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1
00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:07,917
- Lisa, did you see my...
2
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,220
- It's in the 3rd drawer
from the bottom.
3
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,688
- How do you know
what I'm looking for?
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:13,690
- Because whenever you
don't know where something is,
5
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:15,592
then that's where it is.
6
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,627
- Well I'm looking
for my hammer.
7
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:18,928
What is that?
8
00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:20,864
- The Royal Cook's Book.
9
00:00:20,888 --> 00:00:23,833
This are the recipes
my mother, the queen,
10
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,969
used when we
lived in the palace.
11
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:28,938
Oh it's full of all
kinds of exotic recipes
12
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,908
that were only fit to
grace the table of a king.
13
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,610
- What king was that?
14
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:35,012
- My father!
15
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:38,281
- Oh yes, yes, Louis the zero.
16
00:00:38,305 --> 00:00:40,850
- My father was a real gourmet.
17
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:44,687
He liked to have delicacies
from all over the world.
18
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:46,689
Oh, this one was his favorite.
19
00:00:46,713 --> 00:00:48,547
Stuffed kangaroo tail.
20
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,861
- How do you stuff
a kangaroo tail?
21
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,552
- Through the pouch.
22
00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:55,932
- I oughta know better.
23
00:00:55,956 --> 00:00:58,201
- You take 22
pounds of chicken liver
24
00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,469
and you stuff...
25
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:01,604
- I, I don't care to
hear the details.
26
00:01:01,628 --> 00:01:03,540
- But I'm trying to
find something special
27
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,409
to make for your birthday.
28
00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,911
- My birthday is
three weeks away.
29
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:09,946
- Well I thought if I
start practicing now,
30
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:13,183
it will be perfect by the
time it comes around.
31
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:16,920
Oh here is a recipe
that was a favorite
32
00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,756
with royalty from
all over Europe.
33
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:20,590
- What is that?
34
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:21,991
- Elephant stew.
35
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,694
- How do you stew an elephant?
36
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,197
- Well you fill up the
moat with champagne.
37
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:30,167
Then you throw the
elephant in and in two days
38
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:32,257
he's stewed to the tusks.
39
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,871
Where are you going?
40
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,273
- I'm going to get the hammer
41
00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:39,231
and hit myself on
the head with it.
42
00:01:56,650 --> 00:02:00,564
♪ Green Acres is the place to be
43
00:02:00,588 --> 00:02:04,501
♪ Farm living is the life for me
44
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:08,505
♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide
45
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:12,675
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
46
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:16,580
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
47
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:20,550
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
48
00:02:20,574 --> 00:02:24,454
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
49
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:28,647
♪ Darling I love you
but give me Park Avenue
50
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:35,932
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
51
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:38,602
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
52
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,437
♪ Goodbye, city life
53
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:44,062
♪ Green Acres we are there
54
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,078
- Oliver.
55
00:03:00,347 --> 00:03:01,958
How would you like this
for your birthday dinner?
56
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,327
Philly of Tartar Tongue.
57
00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,463
- No, no thanks.
58
00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:09,098
How 'bout cooking my favorite,
spaghetti and meatballs?
59
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,000
- Spaghetti with meatballs,
60
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,470
would that be
under S for spaghetti
61
00:03:13,494 --> 00:03:15,894
or M for meat or B for balls.
62
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:21,077
- Why don't you
try S for spaghetti?
63
00:03:21,101 --> 00:03:22,934
- S, sperm whale soup?
64
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:26,771
Seaweed a la mode?
65
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,676
Shark tooth souffle?
66
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,658
- But is there a
spaghetti recipe in there?
67
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,693
- I don't see one here.
68
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,628
You'll have to have
something else.
69
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,163
- There's nothing
to making spaghetti.
70
00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,065
There are probably a couple
of cookbooks in the kitchen
71
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:42,999
with a recipe.
72
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,201
- I'll see if I can find one.
73
00:03:44,225 --> 00:03:47,671
In the meanwhile,
have a happy birthday.
74
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,972
- My birthday's
not for three week.
