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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,529 - Hey it's Mr. Douglas. 2 00:00:19,553 --> 00:00:21,965 I thought he was going to a... 3 00:00:21,989 --> 00:00:22,899 - Hey you're late. 4 00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,334 - I'm sorry Charlie. 5 00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,694 - Well I've already bough the tickets, let's go in. 6 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,919 - How about that? 7 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:45,922 Mr. Douglas went in to see his own live story. 8 00:01:02,963 --> 00:01:07,010 ♪ Green Acres is the place to be 9 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:10,980 ♪ Farm living is the life for me 10 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:15,018 ♪ Lands spreading out so far and wide 11 00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:19,022 ♪ Keep Manhattan just give me that country side. 12 00:01:19,046 --> 00:01:23,060 ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay 13 00:01:23,084 --> 00:01:26,963 ♪ I get allergic smelling hay 14 00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:31,068 ♪ I just adore a penthouse view 15 00:01:31,092 --> 00:01:35,260 ♪ Darling I love you, but give me Park Avenue 16 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:42,145 ♪ The chores ♪ The stores ♪ Fresh air 17 00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:44,948 ♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife 18 00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:46,916 ♪ Goodbye city life 19 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:50,542 ♪ Green Acres we are there 20 00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,004 - Well good morning, Eb. 21 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:09,461 - You poor woman. 22 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,376 - Why am I a poor woman? 23 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,345 - Because your husband. 24 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,580 Where is he? 25 00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:20,317 - He's still asleep, he came in very late. 26 00:02:20,341 --> 00:02:22,285 - I'll bet he did. 27 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:24,121 - He came in exhausted. 28 00:02:24,145 --> 00:02:26,156 - I'll bet he did. 29 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:29,993 - Why do you keep saying, "I'll be he did?" 30 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,595 - Because I'll bet he did. 31 00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:35,064 Where did Mr. Douglas say he went last night? 32 00:02:35,088 --> 00:02:36,666 - To a pollution meeting. 33 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,268 - He must have been polluted to think he could 34 00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:40,003 get away with a story like that. 35 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:44,574 - Eb, are you trying to tell me something? 36 00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,510 - Well... - Good morning. 37 00:02:46,534 --> 00:02:48,545 - Good morning, darling, mm. 38 00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,680 - You'll kiss anybody, won't you? 39 00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:51,648 - What? 40 00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:53,416 - You're a universal smoocher! 41 00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:57,287 - Something wrong with my kissing my wife good morning? 42 00:02:57,311 --> 00:03:00,657 - I was thinking more about who you kiss good night, 43 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:01,681 Mr. Devious. 44 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,550 - Devious? 45 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:08,231 I guess the Hooterville nutty season has started again. 46 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,868 - I don't think it's so nutty. 47 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,304 - How was the meeting, dear? 48 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:16,406 - Yes, how was the meeting, dear? 49 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,409 - Well it was about he pollution problem... 50 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,599 - Sure it was! 51 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,346 - What are you...? 52 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,114 - Want to hear what I did last night? 53 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,149 - No. 54 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,884 - I went to Pixley. 55 00:03:27,908 --> 00:03:29,719 And I saw a friend of mine. 56 00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:32,289 I should say an ex-friend of mine. 57 00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:35,880 And he wasn't alone, if you get my meaning? 58 00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:39,796 - Eb, if you've got something to say 59 00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:42,165 would you come right out and say it? 60 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:44,967 - Don't expect me to do your dirty work. 61 00:03:44,991 --> 00:03:46,836 Do it yourself, Mr. Devious! 62 00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,411 - Well, if you've got dirty work to do 63 00:03:54,435 --> 00:03:57,514 I don't want to keep you from it, Mr. Dubious. 64 00:04:04,511 --> 00:04:07,912 - 40 45, 50,000. 65 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,027 Isn't it beautiful Charlie? 66 00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,363 - Yeah and tax free. 67 00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:16,199 Compliments of the Second Security Bank of Boston. 68 00:04:16,223 --> 00:04:18,401 - And all they planned to give you for 20 years 69 00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,503 of service was a watch. 70 00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:23,206 Now I can pick my own. 71 00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:26,243 That's funny. 72 00:04:26,267 --> 00:04:30,012 Charlie, you're riot! 73 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,036 - Shut up. 74 00:04:32,539 --> 00:04:34,817 - Well how long do we have to stay here? 75 00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,854 You said we were gonna go to London, Paris. 