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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
2
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:25,869
♪ Farm living is the life for me
3
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:29,806
♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide
4
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:34,044
♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
5
00:00:34,068 --> 00:00:37,881
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
6
00:00:37,905 --> 00:00:41,751
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
7
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:46,023
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
8
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:50,215
♪ Darling, I love you
but give me Park Avenue
9
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:57,167
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
10
00:00:57,191 --> 00:01:00,137
♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
11
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,838
♪ Goodbye, city life
12
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:05,531
♪ Green Acres, we are there
13
00:01:20,013 --> 00:01:21,180
- Mr. Douglas?
14
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:22,992
Mr Douglas!
15
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,016
- I'm here.
16
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:27,664
- I was so excited I
didn't even see you.
17
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,399
There's a story about
you opening your law office
18
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:32,902
right here on the front
page of the World Guardian.
19
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,304
Listen to this.
20
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:37,307
Oliver Wendell Douglas
announces that...
21
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,164
Continued on page two.
22
00:01:40,667 --> 00:01:44,836
He is opening law offices
with, continued on page three.
23
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:50,175
Brian Williams, a local boy
who, continued on page one.
24
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,156
- Page one?
25
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:57,316
- Graduated with high honors
from, continued on page four.
26
00:01:58,685 --> 00:02:00,530
- Oh, for the love of...
27
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:04,067
- The state school of,
continued next week.
28
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,303
Real cliffhanger, ain't it?
29
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:09,539
- Of all the...
- Oliver, Oliver.
30
00:02:09,563 --> 00:02:12,998
What time do we
have to go to the office?
31
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:15,812
- What are you wearing?
32
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,648
- It's my secretary outfit.
33
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,217
- Are you gonna
be their secretary?
34
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,551
- Mhm.
35
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:23,553
- Not if you wear that.
36
00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,489
- What's wrong with it?
37
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:28,492
- It's something
you'd wear at a...
38
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:31,128
Anyplace you
want to get arrested.
39
00:02:31,152 --> 00:02:32,729
- I like it.
40
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:35,198
- She's not working for you.
41
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:38,723
Go on, put on something
more conservative.
42
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,507
- I meant to ask you.
43
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:46,476
Who is the Brian Williams
they mention on pages one,
44
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:49,346
two, three, one, and four?
45
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:50,313
- You don't know him?
46
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,915
He grew up here in Hooterville.
47
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:56,586
- Is he a tall boy
with green hair?
48
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:57,820
- Green hair?
49
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,456
- No, that was Betty Abernathy.
50
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,092
She used to eat chlorophyll
and it went to her head.
51
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,116
- Oh, you.
52
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:07,330
Look, Eb, I got a list
of things I want you
53
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,966
to do around here today
while I'm at the office.
54
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,834
First, I want you to
spray the tomatoes.
55
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,592
- Oliver, how's this?
56
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:15,738
- That's better.
57
00:03:15,762 --> 00:03:17,774
- Yeah, I've always
liked you in that.
58
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,510
- You mean you saw
me wear this before?
59
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,245
- Several times.
60
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:24,936
- I'll see what else I can find.
61
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:28,718
- Eb, never tell a
woman you've seen her
62
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,388
wear the same dress before.
63
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:34,057
- I always tell my girl if
she's wearing the same dress.
64
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:37,860
I've been telling her
that for three years now.
65
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,297
- Let's get back to
things I want you to do.
66
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,265
After you spray the
tomatoes, I want you to weed
67
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:44,867
the 40 acres of corn, and
when you're done with that...
68
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,170
- That'll be a week
from next Tuesday.
69
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:50,674
- Eb, I'm counting on you to
keep the farm running for me.
70
00:03:50,698 --> 00:03:52,175
- I'll do my best.
