Original subtitles

♪ Green Acres is the place to be

♪ Farm livin' is the life for me

♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide

♪ Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside

♪ New York is where I'd rather stay

♪ I get allergic smelling hay

♪ I just adore a penthouse view

♪ Dahling, I love you but give me Park Avenue

♪ The chores ♪ The stores ♪ Fresh air

♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife

♪ Good bye, city life

♪ Green acres we are there

- What are you doing now?

- Same thing I was doing before:

looking for a Christmas card.

- Boy.

Once I don't send you a card, then you fall all to pieces.

- No, no, it's not from you.

It's from Carol Rush.

- And whom may I ask is she?

- She was my secretary when I was practicing law

in New York. - Oh?

Was she the tall brunette who always wore tight sweaters?

- No, you made me fire her.

- Was she the blond girl that always wiggled

when she walked through the office?

- No, you made me fire her, too.

Then who was Carol Rush?

- She was that

plain up and down girl that used to wear the sweatshirts.

- Then why are you looking for her Christmas card?

- I'm not looking for the card,

I'm looking for the envelope, the return address.

She moved to California,

and I'd like to get in touch with her.

So, you can start up with her again?

- Do you know what this is?

- I know it's a trick question.

But I say it's a watch.

- Right, my father gave it to me.

- What's the connection between the watch

and the little Miss Up-and-down?

- The watch is broken.

It's an old time piece.

I broke it once before.

Miss Rush took it to a jeweler on Madison Avenue

who was able to fix it.

And I can't remember his name.

So, I wanna write to her and see if she remembers it,

so that I can send the watch to the jeweler

and have it repaired.

- Boy, when you make up a story, it's a beaut.

- Aha!

Carol Rush, 110987

Hope Avenue, Los Angeles, California.

- Oh, Carol, there's a special delivery letter for you.

- Be right there! - Okay.

- No check.

- Oh, come on, Harry, that belongs to Carol.

Put it down.

- Oliver Wendell Douglas.

- Oh Mr. Douglas.

Oh, that's the attorney she used to work for

when she was in New York, remember?

- Oh. - Carol, come on.

You're breakfast is gonna get cold.

- Morning, Sis. Morning Harry. - Hi.

- Hi, honey, there's your letter.

- It's from Mr. Douglas.

- There's no check in it.

- Harry X-rayed the envelope.

- Oh.

That's too bad.

- What's the matter?

- Mr. Douglas broke his watch.

- Oh, well that was darn nice of him to let you know.

Can you just imagine a guy waking up and saying,

"I broke my watch.

"I must write to my old secretary and tell her.

- Mr. Douglas's father gave it to him.

It's very old, and there's this jeweler where I once took it

that knows how to fix it.

- And Mr. Douglas wants to know

if I could remember his name.

I remember he had a Swiss name.

- Irving Fondue?

No.

His store was on Madison Avenue,

and 38th Street.

No, it was 39th Street.

- Why don't you try remembering

while you eat your breakfast.

Come on, honey.

- I haven't got time to eat. - What's the matter?

- I'll miss the bus.

And Mr. Oglethorpe is expecting a very important client,

and he told me if I'm late again, he'd fire me.

- Oh, there are plenty of jobs.

- How would you know?

- Well, I'll see you later, huh?

- Oh, yeah, dear, don't forget your lunch.

- Oh, yeah, thanks. Bye.

- Bye, hon. - Good-bye.

- Miss Rush. - Good morning Mr. Oglethorpe.

- What are you doing?

- I'm typing the letter you dictated last night.

- With the cover on the typewriter?

- Well, you said it was a private letter,

and I didn't want anybody to see it.

- You didn't want anybody to see it?

- That's why I came in early.

It is 9:25.

- Well, not according to the clock you always fire me by.

- If you weren't my wife's cousin...

- How is Cousin Sophie?

- I don't know.

I haven't talked to her psychiatrist lately.

