Original subtitles

(country western music)

Halt!

(singing in foreign language)

(tense tones)

[Man] Miscaleros.

They got us pinned down sir.

I'll sound the attack.

No, wait!

Looks like their chief.

[Man] How can you tell?

All that feather, and he's wearing a pair of antlers.

(man growls)

My God he's pretty enormous.

These Indians look a lot more like

a herd of buffalo to me sir.

(speaks in foreign language)

Huh?

What'd he say?

Their way of saying hello sir.

[Officer On Left] Oh, how do you do?

(speaks in foreign language)

Loosely translated he's saying he wants the prisoner.

No dice.

(speaks in foreign language)

Either he gets his prisoner or he's gonna tell his braves

to get their asses down here and scalp every one of us sir.

(chief speaks in foreign language)

I don't think it's the case to go on the warpath

for a two bit horse thief.

Free him.

Roger.

(speaks in foreign language) Cloppity, cloppity,

cloppity clop.

He says he wants a horse too sir.

Um hmm, cloppity clop.

Free the prisoner.

[Man] Get down.

Move it Injun.

Last stop.

Go on, beat it, scat.

(chief speaks in foreign language)

(Indians yelling in celebration)

Something funny about them there Indians.

(gasps) (tense music)

[Commanding Officer] What is it Major?

What do you see?

[Major] They're painted.

[Commanding Officer] You mean their horses are paints?

No, they're dummies on a stick.

(gun fires)

(Indians yelling in celebration)

Ah shut up!

(bright music)

(speaks in foreign language)

(laughing)

(speaks in foreign language)

Leave Manitoo and the evil spirits alone.

(Indian speaks in foreign language)

Will you stop blaming the Gods,

you weaselly two bit horse thief.

I ain't got much sympathy for chasing after you

to save you from a rope.

Now everybody in the United States cavalry is on our trail.

I wouldn't put you in front of a cigar store.

Just looking at your fool hat I swear I lose my appetite.

And that ain't fair.

No. (Speaks in foreign language)

No, I ain't your blood brother you nitwit.

Between us there's only a transfusion

from this arm to that arm because you needed blood

after one of your tribesman shot you with an arrow.

I shoulda let you die.

Now I'm going west and you're going to your reservation.

So take off and don't look back.

Savy?

(playful music)

Cut it out Cocoa, quit following me.

(speaks in foreign language)

Ah, they'd recognize us in two seconds.

You with that dumb feather and me with my derby hat.

(speaks in foreign language)

No, you ain't related.

There are no blood ties between us.

You're confused 'cause of the transfusion.

Huh, blood brothers.

There should be a train coming around now.

(speaks in foreign language)

(humming)

(speaks in foreign language)

Cocoa!

Huh?

(exclaims)

(speaks in foreign language)

[Man] Hey James!

Get going Cocoa.

(Cocoa speaks in foreign language)

[Man] Whoa.

[Man] Boys.

Have a nice trip sir.

Thank you Jason.

Good for you sir, right on time.

[Passenger] Haven't missed a train yet, have I?

No, sir, I'll take that.

No, no, I never let it out of my hand,

there's a fortune in here.

[Conductor] Doesn't look like it weighs very much.

[Man With Case] Oh, but it's worth it's weight in gold.

- Watch your step there. - Thank you, please.

(calls horn)

(train horn whistles)

Oh.

[Waiter] Voila.

Thank you.

[Waiter] Bon appetit madam.

[Man] And we'd like to order maitre.

(waiter speaks in foreign language)

- Bonjour monsieur. - Howdy.

Shall we start with our oer d'oeuvres?

I'd like that.

[Woman] Cheers (women laughing)

Bon appetit.

(wind howls) (train horn whistles)

(women exclaim)

Oh Monsieur.

There is a table for you there, at the end.

Cover up your glass, put your hand over it.

(scoffs) coat of dust.

Uh your saddle pom.

(thudding loudly) (women exclaim)

Monsieur.

(speaks in foreign language)

Your hat.

(speaks in foreign language)

I'll.

I'm so sorry.

Pardon me monsieur.

(speaks in foreign language)

[Man] Everything alright Agnes?

[Agnes] I'm not too sure Everett, I'm not too sure.

Easy dear.

As soon as they bring our finger bowl,

we'll get the check and be outta here.

Yes, these western lines are infested with outlaws

and scoundrels of every ilk.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find one on this train.

Right.

We're not used to travelling with savages.

Uh huh.

Madam.

