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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
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♪ Farm living is the life for me
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00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:30,140
♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide
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00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:33,977
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
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00:00:34,001 --> 00:00:37,914
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
6
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:41,885
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
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♪ I just adore a penthouse view
8
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:50,182
♪ Darling, I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
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00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:57,167
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
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♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
11
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♪ Goodbye, city life
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00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,564
♪ Green Acres, we are there
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Can I come in?
14
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- Yes, come in.
15
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- Look what I've got.
16
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- Where'd you get that?
17
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:31,034
- I found it.
18
00:01:31,058 --> 00:01:33,392
- Where?
- I don't remember.
19
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- How could you find something
like that and not remember?
20
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,676
- As you know, I have a
habit of walking in my sleep,
21
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,212
and I must have walked last
night because when I woke up
22
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:45,315
this morning, the trunk
was in bed with me.
23
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:46,771
- The trunk was...
24
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,953
Eb, where did you find it?
25
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,289
- In the barn, underneath
a bunch of junk.
26
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,957
- Why didn't you say
so instead of telling me
27
00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:56,025
that cock and bull story?
28
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,983
- Breakfast is almost...
29
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,363
Where did that come from?
30
00:02:00,387 --> 00:02:02,265
- I woke up in bed
with it this morning.
31
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:03,500
- Will you stop?
32
00:02:03,524 --> 00:02:04,834
- That happened
to my uncle once.
33
00:02:04,858 --> 00:02:07,070
He woke up in bed with a trunk.
34
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,705
Or was it a drunk?
35
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:11,808
No, it was a trunk
with a drunk in it.
36
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:13,876
- Hey, maybe there's
a drunk in this one.
37
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,645
Shall I open it?
38
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,180
- Who does this belong to?
39
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:18,948
- Ain't it yours?
- No.
40
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,684
- It looks very, very old.
41
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:22,986
- I think we ought to open it.
42
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,488
Can I have your key?
43
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:27,124
- I don't have a
key, it's not my trunk.
44
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,625
- Aha.
45
00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,627
You heard him say it, Mrs.
Douglas, it's not his trunk.
46
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,629
That's what he
said, it's not his trunk.
47
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:35,365
He said it's not my trunk.
48
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:36,633
That's what he said.
49
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,235
It ain't his.
50
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,669
- Eb, will you...
51
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,938
- I'm just trying to establish
that I found this trunk
52
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,107
and whatever is in
here belongs to me.
53
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,575
- No it doesn't.
54
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,411
You found this trunk
on my property, it's mine.
55
00:02:48,435 --> 00:02:50,713
- What am I
entitled to, nothing?
56
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,337
- That sounds fair.
57
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,018
- Fair, how can you even...
58
00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:56,919
- Look, let's just get it
open before we start fighting
59
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,622
over what's in it.
60
00:02:58,646 --> 00:02:59,646
- Yes, sir.
61
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,762
Golly, stocks and bonds.
62
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:06,786
We're rich.
63
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,288
- Eb, will you...
64
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:14,737
- Ooh, this must be
worth a million dollars.
65
00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:18,675
10,000 shares of
Cincinnati Citronella.
66
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:21,144
- And here's a $50,000
government bond issued
67
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:25,282
by Johnstown,
Pennsylvania, for flood control.
68
00:03:25,306 --> 00:03:27,651
- This must be worth a fortune.
69
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:31,843
50,000 shares of Lawrence
of Arabia Saddle Company.
70
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,457
- Look at this.
71
00:03:34,481 --> 00:03:38,116
One million shares of
Carstairs Corset Company.
72
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,885
- This is dated 1902.
73
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,667
These stocks and
bonds are worthless.
74
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:45,134
The companies
are out of business.
75
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:46,536
They're all defunct.
76
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:47,470
- How do you know?
77
00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:50,273
Some of them may still be funct.
78
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,441
- I doubt it.
79
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,543
- Hey, look what I found.
80
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,833
A straitjacket.
81
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,347
- That's a corset.
82
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:58,381
- It is?
83
00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:00,116
I'm blushing.
84
00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:02,652
- Oh, Eb, is there
anything else in there?
85
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:03,676
- Just this.
86
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:08,825
- Eb, will you stop blowing it?
87
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:10,493
- It's a diary.
88
00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,364
- Defuncted stocks and
bonds, a corset, and a diary.
