All language subtitles for Stella (2012) S04E04 (1080p NOW WEB-DL H264 SDR DDP 5.1 English - HONE)_track3_[eng]

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:14,279 You hate me now, don't you? I assure you I don't. 2 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:17,680 I don't give a toss what you do, Mike. It's you I like. 3 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,239 I see Beyonce's back there working. 4 00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,959 She can be a bit of trouble, you know, that one. 5 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,319 So what about you, then, gorgeous? Any confessions? 6 00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:28,880 What? No, nothing. 7 00:00:37,160 --> 00:00:40,079 ♪ And then she smiles 8 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,279 ♪ And my heart starts beating 9 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,560 ♪ I go weak inside... ♪ 10 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,119 DOOR OPENS 11 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,000 Yeah, all right, stop going on! 12 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:06,599 Give me ten minutes to get my breakfast. So long. 13 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,039 Who was that? 14 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:11,999 Auntie Brenda. She's helping me sort food for Katie's birthday meal. 15 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:13,960 I thought we said just family. 16 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:17,400 Yeah, which is why I invited Auntie Brenda! 17 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:20,079 Clue's in the name, see. 18 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,079 Well, don't invite anyone else. 19 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:25,040 I want to keep it simple - and sophisticated. - OK. 20 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,279 Talking of sophisticated... 21 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,919 how's about having a little shower today, is it, presh? 22 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:33,679 Trying to tell me I smell? 23 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:36,079 Yeah, I am, as it goes. 24 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:38,759 Look, I know things have been a bit horrible for you lately, 25 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,039 but hanging round the house in your jim-jams 26 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,559 watching Loose Women isn't going to fix nothing. 27 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,599 Is this what they call tough love? 28 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,319 Yeah, it is. 29 00:01:47,320 --> 00:01:50,080 And it's what the Loose Women would tell me to do. 30 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,599 PHONE BEEPS 31 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,080 Oh, who's that now at this hour? 32 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,519 Er... Oh, just, you know, about my bike. 33 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,679 Do you want me to go over there and kick up a fuss? 34 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,119 No, really, I'll do it. You've got enough on your plate, 35 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,240 whereas me, I don't even have a plate. 36 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,439 Sorry! Better luck next time. HE SIGHS 37 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,120 Luke! 38 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:38,280 Coming. 39 00:02:42,920 --> 00:02:45,599 Who's starting college today, then? 40 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,679 It's the same as school, Mam, only in your own clothes. 41 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,080 Not actually a big deal. 42 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,759 Awww. 43 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,159 What? 44 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,559 - Look at him. - Oh, don't start. 45 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,879 I'm not! I just need you to know 46 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,119 that I'm very proud of you... You're very proud of me. 47 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,839 - I know. I know. - Well, I am. 48 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:11,039 Right, don't forget - I'm staying at Dad's tonight. - OK! 49 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,679 And tell Michael he's taking me - driving tomorrow! - OK. 50 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,439 Ta-ra! 51 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:17,720 - Hiya, Zo! - All right? 52 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,159 Them bloody stairs are a bloody death trap! 53 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,720 Hey, language! 54 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:26,879 Can't we put a curtain up or something? 55 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,679 Oh, yeah, stick it on the list, is it? 56 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,159 With all the other things I'm - meant to do! - Oh, Luke! 57 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,560 Aw, don't argue, you two. Be nice! 58 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,919 Hey, that's a lovely picture, Jack. 59 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,919 What is it? Horsey, is it? 60 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,720 - It's a dolphin! - Dol-phin. 61 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:47,199 Dolphin. 62 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,679 Come on, Stella, shift your stumps! 63 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,199 All right, I'm coming, I'm coming! 64 00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:55,119 Good God, girl, put some clothes on! 65 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,640 Where do you think we are, Saint-Tropez?! 66 00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,640 - Come on, man! - All right, what's the matter with you?! 67 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:06,199 I'm sorry, babe, but it's getting ridiculous. 68 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,800 We've got to get our own place. 69 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:13,800 Service! 70 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,079 Two poached on brown, table four. 71 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,719 When you think about it, 72 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:21,080 eating eggs from a chicken is a really weird thing to do. 73 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:23,880 Sorry. 74 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,079 OK. Now, I got some bits and whatyercalls done already, 75 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,959 but how many we talking? 30? 40? 76 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:34,799 Oh, good God, no! It's just family, it is. 77 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:36,919 Who's having a do and why am I not invited? 78 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,279 Katie's party tomorrow, at Stella's house. 79 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,319 It's not a party, it's a simple family lunch. 80 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:42,919 Anyway, how do you know about it?! 81 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,919 Right, I got you. What do you want me to bring? 82 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:46,399 Trust you to leave it last minute! 83 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,119 Not sure we can make it at such short notice, but we'll try! 84 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:50,799 Yeah, well, actually... 85 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,319 The thing is, successful events like this take planning. 86 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,719 Planning's never been her strong point, 87 00:04:55,720 --> 00:04:58,679 not that I could tell you what is! - Thanks a bunch. 88 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,639 Right, drink up. We've got work to do. 89 00:05:01,640 --> 00:05:03,359 Yeah, but we've only just got here! 90 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:04,719 It's the three Ps, Stell - 91 00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,040 preparation, preparation, organisation. 