All language subtitles for The Ex PM s01e04.pdtv.x264-fqm

In Gaffney, we have our own brand of
diplomacy.

Shake with your right hand.

Hold a rock on your left.

In Gaffney.

In Gaffney.

In Gaffney, we have our own brand of...
Are you okay, Mr. Andrew?

Yes.

Fine. Thank you.

It'll be fun.

Everyone's flying in, meet up with the
old gang, unveil a plinth. Who was he

again? Ray Tolmer, Assistant
Parliamentary Secretary to the Minister

Services. After you.

No, no, no, you go ahead.

No, honestly, I don't normally have a
big breakfast. Are you suggesting I do?

Oh, we hated Ray Tolmer. It's true, he
and I did clash occasionally.

I thought you said you couldn't stand to
be in the same room as him. Oh, that

Ray Tolmer.

Well, it's a memorial service, so he's
not actually in the same room.

I mean, if it was a funeral, yeah, fair
enough, you wouldn't catch me dead

there. So what about you girls? You want
to come along and help celebrate the

life of a great Australian?

What do you mean, girl?

I'm your daughter. She's not.

I resent being lumped in with a casual
employee via an infantilising collective

noun. Well, if you're too busy, fair
enough.

What about you, Ellen?

Got anything planned for today?

Well, there is that book we're supposed
to be writing.

This will be great for the book. There's
nothing that makes the cream of

Australian politics rise to the surface
more than the pasteurising process of a

memorial service.

I don't want to cause any trouble, and
Carol seemed a little... No, no, no, no,

no. She'll be fine. Now, this is about
me. It's not about you. She's really

out to get him ever since the
psychotherapist told her that he's too

Yeah, well, this is bullshit
psychotherapy.

You should go, Ellen. Meet all of
Andrew's famous friends. Get some nice

about him.

Everyone's always nice about everyone at
memorial services.

Just in case.

It would be good to do some work on the
book at some stage.

Well, I'm relaxing into it. I need to be
in the mood before I open up. I'll give

you some trigger words.

You're like the Manchurian candidate.

Hey, I'm right here. I don't want to
step on Carol's toes, and I don't have

anything appropriate to wear.

Why don't you wear something of Carol's?
I don't think she'd like that. Or

something of mine.

Darling, she did say appropriate.

She could wear that black number with
the six -inch Jimmy Twos, Alan. It'd

fantastic in that.

I'll come with you, Mr. Dugdale, sir.

It'd be an honour. No, Curtis, you'll be
driving us there.

Well, if I'm going to be there anyway,
you may as well come with me.

All ready, Chase?

Oh, about that.

Oh, no, no, no, you'll get a cramp if
you eat that.

Mr. Andrew, je n 'ai pas donné de food
poisoning à quelqu 'un depuis demi

-quatre. You're doing well this morning,
aren't I?

All right, there's a couple of laps
around the block.

Get the car out.

No, no, Curtis, we're jogging. Rightio.

I'd love to, darling, but I'm off to the
tennis club.

Javier is tightening my strings and I
want to make sure he does it properly.

Well, Sonny can do that for you, can't
you, Sonny? I'd love to.

No, thank you, Sonny.

I've already booked in and besides,
Javier does this sort of thing for a

What I could do is an exercise before we
get down to work.

I'll just put some shorts on. Well,
Sonny, you want to come along with us

that you've been stood up? No, no
thanks. I've got to write that speech

giving to the National Press Club.

All right. Well, not too many verbs
because it confuses them.

It's all right. Never go wrong. You can
speak.

Tubbs Taylor gave me that. He
autographed it too, but it washed off.

Grandpa. Yeah.

Hey, Grandpa.

Hey, boy. Have a good day at school, OK?

Curtis, don't forget to get me a copy of
Quadrant on your way back.

Don't you worry about justifying the
trip, sir. I don't even log the school

-offs and pick -ups anymore.

