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♪ And then she smiles
2
00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,319
♪ And my heart starts beating
3
00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:24,960
♪ I go weak inside. ♪
4
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:46,879
♪ I had a dream so big and loud
5
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,279
♪ I jumped so high I touched
the clouds... ♪
6
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,240
ALARM CLOCK RINGS
7
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,479
♪ I stretched my hands out to the sky
8
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,959
♪ We danced with monsters through
the night
9
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:03,599
♪ Whoa oh oh-oh oh oh-oh
10
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:04,959
♪ I'm never gonna look back... ♪
11
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,600
Tess!
12
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,760
♪ Please don't wake me now
13
00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:20,359
♪ This is going to be
the best day of my life
14
00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,240
♪ My life
15
00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:29,959
♪ This is going to be the best day of
my life
16
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:32,680
♪ My life. ♪
17
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:38,799
Morning!
18
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:39,840
Hiya!
19
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:45,160
- Have a lovely day!
- And you.
20
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:52,199
First floor flat, two bedroom.
21
00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,359
Separate bathroom and toilet.
22
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:56,679
No garden
23
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,599
but there's a balconette.
24
00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:00,039
What's a balconette?
25
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,239
It's a shite balcony.
26
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,280
Hey!
27
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,239
The rest of it looks nice, though.
28
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,199
Yeah, but they want a two-month
- deposit!
- Oh, bollocks.
29
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,919
Hey...
30
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:14,079
We'll have to be patient, that's
all. Save up a bit.
31
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,199
Where to are the bowls?
32
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,600
Ask Michael.
He's been de-cluttering.
33
00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,679
Where's breakfast?
34
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,799
I literally have no idea.
35
00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,879
Luke, will you take us
driving later?
36
00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:29,639
Not today, bud, I got work.
37
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:31,079
I'll never pass at this rate.
38
00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:32,879
Well, you know what you want to do,
Ben?
39
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,319
Go on one of them courses where you
pass your test in a week?
40
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:39,519
No. Go up Pontyberry College
and register for sixth form.
41
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,599
Nuh-nuh-nuh!
42
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:42,760
To be continued.
43
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,879
All right, Rain Man?
I thought you'd already gone.
44
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,959
I'm trying to,
but first I want my breakfast.
45
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,479
Which, by the way, is the most
important meal of the day.
46
00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,999
Is that your medical opinion?
But I can't have my breakfast
47
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,519
because someone has moved the spoons.
48
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,600
Just trying to bring some order to
- your chaos.
- My chaos?!
49
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,239
How is your office?
50
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,479
Yeah, it's OK. I don't like to
moan, unlike some people.
51
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,639
Hey, play nicely.
It's my first day.
52
00:03:15,640 --> 00:03:18,559
- Of your second year.
- Well, I'm still
allowed to be nervous.
53
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:21,319
Come on, what's the worst that can
happen? You accidentally kill
54
00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,519
a patient, there's a trial,
it's all over the papers
55
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:25,959
and people start yelling
"Murderer" at you in the street.
56
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,599
The spoons, Michael!
57
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:29,639
Kitchen cupboard, bottom left.
58
00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:30,999
Thank you.
59
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,119
Stell?
60
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:35,199
You're smart, you're hardworking
and you're great with people.
61
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,119
You'll be fine.
62
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:40,600
But if you do get sacked,
make sure you keep the uniform.
63
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,159
There she is,
64
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,999
getting into her
car, as bold as a builder.
65
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,639
Morning, Auntie Brenda.
66
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,759
Oh, there'll be no "Morning, Auntie
Brendas".
67
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,679
Not till you've explained
the meaning of that.
68
00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,199
Michael has found
a buyer for his house.
69
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,439
I can read good, girl,
I want details.
70
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:03,840
Oh, I'm late as it is, I got no
time for that.
71
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,599
Fine. He got an offer last week.
72
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,879
It was less than what he wanted but
the buyer said he could move quick
73
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,559
so Michael have accepted and they're
exchanging and completing on Friday.
74
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:17,279
- Happy now?
- Not remotely. I haven't
met them yet.
75
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:19,079
Well, neither have I. Does it matter?
76
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,399
They could be anyone!
Swingers. Doggers.
77
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,639
Nazi war criminals.
78
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,759
What would that do to house prices?
79
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,639
I got to go, I'll see you later.
80
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,319
Well, I'm willing to overlook your
slap-dash approach to the property
81
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:33,719
market if you'll do me a favour
82
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:36,159
and put these up round the hospital.
83
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,719
"Room to let. Non-smoker,
84
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,319
"no vegans or fancy types."
85
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:43,359
You getting a lodger?
86
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,919
When times are hard,
you've got to diversify.
87
00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,560
Deborah Meaden taught me that.
88
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:55,799
Le Cafe De Les Alans.
89
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,879
It's... Definitely distinctive.
90
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,479
Exactly.
No-one's ever called a cafe that.
91
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:01,559
I looked it up on Google.
92
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,119
Aye.
93
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:04,679
This is a new start, love.
94
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,919
Another chapter in the book called
"Things Done By Alan
95
00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:09,879
"And Little Alan."
96
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:12,839
That's not a real book, mind,
just being poetic.
97
00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:15,079
Hey, big day for you, too.
98
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,399
Yeah.
99
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,440
Wish me luck.
100
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:22,159
Hey, Stell, you coming tomorrow
night? Big opening?
101
00:05:22,160 --> 00:05:24,199
I wouldn't miss
it for the world, presh.
102
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,719
I've dry-cleaned my posh frock.
103
00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,879
Right. Ready, Nurse Brackstone?
104
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,120
Ready as I'll ever be.
105
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,000
- See you later.
- Ta-ra!
106
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,079
All right, innit, Dad?
107
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,599
Yes, Chef.
108
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,919
Do you know what they say,
Little Al?
109
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,399
As one door closes...
110
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,520
another one opens.
111
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,519
Do you want me to open it again?
112
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,920
Nah, the moment's gone.