Now, do you know what you did

with my list of available properties?

- Yes, sir.

That's under L for List.

- What's this?

- L for lunch.

- Miss Rush, please keep your lunch the L out...

Out of the L. - Yes sir.

- I'm expecting a Mr. David here any moment.

Would you do me a favor?

Please try to act like a real secretary when he gets here?

- Yes sir.

Who's Mr. David?

- A very important businessman.

- Then why is he coming to see you?

- Because my friend, Morey Palmer, recommended me to him.

He's president of the Westside Building Corporation.

They're the ones who build the

big skyscrapers in New York City.

- Oh.

Do you know if he put a building on

38th Street or 39th Streets on Madison Avenue

that has a Swiss jeweler in it?

- A Swiss jeweler?

- I think his name is Beckholt.

No, it wasn't Beckholt, it was...

Oh, I just can't remember.

- Well, will you try to remember just one thing?

When Mr. David gets here, don't talk to him,

just bring him right in. - Yes sir!

Nothing like Beckholt.

- Good morning.

- Oh, good morning.

Mr. Oglethorpe is expecting you.

Come this way.

- No, but I... - Right this way please.

Come right in.

Mr. Oglethorpe, Mr. David is here.

- Mr. David, I'm certainly pleased to meet you.

- My name isn't David.

- It isn't? - No.

- Well, Miss Rush, didn't you ask the gentleman his name?

- No sir.

You told me not to talk to him.

- I didn't...

- What's your name?

- Oh, it's Allan. Mark Allan.

- Allan Mark Allan.

I guess you need the Mark in there

to separate one Allan from the other.

- I'm here about the office that you have for rent.

- Oh, I'll show it to you.

Right this way.

- Thank you, sir.

- That's the office.

I just have to get the key.

- Now, here.

- Right.

Oh, by the way, what business are you in?

- Oh, I'm an attorney.

- I used to work for an attorney in New York.

Mr. Douglas.

Oliver Wendell Douglas.

Do you know him?

- No.

- I thought you might have since you both have three names.

- I only have...

- I got a letter from him this morning.

He broke his watch and there's this, oh, I got it.

- Oh.

- Right this way.

I hope you like the office. - Yeah.

Come in.

- Mr. Oglethorpe? - Yes.

- I'm Lawrence David.

- Mr. David, come in, come in.

Why didn't my secretary announce you?

- Oh. There was nobody out there.

- Well that...

Oh, well, sit down, sit down.

- Thank you.

I've really been looking forward to meeting you.

Morey Palmer says you're the one man in Los Angeles

who might be able to help me.

- My entire organization is at your disposal.

- That's Frisbee.

He comes here every morning looking for Mr. Cal Sheimer.

- Cal Sheimer? - Yeah.

He's the man that used to rent this place.

He sold lingerie through the mail.

I used to get all my bras from him wholesale.

- That's very interesting.

- Mr. Casheimer bought that chair.

He left it here when he went away.

- Where'd he go? - He died.

Oh, not here, in Buffalo.

- How much does the office rent for?

- Mr. Oglethorpe wants $75 a month for it.

- That's a little steep for me.

- Mr. Oglethorpe will take 50.

He's desperate to rent it.

- I guess that I could afford 50.

- If that's too much of a strain, how about 35?

- That would be wonderful.

- I'll have to ask Mr. Oglethorpe first.

- Now, this property here on Front Street

will be very good for you, but

they want $2 million for it.

- Well, that's great.

We estimated we'd have to pay four million for the land.

- Four million? - Well, after all,

it's going to be a $40 or $50 million dollar complex.

- $50 million?

- That's right.

That's why I came to you.

Morey Palmer said you're used to dealing in big figures.

- Mr. Oglethorpe, would you rent the office for $35?

I know you said you wanted 75 for it,

but with business being the way it is,

I thought... - Miss Rush.

This is Mr. David.

- How did you get in here?