92 00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,559 There's me thinking you were ignoring my texts on purpose 93 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,959 and you're back for seconds already - greedy boy. 94 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,159 Look, I just came here for the bike, OK? Not you. 95 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,359 So just... just back off, will you?! 96 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,759 All right, calm it down, babes. I'm not interested, OK? 97 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,240 It was just a kiss, Mike. 98 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,639 More's the pity. 99 00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,800 Yeah, and I completely regret it. So just leave me alone, please. 100 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,920 I'll let you get on then, looks complicated. 101 00:05:58,280 --> 00:05:59,960 It's a lost cause, to be honest. 102 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,679 Well, my brother'll be in later, he's a mechanic. 103 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,759 I could get him to take a look at it, if you wanted? 104 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,319 No, no, don't worry. 105 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,919 Only, he's got a van, so he could probably drop it back for you. 106 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,599 I don't know... It won't be no bother. He'll do anything for a friend of mine 107 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,880 and that's what we are, right, Mike? Friends? 108 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:20,920 Well, that'd be great. Pleasure. 109 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,320 Thanks. 110 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,480 See you. 111 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,520 Hi. Do you do mobile mechanics? 112 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:50,519 Great. 113 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,079 Balloons... A banner. ...crepe streamers... 114 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,399 I'm not actually sure we need any of this! 115 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,519 Oh, please! What do you know? You have trouble running a bath. 116 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,759 I've done good parties before... 117 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:02,959 Haven't I? 118 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,319 I say to you what I used to say to your mother, God rest her soul... 119 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:08,479 She's not dead, Auntie Brenda. 120 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:11,759 ...a sausage on a stick doth not a party make. 121 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,199 Now learn sense and trust a woman who knows. 122 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:17,879 But Michael just wants a nice, simple family lunch. 123 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:22,079 - Boring. - I know it's boring, but it's what he wants! 124 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,479 And he's been really down lately, what with the job and... 125 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,199 His loss of status... His failed marriage... 126 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,759 His advancing years... 127 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:33,719 Not all of that! But I do think he's a bit depressed, I suppose. 128 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,639 All the more reason for having a proper do, then, isn't it? 129 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:38,639 Cheer him up! 130 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:40,799 All right. Go on, then, 131 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:43,759 but not too much! Keep it simple, all right? 132 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:47,079 Hey, Stell, you know what you could get Michael 133 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:49,919 if he's really feeling depressed, don't you? 134 00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:54,080 Oi, concentrate on the party, you. Leave my sex life out of it. 135 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,719 All right, Ben, how's it going? 136 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:12,239 Fine, but I haven't got a clue where anything is, like. 137 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,119 Oh, serious, mate, I've been here a week now and I still don't know. 138 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,919 I tell you something, mind, you want to give the canteen a miss. 139 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,080 - I bring my own. - Right... 140 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,600 Oi, Katie! 141 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,639 Katie! 142 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:31,399 All right, losers? 143 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,120 Lily, this is Ben. 144 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,160 Hi. 145 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,159 Ben's my sort of... I don't know, what are you to me? 146 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,079 My half-not-step-brother, I guess? 147 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,680 My dad goes out with his mum. 148 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,719 - Hi. - Yeah, hi. 149 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:57,280 - Lily's just moved here. - Hi. 150 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:04,439 Right, well, it's been good to talk. 151 00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:07,000 - Let's do it again, shall we? - Bye. 152 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,640 - You coming? - See you tomorrow. 153 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,839 She's amazing. 154 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:17,919 You're not still on about that, are you? 155 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:20,639 Cos it's a bit weird now. She's almost your sister, man. 156 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,879 No, not Katie! Her friend, Lily. 157 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,760 Oh. I can't keep up. 158 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,479 All right, Al? 159 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,599 Oh, thank God I've caught you! I've got an emergency, it's Celia. 160 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,839 She wants to bring her karaoke - machine to Katie's party. - Oh, heck! 161 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:39,159 I know. Look, you've heard her sing. You don't forget that voice in a hurry! 162 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,799 Exactly. So I've come up - with a plan. - Which is? 163 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,999 You're going to stop her. Hang on, I'M going to stop her? 164 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,159 Well, I can't, can I? I mean, - she'll be really hurt! - Oh, Al, man! 165 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:51,359 Please, Stell, have a word, yeah? For everyone's sake? 166 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,639 Got to run, I've got a haddock on the go. 167 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,400 You owe me, Alan Williams! 168 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:13,199 All right? What seems to be the problem? 169 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,559 Don't ask me, I'm hopeless at this stuff. It's my boyfriend's bike, it is. 170 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:18,639 And he's left you to do all the dirty work, is it? 171 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:20,559 Oh, I don't mind, I'd do anything for him. 172 00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:23,639 Hope he knows what a lucky bloke he is. 173 00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:25,360 Not yet, but he will. 174 00:10:40,680 --> 00:10:42,959 - Hiya. - Hi. 175 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:46,079 I got Katie's present and it's genius - 176 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:49,800 vouchers for driving lessons! Oh, and don't be cross... 177 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,440 - Brilliant. They're brilliant. - Aw. 178 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,959 Are you the same Michael I woke up with this morning? 