All language subtitles for Episodes (2011) - S05E04 - Episode Four (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Ghost)_Track03

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:09,667 [keys clacking] 2 00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:11,125 [typewriter dings] 3 00:00:11,125 --> 00:00:14,333 Are you gonna be weird about last night? 4 00:00:14,333 --> 00:00:15,875 [squeals] Probably. 5 00:00:15,875 --> 00:00:17,125 - [chuckles] - You're not? 6 00:00:17,125 --> 00:00:19,041 Nope. It was perfect. 7 00:00:19,041 --> 00:00:22,166 But we'll take it slow. 8 00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:25,583 I will take it any way 9 00:00:25,583 --> 00:00:29,583 you want to give it to me. - [giggles] 10 00:00:29,583 --> 00:00:31,959 You need to come back with something no one's expecting. 11 00:00:31,959 --> 00:00:34,375 Do a show that will make people go, "Shit. 12 00:00:34,375 --> 00:00:36,417 I didn't know he could do that." 13 00:00:36,417 --> 00:00:38,667 - You guys gotta do it. - We're a little busy 14 00:00:38,667 --> 00:00:40,083 helping to destroy our current show. 15 00:00:40,083 --> 00:00:41,750 Hello! 16 00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,208 - Oh, bollocks! - You know, I've never enjoyed 17 00:00:43,208 --> 00:00:44,625 - your cooking more. - Hey! 18 00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:47,500 - Want to do a show? - Whoo-hoo. 19 00:00:48,875 --> 00:00:52,208 Dear God, what have we done? 20 00:00:52,208 --> 00:00:53,458 [llama grunts] 21 00:00:56,750 --> 00:00:58,750 [keys clacking] 22 00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:01,917 [typewriter dings] 23 00:01:01,917 --> 00:01:05,041 [wind blows] 24 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,041 ♪ quirky music ♪ 25 00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:18,125 ♪♪♪ 26 00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:37,750 [gunshot] 27 00:01:45,458 --> 00:01:48,458 ♪ light music ♪ 28 00:01:48,458 --> 00:01:53,333 ♪♪♪ 29 00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:57,542 - Surprise! - Look at you! 30 00:01:57,542 --> 00:01:59,125 Out of your house, driving a car. 31 00:01:59,125 --> 00:02:02,792 - I know! - Oh, it's like Lazarus. 32 00:02:02,792 --> 00:02:04,291 But with a better haircut. 33 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,917 Oh. 34 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,291 Who's Lazarus? 35 00:02:07,291 --> 00:02:08,625 From the Bible. 36 00:02:08,625 --> 00:02:09,375 And she had really bad hair? 37 00:02:09,375 --> 00:02:12,333 Yes, she had really bad hair. 38 00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:12,625 God smote her with it. 39 00:02:12,625 --> 00:02:13,792 Ooh. 40 00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:16,667 - [chuckles] - Aw. 41 00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:18,792 What a treat. 42 00:02:18,792 --> 00:02:20,500 Just to see you in sunlight. 43 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:21,959 How did this happen? 44 00:02:21,959 --> 00:02:24,667 Um, A: the shrink upped my Prozac. 45 00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:26,875 - [giggles] - Never hurts. 46 00:02:26,875 --> 00:02:29,083 And...B? 47 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:31,834 Who said there's a B? [giggles] 48 00:02:31,834 --> 00:02:34,792 Your little friend, A. 49 00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:38,542 I'm... kind of seeing somebody. 50 00:02:38,542 --> 00:02:40,458 You--you haven't left your house in 51 00:02:40,458 --> 00:02:45,542 three weeks, unless you ordered him on Amazon. 52 00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:47,166 Okay. I'll tell you, 53 00:02:47,166 --> 00:02:49,458 but you can't be judgmental. 54 00:02:49,458 --> 00:02:50,834 [scoffs] 55 00:02:50,834 --> 00:02:52,417 Why would I-- 56 00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:58,166 How can you be back with her? 57 00:02:58,166 --> 00:03:00,000 Have you forgotten how controlling and paranoid-- 58 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,458 A: Judgmental. - Well-- 59 00:03:02,458 --> 00:03:04,333 And B: not her. 60 00:03:04,333 --> 00:03:06,000 - [scoffs] - [sighs] 61 00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:09,250 Not Castor? 62 00:03:09,250 --> 00:03:10,333 Castor? 63 00:03:10,333 --> 00:03:11,834 - Oh--no. - [sighs] 64 00:03:11,834 --> 00:03:13,834 [laughs] Oh, God no. 65 00:03:13,834 --> 00:03:16,500 [both shudder] 66 00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:17,667 Well then... 67 00:03:17,667 --> 00:03:19,625 Nooooo... 68 00:03:19,625 --> 00:03:20,959 All right. I know. 69 00:03:20,959 --> 00:03:22,041 I know what you're going to say. 70 00:03:22,041 --> 00:03:23,208 Really? I don't. 71 00:03:23,208 --> 00:03:26,000 You-you have actually... [shaky breath] 72 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:27,709 rendered me speechless. 73 00:03:27,709 --> 00:03:28,291 How could you possibly-- 74 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,125 So not so speechless. 75 00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:31,333 [stammers] 76 00:03:31,333 --> 00:03:33,208 I just don't-- of all the men-- 77 00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:35,125 Excuse me, men and women in the world. 78 00:03:35,125 --> 00:03:36,041 [mocking sounds] 79 00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:37,542 With Merc? Lapidus? 80 00:03:37,542 --> 00:03:40,208 May I speak now? 81 00:03:43,166 --> 00:03:45,250 [mumbles] 82 00:03:48,709 --> 00:03:50,542 It's totally different this time. 83 00:03:50,542 --> 00:03:52,000 - [muffled] - It is! 84 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,291 It's like all the good stuff 85 00:03:55,291 --> 00:03:55,750 minus the bullshit. 86 00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:57,000 Mm-hmm? 87 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,583 There's no Jamie, so... 88 00:03:59,583 --> 00:04:00,750 [laughs] 89 00:04:00,750 --> 00:04:02,750 I don't have to share him. 90 00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:04,500 We don't have to sneak around. 91 00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:05,417 Mmm, mm. 92 00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:07,083 He's not my boss anymore. 93 00:04:07,083 --> 00:04:08,500 And that's not a turnoff for you? 94 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,875 No. [scoffs] 95 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:13,750 Look, I-- [sighs] 96 00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:15,000 I know you're not a fan. 97 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:17,625 - Mmm! - But... 98 00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:21,125 I'm kind of starting to feel like me again. 99 00:04:21,125 --> 00:04:22,709 Just a... 100 00:04:22,709 --> 00:04:24,250 And he's the reason. 