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♪ Green acres is the place to be
2
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,768
♪ Farm living is the life for me
3
00:00:25,792 --> 00:00:29,873
♪ Land spreadin'
out so far and wide
4
00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:34,177
♪ Keep Manhattan just
give me that countryside
5
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:37,914
♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
6
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:41,951
♪ I get allergic smelling hay
7
00:00:41,975 --> 00:00:45,922
♪ I just adore a penthouse view
8
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:50,115
♪ Darlin' I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
9
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:57,200
♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
10
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♪ Times square ♪ You are my wife
11
00:01:00,127 --> 00:01:01,871
♪ Goodbye, city life
12
00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:05,564
♪ Green Acres, we are there
13
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- Hello, dear!
14
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:28,198
- Hello.
15
00:01:28,222 --> 00:01:30,267
- I've got some
bad news for you.
16
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:31,634
- What?
17
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:32,936
- You've got a flat tire.
18
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:35,495
- I know.
19
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,707
- Well why did you do that?
20
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:38,641
- I didn't do it.
21
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:40,343
- Well, somebody did.
22
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:43,480
And you were the only
one who was driving the car.
23
00:01:43,504 --> 00:01:45,215
- Lisa, I hit a pothole, and...
24
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,450
- What's a pots hole?
25
00:01:46,474 --> 00:01:49,486
- It's a hole in the
pot, a pot in the road.
26
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:51,154
A hole in the road.
27
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:53,823
- Well, which one is it?
28
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:55,392
- Oh, that stupid road.
29
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,760
The condition it's in, I'm
lucky I only got one flat.
30
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,099
- Do you want to try for three?
31
00:02:03,124 --> 00:02:03,933
- Mrs. Douglas?
32
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:04,801
Did you ask him?
33
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:05,635
- Not yet.
34
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:06,536
- Is he in a good humor?
35
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:07,971
- No, I'm not.
36
00:02:07,995 --> 00:02:10,440
- I was talking to Mrs. Douglas.
37
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,510
- Eb, what do you want?
38
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:17,614
- Well, I wanted to
know if I could, say,
39
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,849
do you know you
have two flat tires?
40
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,685
- Yes, I know.
41
00:02:22,709 --> 00:02:23,987
- Then there's no
sense in askin' you
42
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,255
what I wanted to ask you.
43
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:27,491
Who wants to borrow
your car with two flat tires?
44
00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:28,625
- That makes sense.
45
00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:33,196
- If you wanna borrow
the car, fix the tires.
46
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:35,532
- I'd like to, but
this is my day off.
47
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:37,700
- Yesterday was your day off.
48
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,169
- And today too?
49
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:42,071
Golly, you're the most
generous employer around.
50
00:02:43,230 --> 00:02:44,474
- You're not
getting the day off.
51
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,676
- It's very important
that I get today off.
52
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,911
- Then get the
jack out of the trunk.
53
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:51,748
- Mr. Douglas, I'd like to
change the tires, but I can't.
54
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:55,685
I got my good suit on, and I'm
all showered and fragranced.
55
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,476
- Mm, he smells good.
56
00:02:58,379 --> 00:03:00,023
What is that, Eb?
57
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:00,990
- I made it myself.
58
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:02,892
I call it three for one.
59
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,195
It's got citronella in it to
keep the mosquitoes away,
60
00:03:05,219 --> 00:03:07,631
vanilla extract to
keep me dainty,
61
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:09,932
and Neatsfood Oil to
make me waterproof.
62
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:12,869
- Eb, will you
please get the jack?
63
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:16,005
- Where are you going that
you have to smell so good?
64
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,341
- Well, I'm no the committee
to re-elect Ben Hanks,
65
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:20,943
and we have to decorate
the high school auditorium.
66
00:03:20,967 --> 00:03:22,011
- Who's Ben Hanks?
67
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,446
- He's the one
68
00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:25,348
they're decorating the
high school auditorium for.
69
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:27,651
- Ben Hanks is our
district representative.
70
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:29,152
- I never heard of him.
71
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:30,287
- You would've if
you spent more time
72
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,954
worrying about community affairs
73
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:35,292
and less time worrying
about your flat tires.
74
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:36,959
- That makes sense.
75
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:39,563
- Look, everything he
says makes sense to you,
76
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,764
nothing he says
makes sense to me.
77
00:03:41,788 --> 00:03:44,801
Now Eb, please, I want you
to get the jack out of the car,
78
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,036
and fix the tires.