89
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:17,066
Hmm, I wonder what it all means.
90
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,636
- Maybe the diary
will tell us something.
91
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:23,273
It looks like a
woman's handwriting.
92
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,074
Oh yes, here it is.
93
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,366
Her name is Lydia Plunkett.
94
00:04:28,269 --> 00:04:29,979
- Lydia Plunkett?
95
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,449
It seems to me I
used to go out with her.
96
00:04:32,473 --> 00:04:35,118
No, that was Sydney Plunkett.
97
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,687
No, it wasn't Plunkett,
it was O'Sullivan.
98
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:40,290
I wonder if they're related.
99
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:41,658
- What does it say?
100
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,015
- It says, "January 1, 1898.
101
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,231
"Good news, today I start work
102
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:53,069
"at the Carstairs Corset Company
as a traveling saleswoman."
103
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:54,937
- I didn't know they
had traveling salesladies
104
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,706
in those days.
105
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:59,909
- Hey, maybe that corset
was one of her samples.
106
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,813
- "January 2, today is
my first day on the road.
107
00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,916
"I am writing this on
the train from Chicago
108
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,352
"to Beaver Hill, Nebraska.
109
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:12,877
"The train trip has
been very comfortable,
110
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:17,827
"except for those men
in the back of the coach."
111
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,629
- It's a rich old doozy.
112
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:22,365
"I think they're all
traveling salesmen like me.
113
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:25,335
"Wouldn't they be surprised
to find out I was one of them?"
114
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:27,470
- Say Harry, what
line you in this year?
115
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,205
- Weldon's corsets.
116
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,809
- I hear Carstairs has a
hot shot corset salesman.
117
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,477
- He's wasting his time.
118
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:38,247
Harry Wright is the best
corset salesman in this country.
119
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:40,605
- But you couldn't sell her.
120
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,787
- I got a saw buck says I can.
121
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,410
- You've got a bet.
122
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,146
- Watch this.
123
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:00,492
Oh, excuse me, madam.
124
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:02,806
Does this belong to you?
125
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,708
- I beg your pardon?
126
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:07,076
- No offense, it's just
that all beautiful women
127
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,845
wear Weldon corsets.
128
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:09,879
- I don't.
129
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,681
I wear a Carstairs.
130
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:12,871
- A Carstairs?
131
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:17,220
That explains
those untidy bulges.
132
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,823
- This is my money band.
133
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,624
- May I sit down?
134
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:22,814
- If you wish.
135
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,963
- Miss...
- Plunkett, Lydia Plunkett.
136
00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,399
- Miss Plunkett, my
name is Harry Wright.
137
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:30,834
I'm the traveling representative
138
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,335
of the Weldon Corset Company.
139
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:35,004
The only corset guaranteed
not to pinch, rub, or suffer
140
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,273
from whalebone fatigue.
141
00:06:37,297 --> 00:06:40,176
- I never had any
trouble with my Carstairs.
142
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,878
- Miss Plunkett,
take my word for it.
143
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:45,047
There's no finer
foundation garment made.
144
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:47,517
Harry Wright
only sells the best.
145
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:48,541
- Who is he?
146
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:50,754
- That's me.
147
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,956
One of the best
salesmen in the country.
148
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:56,559
- I never met a traveling
salesman before.
149
00:06:56,583 --> 00:07:00,552
- Then I take it you're
not a farmer's daughter.
150
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,533
- That's one of the
smoking car stories
151
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,101
and I like to point out to you
152
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:07,904
that this isn't a smoking car.
153
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,171
- Oh, well...
154
00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,440
- But anyway, being
a traveling salesman
155
00:07:10,464 --> 00:07:12,675
must be fascinating.
156
00:07:12,699 --> 00:07:14,611
How do you do it?
157
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,146
- When I go into
a town, I line up all
158
00:07:17,170 --> 00:07:19,048
the prospective
customers, call on them,
159
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,651
show them my samples,
and take their orders.
160
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:22,985
- It's as simple as that?
161
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:26,723
- Yes, for instance,
tomorrow in Beaver Hill,
162
00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:31,661
I'm going to call on the
Genesee brothers at eight o'clock,
163
00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:33,863
the Uptown Emporium at nine,
164
00:07:33,887 --> 00:07:35,465
Wilson's Department Store at 10
165
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,333
and Fishwell's Dry Goods at 11.