Your finger bowl monsieur.

(slurping loudly)

Hmm.

(train whistle blows)

(brakes squeal)

(crowd exclaims)

(laughing)

(women screaming)

(cackling)

(speaks in foreign language)

(speaks in foreign language)

Oh (speaks in foreign language).

Sir, can you converse with this savage?

Oh, God have mercy on me.

(speaks in foreign language)

(speaks in foreign language)

(speaks in foreign language)

[Woman] You speak their language?

Their language is very schematic.

Without prepositions or coordinate conjunctions,

but I'll do what I can however.

(speaks in foreign language)

(speaks in foreign language)

He's after a treasure it would seem.

- Or perhaps... - Treasure?

- Gold. - What gold?

(twinkling)

(speaks in foreign language)

No, no don't.

You can't walk off with it.

I beg you, to you it's of no value.

(speaks in foreign language)

He wants a hostage.

Do we have a volunteer among us?

I didn't think so.

I suppose I have to go then.

(speaks in foreign language)

(speaks in foreign language)

I'm afraid he chose you sir.

[Woman] Thank God for that nitwit.

No.

(speaks in foreign language)

He'll surely murder us all sir.

If I could I'd be willing to volunteer.

But I have children.

Yeah, yeah.

[Red Headed Woman] Besides, he wants you.

Alright madam, I'll be the hostage.

Oh God bless you.

My kind sir, I'll never forget you.

Your face shall be sculpted in my memory for evermore.

Well I better get going then.

Tell 'em you're gonna cut my throat.

(speaks in foreign language)

(crowd exclaims)

Oh madam.

(cackling)

That door's closed.

(Cocoa speaks in foreign language)

I knew it, that's the end of my dining car.

Whenever I start eating you show up.

(speaks in foreign language)

Ah shut up.

There ain't no jingle in there.

Clear the dummies out.

(Cocoa speaks in foreign language)

The ones you put up there.

Miscaleros.

Miscal what?

[Cocoa] Miscaleros.

(chanting in foreign language) (Indians yell)

[Both] Miscaleros!

(upbeat music)

Drop it and get down.

(men exclaim)

Ah shut up!

(Indians yell)

(Cocoa humming)

I'd break your Indian neck.

I nearly doubled my spine.

Two palomino horses lost.

$200 your jinx.

Cocoa good for nothing.

[Man In Bowler Hat] You can say that again.

Let's go Wichita.

(speaks in foreign language)

Yeah and the Kalamazoo.

(Cocoa speaks in foreign language)

Ah shut up.

Oh wigwam. (Speaks in foreign language)

[Man In Bowler Hat] What'd ya say?

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck,

[Both] If a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Yeah.

Shut eye.

Huh?

(pretends to snore)

Uh uh.

Me honest Injun, no steal.

(scoffs)

(babbles)

(gasps)

(speaks in foreign language)

(man in bowler hat snores)

(exclaims)

(loud crashing)

(exclaims)

(wind howls)

Oh I had the strangest nightmare.

Who's there?

Who's in that barn?

Our father who art in heaven, pray for his soul.

Hallowed be thy name.

Let me explain.

No, there's nothing to explain.

You're trespassing.

[Woman On Left] You can go right back

and tell Colorado Slim that John Logan would be frightened.

Clear?

Loud?

Clear, clear.

Give a body a chance to answer.

There's something there that meets the eye.

I'll take a look.

You keep him at bay.

And pray for their souls before you shoot.

Steady now.

(comical music)

What common that was me in Ireland.

Look it here.

Doctor's tools Stella.

Surgical irons.

[Older Woman] Are you sure of that Popsy?

[Popsy] I am.

[Older Woman] What's the meaning of it?

That he's a doctor of medicine.

Oh, you're a real treasure.

We've never had a doctor before.

'Tis the hand of providence has sent ya

to save me Italian father from the claws of death.

To save your father?

Aye, me old man is in your hands doc.

You said doc.

A doctor of surgery, aye.

Well, where can I visit your patient?

(wheezing)

(gasps)

(speaks in foreign language)

When did he first feel sick?

Well, right after dinner Doctor.

Nice way to go ma'am.

Hmm, what was on the menu?

Uh nothing, since me father

was no young fellar any longer,

it keeps his innards from being overloaded.

He ate some griddled corn, hominy grits,

a smoked herring, a half a dozen eggs

and some salt pork and a stewed pear Doc.

Stewed pears can be very indigestible.

[Popsy] But I ate the pears too

and I ain't got no collywobbles.