75
00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:50,996
Ooo!
76
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:57,080
Lisa, I've got good.
77
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,548
- What's the matter?
78
00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,949
- Are you boiling laundry?
79
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:01,640
- No, it's spaghetti.
80
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,776
Would you like to taste it?
81
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,524
- How long did ya cook that?
82
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:10,126
- Two hours and 23 minutes.
83
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:11,150
So far.
84
00:04:12,119 --> 00:04:13,296
- So far?
85
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,997
- I want to be
sure it's well done.
86
00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:17,267
- Oh Lisa, Lisa, you don't
boil spaghetti that long.
87
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,469
Didn't you read the
directions on the box?
88
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:23,573
- I couldn't, I dropped
the box in the pot.
89
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,609
- Well Lisa, you
can't eat that mess.
90
00:04:25,633 --> 00:04:26,943
- I'll make another batch.
91
00:04:26,967 --> 00:04:28,712
That's why I'm practicing.
92
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:29,912
So that it'll be perfect
93
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,948
by the time your birthday comes.
94
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,250
- Hey, don't throw
that in the sink,
95
00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:36,519
you'll stop up every
pipe within five miles.
96
00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,955
- Well what should I do with it?
97
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,424
- Bury it and be sure you stick
98
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,526
a silver knife
through its heart.
99
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,346
- How do you do madam, I.
100
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,863
- Who's at the door Arnold?
101
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,657
Tell him we don't want any.
102
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:41,384
- Look, would you tell.
103
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:42,574
- I'm up here.
104
00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:47,757
- Oh excuse me, I
thought you were the pig.
105
00:05:47,781 --> 00:05:49,959
I mean uh...
- That's alright.
106
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:52,295
- That was a pig, wasn't it?
107
00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:53,863
- Yes, that's Arnold Ziffel.
108
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:56,999
He came over to
watch the television.
109
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:58,501
- To what?
110
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,169
- He says it's broken and his
father won't give him money
111
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,471
to have it fixed.
112
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,172
Oh well.
113
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,507
- What can I do for you?
114
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,443
- Oh is your husband home?
115
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:09,412
- What kind of a crack is that?
116
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:12,349
- Oh no, I only meant,
I'd like to talk to him.
117
00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:13,350
- He's not here.
118
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:16,107
- Oh, well maybe
you can help me.
119
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,955
My name is Lester Luster Junior.
120
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,658
- Very pleased to
meet you Mr. Junior.
121
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:23,926
- No, no, I'm Lester
Luster, you see my,
122
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:27,430
my father is Lester
Luster and when I was born
123
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,466
they named me Lester Luster,
124
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,401
so he is Lester Luster Senior,
125
00:06:31,425 --> 00:06:33,336
and I am Lester Luster Junior.
126
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,271
- That's a very
interesting story,
127
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:39,063
but I don't think I can
help you, Mr. Junior.
128
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,036
- No you don't under.
129
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,318
Look would you please go tell.
130
00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:52,722
- Arnold the cat food
commercial is on.
131
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,290
He likes to watch them.
132
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,481
He's learning how to meow.
133
00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:58,418
- Meow?
134
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,267
Maybe I'd better
come back a little later.
135
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,003
- Oh no, no, that's
alright Mr. Lester.
136
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:10,707
- Luster, I'm, I'm with
the advertising department
137
00:07:10,731 --> 00:07:12,174
of Luster Paints.
138
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,611
- Do you know anything
about cooking spaghetti?
139
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,514
- Well I can...
- Come with me, please.
140
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,248
- My wife ordered all of these?
141
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:20,850
- Yeah, she says she's
practicing spaghetti
142
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,184
for your birthday.
143
00:07:22,208 --> 00:07:23,453
- Well that's not...
144
00:07:23,477 --> 00:07:25,121
- By the way when
is your birthday.
145
00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:26,823
- Not for three weeks!
146
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,025
- Well she oughta
learn it by then.
147
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,493
- I don't think she...
148
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:32,762
- By the way, did that
fella come out to see ya?
