Original subtitles

Who do you think you are kidding, Mr. Hitler, if you think we're on

the run?

We are the boys who will stop your little game.

We are the boys who will make you sing again.

Cause who do you think you are kidding, Mr.

Hitler, if you think old England's done?

Mr. Brown goes off to town on the 821, but he comes home each

evening and he's ready with his gun.

So who do you think you are kidding, Mr.

Hitler? If you think old England got you.

Sorry, sir.

Good Lord.

Did you sleep yet, sir?

No, no.

More's the pity with those damned aircraft passing over all the time.

What a shocking night.

Elizabeth, you know, very nervous type.

As soon as the siren goes, she's in the cupboard under the stairs.

Wild horses wouldn't drag her out until the all clear. Scared out of her wits.

And where were you, sir?

Well, I don't like to leave her alone, so I have to go in too.

And to make matters worse, we've got Elizabeth's mother staying with us.

She sat on my chair all night with a gas mask on her lap, clutching her pension

book. I sat on a camp stool, my elbow on the gas meter, head resting against a

coat hook.

Dear, dear.

I spent the night under the kitchen table, sir.

I didn't know you had a kitchen table.

I'm not sure I have any more.

No, I was at a friend's house.

There was so much shrapnel from the ack -ack that they wouldn't let me go home.

Lucky they had pyjamas to fit you, wasn't it?

Yes, yes, it was.

Oh!

Honestly, Arthur, you'd forget your head if it wasn't screwed on. Mavis, I don't

need this. And you were asleep.

Oh, afraid you might wake me up, were you?

Good morning, Mr. Mannerman.

Yes, good morning.

Yes, I had to leave mine as well.

It was in the airing cupboard in the bathroom.

Elizabeth's mother was in residence.

Extraordinary woman. She sits there for hours.

What does she want now?

Ah! Good morning, Corporal Square.

Corporal Colonel Square!

Oh, yes, of course. Good morning, Corporal Colonel Square. We didn't

quite so soon.

So it seems.

Keep to prepare this morning's exercise.

Extraordinary.

I think we'd better get dressed as quickly as possible before the rest of

platoon troops in. I quite agree, sir.

I recommend you get a pair of these before the winter sets in, Wilson.

Well, funny enough, sir, I bought my own pair last week.

I got them especially for when we're on guard.

Those denims aren't very thick.

I must say, they look rather cosy, sir.

It's 22 and 6 from Mrs. Nolan's.

Under the counter, of course.

She has any amount of stuff hidden away, you know. So it seems. Must be quite an

Aladdin's cave.

Yes, look at this double stitching.

Good grief.

Good morning. Good morning.

Should I come back later? No, no, no. We're just getting into our uniforms.

Ah.

Can I help you at all, sir?

Yes, well, London took a bit of a pacing last night.

Oh, did they indeed?

Poor devils.

We heard them passing over all night.

Well, it may well be your turn next. They're using an enormous number of

incendiary bombs.

The old man wants all units to put on maximum strength to help tackle them.

Well, you can count on my men to give every support.

Well, the main thing... It's to check your sand and your water supplies.

Make sure that's done, Wilson. Sir.

How's Square getting on with the guerrilla training?

Huh. Bit old -fashioned, if you ask me, sir. Well, he seems full of ideas for

harassing the enemy.

Yeah, you must admit, sir, he comes up with one or two good wheezes.

That's stop me and buy one, for instance.

Filling choc -ice is full of harpic.

Hardly appropriate for modern warfare, Wilson.

Infantry left, engage.

Point to soldier right, engage.

Put them on the left. Engage. We'd better go see what's going on. Right.

Into the left.

Engage. Right.

Charge!

Preach! Scott!

What's going on? Are you all right, Jonesy? I'm sorry, Mr. Melvin.

I had my saber in me break hand.

You're lucky you didn't do yourself an injury, Jones. Well, I'd have done those

Jerrys an injury, sir.

They'd have felt my coat steal right up them. And they wouldn't have liked it,

sir. They would not have liked it.

Oh, disaster.

What's the matter? Have you broken something?

Yes, sir.

Me pump.

No, British fool.

You're not on a Sunday school ride.

You're killing Nazis.

Would it be more frightening if we rang our bells?

Back to your place, Walker. Just a suggestion.

What's going on, Corporal? Forming a mobile strike force, sir. Swift and

sabre -slashing, thrusting where the enemy least expects it, on bicycles.

Now, let's have another go.

Infantry right, engage.

Point. Infantry left, engage.

