:02:12,408
that my door is always open.
51
00:02:12,409 --> 00:02:14,795
You drive a purple Celica, right?
52
00:02:15,313 --> 00:02:17,080
It's amethyst, but yeah.
53
00:02:17,081 --> 00:02:18,647
You parked in the faculty lot.
54
00:02:18,648 --> 00:02:20,683
See, subs park on the street.
55
00:02:20,684 --> 00:02:21,718
Well...
56
00:02:21,719 --> 00:02:23,520
I'm not your average sub.
57
00:02:23,521 --> 00:02:24,955
You're right. You're way older.
58
00:02:24,956 --> 00:02:26,892
Well, you might want
to get out there ASAP.
59
00:02:26,893 --> 00:02:28,992
I hear Mavis is itching
to get another car towed.
60
00:02:29,881 --> 00:02:32,263
Oh, for the love of Miami!
61
00:02:34,231 --> 00:02:36,133
Gary Yupo.
62
00:02:36,134 --> 00:02:37,267
Here.
63
00:02:37,268 --> 00:02:38,735
And Ron Zimmerman?
64
00:02:38,736 --> 00:02:41,070
Here. I have a peanut allergy.
65
00:02:41,071 --> 00:02:42,772
My mom says if I have any,
66
00:02:42,773 --> 00:02:44,991
I'll die, and it'll be your fault.
67
00:02:45,510 --> 00:02:46,710
Okay.
68
00:02:46,711 --> 00:02:47,910
Thank you, Ron.
69
00:02:47,911 --> 00:02:49,146
I will...
70
00:02:49,147 --> 00:02:51,080
certainly keep that in mind.
71
00:02:51,081 --> 00:02:54,209
And now let's find out
what we're doing today.
72
00:02:54,819 --> 00:02:56,975
Uh-huh.
73
00:03:01,191 --> 00:03:02,678
Uh-oh.
74
00:03:04,195 --> 00:03:05,528
Care Bear.
75
00:03:05,529 --> 00:03:06,963
Do you know where Ms. Feldman
76
00:03:06,964 --> 00:03:09,098
kept her substitute lesson plans?
77
00:03:09,099 --> 00:03:10,358
No.
78
00:03:10,968 --> 00:03:12,436
Okay.
79
00:03:12,969 --> 00:03:15,249
She didn't seem to leave any.
80
00:03:16,577 --> 00:03:18,641
Toby, we promised each other
81
00:03:18,642 --> 00:03:20,311
that we wouldn't let
our personal relationship
82
00:03:20,312 --> 00:03:21,545
affect our work.
83
00:03:21,546 --> 00:03:22,547
We have to treat each other
84
00:03:22,548 --> 00:03:23,813
as if we aren't...
85
00:03:23,814 --> 00:03:26,217
romantically entangled.
86
00:03:26,218 --> 00:03:27,651
- Agreed?
- Agreed.
87
00:03:27,652 --> 00:03:29,520
You should treat me
like every other sub.
88
00:03:29,521 --> 00:03:30,920
Then take off, loser.
89
00:03:30,921 --> 00:03:32,455
- What?
- As your girlfriend,
90
00:03:32,456 --> 00:03:34,758
I really want to empathize and help you,
91
00:03:34,759 --> 00:03:37,326
but as a teacher talking to a sub,
92
00:03:37,327 --> 00:03:40,491
I think you're garbage.
93
00:03:41,532 --> 00:03:43,400
When does my class have art?
94
00:03:43,401 --> 00:03:44,868
You're a sub, Toby.
95
00:03:44,869 --> 00:03:46,402
Put on "The Adventures of Milo and Otis"
96
00:03:46,403 --> 00:03:48,171
and call it a day.
97
00:03:48,172 --> 00:03:49,605
How long is recess?
98
00:03:49,606 --> 00:03:51,975
The kids are saying
upwards of two hours.
99
00:03:51,976 --> 00:03:55,078
Janelle will only answer
my questions in Pig Latin.
100
00:03:55,079 --> 00:03:56,813
Do you have any Febreze?
101
00:03:56,814 --> 00:03:59,348
Cody B. will not stop passing gas.