179 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,279 I'm not, as it happens. I'm a newer version - Michael mark two. 180 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:08,159 I picked up some bits for tomorrow as well. 181 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,119 1998 vintage - Same year she was born. 182 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,759 Blimey! That must have set you back a bit. 183 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,199 Well, I thought I'd make a speech after we've eaten, 184 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,479 say something like, "Great year for champagne, great year for daughters." 185 00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,800 Is that too much? - I mean, she hates a fuss. - Does she? 186 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:27,879 And I also picked up a little something for us for later. 187 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:31,879 Oooh! Drinking again. What would Mr Honey say? 188 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:34,719 Who cares what Mr Honey would say? What's it got to do with him? 189 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,759 Oh, nothing. He just says we should keep an eye on our units. 190 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:39,520 - We should? - People should. 191 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:44,599 Come home tonight and let me seduce you with fine dining 192 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,359 and far too many units of alcohol. 193 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,000 How can I resist? 194 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,759 Still no bike, by the way. Er, they're dropping it round later. 195 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:58,559 Well, I don't know what you've been doing to get such good service, 196 00:11:58,560 --> 00:12:02,279 but you can give me a demonstration when I get back. 197 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,240 - So long! - Bye! 198 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:14,559 Nurse Morris, patient Evans, severe laceration to the gluteal region, 199 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:16,679 which will need some stitching. Can you assist? 200 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:17,879 Of course. Happy to. 201 00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:21,159 - - Mr Honey. - Yes? - Happy to, Mr Honey. 202 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,519 Right, Mr Evans, I'll get you some anaesthetic 203 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:26,399 and Nurse Morris here will carry out the procedure. 204 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,079 All right, presh? 205 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:31,919 Er, just remind me again, where to exactly is the cut? 206 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:36,959 The gluteus maximus. Gluteus maximus. Which is...? 207 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,479 - His bottom. - My arse. 208 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,920 His bottom, of course. 209 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,119 My own fault, really. 210 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,279 I leapt up when Leigh Halfpenny scored a try 211 00:12:45,280 --> 00:12:47,839 and forgot where I put my pint glass. 212 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,720 Is there a problem, Nurse Morris? No, not at all. 213 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,480 Just wondering what we do about the tattoo. 214 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:57,879 It's my ex-wife. 215 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,159 Devastated I was when she left me, 216 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,239 but I've put the whole thing behind me now. 217 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,360 - Crack on, then. - Crack on. 218 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,999 Yeah, what it is, you've got a two-bedroom terrace 219 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,639 for rent in Peterson Road? 220 00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:13,760 What sort of deposit are you looking for? 221 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,079 Is it? 222 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:20,880 Nah, that's, er, out of my league, mate. Cheers. 223 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,119 Nice work earlier. 224 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:29,879 Actually, I've got a confession to make - he was my first bottom. 225 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,599 - Gluteus maximus. - Gluteus maximus. 226 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:34,199 You did very well. He'll have a very clean scar. 227 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,679 And his ex-wife got a tummy tuck while I was at it. 228 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,199 Let me get you a coffee 229 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:42,839 and then I can give you a few more tricks of the trade if you like. 230 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:47,199 Um... Yeah. Yeah, OK, thanks. 231 00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,719 You coming, Stella? 232 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:50,679 Erm, if now's not a good time? No, it's fine. 233 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:54,119 Just going for a quick coffee with Mr Honey. Fancy one? 234 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,359 No, I've gotta get back. 235 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:57,799 And I'll drop the karaoke machine off at yours. 236 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,919 Cel, about the karaoke... 237 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,439 Yeah? 238 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,000 Nothing. I'll see you tomorrow. See ya! 239 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,479 Right, yeah. 240 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,599 Me again. Just wondering how you're getting on. 241 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:16,279 Sort of imagined you'd be home by now. Anyway, hurry up! 242 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:17,440 I want to see you. 243 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,599 - Fuck. - Sorry, better luck next time! Karl just text me - 244 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,559 he's popping over. 245 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:39,120 - Why? - I dunno. Got a favour to ask you or something. 246 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,599 Luke, I know it's a bit stressful at the moment, 247 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,480 but don't take it out on me, is it? 248 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:50,160 Sorry. 249 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,799 Erm, you haven't by any chance seen my mandoline, have you? 250 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,319 Come on, Michael! You could knock or something! 251 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:06,199 Sorry. It's a sort of... grater thing? 252 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,799 - What is? - Mandoline. 253 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,840 DOORBELL RINGS Doesn't matter. 254 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,599 Oh, it's you. 255 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,159 Sorry, I thought it might be Stella. 256 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,959 Oh, I'm just dropping this off for tomorrow. 257 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,160 Er, right. It's all right, I've got it. 258 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,559 Do you know where she is? 259 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,960 She went for a coffee. 260 00:15:32,320 --> 00:15:35,039 - With? - Mr Honey. 261 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,880 - Oh, right. - Sorry, have I just said the wrong thing? 262 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:44,319 It's just, when Mr Honey asks you to do something, 263 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:46,039 - you sort of just do it. - Yeah. 264 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:50,479 He has this kind of way about him, like a headmaster... or Fuhrer... 265 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,320 - OK, thanks very much! - The things we have to do, it's... Bye! 266 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,599 What the hell are you doing?! Dropping your bike back. 267 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,879 I parked on the corner in case your Mrs was in. 268 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:15,960 She's not, but... Ain't that her ex? 269 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,439 Oh, God. Come inside, quick! 