All right, all right, that'll be enough of that. I want to address the men.

Excuse me, Mr. Manoran. I won't be able to do any more charging till I get me

brakes fixed.

Yes, all right.

And I shall need a new valve rubber.

Yes, yes, yes.

And I shall have to get me pump fixed.

Mind you, I could be first line of reinforcement, sir. Jones, please.

Yes, sir.

Fall the men in, Corporal Squire. Corporal Colonel Squire. Fall in. Three

Don't let us keep you, Captain Bailey.

Oh, no, that's all right. I'm in no hurry. Oh, very well.

We young officers at Area Command are always keen to see how you veterans

operate.

See, Joe, it's my private property.

I know a geezer can get you a new front wheel, 17 and 6, throwing a pump and

all. Walk up.

When you've finished, fall in.

Chocolates, cigarettes, ices.

But hurry up.

Now, settle down.

Squad. Wrong. Attend.

Wrong. Is there something you wanted to say?

You're giving the wrong command, mainwaring. We aren't a squad.

We're a platoon.

Well, I'm sure what you say is correct.

These chaps here are fighting troops.

Not parade ground wallers.

Results are what we're after. Not a load of bull.

Right. Squad. Platoon.

Very sloppy movement, June.

It was a very sloppy command.

You ought to put some snap into it, man.

Platoon, stand at ease.

Platoon, attention.

There you are. You see, when they hear a proper word of command, they jump to it

altogether.

Grateful to your help, Corporal Square.

Corporal Colonel Square. Time is in the ranks.

Look to your front.

Did you shave this morning?

Look to your front.

Well, next time, stand nearer the razor.

Platoon ready for inspection, sir.

Well done, Wilson.

It's nothing, sir. It's just something I picked up in Catterick.

Do you mind?

All right, now pay attention, please.

Now, so far, Hitler has lacked the courage to come and scrap with a toe -to

-toe.

Instead, he's using a cowardly weapon.

Aerial attack with a firebomb. Now, you all know how to deal with these, but we

must check that our equipment is in tip -top condition.

Now, Fraser, you've been responsible for the stirrup pump.

Is it in working order?

Aye, sir.

I'll bring it round after parade.

Good. Bring it round?

Why isn't it here? I've been using it for the Dig for Victory campaign, sir.

In my garden.

My apples have got the blight.

This is a vital piece of military equipment, Fraser.

It's not supposed to leave our headquarters.

I trust you didn't borrow the water as well? No, sir.

Just the bucket.

See their returns, would you, Wilson?

Right.

Corporal Jones, I want you to check the sand buckets and the fire extinguishers.

Oh, and the long -handled shovel.

Oh, don't tell me that's been borrowed.

Yes, sir. For the command post stove, sir. I'm sure you don't need a 12 -foot

shovel for the command post stove.

You do for nicking the coal from the railway siding.

Wilson! I'll see they're brought back, sir.

Well, I hope you don't see any action, but if you do, good luck.

Well, you can rest assured that this unit will be 100 % ready when the sirens

blow. We'll form a firefighting force and spotters will be posted on the

tower. Bully.

Bully? He's only jealous, sir.

Aye.

There's a lot coming over the night.

Must be happening.

You're trembling like a leaf.

Are you cold?

No, just frightened.

I'm no blaming you.

It's not them so much. It's being up high.

I've always been the same.

When I was in the civil service stores, I could have had a wonderful job in

accounts. It was on the fifth floor.

How much longer before we're relieved?

Twenty minutes.

I'll just pop down for a minute.

Mind, you've been doing this three times already.

Why don't you go over there by the gargoyle?

Well, wouldn't that be sacrilege?

Sacrilege? What would you do if there was a parachutist coming down?

Well, I hope you'd be too much of a gentleman to look.

No. I mean, you'd have to shoot him, wouldn't you? No, I couldn't do that.

No, I'm not cut out for war, I'm afraid.

It's not that I'm a conscientious objector or anything like that. I just

very good at it.

What's that over there?

That light.

It's going on and off.

Damn it, man.

I believe the signaling.

Who would do a thing like that?

There it is.

It's on the corner of Mortimer Street, near where the bomb dropped last night.

Let's go tell the captain.

Yes, sir.

Wilson! Sir?

Wilson, look at this.

It's rather good, sir.

Wilson,

have a word with Miss Beckwith.

If this sort of thing carries on, I shall have to keep those children out of

here altogether.

Right, sir.

Captain Manning, sir.

There's a light going on and off in the town.

We think it's someone signaling to the enemy.

