All language subtitles for Green Acres - S06E12 - The Liberation Movement.eng

- Haven't you
finished breakfast yet?

- That depends, what's
on your mind, chief?

- Work.

- In that case,
I'm not finished.

- Yeah, but today's
the day I plan to-

- Hello there.

- I thought you were going out.

- I am, but I don't
know what to wear.

Do you remember
which dress I wore on the

every other Wednesday
afternoon Ladies Club meeting?

- Well, uh... I remember
what you wore.

The blue chiffon
with the lace bodice.

- He's right!

I wonder what I wore the every
other Wednesday before that.

- You wore the green
taffeta with the Valero jacket,

and the flared skirt.

- He's right again!

How come you don't remember?

- Well, I, I-

- I have to wear something
that's a good liberator color.

- A liberator color?

- Well, our guests
speaker today is a lady

from the Women Liberation
League and I wouldn't

want to wear a color
that's against the liberation.

- What's the Women's
Liberation League?

- Oh, some kooky
bra burning group.

- What's a bra?

- It's one of those
things that women-

- Oh if you have to
explain it to him, forget it.

- Well, I'll see you
after the meeting.

Now if you get hungry
there's a chicken in the oven.

- A chicken?

♪ Green acres is the place to

♪ Farm livin' is the life for me

♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide

♪ Keep Manhattan just
give me that countryside

♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay

♪ I get allergic smelling hay

♪ I just adore a penthouse view

♪ Darling I love you
but give me Park Avenue

♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air

♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife

♪ Good bye city life

♪ Green Acres we are there

- What's all this stuff for?

- Oh that's for the tool
house I'm planning to build.

- Well, you have
a nice day for it.

- Yep, wait a minute,
you're helping me.

- Me?

You said, "I've been
planning to build."

Those were your exact words:
"I've been planning to build."

I didn't hear my name
anywhere in that sentence.

- Do you hear your name
anywhere in this sentence?

Eb, you're fired.

- Where are we planning
on building this tool house?

- Right around the
side of the barn.

Follow me, I'll show you.

- Where are we gonna build it?

Over, under, or
around this mess?

- Where did all this
stuff come from, anyway?

- It's all the stuff
you told me to save.

- Why would I want
to save an old bathtub?

- In case you wanted
to take an old bath.

- Very funny.

Alright, now let's
get this out of here.

- What are you gonna do with it?

- Well, let's move
this over there

so we can build the tool
house against the wall.

- What are we gonna build
a tool house for, anyway?

- To protect the tools.

I'm sick and tired of
seeing them lying around

and getting rusty and dull.

Let's get started.

- Yes, sir.

Oh, this is awful heavy.

- Well, don't try
to lift it alone.

Okay.

- Oh, oh you stupid,
you dropped the ball!

- I'm afraid your rain
dance isn't working.

- It's not a rain-

- Why don't you try both feet?

- He's not doing a rain dance.

He dropped a tractor
wheel on his foot.

- I didn't-

- Well, dropping a tractor wheel

on your foot won't bring rain.

That's for, well, it's
for a broken foot,

that's what it's for.

- As long as you
broke your foot,

I might as well
knock off for the day.

- Eb, come-

Mr. Kimball, did you bring
the pamphlet I asked you for?

- What pamphlet?

- The one with the plans
for building a tool house.

Now don't tell me you forgot it.

- A country agent
never forgets anything.

I have it right here.

No, right over
there in my truck.

- What truck?

- Oh, that's what
I forgot, my truck.

Let's see, where did I leave it?

I was over at, let's see.

- It's in your back pocket.

- How did my truck
get in my back pocket?

Oh, here's the pamphlets.

Yeah, we have
several plans right here.

- Thank you.

- Yes.

You got a building permit?

- What do I need a
building permit for?

- Well, according
to the building code

you need a permit
for a schoolhouse.

- I'm not building
a schoolhouse.

- Oh, that's right, you're
building a pool house.

- I'm building a tool house.

- Oh, well you'll
need a permit for that.

- Where do they issue them?

- Issue what?

- The permit.

- Have you tried the nearest
permit issuing station?

- If I had, would I
have asked you?

- Asked me what?

- To leave.

- Oh, well, bye.

Bye.

- Well, how did the
liberation meeting go today?

- That's exactly what
I expect a man to say.

And another thing.

- How did you change-

- All men make women
second class citizens

because their afraid to
give them equal statics.

- Statics, don't
you mean status?

- Mhmm, make me look like
a fool in front of my friends.

- What friends?

- That's a favorite
trick of men.

- What are you talking about?

Lisa, will you please tell-

- What did you do
with my chicken?

- I didn't do anything with it?

- Do you know why men
want to keep women down?

Because they're afraid that
women are smarter than men

and women would take
over the whole world.

- Well, that's the silliest-

- What did you do
with my chicken?

