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♪ Green Acres is the place to be
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♪ Farm living is the life for me
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♪ Land spreading
out so far and wide
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♪ Keep Manhattan, just
give me that countryside
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♪ New York is
where I'd rather stay
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♪ I get allergic smelling hay
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♪ I just adore a penthouse view
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♪ Darling I love you,
but give me Park Avenue
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♪ The chores ♪
The stores ♪ Fresh air
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♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife
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♪ Goodbye, city life
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♪ Green Acres, we are there
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- Good morning.
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- Good morning.
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- What are you doing?
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- Cooking breakfast.
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I hope you're hungry.
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Yeah, just a minute.
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What is that?
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- Bacon and eggs.
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- That's a picture.
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You expect me to eat that?
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- Of course not.
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- Well then, why did you
paste it in the frying pan?
25
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- Well, I've never cooked
bacon and eggs before
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and I want to be sure that
it comes out just like this.
27
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- I see.
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No, I don't see.
29
00:01:52,368 --> 00:01:54,419
- Well, it's like a blue point.
30
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- A what?
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- You know, when
you're building a house
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and the carpenters follow it.
33
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- A blueprint.
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00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:03,757
- I thought that was an oyster.
35
00:02:03,781 --> 00:02:04,929
- Oh yes, that's right.
36
00:02:04,953 --> 00:02:05,833
A blueprint oyster.
37
00:02:05,857 --> 00:02:06,870
Hold it.
38
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:09,169
I'll just have some coffee.
39
00:02:10,074 --> 00:02:11,524
- Help yourself.
40
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:13,131
- Yes, you're sure there's
not a picture in here?
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- No.
42
00:02:16,702 --> 00:02:18,318
- There's no coffee
in here either.
43
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- There isn't?
44
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- No.
45
00:02:20,786 --> 00:02:23,474
- Oh, I remember putting
the coffee in something.
46
00:02:23,498 --> 00:02:26,185
Oh yes, I put it in the
sugar bowl to remind me
47
00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:29,599
that we're out of
sugar for the coffee.
48
00:02:29,623 --> 00:02:30,971
- Well, I'll get some.
49
00:02:30,995 --> 00:02:32,778
I've got to go into
Drucker's store anyway.
50
00:02:32,803 --> 00:02:34,620
- Well, what about
the bacon and eggs?
51
00:02:34,644 --> 00:02:37,332
- Oh, paste it in my scrapbook.
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It'll be nice to
remember some day.
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- You know, Sam,
they're holding the annual
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00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:47,540
fire chiefs convention
in Miami this year
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and I've been invited.
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- Joe, those apples
are 10 cents a piece.
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- Yeah, I know.
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All the fire chiefs
in all the big cities
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00:02:53,524 --> 00:02:55,128
are gonna be there.
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00:02:56,267 --> 00:02:57,449
- The money, Joe.
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00:02:57,473 --> 00:02:58,476
- Oh.
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00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:02,470
Here's five cents.
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00:03:02,494 --> 00:03:03,742
- I told you they were a dime.
64
00:03:03,766 --> 00:03:06,319
- Oh well, I only wanted a half.
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00:03:06,343 --> 00:03:08,752
- I don't sell half an apple.
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00:03:11,197 --> 00:03:13,951
- Put a rubber band around it
and it'll look as good as new.
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00:03:13,975 --> 00:03:15,190
- Look, Joe...
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00:03:15,214 --> 00:03:16,662
- I was saying, all the
important fire chiefs
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00:03:16,686 --> 00:03:18,504
in the fire country are
gonna be at the convention.
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00:03:18,528 --> 00:03:20,043
I figure on getting to
Miami a couple days early
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00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:23,960
so I can get a good suite
at the Hotel Fountain Blown.
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00:03:23,984 --> 00:03:25,064
- Fountain Blown?
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00:03:25,088 --> 00:03:27,675
- Yeah, that's a French word.
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00:03:27,699 --> 00:03:29,214
- Joe, if you hadn't
got enough money to
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00:03:29,238 --> 00:03:30,621
buy a whole apple, how
do you figure to get to Miami
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00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:32,797
and live in a suite?
77
00:03:32,821 --> 00:03:34,471
- I was just coming to that.
78
00:03:34,495 --> 00:03:36,043
You see, it's a custom
among us fire chiefs
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00:03:36,067 --> 00:03:38,688
to allow the citizenship
of our community
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00:03:38,713 --> 00:03:40,462
to subsidize the trip.
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00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:42,269
I got you down for two bucks.
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00:03:42,293 --> 00:03:44,277
- Oh, well that's
darn nice of you.
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00:03:44,301 --> 00:03:45,517
- The reason I'm letting
you off so reasonable
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00:03:45,541 --> 00:03:46,923
is because you always
let me come in here
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00:03:46,947 --> 00:03:49,165
and take a free apple.
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00:03:49,189 --> 00:03:51,040
- Doggone you, Joe.
87
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,245
- As I was saying,
your two dollar donation
88
00:03:52,269 --> 00:03:53,684
toward my trip will...
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00:03:53,708 --> 00:03:55,559
- I ain't giving any
donation and I don't think
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00:03:55,583 --> 00:03:57,299
anybody else will either.
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00:03:57,323 --> 00:03:58,738
- That's a fine thing.
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00:03:58,762 --> 00:04:00,914
Fire chiefs from Los
Angeles, New York, Chicago,
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00:04:00,938 --> 00:04:02,119
are going to be there.
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00:04:02,143 --> 00:04:03,057
How's it going to
look if I ain't there
95
00:04:03,081 --> 00:04:04,529
to represent Hooterville?
96
00:04:04,553 --> 00:04:06,002
- I don't think
they'll even notice.
97
00:04:06,027 --> 00:04:08,111
- There ought to be somebody
around interested enough
98
00:04:08,135 --> 00:04:10,521
to finance my civic minded trip.
99
00:04:10,545 --> 00:04:14,203
After all, it's only gonna
cost the poultry sum of $690.