76 00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:39,922 So where do we wind up? 77 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,858 The Pixley Motel. 78 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:45,094 - We ain't moving from here 'til things cool off. 79 00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:46,863 Bank's don't forget somebody who embezzles 80 00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:49,866 $50,000 overnight you know. 81 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,669 - Gee, I'm lucky to be married to you Charlie. 82 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:56,239 There's no other man in the whole world like you. 83 00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:59,142 - Yes sir Mr. Douglas I said to myself, 84 00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:02,412 "There's only one man in the world like you." 85 00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:04,814 - Whatever it is I don't want it. 86 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:08,752 - I also said to myself, "He's a man that needs convincing." 87 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:14,557 Are you convinced? 88 00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:17,516 - What is that? 89 00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,530 - A Pablum Picarasso. 90 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,668 - Is he any relation to Pablo Picasso? 91 00:05:24,692 --> 00:05:25,692 - Who is that? 92 00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:29,005 - Only one of the world's greatest painters. 93 00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,140 - Did he ever do anything as good as this? 94 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,164 Ain't that beautiful? 95 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,445 - I can't make heads or tails out of that painting? 96 00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:36,979 - Oh well that's easy enough. 97 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,881 This is the head and this is the tail. 98 00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,951 - Of what? 99 00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:42,975 - A cow! 100 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:47,156 This is a true to life portrait of Beverly 101 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:50,460 the renowned tri-state milking queen. 102 00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:53,530 The name of the painting is Udderly Beverly. 103 00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:56,666 Don't that just grab it all? 104 00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,301 - Mr. Haney, will you? 105 00:05:58,325 --> 00:06:00,470 - No I know what you're thinking. 106 00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,171 - If you did you would have been out of here 107 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,239 five minutes ago! 108 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,909 - You're thinking that a work of art like this 109 00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,578 must cost a fortune. 110 00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:11,013 But this is your lucky day. 111 00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:14,183 We're having a special introductatory offer 112 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,709 of Pablum Picarasso's works for only $150. 113 00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,258 - Mr. Haney you have some nerve 114 00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:24,561 to try to get $150 for a piece of junk 115 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:27,296 by an artist nobody's ever heard of! 116 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,899 - Hello there Mr. Haney. 117 00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,335 Isn't that a Pablum Picarasso? 118 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,338 - You've heard of... 119 00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:37,006 - That's one of the most beautiful paintings of a cow 120 00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:38,408 I've ever seen. 121 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,845 - You can tell that's a cow? 122 00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:43,880 - What else could it be? 123 00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,572 - Mr. Douglas, it's all yours for only $200. 124 00:06:48,442 --> 00:06:49,442 - That's cheap. 125 00:06:50,878 --> 00:06:53,990 - It was cheaper a minute ago it was only $150. 126 00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,892 - Yeah, but a minute ago I didn't have 127 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,361 Mrs. Douglas' expert opinion. 128 00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:02,131 Now where do you want it hung? 129 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:03,867 - I have several suggestions. 130 00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:07,169 - Well if you don't want it I'll guess I'll 131 00:07:07,193 --> 00:07:10,640 just have to take the Metropolitan Museum's offer. 132 00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:12,575 You do that. 133 00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:16,379 Oliver. 134 00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:18,381 I think you should have bought that. 135 00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,583 - Lisa I'm trying to fix the fuel pump. 136 00:07:20,607 --> 00:07:21,751 - What's wrong with it? 137 00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,119 - It doesn't work. 138 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,654 - How did you make it do that? 139 00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:25,588 Well I... 140 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,491 - Oh, here comes Mr. Kimbell! 141 00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:29,692 - Where? 