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1
00:00:01,543 --> 00:00:03,406
And then I moved to Ohio...
2
00:00:03,494 --> 00:00:05,502
Akron, Ohio,
rubber capital of the world.
3
00:00:05,589 --> 00:00:07,945
He's at the 20‐minute mark.
Louis, make it stop.
4
00:00:08,033 --> 00:00:10,029
Never. I'm riveted.
What a life.
5
00:00:10,117 --> 00:00:11,758
Marvin:
And it was there that I adopted
6
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:15,115
a little pet alligator
I nicknamed Rocky.
7
00:00:15,203 --> 00:00:16,179
[ Guests "Aww", laugh ]
8
00:00:16,266 --> 00:00:17,664
His given name was Rico.
9
00:00:17,752 --> 00:00:19,500
Rocky, baby!
Rocky.
10
00:00:19,588 --> 00:00:21,045
All teeth and all love.
11
00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:22,505
[ Laughter ]
12
00:00:22,593 --> 00:00:25,171
That's my best Navy buddy,
Clyde Roses.
13
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,763
He followed me
out to the Rust Belt.
14
00:00:26,851 --> 00:00:29,054
We worked the line
at the GM plant together.
15
00:00:29,142 --> 00:00:30,890
And if anybody
needs auto parts,
16
00:00:30,986 --> 00:00:32,530
I have a scrapyard
in Pine Hills.
17
00:00:32,618 --> 00:00:33,543
[ Guests murmur ]
18
00:00:33,631 --> 00:00:35,282
You got a spoiler
for a station wagon?
19
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,429
Spoiler alert...
I do.
20
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,671
Now, uh,
before we call it a night,
21
00:00:39,759 --> 00:00:42,054
there is
one more thing...
22
00:00:42,195 --> 00:00:43,818
your retirement present.
Ohh.
23
00:00:43,905 --> 00:00:45,117
[♪♪]
24
00:00:45,220 --> 00:00:48,095
You're getting me my very own
flagpole for the yard?
25
00:00:48,183 --> 00:00:49,806
Oh, honey,
it's the perfect gift.
26
00:00:49,894 --> 00:00:51,154
Thank you, thank you.
27
00:00:51,242 --> 00:00:53,445
[ Guests "Aww" ]
28
00:00:53,663 --> 00:00:54,798
Grandma: Wait.
29
00:00:54,916 --> 00:00:57,460
I have an announcement.
30
00:00:57,548 --> 00:01:00,083
Grandma, if you fart right now,
it'd be the perfect joke.
31
00:01:00,171 --> 00:01:02,171
[ Scoffs ]
32
00:01:07,643 --> 00:01:09,562
[♪♪]
33
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:11,860
[ Softly ]
Retire from what?
34
00:01:14,344 --> 00:01:15,819
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
35
00:01:15,907 --> 00:01:17,476
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪
36
00:01:17,564 --> 00:01:19,640
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
37
00:01:19,728 --> 00:01:20,891
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
38
00:01:20,979 --> 00:01:22,968
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
39
00:01:23,111 --> 00:01:24,593
♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
*FRESH OFF THE BOAT*
40
00:01:24,681 --> 00:01:26,101
♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
Season 06 Episode 03
41
00:01:26,196 --> 00:01:27,671
*FRESH OFF THE BOAT*
Episode Title: "Grandma's Boys"
42
00:01:27,874 --> 00:01:29,953
[♪♪]
43
00:01:30,041 --> 00:01:31,093
I'm just
gonna say it.
44
00:01:31,164 --> 00:01:33,443
Does anyone know
what Grandma's retiring from?
45
00:01:33,531 --> 00:01:34,419
No idea.
46
00:01:34,507 --> 00:01:36,177
I am so happy
you brought that up.
47
00:01:36,265 --> 00:01:39,125
I was standing there last night
thinking, "What on Earth?"
48
00:01:40,131 --> 00:01:43,357
I have made a list of
my preferred retirement gifts.
49
00:01:43,445 --> 00:01:44,482
[ Chuckles ]
50
00:01:44,585 --> 00:01:45,638
Any one will do.
51
00:01:45,726 --> 00:01:47,333
Just a gift?
No party?
52
00:01:47,421 --> 00:01:50,388
The answers you seek
are on the list.
53
00:01:50,476 --> 00:01:53,130
[♪♪]
54
00:01:53,218 --> 00:01:54,826
Drum kit? Hot tub?
55
00:01:54,914 --> 00:01:56,519
Trip to Jamaica for one?
56
00:01:56,606 --> 00:01:57,648
She wouldn't
like Jamaica.
57
00:01:57,736 --> 00:01:59,730
The post‐colonial poverty
would bum her out.
58
00:01:59,818 --> 00:02:01,544
Kid gets
one Bob Marley CD.
59
00:02:01,632 --> 00:02:02,417
[ Scoffs ]
60
00:02:02,505 --> 00:02:04,257
This list is crazy.
61
00:02:04,848 --> 00:02:07,263
Because she expects me
to dismiss it.
62
00:02:07,351 --> 00:02:09,958
She wants a retirement party,
but she's too proud to ask.
63
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:12,107
Or she's just using
that retirement
64
00:02:12,195 --> 00:02:13,718
as an excuse
to get a gift.
65
00:02:13,882 --> 00:02:15,380
Well, can I afford
to take the chance?
66
00:02:15,468 --> 00:02:17,358
I don't give her this party,
and then she'll seek revenge,
67
00:02:17,445 --> 00:02:18,819
and I just don't have
the time for that.
68
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:19,796
Totally get it.
69
00:02:19,884 --> 00:02:21,818
It's a lotta work,
but I'm happy to do it.
70
00:02:21,906 --> 00:02:23,593
She deserves
to be celebrated.
71
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,158
Can someone
agree with me?
72
00:02:27,245 --> 00:02:28,475
- Sure. - Yep.
- What a woman. - No.
