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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:21,898 ♪ Green Acres is the place to be 2 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,935 ♪ Farm living is the life for me 3 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,639 ♪ Lands spreading out so far and wide 4 00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:34,077 ♪ Keep Manhattan just gimme that country side 5 00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:38,248 ♪ New York is where I'd rather stay 6 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:41,951 ♪ I get allergic smelling hay 7 00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:45,889 ♪ I just adore a penthouse view 8 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:50,082 ♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue 9 00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:55,132 ♪ The chores, the stores 10 00:00:55,156 --> 00:01:00,137 ♪ Fresh air, Times Square ♪ You are my wife 11 00:01:00,161 --> 00:01:01,938 ♪ Goodbye, city life! 12 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:05,630 ♪ Green Acres we are there! 13 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:21,758 - Oh hi. - Hello, dear! 14 00:01:21,782 --> 00:01:23,193 Lunch is ready. 15 00:01:23,217 --> 00:01:25,195 - Oh good, I'm starved! 16 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,363 What are we having? 17 00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:28,720 - It's a surprise, sit down. 18 00:01:30,924 --> 00:01:32,091 There you are. 19 00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,196 - Okay, I'm surprised. 20 00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:39,376 What is it? 21 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:40,777 - Peanut butter! 22 00:01:42,069 --> 00:01:44,181 Those are the peanuts and that's the butter, 23 00:01:44,205 --> 00:01:46,950 and you put them together and... - Oh I see! 24 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,852 It's a do-it-yourself peanut butter kit. 25 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:51,788 Look, Lisa... 26 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,056 - If you like the chunky style, 27 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,724 you can leave the shells on. 28 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:57,760 Have a good lunch. 29 00:01:57,784 --> 00:01:59,096 - Hi, am I late for lunch? 30 00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:02,632 - No, no, you're just in time, sit down. 31 00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:04,634 There you are! 32 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:06,736 - Oh, boy, my favorite! 33 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,271 Do-it-yourself peanut butter! 34 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,508 - Your favorite? - Is there any jelly? 35 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:12,742 - Yes, there's some in the... 36 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:14,446 - Oh good, then I'll save this for dessert. 37 00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:18,948 I'll eat this first. 38 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:19,882 - What is that? 39 00:02:19,906 --> 00:02:21,284 - It's a submarine sandwich. 40 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,552 I got it in Pixley. 41 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,754 It's got knockwurst, salami, red peppers, 42 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:28,425 coleslaw, Gorgonzola cheese, Tabasco sauce, 43 00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:29,626 and a torpedo. 44 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:32,061 - Oh for... 45 00:02:32,085 --> 00:02:33,525 - Get a saw and I'll cut you a piece. 46 00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:34,987 - No thanks. 47 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,702 Lisa. 48 00:02:39,726 --> 00:02:43,006 - Wait a second until I turn this off. 49 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,040 - What do you have to turn it off for 50 00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:45,742 you haven't got it plugged in. 51 00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,477 - Well, on Mondays I never plug it in. 52 00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,514 You see, Monday and Wednesday are unplug days 53 00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:53,016 and Tuesday and Thursday are plug-in days. 54 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,685 - Today is Friday. 55 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,820 - Oh, then I shouldn't be doing this at all! 56 00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:02,825 - Lisa... - Did you enjoy your lunch? 57 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,761 - I want to talk to you. 58 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,062 Don't you think it's about time 59 00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:08,165 you learned how to cook? 60 00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:09,399 - One thing at a time! 61 00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,134 I'm just learning how to vacuum clean. 62 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,071 - Well I think you ought to concentrate on cooking. 63 00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,139 As a matter of fact, I think I better give you 64 00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,007 a cook book for your birthday. 65 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:19,209 - My birthday? 66 00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:20,310 When is that? 67 00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:22,579 - Next Wednesday. - It is? 68 00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,581 Oh I forgot all about that. 69 00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:27,250 But everything I want I made up on this list right here. 70 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,086 - It's more like a catalog. 