Yeah.

Very well.

I'll be needing a whole pot of beans with ginger juice

and molasses with sausages on the side.

[Popsy] Oh what a pity.

The larder and the cupboard are bare.

Wouldn't you know.

Would you kindly leave the premises

while my nurse and myself examine the afflicted patient?

[Popsy] Yes, and the ladies too, eh?

Let's go.

Certainly Doctor.

All we can do now is pray for a miracle to happen.

(speaks in foreign language)

Um hmm.

Oh.

(speaks in foreign language)

(comical music) (sick man wheezes)

Co-lic, colic, which is like horses get.

Keep the patient's head up...

High.

Same as horses.

Saline solution to bring on.

He's gotta toss his cookies.

(speaks in foreign language)

Hmm.

Add purgative discharging essence to solution.

Purgative charge?

Hmm.

(sick man hiccups)

Oh no, no, no.

Discharge powder.

(couple mutters)

Put in some castor oil in the solution.

Oil.

(exclaims)

Huh, no castor oil.

It's whale oil, it'll improvise.

Forgot the salts here.

(sick man hiccups)

(solution fizzes)

Whoa!

(babbles)

(hums)

(Cocoa speaks in foreign language)

(sick man moans)

(screams)

(speaks in foreign language)

No, no, no.

No but I.

(screams)

[Older Woman] Oh pray Popsy.

We heartily thank the oh power divine,

for cleansing this feted creature thine.

[Popsy And Older Woman] Amen.

(electronic explosive flatulence)

Hurrah, me bowels are liberated.

When do we eat?

(laughing) He wants to eat!

Yes, yes sure.

Now you do a miracle!

[Older Woman] Oh Doctor, please be our guest for dinner.

(laughing)

Eat hearty Doc!

Thank you, I shall.

[Older Woman] And there's plenty more.

Thank you.

[Older Woman] Come Dorine.

How are you gonna eat all these comestibles Doc?

The secret behind eatin' is to approach it scientifically.

Well for me it's much more a matter of

appeasing your hunger.

Typical, you're witnessing what we call

elementary abundance.

[Popsy] Ah, doctors talk.

We prescribe it principally.

To better induce the juices that increment your voracity.

[Popsy] You don't say?

And all the while, it favors the indigence

in your (speaks in foreign language).

Nice there, little bee's honey on it.

A bit mellifluous.

But if honey stimulates the appetite.

Well Logan, we're waiting.

Colorado Slim wants that land right signed.

Right now.

Ah 'tis a true pity Jack.

I don't feel like signing nothing.

And so.

Too bad.

You just lost a good deal.

Very funny.

Want me to sign away me farm for nothing.

I'll expect your heart's worth nothing either.

Not yours, nor theirs, nor his.

Ah!

And who are you?

I ain't seen you around here.

I can't see you either, 'cause I'm taken up with eating.

Nobody's gonna eat around here anymore.

(guns fire)

(growls)

(gun fires)

Get down.

I don't know who you are nor your reasons for coming here.

But I'm warning you critters,

don't ever mess with me when I'm eating.

(men grunt) (punches thud)

(speaks in foreign language)

Bring out two horses.

Just two.

(tense music)

(hopeful music)

[Man] Whoa.

Yucca City.

Two hour stopover.

Colorado Slim, him again.

Brainless idiots turning this prairie

into worthless land.

Only this time he found some of his own medicine, huh?

Nah.

Don't fool yourself.

Your friend here only saw part of the gang.

Colorado has lots of pull around these parts

and lots of men.

Well that's a fact.

The Sheriff Brantree here has clamped down on

about, oh 20 of those dirty bandits.

Yet somehow their number keeps going up,

instead of going down.

Yeah, it's no picnic trying to protect this town.

Just look around you.

Yucca was a live little town.

Now it's turned into a desert.

Take a look there.

Almost every day there's someone packing out,

closing shop on account of Colorado and his men.

They don't feel safe around here anymore.

Even the judge's run away.

And there ain't a doctor for miles around.

[Popsy] There's one sitting right in front of

your fine mustache, Sheriff.

This critter here?

Ah Sheriff, come to order.

The man's a bonafide doctor of medicinals.

He healed me father,

turned him into a stripling youth he did.

(laughs)

Except for his bag,

he sure don't look a doctor to me friend.

Umm, except for the bag, I and my Aztec assistant

lost all our luggage in a train holdup.

(speaks in foreign language)

Yeah, we don't have a plug nickel left to our name.