Yes, yes, thank you, Curtis. Never been
caught faking records yet, and I don't

intend to start now. Very good. I'm very
discreet, Mr Dugdale, sir. Good. You

just asked Peter Slipper. Yes, thank
you, Curtis. It's okay, Andrew. I'm

ghostwriting your memoir. It's not
getting dirt on you for 50 minutes. No,

no, no. You write out how you see it.

Incidentally, I only read Quadrant for
the article.

Come on.

Yeah, I've got two preferred circuits.

Down there and to the right.

Or down here and frequently sideways.

Neil! Hello.

Hello.

I think you've doubled your security
retinue, I see. Very nice.

No, this is Ellen LeBlanc. She is my
biographer.

Enchanté, mademoiselle.

Cheers, yeah.

Ellen, you've heard, I think, me mention
Neil Blanchard? I have, yeah.

Nice to meet you, Your Excellency. Oh,
former Excellency, actually. I'm

finishing up as Governor -General and
taking over as a UN envoy in the Middle

East, thanks to your boss here. It
wasn't exactly a recommendation, Neil.

Miles, when you're tired of this pompous
old windbag, you give me a call, won't

you? Will do, Your Excellency.

So that hotel you're staying at doesn't
have a treadmill?

Oh, you know, you get a bit spoiled with
the Admiralty House gym, so when I'm

away from Yarralumla, I like to try and
keep my feet in the real world.

Yeah, sure, sure. It's miles out of your
way, though. So what, did George and

Lenny here drive you here in their van?

Oh, we like to mix things up a bit. What
is it we always say, guys?

Never establish a pattern, sir.

Never establish a pattern. See, I bet
Miles here has got you running out of

those gates at 7 .46 every morning,
regular as a dose of salt. If anyone had

half a mind to get their name in the
paper, you'd be a sitting duck.

Well, I don't think I loom as largely as
you do in the fantasies of lonely

psychotics, Neil.

You say that like it's a bad thing. The
day people stop hating you is the day

your book deal gets cancelled. Just ask
your boss, we'll hear.

Hatred is a big market, particularly in
political memoirs. Well, that's

certainly why I bought Bob Brown's.
Anyway, I love this tree -lined street

that beautiful little park you've got up
the corner.

Yes, I try and avoid that park. It's a
well -known beat.

Not that I'm judging.

Anyway, not holding you up, am I? No,
no, no. I was worried we were holding

up. So we'll see you at the memorial
service.

I'm looking forward to it. Me too. And
last lap, everybody.

Come on.

Excuse me. Last lap. Excuse us.

It's our Prime Minister!

Prime Minister! We voted for you, Mr.
Doug! Did you? Oh, that's lovely, yes!

No, not Doug!

Hello,

Grandpa!

Go to school, boy!

Are you sure we shouldn't ring for an
ambulance?

I'm absolutely fine. I have a hiatal
hernia and sometimes after breakfast it

put on a bit of a show.

The last thing I need is a piece in the
paper about being rushed to hospital.

Andrew will tell you. He's worried about
seeking his envoy ship.

Neil, at the very least, I insist that
you see a doctor.

I am a doctor, Andrew, remember? All I
need is some antacid. Ah, she is, yeah.

Meet her.

a medical degree isn't quite the same as
seeing a qualified cardiologist. You

don't need a cardiologist for a
gastrointestinal problem.

Anyone with a medical degree will tell
you that, as indeed I just have.

When I first met Andrew at uni, I was
going out with Neil.

Well,

I wouldn't exactly call him a friend or
a work colleague, I think. Well, Neil

was the real catch. All the girls...

loved him, and I think that's actually
the really appealing thing about him for

me. Well, the friction between us
started when he was party leader.

They were having this big debate in the
refectory. I think it was about union

fees or something, and they were both
supposed to be on the same side, and

ended up arguing with each other. It was
the first election year, and the

parties that we decided that Neil wasn't
the man for the job.

