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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,253 --> 00:00:05,882 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 2 00:00:05,957 --> 00:00:09,154 ♪ In living color♪ 3 00:00:09,227 --> 00:00:11,787 - ♪ In living color♪ - ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪ 4 00:00:11,863 --> 00:00:14,457 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 5 00:00:14,532 --> 00:00:16,523 ♪ In living color♪ 6 00:00:19,237 --> 00:00:21,296 ♪ In living color♪ 7 00:00:21,372 --> 00:00:23,602 ♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪ 8 00:00:23,675 --> 00:00:26,075 ♪ It's never too late and it's never too soon ♪ 9 00:00:26,144 --> 00:00:28,135 ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪ 10 00:00:28,212 --> 00:00:30,180 ♪ In living color♪ 11 00:00:30,248 --> 00:00:32,876 ♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪ 12 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,180 ♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪ 13 00:00:35,253 --> 00:00:37,346 ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪ 14 00:00:37,422 --> 00:00:41,415 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 15 00:00:41,492 --> 00:00:44,120 ♪ In living color♪ 16 00:00:44,195 --> 00:00:45,628 ♪ In living color♪ 17 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:49,189 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 18 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:51,462 ♪ In living color♪ 19 00:00:51,536 --> 00:00:54,004 ♪ In living color♪ 20 00:00:54,072 --> 00:00:56,472 ♪ Everybody here is equally kind ♪ 21 00:00:56,541 --> 00:00:58,771 ♪ In living color♪ 22 00:00:58,843 --> 00:01:01,471 ♪ What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine ♪ 23 00:01:01,546 --> 00:01:02,979 ♪ In living color♪ 24 00:01:03,047 --> 00:01:05,015 ♪ How would you feel knowing everybody was your friend ♪ 25 00:01:05,083 --> 00:01:07,643 ♪ From thin to thick and through thick and thin ♪ 26 00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,654 ♪ And egotistical trips was put to an end ♪ 27 00:01:10,722 --> 00:01:13,486 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 28 00:01:13,558 --> 00:01:16,493 ♪ In living color♪ 29 00:01:16,561 --> 00:01:18,529 ♪ In living color♪ 30 00:01:18,596 --> 00:01:20,621 ♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪ 31 00:01:20,698 --> 00:01:22,757 ♪ It's never too late and it's never too soon ♪ 32 00:01:22,834 --> 00:01:25,064 ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪ 33 00:01:25,136 --> 00:01:26,899 ♪ In living color♪ 34 00:01:26,971 --> 00:01:29,030 ♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪ 35 00:01:29,107 --> 00:01:31,166 ♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪ 36 00:01:31,242 --> 00:01:34,609 ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪ 37 00:01:34,679 --> 00:01:38,513 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 38 00:01:38,583 --> 00:01:40,278 ♪ In living color♪♪ 39 00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:43,343 Ladies and gentlemen, Keenen Ivory Wayans. 40 00:01:52,864 --> 00:01:57,563 Thank you. Thank you very much. 41 00:01:57,635 --> 00:02:00,832 I'm Keenen Ivory Wayans, and this is In Living Color. 42 00:02:00,905 --> 00:02:03,965 Good to be here tonight. Good to have you all here. 43 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:08,137 Before we get started, I want to know why you're up there. 44 00:02:08,212 --> 00:02:10,476 I like Shawn. I want to be with Shawn. 45 00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:13,073 She couldn't get the dance number down, so... 46 00:02:13,151 --> 00:02:17,588 Say hello to D.J. And one of my Fly Girls, Carrie Ann and S. W. One. 47 00:02:21,526 --> 00:02:24,188 These other girls back here, start with Cari, Diedre... 