Original subtitles

♪ Green Acres is the place to be

♪ Farm living is the life for me

♪ Land spreading out so far and wide

♪ Keep Manhattan just give me that countryside

♪ New York is where I'd rather stay

♪ I get allergic smelling hay

♪ I just adore a penthouse view

♪ Darling I love you but give me Park Avenue

♪ The chores ♪ The stores ♪ Fresh air

♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife

♪ Goodbye city life

♪ Green Acres we are there

- Lisa, I've been waiting for you.

- I'm not going.

- But you're the one that wanted to go to Druckers.

- But that was before I found out what today is.

- What is today?

- Tuesday the 12th, which is a very unlucky day.

- Unlucky?

- Well you've heard of Friday the 13th,

Tuesday the 12th is just as unlucky,

only in Hungary.

- Oh Lisa, are you starting

with those silly Hungarian superstitions?

- It isn't silly, Tuesday the 12th is very unlucky

and if I go to Druckers something bad

is going to happen to me.

- Nothing is going to happen to you.

Come on, let's go.

- Why, oh, on one condition.

- What?

- If you wear your hat sideways.

- What?

- Well that's the only way to be safe on Tuesday the 12th.

- How's that?

- You look lucky.

- All right.

- Wait, wait a minute.

You've got to start with your left foot.

- Good morning, Mr. Drucker.

- Oh, good morning mister.

Mr. Douglas, you've got your hat on sideways.

- It's Tuesday, the 12th.

- Oh.

- It's a very unlucky day in Hungary,

but if you wear your hat sideways

it keeps away the bad luck.

- Well, maybe that'll stop it.

- Stop what?

- I got a twinge in my back

when I picked up a mail sack this morning.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Is there any mail for us?

- Just a letter for Mrs. Douglas.

- Who's it from?

- I don't know, I don't recognize the typewriting.

- Mr. Drucker we've got a pretty long shopping list.

Oliver!

- It looks like a blue feather to me.

- That's what it is only in Hungarian.

Oh, I told you something terrible

is going to happen to me today!

- Oh, Lisa.

- Oliver, Oliver I got the blue feather

take me home in a hurry.

Lisa.

Lisa, will you please tell me why you're

so frightened about that blue feather?

- I'll tell you in the house.

It isn't safe out here.

- Lisa!

- Who is there?

- It's me.

- Who are you?

- Oliver, your husband!

- I heard that before.

You're out there, who says you're my husband?

Have you got any identification?

If you do, shove it under the door.

Well, I am waiting!

Oliver, I'm so glad you're here,

there's a fellow outside who insists he's you.

I knew you were a fake.

- Lisa, that was me out there.

- Oh, then who are you?

- Sit down.

- Is the window locked?

- Now come on, sit down

and put yourself together.

Now what is this all about?

- Well you see, well maybe I shouldn't tell you

because if you knew you'll suffer.

- I don't know, and I'm suffering.

Now what is going on?

- That blue feather?

The gypsy sent it to me.

- The gypsies?

- You know, the people who live in the wagons

and sing and dance with tambourines

and wear bandananas on their head?

- I know what gypsies are, yes.

- But you don't know what the blue feather is.

- No.

- It's like a voodoo where they stick a pin in a doll

and then something terrible happens to someone.

Well, the gypsies do the same thing

only with a blue feather.

- Oh, you mean you think that that blue feather

is to put some kind of a hex on you.

- Something terrible is going to happen to me.

- Oh, Lisa.

- No, don't touch me.

You might catch it.

- Catch what?

- Well, whatever they're going to give me.

- Oh, here we go with another silly Hungarian superstition.

- You wouldn't say it was silly if you saw

what happened to my uncle after she got the blue feather.

- Your uncle, after she got...

- He used to be my aunt.

That was only the beginning.

The next thing that happened to him was

he grew a tail.

- Lisa, I don't...

- I wonder what the gypsies are going to do to me?

- Why should they do anything to you?

- Well, you know that I used to be a gypsy.

- Yes, you told me.

- But what I didn't tell you was

that when I was a gypsy I broke the first law of the tribe.

- What was that?

- Not to break the second law.

- What was the second law?

- Not to tell anybody what the first law was.

- And you told somebody.

- Yes I did.

Well I didn't meant to but know how it is

when you're in the beauty parlor

and you sit under the dryer

and the woman is next to you and you...

- Oh yes, yes, I know how hard it is

to keep a secret in a beauty parlor.

- That's right.

The first time my aunt came in with her tail

everybody knew it.

- Lisa, I presume all this gypsy nonsense

happened a long time ago.

- When I was 16.

- Well then why did they wait til now

to send you this blue feather?

- Well, that's the third law of the tribe

and that one I can tell you.