270 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:21,359 Quick! 271 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,479 What time did you say Karl would be over? 272 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,839 So, it is running like a dream now. 273 00:16:25,840 --> 00:16:27,319 Are you even insured to ride it? 274 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,999 I get your bike mended and delivered 275 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,119 and all you can say is, "Am I properly insured?" 276 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,280 OK! Thank you! 277 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,039 So, are you going to give me a lift home or what? 278 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,999 I can't. Erm, I've been drinking. 279 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,759 Always the lawyer, is it, Mike? Stop it! 280 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,799 You could walk me home, of course. 281 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,599 No, I just can't, sorry. Give that to your brother for me. 282 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,800 DOORBELL RINGS - Shit! - What? 283 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:53,640 All right, Zo? Is he here? Yeah. Come in a minute. 284 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,599 Hiya, Karl. 285 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,519 You all right, Luke? 286 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:02,839 Your mother's not in, is she? Bit awkward, like. 287 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,520 - No, Michael's there. - Oh. 288 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,479 We was just about to eat, to be honest. 289 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,000 Oh, great. I'm starving. 290 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,759 Come on, then. Fancy a beer? 291 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:19,839 Aye, why not? So, what's on the menu? 292 00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,199 - Come and sit down. - Have you still got my protein shaker? 293 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,400 I did have it... Ben... I think Ben borrowed it. 294 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,319 SHE LAUGHS 295 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:37,959 I think we make a good team, - you know. - Aw, thanks. 296 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,039 We've got that good cop, bad cop thing going. 297 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,839 Please say I'm good cop. 298 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:43,640 No way, no. I'm good cop. 299 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,079 You are not! 300 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:49,159 You're the moody, silent one. I'm the good cop. 301 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,879 I don't mean to come across moody. 302 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,399 No, you don't. I'm only messing. 303 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,079 It's all right, I know my people skills aren't the best. 304 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,919 My wife used to say she had to make eye contact for the both of us. 305 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:03,439 "Used to say"? You're divorced, are you? 306 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,840 No. She died a few years back. Oh, God, I'm sorry. 307 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:12,559 Er, what about you? Just you and your son, is it? 308 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,679 No, I've got three kids, two grandkids and a step-grandson. 309 00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,040 Oh, and a dog. Do you want to see a photo? 310 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:25,840 Oh, God. I've got to call my boyfriend. 311 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:28,919 Boyfriend? But I thought you were... 312 00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:31,120 - Gay? - Single. 313 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,119 Hey, it's me, I just seen my phone. 314 00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:39,999 Why didn't you answer? It was on silent, sorry. 315 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,079 You do know I've cooked dinner, don't you? 316 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,479 Yeah. 317 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,039 I'm coming now. 318 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,199 Don't bother, the whole thing's ruined. 319 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,640 I said I'm sorry. 320 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,239 Have you been drinking? 321 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,479 Well, I wasn't actually intending to spend the night drinking alone. 322 00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:00,799 I know. I just got held up, that's all. 323 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,239 Oh, so you're not just having a coffee with Mr Honey then? 324 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,879 Well, yeah, but it's a work thing. 325 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,560 Oh, for fuck's sake, Stella. 326 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,039 Mrs giving you grief, is it? 327 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:20,079 What? No, she's stuck at work, having coffee with her boss. 328 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:22,879 - Oh. - Look, are we nearly there yet? 329 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,799 You sound like my seven-year-old niece. 330 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:26,559 Yeah, well, I need to get back, so... 331 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,959 - I think she's mental. - Who? 332 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,159 Cos there's no way I'd be leaving a bloke like you waiting at home - 333 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,879 I don't care how fit her boss is. How do you know he's fit? 334 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,839 Er, I'm a barmaid, Mike - it makes me an expert in people. 335 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,280 So, like, with you, I know you're hot... 336 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,719 ...and I know you're dead clever, and that really turns me on, 337 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:50,879 and I know you need to be appreciated and respected. 338 00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:53,280 You make me sound like a mafia boss. 339 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,119 We should, erm, keep going. 340 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:05,160 No need. We're already here. 341 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,239 So, are you going to tell me why you came round, Karl? 342 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:25,039 Only, you don't normally just pop in for a chat, like. 343 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,759 - I need a job, Luke. - Oh, right. 344 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,919 Thing is, the plastering has dried up. There's nothing out there, 345 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,679 - not a pork sausage. - Isn't there? 346 00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:37,199 And I was wondering if you could have a word with Dai Davies, like? 347 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,199 Cos I'm not proud. I'll do anything, me - 348 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,960 washing cars, cleaning windows, modelling... 349 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,159 Karl, man, I can ask, 350 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,199 but I don't think Dai's looking for no-one at the minute. 351 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:52,599 Sitting around the house all day - is doing my nut in. - I bet. 352 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,519 And Nadine's trying to make me feel like I'm still a man, 353 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,479 demanding sex all the time. 354 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,559 Keeps calling me "Big Beast" and getting me all ramped up. 355 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:01,759 All right, Karl. 356 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,119 I know she don't want to do it half the time, 357 00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:05,759 she's just being kind, like. 358 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,519 But to be honest, 359 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:10,479 I'm run ragged with the whole thing. All right, Karl. 360 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:12,199 DOOR OPENS Hello? 