Original subtitles

[OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

JOAN: Okay, that's right, along the edge.

Good. That's good.

Don't patronize me. Walking is not good.

-It's fucking normal. -I'm not.

That is good, Mr. Roy.

I need to sit down.

-Chair. -MARCIA: Logan,

if you're not well enough for the charity dinner,

I'll maybe go with this handsome young man.

Okay. Now, this is a little trickier.

This is the proprioception,

that's side to side.

Turn it off. It's like being inside a fucking commercial.

There you go.

You turn it off yourself.

Come on.

Where the fuck's she going?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

Thank you.

Rava, hey, did you decide yet about tomorrow night?

It's kind of a big night for me. I'm making Dad's RECNY ball speech.

I just kind of assumed your "hopefully" was a "yes."

Are you serious?

WOMAN: [ON RADIO] It's second quarter GDP numbers

that showed the US economy

maintained a brisk pace of growth at a 2.8% annual rate.

How was LA?

Great. They're all fucking nuts, but great.

Hey, can you get onto Lance about my speech?

And can we get one of the late night guys to, uh,

-you know, cook me up a bit? -A bit?

Yeah, a bit. You know, a selection of jokes and riffs?

You're gonna do a joke?

What does that mean? I was fucking king of the "Lampoon."

Kicked their distribution into shape.

-I cleared your morning... -Who's in my dad's...

Because your dad wants to see you.

Guess you didn't know that.

No, I didn't know, but...

It's great news. Right?

-Did you know? -No, but it's great.

Sure. Oh, sure.

[SIGHS]

Shouldn't he have told you?

Okay, listen,

I'll just, uh... Get myself straight

and go and see the old... Fucking goat.

Okay.

You look good.

-Well, yeah. Well, thank you. -Mmm-hmm.

Whoops!

Uh, Grace... Okay, see, this is why your staying here doesn't work.

There are five bathrooms in this place and you're here. Why are you here?

Right now I have to fart, and I'm not.

Like, I'm physically not farting because you're here.

-Okay. -Just feeling a little oppressed,

is all. Okay? Thank you.

So I'm gonna speak to Connor

-and confirm table arrangements. -Uh-huh.

We're hosting same as last year, plus Joyce and Daniel.

Is that okay?

I didn't go last year, Shiv.

Yes, you did.

Remember we had that racist Belgian GS guy?

And his wife who wanted to kill herself?

Siobhan, I think I would remember

our first Roy Endowment Creative New York ball together.

I was trapped in Hong Kong, scoping out theme parks.

-Really? -Yeah. Honey,

growing up, I used to look at the pictures of the RECNY

in Mom's Vanity Fairs.

And now, a little boy from St. Paul is going,

with the most beautiful gal in the world.

[CHUCKLES]

[CELL PHONE BUZZES]

-What the fuck? -What?

It's quite a haunting image, isn't it?

The eye almost seems to follow you around the room.

SHIV: What is this?

You know, your client, the future senator?

Apparently, this is her husband's asshole.

What? Fuck off. Can you prove that?

He posted it himself with the caption:

"Check out my asshole." [CHUCKLING]

It was on a site called Filthy Rich.

-Has everybody got it? -Um, just us, I believe, right now.

Leaked to ATN. My buddy thought I'd be intrigued.

-All right, well, bring it on. -Ooh, feisty.

-They're not gonna run it? -It's dirty, it's weird,

and it's evidence

of precisely the kind of disgusting

liberal metro butt-love that makes our viewership

angry enough to buy pharmaceuticals.

-Oh, okay, fuck you very much. -Okay, well,

hate to be the bearer of bad news.

What do we call it, "an intimate part of his body"?

No! That sounds like his dick.

[SIGHING] Or just his "anus"?

"Anus"?

At breakfast?

That's a fucking juice-dropper.

"A very private part of his body."

It's boring. And she needs to get more sleep.

-Karen. -KAREN: Yeah?

-You sleeping okay? -I thought so.

Yeah? Are you sleeping on your face?

Ooh!

I'm just kidding. You look great.

How about me, darling? How do I look?

FIE, Mark. Fuckable in an emergency.

Now, if we don't call out this frigid,

little phony, who will?

Yeah. Good.

Hey, Dad.

I didn't know you were coming in.

Did Gerri?

Do I need permission?

-Hey, come on. Screw you. -Just making sure

you're not selling any more of the company from under me.

Oh, you want to get into that?

You... You put a hole in us by taking on a shitload of debt.

But look, this is, uh...

It's great to see you.

You sure you're okay?