71 00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,454 Must be 25 items here. 72 00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:33,856 - To make it easy for you, 73 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,758 I divided the list into groups. 74 00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,395 Here's the diamond group, the fur group, 75 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:40,263 and the stock and bond groups. 76 00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,099 - Don't you have a cheap group? 77 00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:44,534 - No, only these three. 78 00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,237 Shall we start with the diamond groups? 79 00:03:47,261 --> 00:03:50,273 - Alright, there's nothing there. 80 00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:51,608 What's the next group? 81 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,843 - The diamond tiara with the rubies and emeralds 82 00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,445 doesn't appeal to you? 83 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,214 - No, not particularly. 84 00:03:57,238 --> 00:03:58,448 - You could make a good buy on it, 85 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,805 my mother wants to sell hers. 86 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:05,210 - Well I'm sorry to disappoint the old... 87 00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,592 Here let's look at the furs. 88 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:09,926 Nothing there either. 89 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,294 - Well what about the chinchilla coat 90 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:14,030 with the sable collar and the mink boots? 91 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,266 - No. 92 00:04:16,290 --> 00:04:18,602 - It would look beautiful with the tiara. 93 00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:19,869 - No. 94 00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:21,404 - My aunt is going to be very unhappy 95 00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:25,242 because she was sure you'd buy her coat and the boots! 96 00:04:25,266 --> 00:04:28,211 - You and your secondhand family. 97 00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:30,647 I'm surprised your father doesn't have something to sell. 98 00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:32,482 - That's under the stocks and bonds. 99 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,017 - Lisa, I'm gonna buy you a present 100 00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:36,986 but let's be sensible. 101 00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:40,178 How about something for your wardrobe? 102 00:04:41,282 --> 00:04:42,726 How about a dress? 103 00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:46,129 Oh, no, you've got enough dresses here 104 00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,719 and shoes and hats. 105 00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:52,068 How about a nice belt buckle with your initials on it? 106 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,240 - That's what you bought me for our anniversary. 107 00:04:56,963 --> 00:04:58,541 - Hey, what's this? 108 00:04:58,565 --> 00:04:59,809 - Oh that's my riding habit 109 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:02,345 I got before we moved out here to the country. 110 00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,481 I thought we were going to have horses. 111 00:05:04,505 --> 00:05:05,649 - Well, I never... 112 00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:06,849 - That's the one thing I miss the most 113 00:05:06,873 --> 00:05:08,117 from when we lived in New York. 114 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,153 Remember how every day we used to go 115 00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:12,822 campfering through the Central Park. 116 00:05:12,846 --> 00:05:16,259 - Oh yeah, I always enjoyed campfering. 117 00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:21,264 Wait a minute, you say you miss horseback riding? 118 00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:22,288 - Mm-hmm. 119 00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:25,802 - Why don't I buy you a horse for your birthday? 120 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,437 - Oh that would be wonderful. 121 00:05:27,461 --> 00:05:28,905 - You got it! 122 00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:32,141 - Oh, Oliver, you true blue with blood to match. 123 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:37,502 - Psst, Mr. Douglas. 124 00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,610 - Mr. Haney, what are you... - Shh! 125 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:49,459 - Mr. Haney, would you mind telling me 126 00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,661 what your truck is doing in my barn? 127 00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:54,364 - I didn't want the little woman to see it. 128 00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:55,388 - Why not? 129 00:05:58,258 --> 00:06:00,959 Haney's Curbside Birthday Shoppy? 130 00:06:02,329 --> 00:06:04,774 - That's just the English pronunciation. 131 00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:08,211 We're affiliated with Crugwell's of London. 132 00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:09,412 - Crugwell's of London. 133 00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:11,381 - Now just what did you have in mind 134 00:06:11,405 --> 00:06:13,717 to get Mrs. Douglas for her birthday? 135 00:06:13,741 --> 00:06:15,785 - That is none of your business. 136 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:19,656 - May I suggest a browse through our jewelry department? 137 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:24,082 Mr. Haney, I am not... 138 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:32,535 - Now close your eyes while I run through the combination. 