361 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,159 Anyway, thanks for the beans. 362 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:15,679 I'll let you get on. 363 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,600 Something'll turn up, you watch. Aye. 364 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,479 What you doing here? What's happened to Ben? 365 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,959 Oh, he's with Nadine, watching Don't Tell the Bride. 366 00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:30,999 Don't worry, I won't disturb your romantic evening. 367 00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:33,760 - Right. So long. - So long! 368 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:44,840 Michael? 369 00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:09,519 Hey, me again. 370 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,479 I don't know where you've run off to, 371 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,080 but come home so I can apologise properly, OK? 372 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,560 I've got a little surprise for you. 373 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:22,520 Luke? 374 00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,360 Luke? 375 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:33,959 - Congratulations, you have won! - Yes! 376 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:42,480 All right, mate? It's Luke Morgan, it is. 377 00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,800 Yeah. Listen, I got a little proposition for you. 378 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,879 'Hey, me again. 379 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,679 'I don't know where you've run off to, 380 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,360 'but come home so I can apologise properly, OK?' 381 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,440 SHE SNORES 382 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:08,400 CRASHING AND SHOUTING For God's sake! 383 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,879 Michael? Yes. Can't get... my boot off. 384 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,280 What are you doing?! Stupid bloody chair! 385 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,279 What are you wearing? 386 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:26,200 Oh. This is my apology. What do you think? 387 00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,840 I think I'm an idiot. 388 00:23:35,120 --> 00:23:37,679 God, Stella, I'm so sorry. 389 00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,599 Babes, don't be daft. It's me that's sorry. 390 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,079 Look, he's my boss. And you know what I'm like when I get yakking, 391 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:47,719 I just lost track of time... You deserve better than me. 392 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,519 Now you are being an idiot. 393 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:53,240 I know what'll cheer you up. 394 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,400 Oh, Mr Rabbit. 395 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,999 What's the matter? 396 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:05,719 Do you mind if we don't? 397 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,520 I just want to cwtch up for a bit. 398 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:10,720 Sounds good to me. 399 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,320 - Is my tail annoying you? - No. 400 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,800 - Aw, Mam, what you doing?! - What? 401 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,879 Er... Oh, this? 402 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,719 SHE CLEARS HER THROAT 403 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,319 It's just a bit of fun, it is. 404 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:05,879 Do you want some breakfast? No, I do not! 405 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,559 - I just want my driving lesson! - Now? 406 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,480 - You promised! - Oh. Fine, I'm coming. 407 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:16,639 We won't be long. 408 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,560 -Coo-ee, it's only me! - Oh! 409 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:22,919 Look at the state of the place! 410 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,199 Am I to find the chalky outline of a dead body upon the ground? 411 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,760 It's like CSI Pontyberry in here! 412 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,839 Oh! Iesu mawr, woman! 413 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,959 Can you not practice your perverted deviancies in private?! 414 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:40,800 I am in private! 415 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:44,479 I've... 416 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,439 What in the name of the Count of Montecristo's all this?! 417 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:48,919 I know, it's shaming, isn't it? 418 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,319 Right, you, upstairs! Put your face on! 419 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,999 Leave the rest to your Auntie Bobby. And your Auntie Brenda. 420 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,800 Up-up-up-up-up. Hop upstairs! 421 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,879 Thank you! Right, first things first, 422 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,959 I need a nice spot for Paulo and Pedro. 423 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:08,240 Stick 'em where you like, kid, as long as I got room for my... 424 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,719 ...chocolate fountain! A chocolate fountain! Oh, my life. 425 00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,680 It's meant to be low key! 426 00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:44,719 So, when you met my Mam, did you instantly know that you liked her? 427 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,440 - Watch the clutch! - Sorry. 428 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:52,480 Do you think it's possible, then, - love at first sight? - Left here. 429 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:57,959 Hang on a second. 430 00:26:57,960 --> 00:27:00,200 Haven't we been down here like five times now? 431 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,359 Have we? 432 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:07,760 Sorry. Um, shall we use - the Sat Nav instead? - Oh, awesome. 433 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,280 'Please drive to specified route. 434 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:18,240 'Continue 0.5 miles, then turn right on Western Avenue.' 435 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,679 Oh, my God! 436 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:27,800 Urgh! 437 00:27:40,360 --> 00:27:41,600 Are you all right? 438 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:46,479 Was that my Mam? What? Yes! Who else would it be?! 439 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,760 Urgh, that is gross. 440 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,479 It wasn't meant for your eyes, Ben, it's private. 441 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:01,119 And I'd appreciate it if you didn't mention it to your mother, 442 00:28:01,120 --> 00:28:02,839 she'd be really embarrassed. 443 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:04,040 Oh, shit! 444 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:12,639 Now this is an eye-opener. 445 00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:15,679 It says here you can put your whole hand in. 446 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,639 Er, leave it! 447 00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,519 Auntie Brenda, how much of this rice salad have you actually made?! 448 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,199 Stell, we're going to go give them some lunch. 