101 00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:25,000 And a little bit the Prozac, 102 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,041 but mostly him, so... 103 00:04:29,041 --> 00:04:32,250 put away all your little mmms and hmms 104 00:04:32,250 --> 00:04:36,125 and try to be happy for me. 105 00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:39,667 All right. 106 00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,125 [inhales] 107 00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:43,000 If this is really what you want... 108 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:43,792 It is. 109 00:04:43,792 --> 00:04:46,166 ...then I will 110 00:04:46,166 --> 00:04:48,542 try to support it. 111 00:04:48,542 --> 00:04:51,000 Really? 112 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:51,417 Mm-hmm. 113 00:04:53,625 --> 00:04:54,750 Mm-hmm. 114 00:04:58,792 --> 00:05:00,959 Mmm... [squeaks] hm! 115 00:05:00,959 --> 00:05:02,667 - ♪ lively music ♪ - Be here next time. 116 00:05:02,667 --> 00:05:04,375 We'll be one step closer to finding out 117 00:05:04,375 --> 00:05:06,583 who will beat the box. 118 00:05:06,583 --> 00:05:09,834 [cheers and applause] Good night! 119 00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:12,750 [cheers and applause] 120 00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:16,250 - Hey, bud. - Hey. 121 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:18,542 How's my favorite client? 122 00:05:18,542 --> 00:05:20,291 I don't know. How is Bradley Cooper? 123 00:05:20,291 --> 00:05:22,625 [laughs] Well, you're definitely my funniest. 124 00:05:22,625 --> 00:05:24,458 So listen, what if I told you 125 00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,041 that you could make a million two 126 00:05:26,041 --> 00:05:28,417 and all you have to do is spend a day in Philadelphia? 127 00:05:28,417 --> 00:05:30,166 Seriously? A whole day? 128 00:05:30,166 --> 00:05:31,458 - QVT... - Oh, Jesus. 129 00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:34,542 ...wants you to front a line of Matt LeBlanc vests. 130 00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:35,667 What are you trying to do to me? 131 00:05:35,667 --> 00:05:37,250 1.2 if you sell out. 132 00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:38,875 Which is what I'd be doing. 133 00:05:38,875 --> 00:05:39,917 Oh, please. You know who's doing QVT now? 134 00:05:39,917 --> 00:05:41,667 Hm? 135 00:05:41,667 --> 00:05:42,500 Everybody. 136 00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,834 Bradley Cooper? 137 00:05:43,834 --> 00:05:45,166 Don't do that. 138 00:05:45,166 --> 00:05:45,917 Jennifer Hudson's selling pants. 139 00:05:45,917 --> 00:05:47,375 Your friend Ellen is there. 140 00:05:47,375 --> 00:05:49,083 Give her a call, she'll tell you. 141 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:50,500 It's the easiest money you will ever make. 142 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,500 - 1.2 from vests? - It's pure profit. 143 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:53,625 They sell 'em for, like, 39.99, 144 00:05:53,625 --> 00:05:56,792 but they cost a buck to make in Sri Lanka. 145 00:05:56,792 --> 00:05:58,041 - What do I have to do? - Nothing. 146 00:05:58,041 --> 00:05:59,166 You stand there in your vest. 147 00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:01,291 You take a few calls. You watch the tote board go up. 148 00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:02,625 It's like a telethon, only you're the disease. 149 00:06:02,625 --> 00:06:04,500 How soon would this happen? 150 00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:05,458 As soon as the little children finish sewing the buttons on. 151 00:06:05,458 --> 00:06:08,500 It's not really kids making them, right? 152 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:09,500 [laughs] No. 153 00:06:12,875 --> 00:06:14,208 - Hello. - Hello. 154 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,625 Hey, hey-- let me ask you something. 155 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,542 Would you pay 39.99 156 00:06:17,542 --> 00:06:18,875 for this vest? 157 00:06:18,875 --> 00:06:20,542 First of all, it's a waistcoat. 158 00:06:20,542 --> 00:06:23,417 [mocking imitation] 159 00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:26,291 Fine, would you pay 39.99 for this waistcoat? 160 00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:27,667 That particular one? 161 00:06:27,667 --> 00:06:29,375 No-no. This is like 400 bucks. 162 00:06:29,375 --> 00:06:31,208 Like a shittier version of this. 163 00:06:31,208 --> 00:06:32,375 So your question is would I buy 164 00:06:32,375 --> 00:06:34,542 a shitty waistcoat for 39.99? 165 00:06:34,542 --> 00:06:35,917 - Yeah. - No. 166 00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:36,917 This-this is not your target audience. 167 00:06:36,917 --> 00:06:39,333 Anyway, 168 00:06:39,333 --> 00:06:40,375 ready to go? 169 00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:42,208 Oh, right. Big weekend. 170 00:06:42,208 --> 00:06:43,875 You guys gonna bring me back a new show? 171 00:06:43,875 --> 00:06:45,250 - [chuckles] That's the plan. - Fingers crossed. 172 00:06:45,250 --> 00:06:47,083 All right! Go be funny. 173 00:06:47,083 --> 00:06:48,959 You go be agent-y. 174 00:06:48,959 --> 00:06:50,375 Ah, look, 175 00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:52,041 you already started. 176 00:06:52,041 --> 00:06:53,250 Think vests. 177 00:06:53,250 --> 00:06:55,000 All right, let me just go, uh, 178 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,250 change out of this, and then we can-- 179 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:57,417 Hey, hey! 180 00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,792 What's that one doing here? 181 00:06:58,792 --> 00:07:00,458 - [Sean] Morning, hello. - Hello. 182 00:07:00,458 --> 00:07:02,625 No one told me about the reunion. 183 00:07:02,625 --> 00:07:04,000 - Oh, no-no-no. - Oh, we're doing 184 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:04,458 a new show together. 185 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,834 Oh, exciting! 186 00:07:06,834 --> 00:07:08,750 Getting the old team back together. 187 00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:10,166 Well, not the whole team. 188 00:07:10,166 --> 00:07:12,333 I'm totally kidding. 189 00:07:12,333 --> 00:07:13,291 We know. 190 00:07:13,291 --> 00:07:14,291 So what brings you here? 191 00:07:14,291 --> 00:07:17,083 Oh, just picking up my man. 192 00:07:17,083 --> 00:07:18,208 - Picking up your--what? - Sorry? 193 00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:20,250 Oh, yeah, Mr. Lapidus and I 194 00:07:20,250 --> 00:07:21,834 are kind of an item. 195 00:07:21,834 --> 00:07:22,542 What-an item? What-- 196 00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:24,250 what do you mean by "item"? 