All language subtitles for HarmonQuest s03e10 The Virtuous Harmony

Last time on Harman Quest.

The name of the AQD, you are officially
charged with three counts of multiversal

negligence and two counts of willful
world bending. Is the law black and

Should it be black and white? Or is
there room, even in a multiverse?

for shades of gray. Objection. Counsel
is clearly leading the witness to

emotional breakthroughs. We of the
karmic oneness find you guilty.

No, Quandrigal.

You great man.

Asshole. You're dumped out of the
precinct and you tumble through white

and infinity.

You can hear a yell and a fall and a
plump as Limerick falls from the sky.

Hello, folks.

My name be Tampa Bay, the buccaneer.

It's perfect.

I'll take it.

Back to normal.

As a dark ship rises out of the depths
of the astral sea, now go forth and

attack. He hits you with a black bolt
that activates your blood magic

programming. He hits you with a flesh
-set blast.

Vorthion, he faces off against Fondu,
and you get petrified, and you kind of

fall to the ground, and he's like, ah,
ha, ha, this is what I wanted to do, and

this is what I came here for.

You wrest control of your mind away from
Vorthion.

snap out of it, so to speak.

The ship lurches forward at unnatural
speeds as you pass through dimensions of

the boy ship. Craft lands hard in a
brand new place.

Since the dawn of the 1970s, fantasy
role -playing games have provided men

women with an escape from their awkward
lives.

Today, the most awkward of them all, Dan
Harmon, is summoning celebrity friends

to play these games of old in front of a
live studio audience in Hollywood.

I am Spencer, the Game Master, and this
is Harmon Quest!

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

Thank you very much. This is Harmon
Quest. I am the titular Harmon, but

just me apatowing my power all around.

It's called privilege.

It's just you go, put my name on this
and that. This show would not exist. It

wouldn't be good if it wasn't for our
game master, Spencer Crittenden.

Equally indispensable to my right, Aaron
McGothy.

Two cheers down to my left, Mr. Jeff
Davis.

The trajectory of those went down
throughout the season.

Super excited.

An old friend, but a first -time guest.

He was the voice of SpongeBob
SquarePants. Tom Kenny is here.

I decided to go full -on Rip Taylor
there.

Just start throwing stuff at the
audience. Finally, the props make sense.

I'm just here for the snacks.

Do you have any experience in your life
at any stage with the fantasy tabletop

role -playing stuff?

No, that was just starting when I was in
high school. I was in high school from

76 to 80.

And so I was always kind of adjacent to
it. But, you know, getting laid was hard

enough for me in high school. So I
didn't want to put that speed bump in

of myself.

Make things worse.

So, well, for anybody who's unfamiliar
with this milieu.

It's pretty simple. Spencer is sort of
the storyteller slash god.

He determines through dice and rules in
his brain and from books that he's

apparently read whether or not the
things that we say we want to try doing

succeed or fail.

So, without further ado, Let's Quest!

You find yourselves in the virtuous
harmony, a plane of positive

energy, surrounding...

are rolling hills replete with flowers
and copses of merry little trees.

This is the higher plane, untouched by
the helling of the material realm. You

bask in the presence of the good vibes,
almost forgetting your duties and your

troubles. I smell the roses.

Oh, man, they smell so good. Yeah, ooh,
I like it. They smell heavenly.

Maybe we're in paradise and we don't
have to struggle anymore. Maybe this is

end of our journey. Maybe it's our
reward for staying friends.

I still feel kind of incomplete, though,
like there was something that we didn't

accomplish. Your talking is broken by
the sound of a wondrous voice that cuts

through the silence.

A figure cuts through into the forest.
He's prancing

along.

Gentle Prancer.

Welcome. How are you? Are you enjoying
my capering?

Oh, so much. We're so delighted. What
name do we... My name is Legnacra.

Lignacra. Lignacra.

Lignacra. Lignacra, tell us of this
place. Is this truly heaven? Because I

so happy here.

Where we are is virtuous harmony, a
plane of the afterlife where only

and virtuous beings go to when they die.
I call it V -Harmony.

It's like E -Harmony, but with less
desperation.

Who are you? What's your...