48 00:02:24,262 --> 00:02:26,423 Lisa and Michelle. 49 00:02:30,268 --> 00:02:32,463 We're ready to get loose and have some fun... 50 00:02:32,537 --> 00:02:34,698 so sit back and laugh for about a half. 51 00:02:34,772 --> 00:02:37,036 Be right back. Kick it. 52 00:02:38,176 --> 00:02:41,407 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 53 00:02:41,479 --> 00:02:43,174 ♪ In living color♪♪ 54 00:02:43,481 --> 00:02:45,449 [Muttering, Barking] 55 00:02:45,516 --> 00:02:48,178 And wake up! 56 00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,914 [Laughs] Oh! 57 00:02:50,988 --> 00:02:53,980 All right, another volunteer. Yes, you, sir. 58 00:02:54,058 --> 00:02:57,653 Let's give him a hand, ladies and gentlemen. 59 00:02:57,728 --> 00:03:00,788 - And your name is? - Eugene Carmichael III. 60 00:03:00,865 --> 00:03:05,199 All right, Eugene Carmichael III, what do you do for a living? 61 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:08,568 - Commodities broker. - Commodities broker. 62 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,107 Let me ask you, have you ever been hypnotized? 63 00:03:11,175 --> 00:03:13,541 No, I haven't and frankly, I'm quite skeptical. 64 00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:15,579 One, two, three, trance! 65 00:03:17,014 --> 00:03:20,279 Now at my command, you will cluck like a chicken. 66 00:03:20,351 --> 00:03:23,081 One, two, three... 67 00:03:24,155 --> 00:03:27,454 You're never gonna... [Clucks] 68 00:03:27,525 --> 00:03:30,551 - Beg your pardon? - [Clucking] 69 00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:33,324 Ladies and gentlemen, the skeptic. 70 00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:37,424 I assure you, he will remain this way as long as l... Ahh! 71 00:03:37,502 --> 00:03:39,436 [Clucks] 72 00:03:39,504 --> 00:03:42,064 As long as l... Oh, my heart! 73 00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:44,573 [Woman Screaming] 74 00:03:48,246 --> 00:03:51,272 He's not breathing. Call an ambulance quick! 75 00:03:51,349 --> 00:03:54,944 [Thinking] Oh, my God! Come on. Get up! 76 00:03:55,019 --> 00:03:59,115 - [Clucking] - It's no use. He's dead. 77 00:03:59,190 --> 00:04:01,715 [Clucking] 78 00:04:01,792 --> 00:04:04,693 [Thinking] You bastard, live! 79 00:04:05,997 --> 00:04:09,728 [Clucking] 80 00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:20,735 Welcome to Nothing But Burgers. May I help you? 81 00:04:24,515 --> 00:04:26,881 [Thinking] All right. 82 00:04:26,951 --> 00:04:30,546 Now just concentrate. 83 00:04:30,621 --> 00:04:32,714 Put the money on the counter... 84 00:04:32,790 --> 00:04:36,419 Iook her in the eye and concentrate. 85 00:04:44,101 --> 00:04:47,798 [Clucking] 86 00:04:47,872 --> 00:04:51,171 Excuse me? 87 00:04:51,242 --> 00:04:55,110 [Thinking] Oh, for the love of God, please hear me. 88 00:04:55,179 --> 00:04:58,671 I'm starving! I want a burger! 89 00:04:58,749 --> 00:05:01,547 Look, bud, I don't have to take this. I'll call the police. 90 00:05:01,619 --> 00:05:04,554 - You can't come in clucking and grabbin'. - Wait. It's all right. 91 00:05:04,622 --> 00:05:06,886 This guy's trying to tell us something. 92 00:05:06,958 --> 00:05:09,392 I think I've seen this on Geraldo. 93 00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,428 Can you write it down? 94 00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:13,827 [Thinking] That's a great idea. 95 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:16,025 I should have thought of this. 96 00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:22,497 "I'd like a hamburger... 97 00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:25,838 "and a cola, please. 98 00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:30,142 I am starving." 