- Well, I... - Mr. David?

Haven't we met before?

- I don't think so.

- You look very familiar.

Doesn't he, Mr. Oglethorpe? - Go rent the office.

- For 35? - Yes.

- Oh.

Bye.

You got a deal.

$35 a month.

- Oh, Miss Rush, thank you.

- Now, how soon did you wanna start work on the project?

- Oh, immediately.

My backers are ready now.

- Oh.

May I ask who your backers are?

- Well, every time we construct a complex like this,

we form a corporation,

we usually sell stock to a few private individuals.

- Oh, well, I was wondering

do you suppose it would be possible for me to

buy some shares in the project?

- Well, I don't know.

I'd have to check that with my associates in New York.

You realize that the smallest unit we usually sell

is around $50,000. - 50?

I don't have that much.

I'll have almost $40,000 from the

commission on this land sale.

Then I could add $10,000 of my own.

- Oh, my goodness, almost one o'clock.

Look, why don't we continue our discussion over lunch, hmm?

- Good idea.

Would you call the Wild Fox restaurant,

and make a reservation for me for luncheon?

- Which Wild Fox restaurant is that?

- There's only one.

- Good.

I didn't want you to show up at the other one

and not have a reservation.

- You didn't want me...

Come along, Mr. David.

- We never met, huh?

- I'm afraid not.

- Would that I could say the same.

- Steinbocker. - Huh?

- Does that sound like a Swiss watchmaker?

- Well, I'm really not into Swiss watchmakers.

- Steinbritter and Company.

That's it.

No, the and Company is right,

but it wasn't Steinbrute.

Come to think of it, it wasn't and Company either.

It was and Sons.

Oh, excuse me.

Oglethorpe Realty.

- Is this Carol Rush? - Yes, it is.

Who's this?

- Oliver Douglas.

- Mr. Douglas.

What a coincidence.

I was just reading a letter from you this morning.

- Yeah.

Miss Rush, do you happen to remember the name

of that watchmaker?

- Yes sir.

It was Something and Sons.

- Something and Sons? - Yes sir.

I'm not too sure about the and Sons,

but I'm positive it was something.

- Well, that's very... - Miss Rush?

I found this in the bottom drawer of

the desk. - Oh!

- Miss Rush? - Oh, excuse me.

Mr. Allan just found one of Mr. Cal Sheimer's brassieres

in his desk drawer.

- One of Mr. Cal Sheimer's... - Yes, you see he was...

- Miss Rush, you forgot...

What kind of an orgy is going on here?

- What's an orgy?

- Well, it's a...

- Mr. Oglethorpe, I don't think you understand.

I found this in the bottom drawer of the desk.

- Oh, good.

You may keep it for your honesty.

- Miss Rush? - Oh, yes, Mr. Douglas.

- Who's Mr. Douglas?

- He was my former boss.

- Lucky him.

- That wasn't a very nice thing to...

- I want you to come into my office immediately,

and bring my checkbook.

- But I was... - Immediately.

- Miss Rush?

- Mr. Douglas, I have to go now.

But you haven't told...

- It's been wonderful talking to you.

Bye.

- Think I've got about just enough money.

- For what? - None of your business.

- You're not a nice person.

- I don't have to be, I'm your boss.

Well, answer the phone.

- Oglethorpe Realty.

Well hello, Mr. David.

You know, I have been trying to remember...

- Give me that.

- Hello, Mr. David.

Oh, yes.

Oh, they did?

Today.

Would you let me think it over for a few minutes?

I'll call you back.

Good bye.

$10,000 I can just about swing it.

- Swing what?

- Well, Mr. David has offered to let me in on this

complex they're building,

but he needs my check for $10,000 today.

- What are you going to do?

- Get my wife on the phone.

- Oh, you're gonna check with Cousin Sophie.

- And what's wrong with that?

- She always you could never make up your own mind

about anything important.

- Oh?

