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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:34,049 --> 00:00:39,784 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull Resync by GoldenBeard www.addic7ed.com 2 00:00:46,707 --> 00:00:48,264 Matthew! 3 00:00:49,242 --> 00:00:52,212 Hey! 4 00:00:52,213 --> 00:00:53,903 Where are you? 5 00:00:57,418 --> 00:00:59,709 Matthew! Hello! 6 00:01:01,222 --> 00:01:02,789 Stupid, dumb shithead! 7 00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:04,156 ♪ Lot of snags ♪ 8 00:01:04,157 --> 00:01:06,159 ♪ Lot of holes lot of cracks ♪ 9 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,297 ♪ Lot of crags ♪ 10 00:01:09,298 --> 00:01:11,132 God! 11 00:01:11,133 --> 00:01:13,668 Matthew, are you gonna fuck me, or what? 12 00:01:13,669 --> 00:01:15,770 On it like a bonnet. On it like a bonnet. On it like a bonnet 13 00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:19,638 - Alright, fight club, what the hell is going on here? - I'm a guest! 14 00:01:19,639 --> 00:01:22,376 Unless someone signed you into the building. You are not a guest. 15 00:01:22,377 --> 00:01:25,412 - Alright? Please. - Aw, man! I miss my friend. 16 00:01:25,413 --> 00:01:27,148 - Don't take that tack with me. - My friend lives here... 17 00:01:27,149 --> 00:01:28,180 Please don't put me in this position. 18 00:01:28,181 --> 00:01:29,383 Why are you doing this? 19 00:01:29,384 --> 00:01:31,352 I'm gonna have to call the campus police. 20 00:01:31,353 --> 00:01:33,385 Well... uh, now, Jordan, uh, she's my guest. 21 00:01:33,387 --> 00:01:34,722 - Uh, my... - She's your guest, Harper? 22 00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:36,257 Yeah, yeah, uh, yeah. 23 00:01:36,258 --> 00:01:37,656 She's, uh... Hi, Stephanie... hi, uh... 24 00:01:37,657 --> 00:01:40,560 - Yeah. - Yeah. Stephanie. Thank you. Mm-hmm. 25 00:01:40,561 --> 00:01:43,364 Stephanie... Sanders. 26 00:01:43,365 --> 00:01:44,831 Stephanie Sanders. Right here. 27 00:01:44,832 --> 00:01:46,832 - Take care of her, okay? - Oh, yeah. No, I got this. 28 00:01:46,833 --> 00:01:48,736 This is all taken care of. You don't have to worry about that. 29 00:01:48,737 --> 00:01:50,237 - Thank you. - Okay. 30 00:01:50,238 --> 00:01:51,772 - Thanks, man. Sorry. - Thank you. 31 00:01:51,773 --> 00:01:55,276 - Oh, rock and roll. - What? 32 00:01:55,277 --> 00:01:57,612 - I said, rock and roll. - Oh. 33 00:01:57,613 --> 00:01:59,546 Alright, this is uh... This is us. 34 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,272 "Us." You're funny. 35 00:02:08,321 --> 00:02:09,457 Nice porn. 36 00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:11,313 Ha ha. Yeah. Ha... 37 00:02:12,527 --> 00:02:13,983 Nice panties. 38 00:02:15,495 --> 00:02:17,298 - Who are you? - I'm Jake. 39 00:02:17,299 --> 00:02:18,933 Lainey. 40 00:02:18,934 --> 00:02:20,734 It's a nickname they give to people named Elaine. 41 00:02:20,735 --> 00:02:21,903 Elaine's great name. 42 00:02:21,904 --> 00:02:24,804 - It's like, Elaine! Elaine... - Hey! 43 00:02:24,805 --> 00:02:29,409 If you ever even mention The Graduate again, I will slit your throat. 44 00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:33,136 Okay, Lainey. Glad we got that cleared up. 45 00:02:34,415 --> 00:02:36,917 Welcome to my Thursday night. Huh? 46 00:02:36,918 --> 00:02:39,387 You, uh... You wanna watch porn? 47 00:02:39,388 --> 00:02:40,877 Smoke drugs? 48 00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:44,292 Ugh! This sucks! 49 00:02:44,293 --> 00:02:46,861 - Mm. - You know what I was gonna do tonight? 50 00:02:46,862 --> 00:02:49,429 Judging from your outfit, I'd say scale a mountain? 51 00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:51,298 - Lose my virginity. - Hold on a second... 52 00:02:51,299 --> 00:02:53,466 You were gonna lose your virginity to Matthew Sobvechik 53 00:02:53,467 --> 00:02:55,570 in 11B at Wein Dormitory? 54 00:02:55,571 --> 00:02:58,271 He's the TA in my pre-med bio class. 55 00:02:58,272 --> 00:03:00,975 I'm deliberately failing to get work sessions with him. 56 00:03:00,976 --> 00:03:04,376 We fool around after he teaches me things I already know. 57 00:03:04,378 --> 00:03:06,947 Jesus! How Matthew Sobvechik managed to bag 58 00:03:06,948 --> 00:03:09,281 such a delightfully unhinged hottie 59 00:03:09,282 --> 00:03:11,953 by being the most boring, fucking guy 60 00:03:11,954 --> 00:03:15,356 on this entire floor is beyond me. 61 00:03:15,357 --> 00:03:17,959 - Well, I'm in love with him. - Come on. 62 00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:19,726 There's no way you love Matthew Sobvechik 63 00:03:19,727 --> 00:03:21,928 the Pontiac Aztec of people. 64 00:03:21,929 --> 00:03:24,398 Lainey, you having sex with Matthew Sobvechik 65 00:03:24,399 --> 00:03:26,565 is basically the same thing 66 00:03:26,566 --> 00:03:29,469 as me telling an Aborigine in the Australian outback 67 00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,837 that he's about to listen to the Beatles 68 00:03:30,838 --> 00:03:33,374 for the first time, and then I play him Blues Traveler. 69 00:03:33,375 --> 00:03:35,643 That's a cruel joke, for I will have just tricked him 70 00:03:35,644 --> 00:03:37,944 into thinking Blues Traveler 71 00:03:37,945 --> 00:03:40,846 is the greatest band of all time, okay? 72 00:03:40,847 --> 00:03:44,483 Now, if you were to sleep with Matthew Sobvechik 73 00:03:44,484 --> 00:03:47,454 you would be addicted to mediocrity for the rest of your life. 74 00:03:47,455 --> 00:03:49,656 And that barely covered vagina of yours 75 00:03:49,657 --> 00:03:51,524 deserves better than that. 76 00:03:51,525 --> 00:03:55,796 It doesn't deserve John Popper, it deserves John Lennon. Okay? 77 00:03:55,797 --> 00:03:57,497 You understand me? 78 00:03:57,498 --> 00:04:01,290 I'm talkin' about, like, the "White Album", not "Hook." 79 00:04:03,305 --> 00:04:04,839 Tell me what sex is like. 80 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,541 Oh, my God! You've got a one track mind. 81 00:04:07,542 --> 00:04:09,744 Fuck you. Enlighten me. 82 00:04:09,745 --> 00:04:11,379 You want me to tell you what sex is like, huh? 83 00:04:11,380 --> 00:04:14,204 - Mm-hmm. Tell me. - Okay. 84 00:04:14,949 --> 00:04:17,050 Better be ready. 85 00:04:17,051 --> 00:04:19,586 - You ready? - Yes. 86 00:04:19,587 --> 00:04:21,521 Sex is like, uh... 87 00:04:21,522 --> 00:04:24,725 It's like kissing with your entire body. 88 00:04:24,726 --> 00:04:27,294 Very sensual experience. 89 00:04:27,295 --> 00:04:30,564 It's like shooting heroin in a... in a controlled yet 90 00:04:30,565 --> 00:04:33,400 moist environment, you know? 91 00:04:33,401 --> 00:04:35,369 You know what it's like ...it's like... it's like Times Square at night. 92 00:04:35,370 --> 00:04:39,429 I mean... just the right tinge of danger. 93 00:04:40,509 --> 00:04:41,965 Sorry. 94 00:04:46,415 --> 00:04:48,104 Oh, my God. 95 00:04:48,483 --> 00:04:49,774 What? 96 00:04:51,353 --> 00:04:52,886 Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. 97 00:04:52,887 --> 00:04:56,590 Yeah. So I haven't technically... 98 00:04:56,591 --> 00:04:59,527 ...actually really done it yet. 99 00:04:59,528 --> 00:05:01,028 Why're you laughing at me? That's not... 100 00:05:01,029 --> 00:05:02,797 But you're so old. 101 00:05:02,798 --> 00:05:05,799 Fuck you. I didn't call you an old virgin. 102 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:09,003 I'm not... I'm shocked. I'm shocked. You're so cute. 103 00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,937 Why're you giving me shit? 104 00:05:10,938 --> 00:05:13,773 Y-you can't get the most boring dude 105 00:05:13,774 --> 00:05:16,509 in the dorm to sleep with you. 106 00:05:16,510 --> 00:05:18,745 You know... that... I mean, that's ridiculous. 107 00:05:18,746 --> 00:05:20,436 You're the one that's should be... 108 00:05:23,985 --> 00:05:26,020 No, I'm... I'm sorry. 109 00:05:26,021 --> 00:05:27,854 I... I'm... I'm... 110 00:05:27,855 --> 00:05:29,422 I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset. 111 00:05:29,423 --> 00:05:30,657 I thought... I was just joking around. 112 00:05:30,658 --> 00:05:33,148 You know, I thought we were joking around. So I was joking. 113 00:05:36,464 --> 00:05:38,732 This was all, just very romantic 114 00:05:38,733 --> 00:05:41,124 and then you just fucked it up. 115 00:05:44,038 --> 00:05:45,528 It was? 116 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,061 What is this? 117 00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:08,763 Get it off. 118 00:06:08,764 --> 00:06:10,220 Jesus. 119 00:06:15,103 --> 00:06:17,927 I'm so, so sweaty. All this on... 120 00:06:21,843 --> 00:06:23,131 You're incredible. 121 00:06:24,678 --> 00:06:27,269 You're gonna drive some guy crazy some day. 122 00:06:28,884 --> 00:06:30,550 ♪ ...smile upon you ♪♪ 123 00:06:30,551 --> 00:06:32,085 - Okay. Alright. - Mm-hmm. 124 00:06:32,086 --> 00:06:33,475 - Here we go? - Mm-hmm. 125 00:06:46,566 --> 00:06:49,202 ♪ That girl's stuck in your head ♪ 126 00:06:49,203 --> 00:06:52,071 ♪ Let down your... and make them stare ♪ 127 00:06:52,072 --> 00:06:53,106 ♪ You know it's not too late... ♪ 128 00:06:53,107 --> 00:06:55,876 Hey! Hey, Hannah! 129 00:06:55,877 --> 00:06:58,612 Hannah! 130 00:06:58,613 --> 00:07:00,181 ♪ 'Cause it's a thrill to give you ♪ 131 00:07:00,182 --> 00:07:01,448 ♪ What you want ♪ 132 00:07:01,449 --> 00:07:03,216 ♪ It's everything you dreamed of ♪ 133 00:07:03,217 --> 00:07:04,518 ♪ What you want ♪ 134 00:07:04,519 --> 00:07:06,619 ♪ I can remiss... ♪ 135 00:07:06,620 --> 00:07:07,787 ♪ What you want ♪ 136 00:07:07,788 --> 00:07:11,025 ♪ If you just don't blow it ♪ 137 00:07:11,026 --> 00:07:14,226 ♪ Everything's going down ♪ 138 00:07:14,227 --> 00:07:18,833 ♪ Everything's blowing but you just can't stop it ♪♪ 139 00:07:18,834 --> 00:07:21,167 - Hannah! - Leave me alone! 140 00:07:21,168 --> 00:07:24,170 - Oh, come on. Look, I could do this all the way to Brooklyn... - Fuck you. 141 00:07:24,171 --> 00:07:26,840 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Easy. Easy. 142 00:07:26,841 --> 00:07:29,008 Hey, did you see me take out that cab? Sydney Bristow style? 143 00:07:29,009 --> 00:07:31,510 Thank God you stopped, okay? Please. Please... 144 00:07:31,511 --> 00:07:33,746 - You're disgusting. - I'm... okay. Maybe you're right. 145 00:07:33,747 --> 00:07:35,615 - You might be right. - How could you fuck her, Jake? 146 00:07:35,616 --> 00:07:38,818 I look, sorry, I... Ow! Ooh! That got me! 147 00:07:38,819 --> 00:07:40,688 How could you even kiss me after you fucked her? 148 00:07:40,689 --> 00:07:42,154 What are we doing in the middle of the street? 149 00:07:42,155 --> 00:07:43,990 Ugh! Because I hope we fucking die! 150 00:07:43,992 --> 00:07:47,061 Will you get... whoa! Fuckin' please, come on! 151 00:07:47,062 --> 00:07:50,564 Let's get off the street, okay? Okay, look, look, look, look, look. 152 00:07:50,565 --> 00:07:55,235 Hey. Hey, hey, hey, I appreciate your anger, I really do, okay. 153 00:07:55,236 --> 00:07:57,972 And Lord knows, I could use the exercise 154 00:07:57,973 --> 00:08:01,040 but I do believe there are exactly 3 points we should discuss, okay? 155 00:08:01,041 --> 00:08:04,277 First off, in our initial conversations about exclusivity 156 00:08:04,278 --> 00:08:08,081 I distinctly recall you saying something about "staying casual," yeah? 157 00:08:08,082 --> 00:08:09,649 - I only said that... - Most likely because you thought 158 00:08:09,651 --> 00:08:11,084 that was what I wanted to hear, yes? 159 00:08:11,085 --> 00:08:14,121 - Yes. - Okay. Well, me taking you at your word 160 00:08:14,122 --> 00:08:16,923 doesn't make me an asshole, it does however make you a liar. 161 00:08:16,924 --> 00:08:18,657 Ugh! You're such a piece of shit... 162 00:08:18,658 --> 00:08:21,560 Hey. Second... second point. Okay? 163 00:08:21,561 --> 00:08:24,064 If you really, actually wanted monogamy 164 00:08:24,065 --> 00:08:27,535 why have casual sex with me for three months? 165 00:08:27,536 --> 00:08:30,804 You know, I mean, If you wanna grow flowers, you don't plant 'em in a closet. 166 00:08:30,805 --> 00:08:35,975 So either you're stupid or deep down inside you don't want monogamy either. 167 00:08:35,976 --> 00:08:38,078 You fucked my best friend. 168 00:08:38,079 --> 00:08:40,613 Which brings me to my third and final point. 169 00:08:40,614 --> 00:08:43,750 Your chief complaint is not that I screwed someone 170 00:08:43,751 --> 00:08:45,718 it is who I screwed. 171 00:08:45,719 --> 00:08:47,621 That's what it's about, right? 172 00:08:47,622 --> 00:08:50,623 So much like your, uh, the counter-intuitive plan 173 00:08:50,624 --> 00:08:52,660 to secure an exclusive relationship 174 00:08:52,661 --> 00:08:54,828 with a guy that you don't actually wanna date. 175 00:08:54,829 --> 00:08:57,130 Moi. Your issue with me and Sarah... 176 00:08:57,131 --> 00:08:58,366 - Do not say her name. - Was a lot... 177 00:08:58,367 --> 00:09:02,803 Your issue with us is purely driven by a societal insecurity. 178 00:09:02,804 --> 00:09:06,740 Not to mention, a culturally infused female competition. 179 00:09:06,741 --> 00:09:09,043 Oh! My heart goes out to you ladies. 180 00:09:09,044 --> 00:09:11,977 Baby, you're a bad liar. 181 00:09:11,978 --> 00:09:14,346 You're not stupid. 182 00:09:14,347 --> 00:09:18,017 And she can't hold a candle to you. 183 00:09:18,018 --> 00:09:19,819 Can we please go home? 184 00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:22,088 Please? 185 00:09:22,089 --> 00:09:24,024 You know, get out of these wet clothes. 186 00:09:24,025 --> 00:09:26,449 And dry each other off using friction. 187 00:09:29,763 --> 00:09:30,896 Yeah? 188 00:09:30,897 --> 00:09:33,732 - Yeah. - Good. 189 00:09:33,734 --> 00:09:34,790 Whoa! 190 00:09:39,340 --> 00:09:42,141 - You got a girlfriend, Charles? - No. 191 00:09:42,142 --> 00:09:45,044 Playing the field, hmm? 192 00:09:45,045 --> 00:09:47,714 Be careful. 193 00:09:47,715 --> 00:09:49,505 - You know? - Why? 194 00:09:51,651 --> 00:09:53,708 I don't know if I have time to answer that. 195 00:09:59,127 --> 00:10:02,630 Wow. Bathroom fucking stinks. 196 00:10:02,631 --> 00:10:05,932 Um, what were we talking about? So I said to Jack. 197 00:10:05,933 --> 00:10:09,302 I said, "Jack, Lainey and I, we're looking to buy. 198 00:10:09,303 --> 00:10:11,905 Maybe have a kid." 199 00:10:11,906 --> 00:10:14,007 I hope it's okay that I said that, by the way. 200 00:10:14,008 --> 00:10:16,043 I mean, you haven't changed your mind or anything, have you? 201 00:10:16,044 --> 00:10:18,211 Because I know you don't wanna get married, but you know 202 00:10:18,212 --> 00:10:20,713 I do think it's important we make some sort of commitment to each other 203 00:10:20,714 --> 00:10:24,683 and I think buying a place, maybe Kensington 204 00:10:24,684 --> 00:10:26,686 maybe Prospect Heights. 205 00:10:26,688 --> 00:10:29,054 What's up, little nugget, what are you doing with the notebook? 206 00:10:29,056 --> 00:10:31,724 Sam. I have to read you something. 207 00:10:31,725 --> 00:10:34,261 You've been writing again? 208 00:10:34,262 --> 00:10:36,796 - Sweetie, that's great! - No... 209 00:10:36,797 --> 00:10:38,130 - I was never writing. - Honey, yes! 210 00:10:38,131 --> 00:10:40,400 - It was one short story... - Yes! That is great! 211 00:10:40,401 --> 00:10:42,301 No, listen. Listen... 212 00:10:42,302 --> 00:10:44,038 I wanna tell you something, look at me. 213 00:10:44,039 --> 00:10:47,207 Look at me, okay? I know you love teaching. 214 00:10:47,208 --> 00:10:50,176 But that's not a real thing. I mean, this is great. This is... 215 00:10:50,177 --> 00:10:52,245 Can you please just not interrupt me while I read this, please. 216 00:10:52,246 --> 00:10:54,346 - Just listen to it. Let me get through all of it. - I won't. 217 00:10:54,347 --> 00:10:56,149 I don't think I interrupt you, but go on. 218 00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:57,984 - Don't. - I don't. 219 00:10:57,986 --> 00:11:00,420 - Please don't interrupt. - I would love to hear it. 220 00:11:00,421 --> 00:11:02,578 - Okay, mister. - Wow me. 221 00:11:04,191 --> 00:11:05,780 - Sam. - Lainey. 222 00:11:09,196 --> 00:11:14,434 "My therapist suggested that I attend a 12 step program 223 00:11:14,435 --> 00:11:16,937 for recovery from a love addiction 224 00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:18,338 and romantic obsession..." 225 00:11:18,339 --> 00:11:20,741 I'm sorry... beep, beep, squeak, um, hello... 226 00:11:20,742 --> 00:11:22,808 Did you say "Love addiction?" 227 00:11:22,809 --> 00:11:25,212 - "And romantic obsession..." - Sweetie. Sweetie. 228 00:11:25,213 --> 00:11:28,214 - You might as well face it, you're addicted to love. - "Obsession..." 229 00:11:28,215 --> 00:11:30,384 - Huey Lewis. - No, it's Robert Palmer. 230 00:11:30,385 --> 00:11:32,018 "That I've had for the last 10 years. 231 00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:35,121 "As a result I have been able to stay faithful to you 232 00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:37,189 - for the past 6 months..." - Okay, let me just stop you because... 233 00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:41,261 - I feel like... - Sam, I'm trying to tell you something. 234 00:11:41,262 --> 00:11:43,163 - I know. I would love to hear what you're telling me. - Sam. 235 00:11:43,164 --> 00:11:46,033 - Can you listen to what I'm saying to you... - I'm trying to. 236 00:11:46,034 --> 00:11:48,367 Yeah. I'm listening. 237 00:11:48,368 --> 00:11:51,038 "I wanna move forward in our relationship in an honest way." 238 00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:56,343 Oh, I know it. Bein' Honest ...honest, critical appraisal is the foundation... 239 00:11:56,344 --> 00:11:58,433 Sam, I cheated on you. 240 00:12:13,126 --> 00:12:14,951 You cheated on me? 241 00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:22,857 Baby, how many times? 242 00:12:25,906 --> 00:12:27,230 16. 243 00:12:33,281 --> 00:12:34,915 I don't even know 16 guys. 244 00:12:34,916 --> 00:12:36,916 - 16 guys... - No, the same guy. 245 00:12:36,917 --> 00:12:38,841 16 times. 246 00:12:41,255 --> 00:12:42,322 - Who? - It doesn't matter... 247 00:12:42,323 --> 00:12:44,024 - Tell me who. - It doesn't... 248 00:12:44,025 --> 00:12:46,025 - My brother? - No. 249 00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:47,461 - Was it my brother? - No. 250 00:12:47,462 --> 00:12:48,395 - Was it my brother? - Stop. 251 00:12:48,396 --> 00:12:50,163 You know I'm not attracted to your brother. 