113
00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,919
See this?
114
00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:08,879
This is what you know about nursing.
115
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,599
You might think you know this...
116
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,480
But you don't. You know this.
117
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,239
Now... This year's going to be
tough.
118
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,039
You're going to be on your own
a lot more without me
119
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,079
there to hold your hands
and wipe your bums.
120
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:23,839
Some of you...
121
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:25,759
will not cope.
122
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,200
Others, we'll have to wait and see.
123
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,439
Celia, is it?
124
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,919
- Yes.
- Celia's returning back into
nursing after, how long is it now?
125
00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:37,919
Oh, I did a few years... Speak up.
126
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:39,279
I did a few years of... Speak up!
127
00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:41,799
I did a few years of training
but I had to stop in 2009.
128
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,159
Going to help me
whip this lot into shape, are you?
129
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,199
I'm sure you don't need any help.
130
00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:47,999
'Course I don't need no help!
131
00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,199
2009 is in the Dark Ages!
132
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,119
Nursing's moved on so much since
then, you probably know less
133
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,160
than they do!
134
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:58,119
That said...
135
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,160
welcome back.
136
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,960
Right, follow me.
137
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,559
These are your placements
for the next term
138
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:09,199
so listen up, cos
I will say this only once.
139
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,999
You three, A & E.
140
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,839
Grace Edmonds and Ranjit Singh,
Orthopaedic Ward.
141
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,519
Rory Williams and Helena Evans, Obs
and Gynae.
142
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,199
Jenny Amir and James Grayson,
Geriatrics.
143
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,799
And remember, just cos they're old,
don't mean they're nice.
144
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,079
Er... What about us?
145
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,880
General ward. With me.
146
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,079
Right, before we start,
147
00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:39,679
I just want to say this is very much
a temporary situation.
148
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:42,879
I'll be able to move into a proper
office when my house is sold.
149
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:43,959
To the swingers?
150
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:44,999
What?
151
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,119
Auntie Brenda said you're selling
your place to a pair of swingers.
152
00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:49,239
No.
153
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,679
No, Marge, it was doggers.
154
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,679
Doggers, sorry.
155
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:55,239
Firstly, they're neither.
156
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,559
Secondly, if I can just
finish off what I was saying...
157
00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,079
'Anyone home?'
158
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:01,039
I know the room seems a bit poky
but I have
159
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,879
20 years' experience as a
solicitor and I can assure you
160
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,359
that you will still get a
top-quality legal service.
161
00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,559
DOG BARKING
So, how can I help?
162
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:12,559
We'd like to make our last will
and testament.
163
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,439
LOUD DANCE MUSIC IN THE ROOM ABOVE
164
00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:16,879
'Ben!'Sorry about this.
165
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,999
- 'What?
- Sophie's sleeping, turn it
down!'
166
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,839
All right, so, who would be the main
beneficiary of your...
167
00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:24,999
BABY CRYING
168
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,400
She'll stop in a second.
169
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,679
Who would be the main
beneficiary of your will?
170
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,200
Our little boy.
171
00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,639
Right, you've got Mrs Kidney
Failure.
172
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,359
And you've got Mr Diabetes and
Anaemia.
173
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:50,520
Now, get to it.
174
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:53,760
Morris! Brackstone!
175
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:57,839
See him, by there?
176
00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,159
That is God Almighty. Mr Honey.
177
00:09:01,160 --> 00:09:03,599
He rules this ward with
a rod of iron,
178
00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,119
held with a fist of surgical steel.
179
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:09,519
You never, ever address him
directly.
180
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:11,959
You speak to me and me alone.
181
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:15,040
Then I'll speak to him
on your behalf. Caplum?
182
00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,719
Er, Mr... Chesney?
183
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,039
Is that how you say it?
184
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:25,839
Shenz-nay. Shenz-nay.
185
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:28,079
I need to take a blood sample, presh.
186
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,799
Hold your arm out nice
and straight for me.
187
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,159
I, I... I'm not...
188
00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,799
I don't want to...
189
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,839
Don't worry, I'll be quick.
190
00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:37,880
Hopefully.
191
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:40,720
And who do we have here?
192
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,279
Stella Morris.
193
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:45,319
The patient?
194
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,760
Apologies, Mr Honey. This is, erm...
195
00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:52,479
...Mr Jersey. Presented with
symptoms of fainting and nausea.
196
00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,080
So, you're doing an FBC
and blood glucose, yes?
197
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,160
Yes, that is correct.
198
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:04,920
Have you got a squint or something?
199
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:06,999
No, I was just...
200
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,479
addressing Sister.
201
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,000
Well, go on, then, hurry up.
202
00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:13,479
I'm not... Don't...
203
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:14,920
It won't hurt, I promise.
204
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,400
I'm not a patient.
205
00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,200
I visit my brother!
206
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:25,520
Hi.
207
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,519
So, the grand opening is tomorrow
night at 7.30.
208
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,839
Tomorrow... Night...
209
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:53,759
Seven... Thir...
210
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,359
Tee.
211
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,639
Now, the food is free
but the bar is paid so...
212
00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:59,639
Food...
213
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,959
Free...
214
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,639
Bar...
215
00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:05,519
Is...
216
00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:07,279
P... A... I...
217
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,879
Do you have to write
everything down?
218
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:10,519
Oh, I'm a stickler for detail, Al.
219
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,159
Karl says I'm like Sherlock
Holmes, but without the hat.
220
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,079
Plus, I'm the sole breadwinner now
he's back from Abu Dhabi.
221
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,199
I want to dazzle you!
222
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,479
I got loads of ideas, too.
Like balloons.
223
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,999
When we opened Tantastic Bodies
224
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,319
we had hundreds of them in every
colour.
225
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,359
Blue, red,
226
00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,679
green, orange...
227
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:29,679
Look at this blender, Dad!
228
00:11:29,680 --> 00:11:31,879
Titanium-coated. Top of the range.
229
00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,119
Only £600.
