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1
00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,759
We have been chatting
about our wedding
2
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,039
and we'd really love it if...
3
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,199
You would do me the honour
of being maid of honour.
4
00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,559
- And best man.
- Really?
5
00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,440
Guys, this is Jonny.
6
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,960
We're gonna go get a burger,
if you fancy it?
7
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,119
Hazel said you were "endearing".
8
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:30,759
She wants to book you again - escort
her to an art gallery, apparently.
9
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:32,480
No, I'm done with all that.
10
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,079
♪ And then she smiles
11
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:48,040
♪ And my heart starts beating
I go weak inside... ♪
12
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,559
You're looking pleased
with yourself.
13
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,359
I've just applied for a job.
- About time!
- Oi!
14
00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:09,079
Joking. What's brought this on?
15
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,679
Oh, I don't know. I feel like
I'm finally getting back on track.
16
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:15,839
Anyhow, it's early days.
Might not even get an interview.
17
00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:17,919
Now, I hope you're hungry,
18
00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:25,479
because I have made you
my special pancakes with...
19
00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:27,759
salted caramel sauce.
20
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,520
You are officially
the best father in the world.
21
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,679
- Mam! You burnt the toast!
- Yet again.
22
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,319
Has anyone seen a book
on fungal infections?
23
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:41,879
No, but do give me a lend
when you find it.
24
00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:44,679
It's actually very interesting
and I've got an exam today,
25
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:46,479
so thanks for caring.
26
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,879
I'm meant to be doing this.
Will you test me?
27
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:51,679
Sorry, presh, I gotta get
- up the hospital.
- Fine.
28
00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:54,319
I'll probably see you in there,
when I've crashed my car
29
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,439
cos I didn't learn the Highway Code
properly.
30
00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:58,160
Right! Give it here.
31
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:03,399
What does a sign
with an old person on mean?
32
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,559
Watch out for old people. Obviously.
Brilliant. You passed.
33
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,719
Watch you don't burn the toast.
34
00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,920
I'd have been better off
- being raised by wolves!
- So long.
35
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,719
Security I am, Stell.
36
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,279
It's Aunty Brenda's first surgery
- as a councillor.
- Right.
37
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,999
And I been waitin'
nearly 25 cockin' minutes
38
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,199
to tell her about the fly-tipping
round ours.
39
00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:29,240
50 chicken baguettes dumped up my
cockin' alley. Husband's tampin'.
40
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,919
- Hey, Stell, can I have a word?
- What?
41
00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,959
You'll have to come here.
I can't leave my post, can I?
42
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:38,279
Hurry up, man, Karl.
43
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,199
What it is, er...
44
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,359
Me and Dine are
at the antenatal thing this arvo.
45
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,320
Class thing with the midwife.
And I was wonderin'...
46
00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,839
You know when Ben was born,
47
00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,319
did you ever tell anyone
about what happened?
48
00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:56,599
No! God, no! That was a very
private and personal moment.
49
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,999
Not that you'd remember none of it,
Karl,
50
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,679
cos you fainted
- spark cockin' out, didn't you?
- Eh?
51
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:03,719
And then you bastard wet youself.
52
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:08,519
Oh, yeah, maybe I DID mention it.
Sorry. Anyway, gotta dash.
53
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,920
See you later then, darling.
54
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,799
- - Morning!
- Hi, Stell.
- Hi.
55
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,559
Actually, Dad, I am staying
at Lily's tonight, remember?
56
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,919
Is that OK?
But I was gonna do curry.
57
00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:21,879
I know, but...
Oh, look, I'll cancel if you like.
58
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,679
No, it's OK - you have fun. Give me
a call me later though, yeah?
59
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:27,320
Sure. Brilliant pancakes,
by the way.
60
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,399
You made your child
pancakes for breakfast?
61
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,280
Er... yeah.
Oh! I am such a crap mother.
62
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:38,599
Good luck with your exam.
63
00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,839
Thanks.
Oh, and you'll pop over later?
64
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:42,759
Catch up on things
for the hen and stag?
65
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,920
Absolutely. I'm getting rather good
at this best man malarkey!
66
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,559
You know that £200
your mam gave you?
67
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,719
Well, it haven't showed up
on the statement.
68
00:03:57,720 --> 00:03:59,800
You did pay it in, didn't you?
69
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,400
What?
70
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,719
No, um... I meant to tell you,
- but I didn't in the end.
- Luke!
71
00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:10,639
I thought, cos it's cash, like,
better to keep it handy.
72
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:15,439
But we're overdrawn.
Yeah, right, OK.
73
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:16,879
So where is it?
74
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,160
I've left it in work. In my desk.
75
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:25,960
I'll pop over the bank
this morning, OK?OK.
76
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,439
You will do it, won't you?
Cos if we leave it...
77
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,920
Zo. Ease off, yeah?
78
00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:40,960
TEXT ALERT
79
00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:48,040
38 Ridge Street?
80
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,239
I gotta drop a car there in a bit.
Who's Carley?
81
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,400
Christ! She's the woman buying the
car! What's the matter with you?!
82
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:01,520
Sorry. I'm late.
83
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,320
Who's next, Karl?
84
00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:12,959
Mr Dai Davies.
85
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,679
All right, Aunty Brenda,
here's the thing.
86
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,719
Seeing as I scratched your back
when you were running for council,
87
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,399
I'd say it was time
for you to scratch mine.
88
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,039
I ain't scratchin' nothin'.
What d'you think I am - a cat?