197 00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:26,667 Are you shitting me? Why? 198 00:07:26,667 --> 00:07:28,583 Uh, not everyone can be the perfect boyfriend, 199 00:07:28,583 --> 00:07:30,875 guy who fucked my daughter then never called her again. 200 00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:31,834 They gotta learn. 201 00:07:31,834 --> 00:07:34,250 [Beverly] You and...Merc? 202 00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:37,250 Well, you know we used to have a thing back in the seven-- 203 00:07:37,250 --> 00:07:38,834 Just say it. 204 00:07:38,834 --> 00:07:40,625 And you're back together now? 205 00:07:40,625 --> 00:07:41,875 Uh, yeah. 206 00:07:41,875 --> 00:07:44,000 In fact, as of last week-- [gasps] 207 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,291 What's this? 208 00:07:45,291 --> 00:07:47,083 You're engaged? 209 00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:49,417 Oh, I love hearing it with the accent. 210 00:07:49,417 --> 00:07:51,792 You're...engaged. 211 00:07:51,792 --> 00:07:53,291 I know, it's kind of fast. 212 00:07:53,291 --> 00:07:55,667 But hey, no one's getting any younger. 213 00:07:55,667 --> 00:07:57,458 You are. 214 00:07:57,458 --> 00:07:58,875 Ohh. 215 00:07:58,875 --> 00:08:00,417 And he gave you that ring? 216 00:08:00,417 --> 00:08:01,959 [hushed] I know! 217 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:03,834 If the light catches it just right, 218 00:08:03,834 --> 00:08:06,709 Merc Lapidus starts looking pretty damn good. 219 00:08:09,959 --> 00:08:11,458 What a bastard. 220 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,291 - Let it go. - I can't. 221 00:08:13,291 --> 00:08:15,125 I always said he was a dick. 222 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:17,417 This is gonna kill her. 223 00:08:17,417 --> 00:08:20,667 I even feel bad for Morning. 224 00:08:23,750 --> 00:08:25,041 Were those new tits? 225 00:08:25,041 --> 00:08:27,083 I know. I thought that too. 226 00:08:27,083 --> 00:08:29,000 So we all feel bad for Morning. 227 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:29,917 Well, she'll be fine. 228 00:08:29,917 --> 00:08:32,583 She got the ring, she'll get alimony. 229 00:08:32,583 --> 00:08:34,750 Meanwhile, poor Carol. 230 00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:36,583 If you could have seen her face... 231 00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:38,375 she's so happy. 232 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,500 Fucker. 233 00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:42,333 I don't know what I'm gonna tell her. 234 00:08:42,333 --> 00:08:44,375 You're gonna tell her nothing. 235 00:08:44,375 --> 00:08:46,250 That's what you're gonna tell her. 236 00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:48,709 - Oh--I've gotta say something. - No, you don't. 237 00:08:48,709 --> 00:08:52,125 You really wanna be the one who brings her this news? 238 00:08:52,125 --> 00:08:53,458 There's a reason "hug the messenger" 239 00:08:53,458 --> 00:08:55,041 is not an expression. 240 00:08:55,041 --> 00:08:57,500 So then I'm supposed to let her just go on, 241 00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,000 completely oblivious? 242 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,000 [car horn honks] 243 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,875 It's not like they were bigger... 244 00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:07,834 - Hmm. - ...but there's... 245 00:09:07,834 --> 00:09:09,166 something. 246 00:09:09,166 --> 00:09:11,667 - Hands on the wheel. - Yeah, I know. 247 00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:12,959 They were just more... 248 00:09:12,959 --> 00:09:14,375 hel-lo. 249 00:09:14,375 --> 00:09:15,291 I'm trapped in a car with two boobs 250 00:09:15,291 --> 00:09:17,417 talking about tits. 251 00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:18,542 No, you're right. 252 00:09:18,542 --> 00:09:20,500 It's awful. Poor Carol. 253 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,041 It's like her nipples looked higher. 254 00:09:25,041 --> 00:09:27,542 - They can do that? - I'd like to think so. 255 00:09:27,542 --> 00:09:28,834 - I'm calling her. - No, don't call her. 256 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,583 Every time you've got involved, 257 00:09:30,583 --> 00:09:32,667 every time-- am I wrong? 258 00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:34,250 So what? [sighs] 259 00:09:34,250 --> 00:09:35,000 He just gets away with it? 260 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,083 It's her life. Stay out of it. 261 00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:39,417 [sighs] 262 00:09:39,417 --> 00:09:41,208 I hate this. 263 00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:45,083 It's probably just her bra. 264 00:09:45,083 --> 00:09:47,792 You think? 265 00:09:47,792 --> 00:09:49,959 Wardrobe told me she gets them specially made in Brazil. 266 00:09:49,959 --> 00:09:51,250 Ooh. 267 00:09:51,250 --> 00:09:53,333 - Interesting. - Good to know. 268 00:09:53,333 --> 00:09:57,083 [quirky music] 269 00:09:57,083 --> 00:10:01,291 ♪♪♪ 270 00:10:01,291 --> 00:10:04,375 Okay, this is it. [clears throat] 271 00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:06,375 [Beverly] This is your little ranch house? 272 00:10:06,375 --> 00:10:08,000 - Yee-haw! - [giggles] 273 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,000 Yeah, I had the set guys from Friends do it. 274 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,458 I just said, "Give me a ranch set." 275 00:10:11,458 --> 00:10:12,291 You're lucky there's a fourth wall. 276 00:10:12,291 --> 00:10:14,750 - [sniffs] - What? 277 00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:16,875 I was just trying to place that... 278 00:10:16,875 --> 00:10:17,917 fragrance. 279 00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:18,250 Ah. Horseshit. 280 00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:20,333 Ah. 281 00:10:20,333 --> 00:10:21,917 I was gonna guess eucalyptus. 282 00:10:21,917 --> 00:10:23,375 Nope. Horseshit. 283 00:10:23,375 --> 00:10:25,500 Although sometimes they shit on the eucalyptus, 284 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:26,375 so maybe that's it. 285 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,000 Good nose, darling. 286 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,458 Yeah, it's way worse during the day. 287 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,375 Mmm, something to look forward to. 288 00:10:31,375 --> 00:10:33,291 - You guys want a drink? - No, no, that's all right. 289 00:10:33,291 --> 00:10:34,125 It's been a long day. 290 00:10:34,125 --> 00:10:35,375 And we have a big, smelly day tomorrow. 291 00:10:35,375 --> 00:10:37,291 [mutters] Oh, well... 292 00:10:37,291 --> 00:10:39,500 Okay, grab your stuff. 293 00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,250 [Sean] Right behind you. 294 00:10:41,250 --> 00:10:43,667 - Breathe through your mouth. - I'm trying. 