149
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:33,930
- What fellow?
150
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,998
- Well his name is
Lisser, or is it Losser?
151
00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:37,400
- What did he want?
152
00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:40,169
- No, I think it was Lancaster.
153
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,505
No, no, it wasn't Lancaster.
154
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:44,040
But it did begin with an L.
155
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:44,974
- Well what did he...
156
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:47,076
- No, Lisser Mister, that's it.
157
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:49,879
Carl Lisser, no it wasn't Carl.
158
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:51,047
- Yes that's very...
159
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,482
- No, it wasn't
Lisser Mister either.
160
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:55,284
Well let's see it was
something something, Junior.
161
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,253
Well no it couldn't have
been something something
162
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,956
because it began with an L.
163
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,391
- Mr. Drucker, what
did the man want?
164
00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:04,360
- Oh, you mean
Mister Linklaster?
165
00:08:04,384 --> 00:08:06,262
No, it wasn't Linklaster.
166
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:07,564
- Well what did he want?
167
00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,199
- Well he's with the
Luster Paint Company.
168
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,969
- That's it, Luster Lester.
169
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:13,993
- Oh fine.
170
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:16,606
- Now he's with their
advertising department
171
00:08:16,630 --> 00:08:20,343
and he wants to
before and after you.
172
00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,878
- Before and...
173
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,079
- He's looking for a house
they can take pictures of
174
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,314
before they paint it
and after they paint it.
175
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,883
- Oh, I see.
- Yeah, he asked me
176
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:29,652
if there was an old and
dilapidated house around here
177
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,654
and when he said
old and dilapidated,
178
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,322
I thought of you.
179
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:36,826
Well I didn't think
of you personally.
180
00:08:36,850 --> 00:08:38,361
- Oh I understand.
181
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:40,830
- Anyway, he said they'd
paint your house for nothing
182
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:44,355
if they can use the
pictures in their ads.
183
00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:47,403
- Well, I'd like to talk to him.
184
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,337
- How long has
this been cooking?
185
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:49,839
- An hour and 15 minutes.
186
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:51,007
- Oh that's good.
187
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,377
My husband said it
shouldn't cook too long.
188
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,735
- I don't think you should...
189
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,345
- Would you hand
me that fork please?
190
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,420
How does this look to you?
191
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:08,491
- Not like any
spaghetti I've ever seen.
192
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:11,349
- Well, back to
the drawing board.
193
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:18,134
This time I'm going to try...
- Lisa!
194
00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:19,702
Here's your spaghetti.
195
00:09:19,726 --> 00:09:21,971
- Oh thank you darling.
196
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:25,274
Oh Oliver, this gentleman
has been waiting to see you.
197
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,509
This is Mr. Luster.
198
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:27,443
This is my husband.
199
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,512
- Lister, uh Luster, Luster.
200
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:33,449
- Mr. Luster, Luster has
been waiting to talk to you.
201
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,051
- Uh huh, how do you do?
202
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:38,054
Mr. Drucker told me that you.
203
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,455
What's he doing here?
204
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:41,457
- He came over to watch TV.
205
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:45,061
He's learning to meow
from the cat food commercial.
206
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,032
- How could he...
207
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,957
- Oh would you like
a saucer of milk?
208
00:09:53,359 --> 00:09:55,805
Oh, he'd rather have a banana.
209
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:59,998
There are some in the
refrigerator, help yourself.
210
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:13,056
He always gets so hungry
when he watches TV.
211
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,991
I think this time I'm
going to try to cook it
212
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:17,082
with some more spaghetti.
213
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,932
- That's not the way to...
214
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:25,267
- Excuse me, could we
go someplace and talk
215
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,904
where it's saner, uh quieter?
216
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:30,862
- Yeah, come on
in the living room.
217
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:36,713
- What happened?
218
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,715
- Anybody ever
tell that stupid pig
219
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,016
that when he peels a banana
220
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,708
he should throw the
peel in the garbage can.