252 00:12:50,164 --> 00:12:51,564 Who's so fuckin' hot? 253 00:12:51,565 --> 00:12:54,266 Who is better than my brother? 254 00:12:54,267 --> 00:12:56,068 - I'm not gonna tell you... - I deserve to know. 255 00:12:56,069 --> 00:12:57,069 - No, I'm... - I deserve to know. 256 00:12:57,070 --> 00:13:00,273 I've been getting his second fucking servings. 257 00:13:00,274 --> 00:13:04,077 I've been tasting his sweat. Who's juices have I tasted? 258 00:13:04,078 --> 00:13:06,947 If I've been drinking his juices, I wanna know who it is. 259 00:13:06,948 --> 00:13:09,348 I'm not gonna involve him in this and make things worse. 260 00:13:09,349 --> 00:13:14,854 Oh, oh. You involved my brother when you fucked him 16 times! 261 00:13:14,855 --> 00:13:18,525 Who can tell what that fuckin', swarthy man... 262 00:13:18,526 --> 00:13:20,993 What? Get out of here! Get out of here! 263 00:13:20,994 --> 00:13:23,295 Please! Why did you have to do this in public 264 00:13:23,296 --> 00:13:25,030 were you trying to humiliate me? 265 00:13:25,032 --> 00:13:27,534 Look it! Look it! He's looking! I'm embarrassed. 266 00:13:27,535 --> 00:13:30,102 - You won! - I was sacred that you would freak out. 267 00:13:30,103 --> 00:13:31,938 Yeah! Oh, well you thought right. 268 00:13:31,939 --> 00:13:34,596 Get ready for a Classic Sam freak out! 269 00:13:37,477 --> 00:13:39,512 Sam, wait. I'm sorry. 270 00:13:39,513 --> 00:13:43,183 Please, please, don't leave... I'm sorry. 271 00:13:43,184 --> 00:13:46,520 I wanna make this work. I'm trying to get better. 272 00:13:46,521 --> 00:13:48,454 You can't get better. 273 00:13:48,455 --> 00:13:52,014 Lainey, you're not an addict, okay? 274 00:13:55,629 --> 00:13:57,719 You're just a whore. 275 00:13:59,498 --> 00:14:01,523 You're a whore! 276 00:14:04,939 --> 00:14:06,896 You're a fuckin' whore! 277 00:14:58,425 --> 00:15:00,192 Before I started this program 278 00:15:00,193 --> 00:15:03,329 I thought "love" was a feeling. 279 00:15:03,330 --> 00:15:06,197 But that's bullshit, it's not a feeling 280 00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:08,793 it's a decision, like everything else. 281 00:15:08,794 --> 00:15:12,639 And I see now that when I was in my addiction I made the decision 282 00:15:12,640 --> 00:15:17,309 over and over again to choose sex over my self-worth. 283 00:15:17,310 --> 00:15:19,112 And it doesn't mean that I don't like sex now 284 00:15:19,113 --> 00:15:22,481 it doesn't mean that I'm not a sexual person. Gail. 285 00:15:22,482 --> 00:15:24,517 I don't need to go trolling online looking 286 00:15:24,518 --> 00:15:26,185 for women to go down on. 287 00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:28,053 I don't need to fuck 8 guys on one night. 288 00:15:28,055 --> 00:15:30,689 I don't deny what I've done. I embrace my past. 289 00:15:30,690 --> 00:15:32,693 Yes, I did once call one of my neighbors in the middle of the day 290 00:15:32,694 --> 00:15:35,027 when he was at work and said, "Grab some condoms and meet me 291 00:15:35,028 --> 00:15:38,596 at that delicious soft pretzel place." Who cares? 292 00:15:38,597 --> 00:15:43,035 I did let someone put a protein bar up my ass once. Big deal. 293 00:15:43,036 --> 00:15:45,472 I did hack into my supermarket's Instagram account 294 00:15:45,473 --> 00:15:49,041 and posted a picture of my asshole and said, there was a sale on asshole. 295 00:15:49,042 --> 00:15:51,666 And then said, "Come and lick my asshole if you're bald." 296 00:16:02,089 --> 00:16:04,078 Of all the gin joints. 297 00:16:05,392 --> 00:16:07,148 No way. 298 00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:10,120 - Jake. - Yes. 299 00:16:14,035 --> 00:16:17,069 Oh, my God. Were y-you just in that meeting? 300 00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:18,771 Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure was. Uh-huh. 301 00:16:18,772 --> 00:16:21,964 Yeah. Had to get out of there, though. It was making me super horny. 302 00:16:23,777 --> 00:16:27,680 Wow. It's been... What? 12 years? 303 00:16:27,681 --> 00:16:30,083 I think it might actually be longer. Yeah. 304 00:16:30,084 --> 00:16:32,140 - Wow. - Yeah. You look good. 305 00:16:33,285 --> 00:16:35,521 - So do you. - Thank you. 306 00:16:35,522 --> 00:16:39,059 Wow! The "Old virgin." 307 00:16:39,060 --> 00:16:41,395 Don't you mean the one that got away? 308 00:16:41,396 --> 00:16:43,462 - Stop. - Oh, last thing I remember, we had that... 309 00:16:43,463 --> 00:16:46,632 awesome night together and you just sort of... 310 00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:49,567 - Disappeared. - Oh, plus you were all hung up on that guy 311 00:16:49,568 --> 00:16:51,070 that lived next door to me, the boring guy. 312 00:16:51,071 --> 00:16:53,040 The, uh, Marcus, or, uh... 313 00:16:53,041 --> 00:16:54,341 - Matthew. - That's right. 314 00:16:54,342 --> 00:16:55,608 I heard he's a lady doctor now. 315 00:16:55,609 --> 00:16:57,376 - Oh? - Yeah. 316 00:16:57,377 --> 00:16:58,612 You ever see him around? 317 00:16:58,613 --> 00:17:00,713 I assume like... doctor things? 318 00:17:00,714 --> 00:17:02,581 - Aren't you a doctor now? - Oh, I didn't do that. 319 00:17:02,582 --> 00:17:04,251 I didn't end up going to med school. 320 00:17:04,252 --> 00:17:05,618 - Oh. - I teach... 321 00:17:05,619 --> 00:17:07,187 - Cool. - Now, yeah, kids. 322 00:17:07,188 --> 00:17:08,554 - Great. - Kindergarten. 323 00:17:08,555 --> 00:17:10,157 Alright. 324 00:17:10,158 --> 00:17:11,824 You? What do you... what do you... 325 00:17:11,825 --> 00:17:14,325 A buddy and I created this CDN and we're selling it 326 00:17:14,326 --> 00:17:16,162 to a digital media provider... And you're bored already? 327 00:17:16,163 --> 00:17:17,264 - No. - You just asked me. 328 00:17:17,265 --> 00:17:19,800 I know. I'm sorry. I have to... 329 00:17:19,801 --> 00:17:22,535 Respond to that booty text I assume, right? 330 00:17:22,536 --> 00:17:24,602 Oh, come on, Lainey. 331 00:17:24,603 --> 00:17:26,305 I was watchin' you in there. 332 00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:29,810 I saw ya. Checkin' your phone every 5 minutes. 333 00:17:29,811 --> 00:17:32,646 All that tension in your shoulders. Legs crossed, playin' with your hair... 334 00:17:32,647 --> 00:17:34,648 - Why are you here? - Hmm. 335 00:17:34,649 --> 00:17:36,782 - To pick up women? - No, no, Heaven's no. 336 00:17:36,783 --> 00:17:39,717 No, not women, no. Just you evidently. 337 00:17:41,588 --> 00:17:43,422 I'll see you around. 338 00:17:43,423 --> 00:17:45,691 Hopefully not here. 339 00:17:45,692 --> 00:17:47,182 Yeah. 340 00:17:47,862 --> 00:17:49,684 Hey, I'm on Facebook! 341 00:17:50,832 --> 00:17:53,556 What... a weird thing to say out loud. 342 00:18:09,784 --> 00:18:13,419 - You know, I have one last question... actually... - Oh, come on. Come on. 343 00:18:13,420 --> 00:18:18,491 It's like... um, when I sign this, what happens to everything 344 00:18:18,492 --> 00:18:21,495 that Xander and I worked on, like, all the content we created? 345 00:18:21,496 --> 00:18:26,197 We dissolve all past and current product. And you'll work exclusively for us. 346 00:18:26,198 --> 00:18:29,736 Yeah. Right. Time to settle down. 347 00:18:29,737 --> 00:18:33,640 - That's true. That's true. But what if we have... - No. No. 348 00:18:33,641 --> 00:18:37,343 I will straight up murder you if you do not sign this immediately. 349 00:18:37,344 --> 00:18:39,179 Xander, I'm lookin' out for us. 350 00:18:39,180 --> 00:18:40,913 You're lookin' out for us? No, I'm lookin' out for us. 351 00:18:40,914 --> 00:18:42,782 - You're being a dick... - Here's the thing, guys. 352 00:18:42,783 --> 00:18:45,885 I don't negotiate, but my lawyers do. 353 00:18:45,886 --> 00:18:48,755 So if you wanna reopen the terms of the contract, that's fine 354 00:18:48,756 --> 00:18:51,291 I'm just gonna go grab some lunch. 355 00:18:51,292 --> 00:18:56,630 No, alright. Alright. Alright. Alright. Okay. You know... y... you just... 356 00:18:56,631 --> 00:18:58,465 You don't have to go for lunch yet. 357 00:18:58,466 --> 00:19:00,255 Okay. 358 00:19:04,438 --> 00:19:06,739 Congrats, boys. You have officially sold out. 359 00:19:06,740 --> 00:19:09,440 Fuck yes! 360 00:19:09,442 --> 00:19:12,545 Oh, my God! 361 00:19:12,546 --> 00:19:14,581 - I really thought you were gonna fuck this up. - Me too. 362 00:19:14,582 --> 00:19:18,919 - I really did. He fucks everything in life up. - Yeah, yeah, I do. 363 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,754 I have two beautiful children 364 00:19:20,755 --> 00:19:23,354 both are gonna have ridiculously terrible teeth. 365 00:19:23,355 --> 00:19:26,593 So you're getting braces, you're getting braces 366 00:19:26,594 --> 00:19:28,349 you're getting braces! 367 00:19:29,528 --> 00:19:32,253 Hey. You going to lunch? Can I come with? 368 00:19:34,266 --> 00:19:37,304 Dinner maybe? How about brunch with my folks, you'll love them. 369 00:19:37,305 --> 00:19:38,271 - You're smart, handsome... - Thank you. 370 00:19:38,272 --> 00:19:40,873 And now have stocks vesting until 2018. 371 00:19:40,874 --> 00:19:42,409 You can go get any woman you want. 372 00:19:42,410 --> 00:19:44,275 Really? Well, I still choose you. 373 00:19:44,276 --> 00:19:46,212 Why? Because I happened to be in your eye-line? 374 00:19:46,213 --> 00:19:47,613 Possibly because you're uninterested. 375 00:19:47,614 --> 00:19:49,716 Most likely because you're stunning and successful. 376 00:19:49,717 --> 00:19:51,382 - I'm divorced. - His loss. 377 00:19:51,383 --> 00:19:52,986 - I have a kid. - I love kids. 378 00:19:52,987 --> 00:19:54,121 Kids love me. I basically am a kid. 379 00:19:54,122 --> 00:19:57,224 - And I don't sleep with my employees. - I quit. 380 00:19:57,225 --> 00:19:58,756 Goodbye, Jacob. 381 00:19:58,758 --> 00:20:00,715 - Congrats. - Thanks. 382 00:20:01,629 --> 00:20:03,729 - Huh. - What? 383 00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:05,599 Paula's somethin' else, huh? 384 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,266 Yeah, she really is. 385 00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:09,301 She was vibin' me pretty hard in that meeting. 386 00:20:09,302 --> 00:20:11,871 - Well, you're a married man. - Yeah, I know. I made sure to tell her. 387 00:20:11,872 --> 00:20:13,974 - 'Cause I was, like, I didn't wanna embarrass her... - Yeah, yeah. 388 00:20:13,975 --> 00:20:15,674 - That's good. Let her down easy. - Yeah. 389 00:20:15,675 --> 00:20:18,978 Good afternoon, Dr. Sobvechik's office. 390 00:20:18,979 --> 00:20:22,615 I'm sorry the doctor's not available right now. May I take a message? 391 00:20:22,616 --> 00:20:25,950 Elaine. Elaine Dalton? 392 00:20:25,951 --> 00:20:31,358 Yes, um... sorry. It's Lainey. Only my father calls me Elaine. 393 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:34,383 Mm-hmm. Dr. Sobvechik will see you now. 394 00:20:43,270 --> 00:20:46,439 You didn't have to make an appointment. 395 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:49,797 This used to be our move. Me pretending to be a patient. 396 00:20:53,014 --> 00:20:54,979 You look great. 397 00:20:54,980 --> 00:20:57,816 It's been a while. 398 00:20:57,817 --> 00:21:00,075 I get worried when you disappear. 399 00:21:01,521 --> 00:21:03,789 Me too. 400 00:21:03,790 --> 00:21:06,814 It's really good to see you. W... what do you wanna talk about? 401 00:21:08,461 --> 00:21:10,384 - I can't see you anymore. - I agree. 402 00:21:12,699 --> 00:21:14,823 Yeah. I think... 403 00:21:16,403 --> 00:21:19,773 - We need to be over. - I asked Emma to marry me. 404 00:21:19,774 --> 00:21:21,474 I mean, she kept bringing it up. 405 00:21:21,475 --> 00:21:23,374 Thought it was the right thing to do. 406 00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:25,299 Dr. Sobvechik's office... 407 00:21:27,047 --> 00:21:29,082 Oh, you and Emma got back together? 408 00:21:29,083 --> 00:21:32,074 Yes, uh... uh did I not tell you that? 409 00:21:40,361 --> 00:21:45,064 - How is Sam? - He is... fine. 410 00:21:45,065 --> 00:21:46,522 Good. 411 00:21:50,371 --> 00:21:53,896 Glad we ended it face to face. You were right to come. 412 00:22:02,917 --> 00:22:04,417 Will you do me a favor? 413 00:22:04,418 --> 00:22:07,911 Will you erase your number from my phone? 414 00:22:09,956 --> 00:22:12,147 I won't be able to do it. 415 00:23:07,614 --> 00:23:09,648 Is this what you want, Elaine? 416 00:23:09,649 --> 00:23:11,182 Yes. 417 00:23:11,183 --> 00:23:13,574 I want it all the time. It's all I think about. 418 00:23:58,998 --> 00:24:01,256 Good afternoon, Dr. Sobvechik's office. 419 00:24:02,701 --> 00:24:05,193 I'm sorry the doctor is unavailable right now. 420 00:24:07,140 --> 00:24:09,608 - He's getting married. - Who would marry him? 421 00:24:09,609 --> 00:24:12,511 Like, can she consent? Is she in a coma? 422 00:24:12,512 --> 00:24:15,781 I mean, who is this person? Where do you find her? 423 00:24:15,782 --> 00:24:17,917 Some sort of, like, website 424 00:24:17,918 --> 00:24:20,820 for people who want to have a horrible, painful life... 425 00:24:20,821 --> 00:24:24,523 I think I need to stop having sex all together for a while. 426 00:24:24,524 --> 00:24:26,792 No, alright. The problem isn't sex. 427 00:24:26,793 --> 00:24:28,092 The problem is Captain Amazing 428 00:24:28,094 --> 00:24:29,661 has monopolized your vag for like a decade 429 00:24:29,662 --> 00:24:30,830 and now you're a pod person. 430 00:24:30,831 --> 00:24:33,099 But maybe if I'm not having any sex... 431 00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:35,101 And become a sexually anorexic? No. 432 00:24:35,102 --> 00:24:36,969 What? Is that a real thing? 433 00:24:36,970 --> 00:24:38,138 Yeah, of course it's a real thing. 434 00:24:38,139 --> 00:24:40,873 Sexual anorexian. It's like depriving yourself of sex 435 00:24:40,874 --> 00:24:45,543 because of low self-esteem, or abuse or other gnarly shit. 436 00:24:45,544 --> 00:24:47,246 That's great. That's another dysfunction I have to worry about developing. 437 00:24:47,247 --> 00:24:49,849 It's like enough with this shit. 438 00:24:49,850 --> 00:24:51,718 Sobvechik! It's like enough! 439 00:24:51,719 --> 00:24:53,918 I mean, you can do so much better. 440 00:24:53,919 --> 00:24:56,021 I don't care if it's a woman or if it's somebody else 441 00:24:56,022 --> 00:24:59,557 just anything but the schmuck. 442 00:24:59,558 --> 00:25:02,128 I feel like people are looking at us. 443 00:25:02,129 --> 00:25:03,129 The guy I lost my virginity to 444 00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:05,030 was at my sex addicts meeting. 445 00:25:05,032 --> 00:25:06,865 What do you think that means? 446 00:25:06,866 --> 00:25:08,267 It's a sign. 447 00:25:08,268 --> 00:25:12,804 You should fuck that guy. A lot. 448 00:25:12,805 --> 00:25:16,642 I don't think everyone should just be running around fucking willy-nilly, okay? 449 00:25:16,643 --> 00:25:21,202 In your specific case I do think you should fuck that sex addict. 450 00:25:24,817 --> 00:25:27,052 ♪ One look in the mirror ♪ 451 00:25:27,054 --> 00:25:30,412 ♪ And I know the party is over ♪♪ 452 00:25:32,625 --> 00:25:34,183 You have lipstick on your teeth. 453 00:25:35,930 --> 00:25:38,564 - Thank you. - This is my wife! This is Blainey. 454 00:25:38,565 --> 00:25:40,865 - Lainey. Lainey... with an L. - Oh. 455 00:25:40,866 --> 00:25:43,457 What's wrong with you? 456 00:25:43,967 --> 00:25:45,970 - Never make it end. - This is, uh, Lainey! Lainey, Naomi. 457 00:25:45,971 --> 00:25:48,908 - Oh, may God. - This is my wife. 458 00:25:48,909 --> 00:25:51,811 Shots. I'm getting everybody shot. Shots for all round. We're going to keep it going. 459 00:25:51,812 --> 00:25:54,046 Top shelf, bro, because we're rich as shit now. 460 00:25:54,047 --> 00:25:56,849 - Okay, stop screaming that. - Rich as shit! 461 00:25:56,850 --> 00:26:00,018 I'm telling you, someone's gonna murder us if you keep screaming... 462 00:26:00,019 --> 00:26:05,024 I don't care. We're in a cool bar. I just bought a Tesla! 463 00:26:05,025 --> 00:26:07,927 That's not true. We are borrowing a Tesla to see if we like it. 464 00:26:07,928 --> 00:26:10,862 - Yeah. - Listen, are you guys, um... 465 00:26:10,863 --> 00:26:13,165 - Are you guys sleeping with each other? - No. 466 00:26:13,166 --> 00:26:15,868 - Oh, good. Oh, my God, good. - What're you guys talking about? 467 00:26:15,869 --> 00:26:17,937 I'm telling her not to have sex with you! Sorry. 468 00:26:17,938 --> 00:26:21,596 Oh, yeah, well you're too late! 'Cause we lost our virginity to each other! 469 00:26:23,611 --> 00:26:25,143 - Are you serious? - You didn't know. 470 00:26:25,144 --> 00:26:28,380 - Yeah, I told him earlier. - We all knew. You didn't know! 471 00:26:28,382 --> 00:26:30,616 - That's a beautiful story. - Yeah. 472 00:26:30,617 --> 00:26:32,250 - So romantic. - Right! 473 00:26:32,251 --> 00:26:33,885 Here we go. Bring it in. 474 00:26:33,886 --> 00:26:36,089 - To virginity! - To virginity! 475 00:26:36,090 --> 00:26:37,813 Get lost. 476 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,660 - Here we go. - I gotta go. I just gonna go outside for a... 477 00:26:42,661 --> 00:26:45,930 That was good. Naomi still has her anal virginity. 478 00:26:45,931 --> 00:26:48,634 That's not true. A lot of guys have been up there, just not you. 479 00:26:48,635 --> 00:26:50,169 Oh, wait, wait. Girl, girl, girl... 480 00:26:50,170 --> 00:26:52,104 - Lainey, her name's Lainey. - Lainey. Lainey, I'm sorry. 481 00:26:52,105 --> 00:26:54,273 Quick question before you walk out the door... 482 00:26:54,274 --> 00:26:59,245 Are you the reason that my friend Jake here is like, the biggest slut in the world? 483 00:26:59,246 --> 00:27:01,213 - What are you doing? - I'm saying, like 484 00:27:01,214 --> 00:27:03,416 he puts his dick in like, every sticky hole he finds. 485 00:27:03,417 --> 00:27:05,217 - That's not true. - It gross. 486 00:27:05,218 --> 00:27:06,352 - Xander. - But like I'm jels. 487 00:27:06,353 --> 00:27:08,687 Come on. 488 00:27:08,688 --> 00:27:10,355 - No, I'm just kidding. - I don't know. I don't know. 489 00:27:10,356 --> 00:27:12,056 I'm just kidding. I know it's not you. I know it's not you. 490 00:27:12,057 --> 00:27:14,360 - I know it's because his dad molested him. - What? 491 00:27:14,361 --> 00:27:16,728 - What? - Now everybody knows! 492 00:27:16,729 --> 00:27:18,031 He was a boy scout leader. 493 00:27:18,032 --> 00:27:20,900 - Yeah. - Bro, you're welcome. You're welcome. 