89
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,119
Now, as you know, I've been
wanting to expand the car lot.
90
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,960
But in order to do so,
I need planning permission.
91
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:32,920
Take a look at this.
92
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,959
How dare you!
93
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:42,239
You promised a woman who was staring
into the very jaws of death
94
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,279
any help that she needed
and all along,
95
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:48,920
you were plotting ways to get your
empire of evil off the ground!
96
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,280
Well, I'll be no prawn
in your power play.
97
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,119
I thought we had a deal.
98
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,840
Karl, get him gone.
99
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,919
Sorry, Dai, but I gotta do
what the boss says, see.
100
00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,799
My hands are tied.
101
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,040
Don't worry, Karl, I'm goin'.
102
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:14,079
The stench of disloyalty
in this room is suffocating me.
103
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,760
Ha!
104
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,960
All the best, buddy. See you soon.
105
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,639
Hello, stranger!
106
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,719
All right. I got some money
I wanna pay you.
107
00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:31,320
Excellent!
108
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:37,999
That's only 200.
109
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,079
I know, but I'm working
on the rest...
110
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,559
I don't take instalments. Sorry.
111
00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,999
Oh, come on, man, give me a break!
112
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,840
You've got till midnight tomorrow.
113
00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,399
Oh, and the interest doubles
on late payments.
114
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:53,879
What?
115
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:55,640
A man's got to make a living, Luke.
116
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,640
I said, put down your pens.
117
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,879
Stella Morris, that means you.
If I could just have one more...
118
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,479
Pen on the desk
and step away from the paper.
119
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,999
Do not make me use
an approved level of force,
120
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:15,200
for I am at total liberty to do so.
121
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:23,879
Well, I've completely failed that.
What a disaster.
122
00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:28,559
It was a killer, wasn't it?
Yep. Still, life goes on.
123
00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:31,039
And this time tomorrow, you and me
124
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:33,760
and our little gang of hens
will be...
125
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,199
Ha! Don't think I'll get caught out
that easily!
126
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,079
Oh, where are we going?
- Give us a clue.
- It's a surprise!
127
00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,800
But I'll tell you one thing -
you're going to love it!
128
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,880
Zo? What's the matter, presh?
129
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,800
Something's up with Luke
and I don't know what it is.
130
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,600
200 in chips, please.
131
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,440
Place your bets, please.
132
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,719
Last bets.
133
00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,199
It's like he's a different person,
Stell.
134
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:36,159
I mean, we've always said we'd
tell each other everything, like,
135
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,679
but he's keeping something from me
and I daren't ask him what it is,
136
00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,759
cos I'm afraid of the answer.
Zoe...
137
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,519
What if he's having an affair?
He's not having an affair.
138
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:49,319
This morning he got this text
from some woman... Hazel... Carley.
139
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,599
- Who's Carley?
- Who the fuck's Hazel?!
I thought her name was Hazel?
140
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,439
Oh, my God,
he IS having an affair!
141
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,440
What? No. No! He just...
142
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,079
...keeps them company.
143
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:04,400
- And gets paid to do it.
- What?
144
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:07,760
He's joined this agency.
145
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,720
A male escort agency.
146
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:19,880
640, 660 and that's 680, OK?
Thank you.
147
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,440
Place your bets, please.
148
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:31,120
Place your bets, please.
149
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,520
Give me 600.
150
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,399
PHONE RINGS
151
00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,000
Last bets.
152
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:48,640
He's not answering.
153
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,400
He's probably just busy
at the car lot.
154
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,799
I'm really sorry I didn't tell you.
155
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,719
I just thought it was for the best.
156
00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,959
It's not up to you to decide
what's best, though, is it, Stella?
157
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,640
He's MY husband.
158
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:35,079
Ah. I thought
you'd chickened out on me.
159
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,000
Yeah, well, got held up. Sorry.
160
00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:42,079
Are you all right?
You seem a bit... agitated.
161
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,639
Not had the best morning.
You can pay me today, can you?
162
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,399
- Yes.
- Cash.
163
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,720
Of course. Come on.
164
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,599
I was a key member of her
election team, for God's sake!
165
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,519
And now she's cast me aside.
166
00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:01,440
Well, she's in politics now, Dai
Davies, and that do change people.
167
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:03,959
You know what they say -
168
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,320
"Power is not given to you.
You have to take it."
169
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,040
- Who says that?
- Oprah, most probably.
170
00:11:12,520 --> 00:11:14,919
Or Russell Grant.
171
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:17,959
Sorry to interrupt.
I was just looking for Luke.
172
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,759
He booked the day off today, Zo -
didn't he tell you?
173
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,519
Right. Only I thought he had to take
a car to Ridge Street or something.
174
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,199
You don't know about that, do you?
175
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,880
Sorry, love.
176
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:32,679
- Mornin'.
- All right?
177
00:11:32,680 --> 00:11:37,879
Good grief! Please someone get me
an Anadin and a cup of tea.
178
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,520
I'm getting a stress head on me.
179
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:44,599
Sorry, Aunty Brenda,
but I've got real friends
180
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,799
like Alan Williams to help.
181
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:49,160
Yanto, you coming down the caff?
182
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,280
Oh, grow up, for God's sake!
183
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,920
KNOCK AT DOOR
184
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,600
Am I OK to come in?
I think so.
185
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:06,999
Is this OK?
186
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,640
You look fabulous.
187
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,000
Shall we get started, then?
188
00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:14,800
OK.
189
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,240
I know I've missed two payments...
Yeah.
