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1
00:00:01,968 --> 00:00:03,837
- ? MTV ?
2
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,376
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:09,476 --> 00:00:12,412
[rock music]
4
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:19,486
? ?
5
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,793
- Uh, we're here to pay
our parking tickets.
6
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,896
- Yeah, let's make it quick.
Yeah.
7
00:00:28,897 --> 00:00:29,995
[chuckles]
8
00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:31,331
- Guys, this is a church.
9
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:34,468
The courthouse is two
blocks down the street.
10
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:35,802
- Huh?
11
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,204
- Huh.
12
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:38,738
Well, Your Honor,
if it's not a courthouse,
13
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:39,939
what are you doing here?
14
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,042
[chuckles]
15
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:43,043
- No, I'm not a judge.
16
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:44,645
I am a priest.
17
00:00:44,646 --> 00:00:45,744
- Oh, I get it now.
18
00:00:45,745 --> 00:00:47,915
Yeah, a priest.
I see. [chuckles]
19
00:00:47,982 --> 00:00:50,784
- Easy mistake to make.
[chuckles]
20
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:52,685
So, Your Honor,
how much is it gonna take
21
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:55,188
to make these tickets go away?
[chuckles]
22
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,589
- Yeah, maybe get
a little something nice
23
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,025
for yourself, you know?
24
00:00:58,026 --> 00:00:59,392
Some more of those
beads, maybe?
25
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,627
[chuckles]
26
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,196
Damn it.
27
00:01:02,197 --> 00:01:04,797
We come here every day, and
that guy never takes our money.
28
00:01:04,798 --> 00:01:05,999
[chuckles]
29
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,200
- Well, that's the government
for you, Beavis.
30
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,136
Nobody wants to work.
[chuckles]
31
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:11,638
- Hi, I'm Richard.
32
00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,706
I've noticed you two
spend a lot of time here.
33
00:01:13,707 --> 00:01:15,575
It's a wonderful
community, isn't it?
34
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,577
- Yeah, we're here because
we parked in a zone.
35
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:18,645
Yeah.
[chuckles]
36
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,081
- Well, the congregation
has organized
37
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:25,151
a mission trip to Mexico, and
we'd love to have you join us.
38
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,822
- Uh, you guys are
going on a mission?
39
00:01:27,823 --> 00:01:28,955
[chuckles]
40
00:01:28,956 --> 00:01:30,591
- Sure are.
41
00:01:30,592 --> 00:01:32,825
We're going down there for the
day to fight structural poverty
42
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,294
and combat homelessness.
43
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,796
- Well, combat is cool.
44
00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,130
Yeah. [chuckles]
45
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:38,832
Yeah, I wanna fight structures.
46
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:40,401
Yeah.
[chuckles]
47
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,636
- Uh, can you excuse us, sir?
48
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,738
[chuckles]
That guy wants us to go
49
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:48,776
on a combat mission for,
like, the army or something.
50
00:01:48,843 --> 00:01:50,144
[chuckles]
51
00:01:50,145 --> 00:01:51,811
- Yeah, remember we
wanted to join the army
52
00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,279
after high school,
but they said we were
53
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,483
like, mentality or something?
54
00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:56,984
[chuckles]
55
00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:59,419
- I wanna blow stuff up
with a tank.
56
00:01:59,453 --> 00:02:00,788
[chuckles]
57
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,931
- And I would like
a flamethrower, please.
58
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,325
Yeah.
[chuckles]
59
00:02:04,326 --> 00:02:06,025
- You boys have
a high school diploma?
60
00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:07,627
- Is that that thing
they give you when
61
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,830
you drop out of high school?
[chuckles]
62
00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:11,565
- I lost mine.
63
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,400
[chuckles]
64
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,702
- Yeah, he told us
the army was full.
65
00:02:15,769 --> 00:02:16,903
[chuckles]
66
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:18,706
- See, maybe this
is our chance.
67
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,708
I always wanted to serve
my country with a flamethrower.
68
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,176
Yeah.
[chuckles]
69
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:24,879
- We'll do it, Sarge.
70
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,646
- We're ready to go
to war, sir.
71
00:02:26,647 --> 00:02:27,680
[chuckles]
72
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:28,949
- Ha!
73
00:02:28,950 --> 00:02:30,149
Always great
to have some volunteers
74
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,318
with a sense of humor.
75
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,520
See you on the bus.
76
00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,521
- We're silent but deadly.
77
00:02:34,554 --> 00:02:37,390
[both chuckling]
78
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:39,793
[upbeat electronic music]
79
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,930
- Most guys in their 30s,
40s, and 50s or beyond
80
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,132
seem to have
a huge misconception
81
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:46,800
about dating younger women.
82
00:02:46,801 --> 00:02:48,134
And if you fall into that-
- Uh-huh.