Are you sure you're not mistaken, sir? Absolutely.

We both saw it. It's on the corner of Mortimer Street.

I'll phone the police. Why waste time phoning them? You have the authority.

You're on active service.

Attack! I'll take the decisions around here, Square.

This is a police business. Wouldn't you say so, Wilson?

I'm saying it isn't ours, sir.

Isn't it? What if it's a German paratrooper marking the target?

Let's go get him, sir.

Very well.

If action is needed, I'm the first one to take it.

You know where it is. Fraser, lead the way.

Stay here, Square.

You'll come with me, Wilson. Could you give me a couple of minutes before we

sir? Certainly not. Every second is vital.

Yes, it is.

Lead on, Fraser!

Did you hear that shrapnel falling? A lump missed you by inches, sir. I know,

heard it.

Godfrey and Fraser, all right?

No, Fraser's helping him. Godfrey's not very sharp on his pins, are you, Fraser?

Top floor, is it? Sir.

Carry you two.

My, it's coming down.

Are you sure this is the house, Fraser?

I said it is. Right, see if we can see the name.

Put that light out, you bloody lunatic!

No, I didn't see it. I did, sir. It was Murphy.

Murphy? That's suspicious.

It could be a nasty business.

Would you like my flashlight, sir?

It's rather a nice one.

It has three colors. Green, blue, and green, red, and white.

You sign these things here. Yes, all right, Godfrey.

What is it you are wanting?

One of my men saw a light flashing on and off in your flat.

Don't be so damned ridiculous.

Who are you?

I'm Captain Manoring, Home Guard. What's more to the point? Who are you?

My name is Murphy.

Sigmund Murphy.

Put that light out!

You're not English, are you?

What are you talking about? I have lived here for 25 years.

You don't sound like an Englishman.

For that matter, my friend, neither do you.

I think he was born here for some reason.

I was born in Salzburg.

That's Germany, isn't it?

No, it is not. It is Austria.

But I am a naturalized Englishman. Yes?

Then why do you call yourself Murphy?

With a born, how would you like to be called?

Von Schinkenhausen.

I can see his point, sir.

Anyway, the point is, one of my men saw you flashing a light as if signalling.

He was doing it last night as well.

Why do you say such damned lies?

Oh, yes, he was.

Just before the bomb dropped.

Are you mad?

Do you think I signalled so they drop a bomb on me?

You don't want to take any notice of her.

She is just an interfering old cow.

And what about all those sailors that are visiting your flat?

You should go inside, sir, before a scene develops. Yes, I think that's

advisable. Take that woman's name.

Now, Murphy, what have you got to say about this signalling? I tell you, I was

not doing the signalling.

But you're a German, though, aren't you?

I'm as British as you are.

Now, don't start that all over again.

Captain Manoring. Yes, what has it got to do?

Oh, not now, for heaven's sake.

He's a German. I know damn fine he's a German.

mind keeping your dog under control he's been in my room again look there it's a

german dog come here you bad boys it's even got a german

name damn foreigners you ought to be interned why don't you mind your own

business it's your moment of glory isn't it 25 years he's been plotting all this

get back into your cupboard you old hag he's a spy

Don't be so ridiculous.

You ought to be done away with.

Oh, come, come, madam.

I've been in my room every night eating my slippers.

I think she is talking about my dog.

He was sticking in last night, no matter what he says.

Nazi. I am not a Nazi.

I am British.

There's often a strong foreign smell coming from his kitchen.

Smounds of garlic.

And he walks out of cinemas before they finish playing God Save the King.

Does he indeed?

Well, the evidence against you seems pretty strong, Mr. Murphy.

I'm taking you into custody so the police can investigate.

Do you think that's wise, sir?

The whole world has gone mad.

I'll take full responsibility, Wilson. Fall in the guard. Done.

Bring him along to headquarters.

Before we go, do you think I could just wash my hands?

Certainly not.

My God.

I think he is a German.

Right. If there are any suspects, I'll hold them until we can hand them over to

the civil power.

What are you worried about? I'm in command.

You're very funny.

Right. Well, I'm coming back there as soon as I can hand over. You sound as if

you need me.

I don't see what a hole in the head has to do with it.

Frank's forgotten Balaclava. Where is he?

He's fire -spotting on the church tower.

We'll catch his death.

I'm going to have words about this. Here, ma 'am, you can't go out without a

steel helmet. You'd better take mine.

Oh, thanks.

You are an officer and a gentleman, Colonel.

Not Colonel. That was when I was in the regular army, in the last lot.

With Lawrence.