139 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,119 - Mr. Haney, you're just wasting your... 140 00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:43,079 - It's connected direct to Scotland Yard. 141 00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,213 - Oh, this... 142 00:06:44,237 --> 00:06:47,350 - Now here is a beautiful birthday gift 143 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:51,421 that would look wonderful hanging on Mrs. Douglas' neck. 144 00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:52,844 The Hope diamond. 145 00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:55,592 - The Hope diamond?! 146 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,159 - It was wore by Bob Hope 147 00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:58,795 in The Road to South Africa. 148 00:07:00,754 --> 00:07:02,965 Now while you're making out your check, 149 00:07:02,989 --> 00:07:04,667 I'll have it gift wrapped. 150 00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:12,275 - Who was that? - Who was what? 151 00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:13,777 - A hand just came out of the... 152 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:17,046 - That's Mrs. Crugwell, she does all of our gift wrapping. 153 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,216 Now to go with the lavaliere, 154 00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,819 oh, Mr. Douglas, may I have your attention please? 155 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:24,353 - No, how did you... 156 00:07:24,377 --> 00:07:27,891 - To go with the lavaliere, may I suggest a mink stole? 157 00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,158 The mink stole, please. 158 00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,993 - I don't want a... 159 00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:33,195 - Thank you, Ms. Glovewell. 160 00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:37,266 Ms. Glovewell is in charge of Crugwell's fur department. 161 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,569 Mr. Douglas, the fur is here. 162 00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,203 - Yes, but who's in that safe? 163 00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:45,396 - Now, as you can see, this is a genuine Afghanistan mink. 164 00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,711 - That's dyed rabbit. 165 00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,246 - That is correct. 166 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:53,382 When the rabbit died, it's last wish was to be 167 00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,117 an Afghanistanian mink. 168 00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:57,787 - That's the most ridiculous... 169 00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:59,989 - I suppose you want this gift wrapped, too? 170 00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,594 - Who's back there? 171 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,062 - Oh, that's Ms. Pennyweather. 172 00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,230 She's been with Crugwell's for years. 173 00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,701 Now to complete your birthday shopping... 174 00:08:11,725 --> 00:08:12,769 - Forget it. 175 00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:13,736 - You mean you're not gonna buy 176 00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,138 Mrs. Douglas a birthday present? 177 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,476 - I know exactly what I'm going to get here. 178 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,043 - Could you give me a slight hint? 179 00:08:21,067 --> 00:08:22,545 - No, thanks. 180 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,080 All I have to do is tell you, the next thing I know 181 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,616 you'll be showing up here with a tired looking horse. 182 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,051 Horse? 183 00:08:29,075 --> 00:08:30,653 It just so happens... 184 00:08:30,677 --> 00:08:33,456 - Forget it, I'm not buying anything from you. 185 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,980 - But Mr. Douglas! 186 00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,227 We won't be needing that, Mrs. Crugwell. 187 00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,796 Put it back in stock. 188 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,031 Everybody, take an hour for lunch! 189 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,932 - Oh hi, Mr. Kimball. 190 00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:56,946 - Which one of you seeds said that? 191 00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,136 - I said that. 192 00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:01,183 - Oh hi, Mr. Douglas. 193 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,586 Mr. Douglas, you know you got a small wart 194 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,654 on the end of your nose? 195 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:09,291 Or is that a small nose on the end of your wart? 196 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:10,493 Well, I'd have them both removed 197 00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:13,162 just to be on the safe side. 198 00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,397 - Oh for the love of... 199 00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,665 - The department just sent me a new strain 200 00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,233 of high-bred corn seed. 201 00:09:17,257 --> 00:09:19,435 Yeah, they're supposed to be frost-resistant. 202 00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:20,670 I don't think so. 203 00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:22,271 None of them are wearing earmuffs. 204 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:25,174 Yeah, I saw that on the joke page 205 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:27,176 of the Agricultural Quarterly. 206 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,611 Or was it the Annually? 207 00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,679 Well, it doesn't make any difference 208 00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,548 it was an old copy anyway. 