Original subtitles

♪ Green Acres is the place to be

♪ Farm living is the life for me

♪ Land spreading out so far and wide

♪ Keep Manhattan just give me that countryside

♪ New York is where I'd rather stay

♪ I get allergic smelling hay

♪ I just adore a penthouse view

♪ Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue.

- ♪ The chores - ♪ The stores - ♪ Fresh air

- ♪ Times Square - ♪ You are my wife

- ♪ Good bye city life

♪ Green Acres we are there - ♪ Green Acres we are there

- It's your move Arnold.

- Boy, that's a pretty dumb move even for a pig.

Let's see ya get outta that.

- That makes 40 cents you owe Arnold.

- Like to play another game, double or nothing?

- Oh look I didn't come here to watch Arnold

beat you at checkers.

Now let's get the meeting started.

Whose chief for the month?

- No you was chief last month.

It's Kimball's turn.

- Hey that's right.

Where's the white chief's helmet?

- Arnold forgot to bring it.

- How will anybody know I'm chief without the helmet.

- Well we all know.

Come on let's get started.

The chief stands there.

- Oh.

- Thank you, thank you.

As chief of the month,

I call the meeting of the Hooterville...

What was the name of this organization again?

- The Hooterville Volunteer Fire Department stupid.

- Oh yes.

The Hooterville Fire Department stupid.

- I'm leaving, there's a good movie on TV.

- Oh hey Arnold.

- Good evening gentlemen I'm sorry I'm late.

- Mr. Douglas that's the third time this month,

I'll have to fine you $10.

- $10?

This is the first time I've ever been late.

- Oh, well in that case it'll only be $12.

- I'm not paying it.

- Are we gonna have a meeting or aint we?

I wanna go home and see the Tuesday night movie.

- This is Thursday night.

- Well the station's a little bit behind schedule.

See they have to show the Friday night movie

on Saturday night,

on account of the live broadcast

of the Coolidge inauguration.

- The Coolidge Inauguration?

- Yeah Oscar Coolidge.

He was sworn in as county supervisor.

- Anyway they had to move the Saturday night movie

to Sunday night,

but they couldn't show the Sunday night movie

Monday night because they were cleaning the station.

So they showed the Sunday movie on Tuesday,

and the Tuesday movie didn't show up in time,

so they're showing it tonight.

- Unless they decide to rerun the Coolidge inauguration.

- Why don't we go on with the meeting.

- Now, before we get into the main business of the evening.

What is the main business of the evening?

Oh, that's right Arnold,

the Hooterville Search and Rescue Squad.

- That ain't what he said.

He wants to know where his 40 cents is.

- What 40 cents?

- Arnold beat Hank four games of checkers.

- How can Arnold?

- And now I turn this meeting over to Eustace Haney.

- Thank you.

I don't think there's any doubt in anybody's mind,

but what we need a search and rescue squad.

Which will be responsible for searching and rescuing

people that get lost.

- There's little doubt in my mind that...

- Mr. Douglas do you know how many millions of dollars

in tourist trade that Hooterville loses every year?

Because people are afraid to come here,

cause they afraid they might get lost,

and there'll be nobody to search and rescue them.

- Oh boy.

- So by the authority invested in me

by our chief of the month, Hank Kimball,

I'm appointing all of you here to be members

of the search and rescue squad.

- Tell us what we got to do first.

- Oh well there's a very simple procedure to follow.

Well it's not simple but,

yes I guess it is simple.

Well let's assume that somebody gets lost.

- I wish you would so I can go home and see the movie on TV.

- You better listen to this Sam,

you got an important part in it.

- Yeah Sam you live closest to the railroad tracks.

So when somebody gets lost you have to run

and get the train crew to blow

three boops on the whistle of the cannonball.

- Three boops?

- Yeah you know.

Boop, boop, boop.

- You fellas...

- Now upon hearing the boops,

you'll all assemble here

and pick up your search and rescue equipment,

which I am donating to each one of you

for the nominal sum, of $12.78.

- If you're donating it Haney it shouldn't cost us anything.

- You're right Sam, it shouldn't,

but it will.

Now where was we.

- You were up to the booping.

- I have a question.

Suppose the train is up in Pixley then what do we do?

- Well you call Pixley

and you tell them to tell the train to boop up there.

- How can we hear it all the way up in Pixley?

- That's simple.

After booping up there,

Pixley will call you back and tell ya they've booped.

- That way we'll know it's official,

and not some crack pot turning in a false boop.

- Of all the ding-a-ling-I've heard.

- Now since this is a new unit,

I'm going to call a practice search and rescue operation

for tomorrow night.

To do this I'm gonna have to ask of ya to volunteer

to go out and get lost.