71
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,511
I'll get up early in the
morning and milk the cow,
72
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:56,479
feed the chickens, slop
the hogs, make the beds,
73
00:03:56,503 --> 00:03:58,515
tote that barge, lift that bale,
74
00:03:58,539 --> 00:04:02,641
♪ Old man Douglas got
drunk and landed in jail.
75
00:04:05,011 --> 00:04:08,791
- Eb, just do the
things I told you to do.
76
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,227
- Yes, sir.
77
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:12,662
What were they again?
78
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,598
- Have you ever
seen this one before?
79
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:15,687
- Not on you.
80
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,167
But that's the one my
girlfriend has been wearing
81
00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,437
for the last three years.
82
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:21,404
- It's fine.
83
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:22,872
Come on, let's go.
84
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:24,229
- Just a second.
85
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:26,610
I bought a present
for you to help you
86
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:29,246
launch your new office.
87
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,348
- Oh, a bottle of champagne.
88
00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:34,284
- Yes, ma'am, and
it's almost half full.
89
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:37,019
- How do you buy a half
of a bottle of champagne?
90
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,288
- You just have to
know some other guy
91
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:41,824
that wants to buy half
a bottle of champagne.
92
00:04:41,848 --> 00:04:44,093
Listen, if it's a little
flat, you can just put
93
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,929
some salt in it
and it'll foam up.
94
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,698
- Put it back on the
ice and we'll foam it up
95
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,133
when we get home, thank you.
96
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,702
Come on, Lisa, let's go.
97
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:56,895
- Goodbye and good luck,
and don't worry about a thing.
98
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:08,351
- Look, Oliver, they put
your name on the window
99
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,641
of your office.
100
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,478
Oliver Mendell Douglas.
101
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:15,748
- Mendell?
102
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:19,195
That stupid sign painter.
103
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:20,997
It's supposed to be Wendell.
104
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,099
- When did you change it?
105
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,168
- It's always been Wendell.
106
00:05:25,192 --> 00:05:27,304
- You could have fooled me.
107
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:30,061
- I'll have to call
him, come on.
108
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:35,445
- You're Mendell
here too, Wendell.
109
00:05:35,469 --> 00:05:39,048
- Oh, for the love of...
- Good morning.
110
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:40,550
- Good morning, Brian.
111
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:42,419
- Oh, the furniture came.
112
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,153
- Yes sir, which
desk do you want?
113
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,589
- I'll take that one.
114
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:49,258
- That's the secretary's desk.
115
00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,528
- What's that lump on it?
116
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,162
- That's a typewriter.
117
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,432
- What's that for?
118
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:58,067
- Lisa, maybe I'd better
drive you back home.
119
00:05:58,091 --> 00:05:59,902
- I know what a typewriter is.
120
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:01,237
Don't forget I graduated from
121
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,673
the Budapest
Secretarial College.
122
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:04,907
- Fine.
123
00:06:04,931 --> 00:06:05,942
- It's not easy to
graduate from there.
124
00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:07,444
- I'm sure.
125
00:06:07,468 --> 00:06:11,169
- You have to know typing,
shorthand, dictatorship.
126
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:14,250
- No, dictationship.
127
00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:15,274
Dictionship.
128
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,476
Dictitationship.
129
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,357
- Did you see our
names in the window?
130
00:06:20,381 --> 00:06:21,991
- Yes, and the sign
painter made a mistake.
131
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,461
My middle name isn't
Mendell, it's Wendell.
132
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:25,717
- Are you sure?
133
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,566
- Of course I'm sure,
I know my own name.
134
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:32,736
- I just meant, the sign
painter seemed so positive.
135
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,170
- I'll call him and
have it changed.
136
00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:35,004
- To what?
137
00:06:35,028 --> 00:06:37,073
- Mendell, er, Wendell.
138
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,675
- I'm afraid you can't
call him from here.
139
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:41,143
They haven't
installed the phone yet.
140
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,645
- Oh, for...
141
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:44,748
- There's a phone downstairs
in the lobby of the bijou.
142
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:45,982
- I'll be right back.