Well, Muggins here gets asked to shore
up the numbers so that Bill Cady can

over. We win, I get the deputy
leadership, and Neil becomes Governor

a sort of consolation prize.

And Neil has always blamed me for the
coup.

But I have never regretted hitching my
wagon to Andrew Starr, not even for one

moment. I mean, Neil has done very well
for himself, it's true, but Andrew's my

rock. In fact, he often says...

that if he has to be chained to one
forever like Prometheus getting his

pecked out every day by a giant eagle,
then he's glad it's me.

We had sex in the back of my father's
ute.

That's marriage, Ellen.

Sorry to interrupt.

No, that's fine. Hi.

Hi.

Kath, if it's all right with you, I
thought I might get changed for the

here. Yes, of course.

I'll get my driver to bring my speech
and my suit.

Is there anywhere where I could wash up?

Sure. Only if it's no bother.

No, no, not at all.

You can use my bathroom.

Actually, I'll come with you and show
you where everything is.

Cat, I think I should take your mic off.

You back up. It's our driveway.

The Viceroyal flag since the Edward
Crown number plate means that I outrank

so you back up.

There's a dual parking space near the
tool shed you can easily reverse into so

can get out.

Security are parked there, so it'd be a
lot easier if you reversed back out into

the roadway.

All clear.

Are you sure she won't notice? Yeah,
yeah, yeah.

She's got so many clothes, she won't
even notice.

Wow.

These have still got the tags on them.
Yeah, don't ask. Pick out when you like.

I'll watch the door.

Are you sure?

I get the feeling she doesn't like me,
and this is not going to help.

It's not about you. That's just Carol.
She doesn't like anybody.

She blames Andrew for everything. He
feels guilty. He throws money at her.

resents it. She's... She was my
daughter. I just sorted her out years

Of course it would mean you'd be married
to Catherine.

Or Andrew.

You're going to need some shoes.

Some black, some dark. You know, it's a
memorial service.

Are you sure this isn't a bother?

No.

I've got absolutely nothing on at the
moment.

Oh, that reminded me. I must call and
cancel my appointment with Javier.

So, what do you think?

It's a dangerous game.

The PM might rule Neil out if he thinks
he's out of health care, but if it comes

out you're the one who leaked that to
the press, you can say goodbye, not just

to the Middle East job, you can say
goodbye to any appointment, including

seat on the ACB. People won't trust you.

Well, at least I'll still find out
whether I'm on the short lift.

The book, Andrew, is the best way to get
people to think of you fondly again.

Yeah, well, it's not been such a
wonderful life, Henry.

Helen's got her work cut out for her
spinning gold out of all this dross.

Well, so go out and do a few nice things
now.

Have a few regrets. Make sure there's a
chapter in the book about redemption,

Andrew. People love all that mea culpa
crap.

Did you kiss and make up with Ray before
he died, like I told you?

You know I don't like hospitals.

Yes, that was reasonably clear from your
health policy.

My point, Andrew, is that people don't
mind a man being flawed, but they do

to see him beat himself up about it from
time to time. Go out and right a few

wrongs. Say sorry to a few people.

Yeah, well, I've never been very good at
saying sorry.

Animals.

Sweetie.

Have you seen Sonny? He knows how to tie
these things. Sonny. Yeah, yeah, see,

the triangle's gone all wonky. I
actually don't know where he is. Isn't

you? No, I think I would have noticed
that.

Sorry to interrupt you, Mr Dugdale, sir,
but is Mrs Dugdale up here? No. Well,

she might be. No, definitely not up
here. I was just wondering if she's

going to the tennis club to get this
restrung because I've given it the once

over and it seems all right. Well, she
might be in her bedroom. No, she, ah,

she, I know where she is now. She's
downstairs enjoying a dip.

In the kitchen?

In the swimming pool.

Right. Dad, can I help you with it? Oh,
right.