209 00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,183 - Mr. Kimball, I'm in a sort of a hurry. 210 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:37,587 - Oh, in that case, I'll come back when you have more time. 211 00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:41,546 - Mr. Kimball, Mr. Kimball. 212 00:09:43,817 --> 00:09:45,327 I came here to see you. 213 00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:49,020 - Oh, what about? - I'm looking for a horse. 214 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,768 - Well, where did you lose him? 215 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:53,069 - No, I didn't lose him. 216 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,404 I want to buy one. - From who? 217 00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,006 - That's what I came to ask you. 218 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,507 You know all the farmers around here. 219 00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,743 Now, do you know anybody who has a horse for sale? 220 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,511 - Let's see. 221 00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,914 Yeah, Charlie Wainwright. 222 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:06,616 I passed by his place this morning. 223 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:09,052 He had a sign out front, "Horse for sale." 224 00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,621 It's a beautiful place, I know you're gonna like it. 225 00:10:11,645 --> 00:10:15,146 Two bedrooms, a bath, large service porch. 226 00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:18,861 No, I guess the sign said, "House for sale." 227 00:10:20,253 --> 00:10:23,354 - Mr. Kimball, I want to buy a horse. 228 00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,069 It's a birthday present. 229 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:29,305 - Oh, you want to buy a birthday present for a horse. 230 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,476 May I suggest... - No, no. 231 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:38,180 I want to give my wife a horse for her birthday. 232 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,949 - Say, that's a very nice idea. 233 00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,217 Very thoughtful. 234 00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:42,685 Yeah, there's not many men who would think 235 00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,054 of giving their wife a... 236 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,188 What are you giving her again? 237 00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,212 - A horse! 238 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:53,262 Now, do you know any farmer around here 239 00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:56,799 who has a nice, gentle animal for sale? 240 00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,156 - Gentle animal? 241 00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:01,459 Gentle animal. 242 00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:03,963 Must be a horse, huh? 243 00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:06,098 - Yes. 244 00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,378 - Let's see. 245 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,402 I have it. 246 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:13,750 Well, I don't have it, Mr. Haney has it. 247 00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,218 - Mr. Haney is the last man in the world 248 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,420 I'll buy a horse from. 249 00:11:18,444 --> 00:11:20,657 - Now look, we gotta make a good impression. 250 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:24,360 Will you straighten up and stop slouching! 251 00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,384 - I'm tired. 252 00:11:26,853 --> 00:11:28,086 - And be quiet! 253 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,733 - Why? 254 00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:35,204 - Well, people ain't interested in buying a talking horse. 255 00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,140 - When I was on television, 256 00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:40,342 do you know how much money they paid me to talk? 257 00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,844 - You ain't gonna make any friends 258 00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:45,081 if you go around telling people big lies like this. 259 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,537 - It's not a lie. 260 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:49,385 I was on television. 261 00:11:49,409 --> 00:11:51,220 I was Mr. Fred. 262 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,989 - And I was Lum and Abner. 263 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,326 - But I tell ya, I was Mr. Fred. 264 00:11:57,350 --> 00:12:00,029 - Would you keep your mouth shut? 265 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:03,032 At least until I've sold you. 266 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,134 - How much are you going to ask for me? 267 00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,402 - $50. 268 00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,237 - Do you know how much I used to get 269 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,594 for one TV show? 270 00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,576 - If you don't keep quiet, it's the glue factory. 271 00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:17,546 - If I had just saved my money 272 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:21,918 instead of blowing it betting on auto races. 273 00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:23,419 - Oh hello there, Mr. Haney! 274 00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,054 - Howdy, Mrs. Douglas. 275 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,244 - Who is that? 276 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,657 - That is the horse 277 00:12:28,681 --> 00:12:30,860 that your husband ordered for your birthday. 