102
00:03:59,349 --> 00:04:01,384
You want me to stick my hand up your ass
103
00:04:01,385 --> 00:04:04,320
like a puppet and do your job for you?
104
00:04:09,027 --> 00:04:10,894
- 28 weeks.
- I'm sorry?
105
00:04:10,895 --> 00:04:12,730
You're about 28 weeks along, right?
106
00:04:12,731 --> 00:04:14,165
Yeah, you nailed it.
107
00:04:14,166 --> 00:04:16,566
So excited. We're having a baby!
108
00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:18,802
Well, I'm the one
having the baby, Raymond,
109
00:04:18,803 --> 00:04:21,071
but I appreciate your enthusiasm.
110
00:04:21,072 --> 00:04:22,838
Have you read
"Whoa, Baby! I'm Pregnant!"?
111
00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:24,908
Nope, haven't gotten to that one.
112
00:04:24,909 --> 00:04:26,545
I really think you'd like it.
113
00:04:26,546 --> 00:04:28,745
It's an irreverent look
at what's going on inside you,
114
00:04:28,746 --> 00:04:30,514
told from a woman's perspective.
115
00:04:30,515 --> 00:04:33,216
Okay... I'll check that out.
116
00:04:33,217 --> 00:04:35,586
I have plenty of time,
since I don't sleep anymore.
117
00:04:35,587 --> 00:04:37,019
You can't tell.
118
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:39,584
The hormones
are making your skin luminous.
119
00:04:39,959 --> 00:04:41,024
Oh.
120
00:04:41,424 --> 00:04:43,259
Thank you, Raymond.
121
00:04:43,624 --> 00:04:45,896
I think pregnant women are stunning.
122
00:04:58,543 --> 00:04:59,843
Oh, no, Chelsea,
123
00:04:59,844 --> 00:05:02,045
did Tom Hardy
block you on Twitter again?
124
00:05:02,046 --> 00:05:03,112
No.
125
00:05:03,113 --> 00:05:04,514
I just found out my sorority sister,
126
00:05:04,515 --> 00:05:06,283
Kimi McKay, died!
127
00:05:06,284 --> 00:05:07,684
Oh, no! Chelsea!
128
00:05:07,685 --> 00:05:09,754
- What happened?
- Was she sick?
129
00:05:09,755 --> 00:05:12,256
She fell off a cliff
while taking a selfie.
130
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,655
She was such a beautiful person.
131
00:05:16,626 --> 00:05:18,597
These are her last posts.
132
00:05:21,788 --> 00:05:23,967
She loved hiking in a halter.
133
00:05:24,536 --> 00:05:25,869
Oh.
134
00:05:25,870 --> 00:05:27,172
She must have uploaded this last one
135
00:05:27,173 --> 00:05:29,186
before she hit the rocky seashore.
136
00:05:30,390 --> 00:05:31,823
I want to honor Kimi.
137
00:05:31,942 --> 00:05:33,511
I'm holding a memorial service
138
00:05:33,512 --> 00:05:34,889
before school tomorrow.
139
00:05:35,578 --> 00:05:37,079
I expect you all to be there.
140
00:05:37,311 --> 00:05:39,182
But we didn't even know this woman.
141
00:05:39,183 --> 00:05:42,418
Yeah, wouldn't you rather
be with people who knew her?
142
00:05:42,419 --> 00:05:43,819
Hell, no. You think I want
143
00:05:43,820 --> 00:05:45,855
my sorority sisters to see me ugly cry?
144
00:05:45,856 --> 00:05:48,526
I get Claire Danes'
bipolar quiver-mouth.
145
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:50,663
Oh, Kimi!
146
00:05:54,664 --> 00:05:57,327
It's been a long day.
147
00:05:58,135 --> 00:06:00,499
And we just have
a little bit of time left.
148
00:06:01,226 --> 00:06:03,225
What do you say we play a game?
149
00:06:03,436 --> 00:06:05,013
Let's play "Stare and Scream."
150
00:06:05,038 --> 00:06:06,217
How does that go?
151
00:06:06,242 --> 00:06:07,944
You just run around the room,
and then every time
152
00:06:07,945 --> 00:06:09,612
you make eye contact with someone,
153
00:06:09,613 --> 00:06:11,005
you scream as loud as you can.