79
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,771
- You only have one spare.
80
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,407
What are you gonna
do about the other one?
81
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:51,841
- Oh, haven't we
got a tire patch kit?
82
00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:52,865
- No, sir.
83
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:54,800
- Oh.
84
00:03:56,470 --> 00:04:00,217
Well, I'll walk into
Drucker's and get one.
85
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,954
- You better get two.
86
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,224
And walk fast, I'm late now.
87
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:13,096
- Tire patchin' kits.
- Yeah, yeah.
88
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,598
- Tire patchin' kits.
89
00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,434
Oh, by the way, you goin' to
the Ben Hanks meetin' tonight?
90
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,203
- Just who is this Ben Hanks?
91
00:04:20,227 --> 00:04:21,904
- He's our district
representative.
92
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,241
You don't kneed any
tent stakes, do you?
93
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,710
- Just the tire patch kit.
94
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:28,911
Sam, this district
representative...
95
00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:30,547
- Well, he represents
us in the state capitol.
96
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,616
He's a fella that gets
things done for us.
97
00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:34,050
- Oh?
98
00:04:34,074 --> 00:04:36,886
- Yeah, anything we got in
this town, we owe to Ben Hanks.
99
00:04:36,910 --> 00:04:38,288
You need any spat buttons?
100
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,023
- No, no.
101
00:04:41,047 --> 00:04:44,894
Do we owe all those
potholes in the road to him?
102
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:46,129
- Oh no, he uh.
103
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:49,932
Say, could you use a
jar of side burn salve?
104
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:51,768
Side burn salve?
105
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,336
- You just dab a little
on your side burns,
106
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,238
gives 'em that
patent leather look.
107
00:04:55,262 --> 00:04:57,974
I used to sell a lot of this in
the Rudolph Valentino days.
108
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:00,410
- No thanks.
109
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,712
- I'm sorry, I just don't seem
to have a tire patchin' kit.
110
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:03,736
- Oh.
111
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:05,915
Well, thanks anyway.
112
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,273
Oh, uh, Sam, this Ben Hanks.
113
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:11,821
If he's supposed to
get things done for us,
114
00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,223
why hasn't he done
anything about that road?
115
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,192
- I guess nobody ever
called it to his attention.
116
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,149
- Oh, well I intend to.
117
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:20,997
- Here's your chance.
118
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:21,831
Hiya, Ben!
119
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,333
- Howdy, Sam!
120
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,868
Dog gone, you're a
sight for sore eyes.
121
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:28,237
Say, would you put these
up where the folks'll see 'em?
122
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:29,506
- Oh sure.
123
00:05:29,530 --> 00:05:32,542
Re-elect Ben Hanks,
district representative.
124
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,011
He's as American
as Mom's apple pie.
125
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,113
- Pardon me.
126
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,348
- Oh, howdy.
127
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,450
Say, how about a
Ben Hanks button?
128
00:05:40,474 --> 00:05:42,419
- Oh, no, no, no I...
129
00:05:42,443 --> 00:05:44,654
- Then I guess
you're a stranger here.
130
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:45,822
And judging by that dude outfit,
131
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,824
you must be a
travelin' salesman.
132
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,592
And what kind of
a line to you carry?
133
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:50,827
Ladies hose?
134
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,529
Bedroom slippers?
135
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,898
No, sir, you look more
like a corset man to me.
136
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:59,324
- I am not a corset man.
137
00:06:00,494 --> 00:06:02,639
- No, this is Mr. Douglas,
he lives here.
138
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,262
- In those clothes?
139
00:06:05,499 --> 00:06:07,510
- Well, he's a city
feller from New York.
140
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,212
Mr. Douglas was a lawyer.
141
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,780
- Well sir, always glad to meet
142
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,149
a bona fide practicing
member of the Bar.
143
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,418
- No, no, I gave up my
practice in New York
144
00:06:15,442 --> 00:06:16,720
when I came out here.
145
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:18,510
- Oh, disbarred, huh?
146
00:06:19,380 --> 00:06:21,924
- No I was not disbarred.
147
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,827
- Now, now sir, we all
have something in the past
148
00:06:23,851 --> 00:06:25,027
that we try to hide,
149
00:06:25,051 --> 00:06:27,364
and I don't hold
nothing against no man.
150
00:06:27,388 --> 00:06:28,798
I'm glad to know you Mr. Dingle.
151
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,067
- Douglas.