278 00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,617 - Oh, he's beautiful! 279 00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,765 - So are you, baby. 280 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:37,166 - Why, Mr. Haney! 281 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:41,170 - Oh I'm sorry, I just got carried away. 282 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,705 - Oh, I love him. 283 00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:43,973 How much is he? 284 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,776 - Well, I was gonna charge $200 for him, 285 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:47,944 but since it's your birthday 286 00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,946 you can have him for a hundred. 287 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,214 - How much... 288 00:12:51,238 --> 00:12:53,116 - But you have to keep his mouth shut 289 00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:54,416 he's a fly-swallower. 290 00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:57,987 Now if you'll just write out a check. 291 00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,022 - Oh, my husband will give you the money. 292 00:13:00,046 --> 00:13:03,126 - Well, I don't plan on being around town too long, 293 00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,894 so if I could get it from you 294 00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:06,896 then you could get it from him. 295 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:08,497 - Oh, certainly. 296 00:13:16,362 --> 00:13:19,030 Tally-ho, dear! 297 00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:22,945 - Where did you get the horse? 298 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,981 - This is my birthday present. 299 00:13:25,005 --> 00:13:27,483 Mr. Haney said you ordered him for me. 300 00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:28,507 - Mr. Haney? 301 00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:30,920 Get off. 302 00:13:30,944 --> 00:13:32,088 - But Oliver... - Get off. 303 00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:34,045 - Oh, Oliver. - Come on. 304 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,527 Come on there, boy, here we go. 305 00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,285 - What are you doing? 306 00:13:41,454 --> 00:13:43,666 - I'm taking him back to Mr. Haney. 307 00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:44,967 - Why? 308 00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:47,036 He's such a wonderful horse. 309 00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,737 We've been jumping over fences 310 00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:50,339 and galloping and... 311 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:51,707 - If this was Haney's horse 312 00:13:51,731 --> 00:13:53,375 there has to be something wrong with him. 313 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:55,678 I'm taking him back before I have to pay for him. 314 00:13:55,702 --> 00:13:57,780 - I already paid him. 315 00:13:57,804 --> 00:13:59,282 - You didn't! 316 00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:02,685 - I wrote him out a check for a hundred dollars! 317 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:03,786 - I gotta call the bank 318 00:14:03,810 --> 00:14:05,387 and stop payment on the check! 319 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:07,290 - But Oliver... - What a sorehead. 320 00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:11,482 I used to have a producer like him. 321 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,766 - You're plugged, what number do you want? 322 00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:19,368 - Hello, Sarah, would you get me... 323 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:23,873 - Just a minute, Mr. Douglas, I have another call. 324 00:14:23,897 --> 00:14:25,674 - Hello, Sarah? 325 00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:27,076 Can you get me Hooterville 2-6... 326 00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,167 - I can't hear you, Fred. 327 00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:34,038 - Oh, Arnold, will you cut off that dang TV? 328 00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:39,588 Thank you. 329 00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:41,090 Sarah, will you get me Hooterville... 330 00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,325 - Hello, Sarah? 331 00:14:42,349 --> 00:14:45,228 - No, this is Fred Ziffel, who's this? 332 00:14:45,252 --> 00:14:46,996 - Oliver Douglas. 333 00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:51,234 - Oh, Mr. Douglas, well nice of you to call me. 334 00:14:51,258 --> 00:14:52,468 - I'm not calling you, I'm calling... 335 00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,470 - Just a minute, Mr. Douglas, 336 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:56,305 I have another buzz. 337 00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,075 - Hi, Sarah, this is Ralph Monroe. 338 00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,276 - Would you get me... 339 00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:01,543 - Sarah, have you got the correct time? 340 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,612 - My clock stopped, I don't know. 341 00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:05,814 Wait a minute, I'll ask Fred. 342 00:15:05,838 --> 00:15:07,950 Fred. - No this isn't Fred, 343 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,318 it's Mr. Douglas. 344 00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,342 - Oh, excuse it, please. 345 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,324 - Fred, do you know what time it is? 346 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,526 - No, I haven't got my watch on. 347 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,196 Arnold, go on and see what the right time is. 348 00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:24,901 - Hold a minute, Ralph. 349 00:15:24,925 --> 00:15:25,868 - Thank you, Sarah. 