Original subtitles

Is a six month anniversary even a thing?

Why are you getting Ben any gift at all?

Look, I don't know how relationships work

in the creature world, but I'm just trying to figure out

what a real human person would do in this situation.

Never made it to six months with anyone.

That's not true. You've been with Svetlana

- for over six months. - I don't think my waxer counts.

Which reminds me, I need to find a new one.

Svetlana's been taking some creative liberties

I'm not loving.

I don't know, stripes are slimming.

Ben's planned a nice dinner and a carriage ride,

which is kind of cheesy, but whatever.

I can't show up empty-handed.

Sure, but if you show up with something too fancy,

you're gonna make him feel bad.

Well, what about coasters?

But nice coasters, not like the ones he has currently,

which are just old "WrestleMania" DVDs.

Yeah. Coasters should work.

No need to make a big deal here.

Kids? Alice?

Mrs. Lopez, who even though your key is only for emergencies,

I know you sometimes sneak over to use our bathroom

'cause you like our T.P.?

Dad, I need a sock to build a sock puppet.

Spoiler alert... You're getting a sock puppet for Father's Day.

Did this get made into a movie?

Dad!

In here.

Do we have any oatmeal?

I need to use the container

to make a pinhole camera for art.

Uh, yeah. Here you go, bud.

- Thanks. - Sure.

Everyone's home, Mrs. Lopez.

I've got this all figured out.

- No, you don't. - No, I don't.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com

Six months ago, this typical domestic morning

would have sent Alice screaming out of here,

but now, thanks to me, her furry sounding board,

she's handling it like a boss.

Boyfriend, kids, family, none of it phases her anymore.

She's even drinking drip coffee,

like a real domestic lady.

Yep, she and I make a great team.

Has anyone seen my...

iPad?

Thanks, Alice.

Ooh. What's the 4-1-1 on this sweet piece?

Oh. It's just an old jacket of mine.

- Can I give it away for the clothing drive? - Sure.

- Uh, I saw it first. - Uh, she gave it to me,

so I could give it to others.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this fight

all in the name of charity?

Our classes are neck and neck for the annual clothing drive.

The class that donates the most

gets to miss school and have a dance party.

It's at a real club

with a real deejay, though it's not during

the real club hours. It's 6:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.

And every item counts.

- Hey, give it back. - Never.

There's the dummy who makes her the happiest she's ever been.

Happy anniversary, sweetie.

Oh, you remembered.

Yep. It's how I roll.

Six months is a long time.

Some bugs live their whole lives in just one day.

Thought the death thing was a phase,

but it might just be who she is.

Anyway, I'm gonna go for a run

to keep this dad bod tight.

Unless one of you wants to say, "You don't have to do that.

You're in great shape." No? Nothing?

Crickets? Okay.

Hey, where's your other shoe?

I couldn't find it, but I like it better this way.

Okay. You stand on one foot and I'll go find the other shoe.

Neither of us knew it at the time,

but the events of the next 24 hours

were going to change everything.

You got to open that.

Holy [bleep].

- Is that a... - Yep.

- So Ben's gonna... - Yep.

- Six month anniversary. - One more "yep."

I mean, I'm not good with jewelry, but that is a 2 1/2 carat,

white gold cushion-cut diamond engagement ring.

Okay. Deep breath.

Close the box.

Put back the shoe. Take Bunny to school. Go home.

Drink. Think. Drink. This is crazy, right?

I don't know. Is it?

And that's when I realized no matter how close

I was to Alice, if she and Ben got engaged,

maybe she wouldn't need me anymore,

and I would just go away.

No one's home, nerd.

What's up, little sis? Want to see something

that's gonna crush your dreams and destroy your spirits?

- Um... - Boom! Shakalaka.

Oh, man.

All I have is this one old cardigan...

that I couldn't fit into these five bags right here.

What? How are you donating so much stuff?

Because I care, Andy.

I actually care...

about winning the dance party.

Flannel, flannel, flannel. Who gave you these?

Aunt Jean and her roommate?

I raided Dad's closet.

He has a million of them. He'll never notice.

Oh, that's interesting.

Well, uh, I got to go

and, uh, run an errand.

You mean steal Dad's shirts.

Uh, diversion.

He hasn't been on a bicycle since Lance got framed.

Framed? He confessed on national television.

He was a patsy.

Oh, I can't believe Ben is going to propose.

- Is that what you want? - Yes... and no.

I hadn't thought about it till now. It's only been six months.

Exactly. Six months seems so soon.

We've never even seen this guy in warm weather.

Does he wear jean shorts? Tank tops? Umbros?

I mean, who is summer Ben?

Marriage is a big commitment.

Maybe we should make a list of cons and pros.

You mean pros and cons?