100
00:04:14,227 --> 00:04:15,174
- Well, just who do
you think is going to be
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00:04:15,198 --> 00:04:18,254
stupid enough to give you $690?
102
00:04:18,278 --> 00:04:20,395
- Good morning, gentlemen.
103
00:04:20,419 --> 00:04:21,735
- Care to buy half
an apple for a dime?
104
00:04:21,759 --> 00:04:23,007
- They're a nickel.
105
00:04:23,031 --> 00:04:25,349
- Thought you didn't
sell half an apple.
106
00:04:25,373 --> 00:04:26,823
Give me that.
107
00:04:26,847 --> 00:04:28,496
- Well, how have you
been, Mr. Douglas?
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00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,036
- Well fine, fine.
109
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:31,475
- I'm glad to hear it.
110
00:04:31,499 --> 00:04:32,546
- Well, thank you, thank you.
111
00:04:32,570 --> 00:04:34,053
Now, Mr. Drucker...
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00:04:34,077 --> 00:04:36,329
- You know, for a long time
now, I had my eye on you.
113
00:04:36,353 --> 00:04:37,500
- Oh?
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00:04:37,524 --> 00:04:38,773
- Yeah, as fire
chief, I have to keep
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00:04:38,797 --> 00:04:40,714
a pretty close watch on
my medial subordinates.
116
00:04:40,738 --> 00:04:42,019
And it's been called
to my attention
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00:04:42,043 --> 00:04:44,865
that you got the makings
of a great firefighter.
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00:04:44,889 --> 00:04:46,159
- Oh thank you.
119
00:04:47,332 --> 00:04:48,748
- That's the reason
I'm raising you up
120
00:04:48,772 --> 00:04:51,392
through the ranks and
making you deputy fire chief.
121
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:54,638
- Well, that's very...
- Joe, put that back.
122
00:04:54,663 --> 00:04:56,112
- I need it for the
swearing in ceremony.
123
00:04:56,136 --> 00:04:57,820
- Oh brother, Joe.
124
00:04:57,844 --> 00:05:00,229
- Mr. Douglas, put your left
hand on that fire extinguisher.
125
00:05:00,253 --> 00:05:01,166
- Look, really...
126
00:05:01,190 --> 00:05:02,404
- Now raise your right hand.
127
00:05:02,428 --> 00:05:03,878
Do you solemnly swear
to uphold the duties
128
00:05:03,902 --> 00:05:05,919
of the deputy fire chief,
which include getting
129
00:05:05,943 --> 00:05:07,827
plane tickets to
Miami and reservations
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00:05:07,852 --> 00:05:09,634
at the Hotel Fountain Blown?
131
00:05:09,658 --> 00:05:11,275
- Why should I get you...
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00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:12,916
- He's trying to con
you into paying for a
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00:05:12,940 --> 00:05:14,757
vacation to Miami.
134
00:05:14,781 --> 00:05:15,727
- It ain't a vacation.
135
00:05:15,751 --> 00:05:17,334
It's a fire chief's convention.
136
00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:20,078
- Well look, you don't
expect me to pay for your trip.
137
00:05:20,103 --> 00:05:21,953
- You ain't gonna
pay for all of it yourself.
138
00:05:21,978 --> 00:05:23,593
I got Sam down
here for two dollars...
139
00:05:23,617 --> 00:05:24,832
- Which I ain't giving.
140
00:05:24,856 --> 00:05:26,104
- Ben Miller's on
for two and a half,
141
00:05:26,128 --> 00:05:28,179
Newt Colly down for 2.85...
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00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:30,155
- All right, if everybody's
giving, how much
143
00:05:30,179 --> 00:05:31,894
do you have me down for?
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00:05:31,918 --> 00:05:32,921
- $690.
145
00:05:35,433 --> 00:05:38,154
- The most you'll
get out of me is five.
146
00:05:38,178 --> 00:05:39,594
- Well, 500 will be all right.
147
00:05:39,618 --> 00:05:40,899
I can get a smaller suite.
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00:05:40,923 --> 00:05:42,160
- Five dollars.
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00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,418
- That's the thanks
I get for organizing
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00:05:45,442 --> 00:05:48,564
the finest volunteer
firefighting outfit in the county.
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00:05:48,588 --> 00:05:50,272
Ain't that true, Deputy?
152
00:05:50,296 --> 00:05:53,284
- Oh, I don't
think it's the finest.
153
00:05:53,308 --> 00:05:56,498
- Oh you wouldn't know, you
ain't been deputy long enough.
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00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,205
- Joe, our fire
department's a joke.
155
00:05:58,229 --> 00:06:00,347
We don't even have any
firefighting equipment.
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00:06:00,371 --> 00:06:02,189
- That's one of the
reasons for my trip to Miami.
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00:06:02,213 --> 00:06:03,728
I planned on circulating
around among
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00:06:03,752 --> 00:06:05,469
the other fire chiefs,
see if I can pick us up
159
00:06:05,493 --> 00:06:07,744
a good used hook and ladder.
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00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,284
- Oh, I don't think
you're going to...
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00:06:09,308 --> 00:06:10,824
- You still here, Deputy?
162
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:13,201
I thought you were out
working on my reservation.
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00:06:13,225 --> 00:06:16,548
- Mr. Carson, I think
Mr. Drucker's point is well taken.
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00:06:16,572 --> 00:06:18,958
We really don't have
a fire department.
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00:06:18,982 --> 00:06:20,230
We haven't any equipment.
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00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:23,377
Now, I'd be happy
to donate to that.
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00:06:23,401 --> 00:06:25,084
- How much?
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00:06:25,108 --> 00:06:26,356
- Well, whatever...
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00:06:26,380 --> 00:06:28,666
- 690 bucks ought
about cover it.
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00:06:28,690 --> 00:06:30,272
- Joe, you really want to
make our fire department
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00:06:30,296 --> 00:06:31,679
the best in the county?