73
00:02:28,562 --> 00:02:34,195
[♪♪]
74
00:02:34,419 --> 00:02:37,585
I know I seemed to be
my usual fun self at breakfast,
75
00:02:37,726 --> 00:02:40,054
but underneath that mirth,
I'm full of fear.
76
00:02:40,242 --> 00:02:41,984
- Why?
- We have a problem.
77
00:02:42,109 --> 00:02:43,427
At Marvin's party
last night,
78
00:02:43,515 --> 00:02:45,515
I overheard him gossiping
about his patients.
79
00:02:45,603 --> 00:02:46,646
About a month ago,
80
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,638
I was at his office
for a dental procedure.
81
00:02:48,725 --> 00:02:52,093
[ Laughter echoing ]
82
00:02:52,780 --> 00:02:54,678
- What's so funny?
- Oh, nothing.
83
00:02:54,766 --> 00:02:57,187
You just told us a funny secret
while you were under the gas.
84
00:02:57,275 --> 00:02:59,982
Don't worry.
I won't tell anybody.
85
00:03:00,154 --> 00:03:02,489
Dentist‐Patient
confidentiality.
86
00:03:03,573 --> 00:03:05,738
[ Both laughing ]
87
00:03:06,162 --> 00:03:07,420
Marvin retiring means
88
00:03:07,508 --> 00:03:09,770
that the Dentist‐Patient
confidentiality is over.
89
00:03:09,858 --> 00:03:11,998
That's why he's blabbing
about his ex‐patients.
90
00:03:12,086 --> 00:03:14,454
He can freely tell my secret
with no consequences.
91
00:03:14,542 --> 00:03:15,832
But, Evan, it's you.
92
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:18,084
If you have any secrets,
they're baby secrets.
93
00:03:18,171 --> 00:03:19,967
Like you befriended
a ladybug
94
00:03:20,055 --> 00:03:21,845
and then
accidentally stepped on it.
95
00:03:22,154 --> 00:03:24,090
R.I.P., Spottypants.
96
00:03:24,225 --> 00:03:26,592
But I do have
a big boy secret.
97
00:03:26,826 --> 00:03:28,295
And it could hurt us all.
98
00:03:28,389 --> 00:03:29,470
Marvin operated
on my teeth
99
00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:31,768
the day after
the best day of our lives.
100
00:03:33,006 --> 00:03:34,569
No.
Yep.
101
00:03:34,716 --> 00:03:37,280
I might've told him
about "Reggie."
102
00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:38,207
[ Both gasp ]
103
00:03:38,295 --> 00:03:39,897
- Reggie?
- Reggie.
104
00:03:39,984 --> 00:03:43,109
[♪♪]
105
00:03:43,196 --> 00:03:45,495
[ Gasps ]
Congrats, Jenny!
106
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:48,997
It's amazing, you put in
all those years, doing...
107
00:03:49,239 --> 00:03:50,611
what you did.
108
00:03:51,145 --> 00:03:52,305
No longer, though.
109
00:03:52,393 --> 00:03:55,684
Yeah... Yeah, you did
a great job at that... the job.
110
00:03:55,833 --> 00:03:56,918
[ Chuckles ]
111
00:03:57,961 --> 00:03:59,458
- Okay.
- Okay.
112
00:03:59,545 --> 00:04:00,591
Hey, Carol‐Joan,
113
00:04:00,679 --> 00:04:02,279
those lip injections
are looking good.
114
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:03,404
[ Laughs ]
115
00:04:03,492 --> 00:04:05,451
I only did it
to be a better whistler.
116
00:04:05,539 --> 00:04:06,870
[ Whistling ]
117
00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,724
You were right.
He's a blabber box.
118
00:04:09,812 --> 00:04:11,286
Uh, hello.
119
00:04:11,474 --> 00:04:13,036
I want to thank you all
120
00:04:13,124 --> 00:04:15,683
for joining us to celebrate
my mother's retirement.
121
00:04:15,771 --> 00:04:16,560
[ Chuckles ]
122
00:04:16,648 --> 00:04:18,972
Now, if you could all turn
your attention to the screen,
123
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:20,938
I put together
a little retrospective.
124
00:04:21,235 --> 00:04:22,274
[ Guests murmur ]
125
00:04:22,529 --> 00:04:25,443
[ "Simply the Best" plays ]
126
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,570
♪ You're simply the best ♪
127
00:04:27,657 --> 00:04:30,448
[♪♪]
128
00:04:30,535 --> 00:04:33,409
♪ Better than all the rest ♪
129
00:04:33,496 --> 00:04:34,827
[♪♪]
130
00:04:35,005 --> 00:04:38,748
♪ Better than anyone ♪
131
00:04:38,835 --> 00:04:41,919
♪ Anyone I ever met ♪
132
00:04:42,052 --> 00:04:44,009
♪ You're simply the best ♪
133
00:04:44,097 --> 00:04:45,682
[ Applause ]
134
00:04:46,888 --> 00:04:49,128
I had to imagine myself
while I was singing that
135
00:04:49,216 --> 00:04:50,698
for it to feel real.
136
00:04:50,786 --> 00:04:53,865
Uh, Ma,
you simply are the best.
137
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:56,813
Uh, and now that
you're retiring from, uh...
138
00:04:58,354 --> 00:04:59,435
Uh...
139
00:04:59,810 --> 00:05:01,144
y‐you'll have time
140
00:05:01,232 --> 00:05:03,919
to, uh, make new memories
with all of us.
141
00:05:04,396 --> 00:05:05,397
[ Guests agreeing ]
142
00:05:06,132 --> 00:05:09,122
Um, now, is there anything
you'd like to say to everyone?
143
00:05:09,404 --> 00:05:11,531
I love you all.
144
00:05:11,740 --> 00:05:14,283
Now I'm ready for my gift.
145
00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:16,263
[♪♪]
146
00:05:16,456 --> 00:05:18,130
Oh. Uh, well...
147
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,924
[ Laughs ] Uh...
148
00:05:20,341 --> 00:05:21,909
The party
is kind of the gift.