99 00:05:30,214 --> 00:05:32,148 Okay. Okay. 100 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,845 "Cluck, cluck." 101 00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:39,412 I'm sorry. I can't read that chicken scratch. 102 00:05:40,691 --> 00:05:46,095 [Thinking] Oh! Please! Please! 103 00:05:46,163 --> 00:05:48,097 [Clucks] 104 00:05:48,165 --> 00:05:50,895 A nightclub act that went awry... 105 00:05:50,968 --> 00:05:56,429 was a departure point for a long descent to a place stranger than nightmares. 106 00:05:56,507 --> 00:05:59,101 A place crueler than hell. 107 00:05:59,176 --> 00:06:03,044 He's entered a place called the Vortex of Fear. 108 00:06:03,114 --> 00:06:06,709 [Laughing] 109 00:06:07,852 --> 00:06:10,184 [Clucking] 110 00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:18,860 [Clucks] 111 00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:31,103 [Girls Squealing] 112 00:06:31,175 --> 00:06:34,440 [Announcer] Coming this fall on ABC. 113 00:06:34,512 --> 00:06:37,208 [Man] Muffin, Skip, you kids okay? 114 00:06:37,281 --> 00:06:40,876 We're fine, Mr. Charles. 115 00:06:40,951 --> 00:06:44,443 [Announcer] The kids aren't his, but they're his responsibility. 116 00:06:44,522 --> 00:06:47,320 He's Ray Charles In Charge. 117 00:06:47,391 --> 00:06:50,053 Four of a kind. Read 'em and weep. 118 00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:52,095 What are you doing, Skip? 119 00:06:52,163 --> 00:06:54,097 Math. 120 00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:57,328 That's good. And what about you, Muffin? 121 00:06:57,401 --> 00:06:59,335 We're studying anatomy. 122 00:06:59,403 --> 00:07:02,600 [Ray] Good. Good. You're fine children. 123 00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:06,040 ♪♪ [Singing] 124 00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:09,568 [Announcer] Move over, Mr. Belvedere, and hit the road, Jack. 125 00:07:09,647 --> 00:07:11,638 He's Ray Charles in Charge. 126 00:07:11,716 --> 00:07:14,116 Coming this fall right after The Stevie Wonder Years. 127 00:07:14,185 --> 00:07:16,676 They're blind and they're black... 128 00:07:16,754 --> 00:07:20,451 they're back-to-back, Tuesdays on ABC. 129 00:07:21,559 --> 00:07:23,789 ♪ Ahh-ohh ♪♪ 130 00:07:23,994 --> 00:07:25,928 [Announcer] Now, boys and girls... 131 00:07:25,996 --> 00:07:29,159 it's time for your favorite storyteller. 132 00:07:32,670 --> 00:07:35,195 [Applause, Cheering] 133 00:07:35,272 --> 00:07:38,639 Hello, sweet babies. 134 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,576 How y'all doing today? 135 00:07:41,645 --> 00:07:44,910 Would y'all like to hear a story? 136 00:07:44,982 --> 00:07:48,850 - Then shut up. - [Applause Stops] 137 00:07:48,919 --> 00:07:52,787 Anyway, tonight's story is Cinderella. 138 00:07:52,857 --> 00:07:56,349 Cinderella was the prettiest, most beautiful and most talented one in the family... 139 00:07:56,427 --> 00:07:58,361 and all of them hated her. 140 00:07:58,429 --> 00:08:00,897 Just like me. So beautiful and so talented. 141 00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:03,399 And they all hate me, you know. Oh, that's right. 142 00:08:03,467 --> 00:08:05,458 Cinderella wanted to meet the prince... 143 00:08:05,536 --> 00:08:07,902 and everybody's talking about Prince, Prince, Prince. 144 00:08:07,972 --> 00:08:11,237 Let me tell you somethin' about Prince. Prince is nothing compared to me. 145 00:08:11,308 --> 00:08:15,745 Prince cannot sit next to me on my throne unless he's in a high chair. 146 00:08:15,813 --> 00:08:20,045 That's right, I've seen him. That little tiny man, posing naked on a horse... 