Or cons and cons. Let's see how the list shapes up.

Maybe the whole reason I never wanted to get married

was because I had never found the right guy,

and Ben's the right guy.

I mean, he's no John C. Reilly

but here's another con.

100% of marriages don't work out.

- Where'd you get that statistic? - From the only marriages I know...

your parents' and Ben's.

Those are good examples of horrible marriages.

And the idea of a marriage ending like that is...

terrifying.

Phew! So you're saying

if you get married, we're letting the terrorists win.

But I can't not do something just because I'm afraid.

Mm, are you sure?

Actually... I am.

Before you came back, I was too scared to even meet Ben's kids,

but you helped push me through that.

The whole reason you came back was to get me to this point.

And I'm ready to do it.

I want to marry Ben.

I'm gonna say yes.

I'm gonna marry Ben.

Yay.

Aww.

Look at you guys.

With your big, sweet faces.

So much ahead of you.

Um, we're just heading to our mom's.

I'm so glad I got to see you before you left.

Are you gonna die?

Dora. Always the quipster.

- I think she's gonna die. - Wow. You look...

way too hot to be with a guy like me.

I know.

Ooh, that's Mom.

See you later.

Hey.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Mmm. - You ready?

Almost.

- Just got to go grab my wallet. - Okay.

- Okay. - Okay.

What the...?

You okay up there?

Yep. I'll be down in a second.

It's so cute. He's so nervous.

We're all nervous.

Why am I looking for a snack? We're going out to dinner.

Hey.

Just want to tell you I love you,

and thank you for putting so much effort into planning

what is going to be an awesome night.

Yep.

Not my spots!

This restaurant is so beautiful.

Cool.

Can't believe you got a reservation.

Cool.

Enjoy.

Soufflé? You thought of everything.

So, should I just dig in and see what kind of soufflé it is?

Pretty sure it's chocolate.

Sure. Chocolate and...

Uh, honey? Is it okay?

Yeah. Good chocolate.

This is just hot.

Hmm.

You want a fork, or... Oh.

So, what's next? Carriage ride?

You know what? Can we actually take a rain check on that?

I'm actually not feeling good. Can we get the check?

- You want to take that to go, or...? - No.

Sorry about cutting the night short.

I just got hit with this out of nowhere.

Maybe it was the creamed prawns.

Maybe.

Alice?

Yes?

Happy anniversary.

I'll call you later.

He didn't do it.

Want to talk about it?

No.

I just want to go to bed.

I know it's not very imaginary BFF of me,

but even though she was sad Beardo didn't propose,

I couldn't have been happier.

Oh, you're home.

Did you sleep last night?

- Or shower? - No.

Guys, this is important.

I need everyone to think very hard.

Ready!

Have you seen my old, brown work boots?

- Yeah. - Totally.

You have?

Thank God. Where?

Uh, w-we just... We borrowed them for a school thing.

Of course you did. What did you do

with the ring box that was inside the boots?

- Ring box? - Yeah. I hid a ring box in the boot.

That's weird, like an engagement...

Oh, no.

What's an engagement?

Bunny, that's a great question.

Uh, an engagement is when...

two people love each other

and they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

I'm gonna ask Alice to marry me.

Aww, I approve. I like her.

- Dad, congrats. - Thanks, guys.

But I haven't done it yet. I don't have the ring.

- Can I drink at the wedding? - Can I be your best man?

Can I get a bird?!

These are all great questions,

and I'm so excited you guys are all excited,

but I haven't proposed yet 'cause I don't have the ring.

So where are the boots?

Hmm?

- Uh... - Say something.

Please say something.

They are at school

in the clothing drive, which started an hour ago.

I don't know why I did that.

- Where we going? - Paris. Tokyo. Mexico.

The world is our oyster.

Have you been up all night?

This whole Ben-not-proposing thing?

This is not a heartbreak.

- This is a second chance. - Okay.

I mean... married?

A guy with kids? "Um, no, thank you, Alice,"

says Alice to Alice.

Okay, you're talking to yourself like a crazy person.

I'm just saying that's not who I am.

I am an independent woman who takes spontaneous vacations.

Look. Bathing suit. Bam.

Snow pants. Bam.

Malaria pills. Bam.

So either there's a snow-covered beach

with a mosquito problem that I haven't read about,

or you have no idea where we're going.

Nope.

I never want to feel again.

Okay, I think we should actually take a beat

- and think this through. - Sorry.

My mind is made up. Now get in the suitcase.

I'm not paying for two tickets.

Holy...

clothing drive.

Find the ring.

Hey.

Uh... Sorry, sir. Uh, those are mine.

Found 'em first, and those are the rules.

Ticket for one on the next flight to Paris.

That'll be $6,842.

Okay.

