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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
2
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,935
♪ Farm living is the life for me
3
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,639
♪ Lands spreading
out so far and wide
4
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:34,077
♪ Keep Manhattan just
gimme that country side
5
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:38,248
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
6
00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,951
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
7
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:45,889
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
8
00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:50,082
♪ Darling, I love you
but give me Park Avenue
9
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:55,132
♪ The chores, the stores
10
00:00:55,156 --> 00:01:00,137
♪ Fresh air, Times
Square ♪ You are my wife
11
00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,938
♪ Goodbye, city life!
12
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:05,630
♪ Green Acres we are there!
13
00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,758
- Oh hi.
- Hello, dear!
14
00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,193
Lunch is ready.
15
00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,195
- Oh good, I'm starved!
16
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,363
What are we having?
17
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,720
- It's a surprise, sit down.
18
00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,091
There you are.
19
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,196
- Okay, I'm surprised.
20
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:39,376
What is it?
21
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,777
- Peanut butter!
22
00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:44,181
Those are the peanuts
and that's the butter,
23
00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,950
and you put them together and...
- Oh I see!
24
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,852
It's a do-it-yourself
peanut butter kit.
25
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:51,788
Look, Lisa...
26
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,056
- If you like the chunky style,
27
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,724
you can leave the shells on.
28
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,760
Have a good lunch.
29
00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,096
- Hi, am I late for lunch?
30
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,632
- No, no, you're
just in time, sit down.
31
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,634
There you are!
32
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,736
- Oh, boy, my favorite!
33
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,271
Do-it-yourself peanut butter!
34
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,508
- Your favorite?
- Is there any jelly?
35
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:12,742
- Yes, there's some in the...
36
00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,446
- Oh good, then I'll
save this for dessert.
37
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,948
I'll eat this first.
38
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:19,882
- What is that?
39
00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:21,284
- It's a submarine sandwich.
40
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,552
I got it in Pixley.
41
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,754
It's got knockwurst,
salami, red peppers,
42
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:28,425
coleslaw, Gorgonzola
cheese, Tabasco sauce,
43
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,626
and a torpedo.
44
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,061
- Oh for...
45
00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,525
- Get a saw and
I'll cut you a piece.
46
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:34,987
- No thanks.
47
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,702
Lisa.
48
00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:43,006
- Wait a second
until I turn this off.
49
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,040
- What do you
have to turn it off for
50
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:45,742
you haven't got it plugged in.
51
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,477
- Well, on Mondays
I never plug it in.
52
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,514
You see, Monday and
Wednesday are unplug days
53
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:53,016
and Tuesday and
Thursday are plug-in days.
54
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,685
- Today is Friday.
55
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,820
- Oh, then I shouldn't
be doing this at all!
56
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:02,825
- Lisa...
- Did you enjoy your lunch?
57
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,761
- I want to talk to you.
58
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,062
Don't you think it's about time
59
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,165
you learned how to cook?
60
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,399
- One thing at a time!
61
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,134
I'm just learning
how to vacuum clean.
62
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,071
- Well I think you ought
to concentrate on cooking.
63
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,139
As a matter of fact, I
think I better give you
64
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,007
a cook book for your birthday.
65
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,209
- My birthday?
66
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,310
When is that?
67
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,579
- Next Wednesday.
- It is?
68
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,581
Oh I forgot all about that.
69
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,250
But everything I want I
made up on this list right here.
70
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,086
- It's more like a catalog.
71
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,454
Must be 25 items here.
72
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:33,856
- To make it easy for you,
73
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,758
I divided the list into groups.
74
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,395
Here's the diamond
group, the fur group,
75
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:40,263
and the stock and bond groups.
76
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,099
- Don't you have a cheap group?
77
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,534
- No, only these three.
78
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,237
Shall we start with
the diamond groups?
79
00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:50,273
- Alright, there's
nothing there.
80
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,608
What's the next group?
81
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,843
- The diamond tiara with
the rubies and emeralds
82
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,445
doesn't appeal to you?
83
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,214
- No, not particularly.
84
00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,448
- You could make
a good buy on it,
85
00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,805
my mother wants to sell hers.
86
00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:05,210
- Well I'm sorry to
disappoint the old...
87
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,592
Here let's look at the furs.