142 00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,528 - Oh, now I got two of them. 143 00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:32,729 - Oh, you folks busy? 144 00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:33,897 - Yeah. 145 00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,765 - Mr. Douglas is fixing his fool pump. 146 00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,501 Oh. 147 00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:41,270 What's wrong with your fool pump? 148 00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:42,439 - It doesn't work. 149 00:07:42,463 --> 00:07:43,540 - Oh. 150 00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:45,374 How'd you make it do that? 151 00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,744 - I... - No wonder it doesn't work, 152 00:07:47,768 --> 00:07:48,768 it's broken. 153 00:07:49,536 --> 00:07:50,814 - I know. 154 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,114 Uh, look do you know where I could 155 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,950 get another one like this? 156 00:07:53,974 --> 00:07:55,418 - I thought you said it was broken? 157 00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,653 - It is! 158 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,357 - Then why do you want another one like it? 159 00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:00,189 - Oh, you. 160 00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:01,758 - Say, there's a store in Pixley that has them. 161 00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,392 I'd be glad to pick one up for you. 162 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:04,794 - I'd appreciate that. 163 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,729 - Just let me make a note of that. 164 00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:11,623 One broken fuel pump for Mr. Douglas. 165 00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:16,238 - If it's all the same to you, I'd like a new one. 166 00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,140 - A new what? 167 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:19,943 - A new broken fuel, 168 00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:22,011 uh, here look you take this with you 169 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,547 and tell them you want one just like it. 170 00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:26,349 You think you can do that? 171 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,518 - Well, we'll know when I get back. 172 00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:29,752 Uh-huh. 173 00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,597 - Oh, uh Mr. Douglas. 174 00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,765 I hope you're not thinking of wasting your money 175 00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:44,400 on some cheap babble, 176 00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:47,737 when you could still buy this Pablum Picarasso 177 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:50,707 for only... - Will you get out of here? 178 00:08:50,731 --> 00:08:52,308 - But, Mr. Douglas... 179 00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:55,077 - No my name is not Douglas and beat it, scram! 180 00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,746 - But ah... - Get out of here! 181 00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:02,351 - Oh Charlie, it's beautiful, thank you, thank you! 182 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,687 - I'm glad you like it Blanche. 183 00:09:04,711 --> 00:09:07,223 Come on baby, let's get back to the motel. 184 00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:12,929 - Who was that? 185 00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,196 - Some nut. 186 00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:16,465 He must have me mixed up with somebody else. 187 00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:17,299 What are you? 188 00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:18,801 - Oh, sorry Mr. Douglas. 189 00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:21,604 Oh, nice seeing you Mrs. uh, 190 00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,806 you're not Mrs. uh... - Uh, look fellow... 191 00:09:23,830 --> 00:09:25,107 - Oh glad I bumped into you. 192 00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:26,776 Got your new fuel pump. 193 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,012 - What'd you buy a new fuel pump for, Charlie? 194 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:30,947 - Uh, Charlie needed one for his tractor. 195 00:09:30,971 --> 00:09:32,704 Did you, Mr. Douglas? 196 00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,919 - My name isn't Douglas! 197 00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,254 - Well whatever it is, you can pay me later on, 198 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,523 Mr. Douglas. 199 00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:43,026 Well nice seeing you, Mrs. uh, 200 00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,694 boy you're not Mrs. Uh... 201 00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:45,895 - Come on Charlie. 202 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,798 - No wait Blanche, the motel is this way. 203 00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,304 - No, Mr. Haney I can't let you hang that up 204 00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,773 in the living room. 205 00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:57,941 - But uh... 206 00:09:57,965 --> 00:09:59,609 - Well Mr. Douglas doesn't want to buy it. 207 00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,210 Well I think he will. 208 00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:05,314 I picked up a very convincing sales argument in Pixley. 209 00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:07,316 - Well you better speak to him first. 210 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,250 - Where is he? 211 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,053 - He went to Crabwell Corners. 212 00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,592 - Crabwell Corners. 213 00:10:15,616 --> 00:10:17,493 I guess that's he would call it. 214 00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,168 Mr. Douglas... 215 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:27,336 - No Mr. Haney I haven't got time... 216 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,171 - Well, you've changed your clothes 217 00:10:29,195 --> 00:10:32,609 since I saw you in Pixley this afternoon. 