494 00:27:20,901 --> 00:27:23,135 - How am I welcome? - I just set that up for you. 495 00:27:23,136 --> 00:27:25,271 - Wait a minute, where is she going? - Yeah, don't let her get away. 496 00:27:25,272 --> 00:27:28,006 Dude, you gotta chase after her. 497 00:27:28,007 --> 00:27:31,075 - She's your lobster, man. - I know. Okay, alright. 498 00:27:31,077 --> 00:27:33,211 She seems... 499 00:27:33,212 --> 00:27:34,313 - Awesome. - Amazing. 500 00:27:34,314 --> 00:27:37,149 Hey, Lainey! 501 00:27:37,150 --> 00:27:40,084 - What are you doin'? Where are you going? - Sorry, sorry, yeah. 502 00:27:40,086 --> 00:27:42,921 I just... I wanna thank you for tonight. It was great. 503 00:27:42,922 --> 00:27:45,890 Just go... go in and have fun with your friends. 504 00:27:45,891 --> 00:27:48,760 I just... I Facebooked you because I thought... 505 00:27:48,761 --> 00:27:50,763 I should start dating again, I'm trying to get over this guy... 506 00:27:50,764 --> 00:27:52,488 Was this supposed to be a date? 507 00:27:54,101 --> 00:27:56,168 Oh shit, it was... 508 00:27:56,169 --> 00:27:59,304 Oh hell. I'm an idiot, I'm sorry, I'm a dick. 509 00:27:59,305 --> 00:28:01,907 I'm sorry, I didn't... I didn't know. I... 510 00:28:01,908 --> 00:28:03,175 Well, hey... hey, how about we go on a date? 511 00:28:03,176 --> 00:28:05,044 This is a date now. We'll go out. 512 00:28:05,045 --> 00:28:07,112 - So now it's... - Yeah, it's a date. Let's go on a date. 513 00:28:07,113 --> 00:28:09,915 This is good. I'll go inside, I'm gonna get my jacket 514 00:28:09,916 --> 00:28:13,986 then I'll come out and we'll, uh... date it up. 515 00:28:13,987 --> 00:28:17,957 Matthew Sobvechik? That guy had all the charm of a broken Etch a sketch. 516 00:28:17,958 --> 00:28:21,494 It feels so freeing to tell someone about it. Who actually knows him. 517 00:28:21,495 --> 00:28:24,764 Okay, you're gonna have to explain this to me. I mean, is he packing? Huh? 518 00:28:24,765 --> 00:28:26,931 Is that what's going on? Does it tip in hundreds? 519 00:28:26,932 --> 00:28:28,801 Read you the Polar Express before bedtime? 520 00:28:28,802 --> 00:28:30,768 You know, it's pretty average actually. 521 00:28:30,770 --> 00:28:34,106 Ah, Goddammit! Even his junk is boring. 522 00:28:34,107 --> 00:28:37,110 God damn boring dick! 523 00:28:37,111 --> 00:28:40,012 That's so weird, and you're a catch! It's true. 524 00:28:40,013 --> 00:28:43,015 You know, I'm serious. You've got a strong vocabulary. 525 00:28:43,016 --> 00:28:46,307 You look dynamite in a tank top. It's just... what gives? 526 00:28:46,754 --> 00:28:47,842 I guess... 527 00:28:50,957 --> 00:28:54,959 I guess, I just thought eventually he'd choose me. 528 00:28:54,960 --> 00:28:57,830 - Mm-hmm. - And so I always chose him. 529 00:28:57,831 --> 00:29:00,999 If he texted I'd think of an excuse. I'd lie, I'd... 530 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:04,003 - That's psychotic. - Mm. Thanks. 531 00:29:04,004 --> 00:29:05,970 Well, I mean it's not your fault. 532 00:29:05,971 --> 00:29:07,907 You know, little girls are told 533 00:29:07,908 --> 00:29:10,176 that someday they're gonna find the one. 534 00:29:10,177 --> 00:29:11,811 What they don't tell you guys is that the one 535 00:29:11,812 --> 00:29:13,079 might be a complete fucking dickhead 536 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,948 with a boring heroin penis that turns you all into a sex addict 537 00:29:15,949 --> 00:29:17,016 that's what they leave out in the Disney movies... 538 00:29:17,017 --> 00:29:18,217 I'm not sex addict. 539 00:29:18,218 --> 00:29:19,317 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Me neither. 540 00:29:19,318 --> 00:29:20,419 I went to a few meetings 541 00:29:20,420 --> 00:29:21,986 because my therapist suggested 542 00:29:21,987 --> 00:29:24,055 that I go, that it... that it might help. 543 00:29:24,056 --> 00:29:26,524 - But it didn't, so I stopped. - Okay. 544 00:29:26,525 --> 00:29:28,259 What's your excuse? 545 00:29:28,260 --> 00:29:29,829 - Me? - Yeah. 546 00:29:29,830 --> 00:29:30,862 My girlfriend said if I didn't go 547 00:29:30,863 --> 00:29:31,930 she'd break up with me. 548 00:29:31,931 --> 00:29:33,099 So I went to a meeting. 549 00:29:33,100 --> 00:29:35,793 She broke up with me anyway. I'm cured. 550 00:29:35,794 --> 00:29:38,317 - Well why did she want you to go? - I don't know. 551 00:29:42,542 --> 00:29:46,512 She... some have suggested 552 00:29:46,513 --> 00:29:50,048 that I have a little bit of a problem staying faithful 553 00:29:50,049 --> 00:29:53,352 for long periods of time... Or possibly at all. 554 00:29:53,353 --> 00:29:56,455 Oh. And it all comes out. 555 00:29:56,456 --> 00:30:01,193 Look, once I come to the realization that I'm with... 556 00:30:01,194 --> 00:30:02,527 ...the wrong girl... 557 00:30:02,528 --> 00:30:04,563 - Mm-hmm. - I don't know how to end it. 558 00:30:04,564 --> 00:30:08,399 - So you sabotage it by sleeping with other people? - Mm. Exactly. 559 00:30:08,401 --> 00:30:11,469 Yeah. Obviously they get upset 560 00:30:11,470 --> 00:30:14,606 but then comes the whole rigmarole of, like, "You're afraid to commit" 561 00:30:14,607 --> 00:30:17,476 and it's like "No, I just don't wanna commit to you." 562 00:30:17,477 --> 00:30:20,044 But I can't say that, because that's, like, mean on top of mean. 563 00:30:20,045 --> 00:30:22,014 You know, so it's "No, no, no. It's not you, it's me. 564 00:30:22,015 --> 00:30:25,284 I don't like you." 565 00:30:25,285 --> 00:30:27,186 - You know, like that. - Yeah, that's harsh. 566 00:30:27,187 --> 00:30:28,888 - That's harsh, right You can't say that. - That's pretty harsh. 567 00:30:28,889 --> 00:30:31,524 So instead I'd rather just say something like... 568 00:30:31,525 --> 00:30:32,891 "I fucked your sister." 569 00:30:32,892 --> 00:30:35,460 - Much better. - Well, it's honest. 570 00:30:35,461 --> 00:30:38,063 You have to fuck the sister in order for it to work. 571 00:30:38,065 --> 00:30:40,064 - It's like I'd rather... - Be the bad guy than tell the truth. 572 00:30:40,065 --> 00:30:43,357 - See. You get it. - Oh, yeah. But I'm psychotic. 573 00:30:45,305 --> 00:30:47,473 But like an approachable psychotic. 574 00:30:47,474 --> 00:30:50,074 - That's the thing I don't think I mentioned earlier. - You like it? 575 00:30:50,076 --> 00:30:52,378 Yeah, it's like... it's like Ted Bundy, you know. 576 00:30:52,379 --> 00:30:54,979 You can't get him into a van by just being a jerk. 577 00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:56,181 You've got to have a certain... 578 00:30:56,182 --> 00:30:58,350 ...way about you. 579 00:30:58,351 --> 00:31:00,919 - Appetite? - That would be... that would be something. 580 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,189 - Yes, yes, yes. - I'm hungry again. 581 00:31:03,190 --> 00:31:05,056 Already? 582 00:31:05,057 --> 00:31:07,959 Well, you know, that's Dim Sum for you. 583 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:09,128 - I have snacks... I have snacks at home. - Yeah. 584 00:31:09,129 --> 00:31:11,596 I have, uh, this is actually... This is my train. 585 00:31:11,597 --> 00:31:12,965 - What here? Oh, yeah, yeah. - So... 586 00:31:12,966 --> 00:31:14,300 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Alright. 587 00:31:14,301 --> 00:31:16,267 So, I'll probably gonna hit the road. 588 00:31:16,268 --> 00:31:18,670 - Yeah. - Jake, thank you. 589 00:31:18,671 --> 00:31:20,973 - Yeah. - Oh. 590 00:31:20,974 --> 00:31:23,575 Hey, this was a... We did it. That was a good date. 591 00:31:23,576 --> 00:31:26,312 - We did the date. - You know, I think it was the first... 592 00:31:26,313 --> 00:31:27,979 I think it might have been the first date I've ever been on 593 00:31:27,980 --> 00:31:29,114 so I don't really have much to compare it to 594 00:31:29,115 --> 00:31:30,381 but, you know, it seemed solid. 595 00:31:30,382 --> 00:31:31,417 - Good. - Yeah. 596 00:31:31,418 --> 00:31:33,651 - Okay. - Yeah. 597 00:31:33,652 --> 00:31:35,220 Shit. 598 00:31:35,221 --> 00:31:37,523 What? 599 00:31:37,524 --> 00:31:40,081 I, uh, I want to fuck you. 600 00:31:40,526 --> 00:31:41,659 - What? - I know. 601 00:31:41,660 --> 00:31:43,362 - No! - What do you mean no? 602 00:31:43,363 --> 00:31:46,297 What? What? What did I do? 603 00:31:46,298 --> 00:31:47,932 - Stop wanting to. - I mean, are you kidding me? 604 00:31:47,933 --> 00:31:49,468 It's kinda hard. I mean, look at you. 605 00:31:49,469 --> 00:31:51,704 I mean, you're so pretty and you're vulnerable 606 00:31:51,705 --> 00:31:53,538 and it's just like you might as well be wearing a sign that says 607 00:31:53,539 --> 00:31:54,672 "Solve my problems with your penis, Jake." 608 00:31:54,673 --> 00:31:57,275 Jake, we just spent the entire evening talking about 609 00:31:57,276 --> 00:31:59,644 how we screw up every sexual relationship we've ever have. 610 00:31:59,645 --> 00:32:03,716 I know, I... I right. I mean, and yet here I am like wanting... just now. 611 00:32:03,717 --> 00:32:06,352 So, maybe... we gotta just be friends. 612 00:32:06,353 --> 00:32:10,588 Yes, that is the mature, responsible thing to do, uh... 613 00:32:10,589 --> 00:32:12,991 ...for each other and ourselves, yes I agree. 614 00:32:12,992 --> 00:32:14,592 Okay, but then we've got to come up with a system. 615 00:32:14,593 --> 00:32:16,161 - If we're gonna be friends, you know... - Okay. 616 00:32:16,162 --> 00:32:17,996 - And I want to be good friends... - It's fair. 617 00:32:17,997 --> 00:32:22,066 So, maybe we come up with a safe word 618 00:32:22,068 --> 00:32:24,335 for if we're having sexual tension and then we'll stop whatever... 619 00:32:24,336 --> 00:32:25,404 So, if you're doing something sexy or I'm doing something sexy. 620 00:32:25,405 --> 00:32:27,672 - Or feeling attracted. - Okay, but it's mutual? 621 00:32:27,673 --> 00:32:29,007 - So it is mutual? - The word. 622 00:32:29,008 --> 00:32:30,375 You're saying it's mutual? 623 00:32:30,376 --> 00:32:32,343 - It could be mutual. - That's a yes. 624 00:32:32,344 --> 00:32:34,279 - I may or may not need to use the word. - That's a yes. 625 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:35,414 - We'll have to see in the future... - Hmm. Okay, alright. 626 00:32:35,415 --> 00:32:37,550 Well, let's... well, alright. Say, uh, say it for me. 627 00:32:37,551 --> 00:32:38,685 - Uh, yeah. Anything. - Let's go, come up with one. What you got. 628 00:32:38,686 --> 00:32:40,986 I'll do anything. What do you... You pick it, and yes. 629 00:32:40,987 --> 00:32:42,487 - It's Avocado. - No. Can't do that. 630 00:32:42,488 --> 00:32:45,224 - No. It's an immediate veto? - No, no, no. 631 00:32:45,225 --> 00:32:47,025 Well, I mean, it's too sexual. It's too sexual. Uh... 632 00:32:47,026 --> 00:32:49,327 - "Avocado" is too sexual? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 633 00:32:49,328 --> 00:32:51,996 I mean... I mean you've got to see the way I eat an avocado and you'll be like... 634 00:32:51,997 --> 00:32:53,666 That's like... You know, do that to me. 635 00:32:53,667 --> 00:32:57,236 - It's like Guam. - Guam? Like the country Guam? No! 636 00:32:57,237 --> 00:32:59,337 No, I knew a girl whose father was from Guam 637 00:32:59,338 --> 00:33:01,439 and she literally had one of the best natural bodies 638 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:02,341 I've ever seen in my life. 639 00:33:02,342 --> 00:33:03,640 Noodle salad. 640 00:33:03,641 --> 00:33:05,176 "Noodle salad?" that's a sex thing. 641 00:33:05,177 --> 00:33:06,276 - That's a... that's... - What? 642 00:33:06,277 --> 00:33:08,080 That's a bunch of guys putting 643 00:33:08,081 --> 00:33:09,280 flaccid dicks into someone's mouth. 644 00:33:09,281 --> 00:33:10,516 That's... that's called a noddle salad. 645 00:33:10,517 --> 00:33:12,584 That is not a thing. 646 00:33:12,585 --> 00:33:15,688 I mean it absolutely is a thing. I know it's a thing. 647 00:33:15,689 --> 00:33:19,458 - Go to noodlesalad.org... - Now, I feel like you're just trying to find problems. 648 00:33:19,459 --> 00:33:21,494 I would make the argument that you are just suggesting 649 00:33:21,495 --> 00:33:24,229 only things that can only be perceived as sexual. 650 00:33:24,230 --> 00:33:26,631 - So, okay, so it needs to be more violent. - Mm-hmm, something extra. 651 00:33:26,632 --> 00:33:27,733 - Yeah, I mean... - Dick in a mousetrap! 652 00:33:27,734 --> 00:33:29,134 Yikes! What is that? 653 00:33:29,135 --> 00:33:30,401 - Oh! - That's awful! 654 00:33:30,403 --> 00:33:31,337 - You don't like it. - No! 655 00:33:31,338 --> 00:33:32,604 - That's the one. - What? Are you kid... 656 00:33:32,605 --> 00:33:34,473 We'll shorten it to mousetrap. 657 00:33:34,474 --> 00:33:36,641 - Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye. - Mousetrap? Alright. 658 00:33:36,642 --> 00:33:37,810 - Uh-oh. - Goodbye. 659 00:33:37,811 --> 00:33:39,310 I'm going. I'm going for it. 660 00:33:39,311 --> 00:33:41,246 - Yeah. Live on the edge. - Goodnight. 661 00:33:41,247 --> 00:33:44,105 Careful. Bye. 662 00:33:44,617 --> 00:33:46,819 - Bye. - Bye. 663 00:33:46,820 --> 00:33:48,585 ♪ And your face will surely show it ♪ 664 00:33:48,586 --> 00:33:51,222 ♪ If you're happy and you know it clap your hands ♪♪ 665 00:33:51,223 --> 00:33:52,824 Yeah! 666 00:33:52,825 --> 00:33:54,592 Good singing. Good. Alright, free play. 667 00:33:54,593 --> 00:33:56,461 Everybody play. 668 00:33:56,462 --> 00:33:57,662 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 669 00:33:57,663 --> 00:33:59,265 Hey, Lyle, no, no, no, no. 670 00:33:59,266 --> 00:34:01,432 No. Alexander had the ball first. 671 00:34:01,434 --> 00:34:04,235 Here we go. Why did you take it from him? 672 00:34:04,236 --> 00:34:07,840 Hey, no. We've gotta use your words. We don't do that. 673 00:34:07,841 --> 00:34:10,743 One of my students reminds me of you. 674 00:34:10,744 --> 00:34:12,901 He's devastatingly handsome? 675 00:34:14,280 --> 00:34:15,848 He reminds me of us. 676 00:34:15,849 --> 00:34:18,384 He has no one to play with and gets angry. 677 00:34:18,385 --> 00:34:20,152 So, nobody wants to play with him 678 00:34:20,153 --> 00:34:22,243 'cause he's angry all the time. 679 00:34:23,254 --> 00:34:24,522 No dates, huh? 680 00:34:24,523 --> 00:34:27,292 Haven't met anyone. I've been busy. 681 00:34:27,293 --> 00:34:29,795 Studying for the MCATs, you know. You? 682 00:34:29,796 --> 00:34:32,086 Nothing. Nada. 683 00:34:33,632 --> 00:34:35,567 Have you texted Voldemort? 684 00:34:35,568 --> 00:34:37,703 Trying to distract myself. 685 00:34:37,704 --> 00:34:41,574 Sometimes I dress up in lingerie just to feel something. 686 00:34:41,575 --> 00:34:44,310 Oof, mousetrap. 687 00:34:44,311 --> 00:34:47,879 You should text me what you want to text him. 688 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:50,149 "I miss your cock in my mouth. 689 00:34:50,150 --> 00:34:52,749 "I miss the way you feel on top of me. 690 00:34:52,750 --> 00:34:55,653 I miss making you cum." 691 00:34:55,654 --> 00:34:58,690 Whoa, since when are you a porn star with killer grammar? 692 00:34:58,691 --> 00:35:00,657 That's how I text with him. 693 00:35:00,658 --> 00:35:02,795 Okay, well you're sending porn star vibes 694 00:35:02,796 --> 00:35:04,596 instead of Lainey vibes. 695 00:35:04,597 --> 00:35:06,332 You're one to talk. 696 00:35:06,333 --> 00:35:07,433 You're a completely different guy with me 697 00:35:07,434 --> 00:35:08,666 than with other ladies. 698 00:35:08,667 --> 00:35:10,169 That's not true. 699 00:35:10,170 --> 00:35:11,236 If you want someone to fall for you 700 00:35:11,237 --> 00:35:12,303 you gotta be you. 701 00:35:12,304 --> 00:35:14,140 Yeah, I don't think I like me enough 702 00:35:14,141 --> 00:35:16,174 to introduce him to other people. 703 00:35:16,175 --> 00:35:17,266 Night. 704 00:35:24,450 --> 00:35:26,275 That was fun. 705 00:35:29,255 --> 00:35:31,311 - Goodnight. - Goodnight. 706 00:36:00,352 --> 00:36:03,689 ♪ Treat me like a fool ♪ 707 00:36:03,690 --> 00:36:07,493 ♪ Treat me mean and cruel ♪ 708 00:36:07,494 --> 00:36:10,384 ♪ But love me ♪ 709 00:36:13,566 --> 00:36:16,768 ♪ Wring my faithful heart ♪ 710 00:36:16,769 --> 00:36:20,271 ♪ Tear it all apart ♪ 711 00:36:20,272 --> 00:36:24,098 ♪ But love me ♪ 712 00:36:26,645 --> 00:36:27,712 ♪ I would beg ♪ 713 00:36:27,713 --> 00:36:32,618 ♪ And steal ♪ 714 00:36:32,619 --> 00:36:38,346 ♪ Just to feel ♪ 715 00:36:39,525 --> 00:36:44,685 ♪ Your heart ♪ 716 00:36:45,898 --> 00:36:48,566 ♪ Beatin' close to mine ♪ 717 00:36:51,371 --> 00:36:55,773 ♪ Well if you ever go ♪ 718 00:36:55,775 --> 00:36:57,675 ♪ Darling I'll be ♪ 719 00:36:57,676 --> 00:37:01,412 ♪ Oh so lonely ♪♪ 720 00:37:01,414 --> 00:37:03,982 He looked so normal. 721 00:37:03,983 --> 00:37:06,018 Like he hadn't even noticed that we stopped sleeping together. 722 00:37:06,019 --> 00:37:07,620 No, no. He noticed. 723 00:37:07,621 --> 00:37:09,686 He's just not thinking about it the same way, you know. 724 00:37:09,687 --> 00:37:11,421 Right. Right, great. 725 00:37:11,422 --> 00:37:13,891 I'm a guilty slut and he gets to be a... 726 00:37:13,892 --> 00:37:16,795 ...you know, heartless alpha male who fucking jogs! 727 00:37:16,796 --> 00:37:18,263 No! That's not it at all. 728 00:37:18,264 --> 00:37:20,498 To Sobvechik, you're like... 729 00:37:20,499 --> 00:37:22,599 ...you're like the hardest drug at the coolest party, you know. 730 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,270 Like in a second he has to make a decision. 731 00:37:24,271 --> 00:37:26,803 Do I go home now, or cancel everything tomorrow? 732 00:37:26,805 --> 00:37:29,439 You know, no pre-meditation means no post-meditation. 733 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,377 It's not like months from now he's thinking 734 00:37:31,378 --> 00:37:33,977 "Oh gosh, I... I wonder how crack is doing?" 735 00:37:33,978 --> 00:37:36,582 Or... or "I hope cocaine isn't mad at me." 736 00:37:36,583 --> 00:37:37,981 You know, no dude thinks like that. 737 00:37:37,982 --> 00:37:39,349 Except Aaron Sorkin. 738 00:37:39,350 --> 00:37:40,953 Are you saying I'm crack cocaine? 739 00:37:40,954 --> 00:37:42,720 Yeah. Don't sell yourself short. 740 00:37:42,721 --> 00:37:43,821 We wouldn't have "The West Wing" without you. 741 00:37:43,822 --> 00:37:46,624 Ohh! What is wrong with me? 742 00:37:46,625 --> 00:37:48,294 Nothing's wrong with you. Are you kidding me? 743 00:37:48,295 --> 00:37:51,429 You're great. I mean, your funny, you're sexy, you're... 744 00:37:51,430 --> 00:37:53,931 ...cool, like... Oh! 745 00:37:53,932 --> 00:37:56,067 What? You run out of compliments. 746 00:37:56,068 --> 00:37:58,468 Yeah. No. Uh, do you remember that girl Renee? 747 00:37:58,470 --> 00:38:00,038 Had a spectacular time with you last night. 