All language subtitles for Dads Army s02e05 A Stripe for Frazer
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1
00:00:13,420 --> 00:00:16,940
Who do you think you are kidding, Mr.
2
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:21,260
Hitler, if you think we're on the run?
3
00:00:22,860 --> 00:00:27,360
We are the boys who will stop your
little game.
4
00:00:27,660 --> 00:00:32,159
We are the boys who will make you sing
again.
5
00:00:32,659 --> 00:00:36,540
Cause who do you think you are kidding,
Mr.
6
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,820
Hitler, if you think old England's done?
7
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:49,140
Mr. Brown goes off to town on the 821,
but he comes home each
8
00:00:49,140 --> 00:00:51,820
evening and he's ready with his gun.
9
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:56,300
So who do you think you are kidding, Mr.
10
00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:01,080
Hitler, if you think old England are
you?
11
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,440
Now, pay attention, everyone.
12
00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,080
Listen.
13
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:09,840
Listen.
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00:01:12,050 --> 00:01:13,050
Platoon, shun.
15
00:01:13,530 --> 00:01:14,930
Stand at ease.
16
00:01:15,630 --> 00:01:17,050
Platoon, shun.
17
00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:21,450
Yes, you see, that whole movement seemed
to lack verb.
18
00:01:22,770 --> 00:01:26,330
Would you mind, just for me, just put a
bit more sparkle into it?
19
00:01:27,370 --> 00:01:29,090
Understand? For inspection.
20
00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:33,090
I'm sorry I'm late, Mr. Wilson. It's all
right, Jonesy, it's all right. Just try
21
00:01:33,090 --> 00:01:36,250
to be here at the right time in future.
You see, the offal arrived today, but
22
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:37,250
the suet did not.
23
00:01:37,890 --> 00:01:40,810
There you go, Jonesy. Just settle down,
will you? For inspection.
24
00:01:41,450 --> 00:01:45,190
I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson. I haven't got my
bundook. For heaven's sake, Jonesy, just
25
00:01:45,190 --> 00:01:46,330
hurry up, will you? Hurry up.
26
00:01:47,050 --> 00:01:48,490
So, for inspection.
27
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:53,350
Port. In one of those days, yes. One of
those days. I'm sure it has, Jonesy. I'm
28
00:01:53,350 --> 00:01:56,270
sure it has. But the parade has to go
on, you know, in spite of the absence of
29
00:01:56,270 --> 00:02:00,990
your suet. Yes, well, it was Mrs.
Prosser of the WVS that ordered the
30
00:02:01,010 --> 00:02:02,790
she's making dumplings today, you see,
sir.
31
00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:06,350
She doesn't like her boys to go without
their dumplings, as you can well
32
00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:07,350
imagine.
33
00:02:08,190 --> 00:02:10,389
Yes, yes, I can indeed. Now, pay
attention, everyone.
34
00:02:10,810 --> 00:02:11,629
Pay attention.
35
00:02:11,630 --> 00:02:12,630
Florence Pecton.
36
00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:14,010
Port. Arms.
37
00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,820
Yes, you see, that's just hopeless.
38
00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:21,300
At ease, everybody.
39
00:02:21,660 --> 00:02:22,840
As you are, as you are.
40
00:02:23,140 --> 00:02:26,720
Guthrie, the trouble is your hands
aren't coming up quick enough to grasp
41
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:27,720
rifle at the last minute.
42
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:33,100
See, your left hand, your left hand must
whip up quickly and grasp the rifle at
43
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:34,100
the last possible moment.
44
00:02:34,660 --> 00:02:35,920
It's really perfectly simple.
45
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:39,460
Try it once again. For inspection.
46
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,300
Port. Arms.
47
00:02:46,940 --> 00:02:53,700
I'm sorry, Sergeant. My left hand was
just a little late, and the rifle just
48
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:54,700
wasn't there.
49
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:59,200
Yes, I see. It's the noise I can't stand
apart from anything else.
50
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,640
God bless you. Pick it up, will you, for
heaven's sake, just as quick as you
51
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:03,640
can.
52
00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:06,560
Try to help him, will you?
53
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:08,760
No time to lose.
54
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,560
Try once again.
55
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:12,440
For inspection.
56
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:14,040
For...
57
00:03:51,370 --> 00:03:52,370
at attention.
58
00:03:53,050 --> 00:03:56,670
It's up to him at the end there to take
his finger out. That's enough, Ray.
59
00:03:58,330 --> 00:04:02,290
Same time, Wilson, I do think it is up
to you to take some action.
60
00:04:03,070 --> 00:04:04,130
All right, sir. All right.
61
00:04:04,430 --> 00:04:05,770
Gas attack. Gas attack.
62
00:04:06,210 --> 00:04:07,470
On command, fall out.
63
00:04:08,910 --> 00:04:12,030
Put on your gas mask. This isn't the
litany, Wilson.
64
00:04:12,710 --> 00:04:14,670
All right, well, just fall out, really,
for heaven's sake.
65
00:04:15,810 --> 00:04:19,390
Come on, you'll have to be a lot quicker
than that.
66
00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:21,750
Come on, Pike, you're choking to death.
67
00:04:23,110 --> 00:04:28,670
Get that bag open, Walker. Get this on
your face with what... What's this?
68
00:04:29,750 --> 00:04:31,010
Whiskey. Whiskey?
69
00:04:31,830 --> 00:04:33,530
Do you realise you could be court
-martialed for this?
70
00:04:33,750 --> 00:04:34,750
Well, it's for the sergeant.
71
00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:35,910
Oh, come over here.
72
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:37,130
Wilson!
73
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:38,510
Here I am, sir.
74
00:04:38,970 --> 00:04:40,010
What have you got to say about this?
75
00:04:40,410 --> 00:04:42,570
What? Oh, take that damn thing off!
76
00:04:45,090 --> 00:04:46,090
Is this yours?
77
00:04:46,150 --> 00:04:49,050
Yes, sir. Just one bottle. Happens to be
mine, sir, yes. Oh, I see.
78
00:04:49,830 --> 00:04:51,230
Who else is in this conspiracy?