190
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,839
The thing is,
I'm getting married next week
191
00:12:25,840 --> 00:12:28,719
and I was hoping I could buy myself
some more time...
192
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,959
Alan!
193
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,559
I'll have to call you back.
194
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:34,679
Alan, me old mucker. You an' me need
to talk buttonholes, my friend!
195
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,999
Right, well, actually... And I've
been having a think about my speech.
196
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,519
I was wondering about
some kind of military theme.
197
00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,639
You know, comparing marriage
to a battlefield.
198
00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:46,039
I've had plenty of inspiration
from Aunty Brenda.
199
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,599
Honestly, that woman!
200
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,239
Dai, I've been meaning to...
201
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:50,360
Alan!
202
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,959
Just to let you know, the minibus
will pick us up at three tomorrow.
203
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,079
OK.And don't try getting it
out of me where we're going,
204
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,839
because it's a surprise.
Not keen on surprises!
205
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,399
My last stag do, I went to Bruges
with a couple of mates
206
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,519
and Melissa's brothers.
Bruges is lovely.
207
00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:07,199
Wouldn't know. They told Customs
208
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,159
I'd swallowed endangered
birds' eggs.
209
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:13,199
Spent the weekend in
- a Flemish prison. Coffee?
- Thanks.
210
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,799
And then I thought I'd talk about
Alan's allergies,
211
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,200
because some of them
are quite unusual.
212
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:22,719
- What's this?
- His speech.
For the wedding.
213
00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,719
Oh. You're doing one
as well, are you?
214
00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,960
What d'you mean, "as well"?
215
00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:32,279
Dai, you do know
that I'm the best man, don't you?
216
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,960
- No, you're not.
- Are you?
Yes, I am, actually.
217
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,439
No, you're not, actually.
218
00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,599
- Yes, I am!
- No, you're not!
Yes, I am.
219
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,759
Lads, lads, calm it down.
What's this?
220
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,080
Michael Jackson here
reckons he's your best man.
221
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,000
Actually, I'm afraid that's true.
222
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:56,040
But... I've known you
much longer than he have.
223
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:00,359
Which is why...
224
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,439
I've got something much bigger
- for you to do.
- Have you?
225
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:04,640
Yes.
226
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:07,720
Dai Edmund Davies...
227
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,920
...will you do me the honour,
on my wedding day...
228
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,360
...of walking me down the aisle?
229
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,080
You want me to give you away?
230
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,560
Yes.
231
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:28,560
I'd be absolutely honoured, butt.
232
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,519
Are you nearly done?
Only my leg's cramping up.
233
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,839
There's no need to rush off,
is there?
234
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,880
I've got some wine in the fridge.
235
00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:49,119
Or I could rustle us up
some nibbles if you're hungry.
236
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,000
I know I am.
237
00:14:52,520 --> 00:14:55,360
Blimey, you're really good,
aren't you?
238
00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:58,680
I've got a good subject.
239
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,600
KNOCK AT DOOR
240
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,399
Who the hell is that?
241
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,800
Fuck! That's my wife.
242
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,600
DOORBELL RINGS
243
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,359
Have you just had sex
- with my husband?
- What? No!
244
00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:19,159
It's not like that - you've got
the wrong end of the stick.
245
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,319
Oh, my God, you were at
the election night!
246
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,999
- Zoe... Can I call you Zoe?
- No.
247
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,919
What you doin', making him dress up
in weird costumes like that?
248
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:27,559
It's all perfectly innocent!
249
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,599
She was just painting me,
for Christ's sake!
250
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,839
Luke is really rather
a good life model.
251
00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:37,759
But let me reassure you,
he is without doubt
252
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,759
the worst escort I have ever had,
and I've had lots.
253
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,359
Why d'you do it?
254
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,879
Pay men half your age to spend time
with you... That's my business.
255
00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:49,719
Zo, you're out of order now.
I'M out of order? Are you for real?!
256
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:52,879
Luke, I owe you for today...
257
00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:54,719
No. You're all right. Keep it.
258
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:57,319
We don't need your money,
thanks all the same.
259
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:58,800
Zo!
260
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,559
I'm sorry about all this.
261
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,520
Take care, Luke.
262
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:14,679
A male escort?!
263
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,719
What, does he have sex with them?
264
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,959
No! It's not like that.
It's companionship or something.
265
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,679
Yeah, right!
266
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,999
Hey, maybe I should get
this Carley's number,
267
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,799
cos if I can't get a job
as a solicitor
268
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,800
maybe someone will pay me
for my body.
269
00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:30,719
Aren't you a bit...?What?
270
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:32,640
Y'know... No, Stella, what?
271
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,639
Well, Luke's only 30-odd, isn't he?
272
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,799
Ah, I see! Too old?
273
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,879
No, it's not that,
but well... he works out.
274
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,520
Oh, so you're saying
I'm too old AND too fat?
275
00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:49,920
Right! Look.
I've done the maps for tomorrow.
276
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,079
That's the paintballing place
for the stags
277
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:54,879
and beauty spa for the hens.
278
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:58,439
Thanks. What about this Mr and Mrs
competition thing in the evening?
279
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,519
We need to work out some questions.
280
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,960
- I've done a few already.
- Go on.
281
00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:09,719
OK. You're going out
for a slap-up meal.
282
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,479
Which type of food
does she like best?
283
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:15,800
A - Japanese...
God, no, she hates Japanese.
284
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:18,759
...B - Italian...
285
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,199
I've never known her
turn down a pizza.
286
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:22,879
...or C - Indian?