They can't send you a blue feather

until you reach the age of 23.

- Boy, have they got a slow calendar.

- That's it, hit me between the back

when I just got the blue feather.

- Lisa, sweetheart, don't you think you've gone

far enough with this fantasy?

Now why don't you forget it?

- But Oliver.

- I promise you nothing is going to happen to you.

The gypsies won't hurt you, you'll be perfectly safe.

- You promise?

- I promise.

- All right, all right, then I won't worry.

- Good girl.

- Oliver!

Oliver, they're here!

- Oh, Lisa, now wait you just got too sane

you wouldn't be fightin'.

- But Oliver, don't open the door,

it might be them!

- Who's them?

- You know who is them.

Don't open the door.

- But I... - First ask who it is.

- All right, who it is?!

I mean whose is it?

Whose is this?

- That's okay, I'll come back when you're sober.

- Oh, Mr. Haney.

- Are you alone?

- Yeah, I made sure they didn't follow me.

- Who didn't follow you?

- Them.

- Who's them?

- We know, don't we Mrs. Douglas.

- Sure do.

- Oh for the love of.

- I'm sorry to hear about you gettin'

a blue feather Mrs. Douglas, terrible thing.

My aunt, he got one once.

- Oh look, Mr. Haney.

- As soon as I heard the frightening news

I hurried right over because I can help you

out of your dilemminia.

My card.

- Blue feather exterminating company.

- Is that what that says?

Doggone, they must've reprinted it while I wasn't looking.

- Who reprinted it?

- We know, don't we Mrs. Douglas.

- We sure do.

- Mr. Haney.

- Excuse me.

Just de-hexifying it.

- That's...

- I'm sure glad that my grandma Haney

left me a batch of this de-hexing powder.

It wards off haunts, witch curses and evil spells.

- Could you sprinkle some of that on me?

- Gladly.

That'll be eight dollars.

- Oliver, give him the eight dollars.

- I'm not gonna give...

- You don't care what happens to me!

- Oh, of course I do!

- Then give him the eight dollars.

- All right.

There you are.

- And there you are.

- Now I am safe from the blue feather.

- You sure are.

Now I'll be back in half an hour.

- What for?

- Another sprinkle.

The anti-hexing effect only lasts that long

unless you want to get the 24 hour treatment.

Now that'll cost ya $236.

- Give him the money.

- I am not giving him any more...

- You don't care what the gypsies do to me!

- Gypsies, you mean you got the gypsy blue feather curse?

- That's right.

- Then that anti-hexing powder won't work.

I'm obligated to return your eight dollars.

- Oh, fine.

- Now, Mrs. Douglas...

- Where's my eight dollars?

- Oh, I'll have to owe it to ya.

I haven't got it on me.

- I just gave you!

- Mr. Haney, do you have anything that will work

against the gypsy blue feather?

- No, I'm sorry.

- Good!

- On second thought, I have just

what you're looking for on my truck.

- Mr. Haney, is it possible that you sent my wife

that blue feather just to drum up a little business?

- Mr. Douglas!

- Oliver, what a terrible thing to say.

- Yeah, stick out your tongue and I'll sprinkle it.

- Stay away from my tongue.

- Mr. Haney, do you have anything?

- There it is!

Guaranteed to break any hex.

You just place this in front of your door

and you're protected for life.

- We'll take it.

- That'll be $128.

- $128!

- Each.

- Each?

- Well, you need a pair.

One for the front door and one for the back door.

- I am not...

- Oliver, please, I feel so safe with them.

- Oh Lisa, that's nothing but junk!

- Junk?

- Oh!

- Now you've got 'em all riled up.

That's just for your own protection, no charge.

- Lisa, I've heard all I want to hear.

- But Oliver.

- That's all right, let the non-believer go.

My grand-pappy had the same attitude

before the gypsies done it to him.

If he'd of only listened to grandma

and used her all powerful anti-hex formula.

- What's that?

- It's a secret formula left to me by my grandma.

Now let's see, your trouble is

with the blue feather, ain't it?

- That's right.

- Now the first thing we need

is a color more powerful than blue.

Green, now into this green bag

you put the following anti-hex ingredients.

- A half a pint of chicken fat.

The whites of three eggs,

and a pound of sauerkraut.

And a small package of cream cheese.

That ought to be everything.

- What are you making, a sauerkraut cheesecake?

- No, it is an anti-blue feather formula

I got from Mr. Haney.

You see, you have to put it in green

because green is more powerful than blue.

- Oh, yeah.

- There we are.

- I should have remembered that from college, ew.

- Oliver.

- What?

- Oliver would you please hang this

on the post on the front porch for me?

- What for?