Well don't give it a thought.

We're your debtors.

Aren't you a doctor?

Well then the whole town is yours, lock, stock and barrel.

And barrel?

And barrel, cider block barrel, pickle and herring barrel.

Well in that case...

In that case, welcome to our town Doc.

(suspenseful music) (people exclaiming)

Here you go Hank.

(guns fire)

Get the Sheriff!

(man groaning)

[Man On Horse] Go on, get on.

Get on the horse, get on.

Hyah, hyah.

(gun fires)

(wind howls)

Thanks for the help.

Sorry, but I only plug people with injections.

Yeah, I'm the only one that's fool enough

to defend this flock of sheep.

[Popsy] It isn't easy, is it?

[Sheriff] Ah, shut up.

[Popsy] Give fancy your emotion Sheriff, I don't mind.

[Sheriff] What did they take?

Everything.

All your savings and the bank's too.

But this is the last time.

What do you mean Maldin?

I'm sorry my friends.

I'm holding on to my skin.

The Yucca Bank is closing down.

Well you can't do that.

I'm sorry.

Without bank loans we can't get our seed

or our farming tools.

We'll be heading for ruined.

I'm already ruined.

I'm getting out.

And if you were smart, you'd do the same.

This is unheard of.

[Popsy] Well I can't say I don't sympathize.

[Man] Oh really.

[Popsy] Hold up Mr. Maldin.

(wind howls)

How?

(tailor speak in foreign language)

The arm.

The arm.

303412.

(speaks in foreign language)

The elbow?

Yes, bright 16, fantastic.

[Tailor] Shoulders.

[Popsy] Shoulders.

[Tailor] Oh the shoulders.

[Assistant] How much?

Almost 50.

Here, compose yourself Doctor.

I'm a little out of practice, you understand,

here in this little town.

Ah, but it's not too bad.

Oh thank you, thank you.

It will be ready tomorrow in this spot.

And together with your 12 shirts.

Yeah, well about these shirts,

I wasn't really planning on...

Oh don't worry, compliments of the house.

Listen, Mrs. Brown...

Well you be good and don't talk about money now.

Well I mean...

Not another word monsieur.

Just worry about your practice.

You take your tea with?

With crumpets.

Would you like to see the rest of the house first?

Yes, very much.

Missy.

And that's the end of the crumpets.

(Cocoa mutters)

Hmm.

You could receive your patients in here.

With the waiting room out there it's very practical.

The patients could enter through the main gate

or else come in through the courtyard.

Whatever suits you best.

Hmm.

I'm putting you to so much trouble.

Oh not at all.

This house is ever so silent,

ever so lonely for us since I lost my husband.

[Doctor] Oh, he was the sheriff.

Yes, the sheriff we have now was only my father's deputy.

I know that if my father was still here,

all these murders wouldn't have happened.

That's why the first thing Colorado Slim did

when he hit this town was to order my father to be killed.

Killed in cold blood?

They wouldn't have gotten him if it was any other way.

He was a good sheriff Doctor, and a very good father.

He excelled in many things he did.

He even bored a well there, by himself, during a drought,

to give the citizens of Yucca some water.

Yeah, it's true.

That's when he died.

He ended up drawing a bullet in the back

instead of water.

I wonder why.

Maybe he was trusting someone

who was supposed to cover him from behind a little too much.

Cocoa.

[Cocoa] How.

Do they know at the restaurant I haven't eaten for a week?

No.

- They do. - No.

(speaks in foreign language)

Yeah, come on.

(playful music)

[Woman] Good morning Doctor.

[Man] Hi Doc.

[Woman] Over there is the doctor.

(giggling)

'Tis an honor to be sure.

Hi there Doc.

(upbeat music)

[Man] Hi Sally.

Oh hi.

Service charge, double whiskey, beer on the side.

[Bartender] Rye?

Yeah, put it on my account.

[Bartender] Double whiskey rye, beer on the side,

beer on the side.

Here we go.

Steaks and succotash.

[Women] Two steaks, succotash.

(women yelling to each other)

Hey look guys, here comes the Doc.

Hi Doc.

[Man] Howdy Doc.

Hello there Doc.

(women yelling in unison)

Have you a restaurant?

(speaks in foreign language)

I'm the doctor.

Ah, please be seated.

An honor.

(speaks in foreign language)

Hi professor.

He's the doctor.

Here's your beer Sheriff.

Howdy doody, have a seat doctor.

Thank you.

[Waiter] Express your wish.