287
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,719
C. Definitely.
288
00:17:24,720 --> 00:17:28,039
Chicken balti with half 'n' half
and a peshwari naan on the side.
289
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:30,839
Peshwari naan on the side.
OK, my turn.
290
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,920
What three things do you miss about
your partner when you're apart?
291
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,160
- Only three?
- Yes.
292
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,480
His arm around me in bed
when I sleep at night.
293
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,359
His sexy laugh.
294
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,039
His beautiful hands.
295
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,119
His smile. His kiss...
296
00:17:50,120 --> 00:17:52,039
His terrible jokes.
297
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,600
I could go on.
298
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:56,720
Stella...
299
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:00,400
Mam!
300
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:04,079
All right?
301
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,079
You'll have to get your own tea
tonight, Ben. Lily, you stopping?
302
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,999
Hang on, I thought Katie was
staying with you tonight, Lily?
303
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,599
Yeah. She is.
Well, where is she now?
304
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,440
- Shopping.
- Revising.
305
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:17,960
- Sleeping.
- The car wash.
306
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:23,919
I know we're in debt.
But we've always been in debt.
307
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,680
What's so different now
that you've had to resort to...?
308
00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:32,159
Oh, God, promise me you didn't touch
her or kiss her or anything...
309
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,200
Babe, on my life, I didn't.
310
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,959
It just seemed like a quick way
to make some cash, that's all.
311
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,240
Don't say "that's all". Don't you
fucking dare say "that's all"!
312
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:47,999
I was desperate.
You have to understand that, Zo.
313
00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:49,919
I owe a lot of money.
314
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,560
I know - for the furniture
and stuff, right?
315
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:55,800
No.
316
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:58,480
It's more than that.
317
00:19:00,520 --> 00:19:04,079
Luke, you're scaring me now.
318
00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:05,840
I've been gambling, OK.
319
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:13,359
The bookies, the casino, online
betting, bloody scratch cards!
320
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,279
You been goin' to a casino? When?
321
00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:19,600
It just... started off
as a bit of fun, y'know?
322
00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:23,840
Christ, I sound like
such a bloody cliche!
323
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,600
But the thing is...
324
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,880
I can't stop. I thought I could.
325
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:35,319
But I can't.
326
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:39,680
Every time I win some money, I just
wanna win more, and then I lose.
327
00:19:41,120 --> 00:19:43,280
But I still keep going back.
328
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,280
It's all gone a bit tits-up.
329
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,319
How much do we owe?
330
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:54,839
No. It's ME that owes it.
331
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,600
No, it's us. Our debt.
332
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,840
How much is it?
333
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,279
The interest is going up
all the time.
334
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:06,800
What interest? Who do you owe it to,
for God's sake?
335
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,880
Iwan Jenkins.
336
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,400
I got to pay him
back by midnight tomorrow.
337
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,439
Two grand.
338
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,120
What?!
339
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,439
LILY SOBS
340
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,559
Where is she, Ben?
341
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,080
Aw, we promised not to say.
342
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,639
Look, she's gone to meet Jonny, OK?
343
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,319
Who the hell is Jonny?
Lily! You total grasser!
344
00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:50,879
Oh, will you stop sniffling!
345
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,360
Katie, it's Dad again.
Just call me back, please.
346
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,519
Is he on her course?
347
00:20:56,520 --> 00:20:58,719
God, no, he's way too old
for college.
348
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:00,959
He's only four years older, mind.
349
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,839
He's 21?!
Michael, it's not that bad.
350
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,919
He's got a two-year-old son.
351
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:07,999
What is wrong with you?!
352
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,399
Jesus. And where are they meeting?
Some pub?
353
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:13,239
She's gonna kill me.
You're right about that!
354
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:17,359
Seriously, hello. Hello! Can you
stop the crying now, please?
355
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:20,759
He's taking her bowling.
See - no harm in bowling.
356
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,479
And then to the Leonard Hotel.
- Oh, seriously!
- Oh, God.
357
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:27,439
Great. So my 17-year-old daughter
is staying at some seedy hotel
358
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:30,359
with an older man
who's already fathered a child!
359
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,999
The Leonard's not seedy!
I went there with Rob once.
360
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,319
- What?!
- For lunch. That's all.
361
00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,439
Oh, God, she's not picking up.
She leaves me no option.
362
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,919
If Mohammed won't answer
the mountain's phone calls,
363
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,319
then the mountain
will just have to get in the car
364
00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,599
and go and find Mohammed himself.
365
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,120
You've lost me now, presh.
I'm going to the Leonard.
366
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,399
Erm... I don't actually have a car.
367
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:58,360
Can you give me a lift, please?
368
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,400
Her name is Katie Jackson.
369
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,919
Well, can you look under
his name, then?
370
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,640
Jonny... something. I don't know it.
371
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,760
Well, you should be sorry,
because you've been no help at all!
372
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,439
You just got to trust that Katie
is a sensible girl.
373
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:25,959
Mind you, I said that about Emma
and got pregnant at 16.
374
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:28,039
I didn't see that one coming.
Yeah, all right!
375
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:29,999
I'm just thinking it's,
what, 6-ish now.
376
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,759
So supposing
he's not a total fiend,
377
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,239
he'll at least
have bought her dinner first, right?
378
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,079
I dunno. Do they even bother
with dinner these days?
379
00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:39,760
Stell, you're not helping!
I'm only winding you up.
380
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,919
Look, I know it's hard,
but they are allowed a private life.
381
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,399
I know that.
