All language subtitles for The Ex PM s01e02 Money

Well, does Bill Clinton have a statue in
his library?

No, no, no, no, no. I've seen your
father's, and he's only got a fountain,

it's outside, it's not the middle of the
reading room.

Yeah, well, I think if people wander in
and they see an enormous marble version

of you, they're going to think you've
built more a monument to yourself than a

presidential library.

Me? No, no, no.

Ex -Australian Prime Ministers don't
tend to have libraries built in their

honour. I think it's something to do
with the general distrust we have of

over here who can read.

Yeah, well, hey, listen, what about
this?

Put the statue outside near the hedge
maze and then you can be on the horse

you wanted.

Yeah. Yeah, good, yeah, thank you. Well,
lovely talking, yeah.

Love to Laura.

Yeah, and better like to Jeb.

Okay, then, bye -bye.

You wouldn't catch George Bush repairing
a window.

No, well, he's probably got a wilier
business manager than I have. You know,

that doesn't get caught when he commits
tax fraud.

Well, George comes from money. That's
how he can afford a library.

It's not just about money, though.

Ex -presidents get treated with far more
respect than ex -prime ministers.

You know, they still get called Mr.
President when they're out of office. So

here's some of the things I get called.

Oh, you shouldn't listen to what people
shout when they drive past.

No, this is kids.

You know, they go, dare twins are down
the street.

Oh. Yeah, I was walking past there this
morning on my way to buy some, what's

this stuff?

Wood putty. Wood putty.

And they were playing under the
sprinkler. And I said to them politely,

thought, that wasting water like that
was irresponsible and this is the driest

continent on earth.

And I said, if I was so concerned about
the climate, I should have signed the UN

Convention when I had the chance.

There can't be more than five or six. I
blame the ABC.

Oh, you should have destroyed that place
when you had the chance. Well, we've

all tried. You hack away at the bloody
thing and it keeps coming back at you

like some sort of crazed zombie.

And we're not just talking about Barry
Cassidy.

Yes, indeed, Rita, it is a glorious day.

I mean, I didn't mind the chaser boys.
Yes, they were annoying, but at the end

of the day, it was just harmless satire.
No one's duker got ruined by egg.

I miss them, too.

Nearly scraped it all off, Mr. Dugdale,
sir.

Keep up the good work, Curtis.

So, you want to come and help me fix the
chimney? The pot's come away.

Oh, I did want to talk to you about the
girl.

I guess. Has she gone through that box
yet?

She has.

But I think she suspects we might have
forced it upon her in order to create a

falsely human impression of you.

She says she wants to go through the
political stuff in your office.

You see, this is where a presidential
library would come in handy.

It's off -site storage that doesn't cost
me anything.

Most of the stuff's archived, so no one
ever actually gets to see it.

Paul Keating talked his Bankstown high
school into it. Maybe get Henry to ring

around my old Alma Martyrs and see if
there's any interest.

Didn't you take out a restraining order
on her?

No, that was Alma Cavendish.

And also check with Miles to make sure
he's keeping an eye on the girl, seeing

who she's talking to.

Actually, have a word to the entire
staff to watch what they say in front of

her. Andrew, they're not idiots.

I'll call a meeting.

Oh,

do you want me to look after Catherine?

No, no, no, I haven't talked to the
family since I've done with the chimney.

Yes, well, you know what they say about
men over 50 and ladders. Yeah, yeah,

yeah.

This is the you you should be showing
her, the can -do working family man of

people. Yeah?

You did a great job with that window.

And I saved myself $300 and a
professional glazier.

What the fuck?

Mummy, have you seen my plane?

No, sweetie, I only date you.

Boss wants me to check you're keeping an
eye on Ellen.

Jesus, you know you should never sneak
up on me like that. I could have snapped

your neck like a twig. Is that Stefan's
plane?

Affirmative. I'm retooling it into a
drone.

Reconnaissance only.

I'm glad to hear it.

I don't think Stefan will be there or
his mother. I think it was rather

expensive.

I commandeered it on the implied orders
of Mr. D. This will give me complete

access to the airspace above the Dugdale
compound.

24 -7 bird's eye view of all Dugdales
all the time.

Next best thing to a spy satellite.

And much more comfortable than the old
Ned Kelly unit over there.

Mrs D says if I want to get covered in
rotten vegetables, then I can just stand

on stage with the boss during one of his
speeches.

Yes, well, when he told you to keep an
eye on Alan, I don't think he was giving

you black ops authorisation.

It's cool.