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00:06:31,703 --> 00:06:33,385
- Well sure, how?
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00:06:33,409 --> 00:06:34,913
- Resign as chief.
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00:06:36,321 --> 00:06:38,473
- We can discuss it after
I get back from Miami.
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00:06:38,497 --> 00:06:40,348
- No, I think we'll discuss
that Sunday afternoon
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00:06:40,372 --> 00:06:41,987
at the town meeting.
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00:06:44,221 --> 00:06:45,224
- Lisa?
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00:06:50,982 --> 00:06:53,637
Get off of that couch.
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00:06:53,661 --> 00:06:54,808
- It's all right, Arnold.
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00:06:54,832 --> 00:06:56,415
Just stay where you are.
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00:06:56,439 --> 00:06:58,022
- Lisa, I don't
want him sitting...
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00:06:58,046 --> 00:07:00,700
- He's our guest,
he came over for tea.
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00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:01,727
- Tea?
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00:07:02,565 --> 00:07:04,616
- He's on an English kick.
185
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:05,988
- Oh.
186
00:07:06,012 --> 00:07:07,830
Well, where's his cricket bat?
187
00:07:14,046 --> 00:07:16,163
Lord Shelton Slugger.
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00:07:16,187 --> 00:07:17,134
This is the most ridiculous...
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00:07:17,158 --> 00:07:18,339
- Did you bring the sugar?
190
00:07:18,363 --> 00:07:19,367
- Oh no.
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00:07:20,306 --> 00:07:22,826
- But I promised
Arnold some for his tea.
192
00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:23,963
- Well, I forgot.
193
00:07:26,498 --> 00:07:28,516
I'm sorry I'm only human.
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00:07:28,540 --> 00:07:30,156
Which is more than you can say.
195
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:37,118
- Now you insulted him.
196
00:07:37,142 --> 00:07:39,126
- Fine, let him mooch
his tea somewhere else.
197
00:07:39,151 --> 00:07:40,834
- You're not a very good host.
198
00:07:40,858 --> 00:07:44,415
- No, I got, oh, he
forgot his cricket bat.
199
00:07:44,439 --> 00:07:47,328
- Oh that's all right, the
game has been postponed.
200
00:07:47,352 --> 00:07:49,202
How could you forget the sugar?
201
00:07:49,226 --> 00:07:51,177
- I was talking to Mr. Drucker.
202
00:07:51,201 --> 00:07:52,349
- What about?
203
00:07:52,373 --> 00:07:54,290
- About the volunteer
fire department.
204
00:07:54,314 --> 00:07:58,507
Guess who Mr. Carson
made the new deputy fire chief?
205
00:07:58,531 --> 00:07:59,546
- Who?
206
00:07:59,570 --> 00:08:01,085
- Me.
207
00:08:01,110 --> 00:08:03,294
Oh, Oliver.
208
00:08:03,319 --> 00:08:05,069
I am so proud of you.
209
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:06,575
- Oh no, it's nothing
to be proud of.
210
00:08:06,599 --> 00:08:09,119
He's trying to get me to
pay for his trip to Miami.
211
00:08:09,143 --> 00:08:10,860
- Well, it's nice
of you to do it.
212
00:08:10,884 --> 00:08:13,069
- I have no
intention of doing it.
213
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,077
- Then you won't
be deputy fire chief.
214
00:08:15,101 --> 00:08:17,253
- If I have to buy a
promotion, I don't want it.
215
00:08:17,277 --> 00:08:19,830
- You never would have
gotten anywhere in Hungary,
216
00:08:19,854 --> 00:08:22,307
because if you want
to be anybody there,
217
00:08:22,331 --> 00:08:24,315
you have to shell out.
218
00:08:24,340 --> 00:08:25,587
- Lisa, I'm not...
219
00:08:25,612 --> 00:08:28,166
- For $69 in the right
hands, they would make
220
00:08:28,190 --> 00:08:30,408
you police chief for a week.
221
00:08:30,432 --> 00:08:34,625
Or you could be a principal
of the high school for $37.
222
00:08:34,649 --> 00:08:35,562
- Yes, well...
223
00:08:35,586 --> 00:08:37,036
- Then my father was the king.
224
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:38,508
- When was your
father ever the king?
225
00:08:38,532 --> 00:08:41,120
- The time the real
king went on a vacation.
226
00:08:41,144 --> 00:08:43,764
My father bought the
crown and the throne
227
00:08:43,788 --> 00:08:45,895
for two days for $38,000.
228
00:08:46,935 --> 00:08:48,349
- 38,000?
229
00:08:48,373 --> 00:08:51,864
- Yes, but he made
$92,000 in the deal because
230
00:08:51,888 --> 00:08:55,881
for the two days he was king,
all they did was collect tax.
231
00:08:55,905 --> 00:08:57,990
- Lisa, I never heard of such...
232
00:08:58,014 --> 00:09:01,538
- Do you know what it cost
him to make my mother queen?
233
00:09:01,562 --> 00:09:03,512
- I don't care.
234
00:09:03,536 --> 00:09:04,953
Of all the stupid stories...
235
00:09:04,977 --> 00:09:07,931
- Well, just because
you're deputy fire cheese
236
00:09:07,955 --> 00:09:10,676
doesn't mean you
can yell at everybody.
237
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:14,292
- I am not the deputy
fire cheese, or chief.
238
00:09:14,316 --> 00:09:16,701
- You said that
Mr. Carson made you that.
239
00:09:16,725 --> 00:09:18,542
- Look, I'm afraid
Mr. Carson is not gonna be
240
00:09:18,566 --> 00:09:21,288
in any position to
make anybody anything.
241
00:09:21,312 --> 00:09:24,401
There's a meeting Sunday
afternoon, and I have a feeling
242
00:09:24,425 --> 00:09:27,379
they're gonna replace
Mr. Carson with another fire chief.
243
00:09:27,403 --> 00:09:29,120
- And that's going to be you.
