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1
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,251
- Just had to get
out of the house
2
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:10,520
before Fred and I got
into another argument.
3
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:11,544
- Oh?
4
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,657
What are you and
Mr. Ziffel arguing about?
5
00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:15,993
- Television.
6
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:18,495
I wanna watch the
pro football reruns,
7
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,330
he wants to watch
the soap operas.
8
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:21,865
You know he's got a real
9
00:00:21,889 --> 00:00:25,002
thing for the Adventures
of Prudence Pennypacker?
10
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,470
- Oh?
11
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:27,437
Who is she?
12
00:00:27,461 --> 00:00:29,072
Is she a good one?
13
00:00:29,096 --> 00:00:30,773
- Believe me, she's
no Joe Namath.
14
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:34,978
- Lisa, look what happened
to my new sport coat.
15
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:35,845
Hello, Mrs. Ziffel.
16
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:36,813
- Hi, Mr. Douglas.
17
00:00:36,837 --> 00:00:39,549
- Oliver, it's not very polite
18
00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,351
to schtand in
front of Mrs. Ziffel
19
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,220
in your naked shirt sleeves.
20
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:45,989
Well, I just wanted
to show you the coat,
21
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:48,525
the cleaners couldn't
get the oil stains out.
22
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:49,614
- No problem.
23
00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:52,095
- No problem?
24
00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:54,197
- Oh, nothing will get
the stains outta that.
25
00:00:54,221 --> 00:00:56,500
What did you go,
fall in a salad bowl?
26
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,435
- I was checking
the oil in my car.
27
00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,739
- Oh, you fell on the crankcase.
28
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,740
- No, I...
- Well what did you fall in?
29
00:01:03,764 --> 00:01:05,208
- I didn't fall in...
30
00:01:05,232 --> 00:01:07,911
- This should clean up
your coat in a schpickle.
31
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,346
- What is that?
32
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,814
- Uncle Boris sent it
to me from Budapest.
33
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:14,751
He discovered it,
it's a cleaning fluid.
34
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:17,020
I've been waiting for you
to do something schluppy
35
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:18,721
so that I could try it out.
36
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,301
- Oh, it's nice that you
finally came through for her.
37
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,795
- I wish you wouldn't
use that on my coat.
38
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:26,729
Lisa, don't!
39
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:29,566
That's cashmere, it costs...
40
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,256
- Well, here we are!
41
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:35,738
- Well I'll be, that's the
greatest thing I ever seen!
42
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,041
- I can't believe
it, it really worked!
43
00:01:38,065 --> 00:01:40,877
Which is more than anyone
can say for your Uncle Boris.
44
00:02:01,054 --> 00:02:04,534
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
45
00:02:04,558 --> 00:02:08,572
♪ Farm living is the life for me
46
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:12,509
♪ Land spreading
out, so far and wide
47
00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:16,546
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
48
00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:20,584
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
49
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:24,488
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
50
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:28,558
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
51
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:32,751
♪ Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
52
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:39,802
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
53
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:42,606
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
54
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:44,541
♪ Goodbye, city life
55
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:48,133
♪ Green Acres we are there
56
00:03:02,049 --> 00:03:03,426
And now for today's episode
57
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:04,961
of Prudence Pennypacker.
58
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:08,698
Today's episode is not
recommended for children
59
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:12,035
due to its raw passion, and
highly provocative theme.
60
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,306
- Okay Arnold, into your room.
61
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,277
Don't argue with
me, a boy of your age
62
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:22,412
ain't ready for this
highly provocative stuff.
63
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,550
I don't care how
many Fellini pictures
64
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:27,817
you've seen, go to your room.
65
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,955
Are the children
out of the room?
66
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:35,625
- Yeah, hit me with
that raw passion.
67
00:03:37,084 --> 00:03:39,696
Now for Prudence Pennypacker.
68
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,198
- Fred I got, oh,
are you looking
69
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:42,265
at that thing again?
70
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,434
- Now Doris, don't bug me.
71
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,936
I don't bug you when the
Green Bay Packers are on.
72
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,739
You'll remember that yesterday,
73
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:51,908
we left Prudence and
Carl Watson stranded
74
00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:54,077
in Walker Cartwright's
mountain cabin,
75
00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,478
huddled together in a blanket
76
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,347
to keep from freezing to death!
77
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,048
- Yeah, I remember, I remember.