83
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:50,237
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
84
00:02:50,304 --> 00:02:52,272
Yeah, I'm listening. Yeah.
85
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:53,840
[chuckles]
86
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,341
- In your dating life and
keeping you single
87
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,643
and not dating hot,
young women.
88
00:02:56,644 --> 00:02:57,745
So in today's-
89
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,647
- Okay, I'm all ears.
[chuckles]
90
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,117
- Don't know is that they can
actually turn their age
91
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:07,621
into an advantage with women if
they do just one simple thing.
92
00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:10,090
- Uh, wow.
93
00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:12,058
You know, like, I always
thought the reason
94
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,693
I don't score is
'cause there's just
95
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,796
one simple thing I don't do.
96
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,799
[chuckles] And now she's
gonna tell us what it is.
97
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,400
[chuckles]
- Yeah, yeah, me too.
98
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,234
You know, it's like,
man, chicks look at me,
99
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:23,903
and they're like,
you know, he's just
100
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:26,039
only doing one thing wrong.
101
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,075
Otherwise, I'd score with him.
102
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:29,610
[chuckles]
103
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:32,179
- You see, most younger girls
can fall in love
104
00:03:32,245 --> 00:03:34,014
with an older man very easily.
105
00:03:34,015 --> 00:03:36,615
In fact, not only can I say
that from my own experience,
106
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:37,918
but there have-
107
00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:41,488
- She's like, I have two
100-year-old husbands.
108
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,223
[both chuckling]
109
00:03:43,224 --> 00:03:44,857
- older men as
more confident,
110
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:47,794
assertive, and masculine
than guys their age.
111
00:03:47,861 --> 00:03:49,830
And that's incredibly
sexy to a woman.
112
00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,398
So if you as an older guy-
113
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:53,367
- This chick is great.
114
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:55,068
Yeah.
[chuckles]
115
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:58,038
- She's like, not afraid
to say the things
116
00:03:58,072 --> 00:03:59,840
that I wanna believe
is the truth.
117
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:01,075
[chuckles]
118
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:02,843
- Yeah, yeah, exactly.
119
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,378
Yeah, yeah.
[chuckles]
120
00:04:04,379 --> 00:04:06,111
- As an older guy, you don't
want them to be impressed.
121
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:08,013
You want them attracted.
So this is a huge mistake.
122
00:04:08,014 --> 00:04:09,782
It makes you come off
as a needy try-hard
123
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,918
and shows that you really
don't trust
124
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,353
in your own value as a man.
125
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:16,523
- So she's saying the problem
is we're trying too hard?
126
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:19,960
I don't know how much not
harder I could try, you know?
127
00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,361
[chuckles]
128
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:24,031
I mean,
that might be impossible.
129
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,181
[chuckles]
130
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,668
- Uh, yeah, really.
131
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:30,137
We're sexy
'cause we don't care.
132
00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:32,472
[chuckles]
133
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,808
- Number one, you make
strong eye contact.
134
00:04:34,809 --> 00:04:35,908
And this seems-
135
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,111
- Uh, yeah.
136
00:04:37,178 --> 00:04:39,646
I make strong eye contact.
137
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:41,048
With their butt.
138
00:04:41,114 --> 00:04:44,385
[both chuckling]
139
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:47,788
- This is such a neat, little
trick, I guess, that guys do.
140
00:04:47,789 --> 00:04:49,822
All you have to do is
call a girl by a nickname
141
00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:50,924
that you gave her.
142
00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:53,127
Chatterbox if she talks a lot-
143
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:54,461
- Nickname?
144
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,661
Okay, I guess I could do that.
145
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,764
I mean, what's a cute,
fun nickname?
146
00:04:57,831 --> 00:04:58,899
[chuckles]
147
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,969
- Hello there, asswipe.
[chuckles]
148
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:03,804
Nice to meet you.
[chuckles]
149
00:05:03,871 --> 00:05:05,672
- Can I buy you a drink-
[chuckles]
150
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:08,509
My little asswipe?
[chuckles]
151
00:05:08,575 --> 00:05:10,510
Also, you talk too much.
152
00:05:10,577 --> 00:05:11,979
[chuckles]
153
00:05:11,980 --> 00:05:13,979
- I've noticed you've always
got your nose in a book.
154
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,884
[chuckles] So I'm gonna
call you butthole.
155
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,785
[both chuckling]
156
00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:21,489
- Number four,
small disagreements.
157
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,324
So you see, another mistake-
158
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:24,558
- Oh.
159
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:25,926
Wait a minute, Butt-Head.
160
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,495
Everything she's saying
is stuff you do to me.
161
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:31,465
You, like, disagree with me,
and-and you call me names.
162
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,000
And-
- Damn it, Beavis.
163
00:05:33,067 --> 00:05:34,602
No, I don't.