152
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,502
- Ah, good idea.
153
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,437
Changing your name
to get a fresh start.
154
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:38,040
Say, after the election, you
wanna call me in my office
155
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:41,811
and I'll try to throw a little
disbarred business your way.
156
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:44,781
- I don't want any
disbarred business.
157
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:46,949
- Well sir, I admire
a man with pride.
158
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,218
Yes sir, how about a
Ben Hanks fountain pen?
159
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,620
- No, no, I don't...
160
00:06:50,644 --> 00:06:53,055
- Now Sam, I've got
something very special for you.
161
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:55,179
Here, a Ben Hanks toupee.
162
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,828
- Keep young, keep
Ben Hanks in office.
163
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,185
Thank you, Ben.
164
00:07:04,124 --> 00:07:05,334
How is it?
165
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,069
- Kinda makes you
look like Lou Cody.
166
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,272
Don't it Mr. Doodle?
167
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:10,296
- Douglas.
168
00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:13,443
Look, Mr. Hanks,
I wanna talk to you
169
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:15,779
about the condition of our road.
170
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,079
- Which road is that, neighbor?
171
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,347
- Well we only have one.
172
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,916
- And you want another one?
173
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:23,085
- No, I want to know what
you're going to do about this one.
174
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:25,288
- Well sir, if you got any
kind of complaint to make
175
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:27,624
and you want old Ben Hanks
to do something about it,
176
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:30,126
you just show up at
our meeting tonight
177
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,862
or bring it up during
our open gripe forum.
178
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,831
Yes sir, see you at
the meeting tonight.
179
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:35,932
So long, Sam.
180
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,570
- Dog gone.
181
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:42,972
How could you not
vote for man like that?
182
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:52,982
- Oh Lisa.
183
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,918
Do we have any notepaper?
184
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:56,675
- It's in the drawer.
185
00:08:00,413 --> 00:08:02,191
Who are you writing to?
186
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,693
- I'm not writing to anybody.
187
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,662
I just wanna make
some notes of the gripes
188
00:08:05,686 --> 00:08:08,565
I'm gonna bring up at that
Ben Hanks forum tonight.
189
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,567
- Well, you better put
down about the dishwasher.
190
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,168
It isn't working.
191
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,192
- What?
192
00:08:16,663 --> 00:08:17,841
It's running fine.
193
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,810
- I know, but it won't shut off.
194
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:21,911
- How long has it been running?
195
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,079
- Since Sunday.
196
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,815
- You mean it's been
running for three days?
197
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:26,839
- Mm-hm.
198
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,452
- Well, why didn't
you say something?
199
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:30,419
- To whom?
200
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:31,688
- To me.
201
00:08:31,712 --> 00:08:32,922
- What do you know
about dishwashers?
202
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,858
- Well, I know
enough to shut it off
203
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:37,360
after it's been
running for three days.
204
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:38,294
Well no wonder
it won't shut off,
205
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,096
this thingamajig is stuck.
206
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,131
- I could've told
you that on Monday.
207
00:08:42,155 --> 00:08:46,569
- Well then, why didn't
you just pull out the plug.
208
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,760
- I tried that on Tuesday.
209
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:50,763
- Oh.
210
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,676
- I never tried that.
211
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:54,700
- Oh.
212
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:58,515
Let the stupid thing run.
213
00:09:01,708 --> 00:09:03,119
- My hero.
214
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:07,790
Oliver.
215
00:09:07,814 --> 00:09:08,992
- Hm?
216
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,292
- We are going to
have to get new dishes.
217
00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:11,416
These shrunk.
218
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:13,930
- Oh that's impossible.
219
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,620
Dishes can't shrink.
220
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:18,234
Care to explain this?
221
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,971
- Look Lisa, I wanna
make out this list.
222
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:23,406
- Go ahead.
223
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:29,569
- Darn pen.
224
00:09:33,306 --> 00:09:34,372
How did they?
225
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:38,688
- Oh, that's a pretty pen.
226
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:40,189
Where did you get it?
227
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,091
- Oh, Ben Hanks gave it to me.
228
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:45,116
I should've known
it wouldn't write.
229
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,399
- Why did he give you a pen?
230
00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,801
- Oh, so I would vote for him.
231
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,302
Have we got a pencil?
232
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,271
- Why don't you
use your pretty pen?
233
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,272
- It's not working.
234
00:09:56,296 --> 00:09:57,440
The ink won't come out.