244
00:09:29,144 --> 00:09:30,660
- I didn't say that.
245
00:09:30,684 --> 00:09:33,906
- Well, if you're the deputy
and you get him kicked out,
246
00:09:33,930 --> 00:09:36,083
that makes you Mr. In.
247
00:09:36,107 --> 00:09:37,857
- Lisa, I'm not getting...
248
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:41,974
- What a terrible thing to do
to a fine man like Mr. Carson.
249
00:09:41,998 --> 00:09:44,551
But then anybody who
would swipe a cricket bat
250
00:09:44,575 --> 00:09:49,104
from a nice pig like
Arnold, will do anything.
251
00:09:49,128 --> 00:09:52,785
- The nice pig
forgot his cricket bat.
252
00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:53,890
And believe me,
I'm not interested in
253
00:09:53,914 --> 00:09:56,702
taking over Mr. Carson's job.
254
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:58,878
You mean that?
255
00:09:58,902 --> 00:09:59,915
- I mean it.
256
00:09:59,939 --> 00:10:01,154
Oh, Oliver.
257
00:10:01,178 --> 00:10:04,803
You're all wool
and wide in the yard.
258
00:10:23,371 --> 00:10:25,790
- Town meeting will
now come to order.
259
00:10:25,815 --> 00:10:27,832
Now let's not waste
any time, because I know
260
00:10:27,856 --> 00:10:31,247
you're all anxious to get
over at the cricket match.
261
00:10:31,271 --> 00:10:32,720
- Cricket match?
262
00:10:32,744 --> 00:10:33,924
- We've got something
real important to discuss,
263
00:10:33,948 --> 00:10:35,397
so will somebody
please make a motion
264
00:10:35,421 --> 00:10:37,104
that we dispense with
the reading of the minutes
265
00:10:37,129 --> 00:10:38,867
and the old business?
266
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,924
Chair recognizes Haney.
267
00:10:41,948 --> 00:10:44,167
- Mr. Chairman, I
ain't too sure that
268
00:10:44,191 --> 00:10:46,745
such a motion is in order.
269
00:10:46,769 --> 00:10:48,016
Why not?
270
00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,861
- Well, Mr. Douglas,
can I borrow your copy of
271
00:10:50,885 --> 00:10:54,779
Seedlingers Rules on
parliamentary procedure?
272
00:10:54,803 --> 00:10:56,117
- Well, I don't have one.
273
00:10:56,141 --> 00:10:58,091
- You don't have a Seedlinger?
274
00:10:58,115 --> 00:10:59,398
- No.
275
00:10:59,422 --> 00:11:02,600
- Well, we can
rectify that deficiency.
276
00:11:04,878 --> 00:11:06,549
That'll be 75 cents.
277
00:11:08,928 --> 00:11:12,117
Anybody else care to
purchase a copy of Seedlingers?
278
00:11:12,141 --> 00:11:14,427
- Haney, sit down.
279
00:11:14,451 --> 00:11:15,933
We've got a long
meeting ahead of us.
280
00:11:15,957 --> 00:11:18,612
- In that case, would
anybody be interested
281
00:11:18,636 --> 00:11:22,428
in renting this
genuine cane pillow?
282
00:11:22,452 --> 00:11:26,411
Which is guaranteed
to prevent seat fatigue.
283
00:11:26,435 --> 00:11:29,524
- Haney, if you don't
stop hawking all that stuff,
284
00:11:29,548 --> 00:11:31,566
I'm gonna have you
thrown out of the meeting.
285
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:34,344
Now, will somebody please
make the motion I asked for?
286
00:11:34,368 --> 00:11:36,955
- I make the motion that
we dispense with the reading
287
00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:40,637
of the minutes and the
discussion of old business.
288
00:11:40,661 --> 00:11:42,846
- Comfortable, ain't it?
289
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:44,687
That'll be 50 cents.
290
00:11:44,711 --> 00:11:46,260
- I don't want...
291
00:11:46,284 --> 00:11:48,570
- I'm sorry, but according
to the County Health Code,
292
00:11:48,594 --> 00:11:51,683
a sat upon seat
cannot be returned
293
00:11:51,707 --> 00:11:54,126
without being dry cleaned.
294
00:11:54,150 --> 00:11:56,469
That'll be 90 cents
for dry cleaning.
295
00:11:56,493 --> 00:11:57,474
- Mr. Haney.
296
00:11:57,498 --> 00:11:59,616
- Gentlemen, please.
297
00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:01,625
A dispensing motion
has been made.
298
00:12:01,649 --> 00:12:03,499
All in favor, raise your hand.
299
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:05,709
Motion's carried.
300
00:12:06,971 --> 00:12:08,553
Now, to get to the
important business.
301
00:12:08,577 --> 00:12:10,629
The Hooterville Volunteer
Fire Department meeting
302
00:12:10,654 --> 00:12:12,872
is open for discussion.
303
00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:14,344
Mr. Douglas.
304
00:12:14,368 --> 00:12:15,372
- Gentlemen.
305
00:12:16,745 --> 00:12:18,729
I don't think it's any secret
that our fire department
306
00:12:18,753 --> 00:12:20,637
is a disgrace.
307
00:12:20,661 --> 00:12:22,545
It's inefficient,
it's ill equipped,
308
00:12:22,570 --> 00:12:24,520
and in the event
of any emergency,
309
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:27,365
it would be completely
impotent, not only...
310
00:12:27,389 --> 00:12:29,608
- Is that word impotent?
311
00:12:29,632 --> 00:12:30,847
- Yes.
312
00:12:30,871 --> 00:12:33,759
- You spell that
with an I or an E?
313
00:12:33,783 --> 00:12:35,768
- An I, what are you doing?
314
00:12:35,792 --> 00:12:37,943
- Just looking up the
meaning of that word
315
00:12:37,968 --> 00:12:40,721
in this new handy
pocket dictionary.
316
00:12:40,745 --> 00:12:44,436
Which I am offering
today for only one dollar.