295 00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:45,917 ♪♪♪ 296 00:10:45,917 --> 00:10:48,125 This is certainly not what I expected. 297 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,458 No. It's like a sleepover 298 00:10:49,458 --> 00:10:51,041 at Michael Jackson's house. 299 00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,917 Ohh. 300 00:10:53,917 --> 00:10:56,333 - What? - Look. 301 00:10:56,333 --> 00:10:59,250 - What? - There. 302 00:11:01,041 --> 00:11:03,083 - What, the hair? - Yes, the hair. 303 00:11:03,083 --> 00:11:04,291 These sheets aren't clean. 304 00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:06,542 - Better? - No. 305 00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:07,875 Ohh. There's another one. 306 00:11:10,125 --> 00:11:12,583 [distant animal calls] 307 00:11:12,583 --> 00:11:15,000 Hey. What's up? 308 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,500 Uh... 309 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,500 I think whoever's in charge of the beds 310 00:11:19,500 --> 00:11:21,333 may have forgotten to 311 00:11:21,333 --> 00:11:23,792 change our sheets. 312 00:11:23,792 --> 00:11:25,250 That'd be Lupe. 313 00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,041 Yes, well, 314 00:11:26,041 --> 00:11:28,166 Lupe forgot to change our sheets. 315 00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:31,333 You sure? 316 00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:33,166 There were hairs in mine. 317 00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:33,667 Ah, I wouldn't worry about it. 318 00:11:33,667 --> 00:11:35,542 It's just my kids. 319 00:11:35,542 --> 00:11:37,166 Uh... they were gray. 320 00:11:37,166 --> 00:11:38,583 Gray and... 321 00:11:38,583 --> 00:11:40,667 [clears throat] curly. 322 00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:42,917 Oh, and my mom stayed here. 323 00:11:42,917 --> 00:11:44,458 So she doesn't color all her hair. 324 00:11:44,458 --> 00:11:47,125 Ew. Fucking Lupe. 325 00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:49,250 I'll talk to her on Monday. 326 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,208 Yeah. 327 00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:53,709 But, uh, in- in the meantime... 328 00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:55,291 - Hmm? - [exhales] 329 00:11:55,291 --> 00:11:57,458 I'm-I'm sure your mother is perfectly hygienic, 330 00:11:57,458 --> 00:11:59,208 but call me crazy... 331 00:11:59,208 --> 00:11:59,875 And I do. 332 00:11:59,875 --> 00:12:01,875 ...I prefer clean sheets. 333 00:12:01,875 --> 00:12:03,125 So, uh, if you'll just 334 00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:04,792 show me where the linens are... 335 00:12:06,166 --> 00:12:07,583 I don't know where the linens are. 336 00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:09,208 How do you not know where the linens are? 337 00:12:09,208 --> 00:12:11,250 - It's your ranch. - I know where the barn is. 338 00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:12,542 - Probably cleaner. - I'm sorry, what? 339 00:12:12,542 --> 00:12:15,458 So when you need to change your sheets... 340 00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:17,208 Lupe does it. 341 00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:18,709 - Or not. - Well, do you wanna switch? 342 00:12:18,709 --> 00:12:20,625 - Take my bed. - No. [exhales] 343 00:12:20,625 --> 00:12:22,375 Those are your dirty sheets. 344 00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:23,750 I don't know what to tell you. 345 00:12:23,750 --> 00:12:27,875 ♪♪♪ 346 00:12:32,083 --> 00:12:32,542 So? 347 00:12:32,542 --> 00:12:33,792 Totally useless. 348 00:12:33,792 --> 00:12:36,208 You're welcome to scooch in here with me. 349 00:12:36,208 --> 00:12:37,834 What makes you think yours are any cleaner? 350 00:12:37,834 --> 00:12:38,875 You're welcome to sleep on top of me. 351 00:12:38,875 --> 00:12:41,250 Maybe I can flip the sheets over. 352 00:12:41,250 --> 00:12:42,792 Darling, I'm begging you, 353 00:12:42,792 --> 00:12:43,917 just turn off the light and let's go to sleep. 354 00:12:43,917 --> 00:12:46,208 [sighs] Fine. 355 00:12:46,208 --> 00:12:47,375 But I'm not getting undressed. 356 00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:49,083 Perfect. Do that. 357 00:12:49,083 --> 00:12:50,500 [sighs] 358 00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:54,041 Sleep well. 359 00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:55,125 [mutters] 360 00:12:56,417 --> 00:12:59,417 [low whirring sound] 361 00:13:01,375 --> 00:13:03,250 Brilliant. 362 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,625 [sighs] 363 00:13:05,625 --> 00:13:06,625 [typewriter keys clacking] 364 00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:07,917 [typewriter dings] 365 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,959 How the fuck do they sleep in outer space? 366 00:13:14,959 --> 00:13:17,834 Well, for one thing, they have clean sheets. 367 00:13:19,458 --> 00:13:20,709 [gunshots] 368 00:13:20,709 --> 00:13:23,166 [gasps] Holy shit. 369 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:28,500 [lightsaber activates] 370 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:29,959 [lightsaber hums] 371 00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:35,125 [softly] What the fuck? 372 00:13:35,125 --> 00:13:37,083 You hear that? 373 00:13:37,083 --> 00:13:37,500 The gunshots? 374 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:39,625 No, listen. 375 00:13:39,625 --> 00:13:41,750 [crickets chirping] 376 00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:45,792 Something's definitely out here. 377 00:13:45,792 --> 00:13:49,834 So you just shot randomly into the night? 378 00:13:49,834 --> 00:13:51,375 Didn't you say you have a ranch hand? 379 00:13:51,375 --> 00:13:53,125 - Yeah. - Maybe you don't anymore. 380 00:13:53,125 --> 00:13:55,792 No, it's this wild boar that's been coming around. 381 00:13:55,792 --> 00:13:56,542 A wild boar? 382 00:13:56,542 --> 00:13:58,208 I fucking hate that pig. 383 00:13:58,208 --> 00:14:01,750 He digs holes everywhere, eats my sprinkler heads. 384 00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,333 Shits on the pool furniture! 385 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:05,041 How do you know it's always the same pig? 386 00:14:05,041 --> 00:14:06,458 Oh, I know those shits. 387 00:14:06,458 --> 00:14:07,875 I think I might have winged him. 388 00:14:07,875 --> 00:14:09,709 We should go check. [Beverly] You go check. 389 00:14:09,709 --> 00:14:11,583 - We're not going out there. - It's fine. 390 00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:14,083 To face the potentially wounded wild boar? 391 00:14:14,083 --> 00:14:16,000 Just, here-here. Grab a shovel. 392 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,500 No, I'm not grabbing a shovel. 393 00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:19,375 Nothing good ever starts with "Grab a shovel." 