88
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,926
Nothing there either.
89
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,294
- Well what about
the chinchilla coat
90
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:14,030
with the sable collar
and the mink boots?
91
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,266
- No.
92
00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,602
- It would look
beautiful with the tiara.
93
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:19,869
- No.
94
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,404
- My aunt is going
to be very unhappy
95
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:25,242
because she was sure you'd
buy her coat and the boots!
96
00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:28,211
- You and your
secondhand family.
97
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,647
I'm surprised your father
doesn't have something to sell.
98
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,482
- That's under the
stocks and bonds.
99
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,017
- Lisa, I'm gonna
buy you a present
100
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,986
but let's be sensible.
101
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:40,178
How about something
for your wardrobe?
102
00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,726
How about a dress?
103
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:46,129
Oh, no, you've got
enough dresses here
104
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,719
and shoes and hats.
105
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:52,068
How about a nice belt
buckle with your initials on it?
106
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,240
- That's what you bought
me for our anniversary.
107
00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,541
- Hey, what's this?
108
00:04:58,565 --> 00:04:59,809
- Oh that's my riding habit
109
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,345
I got before we moved
out here to the country.
110
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,481
I thought we were
going to have horses.
111
00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,649
- Well, I never...
112
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:06,849
- That's the one
thing I miss the most
113
00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,117
from when we lived in New York.
114
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,153
Remember how every
day we used to go
115
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,822
campfering through
the Central Park.
116
00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:16,259
- Oh yeah, I always
enjoyed campfering.
117
00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:21,264
Wait a minute, you say
you miss horseback riding?
118
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,288
- Mm-hmm.
119
00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,802
- Why don't I buy you a
horse for your birthday?
120
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,437
- Oh that would be wonderful.
121
00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:28,905
- You got it!
122
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,141
- Oh, Oliver, you true
blue with blood to match.
123
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,502
- Psst, Mr. Douglas.
124
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,610
- Mr. Haney, what are you...
- Shh!
125
00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,459
- Mr. Haney, would
you mind telling me
126
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,661
what your truck is
doing in my barn?
127
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,364
- I didn't want the
little woman to see it.
128
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,388
- Why not?
129
00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,959
Haney's Curbside
Birthday Shoppy?
130
00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,774
- That's just the
English pronunciation.
131
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:08,211
We're affiliated with
Crugwell's of London.
132
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,412
- Crugwell's of London.
133
00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,381
- Now just what
did you have in mind
134
00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,717
to get Mrs. Douglas
for her birthday?
135
00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,785
- That is none of your business.
136
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:19,656
- May I suggest a browse
through our jewelry department?
137
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:24,082
Mr. Haney, I am not...
138
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:32,535
- Now close your eyes while
I run through the combination.
139
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,119
- Mr. Haney, you're
just wasting your...
140
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:43,079
- It's connected direct
to Scotland Yard.
141
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,213
- Oh, this...
142
00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,350
- Now here is a
beautiful birthday gift
143
00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:51,421
that would look wonderful
hanging on Mrs. Douglas' neck.
144
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:52,844
The Hope diamond.
145
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,592
- The Hope diamond?!
146
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,159
- It was wore by Bob Hope
147
00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,795
in The Road to South Africa.
148
00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,965
Now while you're
making out your check,
149
00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,667
I'll have it gift wrapped.
150
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:12,275
- Who was that?
- Who was what?
151
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,777
- A hand just came out of the...
152
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:17,046
- That's Mrs. Crugwell, she
does all of our gift wrapping.
153
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,216
Now to go with the lavaliere,
154
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,819
oh, Mr. Douglas, may I
have your attention please?
155
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,353
- No, how did you...
156
00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:27,891
- To go with the lavaliere,
may I suggest a mink stole?
157
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,158
The mink stole, please.
158
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,993
- I don't want a...
159
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:33,195
- Thank you, Ms. Glovewell.
160
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:37,266
Ms. Glovewell is in charge
of Crugwell's fur department.
161
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,569
Mr. Douglas, the fur is here.
162
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,203
- Yes, but who's in that safe?
163
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:45,396
- Now, as you can see, this
is a genuine Afghanistan mink.
164
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,711
- That's dyed rabbit.
165
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,246
- That is correct.