143
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,817
- What do you want me to do?
144
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:51,521
- You just sit there
and stay out of the way.
145
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:55,714
That's what you get when
you work for a relative.
146
00:06:56,617 --> 00:06:58,027
- Hello, excuse me, I want to...
147
00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,729
- Mr. Douglas.
148
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,598
- Mr. Haney, what
are you doing here?
149
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:02,899
- I'm helping out my cousin.
150
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,601
He owns this theater.
151
00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,736
- Well, I wonder if I
could use your phone.
152
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,204
- Help yourself,
it's in the lobby
153
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,239
right next to the
popcorn machine.
154
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,930
That'll be 25 cents.
155
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,310
- What for?
156
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:15,612
- A ticket.
157
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:16,846
- I don't want a ticket.
158
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,247
- Well I'm sorry,
but you can't go
159
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,450
into the theater without one.
160
00:07:20,474 --> 00:07:21,618
- I don't want to
see the picture.
161
00:07:21,642 --> 00:07:23,586
I just want to use your phone.
162
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:25,555
- That's what they all say.
163
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:29,626
My cousin warned me to
watch out for deadbeats like you.
164
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,650
- I am not...
165
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:34,363
Is there another phone
anywhere else around here?
166
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,365
- My uncle, he's got
one at his gas station
167
00:07:36,389 --> 00:07:37,667
down at the corner.
168
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,168
- Thank you.
169
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:42,271
- But you gotta buy five
gallons of gas to use it.
170
00:07:42,295 --> 00:07:45,442
- All right, here's
your quarter.
171
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:46,466
- Thank you.
172
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:48,912
There.
173
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,379
You think you'll be
coming back later
174
00:07:50,403 --> 00:07:52,582
to make another phone call?
175
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:53,850
- I don't know.
176
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:56,252
- Well, just to be
on the safe side,
177
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,020
we better stamp your hand.
178
00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,523
- Hey, what did you do that for?
179
00:08:00,547 --> 00:08:02,659
- That's so's you can
get back into the theater
180
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,183
without buying another ticket.
181
00:08:12,693 --> 00:08:14,203
- Mr. Telephone Man,
it won't bother you
182
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,806
if I practice my
typewriting, will it?
183
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:17,830
- No ma'am.
184
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,632
- D-E.
185
00:08:21,969 --> 00:08:23,279
Telephone man.
186
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,246
- Yes?
187
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,104
- How many Es in dear?
188
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:28,585
- What kind of dear?
189
00:08:28,609 --> 00:08:30,152
- The dear sir dear.
190
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,176
- Oh, one E.
191
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,556
- Thank you.
192
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:34,913
D-E-R.
193
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,628
- No, there's an A in there.
194
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:41,052
- Oh, any idea where it goes?
195
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,688
- Right after the E.
196
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,859
- D-E-A-R-E-A.
197
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,631
Sir, S-U-R.
198
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,113
- No, S-I-R.
199
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,749
- We went to Big Sur and
that's the way they spelled it.
200
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:03,875
S-U-R, and this is a Big
Sur because I used a capital.
201
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:08,479
In answer, I-N.
202
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,153
S-W-N-E.
203
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,606
- Don't you need this?
204
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,474
- Where did that come from?
205
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:26,910
- Your typewriter.
206
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:27,934
- Oh.
207
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,243
How are you doing?
208
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,279
- Fine, fine.
209
00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,726
- That's wrong.
210
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:44,961
- That's the way they go.
211
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:46,963
You see, the blue
wire leads to the phone.
212
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,297
- But the phone is black.
213
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:50,567
Shouldn't it be a black wire?
214
00:09:50,591 --> 00:09:53,536
- Lady, I'm just following
this wiring diagram.
215
00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:55,727
- May I see the diaphragm?
216
00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:57,796
- No, diagram.
217
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:01,210
- This is where you
made your mistake.
218
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:03,479
- I haven't made a mistake.