166
00:07:37,357 --> 00:07:39,101
What are you writing?
167
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:42,305
- I'm just making
some notes in my diary.
168
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:47,209
- Anyway, by noon tomorrow,
my order book will be filled.
169
00:07:47,233 --> 00:07:49,712
- What happens if another
salesman gets to your appointments
170
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,347
ahead of you?
171
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:54,551
- Oh, nobody gets up
earlier in the morning
172
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,074
than Harry Wright.
173
00:07:57,744 --> 00:07:59,589
Mr. Genesee, I can
always count on you
174
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,857
for a big order.
175
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:02,759
- Sorry, Harry, but the
Carstairs representative
176
00:08:02,783 --> 00:08:04,561
was here a half an hour ago.
177
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,996
I bought all the
corsets I'll need.
178
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:09,020
- Well, maybe next time.
179
00:08:10,491 --> 00:08:12,101
But Mr. Dabney, I've
been doing business
180
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,070
with the Uptown
Emporium for years.
181
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:16,405
- I'm sorry, Harry,
but you're a little late.
182
00:08:16,429 --> 00:08:20,810
I gave the order to the
Carstairs company an hour ago.
183
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:22,667
Better luck next time.
184
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,085
- But Mr. Wilson, you knew
I'd be here at 10 o'clock.
185
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:33,277
Why didn't you wait for me
instead of buying from Carstairs?
186
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:39,818
- Oh, hello there, Mr. Wright.
187
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:42,164
- Hi.
188
00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,523
- Do you mind if I sit down?
189
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,640
How did you do today?
190
00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,430
- Not a single order.
191
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,879
That salesman from Carstairs
beat me out of every one
192
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,201
of my customers.
193
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,470
- That's too bad.
194
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,586
- I'll make up for
it in Prairieville.
195
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:06,344
- Who are you
going to see there?
196
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,359
- At nine o'clock,
Milton Ladies Wear.
197
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,762
10 o'clock, the Prairieville
Dry Goods Emporium,
198
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:16,098
and 11 o'clock, I'm
gonna get a really big order
199
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:17,856
from Wilson and Sons.
200
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:22,939
You could have looked at my line
201
00:09:22,963 --> 00:09:25,496
before you bought
from Carstairs.
202
00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:29,211
I'm sorry you did that.
203
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:33,404
I could have given you a
better price than Carstairs.
204
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,385
You'll be sorry you bought
those Carstairs corsets
205
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,744
when all the women
start returning them.
206
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,328
Dear diary, what
a wonderful month
207
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:47,463
this has been.
208
00:09:47,487 --> 00:09:51,267
I have sold over
$5,000 worth of corsets
209
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,803
and I'm sure it will
continue that way
210
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:57,929
as long as I keep running
into that Harry Wright.
211
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:02,211
- Oh, hello there.
- Oh, hello there.
212
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,345
- Where are you headed for?
213
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:04,480
- That depends.
214
00:10:04,504 --> 00:10:06,716
Where are you headed for?
215
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,284
- Nowhere.
216
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,053
I've been fired.
217
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:11,888
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
218
00:10:11,912 --> 00:10:13,990
- Yeah, whoever is
traveling for Carstairs
219
00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:17,126
has been acing me
out of all my sales.
220
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,295
- Have you any idea who she is?
221
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,319
- No.
222
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:24,433
What do you mean, who she is?
223
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,235
- Did I say that?
224
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:27,169
- Yes.
225
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:30,372
- It was just a slip of the she.
226
00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:31,796
- May I sit down?
227
00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:33,733
I thought...
228
00:10:36,003 --> 00:10:38,047
What are these?
229
00:10:38,071 --> 00:10:40,549
- I don't know, what are they?
230
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,586
- These are Carstairs corsets.
231
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:44,487
Now I understand.
232
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:45,755
You're the one who...
233
00:10:45,779 --> 00:10:48,958
- All is fair in love
and business.
234
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,494
- You Benedict Arnold!
235
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:54,897
I'll get even with you if
it's the last thing I ever do.
236
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:59,090
Harry, Harry, come back, Harry.
237
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,843
Dear diary, what have I done?
238
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,034
- I drove him away and I...
239
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,270
- Well, go on.
240
00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:15,417
- I can't read
what it says here.
241
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:18,021
It looks like she spilled
water on the page.