No, I'll be fine. There's probably an
instructional video on YouTube.

Good idea. Thank you. Very nice of you.

Bye -bye.

Here it is. The nerve planter.

Ah, the old eight channel.

Did not know they still made these.

BCA and FOSREC?

Mm -hmm.

On order.

But I did get this baby the other day.

It's a Smith & Wesson M &P Pro Series
semi -automatic 9mm Parabellum with

titanium night sight and stainless steel
lanyard pin.

Cute.

Balance is a little off.

Really? Guy Bordoff had like 96 %
positive feedback rating.

Look, if you're serious about close
protection work, you need more than a

gun and these tinker toys.

What say we show him what a real
professional uses to ensure the safety

VIP?

Carol? Mum, I would like to have a word
with you, please.

Darling, something terrible has
happened. No, what I have to say is

What you do in your private life is none
of my business, but I don't appreciate

having to lie on your behalf.

Dr. Gell says that I let myself get too
much up in your dramas and I forget

what's important to me. He's lying to
me. Dead.

What? Who's dead?

I tried that already.

I'm administering CPR, not humping him
to death.

He cannot be found here like this.

Think of your father.

Our dad knows what you like. He's
married to you.

What are we going to do?

Put some underpants on him for a start.

Check if the coast is clear.

Come on.

We'll put him somewhere where his staff
will expect to find him.

Back of his car.

Back to this car, yeah. No one will
think anything. I'm to warn them.

My God,

is he all right?

What the hell's going on?

It's okay, we can explain.

I like my shoes.

And my dress.

I'll call the police, yeah?

Call no one.

And with bodies much less fresh than
this one.

So it's got adjustable folding stock,
top and bottom Picatinny rails, Ambit

controls. And a bonus mag X25 extended
Glock 21 clip.

Wow.

Great attention to detail.

Don't blame you, Neil.

Don't blame you at all. Nice work,
girls.

Sonny, shut the fuck up, for Christ's
sake.

Absolutely beautiful.

Yeah, Sonny's always saying I should
stop and smell the roses, or at least

at them occasionally, make sure the
gardener's doing his job properly.

You know, funny thing about Ray, I
didn't like him, and I never told him

felt.

Which is a pity, I think.

Because it gets too late too soon in
life, doesn't it?

You don't want to wait until somebody's
memorial service to say all the things

that you should have said years ago.

So I just wanted to let you know that
I've always been jealous of you.

I think the only difference between you
and I is that I wanted it more.

And it wasn't Bill's idea to get rid of
you as leader. It was mine.

I didn't think you could win.

I talked Bill into recommending you for
Governor -General out of guilt.

I know.

It's all about me making myself feel
better by pulling the strings behind the

scenes like some sort of deranged puppet
master.

That's who I am.

Now this is our personal favourite.

The SR -98.

Original Schmidt and Bender sight.

Free float barrel.

Threaded for your silencer.

Folding stock, adjustable butt and cheek
pad.

But if you really want to reduce noise
and visible muzzle flash, you can't go

past... Your OTS -38 Detchkin 5 -shot.

I'm not expecting any words of comfort
from you, Neil.

I just wanted to say that... Well,
actually, I wrote it out in a card.

I'll read it for you, if you like.

Dear Neil, the time has now come to turn
a new page by righting the wrongs of

the past and move forward with
confidence to the future.

Yours faithfully, Andrew Dugdale.

I'll just put it over here for you when
you're done.

Good chat.

Good chat.

I think those are lilies.

lay peacefully in his sleep earlier
today while visiting the home of

He was 57.

I didn't even mention our name.

57? Mr Blanchard was visiting Melbourne
to attend, along with many other

Canberra identities, the memorial
service of former Federal MP Ray Tolmer.

was to have dedicated a plinth in his
honour.

He'll be missed.

Sports up next with Fats McCready.

And nothing at all about the fact that
I'm unveiling the plinth now.

I'll check your Facebook alerts.