- I guess she doesn't think you're very smart.

- Oh?

Make out a check for Mr. David for $10,000,

get him on the phone,

and tell him I'll be at his hotel in 10 minutes.

- Hi. - Well, hi.

You're here home early.

- Mr. Oglethorpe closed the office early.

He's celebrating a big deal he made.

He went to Las Vegas. - Oh.

- Oh, I wish he'd have let me know.

I could have sold him a great system for shooting craps.

- Is that the same system

you lost our mortgage payment with?

- Fruit?

- Oh, Carol, did Mr. Douglas call you at the office today?

- Uh-huh.

- Did you remember the name of the Swiss jeweler?

- No. - Oh.

- It's been right on the tip of my tongue all day.

Burnmeister?

Beckleheimer? - What a bird brain.

- Bird brain.

That's close.

It had something to do with a bird.

Wing?

Beak?

Bill?

That's it.

Billingsly.

Horace Billingsly.

- Horace Billingsly was a man who defrauded

that client of mine with that phony real estate scheme.

- Oh, that's where I remember Mr. David from.

He was Horace Billingsly.

- Well, he skipped town after he cashed my client's check.

- Holy smoke!

It's been wonderful talking to you again, Mr. Douglas.

Bye.

What's the matter?

- Mr. Oglethorpe gave Mr. David a check for $10,000.

He's a crook.

- I always thought that Oglethorpe looked a little shady.

- Not Mr. Oglethorpe, Mr. David.

- Well, then you better call Mr. Oglethorpe right away

and tell him.

- I can't.

He's on his way to Vegas.

- It's probably too late anyway.

David must have cashed that check already.

- He couldn't.

Mr. Oglethorpe didn't give it to him

until after the bank closed.

- Well, then we better call the police.

- What good is that?

They can't do anything if he hasn't cashed the check.

- I've gotta get that check back,

or Mr. Oglethorpe would be ruined.

What can I do?

- Just give me a minute girl.

I'll think of something.

- Now, you know what to do.

First, you try to get David out of the room

so you can look for the check.

- Suppose I can't?

- Well, then we pull the old badger game.

You rip your dress, you scream.

I bust in, I say I'm your husband,

and it'll cost him $10,000 to keep it quiet.

- Do you think it'll work?

- It worked on Ironside, and he's in a wheelchair.

Oh.

- Now, look, I'll give you a half hour from now.

That's till nine o'clock.

If you haven't found the check by then, scream.

- Well, I... - Now, Carol, don't worry.

I'll be right here.

- Well, here goes.

Hi.

- Yes?

- Don't you remember me, Mr. David?

I'm Carol Rush,

Mr. Oglethorpe's secretary. - Oh, yes.

- Is he here? - No.

- I better look and make sure.

Mr. Oglethorpe?

Mr. Oglethorpe?

Well, I guess he's watching the parade.

- What parade?

- Oh, they always have a big parade this time of year.

Why don't you go down and watch it,

and I'll wait here for you.

- I don't like parades.

- Oh.

Did you have dinner yet?

- No.

- Well, why don't you go down and grab a bite to eat,

and I'll stay here and watch television

until you come back.

- Well, I was,

I was planning on having dinner up here.

- Oh.

Would you mind if I had dinner with you?

- Not at all.

What can I get for you?

- Why don't you run down to the corner

and pick up some spare ribs and bring them back.

- They have great spare ribs right here in the hotel.

I'll call room service.

Would you like a drink first?

- Yes.

- Scotch?

- Fine.

- Any particular brand? - Hi, Harry.

- Oh, hi Joe.

- You looking for the game?

No, no.

Why is there one tonight?

- Yes, Studs is having one in there.

He needs another hand.

You wanna sit in?

- Why not, I got a little time to kill.

- Drinks will be right up, and they'll send dinner up later.

- Sit down over here. - Is this your coat?

- Yes.

- Well, you shouldn't hang it on the chair.