242
00:11:18,045 --> 00:11:20,056
Those are teardrops.
243
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,924
- How do you know?
244
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,160
- A woman can tell those things.
245
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,195
- What does it say
on the next page?
246
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,897
- Look, Eb, we got work to do.
247
00:11:27,921 --> 00:11:29,632
We can't sit
around here all day,
248
00:11:29,656 --> 00:11:31,400
listening to this stupid diary.
249
00:11:31,424 --> 00:11:32,802
- It isn't stupid.
250
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,871
These are the words
of a woman written
251
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:39,175
in her own handwriting
with her own tears.
252
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:40,576
- Oh boy.
253
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,178
- I want to hear the rest of it.
254
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,601
- Come on, later.
255
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:46,248
- Oliver, sometimes
I think there is
256
00:11:46,272 --> 00:11:48,673
a little Harry Wright in you.
257
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:56,826
- Boy, I'm starved.
258
00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:57,850
- Yeah.
259
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:00,096
Where's lunch?
260
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,030
- I forgot to make it.
261
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,598
I've been reading the diary.
262
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:03,833
- Oh for the love of...
263
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:05,601
- What happens
to Lydia and Harry?
264
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,003
- Oh, a big thing.
265
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,471
Lydia sold so many
corsets that they made her
266
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:13,142
the sales manager of the
Carstairs Corset Company.
267
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,066
- Sales manager, wowee.
268
00:12:16,302 --> 00:12:19,182
- Yes, but all she
could think of was Harry.
269
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,017
She was in love with him.
270
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:24,453
- You got any of that
smelly cheese or anything?
271
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:27,590
- In back of the watermelon.
272
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:28,825
- What watermelon?
273
00:12:28,849 --> 00:12:31,861
- That's right, I
forgot to make one.
274
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,830
- What about Harry Wright?
275
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:36,132
- He couldn't get
connected as a salesman
276
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:39,668
and it was almost a year
before Lydia ran into him again.
277
00:12:39,692 --> 00:12:43,194
Harry was now in the
advertising business.
278
00:12:48,869 --> 00:12:49,869
- Harry!
279
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,406
Harry, it's me, Lydia.
280
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,422
No, I'm Lydia.
281
00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,158
Lydia Plunkett.
282
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:05,250
I've been looking
for you everywhere.
283
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:12,056
Yes, because I keep
thinking about you.
284
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,561
That's what I say,
let's get married.
285
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,780
That isn't where it hurts.
286
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,970
It hurts here in my heart.
287
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:32,710
It's not gas, Harry, it's love.
288
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,248
Harry, Harry,
speak to me, Harry.
289
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:46,936
Harry, Harry, it's me, Lydia.
290
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,173
- Beat it, you want to get
me fired from this job too?
291
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:51,707
- I'm sorry what I did.
292
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,542
I love you, let's get married.
293
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,167
- I wouldn't marry you if the...
294
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,216
Oh, there's my boss.
295
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,173
Act like a dummy, dummy.
296
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,788
- What do I do now?
297
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:06,978
- Take a pill.
298
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,553
Put it in your mouth.
299
00:14:21,962 --> 00:14:25,129
Not the cotton,
the pill, take a pill.
300
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,082
- Uh oh.
301
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,250
- What's the matter?
302
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:37,208
- My finger is
stuck in the bottle.
303
00:14:58,999 --> 00:14:59,999
- Out!
304
00:15:02,769 --> 00:15:04,247
Today, Harry and I
have been married
305
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,249
for four months.
306
00:15:06,273 --> 00:15:09,118
What a glorious four
months they've been.
307
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:11,420
Everything is going
wonderfully for us.
308
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:15,258
I am now president of the
Carstairs Corset Company
309
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:18,394
and Harry is still
trying to find a job.
310
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,563
Lydia, Lydia, I'm home.
311
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,866
I've got good news,
where are you?
312
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:25,489
- In the blue room.
313
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,260
- Lydia, I got a job.
314
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,997
- Harry, you joined the navy.
315
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:37,679
- No, I'm a conductor
on the 14th Street trolley.
316
00:15:37,703 --> 00:15:39,715
Pays $6 a month.
317
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,784
It's poor work but it's honest.
318
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:44,375
Unless they check the fare box.
319
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:48,157
Now you can give up your job
320
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:52,350
and ride back and forth with
me all day long for nothing.