154
00:06:11,030 --> 00:06:12,615
That sounds cognitive.
155
00:06:16,756 --> 00:06:18,022
What's happening?
156
00:06:18,047 --> 00:06:19,280
Is it another rat?
157
00:06:19,305 --> 00:06:21,178
We're playing "Stare and Scream."
158
00:06:21,223 --> 00:06:22,757
It's their favorite game.
159
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:27,660
It's not a game, is it?
160
00:06:29,801 --> 00:06:31,577
There's no rat!
161
00:06:34,276 --> 00:06:35,818
Uncool, Greg.
162
00:06:35,980 --> 00:06:37,514
Very uncool.
163
00:06:42,843 --> 00:06:45,170
This bush you bought looks dead.
164
00:06:45,866 --> 00:06:47,312
I'm gonna have to buy a memorial bush
165
00:06:47,313 --> 00:06:48,866
for the memorial bush.
166
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:57,657
We are gathered here today
167
00:06:57,658 --> 00:06:58,658
to celebrate the life
168
00:06:58,659 --> 00:06:59,859
of my beautiful friend,
169
00:06:59,860 --> 00:07:01,261
Kimi McKay.
170
00:07:01,262 --> 00:07:02,729
Let's all go around and say something
171
00:07:02,730 --> 00:07:04,098
we loved about Kimi.
172
00:07:05,199 --> 00:07:08,035
Okay, again, Chelsea,
we didn't know her.
173
00:07:08,186 --> 00:07:09,302
As always,
174
00:07:09,303 --> 00:07:11,305
I have to do everything around here.
175
00:07:12,869 --> 00:07:14,170
Kimi was kind.
176
00:07:14,808 --> 00:07:16,376
I remember during pledge week,
177
00:07:16,377 --> 00:07:18,477
when they ripped off my clothes
and sprayed me with urine,
178
00:07:18,478 --> 00:07:20,233
Kimi handed me a towel and said,
179
00:07:20,350 --> 00:07:22,814
"That'll do, pig. That'll do."
180
00:07:24,118 --> 00:07:26,720
I can't believe she was killed
by a selfie!
181
00:07:26,721 --> 00:07:28,987
She wasn't killed by a selfie.
182
00:07:28,988 --> 00:07:31,191
She took a duck-face photo
next to a sign that said
183
00:07:31,192 --> 00:07:33,209
"Dangerous Cliffs Keep Off."
184
00:07:33,272 --> 00:07:35,093
She was killed by illiteracy.
185
00:07:35,094 --> 00:07:37,463
Don't you dare death-shame Kimi!
186
00:07:37,464 --> 00:07:39,198
Selfies kill!
187
00:07:42,101 --> 00:07:43,470
Ms. Chelsea has requested
188
00:07:43,471 --> 00:07:45,773
that you join her
in the teachers' lounge
189
00:07:45,774 --> 00:07:47,366
for some light refreshments.
190
00:07:53,281 --> 00:07:54,522
Oh.
191
00:07:55,348 --> 00:07:56,616
You look rough.
192
00:07:56,641 --> 00:07:57,842
Oh.
193
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,334
I forgot how exhausting teaching is.
194
00:08:01,889 --> 00:08:03,357
This is probably TMI,
195
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:04,557
but yesterday,
196
00:08:04,558 --> 00:08:07,235
I couldn't even find time
to relieve myself.
197
00:08:07,475 --> 00:08:09,967
I had to hold it until 3:00 p.m.
198
00:08:10,066 --> 00:08:11,700
You didn't pee all day?
199
00:08:11,786 --> 00:08:13,755
I couldn't abandon my class.
200
00:08:14,186 --> 00:08:15,561
Insider's tip:
201
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:17,584
wear an adult diaper.
202
00:08:19,206 --> 00:08:21,280
- Excuse me?
- We all wear diapers.
203
00:08:22,409 --> 00:08:23,678
Right, guys?
204
00:08:27,232 --> 00:08:28,522
Totally.
205
00:08:28,982 --> 00:08:31,100
I cut mine in the back
so it looks like a thong.
206
00:08:31,288 --> 00:08:32,918
That way, I still feel sexy,
207
00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:34,670
even when I'm going on myself.