Lawrence. Lawrence who?

Lawrence of Arabia.

I'm only a corporal in this mob.

As an ex -colonel, it must come pretty hard to take orders from a captain.

I'm used to it, ma 'am. I had the same problem when I was only a second

lieutenant. Jerusalem campaign.

Siege of Jaffa.

Not enough pips.

Yes. Well, thanks anyway.

Dear corpse.

Corporal Colonel, it's getting a bit hot up there.

There's lumps of shrapnel coming down like hail.

Get back to your post.

If one of them peters at me, I'll be killed.

That's what soldiers are for.

Get back.

Didn't care for that very much, sir. I quite agree, Wilson.

Being brave is all very well, but it's damn frightening.

Right, bring him in, Fraser.

Is this your prisoner?

You'll be the laughing stock.

That's what you'll be.

The laughing stock. Sounds like a blasted hun.

I tell you, I'm a British citizen.

I've told command they're informing the civil power.

The who?

The policeman.

The police.

The point is, what do we do with them in the meantime?

In the desert, we used to bury them up to their necks in the sand and leave

them.

Oh, we can't very well do that here.

We could always take him down to the beach, sir. Oh, don't.

We'll come up with something.

You have to stand on your own two feet sooner or later. I've been called back

HQ. Have you? Well, we'll try to manage without you.

I wish I'd had you in the desert, mainwaring. I might have made a soldier

you.

No, damn it. I don't believe even I could have done it.

And don't salute without your hat on.

Damned arrogance.

I'm going to talk to the general about him. You won't be needing me for a few

moments. Oh, sir.

There's a general coming down along the place, sir.

Roll him in. There's one coming through the roof.

He told it up, sir. He told it up.

Fraser,

give a hand outside.

We'll deal with the one in the hall.

Walker, go get the pump. Wilson, you guard him, sir.

it, Corporal? I wasn't panicking, sir.

Right.

Walker, you can't agree? Pass the hose through. I'll take the model.

It's the jet for the fire and the spray for the bomb, sir. Yes, I know that.

Where's the end?

I'm trying to find it, sir. Here we are, sir.

It's empty, sir.

Empty. Well, fill it from the static water tank outside.

Fisher! Goons! Hit, sir!

Water on!

More hose! Far away!

I need more hose, dammit!

That's more like it.

Water on!

Right, sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Could I have the excuse for a moment? Certainly not.

used to say that, sir.

Hurry up and fix it, Godfrey. I'm trying, sir. Has anybody got a little

screwdriver? There you go. Free in a tonne. What about the five things on the

side, sir? Good idea, Mike.

Right. Grab it, Mike.

Now, strike the knob.

No, not like that, on the floor.

Not too hard.

Well, harder than that.

Don't give it to me, you stupid boy.

No, get out of the light.

Do you think you can hurry up, sir?

What do you think I'm trying to do? It's just that it's spreading.

Well, get some water and get back and guard that Jerry, sir.

Oh, Frank, I've been looking for you everywhere.

Put this on.

Wait a minute, Madeline.

He's on the stage.

I expect he needs me.

Up now, Mrs. Pike.

You can't hear death running around like this.

Where's the speak, sir?

It's what it is, corporal. I brought another bucket of water, sir. Oh, good.

I think we'd better try the stirrup pump again. Yes, sir.

Hey! Hey! That's my bucket!

Oh,

no, the long -handled shovel. Where is it? Outside the office, sir.

What'll this do, sir?

Crank my sprinkler like taffy while I get it over here.

the head warden that someone's been signaling to those planes overhead.

Don't worry about it, warden.

We've apprehended the alleged culprit.

My men spotted him. He was in a house on the corner of Mortimer Street. Oh, no.

No, no, no. It was this story it was on about.

It keeps opening and shutting and shining a blinding light every time a

wave comes over.

You've got a rotten apple in your barrel.

Now, who is it, hmm?

Hello, Siggy. What are you doing here?

This is the man who was signaling.

And what's more...

He's a German.

Oh, no, he's not. He's a British subject.

What's more, he's married to my aunt, the Ethel. They told the whole street I

was a spy.

Oh, no, this is where the spy is, mate. This is where the signal came from.

You just asked the head warden.

Oh, look, a memory.

There's another stick of fireballs there. They've fallen right across the

street. Right, out you go, men. Grab the pub walker, get the water drones, and

every sandbag you can lay your...

Wonderful people.

We are brave.

We have the great sense of humor.

But I don't see how we are going to win the war.

Yes, I must say, that thought does occur to me from time to time.

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