Maybe you should get a briefing and get some rest, yeah?

Yeah.

Joseph!

Bring the wheelchair! I need to take a leak!

Hey. So, uh, Dad's back.

Back where? Back in the chair?

Seems kind of fast, right?

But, you know, it's good, obviously.

You'd love it if his brain fell out the back of his head.

-Jesus. I'm just scared in case... -You're scared in case he tries

to push you out and your plans for, you know,

Uber for news and Facebook for cats

and open-plan office.

You want a dance platform jerking off idea gloop

into think boxes.

I gotta go.

-Roman. Good morning. -Frank.

No, correction, it is not a good morning from my POV

because you're here and I fucking hate you.

Come on, kid.

-What the fuck is going on? -Your dad asked me to come back.

Oh, the fucking... The weasel prevails.

That'd be a good name for your autobiography,

if they did books by jerks.

God, you're pathetic.

-He apologized. -Sure. He didn't apologize when he

-hit our au pair with his car. -He wants me to show you the ropes.

-"Her fault being short," he said. -Okay.

-Nothing else? -What do you mean?

I mean, in terms of what went up there.

Because first it's a finger, then it's a fist.

Then it's a dildo shaped like Richard Nixon.

Fuck this!

-A man wouldn't be getting this. -Mmm-hmm.

[SIGHS]

Let's say that.

[SCOFFS] Yeah, agreed.

Hundred percent. But for us, now,

this isn't gonna go away, so we need

to be clear, we need to know the details.

I think you need to talk to your husband again.

It's not going away because ATN won't let it go away.

So I think you should talk to your father.

CONNOR: I just hope the seating plan holds.

If it does, look out, Middle East,

'cause I can fix anything.

I just want you to know you're the best damn bunch of people

I ever had the honor to work for. Thank you very much.

Here he comes.

Bill. The best boss that ever lived.

It's like Mandela fucked Santa and gave birth to Bill.

Thank you, everybody.

Did you hear about Logan?

They say he came in.

Oh... Yeah, I knew, but I couldn't say.

BILL: Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Come on, you genial old fucker.

Get in here already, before it's time for me to retire.

-Hey, Bill! -Tom! Sorry about all that.

No problem, Bill! I just hope one day

I can eventually inspire similar affection.

[LAUGHING]

This is, uh... This is Greg, a new kid I took under my wing when I started.

-Oh. -I'm actually a part of the fam...

Doesn't need to hear your life story, Greg.

-So, thanks for everything. -No.

But listen, before I do the final photo,

there's a... Thing I need to mention.

-Cool. -You know, just us?

-Oh. Yeah. -Yeah?

-Great to meet you. -Yeah. Thanks for understanding.

-Thank you, Bill. -You're welcome.

Okay. So, uh...

I've turned off the Wi-Fi,

and... This is...

This is air-gapped,

so I'm gonna create a Word document for you,

and then I'm gonna print it, because I don't want

anything with my handwriting on it.

I think someone has been watching

a few too many spy movies since they retired, eh, Bill.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Yeah, maybe.

Ah, here.

This...

This is the number of a set of storage files in the depository,

and the subject is, well, something that...

It's not a big deal, but it needs to be handled,

and, uh... You're in the family.

So... This is the name of the legal office

that is the intermediary, and this

is the person

outside the firm that we've been using as a firewall

to deal with the blowback from the NDAs.

Oh... I mean, it's not a big deal, Tom.

-Right, but what is it, Bill? -Well...

You have two viable options.

I can tell you everything, and that's fine.

Or I can not tell you, and... You wouldn't know,

and then you can steer clear of the whole death pit.

And that would be fine, too.

-Ah... -So, I mean, the nice news is,

either way, both ways, everything is fine.

Just keep the nuclear rods cool, nothing's gonna blow.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Okay, so there's the death pit

and at the bottom of the death pit there's nuclear rods?

Well...

You wanna give me the good news now, Bill?

-Um... -[KNOCK ON DOOR]

-BILL: Excuse me. -Photographer's ready.

Terrific! Thanks, Kelly.

And...

Print.

Okay, you need to tell Dad to back the fuck off.

Shouldn't you be at 1 Oak or something by now?

You know he rehired Frank to babysit me?

I don't need a babysitter. Okay? Especially one I don't get to fuck.

-Seriously? Frank is back? -Yes.

Yeah. I mean, you're CEO. Can he even do that?

I don't... It's... It's a question.

Okay, well, have a talk with him,

tell him to butt out because we are running the show now.

Tell him he needs to go back to bed and eat some soup, get some rest.