Deal. I am just the maitre d' here in
this heaven -like place. There are

comforts here that you in the mortal
world can only dream of.

Look, a chocolate fountain.

If you're the maitre d', who is the
master

of the house?

He's Nohetrov.

Lognatra, where do we find the Nohetrov?

Over the hills and far away.

You look like someone who knows a dance
or two. As we go over, would you teach

us a dance? Ah, the mode of conveyance
here is prancing.

All must prance.

Come on, do it with me.

Skip, skip, skip, skip. I start stomping
my feet. And you troll.

Skip. I'm not a troll. You look like a
troll.

I'm sorry.

We prance towards Nootrop. Yes, we
prance and we skip.

You do that.

You go there.

You see a brilliant, dazzling throne.

And on that throne is, like, just one of
the fattest things you've ever seen. He

looks like he's asleep.

Is that big old fatty pants? Is that
Neutron?

Yes. Isn't he beautiful?

Look at him. I love watching him sleep.

Sometimes a little bubble of drool comes
just down and falls right down on his

left nipple.

It splashes, and a swan spontaneously
generates and flies away.

Wow.

Nootrov, we call upon you.

They are impressed with your swan
-liver, master.

Nootrov, wake up.

I have a magical roll of everlasting
toilet paper.

I throw the eternal toilet paper at
Nootrov, and I say, clean up your act.

falls woefully short.

I go up and pick it up when I throw it
again.

You get a bit closer. I keep doing it.

I don't care if it takes all goddamn
afternoon.

What is the point of that? I wanted to
give you an offering because you seem to

be drooling all over yourself. This is
eternal toilet paper, a token of my

esteem and magnanimity.

Thanks. That's a great gift.

Here's the deal, Jackson.

We want out of here. This place seems
like a real bummer.

Oh, yeah?

Is the beast of the beginning in your
realm?

His eyes kind of roll back in his head
and he starts scrying.

Oh, man, it's next to those life trees.
That's crazy. What?

Usually I know when people show up.
Thank you so much. Thank you. Don't be

hard on yourself.

Good luck.

Lignaca, take us over to those life
trees, if you would. Past the small

you can see the beast of the beginning,
a strange creature whose head seems to

be tucked in under its body, curled up
along with several thick, tree -trunk

-like legs that kind of splay out like
tentacles and wrap around it.

Surrounding the thing, you can see
agents of AQD. They're forming a

four men facing outward like a security
detail.

Here they are.

Well, they picked the wrong place to
hide this fucker.

Lugnocta, do you know these guards?

I've never seen them before.

The Tree of Life is a place where, well,
I just never stroll by here.

On this plane, when people...

Engage with each other. I mean it is
battle even possible here even here in

heaven. We are known to kick ass once in
a while.

I Don't like the cut of these people
jib. Shall we fight them?

I had you pegged all wrong like I know I

know there are many sides to me. I'm
like one of these dies

Do you have any powers that might make
us more advantageous in battle?

Yes, I have all kinds of powers. But
really, I have these weapons. I have a

club, and I have a javelina.

No, a javelin.

I thought it was a Mexican pig that I
could wield.

Javelina!

I've got everything I need. How about
you guys?

I just got this cloak. Can I put on the
cloak to disguise myself as one of the

AQD? Oh, yeah.

Ooh, that's nice.

You do that. You form the gray robes of
the aristocracy of the AQD as well as

the metal face mask.

Don't worry. It's still me, but you're.

Can I disguise myself and make myself
look like them even though I'll be

shorter? Yeah, you do it. So I'm still
my height? You're like a short one,

All right.

I'm turning invisible.

All right. You do that.

Invisible. Let me handle this. I'll talk
to them.

Uh, fellas.

Hey there.

Hey, you guys look tired.

Uh, no, no.

Oh, I think you're pretty tired and
tense.

Take five.

Go on a break. Go to the break room. We
got stuff to do. We're guarding this

beast. Do you know who's after this
thing? I march up to the four alongside

Lignacra and say, uh, no, who wants the,
uh, this thing? But your disguise is

one of them.

Yeah.

But we're new on the ship.

We're here to relieve them.

This is highly irregular.

I don't know what's going on, and why
are you associating with an angel?

