All language subtitles for Førstegangstjenesten - S02E06 - Episode 6

It's not every day that I have such a nice visitor in my cabin.

It can be a long time without me seeing a living soul.

Ahre-Ketil?

Do you want to come home and spend the night with me?

Get some supper?

Ahre-Ketil!

Fingers from the barrel! Otherwise, I'll cut off your nipples and hang them up.

Then your colleagues think you've spilled pepperoni on the ceiling.

Take off the women's clothes. You are going to be raped.

- It's a Captain Sabertooth costume. -No way.

Ask to get the money back. We will have rooms with single beds.

You have eaten something that smells strong.

- Sausage and slush. - That was what I feared.

Tanja-Laila.

For the first time in 30 years, all the women in the Gaup family are together.

Now we are excited. It should be damn important.

- Of course it's important. - We have a lot to do in the spring.

We're going to drive over grouse nests with a snowmobile, so it's crunching.

And we have taken a wolverine family. The mother will be skinned, and the young will become slippers.

-Before we made mittens. - You've been gone a long time.

Mittens are made from either lynx or common beech.

Vorsteh or Samoyed. You know that very well.

Tanja-Laila, spit it out. Why are we gathered in the Gaup family?

I have fallen in love.

Damn it!

-You're welcome. -Perfect.

Grim Torkild, now it's damn important that we keep a low profile.

We are in demand. And you know what that means?

That there could be intelligence officers everywhere here.

What the hell are you doing?

Hell! We are mocked.

Now it's damn important that you don't get stressed.

Remember that offense is the best defense.

Sit down, Grim Torkild.

I saw you when I came in here.

I know what I want, and I damn well think I know what you want too.

So how do we solve this?

OK. Shall we start with a drink then, shall we?

My treat.

-I'll have a Strawberry Liquiry. -What is it?

It's strawberry.

With ...

It's not so damn dangerous. The most important thing is that we get to the point.

It is okay.

You might be able to hurry with a soft drink to Grim Torkild.

- He has a little low blood sugar. - OK.

Start.

Yes! Clear!

Yes, sir!

There are no tracks by Ahre-Ketil and Grim Torkild in here.

I have checked every single corner.

What the hell are you doing, Hole?

- Blue cheese. - You said you had control at Lillehagen.

-And then there is a commander in a trap! - I knew it was a trap.

But the power contract with a spot price -

- combined with a roller burger, not a man says no, thank you.

And the army chief will inspect the camp.

- Is she coming here? -She is on her way.

Look and get this cleaned up asap!

How long have I been in here?

So what are you doing then, Alejandro?

Ahre-Handro.

Ahre-Handro Kettels. You know very well what I do.

And I know you know that. That I know.

Where I come from, we have an expression that says that where there is fire, there is often smoke.

And you're hot.

Then I suggest we continue playing with the fire in my room.

-Alejandro. -Ahre-Handro. Kettles.

If you had heard of Magica from Tryll-sveisen, you might have heard me.

The whole airsoft team had turned up. Pretty cool, actually.

You?

I just go in and change into something more comfortable, me.

Yes. Just put on your sweatpants.

-Grim Torkild. Check the room for bugs. -Cockroaches?

No, not cockroaches, microphones. They are eavesdropping on us.

-Who are you talking to? - Just preach a little to myself.

Is the weather nice? Yes, of course the weather is nice.

My aunt didn't know what to do.

It was the cat we had to shoot. The money goes into the account.

-Are you ready? - Yes, I'm ready.

Completely silent.

Have you undressed?

It's...

It's not like we're going to...

Hell!

-Oh, God help me! -What is it about?

- A little bit beyond the navel. -Yes, yes. Right.

-So you came to tell me that you are... -In love.

-Disappointing. -Tanja, up here the weather decides.

Not the feelings. Falling in love creates imbalance.

You should only sleep with men.

Maybe every full moon rhymes.

Have you been in love, grandma?