748 00:38:00,039 --> 00:38:03,074 I'm at lunch. Just tried calling you. 749 00:38:03,075 --> 00:38:05,543 Have you ever thought about taking a road trip? 750 00:38:05,544 --> 00:38:07,612 At least respond so I know you're alive and okay. 751 00:38:07,613 --> 00:38:09,415 GIF of a panda dancing! 752 00:38:09,416 --> 00:38:10,515 Seriously, are you okay? 753 00:38:10,516 --> 00:38:11,817 I was on the subway, did you text me? 754 00:38:11,818 --> 00:38:13,886 Fuck me then ignore me. Nice one, Jake! 755 00:38:13,887 --> 00:38:16,553 Photo of a dog dressed as a Nazi. 756 00:38:16,554 --> 00:38:18,723 I have chlamydia. Okay, I was joking! 757 00:38:18,724 --> 00:38:20,359 I do have HPV though 758 00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,392 and I hope it's the one that gives you dick cancer. 759 00:38:22,393 --> 00:38:25,464 Emoji of a heart. XXX Renee. 760 00:38:25,465 --> 00:38:27,366 Well, that's sort of normal. 761 00:38:27,367 --> 00:38:28,900 You actively stalked someone today 762 00:38:28,901 --> 00:38:31,337 your perception of normal might be a little skewed, my dear. 763 00:38:31,338 --> 00:38:33,105 - Okay, you slept with her. - Mm-hmm. 764 00:38:33,106 --> 00:38:35,473 - Rocked her face. - Mm-hmm. 765 00:38:35,474 --> 00:38:36,975 - Yes, with my body. - You didn't call her. 766 00:38:36,976 --> 00:38:38,911 I lost my phone in a cab. 767 00:38:38,912 --> 00:38:42,381 - And you unleashed her Khaleesi. - Yeah. Wait. 768 00:38:42,382 --> 00:38:43,515 You mean like "Game of Thrones" Khaleesi? 769 00:38:43,516 --> 00:38:48,486 Yes. Either A, we make multiple babies with you. 770 00:38:48,487 --> 00:38:51,489 Or B, we cut your dick off. 771 00:38:51,490 --> 00:38:55,094 Jesus. I... I've got my fingers crossed out here for an option C. 772 00:38:55,095 --> 00:38:58,129 C, you appease her. 773 00:38:58,130 --> 00:39:00,399 And how do you appease your Khaleesi? 774 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,024 I spend about a month's rent on this. 775 00:39:06,139 --> 00:39:08,540 - What do you think? - Yeah. 776 00:39:08,541 --> 00:39:10,942 I mean, you should definitely wear stuff over it. 777 00:39:10,943 --> 00:39:13,834 Nice neg. Mousetrap. 778 00:39:19,485 --> 00:39:23,054 ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ 779 00:39:23,055 --> 00:39:27,593 ♪ In a one-horse open sleigh ♪♪ 780 00:39:27,594 --> 00:39:30,727 Hey, you've reached Lainey. Leave a message. 781 00:39:30,728 --> 00:39:32,830 Hey dude, it's me. I haven't heard from you in a while. 782 00:39:32,831 --> 00:39:34,699 So I'm gonna guess you either finally fucked Jake 783 00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:36,868 or you got into med school 784 00:39:36,869 --> 00:39:38,770 either way, mazel tov. 785 00:39:38,771 --> 00:39:40,605 Happy Hanukkah. Wherever the fuck you're into. 786 00:39:40,606 --> 00:39:42,074 Okay, call me back. Seriously Call me back. 787 00:39:42,075 --> 00:39:43,609 Just pick a TV and we'll get out of here. 788 00:39:43,610 --> 00:39:45,877 - So tell me what happened. - Oh, right. 789 00:39:45,878 --> 00:39:48,080 Okay, yeah, so, uh, I've been seeing this girl Thea, alright? 790 00:39:48,081 --> 00:39:49,147 Uh, she's Black. 791 00:39:49,148 --> 00:39:51,449 - And... - Wait stop. 792 00:39:51,450 --> 00:39:54,441 Does this story end with you doing something super racist? 793 00:39:54,820 --> 00:39:56,187 Oh, my God. No! 794 00:39:56,188 --> 00:39:59,857 Why are you telling me she's Black? 795 00:39:59,858 --> 00:40:03,251 I don't know. I... I'm just trying to give you a mental picture that's all. 796 00:40:03,896 --> 00:40:07,533 Okay. Racist. Keep going. 797 00:40:07,534 --> 00:40:09,634 Okay. Well, we go see a movie. During the day. 798 00:40:09,635 --> 00:40:12,069 And she's super smart and cool and also gorgeous 799 00:40:12,070 --> 00:40:15,440 but I do what we talked about. I do not sleep with her. 800 00:40:15,441 --> 00:40:17,842 You're so strong. I'm so proud. 801 00:40:17,843 --> 00:40:20,446 Hey. Not all of us can remain celibate for a year, alright? 802 00:40:20,447 --> 00:40:22,647 I'm just waiting for the right guy. 803 00:40:22,648 --> 00:40:25,650 The white guy? Whose racist now? 804 00:40:25,651 --> 00:40:27,986 - The right guy. - Oh, the right guy. 805 00:40:27,987 --> 00:40:30,189 Oh, the one you waited for 10 years. That right guy? 806 00:40:30,190 --> 00:40:32,024 You know, he's married now, that one? 807 00:40:32,025 --> 00:40:33,057 What're we doing in this aisle? 808 00:40:33,058 --> 00:40:35,627 Can I finish my story please? 809 00:40:35,628 --> 00:40:38,730 I wait 4 days and then I call her and we go out again. 810 00:40:38,731 --> 00:40:40,933 - Mm-hmm. - Alright. No, sex. 811 00:40:40,934 --> 00:40:42,667 I mean, we hook up but I don't, like, 812 00:40:42,668 --> 00:40:43,700 finger her or anything. 813 00:40:43,701 --> 00:40:44,736 Awesome. 814 00:40:44,737 --> 00:40:45,802 So I call her last night 815 00:40:45,804 --> 00:40:47,070 and I'm like 816 00:40:47,071 --> 00:40:48,072 "Hey, do you wanna go see 817 00:40:48,074 --> 00:40:48,906 the new Wes Anderson movie?" 818 00:40:48,907 --> 00:40:50,576 Ugh! 819 00:40:50,577 --> 00:40:52,544 What? Well, and then she's like... 820 00:40:52,545 --> 00:40:54,679 Jake, what are you doing? 821 00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,615 And I'm like, "Oh, of course Wes Anderson is a such a stupid 822 00:40:57,616 --> 00:40:59,650 white guy thing to suggest," you know. 823 00:40:59,651 --> 00:41:02,120 - Okay, racist. And also dumb. Yes. - Mm-hmm. 824 00:41:02,121 --> 00:41:03,654 You two need any help? 825 00:41:03,655 --> 00:41:05,190 Uh, no, no, we're good. 826 00:41:05,191 --> 00:41:06,990 She just takes a while to make a decision. 827 00:41:06,991 --> 00:41:08,794 - I do. - Yeah, you got it. Yeah. 828 00:41:08,795 --> 00:41:10,894 So I'm like "Well do you wanna go see something else?" 829 00:41:10,895 --> 00:41:11,929 And then she says... 830 00:41:11,930 --> 00:41:14,165 Why haven't we had sex yet? 831 00:41:14,166 --> 00:41:15,201 Do you just want to be friends? 832 00:41:15,202 --> 00:41:18,236 'Cause honestly I have enough friends. 833 00:41:18,237 --> 00:41:20,293 Where are you right now? 834 00:41:23,208 --> 00:41:25,432 Oh, my God! 835 00:41:31,283 --> 00:41:32,850 Oh! 836 00:41:32,851 --> 00:41:34,552 That was awesome. 837 00:41:34,553 --> 00:41:36,009 Oh, my God. 838 00:41:36,754 --> 00:41:38,745 Oh, golly... 839 00:41:39,825 --> 00:41:42,861 Oh, sorry if I was too noisy, but that was like... 840 00:41:42,862 --> 00:41:44,561 I don't know what got into me. 841 00:41:44,562 --> 00:41:45,653 Hey. 842 00:41:46,231 --> 00:41:48,288 Did you, uh... 843 00:41:48,933 --> 00:41:50,602 - No. - Oh. 844 00:41:50,603 --> 00:41:52,538 But don't take it personally. 845 00:41:52,539 --> 00:41:54,762 I don't orgasm during sex that much. 846 00:41:55,775 --> 00:41:59,076 So? Lots of women don't cum during sex. 847 00:41:59,077 --> 00:42:02,281 So? No, no, no. That has never happened to me before. 848 00:42:02,282 --> 00:42:03,649 What positions did you do? 849 00:42:03,650 --> 00:42:05,316 Um. No. We did everything. 850 00:42:05,317 --> 00:42:06,050 But, what's your favorite position? 851 00:42:06,051 --> 00:42:08,553 I don't know. The regular one? 852 00:42:08,554 --> 00:42:11,723 The regular. Come on. 853 00:42:11,724 --> 00:42:14,158 - From behind. - Exactly. Because you hate your dad. 854 00:42:14,159 --> 00:42:15,893 Oh, my God. 855 00:42:15,894 --> 00:42:17,129 Mousetrap! 856 00:42:17,130 --> 00:42:18,695 - All set. - Hmm. 857 00:42:18,696 --> 00:42:20,965 And can I just say, we think you two 858 00:42:20,966 --> 00:42:23,968 are the coolest married couple ever. 859 00:42:23,969 --> 00:42:25,770 - That's... We don't get that enough. - So sweet. 860 00:42:25,771 --> 00:42:26,704 - Thank you. - That's really sweet. 861 00:42:26,705 --> 00:42:27,940 - Yeah. Happy holidays. - Let's go, hon. 862 00:42:27,941 --> 00:42:29,308 Happy holidays. Yes. 863 00:42:29,309 --> 00:42:31,176 I will just meet you out by, uh, our minivan. 864 00:42:31,177 --> 00:42:32,709 - I'll meet you out front. - Okay, great. 865 00:42:32,710 --> 00:42:34,013 - I'll have to move the car seat. - Mm-hmm. 866 00:42:34,014 --> 00:42:35,979 - And then there will be plenty of room. - A whole thing. 867 00:42:35,980 --> 00:42:37,915 Bye. 868 00:42:37,916 --> 00:42:40,218 Car seat? We already have a kid? 869 00:42:40,219 --> 00:42:42,619 You know, it's just like... When do you orgasm? 870 00:42:42,620 --> 00:42:43,656 You know what, when does it happen to you? 871 00:42:43,657 --> 00:42:46,624 - When I'm with Matthew. - Yeah, yeah, okay. 872 00:42:46,625 --> 00:42:47,715 That's it. 873 00:42:48,927 --> 00:42:50,894 That's it? 874 00:42:50,895 --> 00:42:52,663 Okay, well, that just explained everything. 875 00:42:52,664 --> 00:42:56,835 That... that's... I mean you haven't had an orgasm in a year. 876 00:42:56,836 --> 00:43:00,104 Come on, that's bullshit. Not even when you masturbate? 877 00:43:00,106 --> 00:43:02,239 Lainey, you've got to be kidding me! 878 00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:04,308 What you don't mastur... Why not? 879 00:43:04,309 --> 00:43:07,212 What... I don't kno... I mean, I've tried to! 880 00:43:07,213 --> 00:43:10,616 I try. I just, I don't know, I... I... 881 00:43:10,617 --> 00:43:12,282 - I get bored. - Bored? 882 00:43:12,283 --> 00:43:15,019 - But I feel good when I'm with Matthew. - How's that boring? 883 00:43:15,020 --> 00:43:17,188 I don't... I don't know. I don't know how to recreate that myself. 884 00:43:17,189 --> 00:43:19,625 Okay. Well, fuck the TV. 885 00:43:19,626 --> 00:43:21,024 I'm gonna teach you how to finger yourself today. 886 00:43:21,025 --> 00:43:23,060 Right now, okay? 887 00:43:23,061 --> 00:43:26,131 - What? - It's... it's go time, sister. 888 00:43:26,132 --> 00:43:28,899 - Alright. Let's go. Alright. - Okay. 889 00:43:28,900 --> 00:43:30,067 - No, no. This is a good thing. - Oh, boy. 890 00:43:30,068 --> 00:43:31,335 It's about time. Get it out. 891 00:43:31,336 --> 00:43:32,669 - Okay. - I'm excited. 892 00:43:32,670 --> 00:43:34,739 For the purposes of today's tutorial 893 00:43:34,740 --> 00:43:36,741 your vagina will be played by this 894 00:43:36,742 --> 00:43:38,843 former bottle of green tea. 895 00:43:38,844 --> 00:43:40,344 - Looks just like it. - Okay. Good to know. 896 00:43:40,345 --> 00:43:41,311 So, here's what we do. 897 00:43:41,312 --> 00:43:43,680 First thing, you take, uh, take this guy... 898 00:43:43,681 --> 00:43:45,716 ...this, uh, index finger and you're gonna just, uh 899 00:43:45,717 --> 00:43:47,684 slide in there... like that, okay? 900 00:43:47,685 --> 00:43:48,654 And you're gonna curve it up a little bit 901 00:43:48,655 --> 00:43:50,922 and I want you to tap the roof like that. 902 00:43:50,923 --> 00:43:53,323 You see that? That's your G Spot alright, you got that? 903 00:43:53,324 --> 00:43:54,859 - Yeah. I'll check it out. - Okay, good. 904 00:43:54,860 --> 00:43:56,661 Alright, now, next move, alright, you're gonna take 905 00:43:56,662 --> 00:43:58,663 the middle finger here, alright? And you know, the bad boy, right? 906 00:43:58,664 --> 00:44:00,265 You're gonna have to pop that in as well 907 00:44:00,266 --> 00:44:01,832 and you're gonna have that one tapping the roof 908 00:44:01,833 --> 00:44:04,201 and then this one, the middle finger is going to be 909 00:44:04,202 --> 00:44:07,672 you know, sort of circling, uh, this, uh, just like fleshy gap area. 910 00:44:07,673 --> 00:44:09,706 - My cervix? Jesus. - Yeah, sure. 911 00:44:09,707 --> 00:44:12,009 Okay, y-you know what it's called. Wonderful. Good for you. 912 00:44:12,010 --> 00:44:13,878 Okay, yes, so you're gonna go after the cervix here. 913 00:44:13,879 --> 00:44:16,214 So you're gonna mind the gap, right, tap the roof. 914 00:44:16,215 --> 00:44:19,451 - "Mind the gap. Tap the roof." - You got it. 915 00:44:19,452 --> 00:44:21,953 Alright, now, at this point you wanna start thinking about something, uh, arousing. 916 00:44:21,954 --> 00:44:23,788 You know, like, uh, maybe you wanna think about 917 00:44:23,789 --> 00:44:25,690 the guy you lost your virginity to perhaps. 918 00:44:25,691 --> 00:44:27,426 - Gross. - Okay, and then you're gonna start to get wet. 919 00:44:27,427 --> 00:44:28,460 You're gonna start to get wet 920 00:44:28,461 --> 00:44:30,861 and then you're gonna start to feel some, uh... 921 00:44:30,862 --> 00:44:32,896 ...contractions in your vagina, alright? 922 00:44:32,897 --> 00:44:35,232 At that point you're gonna wanna squeeze your vagina harder 923 00:44:35,233 --> 00:44:37,435 than it wants to go, okay. 924 00:44:37,436 --> 00:44:39,471 - And that's called... - Kegeling. 925 00:44:39,472 --> 00:44:41,806 Well, it's pronounced "Kee-gul-ing," but it doesn't matter. 926 00:44:41,807 --> 00:44:42,940 Uh, I got into med school! 927 00:44:42,941 --> 00:44:45,276 I think I know how it's pronounced. 928 00:44:45,277 --> 00:44:47,145 What? You did? You didn't tell me that. 929 00:44:47,146 --> 00:44:49,246 Oh yeah. I got in, uh, Michigan. 930 00:44:49,247 --> 00:44:52,984 - Wow! Lane, that's great. - I know. 931 00:44:52,985 --> 00:44:55,120 Alright. 932 00:44:55,121 --> 00:44:57,921 Well, uh, are you... I mean, are you gonna go? What are you thinking? 933 00:44:57,922 --> 00:45:00,058 Well, I... I mean, I have until the end of the summer to decide. 934 00:45:00,059 --> 00:45:01,225 - So, I just... - Mm-hmm. 935 00:45:01,226 --> 00:45:03,428 - Keep going! - Oh, right. Yeah, um... 936 00:45:03,429 --> 00:45:05,429 Okay, yeah, da, da, da. Okay, let's see. 937 00:45:05,430 --> 00:45:07,866 So, uh, do you know what a dirty DJ is? 938 00:45:07,867 --> 00:45:09,399 - No. - You don't? Okay, great. 939 00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:11,769 Okay, so the biggest misconception that guys 940 00:45:11,771 --> 00:45:14,071 have about the clitoris, uh, if they can find it 941 00:45:14,072 --> 00:45:16,039 - is that they're too nice to it. Okay? - Mm-hmm. 942 00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:17,076 Like... that's the problem. 943 00:45:17,077 --> 00:45:19,810 I mean, you know, the trick is to be a little 944 00:45:19,811 --> 00:45:20,945 rude to the clitoris, okay? 945 00:45:20,946 --> 00:45:22,080 - Oh, really? - Yeah. 946 00:45:22,081 --> 00:45:24,815 Just go to town on this little motherfucker right here. 947 00:45:24,816 --> 00:45:25,917 You just... like you just... Tweet, tweet, tweet. 948 00:45:25,918 --> 00:45:27,118 You know, so that's the dirty DJ. 949 00:45:27,119 --> 00:45:28,419 You know, like you're scratching a record. You know, this... 950 00:45:28,421 --> 00:45:30,844 Tweet tweet tweet. 951 00:45:31,523 --> 00:45:33,024 Let... let... let the drummer... 952 00:45:33,025 --> 00:45:35,893 Let... let... let the drummer get wicked, right? 953 00:45:35,894 --> 00:45:37,261 And you just really wanna work that little bugger. 954 00:45:37,262 --> 00:45:39,464 You know, remember like the old IBM ThinkPads? 955 00:45:39,465 --> 00:45:41,199 - Mm-hmm. - And that little nub. Right? 956 00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,100 Okay, so you just really go after it like that. 957 00:45:43,101 --> 00:45:44,368 - Just like this. Yeah. - Yeah. 958 00:45:44,369 --> 00:45:47,338 Right, so, uh, you have that that's... that's phase three. 959 00:45:47,339 --> 00:45:49,841 - Mm-hmm. - So, again, you know... Yeah, perfect. 960 00:45:49,842 --> 00:45:52,042 - Natural. Okay? Yeah, so tap the roof. - I know. 961 00:45:52,043 --> 00:45:54,379 Mind the gap. Oh, see. Okay, yeah. Work all three. 962 00:45:54,380 --> 00:45:56,413 - He's there. - Look at that. It's like you're doing... 963 00:45:56,414 --> 00:45:58,015 - Right there. - Oh boy, oh boy. 964 00:45:58,016 --> 00:46:01,118 It's like, I feel like Anne Sullivan teaching 965 00:46:01,119 --> 00:46:03,154 Helen Keller about water and everything else is amazing. 966 00:46:03,155 --> 00:46:04,321 - What a breakthrough! - Mm-hmm. 967 00:46:04,322 --> 00:46:05,356 - Yeah, that's it. - Like that? 968 00:46:05,357 --> 00:46:06,857 Yeah, you know, just take a night 969 00:46:06,858 --> 00:46:09,928 crack open a bottle of rose and... 970 00:46:09,929 --> 00:46:12,496 ...just have multiple orgasms. 971 00:46:12,497 --> 00:46:15,590 If you want, you know... You know... 972 00:46:19,137 --> 00:46:21,506 Uh, primatologists actually believed that... that 973 00:46:21,507 --> 00:46:26,111 women evolved this way so that, uh... 974 00:46:26,112 --> 00:46:29,435 ...they could mate with as many men in one session as possible. 975 00:46:30,483 --> 00:46:32,417 - Fucking awesome. You know that's... - Yeah. 976 00:46:32,418 --> 00:46:36,154 - That's neat. - Multiple orgasms for multiple partners, you know. 977 00:46:36,155 --> 00:46:38,256 Sure, yeah. 978 00:46:38,257 --> 00:46:41,124 Gang bangs, and such. 979 00:46:41,126 --> 00:46:42,616 Yeah. 980 00:46:44,963 --> 00:46:47,065 - I'm gonna go home. - Yeah. Me too. 981 00:46:47,066 --> 00:46:48,899 - No, no. You live here. - Yes I do! 982 00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:49,934 - Okay. - Bye! 983 00:46:49,935 --> 00:46:51,002 - Bye now. - Thank you. 984 00:46:51,003 --> 00:46:52,493 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 985 00:46:55,273 --> 00:46:57,107 I think... I think it's a little bit weird 986 00:46:57,108 --> 00:46:58,309 that a straight dude had to tell you all that. 987 00:46:58,310 --> 00:47:00,511 I think it's sort of great. 988 00:47:00,512 --> 00:47:02,881 I mean, he's... he's actually dating. He's not cheating. 989 00:47:02,882 --> 00:47:05,449 And I... and I hardly think about Matthew. Like ever. 990 00:47:05,450 --> 00:47:07,352 Yeah, 'cause you're in a relationship with each other. 991 00:47:07,353 --> 00:47:09,220 No, we're not. 992 00:47:09,221 --> 00:47:10,855 Oh, you're not out there! 993 00:47:10,856 --> 00:47:13,257 I mean, this Jake guy is taking up emotional 994 00:47:13,258 --> 00:47:16,227 real estate that could be occupied by a real option, okay? 995 00:47:16,228 --> 00:47:17,562 You leased the space out to Matthew. 996 00:47:17,563 --> 00:47:19,297 Rent free I might add. 997 00:47:19,298 --> 00:47:21,565 And now, you... you just replaced him with another 998 00:47:21,566 --> 00:47:25,136 unavailable avoidant breeder you don't fuck. 999 00:47:25,137 --> 00:47:28,172 - Like where's the fucking... - Hey babe. Sorry, I'm late. 1000 00:47:28,173 --> 00:47:29,540 Look at this little baby face. 1001 00:47:29,541 --> 00:47:31,509 It's beautiful. Oh, my God. 1002 00:47:31,510 --> 00:47:33,244 Very sick in the head though. 