394 00:14:19,375 --> 00:14:20,834 All right, fine. 395 00:14:20,834 --> 00:14:22,041 I'll go alone. 396 00:14:22,041 --> 00:14:23,625 So you should. It's your boar. 397 00:14:23,625 --> 00:14:25,542 I'm coming for you, fucker! 398 00:14:25,542 --> 00:14:27,667 [distant animal calls] 399 00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:28,875 [lightsaber deactivates] 400 00:14:28,875 --> 00:14:30,250 [Beverly] It's like having a sleepover 401 00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:32,917 with No Country for Old Men. 402 00:14:32,917 --> 00:14:36,000 ♪ quirky music ♪ 403 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,750 ♪ ♪ 404 00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:39,792 [Matt] Morning. 405 00:14:39,792 --> 00:14:40,875 - Mm. - Morning. 406 00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:42,041 I made coffee. 407 00:14:42,041 --> 00:14:43,542 - Oh, I could use some. - Sounds good. 408 00:14:43,542 --> 00:14:45,542 I think there's bagels in the freezer. 409 00:14:45,542 --> 00:14:47,208 Maybe some eggs. 410 00:14:47,208 --> 00:14:48,542 Oh, my God. 411 00:14:48,542 --> 00:14:49,542 Did you know your gun 412 00:14:49,542 --> 00:14:51,959 is still sitting out here next to the cereal? 413 00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,000 Oh, and there's cereal. 414 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:55,542 [laughs] 415 00:14:56,333 --> 00:14:58,375 Find any dead bodies in your yard? 416 00:14:58,375 --> 00:15:01,875 No. But that fucking pig knocked over my barbecue. 417 00:15:01,875 --> 00:15:02,917 There's irony. 418 00:15:02,917 --> 00:15:06,208 [phone rings] 419 00:15:06,208 --> 00:15:06,500 [sighs] Carol. 420 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:08,375 Huh. 421 00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,333 Hello. 422 00:15:10,333 --> 00:15:12,208 Hey. How's the ranch? 423 00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:13,959 Very ranch-y. 424 00:15:13,959 --> 00:15:15,208 Yeah? 425 00:15:15,208 --> 00:15:17,125 Like someone lit a horseshit candle. 426 00:15:17,125 --> 00:15:18,417 I told you, soon as the sun hits it, 427 00:15:18,417 --> 00:15:20,625 oof. 428 00:15:20,625 --> 00:15:22,250 Question. 429 00:15:22,250 --> 00:15:23,750 It's Merc's birthday next week, 430 00:15:23,750 --> 00:15:27,041 and A: I have no idea what to get him. 431 00:15:27,041 --> 00:15:30,417 Also, B: I've got no money to get it with. 432 00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:32,917 Then I say, C: fuck him. 433 00:15:32,917 --> 00:15:36,917 Is it too lame if I make something? 434 00:15:36,917 --> 00:15:38,083 - I have got to tell her. - I was thinking, like, 435 00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:42,208 going to one of those Color Me Mine places 436 00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:45,250 and making a little bowl. 437 00:15:45,250 --> 00:15:46,458 So what do you think? 438 00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:47,750 I think 439 00:15:47,750 --> 00:15:48,834 making something for him is fine. 440 00:15:48,834 --> 00:15:51,000 - I just... - Beverly. 441 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,750 ...wouldn't put your heart into it. 442 00:15:53,750 --> 00:15:54,542 'Ello, Beverly. 443 00:15:54,542 --> 00:15:56,458 He's there? 444 00:15:56,458 --> 00:15:56,917 Mm-hmm. 445 00:15:56,917 --> 00:15:58,250 All right, well, 446 00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,625 got to get to work. 447 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:00,625 Wish him happy birthday for me. 448 00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:02,250 [chuckles] Bye. 449 00:16:04,792 --> 00:16:07,000 I am the worst person ever. 450 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,125 [gun cocks] 451 00:16:08,125 --> 00:16:09,625 [imitates gunshot] 452 00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:12,625 Second worst. 453 00:16:12,625 --> 00:16:15,625 Okay, I had my assistant get us pads, 454 00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:17,291 pens, scissors, Post-its. 455 00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:19,000 She got us a white board. 456 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:20,625 You name it, it's all here. 457 00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:23,000 Jesus. It's like she knocked over a Staples. 458 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,959 - Oh, fuck, staples! - I wouldn't worry. 459 00:16:25,959 --> 00:16:27,792 I don't think we'll get so much done 460 00:16:27,792 --> 00:16:30,625 that we'll need to attach things to each other. 461 00:16:30,625 --> 00:16:32,333 Okay, glass half empty. 462 00:16:32,333 --> 00:16:34,875 So do you have any sense of the kind of show 463 00:16:34,875 --> 00:16:36,000 you want to do? 464 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,792 I'm thinking a one-hour. 465 00:16:37,792 --> 00:16:39,333 I don't know, something smart. 466 00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,166 Maybe a little dark. 467 00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:41,625 You know, sophisticated. 468 00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:43,542 Anything else? 469 00:16:43,542 --> 00:16:44,125 In an ideal world, 470 00:16:44,125 --> 00:16:45,834 I get to shoot people. 471 00:16:45,834 --> 00:16:49,417 That is sophisticated. 472 00:16:49,417 --> 00:16:50,667 [Beverly] So... [exhales] 473 00:16:50,667 --> 00:16:52,375 we've got... 474 00:16:52,375 --> 00:16:53,959 smart, 475 00:16:53,959 --> 00:16:57,542 so-phis-ti-cated... 476 00:16:59,250 --> 00:17:00,000 Shoots people. 477 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:03,166 - Ooh! I got an idea. - Go. 478 00:17:03,166 --> 00:17:03,709 Can I do the writing on the board? 479 00:17:03,709 --> 00:17:04,834 Absolutely. 480 00:17:04,834 --> 00:17:07,917 - That was your idea? - Yep. 481 00:17:07,917 --> 00:17:09,875 Okay, so what's the show? Let's just toss things out. 482 00:17:09,875 --> 00:17:11,709 Anything's fair game. 483 00:17:11,709 --> 00:17:12,542 There are no bad ideas. 484 00:17:12,542 --> 00:17:14,792 Okay. 485 00:17:16,333 --> 00:17:18,500 What if I'm the president? 486 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:19,834 Of what planet? 487 00:17:19,834 --> 00:17:20,917 I thought there were no bad ideas. 488 00:17:20,917 --> 00:17:22,000 - So did I. - Screw you. 489 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,667 I could play a president. 490 00:17:23,667 --> 00:17:25,458 Okay, let's say you're the president. 491 00:17:28,291 --> 00:17:29,709 So, now we have 492 00:17:29,709 --> 00:17:31,709 smart, sophisticated, 493 00:17:31,709 --> 00:17:33,709 shoots people, 494 00:17:33,709 --> 00:17:34,583 and president. 495 00:17:34,583 --> 00:17:37,041 I'm liking this. 496 00:17:37,041 --> 00:17:38,125 Should I make a reservation for lunch? 