235
00:09:57,464 --> 00:10:00,577
- It seems to be
coming out now all right.
236
00:10:00,601 --> 00:10:02,378
Huh, what?
237
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:03,402
Oh!
238
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:08,740
Oh, for...
- I'll get you another shirt.
239
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:13,089
- Ready to go to the open
gripe forum, Mr. Douglas?
240
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,625
Say, do you know you
got ink on your shirt?
241
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:18,895
- Yes, I know.
242
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:21,030
- Too bad Ben Hanks didn't
give you one of his pens.
243
00:10:21,054 --> 00:10:24,634
They never drip,
leak, ooze, or slobber.
244
00:10:24,658 --> 00:10:28,170
- This was done by
a Ben Hanks pen.
245
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,028
It ruined a $25-shirt.
246
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,076
- You spent $25 for a shirt?
247
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,011
I don't know why you're
going to the forum.
248
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:36,445
You ain't got
nothing to grip about.
249
00:10:37,871 --> 00:10:39,248
- I certainly do.
250
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:41,618
- Well, you tell
kindly old Ben Hanks.
251
00:10:41,642 --> 00:10:42,807
- I intend to.
252
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,555
- Step right up folks,
get 'em while they're hot.
253
00:10:46,579 --> 00:10:48,390
Help yourself to some
root beer, neighbor.
254
00:10:48,414 --> 00:10:49,414
- Oh, hi.
255
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,327
- Oh hello, Mr. Chairman.
256
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,228
- Oh hi, Eb.
257
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,562
- You know Mr. Douglas.
258
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:54,831
- Yeah, how are you?
259
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:55,798
- Fine.
260
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,167
- Did you come to eat or gripe?
261
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:00,503
- Well who'd have a grip
against kindly old Ben?
262
00:11:00,527 --> 00:11:02,038
- Mr. Douglas.
263
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,773
- That figures.
264
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,842
- Have a Ben Hanks
hot dog, neighbor.
265
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,076
- Please.
266
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,277
- We'll put that on
a Ben Hanks roll,
267
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,579
and help yourself to
some Ben Hanks mustard.
268
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,048
- Hey, if you don't mind,
269
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,349
I think I'd rather have
some Ben Hanks picklelilly.
270
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:14,784
- Don't forget the
Ben Hanks root beer.
271
00:11:14,808 --> 00:11:15,852
- Okay.
272
00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:16,786
- Oh brother.
273
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:17,854
- How about a hot dog, friend?
274
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:18,688
- No, thank you.
275
00:11:18,712 --> 00:11:19,656
- Ben Hanks ear of corn?
276
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,158
- No, no, why would I... ow!
277
00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,392
- Oh, sorry.
278
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,294
I should've put that
on a Ben Hanks napkin.
279
00:11:25,318 --> 00:11:26,996
- I don't want it.
280
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:28,286
- I'll take it.
281
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:31,701
- Ben Hanks peanuts.
282
00:11:31,725 --> 00:11:32,568
- No thank you.
283
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:33,903
- I'll take 'em.
284
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:35,437
Ben Hanks cotton candy.
285
00:11:35,461 --> 00:11:37,907
- Please no, I don't
want any cotton candy.
286
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:39,341
- I'll take it.
287
00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:40,810
- Eb, get inside.
288
00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,178
- Yes sir.
289
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,019
These taken?
290
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:50,987
- Nope.
291
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,944
- After you, Mr. Douglas.
292
00:11:56,482 --> 00:11:57,727
What's that?
293
00:11:57,751 --> 00:11:59,095
- Well it's a Ben
Hanks crab leg.
294
00:11:59,119 --> 00:12:00,863
- I didn't get one of those.
295
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,464
- Oh please, sit down.
296
00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,366
- Would you hold this for me?
297
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:06,069
- Look, I don't wanna be.
298
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:10,673
- Folks, now if
you all quiet down,
299
00:12:10,697 --> 00:12:13,297
we'll get this meeting started.
300
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:16,079
- What happened to Sam's head?
301
00:12:16,103 --> 00:12:18,247
- He's wearin' a
Ben Hanks toupee.
302
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,449
- Oh, he sent one
of them to my wife,
303
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:21,684
but it was the wrong color.
304
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,054
- Now, you all know
why we're here.
305
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:27,156
Every four years,
right before election,
306
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:29,892
old Ben shows up to listen
to any gripes or complaints
307
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:33,029
we may have, so let's
get right down to cases
308
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,231
by bringing on that
great statesman,
309
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:38,334
that friend of the
people, Ben Hanks.