1003 00:47:33,245 --> 00:47:35,112 Very sick in the head. 1004 00:47:35,113 --> 00:47:37,915 - How's your fake boyfriend? - Oh, my God! 1005 00:47:37,916 --> 00:47:40,885 - We're just friends! - Men and women can't be friends. 1006 00:47:40,886 --> 00:47:42,253 It's like life 101. Stop lying to yourself. 1007 00:47:42,254 --> 00:47:45,323 Come one! That's bullshit. It's the 21st century. 1008 00:47:45,324 --> 00:47:47,591 We know that's not true. You and I are friends. 1009 00:47:47,592 --> 00:47:50,161 But sex doesn't get in the way of our friendship. 1010 00:47:50,162 --> 00:47:52,429 I'm not attracted to you. And I have zero penises. 1011 00:47:52,430 --> 00:47:55,365 - I am. - Hi, George. 1012 00:47:55,366 --> 00:47:57,435 - Hi, it's me. Your girlfriend. - What? Oh! 1013 00:47:57,436 --> 00:47:59,170 I like bad girls with daddy issues. 1014 00:47:59,171 --> 00:48:00,971 She's 22, she'll fuck anyone. 1015 00:48:00,972 --> 00:48:02,907 - Wait. I'm sorry, no. - You know. 1016 00:48:02,908 --> 00:48:05,999 Serious, she's probably fucked everyone in here but I don't even care. 1017 00:48:09,381 --> 00:48:11,116 You got a minute? 1018 00:48:11,117 --> 00:48:13,906 Not really. I'm kind of in the middle of something. 1019 00:48:14,652 --> 00:48:17,021 - I was thinking. - Oh, yeah? 1020 00:48:17,022 --> 00:48:19,946 Do you wanna come to Henry's birthday party this weekend? 1021 00:48:20,658 --> 00:48:22,594 - Really? - Yep. 1022 00:48:22,595 --> 00:48:24,495 Xander, in the 8 years I've known you as a father 1023 00:48:24,496 --> 00:48:27,598 you have never once invited me to any function involving your children. 1024 00:48:27,599 --> 00:48:30,133 - Hear me out. I was thinking. - Mm-hmm. 1025 00:48:30,135 --> 00:48:32,202 Maybe you and Lainey... 1026 00:48:32,203 --> 00:48:35,239 Ah, I knew it! No. See, Lainey and I are not dating. 1027 00:48:35,240 --> 00:48:37,641 I know that. I'm not saying you have to date her. 1028 00:48:37,642 --> 00:48:39,209 I'm not saying you have to come as a couple. 1029 00:48:39,210 --> 00:48:42,212 I'm just saying arrive at the party together. 1030 00:48:42,213 --> 00:48:44,549 Come as friends or whatever this fucked up thing you guys have... 1031 00:48:44,550 --> 00:48:46,984 - We're... we're best friends. - No, we're best friends! 1032 00:48:46,985 --> 00:48:49,286 - That's not true. - What? 1033 00:48:49,287 --> 00:48:51,689 Look, she's my best friend and I would say 1034 00:48:51,690 --> 00:48:53,691 by circumstance and certainly duration 1035 00:48:53,692 --> 00:48:55,393 you would be my next best friend. 1036 00:48:55,394 --> 00:48:57,995 Okay, you know what, I'll even allow that. 1037 00:48:57,996 --> 00:49:02,000 - You're my last single friend, I can't have you... - So what? 1038 00:49:02,001 --> 00:49:03,100 - Hey. - What are you talking about? 1039 00:49:03,101 --> 00:49:05,536 - Yes. - We have a meeting with group sales in 20. 1040 00:49:05,537 --> 00:49:06,370 - Are you two prepared. - Huh? 1041 00:49:06,371 --> 00:49:07,604 Not at all. 1042 00:49:07,605 --> 00:49:09,974 Should I reschedule the meeting 1043 00:49:09,975 --> 00:49:11,643 when you are ready? 5 or 6 months from now? 1044 00:49:11,644 --> 00:49:13,545 I would make it a cool 7. 1045 00:49:13,546 --> 00:49:15,279 Yeah, 7 at least. 1046 00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:18,049 Shit, I'm not available then. Oh, well, I tried. 1047 00:49:18,050 --> 00:49:19,484 See you in 20? 1048 00:49:19,485 --> 00:49:21,084 You got it, boss. 1049 00:49:21,085 --> 00:49:24,354 - Oh, yeah. Mousetrap - What the fuck is that? 1050 00:49:24,355 --> 00:49:27,424 - That was repartee. - That's... that's exactly why I can't have you at the party. 1051 00:49:27,425 --> 00:49:29,294 Because you have repartee with everybody. 1052 00:49:29,295 --> 00:49:31,129 You love repartee. 1053 00:49:31,130 --> 00:49:33,330 All you want to do is flit around the party 1054 00:49:33,331 --> 00:49:35,264 flirt with the moms. 1055 00:49:35,265 --> 00:49:38,001 And then they all get mad, and then they turn on each other. 1056 00:49:38,002 --> 00:49:41,071 Then they yell at Naomi, then Naomi yells at me. 1057 00:49:41,072 --> 00:49:43,374 Then they won't let their kids play with my kids. 1058 00:49:43,375 --> 00:49:46,276 Then I have to play with my kids because my kids have no friends. 1059 00:49:46,277 --> 00:49:49,246 I'm raising friendless children because of you. 1060 00:49:49,247 --> 00:49:50,381 - Do you understand? - I... 1061 00:49:50,382 --> 00:49:54,017 It is a cascading shit storm that is your creation. 1062 00:49:54,018 --> 00:49:57,589 A tremendous amount of Malcolm Gladwellian logic jumps. 1063 00:49:57,590 --> 00:50:01,625 We'll you've spent 10,000 hours fucking my life up. 1064 00:50:01,626 --> 00:50:04,129 - So bring Lainey to the party. - Okay. Fine. 1065 00:50:04,130 --> 00:50:07,197 I will, uh, you know, on behalf of your children and... 1066 00:50:07,198 --> 00:50:09,167 ...and Naomi, I will, uh... 1067 00:50:09,168 --> 00:50:10,335 I'll talk to Lainey and see what we can do. 1068 00:50:10,336 --> 00:50:14,137 Listen, I'm not saying you and Lainey need to date. 1069 00:50:14,139 --> 00:50:16,540 I'm just saying, for the first time 1070 00:50:16,541 --> 00:50:18,664 I'm a little bit optimistic... 1071 00:50:19,412 --> 00:50:22,169 ...you might not become that creepy guy. 1072 00:50:22,580 --> 00:50:24,048 But he's got a point. 1073 00:50:24,049 --> 00:50:26,149 I'm gonna be the creepy old dude! 1074 00:50:26,151 --> 00:50:28,353 Like, that's sucks and then what happens 1075 00:50:28,354 --> 00:50:30,522 when my dick doesn't get as hard as it used to, okay. 1076 00:50:30,523 --> 00:50:32,789 'Cause that's gonna happen. It's gonna happen, it's inevitable. 1077 00:50:32,791 --> 00:50:34,525 And... and young chicks don't put up with that shit 1078 00:50:34,526 --> 00:50:36,194 they have no time for that. 1079 00:50:36,195 --> 00:50:38,295 And older women are gonna be 1080 00:50:38,296 --> 00:50:40,597 no way near into my nonsense. Okay? 1081 00:50:40,598 --> 00:50:42,567 Just not into it at all. 1082 00:50:42,568 --> 00:50:44,201 It's... it's at that point, what do I do? 1083 00:50:44,202 --> 00:50:46,404 I just buy the fedora and move to Miami, right? 1084 00:50:46,405 --> 00:50:48,138 Make a golf cart in my own motor transportation. 1085 00:50:48,139 --> 00:50:49,540 I've never seen you like this. I... I... you're spinning. 1086 00:50:49,541 --> 00:50:51,643 - I can't believe it. I mean... - You're spinning, and honestly. 1087 00:50:51,644 --> 00:50:52,743 Get... get lucky and... and happy about... 1088 00:50:52,744 --> 00:50:53,610 Honestly you sound like a woman. 1089 00:50:53,611 --> 00:50:54,578 You know, bachelor, bachelor parties 1090 00:50:54,579 --> 00:50:57,147 for people third marriages. Like, that's... 1091 00:50:57,148 --> 00:50:59,205 What... what is that? That's crazy. 1092 00:51:00,151 --> 00:51:02,286 - It's him. - Him who? 1093 00:51:03,521 --> 00:51:05,156 He never calls. He always texts. 1094 00:51:05,157 --> 00:51:06,622 Okay, no! Don't... don't answer that. 1095 00:51:06,623 --> 00:51:07,591 - Jake! Jake! - Don't answer it. No. 1096 00:51:07,592 --> 00:51:09,093 - Give me the phone! - No. Absolutely... 1097 00:51:09,095 --> 00:51:09,962 Lainey, what are you doing? 1098 00:51:09,963 --> 00:51:12,196 Hey, you don't do this anymore, okay? 1099 00:51:12,197 --> 00:51:13,463 Remember? We're okay. 1100 00:51:13,465 --> 00:51:14,433 I'm sorry, yeah. 1101 00:51:14,434 --> 00:51:15,365 You got to breathe. Lainey, please breathe. 1102 00:51:15,366 --> 00:51:17,733 - Is there a problem? - What? Uh, yeah. 1103 00:51:17,734 --> 00:51:19,504 My wife, she's prone to panic attacks. 1104 00:51:19,505 --> 00:51:22,239 It's this guy she's sleeping with. Uh, it's alright. 1105 00:51:22,240 --> 00:51:25,176 Okay, it's... Hey dude get the fuck out of here, I got it. 1106 00:51:25,177 --> 00:51:26,478 - Oh, easy. Alright, alright. - Okay? Thank you. 1107 00:51:26,479 --> 00:51:30,315 I appreciate you concern, Superman! Fly away. 1108 00:51:30,316 --> 00:51:33,118 Baby, just breath, okay? Will you? Okay? 1109 00:51:33,119 --> 00:51:34,886 Okay? Here. Come on, sit down. 1110 00:51:34,887 --> 00:51:36,420 You're gonna be okay. It's alright. 1111 00:51:36,421 --> 00:51:39,122 You just got to breathe. Please. Okay? 1112 00:51:39,124 --> 00:51:40,891 Okay? 1113 00:51:40,892 --> 00:51:43,261 Yeah. There you go. 1114 00:51:43,262 --> 00:51:45,529 Lainey, this is just fear, alright? 1115 00:51:45,530 --> 00:51:48,921 A really, really large dose of fear. 1116 00:51:51,137 --> 00:51:52,669 That's all that's going on. 1117 00:51:52,670 --> 00:51:54,671 A little adrenaline, in a bad way. 1118 00:51:54,672 --> 00:51:56,697 Does that make sense? 1119 00:51:58,408 --> 00:52:00,377 Also... 1120 00:52:00,378 --> 00:52:02,346 ...mousetrap. 1121 00:52:02,347 --> 00:52:05,148 Complete and total mousetrap right now. 1122 00:52:05,150 --> 00:52:08,386 - Oh, my God. - Stop. You're so fucked up. 1123 00:52:08,387 --> 00:52:10,254 I'm fucked up? What are you talking about? 1124 00:52:10,255 --> 00:52:12,524 You... you went Kathy Bates in "Misery" 1125 00:52:12,525 --> 00:52:13,590 in the middle of Central Park. 1126 00:52:13,591 --> 00:52:16,493 You know... come on. Maybe we're both fucked up. 1127 00:52:16,494 --> 00:52:18,663 At least give me that. Come on. You wanna get out of here? 1128 00:52:18,664 --> 00:52:21,165 Yeah, Central Park sucks. 1129 00:52:21,166 --> 00:52:23,835 No, it's... I mean, it's just a goddamn bird toilet anyway. 1130 00:52:23,836 --> 00:52:25,636 You know, it's... ugh! 1131 00:52:25,637 --> 00:52:28,929 Almost done. Just one more. 1132 00:52:34,280 --> 00:52:36,381 This is the greatest movie ever made. 1133 00:52:36,382 --> 00:52:37,681 Yeah, of course you love it. 1134 00:52:37,682 --> 00:52:39,683 - Look at her. - God I love you. 1135 00:52:39,684 --> 00:52:41,286 That's you, baby. 1136 00:52:41,287 --> 00:52:44,111 I love you! I'm gonna murder you while I love you. 1137 00:52:45,423 --> 00:52:47,192 That's the second time you said that. Hmm. 1138 00:52:47,193 --> 00:52:48,348 Said what? 1139 00:52:49,295 --> 00:52:50,894 You called me baby just now. 1140 00:52:50,895 --> 00:52:53,864 And you said it the other day too. 1141 00:52:53,865 --> 00:52:55,465 - I'm sorry. - It's okay. 1142 00:52:55,467 --> 00:52:56,868 No, I mean, it was a total accident. 1143 00:52:56,869 --> 00:52:57,901 - I don't... - That's okay. 1144 00:52:57,902 --> 00:53:00,360 - I don't know why I would... - Oh. 1145 00:53:01,307 --> 00:53:03,363 - Yeah. - Oh. 1146 00:53:14,353 --> 00:53:16,410 Do you want talk about it? 1147 00:53:19,325 --> 00:53:20,747 Talk about what? 1148 00:53:22,260 --> 00:53:25,317 We're not a couple bur we act like one. 1149 00:53:31,436 --> 00:53:32,669 Yeah. 1150 00:53:32,670 --> 00:53:35,295 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um... 1151 00:53:36,874 --> 00:53:38,375 I mean, I guess I've been... 1152 00:53:38,376 --> 00:53:39,877 ...putting this conversation off for a while. 1153 00:53:39,878 --> 00:53:41,745 - We don't have to... - No. No. No. It's good. 1154 00:53:41,746 --> 00:53:44,004 It's good. We should. Um... 1155 00:53:46,552 --> 00:53:49,042 Um, okay, well... 1156 00:53:50,856 --> 00:53:53,457 You take this risk... 1157 00:53:53,458 --> 00:53:55,425 ...when you start sleeping with people. 1158 00:53:55,426 --> 00:53:57,327 You know, you, uh... 1159 00:53:57,328 --> 00:53:59,796 ...you risk losing them, right? 1160 00:53:59,798 --> 00:54:02,466 For me, I... you know, I've... never slept with someone 1161 00:54:02,467 --> 00:54:04,457 I wasn't willing to lose. 1162 00:54:06,603 --> 00:54:09,029 Except one time. 1163 00:54:10,008 --> 00:54:11,832 And, um... 1164 00:54:13,512 --> 00:54:18,049 And it... kills me that you're probably gonna go to Michigan. 1165 00:54:18,050 --> 00:54:19,983 And it kills me that I can't ask you to stay 1166 00:54:19,984 --> 00:54:22,687 because I have no right to, you know, and... 1167 00:54:22,688 --> 00:54:24,388 Oh. 1168 00:54:24,389 --> 00:54:26,857 So I just want to ...spend as much time 1169 00:54:26,858 --> 00:54:29,951 with my best friend as I possibly can. 1170 00:54:30,895 --> 00:54:33,453 Before I lose her again. 1171 00:54:36,869 --> 00:54:38,803 I'm sorry. I'm being selfish. I know it's like... 1172 00:54:38,804 --> 00:54:41,329 No. You're telling the truth. 1173 00:54:43,007 --> 00:54:45,642 Yeah. 1174 00:54:45,643 --> 00:54:49,047 ♪ All in your arm it is ♪ 1175 00:54:49,048 --> 00:54:52,014 ♪ All in your arms ♪ 1176 00:54:52,015 --> 00:54:55,353 ♪ You look so tired living ♪ 1177 00:54:55,354 --> 00:54:58,623 So what now? 1178 00:54:58,624 --> 00:55:02,426 ♪ Like a kite ♪ 1179 00:55:02,427 --> 00:55:04,428 ♪ Kite ♪ 1180 00:55:04,429 --> 00:55:06,064 ♪ Kite ♪ 1181 00:55:06,065 --> 00:55:09,257 ♪ Kite ♪♪ 1182 00:55:17,709 --> 00:55:19,776 - Hey, I got an idea. - Hmm. 1183 00:55:19,778 --> 00:55:22,369 Will you... 1184 00:55:25,351 --> 00:55:28,952 ...take Molly with me and go to a kid's birthday party? 1185 00:55:28,953 --> 00:55:32,457 I literally thought you'd never ask. 1186 00:55:32,458 --> 00:55:33,524 You thought I'd never get to this? 1187 00:55:33,525 --> 00:55:35,791 I thought you'd never get to this. 1188 00:55:35,792 --> 00:55:37,462 Where have you been all my life? 1189 00:55:37,463 --> 00:55:38,951 I... 1190 00:55:39,864 --> 00:55:42,132 Right over your shoulder. 1191 00:55:42,133 --> 00:55:43,667 Waiting. 1192 00:55:43,668 --> 00:55:46,136 For the right moment. 1193 00:55:46,137 --> 00:55:47,404 Is that a yes or a no? 1194 00:55:50,541 --> 00:55:53,678 - Happy birthday! - Happy birthday! 1195 00:55:53,679 --> 00:55:56,147 Look who it is. Look at this little human here. 1196 00:55:56,148 --> 00:55:57,848 - Hello. Happy birthday. - Hi. Happy birthday! 1197 00:55:57,849 --> 00:55:59,583 - It's you're birthday! - It's you're birthday! 1198 00:55:59,584 --> 00:56:01,386 Actually, it's, uh, it's Henry's. 1199 00:56:01,387 --> 00:56:03,687 - He's seven. She's not seven. - Oh. 1200 00:56:03,688 --> 00:56:05,056 But, you know, I'm so happy you guys are here. 1201 00:56:05,057 --> 00:56:08,593 Oh, my God. Are you guys high? 1202 00:56:08,594 --> 00:56:10,894 - We're actually rolling. - Ecstasy? 1203 00:56:10,895 --> 00:56:12,995 You know, that's how actually Henry was conceived. 1204 00:56:12,996 --> 00:56:14,498 - No kidding. - Yeah. 1205 00:56:14,499 --> 00:56:16,033 - Well that explains a lot. - Full circle. 1206 00:56:16,034 --> 00:56:18,001 - Yeah. - Yeah. Don't have a baby, guys. 1207 00:56:18,002 --> 00:56:20,670 No offense, but seriously, just... 1208 00:56:20,671 --> 00:56:22,138 - Yeah. - Be safe. You know what I mean. 1209 00:56:22,139 --> 00:56:25,008 - But I'm so happy you guys are here. Okay. - It's so good to see you. 1210 00:56:25,009 --> 00:56:27,044 Oh, transformers guy didn't show up... 1211 00:56:27,045 --> 00:56:29,679 - Are you kidding? - No, no, no. Oh, my God. 1212 00:56:29,680 --> 00:56:31,315 - Just kidding. No. Okay. - It feels soft and smooth. 1213 00:56:31,316 --> 00:56:34,185 No, and so there's a little bit of a meltdown. It's a little bit of a crisis. 1214 00:56:34,186 --> 00:56:35,986 - Hey, here you go. - Oh, is this for Henry? 1215 00:56:35,987 --> 00:56:37,621 - Yeah. - Oh, great. 1216 00:56:37,622 --> 00:56:39,690 He loves New York ladies flip flops. 1217 00:56:39,691 --> 00:56:41,426 Oh, no, no, no. Those are mine. Those are for me. Those are me. 1218 00:56:41,427 --> 00:56:42,127 Sorry, that shouldn't be in there. 1219 00:56:42,128 --> 00:56:42,960 It's just a shitload of candy. 1220 00:56:42,961 --> 00:56:45,562 Great. Okay. Um, that'll be nice. 1221 00:56:45,563 --> 00:56:47,998 - Are those hot pads also for Henry? - Yes. 1222 00:56:47,999 --> 00:56:50,133 - Okay. - Can I just hold them now? 1223 00:56:50,135 --> 00:56:51,767 Sure. Okay, come in. 1224 00:56:51,768 --> 00:56:55,137 Okay, hopefully she goes down for her nap. 1225 00:56:55,138 --> 00:56:58,109 - Okay. Oh, my God. - Oh, man, it's broken. 1226 00:56:58,110 --> 00:57:00,178 - Oh, wow. This is... - That kid has a hose. 1227 00:57:00,179 --> 00:57:02,013 - Oh! - That kid has a hose. 1228 00:57:02,014 --> 00:57:03,213 You guys made it, huh? 1229 00:57:03,214 --> 00:57:06,884 Welcome to the hell scape that is my son's birthday party. 1230 00:57:06,885 --> 00:57:08,553 It's birth control. 1231 00:57:08,554 --> 00:57:10,821 Okay, when I say "Hello," you say "Hi." 1232 00:57:10,822 --> 00:57:12,222 - Hello! - Hi! 1233 00:57:12,223 --> 00:57:13,857 - Hello! - Hi! 1234 00:57:13,858 --> 00:57:16,460 I'm Miss Dalton! So, you say "Hi." 1235 00:57:16,461 --> 00:57:19,061 - Hi, Miss Dalton! - Hi, Miss Dalton! 1236 00:57:19,062 --> 00:57:20,565 Great! Okay, who wants to learn a dance! 1237 00:57:20,566 --> 00:57:21,998 - Me! - Yes! 1238 00:57:21,999 --> 00:57:23,700 Okay, everybody go out to the grass. 1239 00:57:23,701 --> 00:57:27,571 I will meet you there. I will be right there. 1240 00:57:27,572 --> 00:57:30,741 Naomi, put on track 7 on my workout mix. 1241 00:57:30,742 --> 00:57:32,743 Wait. Hey, Lainey. You... you don't have to do this. 1242 00:57:32,744 --> 00:57:34,610 It's not your responsibility. 1243 00:57:34,611 --> 00:57:37,848 Okay, relax. I do this for a living. 1244 00:57:37,849 --> 00:57:40,116 Also, 2 minutes ago, I accepted 1245 00:57:40,117 --> 00:57:42,486 my body for the first time. 1246 00:57:42,487 --> 00:57:44,720 - That a girl! - Okay. 1247 00:57:44,721 --> 00:57:47,823 - She dances for a living? - No, deals with kids. 1248 00:57:47,825 --> 00:57:49,992 She told me to relax, and the word lasted 1249 00:57:49,993 --> 00:57:52,017 for like 4 seconds. 1250 00:57:52,831 --> 00:57:54,264 Okay, okay. Great. 1251 00:57:54,265 --> 00:57:55,933 Alright. Are you guys ready to learn a dance? 1252 00:57:55,934 --> 00:57:57,567 - Yeah! - Yes! 1253 00:57:57,568 --> 00:57:58,902 Okay. This is good. 1254 00:57:58,903 --> 00:58:01,905 Because everyone likes a person that can dance. 1255 00:58:01,906 --> 00:58:04,674 And this dance you can do anywhere. 1256 00:58:04,675 --> 00:58:06,543 All you need is your... 1257 00:58:06,544 --> 00:58:08,712 - Body! - Yes. 1258 00:58:08,713 --> 00:58:10,614 And... and just a little... 1259 00:58:10,615 --> 00:58:12,648 - Music! - Yes! Yes! 1260 00:58:12,649 --> 00:58:14,150 Okay, are you guys ready to learn the moves? 1261 00:58:14,151 --> 00:58:15,017 - Ready to learn some moves? - Yes! 1262 00:58:15,018 --> 00:58:16,786 Yes! Okay. 1263 00:58:16,787 --> 00:58:18,522 Let's do this! 1264 00:58:23,128 --> 00:58:26,062 ♪ I know when to go out ♪ 1265 00:58:26,063 --> 00:58:28,732 ♪ I know when to stay in ♪ 1266 00:58:28,733 --> 00:58:30,666 On my count. 1267 00:58:30,667 --> 00:58:31,801 Here we go! 1268 00:58:31,802 --> 00:58:34,204 5, 6, 7, 8. 