218 00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,143 - I was in Crabwell Corners. 219 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,779 Of course you were. 220 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,047 - Hey will you wa... 221 00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:41,239 - Shall we go in and hang up the Picarasso? 222 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:44,386 - I told you I didn't want to buy that! 223 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,956 - Yeah, but that was BC. 224 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,157 - BC? 225 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,693 Before Charlie. 226 00:10:50,717 --> 00:10:51,995 - Hey look will you...? 227 00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,497 - I'm sure that you will find this is reasonable 228 00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:58,034 as any wristwatch you could buy in the Crabwell Corners 229 00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:01,403 jewelry store in Pixley. 230 00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,006 - What are you talking about? 231 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:07,276 - I think that $600 is a fair price for this. 232 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:11,580 - Not that I'm interested, but it was $150 this morning. 233 00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:15,051 - Yeah, but the more you know about art 234 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:16,819 and other things 235 00:11:16,843 --> 00:11:18,855 the more the price keeps going up. 236 00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:22,158 - Well I don't want it. 237 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:25,628 ♪ Motel me pretty maiden. 238 00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:26,652 - Motel me? 239 00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,700 I see the word makes you Blanche. 240 00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,070 No pun intended Charlie. 241 00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,838 - You're drunk! 242 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,473 - I wished I were. 243 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:42,211 It would blot out the memory of what I saw in Pixley today. 244 00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,146 - Uh-huh. 245 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:45,648 What did you see in Pixley? 246 00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,316 We know, don't we? 247 00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:53,556 In the meantime I'll have this $1,000 Picarasso framed. 248 00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:56,225 Or you, whichever the case may be. 249 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:02,331 - Something strange going on here. 250 00:12:02,355 --> 00:12:04,667 - It's more than strange. 251 00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,102 It's weird. 252 00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,870 - What's weird, honey? 253 00:12:07,894 --> 00:12:09,060 9,000, 10,000. 254 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,842 - Those two guys who thought I was someone else. 255 00:12:12,866 --> 00:12:14,711 Kept calling me Douglas. 256 00:12:14,735 --> 00:12:16,179 - Maybe it's a trap. 257 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,468 11,000, 12,000. 258 00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,249 - Only thing I can figure is there must be 259 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:23,052 somebody around here who looks like me! 260 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,287 - No one could look like you Charlie. 261 00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:29,380 You're the handsomest man I know, 13,000, 14,000. 262 00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,994 - Can't understand it. 263 00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:36,020 - Don't worry about it, Charlie, 15,000, 16,000. 264 00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:39,357 17,000, 18,000. 265 00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,572 - Douglas, Douglas. 266 00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,996 - 19,000, 20,000. 267 00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:47,744 - There it is. 268 00:12:47,768 --> 00:12:49,645 Oliver Wendell Douglas. 269 00:12:49,669 --> 00:12:50,835 - 21,000, 22... 270 00:12:51,738 --> 00:12:53,382 - Will you stop counting! 271 00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,374 - But Charlie! 272 00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,223 - I want you to pay this Douglas a visit. 273 00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:01,257 - What for? 274 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,126 - Check him out. 275 00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,628 If he does look like me, 276 00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,296 maybe we can use him. 277 00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,036 - Oh, hello there. 278 00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:14,871 - Hello. 279 00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:16,205 I hope you don't mind, 280 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:19,041 but I seem to have lost my bearings. 281 00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:20,476 - Ah that's too bad. 282 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,012 Do you think you lost them around here? 283 00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,150 - No, I mean I've lost my way. 284 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:29,385 I'm trying to get to Beaver Meadow Junction. 285 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,820 Do you know where it is? 286 00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:33,156 - No, I don't, but my husband might. 287 00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,858 Would you like to come in? 288 00:13:35,882 --> 00:13:37,148 Oliver, Oliver! 289 00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:39,328 - Yes. 290 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,596 - Uh, this is my husband. 