497 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:40,166 - We just started. - I know. 498 00:17:40,166 --> 00:17:41,417 But the way we're moving... 499 00:17:41,417 --> 00:17:43,208 Okay, so, 500 00:17:43,208 --> 00:17:44,375 you're the president. 501 00:17:44,375 --> 00:17:46,125 - Then what? - I don't know. 502 00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,250 You're the writers. I gave you president. 503 00:17:47,250 --> 00:17:50,166 If I could do it all, I wouldn't need you. 504 00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:52,208 Ooh! 505 00:17:52,208 --> 00:17:54,166 What if I come back from the dead? 506 00:17:54,166 --> 00:17:55,000 Are you still the president? 507 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:55,834 No, no, new idea. 508 00:17:55,834 --> 00:17:57,208 All right. 509 00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:57,792 But what I do come back from the dead with? 510 00:17:57,792 --> 00:17:59,041 Like superpowers 511 00:17:59,041 --> 00:18:02,667 or, uh, some kind of special knowledge? 512 00:18:02,667 --> 00:18:04,542 Maybe you come back with an idea for a show. 513 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,959 Or clean sheets. 514 00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:09,208 Okay, I'm getting a real negative vibe here. 515 00:18:09,208 --> 00:18:10,750 [Beverly] Where you going? 516 00:18:10,750 --> 00:18:11,542 I need a cookie. Anyone else want a cookie? 517 00:18:11,542 --> 00:18:13,583 No, come back, attention span. 518 00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,750 You're the board guy. You have the pen. 519 00:18:15,750 --> 00:18:18,083 [sighs] Fine. 520 00:18:18,083 --> 00:18:20,083 Has anyone ever done sort of a 521 00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,500 Sliding Doors kind of thing, 522 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:25,083 where you see three iterations of a man's life 523 00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:27,917 different ways they could have gone. 524 00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:30,083 You could intercut between them, 525 00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:32,083 see how they inform each other. 526 00:18:32,083 --> 00:18:34,375 - Or what if I'm a pimp? - Or what if you're a pimp? 527 00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:35,542 Well, seriously. 528 00:18:35,542 --> 00:18:38,583 It could be this cool, dark, edgy show. 529 00:18:38,583 --> 00:18:40,291 I'm a slimeball, 530 00:18:40,291 --> 00:18:42,875 but I care about my girls. 531 00:18:42,875 --> 00:18:44,792 Actually, I don't think we've ever 532 00:18:44,792 --> 00:18:45,959 seen that world before. 533 00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,250 Documentaries, maybe. 534 00:18:47,250 --> 00:18:48,792 Yeah, totally, totally. 535 00:18:48,792 --> 00:18:51,709 I could run, like, this bunny ranch in the desert. 536 00:18:51,709 --> 00:18:54,625 And we could explore how each of the girls ended up there. 537 00:18:54,625 --> 00:18:56,208 Learn about them as people. 538 00:18:56,208 --> 00:18:59,166 Yeah, dig into the little nuances of their lives. 539 00:18:59,166 --> 00:19:00,291 Oh! [huffs] 540 00:19:00,291 --> 00:19:00,417 I got a title. 541 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:07,583 [Beverly] Whores. 542 00:19:07,583 --> 00:19:08,625 There's your nuance. 543 00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:09,959 I love this. 544 00:19:09,959 --> 00:19:11,291 [Sean] What are you doing? 545 00:19:11,291 --> 00:19:12,625 Pitching it to Roger. 546 00:19:12,625 --> 00:19:14,375 Whoa-whoa-whoa. Slightly premature. 547 00:19:14,375 --> 00:19:15,792 Oh, nah, this is it. 548 00:19:15,792 --> 00:19:17,291 I would totally watch Whores. 549 00:19:17,291 --> 00:19:20,667 I think we're all assuming that you have. 550 00:19:20,667 --> 00:19:22,250 Hey, it's me. 551 00:19:22,250 --> 00:19:23,166 Guess what? 552 00:19:23,166 --> 00:19:25,041 We got a show. 553 00:19:25,041 --> 00:19:27,291 It's a dark, edgy one-hour 554 00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:28,834 about a brothel in the desert, 555 00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:30,709 and it's called... 556 00:19:30,709 --> 00:19:31,834 Yeah. He guessed Whores. 557 00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:33,875 He knows you well. 558 00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:34,834 What? No. 559 00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,041 That sucks. 560 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:38,041 Netflix is already doing Whores. 561 00:19:38,041 --> 00:19:39,125 Are you sure? 562 00:19:39,125 --> 00:19:42,041 Treat Williams and Sharon Stone. 563 00:19:42,041 --> 00:19:43,500 Jesus. 564 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,709 All right. I'll talk to you later. 565 00:19:46,875 --> 00:19:48,166 Shit. 566 00:19:48,166 --> 00:19:49,542 Oh, I understand your disappointment, 567 00:19:49,542 --> 00:19:53,500 having invested almost four minutes of your life. 568 00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:54,166 Fucking Netflix. 569 00:19:54,166 --> 00:19:56,166 I know it's hard to believe, 570 00:19:56,166 --> 00:19:58,667 but there might be one other idea 571 00:19:58,667 --> 00:19:59,000 in the universe. 572 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,959 No, I-I- 573 00:20:00,959 --> 00:20:01,834 I can't do this now. I need a break. 574 00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,000 From what? 575 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,083 Let's go shoot something. 576 00:20:04,083 --> 00:20:05,583 Like, what? A one-hour? 577 00:20:05,583 --> 00:20:06,458 Come on, seriously. You ever fired a gun? 578 00:20:06,458 --> 00:20:08,709 I couldn't even fire our assistant. 579 00:20:08,709 --> 00:20:10,125 ♪♪♪ 580 00:20:10,125 --> 00:20:11,041 [Beverly sighs] 581 00:20:11,041 --> 00:20:14,500 Spread your feet a little more. 582 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,250 Don't lock your knees. 583 00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:17,375 [horse whinnying distantly] 584 00:20:17,375 --> 00:20:19,792 Is it gonna be loud? I don't like loud. 585 00:20:19,792 --> 00:20:20,709 - Nah, you're fine. - You promise? 586 00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:22,375 Yeah, it's like slamming a car door. 587 00:20:24,709 --> 00:20:27,000 And, uh, now get your grip a little higher. 588 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,834 Make sure your support hand is against the weapon as well. 589 00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:30,875 Oh, when did John Hinckley get here? 590 00:20:30,875 --> 00:20:32,959 When I was a boy, my father took me shooting. 591 00:20:32,959 --> 00:20:34,208 You never told me. 592 00:20:34,208 --> 00:20:35,875 Yeah. It was my mother's idea. 593 00:20:35,875 --> 00:20:37,417 She thought it would bring us closer. 