79
00:04:55,530 --> 00:04:56,590
Take their names, Sergeant.
80
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:59,070
It's rather difficult to take their
names, sir, when you can't see their
81
00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:00,069
very well.
82
00:05:00,070 --> 00:05:02,950
I never knew anybody like you for
finding excuses.
83
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:06,750
Well, in that case, sir, I suggest that
you sound the altar yourself with that
84
00:05:06,750 --> 00:05:07,750
dear little whistle there.
85
00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:08,790
Oh.
86
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:14,390
Come along and collect this damned
stuff.
87
00:05:15,120 --> 00:05:19,040
How much is it, Joe? A pound a time,
Jonesy. How do you do, mate? We can save
88
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,460
the cash transaction still after the
parade, Jones. Very good, sir. Yes, sir.
89
00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:24,940
It's not for me. It's for my sister,
Dolly.
90
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,760
Every time the siren goes, she has a
funny little turn. Yes, it's all right,
91
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,620
Godfrey. That's enough. Just get back in
your place.
92
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,040
Take their names, Sergeant.
93
00:05:34,280 --> 00:05:34,999
Yes, sir.
94
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,420
It's Jones, Godfrey, Fraser.
95
00:05:37,860 --> 00:05:42,400
It's an army regulation against Scotsmen
buying Scots. Yes, there is, as a
96
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:43,400
matter of fact, Fraser.
97
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Six and forty.
98
00:05:44,810 --> 00:05:46,150
Covers everything. Now get back in the
rags.
99
00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:51,670
And you, you... What's this?
100
00:05:52,350 --> 00:05:53,350
Your cigars.
101
00:05:56,050 --> 00:05:58,570
Mannering. I'll take charge of that,
Sergeant.
102
00:06:00,370 --> 00:06:06,930
Now, when you hear this, those masks are
to go on in a flash.
103
00:06:07,430 --> 00:06:11,050
And they're to stay on until you hear
this.
104
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:18,920
No trouble, officer.
105
00:06:19,260 --> 00:06:20,260
Were you applying for assistance?
106
00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:21,419
Oh, that?
107
00:06:21,420 --> 00:06:22,420
No, that was for the gas.
108
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,220
Gas! No, no, no, it's just a practice.
It's a practice.
109
00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:27,020
Practice?
110
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,960
Yes. Can't be too careful these days,
can you, sir? No, that's just what I've
111
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been telling my men.
112
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,860
Still, if you are going to do any more
whistling, you might just tip me the
113
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:37,800
wink. Well, I'll try to let you know,
officer. If I hear that whistle, I jump
114
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,960
straight to it. You'll have a job in
those boots.
115
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,200
Mind if I have a word with that man,
sir? Not at all. Please do.
116
00:06:48,460 --> 00:06:49,460
Been looking for you.
117
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:51,880
I can't talk to you now. I'm on duty.
118
00:06:52,220 --> 00:06:55,280
Ah. In that case, I'll buy them from
somewhere else.
119
00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:56,580
Oh, well, hang on a minute.
120
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,080
That'll do.
121
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,520
Face front.
122
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,980
Now, I want you all to practice putting
on these respirators in double quick
123
00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:09,420
time, so that if Hitler does bowl this
cowardly weapon at us, it'll be a no
124
00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:10,460
-ball. Right.
125
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,980
Take charge of the parade, Corporal.
Sure.
126
00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,080
Right. Attention!
127
00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:19,420
If Hitler does bowl... it will be a no
ball.
128
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:23,360
What a load of rubbish the man does
talk.
129
00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:31,540
If I find any other man using his
respirator case for improper purposes,
130
00:07:31,540 --> 00:07:32,239
be in trouble.
131
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,039
Right, sir.
132
00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:34,820
Ah, what's that, sir? It's a rhyme.
133
00:07:36,220 --> 00:07:37,220
Ah, yes.
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00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,240
Here.
135
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,120
What do you think of that?
136
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:47,280
Yes, I like it, sir. It's rather dinky.
Yes.
137
00:07:50,250 --> 00:07:52,970
Suits to be better than the forage cap,
don't you think? Yes, it does, sir, it
138
00:07:52,970 --> 00:07:58,570
does. It doesn't make your face quite so
sort of round and... sort of moon
139
00:07:58,570 --> 00:07:59,570
-like, you know.
140
00:08:01,070 --> 00:08:03,170
Maybe I should get one myself, sir. Oh,
no, you don't.
141
00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:06,110
These are for officers only. I might
have guessed.
142
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:10,090
Besides, I don't think it would suit
you.
143
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:15,370
The jauntiness of the forage cap upsets
that worn, craggy face of yours.
144
00:08:21,309 --> 00:08:23,650
The men are getting much more rubber
than that gas bill, sir.
145
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:24,849
Oh, good, good.
146
00:08:24,850 --> 00:08:28,810
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. And while I'm
here, sir, as promised, there's a nice
147
00:08:28,810 --> 00:08:30,290
bit of steak there, sir. Oh, yes, sir.
148
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:33,210
Thank you very much, corporal. Do you
wish to make a personal remark, sir?
149
00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:34,209
That hat.
150
00:08:34,210 --> 00:08:36,510
Yes. I like it. I like it, sir.
151
00:08:36,710 --> 00:08:38,490
Thank you very much, corporal. Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
152
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:44,590
Oh, what is it now?
153
00:08:45,450 --> 00:08:46,970
Oh, Captain Manorick. Yes.
154
00:08:47,270 --> 00:08:48,009
Oh, dear.
155
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:49,010
How do you...
156
00:08:49,670 --> 00:08:51,470
This is Sergeant Wilson, Captain
Attenquack.
157
00:08:51,730 --> 00:08:52,730
How do you do?
158
00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:55,830
That's not my name. No, it stands for
Assistant Adjutant to Court of Master
159
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General. Oh.
160
00:08:56,990 --> 00:08:57,990
Staff Captain A.
161
00:08:58,290 --> 00:09:00,670
I've brought you some bumps and some new
standing orders. Oh, thank you very
162
00:09:00,670 --> 00:09:03,650
much. Good news for you on the
establishment side. You can make some
163
00:09:03,650 --> 00:09:07,050
corporal. That'll give you a sergeant, a
corporal, and a lance corporal. Oh,
164
00:09:07,070 --> 00:09:09,690
that is good news, isn't it, Wilson?