291 00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:41,563 - How do you do? 292 00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:42,865 - I don't believe it. 293 00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:45,168 - Do you want to see the marriage certificate? 294 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,602 No I meant... 295 00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:48,637 - Uh, can I help you Miss uh? 296 00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:49,872 - Mrs. Brown. 297 00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:51,107 - Mrs. Brown. 298 00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:53,176 - I'm trying to find my way to Beaver Meadow. 299 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,310 - Oh, Beaver Meadow. 300 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,878 I have a road map here. 301 00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:56,946 - I'll make some tea. 302 00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,014 - Oh you don't need. 303 00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,038 - Beaver 304 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,250 Meadow, hm? 305 00:14:01,274 --> 00:14:03,319 - It's uncanny. 306 00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:07,345 - What's, what's the matter, won't you sit down? 307 00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,862 - Uh, let's see Beaver Meadow's, 308 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,752 oh you take route... - Hi! 309 00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,755 Holy smoke, it's her! 310 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,602 - What? 311 00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:22,371 - Bringing her in to your own home! 312 00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,673 Boy how La Dolce Vita can you get? 313 00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,210 - La Dolce...? 314 00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,644 - Uh, Mrs. Brown. 315 00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:30,713 Would you like to have some cookies with your tea? 316 00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,381 - Oh no thank you. 317 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,284 - You have your wife serving cookies and tea to your, 318 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,086 your... - My what? 319 00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,754 - I can't think of the word. 320 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:39,822 But I'll look it up! 321 00:14:42,782 --> 00:14:44,760 - He's a little strange. 322 00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,162 - I noticed. 323 00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,831 Well, thank you for your help. 324 00:14:48,855 --> 00:14:50,299 - But I didn't show you how to get to Beaver... 325 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,701 - That's all right, I'm sure I'll be able to find it. 326 00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,802 Bye. 327 00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:58,640 - Where is Mrs. Brown? 328 00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,509 - Well she left suddenly! 329 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:01,744 You know I don't think she came here 330 00:15:01,768 --> 00:15:03,846 to get directions at all. 331 00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:07,116 Mrs. Brown, that name doesn't seem to fit her. 332 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:09,252 - What do you think her name is? 333 00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:10,286 - Concubine! 334 00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:12,688 - What? 335 00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,323 - Mrs. Concubine. 336 00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,658 I like that better than Mrs. Brown. 337 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,328 - Well that's not her name. 338 00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,797 - What is her name Mr. Devious? 339 00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,032 - And will you stop...? 340 00:15:23,056 --> 00:15:24,566 - I can't hold my silence any longer. 341 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,835 That man there is a philanthropist. 342 00:15:27,693 --> 00:15:29,405 Oh that's not right. 343 00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,607 - Oh for the... - Philanderer! 344 00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,642 - You mean he gives money away? 345 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:35,577 - No ma'am. 346 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:36,812 It says right here. 347 00:15:36,836 --> 00:15:39,615 Philanderer, one who is guilty of hanky panky. 348 00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:41,717 - Well that isn't the defini... 349 00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,287 - Who were you hanky pankying with? 350 00:15:44,311 --> 00:15:45,487 - Mrs. Concubine! 351 00:15:46,746 --> 00:15:48,124 - Will you stop... 352 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,259 - Last night I saw you kissing her outside the movie 353 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,828 and who knows what happened inside the movie! 354 00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,899 - You mean you were out with Mrs. Concubine! 355 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,834 - No, I never saw that woman before 356 00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:01,003 she walked in her five minutes ago! 357 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,139 - Hi. 358 00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:05,874 Hey. 359 00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,776 Guess who I just saw driving out the gate? 360 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,512 You're ah from Pixley. 361 00:16:11,404 --> 00:16:12,748 - Oh? 362 00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:14,817 - Oh, hello Mrs. Douglas. 363 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,485 Does she know about your. 364 00:16:18,044 --> 00:16:21,523 - Mr. Kimbell, when did you allegedly see me in Pixley? 365 00:16:21,547 --> 00:16:24,160 - When I gave you the fuel pump, Charlie. 