321
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:57,666
- Do you expect me to
give up a $25,000 a year job
322
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:01,037
just because you're
making $6 a month?
323
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,940
- But darling, it's
a man's job to work
324
00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,374
and the woman's
job to stay at home,
325
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:07,509
take care of the
house, to have children.
326
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:09,533
- Who made up that rule?
327
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:13,649
With the money I'm making, it
would make much more sense
328
00:16:13,673 --> 00:16:16,052
if you stay home,
take care of the house,
329
00:16:16,076 --> 00:16:17,908
and have the children.
330
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,878
- I can't have children.
331
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:23,881
- You're a born loser.
332
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,796
It will be a much better
arrangement for both of us
333
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:30,232
if you stay home and
take care of the house.
334
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:33,069
It will give you
something to do.
335
00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,093
- Yeah, but,
336
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,973
how much does the job pay?
337
00:16:36,997 --> 00:16:38,162
- $30 a month.
338
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:42,266
- Ooh, well...
- And fringe benefits.
339
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:44,503
- Well.
340
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:48,117
- Please, Harry, I have a
board of directors meeting
341
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:49,141
in an hour.
342
00:16:55,982 --> 00:16:59,328
Hello, hello, is this
the stockbroker?
343
00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:01,263
This is Lydia Wright.
344
00:17:01,287 --> 00:17:05,456
I want to buy 10,000 shares
of Cincinnati Citronella.
345
00:17:06,993 --> 00:17:10,739
What do you think of the Lawrence
of Arabia Saddle Company?
346
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:14,576
Good, good, get me
50,000 shares of that.
347
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,179
What else do you
have to recommend?
348
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,703
Johnstown Flood Control bonds?
349
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:22,018
Are they safe?
350
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:24,820
They're not expecting
any rain, are they?
351
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,556
All right, buy me for $50,000.
352
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:28,580
Good, bye.
353
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:32,728
- Lydia.
354
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,064
- Harry, Harry, what
are you doing here?
355
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:36,565
It's wash day.
356
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,601
- I've done the laundry,
it's hanging on the line.
357
00:17:39,625 --> 00:17:41,870
- What about the ironing?
358
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,072
- I'll do that when I get home.
359
00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,074
I want to talk to you.
360
00:17:45,098 --> 00:17:47,109
I never see you anymore
except to sew a button
361
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:48,977
on your skirt or
mend your blouse.
362
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:50,746
I want a wife.
363
00:17:50,770 --> 00:17:53,916
- I know what to get
you for Christmas.
364
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,852
- Lydia, I can't go on this way.
365
00:17:56,876 --> 00:18:00,089
Why don't you come home
early and we'll light a fire
366
00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:03,225
and open a bottle
of champagne and...
367
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:04,693
- And what?
368
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:07,463
- It's been so
long, I've forgotten.
369
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:08,964
Will you, Lydia?
370
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:12,034
- Not tonight, I've got a
board of directors meeting.
371
00:18:12,058 --> 00:18:16,405
But I can give you 10
minutes on Thursday at 6:30.
372
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:20,742
- You know I'm always
busy at 6:30, cooking dinner.
373
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,411
- I won't be home this Thursday.
374
00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,913
I am having dinner
with the Carnegies.
375
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,715
- Why can't I go with you?
376
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:31,019
- Because you have such
atrocious table manners.
377
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,288
- Lydia.
378
00:18:32,312 --> 00:18:35,124
- Harry, please, I've
got enough on my mind.
379
00:18:35,148 --> 00:18:37,693
Business is bad,
sales are dropping,
380
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,262
corsets are falling off.
381
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,264
- Well maybe if you
put more strings on them
382
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,122
and tied them tighter.
383
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:46,969
- Harry, please,
please, there is one thing
384
00:18:46,993 --> 00:18:49,037
I don't need, it's
a funny husband.
385
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,139
Go home.
386
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:52,208
- Just one question, Lydia.
387
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,409
- What?
388
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,112
- What'll I make
for dinner tonight?
389
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:57,468
- Harry, please.
390
00:19:02,108 --> 00:19:03,108
Hello?
391
00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:04,987
What?
392
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,822
They canceled the order?
393
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:09,458
That's the fifth
cancellation today.
394
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:13,651
Get our salesmen to work,
or Carstairs is in big trouble.