It was all within my existing remit.

If the drone looks after the outside
half as well as this new system, he

out the inside.

And there might be much going on around
here that I don't know about.

See, there's Carol now, upstairs
bathroom.

Just turn the taps on in the showers.

What do you call this system? The Norman
Bates unit?

She's wearing a towel.

The definition on these new monitors is
fantastic.

Stefan's up in his cupboard.

Seems like he's searching for something.

He should send his plane up to help him
look.

Sunnyside, East Wing Corridor.

It's what the Secret Service used to
call Ethel Kennedy.

Nice touch.

And there's our girl now.

I wonder what she's up to. Good morning,
Andrew.

Ah, what are you up to?

Well, I wouldn't mind following you
around for the next couple of days.

Nothing too intrusive, just so I can get
inside your brain.

Well, it sounds intrusive, being inside
my brain.

Throw me a bone here, Andrew. If I'm
going to write your autobiography for

I need it to be in your voice. It needs
to be authentic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I would have
thought you would have got an idea of

my voice from, you know, watching the
television rather than actually having

inhabit my skull.

But, um, all right, well, I...

Speak to Sonny and he'll let you know
what I'm doing speaking engagement

Well, I noticed on the fridge it's
Grandparents Day at Stefan's school

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Well, I really wanted to tag along on
that one. I think it'd be interesting to

hear you explain what it's like to be
Prime Minister in what would obviously

very simple terms.

Might give me one key to the many locks
that comprise Andrew Dugdale.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. That's a nice idea.
Yes, indeed, yes. Well, you speak to

Sonny and he'll make all the necessary
arrangements.

Tom, actually.

Oh, and do you know where Kath is? I
wouldn't mind interviewing her this

morning. Kath?

Mrs. Dugdale. Oh, yeah, sorry.

Yeah,

well, I think she's probably down having
breakfast.

Rita's made congee. Yum -oh.

I thought Rita was Vietnamese.

Well, I make waffles occasionally. Does
that make me Hungarian?

I guess not.

Come.

Hello, darling.

Oh, hello, darling.

I see these idiots are watering down
your tax reform.

Are they? Oh, damn them.

Look, I've just got a favour to ask.
Ellen might want to speak to you about

book today, and she may ask about her
private life.

What do you mean, private life?

Well, exactly.

And I don't think it's in either of our
interests if people get the impression

that we're not, you know... I'm not
sleeping with you, Andrew, just so I can

it in your memoir.

No, no, I don't want you to do anything
that you're uncomfortable with. I just

want you to lie to her. It's a power
couple, I'm your rock, that sort of

Of course, darling, anything for you.
Right, thank you.

You can take the whole lot if you like.

No, no, no, it's okay. I'm not very
hungry. I had a persimmon off the tree.

No, silly, I mean take it down to the
kitchen for me. Those stairs are murder

my hip. Oh, absolutely, yes, sure.

Happy to do that.

Oh, um, one more thing before I go. Do
you know anything about a grandparents'

day at the boys' school?

Yes, I do.

Stephen's asked me to go along.

I have to give a little talk about what
I do.

And what would that be, do you think,
generally speaking?

I have plenty to talk about, Andrew.

All my charity work, organising
fundraisers and dinners.

Oh, we also serve who stand to one side,
you know.

Yes, I know you're very, very busy,
darling, but it's just that I thought,

given I was Prime Minister... Well,
seven's only eight, darling. I don't

he really understands what a Prime
Minister is.

Carol says that to him, you're just a
grandpa who gets angry when he watches

television.

I guess she means the news.

Yes. Although, to be fair, I also get
very angry watching Millionaire Hotfoot.

Well, at least he didn't ask Grandpa
Jojo. Well, he has got Alzheimer's. Mind

you, banging on for an hour about flying
to Neptune and wetting your pants is

more interesting than a lot of other
jobs.

I'll be interesting.

I'm sure you'll be interesting, yes.
Yes, yes, yes. Very interesting.

And at least he's keeping it in the
family, isn't he? Hmm.

Well, I'm going now.

Bye -bye. Hmm.

These aren't mine, are they?

No, their son is. Oh.

I had them dry cleaned. They were
filthy.

You can give them to him if you see him,
could you, darling?

No, happy to do it, darling. I'm on my
way.

Bye -bye.

Tuesday morning, he's a guest at the H
.R. Nichols Society. Tuesday afternoon,

he's at the Australia Institute.

And Tuesday evening, he's on a plane to
your hometown for a spot of after

-dinner speaking at the America Club.