78
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:05,488
Now doggone it, Doris,
you're gonna regret that.
79
00:04:05,512 --> 00:04:08,325
Some day you and I will
trapped in a mountain cabin,
80
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,460
freezing to death, and
we won't know what to do.
81
00:04:11,818 --> 00:04:13,029
- Fred, you know what this is?
82
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:14,297
- How do I know?
83
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,881
You drink something
different every day!
84
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,935
- This is cleaning fluid.
85
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:20,159
- When did you switch to that?
86
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,641
- It's cleaning fluid
Ms. Douglas give me.
87
00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:26,243
I brought it home
so you could take
88
00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:27,777
that spot out of the rug.
89
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,979
- Now you know
we've tried everything,
90
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,415
nothing's gonna
take that spot out.
91
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,816
- This will.
92
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,051
Come on, get going.
93
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,219
- Aw.
94
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,360
- What's a matter?
95
00:04:43,384 --> 00:04:44,661
- My war wound's acting up.
96
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,731
- Only time you was
wounded was when the MPs
97
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:48,898
threw you out of the bar.
98
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:54,371
- Now have a little
respect for my Purple Heart.
99
00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:56,806
- I got as much respect
for your Purple Heart
100
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,308
as I got for your red nose.
101
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,044
- Now see here.
102
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,446
- Oh, gimme that.
103
00:05:08,875 --> 00:05:11,154
- You're just wasting your time.
104
00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:13,912
Nothing gonna
take that spot out.
105
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,663
Well, I'll be a dirty...
106
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:22,031
- You watch your mouth,
Arnold's in the next room.
107
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:24,489
- Let me see that!
108
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:28,070
This stuff is miracle.
109
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,211
- Boy, I've been
waiting for this.
110
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:38,581
Just hope they sent
me the right size.
111
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:41,184
Ah, seven and an
eight, chestnut brown.
112
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:51,983
It's a little slick, wonder
where I put my scalp rosin.
113
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:54,664
- Hi, Sam.
114
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:55,498
- Oh hi, Hank.
115
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:58,156
- How are things
to... Don't move, Sam.
116
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,273
- Hank, what are ya...
117
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,242
- No, Sam, back
off, I'll handle this.
118
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:08,667
- Whaddya think you're doing?
119
00:06:09,936 --> 00:06:12,349
- Won't have to be
afraid of him anymore.
120
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:14,283
Or is it a her?
121
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,753
No, I don't think
caterpillars have any sex,
122
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,154
guess it wouldn't be much fun
123
00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:19,178
to be a caterpillar, huh?
124
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:23,292
- You stupid, that's
my new toupee.
125
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,316
See?
126
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:28,197
- Tell you the truth,
Sam, probably look
127
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,632
better on the caterpillar.
128
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:32,001
- This is real hair.
129
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,870
It's the best toupee
money can buy.
130
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,238
- It is?
131
00:06:35,262 --> 00:06:36,806
Let me see that.
132
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:38,040
- Let go of that, will ya?
133
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,184
- Don't worry, Sam, I can...
134
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:42,345
- Right in the pickle barrel!
135
00:06:42,369 --> 00:06:43,546
You dumb, idiot,
136
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,114
I never saw anybody
who would do a,
137
00:06:45,138 --> 00:06:47,406
get out of my way, will ya?
138
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,289
Look at that, it's green!
139
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,458
- Yeah, good toupee
shouldn't do that.
140
00:06:55,482 --> 00:06:57,560
Looks like you got
stuck with a lemon.
141
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,562
No, looks more like a lime.
142
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,098
- You miserable...
- Hi fellas.
143
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:03,833
- Oh hi, Fred.
144
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,201
- Sam, you been fishing?
145
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:06,135
- No.
146
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,470
- Where'd you get that seaweed?
147
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,874
- That ain't seaweed,
it's my new toupee.
148
00:07:10,898 --> 00:07:13,276
- Oh, you got one in green, huh?
149
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,612
Well, weirder things
than that have caught on.
150
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,981
- It's green because
it fell in a pickle barrel,
151
00:07:19,005 --> 00:07:19,849
it's ruined!
152
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:21,317
- Well, maybe not.
153
00:07:21,341 --> 00:07:24,287
Mrs. Douglas has this
Hungarian cleaning fluid.
154
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:25,522
- He doesn't wanna
clean a Hungarian,
155
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:26,856
he wants to clean his toupee.