- To keep the blue feathers away.

- Oh, when the sun hits this it'll keep everything away.

- Oh, hang it up high so it will work on a tall gypsy too.

- Why don't you just throw it away?

- After I paid Mr. Haney $132 for the formula?

- You paid him...

- Oliver, please, hang it up for me.

- All right, but that's the last I want to hear about this.

Of all the stupid, $132 for...

- Howdy, Mr. Douglas, I uh,

say if you're gonna carry a green handbag

you oughta have green shoes.

- Look, Eb.

- You wearing that new sauerkraut cologne?

- No, the sauerkraut's in here

along with the chicken fat and the whites of eggs.

- And a small package of cream cheese?

- Yes.

- And you're gonna hang it up there?

- Yes.

- Holy smoke, I'm leavin'.

- What do you mean you're leaving?

- Just mail me what you owe me.

- But Eb!

- I'll send for my clothes.

- What's the...

- Doggone, you've gone and done it to Hooterville.

And Mr. Douglas hung the green handbag

with all that stuff in it right on his front porch!

- Well suppose he did, what does that mean?

- It means we're gonna have 45 days of drought.

- Oh, of all the superstitions.

- I know what I'm talkin' about.

We're gonna have 45 days of drought.

- We are?

Boy, better call Washington

and have everybody fill their bathtubs.

- Hank, there isn't gonna be any drought.

- I'm sorry to disagree with ya Sam,

but I just got the word.

- From who?

- I was over to Sam Drucker's store

and I heard this fella say there was gonna be a drought.

- This is Sam Drucker's store.

- It is?

Well I guess you heard about it too, huh?

- Eb just said it.

- Said what?

- That there's gonna be a drought.

- I guess everybody knows about it.

- Hank, Eb just came in here with a silly story

about Mr. Douglas hangin' a green handbag

on his front porch claiming it's a hex.

- It is, now it won't rain for 45 days.

- I thought you said there was gonna be a drought.

- Drought, hogwash.

- No, if we have a drought you won't be able

to have your hog washed.

- Hank, be sensible.

No, let me put that another way.

Just because Mr. Douglas hung a green handbag on his...

- It's not just the green bag.

It's what he put in it.

Chicken fat, the whites of three eggs,

sauerkraut and cream cheese.

- No raisins?

- No if you put raisins in it, that'll make it hail.

- That's right.

- Right!?

- Of course, have you ever heard of

the raisin and the cream cheese hail hex?

- No, just the sauerkraut drought hex.

- You may think it's funny Mr. Drucker

but once back home when Mr. Hotmeister

got mad at the town he went to see this old Indian lady

and she told him to hang up a green bag

on his front porch with all that stuff in it

and they had 45 days of drought.

- Well, I guess that proves it.

- It doesn't prove anything.

- Look Sam, I've been a county agent for a long time.

I've seen a lot of strange things happen.

I remember the time when the seven year locusts

showed up three years early just because

Mrs. Miller put on her corset inside out.

Or was that Mr. Miller?

- Of all the dang...

- We gotta do somethin'.

- About what?

- Mr. Douglas' drought hex.

- Well just what do you suggest?

- Well the way my grandma licked Mr. Hotmeister's hex

was to come up with an anti-hex hex.

- What do we need that for, Eb?

- Well grandma's theory was to neutralize the stuff

in the green handbag.

So we need counteracting stuff.

- Well, that sounds logical to me.

Does that sound logical to you, Sam?

- Look Hank, I'm gonna.

- Let's see, what would be

a good neutralizer for the cream cheese?

How about jelly?

- Fine, jar of jelly Sam.

- What flavor?

- How about currant, that oughta start the water flowing.

- Now what would neutralize the half pound of chicken fat?

- How about some goose liver?

Half pound of goose liver, Sam.

- I don't have any goose liver.

How about a can of shoe polish?

- Sam, if you can't get in the spirit

of this thing, stay out of it.

What next?

- We need a good counteracter for sauerkraut.

- How about bicarb of soda?

- Now you're getting with it Sam.

- We can counteract the egg whites with egg yolks.

Then we mix it all together and add

three hairs from a cow's tail.

- What's that for?

- To give it body.

- That sounds logical to me.

Does that sound... - No it doesn't!

- Now we need something to put it in.

Hey, this red handbag will be perfect.

- I like the yellow one better.

I got earrings to go with that.

- No we have to use red,

because red is a more powerful color than green.

- Then what?

- We mix all the ingredients together

and put 'em in this red handbag

and hang it over the green one

and that fights off the spell.

- Boy, we better get going before it's too late.

- Just a minute, gentlemen.

You owe me $4.85 for everything.

- Oh, charge this to the Department of Agriculture.