230
00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:36,079
...mauve, which is a bit like purple,
I admit, but it's still stunning.
231
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,199
Who's that?
232
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:40,159
The burglar alarm bloke.
Security is paramount.
233
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:41,439
I learnt that on my course.
234
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:43,239
Come off it, man, this is
Pontyberry.
235
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:44,479
Who's going to break in?
236
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:45,879
If you rob anyone in Abu Dhabi,
237
00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,799
Karl said they'd take no prisoners.
238
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:49,719
Literally. Cut your hand off.
239
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,319
Or maybe it's your foot.
240
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,479
- Coming through!
- Either way, they
don't reoffend.
241
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,800
How much did you spend?
242
00:11:57,120 --> 00:11:58,759
Really? Two grand?!
243
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:01,519
Sorry, this is all going to have to
go back. Pick that up!
244
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,839
That means you as well, bud.
You, down. Down!
245
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,039
Out! Out!
246
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:07,039
Dad, I need these things!
247
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,279
You should go to the covered
market in Neath.
248
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:11,199
They've got everything there,
dirt cheap.
249
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,240
I am not kitting out my kitchen from
no poxy covered market in Neath!
250
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,840
Gordon Ramsay doesn't go to Neath!
251
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,200
He's a chef.
252
00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:26,680
Temperamental, like.
253
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,359
Whereabouts in Neath?
254
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:33,960
Dai Davies, it's 9.30.
Where are you?
255
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,519
Shaming, it is. Shaming.
256
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:42,879
- What is?
- Here I am,
taking in lodgers to make ends meet
257
00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,759
and Dai Davies can't be
bothered to turn up to work.
258
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,919
Or to clean up after himself.
259
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,119
Who does he think he is, Bono?
260
00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:51,919
Have you seen him today?
261
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:52,959
Bono?
262
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:56,719
You are not so old I can't put
you across my knee, Luke Morgan.
263
00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,559
Dai Davies, of course.
The work-shy little squirrel.
264
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:02,240
No, I haven't seen him.
265
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:10,479
All right, Nurse Dracula?
266
00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,399
Oh, God, that's not what
people are calling me, is it?
267
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,199
No, just me.
268
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,599
I can't be the first person to take
blood from the wrong patient.
269
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,679
You must've heard of someone
doing it before.
270
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:21,840
Yeah. If you like.
271
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,120
See you at this, will I, ladies?
272
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,399
Self Defence and Tae Kwon Do?
273
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,759
Nurses have always had to be handy
with their fists.
274
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,039
Florence Nightingale
boxed for Oxford.
275
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,039
Is it part of the course?
276
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,039
Earth calling 2009!
277
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:41,039
No. It's not officially
part of the course.
278
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,959
If you don't want to come,
that's up to you, but up here...
279
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:46,239
I make a note of everyone
who turns up.
280
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,320
And everyone who can't be bothered.
281
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,559
All I'm saying is
if we did a rota then you and Luke
282
00:13:56,560 --> 00:13:58,679
and Mam could take it in turns to
take me driving.
283
00:13:58,680 --> 00:13:59,959
Can we talk about this later?
284
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,319
I'll never pass at this rate!
285
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:02,719
Ben, I've got clients to see.
286
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,119
Course you're bastard hungry,
287
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,399
you dropped your cockin'
Monster Munch, didn't you?
288
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,039
Bloody kids, eh? Can you fit me in?
289
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:10,559
I want to talk about my niece, see.
290
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:11,999
She's been shafted by her boss.
291
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,399
Michael, quick question. Is it
illegal to pretend to be a dentist?
292
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,519
Why would you ask that?
293
00:14:16,520 --> 00:14:19,319
No reason, but if it is, I might
be in a whole world of shite.
294
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,279
Right, do either of you have an
appointment?
295
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:23,119
THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER
296
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,639
Look, one at a time, please.
297
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:25,680
Can you just...
298
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:27,840
QUIET!
299
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:30,959
Thank you.
300
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,279
DOORBELL RINGS
301
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,040
I am trying to run
a professional business here.
302
00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:41,239
I've brung his documents round.
303
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:45,000
Birth certificate,
injection details, hobbies, the lot.
304
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,679
Resorting to physical force should
only ever be
305
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:51,959
resorted to as a last resort.
306
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,999
If you carry
yourself in the right way,
307
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,519
then an act of aggression
like this...
308
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,399
will be completely unnecessary.
309
00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:00,639
The best way to avoid physical
violence is to be
310
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:04,919
aware of your surroundings and be
prepared to react in a heartbeat.
311
00:15:04,920 --> 00:15:06,839
Take Mrs Wong, by here.
312
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,199
She do have the reaction
speed of a Mandarin cat
313
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:14,319
so she's always ready for anything
that life do throw at her.
314
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:17,280
Whoa! Whoa! All right,
calm down now, love.
315
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:24,479
Panic over, I got everything we need
and at half the price.
316
00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:25,559
Where from?
317
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,519
Is that really important?
318
00:15:27,520 --> 00:15:29,759
And does it matter where or
when or how?
319
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,599
You've been to Neath, haven't you?
I have.
320
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,599
But don't worry, this is all quality
stuff.
321
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,239
I got you this whisk
thingy... that's left-handed!
322
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:37,280
I'm right-handed.
323
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:40,959
I got you pots and pans
324
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,919
and your scales and... Hey, look...
325
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:44,559
I got this gizmo for me.
326
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:46,439
Dad, you don't smoke.
327
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,799
I know but, you know, it goes with
the French thing, doesn't it?
328
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,839
I'm not going to puff on it,
I'm just going to hold it.
329
00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,719
Sophisticated, like, eh?
330
00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,280
PHONE RINGS
331
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,719
All right, love?
332
00:16:00,720 --> 00:16:03,679
Just checking you and Little Alan
haven't killed each other yet.
333
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,439
No! We're getting on great guns.
334
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,160
We're the A-Team, aren't we, son?
335
00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:11,279
So, how's you, Nurse Brackie?