A bowl to cleanse the, my fingers please.

Yes sirree bob.

Wash bowl for the doc with a towel.

[Women] A wash bowl for the doc.

Good afternoon sir.

Yeah.

[Chef] T-bone rare, whole fry.

[Women] A rare T-bone.

[Chef] Who fry, who fry?

[Women] All fried.

Here's your bowl sir.

Do you have any olives?

No, but we have some beans if you'd care to indulge sir.

(laughs) They're all so round.

Beans'll be fine thank you.

Yes sirree Bob.

A bowl of beans for the doctor.

[Women] A bowl of beans for the doctor.

(speaks in foreign language)

Enjoy.

Will you have something else Sheriff?

Bring me the next dish.

Yes sirree Bob.

Doc, will you have a little salt pork with it?

Nope.

Well, what'll you have?

The kitchen.

Yes sirree Bob.

[Waiter] The whole kitchen at your complete disposal.

Yeah.

Pull the order.

Good appetite there Doc.

Thanks.

[Waiter] Cook up everything in sight for the doctor.

Steaks, beans, all together.

(upbeat music)

[Women] Yahoo!

[Waiter] Here they come with a doodle, doodle dub.

(women twittering)

Special turkey.

Chinese pudding inside.

Chinese chef special.

Specialty chef.

Who's the turkey for?

So sorry, must go back to kitchen.

Sorry.

Let's split it.

That's fair, isn't it?

Hyah!

(comical music)

(gasps)

(women yelling in kitchen)

[Waitress] Get outta my way.

[Chef] That's the pickle.

Where's the rolls?

They'll be tickled.

(giggling)

Hmm, not bad for a start.

We get down to business, huh?

Hmm.

Chef.

Hurry up please, table.

The chef calls.

On the double.

And a dosido.

[Women] And a dosido.

And a diddle diddle dee.

[Women] And a diddle diddle dee.

Holy Moses one, two, three.

(speaks in foreign language)

(tense music)

(belches)

(women laughing)

(belches)

(all laughing)

Chin Chan.

If you get two dozen bananas for me.

Two dozen bananas, my goodness.

[Waiter] Where am I gonna get two dozen bananas?

(townsfolk chatter quietly)

(playful music)

Money to money.

Who asked for money too.

I want my doctor's smock.

Huh?

Medicine man (speaks in foreign language).

(Cocoa mutters)

I'm ready to go.

Number one.

One it is.

- First call, Mr. And Mrs. - Robinson, simultaneously.

Come right in.

Good morning.

Good morning Doctor.

Lie down please.

Take your things off.

What do you mean, why should I go and undress?

It's the Missus who's under the weather.

The Missus?

Uh huh.

What's she got?

She night walks.

Oh, she night walks.

You know I sleepwalk.

Oh you sleep walk.

Uh huh, yeah. (Giggles)

(laughs)

Cocoa.

(speaks in foreign language)

No, no Cocoa.

She's a sinambulator.

Ah, two time bottle sleepum tightum.

(speaks in foreign language)

That'll do Cocoa.

Take two capsules per diem.

She's gotta take the pills at night, isn't that so?

No, they're not for her.

You've gotta take them.

For me?

Sleeping pills sir, so when your wife starts walking

you won't feel a thing.

Well what do they cost Doc?

My nurse'll take care of that.

[Mrs. Robinson] Bye Doctor.

Dollar for the visit, 50 cents for the pills.

Who's next Popsy?

[Popsy] Ebeneezer Daugherty.

The top of the morning to ya.

Did ya hear me?

Yeah.

(speaks in foreign language)

(women exclaim)

[Man] Shut up.

(sighs)

(back crackling)

Can you see I'm busy?

Give your name and address and wait your turn.

[Ebeneezer] Well Doc...

[Buddy] Don't breathe too much.

Well I ain't likely to.

Popsy, give 'em a ride back home.

Colorado sent me to tell you to stop your bone breaking.

You got one hour to pack up and get.

That's a pretty clear message.

You better go practice your pill pushing

somewhere else Buddy.

Uh huh.

Should Colorado see that you don't go away,

he's gonna tear your hide out.

Hmm.

It ain't serious is it?

No, no it's just...

Ah, come on Doc, is it serious or ain't it?

You got heart burn?

It's the cabbage huh?

Um hmm, and you get headaches here?

Yeah, yeah.

What do I have to do?

Is it very...

No, some castor oil, epicac with water,

two shells Euripides gun powder

and you'll be better in no time.