219
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:07,684
- Well, then why didn't
the phone ring yet?
220
00:10:07,708 --> 00:10:11,454
- Because I just
finished hooking it up.
221
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,889
- One moment please.
222
00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:15,058
Is this a local call?
223
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:19,250
- Yes, ma'am, I'm just
calling the telephone company.
224
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,120
Testing, 1, 2, 3.
225
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:27,403
This is Hooterville 297, would
you ring me back please?
226
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:29,906
Hello.
227
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:31,507
Fine, thank you.
228
00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,910
All right, your phone
is working okay.
229
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:36,378
Now just let me show
you this buzzer system.
230
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:40,049
- Ooh, we're getting
pretty chummy, aren't we?
231
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,283
- No, no.
232
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,819
- Just because a
girl is a secretary,
233
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,121
that doesn't mean that
you can get fresh with her.
234
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:46,623
- Lady, I'm not trying
to get fresh with you.
235
00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:50,192
I just want to show you
which button is which.
236
00:10:50,216 --> 00:10:52,962
This button is for that desk.
237
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:55,798
- That's Mr. Williams,
he's out to coffee.
238
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:57,634
- The other button
is for the other desk.
239
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,669
- Oh, that's my husband.
240
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,604
He's downstairs in the bijou.
241
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,773
- Well, tell them that the
buzzer system was your idea
242
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,008
and not mine, huh?
243
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:06,408
- Okay.
244
00:11:06,432 --> 00:11:08,144
- And if you have any
trouble, just call the office.
245
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,647
And ask for Bill Harding.
246
00:11:10,671 --> 00:11:11,781
- Is that your name?
247
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:15,140
No, ma'am.
248
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,271
- What are you doing?
249
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,373
- Trying to put this
back on the typewriter.
250
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,341
- Don't use the telephone.
251
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,544
They only put one phone in?
252
00:11:41,568 --> 00:11:43,913
- That's all they had.
253
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,882
- Why did you have
them put it on your desk?
254
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:49,518
- Because I'm the secretary
and I answer it when it rings.
255
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:50,820
- What good is that?
256
00:11:50,844 --> 00:11:52,722
Then I've got to come
all the way over here.
257
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:54,757
- If you stop yelling
and go over there
258
00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:58,828
and sit down at your desk,
I'll show you how it works.
259
00:11:58,852 --> 00:11:59,852
- Okay.
260
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:06,903
- Are you ready?
- Ready.
261
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,971
- Let's say that the
phone is ringing.
262
00:12:08,995 --> 00:12:10,406
Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
263
00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,241
Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
264
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,010
- Well answer it.
265
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:16,679
- You never answer
the first two rings
266
00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:20,149
because it looks
like you are not busy.
267
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,752
- For the love of...
- Ding-a-ling-a-ling.
268
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:23,776
Now.
269
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:26,723
Good morning,
this is the law offices
270
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,791
of Douglas and Williams.
271
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:30,893
Mr. Douglas, just a minute.
272
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:32,895
I'll see if he's in.
273
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:34,296
- I'm in.
274
00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,499
- First I have to
buzz you to find it out.
275
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:40,103
- All right, buzz me.
276
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,340
What's that?
277
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,274
- Your buzzer.
278
00:12:45,298 --> 00:12:48,410
It's on the side of your desk.
279
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,137
- Stop ringing!
280
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,051
- Now that I've
got your attention,
281
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,419
I say, "There's a
phone call for you.
282
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,687
"Do you want to take it?"
283
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:00,256
- Yes.
284
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:01,280
Now what?
285
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:04,182
- That's the easiest part.
286
00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:09,899
- This is the silliest...
287
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:13,035
Why didn't you get a phone
with an intercom system?
288
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:14,637
- This is the only
kind they had.
289
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:16,372
And they didn't
really have this one.
290
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,875
The clanger was my idea.
291
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,043
- I should have known.