350 00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:27,636 - Hello, hello? 351 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,372 - Howdy-doodie, Mr. Douglas! 352 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:30,639 Do you know what time it is? 353 00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,175 - Hold your horses, Arnold's gettin' it. 354 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,216 10 minutes to 11. - Thank you. 355 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:43,152 - Now, may I get my number please? 356 00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,987 - Just a minute. 357 00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:47,390 I'm getting a buzz on my trunk line! 358 00:15:48,848 --> 00:15:51,615 This is the Hooterville operator. 359 00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,431 - Hello, Hooterville, this is Chicago. 360 00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,934 I have a call for Mr. Oliver Wendall Douglas 361 00:15:57,958 --> 00:15:59,368 from Paris, France. 362 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,691 - Paris, France! 363 00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:04,540 - Hello, Sarah? - Guess what, Fred? 364 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:09,011 Mr. Douglas is getting a call from Paris, France. 365 00:16:09,035 --> 00:16:10,879 - Well, how 'bout that, Arnold. 366 00:16:10,903 --> 00:16:12,048 Mr. Douglas is getting a call 367 00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:14,672 all the way from Paris, France. 368 00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:18,421 - Who's calling Mr. Douglas from Paris? 369 00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,757 - I don't know, maybe is Fifi D'orsay! 370 00:16:22,849 --> 00:16:24,060 - Hot Ziggity! 371 00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:25,794 Arnold, you know who's calling Mr. Douglas 372 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,096 from Paris, France? 373 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:28,164 Fifi D'orsay! 374 00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:33,869 Sarah, be sure and let Arnold talk to her. 375 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,571 He's wearing his beret. 376 00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,108 - Operator, have you gotten through to my son yet? 377 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,876 - Well, I'm working on it. 378 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,678 Hello, Hooterville? 379 00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,281 Would you please put Mr. Douglas on the line? 380 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,451 - Mr. Douglas, I'm getting a call for you 381 00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:50,041 from Paris, France. 382 00:16:51,311 --> 00:16:53,089 - Paris? Hello? 383 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,156 - Hello, Oliver? 384 00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:55,257 - Hello, Fifi. 385 00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:57,493 - Who's that? 386 00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,161 - Mr. Ziffel, would you mind? 387 00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:00,596 - Just a minute, 388 00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,399 Arnold wants to say hello to you, Ms. D'orsay. 389 00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,306 - Oliver, have you got a cold? 390 00:17:10,330 --> 00:17:12,274 - No, that was Arnold. 391 00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:13,675 - Arnold, who? 392 00:17:13,699 --> 00:17:15,478 - Mr. Ziffel's pig. 393 00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:25,154 - Who's on the phone now? 394 00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:26,455 - Sam Drucker. 395 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,224 Who's this? - It's Fifi D'orsay, Sam! 396 00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:30,959 - Fifi D'orsay! 397 00:17:30,983 --> 00:17:32,594 Hot Ziggity! 398 00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:35,398 - That's my mother. - She is? 399 00:17:35,422 --> 00:17:37,233 Did you hear that, Sam? 400 00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:40,269 Fifi D'orsay is Mr. Douglas' mother. 401 00:17:40,293 --> 00:17:42,838 - Will you clods get off this line? 402 00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,241 I'm trying to talk to my son. 403 00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,509 Hello, Oliver? 404 00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,698 - Yes, mother. 405 00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,179 - You sound just like your father, 406 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,647 may he rest in peace. 407 00:17:51,671 --> 00:17:54,016 Not that he will after the life he led. 408 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,352 Drinking and carousing and coming home 409 00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:57,920 any old day of the week. 410 00:17:57,944 --> 00:18:01,357 You'll never know how I suffered. 411 00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:02,291 - Yes, I do. 412 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:04,982 You've told me a thousand times. 413 00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,530 When did you get to Paris? 414 00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:09,865 - Six months ago and if you called me once in a while 415 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,100 you'd know. 416 00:18:11,124 --> 00:18:13,069 - Fine son, you ought to call your mother 417 00:18:13,093 --> 00:18:15,003 at least once a week. 418 00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,672 Even if it's collect. 419 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:19,942 - Will you get off the phone! 420 00:18:19,966 --> 00:18:21,410 How have you been? 421 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,179 - Pretty good, except I get a twinge in my shoulder 422 00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,381 once in a while when I... 423 00:18:25,405 --> 00:18:27,849 - Mr. Drucker, look, I'm not talking to you! 424 00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:29,952 Mother, are you alright? 