449 00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:25,999 Oh, but we got plenty of food here. 450 00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:28,840 Yeah, I know, but it's not organic, is it? 451 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:34,759 All right? We're not late, are we? 452 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:38,319 No, no, Katie's not here yet, and Michael's on his way... I hope. 453 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,919 Pop your coats down by there, is it? 454 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,119 Put mine upstairs, Karl. 455 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,840 I don't know who's at this party and that's Karen Millen, that is. Stunning. 456 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,199 Right then, who's ready for karaoke? 457 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,199 Oh, I'll have a go! 458 00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,039 Yeah, Nadine, she'll have a go... - Give her a go! - Nadine'll have a go. 459 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,560 No takers? I guess I'll have to get you all warmed up then. 460 00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:02,560 ♪ I feel it in my fingers 461 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,599 ♪ I feel it in my toes 462 00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:09,520 ♪ Yes, I do, yes, I do, yes, I do 463 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,960 ♪ That love is all around me 464 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:19,040 ♪ And so the feeling grows... ♪ 465 00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:23,999 You promised you'd have a word with her! 466 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,559 I know, but I just didn't find the right moment. 467 00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,359 ♪ It's everywhere I go... ♪ 468 00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:30,680 I need a drink. 469 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:35,999 That's it, who wants a go? 470 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,479 You can stick your whole hand in it - if you want! - Leave it! 471 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:42,159 Is it meant to be spilling out like that? 472 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:45,920 Stella, get a tea towel! Tea towel, quick! 473 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:49,599 - Oh, no! - That's disgusting! 474 00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:51,839 It's like a chocolate flood, man! 475 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,079 ♪ By the way that I feel... ♪ 476 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,880 Karl, man, that's disgusting! 477 00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,200 - It's nice! - Stop it! 478 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:02,519 ♪ Cos on my love... ♪ 479 00:30:02,520 --> 00:30:03,839 Stop it, for Pete's sake! 480 00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:05,679 ♪ You can depend... ♪ 481 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,040 Celia, shut up! 482 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:10,760 Please? 483 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,560 Stella, can-can I have a word? 484 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,840 I know what you're thinking, but I can explain. 485 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,919 Like I said, I didn't invite them all. 486 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:31,679 Well, I did, but I tried not to, - honestly. - Stella, listen, 487 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:33,679 that's not what I wanted to talk to you about... 488 00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,079 And I know you wanted simple and sophisticated, 489 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,040 but at the end of the day, what do those words actually mean? 490 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:44,159 Oh, my God! 491 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,239 Don't blame Ben. I wasn't concentrating properly. 492 00:30:47,240 --> 00:30:49,879 No, you got distracted, didn't you, Michael? 493 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:53,519 I knew this would happen. Right, well, you're not borrowing it again. 494 00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:55,599 Oh, that is so unfair! It's not unfair, Ben. 495 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,959 That is really unfair, Stella... I tell you what, that car doesn't even belong to me, it belongs to Luke! 496 00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:01,959 I just said I wasn't concentrating. 497 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,279 He's doing really well, it's my fault... 498 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,359 Hiya! What do you think? 499 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,879 Mum got it for me for my birthday. 500 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,759 You can't drive. 501 00:31:10,760 --> 00:31:13,679 Can now. Week's intensive course. 502 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:15,199 Oh, that is SO unfair! 503 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,239 Your mother bought you a bloody car? Great! 504 00:31:18,240 --> 00:31:22,599 Wow, that's really kind of her... isn't it, Michael? 505 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,079 What? 506 00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:28,159 Yeah. Yes, of course. Um, happy belated birthday, darling. 507 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:31,200 Thanks, Dad. So, what's for lunch? 508 00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,480 Actually, presh, it's a bit more than just a lunch. 509 00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:38,279 THEY CHEER 510 00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,919 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow... ♪ Is all this for me? 511 00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,799 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow 512 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,559 ♪ And so say all of us... ♪ 513 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,039 PHONE BEEPS 514 00:31:47,040 --> 00:31:49,319 ♪ And so say all of us, and so say all of us 515 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:53,079 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow, for she's a jolly good fellow 516 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:55,000 ♪ For she's a jolly good fellow... ♪ 517 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,999 It's you! 518 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,159 We met yesterday, at college. 519 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,399 I'm Ben, I am, from college. 520 00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:15,119 I know. It was yesterday, so I kind of remember. 521 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:17,159 Of course. You're not a goldfish! 522 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:20,159 Goldfish actually have a memory span of, like, three months - 523 00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:21,840 it's been proved by scientists. 524 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:27,359 - Sorry. - Oh, don't be. 525 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:31,280 As you already brilliantly pointed out, I'm not a goldfish, so I don't actually care. 526 00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,480 All right, Benny Boy? Party going off, is there? 527 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:43,159 Ey, looks like you've struck luckier in love than me, son. 528 00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:44,520 Fill your boots. 529 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,640 So, you going to let me in, then, or what? 530 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,800 Right, come on, you two, let's mingle. 531 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,119 I'm sorry about all this - not exactly what I had in mind. 532 00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,759 But I love it! 533 00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:05,319 - Presents? - Yes, please. 534 00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:08,680 OK, so, no car is complete without these. 535 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:11,879 Cool! Very retro. 536 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:15,519 And I was going to open this, but seeing as you drove here... 537 00:33:15,520 --> 00:33:16,879 It's a 1998, 538 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:19,720 great year for champagne and even better year for daughters. 