310
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,073
- Thank you, thank you, Sam.
311
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,910
And now it's time for
another open gripe forum,
312
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,179
and I wanna hear
any gripes you got.
313
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:52,548
Don't hold nothin'
back, just stand up,
314
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,017
and complain out loud.
315
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:56,252
- Yes, I have a...
316
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,453
- Hey Ben, how
about a duck call?
317
00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:58,687
- Duck call?
318
00:12:58,711 --> 00:12:59,711
Sure.
319
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,862
- He ain't lost his touch.
320
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,133
- It's probably a loaded duck.
321
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,669
- Well, as long as
there ain't no gripes,
322
00:13:13,693 --> 00:13:15,271
I'd like to sing
you a little song.
323
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,273
- Eh, just a minute.
324
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,108
I have a gripe, I'd
like to be heard.
325
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,132
- Well.
326
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:25,314
It's my old friend Mr. Driggle,
the disbarred lawyer.
327
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:28,284
- Well I was not
Driggle, eh, no,
328
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,752
I mean my name
is not disbarred...
329
00:13:29,776 --> 00:13:31,656
- Why don't you sit down,
eat your cotton candy.
330
00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:35,391
- It's not my cotton
candy, it's his.
331
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:38,795
- You got no call to
take out your hostility
332
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:40,529
on that nice boy.
333
00:13:40,553 --> 00:13:41,730
- I didn't...
334
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,032
- He's one of the best
campaign workers.
335
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,567
Folks, let's hear
it for Eb Dawson.
336
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,773
All right, now.
337
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,508
Get back to my song.
338
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:53,943
- Just a minute, I have a gripe.
339
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,611
- So have we, sit down.
340
00:13:56,803 --> 00:13:58,314
- Now hold on, neighbors.
341
00:13:58,338 --> 00:14:00,883
In this country, every
man has a right to be heard
342
00:14:00,907 --> 00:14:04,653
regardless of race,
creed or disbarment.
343
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:08,324
Now, what's your
complaint, Mr. Duncan?
344
00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:11,015
- Duncas, D-D-Douglas.
345
00:14:12,319 --> 00:14:13,696
- If you've got
something to say, say it.
346
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:14,697
Speak right up.
347
00:14:14,721 --> 00:14:16,199
- I would simply like to know
348
00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:19,202
why we have to put up with
that horrible road we have.
349
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,971
Why we can't get a new one.
350
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:25,007
Especially since we pay
such exorbitant highway taxes.
351
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,809
- Now, that's a good question.
352
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:30,546
In fact, it brings to mind
what old Abe Lincoln said.
353
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:32,148
- I don't care what
Abe Lincoln said.
354
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,850
- You're the first
man I ever met
355
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,417
who didn't are
about Abe Lincoln,
356
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:37,419
and he was a lawyer like you.
357
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,355
- Except old Abe
was never disbarred.
358
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:42,925
- Neither was I.
359
00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:44,827
Now, what about the road?
360
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,362
What are you gonna do about it?
361
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,131
- I'm gonna take care of
it right after I'm re-elected.
362
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:50,366
- Ah, well, what
makes you so sure
363
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,335
you're going to be re-elected?
364
00:14:52,359 --> 00:14:53,569
- He's gotta be.
365
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,204
There ain't nobody
runnin' against him.
366
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,273
- There's nobody
running against him?
367
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,075
- That's what
Mr. Trendle just said.
368
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,943
- I know what he said.
369
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:02,979
What kind of an election is it
370
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,480
when there's only one candidate?
371
00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,383
- There's nobody stupid
enough to run against Ben.
372
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,284
- Well, I am.
373
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,352
I mean, I.
374
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:12,797
- Glad to have your hat
in the ring, Mr. Daggiss.
375
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:25,001
- Oliver Wendell Daggis.
376
00:15:25,025 --> 00:15:25,868
- Who is that?
377
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:26,869
- Me.
378
00:15:26,893 --> 00:15:28,737
- Oh, that's smart.
379
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,706
Changing your name
so that if you lose,
380
00:15:30,730 --> 00:15:33,242
you don't have to hang
your head anywhere.
381
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,377
- Lose?
382
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:35,833
I could beat the.
383
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:39,070
Lisa, what are you doing?
384
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:41,550
- Setting the table.