317
00:12:44,460 --> 00:12:47,516
It contains 20,000
words, most of which
318
00:12:47,540 --> 00:12:50,596
can be used in polite society.
319
00:12:50,620 --> 00:12:51,623
- Haney.
320
00:12:52,796 --> 00:12:54,279
- Mr. Haney, may
I please continue?
321
00:12:54,303 --> 00:12:56,074
- Oh, go right ahead.
322
00:12:57,951 --> 00:13:00,036
As I was saying.
323
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:01,977
Our fire department is outdated.
324
00:13:02,001 --> 00:13:03,082
We need equipment.
325
00:13:03,106 --> 00:13:04,922
We need instruction.
326
00:13:04,947 --> 00:13:06,998
In other words, we need
to completely overhaul
327
00:13:07,022 --> 00:13:08,873
the Hooterville Fire Department.
328
00:13:08,897 --> 00:13:10,111
- I agree.
329
00:13:10,135 --> 00:13:11,048
The chair will now
entertain the motion
330
00:13:11,072 --> 00:13:12,956
to fire Joe Carson.
331
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:15,566
- Oh, wait gentlemen...
- Motion's made.
332
00:13:15,590 --> 00:13:16,738
- No.
333
00:13:16,762 --> 00:13:17,944
- All those in favor?
334
00:13:17,968 --> 00:13:20,487
Motion carries, Joe's fired.
335
00:13:20,511 --> 00:13:24,337
Now, the next order of
business is the new fire chief.
336
00:13:24,361 --> 00:13:26,178
And since this ain't
gonna be an easy job,
337
00:13:26,202 --> 00:13:27,851
I think it's only fair
that we ask for a
338
00:13:27,876 --> 00:13:29,793
volunteer for the job.
339
00:13:29,817 --> 00:13:30,965
- Mr. Drucker...
340
00:13:30,989 --> 00:13:32,974
- Mr. Douglas, we
accept your volunteering.
341
00:13:32,998 --> 00:13:36,455
- No, but...
- Hail to the new fire chief.
342
00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:37,759
Hail hail.
343
00:13:37,783 --> 00:13:39,032
Hail hail.
344
00:13:39,056 --> 00:13:40,059
Hail hail.
345
00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:42,045
- Oh hail.
346
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,097
- Coming.
347
00:13:50,805 --> 00:13:52,019
Oh hello there, Mr. Kimball.
348
00:13:52,044 --> 00:13:53,325
- Hello, Mrs. Douglas.
349
00:13:53,349 --> 00:13:54,352
Is Mister,
350
00:13:56,361 --> 00:13:57,241
what's your husband's name?
351
00:13:57,265 --> 00:13:58,145
- Oliver.
352
00:13:58,169 --> 00:13:59,049
- Oh yes.
353
00:13:59,073 --> 00:14:00,455
Is Mr. Oliver home?
354
00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:01,726
- Oh no, not Mr. Oliver.
355
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,902
Just plain Oliver.
356
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,179
- Oh, is just plain Oliver home?
357
00:14:06,203 --> 00:14:08,221
- No, but he'll be here shortly.
358
00:14:08,245 --> 00:14:10,664
I'm making Sunday dinner,
would you like to stay?
359
00:14:10,688 --> 00:14:12,694
- Oh gee, I'd like that.
360
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:14,881
Well, maybe I wouldn't.
361
00:14:14,905 --> 00:14:17,159
What are you having?
362
00:14:17,183 --> 00:14:18,186
- Pot roast.
363
00:14:21,165 --> 00:14:23,886
- Oh, my mother
makes pot roast like that.
364
00:14:23,910 --> 00:14:26,798
Except she uses
a smaller picture.
365
00:14:26,822 --> 00:14:27,735
- Then you'll stay?
366
00:14:27,759 --> 00:14:29,443
- Oh no, I'm on a diet.
367
00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:32,823
I'm not allowed to
eat paper or mucilage.
368
00:14:32,848 --> 00:14:34,230
Anyway, I can't stay too long.
369
00:14:34,254 --> 00:14:36,339
I just come over to
sneer at your husband.
370
00:14:36,363 --> 00:14:37,544
- What for?
371
00:14:37,568 --> 00:14:38,815
- Well, I guess
you didn't hear what
372
00:14:38,839 --> 00:14:41,628
just plain Oliver did
to poor Joe Carson.
373
00:14:41,652 --> 00:14:43,569
Hoisted him out of
his job as fire chief.
374
00:14:43,593 --> 00:14:46,547
Got him kicked out, lock
stock and extinguisher.
375
00:14:46,571 --> 00:14:50,799
- Just plain Oliver did
that to poor Mr. Carson?
376
00:14:50,823 --> 00:14:51,936
- He really stuck
the shiv in him.
377
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,912
They're gonna
cashier him tomorrow.
378
00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:54,816
- What's that?
379
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:55,986
- Oh, you know.
380
00:14:56,010 --> 00:14:57,894
They pull the epaulets
off his uniform,
381
00:14:57,918 --> 00:15:00,238
cut off his button, jump up
and down on his fire helmet,
382
00:15:00,262 --> 00:15:01,712
punch holes in his rubber boots.
383
00:15:01,736 --> 00:15:03,105
It's a sad sight.
384
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:08,004
I once saw them
cashier a fire chief over at,
385
00:15:08,028 --> 00:15:09,945
no, that was a police chief.
386
00:15:09,969 --> 00:15:12,523
No, that was my father.
387
00:15:12,547 --> 00:15:15,100
- I wonder why Oliver did that.
388
00:15:15,124 --> 00:15:16,037
- Gee, I don't know.
389
00:15:16,061 --> 00:15:18,280
He didn't even know my father.
390
00:15:18,304 --> 00:15:21,862
- No I mean, why did
he do that to Mr. Carson?
391
00:15:21,886 --> 00:15:23,301
- Why?
392
00:15:23,325 --> 00:15:24,540
I'll tell you why.