221
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:51,928
- Alright, we'll take a
picture of the house
222
00:10:51,952 --> 00:10:53,195
the way it is now,
223
00:10:53,219 --> 00:10:54,831
then we'll paint it
any color you wish
224
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:57,166
and photograph it
after it's been painted.
225
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:59,301
- And there'll be no
charge for the painting?
226
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,837
- Oh none whatsoever.
227
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:03,472
All we ask is the right to use
the before and after pictures
228
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,108
in all our advertising.
229
00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:06,475
- Well that's fair enough.
230
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:07,644
- We'll have our
photographer here
231
00:11:07,668 --> 00:11:09,112
first thing tomorrow morning
232
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,014
and as soon as he gets his
pictures we'll start painting.
233
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,015
- Fine.
234
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,350
- Oh by the way,
I almost forgot.
235
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:15,652
Here's a chart of all our colors
236
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,553
if you'd pick out
the one you like.
237
00:11:17,577 --> 00:11:19,421
- Oh thank you, I'll
show them to my wife.
238
00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:21,780
I'll see you in the morning.
239
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:24,516
Lisa!
240
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:26,529
Lisa.
241
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,397
- Did Mr. Looseleaf leave?
242
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:31,034
- Yeah, Mr. Looseleaf left.
243
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,434
Now look, they're gonna
paint the house tomorrow.
244
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:33,536
Here, pick out
the color you like.
245
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,505
- Oh, is it quarter past yet?
246
00:11:36,529 --> 00:11:38,240
- Quarter past what?
247
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,608
- Anything.
248
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:42,812
I put a batch a
spaghetti up at half past.
249
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:44,714
- Half past what?
250
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:46,983
- I don't remember.
251
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,551
- Well how could you put...
252
00:11:48,575 --> 00:11:51,387
- I wonder if I should take
the spaghetti off the stove?
253
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,956
- No, no, it's already too late.
254
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:54,980
It's already escaped.
255
00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,963
Uh no no, don't touch that.
256
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,653
It might attack you.
257
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,658
- If you don't mind.
258
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:31,227
Oh that's alright.
259
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:34,130
- Mack, I'm trying
to take a picture.
260
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,331
- Of what?
261
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,599
- The house.
262
00:12:36,623 --> 00:12:40,524
- Well there's something
wrong with your camera.
263
00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:42,671
- Yeah, see.
264
00:12:42,695 --> 00:12:44,140
You know the house
is upside down.
265
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:45,608
Yeah, if you want the
picture to come out right,
266
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,309
now you're gonna have to
turn the camera upside down,
267
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,878
or the house.
268
00:12:48,902 --> 00:12:50,179
- Thanks for your suggestion.
269
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,580
- Oh that's alright.
270
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,217
Always glad to
help out a fellow, uh,
271
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:56,285
what's that thing again?
272
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,854
- A camera.
273
00:12:57,878 --> 00:13:01,246
- Oh yeah, always glad to
help a fellow camera out.
274
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,093
Well nice talking to ya.
275
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:05,962
- Will ya please
get outta the way?
276
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:06,986
- Sorry.
277
00:13:18,731 --> 00:13:20,709
Morning Mr. Douglas.
278
00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:23,401
- Will ya please close the door?
279
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,304
- Sorry!
280
00:13:28,074 --> 00:13:28,885
Mr. Kimball.
281
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,419
- Oh hi Mr. Douglas.
282
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:31,720
Say, what are you
doing up there?
283
00:13:31,744 --> 00:13:33,122
- Stand up.
284
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,291
- Well I didn't wanna
ruin the picture.
285
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:36,859
- Hello there Mr. Kimball.
286
00:13:36,883 --> 00:13:38,094
- Oh hello Mrs. Douglas.
287
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:40,429
I brought the spaghetti
recipe you asked for.
288
00:13:40,453 --> 00:13:42,765
My mother picked it up in Italy.
289
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,967
Or was it my father
she picked up?
290
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,202
No, it couldn't have
been my father.
291
00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,237
He didn't even know
how to make spaghetti.
292
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,261
- That does make any...
- Here we are.