385
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:43,052
- Come on, now.
386
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:44,620
Where are the regular dishes?
387
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:46,188
- These are them.
388
00:15:46,212 --> 00:15:48,391
- Lisa, it was a good
joke, but it's over.
389
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:49,658
- If you wish.
390
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,042
Would you like to
have some coffee?
391
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:53,529
- Forget it.
392
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,331
- Can I talk to you a
minute, Mr. Daggis?
393
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,168
- Look, Eb...
- Hey, who's comin' to dinner?
394
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,736
Tiny Tim?
395
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:03,172
- Funny.
396
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,307
- How do you like my outfit?
397
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:06,242
It came with the
motorcycle Ben gave me.
398
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,177
- He gave you a motorcycle?
399
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:09,111
- Yeah.
400
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:10,679
I'm one of Hank's angels.
401
00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,249
- Oh, fine.
402
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,985
He buys votes by
giving things away.
403
00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:18,821
- Yeah, he has a wonderful
selection of election gifts.
404
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:21,690
Did you get copy of his catalog?
405
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:22,925
- A catalog...
406
00:16:22,949 --> 00:16:24,427
- I sure had a hard
time makin' up my mind
407
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,762
between the motorcycle
and the scuba-diving outfit.
408
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:29,365
- There's nice set
of dishes in here.
409
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,800
How do we send for those?
410
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,202
- All you have to do is...
411
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,104
- Lisa, Lisa, I'm running
against Ben Hanks,
412
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,606
I'm not going to accept
any gifts from him.
413
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:38,774
- Oh, old Ben wouldn't mind.
414
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:39,976
He's real generous.
415
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,510
- And you're gonna vote for him?
416
00:16:41,534 --> 00:16:42,744
- No, sir.
417
00:16:42,768 --> 00:16:44,213
I'm votin' for the
best candidate.
418
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:46,248
Can I see your catalog?
419
00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:49,018
- I haven't got any catalog.
420
00:16:49,042 --> 00:16:50,652
I'm not giving anything away.
421
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,888
- Well, you just lost one vote.
422
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:54,857
- Make it two.
423
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:55,691
- What?
424
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:57,659
- I need some dishes.
425
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,928
- I'll buy you some dishes!
426
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,230
- You can't be
much of a candidate
427
00:17:01,254 --> 00:17:03,799
if you have to buy
your wife's vote.
428
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:05,368
- Out!
429
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,392
- Yes, sir.
430
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,304
Hi, Mr. Ziffel!
431
00:17:08,328 --> 00:17:09,205
- Hi, Eb.
432
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,339
Hello, everybody.
433
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,030
- Hello, Mr. Ziffel.
434
00:17:12,965 --> 00:17:14,910
Hello, Arnold.
435
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,482
- Yes, she sure does
look pretty today.
436
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:21,583
- Did he say that?
437
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:22,851
- Yes, ma'am.
438
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:26,188
- Why don't you say
nice things like that to me?
439
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,590
- Oink, oink, oink!
440
00:17:28,614 --> 00:17:29,625
There, how's that?
441
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,127
- He said it nicer.
442
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:34,663
- So you're really going
to run against Hanks, huh?
443
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:35,687
- Yeah, that's right.
444
00:17:37,957 --> 00:17:39,168
- I don't know, I'll ask him.
445
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:42,204
- Arnold wants to know
what you're givin' away.
446
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:44,507
- I'm not giving anything away.
447
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,976
- Well, you just lost his vote.
448
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,380
Ben Hanks promised
him a color TV set.
449
00:17:51,404 --> 00:17:53,315
- Since when does
a pig have a vote?
450
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:56,385
- Well, they don't, but
he influences mine.
451
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:58,854
- Well, for your edification.
452
00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,358
Edification, it means.
453
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,362
- Why don't you tell
him what it means?
454
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,464
It's the only way he can learn.
455
00:18:08,488 --> 00:18:09,498
- Let him get a tutor.
456
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:12,301
- Ben Hanks promised him one.
457
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,170
- Hey Mr. Ziffel, did
it ever occur to you
458
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,704
that Ben Hanks spends
a great deal of money
459
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,239
giving things away?
460
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,376
- Yeah, old Ben is the
edification of generosity.
461
00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:24,146
Do you know he
supports all his relatives?
462
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:25,614
- Isn't that nice?
463
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,617
- Oh yeah, he must have at
least 50 or 60 of his kinfolks
464
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,652
workin' for the state.