336
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,679
Fine, I think...
337
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:15,559
Just survived an encounter with
Bruce Lee.
338
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,639
You what?
339
00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:18,879
'Oh, nothing, I'll tell you later.
340
00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,319
'Just as long as you're OK?'
341
00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,839
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Couldn't be
- better.
- Dad?
342
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,039
Got to go, Gordon Ramsay needs me.
343
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:26,679
Bye-bye.
344
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,159
Where's the herbs?
345
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,359
Right here, man.
346
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,439
I got you sage and
sorrel...
347
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:33,879
Whatever that is.
348
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:35,879
I've loads of pepper and look...
349
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,199
Big bag of salt.
350
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,479
I tell you, it's like Aladdin's
cave in that market.
351
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,079
I've even got us
a burglar alarm, eh?
352
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,919
That's a blender, there.
353
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,799
What are these symbols on the side?
354
00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:48,519
Ah, now. That's Chinese, that is.
355
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,239
They make everything these days.
356
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,279
But don't worry,
I've gone through the manual.
357
00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,079
Now, this squiggly line that
looks like a hat stand,
358
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,399
that's your "On" button.
359
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,599
And the one that looks like an angry
waiter, that's your "Off".
360
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,199
Which is which?
361
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,399
Angry waiter.
362
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,440
Hat stand.
363
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:06,920
BLENDER WORKS THEN STOPS ABRUPTLY
364
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,200
Don't worry,
I'll get it working now.
365
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,280
Ta-ra.
366
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,639
- Go on, then, test us.
- What's this?
367
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:39,599
The theory questions for the driving
test. Jenson Button over here
368
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,079
thinks she knows more than I do.
369
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:42,839
I don't think, I know.
370
00:17:42,840 --> 00:17:44,559
Put that away, Luke, I'm serving up.
371
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,279
Ben, will you give Michael a shout?
372
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,879
Michael!
373
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,519
That's not quite what I meant.
374
00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:54,599
Five messages I've left for that Dai
Davies and he's still not replied.
375
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,879
Disappeared off the face
of the earth, he have.
376
00:17:56,880 --> 00:18:00,239
Like Shergar in a Pringle sweater.
377
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,759
This is nice, isn't it?
378
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,119
Proper family dinner,
like the old days.
379
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,199
Ben, we're eating.
380
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:10,039
Mam, can I have dinner in my bedroom
- with my laptop?
- No!
381
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,679
Hey, don't leave him alone with
the internet, he'd go blind.
382
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:15,959
Wouldn't be able to read
the number plates then.
383
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,879
Oh, Mam, tell 'em!
384
00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,519
Aww, are we ganging
up on little Benny boy?
385
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:21,759
Get off!
386
00:18:21,760 --> 00:18:24,439
I wouldn't let you anywhere near my
car anyway.
387
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,840
I'm a way better driver than you.
There's some veg there.
388
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,439
KNOCK ON DOOR
389
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,119
Dinner's on the table.
390
00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:37,599
Oh, I'm sorry,
I'll be down now in a minute.
391
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,840
Do you want me to bring you a plate
- up?
- Would you mind?
392
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,160
God, I love you.
393
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,319
Oh... This bloody room.
394
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:48,679
Not long now.
395
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,679
As soon as you sell next
door you can get a big flash office
396
00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,119
and a sexy secretary.
397
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,119
I don't know how flash an office I
can get. I won't make much on the
house.
398
00:18:56,120 --> 00:18:58,960
And you know what they say,
small acorns grow from...
399
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:02,439
...fields of oak, or something.
400
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,480
You're so wise.
401
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,999
Look, I know it's not
ideal at the moment, presh,
402
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,039
all of us under one roof,
403
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,479
but I quite like it.
404
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,079
It's like when the kids were little.
405
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,199
It's cosy.
406
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,400
Well, that's, er, one word for it.
407
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:22,040
I'm fine.
408
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,960
Anyway, I'd better get back to it.
409
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:49,159
'Dai Davies, it's me again.'
410
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,360
Go Your Own Way
by Fleetwood Mac
411
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:01,640
SAWING
412
00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,599
You sure about this?
413
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,239
Course I am.
WHIRRING
414
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:08,759
You need more room in there, right?
415
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,799
For your files and your legal
whatnots.
416
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,679
And he definitely knows
what he's doing?
417
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:13,959
Almost certainly.
418
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,439
WHIRRING STOPS, GROANING
419
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:16,599
Right, I got to run.
420
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,440
I'll get changed at the hospital
and I'll meet you at the party.
421
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,559
Alan's cafe, the big opening.
422
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:23,840
WHIRRING
423
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,800
Try and have a little
shave before tonight.
424
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,599
THUD
425
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,319
SHATTERING
426
00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,240
Everything all right in there?
427
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,679
Your walls are like Caerphilly.
428
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:41,200
The cheese, not the town.
429
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:44,159
I'm going to need a bigger drill.
430
00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:47,400
Can I use the room in the meantime?
I really need to get on.
431
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:50,839
You remind me of myself, Mike.
432
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:52,999
A man of action.
433
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,039
You know, I was once
lost in the jungles of Cambodia...
434
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,399
Is this going to be a long story?
435
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,440
Medium-to-long.
Any chance it could wait?
436
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,840
Message received and understood.
437
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,039
Oh, great!
438
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:12,080
HE COUGHS
439
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,319
Fine, come on.
440
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:20,400
Yes!
441
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,200
Which one of these do you prefer,
the swan or the chevron?
442
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,719
Impossible to choose, they're
both stunning.
443
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:30,799
Aren't they, Al?
444
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:31,839
Hang on.
445
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:33,239
I'll ask Little Al.
446
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,679
Little Alan?
447
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,200
LOUD WHIRRING
448
00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:39,199
Little Alan?
449
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,240
Little Alan!
450
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:46,039
Little Alan!
451
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:47,640
Alan! Alan!
452
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:49,800
Let me down.
453
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:51,880
Little Alan!