149
00:05:21,997 --> 00:05:23,751
Oh.
150
00:05:23,911 --> 00:05:26,169
Then it was not necessary.
151
00:05:26,257 --> 00:05:28,131
You should have just
bought me a hot tub.
152
00:05:28,219 --> 00:05:29,591
Um...
153
00:05:29,825 --> 00:05:32,230
I'm sorry this nice party
isn't enough for you,
154
00:05:32,318 --> 00:05:34,097
but a hot tub
is just impractical.
155
00:05:34,185 --> 00:05:35,581
It's a big responsibility.
156
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,339
Who'd wash it?
Who'd pay for its utility bills?
157
00:05:38,427 --> 00:05:40,927
Who'd, uh, take care of it
when we're out of town?
158
00:05:41,105 --> 00:05:43,104
Uh, maybe we start you
with a foot bath.
159
00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:45,904
Maybe you start me
with a hot tub.
160
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,608
[♪♪]
161
00:05:47,724 --> 00:05:50,019
Trent, the room is dying.
Give me "Rolling on the River."
162
00:05:50,107 --> 00:05:51,279
It's called "Proud Mary."
163
00:05:51,366 --> 00:05:53,281
And it's in D major,
so good luck.
164
00:05:53,368 --> 00:05:57,755
[♪♪]
165
00:05:57,843 --> 00:06:00,133
I still can't believe
you told Marvin about Reggie.
166
00:06:00,416 --> 00:06:02,003
Hey, lay off!
167
00:06:02,091 --> 00:06:04,068
I didn't even want
anything to do with "Reggie."
168
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:06,193
It was your guys' idea,
and you pressured me to go.
169
00:06:06,281 --> 00:06:07,284
Really?
170
00:06:07,372 --> 00:06:09,230
So, you didn't want
to cut piano class,
171
00:06:09,318 --> 00:06:11,882
drive across state lines
to meet Reginald VelJohnson,
172
00:06:11,969 --> 00:06:13,370
AKA Carl Winslow,
173
00:06:13,458 --> 00:06:15,839
read his memoir at
the Georgia Tech Student Union?
174
00:06:15,927 --> 00:06:17,263
Please!
175
00:06:17,482 --> 00:06:20,391
Guys, it doesn't matter who's
to blame. We're all guilty.
176
00:06:20,896 --> 00:06:23,847
Well, Evan ratted on us,
so he should take the heat
177
00:06:23,935 --> 00:06:25,688
and tell Mom and Dad
he did it by himself.
178
00:06:25,775 --> 00:06:27,544
Whoa, whoa!
That's crazy!
179
00:06:27,724 --> 00:06:29,974
We don't even know
if I told him anything.
180
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:32,433
Why don't we just ask Marvin
if he knows?
181
00:06:32,521 --> 00:06:34,146
Dummy,
if he didn't know,
182
00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:36,638
we'd be telling him our secret
by asking.
183
00:06:37,237 --> 00:06:38,982
Public schools
are failing our children.
184
00:06:39,070 --> 00:06:41,333
The only way to make sure
Marvin stays quiet
185
00:06:41,421 --> 00:06:44,480
is to find out a secret
about him to use against him.
186
00:06:44,568 --> 00:06:46,542
Shut those loose lips
with leverage.
187
00:06:46,629 --> 00:06:48,402
If anyone knows a secret
about Marvin,
188
00:06:48,490 --> 00:06:50,349
it's got to be
his old Navy buddy.
189
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:52,810
[♪♪]
190
00:06:52,984 --> 00:06:54,941
This is a punch card
for Chubby Burger.
191
00:06:55,029 --> 00:06:56,134
Oh, whoops.
192
00:06:56,222 --> 00:06:58,179
I'm so close to a free egg.
[ Chuckles ]
193
00:06:58,266 --> 00:07:00,755
[♪♪]
194
00:07:00,843 --> 00:07:03,259
[ Grunts ] This cuff link!
Why won't it come out?!
195
00:07:03,347 --> 00:07:05,685
Louis, you know you shouldn't
undress when you're upset.
196
00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,104
Remember when
you tore your pants
197
00:07:07,191 --> 00:07:09,190
after watching
"Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo"?
198
00:07:09,277 --> 00:07:10,818
Why is Schneider
wasting our time?
199
00:07:10,906 --> 00:07:13,474
Just make the movie version
of the "Makin' Copies" guy!
200
00:07:13,562 --> 00:07:14,562
[ Sighs ]
201
00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,050
I just can't believe
my mom tonight.
202
00:07:16,138 --> 00:07:17,656
Louis, so she didn't like
your party.
203
00:07:17,743 --> 00:07:19,146
Why are you so upset?
204
00:07:19,234 --> 00:07:21,817
It's not just tonight.
She does this all the time.
205
00:07:21,905 --> 00:07:24,105
I do everything for her,
but do I ever get a thank‐you?
206
00:07:24,193 --> 00:07:25,466
One thank‐you?
207
00:07:25,630 --> 00:07:27,200
How can she be
so ungrateful?
208
00:07:27,288 --> 00:07:29,042
It's frustrating.
I know.
209
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:31,542
Mother‐son relationships
are complicated.
210
00:07:31,630 --> 00:07:33,044
Remember last week
with Evan?
211
00:07:33,638 --> 00:07:36,550
I just bought this soy milk,
and you leave it out to spoil?
212
00:07:36,638 --> 00:07:37,652
I'm sorry, Mommy.
213
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:38,844
[ Door opens ]
214
00:07:38,931 --> 00:07:40,721
I know
we have car insurance,
215
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:44,310
but do we have
mailbox and tree insurance?
216
00:07:45,062 --> 00:07:46,825
It's all about
perspective.
217
00:07:47,101 --> 00:07:49,479
Compared to perfection,
Evan messed up.
218
00:07:49,567 --> 00:07:51,726
Compared to Eddie,
Evan is a saint.
219
00:07:52,029 --> 00:07:53,651
Wait. That's it.