Yes, I suppose it is, sir. Well, of
165
00:09:09,690 --> 00:09:10,489
it is.
166
00:09:10,490 --> 00:09:13,770
On Monday mornings, when Jones is
counting his coupons, we've no one to
167
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:14,770
the burden of command.
168
00:09:14,950 --> 00:09:16,110
Yes, that's true, sir. Yes, quite.
169
00:09:16,390 --> 00:09:18,870
You can make him up as soon as you like.
Just pass his name to the adge. He'll
170
00:09:18,870 --> 00:09:19,870
have it this Pippa Muffin.
171
00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:22,330
We don't mess about here when it comes
to making decisions.
172
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:23,830
Good. Well, I'll cut along.
173
00:09:24,350 --> 00:09:26,890
Oh, don't let the old man catch you
saluting sitting down.
174
00:09:27,230 --> 00:09:29,710
Drives him right round the bend. Oh,
does he, sir? I'll remember that.
175
00:09:29,930 --> 00:09:31,290
A bit of a tickler about the uniform,
too.
176
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:33,030
Shouldn't wear that hat with the battle
dress.
177
00:09:33,230 --> 00:09:34,470
Only with a field service uniform.
178
00:09:34,690 --> 00:09:36,210
I haven't got field service uniform.
179
00:09:36,490 --> 00:09:38,150
Well, in that case, don't wear that hat.
180
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:44,780
Damned red tape. Yes, it's rather a
pity, sir, isn't it? But if I may say
181
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,800
sir, that hat does make you look so much
more like, you know, an officer.
182
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,720
Yes, well, never mind that now.
183
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,160
We've got these promotions to consider.
Ah, yes, another corporal.
184
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,780
Yes, I suppose you could give Jonesy
another strike.
185
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,220
Yes, he has the maturity, no doubt about
that.
186
00:09:58,760 --> 00:09:59,760
And the experience.
187
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:00,959
And the gut.
188
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:07,000
And the meat. And the meat. Well, we
have to disregard that sort of thing
189
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,220
make our decisions purely in the
interests of the nation. Yes, I
190
00:10:10,220 --> 00:10:13,320
that, sir, but I would like to point out
that next week it's my turn for Rump.
191
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:20,640
Now, I think the best strategy would be
to make up another Lance Corporal and
192
00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,780
then decide who has the better
potential.
193
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,100
The question is, who?
194
00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:28,460
Well, as you know, sir, of course I'm
always in favour of the younger man.
195
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:30,560
Mrs. Pike's son, for instance?
196
00:10:31,340 --> 00:10:32,720
Well, he is younger, isn't he, sir?
197
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:36,000
I thought you weren't speaking to the
Pikes.
198
00:10:36,270 --> 00:10:38,950
I am speaking to them, I'm speaking to
them, sir, but for some reason they're
199
00:10:38,950 --> 00:10:39,950
not speaking to me.
200
00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:44,010
Well, what do you expect when you leave
Mrs. Pike stranded at the altar?
201
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,950
I did not leave her stranded at the
altar, sir. There were plenty of other
202
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:47,950
people there.
203
00:10:51,210 --> 00:10:54,370
You can't expect me to give the boy a
stripe just because you didn't give his
204
00:10:54,370 --> 00:10:57,750
mother a wedding ring. I'm simply saying
that young Pike would make a good NCO,
205
00:10:57,790 --> 00:11:00,610
sir. Anyway, he'll be called up any time
and we'll be no further forward.
206
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:03,750
No, we must have someone who'll stay on
the strength.
207
00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:05,090
Well, there's always Walker.
208
00:11:05,190 --> 00:11:07,450
Walker? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
209
00:11:08,010 --> 00:11:09,310
He'd have access to the stores.
210
00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:14,110
Before we knew where we were, he'd be
flogging the bayonets for carving
211
00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:17,670
Well, he did pinch them for us in the
first place. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
212
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:19,690
No, we need someone with integrity.
213
00:11:20,250 --> 00:11:22,670
Well, there's always Godfrey. He's as
honest as the day is long.
214
00:11:22,870 --> 00:11:24,350
Ah, but could he lead men?
215
00:11:24,730 --> 00:11:26,970
No, not from the front, sir, no. He'd
never keep up with it.
216
00:11:27,890 --> 00:11:30,290
Then there's the bladder trouble, of
course.
217
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,050
Yes, well, at least we'd always know
where to find him, wouldn't we, sir?
218
00:11:36,300 --> 00:11:37,380
That's the man for our money.
219
00:11:37,820 --> 00:11:41,420
Fraser. Oh, no, no, no, sir. Not Fraser.
No, no. If there's ever any trouble,
220
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:43,520
any grumbling, it always comes from him.
221
00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:47,120
Well, might it not be a case of the
poacher turned gamekeeper, eh?
222
00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:51,160
He was a jack tar, wasn't he? I believe
he was, sir, yes. One thing you can say
223
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,160
about the boys in blue.
224
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,100
They stand fast in the face of the
enemy.
225
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:56,720
Yes, well, there's nowhere to run to on
a boat, is there, sir?
226
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,380
I consider myself to be a pretty good
judge of character.
227
00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:07,730
No, Fraser's our man. You mark my word.
Go get him. Aye, sir.
228
00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:10,970
Fraser? What is it now?
229
00:12:12,270 --> 00:12:14,870
Would you mind coming in here? It's an
order, Wilson.
230
00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:16,990
Fraser, get in here on the double.
231
00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:18,930
Fringemental bastard.
232
00:12:22,130 --> 00:12:23,350
What is it you're wanting?
233
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:26,330
Stand easy, Fraser.
234
00:12:27,170 --> 00:12:32,190
Now, Sergeant Wilson and I have been
watching you rather carefully over the
235
00:12:32,190 --> 00:12:33,190
few weeks.
236
00:12:33,530 --> 00:12:37,310
Well, sir, I'm awful sorry, sir, but I
saw this damn bull.