395
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:25,630
- Oh hi, honey.
396
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,011
I made your favorite
for dinner tonight.
397
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,513
- I'm not hungry.
398
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:33,382
- What, after I've spent
all afternoon in the kitchen,
399
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,784
slaving over a rump roast?
400
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:38,053
- Harry, please, do
you realize my company
401
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,955
is facing bankruptcy?
402
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,491
- Good, I hope
you do go bankrupt.
403
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,959
- What?
404
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:46,162
- Then I can take my rightful
place as the breadwinner.
405
00:19:46,186 --> 00:19:47,863
I'm sick and tired
of doing housework.
406
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:48,887
I'm a man.
407
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:53,135
Or I was before you
took away my manhood.
408
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,337
- Harry, don't nag at me.
409
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:58,140
I've got to find some
way to save my company.
410
00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:01,076
- And I have to find some
way to save our marriage.
411
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,446
The woman should never
wear the pants in the family.
412
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,249
- Harry, say that again.
413
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,251
- I said I have to
find some way to...
414
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:12,221
- Not that, the pants part.
415
00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:14,557
- The woman should never
wear the pants in the family.
416
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:16,892
- Harry, you've done it.
- Done what?
417
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,195
- You saved my company.
418
00:20:19,219 --> 00:20:20,219
- Oh.
419
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:31,073
- Harry, Harry, I'm home.
420
00:20:31,097 --> 00:20:34,031
I brought you
flowers and bon bons.
421
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,000
Harry?
422
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,851
"Dear Lydia, I am leaving you.
423
00:20:42,875 --> 00:20:45,421
"I was never meant
to be a housewife.
424
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:48,424
"You'll find all the grocery
bills in the sideboard.
425
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,792
"I made out a list
for the laundry man
426
00:20:50,816 --> 00:20:53,329
"and I shut off the milk.
427
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:56,120
"Very truly yours,
Harry Wright."
428
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:00,291
Oh Harry, Harry, come back.
429
00:21:02,128 --> 00:21:05,896
Where will I ever find
another maid like you?
430
00:21:07,734 --> 00:21:10,045
- Golly, that's sad.
431
00:21:10,069 --> 00:21:12,581
- Sad, that's sickening.
432
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,717
I never heard such tripe.
433
00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:17,353
- That's because it
happened in real life.
434
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:18,987
And you know what they say.
435
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:22,157
Ruth is stranger than friction.
436
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,593
- Oh yeah, that Ruth was
always rubbing somebody
437
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:25,561
the wrong way.
438
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:27,696
Now may we have some lunch?
439
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:29,565
- Don't you want to
hear the end of it?
440
00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:31,333
- Not particularly.
441
00:21:31,357 --> 00:21:32,401
- I do.
442
00:21:32,425 --> 00:21:33,569
- Look, Eb,
we've got a lot of...
443
00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:36,071
- There's only a little
more to the story.
444
00:21:36,095 --> 00:21:39,074
See, after Harry
left, Lydia lost interest
445
00:21:39,098 --> 00:21:42,177
in the corset business
and before you know it,
446
00:21:42,201 --> 00:21:44,179
she was bankrupt.
447
00:21:44,203 --> 00:21:45,347
- What about Harry?
448
00:21:45,371 --> 00:21:47,750
- What about lunch?
449
00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:50,018
- Lydia looked
everywhere for Harry
450
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:53,355
but she didn't find him
until three years later.
451
00:21:53,379 --> 00:21:58,160
He was back at doing the
thing he knew best, selling.
452
00:21:58,184 --> 00:21:59,795
- All right, step
right up, folks
453
00:21:59,819 --> 00:22:02,264
and I'll demonstrate the
greatest boon to housewives
454
00:22:02,288 --> 00:22:03,865
since the sewing machine.
455
00:22:03,889 --> 00:22:05,467
The little wizard
vegetable peeler.
456
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:07,936
Now this little instrument
not only peels potatoes,
457
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:11,173
slices tomatoes,
and dices carrots,
458
00:22:11,197 --> 00:22:14,543
but it may be used to trim
sideburns or remove corns.
459
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,447
During this demonstration,
the wizard vegetable peeler
460
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:21,684
will be sold not for
the usual price of $1,
461
00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:23,619
not for 50 cents,
not for a quarter
462
00:22:23,643 --> 00:22:26,588
but for one dime, the
tenth part of a dollar.