Look, relax, okay?

The, you know, the dinosaur

is having one last roar at the meteor before it wipes him out.

But look, hey...

-You're doing a great job. -Thank you. Thanks, man.

[GROWLS]

It's actually good to hear. It's a big job.

I know it, bro. Tell me about it.

Well, do you want some help? I can help you.

We can tag-team it on Dad's speech at Sad Sack Wasp Trap.

Um, I guess, yeah. I mean, it is a CEO thing.

So, I mean, like I have a whole thing prepared

-with jokes, and so... -You're doing jokes?

Why does everyone keep saying that? I'm funny.

Yup. I'm sure you're gonna kill it.

-Who you taking? -Uh... No one.

-Rava's busy. -Doesn't want to? Got it.

-So, maybe I'll roll solo. -How's that gonna look?

CEO can't get an ugly sister to go to the ball?

-You know who I'd like to take? -Hmm?

Anna Newman. That blond chick from ATN.

Oh, shit, yeah! Oh, I'd fuck that in a minute.

-Take her. -It's not cool. I'm her boss.

Oh, come on, what a pathetic beta-cuck.

[CLEARS THROAT] "Excuse me, would it be cool,"

"because I have something very secret in my pants."

"Would it be okay to show, please? Or is that a trigger warning?"

Jesus, Roman, you're a walking fucking lawsuit.

Uh, no, I'm honest, I'm just, like,

"Hey, I like your face. I wanna fuck your face."

"Can I come on your face?"

Which is why my face is drowning in pussy

and you're not fucking your wife.

Too far. [EXCLAIMS]

Sorry, it's just... Ooh, them's the facts.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

No, thank you! Please leave me alone!

Please! Thank you!

I got it, I got it.

-Morning. -Morning.

[MUMBLES]

Okay. Give me a hand. Yeah.

[GROANS]

Personal first, then the corporal.

Corporate.

Um...

Okay. Well... Personal, nothing much.

Pre-ball piece, uh,

profiles of endowment recipients,

that's all great, and, uh, just a little piece on your health,

but I don't think you need to hear that.

Say it.

Um...

"Kendall Roy will give the traditional address"

"at the RECNY charity ball tonight,"

"in a sign that even after recovery from his stroke,"

"Logan Roy is intending to wind down"

"from public duties."

Where did he get that? Who gave him that?

-I don't know. -Well, here's an idea: find out.

Or find some other prick to pay you a million a fucking year.

[SOFTLY] Okay.

CONNOR: I just gotta tell you, handling the ball,

it's just not a big deal for me, which is the thing that's so nice.

It is not a big deal.

Winding down. Winding fucking down. I'm winding up.

CONNOR: It's just funny, being in charge.

I remember years ago, I'd be at the table between you and Mom

and we'd look down, and there'd be the mayor,

and all the names of old New York,

and you'd whisper in my ear, you'd say,

"That Aster used to be that, and he ran this"

"till he snafued that,"

"and he's porking her, and she's a slut."

And it was just...

A very lovely time.

Yeah. Your mom loved all that.

-[CHUCKLES] -Fucking Wasp Trap.

[BOTH LAUGH]

What would you think about me

taking over a little on the foundation?

I mean, could we pivot it away from sick kids and contemporary dance

and toward tax reform?

To be frank, everyone's dancing anyway,

and there are a lot of charities that cater to sad sacks...

God knows I love 'em, but, hey, what about

lending a hand to stimulate free enterprise?

Yeah, well, let's... Let's see how tonight goes.

Yeah.

I don't have time for this shit.

-Hey. -Hi.

Uh...

So... Look...

I want you to call off your dogs.

Mmm-hmm.

Because this obsession with Joyce, it's... it's out of line.

It's sitting very high on your half hour.

Huh.

And it's vindictive.

[STUTTERS] And actually, it's bad for democracy.

Are you going to respond?

Well, I think it's important to remember that

I'm not the one taking pictures of my asshole here.

[LAUGHS]

Yeah.

Are you running this because you think my dad likes this shit?

Oh, he wouldn't put that kind of pressure on his people.

Okay.

If I could get some nasty little tidbits on some other folk,

could you ramp this down?

We're not the only ones running it, Shiv.

-It's a hugely popular story. -Yeah, but you're leading it, Eva.

You had a ten-minute "sexpert" segment on

"How to keep your man happy in bed," on a news channel.

Okay, you've said your piece, so...

-And I've listened. -Great.

Great.

Actually, no. You know what? I'm saying as her strategist,

this level of attack begins to reflect on your professional judgment.