208
00:08:35,538 --> 00:08:37,339
I find them liberating.
209
00:08:37,364 --> 00:08:38,598
Caroline?
210
00:08:39,194 --> 00:08:41,595
I've never felt, you know...
211
00:08:41,596 --> 00:08:43,655
I take it off when I see you.
212
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:46,061
I want you to find me attractive.
213
00:08:46,086 --> 00:08:47,121
Mm.
214
00:08:48,053 --> 00:08:49,483
Do you have it on now?
215
00:08:49,523 --> 00:08:50,717
Mm-hm.
216
00:08:52,538 --> 00:08:54,039
And when it comes
217
00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,643
to taking a shower, it's all guesswork.
218
00:08:56,795 --> 00:08:58,878
There are parts of my body
that have been obstructed
219
00:08:58,879 --> 00:09:00,548
by my belly for months.
220
00:09:02,139 --> 00:09:04,389
Thanks again for skipping
recess to talk to me.
221
00:09:04,414 --> 00:09:05,614
Girlfriend, please.
222
00:09:05,639 --> 00:09:06,918
What am I gonna do,
223
00:09:06,919 --> 00:09:08,354
swing on the monkey bars?
224
00:09:08,355 --> 00:09:09,756
Seriously.
225
00:09:10,172 --> 00:09:11,405
Mm.
226
00:09:11,524 --> 00:09:12,759
This body pillow you got me
227
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:13,826
is heaven.
228
00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,038
Right?
229
00:09:15,386 --> 00:09:17,930
Someone's going to have
some warm tootsies
230
00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:19,381
when they come out.
231
00:09:25,139 --> 00:09:27,639
Put on your thinking caps and buckle up,
232
00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:29,276
because we're about to travel
233
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:32,131
to the land of adjectives!
234
00:09:38,949 --> 00:09:40,108
Hello, ladies.
235
00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:49,967
- Did he just...
- Oh, yeah.
236
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:51,600
He went potty.
237
00:09:58,171 --> 00:09:59,452
Toby.
238
00:10:00,668 --> 00:10:02,404
Are you wearing a diaper?
239
00:10:03,010 --> 00:10:04,397
Yes, I am.
240
00:10:04,647 --> 00:10:05,945
All teachers wear them.
241
00:10:05,946 --> 00:10:07,446
It's a trick of the trade.
242
00:10:07,447 --> 00:10:09,506
- Who told you that?
- The other teachers.
243
00:10:09,608 --> 00:10:11,249
They wear diapers every day.
244
00:10:11,250 --> 00:10:12,685
Chelsea's dresses are so tight,
245
00:10:12,686 --> 00:10:15,717
she can't even wear underwear,
let alone a diaper.
246
00:10:17,157 --> 00:10:19,295
You went on yourself like a damn baby.
247
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,796
I hereby open this meeting
of the Local School Council
248
00:10:22,797 --> 00:10:24,297
to new business.
249
00:10:24,298 --> 00:10:26,432
I have an issue
that needs immediate attention.
250
00:10:26,624 --> 00:10:28,952
People are being murdered by selfies.
251
00:10:29,269 --> 00:10:30,503
What?
252
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:31,671
I know, Gina.
253
00:10:31,672 --> 00:10:33,138
I was shocked, too.
254
00:10:33,139 --> 00:10:35,013
My friend Kimi tragically died
255
00:10:35,038 --> 00:10:37,592
when she fell off a cliff
while taking a selfie.
256
00:10:38,078 --> 00:10:40,046
I propose we create training courses
257
00:10:40,047 --> 00:10:42,282
on how to take a selfie
without killing yourself.
258
00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:45,742
Also, I mocked up these posters
to raise awareness.
259
00:10:46,749 --> 00:10:48,354
Okay, we're done here.
260
00:10:48,355 --> 00:10:50,422
We're not even gonna vote?
261
00:10:50,423 --> 00:10:53,692
Who are you, white women
on November 8, 2016?
262
00:10:53,693 --> 00:10:55,293
Fine. This'll be quick.
263
00:10:55,294 --> 00:10:56,529
All those against everything
264
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:58,031
about Chelsea's idiotic proposal,
265
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:59,032
say "aye."