594 00:20:37,417 --> 00:20:38,834 Turns out it just made me realize 595 00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:39,750 how easy it would be to kill him. 596 00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:41,458 - [chuckles] - All right, less talking, 597 00:20:41,458 --> 00:20:43,125 more aiming. Now, you want to loosen up. 598 00:20:43,125 --> 00:20:44,375 Don't hunch your shoulders. 599 00:20:46,125 --> 00:20:48,083 Still hunching. 600 00:20:48,083 --> 00:20:49,959 Still hunching. 601 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,875 Still hunching 602 00:20:51,875 --> 00:20:52,959 Those are my shoulders! 603 00:20:52,959 --> 00:20:53,917 Really? 604 00:20:55,583 --> 00:20:57,250 Now, you want to have both hands tight on the grip-- 605 00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:59,917 - [gunshot] - It's loud! It's loud! 606 00:20:59,917 --> 00:21:01,709 - It's loud! It's loud! - [gun firing] 607 00:21:01,709 --> 00:21:03,542 - It's loud! It's loud! - [bottles smashing] 608 00:21:03,542 --> 00:21:04,792 [hysterical sounds] 609 00:21:04,792 --> 00:21:05,375 Holy shit. 610 00:21:05,375 --> 00:21:07,166 Well done, darling. 611 00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:09,208 That was no fucking car door. 612 00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:10,458 All right, all right, just give me the weapon. 613 00:21:10,458 --> 00:21:11,875 I am never doing this again 614 00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:14,250 because [shouting] it...was...loud! 615 00:21:14,250 --> 00:21:15,333 - Okay. - All right, my turn. 616 00:21:15,333 --> 00:21:16,750 - [loudly] What? - My turn! 617 00:21:16,750 --> 00:21:18,041 [muttering] 618 00:21:19,583 --> 00:21:21,291 All right, now, remember. Focus on the sights, 619 00:21:21,291 --> 00:21:23,375 - not the target. - Don't worry, I remember. 620 00:21:23,375 --> 00:21:24,333 [Matt clears throat] 621 00:21:25,291 --> 00:21:26,917 - [gunshot] - [Beverly whimpers] 622 00:21:26,917 --> 00:21:29,959 I was just warming up. 623 00:21:29,959 --> 00:21:31,500 [gun fires] 624 00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:32,750 I got to remember to breathe. 625 00:21:32,750 --> 00:21:33,792 [gun fires] 626 00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,458 [chuckles] 627 00:21:35,458 --> 00:21:37,750 This weapon's heavier than my father's. 628 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,250 - [gunshot] - [Beverly whimpers] 629 00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:42,959 I think there's something wrong with your gun. 630 00:21:42,959 --> 00:21:44,959 Don't hunch your shoulders. 631 00:21:44,959 --> 00:21:46,125 Shh... 632 00:21:46,125 --> 00:21:49,000 Just relax. You can do it. 633 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:49,959 Feeling a lot of pressure. 634 00:21:49,959 --> 00:21:50,458 Use it. 635 00:21:55,291 --> 00:21:56,333 [gun fires] 636 00:21:56,333 --> 00:21:56,834 [animal squeals] 637 00:21:56,834 --> 00:21:57,959 What the hell? 638 00:21:57,959 --> 00:22:00,625 [animal squealing] 639 00:22:00,625 --> 00:22:03,417 [grunting, squealing] 640 00:22:04,083 --> 00:22:06,500 - [laughs] - Oh, no! 641 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:07,792 [Sean] No-no-no-no-no. 642 00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:09,792 - [Beverly] Oh, God. - What did I do? 643 00:22:09,792 --> 00:22:10,417 You got the fucker. 644 00:22:10,417 --> 00:22:12,166 I didn't mean to get him. 645 00:22:12,166 --> 00:22:13,375 Oh, look at the poor thing! 646 00:22:13,375 --> 00:22:15,375 - I can't-I can't look! - Oh! 647 00:22:15,375 --> 00:22:16,709 It's suffering. 648 00:22:16,709 --> 00:22:18,000 - Well, I know how to stop that. - [cocks gun] 649 00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:19,417 Wha-what are you doing? 650 00:22:19,417 --> 00:22:20,834 I'm gonna finish it off. This is him. 651 00:22:20,834 --> 00:22:21,542 - Is it? - You don't know that. 652 00:22:21,542 --> 00:22:23,458 Well, who do you think it is? 653 00:22:23,458 --> 00:22:25,875 You just ate your last sprinkler head, asshole! 654 00:22:25,875 --> 00:22:27,041 - No! - What? 655 00:22:27,041 --> 00:22:28,792 You can't kill this pig. 656 00:22:28,792 --> 00:22:31,000 So he eats a few bloody sprinkler heads. 657 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,625 He has as much right to live here as you do. 658 00:22:32,625 --> 00:22:35,959 Uh, as the guy who paid 8 million for it... 659 00:22:35,959 --> 00:22:37,834 If this were a dog, 660 00:22:37,834 --> 00:22:38,333 would you shoot a dog? 661 00:22:38,333 --> 00:22:40,000 It's not a dog. 662 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,542 Yes, well, 663 00:22:41,542 --> 00:22:44,000 did you know that pigs are more intelligent 664 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,834 than dogs, and quite a few people? 665 00:22:45,834 --> 00:22:47,500 Yeah? Then how come I'm the one with the gun? 666 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,000 - Oh-- - And when did you become 667 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:50,333 the fucking pig expert? 668 00:22:50,333 --> 00:22:53,333 When I was growing up, my cousins had pet pigs. 669 00:22:53,333 --> 00:22:56,083 Oh, they are the most loyal, affectionate, 670 00:22:56,083 --> 00:22:58,083 emotionally sophisticated-- 671 00:22:58,083 --> 00:23:00,291 Oh, it's shitting! 672 00:23:00,291 --> 00:23:01,041 - [groans] - Oh, this is horrible! 673 00:23:01,041 --> 00:23:03,125 Just end it! End it! 674 00:23:03,125 --> 00:23:04,000 No! 675 00:23:04,000 --> 00:23:06,208 This is Wilbur! 676 00:23:06,208 --> 00:23:08,083 In Charlotte's Web, this is... 677 00:23:08,083 --> 00:23:10,250 that talking pig movie. 678 00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:11,208 - Babe? - Yes! 679 00:23:11,208 --> 00:23:12,542 He's gonna shoot Babe. 680 00:23:12,542 --> 00:23:13,083 [gasps] You can't shoot Babe. 681 00:23:13,083 --> 00:23:14,917 It's not Babe. 682 00:23:14,917 --> 00:23:15,750 It's bacon. 683 00:23:15,750 --> 00:23:17,208 Oh. 684 00:23:17,208 --> 00:23:18,709 Hey, if this was a talking pig, 685 00:23:18,709 --> 00:23:20,125 we'd be having a very different conversation, 686 00:23:20,125 --> 00:23:21,583 all four of us. 687 00:23:21,583 --> 00:23:23,458 Just because you can't understand him 688 00:23:23,458 --> 00:23:24,625 doesn't mean he's not communicating. 689 00:23:24,625 --> 00:23:25,792 Other pigs understand him. 690 00:23:25,792 --> 00:23:28,250 I understand him, right now. 691 00:23:28,250 --> 00:23:31,208 He's saying, "I'm in pain, help me!" 692 00:23:31,208 --> 00:23:32,375 We need to help him! 693 00:23:32,375 --> 00:23:33,792 No. You know what we need? 694 00:23:33,792 --> 00:23:36,417 Hash browns. 695 00:23:36,417 --> 00:23:39,041 We need to get him to a vet. 696 00:23:39,041 --> 00:23:40,667 What? No. It's a wild boar. 697 00:23:40,667 --> 00:23:41,667 You're a wild boar! 698 00:23:41,667 --> 00:23:43,208 Where was that snappy dialogue 699 00:23:43,208 --> 00:23:44,709 when we were working before? 