382
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,599
But there's a big difference between
being private and telling lies.
383
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:49,999
Actually, that's quite good.
384
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,119
I might use that
when we get there.
385
00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:53,679
Can't you go any faster?
386
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,800
If he's not bought starters, they
could easily be on pudding now.
387
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:05,159
I was thinking... I know
we can't really afford a honeymoon,
388
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:08,599
but maybe we could pop up to the
Lake District for a couple of days.
389
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,719
We could stay with my cousin.
She lives dead close to Windermere.
390
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,400
Yeah, maybe.
391
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,320
Alan, are you OK, love?
392
00:23:21,120 --> 00:23:23,040
Little Alan, come here a minute.
393
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,799
I'm afraid I've got some bad news.
394
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,360
- Are you dying?
- What? No.
395
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:35,160
Alan, what is it?
396
00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,119
I'm sorry, team. I've tried my best.
397
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:43,520
But it looks like the cafe
might have to close.
398
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,240
Come on!
399
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,559
It is nice here, mind. Fair play.
So write a review on TripAdvisor.
400
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:10,959
Excuse me, where's the restaurant?
Through there, mate.
401
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,760
"Mate"? Honestly!
402
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:16,879
So... do you want coffee or...
403
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:20,159
crazy thought... shall we
just go to the room?
404
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:22,520
SHE GIGGLES
405
00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,359
I think you've got some explaining
to do, young lady.
406
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:32,839
Dad! What are you doing here?
407
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,239
You're coming home
- with me right now.
- No, I'm not.
408
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:38,319
I can't believe you lied to me.
Telling me you're staying at Lily's,
409
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:41,479
then booking into hotel rooms
with some random man. Who are you?
410
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:44,199
- I'm Jonny.
- Oh, my God!
I'm not booked in to a hotel room.
411
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:47,279
We're just having dinner here,
that's all. How embarrassing.
412
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:49,359
And did you know
he's got a two-year-old son?
413
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:50,919
Yes! He's called Rocco.
414
00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:52,999
We're not staying over,
Mr Jackson, honest.
415
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,119
I'm really sorry about this.
It's OK.
416
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:58,159
Don't apologise to him! I'm the one
that deserves the apology here.
417
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,439
Your dad's just worried about you,
- love, that's all.
- Put your jacket on.
418
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:02,999
Dad, I'm not coming home with you!
419
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,159
Once we finish dinner,
I'll bring her home. I promise.
420
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,319
Your promise, young man,
is worthless. Empty. Fake!
421
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,519
Sorry, I don't know what's going on
here, but...
422
00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,919
I'll tell you what's going on!
I have a duty of care
423
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,759
to ensure the honour of my daughter
- is protected.
- Oh, my God!
424
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,999
And I have a duty of care to ensure
that my customers are not disturbed.
425
00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:23,319
Now, if you don't leave immediately,
mate, I'm gonna call security.
426
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,240
Get off me!
And stop calling me mate.
427
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:29,000
Come on, let's go.
428
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,640
Enjoy the rest of your meal.
429
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:36,759
Michael!
430
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,879
I can't just leave her there to be
fiddled with by some surfer lout.
431
00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:43,159
She's not being fiddled with,
she's having a tiramisu.
432
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:46,680
And she's 17, presh.
You can't stop them growing up.
433
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:53,159
And you're sure
they won't be showing a video?
434
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:54,479
I don't want to see no videos.
435
00:25:54,480 --> 00:25:56,799
Oh, pack it in, Karl -
it's only a talk!
436
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,159
And if they do start flashing
any vajojos,
437
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,200
you can always read the paper.
438
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:06,679
Greasy Rees! Thank Christ for that.
439
00:26:06,680 --> 00:26:09,839
Didn't know you had
another on the way!
440
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,759
No chance. Not me.
441
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:15,879
I had the snip back in '95,
- I did, butt.
- Oh. Right.
442
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,959
Our Rachel, it is.
Her fella's done a bunk.
443
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,720
Us grandads have gotta do our bit!
444
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,439
Right, Becky do send her apologies,
445
00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:26,879
but she's gone to visit
her mother in Bancyfelin.
446
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,519
So you got me.
447
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,839
Now, I don't pretend to know much
on an anecdotal level,
448
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,559
but I know the ins and outs,
medically speakin'.
449
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,759
I've compiled something
which I think could be illuminatin'
450
00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:39,599
and even a bit of fun.
451
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:44,120
An A to Z of birth and delivery.
So when you're ready...
452
00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:49,879
A is for agony, and yes, it can be,
but get the right...
453
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,039
B is for breathing in place
and you will find you become
454
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,199
much C is for calmer.
455
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,760
Now D is for...
456
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,960
I've never been thrown out
of anywhere before.
457
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,279
You were really cool.
458
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:08,199
Was I?No.
Why didn't you stop me?
459
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,639
Well, it's none of my business,
is it?
460
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:12,800
I miss my business
being your business.
461
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:18,319
Do you think she hates me now?
462
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,039
No. She'll totally get that you have
463
00:27:21,040 --> 00:27:24,919
"a duty of care to ensure the
honour of my daughter is protected."
464
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,239
I actually said that, didn't I?
Yes, you did.
465
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,559
I'd have been even worse
if you hadn't been with me.
466
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,639
Katie! Darling, I'm so sorry...
467
00:27:31,640 --> 00:27:34,639
That was the most embarrassing thing
that has ever happened to me.
468
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:35,919
I feel so humiliated.