One dollar.

Think you're putting this on, huh?

Now you get your carcass outta here.

Your mouth's downright foul.

Doesn't that molar hurt you?

This one here?

- Uh huh. - Um hmm.

Close your mouth, gnash your teeth.

(exclaims)

Did you feel any pain?

No.

You ain't fooling no one.

Bad sprain you got there.

(bones crackling) (man grunting)

Oh, why you.

(punches thud)

Aw shucks that was a good one.

It wasn't me that did it, was it?

Nuh uh.

Gnash your teeth nice and tight.

Tighter, all you've got.

(exclaims)

Okay, you've had it fat boy.

You're dead, you're dead.

Heh heh.

Hmmph.

I've seen a guy twirl it up in the air.

Pistolero?

Um hmm.

(punch thuds) (man grunts)

(upbeat music)

(screaming)

Hey Mick, let's get outta here.

Popsy, Cocoa.

You overwhelm me Doctor.

Twas Biblical, it was.

(speaks in foreign language)

[Buddy] What's wrong Cocoa?

(speaks in foreign language)

(speaks in foreign language) it's not possible.

(speaks in foreign language) now and then,

it's good for the brain.

(bright piano music)

Hi Popsy.

(laughing)

[Man] Hey Trash, pour out the water.

Hey Trash.

Your mount is almost ready there.

[Chef] No make a piggie chop, chop.

Yeah, piggie chop, chop.

A question, (speaks in foreign language).

How's that?

How's the sanitary assistance here?

If you gotta sit, take the outhouse on the corner.

I'm referring to medicine.

Eh?

A doctor, (mumbles) doctor.

Oh.

Hey Doc!

Someone looking for ya.

Yes?

Are you the physician of this place?

Yes, but I gotta finish.

In about an hour.

I didn't come for a visit my dear colleague.

Dear what?

With your permission, Professor Stinsmith,

known as Smithson.

It's easier to read for the students where I'm teaching,

as you can see my dear colleague.

Specializations, surgery, gynecology or dermatology,

urology and disorders of the myocardial.

Don't worry, all troubles come to pass.

You mind if I finish reading this ticket later tonight?

I'm preparing for the government,

a study on the sanitary conditions

of these areas that are so isolated.

What is your opinion on the situation

of parasitical epidemiology?

Uh (exhales).

Yeah, it's obvious that contamination

is a constant guest here.

Well a proper guest no, but it visits us now and then.

Well, from the looks of things it's only too clear

that you're full of dysentery, diarrhea and gastroenteritis.

Full (scoffs).

I'd say more like that we got our fair share.

Huh, I'm amazed at your facility for telling jokes

here Doctor.

Look, they're all full of stinking lice,

he's emaciated, dissipated.

And constipated.

Trash, he's a doctor too.

Come here a minute.

He is a true vehicle of diseases.

I say to disinfect him immediately.

You heard the colleague huh?

You're gonna have to take a bath.

No, no!

A bath, never!

I'm allergic to water.

Put me down you faggards.

I'll rest like a nail.

May you rot in hell you no good.

No, get me outta here.

[Man] Here's the soap.

Help!

You're making me taste it.

[Man] Be still Trash.

(giggles) Makes me tickle.

More, more.

Personal hygiene professor, is one of our first requites.

Yeah.

That tickles right down to my gonoids.

(giggles)

Oh, don't scrub so hard.

I'm flaking all over.

(cackles) Look at all them scabs floating.

Ah, soupy good today.

Professor, would you like to dine with me?

I, you're most kind.

I'm terribly sorry, but I must continue my studies.

(speaks in foreign language)

(bright music)

Well I think I got ya this time Doc.

Did you hear that families are coming back to Yucca again?

Thanks to you, the population's growing.

In fact, it's almost doubling.

Ah, did I hear Dublin?

That's the town that gave birth to Popsy.

And that calls for a celebration.

[Man] If you'll supply the comistables

I'll bring the liquid thyrex,

just like old times down at your place.

Bring on the dancing girl, bring 'em behind the bushes.

Yeah sure, if Colorado doesn't get to them.

(tense music)

(woman exclaiming)

Fly away Doc.

(pool balls click)

Eh, don't provoke Sheriff.

Another false move and I'll put a hole through your star.

Now take off your belt.

Drop it.

Put it down.

You're such a good guy.

I'm looking for the bad guy.

I'm looking for the bad guy!

I'm not getting through to you.

Don't shoot or I'll get mad.