156
00:07:28,482 --> 00:07:31,193
- It's the greatest
thing I ever saw.
157
00:07:31,217 --> 00:07:34,764
Took a stain out of our rug
that's been there for years.
158
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,733
- Wonder if Mrs. Douglas
would lend me some?
159
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,909
- Oh, Mr. Drucker,
come in, come in!
160
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,343
- Thank you.
161
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,345
- What can I do for you?
162
00:07:49,369 --> 00:07:51,347
- Well, it's kinda personal.
163
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,281
- Oh?
164
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,750
Well my husband isn't home.
165
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:56,252
- Oh, well then maybe we
better leave the door open.
166
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:57,954
- Why?
167
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,989
How personal is it?
168
00:08:00,013 --> 00:08:03,125
- Oh, it's not that
kind of personal.
169
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:06,395
- Why, Mr. Drucker,
you are blushing!
170
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:07,419
- Well...
171
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:10,266
- Come on, come
inside and sit down
172
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,390
and tell me all about it.
173
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:15,738
- Yeah, well you probably heard
174
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:18,441
that I don't have any hair.
175
00:08:18,465 --> 00:08:20,142
- Yes, somebody told me that.
176
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,879
- Heck, a lotta
people say I'm bald.
177
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,248
- Well, you know
how people talk.
178
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:28,718
- There are times when a fella
179
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:32,388
wants to look younger,
so, well I bought this.
180
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,558
- There's nothing
to be afraid of.
181
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:37,326
It's a toupee.
182
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,561
- Oh?
183
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,162
It's a pretty color.
184
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:41,498
It matches your eyes.
185
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,033
- Well it's not supposed
to be this color.
186
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,434
You see it was chestnut brown,
187
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,370
but that stupid
Hank Kimball threw it
188
00:08:47,394 --> 00:08:49,238
in the pickle barrel, and well,
189
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:51,474
this is the way it came out.
190
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:52,976
- How can I help you?
191
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,777
- Fred Ziffel said you,
"Had some kind of miracle
192
00:08:54,801 --> 00:08:57,413
"cleaning fluid that might
take the green out of this."
193
00:08:57,437 --> 00:09:00,216
- Oh, you mean my
Uncle Boris' schtuff!
194
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,450
- Your Uncle Boris?
195
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,520
- Yes, he invented it.
196
00:09:03,544 --> 00:09:06,455
He's a genius, on
my father's side.
197
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,090
He sent it to me.
198
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,826
- Sure is powerful looking.
199
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,728
- Well it will clean anything!
200
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:12,752
- Even this?
201
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:14,697
- I can't believe it.
202
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,132
Is that the same green thing
203
00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:17,956
that was swimming
around in the pickle barrel?
204
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,336
- It wasn't swimming.
205
00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:23,105
- And all Mrs. Douglas
did was dip it in this, huh?
206
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,129
- Yeah.
207
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,144
It didn't even shrink.
208
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,079
- Howdy fellers!
209
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,814
- Oh hello, Haney.
210
00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,183
- Well, little early to
be drinking, ain't it?
211
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:36,986
- That's not for drinking,
that's cleaning fluid.
212
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:40,757
- Oh, I've seen this
phony stuff before.
213
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:41,591
- Where?
214
00:09:41,615 --> 00:09:42,615
- There.
215
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:44,627
- This ain't phony,
this is the greatest
216
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:46,062
cleaning fluid I ever saw.
217
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,797
- Yeah, took the big
stains out of Mr. Douglas'
218
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:50,399
sport coat, and the
spots out of Fred's rug,
219
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:53,603
and it de-greened Sam's toupee.
220
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:57,273
- I never heard of nothing
that'll clean a toupee.
221
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:58,541
- No?
222
00:09:58,565 --> 00:10:00,109
Watch this.
223
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:02,668
- Hey!
224
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,671
- Hank, what did ya...
225
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:14,724
Look at that.
226
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,025
- It's no worse
than it was before,
227
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:17,326
maybe a little more slimy.
228
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:19,428
- Oh, you...
- Hey, just dip it
229
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,965
in the cleaning solution!
230
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:24,366
- Nothing'll take that out.
231
00:10:24,390 --> 00:10:26,402
- Would you like
to make a little bet?
232
00:10:26,426 --> 00:10:28,972
- Yeah, I'll wager two dollars.