266
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,265
Aye.
267
00:11:00,266 --> 00:11:02,702
This is real, you dumbasses!
268
00:11:02,727 --> 00:11:04,381
My friend died-uh.
269
00:11:05,205 --> 00:11:07,106
Kimi, give me strength.
270
00:11:10,775 --> 00:11:11,975
Hello?
271
00:11:12,211 --> 00:11:14,013
Toby Wan Kenobi! What up?
272
00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:15,614
Come on in, man. Pop a squat.
273
00:11:15,615 --> 00:11:16,983
Sweet sweater, dude.
274
00:11:16,984 --> 00:11:18,685
I just wanted to make sure
275
00:11:18,686 --> 00:11:19,887
that you're feeling okay
276
00:11:19,888 --> 00:11:21,178
in your new position.
277
00:11:21,203 --> 00:11:22,319
Mm.
278
00:11:22,344 --> 00:11:24,090
I know transitions
279
00:11:24,091 --> 00:11:25,890
can be difficult.
280
00:11:25,891 --> 00:11:27,393
Sometimes, you think you know
281
00:11:27,394 --> 00:11:29,428
what you're getting yourself into,
282
00:11:29,429 --> 00:11:32,263
and then the reality of the job is...
283
00:11:32,264 --> 00:11:35,009
I... think I'm... fine.
284
00:11:35,034 --> 00:11:37,169
It can make you wonder,
285
00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:39,071
"Do I know what I'm doing?"
286
00:11:39,072 --> 00:11:42,022
"Why won't anyone take me seriously?"
287
00:11:42,486 --> 00:11:45,522
and "How many people saw me
urinate on myself?"
288
00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:47,815
It's not your fault
that you trust people
289
00:11:47,816 --> 00:11:50,483
and assume that they're telling
you the truth.
290
00:11:50,484 --> 00:11:52,272
You're doing the best you can.
291
00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:54,108
Hey, Toby,
292
00:11:54,944 --> 00:11:56,589
do you need to talk to the counselor?
293
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:57,827
No.
294
00:11:58,091 --> 00:11:59,658
We're talking about you.
295
00:11:59,881 --> 00:12:01,494
Okay, um,
296
00:12:01,495 --> 00:12:03,964
well, just in case
we're talking about you,
297
00:12:04,139 --> 00:12:05,565
you're a sub, okay?
298
00:12:05,566 --> 00:12:07,700
Your only job
is to keep these kids alive,
299
00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:10,070
so why don't you go ahead
and pop on "Milo and Otis"
300
00:12:10,071 --> 00:12:11,428
and call it a diz-ay.
301
00:12:11,453 --> 00:12:12,811
Kn'I mean?
302
00:12:13,147 --> 00:12:14,807
Hey, check this out.
303
00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:18,042
Cool, right?
304
00:12:20,713 --> 00:12:21,948
Boom!
305
00:12:22,316 --> 00:12:25,116
Just run the cocoa butter
in a circular motion.
306
00:12:25,358 --> 00:12:27,286
And this helps prevent stretch marks?
307
00:12:27,287 --> 00:12:28,967
You call them stretch marks.
308
00:12:29,224 --> 00:12:31,990
I call them tiger stripes.
309
00:12:39,765 --> 00:12:41,100
What's going on here?
310
00:12:41,101 --> 00:12:42,335
Raymond's just showing me how to avoid
311
00:12:42,336 --> 00:12:44,124
getting any more stretch marks.
312
00:12:44,475 --> 00:12:46,039
Can I talk to you for a sec?
313
00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,140
Allow me.
314
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:50,545
Thank you.
315
00:12:51,436 --> 00:12:53,600
Deb, don't you think
this is a little inappropriate?
316
00:12:53,741 --> 00:12:56,248
No, he's just giving me
the support I need.
317
00:12:56,249 --> 00:12:58,022
But he's ten years old.
318
00:12:59,397 --> 00:13:00,452
What's this?
319
00:13:00,453 --> 00:13:02,055
Oh, Raymond got it for me.
320
00:13:02,056 --> 00:13:03,724
It's a maternity negligee.
321
00:13:06,114 --> 00:13:07,381
Oh.