- I didn't touch your chicken.

- A typical male reaction.

Here, chick chick chick.

Here, chick chick chick.

Here, chick chick chick.

- Just what did
that woman liberator

tell you at the meeting?

- She told me that
I have equal rights

and that from now
on I don't have to walk

four paces behind
you in my bare feet

with a laundry bag on my head.

- Well, if it'll help the
Women's Liberation Movement,

I'll buy you a pair of shoes.

- Just help me find my chicken.

Here, chick chick chick.

- Lisa, you already
have equal rights.

- I do?

Who goes into the bathroom
first thing in the morning?

- I do, I get up first.

- Why do you
have to get up first?

- I don't.

- Good.

Here, chick chick chick.

Here, chick chick chick.

- Would you mind
standing still for a minute,

I'd like to understand
what you're talking about.

- Well, it's very simple.

We women are going
to rearrange this a bit

by sharing the working
and the housekeeping.

- And how does that go?

- Monday the woman
does the housekeeping

and the man goes to
work and the next day

the man does the housekeeping
and the woman goes to work.

And that way they can
live happily ever after.

- Is that what that
nut woman told you?

- I wouldn't call her a nut.

She could take
you in three rounds.

Here, chick chick chick.

- Lisa, don't you women
realize what a nice, soft touch

you've got the way it is?

- What do you mean soft touch?

- Well, all you have
to do is vacuum a rug,

make a bed, throw some
dishes in a dishwasher, that's it.

- You're leaving
out the hard part.

- Like what?

- Have you ever had to
wait an hour and a half

for your nails to dry?

- Well, no.

- Have you ever tried
to make an appointment

at the beauty parlor
before a holiday?

- Not recently.

- And the worst part of it yet,

have you ever put on a red dress

and then found that you
don't have shoes to match?

- Oh, that is a rough way to go.

- That's what the
Lady Liberation said

and that's why women
should share the man's job,

because it's a lot easier.

Here, chick chick chick.

- You think running
a farm is easy?

A woman couldn't possibly
do the physical work?

- Why not?

- Because you're
not equipped for it.

- Now you're knocking
my equipment.

- Oh no, your equipment's fine.

No, I mean-

- I could show you a thing
or two about running a farm.

- Well you're welcome
to try it any time you want.

- I will; here,
chick chick chick.

Here, chick chick chick.

- Woman's Liberation Movement.

Lisa, I found your chicken!

- Good morning, chief!

- Good morn-

Uh, where do you
think you're going?

- Plowing.

- With a fishing pole?

- Oh, how do you like that?

I thought I grabbed
a plow handle.

- Hmm, well I'm gonna get
a permit for the tool house

and while I'm gone you can
start clearing that junk away.

- But Mr. Douglas.
- Hello, there.

- What are you all made up for?

- These are my Women's
Liberation League work clothes.

Where do I start?

- Lisa, are you
serious about this?

- What do you want me to do?

- There's nothing you can do.

- Yes there is.

Come on, I'll show
you Mrs. Douglas.

How about cleaning up this mess?

- Okay.

- Well, now that that's settled,

I better get started
on my plowing.

- Eb, will you-

- Honey bar, what do you
want me to do with all this stuff?

- Lisa, why don't
you go in the house

and do the dishes or something?

- Today you have
to do the dishes

and I have to do the man work.

- Alright fine, you
got a nice easy job.

All you have to do
is take all this stuff

and put it in a
neat pile over there.

- Right, and what
do I do after that?

- Well after that I don't think

you have to worry
about after that, have fun.

- Where do you
think you're going?

- Into Bixley.

- Well, what about the dishes
and the rest of the house?

- Later, I have an appointment
at the beauty parlor.

- Ask for Mary, she gives
the best egg shampoo.

Yes, sir?

- Do you issue
building permits here?

- Yes sir, what are
you planning to build?

- A tool house.

- Would you mind filling
out this application?

- This is an application
to burn rubbish.

- For all our building permits,
just cross out burn rubbish

and write in building.

- Write in building?

- That's B-U-I-L-D.

Yes, I know how to spell it.

- What did you want
a permit to build?

- A tool house.

- Well, will you cross
out where it says

type of rubbish to
be burned and write in

type of building
to be constructed?

That's C-O-N-S-T-

- I know how to spell that, too.

- Good.

What's the location
of the property

on which you're going
to build this tool house?

- Hooterville.

- Would you write that
in on the line that says

Has the applicant ever
been convicted of arson?

- Very well.

- What's your
address in Hooterville?

- It's the old Haney place
out on the county road.

- The old Haney place, eh?

So you're the jer-gentleman
that bought that?

- I'm not a gent-er-jerk, uh.

- I'll have to get
the original plans

for the buildings
on that property.

Ah, here we are, Hooterville.