393
00:15:24,564 --> 00:15:26,582
So he could get
the job as fire chief.
394
00:15:26,606 --> 00:15:29,627
- But he said he didn't
want to be fire chief.
395
00:15:29,652 --> 00:15:31,401
- Well, for somebody who
said he didn't want to be,
396
00:15:31,425 --> 00:15:34,080
I heard he made the
motion to kick Joe out.
397
00:15:34,104 --> 00:15:35,284
Then he jumped up
and volunteered before
398
00:15:35,309 --> 00:15:37,628
anybody else had a chance.
399
00:15:37,652 --> 00:15:40,373
Well, I guess a free trip
to Miami without his wife
400
00:15:40,397 --> 00:15:42,347
was too tempting to pass up.
401
00:15:42,371 --> 00:15:44,758
Then there's the...
- Wait a second.
402
00:15:44,782 --> 00:15:47,803
Let's go back to
Miami without his wife.
403
00:15:47,827 --> 00:15:49,979
- Oh as I understand
it, one of the rules
404
00:15:50,003 --> 00:15:52,959
of the fire chief convention
is that no wives are allowed.
405
00:15:52,983 --> 00:15:54,800
You see, it kind of
interferes with the chiefs
406
00:15:54,824 --> 00:15:59,251
sitting around the hotel
lobby, ogling the girls in bikinis.
407
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:02,331
- So, that's what he
has up his sleeve?
408
00:16:02,355 --> 00:16:03,704
- Oh, I don't think
it's up his sleeve.
409
00:16:03,728 --> 00:16:05,410
They probably search
everybody before they
410
00:16:05,435 --> 00:16:07,385
come in the hotel.
411
00:16:07,409 --> 00:16:09,930
- Well, just wait
until he gets home.
412
00:16:09,954 --> 00:16:12,272
- Well I wouldn't
expect him too soon.
413
00:16:12,296 --> 00:16:14,214
He's probably out celebrating.
414
00:16:14,238 --> 00:16:15,620
Hoisting a few.
415
00:16:19,326 --> 00:16:21,410
Do you have a chaser, please?
416
00:16:21,435 --> 00:16:22,649
- Lisa...
417
00:16:22,673 --> 00:16:24,692
- Look who is here,
just plain Oliver.
418
00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:26,700
The bikini ogler.
419
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,039
What?
420
00:16:28,063 --> 00:16:30,147
- May I have your
attention, please?
421
00:16:31,778 --> 00:16:32,859
In case you didn't
know what that was,
422
00:16:32,883 --> 00:16:34,120
it was a sneer.
423
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:38,148
Good day, Mrs. Douglas.
424
00:16:41,552 --> 00:16:43,570
- What was that all about?
425
00:16:43,594 --> 00:16:46,282
- As if you don't know.
426
00:16:46,306 --> 00:16:47,642
- Lisa, I don't.
427
00:16:48,749 --> 00:16:51,838
Come back here.
- Where have you been?
428
00:16:51,862 --> 00:16:54,482
- I've been at the
town meeting and,
429
00:16:54,506 --> 00:16:56,960
by the way, guess what I am?
430
00:16:56,984 --> 00:16:58,086
- A rat fink?
431
00:16:59,327 --> 00:17:00,843
- A what?
432
00:17:00,867 --> 00:17:02,783
- How do you feel forcing
Mr. Carson out of his job
433
00:17:02,807 --> 00:17:05,930
and getting holes
punched into his boots?
434
00:17:05,954 --> 00:17:08,541
- Would you mind telling
me what you're talking about?
435
00:17:08,565 --> 00:17:10,817
- You're the new
fire chief, aren't you?
436
00:17:10,841 --> 00:17:12,023
- Yes, but I...
437
00:17:12,047 --> 00:17:13,629
- I thought you
didn't want the job.
438
00:17:13,653 --> 00:17:15,872
- Yeah, the whole
thing was a mistake.
439
00:17:15,896 --> 00:17:17,379
- Some mistake.
440
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:19,554
It shows when the chips
are down, you're the first
441
00:17:19,578 --> 00:17:22,132
to throw your hand in the pot.
442
00:17:22,156 --> 00:17:23,337
- Lisa...
443
00:17:23,361 --> 00:17:25,814
- Getting Mr. Carson
fired so that you would
444
00:17:25,838 --> 00:17:28,325
get a trip to Miami without me.
445
00:17:28,349 --> 00:17:30,533
You did a terrible thing to him.
446
00:17:30,557 --> 00:17:32,475
- Lisa, the town
didn't want him.
447
00:17:32,499 --> 00:17:34,215
They voted him
out, they voted me in.
448
00:17:34,239 --> 00:17:35,856
- After you volunteered.
449
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,396
- Oh, all I did was
stand up and say...
450
00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:38,834
- That you'd take his job.
451
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,546
- Look, there's no great
honor in being the fire chief
452
00:17:41,570 --> 00:17:44,692
but somebody's got to get
the department organized.
453
00:17:44,716 --> 00:17:47,069
The farms, maybe
the lives of the people
454
00:17:47,093 --> 00:17:48,809
in this valley, depend
on the efficiency
455
00:17:48,833 --> 00:17:50,149
of the fire department.
456
00:17:50,173 --> 00:17:52,258
Once I get it
organized and working,
457
00:17:52,282 --> 00:17:54,868
Mr. Carson can
have his job back.
458
00:17:54,892 --> 00:17:57,814
- After you made the
trip to Miami without me.
459
00:17:57,838 --> 00:18:01,785
- At the moment, that
sounds like a great idea.
460
00:18:02,892 --> 00:18:04,609
- Where do you
think you're going?
461
00:18:04,633 --> 00:18:05,647
- To take a nap.
462
00:18:05,671 --> 00:18:07,655
- Not in my bed.
463
00:18:07,679 --> 00:18:11,237
From now on, you're
going to sleep on the couch.
464
00:18:11,261 --> 00:18:14,048
- Lisa, I'm not going
to sleep on this couch.