1269 00:58:34,205 --> 00:58:36,873 ♪ I catch the paper boy ♪ 1270 00:58:36,874 --> 00:58:39,243 ♪ But things don't really change ♪ 1271 00:58:39,244 --> 00:58:42,078 ♪ I'm standing in the wind ♪ 1272 00:58:42,079 --> 00:58:45,037 ♪ But I never wave bye bye ♪ 1273 00:58:47,753 --> 00:58:50,787 ♪ But I try I try ♪ 1274 00:58:50,789 --> 00:58:54,323 - Ugh, I miss drugs. - Why don't we do drugs? 1275 00:58:54,324 --> 00:58:56,059 Because he have to control these lives 1276 00:58:56,060 --> 00:58:58,763 that we gave birth to. 1277 00:58:58,764 --> 00:59:00,297 First of all, I gave birth to them. 1278 00:59:00,298 --> 00:59:02,232 - Alright, whatever. - We gave birth to? 1279 00:59:02,233 --> 00:59:03,599 ♪ It's just the power to charm ♪ 1280 00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:06,136 ♪ I'm lyin' in the rain ♪ 1281 00:59:06,137 --> 00:59:09,194 ♪ But I never wave bye bye ♪ 1282 00:59:11,708 --> 00:59:14,911 ♪ But I try ♪ 1283 00:59:14,912 --> 00:59:17,504 ♪ I try ♪♪ 1284 00:59:19,350 --> 00:59:22,018 - I have not felt that free. - Seriously. 1285 00:59:22,019 --> 00:59:24,955 - Maybe my whole life. - What? 1286 00:59:27,659 --> 00:59:29,025 - I want that... - Here we go. Hold it. 1287 00:59:29,026 --> 00:59:30,328 Oh. What are you doing? 1288 00:59:30,329 --> 00:59:33,763 Okay, okay, he's gonna put a stop to it. 1289 00:59:33,764 --> 00:59:35,132 Hey, alright, hey, uh... 1290 00:59:35,133 --> 00:59:36,365 Now, we're gonna have the time to freestyle. 1291 00:59:36,366 --> 00:59:38,234 - Who knows who to freestyle? - Me! 1292 00:59:38,235 --> 00:59:39,903 Alright... alright, grab your folks. 1293 00:59:39,904 --> 00:59:41,071 Who's the choreographer? 1294 00:59:41,072 --> 00:59:42,738 Oh, that's Jake's friend Lainey. 1295 00:59:42,739 --> 00:59:45,308 Jake's friend Lainey, who he really wants to fuck. 1296 00:59:45,309 --> 00:59:48,045 - Yeah, really wants to get deep, deep up in there. - Like bad. 1297 00:59:48,046 --> 00:59:49,779 - Like gross. - Mm-hmm. 1298 00:59:49,780 --> 00:59:52,338 - So she's single? - Oh, 100 percent. 1299 01:00:12,804 --> 01:00:14,861 This was an awful idea. 1300 01:00:15,840 --> 01:00:17,241 Oh, wow, that's weird. 1301 01:00:17,242 --> 01:00:19,743 I can hear my mom's voice when I'm underwater. 1302 01:00:19,744 --> 01:00:21,410 Oh, that's... It is good stuff. 1303 01:00:21,411 --> 01:00:23,146 Excuse me. 1304 01:00:23,148 --> 01:00:24,982 I'm Chris. This is Paul. 1305 01:00:24,983 --> 01:00:26,782 Lainey. Jake. 1306 01:00:26,783 --> 01:00:30,286 Ah, hi, you two. Are you guys married? 1307 01:00:30,287 --> 01:00:33,757 This is my son, and he really liked dancing with you. Didn't you, buddy? 1308 01:00:33,758 --> 01:00:36,027 Dude, are you really using your kid to hit on my friend? 1309 01:00:36,028 --> 01:00:38,094 Shut up. Ignore him. He's on drugs. 1310 01:00:38,095 --> 01:00:40,297 Paul, nice to meet you. 1311 01:00:40,298 --> 01:00:42,899 We're headin' out. But here's my info. 1312 01:00:42,900 --> 01:00:45,002 In case you feel like you might need it. 1313 01:00:45,003 --> 01:00:46,837 Come on, buddy. You can drive. 1314 01:00:46,838 --> 01:00:49,272 Oh, boy, "In case you might need it?" 1315 01:00:49,273 --> 01:00:51,974 Why would you need his info? 1316 01:00:51,975 --> 01:00:54,343 You're jealous. 1317 01:00:54,344 --> 01:00:56,112 I'm going to assume it's because you're coming down 1318 01:00:56,113 --> 01:00:57,713 off a powerful drug. 1319 01:00:57,714 --> 01:00:59,149 First part, false. Second part, true. 1320 01:00:59,150 --> 01:01:00,750 "Chris Smith." 1321 01:01:00,751 --> 01:01:02,053 Hold on. What? 1322 01:01:02,054 --> 01:01:04,689 His name's Chris Smith? 1323 01:01:04,690 --> 01:01:06,323 It is? 1324 01:01:06,324 --> 01:01:09,160 As in Chris Smith tree? 1325 01:01:09,161 --> 01:01:10,428 As in Chris Smith carol? 1326 01:01:10,429 --> 01:01:13,262 - No. - Holy smokes! 1327 01:01:13,263 --> 01:01:15,199 I always thought he'd be heavier with a beard. 1328 01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:17,333 - Leave him alone. - I love it. It's great. 1329 01:01:17,334 --> 01:01:18,868 Okay, I'm gonna try it again, alright? 1330 01:01:18,869 --> 01:01:20,369 Just see if any of the water goes down. 1331 01:01:20,370 --> 01:01:22,794 I'm gonna see how much I can drink. Here we go. 1332 01:01:27,878 --> 01:01:30,448 I love those "Rush Hour" movies. Oh, my God. 1333 01:01:30,449 --> 01:01:32,749 Anything that African American guy says 1334 01:01:32,750 --> 01:01:34,317 anything at all and I'm laughing, you know. 1335 01:01:34,318 --> 01:01:37,087 Hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. 1336 01:01:37,088 --> 01:01:40,389 - Shit, that was dumb. - No, Chris. It's fine. 1337 01:01:40,390 --> 01:01:42,392 They're great. They're such good movies. 1338 01:01:42,393 --> 01:01:44,462 I was married for 8 years. 1339 01:01:44,463 --> 01:01:48,755 And I just... I haven't done this in a while. 1340 01:01:49,367 --> 01:01:51,658 Me neither. 1341 01:01:52,804 --> 01:01:54,137 Are you okay? 1342 01:01:54,139 --> 01:01:56,806 Yeah. Yeah. 1343 01:02:05,117 --> 01:02:06,605 Yeah. 1344 01:02:07,284 --> 01:02:09,942 Be rude to it. 1345 01:02:14,159 --> 01:02:15,648 Yeah. 1346 01:02:24,168 --> 01:02:26,792 That was ridiculous. 1347 01:02:28,907 --> 01:02:32,109 The Dirty DJ was our thing, okay? 1348 01:02:32,110 --> 01:02:33,277 - Jake. - That was our thing. 1349 01:02:33,278 --> 01:02:35,111 Okay, let me be super clear here. 1350 01:02:35,112 --> 01:02:36,547 Mm-hmm. Please. 1351 01:02:36,548 --> 01:02:39,482 We don't have things that are sexual. 1352 01:02:39,483 --> 01:02:44,053 We don't sleep with each other, so we don't have things. 1353 01:02:44,054 --> 01:02:46,790 Okay, but you know what I mean, alright? 1354 01:02:46,791 --> 01:02:49,258 I taught you that as a gift to you. 1355 01:02:49,259 --> 01:02:52,562 That was not a Chris Smith gift, okay? 1356 01:02:52,563 --> 01:02:54,531 So. I don't get mad when you bring other chicks to our restaurant. 1357 01:02:54,532 --> 01:02:56,500 - Our restaurant? - Yes. 1358 01:02:56,501 --> 01:02:59,102 Oh, thank you. Yeah. Our restaurant? 1359 01:02:59,103 --> 01:03:01,003 I didn't know we put a down payment on this place. 1360 01:03:01,004 --> 01:03:02,372 Come on. 1361 01:03:02,373 --> 01:03:04,040 You know, I love it that you get ownership 1362 01:03:04,041 --> 01:03:06,210 over a randomly selected dumpling spot 1363 01:03:06,211 --> 01:03:09,845 but me, I can't share with you the slightest disappointment 1364 01:03:09,847 --> 01:03:11,481 over you co-opting an original idea of mine. 1365 01:03:11,483 --> 01:03:12,515 - Co... Okay. - Yeah. 1366 01:03:12,516 --> 01:03:13,550 First of all, you are not 1367 01:03:13,551 --> 01:03:15,552 the Mark Zuckerberg of vaginas. 1368 01:03:15,553 --> 01:03:16,620 I don't know who that is. 1369 01:03:16,621 --> 01:03:20,591 And secondly, do not gaslight me with SAT words 1370 01:03:20,592 --> 01:03:22,559 and sliding scale morality. 1371 01:03:22,560 --> 01:03:24,361 - I'm not one of your dates. - That is very true. 1372 01:03:24,362 --> 01:03:25,596 No. You are not one of my dates. 1373 01:03:25,597 --> 01:03:26,596 - And I'm glad. Thank you. - Some water. 1374 01:03:26,597 --> 01:03:27,832 - No, the lady doesn't need it. - Excuse me. 1375 01:03:27,833 --> 01:03:29,566 - She doesn't deserve that. - I would like that, please. 1376 01:03:29,567 --> 01:03:30,600 I actually would like the water. 1377 01:03:30,601 --> 01:03:32,870 Sir, I-I can't stress enough 1378 01:03:32,871 --> 01:03:34,103 if we give her water I don't know what happens. 1379 01:03:34,104 --> 01:03:35,037 You need to give me this water. 1380 01:03:35,038 --> 01:03:37,540 See she's addicted. This is an addict. 1381 01:03:37,541 --> 01:03:39,575 This is... I've seen it a hundred times with her. 1382 01:03:39,576 --> 01:03:41,410 You gotta trust me. 1383 01:03:41,411 --> 01:03:43,112 You have lost your mind. 1384 01:03:43,113 --> 01:03:46,015 Well, you have lost your water. 1385 01:03:46,016 --> 01:03:49,074 So... I guess we're tied. 1386 01:03:50,487 --> 01:03:52,890 I wanna be able to talk you about this kinda thing. 1387 01:03:52,891 --> 01:03:55,192 I sense that. That's obvious. I just don't know why. 1388 01:03:55,193 --> 01:03:57,361 You talk to me about chicks you screw all the time. 1389 01:03:57,362 --> 01:03:59,618 That's different. 1390 01:04:00,964 --> 01:04:03,033 - Why? - 'Cause I'm going inside them. 1391 01:04:03,034 --> 01:04:04,368 This you're talking about someone inside you 1392 01:04:04,369 --> 01:04:05,902 that's just... ugh! 1393 01:04:05,903 --> 01:04:06,993 - Duh. - Grody. 1394 01:04:09,474 --> 01:04:13,175 This is the Bieder contract that has to go to legal for comments. 1395 01:04:13,177 --> 01:04:15,545 Knock knock. Hey, you got a minute? 1396 01:04:15,546 --> 01:04:19,149 Um... Ah, I mean... real minute? 1397 01:04:19,150 --> 01:04:20,349 A New York minute. I don't know... yeah, a real minute. 1398 01:04:20,350 --> 01:04:22,018 60 seconds. Sure. 1399 01:04:22,019 --> 01:04:23,520 Okay. 1400 01:04:23,521 --> 01:04:25,454 Um, what was the other thing? 1401 01:04:25,455 --> 01:04:26,957 Oh, yeah, buzz me for the 3 o'clock. 1402 01:04:26,958 --> 01:04:28,058 And that's it. Okay. 1403 01:04:28,059 --> 01:04:30,083 Yeah, don't fuck that up. 1404 01:04:30,561 --> 01:04:32,529 You got to let them have it. 1405 01:04:32,530 --> 01:04:34,964 Hey, will you, uh, sign this for me please? 1406 01:04:34,965 --> 01:04:36,265 Well, I have to know what it is first. 1407 01:04:36,266 --> 01:04:38,935 Oh, it's a nullification of my contract. 1408 01:04:38,936 --> 01:04:43,472 It says I resign and forfeit any vesting stock options to Xander. 1409 01:04:43,473 --> 01:04:46,410 And why would you do that? 1410 01:04:46,411 --> 01:04:49,078 Oh, right, no. Because I want to go on a date with you. 1411 01:04:49,079 --> 01:04:52,648 Silly. Uh, if you can just sign the back here. 3 places. 1412 01:04:52,649 --> 01:04:54,117 You can use my pen if you'd like. 1413 01:04:54,119 --> 01:04:57,254 And as you can see I've executed my half, so... 1414 01:04:57,255 --> 01:05:00,023 You stand to make over $5 million in the next 2 years. 1415 01:05:00,024 --> 01:05:03,492 No shit? Wow! That's great. 1416 01:05:03,494 --> 01:05:05,494 Uh, but I mean I never really factor 1417 01:05:05,496 --> 01:05:07,598 money in my decision making, so... 1418 01:05:07,599 --> 01:05:09,032 ...it doesn't change what I'm doing. 1419 01:05:09,033 --> 01:05:10,234 I appreciate the hardball 1420 01:05:10,235 --> 01:05:13,569 but obviously I can't take a request like this seriously. 1421 01:05:13,570 --> 01:05:14,671 But the seriousness of my request 1422 01:05:14,672 --> 01:05:17,207 is reflected in the hardball. 1423 01:05:17,208 --> 01:05:20,098 So I don't... I don't know what to do here. 1424 01:05:24,081 --> 01:05:25,314 Okay. I'll go on one date with you 1425 01:05:25,315 --> 01:05:27,250 if you answer a question truthfully. 1426 01:05:27,251 --> 01:05:29,085 Get the spanks. I love it. Yeah. 1427 01:05:29,086 --> 01:05:32,689 I answer all questions truthfully, but fire away. 1428 01:05:32,690 --> 01:05:36,959 What on earth makes you think that I'm worth $5 million? 1429 01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:39,652 What makes you think you're not? 1430 01:05:44,635 --> 01:05:46,236 Get outta here. Get back to work. 1431 01:05:46,237 --> 01:05:47,471 - I'm on break. - So take this... 1432 01:05:47,472 --> 01:05:49,506 - I'm on break. - ...and get out of my office. 1433 01:05:49,507 --> 01:05:51,096 Okay. 1434 01:05:52,010 --> 01:05:54,066 Alright. To be continued. 1435 01:05:55,280 --> 01:05:56,768 TTFN. 1436 01:05:57,514 --> 01:06:00,283 Um, you know, I mean... 1437 01:06:00,284 --> 01:06:02,051 Ta-ta for now. 1438 01:06:02,052 --> 01:06:05,022 My ex has my son this weekend. 1439 01:06:05,023 --> 01:06:07,491 And I know a place with cheap tequila. 1440 01:06:07,492 --> 01:06:09,692 We should go there. That sounds great. 1441 01:06:09,693 --> 01:06:12,129 Can you keep your mouth shut? 1442 01:06:12,130 --> 01:06:14,363 Yeah. I mean, not once we get there. 1443 01:06:14,364 --> 01:06:16,099 Tequila makes me so chatty. 1444 01:06:16,100 --> 01:06:18,067 In a good way I think. 1445 01:06:18,068 --> 01:06:20,536 - You mean out here. - Just... Yes, mouth shut, please. 1446 01:06:20,537 --> 01:06:23,129 - Not gonna say a peep. - Get outta here! 1447 01:06:25,043 --> 01:06:27,642 Back to work, you. 1448 01:06:27,643 --> 01:06:29,134 Yes! 1449 01:06:31,782 --> 01:06:34,017 There you are. 1450 01:06:34,018 --> 01:06:35,786 Hey, thanks for comin', Lainey. 1451 01:06:35,787 --> 01:06:38,653 Partners always have to do these bullshit events. 1452 01:06:38,654 --> 01:06:40,122 I hope your heels are comfortable 1453 01:06:40,123 --> 01:06:41,023 'cause you're gonna be standing 1454 01:06:41,024 --> 01:06:43,460 and talking to boring people all night. 1455 01:06:43,461 --> 01:06:45,462 Chris, I'm having a great time. 1456 01:06:45,463 --> 01:06:47,330 Thank you for inviting me. 1457 01:06:47,331 --> 01:06:49,888 And these shoes are still uncomfortable. 1458 01:06:51,536 --> 01:06:53,024 Elaine? 1459 01:06:53,438 --> 01:06:55,071 Hi, Matthew. 1460 01:06:55,072 --> 01:06:57,506 - Good to see you. - This is Chris. 1461 01:06:57,508 --> 01:06:59,508 - Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, Matthew. 1462 01:06:59,510 --> 01:07:02,111 Matthew and I were at Columbia around the same time. 1463 01:07:02,112 --> 01:07:05,148 Oh. Your name is Elaine? 1464 01:07:05,150 --> 01:07:07,718 - Lainey is a nickname. - I didn't know that. 1465 01:07:07,719 --> 01:07:11,120 Oh, Elaine, you've never met my wife, have you? 1466 01:07:11,121 --> 01:07:13,257 - I haven't. - Let me introduce you. Emma? 1467 01:07:13,258 --> 01:07:16,292 - Come here. - Excuse me. 1468 01:07:16,293 --> 01:07:17,728 This is Elaine. 1469 01:07:17,729 --> 01:07:19,462 So nice to meet you, Emma. 1470 01:07:19,463 --> 01:07:20,663 - This is Chris. - Hi. 1471 01:07:20,664 --> 01:07:22,598 - Hi. - When are you due? 1472 01:07:22,599 --> 01:07:25,201 - October. - Congratulations. 1473 01:07:25,202 --> 01:07:27,603 - Your first? - Yes. It's a boy. 1474 01:07:27,604 --> 01:07:30,306 We're so excited. 1475 01:07:30,307 --> 01:07:31,574 Matthew will be delivering him. 1476 01:07:31,575 --> 01:07:33,643 - Oh. - Oh. 1477 01:07:33,644 --> 01:07:35,678 - OB-GYN? - Yes. You? 1478 01:07:35,679 --> 01:07:37,480 Uh, partner over at Garrison and Shingle. 1479 01:07:37,481 --> 01:07:39,415 - A man of the law. - Yeah. 1480 01:07:39,416 --> 01:07:41,150 I've worked with you guys when I was a mediator 1481 01:07:41,151 --> 01:07:42,518 on Thorpe V. Bronwin. 1482 01:07:42,519 --> 01:07:45,121 - Sure. - Elaine, what is it that you do? 1483 01:07:45,122 --> 01:07:46,456 - I teach kindergarten. - That's right. 1484 01:07:46,458 --> 01:07:48,356 I think I knew that. 1485 01:07:48,357 --> 01:07:50,818 Would you excuse me? I'm just gonna run to the ladies' room. 1486 01:07:57,401 --> 01:07:58,435 Okay, can I cut to the chase? 1487 01:07:58,436 --> 01:07:59,468 I would love that. 1488 01:07:59,469 --> 01:08:00,836 I love cutting to chases. Do it. 1489 01:08:00,838 --> 01:08:02,873 Okay, so you're a womanizer. 1490 01:08:02,874 --> 01:08:04,474 Hey! 1491 01:08:04,476 --> 01:08:05,343 How did you know that? 1492 01:08:05,344 --> 01:08:07,210 - Everybody knows that. - Everybody? 1493 01:08:07,211 --> 01:08:09,178 Your interns call you a Jump Back Jake. 1494 01:08:09,179 --> 01:08:10,279 - I have a nickname? - A nickname. 1495 01:08:10,280 --> 01:08:11,515 - That's how bad it is. - Wow! 1496 01:08:11,516 --> 01:08:13,350 It's not bad. I... 1497 01:08:13,351 --> 01:08:14,317 Or that's how good it is! 1498 01:08:14,318 --> 01:08:16,252 Right? Well, see, that's what I'm saying. 1499 01:08:16,253 --> 01:08:17,453 I... I mean, I assumed they would speak about me 1500 01:08:17,454 --> 01:08:18,653 but I thought I was gonna be more along 1501 01:08:18,654 --> 01:08:19,690 the lines of something like... 1502 01:08:19,691 --> 01:08:21,558 - Stellar Yelp reviews? - Yeah. 1503 01:08:21,559 --> 01:08:22,525 Stellar Yelp reviews. 1504 01:08:22,526 --> 01:08:25,796 - So can I ask? - Yeah, how do I stop you? 1505 01:08:25,797 --> 01:08:29,565 - Mmm. - Were you a fat teenager? 1506 01:08:29,566 --> 01:08:32,903 Did you... No, seriously, did you not get along with your mother? 1507 01:08:32,904 --> 01:08:35,304 Do you just... do you not like women? 1508 01:08:35,305 --> 01:08:37,640 Do you feel suffocated by them as soon as you... 1509 01:08:37,641 --> 01:08:39,742 Yeah, I mean, no, it's none of those things. 1510 01:08:39,743 --> 01:08:41,577 God, those are all bad. 1511 01:08:41,578 --> 01:08:43,835 No, I think it was... 1512 01:08:45,617 --> 01:08:49,585 I think it was because I was like a... like a late bloomer. 1513 01:08:49,586 --> 01:08:50,720 - Really? - Yeah. 1514 01:08:50,721 --> 01:08:53,857 - Me too. - Mmm. Mm-hmm. 1515 01:08:53,858 --> 01:08:55,626 That's amazing. No shit. 1516 01:08:55,627 --> 01:08:57,493 I mean, it's different for women. 1517 01:08:57,494 --> 01:08:59,618 I waited until my wedding night. 1518 01:09:01,331 --> 01:09:03,266 Did you grow up in America? 1519 01:09:03,267 --> 01:09:06,701 Holy shit! I don't think I've ever... 1520 01:09:06,702 --> 01:09:08,437 No, I've never met anybody 1521 01:09:08,438 --> 01:09:10,407 that actually waited until their wedding day. 1522 01:09:10,408 --> 01:09:12,643 That's like Bobby Fischer kind of scarcity. 1523 01:09:12,644 --> 01:09:15,244 Okay, well I grew up very, very religiously. 1524 01:09:15,245 --> 01:09:18,180 - What is your excuse? - Hmm. 1525 01:09:18,182 --> 01:09:20,951 Yeah, my excuse, well, I think it's a... 1526 01:09:20,952 --> 01:09:25,353 I... I thought it was something that should be special. 1527 01:09:25,354 --> 01:09:27,890 I think I literally sprouted... 1528 01:09:27,891 --> 01:09:30,294 ...a vagina when I said that. 1529 01:09:30,295 --> 01:09:31,327 Check, please. 1530 01:09:31,328 --> 01:09:32,496 There's a Georgia O'Keeffe 1531 01:09:32,497 --> 01:09:34,398 painting in my pants as we speak. 1532 01:09:34,399 --> 01:09:37,233 - There are worse things. - That's true. 1533 01:09:37,234 --> 01:09:38,801 Pollock. Ooh. 1534 01:09:41,837 --> 01:09:43,940 Yeah, but that was that... that's why I... I, yeah. 1535 01:09:43,941 --> 01:09:45,374 I mean, I had a bunch of friends that had done it 1536 01:09:45,375 --> 01:09:47,476 and it just... I don't know. 1537 01:09:47,477 --> 01:09:50,313 At some point I realized it wasn't gonna be special 1538 01:09:50,314 --> 01:09:51,914 and so I just wanted to get it over with 1539 01:09:51,915 --> 01:09:55,140 and it's never been special ever since. 