539 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,399 Bloody loved 1998. 540 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:24,760 You all right, Dad? 541 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,039 Ah, my little girl's grown-up - 542 00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:31,799 it makes me feel like an old man. 543 00:33:31,800 --> 00:33:35,079 You'll never be old - - you're too childish. - Oi! 544 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:39,039 OK, time for a bit of ABBA, I reckon. 545 00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,280 Do something. 546 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:45,039 Right, er, perhaps the birthday girl should have a go, eh? 547 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:46,479 Everybody? Katie? 548 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,999 Katie! Katie! Katie! Katie! 549 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:52,679 But I was going to do Dancing Queen, Alan. 550 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:55,120 - Have a break, Cel. - Go on, then. 551 00:33:57,480 --> 00:34:00,520 Sing something decent, - love, for God's sake! - Yeah. 552 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:03,959 You know any Scritti Politti? 553 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:08,159 OK, well, I'd like to dedicate this one to my brilliant Dad 554 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,079 cos we used to sing it in the car together when I was little. 555 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:12,840 - I love you, Dad. - I love you. 556 00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:21,600 ♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world... ♪ 557 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:24,359 Flippin' heck. 558 00:34:24,360 --> 00:34:27,600 ♪ It's hard to get by just upon a smile 559 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:34,320 ♪ Oh, baby, baby, it's a wild world... ♪ 560 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:37,599 DOORBELL RINGS 561 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,800 ♪ I'll always remember you like a child, girl 562 00:34:43,080 --> 00:34:46,399 ♪ You know I've seen a lot of what the world can do 563 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,439 ♪ And it's breaking my heart in two... ♪ PHONE BEEPS 564 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:53,519 ♪ Because I never wanna see you sad, girl 565 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:55,160 ♪ Don't be a bad girl... ♪ 566 00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,159 Fancy going for a little walk? 567 00:34:59,160 --> 00:35:00,599 What, now? 568 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:03,360 Yeah, come on. There's something I wanna show you all. 569 00:35:06,360 --> 00:35:08,999 Katie, more guests. 570 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,039 OK, that's it, I'm done. Awwww. 571 00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:14,399 Well done, girl! I can take over, thank you. 572 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:16,759 That's fantastic. How do you follow that? 573 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:18,280 Let's give this a rest, eh? 574 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,999 Oh, hello. I didn't know you knew Katie. 575 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:27,759 Heard it was open house, like. 576 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:32,159 Er, well, yeah, suppose it is, now. More the merrier. 577 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,719 Do you want a drink? Aye, go on, then. 578 00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:37,280 Michael, you know Beyonce, don't you? 579 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,959 - What? - Met once or twice, haven't we, Michael? 580 00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:44,480 Yeah. Yeah, she's... She's a client, that's all. 581 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,359 Right, well, there's some beers in the kitchen, presh. Help yourself. 582 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,800 Nice one. 583 00:35:57,560 --> 00:35:59,680 We got a gate-crasher, Michael. 584 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:07,079 Not a lot of people know this, 585 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:09,959 but Cat Stevens is actually related to Shaking. 586 00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:12,359 But I don't understand, why is he called Cat? 587 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,279 It's not like he's an actual cat, is he? 588 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,639 If I was going to sing something, it would have to be a rock classic, 589 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,959 something like Donovan. 590 00:36:19,960 --> 00:36:22,359 Jason Donovan. Or Jethro Tull. 591 00:36:22,360 --> 00:36:24,239 You can't beat a bit of Tull. 592 00:36:24,240 --> 00:36:25,760 Don't be disgusting! 593 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:40,359 So, karaoke, that's Japanese, right? 594 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,519 Are you being racist? 595 00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:43,879 No! 596 00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:46,479 I don't think so. Am I? 597 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:49,760 I'm Chinese, so you're only about 2,000 miles out. 598 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,879 What are you doing here? 599 00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,399 And why do you keep texting? What do you want? 600 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:01,920 Oh, I got what I wanted last night, didn't I? 601 00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:07,480 You left your wallet at mine, that's all. 602 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:12,400 I'm no bunny boiler, Mike, you're safe with me. 603 00:37:14,720 --> 00:37:16,000 See ya! 604 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,399 What was she doing with your wallet? 605 00:37:21,400 --> 00:37:25,319 Erm, she... she found it on the pavement. 606 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:26,920 Bloody hell, that was lucky! 607 00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:29,479 Mind, having said that, 608 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:32,360 you want to check she hasn't pocketed all the cash. 609 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:39,399 Oh, I'm sorry about today. I know it's not what you wanted. 610 00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,159 Well, I'm glad you didn't do what I wanted cos Katie's having a ball. 611 00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,560 - Thank you. - Pleasure. 612 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,000 You're so lovely, Stella. 613 00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:55,919 And I'm so... Well, I'm not. 614 00:37:55,920 --> 00:38:00,000 Come on. You need a nice cup of tea, I think. 615 00:38:04,720 --> 00:38:08,199 OK, everyone. Finally, it's my turn! 616 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,839 Er, first of all, get me a bit more food, will you? 617 00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:12,999 Some of Auntie Brenda's rice salad. 618 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:15,279 - Give me the microphone, Alan. - No. 619 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,399 - Alan! - I can't. 620 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:18,639 Why not?! 621 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:21,879 - Because you can't sing, Celia! - What? 622 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,240 I'm sorry. 623 00:38:27,320 --> 00:38:28,800 Does everyone think that? 624 00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:39,160 Excuse me! 625 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:43,199 For the love of God... HE VOMITS 626 00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:44,399 Bobby! 627 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:45,799 You all right? 628 00:38:45,800 --> 00:38:47,159 HE GAGS 629 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,039 Mam, someone's being - sick in the bathroom. - Who? 630 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,799 I think it's Little Al. All I can hear are the noises. 631 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:54,599 Oh, Michael! 632 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:56,519 I'll be with you in a second. 633 00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,119 It's spreading like wildfire! 