292
00:13:21,067 --> 00:13:22,245
- Who are you calling?
293
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:23,746
- The phone company.
294
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:27,416
- The number is
testing one, two, three.
295
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,551
- Testing one, two, three?
296
00:13:29,575 --> 00:13:30,575
What?
297
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:34,157
No, this isn't the phone man.
298
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,181
Hello?
299
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,248
Hello, hello?
300
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:41,120
It's dead.
301
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,836
If this isn't the
most frustrating...
302
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:47,837
- What's the matter?
303
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,538
- The phone doesn't work.
304
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,407
- When did they put it in?
305
00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:52,741
- What's the difference
when they put it in?
306
00:13:52,765 --> 00:13:54,210
It doesn't work.
307
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,399
- Well, just...
308
00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:58,414
- Now I have to go
downstairs and call them.
309
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:01,217
- Why don't we call them
while we're having lunch?
310
00:14:01,241 --> 00:14:03,119
- All right, come
on, let's have lunch.
311
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,854
- Shall we take Mr. Williams?
312
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,488
- Of course.
313
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,859
- What's that?
314
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:12,161
- The buzzer system.
315
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,762
- The buzzer?
316
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,020
- I'll explain it at lunch.
317
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:20,303
Who are you?
318
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:21,637
- The sign painter.
319
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,206
- Oh.
320
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:25,808
Well, you made a
mistake with my name.
321
00:14:25,832 --> 00:14:27,210
- Where?
322
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,234
- Here.
323
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,070
It's not Mendell, it's Wendell.
324
00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,450
- Wendell?
325
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:38,142
- Yes, as in Wendell Willkie
or Oliver Wendell Holmes.
326
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,924
- I'm sorry.
327
00:14:41,948 --> 00:14:42,992
I'll change it.
328
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,016
- Thank you.
329
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:02,879
- Thanks for the lunch, boys.
330
00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,413
- You're welcome.
331
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:07,016
Oh, I forgot to call the
telephone company.
332
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,208
You two go on
ahead, I'll be right up.
333
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,624
- Mr. Douglas.
334
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,826
- Mr. Haney, I'm just going
to make another phone call.
335
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,683
- That'll be 35 cents.
336
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:21,964
- What for?
337
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:23,332
- You have to have a ticket.
338
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,234
- You stamped me.
339
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,702
- Oh, the red stamp.
340
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:29,571
That's only good
until one o'clock.
341
00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:30,506
- Until one?
342
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:31,840
- That's when the prices change.
343
00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:33,531
That'll be 35 cents.
344
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:45,521
Now that cover is
good till five o'clock.
345
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,978
- You miserable...
346
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:54,797
What the?
347
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:55,864
- He's back.
348
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,433
That stupid idiot.
349
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,623
- I guess he saw the sign.
350
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:06,475
- Did you see this chore?
351
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,577
- Did you see the window?
352
00:16:08,601 --> 00:16:12,703
- You're Oliver Wendell
Willkie Holmes there too.
353
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,352
- I give up.
354
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:19,588
To try to get something done
in this town is absolutely...
355
00:16:19,612 --> 00:16:21,190
- Mr. Douglas, why don't you
take the rest of the day off?
356
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:24,726
I'll take care of the office,
get the sign changed.
357
00:16:24,750 --> 00:16:26,329
- Maybe I'll do that.
358
00:16:26,353 --> 00:16:27,563
Come on, Lisa.
359
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,131
- Shouldn't I stay here
and clang the clients
360
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,267
when they come in?
361
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,302
- We may not get
any clients for months.
362
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,471
- Months, think
it'll take that long?
363
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,039
- It usually does until
people get to know
364
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:39,175
that we've opened a practice.
365
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:42,845
- Couldn't I stand downstairs
and give out circulars?
366
00:16:42,869 --> 00:16:44,313
- No you can't.
367
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,747
Just be patient, Brian.