Who wants to volunteer.

- Mr. Kimball.

- We have a volunteer!

Mr. Douglas.

- No I didn't...

- Mr. Douglas, tomorrow night at eight o'clock

you go out in the woods and lose yourself.

As soon as you do you call Sam

and he'll set the boops in motion.

- The only thing I'm gonna set in motion is myself.

I'm going home and watch the movie on TV.

- That's the first sensible thing I've heard

anybody said since I got here.

- Well in that case do I hear a motion to adjourn?

Arnold just made a motion.

- No he didn't, he just wants his 40 cents.

- Well in that case, meeting is adjourned.

- How much time Mrs. Douglas?

- 20 seconds.

- Hi.

- Hello, how was your meeting?

- Do you know what they want to do?

- Can you tell it to us in 10 seconds?

- No, I...

- Well then it'll have to wait till later.

Come on Eb.

- You wanna finish this?

- No thanks, I... - Well come on Eb!

- Where you two going?

- The commercial is almost over,

then the picture is going to start again.

Come on.

In the back stretch is Plumber's Helper,

in front by two legs.

Marsupan is second on the rail,

Black Fern is third, Helley Cloy is fourth,

Humpy Harry is fifth and

treading the field is Fish Mouth.

- Come on Plumber's Helper.

- No no we want Fish Mouth to win.

- Oh yeah, come on Fish Mouth!

- Fish Mouth?

- He's the star of the picture.

Coming around the last turn is

Plumber's Helper by three legs.

Black Fern is second to him,

Marsupan filling the void, Humpy Harry,

and trailing the field by nine links is Fish Mouth.

- Come on Fish Mouth!

You gotta win!

Mom and me and all the people of South Ashburyville

are counting on you.

- Who's she?

- She's the horse's granddaughter.

- The horse's grand...

- We'll explain it to you later.

Come on Fish Mouth!

At the top of the stretch is Plumber's Helper

by six legs, Pipeline is second, Marsupan,

Helley Cloy, Humpy Hairy,

and Fish Mouth is last by 22 legs.

- Come on Fishmouth, you gotta win.

Mom and me and all the people of South Ashburyville

are counting on you.

- Is that all she says in the whole picture?

- Will you be quiet.

They're now coming down

to the line of scrimmage and the winner is Fishmouth.

- Yay he did it, he did it.

He won!

- How could?

He was 22 legs behind!

- That's what they call dramatic license.

- Be quiet, I want to see the end.

- Grandpa, you won!

You won for mom and me,

and all the people of South Ashburyville.

- Oh wasn't that patchy.

- Yeah, they don't make pictures like that anymore.

- They wouldn't dare.

- I'll explain the story to you.

- No don't bother.

- Don't you want to know how the little girl's

grandfather became a horse?

- No not particularly.

- It was all done by re incarceration.

- Re incarceration?

- That means when you past on to the great beyond,

and you come back as an animal.

- I believe the word is reincarnation.

- No no no that is when you come back as a flower.

- As of...

- Her grandfather was re incarcerated as a horse.

- You see her grandfather

was a jockey in South Ashburyville.

- Oh that explains the kid with the one line.

- Oh she didn't always just have one line,

she was a very happy little girl,

except for her mother had a big mortgage on their house.

- But her grandfather was gonna pay it off,

by winning the big race.

But these bad guys... - Bad guys?

- There the ones in the black hats.

The good guys wear white hats,

that's the code of the movies.

- Oh look I'm...

- Anyway the bad guys wanted the grandfather,

who was a jockey at that time,

to throw the race, and he said to him,

"I don't care what color your hats are,

I'm not going to do me something",

so they did it.

- They did it to the wrong fellow.

They should've done it to the writer.

- Anyway, just before he went on to that big pasture

in the sky, he promised the little girl,

her mom,

and all the people of South Ashburyville,

who had bet everything that they had,

that he'd come back as a race horse and win.

- You saw the finish, do you have any questions?

- Yeah,

where's the booze?

Reincarnation.

- Well it works.

- What works?

- That people come back as animals.

- Have you ever known anybody that did?

- Yes my uncle Rudall.

- Your uncle Rudall?

- You met him, the goat.

- The goat?

- Don't you remember we went over there to visit them

and the goat came out to meet us?

- Oh yeah, I thought that was your aunt.

- No, it was my uncle.

- Look Lis... - My aunt said it was.

She knew it was him because in real life,

he couldn't stand her cooking,

and then he came back as a goat.

He wouldn't eat anything she made.

- You can't ask for a better explanation than that.

- Explanation?

That... - Don't you believe in it?

- I'm afraid not.

- The gypsies do.

- Good for them.

- Don't you want to come back as something?

- Yes.

Howard Hughes.