425 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,620 - I'm fine. 426 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:34,256 I just called to tell you that Lisa has a birthday next week 427 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,625 and be sure to buy her a present. 428 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,627 - I'm getting her a present, a horse. 429 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:41,497 - Oh, well then I know what I can get for her. 430 00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:42,864 A riding outfit. 431 00:18:42,888 --> 00:18:44,333 - She has a habit. 432 00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:48,370 - You mean that same horrible habit she had in New York? 433 00:18:48,394 --> 00:18:50,172 I thought she got rid of that. 434 00:18:50,196 --> 00:18:52,641 - No, she doesn't want to get rid of it. 435 00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,511 - Oh, well I'll find something for her. 436 00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:56,878 Give her my love. 437 00:18:56,902 --> 00:19:00,483 And do try to call me once in a while. 438 00:19:00,507 --> 00:19:02,118 - I will, goodbye, mother. 439 00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,051 - Bye, Fifi. 440 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:05,454 - Aw reservoir, Ms. D'orsay. 441 00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:09,046 - Oh for the love of... 442 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,964 - Well you heard what Fifi said. 443 00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,199 - What'd she say? 444 00:19:17,223 --> 00:19:20,035 - Said poor Ms. Douglas had a habit. 445 00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,403 - What kind of a habit? 446 00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,805 - I don't know, she said it was the same one 447 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,807 she had in New York. 448 00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,343 - Oh, well I guess that explains 449 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:28,977 why they moved out here. 450 00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,879 Try to cure her. 451 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,914 Probably fresh air's good for that sort of thing. 452 00:19:32,938 --> 00:19:34,116 - What sort of thing? 453 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,784 - Her horrible habit. 454 00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,286 - I don't believe it. 455 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:39,688 - Well, there's one way to find out what her habit is. 456 00:19:39,712 --> 00:19:40,623 I'll drop over there 457 00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:43,247 and do a little detective work. 458 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,364 - Where did those come from? 459 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:50,499 - They belonged to Mr. Haney when he owned the place. 460 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:53,101 He used to make patent medicine during prohibition. 461 00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:55,471 - Oh. 462 00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,406 - The stall in the back of the barn is full of them. 463 00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,408 - That's where we're going to keep the horse. 464 00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:00,809 - Not that horse. 465 00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,913 The minute I can locate Mr. Haney, 466 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:05,881 he's going back. 467 00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,550 - Oh! - What do we do? 468 00:20:07,574 --> 00:20:10,252 - You just keep on cleaning. - Yes. 469 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:23,832 Hello, Mrs. Douglas. 470 00:20:23,856 --> 00:20:25,067 - Oh hello there, Mr. Kimball. 471 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:26,168 Would you help me up, please? 472 00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:27,336 - Oh yes, certainly. 473 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:29,293 Easy there, easy, easy. 474 00:20:30,930 --> 00:20:31,930 - Thank you. 475 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,845 - Oh it looks like you've been busy. 476 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:40,649 - Yes, is there something I can do for you? 477 00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,918 - No, but I think there's something we can do for you. 478 00:20:44,444 --> 00:20:46,822 Yeah, you should have seen that pile of empties. 479 00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:48,056 I had to help her up. 480 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,825 She staggered around. 481 00:20:49,849 --> 00:20:51,560 Boy, it was pitiful. 482 00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,994 - That's hard to believe. 483 00:20:53,018 --> 00:20:56,865 I never saw Mrs. Douglas. 484 00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:59,668 - Probably a quiet drinker like the chief. 485 00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:02,137 He used to sneak up on the roof for a snort. 486 00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:03,339 Nobody would have ever known 487 00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:05,107 except one day he fell down the chimney. 488 00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,076 - We've gotta help that poor woman. 489 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,411 - Yeah, but how. 490 00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,613 - Well, we gotta talk to her 491 00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:13,915 and get her to lay off the booze. 492 00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,017 - Hi. - Howdy, Mr. Douglas. 