293
00:13:51,764 --> 00:13:56,212
To one kangaroo, add 22
pounds of chicken liver and.
294
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,548
No that's her recipe
for stuffed kangaroo tail.
295
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,750
- That's the recipe
my mother uses.
296
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,986
- Oh, does she know how
to make elephant stew?
297
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:06,655
- You mean where you fill the
moat with champagne and...
298
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,124
- We didn't have a moat.
299
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,059
So my mother filled up
with the bathtub with vodka.
300
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:12,628
She uses the baby elephants.
301
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,431
- I guess they're more tender.
302
00:14:15,455 --> 00:14:17,800
- Did your mother ever
make sperm whale soup?
303
00:14:17,824 --> 00:14:19,590
- Every Thanksgiving.
304
00:14:20,861 --> 00:14:23,694
- Look, if you two
will excuse me.
305
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:32,436
- Mack, will ya please
get off the porch?
306
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:39,121
- This is a very
nice shade of blue.
307
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:41,557
It matches Oliver's eyes.
308
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:42,992
- Oh that'll come out real...
309
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:45,194
- Maybe the yellow
would be better.
310
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:46,428
- That's a good choice, I'll-
311
00:14:46,452 --> 00:14:48,264
- No, no, I like
the red the best.
312
00:14:48,288 --> 00:14:50,099
- You're not gonna
paint the house red?
313
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:54,292
- No, this is the color I want
to make the spaghetti sauce.
314
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:56,705
- Look, forget the
spaghetti sauce.
315
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:59,675
Pick out a color so
they can paint the house.
316
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:00,910
- How 'bout this green one?
317
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:01,744
- Oh that's real nice.
318
00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,268
- I don't like it.
319
00:15:04,337 --> 00:15:06,048
- What's wrong with it?
320
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,516
- It's too dark.
321
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,018
- Oh that's no problem.
322
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,887
I'll just have the painter
make it a shade lighter.
323
00:15:10,911 --> 00:15:12,621
- How's that lady?
324
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,423
- Oh it's beautiful.
325
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,424
- Good.
326
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:16,759
- But that's not it.
327
00:15:16,783 --> 00:15:18,761
- Lisa, can't you
make up your mind
328
00:15:18,785 --> 00:15:20,763
so that they can
paint the house?
329
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:23,132
- Well if you're nervous, why
don't you go into the kitchen
330
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,666
and have a couple of bats?
331
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:26,936
- Why don't we all go?
332
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,272
- If you could just
describe the color you want.
333
00:15:29,296 --> 00:15:32,841
- Have you ever been in the
Countess Franscetti's bathroom?
334
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:34,810
- Not lately, no.
335
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:37,179
- In her shower
there is a soap dish.
336
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,215
- And you want the same
shade as the soap dish.
337
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:40,738
- No, as the soap.
338
00:15:42,909 --> 00:15:45,187
- Why don't we
all break for lunch?
339
00:15:45,211 --> 00:15:48,557
- Do you have anything here
we could use as a sample?
340
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:50,126
- No.
341
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,593
Oh wait a minute,
342
00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,796
I had a dress made to
match the Countess' soap.
343
00:15:53,820 --> 00:15:56,065
- A dress made to?
344
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,967
- Could we look
at your soap dress?
345
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:01,125
Er, the dress that...
- I'll get it for you.
346
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:04,240
No I can't get it for you.
347
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:05,474
- Why not?
348
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:08,444
- Because it's at the
dry cleaners in Pixley.
349
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,301
- I'll get it for you!
350
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,486
Good afternoon.
351
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:18,687
- Good afternoon,
may I help you?
352
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,522
- Yes, my name is Douglas.
353
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:21,457
- You have suit here.
354
00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:24,693
- No, not a suit, a green dress.
355
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,095
- Oh?
356
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:28,264
- It's my wife's dress.
357
00:16:28,288 --> 00:16:30,699
- That's what they always say.
358
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,768
- Look, will you
just get it for me?
359
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,136
- Yes sir, you said the
name was Douglas?