147 00:08:20,117 --> 00:08:22,051 trying to cover up with one hand. 148 00:08:22,119 --> 00:08:26,613 If I had to cover up with one hand, why bother? [Laughs] 149 00:08:26,690 --> 00:08:29,818 Shut up. 150 00:08:29,894 --> 00:08:32,488 So, anyway, Cinderella heard about the king's ball... 151 00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:34,793 and she got all excited, just like I did. 152 00:08:34,865 --> 00:08:37,425 I love a good ball. 153 00:08:37,501 --> 00:08:39,867 Anyway, kings are always known... 154 00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:42,838 for having great balls and I ain't talking about Elvis. 155 00:08:42,907 --> 00:08:44,966 Oh, no, Elvis was no king. I'm sorry. 156 00:08:45,042 --> 00:08:47,237 Elvis couldn't even tie my blue suede shoes. 157 00:08:47,311 --> 00:08:49,871 I wouldn't let him pet my hound dog. Oh, no. 158 00:08:49,947 --> 00:08:52,211 If Elvis is the king, then what am I? 159 00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:54,581 Shut up. 160 00:08:56,153 --> 00:08:58,747 So, anyways, Cinderella was very sad because she couldn't go. 161 00:08:58,823 --> 00:09:03,123 Then in the middle of the night, her fairy godmother came and gave her a beautiful gown... 162 00:09:03,194 --> 00:09:06,595 silver slippers, and a white carriage with horses. 163 00:09:06,664 --> 00:09:08,598 You know, they never gave me nothing. 164 00:09:08,666 --> 00:09:10,759 That's right. I haven't got a Grammy yet. 165 00:09:10,835 --> 00:09:13,804 They never gave me nothin'. They gave Paul McCartney a Grammy. 166 00:09:13,871 --> 00:09:17,272 When I heard that, I screamed like a white lady in church. 167 00:09:17,341 --> 00:09:19,536 Mm-hmm. Where was I? 168 00:09:19,610 --> 00:09:21,771 You know, everybody stole from me. Oh, that's right. 169 00:09:21,846 --> 00:09:25,145 I can't tell this story no more. I have to tell the real story. 170 00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:27,480 Everyone stole from me. Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles? 171 00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:30,918 I was blind first. Oh, yes. I did that first. 172 00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:34,446 Oh, and Diana Ross? Diana Ross... tall, glamorous woman? 173 00:09:34,525 --> 00:09:36,550 You know who did that first. 174 00:09:36,627 --> 00:09:39,221 Oh, and James Brown? Stole my hair. Stole my cape. 175 00:09:39,296 --> 00:09:41,526 Mm-hmm. He's in prison, right where he belongs. 176 00:09:41,599 --> 00:09:45,501 Oh, yes, he is. You know, Papa's got a brand-new bag now. 177 00:09:45,569 --> 00:09:49,869 Probably got some shoes to match. [Laughs] 178 00:09:49,940 --> 00:09:52,340 Shut up. 179 00:09:52,409 --> 00:09:55,276 Anyway, that's all the time we have for Lil'Richard's Playhouse. 180 00:09:55,346 --> 00:09:58,804 I'll see you next week. Bye-bye, sweet babies. 181 00:10:07,091 --> 00:10:10,083 ♪♪ [Woman Singing] 182 00:10:32,842 --> 00:10:36,778 ♪♪ [Scatting] 183 00:10:37,913 --> 00:10:39,847 [Applause] 184 00:10:45,121 --> 00:10:47,487 - Great set, Della. - Thank you, Buster. 185 00:10:47,556 --> 00:10:49,649 Hi, I'm Della Reese. 186 00:10:49,725 --> 00:10:51,784 If you're like me, you suck up food... 187 00:10:51,861 --> 00:10:54,193 the way a vacuum cleaner sucks up hair balls. 188 00:10:54,263 --> 00:10:56,390 But I got to watch what I eat. 189 00:10:56,465 --> 00:11:00,128 And, honey, sometimes I don't want a whole portion. 190 00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:02,136 I just want a little taste. 191 00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:06,265 And that's why I developed Della Reese's Pieces. 192 00:11:06,342 --> 00:11:09,834 Honey, you don't have to feel guilty about having whole portions anymore... 193 00:11:09,912 --> 00:11:13,404 because I've already taken bites out of everything for you. 194 00:11:13,482 --> 00:11:16,417 See? That's all I wanted. 195 00:11:16,485 --> 00:11:18,419 Wait a minute. 