- Could you watch it, please?

- Haney place, eh?

Ah, here we are.

Where were you planning
to erect this tool house?

- On the side of the barn.

- What barn?

- The barn that's
next to the house.

- There is no barn.

- What do you mean
there's no barn?

- Well see for yourself,
there's just a house.

- There's a barn, too.

- Not according to these plans.

- Well, I don't care about
the plans, I have a barn.

- Well if you do, it
was built illegally.

No permit was ever issued to
build a barn on that property.

- Well, that's ridiculous.

- Well, it's nothing
to get excited about.

It's very easily rectified.

- How?

- Tear it down, get a
permit, build a new one.

- Well, that's the most-

- Once it's built, we'll
send an inspector out

and if he okays it, we'll
ad a barn to the plans

and you'll be legal.

- Look, all I want to
do is build a tool house.

- Well that's no problem once
the barn passes inspection,

we'll issue a permit
for the tool house

and you'll be able to build it.

After two years.

- What?

- According to the
building code no additions

may be added to a structure
that's less than two years old.

- Forget it!

- One moment.

Here you are, your
rubbish burning permit.

- Lisa, Lisa?

- Who are you calling?

- You.

- On workday's my women's
liberation name is Max.

- Will you... And
yours is Sophie.

- Look, Lisa.

- Max.

- Oh, for.

- How was the egg
shampoo, Sophie?

- I didn't get a-

- What do you
want me to do next?

- What do you mean next?

- Well, the junk is all
cleaned up as you said.

- What?

- Come, I show you.

- What the?

- Is it stacked in
the right place?

- Yeah, but how-

- If you don't like it that way,

I'll be happy to move
it over there, no sweat.

- Lisa, how did
you lift all that?

- Max.

- Mr. Douglas.

- Oh, now I understand,
Eb helped you.

- He did not.

- No, I was busy plowing.

- Oh, give those to Sophie,
she'll cook them for dinner.

- Who's Sophie?

- I am, apparently.

Well, I mean.

- Now do you want me to
start building the tool house?

- Forget the tool house,
I couldn't get a permit.

- You can't seem to do
anything, can you, Sophie?

- Look here, I-

- I don't know how anything
got done around here

before Irving took over.

- Max.

- Look, you two.

- Do you want the
tool house built?

- Yes, but you can't-

- Well, I'd better go
and get the permit.

- You won't be able to get it.

- Why not?

- Because this barn isn't here.

- Oh boy.

Sophie's been sniffing her
pine needle pillow again.

- Eb, will you?

Look, you can't get the permit

because there's a
whole lot of red tape.

- Red tape never
bothered a Hungarian.

I see what I can do
and in the mean time,

you'll start your housework.

- Boy, she gets that permit,

she's gonna make
you look awful foolish.

Of course, that's nothing new.

- There is no
way she can get it.

- Well, I'd better not
hold you up, Sophie.

I know you have housework to do.

- No you don't!

Have you finished?

Well, what do you
think you're doing?

- Vacuuming.

If you bring in the
bedroom rug, I'll do that, too.

- Go on in and make the bed.

- You make it, you're
the lady of the house.

- Eb!

- The liberation movement
may have turned you

into a weak-kneed
ninny, but not me.

- Are you gonna
make the bed or not?

- Okay, they always told me it
was harder working for woman.

You miserable.

Come in!

- Hello, Mr. Ziffel.

- Oh hi, Sophie.

- Look, I'm not-

- I didn't mean to
interrupt your housework.

- Mr. Ziffel, I'm not-

- Oh I know how hard it ca
be with people dropping in

when you're in the
midst of making the bed

or ironing the curtains.

- Oh, I wasn't-

- I just come over to get
your recipe for apple popovers.

- Apple popovers?

- Yeah, I gotta
make some for Doris.

I had the recipe, but
when I was doing the wash

it fell out of my apron
pocket into the tub.

- You do the wash?

- Every Tuesday.

What's your wife's day?

- Oh, I don't-

- Wednesday's the day
I really dread, though.

- Why?

- Well, that's the
day I scrub the floors.

- Oh, so the new women's
liberation movement hit you, too, ?

- What's that?

- Where the men
do the housework.

- Well, what's new about that?

I've been doing
housework ever since

me and Doris got married.

- What does Doris do?

- She runs the tractor
and slops the hogs

and does the plowing.

- She?

- Well, how about that recipe?

- Oh well, I'm sorry,
I can't help you.

I'm not much of a cook.

- You're not much of
a housekeeper, either.

Look at that.

You wouldn't stay married
to Doris for two minutes.

- I'm not married to Doris.

- No, but I am.

I wonder if Newt Kiley
might have that recipe

for apple popovers.

Sophie!

- In here!

Sophie!

What are you doing?

- Giving Eleanor some hay.

- I am supposed to do that

and you're supposed
to do the ironing.