1540 01:09:55,919 --> 01:09:58,555 - So who was the girl? - Hmm. 1541 01:09:58,556 --> 01:09:59,590 Do you remember? 1542 01:10:01,792 --> 01:10:03,527 - You need to get that? - Nope. 1543 01:10:03,528 --> 01:10:05,595 - Please. - No, no, no. It's just a friend. 1544 01:10:05,596 --> 01:10:07,230 Well, you can still get the phone. 1545 01:10:07,231 --> 01:10:08,166 - I don't wanna get the phone. - Okay. 1546 01:10:08,167 --> 01:10:10,122 It's just a friend. It's no big deal. 1547 01:10:11,868 --> 01:10:14,926 Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice... 1548 01:10:30,020 --> 01:10:32,755 Are you one of Matthew's patients? 1549 01:10:32,756 --> 01:10:35,259 No. I went to Columbia. 1550 01:10:35,260 --> 01:10:38,394 I'm surprised Matthew hasn't mentioned you. 1551 01:10:38,395 --> 01:10:41,120 Well, I haven't seen him in a long time. 1552 01:10:42,667 --> 01:10:46,303 It shouldn't bother me but I don't like meeting his patients. 1553 01:10:46,304 --> 01:10:49,428 It's so weird meeting someone when your husband has seen her... 1554 01:10:49,873 --> 01:10:51,973 You know... 1555 01:10:51,974 --> 01:10:55,233 Of course. Yeah, I'd feel the same way. 1556 01:10:59,917 --> 01:11:02,885 Lainey, everything okay? 1557 01:11:02,886 --> 01:11:04,620 Oh, I gotta go. Chris, I'm so sorry I'm leaving. 1558 01:11:04,621 --> 01:11:06,290 I'm... I'm sick. 1559 01:11:06,291 --> 01:11:07,590 Oh, no. Well, let me... let me drive you home. 1560 01:11:07,591 --> 01:11:10,661 - No. Please... - Is everything alright? 1561 01:11:10,662 --> 01:11:11,994 I'm just not feeling well. 1562 01:11:11,995 --> 01:11:15,032 Oh. We should take our driver. 1563 01:11:15,033 --> 01:11:17,732 Emma and I are gonna stick around for another hour or so. 1564 01:11:17,733 --> 01:11:20,835 But he can drop you off and be back in 20 minutes. Easy. 1565 01:11:20,836 --> 01:11:22,470 You don't know where I live. 1566 01:11:22,471 --> 01:11:24,573 That's so nice. Are you sure? 1567 01:11:24,574 --> 01:11:26,076 Yeah. She'll never get a cab out at this hour. 1568 01:11:26,077 --> 01:11:27,877 It's no trouble. 1569 01:11:27,878 --> 01:11:29,078 Look, I'm really supposed to mingle a bit 1570 01:11:29,079 --> 01:11:30,013 but if you want me to come... 1571 01:11:30,014 --> 01:11:31,982 No, it's fine. I'll call you tomorrow. 1572 01:11:31,983 --> 01:11:32,949 Okay. 1573 01:11:32,950 --> 01:11:35,483 Oh yeah, yeah. You're sick. Feel better. 1574 01:11:35,484 --> 01:11:38,009 Bye, Chris. Thank you so much for tonight. 1575 01:11:38,989 --> 01:11:41,347 It's no trouble. Thank you. 1576 01:11:43,660 --> 01:11:45,429 So it's the black town car. It's across the street... 1577 01:11:45,430 --> 01:11:47,096 I know what your car looks like. I don't need it. 1578 01:11:47,097 --> 01:11:48,898 I like your date. He seems nice. 1579 01:11:48,899 --> 01:11:51,934 - Fuck you, Matt. - Why haven't you returned any of my calls? 1580 01:11:51,935 --> 01:11:53,470 - I blocked your number. - Why? 1581 01:11:53,471 --> 01:11:55,504 Because I'm not an asshole. 1582 01:11:55,506 --> 01:11:57,096 Okay. 1583 01:12:07,951 --> 01:12:09,353 Uh-huh. No, no. 1584 01:12:09,354 --> 01:12:11,488 What? What? 1585 01:12:11,489 --> 01:12:13,045 You're so greedy. 1586 01:12:15,791 --> 01:12:17,928 - Uh-huh. - What? What do you want me to do? 1587 01:12:17,929 --> 01:12:20,486 I want you to do nothing. 1588 01:12:22,667 --> 01:12:24,634 I want you to do exactly 1589 01:12:24,635 --> 01:12:27,426 what you don't normally do. 1590 01:12:28,038 --> 01:12:30,428 - Okay? - Okay. 1591 01:12:35,812 --> 01:12:38,903 ♪ You got a reason ♪ 1592 01:12:40,051 --> 01:12:42,152 ♪ Reason to leave ♪ 1593 01:12:42,153 --> 01:12:44,688 ♪ I lost it back then ♪ 1594 01:12:44,689 --> 01:12:46,722 ♪ But I am losing ♪ 1595 01:12:46,723 --> 01:12:48,524 Alright. 1596 01:12:48,525 --> 01:12:50,883 Fuck. Oh... 1597 01:12:57,135 --> 01:12:59,468 ♪ Come on come on come on ♪ 1598 01:12:59,469 --> 01:13:01,527 ♪ Come on come on come on ♪ 1599 01:13:05,007 --> 01:13:07,166 ♪ Come on ♪ 1600 01:13:08,712 --> 01:13:11,112 ♪ I never told you ♪ 1601 01:13:11,113 --> 01:13:17,119 ♪ You're my one and only woman ♪ 1602 01:13:17,120 --> 01:13:20,656 ♪ So you act like a child ♪ 1603 01:13:20,657 --> 01:13:25,194 ♪ I really don't mind the way you cry ♪ 1604 01:13:25,195 --> 01:13:27,163 ♪ Come on come on come on ♪ 1605 01:13:27,164 --> 01:13:29,800 ♪ To the deepest part ♪ 1606 01:13:29,801 --> 01:13:31,934 ♪ But you ain't that ♪ 1607 01:13:31,935 --> 01:13:34,769 ♪ In my... ♪ 1608 01:13:34,770 --> 01:13:37,974 ♪ Come on come on come on... ♪ 1609 01:13:37,975 --> 01:13:39,843 - Can you come? - But you haven't... 1610 01:13:39,844 --> 01:13:42,533 Come inside me. I want you to come now. 1611 01:13:43,580 --> 01:13:45,403 - Come! - Okay. 1612 01:13:46,917 --> 01:13:49,518 Oh, oh, fuck! 1613 01:13:49,520 --> 01:13:51,988 Oh, Lainey. Oh, oh! 1614 01:13:51,989 --> 01:13:55,514 Oh, oh, Lainey. Oh, fuck. 1615 01:14:07,538 --> 01:14:10,396 Oh! Oh, shit. 1616 01:14:18,682 --> 01:14:21,273 Who's Lainey? 1617 01:14:24,889 --> 01:14:28,647 Um... it's a long story. 1618 01:14:33,130 --> 01:14:35,621 You wanna tell me about it? 1619 01:14:39,936 --> 01:14:41,460 Yes. 1620 01:14:44,074 --> 01:14:45,741 It's right here on the right side. 1621 01:14:45,742 --> 01:14:47,099 Thank you. 1622 01:15:03,627 --> 01:15:05,719 I just tried calling you. 1623 01:15:06,697 --> 01:15:09,054 - My phone died. - Hmm. 1624 01:15:10,300 --> 01:15:12,725 So how was your day? 1625 01:15:14,005 --> 01:15:15,626 Swell. 1626 01:15:17,807 --> 01:15:20,099 Want to come up? 1627 01:16:43,094 --> 01:16:45,126 - It's over. - Hmm. 1628 01:16:45,127 --> 01:16:47,997 He didn't choose me. 1629 01:16:47,998 --> 01:16:51,322 You never told him to make a choice, you know. 1630 01:16:56,106 --> 01:16:58,563 How was Paula? 1631 01:16:59,010 --> 01:17:00,733 Hmm. 1632 01:17:03,046 --> 01:17:05,304 I was a mess. 1633 01:17:07,385 --> 01:17:09,875 She nice to you? 1634 01:17:11,955 --> 01:17:13,612 Yes. 1635 01:17:15,324 --> 01:17:17,816 - Good. - Hmm. 1636 01:17:35,077 --> 01:17:37,335 What's up? 1637 01:17:38,447 --> 01:17:41,606 Are we in love with each other? 1638 01:17:54,297 --> 01:17:56,721 What are we gonna do about it? 1639 01:18:05,443 --> 01:18:07,933 What do you wanna do? 1640 01:18:10,948 --> 01:18:12,471 Nothing. 1641 01:18:16,252 --> 01:18:18,876 There's nothing to do. 1642 01:18:25,195 --> 01:18:27,951 I love you for free, Lainey. 1643 01:18:31,300 --> 01:18:34,203 I love you for free, Jake. 1644 01:19:27,090 --> 01:19:30,926 I guess I can't talk you into a road trip to Ann Arbor? 1645 01:19:30,927 --> 01:19:33,328 Tempting. Tempting, but no. 1646 01:19:33,329 --> 01:19:35,297 Paula and I are taking Oliver upstate tomorrow. 1647 01:19:35,298 --> 01:19:37,065 Hmm. 1648 01:19:37,066 --> 01:19:38,968 Do you want me to grab the rest of the boxes? 1649 01:19:38,969 --> 01:19:41,003 No, Kara and George are shipping it to me on Monday. 1650 01:19:41,004 --> 01:19:43,839 - Cool. Alright. - I'm good. I'm good. 1651 01:19:43,841 --> 01:19:46,074 - You got it all figured out. - Yeah. 1652 01:19:46,075 --> 01:19:48,844 Alright, well... 1653 01:19:48,846 --> 01:19:50,313 ...last chance to ditch med school 1654 01:19:50,314 --> 01:19:51,413 and run away with me, huh? 1655 01:19:51,414 --> 01:19:53,183 Come on, what do you say? Let's go. 1656 01:19:53,184 --> 01:19:56,051 You just sneak in here, I'll drive. Bounce around. 1657 01:19:56,052 --> 01:19:58,853 You know, unfortunately I don't sleep with men 1658 01:19:58,854 --> 01:20:00,556 in relationships anymore. 1659 01:20:00,557 --> 01:20:02,491 - This new crazy thing. - Gotcha. 1660 01:20:02,493 --> 01:20:04,227 No, that's okay. That's okay. 1661 01:20:04,228 --> 01:20:05,327 I stopped cheating anyway. 1662 01:20:05,328 --> 01:20:08,786 So, bad timing. What happened to us? 1663 01:20:10,066 --> 01:20:12,100 We're getting a chance to start over. 1664 01:20:12,101 --> 01:20:13,569 That's true. 1665 01:20:13,570 --> 01:20:15,604 - Just in time... - Oh, yeah. 1666 01:20:15,605 --> 01:20:16,605 - If you ask me. - Oh, yeah. 1667 01:20:16,606 --> 01:20:19,665 Yeah, before things got really bad, and weird. 1668 01:20:23,980 --> 01:20:27,950 Alright, well, goodbye forever. 1669 01:20:27,951 --> 01:20:30,776 Goodbye forever. Again. 1670 01:20:32,189 --> 01:20:35,447 Up top. There you go. Yup. 1671 01:20:41,398 --> 01:20:43,756 Thank you, Jake. 1672 01:20:44,901 --> 01:20:46,658 For what? 1673 01:20:48,605 --> 01:20:51,897 For teaching me how to love someone. 1674 01:20:55,112 --> 01:20:57,001 Anytime. 1675 01:21:00,917 --> 01:21:02,919 I'll get this for you, you've got to close this. 1676 01:21:02,920 --> 01:21:04,009 Yep. 1677 01:21:06,590 --> 01:21:09,925 It would be kinda cool though if you could just hang onto the back. 1678 01:21:09,926 --> 01:21:12,528 Eddie Murphy at the beginning of "Beverly Hills Cop," remember that? 1679 01:21:12,529 --> 01:21:14,529 Cigarette truck. Never mind. 1680 01:21:14,530 --> 01:21:16,498 Uh, alright, drive safe. 1681 01:21:16,499 --> 01:21:18,134 - Yeah? - Hmm. 1682 01:21:18,135 --> 01:21:20,091 - Go. - Bye. 1683 01:21:22,172 --> 01:21:24,629 Go be a hot shot. 1684 01:21:28,212 --> 01:21:31,514 ♪ I feel ready for a ride ♪ 1685 01:21:31,515 --> 01:21:36,041 ♪ For the... ♪ 1686 01:21:37,488 --> 01:21:38,988 Hi, babe, it's me. 1687 01:21:38,989 --> 01:21:41,924 Um, I hope the goodbye went well. 1688 01:21:41,925 --> 01:21:43,392 Oliver and I are on our way. 1689 01:21:43,393 --> 01:21:45,649 Okay, see you soon. 1690 01:21:47,197 --> 01:21:48,396 Nice job, Oliver. 1691 01:21:48,397 --> 01:21:50,966 You're a whirling dervish out there. A whirling dervish! 1692 01:21:50,967 --> 01:21:52,635 - You got this, Henry. - There you go, Henry. 1693 01:21:52,636 --> 01:21:54,237 Right through. How's that feel, blue? 1694 01:21:54,238 --> 01:21:57,239 - How's that feel, blue? - There you go. 1695 01:21:57,240 --> 01:21:59,108 Yeah, little legs, but they move fast. 1696 01:21:59,109 --> 01:22:01,010 Get it. Get it. Reverse it. 1697 01:22:01,011 --> 01:22:02,444 Reverse it. Yeah! 1698 01:22:02,445 --> 01:22:05,147 - Yes! Nice pass, man. - Get off me! 1699 01:22:05,148 --> 01:22:08,149 Okay, I know. I'm just a passionate fan. 1700 01:22:08,150 --> 01:22:10,152 I'm sorry, go play soccer, what are you doing talkin' to me? 1701 01:22:10,154 --> 01:22:11,220 - What are you doing? - What? 1702 01:22:11,221 --> 01:22:12,622 You're embarrassing the kid. 1703 01:22:12,623 --> 01:22:14,256 The kid's having a great game, you're embarrassing... 1704 01:22:14,257 --> 01:22:16,959 Come on, Henry! Come on, Henry! 1705 01:22:16,960 --> 01:22:18,693 - And that's better? - How's that feel, blue? 1706 01:22:18,694 --> 01:22:21,363 How's that feel, blue? 1707 01:22:21,364 --> 01:22:22,964 My love is conditional. 1708 01:22:29,339 --> 01:22:32,608 When we were kids, we had orange slices after a game. 1709 01:22:32,609 --> 01:22:36,445 Thank you. That's like $400 worth of frozen yogurt. 1710 01:22:36,446 --> 01:22:39,282 - Holy toppings! - She just said it's every topping. 1711 01:22:39,283 --> 01:22:41,416 Every flavor. 1712 01:22:41,417 --> 01:22:42,985 Hey, what's up dude? 1713 01:22:42,986 --> 01:22:45,654 Is it okay if I go over Henry's to go swimming? 1714 01:22:45,655 --> 01:22:46,589 It's cool with me, is it cool with you? 1715 01:22:46,590 --> 01:22:47,723 At my house? 1716 01:22:47,724 --> 01:22:48,757 You're gonna go swimming at my house? 1717 01:22:48,758 --> 01:22:51,093 - Yes, I am. - Hmm. 1718 01:22:51,094 --> 01:22:53,196 - Let me think about it. - What do you say? 1719 01:22:53,197 --> 01:22:55,130 Alright. I'll allow it. 1720 01:22:55,131 --> 01:22:57,500 You sure you don't want to come to brunch? With me and your mom? 1721 01:22:57,501 --> 01:23:00,303 We're gonna have some eggs benedict and some frittatas. 1722 01:23:00,304 --> 01:23:02,270 Yeah, 'cause that's... 'cause that's what kids wanna do. 1723 01:23:02,271 --> 01:23:03,305 They don't want to go swimming. 1724 01:23:03,306 --> 01:23:04,773 They want to go to brunch. 1725 01:23:04,774 --> 01:23:06,274 Thanks, Jake. 1726 01:23:06,275 --> 01:23:08,165 There you go. 1727 01:23:09,279 --> 01:23:11,346 You have really changed, my friend. 1728 01:23:11,347 --> 01:23:14,082 - Yes. - I have to say, I don't mind it. 1729 01:23:14,083 --> 01:23:15,083 I don't know what that whole thing 1730 01:23:15,084 --> 01:23:17,353 was with Lainey but it really turned you around 1731 01:23:17,354 --> 01:23:19,678 in the right direction. 1732 01:23:20,122 --> 01:23:21,756 How's she doin'? 1733 01:23:21,757 --> 01:23:24,359 - Lainey? - Yeah. 1734 01:23:24,360 --> 01:23:27,152 I don't know. We haven't talked in a while. 1735 01:23:29,298 --> 01:23:33,603 Look at her, passing out toppings like, uh... 1736 01:23:33,604 --> 01:23:35,337 She's just like a dealer. 1737 01:23:35,338 --> 01:23:37,039 - What? - You're mad? 1738 01:23:37,040 --> 01:23:38,373 - No, but are you... - You're happy. 1739 01:23:38,374 --> 01:23:39,774 - You're both? - You're crazy. 1740 01:23:39,775 --> 01:23:40,644 Are you mappy? You're mappy? 1741 01:23:40,645 --> 01:23:42,411 I'm just gonna say you're mappy. 1742 01:23:42,412 --> 01:23:43,546 - I can't... - Have you thought this through? 1743 01:23:43,547 --> 01:23:44,480 - I know it's a birthday gift. - I can't go to France. 1744 01:23:44,481 --> 01:23:45,414 - Okay. - I can't take off work. 1745 01:23:45,415 --> 01:23:47,716 'Cause I'm pretty sure there's gonna be 1746 01:23:47,717 --> 01:23:50,752 a very nice suite in a 5 star hotel just waiting for ya. 1747 01:23:50,753 --> 01:23:53,221 But you're right. It's a bad idea. Maybe you shouldn't go. 1748 01:23:53,222 --> 01:23:55,424 But I've got to find someone now with your exact name 1749 01:23:55,425 --> 01:23:58,094 that can go to Europe and use that room. 1750 01:23:58,095 --> 01:24:00,729 - Anybody here named Paula? - Shh. 1751 01:24:00,730 --> 01:24:02,665 - You're crazy. - Settle down, people. 1752 01:24:02,666 --> 01:24:03,799 - No, not at all. - Are you kidding? 1753 01:24:03,800 --> 01:24:05,535 I think this is a great idea. 1754 01:24:05,536 --> 01:24:07,502 When did you get this good? 1755 01:24:07,503 --> 01:24:10,161 I spent a long time being bad. 1756 01:24:12,242 --> 01:24:14,676 I just... I mean. I just... just... 1757 01:24:17,247 --> 01:24:18,648 What? 1758 01:24:18,649 --> 01:24:22,041 Uh, I'm sorry, I just... 1759 01:24:23,153 --> 01:24:25,254 I know this guy from somewhere. 1760 01:24:25,255 --> 01:24:27,722 - With the glasses. - I can't put my finger on it. 1761 01:24:27,723 --> 01:24:29,980 - From work? - No. 1762 01:24:32,261 --> 01:24:35,264 - Your neighbor? - No, I... 1763 01:24:35,265 --> 01:24:37,098 I feel like he had longer hair. 1764 01:24:37,099 --> 01:24:39,501 Maybe he's an actor? 1765 01:24:39,502 --> 01:24:42,026 Maybe I knew him at Colum... 1766 01:24:42,806 --> 01:24:44,296 Columbia. 1767 01:24:48,444 --> 01:24:50,179 You know what? I'm... I'm... You mind if I run 1768 01:24:50,180 --> 01:24:51,346 over there just to see if it's him? 1769 01:24:51,347 --> 01:24:53,181 - Okay, baby. - Alright. 1770 01:24:53,182 --> 01:24:55,240 Be right back. 1771 01:24:58,287 --> 01:25:00,312 Well, we can talk about it. 1772 01:25:01,190 --> 01:25:02,680 Sobvechik? 1773 01:25:03,594 --> 01:25:05,083 Yeah. 1774 01:25:06,730 --> 01:25:09,088 - Oh, you're pregnant. - Oh, my God. 1775 01:25:19,909 --> 01:25:22,267 You boring, fuckin', asshole! 1776 01:25:24,213 --> 01:25:25,870 Sorry, sorry. 1777 01:25:27,917 --> 01:25:31,220 Hey! Hey! Jake! 1778 01:25:31,221 --> 01:25:33,456 Somebody do something. 1779 01:25:33,457 --> 01:25:35,947 - Jake, Jake! - That's for my girl, you shit! 1780 01:25:36,425 --> 01:25:38,183 Fuck you! 1781 01:25:38,794 --> 01:25:41,287 Come on. Get up! Come on. 1782 01:25:42,899 --> 01:25:45,268 You fucking boring piece of shit! 1783 01:25:45,269 --> 01:25:47,325 Fucking tourist. 1784 01:25:48,838 --> 01:25:50,305 I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. 1785 01:25:57,813 --> 01:26:00,215 - Matthew, my water broke... - Honey! 1786 01:26:00,216 --> 01:26:01,650 Honey! 1787 01:26:01,651 --> 01:26:03,952 - We need a doctor. - I'm a doctor! I'm her doctor! 1788 01:26:03,953 --> 01:26:05,755 Hold on, hold on, hold on. 1789 01:26:05,756 --> 01:26:09,324 I am her husband. That is my wife and that is my baby. 1790 01:26:09,325 --> 01:26:11,726 And this motherfucker I don't even know... 1791 01:26:11,727 --> 01:26:13,751 - Let's go! - What are you doing? 1792 01:26:13,931 --> 01:26:15,463 Fucking maniac. 1793 01:26:15,464 --> 01:26:17,365 That's my husband! Oh, my God! 1794 01:26:17,366 --> 01:26:19,602 - Oh, my God! - No! No! 1795 01:26:19,603 --> 01:26:23,737 ♪ Well if you ever go ♪ 1796 01:26:23,738 --> 01:26:27,443 ♪ Darlin' I'll be... ♪ 1797 01:26:27,444 --> 01:26:28,611 No! 1798 01:26:28,612 --> 01:26:30,211 No! 1799 01:26:30,213 --> 01:26:31,514 No! 1800 01:26:31,515 --> 01:26:33,648 Matthew! Hey! Hey! 1801 01:26:33,649 --> 01:26:35,218 He didn't do anything. 1802 01:26:35,219 --> 01:26:36,419 We were just having brunch 1803 01:26:36,420 --> 01:26:40,956 and then this fucker comes out of nowhere and decks him! 1804 01:26:40,957 --> 01:26:43,826 The Henley wearing bullshit motherfucker! 1805 01:26:43,827 --> 01:26:46,528 Oh, my God, this isn't happening. I need a tissue. 1806 01:26:46,529 --> 01:26:48,318 Oh, my God. 1807 01:26:56,640 --> 01:26:58,129 Hey. 1808 01:27:04,347 --> 01:27:06,282 They're gonna book you for assault. 1809 01:27:06,283 --> 01:27:08,973 What? Why? What did I... 1810 01:27:10,587 --> 01:27:12,911 Sorry, bad joke. 1811 01:27:14,291 --> 01:27:15,790 So you're gonna need someone to bail you out. 1812 01:27:15,791 --> 01:27:18,384 Oh, come on. Paula... 1813 01:27:20,463 --> 01:27:22,353 - I don't need a hardball... - My girl? 1814 01:27:22,797 --> 01:27:24,322 What? 1815 01:27:25,434 --> 01:27:28,536 - What are you... - My girl. Who's your girl? 1816 01:27:28,538 --> 01:27:29,704 Well, I can explain that. That just like... 1817 01:27:29,705 --> 01:27:31,674 Who's your girl, Jake? 1818 01:27:31,675 --> 01:27:32,841 I was... 1819 01:27:32,842 --> 01:27:34,477 That guy's a fucking asshole 1820 01:27:34,478 --> 01:27:36,443 who was really shitty to a good friend of mine. 1821 01:27:36,444 --> 01:27:38,480 - Okay? - You can't even say it. 1822 01:27:38,481 --> 01:27:41,005 You can't even look at me and just say her name. 1823 01:27:43,753 --> 01:27:45,321 - I don't even... - Give me the courtesy. 1824 01:27:45,322 --> 01:27:46,522 What are you talking... 