322
00:13:08,601 --> 00:13:11,037
Okay, I'll...
323
00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:16,142
Yeah, I'll talk to him.
324
00:13:20,072 --> 00:13:21,907
Everyone!
325
00:13:21,908 --> 00:13:23,808
Please take your seats!
326
00:13:26,212 --> 00:13:28,980
We're gonna watch "Milo and Otis."
327
00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:30,649
Peanuts?
328
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,405
No.
329
00:13:32,430 --> 00:13:33,530
No!
330
00:13:35,021 --> 00:13:36,327
No!
331
00:13:36,444 --> 00:13:37,990
Don't worry, Ron!
332
00:13:37,991 --> 00:13:39,658
I'll save you!
333
00:13:41,788 --> 00:13:43,095
Ow!
334
00:13:43,096 --> 00:13:44,964
What are you doing? I'm not Ron!
335
00:13:44,965 --> 00:13:46,231
I'm Ron!
336
00:13:48,635 --> 00:13:51,604
Ow, stop! I'm not Ron, either!
337
00:13:53,907 --> 00:13:55,202
Why did you do that?
338
00:13:55,227 --> 00:13:57,655
The peanuts, Ron!
There are peanuts on your desk!
339
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,546
Those are not mine!
340
00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:01,218
What?
341
00:14:01,350 --> 00:14:03,081
I put those peanuts there.
342
00:14:03,082 --> 00:14:05,151
I knew you'd tweak, sucker!
343
00:14:11,558 --> 00:14:12,925
Oh!
344
00:14:14,338 --> 00:14:16,366
Okay, keep the line moving.
345
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:18,513
Ooh, Frank, say hi to your dad for me.
346
00:14:18,538 --> 00:14:20,128
Your parents are still
having trouble, right?
347
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,233
Oh, my God.
348
00:14:25,721 --> 00:14:27,639
There's a child on the roof,
349
00:14:27,991 --> 00:14:29,791
taking a selfie!
350
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:48,976
And that's how you go from Instagram
351
00:14:48,977 --> 00:14:50,612
to insta-dead.
352
00:14:54,575 --> 00:14:56,332
Please give a round of applause
353
00:14:56,357 --> 00:14:58,763
to Gogo and Antonio Fernandez
354
00:14:58,788 --> 00:15:01,231
of the Hernandez Brothers Circus!
355
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,680
Parents of Fillmore,
356
00:15:04,681 --> 00:15:06,717
what you just witnessed wasn't real,
357
00:15:06,718 --> 00:15:08,017
but it could be,
358
00:15:08,018 --> 00:15:10,794
because selfies are dangerous.
359
00:15:11,089 --> 00:15:13,924
Please, join me and take action
360
00:15:13,925 --> 00:15:17,194
so your children don't get
ground up in a wood chipper!
361
00:15:17,591 --> 00:15:18,961
Damn it!
362
00:15:18,962 --> 00:15:20,531
You guys are killing me today.
363
00:15:20,532 --> 00:15:22,498
Normally, I would think
that crazy chicks are hot,
364
00:15:22,499 --> 00:15:24,767
but this is just nuts, Chels!
365
00:15:24,768 --> 00:15:27,372
I am tired of being ignored,
and I had to make a point.
366
00:15:27,450 --> 00:15:29,006
Selfies are dangerous
367
00:15:29,007 --> 00:15:30,306
and distracting.
368
00:15:30,307 --> 00:15:32,108
We should just ban them altogether!
369
00:15:32,109 --> 00:15:34,277
Girls today objectify themselves
370
00:15:34,278 --> 00:15:35,479
and then, they post the photos online
371
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,314
for everyone else to objectify them!
372
00:15:37,315 --> 00:15:39,217
Their entire self-worth is based
373
00:15:39,218 --> 00:15:41,285
on the comments on their Instagram,
374
00:15:41,286 --> 00:15:43,286
and instead of learning how to be men,
375
00:15:43,287 --> 00:15:45,488
boys are learning how to take dick pics!
376
00:15:45,489 --> 00:15:48,425
That isn't communication.
That's assault!
377
00:15:48,661 --> 00:15:50,926
These kids are disconnected
from each other,
378
00:15:50,927 --> 00:15:52,229
they're disconnected from us...