454
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,599
Go and see Nadine, will you?
She's doing my head in.
455
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:57,640
GURGLING
456
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:02,599
So, it's working then, is it?
457
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:04,479
All this stuff.
458
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,559
Actually, it's pretty good.
459
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:07,919
Thanks, Dad.
460
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:09,919
I'm sorry.
461
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:11,120
Little Alan!
462
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,600
What do you think? Swan or chevron?
463
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,120
Unhealthy or...
464
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:30,520
...really unhealthy?
465
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:33,919
Oh, sod it.
466
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:34,960
BEEPING
467
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:38,399
WHIRRING
468
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:39,440
Well, come on!
469
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,399
Aren't you a bit too old
to be stealing sweets?
470
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:58,839
Ha! It's got stuck, it has.
471
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,519
If I can just reach...
472
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:06,519
up there. Oh flippin' 'eck,
- I got cramp! Argh!
- Relax your arm.
473
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:07,999
SHE PANTS
474
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,120
- I said, relax.
- Oh, God.
475
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,359
Now...
476
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,159
PULL!
477
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,959
Arrgghhh, you bastard!
478
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,639
Sorry, not you, Mr Honey.
The machine.
479
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,279
I would never call you a bastard
despite what some people...
480
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,679
Not that anyone called you a bastard.
PAGER RINGS
481
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,879
Well, not to your face, anyway.
482
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,239
- Oh, now I've upset you.
- No...
483
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:35,760
I'm being paged.
484
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,480
You probably think I'm
a total doughnut!
485
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,840
Cheers, Michael. You're a star.
486
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,560
TECHNO MUSIC BLARES FROM RADIO
487
00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:00,319
Keep your eyes on the road, OK?
488
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,599
Should I, er... go across the
roundabout?
489
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:06,600
Er... round it preferably. But, yes
keep going, as far as you like.
490
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:12,400
Nice one!
491
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:15,760
GRINDING
492
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:25,439
- On your break?
- Yeah, though I spent
most of it on my knees
493
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:29,239
- in front of Mr Honey.
- Ooh...
Going for a promotion?
494
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:34,279
No! The bloody vending machine
had broken again. I'm starving.
495
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:37,439
Well, at least you'll be
- hungry tonight.
- Hmm.
496
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:40,639
How they all getting on up there?
I'm not sure.
497
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,199
You know what Alan's like when he's
under pressure, it's best just to
leave him to it.
498
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:48,039
Yeah, Michael's the same. He's one
big ball of stress at the moment.
499
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:52,399
Finding it a bit cosy, us all living
- together.
- It's not for long, is it?
500
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,319
Hmm. Thing is, I don't have
a problem with it.
501
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,399
Won't be long before they all
move out
502
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,720
and the house'll be full of
empty rooms.
503
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:05,999
- Oh, God, am I being depressing?
- Very.
504
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,720
Come on, I know what you need.
505
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:12,920
BEEPING
506
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:19,200
It's all a question of...
507
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,759
...timing.
508
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:26,399
- Ha! You're a genius.
- I know.
509
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,999
Where did you learn to do that, then?
Misspent youth.
510
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,999
Not much else to do in Cockermouth.
What else do you fancy?
511
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:37,240
Oh, I dunno. It's stealing, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
512
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,719
- Bag of Revels?
- Right.
513
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,519
So, when everyone's here, we'll
turn the house lights down
514
00:25:45,520 --> 00:25:48,839
and then I'll do that thing with
the glass to get their attention.
515
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:50,879
GLASS SMASHES
516
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:54,079
I'll clean that up in a minute.
Then I'll say,
517
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:58,200
"Hello,
good evening and welcome to..."
518
00:26:00,120 --> 00:26:03,119
Just a little joke to warm 'em up.
519
00:26:03,120 --> 00:26:06,639
Then I'll do my speech...
Dad, I've got food to cook!
520
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,199
When Karl do make speeches
he always do make them rhyme.
521
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:10,919
No matter what the occasion.
522
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:14,799
At my nana's funeral, he even found
a rhyme for chronic cystitis.
523
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,439
Gifted, he is.
524
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:18,800
OH, MY GOD!
525
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:24,760
No, no, no! This is not happening...
526
00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,040
Whoa!
527
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:36,559
Stella Morris, you were required
back on duty 93 seconds ago.
528
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:40,079
Mmm. Sorry, I got a bit,
erm... caught up.
529
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:42,919
I won't have you taking advantage
of my good nature
530
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:45,199
just because we'll be living
on the same street.
531
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,519
Sorry, I'm not following you.
Your Auntie Brenda needs a lodger.
532
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:51,759
- I'm moving in with her.
- Oh.
533
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,479
I'm going to have to be twice
as hard on you from now on,
534
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:57,720
just to show I'm not biased.
It's only fair to the others.
535
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:03,159
EY-EY!I ain't being poked around
no more, right?
536
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,719
If you could lie back down.
I ain't lying, I ain't sitting,
537
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,279
I'm nothing else doing.
- I'm going home.
- What have we 'ere?
538
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:10,759
- He won't stay in bed.
- Speak up!
HE WON'T STAY IN BED.
539
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:12,919
Sir, I must ask you to return
to your bed,
540
00:27:12,920 --> 00:27:16,239
calmly, quietly and immediately.
Piss off!
541
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:21,239
Very well. But I must warn you that
I am trained in seven different
martial arts
542
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,240
including Bok Fu, Kung Fu and...
543
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:30,159
I'm not reacting.
Let go of her, right now!
544
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:35,079
- Make me!
- I'm keeping calm.
Dewi Phillips, what the bloody hell
do you think you're doing?
545
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,880
Who's asking, eh?
Stella Morris, that's who.
546
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,399
All right, Mrs M?Never mind that,
good boy.
547
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,720
I think you want to be apologising.
Sorry.
548
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,480
And what are we going to do now?
549
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,879
Thanks.
550
00:27:56,880 --> 00:28:00,599
Is he a friend of yours?