- When my time comes,

I'd like to come back as a dog.

Dog's have an easy life.

All they do is lie around all day and scratch themselves.

- That's all you do now.

- You will make a very nice dog Eb.

- Thank you.

What would you like to be?

- Let me see.

I think I would like.

- Look will you excuse me,

I've gotta throw some hay down for Eleanor.

- I wonder if she was anybody before she became a cow.

- Well, she might have been a movie star.

- Instead of guessing, why don't I ask her.

- How do you think I look?

- You look fine Eb.

- Here comes Mr. Neat,

let's get his opinion.

- Mr?

- How do you think I look?

- Fine if you're going clam digging.

- I'm going to Pixley to have supper at Lorelei's house.

Then we're going for a ride on my motor scooter.

- Why don't you take our car.

- Lisa.

- Thanks anyway but it's more fun on my motor scooter.

That way Lorelei has to put her arms around me to hang on.

- Yeah yeah well.

- That's the way it is with chicks today,

you have to out think em.

See you later.

- You dimwit!

- Oliver, Oliver, why don't you buy a motor scooter,

then I could hang on.

- We don't need a scooter for that, come on.

- Oh.

What the?

- Oliver, Oliver I'm frightened?

- Lisa it's nothing to be frightened about,

we're warm and dry and safe in here.

That darn roof!

- Oliver!

- No no, relax, relax.

- I can't I just heard on the radio

that this is the worst one they ever had around here.

The bridge on the road to Pixley has been washed out.

- They'll fix it.

- Oliver, that's where Eb went.

Do you suppose something terrible has happened to him?

- Oh no no, of course not,

he's at Lorelei's house.

- Then why don't you call and see.

- Me climb that pole in the rain like this?

- While you're up there,

won't you please call Lorelie?

- Hello.

Yes this is Mr. Douglas.

Well hello Lorelie.

He isn't?

He shoulda been there by now.

Yes I heard about the bridge.

Well look, I'm sure he's alright.

Just don't worry.

- Don't worry!

- I'm sure he's alright.

- How can you say that when he was

on the bridge when it was washed out?

- He wasn't on any bridge.

- Yes he was.

It's just like in the dream.

- What dream?

- The one I'm going to have tonight,

while he's floating down the river.

Oliver please you got to go and look for him.

- Lisa it's... - Oliver please.

- Alright I'll look for him.

- I found this near the washed out bridge.

- I knew it, I knew it.

- Oh now calm down this doesn't mean anything.

When he saw the bridge was washed out,

he probably started out on foot

to look for some place to keep dry.

- We'll never see him again.

- Stop talking like that.

I'll go out and look some more.

- What time is it Sam.

- I... - No don't tell me,

I wanna see if my watch is right.

- Oh Hank.

- He should of called by now.

- He had no intention of calling.

- Oh Mr. Drucker.

- You were supposed to call by eight.

- Call?

- Don't you remember your assignment?

This was the night you were supposed to go out and get lost.

- Oh, Mr. Drucker, I'm looking for Eb,

has he been in here tonight?

- Yeah he was here a couple of hours ago.

Said he had a date with Lorelei.

- He never got there.

I found his scooter near the washed out bridge.

- Wasn't there any sign of him?

- No I'd better keep looking for him.

- I'll go with ya.

- One moment gentlemen.

You seem to forget that we have a unit

which is trained to search and rescue people.

Well it's not trained.

- Come on Mr. Drucker.

- Mr. Douglas, on a stormy night like this,

I think we can use all the help we can get.

- Good, I'll go to the station

and tell the train crew to boop.

How many times are we sposed to boop?

- Three!

- What are we waiting for?

- Fred.

- Why do we have to wait for him?

- Well he's got the key to the fire engine.

- That's not locked.

- It isn't?

Well that's a pretty sloppy way to run a fire department.

I mean somebody can come in and steal...

- Can we please get this thing organized,

my wife is sitting home frantic with worry.

- I'm frantic with worry.

I know something terrible has happened to Eb.

I'll never see him again.

- Who's there?

Oh a dog, where did you come from?

If I ever come back, I'd like to be a dog,

and lie around all day, and scratch myself.

- Eb!

You've come back!

- Haney, you cover the north part of the woods.

Sam you try Simpson's Swamp.

No, Mr. Douglas you better cover Simpson's,

you're more of a swamp man.

- I'm not a...

- And don't forget to keep in touch by walkie talkie.

- Well give me one.

- Well this the only one I got.

- Then how can I keep in touch?

- Well I'll talk loud.

- Look gentlemen just follow me,

we'll meet down by the bridge

and we'll fan off and search.

- Volunteer fire department.

Yes ma'am, just a second.

It's your misses.