469
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:38,359
But you have to see how worried
I was... A "duty of care
470
00:27:38,360 --> 00:27:40,879
"to ensure the honour
of your daughter is protected"?!
471
00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,079
What are you -
some 18th-century aristocrat?
472
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,879
Maybe I over-reacted a bit.
Don't speak to me. Ever again.
473
00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,640
You've ruined the whole night
and my whole life.
474
00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:54,519
I think I'd better go.
475
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,919
D'you have to?
Yeah, I think so, don't you?
476
00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:59,199
We got a big day tomorrow.
477
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,599
MUSIC POUNDS UPSTAIRS
478
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:03,640
Ooh! Good luck.
479
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,280
OK. Well, thanks, anyway.
480
00:28:15,360 --> 00:28:19,160
- Well?
- It's as I thought.
The cafe's finished.
481
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:25,399
Hasta la vista, sayonara, au revoir,
arrivederci, bon voyage.
482
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,959
Yeah, all right, Dad.
We get what you're sayin.'
483
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:29,999
Look, we don't need to
get married yet.
484
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,199
We can postpone it
if you like, till next year.
485
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:34,359
Don't be daft.
When we have more money.
486
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:35,959
She's got a point, y'know.
487
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:38,359
We are not postponing nothing,
d'you hear me?
488
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:39,999
We are gonna enjoy ourselves today,
489
00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:41,999
and put all this nonsense
behind us for now.
490
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,280
- Deal?
-Deal.
491
00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:48,359
But promise me you're not gonna go
overboard on this wedding.
492
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,079
You'll keep it simple, won't you?
493
00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,080
Yeah. Yeah, of course.
494
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:03,519
How much?
495
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,719
280. Rip-off merchants.
496
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,000
My hand feels weird without it.
497
00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:15,640
I'm so sorry, babe.
- I'll get it back, I promise.
- Yeah.
498
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,919
- Morning.
- Morning. Come on, Katie,
the bus is here!
499
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,519
You have told them there's
a pregnant woman in the party?
500
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,479
Yes, Nadine, I've told them.
Cos I'm pregnant, see.
501
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,240
Yes, you have mentioned that.
502
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:42,880
Have fun, darling.
503
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:45,879
Oh, dear.
504
00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:50,079
Speak to her for me, will you?
- She'll listen to you.
- OK.
505
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,359
Come on, Stell.
506
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,359
Right. Enjoy yourselves.
You too.
507
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:56,519
Right, now I hope you all got my
text and brought your own supplies.
508
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,079
None of us want to be paying
them bar fancy prices.
509
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,520
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
510
00:30:03,480 --> 00:30:06,599
- Good look.
- This is nothing.
Parvadi's come as penguin.
511
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,079
Blimey!
512
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,959
Where are we going, Stell?
Wait and see, Nosy Rosy.
513
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,199
So do you know where
we're going, then?
514
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,600
Of course I do - I live with her.
Hey, it's not cockin' Vegas, is it?
515
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:22,039
I just had a text from Zoe.
- She's not coming.
- Really?
516
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,679
Some people
just won't make the effort.
517
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,439
Come on, then.
Let's hit the road, hens.
518
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,839
Hands up who wants
a chocolate willy?
519
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:31,280
Yes, please!
520
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,879
Everywhere we go,
people want to know...
521
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,639
Who we are...
So we tell them...
522
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,559
So we tell them...
523
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:44,679
We are the Berry...
We are the Berry...
524
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,839
BERRY! BERRY! BERRY!
525
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:49,079
CHEERING
526
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,039
Your attention, please, gentlemen.
527
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:54,599
Now, some of you
may be wondering where we are.
528
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:56,839
Well, all is about to be revealed.
529
00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:01,479
So, soldiers - for that is
what you are - be prepared!
530
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:04,119
Because it's going to get
pretty tough out there!
531
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:05,959
How tough?
532
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:08,040
KNOCK ON DOOR
533
00:31:09,280 --> 00:31:10,480
Hang on.
534
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:14,320
Yanto, what's going on?
535
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,199
What the cock...?
536
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,359
Paintballing?!
537
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,559
I'm really sorry. I think me and
Michael must have mixed up the maps.
538
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,359
Fantastic! I've always
wanted to go paintballing!
539
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:29,120
Have you?
540
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:33,559
What the hell are we doing here?
I thought we were goin' to the spa?
541
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,760
- Ssh!
- Oh!
542
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:41,600
Cheers, love.
543
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:50,279
Hey, Michael, this is the best.
544
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,079
I was worried
you were gonna make us play golf
545
00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,279
or go paintballing or something.
Hey, nice one!
546
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,359
PHONE RINGS
547
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:02,079
Hi. Yeah, I think we've messed up.
548
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:05,079
Yeah, but have we, though?
Cos Celia's over the moon.
549
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:06,920
Well, so is Alan, actually.
550
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,199
Great!
Well, I won't tell if you won't.
551
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:13,999
Well, enjoy being annihilated.
552
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:16,879
Yeah, enjoy being pampered,
massaged
553
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,239
and waited on hand and foot!
554
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,800
Oh, yes...
555
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:39,239
All right, you horrible lot!
Some people call this a game.
556
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,319
This is NOT a game. Say it!
557
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,719
This is NOT a game.
558
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:46,599
Some call it a hobby.
559
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:48,999
Knitting is a fucking hobby.
560
00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,879
This is not a hobby. Say it!
561
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:53,639
This is not a hobby.
562
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:56,959
And it's time to meet
your opponents.