- See?
164
00:05:34,603 --> 00:05:35,968
See, you're doing it
right there.
165
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,203
You're disagreeing with me.
166
00:05:37,204 --> 00:05:38,805
- Damn it, Beavis! Shut up.
167
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:40,906
- Butt-Head, are you
trying to score with me?
168
00:05:40,907 --> 00:05:42,508
- Damn it, Beavis,
if you say one more thing
169
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,739
like that, I'm gonna
beat the crap out of you.
170
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,947
- Whoa, whoa.
Hey, hey, take it easy.
171
00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:48,548
Kind of coming across as a
little bit
172
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:50,985
of a desperate trier
or whatever. [chuckles]
173
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,741
- Damn it, butthole!
- Yeah, see?
174
00:05:52,742 --> 00:05:54,887
See, there-there's
with the nicknames. [chuckles]
175
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,657
Look, Butt-Head, I mean,
not that there's anything
176
00:05:57,724 --> 00:06:00,427
wrong with it, but,
um, I just, uh,
177
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,128
my tastes don't run that way.
178
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,497
Agh!
179
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,733
- Damn it, Beavis.
- See, physical touch!
180
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:06,967
[slap, screaming]
181
00:06:06,968 --> 00:06:08,101
I know you're desperate.
182
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:09,436
[slap, screaming]
183
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:10,904
- Damn it, Beavis,
I'm not trying to-
184
00:06:10,905 --> 00:06:12,072
[slap, screaming]
- It's not your fault.
185
00:06:12,073 --> 00:06:13,507
[slap, screaming]
186
00:06:13,508 --> 00:06:14,841
There's just one simple thing
you're doing wrong.
187
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,076
[slap, screaming]
188
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,378
You-you have a schlong, see?
[yelps] Ow.
189
00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,255
- Thank you for watching
this video.
190
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,186
all: ? Michael,
row the boat ashore ?
191
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:29,322
? Hallelujah ?
192
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:33,093
? Michael,
row the boat ashore ?
193
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,461
? Hallelujah ?
194
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:36,196
- I can't believe it,
Butt-Head.
195
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:37,798
We finally joined the army,
196
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,133
and now we're going
into combat, yeah.
197
00:06:40,167 --> 00:06:41,435
[chuckles]
198
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,603
- They say killing
changes a man.
199
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:44,938
[chuckles]
200
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,907
- It sure changed
these poor bastards.
201
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,876
Look at 'em.
202
00:06:48,943 --> 00:06:50,410
Hardened killers.
203
00:06:50,477 --> 00:06:51,578
[chuckles]
204
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:53,480
- Yep, look at their eyes.
205
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,849
Their souls are gone.
206
00:06:54,949 --> 00:06:56,350
[chuckles]
207
00:06:56,351 --> 00:06:58,350
- Just a bus full of
tough sons of bitches
208
00:06:58,351 --> 00:07:00,621
with one-way tickets to hell.
209
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:01,822
[chuckles]
210
00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:05,091
[hydraulics hiss]
211
00:07:05,191 --> 00:07:06,427
[door closes]
212
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,595
[engine rumbling]
213
00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,430
Wow.
214
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,768
So this is the jungle.
215
00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,905
Yeah.
[chuckles]
216
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:21,208
- Uh, these weapons suck.
217
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:23,844
How are you supposed to
kill someone with a hammer?
218
00:07:23,845 --> 00:07:25,245
[chuckles]
- I don't know,
219
00:07:25,246 --> 00:07:27,013
probably if you threw it
at somebody really hard.
220
00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,382
Agh!
221
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,083
Ugh.
- See?
222
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,919
You're still alive.
[chuckles]
223
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,387
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
224
00:07:33,421 --> 00:07:36,056
Damn it.
[chuckles]
225
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:39,526
- Uh, sir, we wanna like,
see some action already.
226
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,823
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, lock and load. [chuckles]
227
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:43,197
- You got it.
228
00:07:43,198 --> 00:07:44,296
Why don't you take
these two nail guns
229
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,199
and go help out Victor?
230
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,268
- Yeah.
Yeah, now we're talking.
231
00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:49,470
Yeah.
[chuckles]
232
00:07:49,537 --> 00:07:51,405
- Let's get it on, Beavis.
233
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:52,873
Time to go wax that dude.
234
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:54,107
[chuckles]
235
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,804
- Let's go rack up
our body count.
236
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,344
Yeah.
[nail guns firing]
237
00:07:57,411 --> 00:07:58,979
- Counting sucks.
238
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,781
[both chuckling]
239
00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,653
- ? Oh, saved and I'm glad ?
240
00:08:05,654 --> 00:08:06,753
? I'm glad ?
241
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,189
? Oh, saved and I'm- ?
242
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,792
Oh, my.