379
00:15:52,230 --> 00:15:53,630
oh, my God.
380
00:15:53,965 --> 00:15:55,364
We shouldn't ban selfies.
381
00:15:56,802 --> 00:15:58,535
We should ban cell phones.
382
00:16:01,806 --> 00:16:03,091
Aye.
383
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:05,376
Congratulations, Chelsea,
384
00:16:05,377 --> 00:16:06,843
Your motion to ban cell phones
in the classroom
385
00:16:06,844 --> 00:16:09,794
during school hours
has officially passed.
386
00:16:10,302 --> 00:16:12,615
Thank you.
My friend did not die in vain.
387
00:16:12,616 --> 00:16:15,585
This award is a huge honor.
It's not an award.
388
00:16:15,586 --> 00:16:17,054
Well, it's still a huge honor.
389
00:16:17,055 --> 00:16:18,121
Not an honor.
390
00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:19,489
Okay, well, I won.
391
00:16:19,490 --> 00:16:21,714
Raymond, I appreciate your support,
392
00:16:21,739 --> 00:16:24,462
but we need to take a break
from the pregnancy stuff.
393
00:16:24,463 --> 00:16:25,911
Did I do something wrong?
394
00:16:25,993 --> 00:16:27,428
You're young.
395
00:16:27,453 --> 00:16:29,299
You should be out
playing with the other kids,
396
00:16:29,300 --> 00:16:30,434
not worrying about me.
397
00:16:30,435 --> 00:16:31,864
But what about Miles?
398
00:16:31,970 --> 00:16:32,970
Who's Miles?
399
00:16:33,341 --> 00:16:34,504
The baby.
400
00:16:34,505 --> 00:16:35,605
I named him.
401
00:16:35,606 --> 00:16:36,806
Okay, weird.
402
00:16:36,807 --> 00:16:37,807
This is done.
403
00:16:37,808 --> 00:16:38,974
Go hit the monkey bars.
404
00:16:39,611 --> 00:16:40,745
Kimi,
405
00:16:40,770 --> 00:16:42,046
if you could see
what I accomplished this week,
406
00:16:42,047 --> 00:16:43,680
you would be so proud.
407
00:16:44,682 --> 00:16:46,349
Do you know what this reminds me of?
408
00:16:46,350 --> 00:16:47,618
That pledge week when you
wouldn't let me
409
00:16:47,619 --> 00:16:49,118
call an ambulance when Jenna Phillips
410
00:16:49,119 --> 00:16:50,286
almost choked to death
411
00:16:50,287 --> 00:16:51,919
deep-throating a butternut squash,
412
00:16:52,341 --> 00:16:54,519
but I did the right thing,
and called 911
413
00:16:54,544 --> 00:16:56,122
so I wouldn't get in trouble.
414
00:16:56,872 --> 00:16:58,629
It's so sad that Jenna died
later that year
415
00:16:58,630 --> 00:17:00,528
deep-throating a butternut squash.
416
00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:03,467
Anyway, love you, girl.
417
00:17:03,468 --> 00:17:05,535
Congratulations
on your LSC win, Chelsea.
418
00:17:05,536 --> 00:17:06,937
Yeah, now those little turds
419
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:09,139
can't bring their porn portals
to class anymore.
420
00:17:09,140 --> 00:17:10,440
Thank you.
421
00:17:10,441 --> 00:17:11,842
Kimi's death has made me realize
422
00:17:11,843 --> 00:17:13,242
that life is short.
423
00:17:13,243 --> 00:17:15,211
Before I die young and beautiful, I want
424
00:17:15,212 --> 00:17:17,113
to do something meaningful with my life.
425
00:17:17,114 --> 00:17:19,115
I'm going to become a new Chelsea
426
00:17:19,599 --> 00:17:21,117
for my best friend,
427
00:17:21,118 --> 00:17:22,451
Kimi.
428
00:17:22,484 --> 00:17:24,420
Oh, no. Toby!
429
00:17:25,322 --> 00:17:26,858
Okay, it is equal parts
430
00:17:26,859 --> 00:17:28,091
sad and embarrassing
431
00:17:28,092 --> 00:17:29,693
that you bang that, Caroline.