368
00:16:45,771 --> 00:16:46,882
Come on, sweetheart.
369
00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,306
See you tomorrow.
370
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,370
- Hello there Mr. Kimball.
371
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:11,007
- Oh, hello, Mrs.
Holmes, Mr. Holmes.
372
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,508
- Holmes?
373
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,410
- I saw your name on the
window of your law office.
374
00:17:14,434 --> 00:17:16,278
Oliver Wendell Willkie Holmes.
375
00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:17,513
- Mr. Kimball.
376
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:18,680
- Gotta know why you
changed your name.
377
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,184
I kind of liked Oliver
Mendell Douglas.
378
00:17:22,208 --> 00:17:23,486
- I'm glad.
379
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,687
- How's business, counselor?
380
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:26,922
Business counselor?
381
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,225
I thought you were a lawyer.
382
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,459
- He is.
383
00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,361
Although he hasn't
any clients yet.
384
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,629
Say, Mr. Kimball.
385
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,964
- All right, Mr. Kimball.
386
00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:37,866
Anything else you
want me to say?
387
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,335
- Oh, for the love of...
388
00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,171
- Oh, for the love
of... Anything else?
389
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,105
- Forget it.
390
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:44,373
- Forget it.
391
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:45,917
- Look.
- Look.
392
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,578
- I just wanted to ask you
if your boss needs a lawyer.
393
00:17:49,602 --> 00:17:52,014
- Lisa, will you stop trying
to drum up business?
394
00:17:52,038 --> 00:17:54,083
- You wouldn't let me
hand out the circulars.
395
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:57,086
I have to do
something to get clients.
396
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,354
- Say, I got a great idea.
397
00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:01,457
- All right, I've
got a great idea.
398
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,959
- Will you two...
- What's your idea?
399
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,528
- Idea?
400
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:06,552
Oh, yes.
401
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:10,666
- What is it?
402
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,068
- What's what?
403
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,735
- Your idea.
404
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,493
- Oh, you'll love it.
405
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,443
- I might if I ever hear it.
406
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:24,713
- Oh, well, what you
should do is advertise.
407
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:27,749
Go on TV and do what
those used car salesmen do.
408
00:18:27,773 --> 00:18:29,318
Pound on the fender.
409
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:31,454
Only you pound on the
desk and you talk about
410
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,422
how a new line of
laws just came in
411
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:35,424
and you're overstocked
with last year's laws
412
00:18:35,448 --> 00:18:39,061
and you'll undersell
any other lawyer in town.
413
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,197
- Hey, that's a great idea.
414
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:43,265
- That's a great idea.
415
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:45,267
- Don't you know an
attorney is not allowed
416
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,403
to advertise on TV?
417
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,270
- Why not?
418
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,505
- It's unethical.
419
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,607
- In that case, I'll
be running along.
420
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,109
I just dropped by
to wish you luck
421
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:55,277
and tell you that I called
the secretary of agriculture
422
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:56,812
and told him that
you're giving up farming
423
00:18:56,836 --> 00:18:58,680
and going back
into law practice.
424
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:00,249
- I'm not giving up farming.
425
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:01,683
- You're not?
426
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,852
Gee, then I better call
him back and tell him.
427
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:07,811
He still might have
time to call off the party.
428
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,962
Oliver, look, they changed
your name on the window.
429
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,098
- Oh, that's better.
430
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,934
- I wonder if Brian had
the phone fixed too.
431
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,702
- Yes, they put in
a new instrument.
432
00:19:20,726 --> 00:19:21,670
- Fine.
433
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:22,605
- I took the liberty of having
434
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,840
Mrs. Douglas's clanger removed.
435
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:27,209
- She looks much
better without it.
436
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,645
- Our stationery arrived.
- Good.
437
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:30,846
- Then we're all set.
438
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,148
Let's go to work.
439
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:32,981
- Doing what?
440
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,683
- Law business.
441
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:36,818
- We gotta get a client first.