220
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,164
My mom has her own Eddie.
221
00:07:57,922 --> 00:07:59,101
Gene!
222
00:07:59,318 --> 00:08:01,539
I'll invite my jackass brother
over to visit,
223
00:08:01,627 --> 00:08:03,042
and he'll annoy Mom
so much,
224
00:08:03,130 --> 00:08:04,608
she'll see how good she has it
with me!
225
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:05,771
No, Louis!
226
00:08:05,859 --> 00:08:06,955
His voice is too loud
227
00:08:07,043 --> 00:08:08,390
and his clothes
are too colorful.
228
00:08:08,478 --> 00:08:10,453
And his cologne.
He's tough on all the senses.
229
00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:13,630
Exactly. I'll tell him Mom's
retiring, and he'll rush out here.
230
00:08:13,673 --> 00:08:14,760
[ Sighs ] Oh, God.
231
00:08:14,898 --> 00:08:17,174
Hurricane Gene
is coming to Orlando.
232
00:08:17,643 --> 00:08:18,978
[ Doorbell rings ]
233
00:08:20,348 --> 00:08:21,887
[♪♪]
234
00:08:22,697 --> 00:08:24,154
Hello, brother.
235
00:08:24,242 --> 00:08:27,828
[♪♪]
236
00:08:27,916 --> 00:08:30,081
Your face is like
a sunrise in my heart.
237
00:08:30,169 --> 00:08:33,631
[♪♪]
238
00:08:37,335 --> 00:08:38,590
[ Slurping ]
239
00:08:38,786 --> 00:08:40,326
[♪♪]
240
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:43,207
Each leaf in this tea
has a story.
241
00:08:46,633 --> 00:08:48,672
Gene, you seem
a little different.
242
00:08:49,476 --> 00:08:50,961
Not just seem.
243
00:08:51,289 --> 00:08:52,334
I am.
244
00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:54,437
You see, I had
a near‐death experience.
245
00:08:54,539 --> 00:08:56,726
Oh, no!
What happened?
246
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,476
I was at
the Singapore zoo.
247
00:08:58,586 --> 00:09:02,234
I climbed on the railings
to make faces at the lions.
248
00:09:02,350 --> 00:09:03,640
Then I fell in the pit.
249
00:09:03,728 --> 00:09:04,742
What?!
250
00:09:04,830 --> 00:09:07,390
As that lioness
was clawing my chest,
251
00:09:07,617 --> 00:09:09,289
I realized
life is precious
252
00:09:09,377 --> 00:09:11,686
and we must value
every moment
253
00:09:11,774 --> 00:09:13,189
while we have
on this Earth.
254
00:09:13,976 --> 00:09:15,107
[ Whispering ]
He's not a hurricane.
255
00:09:15,194 --> 00:09:17,217
He's a warm breeze
on a hot summer day.
256
00:09:17,305 --> 00:09:18,391
[ Whispering ]
This is great.
257
00:09:18,478 --> 00:09:20,453
This new Gene
is more annoying than ever.
258
00:09:20,541 --> 00:09:23,531
So, Gene, you came here
for my retirement.
259
00:09:23,687 --> 00:09:25,201
Did you bring me a gift?
260
00:09:25,335 --> 00:09:26,672
I did, Mother.
261
00:09:27,555 --> 00:09:29,840
I brought you
a deep hug of gratitude.
262
00:09:30,106 --> 00:09:32,354
O‐O‐Oh, no... no...
no, thank you.
263
00:09:32,442 --> 00:09:35,612
Does anybody know
how to give a gift anymore?
264
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:38,214
[♪♪]
265
00:09:38,301 --> 00:09:39,660
What's wrong
with our mother?
266
00:09:39,748 --> 00:09:41,051
Well, you may not
realize this,
267
00:09:41,139 --> 00:09:43,278
because you visit
once every 10 years,
268
00:09:43,389 --> 00:09:45,479
but our aging mother
can be difficult.
269
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:47,232
Jessica: She's been like this
all the time,
270
00:09:47,319 --> 00:09:49,635
and it's been "Steady Louis"
taking care of everything
271
00:09:49,723 --> 00:09:51,080
while you've been
in Taiwan.
272
00:09:51,168 --> 00:09:52,557
You're right.
I haven't been here.
273
00:09:52,645 --> 00:09:55,387
But now it's my turn
to share the load with Mom.
274
00:09:55,475 --> 00:09:57,666
Suddenly you care
about doing your share?
275
00:09:57,754 --> 00:09:58,859
I do.
276
00:09:58,946 --> 00:10:01,252
[ Laughs ]
Okay, sure.
277
00:10:01,340 --> 00:10:04,221
Uh, well, Mom has
a full plate of errands today
278
00:10:04,309 --> 00:10:05,371
that I'd help her with,
279
00:10:05,459 --> 00:10:08,153
but, um, why don't you go ahead
and take over for me?
280
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:10,913
Oh, I'd love to.
It'd be great fun.
281
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,854
Right. That's our mom...
a pleasure.
282
00:10:12,942 --> 00:10:16,961
[ Laughing ]
283
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,348
You.
284
00:10:18,591 --> 00:10:20,817
Just... you.
285
00:10:21,034 --> 00:10:22,949
[♪♪]
286
00:10:23,254 --> 00:10:24,885
Eddie: So, Clyde,
we're here because
287
00:10:24,973 --> 00:10:27,371
we were thinking of doing
a retirement roast for Marvin.
288
00:10:27,459 --> 00:10:28,473
Ohh!
289
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:30,910
We need some funny stories
of him when he was younger.
290
00:10:30,998 --> 00:10:32,004
[ Laughs ]
291
00:10:32,092 --> 00:10:34,588
Well, funny stories and Ol' Marv
go hand in hand,
292
00:10:34,676 --> 00:10:37,022
like, uh...
like plums and hot sauce.
293
00:10:37,340 --> 00:10:40,276
In '68, Marv and I
were driving across country,
294
00:10:40,363 --> 00:10:43,404
took a stop in New Orleans,
met some swamp ladies.