237
00:12:37,670 --> 00:12:39,290
I can't see the sense in it.
238
00:12:39,490 --> 00:12:40,970
A smart soldier is a good soldier.
239
00:12:41,190 --> 00:12:45,550
I have heard that before, but bull is
so... I didn't invite you here. It's got
240
00:12:45,550 --> 00:12:46,449
spit and polish.
241
00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:50,850
The fact is, the sergeants and I are
looking for new NCOs, and if I'm any
242
00:12:50,850 --> 00:12:56,650
of a man, and I think I am, then you
have the necessary qualities of
243
00:12:56,850 --> 00:12:58,750
discipline, and reliability.
244
00:13:04,359 --> 00:13:09,500
NCO rank in the Navy, didn't you? Oh,
aye, that I did, sir. I was Chief Petty
245
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,440
Officer till I was busted.
246
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:17,280
Busted? I struck the officer of the
watch, sir. Did you?
247
00:13:17,580 --> 00:13:18,700
With a boathook.
248
00:13:19,820 --> 00:13:20,819
Oh, dear.
249
00:13:20,820 --> 00:13:22,060
The crooked end.
250
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:28,420
Well, I'm sure you had good reason. Oh,
aye, I had that, sir. Yes, I'm sure you
251
00:13:28,420 --> 00:13:29,740
had. I was drunk.
252
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:33,380
Well, anyway, that's all in the past
now.
253
00:13:33,950 --> 00:13:37,950
No chance of that happening again, eh,
Sergeant? No, sir, no, no, no, not with
254
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:38,950
boot hook.
255
00:13:39,770 --> 00:13:42,650
Well, I take it you'll accept the
strike, Fraser?
256
00:13:42,870 --> 00:13:44,110
Oh, yes, indeed, sir.
257
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:47,970
Sir, I do like your new hat.
258
00:13:49,310 --> 00:13:50,970
It suits you fine.
259
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:52,370
Well, thank you very much, Fraser.
260
00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:54,090
Wilson? Sir?
261
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,770
Go get Jones in here, would you? Sir?
262
00:13:57,050 --> 00:13:57,909
Corporal Jones?
263
00:13:57,910 --> 00:13:58,910
Yes.
264
00:14:00,439 --> 00:14:04,360
Now, Jones, I want you to be the first
to know that I'm promoting Fraser here
265
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,160
Lance Corporal. Will you speak, sir?
266
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:07,940
Yes. That's a very good choice, sir.
267
00:14:08,260 --> 00:14:12,580
Now, that means that we've got room on
the establishment for a full corporal.
268
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:15,260
Oh, that's a nice bit of news, sir. That
is a nice bit of news.
269
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:20,040
As commander in the field, I must make
sure that we get the right man. The man
270
00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:21,600
with the best fighting potential.
271
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,840
Yes, sir. I am the right man for the
job, sir.
272
00:14:24,170 --> 00:14:25,430
I am the man with the fight potential.
273
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:29,110
And what is more, I would let them have
a taste of curled steel, because they
274
00:14:29,110 --> 00:14:31,350
don't like it at them, sir. They do not
like it at them!
275
00:14:31,730 --> 00:14:36,150
All right, Jones, now what we're going
to do is we're going to pick our full
276
00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:38,170
corporal from our two lance corporals.
277
00:14:38,430 --> 00:14:39,710
Oh, I see.
278
00:14:40,090 --> 00:14:41,410
Sort of competition -like.
279
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:42,630
In a way, yes.
280
00:14:42,710 --> 00:14:44,270
Well, that's fair, I suppose.
281
00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:47,670
It will be, after you've stopped braving
them mistakes.
282
00:14:48,170 --> 00:14:49,170
Fraser!
283
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:53,040
I can assure you that Jones's activities
as a tradesman will in no way influence
284
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,040
our decision.
285
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,140
That's quite right, sir.
286
00:14:57,340 --> 00:15:00,720
I would not like to take an unfair
advantage or put a forward conception on
287
00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:03,840
sir. Well, I'll tell you what I'll do,
Jock. I will withhold their meat ration
288
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,180
until they've awarded the strap.
289
00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:09,640
I like that fine. And then when they've
awarded the strap, they can have their
290
00:15:09,640 --> 00:15:10,640
meat back again.
291
00:15:11,240 --> 00:15:12,940
Or not, as the case may be.
292
00:15:20,750 --> 00:15:23,130
You think old England's dumb.
293
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:27,450
Pay attention, men.
294
00:15:27,890 --> 00:15:30,790
I want you to bring those chairs and
gather around the platform there for a
295
00:15:30,790 --> 00:15:31,990
lecture. Right.
296
00:15:33,030 --> 00:15:36,110
Gather the chairs, gather around the
platform, let the captain see.
297
00:15:36,850 --> 00:15:38,410
Come on, look lively there.
298
00:15:38,910 --> 00:15:40,150
Quickly, add the double.
299
00:15:41,150 --> 00:15:43,590
I thought you put a shambles here. Come
on.
300
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,180
I'm ready for the lecture, sir. I'm
ready for the lecture, sir.
301
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:52,299
Thank you, corporal.
302
00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:53,300
Back to Cleveland.
303
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:54,620
Thank you, sir.
304
00:15:55,260 --> 00:15:58,640
Some keen NCOs now, eh, Sergeant? Yes,
there are indeed, Sergeant, sir.
305
00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:02,540
Now, I want you to pay particular
attention to what I'm about to say. Pay
306
00:16:02,540 --> 00:16:04,620
attention, here. You, Godfrey.
307
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:13,760
The fact that Hitler hasn't kicked off
with his invasion yet does not mean to
308
00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,580
say that the Whistler's gone for no
side.
309
00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:21,450
it's perfectly possible that he will
launch recce parties ashore from
310
00:16:21,450 --> 00:16:24,070
to try to find out the disposition of
our forces.
311
00:16:24,330 --> 00:16:25,350
You're right, sir.
312
00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:27,490
The captain's right, you know.
313
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:31,610
Yes, thank you, Fraser.
314
00:16:32,470 --> 00:16:37,810
Now, this could happen at any time,
before the church bells could ring,
315
00:16:37,810 --> 00:16:39,730
we're in our homes or in our shop.