196 00:11:18,487 --> 00:11:22,321 Let me get a little smidgen more. 197 00:11:22,391 --> 00:11:24,586 Save me a little piece for later too. 198 00:11:26,796 --> 00:11:28,764 And this is all you gonna get... 199 00:11:28,831 --> 00:11:30,765 with Della Reese's Pieces. 200 00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:34,234 It's the simple way to stop making a pig out of yourself, honey. 201 00:11:34,303 --> 00:11:36,635 So the next time somebody comes in your face... 202 00:11:36,705 --> 00:11:39,230 with a big ol' mean drumstick like this... 203 00:11:39,308 --> 00:11:44,211 you say, " Uh-uh, baby. I'm eating Della Reese's Pieces." 204 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,214 [Announcer] New Della Reese's Pieces. 205 00:11:46,282 --> 00:11:50,116 When you're already starving forjust a little something. 206 00:11:53,956 --> 00:11:57,892 Today's the big day. I'm moving up. 207 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,157 Let me tell you something. Don't fool yourself, my brother. 208 00:12:01,230 --> 00:12:03,323 - They ain't never gonna let that happen. - [Scoffs] 209 00:12:03,399 --> 00:12:05,867 What are you talking about? Peterson told me... 210 00:12:05,935 --> 00:12:08,563 I'm in the number one position for this promotion. 211 00:12:08,637 --> 00:12:13,540 Then let me tell you something, my brother. 212 00:12:13,609 --> 00:12:16,169 The white man ain't never... 213 00:12:16,245 --> 00:12:20,272 gonna put a black man in charge of his french fries. 214 00:12:20,349 --> 00:12:22,579 They just don't give us that type of power. 215 00:12:22,651 --> 00:12:26,246 - Man, why are you so negative? - Hey, I ain't negative. 216 00:12:27,556 --> 00:12:30,855 I'm just real, my brother. 217 00:12:30,926 --> 00:12:34,987 See, brothers don't get them type of positions. 218 00:12:35,064 --> 00:12:37,658 Look at me. I've been here five years. 219 00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:39,667 What am I doing? Mopping. 220 00:12:39,735 --> 00:12:44,365 Yeah, but that's 'cause you failed your french fry aptitude test. Twice. 221 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:47,841 Hey, man, that was a culturally-biased test, man. 222 00:12:47,910 --> 00:12:50,470 How they going to ask a black man from Compton... 223 00:12:50,546 --> 00:12:54,243 about some white potatoes from Idaho? 224 00:12:54,316 --> 00:12:57,615 Ask me about some sweet potatoes. I'll tell ya anything about a yam. 225 00:12:57,686 --> 00:13:00,177 Yam from the motherland. You didn't know that. 226 00:13:00,256 --> 00:13:03,384 Man, maybe your problem is your attitude. 227 00:13:03,459 --> 00:13:08,260 Hey, I ain't got no attitude, my brother. 228 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:11,493 There's a conspiracy out there. You hear what I'm saying? 229 00:13:11,567 --> 00:13:13,501 There's a conspiracy. 230 00:13:13,569 --> 00:13:17,437 A C-O-N... spiracy. 231 00:13:21,377 --> 00:13:25,541 Excellent work, Number Four. Your plan to get rid of Marion Barry worked beautifully. 232 00:13:25,614 --> 00:13:27,775 - Thank you, sir. - Next? 233 00:13:29,752 --> 00:13:32,448 And you, Number Five, keep up the good work. 234 00:13:32,521 --> 00:13:34,284 Thank you, Your Whiteness. 235 00:13:36,292 --> 00:13:38,658 Well, well, well. 236 00:13:38,727 --> 00:13:40,854 Number Six. Mr. Screwup. 237 00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:43,558 - It really wasn't my fault, Number One. What happened... - Silence.! 238 00:13:43,632 --> 00:13:47,830 The others have done their jobs well. But you have fouled up time and time again. 239 00:13:47,903 --> 00:13:51,100 First, you let Eddie Murphy become the biggest movie star in the world. 240 00:13:51,173 --> 00:13:53,573 - It was the writing. - And Bryant Gumbel? 