Of course, he'll have to have his own
dinner on the flight.

Why so many speaking engagements?

Can't need the money.

Look at this place. The only thing
that's missing is the Sun King motif on

wall there.

Absolutely doesn't need the money. You
want to know why he does them?

No, it's not because he loves the sound
of his own voice. There's another reason

as well.

He does them so that he can give part,
if not all, of his fee to one of his

charities. It's always been very
important to Andrew to give back.

Right, and which charities does he
support?

Ah, yeah, well, his accountant would
have all that information. I'm just his

business manager, aren't I, Sonny?

Sunny,

I need to win over my grandson.

What's he like?

You mean, what is he like or what does
he like? Either.

I almost had her there for a moment, but
they turned out to be yours.

I was wondering what happened to them.

Rita spilt sticky rice wine all down
them at that morning tea of Catherine's

last week. Morning, Ellen.

If I could get out that sticky rice
wine.

Hey, you're young. What sort of things
do you like?

How do you mean?

Well, you know, for a present.

Um, a pink Sapiano fold -away purse?

Yeah, sounds expensive.

He needs a new remote -controlled plane.

Perfect. Much better suggestion than a
purse. What a ridiculous idea.

Well, what would I know? I haven't been
an eight -year -old boy in years.

Honey, could you get Curtis to bring the
car around, please? Do we know where

Stefan is?

He's in his cupboard. Can I come?

Yes, yes, that's a very good idea. This
is real slice -of -life stuff. This is a

grandfather sharing a precious moment
with his grandson.

You grab him out of the cupboard, I'll
meet you downstairs.

Ah, Curtis. Front door, car, you, now.

Sonny, get on to that charlatan that
masquerades as my business manager and

him to offer my presidential library to
the school that Stefan goes to. It's in

the local electorate. They've probably
got a whiteboard or something like that

in the stimulus package.

Embarrass them into it. They'll have to
pick it up themselves, though, because

I'm not springing for haulage and it's
got to be tomorrow.

Well, you can tell him yourself, because
he's right there.

Oh, Henry.

Hi. Did you get all that?

Yes, I did, yes.

Thank you, Andrew.

Charlatan. Archive boxes to Grandchild
School.

They cover transport.

Ribbon -cutting ceremony tomorrow.

What time?

Um, what time is Catherine booked for?
Um, 11 .30. What do you mean, was booked

for? Yeah, do you get that, Henry?

Catherine's out and I'm in. Oh, and get
Miles to bring down those boxes from

upstairs. Righto, 11 .30 it is. Do you
want the press there?

It'd never happen if it's not on the
news.

Bye, Henry.

You can't do that to Catherine.

She'd be terribly upset to think her own
husband had stabbed her in the back

like that. I mean, it's not a leadership
challenge.

You're absolutely right, Sonny.

Get Henry back.

Tell him to get the school to contact
Catherine and make as if it's their

Keep my name out of this. I'm going to
need plausible denial on this one.

Why so long to bring the car around? Was
it unconscious?

Sorry, Mr Dugdale, sir. I had to put the
wheels back on.

Where to today?

Hobbies Hobbitorium, corner of Flanders
and Swine.

Mr Date, Sonny told me you wanted me to
take down some boxes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Take down, as in bring them down from
upstairs, not shoot them.

Gotcha. Oh, and when I say upstairs, I
mean upstairs, not that level and call

duty black ops. Roger that.

The primary school should be picking
them up later this afternoon.

Understood.

Oh, wait, which boxes?

I used to look after Alexander Downer
before the accident.

And what accident was that?

Well, Mr Downer and some of his friends
were out hunting roos on his property

and he accidentally shot me.

Nothing serious, fortunately.

Anyway, I had a metal plate inserted
into my skull and because of the

and the blurred vision, I was put on
light duties driving Mr Dugdale.

He was a very junior backbencher then,
and he'd lost his licence due to a drink

-driving conviction.

Lovely man, and long story short, I've
been with him ever

since.

Anything you want, boy, anything you
want.

Hello. It is you, isn't it?

Well, that depends.

My wife and I voted for you, Mr.
Dugdale, in every election. You always

into bat for the small businessmen, and
there are not many politicians you can

say that about.

Well, thank you. That is very gratifying
to hear. My wife and I set up this shop

under your small business start -up
initiative.

It was our big chance for us to work
together, doing something that we both

loved. Right, good. Could you just hold
that thought for one moment? This is

good stuff.

