Original subtitles

- Lisa, I...

What are you doing?

- Making up the bed.

- Into what?

- Just for that, I'm going to leave the lumps on your side.

Why are you turning on the TV set?

It's not time for your favorite cartoon yet.

- Well, I just want to see if the set will work

without the aerial.

- What happened to the aerial?

- It blew off the roof last night.

- How could an aerial blow the roof off?

- No, the aerial didn't blow the roof off.

The wind blew the roof off the aeri...

Hey, there's no picture.

- Oh well.

They'll have another cartoon for you tomorrow.

- I wanna see the governor.

He's making a very important speech at noon today.

- Well, if you don't see him today,

you can catch the summer reruns.

- They don't rerun the governor's speeches.

- Why not?

They rerun the governor.

- Look, why don't you just work on your lumps

and leave me alone.

- What is so important about the governor's speech?

- He's gonna talk about our budget.

- What does he know about our budget?

- No no, not our budget, the state budget.

I'm going in to Drucker's and watch it on his set.

- I'm coming with you.

- Since when are you so interested in the state's economy?

- I'm not.

I need a new refill for my lipstick.

♪ Green Acres is the place to be

♪ Farm living is the life for me

♪ Land spreading out so far and wide

♪ Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside

♪ New York is where I'd rather stay

♪ I get allergic smelling hay

♪ I just adore a penthouse view

♪ Darling, I love you, but give me Park Avenue

♪ The chores ♪ The stores ♪ Fresh air

♪ Time Square ♪ You are my wife

♪ Goodbye, city life

♪ Green Acres we are there

- Hank, will you move your left arm a little higher?

- How's that, Sam?

- Put the wire back in your mouth.

You lost the picture.

- Oh, sorry.

- And now, lower your right arm just a little.

That's perfect.

- What the?

- Don't ask me "What the?".

Ask him what "What the?".

- Mr. Kimball.

- Oh, hello there, Mr. Douglas, Mrs. Douglas.

- Would you mind telling me what you're doing?

- Oh, Sam's aerial blew off the roof last night.

Well, it didn't blow off the roof.

The roof's still there, but the aerial isn't.

- Oh, the same thing happened to us, too.

We had a blow off with the aerial.

- Yeah well, Sam couldn't find his rabbit ears,

so I'm helping him out.

- I didn't know what Mr. Drucker had rabbit ears.

- No no, he doesn't mean that he...

- Hank, did you take the aerial out of your mouth?

- Oh yeah, I'm talking to Mr. and Mrs. Douglas.

- Well, put it back, the screen's blank.

- Oh sorry, I have to get back to work.

- Raise your right arm a little higher.

- Hello there, Mr. Drucker.

- I will be right with you.

Lower your left arm a little bit.

No no no, that's no good.

Try raising your right leg.

Hold it, that's perfect.

Well.

Oh, my television aerial blew off the roof last night,

and Hank is helping me out.

I don't wanna miss the governor's

State of the State Statement.

- The State of the...

- Well, he used to call it his Palaver to the People.

But I think State of the State Statement

has a nice ring to it.

Now, is there something I can do for you folks?

- Oh yes, I need a refill for my lipstick.

- Hold it, the governor's coming on.

- Good afternoon, my fellow citizens.

I'm sorry to have to preempt the cartoon hour

for this State of the State Statement.

But I felt I must bring to your attention

a matter of the utmost importance.

- Mr. Drucker, the shade of the lipstick I need is...

- Shh.

- I can't remember ever having

to make such a dramatic statement.

Unless it was in that scene I played

with Miriam Hopkins in "Her Land is Lost",

for which I won this Roscoe.

- Yeah, I saw that picture.

You know, he was a better actor than he is a governor.

- Ladies and gentlemen,

it is my sad duty to announce that

our state is bankrupt.

- Doggone, he sure puts on a good show.

- Yes, bankrupt.

Or as we say in show business, we have bombed out.

- Bombed out?

- The reason for our financial problem

is due to the increased cost of government

and the lack of revenue.

However, I believe I have found a simple way

to get our state back in the black.

Here's what I'm going to do.

I'm going to raise taxes 52%.

- 52%!

- Come to think of it, he wasn't a very good actor either.

- In addition to raising taxes,

I intend to institute a strict economy wave.

I am doing this by closing our unemployment offices,

shutting down 12 of our colleges,

and cutting our highway patrol in half.

- If he's going to cut the highway patrol in half,

we're going to have an awful lot of

short highway patrolmen running around.

- And so, my fellow citizens,

I close by reminding you of our state motto,

"Have a good day."

- What are you doing?

- Oh, I'm writing a letter.

- You write a pretty nice typewriter.