634 00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,399 We've got to get to the hospital and sharpish, 635 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:01,920 before this thing goes viral! 636 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:07,999 ALL GROANING 637 00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:11,280 I've got one more bag, if anybody wants one! 638 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,360 Somebody open the window, for God's sake, it stinks! 639 00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:26,399 Sorry. So, here's the thing, there's a minibus in the car park, 640 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:29,600 full of my friends and family, and they're all vomiting. 641 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:32,400 Right. 642 00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,519 I would suggest that it's food poisoning. 643 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,319 Genius! 644 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:44,199 The common link appears to be a rice salad. 645 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:45,439 Rubbish! 646 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,559 Well, I didn't touch it and I'm OK. 647 00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,439 Did you eat any rice salad? 648 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:51,839 No, I can't stand the stuff. There you are. 649 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:55,239 Yeah, but I didn't eat nothing at the party and I still feel sick. There you are. 650 00:39:55,240 --> 00:39:58,999 In fact, I've been off my food all week and queasy since, well... 651 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:01,159 for ages as it happens. 652 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:02,480 Could you be pregnant? 653 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:05,799 Don't be mental! 654 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:07,879 Karl, you haven't been having whatyercall 655 00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:10,039 without using a whatsinim, have you, beaut? 656 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,799 Well, actually, we have been shagging pretty constant, 657 00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:14,159 like, haven't we, Nadine? 658 00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:17,920 There's a pharmacy in the hospital, if you wanted to check. 659 00:40:20,240 --> 00:40:21,519 Now? 660 00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:22,719 Yes! 661 00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:24,439 Do you want me to come? 662 00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:27,679 No, you stay here. I'm not peeing in front of no-one, 663 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,480 not even you, my Big Beast. 664 00:40:33,200 --> 00:40:35,879 - Right, ready? - Luke, what's going on? 665 00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:37,759 OK, you can look... 666 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:38,840 now. 667 00:40:41,480 --> 00:40:42,799 What do you reckon? 668 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,959 I don't understand. 669 00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:46,719 All right? 670 00:40:46,720 --> 00:40:49,199 This is our new landlord. 671 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,080 And this is your new home. 672 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:56,279 - Serious? - Yeah. He owns a few houses, like, don't you Scott? 673 00:40:56,280 --> 00:40:58,359 Yeah. Do you want to have a look inside? 674 00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,840 Go on, go and have a gander. - I'll be there now. - Come on. 675 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,759 Here you are, mate, a month's rent up front. 676 00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:11,519 - Nice one. - And you don't mind us re-decorating? 677 00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:14,759 As far as I'm concerned, you can do what you like... 678 00:41:14,760 --> 00:41:18,079 as long as you keep on paying the fucking rent, beaut. 679 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:19,360 See ya. 680 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:22,919 Well, that's nice, isn't it? 681 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:24,359 Putting the blame on me just cos 682 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,159 I'm organised enough to get the food ready a week in advance. 683 00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,519 Auntie Brenda, you can't leave rice salad standing for a week! 684 00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:33,079 Says the woman who wasn't ready for a party in her own home 685 00:41:33,080 --> 00:41:35,879 because she was too busy fornicating in a bunny rig-out. 686 00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:37,239 Shut up! 687 00:41:37,240 --> 00:41:39,279 Oh, yeah, Mam, that was pretty gross, 688 00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,279 - and sending Michael the photo. - Ben! 689 00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:42,759 What photo? 690 00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:45,999 She sent him this photo of her... you know. 691 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:48,599 - Shut up, Ben! - I never sent a photo! 692 00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:51,159 It's on his phone. Let's have a look. 693 00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:54,639 - No. - Why not? Because there is no photo! 694 00:41:54,640 --> 00:41:56,040 Give it back! 695 00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:00,439 "The puppies are missing you." Dad, what's going on? 696 00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:03,199 "I can still taste you on my lips." 697 00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:06,919 Stella, I know this looks really bad... Oh, my God. 698 00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:08,639 Is everything OK here, Nurse Morris? 699 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,439 Mind your own bloody business, Honey! 700 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,400 It is my business when you're - upsetting one of my students. - Yeah? 701 00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:17,359 This must be some kind of joke. 702 00:42:17,360 --> 00:42:20,719 Yes, that's exactly what it is - a stupid joke. 703 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:23,279 But whose number is it? Who's sending you these texts?! 704 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:26,439 She brought my bike back... Who brought your bike back? 705 00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,639 Beyonce, you know, Beyonce Evans. 706 00:42:29,640 --> 00:42:33,039 Beyonce, who was in my house today? Yes. 707 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:36,839 Look, you and I had had a row and I got drunk and she kissed me, 708 00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:39,279 and I didn't want to... Oh, she kissed you now?! 709 00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,439 Yes, and that's all it was. 710 00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:44,159 Look, can we talk about this at home? 711 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,640 - Did you kiss her back? - I was drunk. 712 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:50,120 Did you kiss her back, Michael? 713 00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,080 A bit, yeah. 714 00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:01,760 I'm pregnant, I am! Totally, completely pregnant! 715 00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:06,839 Oh, my goodness! 716 00:43:06,840 --> 00:43:08,840 Oh, babes! Come here. 717 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,920 I love you, babes! 718 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:43,039 I just want to make him suffer - a bit longer. - It was only a kiss. 719 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:45,359 It'll take more than flowers, Michael Jackson. 720 00:43:45,360 --> 00:43:47,159 It's a start, right? 721 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:48,719 - How much you lose? - What's it to you? 722 00:43:48,720 --> 00:43:50,519 Could lend you a few quid, if you need it. 723 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,199 I declare this re-enactment open! 724 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,280 That cross of St George on Michael Jackson is our target. 725 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,319 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd 726 00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,360 accessibility@bskyb.com 56470

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