366 00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:26,996 - Who is Charlie? 367 00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,020 - I don't. 368 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,100 If you gave me the fuel pump where is it? 369 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,034 - I don't know. 370 00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,937 Maybe you left it at the motel. 371 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,373 - What motel? 372 00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,041 - Well the Pixley Motel. 373 00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:40,009 - Well! 374 00:16:40,033 --> 00:16:41,277 - Oh, Lisa. 375 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:44,480 - So that's what you've been up to, Mr. Devious. 376 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:46,949 - Lisa, I don't know what this is all about, 377 00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,018 I've never been to the Pixley Motel! 378 00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,282 - That should be easy to prove. 379 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:52,355 - Yes it should! 380 00:16:52,379 --> 00:16:53,822 - Lisa change your clothes. 381 00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:54,957 - Where are we going? 382 00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,792 - To the Pixley Motel! 383 00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:58,794 - We're checking out in five minutes, 384 00:16:58,818 --> 00:16:59,818 have our bill ready. 385 00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:02,398 - Why are we checking out, Charlie? 386 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,566 - You want to be here when the Boston Police arrive? 387 00:17:04,590 --> 00:17:06,068 - I don't understand. 388 00:17:06,092 --> 00:17:08,137 Why did you tip off the cops? 389 00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:09,638 - They want Charlie Foster? 390 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:11,374 We'll give them Charlie Foster. 391 00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,175 But not this one. 392 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,783 - Come on Lisa. 393 00:17:21,807 --> 00:17:23,486 - Now Oliver you don't have to do this. 394 00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,054 If you tell me that you've never been 395 00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,890 to the Pixley Motel, I believe you. 396 00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,291 - No, no, no, no, then there will always be 397 00:17:29,315 --> 00:17:30,759 some kind of a doubt in your mind, 398 00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,694 you'll always be throwing it up at me. 399 00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:34,463 Once and for all I want you to know 400 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:37,266 that I was never in this motel! 401 00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,501 Mr. Foster! 402 00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:42,304 Uh I thought you checked out. 403 00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:43,839 - Checked out? 404 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:46,342 - Well yes sir your wife paid the bill and, 405 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,676 well that's not your wife. 406 00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:49,945 - Yes, this is my wife! 407 00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:51,414 - Well then the other one was... 408 00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:52,798 Oh no the other one wasn't my wife. 409 00:17:54,006 --> 00:17:56,385 What I mean was, you made a mistake. 410 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,454 - You certainly did. 411 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,122 - Oh for the love of, Lisa! 412 00:18:00,146 --> 00:18:02,691 - Mr. Foster, before you go would you mind 413 00:18:02,715 --> 00:18:04,060 filling out this form? 414 00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,261 - What form? 415 00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,562 - You know, how you liked the room, 416 00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,030 was the service satisfactory? 417 00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:12,168 Did you enjoy the complimentary bre, bre, ew, oh! 418 00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:13,936 Mr. Foster! 419 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,604 - Lisa, I tell you it must have been 420 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,239 somebody who looked like me. 421 00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:19,708 - You can do better than that Charlie. 422 00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:22,678 - Lisa I have always told you the truth. 423 00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,346 - Have you? 424 00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:28,484 - Have I ever done anything dishonest in my whole life? 425 00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,319 - You're under arrest. 426 00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:32,020 - What, who are you? 427 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:34,323 - Lieutenant Olson, Boston Police. 428 00:18:34,347 --> 00:18:35,757 Are you Oliver Douglas? 429 00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:36,692 - Yes. 430 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:37,726 - Alias Charlie Foster? 431 00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,061 - That's his motel name. 432 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,331 - Yeah, we had a tip you'd be hiding out here. 433 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,433 - Look, what are you arresting me for? 434 00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,302 - Embezzling $50,000. 435 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,604 - That's another thing you never told me about. 436 00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,335 Where did you hide the loot, Charlie? 437 00:18:52,698 --> 00:18:54,843 - Wait, look you've got the wrong man! 438 00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,847 - Is that you? 439 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:03,152 - Yes that looks like, I never posed for this picture! 