166
00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,382
When the rabbit died,
it's last wish was to be
167
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,117
an Afghanistanian mink.
168
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,787
- That's the most ridiculous...
169
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,989
- I suppose you want
this gift wrapped, too?
170
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,594
- Who's back there?
171
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,062
- Oh, that's Ms. Pennyweather.
172
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,230
She's been with
Crugwell's for years.
173
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,701
Now to complete your
birthday shopping...
174
00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:12,769
- Forget it.
175
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:13,736
- You mean you're not gonna buy
176
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,138
Mrs. Douglas a birthday present?
177
00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,476
- I know exactly what
I'm going to get here.
178
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,043
- Could you give
me a slight hint?
179
00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,545
- No, thanks.
180
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,080
All I have to do is tell
you, the next thing I know
181
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,616
you'll be showing up here
with a tired looking horse.
182
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,051
Horse?
183
00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,653
It just so happens...
184
00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,456
- Forget it, I'm not
buying anything from you.
185
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,980
- But Mr. Douglas!
186
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,227
We won't be needing
that, Mrs. Crugwell.
187
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,796
Put it back in stock.
188
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,031
Everybody, take
an hour for lunch!
189
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,932
- Oh hi, Mr. Kimball.
190
00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,946
- Which one of you
seeds said that?
191
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,136
- I said that.
192
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,183
- Oh hi, Mr. Douglas.
193
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,586
Mr. Douglas, you know
you got a small wart
194
00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,654
on the end of your nose?
195
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:09,291
Or is that a small nose
on the end of your wart?
196
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:10,493
Well, I'd have them both removed
197
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:13,162
just to be on the safe side.
198
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,397
- Oh for the love of...
199
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,665
- The department just
sent me a new strain
200
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,233
of high-bred corn seed.
201
00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,435
Yeah, they're supposed
to be frost-resistant.
202
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:20,670
I don't think so.
203
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,271
None of them are
wearing earmuffs.
204
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,174
Yeah, I saw that
on the joke page
205
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,176
of the Agricultural Quarterly.
206
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,611
Or was it the Annually?
207
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,679
Well, it doesn't
make any difference
208
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,548
it was an old copy anyway.
209
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,183
- Mr. Kimball, I'm
in a sort of a hurry.
210
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:37,587
- Oh, in that case, I'll come
back when you have more time.
211
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,546
- Mr. Kimball, Mr. Kimball.
212
00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,327
I came here to see you.
213
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:49,020
- Oh, what about?
- I'm looking for a horse.
214
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,768
- Well, where did you lose him?
215
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,069
- No, I didn't lose him.
216
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,404
I want to buy one.
- From who?
217
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,006
- That's what I came to ask you.
218
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,507
You know all the
farmers around here.
219
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,743
Now, do you know anybody
who has a horse for sale?
220
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,511
- Let's see.
221
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,914
Yeah, Charlie Wainwright.
222
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,616
I passed by his
place this morning.
223
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,052
He had a sign out
front, "Horse for sale."
224
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,621
It's a beautiful place, I
know you're gonna like it.
225
00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:15,146
Two bedrooms, a bath,
large service porch.
226
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,861
No, I guess the sign
said, "House for sale."
227
00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:23,354
- Mr. Kimball, I
want to buy a horse.
228
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,069
It's a birthday present.
229
00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:29,305
- Oh, you want to buy a
birthday present for a horse.
230
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,476
May I suggest...
- No, no.
231
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:38,180
I want to give my wife
a horse for her birthday.
232
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,949
- Say, that's a very nice idea.
233
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,217
Very thoughtful.
234
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,685
Yeah, there's not many
men who would think
235
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,054
of giving their wife a...
236
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,188
What are you giving her again?
237
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,212
- A horse!
238
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:53,262
Now, do you know
any farmer around here
239
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:56,799
who has a nice,
gentle animal for sale?
240
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,156
- Gentle animal?
241
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,459
Gentle animal.
242
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:03,963
Must be a horse, huh?
243
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,098
- Yes.
244
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,378
- Let's see.
245
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,402
I have it.
246
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,750
Well, I don't have
it, Mr. Haney has it.
247
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,218
- Mr. Haney is the
last man in the world
248
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,420
I'll buy a horse from.
249
00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:20,657
- Now look, we gotta
make a good impression.