1825 01:27:46,523 --> 01:27:49,692 I haven't even spoken to her since she left. 1826 01:27:49,693 --> 01:27:52,528 I'm... I didn't do anything wrong here. 1827 01:27:52,529 --> 01:27:54,430 - Okay? - You've been playing house. 1828 01:27:54,431 --> 01:27:55,898 - Oh, Shit! - I let my son... 1829 01:27:55,899 --> 01:27:57,732 - What are you talkin' about? - ...fall in love with you. 1830 01:27:57,733 --> 01:27:59,634 - Oh come on, that is not true. - You've been lying this whole time. 1831 01:27:59,635 --> 01:28:01,671 I'm not... I have not lied! I have... 1832 01:28:01,672 --> 01:28:06,006 I have not... I am... I would not lie to you. To him, okay? 1833 01:28:06,007 --> 01:28:08,344 I wasn't trying to hurt you. 1834 01:28:08,345 --> 01:28:10,779 - Wow, you really, you really... - Really what? 1835 01:28:10,780 --> 01:28:11,947 2 different people, my friend. 1836 01:28:11,948 --> 01:28:14,916 Oh, come on. I am not, okay? 1837 01:28:14,917 --> 01:28:16,618 But you're gonna figure it out. 1838 01:28:16,619 --> 01:28:19,109 Figure what... What are you doing? 1839 01:28:19,890 --> 01:28:21,981 Y-y-you're just gonna go? 1840 01:28:23,627 --> 01:28:24,894 Okay. 1841 01:28:24,895 --> 01:28:25,928 Great. 1842 01:28:25,929 --> 01:28:27,519 Great, okay. 1843 01:28:28,497 --> 01:28:30,455 Great! 1844 01:28:32,636 --> 01:28:34,569 Wonderful. 1845 01:28:34,570 --> 01:28:35,738 Fuckin'... 1846 01:28:40,444 --> 01:28:42,509 Who wants more wine? 1847 01:28:42,510 --> 01:28:43,746 - I'll take some. - Great. 1848 01:28:46,047 --> 01:28:47,349 Hello? 1849 01:28:47,350 --> 01:28:49,117 Hey, baby. 1850 01:28:49,118 --> 01:28:51,019 - Jake? - Yeah. 1851 01:28:51,020 --> 01:28:53,555 Yeah, yeah. How you doin'? 1852 01:28:53,556 --> 01:28:58,661 Um, I-I'm fine. Where are you calling me from? 1853 01:28:58,662 --> 01:29:00,129 Hey, did you know they don't have a separate jail 1854 01:29:00,130 --> 01:29:02,564 for cool people who fucked up? 1855 01:29:02,565 --> 01:29:03,998 Just one big old jail for everyone. 1856 01:29:03,999 --> 01:29:07,125 Jake. What happened? 1857 01:29:08,739 --> 01:29:12,597 Well, I ran into our old college buddy, Matthew Sobvechik. 1858 01:29:14,677 --> 01:29:17,545 Oh, baby, what did you do? 1859 01:29:17,547 --> 01:29:20,515 Well, I, um... 1860 01:29:20,516 --> 01:29:24,719 I, uh, sorta beat the shit out of him. 1861 01:29:24,720 --> 01:29:27,389 - Fucked up his life a little bit. - ...what it was. 1862 01:29:27,390 --> 01:29:29,179 Why did you do that? 1863 01:29:30,594 --> 01:29:32,183 I, um... 1864 01:29:33,130 --> 01:29:35,421 Well I just, um... 1865 01:29:37,167 --> 01:29:39,425 I just really miss you. 1866 01:29:40,770 --> 01:29:43,627 Yeah, I think about you like, all the time. 1867 01:29:44,840 --> 01:29:46,840 You know what, the word think is... is wrong 1868 01:29:46,841 --> 01:29:48,643 because I don't actively do anything. 1869 01:29:48,644 --> 01:29:51,169 You're just... here. 1870 01:29:56,484 --> 01:29:58,853 But I didn't... I didn't think I'd remember you. 1871 01:29:58,854 --> 01:30:00,922 You know I thought that I would forget about all of it. 1872 01:30:00,923 --> 01:30:04,993 And I, uh, didn't. You know, I just, uh... 1873 01:30:04,994 --> 01:30:06,895 I know we're no good at this shit. 1874 01:30:06,896 --> 01:30:08,763 And that's why we agreed to stop seeing each other. 1875 01:30:08,764 --> 01:30:10,555 So we wouldn't fuck it up but... 1876 01:30:11,901 --> 01:30:14,501 But I want you to come back. 1877 01:30:14,502 --> 01:30:18,129 I need you to... Because, uh... 1878 01:30:21,011 --> 01:30:26,270 Because I'd rather fail with you than win with anyone else. 1879 01:30:33,088 --> 01:30:34,545 Hello? 1880 01:30:37,127 --> 01:30:40,662 - Lainey, are you still there? - Just keep talking. 1881 01:30:40,663 --> 01:30:42,964 I love hearing your voice. 1882 01:30:42,965 --> 01:30:45,033 - I love hearing you say my name. - Oh, you do? 1883 01:30:45,034 --> 01:30:46,202 - Jake. - Lainey! 1884 01:30:46,203 --> 01:30:48,103 - Jake. - Lainey! 1885 01:30:48,104 --> 01:30:49,138 - Jake. - I love you so much. 1886 01:30:49,139 --> 01:30:50,705 - I love you. - Lainey, Lainey, Lainey. 1887 01:30:50,706 --> 01:30:53,108 - I love you! - I love you so much! 1888 01:30:53,109 --> 01:30:55,076 - Hey, I love you. - I love you, Jake! 1889 01:30:55,077 --> 01:30:56,612 - Give me the phone. - Lainey, Lainey! No, no. 1890 01:30:56,613 --> 01:30:58,912 What are you doing? Fucking take it. 1891 01:30:58,914 --> 01:31:01,050 Okay, honey, you're on speaker phone in a police station. 1892 01:31:01,051 --> 01:31:04,619 - Be very careful what you say. - Hello, police. 1893 01:31:04,620 --> 01:31:08,056 I love you. I love you. Don't... don't hurt anymore people. 1894 01:31:08,057 --> 01:31:12,760 Easy. Easy. Watch it! Back off! Back off! 1895 01:31:12,761 --> 01:31:17,732 Elaine! Elaine! Elaine! 1896 01:31:17,733 --> 01:31:22,460 - I love you! I love you! - Jake, I love you. 1897 01:31:30,011 --> 01:31:31,602 Yes? 1898 01:31:32,148 --> 01:31:34,282 Yes. 1899 01:31:34,283 --> 01:31:37,174 I will communicate the message. 1900 01:31:38,889 --> 01:31:41,022 Mr. Sobvechik will not be joining us. 1901 01:31:41,023 --> 01:31:42,756 We will have to postpone. 1902 01:31:42,757 --> 01:31:45,125 Come on. This is the third time. 1903 01:31:45,126 --> 01:31:46,996 My client has a newborn he has to spend time with... 1904 01:31:46,997 --> 01:31:49,898 We have made a generous offer to settle this lawsuit. 1905 01:31:49,899 --> 01:31:53,068 Your client is clearly dragging this thing out... 1906 01:31:53,069 --> 01:31:55,126 We'll be in touch to reschedule. 1907 01:32:05,748 --> 01:32:09,018 I forgot that Pinkerton was an alias of yours. 1908 01:32:09,019 --> 01:32:11,377 You never caught that reference. 1909 01:32:13,289 --> 01:32:15,246 Madame Butterfly. 1910 01:32:16,324 --> 01:32:18,058 Just because I don't applaud your intellect 1911 01:32:18,059 --> 01:32:20,684 doesn't mean I don't notice it. 1912 01:32:28,771 --> 01:32:30,005 Mathew... 1913 01:32:30,006 --> 01:32:32,206 I need you to swear 1914 01:32:32,207 --> 01:32:34,108 that you didn't plan this. 1915 01:32:34,109 --> 01:32:36,312 I didn't plan this. 1916 01:32:36,313 --> 01:32:37,711 Jake's offering you a lot of money 1917 01:32:37,712 --> 01:32:39,881 to settle this emotional distress lawsuit 1918 01:32:39,882 --> 01:32:41,915 so just take it. 1919 01:32:41,917 --> 01:32:44,219 Or what? Are you... are you threatening me? 1920 01:32:44,220 --> 01:32:45,921 I don't need to threaten you. 1921 01:32:45,922 --> 01:32:49,757 Let me guess. I drop it, or you tell Emma we slept together. 1922 01:32:49,758 --> 01:32:52,582 - I'd tell her what I know. - Which is what? 1923 01:32:54,729 --> 01:32:58,156 I know that you stop breathing when you kiss. 1924 01:33:00,136 --> 01:33:03,171 That when you lean in to whisper, you put your lips 1925 01:33:03,172 --> 01:33:05,830 right up against the back of my earlobe. 1926 01:33:07,009 --> 01:33:08,876 That you kiss the back of my neck before 1927 01:33:08,877 --> 01:33:11,635 you slip my coat over my shoulders. 1928 01:33:14,184 --> 01:33:17,207 I remember every compliment you ever gave me. 1929 01:33:18,287 --> 01:33:21,312 Everything you ever did to me in bed. 1930 01:33:22,891 --> 01:33:24,158 And the day you made me yours. 1931 01:33:24,159 --> 01:33:26,362 The day you said... 1932 01:33:26,363 --> 01:33:30,064 ..."Elaine, I wish I could have known you 1933 01:33:30,065 --> 01:33:32,701 "when you were a little girl, so that I could've been..." 1934 01:33:32,702 --> 01:33:34,826 "Could've been your true love." 1935 01:33:36,239 --> 01:33:38,696 I remember too, you know. 1936 01:33:40,141 --> 01:33:42,734 Would any of it sound familiar to Emma? 1937 01:33:44,346 --> 01:33:46,648 Some, yeah. 1938 01:33:46,649 --> 01:33:47,550 I don't think she needs to know 1939 01:33:47,551 --> 01:33:49,184 the things she holds close to her heart 1940 01:33:49,185 --> 01:33:52,143 were rehearsed on someone else. 1941 01:33:54,990 --> 01:33:56,848 Goodbye, Mathew. 1942 01:33:57,894 --> 01:34:00,251 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 1943 01:34:01,765 --> 01:34:04,822 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 1944 01:34:06,434 --> 01:34:07,769 So is he gonna drop the charges? 1945 01:34:07,770 --> 01:34:08,902 Am I allowed to leave the state? 1946 01:34:08,904 --> 01:34:11,840 - He will. You may. - Good. 1947 01:34:11,841 --> 01:34:13,073 Because I booked us a flight back 1948 01:34:13,074 --> 01:34:14,376 to Michigan at 10:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. 1949 01:34:14,377 --> 01:34:16,710 Great. I have a final at 3:00. 1950 01:34:16,711 --> 01:34:19,380 Excellent. I'll help you study. I'll make flashcards. 1951 01:34:19,381 --> 01:34:21,282 - So no honeymoon? - Oh, no, no. 1952 01:34:21,283 --> 01:34:22,817 There's gonna be a honeymoon. 1953 01:34:22,818 --> 01:34:23,786 I got us the penthouse suite 1954 01:34:23,787 --> 01:34:25,085 down at the plaza right down the road here. 1955 01:34:25,086 --> 01:34:26,454 - Nice. - Mm-hmm. 1956 01:34:26,455 --> 01:34:27,755 But first I've gotta take you downtown 1957 01:34:27,756 --> 01:34:29,692 and make an honest woman out of you. 1958 01:34:29,693 --> 01:34:32,126 - Rings? - Shit. 1959 01:34:32,127 --> 01:34:34,718 Kidding. Xander's got them. 1960 01:34:36,265 --> 01:34:38,198 I can't believe we lost our virginity 1961 01:34:38,199 --> 01:34:41,001 to each other and saved ourselves for marriage. 1962 01:34:41,002 --> 01:34:42,836 - Yeah. - That's pretty great. 1963 01:34:42,837 --> 01:34:43,906 I'm proud of us. Nicely done. 1964 01:34:43,907 --> 01:34:45,139 I mean... 1965 01:34:45,140 --> 01:34:46,140 It's not like we haven't done it. 1966 01:34:46,141 --> 01:34:47,474 - Of course. - I know what it looks like. 1967 01:34:47,475 --> 01:34:49,077 Yeah, yeah. It's been a while. 1968 01:34:49,078 --> 01:34:51,012 But I know what your situation is down there. 1969 01:34:51,013 --> 01:34:53,938 Oh, really? Yeah, how's my situation? 1970 01:34:54,917 --> 01:34:57,941 Are you kidding? It's perfect. 1971 01:35:00,221 --> 01:35:04,448 Oh, well, I'm pretty much a dream come true. 1972 01:35:07,931 --> 01:35:09,687 - Mousetrap. - Mousetrap. 1973 01:35:11,834 --> 01:35:13,469 - Do we really have to... - No, we don't. 1974 01:35:13,470 --> 01:35:14,937 ...say that. 1975 01:35:14,938 --> 01:35:17,462 Well, from safe word to code word, I guess. 1976 01:35:18,773 --> 01:35:20,341 - We should probably... - Let's go fuck first. 1977 01:35:20,342 --> 01:35:21,943 - Then we'll meet them down there. - We gotta do it now, yeah. 1978 01:35:21,944 --> 01:35:23,311 - Yeah, let's be quick. - Yeah, yeah, of course. 1979 01:35:23,312 --> 01:35:25,045 Call Xander, tell him we're gonna be late. 1980 01:35:25,046 --> 01:35:26,181 Absolutely. How long shall I tell him we're going to be? 1981 01:35:26,182 --> 01:35:29,784 - A couple of hours. - Really? Luck guy, aren't I? 1982 01:35:29,785 --> 01:35:31,152 Yeah, and then we'll still go get married. 1983 01:35:31,153 --> 01:35:32,354 Absolutely. Yeah. 1984 01:35:32,355 --> 01:35:33,787 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I forgot something. 1985 01:35:33,788 --> 01:35:35,357 What? 1986 01:35:35,358 --> 01:35:38,960 ♪ We are sleeping... ♪♪ 1987 01:35:38,961 --> 01:35:40,318 That. 1988 01:35:41,131 --> 01:35:42,753 - Yeah. - Better right? 1989 01:35:44,100 --> 01:35:46,934 - So we just got 20 blocks. - Why didn't we take the bus? 1990 01:35:46,935 --> 01:35:49,903 Oh, that's a good point. Should we get on the bus? 1991 01:35:49,905 --> 01:35:53,141 - I wonder if we find the route... - Oh, you're such a romantic. 1992 01:35:53,142 --> 01:35:55,442 No, I actually left my sweatshirt, I think. 1993 01:35:55,443 --> 01:35:57,344 - I love you. - I love you too. 1994 01:35:57,345 --> 01:36:01,149 ♪ We can stay together ♪ 1995 01:36:01,150 --> 01:36:05,487 ♪ I'll keep you safe forever ♪ 1996 01:36:05,488 --> 01:36:09,013 ♪ I know that sounds heavy ♪ 1997 01:36:09,792 --> 01:36:13,483 ♪ Fuck it and whatever ♪♪ 1998 01:36:13,962 --> 01:36:16,688 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 1999 01:36:18,033 --> 01:36:20,590 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 2000 01:36:21,270 --> 01:36:23,505 Uh, Yeah, w-we'll be here. 2001 01:36:23,506 --> 01:36:27,432 Okay. Have fun? I don't know, okay, Bye. 2002 01:36:28,877 --> 01:36:31,979 Um, they're gonna be here in like, 90 minutes. 2003 01:36:31,980 --> 01:36:33,481 When have you ever had sex for 90 minutes? 2004 01:36:33,482 --> 01:36:35,550 - With you? - With anybody. 2005 01:36:35,551 --> 01:36:37,986 - Oh, many times. - You have not had sex for 90 minutes. 2006 01:36:37,987 --> 01:36:40,288 I have had like, actual intercourse... 2007 01:36:40,289 --> 01:36:42,357 I bet they're counting like, foreplay and stuff. 2008 01:36:42,358 --> 01:36:44,992 No, but maybe they are. 2009 01:36:44,993 --> 01:36:48,296 Frankly, I'd be shocked if they made it at all. 2010 01:36:48,297 --> 01:36:50,198 I bet this sex thing is a ruse. 2011 01:36:50,199 --> 01:36:52,000 - For what? - They're having trouble. 2012 01:36:52,001 --> 01:36:54,035 Of cold feet, second thoughts. 2013 01:36:54,036 --> 01:36:54,937 Second thoughts? 2014 01:36:54,938 --> 01:36:56,904 They literally just got back together. 2015 01:36:56,905 --> 01:36:59,974 I know. But now they have this whole sex thing. 2016 01:36:59,975 --> 01:37:02,344 - I don't know. - First of all... 2017 01:37:02,345 --> 01:37:04,411 ...we had sex, at the last minute 2018 01:37:04,412 --> 01:37:05,848 right before we got married. 2019 01:37:05,849 --> 01:37:08,216 - I don't think that's true. - Really? 2020 01:37:08,217 --> 01:37:11,019 You don't remember someone sneaking into my room right before... 2021 01:37:11,020 --> 01:37:13,855 Who? Who? I'll murder him. 2022 01:37:13,856 --> 01:37:16,023 Text us if you're gonna do this. 2023 01:37:16,024 --> 01:37:18,425 And we'll be there. I've got the rings, the whole deal. 2024 01:37:18,426 --> 01:37:21,363 - So just, uh... - We're gonna have sex for 9 minutes. 2025 01:37:21,364 --> 01:37:22,964 We're gonna have sex... 2026 01:37:22,965 --> 01:37:24,432 Yes, we're gonna have sex for 9 minutes. 2027 01:37:24,433 --> 01:37:28,237 Now, I... Now, I'm super happy with 4 to 6. 2028 01:37:28,238 --> 01:37:31,038 4 to 6 minutes or 46 inches? 2029 01:37:31,039 --> 01:37:33,975 - Both. - I can get to like, 6 and a quarter. 2030 01:37:33,976 --> 01:37:35,611 - I'll show you, right now! - Prove it. 2031 01:37:35,612 --> 01:37:37,445 - Alright. - It is so cold. 2032 01:37:37,446 --> 01:37:38,947 - I can't get hard right now. - Do show me. 2033 01:37:38,948 --> 01:37:40,948 - I can't get hard right now. - Alright. 2034 01:37:40,949 --> 01:37:42,516 - Ooh, I wanna though. - Here. 2035 01:37:42,517 --> 01:37:44,019 If they're gonna be 90 minutes... 2036 01:37:44,020 --> 01:37:46,421 - Will this help? - Yeah. Ooh, that's do it then. 2037 01:37:46,422 --> 01:37:48,112 It's doin' somethin'. 2038 01:37:48,991 --> 01:37:50,991 Ooh, there's a kid lookin' at me. 2039 01:37:50,992 --> 01:37:53,127 The kid's locked eyes with me. 2040 01:37:53,128 --> 01:37:55,063 - Hey. - We made it work. 2041 01:37:55,064 --> 01:37:58,366 12 years. Who would've thought? 2042 01:37:58,367 --> 01:38:01,068 I bet... I bet my brother 7 and I'd be out. 2043 01:38:01,069 --> 01:38:03,470 - I had to give him $5000. - What? 2044 01:38:03,471 --> 01:38:05,072 Yeah, 5 years ago. 2045 01:38:05,073 --> 01:38:07,442 I gave him $5000, remember you were so mad? 2046 01:38:07,443 --> 01:38:08,609 - Yeah! - Yeah. 2047 01:38:08,610 --> 01:38:10,010 - I paid him that... - You said... 2048 01:38:10,011 --> 01:38:11,979 Because I... I lasted longer. 2049 01:38:11,980 --> 01:38:13,737 You said you got into a car accident. 2050 01:38:14,617 --> 01:38:17,218 It's weird to look at you for this long. 2051 01:38:17,220 --> 01:38:20,188 - What do you mean? - I never look at you. 2052 01:38:20,189 --> 01:38:22,813 You gotta get a good gander. 2053 01:38:25,627 --> 01:38:27,394 What are you doin'? Don't dance. 2054 01:38:27,395 --> 01:38:30,965 Don't dance, please. Ugh! 2055 01:38:30,966 --> 01:38:32,634 I don't like it. What are you... what are you... 2056 01:38:32,635 --> 01:38:35,103 Don't grind up on me. 2057 01:38:35,104 --> 01:38:36,537 - What? - There's not even music. 2058 01:38:36,538 --> 01:38:39,474 Really? There's music in my body. 2059 01:38:39,475 --> 01:38:41,376 Now, something's gonna happen. Let's get outta here. 2060 01:38:41,377 --> 01:38:44,479 Let's go back to the hotel. I wanna do stuff to your body. 2061 01:38:44,480 --> 01:38:47,114 Upstairs, downstairs. Right? 2062 01:38:47,115 --> 01:38:49,072 - Yeah. - Alright! 2063 01:38:51,287 --> 01:38:53,444 - I love you, honey. - I love you. 2064 01:38:53,688 --> 01:38:55,489 Let's go! 2065 01:38:59,428 --> 01:39:02,429 ♪ Lately I feel like ♪ 2066 01:39:02,430 --> 01:39:06,156 ♪ A blown out birthday candle ♪ 2067 01:39:08,604 --> 01:39:10,604 ♪ One look in the mirror ♪ 2068 01:39:10,605 --> 01:39:14,597 ♪ And I know the party's over ♪ 2069 01:39:17,046 --> 01:39:21,116 ♪ And yeah I want a big house ♪ 2070 01:39:21,117 --> 01:39:23,050 ♪ With a swimming pool ♪ 2071 01:39:23,051 --> 01:39:24,908 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪ 2072 01:39:25,587 --> 01:39:29,657 ♪ Fuck it baby I got you ♪ 2073 01:39:29,658 --> 01:39:33,028 ♪ Fuck it baby I got you ♪ 2074 01:39:33,029 --> 01:39:36,764 ♪ I'm so lost in my head ♪ 2075 01:39:36,765 --> 01:39:40,335 ♪ It's way too real out there ♪ 2076 01:39:40,336 --> 01:39:44,538 ♪ I'm lost in a daydream I don't care ♪ 2077 01:39:44,539 --> 01:39:49,098 ♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪ 2078 01:39:53,216 --> 01:39:59,243 ♪ Spaced out in the days I couldn't hear you ♪ 2079 01:40:02,390 --> 01:40:07,216 ♪ The music drowns you out I didn't care ♪ 2080 01:40:10,565 --> 01:40:14,768 ♪ I know you want a quiet house ♪ 2081 01:40:14,769 --> 01:40:17,227 ♪ With a lemon tree ♪ 2082 01:40:19,074 --> 01:40:23,478 ♪ I'm sorry baby you're stuck with me ♪ 2083 01:40:23,479 --> 01:40:26,715 ♪ I'm sorry baby you're stuck with me ♪ 2084 01:40:26,716 --> 01:40:30,618 ♪ I'm so lost in my head ♪ 2085 01:40:30,619 --> 01:40:34,221 ♪ It's way too real out there ♪ 2086 01:40:34,222 --> 01:40:38,425 ♪ I'm lost in a daydream I don't care ♪ 2087 01:40:38,426 --> 01:40:42,219 ♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪ 2088 01:40:42,697 --> 01:40:46,635 ♪ I'm oblivious oh ♪ 2089 01:40:46,636 --> 01:40:50,671 ♪ I'm oblivious yeah ♪ 2090 01:40:50,672 --> 01:40:53,407 ♪ I'm oblivious ♪ 2091 01:40:53,408 --> 01:40:56,299 ♪ Oh oh oh ♪♪ 2092 01:41:00,453 --> 01:41:06,187 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull Resync by GoldenBeard www.addic7ed.com 160733