And you need to think about the future because this... this is the old world.

And someday, in this world, things will change.

You know, I wouldn't let any other strategist in the building,

let alone this floor.

Well, I am very grateful.

So when we're talking professional judgment,

good to bear in mind that you're only here

because your name matches the one carved on the building.

KENDALL: Okay, last thing, for the press and comms,

it's clear, right, that I'm CEO.

We hope one day my dad will be back, we don't know when.

-Great. Thank you. -Thanks, guys.

Hey, Kendall. Stewy's here. I just put him in the South Tank

in case you want to keep it on the DL.

-Hey, Kendall. Can I grab five? -Uh-huh.

Um...

There's something... [SIGHS]

Something that you don't know about,

and maybe it's probably something that you don't want to know about...

And...

You know what my dad always said?

He'd say he loved all his employees,

but he particularly loved the guys who ate

the shit for him and he never even knew it.

Got it. Excuse me while I get myself a knife and a fork

and some hollandaise.

-STEWART: Hey! -Hey, bro.

How's it going?

-Good. What's up? -So your dad's in?

Yup, he made it in.

Which we were all delighted about.

-You were delighted about? -Sure.

Sure. What's the story?

No, he's great, he likes to remind us he's still alive.

It's great to get his take, but he needs a lot of rest.

-Dad. Just talking about you. -Sir Roy. Logan.

It's just great to see you. How have you been?

So you're the little schmuck

who owns such a big chunk of me.

Dad, it's Stewy. You guys have met, like, a million times.

Excuse me barging in,

it's just Gerri told me I have a meeting with Opalite later,

just to say, "I like it. Buy it."

-Okay, Ken? -Okay, good thought. Uh...

I'll come find you and we can discuss.

Sure, but if I don't see you, I want it.

Okay... [CHUCKLES]

Well, it's not necessarily the best option in the sector,

so... so, yeah, but we can...

I want us into data mining. Buy it.

It's a really flooded sector, okay?

Lot of hustlers, lots of bullshit.

It's a gold rush.

Oh, yeah.

And who wants gold?

Make them an offer they get excited about.

Make them an offer they want to tell their wives about at night.

Nice outdated sexism, Dad,

but I'm sure you're all over the data mining.

[GIBBERISH]

I'm sorry? You okay? Dad?

Hey, should I get... Someone?

Maybe you should go home. Yeah?

I just... Need to piss.

Okay.

Great. Well, thanks for sharing, old guy.

-Glad he's gonna go piss. -Uh, sorry. You know.

-He's still recovering. -Mmm-hmm.

Listen, just technically,

and I don't want to sound reductive, Ken,

but... Who's in charge right now?

Me. I am.

Legally and effectively.

[URINATING]

Okay, Rick, thanks for that.

Thank you.

Very useful. Thanks.

Fuck off.

Hey.

[SIGHS]

So, Greg... Listen.

I just had a meeting with my private attorney and...

It seems I have been exposed to a virus.

-Oh... Right. -Yeah.

Sit down.

It's a deadly virus.

And... [LAUGHS]

And now... Now I'm fucked!

Forever.

-It sounds bad. -It is bad.

It is. And I kind of need to share it.

But anyone I talk to... [LAUGHS]

Anyone I talk to, I effectively kill.

Here.

That's the death pit, Greg.

Take a look.

I mean, I feel like I might not like it in the death pit.

Go ahead.

You're family.

Thank you.

-It's complicated. -Kind of, yeah. But not really.

For a number of years there was an unofficial company policy

on the cruise lines that if there was a serious criminal incident,

we would, if possible, sail, not home,

but to a Caribbean or South American port

where there were so-called "friendly" authorities,

and we could minimize the incident to avoid negative PR.

-Incidents like... -Theft. Sexual assault.

Rape. Murder.

Okay. The bad ones.

Yeah. There's hundreds in there.

You know, the head of cruises himself, Lester,

would go on these entertainment tours,

-meeting the dancers. -Mmm-hmm.

And extending the contracts of the ones that would suck him off.

Everyone we could, we paid off, we hushed up.

But there are emails,

there's correspondence... It's ready to blow.

It's a fucking time bomb.

-So, what are you gonna do? -I don't know! I don't know!

Because anyone I ask for advice, I make complicit.

If you know about this stuff, you should tell.

But you can't, because you're gonna spread the virus.

So...

I have the virus, don't I?

Okay, Ken...

Why don't you grab the Opalite material?

Uh, well, as I explained, Dad,

I think they're kind of snake oil salesmen, you know?