That's not good detail work.
243
00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:12,926
Bless their hearts.
244
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,662
I better get a hammer.
245
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:16,297
[both chuckling]
246
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:17,764
- Stay frosty.
247
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,966
- Well, looks like
the enemy bugged out.
248
00:08:19,967 --> 00:08:21,300
[chuckles]
- Yeah, that sucks.
249
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:22,561
We were gonna kick his ass.
250
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:23,637
[chuckles]
251
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,339
- Uh, let's kick
his fort's ass.
252
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,342
- Sir, yes, sir.
[chuckles]
253
00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,576
- Get some.
254
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,645
[dramatic music]
255
00:08:31,745 --> 00:08:33,613
[window shatters]
256
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:35,215
[thudding]
257
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:37,484
- You will never
take our freedom!
258
00:08:37,518 --> 00:08:38,568
Yah!
259
00:08:38,569 --> 00:08:39,652
[windows shattering]
260
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,255
- Unleash hell!
261
00:08:41,322 --> 00:08:42,389
[chuckles]
262
00:08:42,456 --> 00:08:45,092
- Special delivery
from Uncle Sam.
263
00:08:45,159 --> 00:08:46,360
Yeah.
264
00:08:46,427 --> 00:08:48,662
[groans]
Yeah.
265
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:49,897
[groans]
266
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:52,166
By the power of Grayskull!
267
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,667
[saw whirring, screaming]
268
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,769
[bird chirps]
269
00:08:55,836 --> 00:08:58,572
- Well, Beavis,
another win for America.
270
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:00,740
- We just, like,
made some freedom.
271
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,209
Yeah.
[chuckles]
272
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,359
- Oh, my God.
273
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,412
What the hell did you guys do?
274
00:09:05,479 --> 00:09:07,181
- We kept this country safe.
275
00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:09,583
That's what the hell we did.
[chuckles]
276
00:09:09,584 --> 00:09:11,717
- Yeah, while you were back
there pushing papers around,
277
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,620
we were risking
our lives out here.
278
00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:15,555
Freedom isn't free.
See what I'm saying?
279
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,290
Sometimes you gotta-ah!
280
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:18,692
- Ugh!
281
00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:19,826
- Go, out!
282
00:09:19,893 --> 00:09:21,228
- Hey, hey.
- Run.
283
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,378
- God damn it!
284
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,231
- You can't handle the truth.
285
00:09:24,298 --> 00:09:25,599
[chuckling]
286
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,334
- You said "handle."
287
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,204
- Get back here, you bastards!
288
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,206
[both chuckling]
289
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,541
[bird caws]
290
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:36,264
- That's the problem,
Butt-Head.
291
00:09:36,265 --> 00:09:38,010
The politicians in Washington
won't let us
292
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,080
do what it takes to win, see?
293
00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:42,016
[chuckles]
- Yep.
294
00:09:42,017 --> 00:09:44,551
We're just gonna have to
find the enemy on our own.
295
00:09:44,552 --> 00:09:45,686
[chuckles]
296
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,621
- Yeah, this is cool.
[chuckles]
297
00:09:47,622 --> 00:09:49,022
We're, like, going commando.
298
00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,191
Yeah.
[chuckles]
299
00:09:51,225 --> 00:09:54,661
- And Beavis,
if I don't make it back alive,
300
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,564
tell your mom thanks
for supporting my troops.
301
00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:00,634
[chuckling]
302
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,369
I banged your mom.
303
00:10:02,469 --> 00:10:04,371
[both chuckling]
304
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,340
- Yeah, wait a second.
305
00:10:06,374 --> 00:10:08,909
Shut up, Butt-Head.
306
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,777
Commando.
[chuckles]
307
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,546
- I banged her for America.
308
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,882
[both chuckling]
309
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,884
[upbeat metal music]
310
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:24,658
[mellow calypso music]
311
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:31,798
? ?
312
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:39,840
- Hello, I'm Tom Anderson,
veteran of two foreign wars.
313
00:10:39,907 --> 00:10:43,110
But today, Marcie and I
are on vacation
314
00:10:43,177 --> 00:10:46,246
here at this beautiful
beach resort in Mexico
315
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:49,349
right there on the edge
of the Sonora Desert.
316
00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:52,819
It is our first vacation
in 15 years,
317
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:56,923
what with being on a fixed
income from a military pension.
318
00:10:57,024 --> 00:11:00,361
And it is a relaxing one,
I tell you what.
319
00:11:00,428 --> 00:11:03,797
- Beavis, let's kill that guy.
- Yeah.
320
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:06,566
- But no part of it
was quite as relaxing
321
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:09,569
as what happened this morning
at the breakfast buffet.
322
00:11:09,636 --> 00:11:11,906
I approached what appeared
at a distance
323
00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:14,107
to be ordinary waffles.