465
00:18:30,676 --> 00:18:32,088
- Oh?
466
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:35,958
You mean we taxpayers are
paying to support his relatives?
467
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,393
- Isn't that nice!
468
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:39,361
- No, it isn't!
469
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,163
It's the worst kind of nepotism.
470
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,966
Nepotism, it means.
471
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,335
Will you stay out of this?
472
00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,505
Look, do the voters
around here know
473
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,873
that Hanks has been
hiring all his relatives?
474
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:54,076
- No, I just happen
to run into his cousins,
475
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,177
and he told me.
476
00:18:55,201 --> 00:18:56,712
- Aha.
477
00:18:56,736 --> 00:18:59,047
Well, maybe it'd be a good idea
478
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,183
if somebody brought
it to their attention.
479
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,628
- Would you please
hold my balloon?
480
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,263
- And would you hold this too?
481
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,531
- Hold it yourself.
482
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:16,932
Why did you have
to take all that stuff?
483
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,934
- Just because
you're a sore head,
484
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:21,270
we don't have to be one.
485
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:37,819
- Anybody here have the
feeling they're not wanted?
486
00:19:37,843 --> 00:19:41,056
- They'll thank me when
they hear what I have to say.
487
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,258
- Do you want a bite?
488
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,159
- No, thank you.
489
00:19:43,183 --> 00:19:44,092
- What is that?
490
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,994
- A Ben Hanks enchilada.
491
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,396
- I'll trade you a Ben
Hanks pizza for it.
492
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:48,997
- All right.
493
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:50,832
- What would you trade me
494
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:53,169
for a Ben Hanks pickled egg?
495
00:19:53,193 --> 00:19:56,527
- Well, how about a
Ben Hanks cole slaw?
496
00:19:57,430 --> 00:19:59,107
- Look, will you two cut it out?
497
00:19:59,131 --> 00:20:01,777
This is not a picnic,
this is serious business.
498
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,180
- Order, order.
499
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:07,583
I declare this tell-all
meetin' to be in session.
500
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:11,019
Now, as you all
know, Mr. Douglas.
501
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:17,193
Has leveled some
pretty serious charges
502
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:21,330
against kind, generous,
big-hearted Ben Hanks.
503
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:28,304
- That's enough, Eb.
504
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,905
- Well, I booed for you.
505
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:32,040
The least I can do
is applaud for him.
506
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,731
- Well, that's fair.
507
00:20:35,167 --> 00:20:37,179
- Well, as moderator, I
intend to see that both sides
508
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:38,547
get a fair hearing.
509
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,782
Nobody talks more
than five minutes.
510
00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:42,117
- How's the new
watch runnin' Sam?
511
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,885
- Oh fine, thanks Ben.
512
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:47,423
- Send you over a gold
chain for it in the morning.
513
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:48,924
- Just a moment.
514
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:52,961
- I think the boy with the
balloon has something to say.
515
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,996
- I'm not a boy with a balloon.
516
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:56,432
- That was my balloon.
517
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:57,733
- Oh, I'm sorry.
518
00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:58,800
Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
519
00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:00,336
- Here, you can have my panda.
520
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,638
- All right now, who wants
to start the questioning?
521
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:06,308
- Well, you can let
Mr. Dugan go first.
522
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:08,377
I have nothing to hide.
523
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,546
All my actions have
been honest, upright,
524
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,881
and above reproach.
525
00:21:12,905 --> 00:21:15,083
Did you get the crib I sent
over for your baby, Joe?
526
00:21:17,443 --> 00:21:18,954
- Forget the crib, look,
527
00:21:18,978 --> 00:21:21,557
I just have one pertinent
question to ask Mr. Hanks.
528
00:21:22,882 --> 00:21:24,660
Pertinent, it means.
529
00:21:27,086 --> 00:21:28,464
Look, Mr. Hanks,
530
00:21:28,488 --> 00:21:30,532
is it true that you put
your relatives to work
531
00:21:30,556 --> 00:21:32,368
on the state payroll?
532
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:33,835
- Yes, it is true.
533
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:37,273
I have some of my
kinfolk workin' for the state.
534
00:21:37,297 --> 00:21:38,840
And I'd like you to
meet some of 'em.
535
00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:41,176
Aunt Bessie, would you
come out here, please?
536
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:46,782
Aunt Bessie gonna have
a birthday next month.
537
00:21:46,806 --> 00:21:49,540
How old will you
be, Aunt Bessie?