563
00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,319
Be afraid,
cos they're a nasty bunch.
564
00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,320
Well, who are they, then, Scotty?
565
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:07,039
Morris. Brackstone. Aunty Brenda.
566
00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,519
Cheryl! What are you doing here?
567
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,919
These are my girls.
Pontyberry Ju-Jitsu Juniors.
568
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:16,680
Hitherto unbeaten in every paintball
battle ever fought.
569
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:20,959
Let the carnage commence!
570
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,880
Hi-YAH!
571
00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,959
- Treatment for Celia?
- Eh?
572
00:33:36,960 --> 00:33:38,959
She means you, Alan.
573
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:40,920
Oh, right. Bring it on.
574
00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:46,399
So they're gonna stick these candles
in my ears and set fire to 'em?
575
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,479
They do come from the ancient
American Indians, Dai.
576
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,479
No, they do come from the
cash and carry up Treorchy.
577
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:54,600
- I'm all yours.
- This way, Celia.
578
00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:01,319
There'd better not be lead-based
paint in them balls, I'm telling you.
579
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:03,000
Cos I'm pregnant, see?
580
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,359
So where have the stags gone?
To a spa.
581
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:11,999
That's brilliant. God,
you and Michael are so clever.
582
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:13,559
Thanks.
583
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,519
How do I look?
584
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,320
Absolutely terrifying!
585
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,720
ALL LAUGH
586
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,439
All units on blue 14,
all units on blue 14.
587
00:34:33,440 --> 00:34:35,239
There's a bogey in the bushes.
588
00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:36,879
I repeat, a bogey in the bushes.
589
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,839
DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!
590
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:40,679
DIE! DIE!
591
00:34:40,680 --> 00:34:43,399
Oh, heck. Are WE still alive?
592
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,760
I'm not even sure any more.
593
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,799
Listen, about last night.
Total humiliation.
594
00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,439
I know, but your dad was just
looking out for you, that's all.
595
00:34:57,440 --> 00:35:00,239
Well, he should trust me. All we
were doing was having dinner.
596
00:35:00,240 --> 00:35:03,039
We were never gonna stay the night.
597
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:06,160
What?
I'm a Pontyberry girl, presh.
598
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:10,279
There's not a lot I don't know
about lying to your parents
599
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,279
when you want to have some lovely
filthy sex with your boyfriend.
600
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:14,880
Oh, over-share!
601
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:17,879
He seems like a nice bloke, though.
602
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:19,560
Yeah, he is.
603
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,440
And so's your dad.
So don't be too harsh on him, eh?
604
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,760
Argh! Bastard!
605
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,999
If the Botox makes you
look five years younger
606
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:38,159
and the chemical peel
makes you look ten years younger,
607
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,719
then you know what I'm thinking,
- don't you?
- Nope.
608
00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:43,839
If I get both,
that'll make me look like I'm 32!
609
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:45,319
Win-win!
610
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,159
Argh!
611
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:50,919
I thought a Brazilian
was a type of cocktail!
612
00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,280
LAUGHTER
613
00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,600
PAINTBALLS SPLATTER
614
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:02,480
All right, Bobs?
615
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:08,919
All I want to do is get back home,
maybe one day buy me a farm,
616
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,240
raise some cattle, have some kids.
617
00:36:12,440 --> 00:36:15,319
I don't want to go out like this.
Not like this.
618
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,879
We're almost out of time.
If we stay too long,
619
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,239
the stags will get
to the Chinese buffet before us.
620
00:36:20,240 --> 00:36:22,559
Well, we can't have that.
621
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,559
We're just gonna have to commit
paintballing suicide.
622
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:27,119
I'll start the engine.
623
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:29,799
It's been a pleasure
serving with you all.
624
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:31,759
Let's go.
625
00:36:31,760 --> 00:36:33,840
Go! Go! Go!
626
00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:03,999
Time's up. Ju-Jitsu Juniors
win yet again.
627
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,679
Mission accomplished.
Army, dismissed!
628
00:37:07,680 --> 00:37:10,040
LAUGHTER
629
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,479
That was brilliant!
Speak for yourself.
630
00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,639
My backside's more bruised
than an out-of-date nectarine.
631
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:19,799
- Oh, my God!
- What?
632
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:23,199
You know that little
- sexy surprise I booked?
- Yes.
633
00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:25,959
Well, I've kinda forgotten
to cancel it.
634
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:28,119
LAUGHTER
635
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:29,879
♪ If you want my body
636
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:31,919
♪ And you think I'm sexy
637
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,120
♪ Come on, sugar, let me know
638
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:37,919
♪ If you feel you need me... ♪
639
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:39,719
I didn't know Keckers was a fireman.
640
00:37:39,720 --> 00:37:41,479
♪ Just reach out and touch me
641
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,400
♪ Come on and tell me so... ♪
642
00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,719
Sorry, fellas,
I'm contractually obliged
643
00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:55,200
to complete my routine...
all the way.
644
00:37:58,080 --> 00:37:59,800
Woo-hoo!
645
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,520
Woo-hoo! Come on, girls.
646
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:08,519
That was the best day
of my whole entire whole life!
647
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:11,239
All I'm saying is I hope
that paint wasn't lead-based.
648
00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:14,359
Cos if it is, I'll be suing.
Cos I'm pregnant, see.
649
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:17,519
How you doin' now, Al,
in the nether region, like?
650
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,280
I'm in agony, Glen.
651
00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:24,000
I bet you it's nice and smooth, mind.
Oh, aye.