Well, why are you being a dick?

You're not a supervisor.

I'm not.

So, thank you.

Hey, guys.

I walk up to one of the AQD guys. I go,
look, buddy, we're all in this together.

You know, the job's a job, you know. I'm
just trying to pull down on a decent

living wage. And I take a dagger out and
stab him in the back.

It's a critical hit. A critical hit.

Dealing 39 damage.

You stab him right in the kidney.
Straight through his kidney and into his

liver. He goes down and bleeds. The
other guys roll around and go, what the

fuck? I follow his lead and I use new
friend and I try to cut off the head of

the AQD that's near me.

You do that.

Dealing nine damage.

He doesn't die.

Well, that's a taste.

You feel a chill run down your spine,
and this shit materializes over your

Fortheon appears through a splash of
darkness right before you. He's holding

arms. They're Fondu's arms.

Whoa.

He lunges at the beast, hoping to grab
it. He's trying to gain control of it.

Do they look like fresh dead?

They're pretty fresh.

Okay.

Cool.

I was wondering if he's nearby.

If he is, he probably won't be able to
help us.

The three remaining agents, they go, oh,
you know what to do. Codename Omega.

And a beam of energy kind of projects
around them, creating a force field

cage around you guys and the beast of
beginning and Vortheon.

You're trapped inside of a force field.

Am I in there with them? Yeah, it's like
a cage match.

Am I close to Lugnoctra? You're close.

I pick up Lugnoctra. No.

You throw anything.

I hurl Lugnoctra at Vorthion.

Sorry!

I love it. Being a missile is wonderful.

You hit him. He takes 10 damage. Oh,
that worked. I never felt so alive.

Doctor, try to get closer to him. I'm
going to use my war club and get down to

some holy smiting and bludgeoning. I
swing my war club and... And you smash

right in the jaw, dealing nine damage.

Ah! Throw me again!

Well, I'm far away from you now, but
you're just distributing... I'm rolling

back the...

the magic that the druid Clarence gave
me to connect with the beast at the

beginning.

All right.

Mortheon's also trying to do the same
thing using Fondu's hand. I said it

I said it first.

Well, no, he did it like turns ago. Oh,
shit.

You guys are fighting. You're attempting
to seize control over the beast to

activate it. You feel the familiar sense
of being pulled away from this world as

the beast at the beginning begins to
tumble through space and time. So the

inside is plane shifting.

Elemental plane of steam. You can hardly
see. And it's hot.

So it's like if you put Camden, New
Jersey in Hawaii.

Yeah. Okay.

Vorthion. He charges up a spell and
blasts it into his critical head. It

Dan in the face.

Jeez.

44 damage. Oh! Oh!

Oh,

man.

It's bad. You hate that.

All right. Now it's Jeff's turn.

All right.

Am I near Vorthion?

Yeah, you're on top of the beast. I use
mad hops to jump up in the air. I pour

everybody a delicious IPA.

And then I jump up and just go straight
down right -handed with one of my

goblin's rays on Vorthion's face.

You do that. You hit it.

Thirteen damage.

I'll take it.

Violence is wonderful.

is near me now. Yeah, he rolled back.

Right, okay. So I... Throw me!

Throw me!

I will in one moment, but... Come on,
baby, do it!

Lugnatra, I just... You know you want
to! I look deep into Lugnatra's eyes,

I start going into a barbarian rage.

Ooh. I pick up Lugnatra, and my feet
have...

into the wall of the force field. You
hear a thickening crunch as your

breaks.

Holy shit.

You're really strong.

You take 11 damage.

Next time.

The plane shifts again and you find
yourselves in the elemental plane of

Your skin burns.

I'm going to do my flesh at rain.

Flesh at rain.

You hit him for 20 damage as the flecks
go into the gap in his armor.

Yeah, you like that, fucking toe dick?

Lorthion, he conjures a spike of blood
out of his own blood and shoots it at

you, but he misses.

He does all these adorable dumb things.

Yeah. I'm going to go level one, no.
Level two, no.

Ah.

I'm going to use searing judgment.

Three massive gemstones, the green, the
blue, and the red one. They start

encircling him in light.