316
00:16:40,130 --> 00:16:41,130
Excuse me, sir.
317
00:16:41,410 --> 00:16:45,010
It's just possible, is it not, that you
might be in your bank, sir?
318
00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,920
Yes, it is just possible, Fraser. Thank
you, sir.
319
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,360
But we are going to be ready for them.
320
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:57,260
Our watchword must be, they shall not
pass.
321
00:16:58,060 --> 00:16:59,160
Beautiful words.
322
00:17:00,220 --> 00:17:02,780
Oh, these are beautiful words.
323
00:17:04,220 --> 00:17:10,760
So, there we are in our homes, probably
without our gun, when suddenly a
324
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:15,720
ruthless Nazi stormtrooper bursts in
with a Luger in his hand or a machine
325
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:20,160
There he stands, facing us. Now, what do
we do?
326
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:21,500
I'll have done it.
327
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:23,760
That's enough of that.
328
00:17:23,839 --> 00:17:25,300
I've got his name, sir.
329
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,500
He's got your name, Joe. Yeah, I've got
his whiskey.
330
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:35,340
Now, I dare say that you think that this
situation is pretty hopeless.
331
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:37,500
Absolutely hopeless, sir.
332
00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:38,639
Well, it's not.
333
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,120
Not hopeless at all.
334
00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:47,030
All you need is a clear head, nerves of
steel, And a quick hand.
335
00:17:47,350 --> 00:17:48,350
And a tank.
336
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:50,790
That's Walker again, sir.
337
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,050
I'll get his name.
338
00:17:52,270 --> 00:17:53,270
Two men fallen.
339
00:17:53,630 --> 00:17:56,370
Fraser, Fraser, don't get so excited.
Get back to your place, Fraser.
340
00:17:57,150 --> 00:18:00,030
I seem to have created some sort of
monster. Well, new broom.
341
00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:01,109
Is that it?
342
00:18:01,110 --> 00:18:03,490
No, Walker. In a situation like this,
you do not need a tank.
343
00:18:03,870 --> 00:18:06,210
All you need is the gut and the know
-how.
344
00:18:06,690 --> 00:18:08,890
Now, I know that you've all got the gut.
345
00:18:09,290 --> 00:18:12,370
And before you leave this hall, I'm
going to give you the know -how.
346
00:18:12,590 --> 00:18:13,610
I want two volunteers.
347
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:18,160
Two keen men.
348
00:18:18,620 --> 00:18:22,760
Now, I want one of you to be the Nazi
stormtrooper.
349
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:24,540
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. Right.
350
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,000
Stand over there.
351
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:32,320
Now, Jones, I want you to imagine that
you're in your shop this afternoon going
352
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,420
about your normal business.
353
00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:34,199
Yes, sir.
354
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:34,979
And Fraser.
355
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:35,980
Mr. Smith, sir. Yes?
356
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,080
I wouldn't have been in my shop this
afternoon, sir.
357
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,580
No? Well, let's just imagine that you
were, eh? Yes, sir.
358
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,220
Now, Fraser, you come in through the
door. See, sir, it's early closing day
359
00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:46,700
today, sir. Yes, let's just ignore that.
360
00:18:46,980 --> 00:18:49,240
For the time being, Jones.
361
00:18:50,020 --> 00:18:54,800
Now, Fraser, you burst through the door
and tell him to stick him up.
362
00:18:55,060 --> 00:18:55,959
Handy hock.
363
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:56,960
What was that?
364
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:01,380
Handy hock. That's German parley -voo
for stick him up. Handy hock.
365
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,600
Oh, I see.
366
00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:04,520
Right, in you come, Fraser.
367
00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:05,980
Handy hock.
368
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:07,800
Schweinhund Englischer.
369
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:09,280
Handy hock.
370
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,440
Schnell, schnell.
371
00:19:21,580 --> 00:19:22,419
to do, Jones?
372
00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:24,220
I think I put my hand in his hock, sir.
373
00:19:25,740 --> 00:19:29,620
Very sensible. No point in antagonizing
him. No, sir.
374
00:19:30,380 --> 00:19:35,140
Now, the next thing you want to do is to
fix him with a stare. Fix him with a
375
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:39,820
stare. Right, sir. And when you've got
his attention, then you can distract
376
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:40,839
you see.
377
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,400
Big... Oh, gosh. I'll show you.
378
00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:44,860
Now, look straight at me, Fraser.
379
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:46,840
Sir. Straight in the eye.
380
00:19:54,570 --> 00:19:55,570
be ready.
381
00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:58,050
No, and nor will the boss be.
382
00:19:58,550 --> 00:20:04,010
Now, I want you to take particular note
of how I'm holding this chair, you see.
383
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:08,070
You must lunge with the legs, like so.
384
00:20:08,910 --> 00:20:10,690
Like a lion tamer, sir.
385
00:20:10,970 --> 00:20:13,010
Like a lion tamer, Godfrey, yes.
386
00:20:14,410 --> 00:20:20,350
No point swiping about a bit. No, sir.
You must lunge, lunge, lunge.
387
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,200
Sorry, sir, I did not know that you were
going to be lunging backwards, sir.
388
00:20:25,620 --> 00:20:26,620
Well, then, there you are.
389
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,880
You can now deal with a nasty
stormtrooper with a gun.
390
00:20:30,540 --> 00:20:31,540
One small problem, sir.
391
00:20:31,780 --> 00:20:34,100
Yes, what's that, Jones? I haven't got
any chairs in my shop.
392
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:40,460
Well, I'm sure you can improvise some
sort of weapon. You could always get him
393
00:20:40,460 --> 00:20:42,300
to sit on the bacon slicer, Jonesy.
394
00:20:43,620 --> 00:20:44,900
I'll get his name, sir.
395
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,340
Don't be facetious, Walker.
396
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,520
The very real enemy we're dealing with
here. Let me take it clean.
397
00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:52,740
No!
398
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,520
He's going to have to go, you know.
399
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:59,040
They say that power corrupts. Yeah, and
absolute power corrupts absolutely.
400
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:01,020
Oh, does it?