(men exclaim)

Where'd he go?

He faked out cold!

Go find (mumbles).

(men agree)

[Man In Trenchcoat] Do you see him?

Where is he?

Everybody out.

Get out!

(crowd exclaims)

(punches thud) (men grunt)

(men exclaim)

(punches thud) (men exclaim)

(speaks in foreign language)

(bright music)

(punches thud)

(Cocoa exclaims)

Rotten Indian!

(speaking nonsense words)

(punches thud)

(exclaims)

My rump's on fire!

(screams)

(skillets resound with melodious thuds)

(men exclaim)

Come on, snap to, snap to.

(horse whinnies)

(man exclaims)

(man exclaims)

(Cocoa speaks in foreign language)

(ululating)

What's the matter?

It hurts.

Aw.

Ah, wicked.

Peek a boo.

(beam thuds)

(exclaims)

(skin sizzles)

(supplies crash loudly)

(exclaims in foreign language)

You pasty.

[Man In Hat] Watch where you run around.

[Man In Hat] Why I (gasps).

(blower farts)

(speaks in foreign language)

Let's take a look.

(laughs) It's stuck.

(punch thuds) (Cocoa whimpers)

(woman exclaims)

[Man] Oh, pardon me.

Go up again?

Yeah, on the chin.

Gimme a good one though.

My name is Vic, I'm in a fix, I love you so.

Again!

Up there again?

But higher, much higher, huh?

Okay.

(ululating)

[Man In Hat] Oh, you dirty. (Exclaims)

[Man] I got him. (Exclaims)

Okay.

[Man] Okay, let's get him.

(men exclaim)

Hey, how 'bout a drink on the house fellas?

(men exclaim)

You're a lion Doc!

(laughing)

The show's over.

You had your fun.

Now it's my turn.

And I wanna laugh.

Look at the pigeon.

- Huh? - (exclaims)

Howdy Bob.

Gees.

Ouch.

Oh everything break.

Broken, breaking.

[Man] Broke, break, breakin' in half.

(men mutter)

That was just a warning.

Hey boss, listen.

Sorry boss.

Gee boss, I didn't know

you was right there. (Colorado screams)

(speaks in foreign language)

- [Men] Hyah, hyah! - (whistling)

[Man] That was Colorado Slim.

(muttering)

(Buddy snoring)

Hey!

(speaks in foreign language)

Somebody fell in the water pit.

Somebody fell down the water pit.

(chuckles)

(gasps)

(speaks in foreign language)

You say the Sheriff fell in here?

What's a matter with you?

This well's been closed for more than a year.

Aw, cut that out.

Cocoa, who's that there then.

(gasps)

(speaks in foreign language)

No, that ain't the sheriff.

That's Manitoo.

Yeah, don't bother me again.

(speaks in foreign language)

(yells)

(crash echoes)

Oh Cocoa.

Cocoa!

(playful music)

(man grunts)

(Buddy laughs)

(Cocoa yelps)

(speaks in foreign language)

What, huh?

Yeah, on the Genisee River.

Hey, your face, what happened?

(chuckles)

Gold.

(gasps) (speaks in foreign language)

(whistles)

[Man] Sheriff?

[Man] Yeah.

You good for nothing bunglers.

Because of your incompetence

you almost ruined the whole plan.

Next time I'll shoot for real.

The man I had to shoot at was supposed to be dead already.

And you brought him back for another holdup.

You really made yourselves look ridiculous.

He took us by surprise...

Quiet!

You're the biggest idiot of 'em all.

When you shot at me you almost hit me.

You ain't trying to push us out are ya?

Well?

Alright, cool it.

I brought you a little extra prize.

You ain't the kind that gives nothing for nothing.

How 'bout you telling us what's cooking.

I've a lot cooking.

Here's my plan.

There's a party at Popsy's ranch tomorrow

and the whole town will be there.

[Colorado] The old man's birthday, just like last year.

Yeah, there won't be a soul in Yucca City.

It'll be sitting there just waiting for our pickets

and we won't keep it waiting long.

(bright music) (children chatter excitedly)

Alright ladies, let's get along now.

Thank you Popsy.

Roll on.

[Children] Hooray.

* Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

* Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

* Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

* Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

* Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah

(wind howling)

[Cameraman] Hold it, don't move.

(speaks in foreign language) Don't move.

(counts in foreign language)

Happy birthday Popsy.

You look beautiful.

(gun fires)

(crowd cheers) (bright music)

(wind howls)

(bright music)

May I have the first dance?