538
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:54,590
She says she'll be 29, and
she'd like to get married.
539
00:21:58,117 --> 00:22:00,362
Aunt Bessie's a great kidder.
540
00:22:00,386 --> 00:22:02,030
But I don't know
what those poor kids
541
00:22:02,054 --> 00:22:03,031
up at the state
orphanage would do
542
00:22:03,055 --> 00:22:04,733
without her to take care of 'em.
543
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,935
And if there's anyone
here who would have me
544
00:22:06,959 --> 00:22:08,270
kick Aunt Bessie
out of the orphanage,
545
00:22:08,294 --> 00:22:10,372
well just let him say so.
546
00:22:17,770 --> 00:22:19,548
- Do you want to leave
now or do you want to wait
547
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:22,184
until they start
throwing things at you?
548
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:24,986
- Sit down, Aunt Bessie.
549
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:28,123
Now folks, I'd like to
bring out my cousin Earl,
550
00:22:28,147 --> 00:22:31,527
who I got a job re-loading
roll-a-towel machines
551
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:34,330
at the state capitol,
a job he's had
552
00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:37,533
ever since he come back
from doing his stint overseas.
553
00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:39,234
Come on out here, Earl.
554
00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:50,312
If there's anyone here
would like to kick this war hero
555
00:22:50,336 --> 00:22:54,282
off the payroll, let him
stand up and be heard.
556
00:22:59,178 --> 00:23:01,990
Yeah, now Earl,
you just sit down here
557
00:23:02,014 --> 00:23:03,681
next to Aunt Bessie.
558
00:23:05,284 --> 00:23:09,453
Right, now folks, I'd like
to bring out my sister, Enid,
559
00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:13,702
whose husband
passed on last year,
560
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:17,906
leaving her the sole support
of her 12 small children.
561
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:20,008
Now, the children
would've come along tonight,
562
00:23:20,032 --> 00:23:23,679
but they're down at the bakery
waiting for the day old bread
563
00:23:23,703 --> 00:23:25,313
to go on sale.
564
00:23:25,337 --> 00:23:28,884
Now you don't object to
that, do you, Mr. Dribble?
565
00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:30,919
- Oh, Mr. Dribble isn't here.
566
00:23:30,943 --> 00:23:34,556
He just slumped out with
this head between his legs.
567
00:23:36,982 --> 00:23:37,860
- Fools!
568
00:23:37,884 --> 00:23:39,094
- What fools?
569
00:23:39,118 --> 00:23:40,362
- Oh, the voters
of this community.
570
00:23:40,386 --> 00:23:42,798
Selling their birthright
for a mess of porridge.
571
00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:44,733
- I didn't get any of that.
572
00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:47,269
Unless it was in the
back with the potato chips.
573
00:23:48,628 --> 00:23:50,238
- Lisa, you're just
like the rest of them,
574
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:53,275
accepting all those handouts.
575
00:23:53,299 --> 00:23:56,779
The vote is the very foundation
of American democracy.
576
00:23:56,803 --> 00:23:58,414
Men have fought for it
577
00:23:58,438 --> 00:24:00,516
since those first
patriots defended it
578
00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:03,018
with their feeble
muskets at Concord.
579
00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:05,220
- Could you hold
the fife down please.
580
00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:06,388
It's pretty late.
581
00:24:07,814 --> 00:24:09,858
- The vote is our heritage.
582
00:24:09,882 --> 00:24:12,828
Not something you trade
for a leaky fountain pen
583
00:24:12,852 --> 00:24:15,063
or a deviled egg.
584
00:24:15,087 --> 00:24:18,901
Like Abraham Lincoln said,
you can fool some of the people
585
00:24:18,925 --> 00:24:21,737
some of the time, but
men like Ben Hanks
586
00:24:21,761 --> 00:24:24,940
can't go on fooling
the people forever.
587
00:24:24,964 --> 00:24:27,476
He'll get his comeuppance.
588
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:29,711
This country has survived
hundreds of Ben Hanks.
589
00:24:29,735 --> 00:24:33,782
And I, for one, would
never sell my vote.
590
00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,539
- And neither will I.
591
00:24:42,715 --> 00:24:44,493
- What is that?
592
00:24:44,517 --> 00:24:46,829
- Oh, this was the
latest door prize.
593
00:25:25,658 --> 00:25:29,593
This has been a Filmways
presentation, darling.
39234
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