233
00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,172
- You're on.
234
00:10:30,196 --> 00:10:31,874
Sam, put up your two dollars.
235
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:33,733
- I'm not betting.
236
00:10:43,276 --> 00:10:44,821
- You owe Sam two dollars.
237
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,522
- Oh, well he didn't bet.
238
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,758
- Oh, then I guess I
owe you the two dollars.
239
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,427
- You don't owe him anything.
240
00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:52,962
- Well it looks
like it's gonna be
241
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,432
a very spotty day, so I'll
take a bottle of that stuff.
242
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,434
- You can't buy it,
Mrs. Douglas uncle
243
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,770
makes it, and she
gave me this sample.
244
00:11:00,794 --> 00:11:04,340
- Oh, I suppose
he has it patented.
245
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,207
- I don't know.
246
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,142
- How could he?
247
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,510
He lives in Hungary.
248
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,534
- Oh!
249
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:11,881
In that case, I'll
be running along.
250
00:11:15,642 --> 00:11:17,586
- Oh hello there, Mr. Haney!
251
00:11:17,610 --> 00:11:19,421
- Mrs. Douglas if you don't look
252
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,490
as pretty as a
hummingbird perched
253
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,392
on a peck of peaches.
254
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,028
- Thank you.
255
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,629
Oh, you better put those flowers
256
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:29,098
in some water,
they look a little sick.
257
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,300
- That's cause I found
em in a hospital room.
258
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:33,836
They're for you.
259
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,404
- Thank you.
260
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:38,607
Mr. Haney, you have a
big schpot on your coat.
261
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:39,631
- I do?
262
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,444
Well how did that get there?
263
00:11:43,804 --> 00:11:45,381
I don't suppose you
would have anything
264
00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:46,983
that would clean it?
265
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,617
- As a matter of fact,
I have a wonderful
266
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:51,287
cleaning fluid that would
take it out in a minute!
267
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,655
- Oh, well now, I
don't wanna put you
268
00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,090
in any trouble, why don't you
269
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:56,258
just give me the
formuler, and I'll
270
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:59,028
have it made up, and
then I'll clean it myself.
271
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,763
- Well I don't have the formula.
272
00:12:00,787 --> 00:12:02,498
- Oh, who does?
273
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:03,900
- My Uncle Boris.
274
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,669
- Uh, well where could
I get in touch with him?
275
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:09,271
- Well he lives in Budapest,
but he disappeared,
276
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,473
and I don't know
where he is now.
277
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:15,078
- Hey, I didn't
realize it was so late.
278
00:12:15,102 --> 00:12:16,879
I'll tell ya, if you don't mind,
279
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,381
I'll just take a small
sample of the fluid,
280
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:22,018
and then I'll de-spot
myself at home.
281
00:12:24,211 --> 00:12:26,122
- Mr. Haney gave you those?
282
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:28,224
- Yes, aren't they beautiful?
283
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,058
- They weren't even beautiful
284
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,082
when they were alive.
285
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,629
- But anyway, it was
very nice of Mr. Haney.
286
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,497
- If he gave you
something for nothing,
287
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:36,465
there must have been a reason,
288
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:37,900
now what was he after?
289
00:12:37,924 --> 00:12:40,770
- Nothing, all he wanted
was to get the schpot
290
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,471
out of his coat.
291
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,706
- Oh.
292
00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,041
- He didn't even
want to bother me
293
00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,643
to use the cleaning
fluid, he just wanted me
294
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:51,680
to give him the formula,
and he'll take it from there.
295
00:12:51,704 --> 00:12:52,949
- The formula?
296
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,617
- I didn't have
it, so I made him
297
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,886
take a sample of
the cleaning fluid.
298
00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:58,243
- You made him...
299
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:02,024
Lisa, you know what
he's going to do with that?
300
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:05,128
- He's going to
take his schpots out.
301
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,029
- He's going to
steal the formula!
302
00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:09,866
He'll take it to a
chemist, have it analyzed!
303
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:12,601
- Mr. Haney wouldn't
do a thing like that.
304
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,172
- Why can't you analyze it now?
305
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:18,641
- I'm a pharmacist,
not a chemist.
306
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:19,976
- What's the difference?
307
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,278
Burt, I've got to have this.
308
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:26,582
- I can't do it now, this is
my busiest time of the year,
309
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:28,550
the virus season.