No.

Never.

I wouldn't dance with you if you were the last man on Earth.

Take your hand off me!

(suspenseful western music)

(wind howls)

(grunts)

(yells)

(playful triumphant music)

(ululates)

(snickers)

(man yelps)

(grunts)

(yelps)

Thought ya could leave it behind huh?

(man yelps)

I must say it's very flattering.

I'll take that.

Bye.

[Buddy] May I?

Thanks.

[Buddy] You're welcome.

(man exclaims)

(men yelps) (Cocoa ululates)

(punch thuds) (man exclaims)

(Popsy laughs)

[Popsy] 'Tis a great day for justice.

(punch thuds) (Colorado exclaims)

(whistles)

[Man] What is it?

[Man] Yeah boss?

(Cocoa laughs)

Murder 'em!

(grunts)

Heeyah!

(slaps resonate)

(punches thud) (men grunt)

(man yells)

(man yells)

(man yells)

Hiya!

(horse whinnies)

[Man] Go get him, there he is.

(men mutter)

(men exclaim)

(water splashes)

(exclaims)

Huh?

(punch thuds) (Colorado exclaims)

(grunting)

(men exclaim)

(crash resounds)

- Hey! - (bright music)

(laughing)

Where are you, you cuss?

[Buddy] Over here.

Huh?

Here.

(grunting)

Here.

Here.

Rip.

Rip.

Rip

(laughing)

Rip.

This is your last warning, huh?

Hey.

How come ya ain't got black long johns?

Huh?

You heard me.

(Buddy snickers)

(gun cocks) (wind howls)

(suspenseful western music)

Something the matter Sheriff?

It could be.

I don't suppose this time you loaded your gun with blanks.

[Sheriff] Why should I?

I asked myself that when Colorado raided the bank.

You shot to kill, but nobody died.

What did I have to gain?

Gold.

Gold?

What do you mean, gold?

You're standing on it, a gold vein

that runs right through the town.

Discovered by the former sheriff.

Poor man trusted you without realizing

he was trusting a snake.

He was willing to share the gold with everyone

but you wouldn't go for that.

So ya killed him and then hired Colorado Slim

to scare the citizens outta town,

so's you could have a free hand with nobody to bother ya.

You guessed everything, Doc.

But there's one thing you didn't plan on,

you won't be telling it to anybody.

(gun fires)

Drop your gun belt Sheriff.

(punch thuds)

(townspeople exclaim)

(men laughing)

Over here.

(punches thud)

Get up!

(grunting)

(townspeople exclaim and laugh)

[Man] You look beautiful Sheriff.

(cheering)

(triumphant trumpet call)

[Popsy] The Calgary!

(Cocoa exclaims)

(speaks in foreign language)

You're gonna hide in the Sheriff's water pit.

Ah.

(Cocoa babbles)

Noone's gonna get my gold.

(townspeople gasp)

Get down.

Go, catch!

(explosion booms)

Halt!

[Man] What the heck was that?

(calm music)

(townspeople gasp)

(all laughing)

Gold, it's gold.

Logan.

[Popsy] Hello Major.

What's happening?

It's raining gold.

Gold?

Well then.

By the way Logan, I'm looking for a couple of Indians.

Big giant Sioux with a little fella.

Cocoa you mean.

Yeah, he was an Indian.

But the other was Doc.

Aye, the noblest of them all.

I think of him as me own brother.

Oh God, he took us to his courageous heart.

Ah, you're a prince of a man.

Thank you Doc.

[Buddy] You're welcome.

[Popsy] Oh Lord we are like orphan children

who no longer have eyes for daffodils

or ears for the sweet piping of early morning birds.

Oh Doc, you and your indigenous companion

were a boon to our land.

A healing balm for both lip and spirit.

And now you are no more.

(Cocoa sobs)

Hey.

What are you crying for?

For you and for me.

We no more.

Huh?

(speaks in foreign language)

Find a couple of horses and let's get outta here.

You want horse, say horse, you know.

(speaks in foreign language)

[Popsy] Oh Doc, you placed a bit of gold

right under our very feet.

(townsfolk cheer)

(wind howls)

(speaks in foreign language)

(Indians yell)

Miscaleros?

Um hmm.

Just for a change.

[Cocoa] Wichita, Dakota!

(Buddy speaks in foreign language)

Whoa!

I've had it.

Every time we take off they come following us.

So I gotta put an end to this.

Alright, stop that now, ya hear?

(growls)

(upbeat music)