This is a national emergency!

- Thank you for letting me hang the green bag outside.

- It's a lot better than letting it hang in here.

- It makes me feel safe from the blue feather.

- Good.

- It may sounds silly to you,

but there are a lot of things which can't be explained.

- Yes I know, I'm married to one.

- Well, that wasn't very nice.

- Lisa, will you let me read.

- All right.

Oliver, there's somebody out there.

- Probably a dog.

- Woof, woof!

It isn't, it didn't answer.

Oliver, you'd better go out there and see who it is.

- Lisa...

- Oliver, please please go outside, go on.

- Okay!

There's nobody out here.

- Are you sure?

- Well come out, see for yourself.

- Oliver, look what they did.

They put the red bag over the green bag

to keep the green bag out of business for the blue feather.

- Oh, that's some kind of a joke.

- Gypsies never joke.

- There are no gypsies anywhere near here.

- Hey, Mitch.

- What?

- You know this is a really groovy go kart.

- Yeah, real groovy.

How long do you think it's gonna take us

to get back to Berkeley in that?

- What's your hurry?

- We'll miss the fall demonstrations.

- You should've thought of that before

you traded our hearse for this thing.

Why'd you do that?

- Everybody's got a hearse.

- Not a lavender one.

- We can paint the horse lavender.

- Any idea where we are?

- I saw a sign pointing to Hooterville.

- Think they've got anything like Haight-Ashbury?

- Sure, every town's got one.

- What are you cooking there?

- Hot water.

We're gonna have to get some food somewhere.

Maybe if we stop at a farmhouse

they'll give us a handout.

- Oh, just like that.

- Well, we might have to do a little work for it.

- Work, are you sure that's just hot water?

Man, what a far out pad.

- I told you they had a Haight-Ashbury here.

Wow, what's the matter with her?

- Must be having a bad trip.

- Oliver, Oliver!

- What, what's the matter?

- They're here, the gypsies are here!

- Lisa, will you.

All right, what do you want?

- Don't get uptight, man.

- Uptight?

- Cool it.

- You're not gypsies.

- No, we're political science majors.

- Oh, my wife.

- Your wife, you mean the crazy guy with the yellow hair?

- No, what do you want?

- We just need some bread, man.

- Bread?

- Money.

- I suppose you want to get your hair cut.

- You hear that, he sounds just like my old man.

- Now look here.

- You ever go to college?

- Yes, Harvard.

- Anybody ever bug you about wearing

those hokey raccoon coats?

- Well, no.

- How many goldfish did you eat?

- Look, this is none of your business.

Oliver, are you all right?

- Yes it's only a couple of, don't come out.

You fellas say you want to earn some bread, huh?

How about for five dollars.

- What do we have to do for it?

- Well you see, my wife got the blue feather.

- Yeah, there's a lot of that going around.

- Do you want the money or don't you?

- Yes.

- All right.

I want you to take these two bags,

get in your wagon and take off

and I don't want to see you around here again.

- Is that all?

- That's all.

- It's a deal.

Hey, there's something in them.

- It's all yours.

- Man, he's really wigged out.

- Oliver, what happened, what happened?

- Sh, calm down I'll tell you everything.

There is no more hex!

- How did you do that?

- Well, it took a little doing.

You know, those gypsies were

very nasty about what you'd done

but I talked to 'em and I finally persuaded 'em

to take the curse off of you and they did.

- They couldn't have because I still have the blue feather.

- Oh that, you're supposed to burn it.

- Will that do it?

- Well no, you have to say a few magic words

that they taught me.

- What are they?

- Well now let's see if I can remember them.

Allapatatza kabakooba

malaheeney hoo abooto.

You say that.

- Allapatootza abba.

What's the next one?

- Kooba.

- Oh yes, Kooba.

- Malaheeney hoo.

- Malahoona hi.

- No, Malaheeney hoo, if you don't

say it right it won't work.

- I know.

- Aboota.

- Aboota.

- Yeah, now burn it.

Aboota malaheeney hoo

kooba kooba alagazam.

- Oh, Oliver, I'm free!

- Ow!

- I'm sorry.

The last 15 minutes of

rock and roll music was brought to you by

Blue Feather nail polish.

- Blue feather, isn't that what that guy

said his wife had?

Some of you ladies might have received

a blue feather in the mail this week.

If you did, take it to your local drug store

and receive a bottle of Blue Feather nail polish

absolutely free.

Blue Feather, the only nail polish that...

- Crass commercialism.

- What's in there?

What's in there?

- Looks like sauerkraut, chicken fat,

eggs and cream cheese.

- Should we try it?

- Sure, but what'll we do, eat it or smoke it?

This has been a Filmways presentation, darling.