I'd like to go somewhere for $500 or less.

Yes. Des Moines, Tampa, or...

- Des Moines. - Tampa.

Just give me one sec.

Go to the beach.

The palm trees.

- Been looking forward to this. - Mm-hmm.

Prepare for doomsday.

Do other things that people do in Tampa.

The last thing I wanted was to leave Alice,

I knew what she was scared of,

You know what? Screw Tampa.

Do you want to go to Des Moines?

The only place you're going is back to Ben.

Yeah, right. To the guy who doesn't want to marry me.

Yes, he does! How many times have you given off a signal

that you wanted to move slowly?

He's probably afraid you're not ready.

But I was ready.

I do want to get engaged.

So get engaged! What's stopping you?

He didn't ask.

Let me repeat... what's stopping you?

What, you think I should propose to Ben?

I should propose to Ben.

Do it! Lock it down!

and get down on your knees in front of your man.

Lockin' it down.

Wait.

I'm so happy for you, Alice.

You deserve this and everything.

Thanks, Mare.

Couldn't have done it without you.

That was the last time I saw my girl.

Bye, Alice.

Oh, my God, someone broke into our house.

And made it better?

Ben, I love you more than anything.

I can't imagine growing old without you.

I can't imagine a future without you.

Any future without you is just...

me, alone, in Tampa.

I love you.

Will you marry me?

No.

Dad.

- What? - What?

No, I... I mean, of course I want to marry you.

But I want to propose.

I wanted to last night, but I couldn't find the ring.

Okay, that is so much better

which was you getting terrified, running away,

volunteering for one of the early missions to Mars.

- I was in a very dark spiral. - Run away? Alice...

And, to be entirely honest with you,

I didn't think I'd ever be ready to do it again.

But now that I have you in my life...

it's the only thing I want to do.

And now that I got the ring back...

I'm ready to go.

Wait, she already proposed.

Okay, all you have to do is say yes.

She's shattering glass ceilings!

Yeah, Dad. Lean in.

I did come prepared.

I was at the airport.

It's a long story.

How's this?

I propose that we propose at the same time.

Perfect.

Ben...

Alice...

Will...

you...

marry...

Me!

Yes.

...me?

Yes.

Oh, that looks big.

There you go.

Guys, come here.

Come on, guys. Get over here.

Yay! We're getting married!

Hey, Mary! Check it out!

And presenting...

...Mrs. Alice Cooper!

Oh, my God,

I can't be Alice Cooper.

Mary.

Mary, come celebrate with me!

Where'd you go?

Mary?

Mary, you can't leave.

Just 'cause I'm getting married

doesn't mean that I don't need you.

I need you.

I'm taking a really big step here!

You knew this was happening, and you didn't even say goodbye?

She's gone.

Alice? Hello?

Mary, I hear you. Where are you?

I'm at the door.

Why are you at the door?

Alice Taymor?

Uh, I'm here to deliver a package.

I understand your confusion.

You probably forgot you ordered something, right?

Happens all the time.

You're up late, shoppin' online,

a few too many Riunites on ice.

I get it. That's nice.

No, it's just you sound a lot like a friend of mine.

Yeah, I get that all the time.

My mom says I have a familiar voice.

I'm like, "Mom, of course I'm familiar.

You're my mom." Right? I don't know.

Anyways, enjoy it, whatever it is.

Hey, sweetie, look at this.

Hey, honey, you okay?

Yeah. Just daydreaming.

What's up, fiancé?

Check it out.

Perfect, right?

You know I love a half-bath.

Is that a house you're working on?

No, for us. When we move in together.

Right. Right.

'Cause married people live together.

Yeah, and we'll need more space.

Especially if, you know, we decide to add to the family.

No pressure, but something to discuss.

Also, when my mom comes from Armenia for her summer visits,

the place gets a little crowded.

Yeah, this is lots to consider.

Oh, and the best thing,

the place is a couple blocks from Renee's.

Now the kids can walk to their mom's.

The ex-wife. That's so dope.

I'm gonna get some wine. You want some wine, yeah?

- Pbht! Rosé all day. - Yeah, that's...

Oh, uh, and I misspoke.

The distance to Renee's

is the second best thing about the house.

The best thing is the half-bath.

Kids. Suburbs.

Ex-wife. Armenia.

Seriously, dude?

My biggest fear would be that your name

is gonna be Alice Cooper.

You're back.

I think it turns out you need me more than we knew.

I can't tell you how happy I am to see you.

Me, too.

Where did you go, by the way?

Tampa, baby!

Can I ask you a question?

When you went away, where did you go?

I told you, Tampa.

The whole time?

Hello?

Alice?

Hello?

Barb?

Yep. Mm-hmm. The whole time.

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com