310
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,020
- Hey, maybe I could
make up the prescriptions
311
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:33,156
for you, while you're
working on this.
312
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,492
- Haney, just put it down.
313
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:38,895
I'll get to it as fast as I can.
314
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,530
- Hank, you've been
hanging around here all day,
315
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,865
aren't you supposed
to go to your office?
316
00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,867
- I can't, I lost the key.
317
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:46,202
- Can't you climb in the window?
318
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:47,536
- No, I lost the ladder.
319
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,639
- Oh, of all the...
- Hello, Mr. Drucker!
320
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,574
- Ah Mr. Wilkins,
nice to see you again!
321
00:13:52,598 --> 00:13:54,243
This is Hank Kimball,
our county agent.
322
00:13:54,267 --> 00:13:55,444
- How do ya do?
323
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:56,645
- How do I do what?
324
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,416
- Still representing Household
Chemical Company?
325
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,200
- No, I'm with the
Department of Agriculture.
326
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,921
- Hank, sit down and be quiet.
327
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:07,456
- I have a whole new line
of household chemicals
328
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,960
that I think you'll
be interested in.
329
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,296
Here's a great new
mosquito repellent.
330
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,831
- Oh no, I don't
need any of that,
331
00:14:14,855 --> 00:14:17,666
I still have 22 bottles
of citronella left.
332
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,767
- Hey Sam, this
is pretty good stuff,
333
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:21,603
it contains paramenthol
hydroformate.
334
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:22,438
- What's that?
335
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:23,462
- Citronella.
336
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:25,541
- What's this stuff?
337
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,476
- That's a new dry
cleaning fluid we're featuring.
338
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,012
Guaranteed to clean
practically anything.
339
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:30,847
- Oh yeah?
340
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:31,871
We'll see.
341
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:34,717
Hank, don't!
342
00:14:34,741 --> 00:14:36,118
Oh, for the love of Mike.
343
00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,723
- Let's see you clean that.
344
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,893
- I'm afraid nothing
would clean that.
345
00:14:43,917 --> 00:14:45,261
Show him, Sam.
346
00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:00,142
- That's amazing.
347
00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,077
Where did you get it?
348
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,511
- Mrs. Douglas gave it to me.
349
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,181
- Yeah, her uncle invented it.
350
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,715
- Do you happen
to know what's in it?
351
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,818
- Three parts horseradish,
two parts paprika,
352
00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:13,844
a trace of garlic, water,
a boiled potato, and...
353
00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:19,628
- That don't sound like
no cleaning fluid to me.
354
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,230
- It isn't, it's cabbage soup.
355
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,667
- Cabbage soup?
356
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:29,471
- Yeah, the main ingredient
is shredded cabbage.
357
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:32,141
- Would this stuff
take out stains?
358
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:35,077
- No, the only
thing it's good for
359
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:36,612
is giving you heartburn.
360
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:38,714
- My company would be interested
361
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,383
if this cleaning
fluid is half as good
362
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:41,951
as everybody says it is.
363
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,486
- Normally, I'd be
skeptical of anything
364
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,055
my wife's uncle came up with,
365
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:48,157
but this really works.
366
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,726
- Well I saw what it did
for Mr. Drucker's toupee,
367
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:53,796
but does it take the
stains out of fabrics?
368
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,832
- Would you believe this jacket
369
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,601
had two big oil spots
on the sleeve here?
370
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,436
- Oil?
371
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,171
That's hard to believe.
372
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:03,705
- Would you believe ketchup?
373
00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,674
Ketchup?
374
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,310
Oh!
375
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,877
- Lisa!
376
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:12,315
- Mrs. Douglas, this is
a very expensive suit!
377
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:14,050
- Don't worry!
378
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,018
How about a little muschturd?
379
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:19,721
- Lisa, you're...
380
00:16:19,745 --> 00:16:21,790
- Coffee's very hard to get out.
381
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:27,563
Don't worry, I'll
get it out in schpiffy.
382
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,255
All I have to do is, uh-oh.
383
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:37,295
I used up all the
cleaning fluid.
384
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:41,010
Don't worry,
Mr. Drucker has some.
385
00:16:42,402 --> 00:16:43,679
- I'm sorry Mrs.
Douglas, I used it all up
386
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,181
cleaning my toupee.
387
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,615
- Oh?