I have been captivated once. But I gave in before it became a storm of love.

Do you know how I ended it? I handed him over to the Germans.

- Then that matter was resolved. -But how can I get rid of the feelings?

There is one thing you can do. Take this shotgun. Use it.

- Then you shoot him. - You can't think that.

No, that's what we say up here.

It is part of the culture. Toughen us up and be hard on the outside.

But you can do like your dad and get yourself a rebound.

-Was dad in love? -In your mother, yes?

He is not homosexual. He did just the opposite.

So you're saying that fatter'n has been sucking cock for 13 years without wanting to?

And he's just as happy.

"Happy", then.

Choose the opposite and you will be happy.

Then I have to find someone who likes the sun, who is tall and dark.

Maybe John Carew.

Thanks, Grandma. I hope we never see each other again. In that case, it will be in 30 years.

Then I hope that everyone here is no longer alive.

Then I might have got a job at Burger King and a piercing in my pussy if I dare.

It is allowed to dream big.

But we will never be proud of you. You must take that with you.

I promise. Burn in hell.

- Tanya! You live in the city. -What?

- Do they have a goods lift in Oslo? -Yes.

Pussy fuck in a goods elevator. How is it really?

A place not too far from the capital, Grünerløkka.

At Grünerløkka and Torshov they have a lot of goods lifts.

-And there are many people who fart their pussy. - A big wish is exactly that.

What?

In a goods elevator. Take me there sometime, Tanja.

- Before I die. -No way.

- Fine. Good luck. -Thanks.

Why don't we have a goods lift? Everything is not wrong in Oslo.

You haven't done this very often?

Usually I tend to cook something damn good.

It's a bit of the day, for sure.

Look here you have my card.

If you fancy some coaching another time.

Nice, but it doesn't go well with the kneeling marathon now.

I am going on a trip to Afghanistan. A top secret trip.

- But good knees and big tits. - Yes, I know.

Ahre-Ketil!

Major General?

Who would believe?

- Did you go and look in there now? -No.

You won't get through security with that crowbar there.

You need to stop looking at it. Come on, we're going to meet Kenneth.

Don't do wigs, no.

Cheers! Hey!

Yes! Then it's just a matter of gathering around.

Today we are going through a demining course.

-Does anyone know what a mine is? - It's like a facial expression, then.

Say there's a motherfucker standing on the football field playing deliciously.

And he makes an angry face at you. Wolla, knock him right down!

It's called demining. You get rid of the mine from his face.

You seem to have the brains

of a kitten who has been beaten with a bat.

- Oh, Sat. -As you can see. This is serious.

So I've brought my partner in crime.

Jostein, who is a demining expert.

He is one of the best we have when it comes to security.

He has picked mines before.

Jostein will show what a land mine looks like on the inside.

So we can just watch, folks.

This is going too slowly, Jostein.

The rest of you can just watch, and then we'll look at mine.

- You said you didn't do wigs! -Oh, sit! I thought it was a cat!

-Who do you write with? - I just wrote notes.

- About demining. So that you learn. -Get the phone.

Like I said, I was just noting.

-Where is Lillehagen? - What then, Lillehagen?

- The little garden! -Do not know. Haven't heard of him.

-This is your penis? -Yes, it is.

- It was bad light. - I thought it was a dog poop.

Don't stand and look at the pictures of my zebb.

I was lying in the bath and thought it was funny that it looked like the iceberg in Titanic.

- Maybe you weren't involved, then. - I told you that all along.

-Go and get the phone. - You must pick it up.

I'm not going to get the phone like that, bro.

You cannot go out on a minefield. You're completely stupid, aren't you?

-You can... -Have you started stuttering too?

-I don't stutter, I just get... -Ap, ap, ap!

Are you a psychopath or not?

Oh, Sat. I got it, yeah.

In all honesty...

OK, everyone! Can you pull over here?

I need some help over here. I need a search from here and over there.

We are looking for a man and parts of him.