440 00:19:03,176 --> 00:19:06,388 Oh, hey I bet that's the fellow that was at the motel 441 00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:07,523 with that woman. 442 00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,024 Oh this is a mistake, I'm innocent. 443 00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,993 - That's what he always says. 444 00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,095 - Yeah well let's go. 445 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:14,029 - Where? 446 00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,297 - Down to the sheriff's office. 447 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,232 I got some questions I'd like to ask you 448 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,456 about the money you embezzled. 449 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,471 - They arrested Mr. Douglas for embezzling $50,000? 450 00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,840 I don't believe it, they must have the wrong man. 451 00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,208 - Yeah, that's what he's trying to tell the sheriff 452 00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:27,576 and that Boston detective. 453 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:28,511 He claims there's somebody around here 454 00:19:28,535 --> 00:19:29,745 that looks just like him. 455 00:19:30,970 --> 00:19:32,748 Huh, well they're never gonna let him go 456 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:35,317 with a story like that. 457 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,287 They did. 458 00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,688 Yeah, we were just talking about you Mr... 459 00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:42,324 - Hey which one of you fellows runs this store? 460 00:19:42,348 --> 00:19:43,692 - No they didn't. 461 00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:44,760 - Didn't what? 462 00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:45,961 - Ah Hank. 463 00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:47,630 Well you let me wait on the stranger? 464 00:19:47,654 --> 00:19:49,765 - That's no stranger, that's Mr... 465 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:52,234 - What can I do for you, sir? 466 00:19:52,258 --> 00:19:54,069 - My car ran out of gas, you have any? 467 00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:57,673 - I keep a can down here for emergencies. 468 00:19:57,697 --> 00:19:59,642 All right, put your hands up. 469 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:01,666 Not you, Hank! 470 00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,413 - Yeah, what do you think you're doing? 471 00:20:04,437 --> 00:20:06,882 - You're under arrest. 472 00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,350 Put them on. 473 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,385 - Mister, I don't know what you think you're doing, 474 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:10,752 but you're making a big mistake. 475 00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,954 - Okay Sam, I got them on, now what? 476 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,924 - Oh perfect! 477 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,726 Call the sheriff! 478 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:18,927 - Oh yeah. 479 00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:20,162 Sheriff! 480 00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:22,298 Use the phone! 481 00:20:24,957 --> 00:20:26,402 - I've never seen anything like this in my life, 482 00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,870 they could be identical twins! 483 00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:30,172 You know which one is Douglas? 484 00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:32,140 - Mm-hm, I'm Douglas. 485 00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:34,109 - What do you mean you're Douglas? 486 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,445 I'm Douglas, Sheriff, you've been out to my farm, 487 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,046 you've seen me before. 488 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,349 - Yeah, you seen me dozens of times. 489 00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:42,451 - He's never seen you before. 490 00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:45,087 - I don't know which one is which. 491 00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,322 - Wife ought to know. 492 00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:48,757 - Yeah, my wife will know. 493 00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:51,293 - What do you mean your wife? 494 00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:52,317 - Get her. 495 00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:55,264 Mrs. Douglas, 496 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,999 will you come in here please? 497 00:20:58,023 --> 00:20:59,101 - Lisa. 498 00:20:59,125 --> 00:21:00,269 - Oliver! 499 00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:01,293 - Lisa! 500 00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:03,805 - Oliver? 501 00:21:03,829 --> 00:21:06,163 - Which one is your husband? 502 00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:07,943 - That one. 503 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:08,967 - Lisa! 504 00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,680 - No, that one. 505 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:12,914 No. 506 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,450 Have you got another one? - Lady! 507 00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:19,187 - Wait a minute, there is one simple way to find out. 508 00:21:19,211 --> 00:21:21,490 Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. 509 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:24,760 - Lisa. 510 00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,129 Why don't you ask us a few personal questions 511 00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:30,332 that only the real Oliver Douglas could answer? 512 00:21:30,356 --> 00:21:31,800 - That's a good idea. 513 00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,602 - Lady, ask him something. 