652
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,000
Dad!
653
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:29,799
You survived, then?
654
00:38:29,800 --> 00:38:32,200
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, Katie Bear.
655
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:45,199
Oh, my God, babe, you look
disgustin'. Is he having a stroke?
656
00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:48,239
He've had a chemical peel.
And Botox.
657
00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:50,479
He's worried he's too old
to be a father
658
00:38:50,480 --> 00:38:54,079
and that he'll be no use to man nor
beast at the birth of his child.
659
00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:57,240
Well, you're not even gonna be
there, bibs. Bobby is.
660
00:38:58,640 --> 00:38:59,679
Huh?
661
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,319
She asked me ages ago, sweetheart.
To be her birthing partner.
662
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:06,720
No point you risking
- wetting youself again.
- Aw!
663
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:12,760
- You first.
- No, you first.
664
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,519
You know what I find most difficult
about a buffet?
665
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,039
Just knowing when to stop.
666
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:24,200
Bit like your thirst for power,
I should imagine.
667
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,639
Look, Dai Davies,
maybe I was a bit harsh.
668
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,119
But what you'll never understand
is that it's tough at the top
669
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,200
and I'm a woman of integrity.
670
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:39,839
Having said that, I'll make
a few phone calls in the morning,
671
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,680
see what I can do about this
old plannin' permission.
672
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,800
Right, now pass me one of them
chicken whatyercalls... Dumplings.
673
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:53,520
Luke!
674
00:39:54,720 --> 00:39:58,400
Oh, I'm so glad you made it.
Is everything all right now?
675
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:03,959
How could you do it, Luke?
676
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,239
That £200 was literally
the last bit of money I had
677
00:40:06,240 --> 00:40:08,199
and you've bloody gambled it away!
678
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:09,999
He's got a problem, Stell.
679
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,919
He needs us to help him,
not be angry with him.
680
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,159
Well, you're a lot more patient
with him than I am.
681
00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:17,439
Maybe that's cos I'm his wife,
not his mother.
682
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:18,879
This isn't helping!
683
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:21,519
- What's going on?
- Luke owes £2,000.
684
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:25,720
And he's got to pay it back
- by midnight.
- Bloody hell!
685
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:33,359
Look, I'm overdrawn myself.
But you can have what I've got...
686
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:34,879
Michael!
687
00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,639
There's 80 quid there.
Thanks. We'll pay you back.
688
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,560
This is terrible.
689
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:42,160
I know.
690
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:45,320
I'm so sorry, Mam.
691
00:40:48,320 --> 00:40:49,919
You have got to see this!
692
00:40:49,920 --> 00:40:52,280
Celia's doin' the ice bucket
challenge!
693
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:58,439
The ice bucket challenge
is SO 2014.
694
00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:01,719
And I nominate
for the ice bucket challenge,
695
00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:04,039
any guest who doesn't
come to our wedding
696
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,519
dressed as a character
beginning with A or C!
697
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:10,759
Right. OK, Yanto, go for it!
698
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,359
ALL EGG HER ON
699
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,760
CHEERING
700
00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:36,400
I told you, Luke,
I don't do instalments.
701
00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:39,559
But it's nearly 500.
702
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,079
That's a quarter
of what he owes you.
703
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,519
First thing Monday,
my boys'll be round your house,
704
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,359
see what saleable goods
you might have for me.
705
00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:50,679
No, you can't!
Come on, mate, please don't do this.
706
00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:52,520
Make sure you're in.
707
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,239
Tell me it'll all be all right
with Luke.
708
00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:04,519
It'll all be all right with Luke.
Good night.
709
00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:07,520
He's still my baby, see.
I know. You mustn't worry.
710
00:42:09,480 --> 00:42:11,079
Right, well, night.
711
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:12,639
Yeah, night.
712
00:42:12,640 --> 00:42:17,319
Stell... You know I've started
the job-hunting again?
713
00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:20,519
Well, I've got an interview
- on Monday.
- That's brilliant!
714
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:24,039
Yeah, it's a senior partnership.
Company's called Stanfield Blake.
715
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,719
Sounds posh!
Where are they based?
716
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:28,239
Cardiff, is it?
717
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:29,999
That's the thing. They're, um...
718
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,720
They're in London.
719
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:34,879
Wow!
720
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:38,319
I mean, it's early days and they'll
be seeing other people for it,
721
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:42,200
so I'm not gonna... London!
That's really exciting.
722
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:46,320
Yeah.
723
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:13,280
All right? How you doing?
724
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:18,399
Listen... y'know I wouldn't do this
725
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:22,079
unless I was really,
really desperate...
726
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:24,719
but... well, I am...
727
00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:26,280
I'm...
728
00:43:27,720 --> 00:43:30,719
I've fucked things up pretty badly,
to be honest. And...
729
00:43:30,720 --> 00:43:35,319
I was just wondering if there was
any chance you could help me.
730
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:39,000
Cos... I really need you, Dad.
731
00:43:40,400 --> 00:43:42,320
I don't know what to do.
732
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:55,879
You are not gonna believe this!
What?
733
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:58,879
Rob's flying back today.
Today! Yes.
734
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,519
I've now got 250 balloons
that are completely useless.
735
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,319
Alan and Ceel!
736
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:06,999
Show me your driving licence.
737
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:09,359
- I can't.
- You're under arrest.
738
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,840
My problems started the day you
moved next door and ruined my life.
739
00:44:16,240 --> 00:44:19,159
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
740
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:21,920
accessibility@bskyb.com
57469
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