The shoulders get all out of shape.

- Is this a wallet?

- I guess.

- Well, you shouldn't carry it in there.

That's the first place a pick pocket goes for.

They just reach right in and take it out.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- That's all right.

- Here. - I'll just put it down over here.

It won't be in anybody's way.

- Oh, were you packing?

- Yes.

- That's no way to pack. - Oh.

- You'll get everything all wrinkled.

- Look, you don't have to bother with that.

Why don't we just

come over and sit right here.

Room service.

- Oh excuse me.

- Here you are, sir. - I'll take that.

Here, tip's on there.

Thank you, sir.

- Looking for something?

- No.

Uh, yes, yes.

A lot of times, you find loose change.

It falls out of people's pockets.

What time is it?

- 10 of nine.

- Pretty lucky tonight, Harry, aren't you?

- Yeah, yeah.

Deal the cards, will ya, I don't have too much time.

- You know, you're a very pretty girl.

- Oh, you're just saying that.

- No, I'm not.

- Well, somebody just said it.

- Why don't we... - I have a headache.

- You do?

- I'll tell you what? - What?

- Why don't you go down to the drugstore

and get me an aspirin.

- I have some in the bathroom.

Hang on.

Well, here we are.

Here's the water.

What's that?

- What's what? - That.

- How did that get on there?

- You're acting very peculiarly.

- What time is it?

- Nine o'clock.

- Was that a scream?

- Well, that was for me.

- Where do you think you're going?

- To answer that scream.

- You're not going anyplace.

Not while you have all our loot.

- What's the matter with you?

- It's this nervous condition I have.

It's called the nine o'clock scream.

- It's up to you.

- I don't know what you're up to, but...

- Don't you touch me, Mr. Billingsly.

- Billingsly?

Why'd you call me that?

- Did I call you that, Mr. Billingsly?

Oh, I mean...

- No wonder you kept saying you'd seen me before.

You worked for that lawyer in New York

who was going to prosecute me for...

I'm sorry about this, Carol,

but I'm going to have to do something about you.

- I don't see why.

Why don't you just give me back Mr. Oglethorpe's check,

and we can forget the whole thing.

- I can't do that.

- This is where the game is.

Open up, this is a raid!

- What was that?

- Scream.

- Okay, you take care of the raid,

I'll take care of the scream.

- Harry, I just don't understand how you could play poker

while that man was trying to kill my sister.

- I only played a few hands.

- Don't blame Harry.

If it hadn't been for the poker game,

the police never would have arrested Mr. David.

- Yeah, everything worked out just the way I planned it.

Harry, take out the garbage.

- Oh, I'll get it.

- Oh, thanks hon.

- Mr. Oglethorpe.

Come in. - Thank you.

Miss Rush, I never thought I'd have to stoop to this, but

I'm here to thank you for saving me $10,000.

- We'll take a percentage. - Harry, the garbage.

- You know, it's kind of hard to believe

that Mr. Billingsly was a crook.

He had such an honest face.

- So has Oglethorpe.

You can't tell anything by that.

- Didn't your wife ask you to take out the garbage?

Miss Rush, I'm very grateful to you.

To show my appreciation, I'm going to give you a $5 raise.

- $5 a week? - A month.

- Oh.

- Some sport.

- Well, I'll be running along.

- Oh, Mr. Oglethorpe,

would you mind if I took the morning off

to have my hair done?

- Take the whole day off.

- Oh, Mr. Oglethorpe, thank you.

Bye. - Good bye.

- Wasn't that nice of Mr. Oglethorpe

to let me have the whole day off?

- Honey, today's Saturday.

- Oh.

- What a dimwit. - Dimwit.

That's it.

That's the name of the watchmaker.

Jonas Dimwit.

Or was it Dimwitty.

No, it wasn't Dimwitty, it was more like

Shultzheimer.

No, Shultzheimer's not right.

This has been a Filmways presentation, darling.