Yes. It's not about you, Andrew.

It's about Neil.

Oh, it's always about Neil.

Oh, for God's sake, the man is dead.

Yeah, you don't have to tell me that. I
was the last one with him before he

died. It's probably not my place to say
this, but will we have to replace the

water in the swimming pool?

Because once a possum got into our
rainwater tank, and when my wife hosed

the bins, they really smelled.

I think it's great you're able to make
your peace with him. Well, thank you.

Mind you, when I go, I don't want people
to feel obliged to say nice things

about me around a plinth.

I feel obliged to say them now while I'm
still alive.

Around a plinth?

Around a plinth, around a statue or a
commemorative plaque or the wing of a

home. It doesn't matter. My point is
that you should make your peace now with

your loved ones before it's too late.

Dad, I didn't realise he meant that much
to you.

Who's that?

Neil Blanchard.

Oh, Neil, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure,
absolutely.

Although I was referring more to myself
at the end there.

Actually, you should include some of
that in the book, because it's good

I'll be upstairs reading The Bell Jar.

It's good stuff, but maybe now's not the
right time.

Well, you're the one who was going on
about the deadline.

Yes,

Rita.

Perhaps they're God's tears.

Too often I think politics is about the
way in which we get things done rather

than what we do.

It is seldom about statesmanship and
rarely, if ever, about leadership.

We've lost one of the good ones, and I'm
not talking about Ray Tolmer.

Ray was, and I'm sure his wife and
children wouldn't mind me saying this,

arsehole.

No, I'm talking about Neil Blanchard, a
Governor General and the great white

hope for peace in the Middle East.

a man who knew the difference between
human rights and a punch in the nose.

I would gladly take a million Neil
Blanchards any day over one Ray Tolma.

In fact, with your permission, I would
like here and now to rededicate this

plinth to my friend, the late Neil
Blanchard.

Obviously, we would get that re
-engraved.

Nice speech, particularly the bit about
human rights and the punch in the nose.

I stole that from a Jimmy Stewart movie.

The arsehole bit's mine.

I'll be sure and mention it in the
bibliography.

What are you doing?

Don't give me help.

Knockity knock.

Come in.

I brung you some nibblies from the
memorial thingy.

Oh, you needn't have bothered, Curtis. I
don't have much of an appetite tonight.

No bother at all. I got more in the
boot.

It was just going to go to waste and
they had plenty.

Mind you, we did leave early, so maybe
they would have eaten them.

Can I run something by you, Curtis?

It's kind of a private matter.

I need some advice.

Something's wrong, isn't it?

I can always tell.

My wife says I have a sick sense about
these things.

Women trouble.

You deleted those photos of Carol,
didn't you, for God's sake? No, no, no,

nothing like that.

Because my wife made me get rid of that
disc you burned for me. No, it's just...

I think I might have killed Neil

Blanchard.

Kind of shot him with a rifle.

I would probably keep that quiet.

In my experience, assassinations, even
by accident, are never good on a resume.

That's why I never got to drive for Cory
Bernardi.

I was working as a receptionist at the
Ecuadorian embassy in London when Mr

Assange came to stay.

He was such a slob. He'd leave his
towels all over the floor. He'd never

his bed. Magazines everywhere.

It was terrible.

Mr. Andrew was in London to be
photographed with Boris Johnson.

You know, a tech man.

They were on bikes. It was for the
Commonwealth Games or some shit.

I was in a road buying breakfast things
for his bloody majesty when Mr. Dogdale

and Mr. Johnson come in to be
photographed next to a giant pyramid of

and do the thumbs up, you know.

They were on sale.

He saw my trolley was full of Vegemites
because Mr. Assange is such a pig, he

eats it by the spoon.

Anyway, one thing led to another and Mr.
Andrew arranged my 457 visa.

I come to Australia and I work here, so.

I'd do anything for him.

But still, I say too much.

Some things should be kept secret.