295
00:10:43,731 --> 00:10:45,660
Well, we had
a few drinks and...
296
00:10:47,145 --> 00:10:48,784
I can't finish
this story.
297
00:10:48,871 --> 00:10:49,879
[ Sighs ]
298
00:10:49,967 --> 00:10:53,050
Okay, how about a story
from when you were in the Navy?
299
00:10:53,418 --> 00:10:55,082
Once, we stopped
this mysterious boat
300
00:10:55,170 --> 00:10:57,004
that had crossed
into American waters.
301
00:10:57,216 --> 00:10:59,548
Marv and I kicked down
the doors to the bridge,
302
00:10:59,636 --> 00:11:02,879
and we were confronted
by these... these two...
303
00:11:03,386 --> 00:11:04,621
sea ladies.
304
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,368
So, we had
a few drinks and...
305
00:11:09,457 --> 00:11:10,869
I can't finish
this story, either.
306
00:11:10,957 --> 00:11:12,605
Well, are there any stories
you can tell us
307
00:11:12,692 --> 00:11:14,207
without drinks or ladies?
308
00:11:15,398 --> 00:11:16,645
Here it is, boys.
309
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:17,937
Marvin?
310
00:11:18,025 --> 00:11:20,774
Marvin is my best buddy.
We're like brothers.
311
00:11:20,861 --> 00:11:23,903
And brothers don't talk out of
school about their secrets.
312
00:11:23,990 --> 00:11:25,456
I'm sorry
I can't be more helpful.
313
00:11:25,544 --> 00:11:27,566
I got to go, uh,
fire up the magnet.
314
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,491
[♪♪]
315
00:11:29,763 --> 00:11:30,949
Move some cars.
316
00:11:31,037 --> 00:11:33,005
Come on.
317
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:34,675
Yeah, come on.
[ Chuckles ]
318
00:11:34,763 --> 00:11:36,990
[♪♪]
319
00:11:37,211 --> 00:11:39,752
Gene and Mom have been
doing errands for a long time.
320
00:11:39,839 --> 00:11:40,857
That's a good thing.
321
00:11:40,945 --> 00:11:42,428
They probably got in a fight
at the salon
322
00:11:42,515 --> 00:11:43,919
and one of them
is arrested.
323
00:11:44,048 --> 00:11:45,122
Or dead.
324
00:11:46,637 --> 00:11:47,551
Damn it.
325
00:11:47,638 --> 00:11:49,261
Gene: Hey!
326
00:11:49,349 --> 00:11:51,097
Sorry to
take so long.
327
00:11:51,185 --> 00:11:53,027
Her nail guy
is very chatty,
328
00:11:53,115 --> 00:11:55,810
and I loved
every minute of it.
329
00:11:55,927 --> 00:11:56,888
I believe in him.
330
00:11:56,976 --> 00:11:59,225
I think he has designed
a better energy drink.
331
00:11:59,313 --> 00:12:01,099
The trick is
getting it into stores.
332
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:03,505
Anyway, Ma,
I'm gonna get you some water.
333
00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:13,214
You don't?
334
00:12:13,302 --> 00:12:15,122
That's never
crossed my mind at all.
335
00:12:23,162 --> 00:12:25,683
Uh, that means
so much, Ma.
336
00:12:25,771 --> 00:12:26,863
Thanks.
337
00:12:26,951 --> 00:12:28,801
[♪♪]
338
00:12:29,513 --> 00:12:30,628
Wow.
339
00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:33,159
This new, extra‐annoying Gene
totally did the trick.
340
00:12:33,247 --> 00:12:35,238
She's never
treated you like that.
341
00:12:35,326 --> 00:12:36,433
I know.
342
00:12:36,521 --> 00:12:38,331
I'm pretty emotional
on the inside right now,
343
00:12:38,419 --> 00:12:39,903
but I don't want to cry
in front of you.
344
00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:42,349
Don't. Bottle it up
and save it for the shower.
345
00:12:43,027 --> 00:12:44,818
Wasn't that
amazing?
346
00:12:44,906 --> 00:12:46,652
Um, what are you
talking about?
347
00:12:46,740 --> 00:12:48,144
When I arrived,
348
00:12:48,232 --> 00:12:51,214
I sensed there was tension
between you and Mom.
349
00:12:51,302 --> 00:12:53,066
You glowed
with resentment.
350
00:12:53,154 --> 00:12:54,542
So I talked to her
about it,
351
00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:57,122
and I got her to empathize
with the burden you feel.
352
00:12:57,278 --> 00:12:59,667
You're saying
you somehow got our mother
353
00:12:59,755 --> 00:13:01,083
to feel empathy for me?
354
00:13:01,170 --> 00:13:03,964
The woman who thinks Lex Luthor
is the hero of "Superman"?
355
00:13:04,052 --> 00:13:05,279
I did.
356
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,699
Well, I don't know
what to say.
357
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:08,974
I appreciate
you doing that.
358
00:13:09,062 --> 00:13:11,831
Look, I couldn't have fallen in
that lion pit and changed my life
359
00:13:11,919 --> 00:13:13,637
if you weren't here
taking care of Mom,
360
00:13:13,724 --> 00:13:15,620
so it was...
it was the least I could do.
361
00:13:15,708 --> 00:13:16,708
[ Pats leg ]
362
00:13:16,878 --> 00:13:18,271
Thanks, Gene.
363
00:13:18,436 --> 00:13:19,642
[ Electricity crackles ]
364
00:13:19,855 --> 00:13:22,191
Whoo! She's firing up
the jets!
365
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:23,433
[ Laughs ]
366
00:13:23,521 --> 00:13:24,685
Jets?
367
00:13:25,569 --> 00:13:27,333
Isn't she beautiful?
368
00:13:27,505 --> 00:13:29,474
Same‐day delivery.
369
00:13:29,583 --> 00:13:31,071
You bought her
a hot tub?