241 00:13:53,642 --> 00:13:56,634 - I leaked the memo. - Arsenio Hall? 242 00:13:56,712 --> 00:13:58,976 I thought Sajak could go all the way. 243 00:13:59,048 --> 00:14:03,178 Pat Sajak? It's that kind of dimwitted thinking that's gotten you into this mess. 244 00:14:03,252 --> 00:14:06,983 And now the last straw. I just heard that a black man in your sector... 245 00:14:07,056 --> 00:14:09,490 is going to be put in charge of french fries. 246 00:14:09,558 --> 00:14:12,721 - French fries! - Nothing I could do. What could I do? 247 00:14:12,795 --> 00:14:16,424 - You're pathetic. Wait outside. - Yes, sir. 248 00:14:16,498 --> 00:14:18,659 Get me Senator Thompkins. 249 00:14:21,370 --> 00:14:24,635 Melvin? Melvin? Melvin.! 250 00:14:24,707 --> 00:14:26,641 - Hello, Mr. Peterson. - Melvin... 251 00:14:26,709 --> 00:14:30,611 last night I went over the list of people for the new french fry supervision job. 252 00:14:30,679 --> 00:14:32,647 - Yeah? - And I just wanna tell ya... 253 00:14:32,715 --> 00:14:34,740 there was no one more qualified than you. 254 00:14:34,817 --> 00:14:37,377 All right! See, I told you. 255 00:14:37,453 --> 00:14:41,082 But then this morning, I was listening to the radio and I heard the funniest thing. 256 00:14:41,156 --> 00:14:44,319 Apparently, Senator Thompkins passed a bill... 257 00:14:44,393 --> 00:14:47,487 banning the sale of french fries anywhere in the state. 258 00:14:47,563 --> 00:14:50,930 It passed unanimously. 259 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,766 So I guess you'll have to be on that mop for a while longer. 260 00:14:54,837 --> 00:14:59,274 All right, everybody, let's shut down those fryers. 261 00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:03,470 See? I told you, man. 262 00:15:03,545 --> 00:15:06,673 There is a conspiracy out there. 263 00:15:06,749 --> 00:15:09,240 - C-O-N... - Yeah, right. I know. 264 00:15:09,318 --> 00:15:11,252 [Together] Spiracy. 265 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:14,312 By the way, guys, we have a new trainee today. 266 00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:16,381 Show him the ropes, will ya? 267 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,222 Hey, you! Get your feet down off there! 268 00:15:20,829 --> 00:15:22,854 Better be nice to him, brother. 269 00:15:22,931 --> 00:15:24,865 That's your new manager. 270 00:15:27,603 --> 00:15:30,128 Man, you crazy. 271 00:15:31,206 --> 00:15:33,174 Isn't he? 272 00:15:38,013 --> 00:15:41,574 ♪♪ [Rap] 273 00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:56,355 ♪♪ [Man Rapping] 274 00:16:07,576 --> 00:16:11,068 ♪♪ [Theme Music] 275 00:16:15,317 --> 00:16:18,445 Laquita, I'm home! 276 00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:23,488 Hey, sweetheart. 277 00:16:23,559 --> 00:16:26,221 Where's my sugar? Mm! 278 00:16:26,295 --> 00:16:30,629 That's my baby. I'm right in the middle of painting my nails. 279 00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:34,362 Nails? What about dinner? 280 00:16:34,436 --> 00:16:36,700 I got some pigs feet steamin' on the stove. 281 00:16:36,772 --> 00:16:40,572 Pigs feet? Ay, yi, yi.! 282 00:16:40,642 --> 00:16:43,805 My mother told me never to marry a crazy redhead from Compton. 283 00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:45,870 Well, you did. 284 00:16:45,948 --> 00:16:49,349 I told you last week I'm having a very important producer... 285 00:16:49,418 --> 00:16:52,717 - over for dinner on Monday night. - Producer? Producer? 286 00:16:52,788 --> 00:16:54,881 Ricky, sit down. Ricky, look. 287 00:16:54,957 --> 00:16:58,188 You think he might be interested in a female rapper? 288 00:16:58,260 --> 00:17:01,127 - ♪ My name's Laquita These are my... ♪♪ - Laquita! 289 00:17:01,196 --> 00:17:04,529 - Ricky! - Let me "splain" somethin' to you. 290 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,534 What you gonna "splain" to me? 291 00:17:06,602 --> 00:17:10,038 - Don't make fun of my language. - You ain't got no language. 