- Oh, hello?

What?

Oh wonderful!

Oh I'll be right there.

Gentlemen, we can call off the search, Eb's home.

- Are you hungry Eb?

Hot cakes are ready.

I'll cut it for you, just wait a minute,

wait a second.

Alright Eb, there you are.

Sorry this had to happen to you,

but at least we have you back one way or another.

Come on.

Lisa!

- In here.

- Where's Eb?

- This is him.

- This is a dog!

- Don't you remember what Eb said?

That if anything happens to him,

he would like to come back as a dog.

He could lie around and scratch himself.

- Lisa were you struck by lightning tonight?

- I don't think so.

Eb, do you want another hot cake?

That outta convince you.

Eb is the only one around here who likes my hot cakes.

- Lisa that isn't Eb, it's a mutt.

- That's telling him Eb.

- Lisa do you realize you've wasted valuable time?

When you said Eb was home I called off the search.

- But he is home.

- Lisa this is not him.

- You still don't believe in re incarceration.

- No I don't.

- Well what about my uncle Rudall that came back as a goat?

- With your family, anything is possible.

- Where are you going?

- I'm gonna call the sheriff

and get him to help look for Eb.

- Alright Eb don't worry.

I'm going to give you a nice bowl of milk,

and then I put you to bed.

That's a good Eb.

Sleep tight Eb.

You had a busy day.

- I called the sheriff he said he sent...

What are you doing?

- Tucking Eb in.

- Lisa will you stop this nonsense.

Get that mongrel out of our bed.

- Oh but Oliver.

- Come out!

Out!

- Now you did it, you chased him out.

- I didn't he did.

- I heard the saying you can't put a dog out

on a night like this,

but you're the first person I ever met who did it.

- Lisa I'm not...

- Oliver you better find Eb.

- What do you think I'm trying to do?

- I wonder if I should report him to the SPCA.

- Who's there?

- Deputy Carlton.

Misses Douglas.

- Yes, come in come in.

- Thank you.

- Oh the rain has stopped.

- Yes ma'am.

Say I got a call on my radio,

somebody missing here?

- Yes, our hired hand Eb.

- Oh.

Eb what.

- No.

Eb Dawson.

- Dawson, age?

- He's in his twenties.

- Height?

- Now or then?

- Well now.

- Oh, about this tall.

- And he's in his twenties?

- Oh he used to be over six feet,

but something happened to him.

- Oh.

Any identifying marks?

- Well I think he had a white mark on one of his feet.

- Which foot.

- It wasn't on the front one,

it must've been on the back one.

- The back?

- The one thing he had was a beautiful tail.

- Beautiful.

Lady are you describing a dog?

- He is now, but he wasn't always.

In real life he was a nice young man.

Then he had this accident,

and he came back as a dog.

- Oh.

- He was re incarcerated.

- Too bad he didn't come back as a horse huh?

Then he coulda won the big race for

me and my mom and all the people of South Ashburyville.

- Wasn't that a good picture?

- Lady, we get dozens of emergency calls,

and you waste my time on a missing dog?

I outta run you in.

- Cossack.

What's the matter?

- Oh that deputy.

Eb!

Oh you're you again.

We've been so worried about you.

Mr. Douglas has been out all night looking for you.

What happened?

- Well the bridge went out,

my scooter stalled, so I started walking,

cut across the fields until I got to Ben Miller's house.

He gave me these overalls,

and I stayed there until the rain stopped.

- Well why didn't you call us?

- Mr. Miller's phone was out.

- Oh I'm so glad you're alright.

Well you better hang your clothes in front of the stove.

- Yes ma'am okay.

- Oliver!

- Hi, here's your Eb.

- That's not Eb.

- You mean I found the wrong dog?

- No no it's the right dog,

but the wrong Eb.

- Oh.

- Eb is in the kitchen.

- As what?

- Hi Mr. Douglas.

- Oh, where have you been?

I've been looking all over for ya.

- I been over at.

Who's that?

- It used to be you.

- Me?

- Yes you see Mr. Douglas found your motor scooter

and we thought something terrible had happened to you.

- Oh and you thought I came back as him.

Re incarcerated.

- I'm going to bed, here.

- What you want me to do with him?

- Well won't you keep him around

for your next re incarceration.

- Well that was some storm last night.

- Yes, but it's a beautiful day today.

- Yeah why do you have to spoil it with those?

- Oh Oliver.

I'll get it.

- Here boy.

Here.

You liked them last night.

- Oliver, we got company.

- Who?

- Uncle Rudall.

Where are you going?

- Out.

I'm sure you and your uncle have a lot to talk about.

- I'm sorry Uncle Rudall,

but he had a bad night.

This has been a Filmways presentation darling.