493 00:21:16,041 --> 00:21:17,720 Is Mrs. Douglas home? 494 00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:19,143 - Yes, yes. Lisa? 495 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,124 - Oh hello there! 496 00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:23,559 Ralph, Mr. Drucker. 497 00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:25,093 - Can we talk to you? 498 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,451 - Why certainly, come on in. 499 00:21:28,888 --> 00:21:31,032 - We want to talk to her alone. 500 00:21:31,056 --> 00:21:32,468 - Well I... - Alone! 501 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,140 Well of all the... 502 00:21:38,164 --> 00:21:39,229 Cut that out! 503 00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:41,710 - This is a nice surprise. 504 00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:44,012 Could I get you something to drink? 505 00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:45,080 - Drink? 506 00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:46,782 Oh no, ma'am. 507 00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:51,487 See we, that is, Ralph has something to say to you. 508 00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:53,054 Don't you, Ralph? 509 00:21:53,078 --> 00:21:55,491 - Oh, well, there's no point in beating around the bush. 510 00:21:55,515 --> 00:21:57,092 Sam here wants to talk to you. 511 00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,694 Don't you, Sam? 512 00:21:58,718 --> 00:21:59,928 - What about? 513 00:21:59,952 --> 00:22:02,653 - Well, maybe I will have that drink. 514 00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,601 - He means a soft drink. - Yeah, soft! Soft! 515 00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:10,172 - Why didn't you talk to her? 516 00:22:10,196 --> 00:22:11,640 - Well, it's not easy. 517 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:15,232 I gotta find a way to bring it out in the open. 518 00:22:16,402 --> 00:22:19,247 - There, that ought to hold you 'til tomorrow. 519 00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:23,319 Now, eat it, settle down, and go to sleep. 520 00:22:23,343 --> 00:22:25,354 - How 'bout a blanket? 521 00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:28,256 There's a blanket... 522 00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:29,224 Who said that? 523 00:22:29,248 --> 00:22:30,248 - The cow. 524 00:22:31,150 --> 00:22:33,529 - Don't be silly, a cow... 525 00:22:33,553 --> 00:22:35,864 - You better close your mouth. 526 00:22:35,888 --> 00:22:37,433 There are a lot of flies in here. 527 00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,924 - No, it's not possible. 528 00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:43,794 Oh, that's very funny. 529 00:22:44,831 --> 00:22:46,742 Alright, Eb, where are you? 530 00:22:46,766 --> 00:22:48,744 - No, he went out an hour ago. 531 00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:50,078 - I didn't ask you. 532 00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:53,315 I must be hearing things. 533 00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:55,083 - Like what? 534 00:22:55,107 --> 00:22:56,874 - I could have sworn, 535 00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,945 oh, oh! 536 00:23:05,251 --> 00:23:06,817 - Goodnight, dummy. 537 00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:11,400 - Now, what is it you wanted to talk to me about? 538 00:23:11,424 --> 00:23:13,591 - Well, you see, we, well, 539 00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,739 we heard about your habit. 540 00:23:16,763 --> 00:23:17,763 - Oh, that. 541 00:23:18,831 --> 00:23:20,376 - Well then you do have one? 542 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:21,443 - Would you like to see it? 543 00:23:21,467 --> 00:23:23,311 - No, no. - No, no, no, no, no. 544 00:23:24,771 --> 00:23:26,314 - What's the matter with the two of you? 545 00:23:26,338 --> 00:23:27,516 - Well, we came over here 546 00:23:27,540 --> 00:23:29,918 to try and help you get rid over your habit. 547 00:23:29,942 --> 00:23:31,186 - Why should I get rid of it? 548 00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:32,454 I love it. 549 00:23:33,546 --> 00:23:34,945 - Yes, but it's... 550 00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,095 - Oliver, what's the matter? 551 00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,664 - That horse. - What about him? 552 00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:45,768 - Do you know what he said to me? 553 00:23:45,792 --> 00:23:47,503 - The horse said to you? 554 00:23:47,527 --> 00:23:50,038 Yes. 555 00:23:50,062 --> 00:23:53,375 He asked me to get him a blanket. 556 00:23:53,399 --> 00:23:54,743 - He asked you to get him... 557 00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:55,878 - Let's go, Sam. 558 00:23:55,902 --> 00:23:57,446 - But... - Let's go, goodnight. 559 00:23:57,470 --> 00:23:58,547 - But I thought you wanted to... 560 00:23:58,571 --> 00:23:59,981 - No, some other time. 561 00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:10,125 - Oliver, do you want to lie down? 562 00:24:10,149 --> 00:24:11,993 You don't look well. 563 00:24:14,687 --> 00:24:16,732 - That poor woman. 564 00:24:16,756 --> 00:24:20,135 - Yeah, there didn't seem to be any sense in talking to her. 565 00:24:20,159 --> 00:24:22,370 - No, I don't approve of it 566 00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:25,106 but I guess I can understand why she has that habit. 567 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,810 - Yeah, if I had a husband that talked to horses 568 00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:29,545 I'd hit the bottle, too. 569 00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:35,250 - As I walked out of the barn he said, 570 00:24:35,274 --> 00:24:36,785 "Goodnight, dummy." 571 00:24:40,212 --> 00:24:41,824 - There, there. 572 00:24:41,848 --> 00:24:44,993 You'll feel better in the morning. 573 00:24:45,017 --> 00:24:46,017 There. 574 00:24:46,886 --> 00:24:49,498 Dummy. 575 00:25:28,427 --> 00:25:29,471 This has been 576 00:25:29,495 --> 00:25:31,996 a Filmways presentation, darling. 37673

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