292 00:17:10,105 --> 00:17:13,802 Laquita, I am gonna tell you something... 293 00:17:13,876 --> 00:17:16,538 for the thousandth time. 294 00:17:16,612 --> 00:17:21,311 I don't want any more of your harebrained schemes to get into show business. 295 00:17:21,383 --> 00:17:24,716 But, Ricky! Come on, man. I could be the next Queen Latifah! 296 00:17:24,787 --> 00:17:27,017 No buts! 297 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:30,081 Now, go on in there and set the table. 298 00:17:30,159 --> 00:17:33,925 - Shoot! - I'll go to the Chinese restaurant downstairs... 299 00:17:33,996 --> 00:17:37,090 and get something a little more fit for human consumption. 300 00:17:38,233 --> 00:17:42,260 And don't forget, the cable man is coming. 301 00:17:42,337 --> 00:17:44,601 He'll be here any minute. 302 00:17:45,607 --> 00:17:47,541 What'd you say? 303 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,839 - Hi, Laquita. It's me. - Ethel! Ethel! 304 00:17:49,912 --> 00:17:53,211 Come here. Sit down. Sit down. 305 00:17:53,282 --> 00:17:56,774 Yo, check this out. Ricky's gonna have a big-time producer... 306 00:17:56,852 --> 00:17:59,013 - comin' over here tonight. - A producer! 307 00:17:59,087 --> 00:18:01,920 A producer. So I figured we could do our Salt 'N Pepa routine. 308 00:18:01,990 --> 00:18:05,050 - Oh, Laquita, I don't know. - Come on! It's our big chance! 309 00:18:05,127 --> 00:18:07,061 - [Doorbell Rings] - Well... 310 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:09,097 That's him! That's him. Just follow along. 311 00:18:09,164 --> 00:18:12,292 - Just bust a move. Whatever I do, you do. - Well, all right. 312 00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:18,239 Is this the Mercado residence? 313 00:18:18,307 --> 00:18:20,901 - Yes, it is. - Yeah, I'm looking for Mr. Mercado. 314 00:18:20,976 --> 00:18:23,774 - I'm from Continental Television. - We were expecting you. 315 00:18:23,846 --> 00:18:25,837 Come on in. Come on in. 316 00:18:27,216 --> 00:18:29,150 Have a seat. Have a seat. 317 00:18:29,218 --> 00:18:31,686 - Okay. - Ethel, get the nice man something to drink. 318 00:18:31,753 --> 00:18:34,085 Some ripple. 319 00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,090 On the rocks. 320 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,388 You want a massage? A leg massage? 321 00:18:38,460 --> 00:18:40,428 - Uh, yeah. Sure, I guess. - Here you are. 322 00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:43,362 - Would you like something to eat? - Thank you. Yeah. Okay. 323 00:18:43,432 --> 00:18:46,333 - Do you like music? - Well, I guess so. I mean, who doesn't? 324 00:18:46,401 --> 00:18:48,699 Well, peep this out. 325 00:18:50,339 --> 00:18:52,364 One, two. One, two. 326 00:18:52,441 --> 00:18:54,739 ♪ What we gonna do ♪ 327 00:18:54,810 --> 00:18:57,608 ♪ My name's Laquita and I'm telling you, see ♪ 328 00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,544 ♪ I'm the kinda girl should be on TV♪ 329 00:18:59,615 --> 00:19:01,913 ♪ Over here, on my right with the curly locks ♪ 330 00:19:01,984 --> 00:19:04,714 ♪ She's a girl, she's my friend she's a human beat box ♪ 331 00:19:04,786 --> 00:19:06,720 ♪ Say, what ♪♪ 332 00:19:06,788 --> 00:19:10,952 Oh, that was great! I mean, you two really should be on TV. 333 00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,618 Yes! 334 00:19:12,694 --> 00:19:15,162 Now, just listen. I got a service contract right here. 335 00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:18,427 - Let me put myJohn Hancock on it. - Wait a minute! Not so fast. 336 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:21,435 Nothing gets signed until I take care of the physical connection. 