360
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,405
- That's right, Mrs. Douglas.
361
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:40,742
- Hmm, I don't seem to be
able to find it Mr. Douglas.
362
00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:41,577
- Now see here.
363
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,745
- Oh, here we are.
364
00:16:43,769 --> 00:16:45,314
Would you care to try it on here
365
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,649
to make sure it didn't shrink?
366
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,218
- Just give me the dress.
367
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,586
- Yes sir.
368
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,489
Say, this is an unusual shade.
369
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,657
I haven't seen this color
green since I took a shower
370
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:58,849
in the Countess
Franscetti's bathroom.
371
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,235
- There, how's that?
372
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:07,470
- It needs a little more>
373
00:17:07,494 --> 00:17:09,605
- It doesn't need a
little more anything.
374
00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:10,839
It's perfect!
375
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:12,375
- How do you know?
376
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,776
Did you ever take a shower
in the Countess' bathroom?
377
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,480
- No, but the man at
the cleaning store did.
378
00:17:17,504 --> 00:17:19,837
- Let's try it on the house.
379
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:33,318
What the?
380
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:49,245
- The after's just the
same as the before.
381
00:17:49,269 --> 00:17:50,946
- What's wrong with your paint?
382
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,281
- There's nothing
wrong with my paint.
383
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,916
It's your house.
384
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,173
- Try it again.
385
00:18:05,685 --> 00:18:07,129
- Must be alive.
386
00:18:07,153 --> 00:18:08,997
It's eating up the paint
faster than I can put it on.
387
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,799
- Now how about priming
it with an undercoat?
388
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,368
- This paint doesn't
need an undercoat.
389
00:18:12,392 --> 00:18:13,624
- Try it again!
390
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,638
- You used all this paint?
391
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,874
- On the one board.
392
00:18:18,898 --> 00:18:20,209
- I don't believe it.
393
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,332
- You try it.
394
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,319
- There, what's wrong with that?
395
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,692
- I'll open up another can.
396
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,194
- Wait a second.
397
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,496
What we need to do is
load this wood up with paint.
398
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,299
Get ya a spray
gun, that'll do it.
399
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:45,734
- Oliver, where are you going?
400
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:47,636
- I have to go into.
401
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:48,637
What's that?
402
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,106
- It's an experimental meat ball
403
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,607
to go with the spaghetti.
404
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,864
Would you like to taste it?
405
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,212
- Look, will ya
please forget the.
406
00:18:56,236 --> 00:18:59,448
You can plug it in over there.
407
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,083
- What are they plugging in?
408
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,518
- Oh they're gonna
try spraying the house
409
00:19:02,542 --> 00:19:03,919
with a spray gun.
410
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:04,943
- Ah.
411
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,031
- Stop it!
412
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:18,656
You're coming through the wall!
413
00:19:21,394 --> 00:19:23,472
Lisa, would you look at me?
414
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,040
- Nevermind you.
415
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:26,730
Look at my meatball.
416
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,048
- I just don't know what to do.
417
00:19:33,072 --> 00:19:35,317
We've undercoated
it, sealed it, sprayed it.
418
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,052
Still won't take any paint.
419
00:19:37,076 --> 00:19:39,421
- Why don't you just
forget the whole thing?
420
00:19:39,445 --> 00:19:41,123
- Mr. Douglas, there
is no house in the world
421
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:43,425
that the Luster Paint
Company cannot paint.
422
00:19:43,449 --> 00:19:47,029
- Mr. Douglas, you're not
gonna paint this house, are you?
423
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:49,131
- Yes we're...
- You would deface
424
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:52,723
this replica of Robert
E. Lee's birthplace?
425
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,572
- Mr. Haney the
paint won't stay on.
426
00:19:56,596 --> 00:19:57,773
- Oh.
427
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:01,510
When you put it on does it go?
428
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:02,778
- That's right.
429
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:03,712
- Oh.
430
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:06,148
Is this man a union painter?
431
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:06,982
- Sure.
432
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,184
- That's your trouble.
433
00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:10,952
A union man can't paint
a Southern mansion.