You see the blue one shoot the blue
light. You see Borthion kind of

another corner farther away from you. At
the same time, Borthion, he does a

magical spell, and you can see blood
flooding out of his body.

Oh, brother. It hits you like a big
tidal wave.

27 damage.

To all of them? To whom?

To everybody, yeah. Okay, what is the
range of my glowing pendant?

About 10 feet.

Limerick!

Brother, I feel obligated to heal you.

Sorry, I take out my glowing pendant and
I... You can recover

20 health.

Great, now I can hang out with my sister
longer.

You go into the dimension of mud.

Everything's muddy and hard to move
through.

I'm going to cast Shadow Wreath on
myself so that my weapon deals extra

for 10 minutes.

You do that. I'm coming at you, and I'm
going to kill you.

And here's why I'm confident about it.

I've fought a lot of guys in my life,
and the ones that teleport away so they

can turn their blood into a weapon don't
tend to win.

It's a critical failure!

You get tangled up, it chokes you on the
one side, and it wraps up your legs on

the other side, and you fall to the
ground.

You hear a muffled explosion.

You can see outside of the force field,
the force field on the ship has exploded

and incinerated the agents of AQD, and
the barriers they built fall down, and

now you're just fully going through time
and space.

Hold on.

This is a job for Holy Touch 4.

41 damage.

41 damage!

You enter the plane of eternal chaos.

Vortheon is staggered by the blow, and
you can see the runestones orbiting

around him. They're getting tighter and
tighter. They touch his body, and he

turns into a weird, crazy monster.

He teleports.

How far?

Just in front of Eren to punch her with
his giant, meaty fist.

Healing 18 damage.

Why?

Yeah,

okay.

Friends, combo move. Combo move!

Okay, what you got in mind?

I possess a javelina, if that will help.

Yeah, I'll throw you with your javelina
drawn.

All right, hold on.

Let me.

That's not your javelina.

I pick up La Gnatra by its perfect
cheek.

Get into a ball.

All right. Here we go.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hurl like you've never hurled before.

and you can just see all these scars and
holes and his blood is spilling out.

Smoke kind of rises through the cracks
in his armor like a vampire burning.

What's the matter, dip knob?

Was this not part of your grand plan,
you fuckstick?

Finally, he sputters, heaves and
collapses and kind of falls out of this

surrounding the beast in the multiverse
in the form that disintegrates, smeared

across the infinite frames of space
-time.

You can hear a warm voice, and you see
an eye opens up in the middle of the

beast's flesh. It looks at Bone Weevil.
It goes, a fresh start, maybe?

I'm Bob.

Hello, Bob.

I put on my goblin sprays, and I try to
summon that magic druidic,

what do you call it?

Chutzpah. Chutzpah.

Summoning the magic Chutzpah.

You activate the beast of beginning. You
fly unburdened beyond distance and time

itself as the glories of the universe
spin past, and you can feel yourself

blazing like a comet, like a falling
star down to Earth, right towards

Village as the massive beast picks up
speed, and you all snap with the impact

a mega -sun body slam into Earthscar
Village, your impact nearly leveling the

entire town with its destruction on the
place you call home, the sky.

The sky is normal, and the world is
saved, and the beast of beginning

into silvery motes of light.

Take care now.

Bye, beast of the beginning.

As I take off my goblin frays and put
them wherever I keep them, I look up

the sky as he disappears and kind of
tear up a little bit because I feel

well, I've never felt that connected to
anything that powerful in my whole life.

It's true.

Wow.

Look at this.

People. Stuff.

Corporealness.

I think I'm going to like it here.

They actually also have fields, clouds,
and chocolate here, too.

Really?

Honey, I'm saved.

You hear movement in the wreckage, and
Sandy Michael, the old village chief, he

kind of crawls out. He's like, what the
fuck?

The world is saved, but the village
destroyed?

Did they crash land on the heads of
Fondu and Boneweevil from the past?

And what might that even do to the
timeline anyway?

And indeed, where are we in the
timeline?

It's not entirely clear at the moment.
Find out next season on Harbin Quest.

ever? Tom Petty? I don't know.

It's not a competition.

I have been Harvin. This has been 10
Episodes of Quest. Thank you so much.