401
00:21:05,100 --> 00:21:06,200
One more volunteer.
402
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,000
Walker. I never said a word. You're
volunteering.
403
00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:11,219
Oh, am I?
404
00:21:11,220 --> 00:21:13,160
Jump to it. All right, all right.
405
00:21:13,380 --> 00:21:15,480
Come on, Walker, take the gun from
Fraser.
406
00:21:16,270 --> 00:21:19,150
Now, Jones, you're going about your
usual business. Yes, sir, I thought if
407
00:21:19,150 --> 00:21:22,290
didn't mind, sir, I would be poking the
fire, if that's all right with you, sir.
408
00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:23,350
Poking the fire.
409
00:21:23,410 --> 00:21:25,190
Yes, indeed. Anything you like. Right
-o, sir.
410
00:21:25,890 --> 00:21:26,890
In you come, Walker.
411
00:21:27,510 --> 00:21:28,510
Andy Ock.
412
00:21:30,350 --> 00:21:31,350
There's that stair, sir.
413
00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:34,030
That is that.
414
00:21:34,330 --> 00:21:36,310
Aye. That's another bit German.
415
00:21:36,610 --> 00:21:38,790
That is that. German for what is that?
416
00:21:39,090 --> 00:21:41,490
What is what? You're supposed to be
looking over there.
417
00:21:41,690 --> 00:21:43,770
Oh, yeah, I forgot all about that.
Sorry, let's go again, Jones.
418
00:21:44,130 --> 00:21:45,130
Let's go again.
419
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:47,890
Fire this afternoon.
420
00:21:50,110 --> 00:21:51,110
Andy Ock.
421
00:21:52,270 --> 00:21:53,270
Pussys dust.
422
00:21:55,010 --> 00:21:56,010
Oh.
423
00:22:02,430 --> 00:22:04,290
I reckon you're dead, Jonesy.
424
00:22:04,710 --> 00:22:07,230
Yes, like I said, sir, I wouldn't have
had any chairs in my shop.
425
00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:09,830
Excuse me, sir, isn't it about time some
of the men went on guard?
426
00:22:10,190 --> 00:22:11,190
Oh, good heavens, yes.
427
00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:13,690
Fraser. Yes, sir. Call in the guard.
428
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:15,250
Yes, sir.
429
00:22:15,370 --> 00:22:16,370
Guard.
430
00:22:17,290 --> 00:22:21,010
Jump to it. Add the double. Come on.
You'll need to smarten your ideas up a
431
00:22:21,130 --> 00:22:23,090
Right. Chin in. Chest out.
432
00:22:23,370 --> 00:22:24,370
Stomach in.
433
00:22:24,810 --> 00:22:25,870
Guard. Shunt.
434
00:22:26,750 --> 00:22:28,150
Left. Down.
435
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:31,370
To the parade ground.
436
00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:32,770
Quick march.
437
00:22:33,290 --> 00:22:36,150
Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right.
Add the double.
438
00:22:36,510 --> 00:22:38,690
One. Two. One. Two. One. Two. Left.
439
00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:52,200
Wilson,
440
00:22:56,340 --> 00:23:00,060
I think we've picked the right one
there, Wilson. I quite agree, sir.
441
00:23:00,060 --> 00:23:01,100
certainly picked the right one.
442
00:23:04,700 --> 00:23:05,700
Wilson!
443
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,040
Wilson! Sir?
444
00:23:11,420 --> 00:23:13,180
What the devil's going on here?
445
00:23:13,420 --> 00:23:16,160
Ah, yes, sir. Sir, we see the vicar
found two tins of whitewash.
446
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,820
So he and the verger decided to, uh...
447
00:23:19,370 --> 00:23:20,370
lighten their darkness.
448
00:23:20,590 --> 00:23:21,590
Really?
449
00:23:22,230 --> 00:23:23,310
Help me move this stuff.
450
00:23:23,630 --> 00:23:25,830
Well, do you think we should, sir? I
mean, it is after all the vicar's desk.
451
00:23:26,110 --> 00:23:28,850
Now, look, this position with the church
has got to be clarified.
452
00:23:29,230 --> 00:23:32,290
I mean, all that confusion between the
ammunition and the altar candles would
453
00:23:32,290 --> 00:23:33,970
have looked very bad if the balloon had
gone out.
454
00:23:34,290 --> 00:23:38,210
Now, shove that over there and we can
put it back after the parade.
455
00:23:38,410 --> 00:23:39,410
Of course, sir, yes.
456
00:23:40,810 --> 00:23:42,050
Ah, Corporal Fraser.
457
00:23:44,490 --> 00:23:45,810
This will have to go, you know.
458
00:23:46,630 --> 00:23:50,240
All went well with the guard last night.
Aye, indeed, sir.
459
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:52,340
Here are the charge sheets.
460
00:23:52,540 --> 00:23:53,419
Oh, thank you.
461
00:23:53,420 --> 00:23:55,480
Charge sheets? That's what I said, sir.
462
00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:57,220
Charge sheets.
463
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,960
Private Pike, deserting his post.
464
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:03,920
Private Godfrey, carded to the face of
the enemy.
465
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:07,180
Private Walker, mutiny.
466
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:11,000
These are rather serious charges, you
know, Fraser.
467
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:12,920
Aye, I came that fine, sir.
468
00:24:13,220 --> 00:24:15,320
And I hope you make an example of these
men.
469
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,400
and treat them with the utmost severity,
sir.
470
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:19,800
I see.
471
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,040
Would you mind leaving us for a moment,
corporal? Yes, sir. I'll talk this over
472
00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,040
with the sergeant.
473
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:27,980
I'll have the prisoners and escorts
standing by, sir.
474
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,880
Do you think I should get a reliable man
to take this thing away, sir? Oh, never
475
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,160
mind about that now. We've got these
charge things to deal with. I didn't
476
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:40,320
we were allowed to charge anybody, sir.
No, neither did I. I mean, what can I
477
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:41,319
punish them with?
478
00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:45,560
We can't give Pike... confined to
barracks was shorthanded enough at the
479
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:49,920
it is. Or maybe you could explain to
Pike, sir, that CB really means confined
480
00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,420
bank. Oh, don't be absurd.