388
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:49,285
Why that's alright, I
gave some to Mr. Ziffel.
389
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:52,455
- No, I'm sorry, Mrs. Douglas,
390
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,657
I used most of it on the rug.
391
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,659
The rest of it I used
to get the chop suey
392
00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,062
stains out of Doris' forma.
393
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:02,598
- That's alright,
Mr. Haney has some.
394
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:09,571
Mr. Drucker and Mr. Ziffel
didn't have any more left,
395
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:12,941
and I called Mr. Haney,
but he was out.
396
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,810
- What am I going to do now?
397
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,479
- Well, I could send to Hungary
398
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,547
and try to get another bottle.
399
00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:21,083
- Mrs. Douglas, I have
a lot of calls to make,
400
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,719
and this is the only
suit I have with me.
401
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:25,754
- Look, Mr. Wilkins,
if you'll take it off,
402
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:27,390
I'll drive into
Pixley and have it
403
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,358
dry cleaned, right away.
404
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,727
- Oh well I don't have
any bathrobe or anything.
405
00:17:31,751 --> 00:17:32,895
- Oh I've got a bathrobe.
406
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,397
Come on, you can
change in the bedroom.
407
00:17:34,421 --> 00:17:35,421
Go on in there.
408
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:45,341
- Hello there, Mr. Haney.
409
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,642
What can I do for you?
410
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:48,499
- You can give me $73.
411
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:51,813
- What for?
412
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:54,383
- That's what it cost
to have that Hungarian
413
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,753
cleaning fluid analyzed,
as you suggested.
414
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,256
- I didn't suggest it!
415
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:01,890
- Well somebody did.
416
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,393
You know what that
so called cleaning fluid
417
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,162
turned out to be?
418
00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:07,251
Cabbage soup!
419
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,653
- Cabbage soup?
420
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,468
No, it was cleaning fluid.
421
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,659
- Not according to
the $79 analysisis.
422
00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:18,874
- I thought it was 73.
423
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:21,810
- Well, the other $6 was
for the bouquet of flowers
424
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:22,834
that I gave you.
425
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:27,883
- Well, why don't you talk
to Mr. Douglas about it?
426
00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:30,119
- Why don't we settle for $16,
427
00:18:30,143 --> 00:18:31,487
and just leave him out of it?
428
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:36,892
- Mr. Haney, I'm not going
to give you any money.
429
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:40,129
- Then you'll hear from my
solicitators in the morning!
430
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,634
- Oh, was that Mr. Douglas?
431
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,403
- No, it was Mr. Haney.
432
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:49,071
- Well he's been
gone almost two hours.
433
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,339
When will he get back?
434
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,175
- I don't know, but
it's too bad he went!
435
00:18:53,199 --> 00:18:55,478
I could have made some
more of that cleaning fluid,
436
00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:58,481
and taken the
schpots out for you.
437
00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,681
- You know how to make it?
438
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:00,716
- I know now!
439
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:01,984
Do you know what it is?
440
00:19:02,008 --> 00:19:02,818
- What?
441
00:19:02,842 --> 00:19:04,052
- Cabbage soup!
442
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:06,555
- Cabbage soup.
443
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,425
- You see, my Uncle Boris
always used my Aunt Sophie's
444
00:19:09,449 --> 00:19:11,227
cooking for his invention.
445
00:19:11,251 --> 00:19:13,762
He said he, "Couldn't
eat her cooking,
446
00:19:13,786 --> 00:19:15,664
"so he might as well
use it for something."
447
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,167
- That's very...
448
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:20,503
- Now I've taken my Aunt
Sophie's beef borscht,
449
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:24,039
Uncle Boris sold that to
take the rust out of pipes.
450
00:19:25,632 --> 00:19:26,808
- Rust out of...
451
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,076
- I should have known
the cleaning fluid
452
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,179
was from something to eat.
453
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:34,372
Cabbage soup, I have my Aunt
Sophie's recipe here somewhere.
454
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:38,120
Do you want to help me make it?
455
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:40,088
- No, I think I'll
just go back in
456
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,957
and see a little
more television.
457
00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:59,141
- Sorry Mr. Douglas,
I... Who are you?
458
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:00,609
- My name is Wilkins.
459
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:03,712
- May I ask what you're
doing in the master's bathrobe,
460
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,947
lying in the master's
bed, and what have you
461
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:08,450
done with the master's mistress?