434
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:14,089
You need a confederate painter.
435
00:20:14,113 --> 00:20:15,324
- That's the worst...
436
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:16,559
- What kinda wood is this?
437
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:19,383
- I believe that
is a $32 question.
438
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:22,531
- 32 dol...
- No, I am in error.
439
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:25,100
That question was reduced to $28
440
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:27,525
during our August white sale.
441
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:32,641
- Mr. Haney would you just
tell us what kinda wood this is?
442
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:34,743
- Uh may I have
your check first?
443
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,278
- No.
444
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:39,582
- Very well, I'll
answer it on credit.
445
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:41,450
This house is constructed
446
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:44,642
of genuine Mississippi
chiltling wood.
447
00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,489
- Chitling?
448
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:50,125
- Noted for its ability to
cool a house in the summer
449
00:20:50,149 --> 00:20:52,428
and heat the
house in the winter.
450
00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:57,065
Now this is done by opening
and closing the wood pores.
451
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:57,999
- The what?
452
00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,602
- The wood pores!
453
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:04,206
When the pores are open,
the wood breathes freely,
454
00:21:04,230 --> 00:21:05,741
cooling the house.
455
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:10,145
And when they're shut,
they act like a stuffed up nose.
456
00:21:10,169 --> 00:21:12,681
- Look, how can
we paint the house?
457
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:15,384
- Well, you have
to close the pores.
458
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:16,985
- How do you do that?
459
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:18,220
- I'll show you.
460
00:21:18,244 --> 00:21:21,690
May I have your pore
key, Mr. Douglas?
461
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:24,126
- I don't have a pore key.
462
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:26,462
- You don't have a pore key?
463
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:27,663
- No!
464
00:21:27,687 --> 00:21:30,699
- Very well, let's
see if mine will fit.
465
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:34,403
Do you happen to know where
your pore key hole is located?
466
00:21:34,427 --> 00:21:37,539
- I don't have a pore key hole!
467
00:21:37,563 --> 00:21:38,962
- Well excuse me.
468
00:21:44,304 --> 00:21:45,536
Oh, here it is.
469
00:21:48,007 --> 00:21:50,841
Now I'll just close
the pores and,
470
00:21:54,614 --> 00:21:56,258
hey, I see the trouble.
471
00:21:56,282 --> 00:21:59,662
Your pore key spring is broken.
472
00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:01,263
- Mr. Haney, that's the most...
473
00:22:01,287 --> 00:22:03,532
- However, all is not lost.
474
00:22:03,556 --> 00:22:06,101
I have a spare pore
key spring at home.
475
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:09,004
Which I will install
for the poultry sum
476
00:22:09,028 --> 00:22:10,028
of $982.
477
00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:14,699
- Get out of here!
478
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:19,114
I'm sorry to waste your time.
479
00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:21,617
- I don't see the
pore key spring.
480
00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:22,918
- There isn't any.
481
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,387
- There's only one
solution I can think of.
482
00:22:25,411 --> 00:22:26,388
Can we take one of the boards
483
00:22:26,412 --> 00:22:27,790
back to the laboratory with us?
484
00:22:27,814 --> 00:22:29,325
Maybe one of the
experts can figure out
485
00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,226
how to treat the wood
so it can be painted.
486
00:22:31,250 --> 00:22:32,416
- Be my guest.
487
00:22:35,221 --> 00:22:36,665
- I don't know why we
have to go all the way over
488
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,435
to the county seat for dinner.
489
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:40,669
- Well that's the only
490
00:22:40,693 --> 00:22:42,037
Italian restaurant I
know around here.
491
00:22:42,061 --> 00:22:43,205
- And if you'd just be patient,
492
00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:44,740
I'm sure I could learn how to.
493
00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:47,798
- Who's that?
494
00:22:51,303 --> 00:22:52,881
- Oh hi, come in.
495
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:54,082
- Evening Mr. Douglas.
496
00:22:54,106 --> 00:22:55,116
Just thought you'd like to see
497
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:57,152
what our experts
were able to do.