324
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,609
[thud, dripping]
325
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,144
What the hell?
326
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,546
[thudding]
327
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,915
- Like, eat nails or something.
[chuckles]
328
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:24,618
- Yeah, courtesy of the USA,
you son of a bitch.
329
00:11:24,619 --> 00:11:25,684
[chuckles]
330
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,921
- Take that, you bastard!
331
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,190
[groaning]
332
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,192
- Hey!
- Hey, cut it out.
333
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:34,628
[nail gun firing, groaning]
334
00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:35,861
- [shouting in Spanish]
335
00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,464
- Hey, stop.
336
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,799
- [shouting in Spanish]
337
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,035
- There now.
338
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,869
What was I talking about,
Marcie?
339
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,238
Right.
340
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:47,241
Now, these waffles
had a little surprise in them
341
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:50,044
called chocolate chips.
342
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:52,646
And one other
secret ingredient,
343
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,514
but that's a tale for the next
344
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:57,618
"Tom Anderson's
Vacation Stories."
345
00:11:57,718 --> 00:12:00,554
[Beavis and Butt-Head groaning]
346
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:04,190
Por favor, un otro?
347
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,360
- Let's get out of here.
This place sucks.
348
00:12:06,460 --> 00:12:10,030
- [shouting in Spanish]
349
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:13,533
[Beavis and Butt-Head groaning]
350
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:16,604
[both chuckling]
351
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:19,539
[rock music]
352
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:26,680
? ?
353
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:34,554
[snoring]
354
00:12:35,456 --> 00:12:37,991
- Everyone, if I could
have your attention.
355
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:39,393
- What?
[chuckles]
356
00:12:39,493 --> 00:12:42,229
- A new student is going to be
joining us today
357
00:12:42,296 --> 00:12:44,598
on our journey of learning.
358
00:12:44,599 --> 00:12:47,233
Would you like to introduce
yourself to the class?
359
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,570
- Hi, everybody.
My name's Beavis.
360
00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,137
- Wait, what?
361
00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:54,842
- Mm-kay, well, we already have
a student named Beavis.
362
00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:56,925
- Yeah, yeah.
It's, like, me or something.
363
00:12:56,977 --> 00:12:58,445
Right?
364
00:12:58,512 --> 00:12:59,713
Right?
[chuckles]
365
00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:03,317
- So why don't you go by
your initial, Beavis H?
366
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,619
Beavis H, go ahead
and find a seat.
367
00:13:05,719 --> 00:13:06,769
- Okay.
368
00:13:06,770 --> 00:13:08,587
My family just moved here
from Michigan.
369
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,023
- [sighs]
Oh, boy.
370
00:13:10,090 --> 00:13:11,391
[chuckles]
371
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,661
- So I guess we're both
named Beavis, huh?
372
00:13:13,727 --> 00:13:15,863
- Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.
373
00:13:15,930 --> 00:13:17,264
[chuckles]
374
00:13:17,265 --> 00:13:18,398
- What's your initial?
375
00:13:18,399 --> 00:13:19,633
- I don't know.
376
00:13:19,634 --> 00:13:21,401
I think it's-
I think it's a letter.
377
00:13:21,402 --> 00:13:22,870
[chuckles]
378
00:13:22,937 --> 00:13:26,307
- The biggest battle
America fought in World War II
379
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,909
was called
the Battle of the Bulge.
380
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:31,012
- [chuckles]
381
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:32,913
Hey, Beavis.
- Yeah?
382
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,214
- What?
[chuckles]
383
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,416
- You said my name.
384
00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,184
- Um, he's talking to me.
385
00:13:37,251 --> 00:13:38,351
[chuckles]
386
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:39,468
- Oh, okay.
387
00:13:39,553 --> 00:13:42,456
If you mean me,
just say Beavis H.
388
00:13:42,556 --> 00:13:44,357
- Uh, okay.
389
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:45,859
Hey, Beavis.
390
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,294
- Did you mean Beavis H?
391
00:13:47,395 --> 00:13:48,729
- No.
[chuckles]
392
00:13:48,796 --> 00:13:50,364
- Oh, okay. Got it.
My bad.
393
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:52,699
Go ahead.
394
00:13:52,766 --> 00:13:54,535
- Uh, hey, Beavis.
395
00:13:54,536 --> 00:13:56,869
- He's talking to you, buddy.
Have a good conversation.
396
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,072
- Damn it, just let Butt-Head
say what he was gonna say!
397
00:13:59,073 --> 00:14:01,575
Jesus. [chuckles]
398
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,511
Butt-Head,
what were you gonna say?
399
00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:06,713
- Uh, he said bulge.
400
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:09,316
- Who said bulge?
401
00:14:09,383 --> 00:14:12,086
- Uh, I don't remember anymore.