442
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,920
- What do we do
in the mean time?
443
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:39,944
- Wait.
444
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,381
- Okay.
445
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,562
I'm waiting.
446
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:47,586
Now what?
447
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:52,368
- I'm gonna catch up on some
back issues of the law journal.
448
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:56,327
- And I've got some
cases I want to bone up on.
449
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:04,613
- Has anybody got any
dictatorship they want to give me?
450
00:20:04,637 --> 00:20:05,637
- No, ma'am.
451
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,718
- Anybody have any
typing they want me to do?
452
00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:10,952
- No.
453
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:13,789
- Anybody want me
to call their bookie?
454
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,292
- Lisa, can't you find
something quiet to do?
455
00:20:16,316 --> 00:20:19,328
- How about if I make a
going into business sale sign
456
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:22,198
and hang it out the window?
457
00:20:22,222 --> 00:20:23,265
- Why don't you read?
458
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:24,533
- I haven't got anything.
459
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:26,435
- Then go buy
yourself a magazine.
460
00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:27,459
- Okay.
461
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,608
If the phone rings, you
know how to answer it.
462
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:34,076
You pick it up and you say,
463
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,644
"This is the law office of..."
464
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:38,102
- We know, get your magazine.
465
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:42,673
Brian, my wife means well.
466
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:44,820
- I don't mind.
467
00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:46,488
- We'll ease her out as
soon as we can afford
468
00:20:46,512 --> 00:20:47,911
a real secretary.
469
00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:55,797
- Drucker?
470
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,600
- I'm back here in the
print shop, Mrs. Douglas.
471
00:20:57,624 --> 00:20:58,689
Come on back.
472
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,404
- Hello there, Mr. Drucker.
- Hello.
473
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:03,606
- May I use your telephone?
474
00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,963
- Help yourself.
- Thank you.
475
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:10,946
Hello, hello, Sarah?
476
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,448
This is Mrs. Douglas.
477
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,417
Would you please ring my
husband's law offices for me?
478
00:21:15,441 --> 00:21:16,441
Thank you.
479
00:21:17,677 --> 00:21:18,854
What are you doing?
480
00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,055
- I'm setting type
for tomorrow's edition
481
00:21:20,079 --> 00:21:22,524
of the World Guardian.
482
00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:25,048
- Sarah, are you ringing them?
483
00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,570
- Hello?
484
00:21:34,594 --> 00:21:36,037
- I knew you didn't
know how to answer.
485
00:21:36,061 --> 00:21:39,107
You're supposed to say,
"These are the law offices of..."
486
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:42,077
- Oh, for... It's our secretary.
487
00:21:42,101 --> 00:21:43,512
- Is a client coming yet?
488
00:21:43,536 --> 00:21:44,780
- No, no.
489
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:48,138
Look, will you just
leave us alone please?
490
00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:53,589
- How are they doing?
491
00:21:53,613 --> 00:21:54,657
- Not very good.
492
00:21:54,681 --> 00:21:55,924
- Neither am I.
493
00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:57,926
I have to put my own
ad in my own paper
494
00:21:57,950 --> 00:21:59,928
for my own store
to drum up business.
495
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:02,130
I'm giving away free
balloons to the kiddies,
496
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:06,001
free can of peas to the first
customer, trading stamps.
497
00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:07,536
- Do you think it'll work?
498
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,059
- It usually does.
499
00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:25,554
- Trying to sneak off
to the office without me?
500
00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:28,256
Lisa, there's no point in
your sitting there all day
501
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:30,326
with nothing to do.
502
00:22:30,350 --> 00:22:33,662
- I have a feeling it's
going to be a very busy day.
503
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:34,996
- I was here first.
504
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,198
- You were not.
505
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:37,399
I was here first.
506
00:22:37,423 --> 00:22:39,435
And he was second.
507
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:40,469
- That's not the truth.