Of course. We didn't really... choose
the right location and interest rates

been crippling us and of course that new
lot rolled back all the tax concessions

that you promised yeah yeah could you
just go back to the beginning i wish i

could had my time over again i wouldn't
have sunk all our super into this place

and Maybe my wife wouldn't have left me.
I don't blame you for that, of course,

Mr. Dugdale, as my ex -wife always used
to say.

Politicians are all the same. You can't
trust any of them. No offence. No, no,

no, none taken. I mean, it's in your
nature, isn't it?

Did you want to say anything about
something?

Yes, yes, I just wanted to show you this
wonderful old shop. It would be a bit

more wonderful if we could turn a profit
in the economic climate his lot

created, eh?

Oh, is this what you want, boy?
Excellent, excellent.

Oh, nice choice, nice choice.

Actually, there isn't a cheaper one
around, is there? What's the problem,

Grandpa? Don't you love me?

No, of course I love you, boy.

you crazy no i mean one really i mean
would he ask me to go and speak at his

school on grandparents day if i didn't
love him that's right isn't it hey yeah

well what price love hey if you'd have
come back next week to our closing down

sale of course uh all this would have
been heavily discounted oh i don't

i could pay in advance and get it for
next week's sale price could i no you

can't thank you there you go thank you

I don't know why I'm letting it get to
me so much.

The school just changed its mind, that's
all.

Mrs. D,

if I had a dollar for every time the
school changed its mind about me moving

a grade, I'd have four dollars.

Go away.

All clear here anyway, Mrs. D.

Just about to do a check of the northern
perimeter and then head on up to the

old watchtower.

The watchtower that's in my sunroom.

Not in front of the civilians, Mrs. D.

You understand what it's like, don't
you, Rita? To feel unloved and

unappreciated.

Exactly.

Use it.

Glazier.

Fancy some of my banjo?

Oh, no thanks, Mrs. Dugdale. I've got
this done.

Oh, come on.

There's plenty.

Well, maybe one.

Quite an appetite.

Oh, cool.

It's every boy's dream, one of those.

Oh, that's funny.

I thought Stephen already had a remote
-controlled plane.

Do you mind if I have a go?

Knock yourself out.

Jock's away.

Hello, children. I don't imagine many of
your grandparents have been Prime

Minister.

Is this you?

Hmm? D Division Netball 1972.

Yes, yes, yes. A supporter of women's
sport even then.

I didn't know you went to this school.
It's not on your CV.

It was only for a year. Dad moved around
a lot. In the army?

No, he had worms.

Why are you wearing make -up?

I was a mascot. They made me up as a
tiger.

Was your father away a lot? Ellen, I
have to study my notes. The stimulus

package for this place didn't extend to
teleprompters. You're the one moving

around a lot. Nothing worse than a
politician giving an ill -prepared,

speech where he's floundering and
grasping for words.

Explains a lot, that's all. Tony
Abbott's the exception on you. It's

when he does it. Absent father, mother's
the authority figure. No long -standing

early friendship.

You got your honours degree in
journalism, didn't you? Not

Oh, you checked up on me, did you?

Well, if you know your enemy and you
know yourself, you need never fear the

result of a hundred battles. Ah, Sun
Tzu, Art of War.

No, no, Bartlett's Popular Quotations.

Sonny looked it up for me. I'm thinking
of closing with it this afternoon.

What does Bartlett say about the
unexamined life not being worth living?

No, I wouldn't worry too much about the
child.

Stick to the man, Ellen.

If I wanted to be reduced to a Jungian
archetype, I would have got Bob Ellis to

write the book.

Are you wearing a skirt here?

You just stick to the facts. I would if
you'd give me any.

Andrew. Ah, Principal Felicia Brooks.
Ah, Principal Brooks.

I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, Ex
-Prime Minister.

The Federal Government's commitment to
Gonski means we now have half as many

teachers and we're all doubling up.

Not with laughter, I imagine.

Oh, and congratulations to your
archivers, Miss Brooks. Very impressed

being able to assemble the Prime
Ministerial Library so quickly, although

appreciate that not everything can be on
display.

Well, it was only the one box.

Are we ready?

Absolutely. Yes, yes, yes.

How do I look?

Never better.

Could do with some tiger make -up.
You've got flecks of foam in the corner

your mouth.

Thank you very much indeed.

Everybody.

Hello.

Remind me to set miles.

I'll make a note of it.

What the fuck? Oh, we got a bogey. It's
11 .45.

Time to scramble.