Who are you writing to?

- The governor.

- Oh, be sure to tell him how much we liked him

and Miriam Hopkins in "Her Land is Lost".

- We didn't even see that.

- Tell him anyway.

You know how actors like it when you flatten them.

- Flatter.

I'm not writing this letter to flatten him any...

To flatter him.

I'm protesting his tax raise.

- Aren't there two Ls in "knucklehead"?

- No.

- What about "jackass"?

Shouldn't that be a capital J?

- In my opinion, he's a small J jackass.

- Who's a small J jackass?

- The governor.

- Oh, I thought you was writing to your mother-in-law again.

- Eb, please.

- Why are you socking it to the governor?

- Didn't you hear his speech?

He's gonna raise our taxes 52%.

- That's fine with me.

- Fine? - Yeah.

- I paid $1.87 last year.

I figure I can be a sport for another 75 cents.

- Why don't you be a sport for 75 cents?

- Because I pay a lot more than that.

Somebody's got to protest.

- Aren't there two Ls in "knucklehead"?

- No!

- Well, if the state hadn't closed the colleges,

I could take a course in spelling.

- Do you mind if I finish this?

- You're wasting your time.

- I'm not wasting my time.

You ought to make yourself heard about the tax raise.

Why don't you write a letter to the governor?

Everybody in town ought to write one.

- Oliver, remember the last time you told everybody in town

to write to the electricical company?

- Yeah, it got action, didn't it?

- Yes, they cut off our electricical.

- That's beside the point.

We were unhappy, and we let them know it.

- Yeah, they let us know it, too.

- Look, it's every citizen's duty to find injustice.

The way our forefathers did

when King George taxed the colonists' tea.

They didn't pay the tax.

They answered by dumping the tea in Boston Harbor.

- This doesn't seem like a dumping situation to me.

- What's the sense of talking to you two?

Let me finish the letter, huh?

If they get enough protest, maybe they'll do something.

- Whoa.

- Mr. Kimball, what is that?

- What is what?

- What is this you're riding?

- Oh, this?

It's a jackass.

With a small J.

- Well, where's your truck?

- The state took it away from me.

I'm a victim of the economy wave.

Well, it's not a wave, it's more of a...

- Whatever it is, it's ridiculous.

- Huh, you think that's ridiculous?

You did think that was ridiculous, didn't you?

- Yeah.

- Well, they're closing up my office.

- If you don't have an office,

where are you gonna do your work?

- Well, that's a very good question.

For which I have a very sad answer.

They fired me.

- What?

- Yeah, from now on, I'll be spending most of my time

at the unemployment office.

No, they're closing that, too.

Well, I can always teach at college.

No, they're closing them, too.

- What are the farmers around here gonna do

without a county agent?

- Guess they'll just have to find somebody else to laugh at.

- Look, Mr. Kimball.

Are there any other services the governor is curtailing?

- Oh, it's nothing important.

Unless you've tried to use your phone lately.

- The governor can't do anything about the phone service.

That's a private company.

- That's right.

But the president of the phone company's brother-in-law

worked for the state alcoholic commission,

and they let him go and the president of the phone company

got mad and disconnected the state.

- Oh!

This has gone far enough.

I'm gonna get the people of this town together,

and we'll make our collective voices heard

in the state capital.

- He says to leave him out of it.

- Quiet, quiet, quiet.

Could I have your attention?

Could I have your attention, please?

- Use the gavel.

- There isn't any.

- There isn't any gavel?

Would you care to buy one?

- Haney, will you be quiet?

- Ladies and gentlemen, look.

I'd hoped for a larger turnout for this important meeting.

- That's because a lot of people around here

have come to your important meetings before

and found them to be nothing but big time wasters.

- Mr. Ziffel.

- I think you ought to listen to what my husband has to say.

- Ladies and gentlemen, you all know

what our governor proposes to do.

He's increased the taxes.

He's cut down on essential services.

He shut down some of our colleges.

This morning, I learned that

they closed Mr. Kimball's office and fired him.

Hooray!

- Well, thank you.

Thank you all for that warm round of applause.

- Would you please sit down?

Now, in my opinion, no citizen can survive

under the proposed tax increase.

We've got to take some kind of action

to make our feelings known in the state capital.

So, I'm throwing this meeting open to suggestions.

- How about a singing telegram?

- A singing... - I'll vote for that.

What'll we sing?

- How about "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"

with new words?

- Look, folks, please.

Can we have a serious suggestion?

- I have a serious suggestion.

- Well, let's hear it.

- It'll cost you $35.

- Mr. Haney, we're not here to buy suggestions.

- Well, I ain't here to give them for nothing.