402
00:14:12,153 --> 00:14:13,921
Somebody said bulge.
403
00:14:13,988 --> 00:14:15,155
[chuckles]
404
00:14:15,156 --> 00:14:16,221
- Bulge.
405
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,391
[both chuckling]
406
00:14:18,458 --> 00:14:21,461
- [laughs] He did say bulge.
407
00:14:21,495 --> 00:14:22,763
That's funny, dude.
408
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,631
Bulge like a bulge
in your pants.
409
00:14:24,665 --> 00:14:26,233
[laughing]
410
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:28,268
- Beavis, Beavis,
and Butt-Head,
411
00:14:28,335 --> 00:14:30,370
please quiet down, mm-kay?
412
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:32,072
- Sorry, Mr. V.
413
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:33,407
We better be quiet.
414
00:14:33,474 --> 00:14:36,910
No more laughing
about you know what.
415
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,412
- [groans]
Yeah.
416
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:40,847
Beavis sucks.
417
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:43,684
- Centuries ago, master
archers were able to perform
418
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:45,452
incredible feats of archery.
419
00:14:45,453 --> 00:14:47,186
These skills have long
since been forgotten,
420
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,489
but the Danish archer
Lars Andersen
421
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,659
is trying to reinvent
what has been lost.
422
00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:55,796
- This guy is, like, the best
guy in the world at archery,
423
00:14:55,829 --> 00:14:58,431
but I could just
shoot him with a gun.
424
00:14:58,498 --> 00:15:00,567
And I'm dumb and not
good at anything.
425
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,971
[both chuckling]
426
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:05,105
- Oh, yeah.
427
00:15:05,106 --> 00:15:07,239
That's why they invented
the gun, you know?
428
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,010
For dumbasses like us.
[chuckles]
429
00:15:10,043 --> 00:15:12,646
- In the 1938 movie "The
Adventures of Robin Hood,"
430
00:15:12,713 --> 00:15:14,883
Robin Hood splits an arrow
down the middle.
431
00:15:14,982 --> 00:15:18,085
Some consider this
the ultimate archery trick.
432
00:15:18,185 --> 00:15:22,155
- Uh, the ultimate
archery trick is to, like,
433
00:15:22,222 --> 00:15:24,057
try to impress chicks
with archery.
434
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,793
[chuckles]
435
00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,760
- And it's never been done.
[chuckles]
436
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,530
- Yeah.
[chuckles]
437
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:32,500
Robin Hood never scored.
[chuckles]
438
00:15:32,566 --> 00:15:34,000
- If I was in "Robin Hood,"
439
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,669
I would just, like,
bring a gun.
440
00:15:35,736 --> 00:15:37,938
And I would just,
like, shoot Robin Hood.
441
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:39,973
And I'd take
all the money he stole
442
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,790
and give it back
to the rich people.
443
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:44,145
Yeah.
[both chuckling]
444
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:47,013
- Rich people are cool.
445
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,149
[chuckles]
446
00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:50,883
- And the poor people,
you know, um,
447
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:53,052
well, you know, they just
need something to, um-
448
00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:55,689
to motivate them
to get off their butts
449
00:15:55,723 --> 00:15:58,825
and make some money, see?
[chuckles]
450
00:15:58,892 --> 00:16:01,261
So in a way,
when I steal their money,
451
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,997
I'd be doing 'em a favor, see?
[chuckles]
452
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:05,799
- They're not
trying hard enough.
453
00:16:05,866 --> 00:16:07,901
[chuckles]
454
00:16:07,934 --> 00:16:09,603
- For modern target archery.
455
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:12,038
- His mom is like,
uh, Lars, lunch is ready.
456
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:13,206
[chuckles]
457
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,975
- Mom, I'm playing
with my arrows.
458
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:16,611
I'm pretending
I'm in a battle.
459
00:16:16,710 --> 00:16:18,612
[both chuckling]
460
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:20,748
- His mom's like,
that's great, honey.
461
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,683
How old are you now, 29?
462
00:16:22,750 --> 00:16:25,986
[both chuckling]
463
00:16:25,987 --> 00:16:28,354
- How about maybe shooting
some rent arrows or something?
464
00:16:28,355 --> 00:16:29,790
[chuckles]
465
00:16:29,791 --> 00:16:31,457
- How about shooting some
of your dirty laundry
466
00:16:31,458 --> 00:16:32,926
into the washing machine?
467
00:16:32,993 --> 00:16:34,361
[chuckles]
468
00:16:34,362 --> 00:16:35,928
- That's an archery trick
I've never seen.
469
00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:36,929
Come on.
470
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,865
[both chuckling]
471
00:16:38,932 --> 00:16:42,235
- How about shooting yourself
into a job interview somewhere?