And so, in this country anyway, a Prime
Minister is a man, or briefly a woman,

who, like your own Ms Brooks here, is in
charge of how things work, of who does

what job and when and how. The only
difference is Ms Brooks has been

by the State Education Department and
not as a result of some vicious

dogfight.

Yes. What's a dogfight?

Shouldn't you be finishing that play
thing? It's all done, Mrs. Dugdale. Just

waiting for the wood part of the set.

What the fuck?

Are you trying to kill me?

Carol, you're in shock.

Okay, now the best thing for that is an
ice bath.

Get off me.

She's convulsing. She's convulsing.
Rita, get a spoon.

Rita, get a spoon. Mum.

She's doing it again.

We need body wash. It's calming down.

Well, Edward was really enjoying the day
until he overheard someone behind the

fence say, the seals were always
amusing, it's true, but the lines are

thing to see at the zoo.

But that night, when the zookeeper went
home to bed, Edward jumped from the

pool, And he said,

and he smiled as he said, the lion's not
a bear, anybody can tell.

So tomorrow I'll just be a lion as well.

The next morning at nine, when they
opened the zoo, the lions were roaring

Edward was too.

He snarled at the ladies, he growled at
the men.

Life was certainly grand.

Look lady, I don't give a shit who your
husband was. You can't expect a warranty

to cover something like this.

But you were flying a plane.

Yeah, with your permission.

Yeah, it was on your authority, Mrs. D.

It was your mission to try and stop...
Oh, shut up, Miles, and just land the

fucking thing.

No, you can't do, Mrs. D. She's taking a
hit on the starboard wing and is non

-responsive, I repeat, non -responsive.
Oh, Christ, please, just give it to me.

He curls up casually around our battery.

Yes.

Well, Edward was just warming up for the
day.

Okay, what is this?

The snakes are impressive.

I know it's true.

The emus, by far, are the best thing at
the zoo.

The emus, gasped Edward.

My goodness, that's me.

I just think that gentleman most likes
the sea.

Not the seals, not the lions, not the
snakes, and the rest.

It's Edward, the emus.

So that night when the zookeeper went
home... Well, Miss Brooks, class, I'm

afraid I have to go. A small crisis.

Steppen, lovely spending some quality
time with you. Curtis will drive you

Curtis, you're on.

All right, kids, what do you want to
know?

I've never gotten up and spoken in front
of an audience before in my life.

And I wasn't sure I'd be any good,
but... Those three hours just seemed to

by. I had a great time.

And I think the kids did too. I wasn't
able to debrief with them after my

lecture because the principal said I had
to leave.

I said, I have to debrief the children.

She's like, what? And I'm like, they
need to be debriefed immediately.

And she says, no, you have to leave the
school property immediately.

What did you talk about?

Mainly the plate in my head.

They all wanted to see it.

You should have heard the squeals when I
showed it to them. Here we go.

Yeah!

Pretty good, eh?

I don't think Mr Dugdale would mind me
saying that as far as young children are

concerned, he has a very similar
attitude to the late Michael Jackson.

They are our future.

I've called the police. We better go.

Come on, we better go.

What? Go, go, go.

You know, it's pointless rebuilding this
thing because you can't use chimneys

these days because of global warming.
Just because something's passed that's

used by date doesn't mean it can't have
a decorative function.

True.

Mind if I get a picture of you next to
it when you're done?

For the book?

Sure, sure. You can capture it at the
Freedom Chimney.

Very tasteful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Although that'll make this roof ground

I don't think you can call a roof ground
zero, can you?

Well, I don't know about 9 -11 jokes.

What, too soon?

Might hurt American sales. Well, I don't
want to hurt sales.

Must have hit the non -metal side.

Lots of colourful tools on the wall.

Oh, you like those, do you?

Yeah, they're my beauties.

Did you want to see some of them?

This here I thought was just a
blowtorch. I bought that on eBay.

I don't actually realise what the
function of it is.

This here is a file.

And, you know, you can use it for
several different things, but I

have really bad nails. I usually just
keep... Keep them up to date, but you

shiv. These are plain. I like to craft a
lot, so I've got them for car.

Or mum gave me that from her pottering
class.

And so in your professional opinion, how
violent is the world we live in? You

have no idea, Helen.

No idea whatsoever.

Ellen. I think I'll take Mr. D's word on
that.

The world can be quite dangerous, you
know. I mean, I've seen some pretty bad

stuff growing up, and that's sort of
what got me into this role.

So you grew up.

You grew up in the Strait?

No, Perth.