No. I used to babysit him.
551
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:04,679
- Soft as butter, really.
- You ain't
going to tell my mam, are you?
552
00:28:04,680 --> 00:28:07,200
Well, that depends on you,
doesn't it?
553
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:13,359
Thank you. Er... Nurse...
Morris. Stella.
554
00:28:13,360 --> 00:28:16,599
Stella's my first name, obviously.
Because Morris...
555
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,119
That would make me a bloke.
556
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,079
Wouldn't it?
557
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,839
When can we do an emergency stop?
In a minute.
558
00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,359
All I've been doing is driving up
- and down!
- Would you mind holding
a second?
559
00:28:27,360 --> 00:28:30,040
Will you go easy on the gears?
I am!
560
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,999
Sorry, my assistant... Assistant?
561
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:37,759
...is having a few issues with
the, er... photocopier.
562
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,479
But I can assure you that
I will be just as...
563
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:41,799
TYRES SCREECH
564
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:43,360
What the hell are you doing?!
565
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,599
Have you seen this man?
566
00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,879
Maybe you was cooking with
the wrong temperature?
567
00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,359
No, it's the ingredients, got to be.
568
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:04,279
This is quality stuff. I mean, look
at the what-yer-call, the sorrel!
569
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,959
And this salt! 50% off.
Bargain!
570
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,239
SHE GASPS
571
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,760
Bath salts?! I've been cooking
with bath salts?
572
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:18,079
Maybe we could say it was
deliberate.
573
00:29:18,080 --> 00:29:20,959
Fancy food like, thingy...
Heston Bloomingdale.
574
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:23,159
HE DOESN'T COOK WITH BATH SALTS!
575
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:27,119
He did goat's nostrils once.
Just as disgusting, if you ask me.
576
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,999
I'll just have to start again
and buy new ingredients.
577
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,799
We can't, son. We're totally broke.
What?!
578
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:37,519
Look at all this stuff I bought!
You think the bloke in the market
give it me for nothing?
579
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,959
Well, you're going to have
to get food from somewhere!
580
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,680
Wait... I may have a brilliant idea.
581
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,599
No, it's gone.
582
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:53,199
I know what we can do.
583
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,759
Boum
by Charles Trenet
584
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,399
We've had a nightmare at the cafe...
We're supposed to open in, like,
five minutes...
585
00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:00,919
And there's been a problem with
blue bubbles... Don't ask.
586
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,279
...and the thing is we really
need some food.
587
00:30:03,280 --> 00:30:05,439
Edible glitter?
588
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:10,039
Tinned figs. From a proper genuine
Arab I knew in Dhabi.
589
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,159
Roadkill. I washed the grit off.
590
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,359
Mostly.
591
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:18,360
Carrots and straw.
Two of your five a day.
592
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:21,759
Thanks.
593
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,559
♪ Je n'entends que boum-boum
594
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:25,239
♪ Ca fait toujours boum-boum
595
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:28,439
♪ Boum b-r-r-r-oum boum.#
596
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,079
I'm never going driving with you
- again.
- You got that right!
597
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,799
Why did you have to shout like that?
- There was a lorry!
- Shhhh.
598
00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:39,359
- Bloody thing! Yanto!
- Not long now,
but. Just a few more holes.
599
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:40,999
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
600
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:43,399
LOUD TECHNO MUSIC BLARES
601
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:44,919
Hello?
602
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,359
HELLO?
603
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,239
BABY CRIES
DRILL WHIRS
604
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:51,079
Sorry, sorry. I can't hear.
605
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:54,519
What? Well, why?
606
00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,599
Oh, that's brilliant.
That's just brilliant!
607
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,279
Yeah, of course I'm being sarcastic!
What do you expect?
608
00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:03,039
Look, I'll call you back later.
What's happened?
609
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:05,599
That was the estate agent,
the buyers have pulled out.
610
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,879
Their survey found dry rot in the
walls and it's going to cost a
fortune to fix,
611
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:12,319
which means I can't sell the house
until we do, but I can't afford to
get it fixed
612
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:16,119
because I don't have any money,
which is why I was selling the house
in the first place!
613
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:19,399
Yes, I'm aware I'm ranting, Zoe,
and I'm sorry! YANTO!
614
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,120
Aaargh!
615
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,280
MUSIC AND DRILLING SUDDENLY STOP
616
00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:34,279
Told you them walls were shite.
617
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,320
BABY CRIES
618
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,479
FRENCH MUSIC PLAYS
619
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:55,719
I 'eard they got fresh garlic bread.
- Ooh... and a free bar.
- I'm starving!
620
00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:58,839
Now remember, the food's free, but
they pay for the drink, all right?
621
00:31:58,840 --> 00:32:01,479
You do know it says "Free Food
and Drink" on the poster?
622
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:04,839
No, it says, "Free Food." Full stop.
"And drink." It's very clear.
623
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,520
So, where to's the food, then?
It's coming, it's coming.
624
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,600
Excuse me, on its way.
625
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:17,439
Alan! Alan, you're going to have to
calm down or you'll start
scratching.
626
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:21,879
- You know what you're like.
- What the
- hell's he doing in there?!
- You can't
rush a genius.
627
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:26,239
We can't keep them waiting much
longer. You haven't seen Pontyberry
folk when they're hungry.
628
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,759
It can get very ugly.
629
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:33,039
You pacing up and down isn't going
to make it go any quicker.
630
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,879
Take this water to table ten.
631
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,840
OK?All right.
632
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,639
- How's he doing?
- Not good.
633
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,799
Have he started the scratching?
Not yet, but he's going that way.
634
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,439
We are late, mind. Talking of which,
where to's Michael?
635
00:32:50,440 --> 00:32:52,399
He should be here by now.
636
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:56,679
Yanto, is Michael at home?
Only he's not picking up the phone.
637
00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:00,000
My lips are sealed with wax
like a mini Babybel.
638
00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:07,119
I've left message after message
telling him to call me,
639
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,999
but still not a peep!