- Oh, you miser... - Mr. Chairman?

- Yes, what is it?

- Well, when my father was the king...

- Lisa, Lisa, we don't want to hear about...

- Oh, yes we do.

What happened with your father the king?

- Well, the Hungarian parliament

wanted to raise everybody's taxes.

And since my father was the king

and the highest paid person in Hungary,

it would have cost him plenty.

- Yes, fine, now...

- What did your father do?

- Well, he told them he wasn't going to pay any more taxes

and that he was succeeding from Hungary.

- Seceding.

- That's right, he succeeded in seceding.

He pulled up his drawbridge, and he said,

"Fellas, I am no longer with you.

"I am joining Czechoslovakia."

- I'm for that.

Why don't we join Czechoslovakia?

- Why don't we join something we can spell?

- Look, please, let's be sensible.

- He's right.

We don't have a drawbridge to pull up.

- Well, we can tear down the bridge over Simpson Swamp.

- That's a good idea.

- It's not a good idea.

- I don't think Hooterville should join up

with a foreign country.

Why don't we join up with some other state

that has lower taxes?

- How about Nevada?

- That's even a better idea.

- It's not a better idea.

- Who's gonna write the letter?

- How about my husband?

He's got a typewriter.

Yeah.

- Hold on, no no no no.

I'm not getting involved in this, count me out.

- Now that the sorehead's gone, maybe we can get somewhere.

- Don't you want to know what happened last night

after you left the meeting?

- I'm not interested.

- But don't you want to know what they decided to do?

- I don't want to hear about it.

Whatever they said does not concern me.

- Mr. Douglas, I heard there's a story about you

in the newspaper.

- About me?

- Yeah, did you see it?

- No, the paper hasn't come yet.

- Hey, this is the third day it's been late.

- Well, Arnold didn't learn the whole route yet.

- Arnold?

- Yes, he took over for Willy Wilkins

so Willy can have the measles.

- How could a stupid pig deliver a newspaper?

Well, the paper pig is here.

- Hello there, Arnold.

- Well, let go of it!

- He wants his money.

- I've already paid Willy for this month.

- He wants to see your receipt.

- I don't know where I...

Look, I'm not gonna stand here and argue with a pig.

- Arnold, I'm sure Mr. Douglas paid Willy.

- Lucky for him the price of pork is down.

What the?

"Hooterville secedes from"...

- That's what I was trying to tell you.

That's what happened last night after you left the meeting.

- Well, that's the most... - Hi.

- "By an overwhelming vote last night,

"the people of Hooterville decided

"to pull up the bridge over Simpson Swamp

"and form their own kingdom."

- The Kingdom of Hooterville.

- Of all the...

- They decided to do what Mrs. Douglas' father did.

- Yes, they thought it was a great idea after I told them

how well my father did with his drawbridge up.

- They can't do that.

- Can I see that?

Holy Toledo.

Your majesty.

- What?

I'll be. King Oliver?

They can't.

And where did the crown come from?

- Remember last night when you ate the bread

and you thought it had that expensive spread on it?

But it wasn't expensive spread, it was oleomargarine.

- Oh my aching...

- You deserve to be king, Oliver.

- You sure do, sire.

If you hadn't come up with the idea

for us to secede from the union,

Hooterville would still be where it was yesterday.

- Oh, Oliver, I am so proud of you.

My husband, the king.

- King Oliver the First?

What is this nonsense?

- Hooterville seceded from the state.

- Well, they can't do that.

- They tried to join Nevada, but they refused them.

- But setting up a kingdom.

Get the king or the mayor or somebody on the phone.

- We can't, your brother-in-law has disconnected the state.

- Oh, that dirty... This is anarchy.

Send the National Guard.

- We can't, you disbanded them under your economy wave.

- Well, there must be something we can do to stop them.

- I wouldn't worry too much, sir.

They've cut themselves off from the state,

but they can't exist as an island.

- You're right.

In a couple of days,

they'll be begging us to take them back.

- Yes, sir.

Oh, incidentally, it's almost 11 o'clock.

- What about it?

- They're showing your picture "Her Land is Lost"

on the early morning movie matinee.

- Oh!

Good, good!

Turn on the set.

- Yes, sir.

- The first thing we got to arrange for

is Mr. Douglas' carnation.

- Coronation.

- Well, whatever it is, I got a coach and six horses

left over from the Cinderella pageant that I'd be glad

to rent to the kingdom for a nominal fee.

- I think we ought to let the king walk.

- Yeah, it's more democratic.

It'll bring him closer to us peasants.

- Where we gonna hold the carnation?

- I can get us a good deal on Hinkley's barn.

Your majesty.