370
00:13:31,158 --> 00:13:33,183
I taught her
to value you more,
371
00:13:33,271 --> 00:13:35,919
and as a reward
for learning her lesson,
372
00:13:36,184 --> 00:13:37,566
I got her a gift.
373
00:13:37,654 --> 00:13:39,120
So you didn't
teach her anything.
374
00:13:39,208 --> 00:13:40,873
You just bought her off!
375
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,460
[♪♪]
376
00:13:44,646 --> 00:13:47,337
Oh, yes, I remember
the day you came in well.
377
00:13:47,451 --> 00:13:49,131
You were
a real Chatty Cathy.
378
00:13:49,218 --> 00:13:50,417
Nice job, bro.
379
00:13:50,505 --> 00:13:52,058
What did I say,
exactly?
380
00:13:52,146 --> 00:13:54,511
Well, it wasn't so much
what you said.
381
00:13:54,599 --> 00:13:55,956
It's how you said it.
382
00:13:56,044 --> 00:13:57,388
Little secret.
383
00:13:57,544 --> 00:14:00,646
Your eyebrows
look like birds.
384
00:14:00,763 --> 00:14:01,943
[ Chuckles ]
385
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:04,255
So I wasn't
making any sense?
386
00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:06,513
No, you just kept looking
at your reflection
387
00:14:06,601 --> 00:14:09,222
in my tiny mirror and saying,
"Peep these cheeks!"
388
00:14:09,310 --> 00:14:10,402
That's amazing!
389
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,019
Oh, and you were
the opposite of Evan
390
00:14:13,107 --> 00:14:14,300
when you were there.
391
00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,753
Come again, Queenie?
392
00:14:15,841 --> 00:14:19,949
This is a secret,
but I love Garth Brooks.
393
00:14:20,037 --> 00:14:23,165
And Shania impresses me
very much.
394
00:14:23,252 --> 00:14:25,589
Oh, and me and my brothers
drove to Georgia
395
00:14:25,677 --> 00:14:27,841
to meet
Reginald VelJohnson.
396
00:14:28,048 --> 00:14:30,037
It wasn't my fault!
It was the gas!
397
00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:31,372
They gave me
a man's dosage
398
00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:32,833
even though
I'm still a little boy!
399
00:14:32,921 --> 00:14:35,760
Is Georgia beautiful?
I hear it's beautiful.
400
00:14:35,848 --> 00:14:41,724
[♪♪]
401
00:14:42,046 --> 00:14:44,365
I feel like we're in
a giant bowl of noodles.
402
00:14:44,568 --> 00:14:46,034
You ever wonder
what it would be like
403
00:14:46,122 --> 00:14:48,714
if we spent our life
as a noodle?
404
00:14:48,802 --> 00:14:50,083
That's enough, Gene.
405
00:14:50,171 --> 00:14:53,193
Okay, everybody out! This tub is
going back where it came from!
406
00:14:53,282 --> 00:14:55,331
Whoa, boss.
You said this is a job for two?
407
00:14:55,419 --> 00:14:56,316
I dunno.
408
00:14:56,404 --> 00:14:58,075
We're gonna
drain it first.
409
00:14:58,162 --> 00:15:00,091
Jessica,
what are you doing?
410
00:15:00,179 --> 00:15:01,271
Your mother said
411
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,597
she'd take care of the tub
and pay the utilities,
412
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:05,730
so why say no
to a free hot tub?
413
00:15:05,818 --> 00:15:06,919
And you believe her?
414
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,081
Gene: Don't worry.
415
00:15:08,169 --> 00:15:09,711
If Mom
can't make payments,
416
00:15:09,798 --> 00:15:11,755
then Steady Gene
can handle it.
417
00:15:11,842 --> 00:15:13,933
[ Scoffs ]
Steady Gene?
418
00:15:14,021 --> 00:15:14,995
Hilarious.
419
00:15:15,083 --> 00:15:16,444
Here's what's actually
gonna happen.
420
00:15:16,531 --> 00:15:19,095
In about a week or two, Mom will
forget to pay the utilities,
421
00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:20,347
Gene will be long gone,
422
00:15:20,434 --> 00:15:22,628
and it'll all fall on me,
just like it always does.
423
00:15:22,716 --> 00:15:24,685
You have
that little faith in me?
424
00:15:24,772 --> 00:15:27,437
The one thing I have faith in
is that you'll always screw up.
425
00:15:27,607 --> 00:15:30,136
I even brought you here to
screw up and make me look good,
426
00:15:30,224 --> 00:15:32,066
and you somehow
screwed that up, too.
427
00:15:32,154 --> 00:15:33,818
I'm not a screw‐up
anymore.
428
00:15:33,912 --> 00:15:35,349
I've changed.
429
00:15:35,608 --> 00:15:36,939
But clearly, you haven't.
430
00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:39,201
Once a martyr,
always a martyr.
431
00:15:39,388 --> 00:15:41,443
[♪♪]
432
00:15:41,664 --> 00:15:44,896
I'm not ready to show
my lion scars to anyone.
433
00:15:45,216 --> 00:15:49,232
But my emotional scars
for being your brother?
434
00:15:49,401 --> 00:15:52,693
Well, that is right out there
for all to witness!
435
00:15:52,967 --> 00:15:56,550
[♪♪]
436
00:15:56,637 --> 00:15:58,167
Not to invite myself in,
437
00:15:58,255 --> 00:16:00,425
but have you ever seen
a redhead in a hot tub?
438
00:16:00,513 --> 00:16:02,191
It's like
a lobster in a pot.
439
00:16:02,279 --> 00:16:03,904
It's sort of
my party trick.
440
00:16:08,099 --> 00:16:09,889
Gene's locked himself
in our bedroom.
441
00:16:09,977 --> 00:16:12,273
He says he's meditating,
but I can hear him crying.
442
00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:13,784
Why can't anything
be easy?
443
00:16:13,872 --> 00:16:15,485
Can you believe this?