514 00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:34,626 - All right. 515 00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:38,106 What did you do before you were a farmer? 516 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:39,575 - I was a lawyer. 517 00:21:39,599 --> 00:21:40,909 - Right. 518 00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:42,077 - What did you do? 519 00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:43,345 - I was a lawyer. 520 00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:47,215 - So far they're even. 521 00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:48,884 - Ask him where we were married. 522 00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,886 - Oh, are you two married? 523 00:21:52,244 --> 00:21:55,324 - I mean where you and I married? 524 00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:57,393 - You don't remember?! 525 00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,117 - Of course I, it was Paris! 526 00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,465 - Where were we married? 527 00:22:03,489 --> 00:22:04,533 - In Paris. 528 00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:08,970 - They're still running neck and neck. 529 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:11,440 - Lisa you're giving him the answers. 530 00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:12,941 - Keep out of this Charlie! 531 00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:14,465 - I'm not Charlie! 532 00:22:15,501 --> 00:22:17,946 - There is one sure way to tell. 533 00:22:17,970 --> 00:22:19,281 The smooch test. 534 00:22:19,305 --> 00:22:20,582 - The what? 535 00:22:20,606 --> 00:22:22,685 - A wife can always tell her husband 536 00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:24,420 by the way he kisses. 537 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,887 - I'm not gonna have you kissing... 538 00:22:25,911 --> 00:22:27,790 - Could you keep him quiet, please? 539 00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:36,898 - Well? 540 00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:38,567 - One more time. 541 00:22:41,927 --> 00:22:44,807 Ah, uh. 542 00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:46,274 Lisa. 543 00:22:48,334 --> 00:22:49,478 Lisa will you. 544 00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:51,714 - Take it easy, you'll get your turn. 545 00:22:51,738 --> 00:22:53,549 Lisa will you 546 00:22:53,573 --> 00:22:54,750 stop kissing please? 547 00:22:54,774 --> 00:22:55,774 - Oh. 548 00:22:56,809 --> 00:22:58,454 I don't have to look any further. 549 00:22:58,478 --> 00:22:59,655 I take this one. 550 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,725 - Wait a minute you didn't kiss me?! 551 00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:04,092 - Well Oliver wouldn't like me going 552 00:23:04,116 --> 00:23:07,162 around kissing strangers, Charlie. 553 00:23:08,020 --> 00:23:09,197 - That's right, Charlie. 554 00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:10,131 - Look, I've... 555 00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:12,000 - All right Foster, let's go. 556 00:23:12,024 --> 00:23:13,602 - Now, wait, just a minute! 557 00:23:13,626 --> 00:23:16,037 Ah, I know something about her 558 00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:18,629 that he couldn't possibly know. 559 00:23:22,435 --> 00:23:23,846 - She does? 560 00:23:23,870 --> 00:23:24,870 - Yes. 561 00:23:25,872 --> 00:23:27,182 - Where? 562 00:23:27,206 --> 00:23:28,539 - Oh no, no, no. 563 00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:31,887 I'll write it on a piece of paper 564 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,723 and you let him write it on a piece of paper, too, hm? 565 00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:37,981 - Well I... - You want proof don't you?! 566 00:23:38,984 --> 00:23:40,696 - All right. 567 00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,766 Deputy give them both a piece of paper and pencil. 568 00:23:43,790 --> 00:23:46,034 - Oh, what's the question? 569 00:23:46,058 --> 00:23:48,136 - The question is, 570 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,306 where does the lady have a mole? 571 00:23:52,565 --> 00:23:54,142 - That was one of the most embarrassing things 572 00:23:54,166 --> 00:23:55,644 that ever happened to me. 573 00:23:55,668 --> 00:23:58,614 I had to get undressed in front of the matron 574 00:23:58,638 --> 00:24:01,650 and let her see where my mole was. 575 00:24:01,674 --> 00:24:04,753 - Only I would know it was on your left hip. 576 00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:05,987 Uh, Lisa. 577 00:24:06,011 --> 00:24:08,490 I had a feeling that all along you knew 578 00:24:08,514 --> 00:24:09,892 which was which. 579 00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:11,359 - Yes I did. 580 00:24:11,383 --> 00:24:12,828 - Well then, 581 00:24:12,852 --> 00:24:16,932 why did you spend so much time kissing the other fellow? 582 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:19,334 - Why did you spend so much time in the motel 583 00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:20,368 with the other girl? 584 00:24:22,094 --> 00:24:24,873 - That wasn't me, that was him! 585 00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:26,229 - Just a second. 586 00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:29,144 Where do you think you're going? 587 00:24:29,168 --> 00:24:30,312 - To bed! 588 00:24:30,336 --> 00:24:32,147 - Oh no you're not. 589 00:24:32,171 --> 00:24:34,082 How can I be sure that you are the real 590 00:24:34,106 --> 00:24:35,918 Oliver Wendell Douglas? 591 00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,821 - Oh for... 592 00:24:38,845 --> 00:24:41,356 - Would you write down on a piece of paper 593 00:24:41,380 --> 00:24:43,459 where you have your scar? 594 00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:45,961 Gladly. 595 00:24:48,721 --> 00:24:50,165 Satisfied? 596 00:24:50,189 --> 00:24:52,100 - Yes, you can get into bed now. 597 00:24:52,124 --> 00:24:53,802 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 598 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:54,826 Charlie. 599 00:25:36,002 --> 00:25:40,170 This has been a Filmways presentation darling. 38231

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