250
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:24,360
Will you straighten
up and stop slouching!
251
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,384
- I'm tired.
252
00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,086
- And be quiet!
253
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,733
- Why?
254
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:35,204
- Well, people ain't interested
in buying a talking horse.
255
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,140
- When I was on television,
256
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:40,342
do you know how much
money they paid me to talk?
257
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,844
- You ain't gonna
make any friends
258
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:45,081
if you go around telling
people big lies like this.
259
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,537
- It's not a lie.
260
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,385
I was on television.
261
00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,220
I was Mr. Fred.
262
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,989
- And I was Lum and Abner.
263
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,326
- But I tell ya, I was Mr. Fred.
264
00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:00,029
- Would you keep
your mouth shut?
265
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:03,032
At least until I've sold you.
266
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,134
- How much are you
going to ask for me?
267
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,402
- $50.
268
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,237
- Do you know how
much I used to get
269
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,594
for one TV show?
270
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,576
- If you don't keep
quiet, it's the glue factory.
271
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,546
- If I had just saved my money
272
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,918
instead of blowing it
betting on auto races.
273
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,419
- Oh hello there, Mr. Haney!
274
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,054
- Howdy, Mrs. Douglas.
275
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,244
- Who is that?
276
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,657
- That is the horse
277
00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,860
that your husband
ordered for your birthday.
278
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,617
- Oh, he's beautiful!
279
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,765
- So are you, baby.
280
00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,166
- Why, Mr. Haney!
281
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:41,170
- Oh I'm sorry, I
just got carried away.
282
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,705
- Oh, I love him.
283
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:43,973
How much is he?
284
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,776
- Well, I was gonna
charge $200 for him,
285
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:47,944
but since it's your birthday
286
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,946
you can have him for a hundred.
287
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,214
- How much...
288
00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:53,116
- But you have to
keep his mouth shut
289
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,416
he's a fly-swallower.
290
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,987
Now if you'll just
write out a check.
291
00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,022
- Oh, my husband will
give you the money.
292
00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:03,126
- Well, I don't plan on
being around town too long,
293
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,894
so if I could get it from you
294
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,896
then you could get it from him.
295
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,497
- Oh, certainly.
296
00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:19,030
Tally-ho, dear!
297
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:22,945
- Where did you get the horse?
298
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,981
- This is my birthday present.
299
00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,483
Mr. Haney said you
ordered him for me.
300
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:28,507
- Mr. Haney?
301
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:30,920
Get off.
302
00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,088
- But Oliver...
- Get off.
303
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,045
- Oh, Oliver.
- Come on.
304
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,527
Come on there, boy, here we go.
305
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,285
- What are you doing?
306
00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,666
- I'm taking him
back to Mr. Haney.
307
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,967
- Why?
308
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,036
He's such a wonderful horse.
309
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,737
We've been jumping over fences
310
00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:50,339
and galloping and...
311
00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,707
- If this was Haney's horse
312
00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,375
there has to be
something wrong with him.
313
00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,678
I'm taking him back
before I have to pay for him.
314
00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,780
- I already paid him.
315
00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,282
- You didn't!
316
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:02,685
- I wrote him out a check
for a hundred dollars!
317
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:03,786
- I gotta call the bank
318
00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,387
and stop payment on the check!
319
00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,290
- But Oliver...
- What a sorehead.
320
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:11,482
I used to have a
producer like him.
321
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,766
- You're plugged, what
number do you want?
322
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,368
- Hello, Sarah,
would you get me...
323
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:23,873
- Just a minute, Mr. Douglas,
I have another call.
324
00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,674
- Hello, Sarah?
325
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,076
Can you get me
Hooterville 2-6...
326
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,167
- I can't hear you, Fred.
327
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:34,038
- Oh, Arnold, will you
cut off that dang TV?
328
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:39,588
Thank you.
329
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,090
Sarah, will you
get me Hooterville...
330
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,325
- Hello, Sarah?
331
00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:45,228
- No, this is Fred
Ziffel, who's this?
332
00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:46,996
- Oliver Douglas.
333
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:51,234
- Oh, Mr. Douglas, well
nice of you to call me.
334
00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,468
- I'm not calling
you, I'm calling...
335
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,470
- Just a minute, Mr. Douglas,
336
00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,305
I have another buzz.