Like, they're the people who you buy a refrigerator

and their algorithm is sending you

thirty ads for more fridges. Great algo.

Well, you're the business genius who sold me out to this fucker...

So I'd like to hear Stewart's thoughts.

-Okay, I'll get Jess to... -It's a 30-fucking-second

walk away, son.

Sure.

So, Stewart...

Jess. Hey, Jess?

-Yeah? -Has anyone been...

Yeah, your dad came in for, like, two minutes.

What the...

Oh, Jesus, fuck.

-[LAUGHING] -Just like gone in...

Hey. [CLEARS THROAT]

So, I think we're buying.

-Good with you, Stewart? -You're the boss.

All good?

Stewart, are you going to the Sad Sack Wasp Trap tonight?

-The... -He means the RECNY ball.

Oh, yes. I am. I'm sorry to hear that you're not gonna make it.

Oh, no, no, I'll be there.

Well, I'm paying for the fucking thing,

so I might as well go.

STEWART: Yeah.

FRANK: You sure it was him?

KENDALL: You think a lot of people come in here and take a piss?

GERRI: Maybe someone spilled something.

Yeah, maybe the massive fucking ice sculpture

I forgot about melted. It's urine.

ROMAN: This isn't a false flag, is it?

Did you piss on your own floor?

Why are you looking like that? What if people knew?

-Gerri, you gotta talk to him. -What do you want me to say?

Well, first, tell him where to go pee-pee and poo-poo.

KENDALL: He came in, he was talking to Stewy.

What's he gonna do next, start jizzing in my coffee?

-Take a dump on my iPad? -He's still in recovery mode.

If he thinks he's okay to come back, he should talk to you,

Gerri and the nominating committee and set a date. Right?

Well, technically, but it's kind of a gray area because...

-He says he's coming tonight. -ROMAN: You're kidding.

FRANK: Okay, now that's a concern,

because obviously with major investors and press on hand.

KENDALL: Yeah, I know. What if he freaks out?

What if he falls asleep in his soup?

What if he starts shouting racist comments?

ROMAN: Just another Saturday night, baby.

We have a fiduciary duty not to let the company look... Nuts.

What did you do, Kendall, when you realized he'd done this?

-What did I do? -Yeah. How did you respond?

I don't know, I didn't want to humiliate him.

What?

DR. JUDITH: This would be the third injection

I've given you in a month.

He feels he needs to be there.

You're only meant to have three in a year.

No wonder you're not sleeping.

You're risking long-term nerve damage.

Jab, not jabber.

Shut up and shoot up.

Sweetie? Really do with some advice.

-Yeah? -So, look, I don't...

I don't wanna get you into this, but...

Well, Bill told me,

as part of the handover,

-where some of the bodies were buried. -Mmm-hmm.

And they're not very well-buried bodies,

and they're not really even bodies,

-they're... Kind of zombies. -[BOTH LAUGH]

They're ready to rise up from the dead

-at any moment and kill me. -Uh-huh.

I'm worried that... That if it does come out,

and it's sort of... it's kind of bound to come out,

and it's while I'm in charge, I'm dead,

because I know, and I'm not doing anything.

But if I do do something, I've gotta, you know, do something.

-Right. -And I'd like to, you know,

not... Obviously, not carry the can, but maybe do the right thing.

Okay.

And what is the right thing?

Well, what I'm thinking... is a press conference.

-Oh? -Yeah. And tell... Get everybody in,

tell all the top execs

and the law guys and we go public.

Open investigation, disinfectant of sunlight,

and... We... We pin the rap

on a tight group of naughty, rotten apples.

-Oh. Okay. -Uh-huh.

-Well, that sounds brave. -Yes!

Right. Is that good?

Uh...

I'm sorry, can we circle back?

I just... I gotta take this from Joyce.

Yeah?

Look, I did what I can.

It's dropping down the running order.

But long-term, you gotta ask yourself,

will your husband's dirty pink asshole

go nicely with that lovely white house on Pennsylvania Avenue?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

MAN: Wave, Roman!

MARCIA: Wait for me.

-[CAR DOOR OPENS] -Thank you.

[CAR DOOR SHUTS]

-Wait, wait, wait. -I'm okay.

-MARCIA: All right. Okay. -[GRUNTS]

You're okay?

I don't think I can do this.

Yes, you can. Vas-y and fuck them.

-Yeah. -Okay. Let's go.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Excuse me!

Okay, what the hell is this?

WOMAN: Uh, fork?

Forks are to be placed thusly.

This is how they do it at a Dakota dude ranch.