432
00:17:31,662 --> 00:17:33,229
...Would've said the old Chelsea.
433
00:17:33,230 --> 00:17:34,296
Should've never tricked him
434
00:17:34,297 --> 00:17:35,622
into wearing a diaper.
435
00:17:36,792 --> 00:17:38,102
You're right.
436
00:17:38,103 --> 00:17:39,309
We should help him.
437
00:17:46,977 --> 00:17:48,644
Please don't kill me!
438
00:17:48,645 --> 00:17:50,613
I haven't designated in my will
439
00:17:50,614 --> 00:17:53,248
who gets my infinity scarf collection.
440
00:17:54,612 --> 00:17:55,700
Ah!
441
00:17:55,725 --> 00:17:56,872
Oh, God.
442
00:17:56,966 --> 00:17:59,001
Oh, God, I, uh... I always thought that
443
00:17:59,002 --> 00:18:00,966
it would be Roberta who killed me.
444
00:18:01,568 --> 00:18:03,203
Pencil to pencil,
445
00:18:03,204 --> 00:18:05,037
high score to low score,
446
00:18:05,038 --> 00:18:06,438
we are united,
447
00:18:06,439 --> 00:18:08,388
sisters of Fillmore.
448
00:18:09,099 --> 00:18:12,146
Toby, we've brought you
to our secret meeting spot.
449
00:18:12,147 --> 00:18:14,222
This is the school's boiler room.
450
00:18:14,247 --> 00:18:16,286
Did you just drive me around the block?
451
00:18:16,311 --> 00:18:17,511
You'll never know.
452
00:18:17,752 --> 00:18:19,169
Oh, God.
453
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:23,390
No. Ah! Ow!
454
00:18:27,833 --> 00:18:29,795
We are welcoming you into our tribe.
455
00:18:29,796 --> 00:18:31,197
Where we vow to help each other
456
00:18:31,198 --> 00:18:32,564
in times of need.
457
00:18:32,565 --> 00:18:33,666
And call each other out
458
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:34,817
when we're being weird.
459
00:18:34,842 --> 00:18:36,503
And push each other to be better.
460
00:18:36,942 --> 00:18:38,309
We're a sisterhood,
461
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:40,635
so welcome to the hood, sister.
462
00:18:42,275 --> 00:18:43,776
We have a tradition that every year,
463
00:18:43,777 --> 00:18:46,078
we'd give this to
the newest teacher at Fillmore.
464
00:18:46,474 --> 00:18:48,653
This is the Dang-It Doll.
465
00:18:49,216 --> 00:18:51,450
We've never given it to a sub before.
466
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:54,486
Whenever you're feeling
overwhelmed or frustrated,
467
00:18:54,487 --> 00:18:56,591
you can use this to express your anger.
468
00:18:57,257 --> 00:18:58,544
Is this me?
469
00:18:58,851 --> 00:18:59,986
Sorry.
470
00:19:00,812 --> 00:19:03,014
I made it before we started dating.
471
00:19:05,281 --> 00:19:06,548
Thank you.
472
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,333
It's truly an honor
473
00:19:08,334 --> 00:19:10,335
to be a part of this group.
474
00:19:13,775 --> 00:19:15,013
Dang it!
475
00:19:15,038 --> 00:19:17,458
Dang it, dang it, dang it!
476
00:19:18,179 --> 00:19:20,979
Dang it, dang it, dang it, dang it!
477
00:19:20,980 --> 00:19:22,482
Dang it! Dang it!
478
00:19:22,483 --> 00:19:23,716
Oh, dang it!
479
00:19:23,717 --> 00:19:25,618
Dang it! Dang it!
480
00:19:25,619 --> 00:19:28,263
Peas and motherfucking rice!
481
00:19:29,256 --> 00:19:30,794
Ow... Ah...
482
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:36,497
Welcome to the squad, girl.
483
00:19:38,895 --> 00:19:40,365
Sorry, Kimi.
484
00:19:40,366 --> 00:19:42,466
There can only be room for one of us.
485
00:19:43,851 --> 00:19:46,653
I'm her best friend, not you, you shrub!
486
00:19:50,076 --> 00:19:55,747
synced and corrected by susinz
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