337
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,075
- Hi, Sarah, this
is Ralph Monroe.
338
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,276
- Would you get me...
339
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,543
- Sarah, have you
got the correct time?
340
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,612
- My clock stopped,
I don't know.
341
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,814
Wait a minute, I'll ask Fred.
342
00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,950
Fred.
- No this isn't Fred,
343
00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,318
it's Mr. Douglas.
344
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,342
- Oh, excuse it, please.
345
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,324
- Fred, do you
know what time it is?
346
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,526
- No, I haven't got my watch on.
347
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,196
Arnold, go on and see
what the right time is.
348
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:24,901
- Hold a minute, Ralph.
349
00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:25,868
- Thank you, Sarah.
350
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,636
- Hello, hello?
351
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,372
- Howdy-doodie, Mr. Douglas!
352
00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,639
Do you know what time it is?
353
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,175
- Hold your horses,
Arnold's gettin' it.
354
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,216
10 minutes to 11.
- Thank you.
355
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,152
- Now, may I get
my number please?
356
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,987
- Just a minute.
357
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,390
I'm getting a buzz
on my trunk line!
358
00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:51,615
This is the
Hooterville operator.
359
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,431
- Hello, Hooterville,
this is Chicago.
360
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,934
I have a call for
Mr. Oliver Wendall Douglas
361
00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,368
from Paris, France.
362
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,691
- Paris, France!
363
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,540
- Hello, Sarah?
- Guess what, Fred?
364
00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:09,011
Mr. Douglas is getting
a call from Paris, France.
365
00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,879
- Well, how 'bout that, Arnold.
366
00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,048
Mr. Douglas is getting a call
367
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,672
all the way from Paris, France.
368
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,421
- Who's calling
Mr. Douglas from Paris?
369
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,757
- I don't know,
maybe is Fifi D'orsay!
370
00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,060
- Hot Ziggity!
371
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,794
Arnold, you know
who's calling Mr. Douglas
372
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,096
from Paris, France?
373
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,164
Fifi D'orsay!
374
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,869
Sarah, be sure and
let Arnold talk to her.
375
00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,571
He's wearing his beret.
376
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,108
- Operator, have you
gotten through to my son yet?
377
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,876
- Well, I'm working on it.
378
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,678
Hello, Hooterville?
379
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,281
Would you please put
Mr. Douglas on the line?
380
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,451
- Mr. Douglas, I'm
getting a call for you
381
00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,041
from Paris, France.
382
00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,089
- Paris? Hello?
383
00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,156
- Hello, Oliver?
384
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,257
- Hello, Fifi.
385
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:57,493
- Who's that?
386
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,161
- Mr. Ziffel, would you mind?
387
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,596
- Just a minute,
388
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,399
Arnold wants to say
hello to you, Ms. D'orsay.
389
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,306
- Oliver, have you got a cold?
390
00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,274
- No, that was Arnold.
391
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,675
- Arnold, who?
392
00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,478
- Mr. Ziffel's pig.
393
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:25,154
- Who's on the phone now?
394
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,455
- Sam Drucker.
395
00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,224
Who's this?
- It's Fifi D'orsay, Sam!
396
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:30,959
- Fifi D'orsay!
397
00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:32,594
Hot Ziggity!
398
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,398
- That's my mother.
- She is?
399
00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,233
Did you hear that, Sam?
400
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,269
Fifi D'orsay is
Mr. Douglas' mother.
401
00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,838
- Will you clods
get off this line?
402
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,241
I'm trying to talk to my son.
403
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,509
Hello, Oliver?
404
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,698
- Yes, mother.
405
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,179
- You sound just
like your father,
406
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,647
may he rest in peace.
407
00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,016
Not that he will
after the life he led.
408
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,352
Drinking and carousing
and coming home
409
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:57,920
any old day of the week.
410
00:17:57,944 --> 00:18:01,357
You'll never know
how I suffered.
411
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,291
- Yes, I do.
412
00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:04,982
You've told me a thousand times.
413
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,530
When did you get to Paris?
414
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,865
- Six months ago and if
you called me once in a while
415
00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,100
you'd know.
416
00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,069
- Fine son, you ought
to call your mother
417
00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,003
at least once a week.
418
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,672
Even if it's collect.