- If you want the
ironing done, you do it.

- We made a deal.

- Oh no we didn't.

You came home with some
cockamamie idea of women

doing men's work and men
doing women's work and vice versa.

Before I knew it, I'm
Sophie and you're Max.

- Names don't mean anything.

Now, why don't you go into the
house and do your housework?

- I am sorry, but I'm not
doing housework anymore.

- Do you want all the
junk to be moved back?

- You might as well.

- Well, what do I
do with the permit?

You can-

You got the permit?

- That's right, one
permit for a tool house

to be attached to the
barn that's here now.

- How did you?

- Where men fail,
women fear to tread.

- What does that mean?

- It means I got the permit.

- I don't know how you
did it, Max, but you're a doll.

- Later, Sophie, I've got to
start to build my tool house.

- You honestly think you
can build a tool house?

- I got the permit, didn't I?

- Alright, go ahead.

- What are you going
to cook for dinner?

- Nothing, I'll see you later.

- Where are you going?

- To take off my
girdle, it's killing me.

- I'll have another drink.

- Mr. Douglas, don't you
think you've had enough?

- One more won't hurt.

- But you've had six
Burt's Beers already.

- Mr. Drucker... You
don't look too good.

You look a little
over-carbonated.

It's nearly 9:30, why
don't you go home?

- No thanks.

- Mrs. Douglas'll be
worried about you.

- Let her.

- Now Mr. Douglas,

this women's liberation
thing'll blow over.

Women are always
agitatin' for something.

First it was to get the vote,
then it was to stop people

from drinking, then they wanted

to run a woman for president.

I survived all them
movements, you know how?

I stayed single.

- I don't mind equal
rights for women,

but their idea of
equal rights is to prove

that they're better than men.

- What's the harm in
letting them think they are,

as long as you and
me know better?

- The colossal conceit
of my wife thinking

she can do something
better than I can.

- Oh, she probably
just thinks that

because she cleaned up all
that junk and got the permit.

- Thanks for your moral support.

- Mr. Douglas, take my advice.

Go home, take off your
shoes, put your feet up,

look out the window, and
enjoy your new tool house.

- Tool house!

There is no way she
could build a tool house.

- Oh, hello dear!

- What the?

- I was just putting up
the finishing touches.

How do you like it?

- Lisa, you built this?

- Well, you don't see
anybody else around

with a hammer in their hand.

- Oh, that's impossible.

- Nothing is impossible
for a liberated lady

when she puts her mind to it.

- Look-

- Here, put this in
your new tool house.

I'm going to wash
up and then you better

go into the kitchen
and start cooking dinner.

- I told you, I'm not
doing any cooking.

- Well, you can be
sure I take you out

for the next women's
liberation meeting.

Aren't you coming to bed?

- I'm just not in the mood, Max.

- Then, goodnight.

- Lisa, for the last time,

are you gonna tell me how
you built that tool house?

- Let me just say it
wasn't easy, goodnight.

- Oh, Mr. Haney.

- Your bill.

- For what?

- For $1,200.

- $1,200, for what?

- Well, it's all itemized here.

First it's $150 for
three men to move

and restack the junk
that was by your barn.

- Oh, so that's how-

- Next, there's $105
for the tool house permit.

- $105 for a permit?

- Oh, the permit
was only five dollars.

The 100 was to bribe the clerk.

- Of all the-

- Now then there's $300 for
five men to build a tool house.

That comes to a
grand total of $1,200.

- It's nowhere near $1,200.

- Well it is when you
include the miscellaneous.

- Miscellaneous?

- May I have your check, please?

- We'll discuss it tomorrow.

- If we discuss it now,

I can give you an
on the spot discount.

I'll take your check for 800.

- Forget it.

- Of course, now if you're
a veteran, it'll only be $500.

- Goodbye, Mr. Haney.

- Yeah, but... Goodbye!

- Lisa.

- Hello there, sweetie.

Who was at the door?

- A bill collector.

Lisa, let me get this straight.

You moved the junk,
you got the permit,

and you built the
tool house, right?

- Well, that depends.

- On what?

- On who the bill collector was.

- Mr. Haney.

- In that case, I take
the fifth commandment.

- Amendment.

Lisa, I knew this
liberation thing was a fake.

- What do you mean fake?

- All that big talk about
doing a man's work

and then you hire
somebody else to do it for you.

- Look at it this way.

I am a woman, so how would
I know how to do a man's work

unless I hired a man to
do it and watched him?

- Lisa.

- Oliver, I've been thinking.

I am not too happy
with this liberation deal.

Tomorrow, why don't I go
back to being the woman

and you be the man?

- Why do we have to
wait until tomorrow?

- Well, I guess we don't, Max.

- Now you're talking, Sophie.

This has been a Filmways
Presentation, darling.