- Oh now, stop bowing, will you?

I'm not your maj... I'm not anybody's majesty.

- You must excuse him.

He isn't used to the king business yet.

- Hey, we're glad you showed up.

We're trying to figure out your carnation.

- He means coronation.

- How would you know?

- You seem to have forgot that I am the one

whose father drew up his drawbridge.

- About you carnation ball, your kingship.

Now, which band would you like?

- Why don't we use our own band?

The Royal Grenadine Guards.

- What Grenadine Guards?

- That's what we're calling the volunteer fire department.

- Pretty royal, huh?

- I have to buy a new dress for the carnation.

- The coronation.

- You're learning the king business fast.

- Look, once and for all, I'm not a king!

This is not a kingdom!

- It is now!

- What is that?

- They blew up the bridge over Simpson Swamp,

inaugurating our new kingdom.

- It's easy to see why you won that Roscoe Award, governor.

- It really should've gone to Wallace Barry, but...

We interrupt the morning movie matinee

to bring you a special bulletin.

This morning, an historic event took place in Hooterville.

As the citizens of this community blow up this bridge

to signal the founding of The Kingdom of Hooterville.

- They blew up the bridge?

They can't do that, it's state property.

- Not anymore.

- What's that?

- The phone.

- I thought it was disconnected.

- It's the hotline to the White House.

- Hello.

Oh, good morning, Mr. President.

Yes yes, I just saw it.

Yes, it was quite an explosion, wasn't it?

What?

It's just a small uprising

because I raised the taxes 52% and...

I can't call them.

See, my brother-in-law disconnected the state.

Well, it's a long, involved story.

Don't worry about it, sir.

I'll take care of it personally.

Good talking to you.

And have a good day.

The president thinks it would be a good idea

if I went down there and tried to straighten out this mess.

Order my limousine, the bulletproof one.

It's times like these when I wish

I were back at Warner Bros.

- Do you think it's right for the king

to be eating in the kitchen?

- When my father was the king, he always ate in the kitchen.

- That's because your mother wouldn't let him eat

in the dining room.

- I think he ought to have a more kingly repast

than toast and coffee.

- Will you knock it off.

I am not the...

- I'll answer it, sire.

- Well, answer it.

- You haven't given me permission to withdraw.

- Withdraw, you...

- Oh, Oliver, isn't America a wonderful country?

One day you're nothing, and the next day you're a king.

- Look, is my toast ready yet?

- Uh-uh.

- Yes?

- I'd like to see Mr. Douglas.

- There's no Mr. Douglas here, just King Oliver the One.

- That's him.

Where is he?

- Who are you?

- Just tell him that Governor Carstairs is here.

- King Oliver the One never sees anybody

without an appointment.

- Now see here.

- Eb, who's there?

- Governor Carport.

- Carstairs.

- Bring him in.

- Governor Carstairs. - That's right.

- Why are your feet squishing like that?

- My shoes are full of water.

I had to walk through Simpson Swamp.

- Oh yes, they blew up the...

- Oh, Oliver, your toast just popped out.

- Oh, fine.

Would you have something to eat, governor?

- No, thanks.

- Don't sit down without his majesty's permission.

- You're going to jail.

- Shoo.

Look, I'm sorry, governor.

- So, you're the nut that's responsible

for starting this kingdom.

- He's the one.

- I didn't start it.

- Then how come you're the king?

- I'm not the king.

- And where did that crown come from?

- That's the oleomargarine I use.

- You know, you've made a lot of trouble for me.

- You're the one that made all the trouble.

If you hadn't said you were gonna raise the taxes...

- I had to, the state is bankrupt.

It's the only way I could think of raising money.

- There is another way.

- Oh, Lisa.

- Let her talk.

- Well, you were in the movies, weren't you?

- Well, yes.

- You were pretty big star.

- There wasn't anybody bigger, except maybe Rin Tin Tin.

My pictures made millions.

- There is your answer.

- Where's his answer?

- Well, the governor could have a movie festival

of all his pictures and all the money the theaters make

they would have to pay to the state.

- Yes, the Governor Carstairs Film Festival.

I imagine every citizen in the state would come to see them.

- To be on the safe side,

you could pass a law to make them go.

- Mrs. Doulgas, that's a brilliant idea.

Why, they'd flock to the theaters

to see such great pictures of mine as "Her Land is Lost"

and that great Western I made with Joel McCray,

"Hoof Prints Across the Mojave".

- The one I liked the best was a war story you did.

What was the name of that?

- War story?

That must have been one of my earlier pictures.

Now, what was the name of that?

- That's it!

"The Son of the Kaiser".

This has been a Filmways presentation, darling.