508
00:22:40,493 --> 00:22:42,660
- Don't you argue with me.
509
00:22:43,763 --> 00:22:45,574
- Mr. Douglas,
these clients want...
510
00:22:45,598 --> 00:22:46,775
- Clients?
511
00:22:46,799 --> 00:22:49,177
- I told you it was
going to be a busy day.
512
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,947
- Folks, this is my
partner, Mr. Douglas.
513
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:53,349
- How do you do?
514
00:22:53,373 --> 00:22:54,616
Are you all together?
515
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,117
- I've come for the
free divorce case.
516
00:22:56,141 --> 00:22:57,353
And the clock radio.
517
00:22:57,377 --> 00:23:00,723
- And I came for
the $2 will special.
518
00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:02,190
- Huh?
519
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:06,016
- He wants the trading
stamps and a balloon for his kid.
520
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:08,397
- Do you know what
they're talking about?
521
00:23:08,421 --> 00:23:09,865
- No sir.
522
00:23:09,889 --> 00:23:12,401
- Your ad on the back
page of the World Guardian.
523
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:15,604
- Opening law sale,
Douglas and Williams,
524
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:18,407
your friendly credit lawyers.
525
00:23:18,431 --> 00:23:21,910
Free law cases to the
first five customers?
526
00:23:21,934 --> 00:23:24,268
- $5 will special, today $2.
527
00:23:26,105 --> 00:23:28,717
Free trading stamps,
balloons and clock radios
528
00:23:28,741 --> 00:23:29,973
with all cases.
529
00:23:32,812 --> 00:23:36,658
- Mr. Drucker will
bill us for the ad.
530
00:23:36,682 --> 00:23:40,729
- I told you, attorneys are
not allowed to advertise.
531
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,831
- You said only not on TV.
532
00:23:42,855 --> 00:23:44,566
- Anywhere.
533
00:23:44,590 --> 00:23:46,468
- Can I have my clock radio now?
534
00:23:46,492 --> 00:23:49,337
You can mail me
the divorce case.
535
00:23:49,361 --> 00:23:51,139
- I'm sorry, this is a mistake.
536
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:52,508
- But the ad in
the paper said...
537
00:23:52,532 --> 00:23:53,475
- It was all a mistake.
538
00:23:53,499 --> 00:23:55,010
No no, you have to leave.
539
00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:56,034
Out, out.
540
00:23:57,904 --> 00:24:00,015
- What did you do that for?
541
00:24:00,039 --> 00:24:01,917
You wanted clients.
542
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:03,585
I'll get it.
543
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:05,042
- No, never mind.
544
00:24:06,378 --> 00:24:08,891
Hello, Douglas and
Williams, attorney at law.
545
00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:10,859
- Now you're getting the idea.
546
00:24:10,883 --> 00:24:12,093
- Yes.
547
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:14,952
Yes, this is
Mr. Douglas speaking.
548
00:24:16,322 --> 00:24:17,387
The ad, yeah.
549
00:24:18,858 --> 00:24:19,858
Yes sir.
550
00:24:21,594 --> 00:24:22,594
Yes sir.
551
00:24:25,230 --> 00:24:26,664
Yes sir, goodbye.
552
00:24:27,733 --> 00:24:29,834
Well, we got a real case.
553
00:24:31,871 --> 00:24:32,714
- We have?
554
00:24:32,738 --> 00:24:34,115
- Yep, a real big one.
555
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,451
- Who is it?
556
00:24:35,475 --> 00:24:37,218
- The county bar association.
557
00:24:37,242 --> 00:24:39,087
They saw our ad and
they're bringing us up
558
00:24:39,111 --> 00:24:42,424
on charges for
unethical practices.
559
00:24:42,448 --> 00:24:43,926
- What do we do now?
560
00:24:43,950 --> 00:24:48,085
- Why don't we run an ad for
a going out of business sale?
561
00:25:26,291 --> 00:25:30,227
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.
36253
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