It've been two days now!
640
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:15,359
- The cheeky, cocking bastard.
- I mean,
how much longer do I have to wait?!
641
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,600
I'm doing my best, all right?!
642
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,239
I'm sorry, Little Al, but they're
foaming at the mouth out here.
643
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:27,719
I heard one woman mention
- a stampede!
- Hold on.
644
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,080
- Ready?
- I don't know.
I just don't know.
645
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,839
Braised rabbit casserole
in a rich fig gravy,
646
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,280
caramelised carrot puree and...
647
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,959
- ...straw garnish.
- Wow!
648
00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,360
♪ I'm Johnny Cash
649
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:48,519
Yee-ha!
♪ Hello...
650
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:50,199
♪ I'm Johnny Cash
651
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:51,800
♪ Hello, I'm Johnny Cash
652
00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,559
Yee-ha!
♪ Yes, I am
653
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,559
♪ Rollin' down the train tracks
654
00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:59,559
♪ Oh, no, I ain't coming back
655
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:02,439
♪ The man in me
is the man in black
656
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:03,679
Yee-ha!
657
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,320
♪ Rollin' down the train tracks... ♪
658
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,079
Ladies and Gents...
659
00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:13,719
GLASS SMASHES
660
00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:15,479
Er... sorry for the delay.
661
00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:19,119
As you know, we've had a little
bit of trouble today, but, um...
662
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:22,079
Sorry, can I just have a
bit of hush, please?
663
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,199
Thank you. Thank you.
664
00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,280
- Stell, the lights.
- Ooh.
665
00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:31,159
Ooooh...
666
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,679
- Stell?
- I think the fuse have gone.
667
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,760
OK. Hang on.
668
00:34:38,360 --> 00:34:41,999
YEAH!
There we go. Right, well...
669
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,919
First of all, I just want to say a
big thank you for coming.
670
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:47,719
It's lovely to see so many faces
'ere. And erm...
671
00:34:47,720 --> 00:34:49,559
SHRILL BEEPING
672
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:53,199
I'm just really bloody proud,
to be honest with you.
673
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:55,400
Oh, bless him.
674
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:03,319
But... before you tuck into the food
675
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:08,919
courtesy of Le Cafe De Les Alans,
I'd like to say a few words.
676
00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:11,279
Firstly...
ALARM WAILS
677
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:12,839
Oh!
678
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:14,600
Oh, what's that?
679
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:19,519
Sorry about that. New alarm.
Probably just resetting itself.
680
00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,319
Chinese. Very high-end.
681
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:27,359
Er, now... where was I? Yes, I'd like
to say a big thank you to everybody
who donated food this evening,
682
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:33,119
we couldn't have done it without
you. And secondly, I'd like to say
a thank you to my lovely...
683
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:34,919
ALARM WAILS
684
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:36,959
IT'S THE MOTION SENSORS.
685
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,719
It's very sensitive.
686
00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:43,679
Top of the range. Chinese. If you
can just stand still, please.
687
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:46,279
I'm sure it'll go quiet and stop...
688
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,000
ALARM SUDDENLY STOPS
689
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:53,159
Thank you.
690
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:57,559
Er, welcome one and all to what
I'm sure will be a great evening
691
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,599
at Le Cafe De Les Alans.
692
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,519
Eat, drink and be merry.
But, most of all, drink.
693
00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:08,399
That'd really help the profits.
So, er... cheers.
694
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,559
CHEERS!
ALARM WAILS
695
00:36:10,560 --> 00:36:12,559
RIGHT, JUST STOP.
Stay where you are.
696
00:36:12,560 --> 00:36:14,400
Stand completely still!
697
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:19,039
ALARM STOPS
698
00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:22,719
Thank you. Now, please, nobody move
while we re-set the alarm.
699
00:36:22,720 --> 00:36:24,639
Hello, I'm Johnny Cash
by Johnny Cash
700
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,920
Stay still.
701
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:30,159
The nerve of it!
702
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,119
♪ No, you ain't
Yes, I am
703
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,119
♪ What's your name?
I'm Johnny Cash
704
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:36,119
♪ No, you ain't
Yes, I am
705
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,999
♪ What's your name?
I'm Johnny Cash. ♪
706
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,959
Who wants champagne?
707
00:36:41,960 --> 00:36:43,759
HIGH PITCHED BEEPING
708
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,359
It's free.
ALL TALK AT ONCE
709
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,559
But this is still a paid bar!
ALARM WAILS
710
00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:50,599
There's plenty more.
711
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:54,600
Holland Road
by Mumford & Sons
712
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:08,159
ALARM WAILS
713
00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:11,639
Oh, aye. Seen something
similar in 'Nam.
714
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:14,319
- 'Nam?
- Chippenham.
715
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:19,280
Did a course on disabling alarms
and security systems. OK...
716
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:30,479
Slowly...
717
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,360
ALARM CONTINUES
718
00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:36,879
Come to Daddy.
719
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,400
ALARM SUDDENLY STOPS
720
00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:40,959
Sorted.
721
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,000
THUD
722
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:45,120
Yeah, that can happen sometimes.
723
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,560
Auntie Brenda, how's it 'anging?
724
00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:55,319
You tell me, good boy. Not a hide or
hair from you for days
725
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,639
and then you waltz in like Lord Lucan
with new teeth
726
00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,999
and a crate of champagne.
I can explain...
727
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,799
As if things aren't bad enough
in the current financial climate,
728
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,719
what with belt tightening
and cutbacks and the internet.
729
00:38:06,720 --> 00:38:09,799
You owe me an apology, Dai Davies,
- and no mistake.
- I'm sorry.
730
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:12,479
Oh, it's way too late to say sorry!
731
00:38:12,480 --> 00:38:15,479
Now, stop your what-yer-call-it,
tell me where you've been.
732
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:20,999
I've been collecting my winnings.
Winnings? What winnings?
733
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:24,039
My premium bonds came in.
734
00:38:24,040 --> 00:38:25,440
I won a million quid!