481
00:24:51,900 --> 00:24:54,960
We can't dock their pay because they
don't get any, and what's worse than
482
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,600
these charges in the field are court
-martial offences. They carry the death
483
00:24:58,600 --> 00:24:59,600
penalty.
484
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:02,600
Well, maybe you should give them good
talking to, sir.
485
00:25:03,460 --> 00:25:04,460
Come in.
486
00:25:06,540 --> 00:25:09,020
Sir! Ah, Corporal Jones.
487
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,440
I've got a serious complaint, sir.
What's that?
488
00:25:11,870 --> 00:25:13,770
That's corporal Fraser's put me on a
fizzer, sir.
489
00:25:14,530 --> 00:25:16,290
Here it is, sir. It's on the paper.
490
00:25:16,750 --> 00:25:20,030
You'll have to go through with it, sir.
He can't do that, sir. I've seen you to
491
00:25:20,030 --> 00:25:21,030
him, sir.
492
00:25:21,670 --> 00:25:28,470
Corporal Jones, sir, in front of my men,
called me a stupid old... What's on
493
00:25:28,470 --> 00:25:29,449
that paper, sir?
494
00:25:29,450 --> 00:25:32,930
You know that I didn't know... All
right, all right, that's enough.
495
00:25:33,150 --> 00:25:34,550
Get the rest of those men in here,
Fraser.
496
00:25:42,220 --> 00:25:44,220
Right, left, right, left, right. Left
wheel.
497
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,540
Left, right, left, right, left, right,
left, right, left, right. Halt.
498
00:25:49,100 --> 00:25:50,300
Right turn.
499
00:25:52,420 --> 00:25:54,780
Prisoners ready for trial, sir.
500
00:25:55,040 --> 00:26:01,020
Oh, this is ludicrous. Get rid of that
damn plank. But you were the officer.
501
00:26:01,060 --> 00:26:02,860
Come here. Come on, that's it.
502
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:04,360
Careful,
503
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,480
careful.
504
00:26:18,350 --> 00:26:22,270
Get those escorts out of here. These
aren't criminals on the run. Get them
505
00:26:22,630 --> 00:26:23,690
Escorts dismissed.
506
00:26:28,770 --> 00:26:31,330
Now, first things first.
507
00:26:31,630 --> 00:26:32,850
Let's get to the bottom of this.
508
00:26:33,110 --> 00:26:34,790
What happened last night? Pike?
509
00:26:35,510 --> 00:26:36,439
Well, sir.
510
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,960
I was on duty in the slit trench, sir.
Then this great big Alsatian dog came up
511
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,840
and started barking at me, sir. I think
he was after me aniseed balls.
512
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:44,360
Anyway,
513
00:26:44,980 --> 00:26:47,920
I went to the guardhouse to get a bone
to placate him. That's all I did, sir.
514
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:49,940
Deserting his post, sir.
515
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:55,280
Godfrey! Well, sir, Corporal Fraser
asked me to go and help Pike.
516
00:26:55,540 --> 00:26:58,080
And I said, I'd rather not, you see.
517
00:26:59,260 --> 00:27:02,040
Because dogs don't like me.
518
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:04,040
Even little dogs.
519
00:27:04,330 --> 00:27:06,390
I seem to bring out the worst in dogs.
520
00:27:06,670 --> 00:27:10,910
So, I said, if it's all the same to you,
I'd rather not.
521
00:27:13,350 --> 00:27:14,350
Sir!
522
00:27:14,990 --> 00:27:16,770
Cowardice in the face of the enemy.
523
00:27:17,390 --> 00:27:19,690
You can hardly call an elf face from the
enemy.
524
00:27:20,010 --> 00:27:21,570
A German dog, sir.
525
00:27:22,770 --> 00:27:29,270
Walk up. Well, I told Taffy if he didn't
stop being so
526
00:27:29,270 --> 00:27:30,830
regimental, we'd stop his whiskey.
527
00:27:31,420 --> 00:27:32,420
Did you know that, sir?
528
00:27:32,820 --> 00:27:36,380
We'd stop his whiskey. We'd conspire
together. That is mutiny.
529
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:42,300
And Corporal Jones, just now, in front
of my men, called me a stupid old...
530
00:27:42,300 --> 00:27:47,100
What's on that sheet, sir? I did not,
sir! It's just that he said to me, I
531
00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:50,900
suppose you think I'm a stupid old...
What's written on that bit of paper? And
532
00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:52,800
said, yes, I think you are.
533
00:27:54,990 --> 00:28:00,990
I mean, I don't care... Simply because
dogs don't like me.
534
00:28:01,550 --> 00:28:05,690
Can I be getting on with the ceiling? I
won't disturb you any more than
535
00:28:05,690 --> 00:28:07,790
necessary. Now, look here, Verger.
536
00:28:08,350 --> 00:28:09,390
This is the last straw.
537
00:28:09,970 --> 00:28:12,330
Now, can't you wait for ten minutes?
Blast you!
538
00:28:12,610 --> 00:28:14,570
Oh, I'm going to have this out with the
vicar.
539
00:28:14,810 --> 00:28:18,110
And if he asks me, you're the silly
old... What's on that paper?
540
00:28:20,370 --> 00:28:21,370
Now, listen to me.
541
00:28:21,690 --> 00:28:24,800
I'm going to adjourn this... case until
I can find the time to take legal
542
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:28,340
advice. In the meantime, you're to
return to your duties, which are to
543
00:28:28,340 --> 00:28:30,960
yourselves to defend your homes against
the nasty assault.
544
00:28:31,220 --> 00:28:32,220
Is that understood?
545
00:28:32,280 --> 00:28:33,280
Yes, sir. Right.
546
00:28:34,100 --> 00:28:36,800
Prisoners! I can give that order. I'm
senior to you.
547
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:38,720
Oh, come on. Get out, the lot of you.
548
00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,480
I was once bitten by Pekingese. Oh, get
out, all of you!
549
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:46,680
So is it all behind you?
550
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:50,680
I'm a patient man, Wilson.
551
00:28:51,290 --> 00:28:53,010
But I think I'm coming to the end of my
tether.