472
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,371
[chuckling]
473
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:46,072
- And then his dad's like,
ugh.
474
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:47,740
What are we gonna
do about that kid?
475
00:16:47,741 --> 00:16:48,942
[chuckles]
476
00:16:48,943 --> 00:16:50,109
- Well, you're the one
who bought him
477
00:16:50,110 --> 00:16:51,979
that kids archery set.
478
00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:53,713
- Now it's my fault.
Everything's my fault!
479
00:16:53,714 --> 00:16:55,048
Yeah.
480
00:16:55,049 --> 00:16:57,116
- Lars, remember I told you
about that job opening
481
00:16:57,117 --> 00:16:58,452
at your uncle's factory?
482
00:16:58,518 --> 00:16:59,986
[both chuckling]
483
00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:02,723
You could be the first
security guard with arrows.
484
00:17:02,823 --> 00:17:04,357
[chuckles]
485
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,146
- You know, Beavis
is a French name.
486
00:17:11,165 --> 00:17:13,600
My mom's French.
Is your mom French?
487
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,002
- Um, Butt-Head
says she's a slut.
488
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,304
[chuckles]
489
00:17:17,305 --> 00:17:18,871
- Mine is from
the Grand Est region.
490
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,807
It must be full of dudes
named Beavis.
491
00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,042
We should go live there.
492
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:23,744
But no, right?
493
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:27,415
- We're gonna go sit over there
now, like, by ourselves.
494
00:17:27,515 --> 00:17:29,049
[chuckles]
495
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,319
I'm so tired of Beavis.
496
00:17:32,386 --> 00:17:33,687
[chuckles]
497
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,650
- Uh, you mean
the new guy or yourself?
498
00:17:35,656 --> 00:17:36,790
[chuckles]
499
00:17:36,856 --> 00:17:38,358
- The new guy.
500
00:17:38,392 --> 00:17:40,694
But I guess-
I guess myself too.
501
00:17:40,695 --> 00:17:42,328
Never really
thought about that.
502
00:17:42,329 --> 00:17:43,563
[chuckles]
503
00:17:43,564 --> 00:17:45,664
- Anyone named Beavis
pretty much sucks.
504
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:47,567
That's what I always say.
505
00:17:47,668 --> 00:17:50,404
It's kind of like
my motto or whatever.
506
00:17:50,504 --> 00:17:51,905
[chuckles]
507
00:17:51,906 --> 00:17:53,873
- Yeah, but that Beavis is
always, like, hanging around
508
00:17:53,874 --> 00:17:56,284
and being a butthole when
no one wants him there.
509
00:17:56,310 --> 00:17:57,578
[chuckles]
510
00:17:57,678 --> 00:17:59,680
- All Beavises
are like that, Beavis.
511
00:17:59,713 --> 00:18:01,948
That's just what Beavises do.
512
00:18:02,049 --> 00:18:04,485
They don't know any better.
[chuckles]
513
00:18:04,486 --> 00:18:06,585
- I can't believe
this lunchroom has nachos.
514
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:07,721
So sweet!
515
00:18:07,722 --> 00:18:08,921
But they don't taste sweet,
516
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:10,791
'cause that would be weird,
yeah?
517
00:18:10,891 --> 00:18:12,159
- See, Butt-Head?
518
00:18:12,226 --> 00:18:13,461
- You mean me?
- What?
519
00:18:13,494 --> 00:18:15,229
No, I said Butt-Head!
520
00:18:15,296 --> 00:18:17,331
- Oh, I thought you were
making fun of me.
521
00:18:17,431 --> 00:18:19,299
I can be a real
butt-head sometimes.
522
00:18:19,300 --> 00:18:20,366
Hehe!
523
00:18:20,367 --> 00:18:21,802
It's cool if you were.
524
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:23,571
I know that's part
of friendship.
525
00:18:23,637 --> 00:18:24,687
- Hey, Beavis.
526
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,039
- You mean me?
527
00:18:26,106 --> 00:18:27,641
- No, I'm talking to Beavis.
528
00:18:27,642 --> 00:18:29,275
How's your first day
going, Beavis?
529
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:30,611
- Awesome.
530
00:18:30,612 --> 00:18:33,045
Did you know there's another
kid here named Beavis?
531
00:18:33,046 --> 00:18:34,882
- Really? At this school?
532
00:18:34,949 --> 00:18:37,551
- I've been going to school
here for three years.
533
00:18:37,552 --> 00:18:39,552
- Do you wanna do homework
together later?
534
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:41,721
- Oh, yeah. For sure.
That'd be tight.
535
00:18:41,722 --> 00:18:43,289
- Um, If you mean me,
you can just say
536
00:18:43,290 --> 00:18:44,892
regular Beavis or something.
537
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,693
- Bye, Beavis.