735
00:38:27,920 --> 00:38:29,599
SHE GASPS
736
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:32,560
La Mer
737
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:38,759
♪ La mer qu'on voit danser
738
00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,040
♪ Ba-ba-ba-bom... ♪
739
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,039
HE SPEAKS UNINTELLIGIBLY
740
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,839
Yes, and so say all of us!
741
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,599
Cheers!
Thank you.
742
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:55,719
And can I assure you that winning
this money won't change me at all.
743
00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:58,400
- Lend us 50 quid, then!
- No.
744
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,039
The good Lord is looking down
on Pontyberry today.
745
00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:05,799
This money is exactly what
we've always needed,
746
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,159
a major investment of capital.
747
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,479
Yes, this will really
change things for me.
748
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:16,559
New buses, new signs, an advertising
campaign, just think we what we can
do!
749
00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,319
I'm planning to do quite a lot, yes.
750
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:23,359
This is a game-changer for us.
For me, yes.
751
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,200
Congratulations, but!
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
752
00:39:32,240 --> 00:39:36,359
- Where've you been?
- It's a secret.
I kind of need to show you rather
than tell you.
753
00:39:36,360 --> 00:39:39,039
Why are you so filthy?
754
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:42,879
Seriously, Michael. What've you been
doing? I thought you were going to be
here.
755
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,919
Come home with me and I'll
explain everything.
756
00:39:44,920 --> 00:39:46,920
Come on, you are going to love this!
757
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:54,400
- Just tell me.
- Just be patient.
We're here, now.
758
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,359
Nearly there...
759
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,159
No peeking!
760
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:08,519
Three, two, one.
761
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,520
SURPRISE.
762
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,879
Oh, my God.
763
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:19,399
- OK, just hear me out.
- What have you
- done?
- The house fell through today.
764
00:40:19,400 --> 00:40:21,759
Yeah, I can see that.
No, I mean the buyer pulled out.
765
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:25,479
Turns out we've got dry rot in the
walls and it's going to cost a
- packet to fix.
- Michael...
766
00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:29,159
I know nightmare, right? OR, is it
in fact, the best thing that
could've happened?!
767
00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:33,239
I mean, we've all been on top of
each other recently and this is so
obvious, it's brilliant.
768
00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:36,919
I thought why not make use of the
- space we already have?
- So, you did
this on purpose?!
769
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,560
Well, you said it was nice that we
were all under one roof, so... it's
your idea, really.
770
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:46,079
Luke, Zoe and the kids can live at
mine. I can have their room as an
office.
771
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,159
Obviously, this hole needs cleaning
up, but Yanto's back in the morning
772
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:51,920
and once it's done,
it solves everything.
773
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:56,159
Are you having a nervous breakdown?
774
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,479
Plus, we can put the rent
from Luke and Zoe
775
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,879
towards sorting out the dry rot.
What rent?!
776
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:03,999
I'm not a charity, Stell! And once
it's all done and we're back on our
feet,
777
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,119
then I can look to sell again.
But for now...
778
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:10,439
How can you sell this house with a
great big bloody hole in the wall?!
It's only temporary!
779
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,199
Mind out. Eh, she's taking it better
than I thought, but.
780
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:15,519
You don't think this is
a good idea, do you?
781
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:17,599
Well, it's better
for Sophie and Jack.
782
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,479
And let's face it, we were getting
- under each other's feet.
- Were we?
783
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:24,040
And I'm going to be paying rent.
I'm not freeloading, I mean it.
784
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:26,840
You see?
785
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:32,199
CREAKING
786
00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,279
J'ai Deux Amours
by Josephine Baker
787
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:38,039
- How did we do, Dad?
- Not too bad,
Little Al. Not too bad.
788
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:42,199
First night's always tricky.
- That's what they say.
- Yeah.
789
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,919
We might 'ave to be a bit more
frugal from now on.
790
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:48,119
Tighten belts, pull up socks,
that sort of thing.
791
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:52,080
The food was fantastic, Little Al.
Everyone said so.
792
00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:59,719
Did we actually make any money?
Yes and no.
793
00:41:59,720 --> 00:42:02,199
Mainly, no.
794
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:04,279
But we're a great team though, eh?
795
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:08,400
This place is going to take the town
- by storm.
- You really think so?
Do you?
796
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,960
- Definitely.
- Me too.
797
00:42:26,800 --> 00:42:29,360
CHILD CHATTERS HAPPILY
798
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:45,160
Everything all right?
799
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:12,040
- There you go.
- Perfect, thanks.
800
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,919
Erm, how's it looking next door?
801
00:43:15,920 --> 00:43:20,639
OK, I admit you weren't a complete
- idiot with the wall.
- Oh, you're too
kind!
802
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,199
And we are all still living
under one roof. Technically.
803
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:25,119
She's warming to it.
804
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:28,399
I know it's going to make it
easier for you, so...
805
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:32,439
What I'm saying is, I can live with
it for a while, like.
806
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,159
Well, thank you.
807
00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:37,400
I won't go on. You're probably
charging me for your time.
808
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:42,040
By the way, you don't half look
sexy covered in dust.
809
00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:46,039
Eh, good boy. That's sexual
harassment, that is.
810
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,519
Maybe you should call a lawyer, then.
811
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:52,120
I will. I'm going to call the best
lawyer in the west...
812
00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:55,680
...of Wales.
813
00:44:00,240 --> 00:44:03,119
I don't want to get no-one in
trouble. I shouldn't have come here.
814
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,920
This sounds very much like sexual
harassment...
815
00:44:07,840 --> 00:44:09,959
Hey, Mr Lawyer!
816
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,159
Beyonce?
817
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,279
This is your final warning.
We've got so much in common. Aah!
818
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,600
- Where've you been?
- Sorry, must've
lost track of time. I should've
- called.
- Yeah, you should.
819
00:44:20,720 --> 00:44:23,399
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
820
00:44:23,400 --> 00:44:25,880
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62171
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