444
00:16:15,572 --> 00:16:18,144
Gene was right.
You're a martyr.
445
00:16:18,232 --> 00:16:19,417
What are you
talking about?
446
00:16:19,505 --> 00:16:20,908
You got
everything you wanted.
447
00:16:20,995 --> 00:16:22,769
A helpful Gene,
a respectful Grandma,
448
00:16:22,857 --> 00:16:24,034
even a new hot tub.
449
00:16:24,122 --> 00:16:26,458
Yet you're still acting like
it's some kind of a burden.
450
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:29,199
"I'm Louis.
Woe is me. Poor me.
451
00:16:29,287 --> 00:16:31,404
I married
totally out of my league."
452
00:16:31,529 --> 00:16:34,253
I guess I got so used to
fixing my family's problems
453
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,022
that I didn't believe
that they could change.
454
00:16:36,109 --> 00:16:38,185
Well, of course not.
You're terrible with change.
455
00:16:38,273 --> 00:16:39,326
What do you mean?
456
00:16:39,414 --> 00:16:41,997
When Emery tried to quit
volleyball, you stalked him.
457
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:44,752
When Eddie had to learn how
to drive, you pushed him so hard
458
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:47,074
that he ran over
a child on a scooter.
459
00:16:47,162 --> 00:16:49,464
When Gene arrived and your role
with Grandma changed,
460
00:16:49,552 --> 00:16:51,331
here we are.
I could go on.
461
00:16:51,419 --> 00:16:52,481
No, no, I get it.
462
00:16:52,568 --> 00:16:53,693
It's hard for me.
463
00:16:53,781 --> 00:16:56,966
You see Marvin's stupid
new flagpole in his yard?
464
00:16:57,872 --> 00:16:58,987
That's you.
465
00:16:59,224 --> 00:17:01,031
The steady pole
in the ground.
466
00:17:01,118 --> 00:17:03,912
Everyone else around you
is like the flag,
467
00:17:04,029 --> 00:17:06,097
changing direction
as the wind shifts.
468
00:17:06,185 --> 00:17:07,394
But not you.
469
00:17:07,482 --> 00:17:08,956
You're keeping everything
in place.
470
00:17:09,043 --> 00:17:10,527
But the pole
gets no attention.
471
00:17:10,615 --> 00:17:13,021
We salute the flag
but not the pole.
472
00:17:13,109 --> 00:17:15,361
It might help you out
every once in a while
473
00:17:15,449 --> 00:17:16,787
if you were the flag.
474
00:17:17,309 --> 00:17:18,381
I think you're right.
475
00:17:18,469 --> 00:17:19,824
And beautiful metaphor.
476
00:17:19,912 --> 00:17:21,003
Thank you.
477
00:17:21,091 --> 00:17:22,886
You know,
I hated that stupid flagpole,
478
00:17:22,973 --> 00:17:24,721
but suddenly,
it's useful to me.
479
00:17:24,808 --> 00:17:26,185
Marvin's gonna blow
480
00:17:26,273 --> 00:17:29,083
when Grandma tries to
dry her panties on that thing.
481
00:17:29,175 --> 00:17:32,132
[♪♪]
482
00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,858
I'm sorry, guys.
483
00:17:34,234 --> 00:17:36,566
I just don't trust myself
to keep that secret.
484
00:17:36,653 --> 00:17:37,818
Please,
Uncle Marvin?
485
00:17:37,905 --> 00:17:39,861
No way, José Canseco.
486
00:17:39,948 --> 00:17:41,613
I've spent
the last 40 years
487
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:43,156
talking to patients
all day long,
488
00:17:43,243 --> 00:17:44,659
and now
I've got no outlet.
489
00:17:44,747 --> 00:17:46,097
And I'm a chatterbox.
490
00:17:46,185 --> 00:17:47,325
I mean, the minute
I run into somebody,
491
00:17:47,412 --> 00:17:49,136
I start chattering...
like a box.
492
00:17:49,224 --> 00:17:50,394
But you're a Navy man.
493
00:17:50,482 --> 00:17:52,417
Shouldn't you be able
to control yourself?
494
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:56,675
Hey, us Navy guys are in control
on the ocean.
495
00:17:56,763 --> 00:17:58,199
But we're on land,
little buddies.
496
00:17:58,287 --> 00:17:59,472
All bets are off.
497
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:01,034
Sea legs, land lips.
498
00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:02,740
[ Sighs ]
499
00:18:02,828 --> 00:18:04,759
Oh, by the way,
Queenie says "Hi."
500
00:18:04,847 --> 00:18:05,908
Wait.
501
00:18:06,088 --> 00:18:07,518
You talked to Queenie?
502
00:18:08,064 --> 00:18:09,182
Is that a threat?
503
00:18:09,269 --> 00:18:10,517
D...
504
00:18:10,604 --> 00:18:11,979
Did she tell you about...
505
00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:13,186
Angela?
506
00:18:13,273 --> 00:18:14,229
[♪♪]
507
00:18:14,316 --> 00:18:15,525
Angela?
508
00:18:16,577 --> 00:18:18,937
You don't know about Angela,
do you?
509
00:18:19,025 --> 00:18:20,658
No.
But now we do.
510
00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:22,768
Just the lip leverage
we were looking for.
511
00:18:22,856 --> 00:18:24,555
How could you do this
to Honey?
512
00:18:24,643 --> 00:18:25,741
Who is she?
513
00:18:25,828 --> 00:18:28,285
No, Angela's the name
of my boat.
514
00:18:28,372 --> 00:18:30,273
I've been keeping her a secret
for years
515
00:18:30,361 --> 00:18:33,070
because Honey thought that
a boat was a bad investment.
516
00:18:33,158 --> 00:18:35,297
But what about the boat
you got for retirement?
517
00:18:35,385 --> 00:18:36,830
Well,
it's the same boat.
518
00:18:36,963 --> 00:18:38,617
I gave old Angela
a wax job
519
00:18:38,705 --> 00:18:40,304
and then I pretended
that I bought a new one.