This is how we do it at the RECNY ball.

Now, please go check every other fork.

-It's unbelievable. -Hmm.

Now, why is everyone standing on this side of the room?

The room is growing lopsided.

-Let's lead them. -What?

Like sheep, Willa, let's lead them like sheep.

Go around this way and corral them. Corral them this way, okay?

-I'm gonna... I'm gonna go this way. -Okay.

[CLAPS HANDS] Hello! Everyone!

-Everyone! Hi! -WILLA: Come on, everybody.

Sorry to interrupt, you all look fabulous,

I just want to say if you're having trouble getting a drink over there,

identical bar over here...

WILLA: If you could just go to this side.

Enjoy the space, there's acres of it. So, have a good time.

The signature cocktail? Too avant-garde.

The servers are creating bottlenecks.

They put pesto in the gin, it's a disaster.

There's no flow, the evening is congealing, there is no flow.

Mark Morris, yeah, so my... My dad's first wife

thought she was gonna empty the ghettos

and get everyone into ballet when they started this thing.

-Yeah. -So patronizing.

What are you drinking?

Uh...

-A white wine. -Can we get a white wine?

A couple of kids who got into New York City Ballet still...

Send us cards at Christmas, because that's nice or whatever.

No, that's nice.

Yeah. It's...

It's dumb, but it's cool.

Can I have a bitters and soda?

I'm actually kind of nervous about the speech.

-Are you? -Yeah.

Maybe you can give me some pointers.

-You're the ATN pro, actually. -[LAUGHS]

Good, good. Is that too wry?

About our good works? Is that, like, snitty?

Uh... Well, there's all this,

like, three pages of, you know,

about you and the family, and the good works and the big hearts,

and on and on and on. [LAUGHS]

Excusing you, but I didn't ask for editorial comment.

Now it's into Kendall, okay, and he's all blah, blah, blah.

Hold on, pal. What is this? Roll that back. What is that?

What?

"Surprise Logan retirement announcement."

Yeah. That came through late, he said he'd just wing it.

Okay.

Mr. Bond.

I've been expecting you. How are you?

-Where are you sitting, man? -Um...

In the basement? Out by the dumpsters?

Do you want to trade?

Maybe you'll meet a wealthy widow

and you can seduce her with your sad eyes.

She can keep you as a pet in Westchester.

-Hi, guys. -Hey.

-You look nice this evening. -As do you.

Thank you. So, Tom,

I hear you're thinking about holding a little press conference.

-You know about that? -I don't know anything.

Right. I just think it's the best thing to do...

Tom, you need to shut up.

This isn't the time to get your conscience out and shout,

"Hey, look at me! I cannot tell a lie!"

"I'm a good little boy, look at my ding-dong."

Okay, I don't think that's a fair characterization of what...

Have you ever heard of the Sin Cake Eater?

-No. -He would come to the funeral

and he would eat all the little cakes they laid out on the corpse...

He ate up all the sins.

And you know what? The Sin Cake Eater was very well-paid.

So long as there was another one who came along after he died,

it all worked out.

So this may not be the best situation,

but there are harder jobs, and you get a fuckload of cake.

Can I ask you where you heard about this, please?

Tom, it's tough to have to tell you like this.

But I'm in a sexual relationship with your mother.

She talks in her sleep.

Excuse me.

Hey, Pa, how you doing?

Just wanted to check in on something.

Just wanted to check that you're aware of Kendall announcing

your retirement this evening.

I mean, I'm sure you were, but I just wanted to triple-check.

-What? -Yeah. Is that right?

-No. -No? Is it a mistake?

Because Kendall's gonna say it. It's on the teleprompter.

There's been a change of plan.

Kendall's not speaking.

-I am. -Okay, good.

HOST: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm your host, Mark Ravenhead, and welcome to the RECNY ball.

[APPLAUSE]

CONNOR: Hey! Hey!

The butter's too cold! The butter is too cold!

The butter's all fucked! You're fuckwads and you fucked it!

There's dinner rolls ripping out there as we speak...

Connor! Connor!

-I am a laughingstock! -Connor!

There are always issues when you serve this many people,

but I think, on the whole,

it's going very well.

Complacent! You're fired!

You're all fired! Idiots!

Can't fucking believe it. Surrounded by imbeciles!

Hey. Come with me. Come with me. Come on.

-You lump of fucking turducken. -Hi, Tom.

-Did you squeal? -What?

-Did you bitch me out, pig man? -As in...

You bleated about the fucking press conference.

-No! No, I did not! -Yes, you did.