700 00:23:44,709 --> 00:23:47,291 Oh, look, it's passed out. 701 00:23:47,291 --> 00:23:48,417 We are taking this animal to a doctor. 702 00:23:48,417 --> 00:23:50,709 We are not taking him to a doctor. 703 00:23:50,709 --> 00:23:52,083 All right. 704 00:23:52,083 --> 00:23:54,083 Then you're on your own with your stupid show. 705 00:23:54,083 --> 00:23:54,875 - Oh, come on. - That's right. 706 00:23:54,875 --> 00:23:56,333 I am putting it- we are putting it 707 00:23:56,333 --> 00:23:59,458 all on the line for this pig. 708 00:23:59,458 --> 00:24:01,542 You want us? 709 00:24:01,542 --> 00:24:02,709 The pig comes too. 710 00:24:02,709 --> 00:24:05,917 [scoffs] Fuck me. 711 00:24:05,917 --> 00:24:07,333 I'll get the truck. 712 00:24:07,333 --> 00:24:08,125 [keys clacking] 713 00:24:08,125 --> 00:24:09,667 [typewriter dings] 714 00:24:09,667 --> 00:24:12,667 [sighs] All right, let's fucking do this. 715 00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:15,500 Uh, you guys get the back, I'll get the front. 716 00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:18,542 [boar groaning] 717 00:24:18,542 --> 00:24:20,000 - [yelps] - [both] What? 718 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:20,375 I touched the tail! 719 00:24:20,375 --> 00:24:22,000 Switch. 720 00:24:26,625 --> 00:24:27,458 [Matt] Okay, ready? 721 00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:29,166 One, two, 722 00:24:29,166 --> 00:24:30,625 three. Pick it up. 723 00:24:30,625 --> 00:24:31,917 - [all strain] - Pick it up. Pick it up. 724 00:24:31,917 --> 00:24:33,083 - Now what? - Put it down. 725 00:24:33,083 --> 00:24:34,291 Put it down. Put it down. 726 00:24:34,291 --> 00:24:35,625 - Ah! - Ooh! 727 00:24:35,625 --> 00:24:37,750 Fuck, that's a heavy pig. 728 00:24:37,750 --> 00:24:38,750 - Ideally, we need a winch. - Oh, sure. 729 00:24:38,750 --> 00:24:41,291 We could just make one out of sticks and twigs. 730 00:24:41,291 --> 00:24:43,333 - Do you have a ramp? - What am I, Angie's List? 731 00:24:43,333 --> 00:24:45,583 There's no time. His breath is getting shallow. 732 00:24:45,583 --> 00:24:46,291 That's not what I'd call it. 733 00:24:46,291 --> 00:24:48,125 We've got to do something now! 734 00:24:48,125 --> 00:24:50,625 Uh...I know. 735 00:24:50,625 --> 00:24:52,500 I can accidentally back over it. 736 00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:54,875 Let's just try lifting it again. 737 00:24:54,875 --> 00:24:56,125 - We can do this. - I don't think-- 738 00:24:56,125 --> 00:24:57,041 - We've got to. - All right. 739 00:24:57,041 --> 00:24:58,709 All right, okay, okay, how about this? 740 00:24:58,709 --> 00:24:59,750 You take the front, 741 00:24:59,750 --> 00:25:00,667 you take the back, 742 00:25:00,667 --> 00:25:03,375 and I'll get the middle. 743 00:25:03,375 --> 00:25:04,709 Okay. 744 00:25:05,750 --> 00:25:08,667 [Matt] One, two, 745 00:25:08,667 --> 00:25:09,542 three! 746 00:25:09,542 --> 00:25:11,667 [all straining] 747 00:25:14,083 --> 00:25:16,500 Ow. Ow. 748 00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:18,083 The bristles are going through my gloves. 749 00:25:18,083 --> 00:25:19,166 Keep going. 750 00:25:19,166 --> 00:25:20,834 Hurts. Hurts. 751 00:25:20,834 --> 00:25:21,750 You're tipping. 752 00:25:21,750 --> 00:25:23,250 I know I'm tipping! 753 00:25:23,250 --> 00:25:24,917 [groans] 754 00:25:26,333 --> 00:25:29,000 I hate this fucking pig. 755 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:31,458 ♪ quirky music ♪ 756 00:25:31,458 --> 00:25:33,667 Why is this taking so long? 757 00:25:33,667 --> 00:25:36,333 You shot him up pretty good. 758 00:25:36,333 --> 00:25:37,834 I'm sure he'll be fine. 759 00:25:37,834 --> 00:25:39,750 He lost so much blood. 760 00:25:39,750 --> 00:25:41,875 [dog whines] [sheep bleats] 761 00:25:41,875 --> 00:25:42,667 It's funny. 762 00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:43,917 When you have ham, 763 00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:47,875 there's like no blood at all. 764 00:25:47,875 --> 00:25:48,333 Hmm. 765 00:25:48,333 --> 00:25:50,458 What? It's true. 766 00:25:50,458 --> 00:25:53,041 [animals whining] 767 00:25:53,041 --> 00:25:53,667 How is he? 768 00:25:53,667 --> 00:25:56,125 I wish I had better news. 769 00:25:56,125 --> 00:25:56,917 The bullet tore through an artery 770 00:25:56,917 --> 00:25:58,667 and also punctured his trachea. 771 00:25:58,667 --> 00:26:02,208 So much a talking pig. [chuckles] 772 00:26:02,208 --> 00:26:03,417 Will he survive? 773 00:26:03,417 --> 00:26:05,166 It's possible. He's a fighter. 774 00:26:05,166 --> 00:26:06,166 - Oh, thank God. - The good news is 775 00:26:06,166 --> 00:26:08,917 we were able to stop the internal bleeding. 776 00:26:08,917 --> 00:26:10,291 Okay. 777 00:26:10,291 --> 00:26:12,375 Tracheal reconstruction is more complicated. 778 00:26:12,375 --> 00:26:14,375 - But it's doable? - Well, it's tricky. 779 00:26:14,375 --> 00:26:16,291 It means taking cartilage from either his ear 780 00:26:16,291 --> 00:26:17,709 or his thyroid. 781 00:26:17,709 --> 00:26:19,667 I'm not sure we could do that here. 782 00:26:19,667 --> 00:26:21,375 We'll probably have to move him to a larger facility. 783 00:26:21,375 --> 00:26:23,709 Say we do all that, 784 00:26:23,709 --> 00:26:25,083 what kind of prognosis can we hope for? 785 00:26:25,083 --> 00:26:27,166 Well, obviously there are no guarantees, 786 00:26:27,166 --> 00:26:28,417 but I think with time 787 00:26:28,417 --> 00:26:29,333 he stands a good chance of recovery. 788 00:26:29,333 --> 00:26:32,250 Oh, that's such a relief. 789 00:26:32,250 --> 00:26:33,458 Thank you. 790 00:26:33,458 --> 00:26:35,250 How much are we talking here? 791 00:26:35,250 --> 00:26:36,792 It's hard to say. 792 00:26:36,792 --> 00:26:38,250 Minimum, 12 to 15,000. 793 00:26:38,250 --> 00:26:41,542 You paying? 794 00:26:43,333 --> 00:26:45,250 - Well, we did what we could. - He had a good life, it's... 795 00:26:45,250 --> 00:26:49,041 ♪ quirky music ♪ 796 00:26:49,041 --> 00:26:51,458 ♪ ♪ 797 00:26:51,458 --> 00:26:54,458 ♪ somber music ♪ 798 00:26:54,458 --> 00:27:00,583 ♪♪♪ 799 00:27:03,625 --> 00:27:05,750 [phone ringing] 800 00:27:11,917 --> 00:27:13,000 Okay... 801 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:13,583 [phone ringing] 802 00:27:13,583 --> 00:27:16,375 Oh... [sniffles] 803 00:27:16,375 --> 00:27:18,792 oh. 804 00:27:18,792 --> 00:27:20,125 [muttering] 805 00:27:20,125 --> 00:27:22,542 [phone ringing] 806 00:27:22,542 --> 00:27:24,000 [groans, spits] 807 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,625 [gagging] 808 00:27:25,625 --> 00:27:26,291 Uh, hold on. 809 00:27:26,291 --> 00:27:28,750 Oh... 810 00:27:33,542 --> 00:27:34,709 [spits] Bah! 811 00:27:40,208 --> 00:27:41,291 Hello? 812 00:27:41,291 --> 00:27:41,917 Are you okay? 813 00:27:44,792 --> 00:27:46,375 Uh-huh. 814 00:27:46,375 --> 00:27:49,041 [keys clacking] 815 00:27:49,041 --> 00:27:52,041 ♪ quirky music ♪ 816 00:27:52,041 --> 00:27:56,917 ♪♪♪ 53348

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