520
00:18:40,391 --> 00:18:41,305
[ Chuckles ]
521
00:18:41,393 --> 00:18:42,469
So please
don't tell Honey.
522
00:18:42,557 --> 00:18:45,200
How about we'll keep your secret
if you keep ours?
523
00:18:45,288 --> 00:18:46,604
Yeah, that's a deal.
524
00:18:46,736 --> 00:18:47,992
We're brothers now,
525
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:50,682
bound forever
by our shared secrets.
526
00:18:50,769 --> 00:18:53,117
I might even throw in
a few weekend boat rides.
527
00:18:53,205 --> 00:18:54,406
My only rule...
528
00:18:54,494 --> 00:18:56,897
never, ever touch
the harpoon gun.
529
00:18:57,104 --> 00:18:59,281
It's for that seagull
that stole my hat.
530
00:18:59,369 --> 00:19:00,988
[♪♪]
531
00:19:03,657 --> 00:19:05,072
Louis: Hey, brother.
532
00:19:05,159 --> 00:19:06,615
♪ Yeah ♪
533
00:19:06,953 --> 00:19:08,117
What are you doing?
534
00:19:08,205 --> 00:19:09,643
Trying to be
more like you.
535
00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:10,635
Oh.
536
00:19:10,723 --> 00:19:12,846
Because Hurricane Gene
is the kind of guy
537
00:19:12,934 --> 00:19:14,141
to put a hot tub
in a living room.
538
00:19:14,228 --> 00:19:15,142
"Clever."
539
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:17,072
I'm trying to change,
like you did.
540
00:19:17,179 --> 00:19:20,455
And the change I need is to be
a little more unpredictable.
541
00:19:21,133 --> 00:19:22,130
But the carpets...
542
00:19:22,217 --> 00:19:23,665
I'm extremely worried
about the carpets,
543
00:19:23,752 --> 00:19:24,766
but I'm letting that go.
544
00:19:24,854 --> 00:19:25,926
Can you hop in?
545
00:19:26,013 --> 00:19:28,109
I have a lot
of apologizing to do,
546
00:19:28,197 --> 00:19:29,939
and we do our best
brother‐to‐brother talks
547
00:19:30,027 --> 00:19:31,335
in hot water.
548
00:19:31,502 --> 00:19:33,661
Like in the hot springs
with Dad.
549
00:19:34,613 --> 00:19:37,354
I'm, uh,
sorry about earlier.
550
00:19:37,518 --> 00:19:40,807
When you took over my role
of helping Ma, I struggled.
551
00:19:41,111 --> 00:19:42,578
But I am thankful
552
00:19:42,666 --> 00:19:44,877
for you teaching her
to appreciate me.
553
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,596
Boy, our family
didn't make it easy on you.
554
00:19:47,684 --> 00:19:48,697
[ Chuckles ]
555
00:19:48,785 --> 00:19:50,721
And Hurricane Gene
wasn't easy on anyone.
556
00:19:50,854 --> 00:19:52,617
You, my wife...
557
00:19:52,705 --> 00:19:54,461
Oh, I'm sure
she's loving the new you.
558
00:19:54,549 --> 00:19:55,711
Wouldn't know.
559
00:19:55,799 --> 00:19:57,305
She left me, Louis.
560
00:19:57,393 --> 00:19:58,613
What?!
561
00:19:58,701 --> 00:19:59,861
When did that happen?
562
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:00,984
It was recently...
563
00:20:01,072 --> 00:20:02,768
Actually, it was
over two years ago.
564
00:20:02,856 --> 00:20:06,119
But I was too ashamed
to talk about it to you or Mom.
565
00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:08,172
Wow.
I'm so sorry, Gene.
566
00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:09,539
It's okay.
567
00:20:09,627 --> 00:20:11,012
I'm actually better
568
00:20:11,111 --> 00:20:13,664
'cause it made me
look myself in the mirror
569
00:20:13,752 --> 00:20:14,768
and make some changes.
570
00:20:14,856 --> 00:20:17,344
Wait, so you didn't
fall into a lion pit?
571
00:20:17,432 --> 00:20:18,922
Oh, no, no, I did.
572
00:20:19,010 --> 00:20:21,022
It was an unrelated incident.
I'm super clumsy.
573
00:20:21,369 --> 00:20:23,187
Seriously,
just being here with you
574
00:20:23,275 --> 00:20:24,695
really made me
feel better.
575
00:20:24,783 --> 00:20:26,314
I mean, it always does.
576
00:20:26,402 --> 00:20:28,818
I didn't come here
just for Mom's retirement.
577
00:20:29,076 --> 00:20:31,322
Well, you're welcome here
anytime.
578
00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:32,950
[♪♪]
579
00:20:33,239 --> 00:20:35,963
Actually,
what is Mom retiring from?
580
00:20:36,877 --> 00:20:38,053
No idea.
581
00:20:38,141 --> 00:20:39,502
Okay.
582
00:20:42,235 --> 00:20:43,900
[ Snoring ]
583
00:20:44,189 --> 00:20:46,062
[ Whispering ]
Okay, everybody's got it?
584
00:20:46,150 --> 00:20:47,525
Arms up.
585
00:20:47,802 --> 00:20:49,976
Five, six, seven, eight.
586
00:20:50,064 --> 00:20:55,098
[♪♪]
587
00:20:55,185 --> 00:21:00,562
[♪♪]
588
00:21:00,649 --> 00:21:02,276
[ Snorts ]
589
00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:06,219
[ Snoring ]
590
00:21:06,455 --> 00:21:14,455
[♪♪]
591
00:21:16,164 --> 00:21:22,692
[♪♪]
592
00:21:22,873 --> 00:21:25,568
Sync corrections by srjanapala
593
00:21:25,842 --> 00:21:27,246
Think that's a good idea.
594
00:21:27,334 --> 00:21:28,453
Hmm.
595
00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:31,539
[♪♪]
41909
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