538
00:18:48,829 --> 00:18:52,566
- Beavis, you're the least cool
Beavis in the entire world.
539
00:18:52,633 --> 00:18:53,967
[chuckles]
540
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,603
- Yeah. Yeah.
541
00:18:55,636 --> 00:18:56,870
Probably so.
542
00:18:56,937 --> 00:18:58,371
Yeah.
[chuckles]
543
00:19:00,107 --> 00:19:01,942
[crunching]
544
00:19:02,009 --> 00:19:04,611
- Butt-Head, I don't care
what the answer is.
545
00:19:04,612 --> 00:19:07,013
And it doesn't matter
what you say or anything.
546
00:19:07,014 --> 00:19:10,384
But-but, like, do you think
I'm, like,
547
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:12,119
the better Beavis or something?
548
00:19:12,186 --> 00:19:13,286
[chuckles]
549
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,622
- Oh, yeah.
550
00:19:14,623 --> 00:19:16,522
You're obviously better
than that other Beavis.
551
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:18,458
[chuckles]
- Okay, yeah.
552
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:19,575
Yeah, that's fine.
553
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:21,728
I mean, I don't care, you know.
554
00:19:21,795 --> 00:19:22,996
[chuckles]
555
00:19:23,029 --> 00:19:24,698
- Wait, which Beavis are you?
556
00:19:24,798 --> 00:19:26,399
I can't tell you apart.
557
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:28,430
One of you's better,
that's all I know.
558
00:19:28,469 --> 00:19:29,737
[chuckles]
559
00:19:29,804 --> 00:19:31,305
Maybe it's you, maybe not.
560
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,973
[chuckles]
[door chimes]
561
00:19:32,974 --> 00:19:34,340
- Dude, you guys are
eating more nachos?
562
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,209
I just got some, too, bros.
563
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,646
We're like
the original nacho fiends.
564
00:19:38,712 --> 00:19:40,514
Just kidding.
565
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:42,282
- Damn Beavis.
566
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,017
He sucks.
[chuckles]
567
00:19:44,084 --> 00:19:45,719
- Mind if I pop a squat?
568
00:19:45,819 --> 00:19:48,122
- Pop a squat?
[chuckles]
569
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:51,158
That's what guys say
when they bang Beavis's mom.
570
00:19:51,192 --> 00:19:52,292
[chuckles]
571
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:53,527
- You mean my mom?
572
00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:55,596
- No, he's talking
about my mom!
573
00:19:55,663 --> 00:19:57,030
Guys bang my mom.
574
00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:58,398
Jesus Christ!
575
00:19:58,465 --> 00:20:00,815
Everything's not always
about you, butthole.
576
00:20:00,816 --> 00:20:02,168
- Well, I don't think
it's very funny
577
00:20:02,169 --> 00:20:03,637
to make fun of people's moms.
578
00:20:03,671 --> 00:20:06,140
Butt-Head, I think you
owe Beavis an apology.
579
00:20:06,207 --> 00:20:07,942
- Huh? What?
[chuckles]
580
00:20:08,008 --> 00:20:09,510
- Okay, that's enough, Beavis.
581
00:20:09,577 --> 00:20:11,378
I'm gonna kick you in the nads.
582
00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:12,713
[chuckles]
583
00:20:12,813 --> 00:20:15,616
- You mean me in the nads
or him in the nads?
584
00:20:15,683 --> 00:20:19,653
- Uh, it was gonna be you,
but now I can't decide.
585
00:20:19,654 --> 00:20:20,720
[chuckles]
586
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:24,025
Uh, hmm.
587
00:20:24,091 --> 00:20:26,226
Let's see.
[chuckles]
588
00:20:27,995 --> 00:20:29,362
- [screams]
589
00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:30,564
- There we go.
590
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:31,899
[chuckles]
591
00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:33,333
- Whoa.
592
00:20:33,334 --> 00:20:35,602
I can't believe I thought
you dudes were cool.
593
00:20:35,603 --> 00:20:37,938
I'm outta here.
594
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:40,474
- Well, I got rid
of that Beavis.
595
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:41,842
- Hey, Tiff.
- Sure did.
596
00:20:41,942 --> 00:20:43,143
- Hi, Beavis.
597
00:20:43,210 --> 00:20:44,878
- One more Beavis to go.
598
00:20:44,945 --> 00:20:46,247
[chuckles]
599
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:47,848
- Whoo!
600
00:20:47,881 --> 00:20:51,318
[upbeat metal music]
601
00:20:55,589 --> 00:20:58,525
[rock music]
602
00:20:58,625 --> 00:21:05,699
? ?
603
00:21:17,344 --> 00:21:19,279
[chiming noises]
604
00:21:19,346 --> 00:21:20,413
- Chirp.
605
00:21:20,463 --> 00:21:25,013
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