337 00:19:21,503 --> 00:19:23,903 - What? - You know... 338 00:19:23,972 --> 00:19:26,440 I have to plug my cable into the box. 339 00:19:26,508 --> 00:19:29,170 - Oh, Laquita! I don't know. - Do we have to? 340 00:19:29,244 --> 00:19:32,042 This is standard procedure. It will only take about five minutes. 341 00:19:32,114 --> 00:19:34,810 Maybe a little longer. This is my 12th one today. 342 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:36,180 [Together] Twelfth? 343 00:19:36,251 --> 00:19:38,981 One lady I saw this morning took almost two hours. 344 00:19:39,054 --> 00:19:43,582 Mm-hmm. The poor woman couldn't remember where her box was. 345 00:19:43,659 --> 00:19:47,652 And when we finally found it, it was all rusted shut. Had to use a crowbar. 346 00:19:49,197 --> 00:19:51,893 - Oh, my God! - Laquita, I don't know about this. 347 00:19:51,967 --> 00:19:55,596 Come on, Ethel. Come on. Come on and think. 348 00:19:55,671 --> 00:19:58,196 Just think about it! We talking the big time here. 349 00:19:58,273 --> 00:20:01,902 We could be on Showtime at the Apollo and The Byron Allen Show. 350 00:20:01,977 --> 00:20:03,444 Byron Allen? 351 00:20:03,512 --> 00:20:06,174 - Where do you wanna do it, ladies? - We ain't no freaks! 352 00:20:06,248 --> 00:20:09,445 - In the bedroom, of course. - Okay, no problem. 353 00:20:09,518 --> 00:20:13,215 - You know, I got more than 100 feet of cable. - Oh, no! 354 00:20:13,288 --> 00:20:16,280 Look at his teeny feet. He ain't got no 100 feet of cable. 355 00:20:16,358 --> 00:20:20,658 - I just run it up the side and right through the window. - Oh, no, Laquita! 356 00:20:20,729 --> 00:20:23,220 - Oh, no. - Please! This is our big chance. 357 00:20:23,298 --> 00:20:25,232 - Please, Ethel. Please. - Well... 358 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:29,202 Come on. You know Fred ain't throwin' down in the bedroom anyway. 359 00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:31,205 Well, I guess you're right. 360 00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:35,107 All right, sir, you can do me first and then my friend. 361 00:20:35,177 --> 00:20:38,374 Are you kiddin'? I can get a splitter and turn you both on. 362 00:20:40,382 --> 00:20:43,408 We'll just do it one at a time if you don't mind. 363 00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:46,545 - Fine with me. Let's get it over with. - Aren't you gonna leave that? 364 00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:50,079 Ah! The right tool for the right job. 365 00:20:50,158 --> 00:20:52,683 Well, if you say so. 366 00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:58,664 [Man] Hey, lady, what are you doing.! 367 00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:01,225 [Laughing] 368 00:21:01,303 --> 00:21:03,032 Ricky! 369 00:21:09,344 --> 00:21:12,973 Hi, honey. This is that producer I told you about. 370 00:21:14,049 --> 00:21:15,983 Producer? 371 00:21:16,051 --> 00:21:18,884 But if that's the producer, then... Who... 372 00:21:18,954 --> 00:21:21,445 [Crying] 373 00:21:21,523 --> 00:21:23,184 Did you let the cable man in? 374 00:21:23,258 --> 00:21:25,886 Nope. Ethel did. 375 00:21:28,130 --> 00:21:31,122 Ethel! What happened? 376 00:21:31,199 --> 00:21:35,932 I just got free cable for the whole building. 377 00:21:42,511 --> 00:21:45,036 Laquita! 378 00:21:46,048 --> 00:21:48,539 [Crying] 379 00:22:00,328 --> 00:22:03,491 What? 380 00:22:03,565 --> 00:22:06,056 [Laughing] 381 00:22:06,134 --> 00:22:08,398 We're having too much fun, but we gotta go. 382 00:22:08,470 --> 00:22:10,404 [Grunts] 383 00:22:12,074 --> 00:22:14,668 We out of here. See y'all later. 384 00:22:58,487 --> 00:23:02,287 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 385 00:23:02,357 --> 00:23:03,756 ♪ In living color♪♪ 31387

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