462
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:09,418
- I haven't.
463
00:20:09,442 --> 00:20:10,686
- Where is the master?
464
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,422
- Well he's up at Pixley
for a couple of hours.
465
00:20:13,446 --> 00:20:16,158
- And you thought you'd
sneak in and take over?
466
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:17,926
- No, I...
- You cad!
467
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:20,329
- You don't understand.
468
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:21,597
- Oh no?
469
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,332
I've seen enough of
those X-rated movies
470
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:24,756
to know what's
going on around here.
471
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:28,003
Well you're not gonna
break up this marriage,
472
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:30,306
no matter how unhappy
the participants are!
473
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,409
- Now look...
- Out!
474
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:34,643
- Now see here...
- Outta here!
475
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,911
And if I ever catch
you around here again,
476
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:38,046
I'll thrash you within
an inch of your life!
477
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,116
- Where is Mr. Wilkins?
478
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,051
- The less said
about him, the better.
479
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,291
- Did you get
Mr. Wilkins' suit clean?
480
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:51,393
- No, the dry cleaner
was afraid to touch it,
481
00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:52,761
he said he, "Couldn't
touch the spots
482
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:53,929
"without ruining it."
483
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:54,763
- Good!
484
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:55,931
I'll clean it!
485
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,032
- How?
486
00:20:57,056 --> 00:20:59,101
- In the cabbage soup.
487
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:01,537
What are you doing?
488
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:04,139
- Cleaning Mr. Wilkins' suit!
489
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:06,442
- In the cabbage soup?
490
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:10,379
- That's the formula
for the cleaning fluid.
491
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:11,347
- Lisa, what are you...
492
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:12,914
- Aunt Sophie made cabbage soup
493
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:16,017
and Uncle Boris sold
it for cleaning fluid.
494
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:18,954
- I'm gonna have to buy
Mr. Wilkins a new suit!
495
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,590
- He is not here, he left.
496
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,024
- I wonder where
he could have gone?
497
00:21:24,250 --> 00:21:25,427
- Alright, why
were you wandering
498
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,928
around the countryside
in your bathrobe?
499
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,997
- I told you,
because Mr. Douglas
500
00:21:29,021 --> 00:21:31,700
took my suit to be dry cleaned.
501
00:21:31,724 --> 00:21:33,034
- Why would he do that?
502
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:34,603
- I went out to the Douglas farm
503
00:21:34,627 --> 00:21:37,072
to see about this
miracle cleaning fluid.
504
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:38,474
And you drank some?
505
00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:40,041
- I didn't drink anything.
506
00:21:40,065 --> 00:21:41,343
- Okay, then what?
507
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:43,279
- Mrs. Douglas
squirted ketchup on me,
508
00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:45,180
then smeared my
suit with mustard,
509
00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:47,182
poured coffee on me,
then when she went
510
00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:49,451
to find the cleaning
fluid, there wasn't any left.
511
00:21:49,475 --> 00:21:50,552
- Because you drank it all.
512
00:21:50,576 --> 00:21:51,987
No!
513
00:21:52,011 --> 00:21:55,724
- Then why were you
wandering around in a bathrobe?
514
00:21:55,748 --> 00:21:58,560
- Because this kid found
me lying on the master's bed,
515
00:21:58,584 --> 00:22:01,897
accused me of hanky-pankying,
and threw me out!
516
00:22:03,222 --> 00:22:04,833
- Would you mind
walking this line?
517
00:22:04,857 --> 00:22:07,169
- Sheriff, I am as
sober as you are.
518
00:22:07,193 --> 00:22:09,171
Now why don't we go
out to the Douglas place
519
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,807
and you can
corroborate my story?
520
00:22:11,831 --> 00:22:13,309
- Just walk the line.
521
00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:28,290
- The story Mr. Wilkins
told you was true.
522
00:22:28,314 --> 00:22:29,558
- Certainly sounded
as if he was...
523
00:22:29,582 --> 00:22:31,159
- Now I don't blame
you for thinking
524
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:33,061
he was a little.
525
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:37,265
- Mr. Douglas, did you get
my suit back from the cleaners?
526
00:22:37,289 --> 00:22:39,000
- They wouldn't touch it.
527
00:22:39,024 --> 00:22:41,269
- But I cleaned it in
the cabbage soup!
528
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:43,972
- Did she say cabbage soup?