419
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,942
- Will you get off the phone!
420
00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,410
How have you been?
421
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,179
- Pretty good, except I
get a twinge in my shoulder
422
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,381
once in a while when I...
423
00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,849
- Mr. Drucker, look,
I'm not talking to you!
424
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:29,952
Mother, are you alright?
425
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,620
- I'm fine.
426
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:34,256
I just called to tell you that
Lisa has a birthday next week
427
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,625
and be sure to
buy her a present.
428
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,627
- I'm getting her
a present, a horse.
429
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,497
- Oh, well then I know
what I can get for her.
430
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,864
A riding outfit.
431
00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:44,333
- She has a habit.
432
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:48,370
- You mean that same horrible
habit she had in New York?
433
00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,172
I thought she got rid of that.
434
00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:52,641
- No, she doesn't
want to get rid of it.
435
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,511
- Oh, well I'll find
something for her.
436
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:56,878
Give her my love.
437
00:18:56,902 --> 00:19:00,483
And do try to call
me once in a while.
438
00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,118
- I will, goodbye, mother.
439
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,051
- Bye, Fifi.
440
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,454
- Aw reservoir, Ms. D'orsay.
441
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:09,046
- Oh for the love of...
442
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,964
- Well you heard what Fifi said.
443
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,199
- What'd she say?
444
00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:20,035
- Said poor Ms.
Douglas had a habit.
445
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,403
- What kind of a habit?
446
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,805
- I don't know, she
said it was the same one
447
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,807
she had in New York.
448
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,343
- Oh, well I guess that explains
449
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,977
why they moved out here.
450
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,879
Try to cure her.
451
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,914
Probably fresh air's
good for that sort of thing.
452
00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:34,116
- What sort of thing?
453
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,784
- Her horrible habit.
454
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,286
- I don't believe it.
455
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,688
- Well, there's one way to
find out what her habit is.
456
00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:40,623
I'll drop over there
457
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:43,247
and do a little detective work.
458
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,364
- Where did those come from?
459
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:50,499
- They belonged to Mr. Haney
when he owned the place.
460
00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,101
He used to make patent
medicine during prohibition.
461
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,471
- Oh.
462
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,406
- The stall in the back
of the barn is full of them.
463
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,408
- That's where we're
going to keep the horse.
464
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,809
- Not that horse.
465
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,913
The minute I can
locate Mr. Haney,
466
00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:05,881
he's going back.
467
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,550
- Oh!
- What do we do?
468
00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,252
- You just keep on cleaning.
- Yes.
469
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:23,832
Hello, Mrs. Douglas.
470
00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,067
- Oh hello there, Mr. Kimball.
471
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,168
Would you help me up, please?
472
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,336
- Oh yes, certainly.
473
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,293
Easy there, easy, easy.
474
00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:31,930
- Thank you.
475
00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,845
- Oh it looks like
you've been busy.
476
00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:40,649
- Yes, is there something
I can do for you?
477
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,918
- No, but I think there's
something we can do for you.
478
00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,822
Yeah, you should have
seen that pile of empties.
479
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,056
I had to help her up.
480
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,825
She staggered around.
481
00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,560
Boy, it was pitiful.
482
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,994
- That's hard to believe.
483
00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:56,865
I never saw Mrs. Douglas.
484
00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,668
- Probably a quiet
drinker like the chief.
485
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,137
He used to sneak up
on the roof for a snort.
486
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:03,339
Nobody would have ever known
487
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:05,107
except one day he
fell down the chimney.
488
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,076
- We've gotta help
that poor woman.
489
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,411
- Yeah, but how.
490
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,613
- Well, we gotta talk to her
491
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,915
and get her to
lay off the booze.
492
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,017
- Hi.
- Howdy, Mr. Douglas.
493
00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,720
Is Mrs. Douglas home?
494
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,143
- Yes, yes. Lisa?
495
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,124
- Oh hello there!
496
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:23,559
Ralph, Mr. Drucker.
497
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:25,093
- Can we talk to you?
498
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,451
- Why certainly, come on in.
499
00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:31,032
- We want to talk to her alone.
500
00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:32,468
- Well I...
- Alone!
501
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,140
Well of all the...
502
00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:39,229
Cut that out!
503
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:41,710
- This is a nice surprise.