498
00:22:57,176 --> 00:22:59,788
- Oh, say, that's perfect.
499
00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:00,723
Ha, ha.
500
00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:01,957
Well, how'd you manage that?
501
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:05,115
- Well they, fixed
the pore key spring.
502
00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,864
- The pore...
503
00:23:08,888 --> 00:23:10,733
- I know, but that's the
only way I can explain it,
504
00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:14,236
you see this wood is very
porous and it does breathe.
505
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:15,937
Well, they managed
to close the pores
506
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,539
so that it'll hold the paint.
507
00:23:17,563 --> 00:23:18,807
- Oh that's great.
508
00:23:18,831 --> 00:23:21,109
- But there's only
one small problem.
509
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:22,277
- What's that?
510
00:23:22,301 --> 00:23:23,301
- Listen.
511
00:23:26,205 --> 00:23:27,182
- What's that?
512
00:23:27,206 --> 00:23:28,884
- Well when they
close the pores,
513
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,753
the wood can't breathe, you see.
514
00:23:30,777 --> 00:23:33,856
And so it keeps
gasping for breath.
515
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:35,357
- I never heard of anything.
516
00:23:35,381 --> 00:23:37,125
- So you'll have to make
a choice about your house,
517
00:23:37,149 --> 00:23:38,360
Mr. Douglas.
518
00:23:38,384 --> 00:23:39,294
You can either have
an unpainted breather
519
00:23:39,318 --> 00:23:40,696
or a painted gasper.
520
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:44,833
- Well I'd rather have a,
521
00:23:44,857 --> 00:23:46,869
an unpainted breather.
522
00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:49,070
- Okay, but I'd appreciate it
523
00:23:49,094 --> 00:23:51,440
if you'd kinda forget
about this whole thing.
524
00:23:51,464 --> 00:23:54,075
Our reputation.
525
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:55,411
- Yeah, I understand.
526
00:23:55,435 --> 00:23:57,312
- Oh, hello there.
527
00:23:57,336 --> 00:23:58,146
- Good evening.
528
00:23:58,170 --> 00:23:59,648
- You're just in time.
529
00:23:59,672 --> 00:24:02,083
- Would you like to have a
nice spaghetti dinner with us?
530
00:24:02,107 --> 00:24:04,420
- Eh, no thank you.
531
00:24:04,444 --> 00:24:05,287
I've suffered enough.
532
00:24:05,311 --> 00:24:06,311
Good night.
533
00:24:08,681 --> 00:24:10,893
- What did he mean by that?
534
00:24:10,917 --> 00:24:13,061
- Oh, nothing, nothing.
535
00:24:13,085 --> 00:24:14,085
Come on.
536
00:24:19,659 --> 00:24:21,303
- Happy birthday darling.
537
00:24:21,327 --> 00:24:25,206
It's not my birthday
for three weeks.
538
00:24:25,230 --> 00:24:29,878
- Well a little pre birthday
shnot never hurt anybody.
539
00:24:29,902 --> 00:24:32,280
- I wonder when they're
gonna bring our dinner.
540
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:34,282
- I don't know why
we had to come here.
541
00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:35,818
- I just thought
it'd be a good idea
542
00:24:35,842 --> 00:24:38,454
if you saw what spaghetti
is supposed to look like.
543
00:24:38,478 --> 00:24:40,121
- But I...
- Here we are.
544
00:24:40,145 --> 00:24:42,079
Spaghetti and meatball.
545
00:24:43,449 --> 00:24:46,061
- You call that
spaghetti and meatballs?
546
00:24:46,085 --> 00:24:50,065
- Sorry Mack, we just
got a new Hungarian cook.
547
00:24:50,089 --> 00:24:51,089
- Hungarian?
548
00:24:51,991 --> 00:24:52,901
- Where are you going?
549
00:24:52,925 --> 00:24:54,069
- To say hello to the cook.
550
00:24:54,093 --> 00:24:55,759
He may be my mother.
551
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,769
This has been a Filmways
presentation darling.
36454
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