529
00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:45,907
- Yeah, but it's
really cleaning fluid,
530
00:22:45,931 --> 00:22:48,009
but you make it
like cabbage soup,
531
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,113
or you make the cabbage
soup like the cleaning fluid.
532
00:22:51,337 --> 00:22:52,581
You see, once she
gets started with this...
533
00:22:52,605 --> 00:22:55,517
- Take a look at
this, Mr. Wilkins.
534
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,953
- I don't believe
it, it's like new!
535
00:22:57,977 --> 00:22:59,722
- My Uncle Boris
might be interested
536
00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:02,991
in making a deal with your
company for the formula,
537
00:23:03,015 --> 00:23:04,693
if I can find him.
538
00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:06,462
- The only thing I'm
interested in right now
539
00:23:06,486 --> 00:23:09,431
is getting dressed
and getting out of here.
540
00:23:09,455 --> 00:23:11,500
- And I better get
back to my office.
541
00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:14,870
- Oh yes, say, I'm sorry for
the inconvenience, Sheriff.
542
00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,105
Thank you very much for coming.
543
00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:19,363
Lisa, from now on...
- Let go of me!
544
00:23:20,900 --> 00:23:23,111
- Mr. Douglas, I
hate to tell you this,
545
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:24,513
but I found this
guy in your bedroom
546
00:23:24,537 --> 00:23:26,081
putting his pants on!
547
00:23:29,675 --> 00:23:31,420
- Lisa, you need
anything from Drucker's?
548
00:23:31,444 --> 00:23:33,389
- Let me just see, I...
549
00:23:33,413 --> 00:23:34,723
You're not going to the schtore
550
00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:37,025
with that hole in
your coat, are you?
551
00:23:37,049 --> 00:23:38,049
- What hole, oh!
552
00:23:39,485 --> 00:23:41,296
That's the place
where the oil spot
553
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:43,365
was that you
cleaned with that junk!
554
00:23:43,389 --> 00:23:44,633
- Junk?
555
00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:46,902
It worked fine, the
schpot isn't there.
556
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:49,170
- The hole is, that
cleaning fluid is...
557
00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:51,473
- You know Oliver, I read
that's the same schtuff
558
00:23:51,497 --> 00:23:53,409
my Uncle Boris
used during the war
559
00:23:53,433 --> 00:23:55,310
to burn holes in the tanks.
560
00:23:57,036 --> 00:23:58,714
- Do you realize
you gave that stuff
561
00:23:58,738 --> 00:24:01,082
to practically
everybody in town?
562
00:24:01,106 --> 00:24:03,819
- Oh, I don't think it
will do any damage.
563
00:24:05,077 --> 00:24:06,557
- Dory, what are you
doing down there?
564
00:24:08,948 --> 00:24:11,126
- I fell through the floor!
565
00:24:11,150 --> 00:24:13,395
- I told you you been
putting on weight.
566
00:24:14,353 --> 00:24:15,597
- Drum it, this is the place
567
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,932
I cleaned the rug!
568
00:24:17,790 --> 00:24:19,635
Sam?
569
00:24:19,659 --> 00:24:20,469
Sam?
570
00:24:20,493 --> 00:24:22,170
- Whaddya want now?
571
00:24:22,194 --> 00:24:23,839
- You better let me
put your head out.
572
00:24:25,498 --> 00:24:26,308
- What?
573
00:24:26,332 --> 00:24:28,009
- It's smoking.
574
00:24:28,033 --> 00:24:30,479
Well not smoking,
more of a forest fire.
575
00:24:32,371 --> 00:24:33,371
Or it was.
576
00:24:36,041 --> 00:24:37,986
Boy, I'm never gonna
eat any of your pickles.
577
00:24:38,878 --> 00:24:39,878
That juice is murder.
578
00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:42,724
- It was really
remarkable, it took spots
579
00:24:42,748 --> 00:24:45,961
out of my suit that
you wouldn't believe.
580
00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,663
Yes, I definitely
think the company
581
00:24:47,687 --> 00:24:50,131
ought to investigate it.
582
00:24:50,155 --> 00:24:51,567
Yes, I'll go back
to the Douglas'
583
00:24:51,591 --> 00:24:54,235
and get some kind of
option on the formula.
584
00:24:54,259 --> 00:24:55,671
Okay, bye.
585
00:25:37,436 --> 00:25:41,605
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.
39185
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