Yes, you did, you filthy piece of shit.

I ought to drag you into the kitchens

and have them boil you until you're...

[GASPS] My God, did you just touch me, Greg?

Tom, I'm sorry. Your spittle was actually, like...

This is extraordinary. What are we gonna do about this?

Are these assaults going to be ongoing?

-No! -You're telling me you didn't do it?

I promise, I swear to God!

Then who the fuck did then, Greg? Because I only told you.

Believe me, man...

Fuck off.

HOST: Revolutionizing Internet radio through his work with local children.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Juno Hernandez!

[APPLAUSE]

Hey, Dad.

Um, so, I don't want to shit-talk Kendall,

he ain't up to the job,

but, uh, I think I speak for everyone here

when I say it's great to see you back.

-Thank you, son. -Yeah.

But one thing,

and I don't mind, it's fine,

but, um, I do want to say that Frank is what to me, now?

He's vice-chairman,

and you're general adviser.

And why is that?

What's the situation with the park numbers?

-Park numbers? -Mmm-hmm.

Attendances are good,

but the occupied room nights are down on last year.

I'm just waiting for Tom to get his feet, like, fully under the table.

The guy is a flake, is actually the truth of it,

but I'm on it. I'm on it.

When are you... When are you coming back in again?

You need to soak up Frank's experience.

Okay, but what does that mean?

It means do what he fucking tells you.

So sorry about the butter, guys.

LOGAN: There was a problem with the butter?

Frozen.

So remember, texting is encouraged tonight.

Please, no sexting,

-but texting is fine... -[ALL LAUGH]

Governor. Watching you.

Let's get those numbers in, I want

to see everybody's name up on that screen.

And on behalf of everyone at RECNY, thank you for your donation.

[APPLAUSE]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Hi.

No. Hold on.

Thank you.

[MUMBLING]

You stick around.

Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?

If you like her so much, why don't you just ask for her fucking number?

-GRACE: Rome... -No. I mean,

you clearly want to, right?

Grace, would you like to give this man your number?

Yeah. I'd like to give him my number.

Why don't you ask for her number?

Can I get your number?

[LAUGHING]

Can I have a pen, please?

Oh, okay. Here we go. Yeah. It's happening.

That's handy.

That's actually her number.

[SNIGGERS] Hmm...

Wait, wait, wait. Bup, bup, bup...

And fetch another bottle, please. Thank you.

Thanks, Brian. Thanks, Fritz. Good to see you.

-Nice work, bro. -What do you mean?

-You know, fucking the talent. -Hey. Come on.

No! It's cool. You're fucking ATN, ATN's fucking me.

It's a little fucking clusterfuck, yeah?

-Hey. -Hi.

Everything good?

Yes, I'm having a lovely time. Thanks.

So sorry about the butter.

And just so you know, apparently Dad's going to be doing the speech now,

so late change of plans, I hope that's cool.

-What... -CONNOR: Well, yeah, he just said.

I guess that put a spoke in quite a few wheels, huh?

-Con. Con. He's in no fit state. -Gotta go backstage.

-Gerri. Gerri. Can we talk? -Sure.

Over here.

Uh, Dad wants to do the speech.

Okay. I did not know that.

Yeah. When he opens his mouth, anything could come out.

Drool, anti-Semitism,

fucking string of silk handkerchiefs tied together.

I mean, if... If he fucks up publicly,

-we have a major problem. -Right.

You need to talk to him.

-Okay. Got it. -Okay? Okay.

Lasagna? Did you know they had some lasagna?

-Would you like some? -Oh, yeah.

Hey.

You good?

-I'm good. -Great.

[INAUDIBLE]

Good luck tonight. You're gonna knock it out of the park.

Thank you.

CONNOR: Good luck.

Boone chance. [CHUCKLES]

Best foot forward.

You can do it.

-Good luck. -Thanks.

-Nervous? -Not too bad.

I had a thing with the butter, but... Seems to be okay.

-Where you from? -Bushwick.

Indeed. Yes, indeed.

Well, wonderful. Great effort.

Connor Roy.

People have a lot of preconceptions about me, too.

It's difficult.

I mean, not... Like I'm sure everything is for you,

-but, you know. -Right.

See, I actually have this idea that social equality could be effected

by a complete eradication of federal support.

Just people like you and I, doing it together,

fighting it out without all the bullshit...

-Okay, this is me. -Great! Break a leg, my friend.

[APPLAUSE]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[APPLAUSE]

That was great.

Hey, you.

Good job, Con. Best event of the fall.

-Thanks, Frank. -Really.