552
00:28:53,210 --> 00:28:55,130
This is exasperating, isn't it, sir?
Yes.
553
00:28:58,190 --> 00:28:59,190
Hey, you!
554
00:28:59,670 --> 00:29:00,950
Hold my charger!
555
00:29:01,650 --> 00:29:02,710
Mean we're in!
556
00:29:03,530 --> 00:29:05,170
Oh, no, not him again.
557
00:29:05,750 --> 00:29:06,750
Great Scott!
558
00:29:07,410 --> 00:29:09,050
Aha! Gotcha!
559
00:29:09,550 --> 00:29:12,710
First lesson of warfare, never leave
your rear exposed.
560
00:29:15,310 --> 00:29:16,310
Remember me?
561
00:29:16,590 --> 00:29:19,050
Square. The name's Square.
562
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:22,700
Oh, yes, sir. You were with Lawrence of
Arabia, weren't you? Colonel Square,
563
00:29:22,820 --> 00:29:24,280
sir. Corporal Colonel Square.
564
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:25,559
Corporal Colonel?
565
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:28,040
Of course. Couldn't be Colonel Corporal,
could it?
566
00:29:28,880 --> 00:29:33,360
I've been attached by HQ to train you in
guerrilla warfare.
567
00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:38,400
Well, there it is. Ours not to reason
why.
568
00:29:39,980 --> 00:29:42,940
Well, I must say, it's jolly good to be
back in the saddle again.
569
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:46,540
Oh, we're not going to go through all
that disgusting business with the horses
570
00:29:46,540 --> 00:29:48,340
again, are we? Good Lord, no.
571
00:29:48,780 --> 00:29:52,080
You've got to get those old -fashioned
notions out of your head once and for
572
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:53,080
all.
573
00:29:53,860 --> 00:29:54,920
My hat.
574
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:57,200
Charge seats.
575
00:29:57,420 --> 00:30:03,700
Two 5 -2s. By Jove, that takes me back.
I haven't seen one of those since 1919.
576
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,820
Do you know, we once got through 5 ,000
of these in a month.
577
00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:11,000
5 ,000 charge sheets?
578
00:30:11,220 --> 00:30:12,220
Well, why not?
579
00:30:12,300 --> 00:30:15,720
We were stuck in the middle of the
desert. There wasn't anything else.
580
00:30:18,540 --> 00:30:22,400
What fools made these up? Aren't they
any good, sir? Well, of course they
581
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:23,400
aren't.
582
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:25,400
Mutiny is not section 40.
583
00:30:25,780 --> 00:30:26,960
Neither is cowardice.
584
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,700
By Jove, you fellas are all the same.
585
00:30:29,900 --> 00:30:31,000
Playing at soldiers.
586
00:30:31,380 --> 00:30:32,380
Your men on parade?
587
00:30:32,580 --> 00:30:36,240
I think they're in the hall outside,
sir. Right. I'll start licking them into
588
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,040
cake. By the look of those.
589
00:30:38,620 --> 00:30:41,940
God, Pete, you could do with a bit of
discipline round here.
590
00:30:42,220 --> 00:30:44,900
Oh, by the way, I brought you these.
591
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,960
I seem to remember you're rather partial
to them. What's this?
592
00:30:49,740 --> 00:30:50,740
Flies.
593
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,640
All right, men, fall in. Come along.
Fall in.
594
00:30:56,740 --> 00:30:58,100
Wilson? Sir?
595
00:30:58,440 --> 00:30:59,960
Things are completely out of hand.
596
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,420
I shall be very glad when this day is
over.
597
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:03,680
I agree, sir.
598
00:31:03,770 --> 00:31:07,490
But if these charge sheets are made out
incorrectly, why don't we just drop it?
599
00:31:07,550 --> 00:31:08,570
Forget all about it.
600
00:31:08,850 --> 00:31:11,870
Look, the point is to stop our NGOs
making out anymore.
601
00:31:12,150 --> 00:31:15,070
I think you have no need to worry about
old Jonesy, sir. Look, we'd better have
602
00:31:15,070 --> 00:31:16,650
a talk with Fraser before anything else
happens.
603
00:31:17,110 --> 00:31:18,110
I'll get him in.
604
00:31:18,970 --> 00:31:21,570
You! You! You did this deliberately!
605
00:31:21,910 --> 00:31:23,230
What is it now, Fraser?
606
00:31:23,630 --> 00:31:29,270
That horse riding maniac has put me, me,
on a bloody fissure!
607
00:31:29,670 --> 00:31:30,670
Fraser!
608
00:31:30,870 --> 00:31:31,870
Wilson!
609
00:31:34,399 --> 00:31:37,900
Prisoners and escort, left, right, left,
right, left,
610
00:31:38,940 --> 00:31:39,940
right, left.
611
00:31:40,420 --> 00:31:43,400
We'll put right on.
612
00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:44,940
What does all this mean?
613
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:49,280
Slackest rebel I've ever seen in my
life, sir. They're all on a charge.
614
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:54,500
Idle on parade. And what's more, I've
charged that Scotch NCO of yours with
615
00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:57,700
insolence. Yes, sir. And what he said
was a jolly sight worse than what was
616
00:31:57,700 --> 00:31:59,400
written on that bit of paper. Don't get
crazy.
617
00:32:09,390 --> 00:32:16,330
I don't think Fraser will be very long,
sir. He's only just gone round the
618
00:32:16,330 --> 00:32:17,330
corner. What are those for?
619
00:32:17,570 --> 00:32:18,810
He's gone to get a boat hook.
620
00:32:51,050 --> 00:32:55,290
And if you want more from Dad's Army,
the last episodes, well, don't panic.
621
00:32:55,370 --> 00:32:58,890
Tomorrow at 8 o 'clock, there's the
third new and exclusive episode.
622
00:32:59,170 --> 00:33:01,730
And you get to have a sneak peek of it
next.
623
00:33:01,930 --> 00:33:05,450
And if you missed last night, make sure
to catch up on demand.
624
00:33:05,830 --> 00:33:09,350
Up next tonight, well, it's classic
Dad's Army.
47512
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