504
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:44,012
Could I get you
something to drink?
505
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,080
- Drink?
506
00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:46,782
Oh no, ma'am.
507
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:51,487
See we, that is, Ralph
has something to say to you.
508
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,054
Don't you, Ralph?
509
00:21:53,078 --> 00:21:55,491
- Oh, well, there's no point
in beating around the bush.
510
00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,092
Sam here wants to talk to you.
511
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,694
Don't you, Sam?
512
00:21:58,718 --> 00:21:59,928
- What about?
513
00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:02,653
- Well, maybe I
will have that drink.
514
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,601
- He means a soft drink.
- Yeah, soft! Soft!
515
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:10,172
- Why didn't you talk to her?
516
00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:11,640
- Well, it's not easy.
517
00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:15,232
I gotta find a way to
bring it out in the open.
518
00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:19,247
- There, that ought to
hold you 'til tomorrow.
519
00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:23,319
Now, eat it, settle
down, and go to sleep.
520
00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:25,354
- How 'bout a blanket?
521
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:28,256
There's a blanket...
522
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:29,224
Who said that?
523
00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:30,248
- The cow.
524
00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:33,529
- Don't be silly, a cow...
525
00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:35,864
- You better close your mouth.
526
00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:37,433
There are a lot
of flies in here.
527
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,924
- No, it's not possible.
528
00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:43,794
Oh, that's very funny.
529
00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:46,742
Alright, Eb, where are you?
530
00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:48,744
- No, he went out an hour ago.
531
00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:50,078
- I didn't ask you.
532
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:53,315
I must be hearing things.
533
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:55,083
- Like what?
534
00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:56,874
- I could have sworn,
535
00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,945
oh, oh!
536
00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:06,817
- Goodnight, dummy.
537
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:11,400
- Now, what is it you
wanted to talk to me about?
538
00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:13,591
- Well, you see, we, well,
539
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,739
we heard about your habit.
540
00:23:16,763 --> 00:23:17,763
- Oh, that.
541
00:23:18,831 --> 00:23:20,376
- Well then you do have one?
542
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:21,443
- Would you like to see it?
543
00:23:21,467 --> 00:23:23,311
- No, no.
- No, no, no, no, no.
544
00:23:24,771 --> 00:23:26,314
- What's the matter
with the two of you?
545
00:23:26,338 --> 00:23:27,516
- Well, we came over here
546
00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:29,918
to try and help you
get rid over your habit.
547
00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:31,186
- Why should I get rid of it?
548
00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:32,454
I love it.
549
00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:34,945
- Yes, but it's...
550
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,095
- Oliver, what's the matter?
551
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,664
- That horse.
- What about him?
552
00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:45,768
- Do you know
what he said to me?
553
00:23:45,792 --> 00:23:47,503
- The horse said to you?
554
00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:50,038
Yes.
555
00:23:50,062 --> 00:23:53,375
He asked me to
get him a blanket.
556
00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:54,743
- He asked you to get him...
557
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:55,878
- Let's go, Sam.
558
00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:57,446
- But...
- Let's go, goodnight.
559
00:23:57,470 --> 00:23:58,547
- But I thought you wanted to...
560
00:23:58,571 --> 00:23:59,981
- No, some other time.
561
00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:10,125
- Oliver, do you
want to lie down?
562
00:24:10,149 --> 00:24:11,993
You don't look well.
563
00:24:14,687 --> 00:24:16,732
- That poor woman.
564
00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:20,135
- Yeah, there didn't seem to
be any sense in talking to her.
565
00:24:20,159 --> 00:24:22,370
- No, I don't approve of it
566
00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:25,106
but I guess I can understand
why she has that habit.
567
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,810
- Yeah, if I had a husband
that talked to horses
568
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:29,545
I'd hit the bottle, too.
569
00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:35,250
- As I walked out
of the barn he said,
570
00:24:35,274 --> 00:24:36,785
"Goodnight, dummy."
571
00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:41,824
- There, there.
572
00:24:41,848 --> 00:24:44,993
You'll feel better
in the morning.
573
00:24:45,017 --> 00:24:46,017
There.
574
00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:49,498
Dummy.
575
00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:29,471
This has been
576
00:25:29,495 --> 00:25:31,996
a Filmways
presentation, darling.
37673
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