465
00:18:14,072 --> 00:18:15,844
Lisa, Lisa, open the,
466
00:18:18,391 --> 00:18:22,417
all right, if you're ever
on fire, don't call me.
467
00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:30,082
Ooh.
468
00:18:30,106 --> 00:18:31,287
Oh, that stupid couch.
469
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,263
- Got the back
crabs this morning.
470
00:18:33,287 --> 00:18:34,535
- Oh, Eb.
471
00:18:34,559 --> 00:18:36,308
- Heard you had to sleep
on the couch last night.
472
00:18:36,332 --> 00:18:37,715
- Well, that's none
of your business.
473
00:18:37,739 --> 00:18:38,852
- It must be pretty
degrading to a big
474
00:18:38,876 --> 00:18:40,961
fire chief like yourself.
475
00:18:40,985 --> 00:18:43,906
- Eb, I can do
without your sarcasm.
476
00:18:43,930 --> 00:18:45,480
- Oh, I wasn't being sarcasm.
477
00:18:45,505 --> 00:18:47,354
I admire your rise to power.
478
00:18:47,378 --> 00:18:49,430
Working your way up
through the ranks with nothing.
479
00:18:49,454 --> 00:18:52,977
Except the knife you
put in Mr. Carson's back.
480
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,351
- I'm getting a
little tired of this.
481
00:18:54,375 --> 00:18:56,090
I did not knife anybody.
482
00:18:56,114 --> 00:18:58,501
I didn't ask to be fire
chief, do you understand?
483
00:18:58,525 --> 00:18:59,906
- Yes, Chief.
484
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,514
When are you leaving for Miami?
485
00:19:01,538 --> 00:19:03,757
- Look, I don't want the job.
486
00:19:03,781 --> 00:19:04,828
I'd like to get out of it.
487
00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:06,836
Now please, go away.
488
00:19:06,861 --> 00:19:08,342
- I'm just trying to help.
489
00:19:08,366 --> 00:19:10,451
Anyway, you ain't got
anything to worry about.
490
00:19:10,475 --> 00:19:12,493
Today's Monday, isn't it?
491
00:19:12,518 --> 00:19:14,021
So why aren't you?
492
00:19:15,764 --> 00:19:17,815
- Why aren't I what?
493
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:19,354
- When Mr. Carson was
chief, he went around
494
00:19:19,378 --> 00:19:22,435
the valley on Mondays
inspecting for fire violations.
495
00:19:22,459 --> 00:19:24,444
- You mean, he'd go
around giving out tickets?
496
00:19:24,468 --> 00:19:27,355
- He tried that once and
they threatened to fire him.
497
00:19:27,379 --> 00:19:31,104
- You mean nobody's ever
paid a fine for a violation?
498
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:33,079
- Not when Mr. Carson was chief.
499
00:19:33,103 --> 00:19:34,486
- Well.
500
00:19:34,510 --> 00:19:36,728
Mr. Carson isn't chief anymore.
501
00:19:40,769 --> 00:19:43,690
- Joe never gave me a
ticket for that loose stove pipe.
502
00:19:43,714 --> 00:19:45,900
- Mr. Carson is
not chief anymore.
503
00:19:45,924 --> 00:19:48,164
- Well but, Mr. Douglas...
- Chief Douglas.
504
00:19:49,304 --> 00:19:52,493
That violation
will cost you $35.
505
00:19:52,517 --> 00:19:56,376
And if it's not fixed by
tomorrow, it will be $55.
506
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,574
- But Mr. Douglas...
- What is that?
507
00:20:02,761 --> 00:20:04,543
What's the
508
00:20:04,567 --> 00:20:05,447
for?
509
00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:07,992
- Overcrowded outlet.
510
00:20:08,016 --> 00:20:09,855
That'll be a $15 fine.
511
00:20:12,066 --> 00:20:13,069
Now.
512
00:20:15,079 --> 00:20:16,293
Uh oh.
513
00:20:16,317 --> 00:20:17,681
- Does an uh oh
cost more than a...
514
00:20:18,728 --> 00:20:20,065
- I'm afraid so.
515
00:20:23,413 --> 00:20:27,596
$25 for having your pickle
barrel blocking the exit.
516
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:30,085
- Well when Joe
was chief, he never...
517
00:20:30,109 --> 00:20:32,695
- Mr. Drucker, you
kicked him out because
518
00:20:32,719 --> 00:20:34,703
you complained that
he wasn't efficient.
519
00:20:34,727 --> 00:20:35,942
- Well yes, but...
520
00:20:35,966 --> 00:20:37,180
- I'm just trying to
do my job the way
521
00:20:37,204 --> 00:20:38,608
you wanted me to.
522
00:20:40,084 --> 00:20:43,663
And by the way, I'll see you
tomorrow morning at six AM.
523
00:20:44,837 --> 00:20:48,261
We're having an
all day fire drill.
524
00:20:48,285 --> 00:20:50,269
- Well, of all the
dagnabbit, doggone,
525
00:20:50,293 --> 00:20:52,913
gull blasher,
ring ding, unfair...
526
00:20:52,938 --> 00:20:55,826
- That will be
another three dollars.
527
00:20:55,850 --> 00:20:57,097
- What for?
528
00:20:57,121 --> 00:21:00,109
- Getting hot under
your celluloid collar.
529
00:21:04,352 --> 00:21:05,934
- $14?
530
00:21:05,958 --> 00:21:06,961
- Yes.
531
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:10,219
This wooden Indian
should be flame proofed.
532
00:21:10,243 --> 00:21:13,253
- But Joe Carson...
- Is not chief anymore.
533
00:21:14,795 --> 00:21:15,798
Let me see.
534
00:21:17,540 --> 00:21:18,543
Oh.
535
00:21:21,657 --> 00:21:23,775
Is this soldering
iron connected?
536
00:21:23,799 --> 00:21:25,783
- Well yes, it is.