463
00:22:26,612 --> 00:22:30,292
Will you get that
organ out of here?
464
00:22:30,316 --> 00:22:31,316
Lydia.
465
00:22:32,885 --> 00:22:33,885
- Harry.
466
00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:37,333
- Get out of here, you
monkey faced baboon.
467
00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:40,302
- That's no way
to talk to our son.
468
00:22:40,326 --> 00:22:41,269
- Our son?
469
00:22:41,293 --> 00:22:42,771
- I bought him after you left
470
00:22:42,795 --> 00:22:45,696
because he looked
so much like you.
471
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,780
- He doesn't look like me.
472
00:22:51,804 --> 00:22:55,517
- Harry, to think that I found
you after all these years.
473
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:58,208
Now we can start all over again.
474
00:22:59,379 --> 00:23:00,823
- I want to get
one thing straight.
475
00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:02,123
Who wears the pants?
476
00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,147
- You do.
477
00:23:04,316 --> 00:23:05,916
- Lydia.
- Harry.
478
00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:11,367
- That's how they got
back together again.
479
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:14,202
And the last entry
in the diary says,
480
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:19,040
"Harry and I and the monkey
lived happily ever after."
481
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:21,042
How come you're not crying?
482
00:23:21,066 --> 00:23:22,344
- I'm too weak.
483
00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:24,279
I'm suffering from malnutrition.
484
00:23:24,303 --> 00:23:27,315
It dries up the tear ducts.
485
00:23:27,339 --> 00:23:30,018
- Boy, maybe those stocks
and bonds aren't worth anything,
486
00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:32,320
but I'll bet some Hollywood
studio would pay us
487
00:23:32,344 --> 00:23:34,757
a fortune to make a
movie of that diary.
488
00:23:34,781 --> 00:23:38,594
- Yes, I can see
John Wayne as Harry.
489
00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:41,697
- And Phyllis Diller as Lydia.
490
00:23:41,721 --> 00:23:44,533
- Yeah, but who
could play the monkey?
491
00:23:44,557 --> 00:23:47,736
- You really want
me to tell you?
492
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:48,937
Come on, we gotta
get back to work.
493
00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:51,028
Let's get some lunch now.
494
00:23:52,698 --> 00:23:54,476
- Lydia and Harry Wright?
495
00:23:54,500 --> 00:23:56,144
- Yes, did you
ever hear of them?
496
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:57,746
- No, only Wrights I ever knew
497
00:23:57,770 --> 00:23:59,047
were a couple of brothers.
498
00:23:59,071 --> 00:24:00,282
But they built
themselves an airplane
499
00:24:00,306 --> 00:24:02,718
and flew off someplace.
500
00:24:02,742 --> 00:24:04,386
- You mean the Wright Brothers.
501
00:24:04,410 --> 00:24:08,056
- Yeah, Orville and I forget
the other feller's name.
502
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,826
- But you never heard of
Lydia and Harry Wright?
503
00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:12,327
- Come to think of it,
those names do sound
504
00:24:12,351 --> 00:24:13,896
a little familiar.
505
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,964
Any reason why you're
asking about them?
506
00:24:15,988 --> 00:24:18,166
- You see, we found
this old trunk in our barn.
507
00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:19,968
- And it had a diary in it.
508
00:24:19,992 --> 00:24:21,169
- Diary?
509
00:24:21,193 --> 00:24:22,771
Did it also have
some stock certificates
510
00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:24,139
and a corset in it?
511
00:24:24,163 --> 00:24:25,373
- Yes.
512
00:24:25,397 --> 00:24:26,775
- I've been hunting
for that old trunk
513
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:28,143
for more than two years.
514
00:24:28,167 --> 00:24:29,978
Those were the props
we used in the Hooterville
515
00:24:30,002 --> 00:24:34,616
little players' production of
Me, Harry, and the Monkey.
516
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:38,386
- So Ruth is
stranger than friction.
517
00:24:38,410 --> 00:24:41,523
- I believe you mean
truth is stranger than fiction.
518
00:24:41,547 --> 00:24:43,058
- Not in our house.
519
00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:44,560
I'll send the trunk back later.
520
00:24:44,584 --> 00:24:45,749
Come on, Lisa.
521
00:25:27,026 --> 00:25:31,194
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.
34933
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