Hey, terrific evening, huh?

You really showed it to those cystic fibrosis fuckheads.

It's all about the charity. It's not about me, buddy.

-You're right. No, you're right. -Okay, thanks.

Hey! Hey, you guys!

You won't believe what people are saying out there.

It's amazing! We tore it up.

We nailed it, man! Score, team RECNY!

You're awesome, dude! You're awesome, awesome, awesome!

I love you so much. Everyone, you're amazing and I love you so much.

Stephanie, my rock!

Come on, bring it. Come on, come on, come on.

Business mogul, philanthropist,

and the guy whose name is on all of my checks...

[CROWD TITTERING]

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my profound pleasure

to introduce to you, on this most auspicious of occasions...

[GROANS]

In a change to advertised attractions,

the man, the legend...

-Logan Roy! -[APPLAUSE]

Elvis. I thought we were getting a supporting act.

MARCIA: Keep going.

Just get to Dan and pretend you're talking.

There's a $40 billion market cap

waiting to see if he makes it.

If he falls, I'm gonna lose one of my several houses,

and you're gonna pay for the next one.

My God, he's really milking the walk.

Nearly there. Come on.

Thank you. Um...

Evening. [CHUCKLES]

First, I'd...

I'd like to thank my wife, Marcia, for...

-Everything. -[APPLAUSE]

Thank you.

Uh, thanks. Thanks to you all for coming,

and thanks to those who have supported me

during my recent

health nonsense.

Head cold. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, that's... Yeah.

So...

Personal news.

Someone took advantage

of me being in hospital, to...

Propose...

To my daughter.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity

to welcome her fiancé,

Tom Wambsgans, to the family.

Welcome to the family, Tom.

It's so, so important

that children are supported

and encouraged.

And...

Everything I've done,

I've done for my children.

And I'm proud of the way

that they've pulled together

during my issue.

And, in particular,

my son... Kendall.

[APPLAUSE]

Well done, Ken.

And now,

for one last announcement of the night.

I'm officially announcing...

I'm back.

[APPLAUSE]

You better believe, I'm back.

Full-time...

Better than ever.

Thank you.

All right!

LOGAN: Thank you!

-Get me out of here. -HOST: Logan Roy, everybody!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Yeah, nice one. Way to go, Dad.

Why would you do that?

I see you. I spied you fucking out, son. Don't ever do that to me again.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Retire me, shoot me like a dog in the street.

I heard about your little speech.

My speech? I was gonna do one fucking joke

-about how you'd never retire. -Bullshit!

Why didn't you just talk to me?

Fuck off.

[STUMBLES]

Okay. Pa. You're all right.

Okay. Thanks, Mark.

Here. Easy. Yeah.

[GRUNTS] You okay?

Yeah. Oh, hey, Connor.

You did well tonight.

I'm really, really proud of you.

I can no longer obey, Dad.

"I have tasted command, and I cannot give it up."

A certain artillery cadet by the name of N. Bonaparte.

[CHUCKLING]

MARCIA: Are you okay?

-Let's go. -Okay, let's go.

Yeah. Okay.

Good night. Good job.

Thank you.

Hey.

You know, look, Anna...

[SCOFFS] Can I just ask

is there something... Going on here?

-As in? -I don't know,

is there an atmosphere? Did I say something to offend you?

This has been a lovely evening. I was so happy to come.

So am I crazy?

I feel like I'm on a date with an app.

Like there's this invisible bubble wrap.

Look...

Off the record, off-off,

-you seem like a nice... Guy. -Thank you.

Eva told me to come.

Asked. I mean, I asked her to just,

-you know, ask your people. -It's fine.

I'm just seeing someone,

but you're the boss.

No. No, no. I'm not that guy.

Yeah, sure. No. I'm...

But actually, you are that guy. Right now.

-What did she say? Eva? -Nothing.

Come on. Please just... To make sure

that you had a really good time.

Was she joking?

Sure. [LAUGHS]

Okay, and I'd prefer it

if you didn't say anything.

Well, uh, I think I should.

Please don't.

Okay. Sure.

Hey, come on, man. This is our charity.

How much a plate? You gotta get at least a blow job.

That's the law.

That's not the law.

Well... It's the ethical code then,

and I hate to say this, but she's behaved rather unethically here.

[INAUDIBLE]

Hey.

I had a really good time.

Good kid. Smart move.

Keep talking.

I aim to please, ma'am.

Did you tell him to call?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[WHISPERING] Don't wake him up.

Please close the door.

Keep driving.

I want him to sleep.