537
00:21:25,807 --> 00:21:29,588
- Oh I'm sorry, that's
going to cost you $18.
538
00:21:31,097 --> 00:21:32,512
- Well, why?
539
00:21:32,536 --> 00:21:34,921
- Section 14 of the
Fire Prevention Code
540
00:21:34,945 --> 00:21:36,662
states that a
connected soldering iron
541
00:21:36,686 --> 00:21:39,809
must be at least 30
feet from an unflamed
542
00:21:39,833 --> 00:21:41,571
proofed wooden Injun.
543
00:21:43,448 --> 00:21:46,437
- Well, it was, it was,
but while I was working,
544
00:21:46,461 --> 00:21:50,018
the Indian moved
over closer to watch me.
545
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:51,859
- Uh huh, to watch you what?
546
00:21:51,883 --> 00:21:56,066
- I was antiquing this
genuine early American desk.
547
00:21:59,649 --> 00:22:01,901
- In an enclosed space?
548
00:22:01,925 --> 00:22:02,928
Oh, sorry.
549
00:22:03,666 --> 00:22:05,171
That's a $47 fine.
550
00:22:07,549 --> 00:22:08,552
- $47?
551
00:22:09,859 --> 00:22:12,981
- And I'll see you tomorrow
morning at Bleeker's Bluff.
552
00:22:13,005 --> 00:22:15,291
We're going to test out
the old fire jumping net
553
00:22:15,315 --> 00:22:17,166
and you're the first jumper.
554
00:22:17,190 --> 00:22:18,805
Goodbye.
555
00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,270
- You think you fellows
got socked with big fines.
556
00:22:26,294 --> 00:22:30,243
Wait until you hear what
Mr. Douglas did to me.
557
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:33,467
- What did he do?
558
00:22:33,491 --> 00:22:34,805
- To who?
559
00:22:34,829 --> 00:22:35,776
- To you.
560
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:36,803
- Oh.
561
00:22:37,809 --> 00:22:39,760
Well, he walked in my
house, he looked around,
562
00:22:39,784 --> 00:22:41,957
and you know what he said?
563
00:22:45,308 --> 00:22:47,224
- Well, what did he say?
564
00:22:47,248 --> 00:22:48,127
- What did who say?
565
00:22:48,152 --> 00:22:49,489
- Oh, forget it.
566
00:22:50,629 --> 00:22:51,944
- How can I forget a
$26 fine just for having
567
00:22:51,968 --> 00:22:55,359
my mother in law
too close to the stove?
568
00:22:55,383 --> 00:22:56,664
- That's nothing.
569
00:22:56,688 --> 00:22:59,073
He found $75 worth
of violation in my store,
570
00:22:59,097 --> 00:23:01,685
and that's more than I
took in in the last four years.
571
00:23:01,709 --> 00:23:03,626
- Well, what are we gonna do?
572
00:23:03,650 --> 00:23:06,372
- Well, there's only
one fair thing to do.
573
00:23:06,396 --> 00:23:08,413
All those in favor of
kicking Mr. Douglas out,
574
00:23:08,437 --> 00:23:09,875
raise their hand.
575
00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:12,430
The vote is unanimous.
576
00:23:12,454 --> 00:23:14,973
Mr. Douglas can
consider himself kicked.
577
00:23:17,106 --> 00:23:19,225
- You were the fire
chief just for one day.
578
00:23:19,249 --> 00:23:22,237
You can't hold a job, can you?
579
00:23:22,261 --> 00:23:25,785
- I should think you'd be
happy that I got myself fired
580
00:23:25,810 --> 00:23:27,961
and Mr. Carson
is fire chief again.
581
00:23:27,985 --> 00:23:30,907
- Did Mr. Carson get his trip
to Miami to the convention?
582
00:23:30,931 --> 00:23:32,145
- No, no.
583
00:23:32,169 --> 00:23:34,087
The town refused to
donate money for that.
584
00:23:34,111 --> 00:23:35,560
- Oh, poor Mr. Carson.
585
00:23:35,584 --> 00:23:38,104
He had his heart set on it.
586
00:23:38,128 --> 00:23:39,979
- I wouldn't worry
about poor Mr. Carson.
587
00:23:44,856 --> 00:23:46,103
What's that?
588
00:23:54,463 --> 00:23:55,778
Mr. Carson.
589
00:23:55,802 --> 00:23:57,038
- Chief Carson.
590
00:24:00,421 --> 00:24:02,338
Douglas, would you
mind getting your boots
591
00:24:02,362 --> 00:24:04,983
so I can punch holes in them?
592
00:24:05,007 --> 00:24:06,455
- I'll get them.
593
00:24:06,479 --> 00:24:07,482
- Nevermind.
594
00:24:09,158 --> 00:24:13,820
Mr. Carson, would you
mind telling me what this is?
595
00:24:13,844 --> 00:24:15,426
- It's a fire engine.
596
00:24:15,450 --> 00:24:17,602
No wonder they didn't
keep you as chief.
597
00:24:17,626 --> 00:24:19,945
- I mean, where did you get it?
598
00:24:19,969 --> 00:24:21,350
- Well, you kept yakking
for new equipment
599
00:24:21,375 --> 00:24:23,393
at the department,
so I bought it.
600
00:24:23,417 --> 00:24:24,498
- You bought it?
601
00:24:24,522 --> 00:24:25,837
- Well, not exactly.
602
00:24:25,861 --> 00:24:28,146
I got it on consignment
for two weeks.
603
00:24:28,170 --> 00:24:30,656
If it don't meet our
requirements, I can return it.
604
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:31,895
- Well, that's very...
605
00:24:31,919 --> 00:24:33,669
- I'm gonna give
it a stiff road test.
606
00:24:39,953 --> 00:24:40,867
All right, Charlie.
607
00:24:40,891 --> 00:24:43,143
Hotel Fountain Blown in Miami.
608
00:24:43,167 --> 00:24:44,816
Don't spare the sirens.
43595
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