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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,719 --> 00:00:03,880 Hi, I'm JoeJackson. 2 00:00:03,955 --> 00:00:07,049 You know me as the father of theJackson Five, being a tightwad... 3 00:00:07,125 --> 00:00:09,059 and beating my kids like a drum. 4 00:00:09,127 --> 00:00:12,187 But, you know, you really shouldn't beat your kids. 5 00:00:12,263 --> 00:00:14,959 It's just they do so many damn things that make you mad... 6 00:00:15,033 --> 00:00:16,830 like swell up when you whup 'em. 7 00:00:16,901 --> 00:00:20,234 Then you got to whup all of'em so you have a matching set. 8 00:00:21,472 --> 00:00:24,032 That's why I'm so glad this new toy came along... 9 00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:26,633 theJoeJackson, Jackson Kids... 10 00:00:26,711 --> 00:00:28,906 Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. 11 00:00:28,980 --> 00:00:31,278 Yes, now you can beat my kids too. 12 00:00:31,349 --> 00:00:33,544 Beat all theJackson kids. 13 00:00:33,618 --> 00:00:37,076 Beat Michael. Hit him so hard, you'll knock the white off him. 14 00:00:37,155 --> 00:00:39,282 Boy's talking about a skin disease... 15 00:00:39,357 --> 00:00:43,259 His skin's been bleached more times than Madonna's mustache. 16 00:00:43,328 --> 00:00:47,788 Beat that stank, LaToya. Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. 17 00:00:47,865 --> 00:00:50,493 String her up by her funky weave. 18 00:00:52,170 --> 00:00:55,537 And sucker punch the hell out of my personal favorite, Tito. 19 00:00:55,606 --> 00:00:58,404 Hey, Tito? You wanna go a few rounds? 20 00:00:58,476 --> 00:01:01,536 - You gonna knock my block off again, Dad? - You got that right, boy. 21 00:01:01,612 --> 00:01:04,308 I'm gonna hit you so hard, by the time you stop rolling... 22 00:01:04,382 --> 00:01:06,373 yourJheri curl's gonna be back in style. 23 00:01:06,451 --> 00:01:08,783 Compared to you, Woody Allen's father of the year. 24 00:01:08,853 --> 00:01:10,787 [Laughs] Good shot, Son. 25 00:01:10,855 --> 00:01:12,948 Too bad you can't knock the talent into somebody. 26 00:01:13,024 --> 00:01:15,151 Oh, I tried. Lord knows, I tried. 27 00:01:15,226 --> 00:01:17,717 Well, I got you this time. That's for scaring Michael... 28 00:01:17,795 --> 00:01:20,457 - and that's for cheating on Mom. - Oh, watch out, Son. 29 00:01:20,531 --> 00:01:22,931 And most of all, that's for naming me Tito. 30 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,333 Look, I won! I won. Lfinally did something right. 31 00:01:26,404 --> 00:01:29,532 Yeah, well, watch out for my left foot. Come here. 32 00:01:29,607 --> 00:01:32,235 I brought you into this world, I'm gonna take you out. 33 00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:35,211 [Announcer] So don't slug your kids. Slug JoeJackson's kids. 34 00:01:35,279 --> 00:01:37,406 They're used to it. Get the new... 35 00:01:37,482 --> 00:01:41,145 JoeJackson, Jackson Kids Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. 36 00:01:41,219 --> 00:01:44,154 Just beat it! 37 00:01:44,222 --> 00:01:45,211 - How you livin'? - What? 38 00:01:45,289 --> 00:01:46,779 - How you livin'? - What? 39 00:01:46,858 --> 00:01:48,792 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 40 00:01:48,860 --> 00:01:52,956 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 41 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:57,296 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 42 00:01:57,368 --> 00:02:01,168 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 43 00:02:01,239 --> 00:02:05,505 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 44 00:02:05,576 --> 00:02:08,204 - ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 45 00:02:08,279 --> 00:02:10,440 - ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 46 00:02:10,515 --> 00:02:12,983 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 47 00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:14,574 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 48 00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:16,779 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin'listener♪ 49 00:02:16,854 --> 00:02:18,822 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 50 00:02:18,890 --> 00:02:20,915 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 51 00:02:20,992 --> 00:02:23,085 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 52 00:02:23,161 --> 00:02:25,356 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 53 00:02:25,430 --> 00:02:27,398 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 54 00:02:27,465 --> 00:02:29,558 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 55 00:02:29,634 --> 00:02:30,999 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 56 00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,763 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 57 00:02:32,837 --> 00:02:36,068 ♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 58 00:02:36,140 --> 00:02:38,165 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 59 00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:41,177 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 60 00:02:41,245 --> 00:02:44,874 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪♪ 61 00:02:44,949 --> 00:02:46,439 ♪ Go, go ♪♪ 62 00:02:50,922 --> 00:02:54,255 Hello, I'm David Alan Grier. We here at In Living Color are aware... 63 00:02:54,325 --> 00:02:57,021 that our program can offend certain viewers. 64 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,028 That's why we're introducing our new... 65 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:02,827 In Living Color voice mail feedback line. 66 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:07,803 If you're a member of an offended viewer group, we want to hear from you. 67 00:03:07,872 --> 00:03:12,639 Just call this number... 555-1993. 68 00:03:12,710 --> 00:03:16,737 Remember, we want to hear from you. 69 00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:26,249 [Woman] Hi, you've reached the In Living Color feedback line. 70 00:03:26,324 --> 00:03:30,886 If you're a homosexual offended by our portrayal of the gay community, press one. 71 00:03:30,962 --> 00:03:35,729 If you're an African American offended by negative portrayals of blacks, press two. 72 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,825 If you're a white supremacist offended by... 73 00:03:37,902 --> 00:03:40,564 our positive portrayal of blacks, press three. 74 00:03:40,638 --> 00:03:44,301 If you're a feminist offended by our sexist jokes, press four. 75 00:03:44,375 --> 00:03:47,003 If you're a gay Armenian midget, press the star button now. 76 00:03:47,078 --> 00:03:48,807 If you're... 77 00:03:51,349 --> 00:03:54,045 Okay, now listen up. This is how it's gonna be. 78 00:03:54,118 --> 00:03:56,052 This is Mom's Beauty Shop. Our motto is... 79 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,145 "Bring us your head, we'll make it happy... 80 00:03:58,222 --> 00:04:00,156 whether you want it straight, curled or nappy." 81 00:04:00,224 --> 00:04:02,522 My name is LaShawn. I'll be your supervisor. 82 00:04:02,593 --> 00:04:05,585 Yeah, well, I don't need no supervision, 'cause, you know, I went to USC... 83 00:04:05,663 --> 00:04:08,188 you know, University of Supercuts, so, uh... 84 00:04:08,266 --> 00:04:12,566 I don't actually need... I got a degree so I don't really need no supervision... 85 00:04:12,637 --> 00:04:14,605 Well, actually, I don't really care, you know... 86 00:04:14,672 --> 00:04:19,166 'cause if I was impressed with degrees, I'd be dating a thermometer or something. 87 00:04:19,243 --> 00:04:22,872 Uh, hello. I've been waiting here for 20 minutes. 88 00:04:22,947 --> 00:04:25,313 Oh, well, that's cool and everything. 89 00:04:25,383 --> 00:04:29,080 I'm sure that somewhere in London, Big Ben is shedding a tear just for you. 90 00:04:29,153 --> 00:04:31,417 Mm-hmm. But what you need to do right now... 91 00:04:31,489 --> 00:04:34,151 is just read the magazine and relax. 92 00:04:34,225 --> 00:04:37,058 - This magazine is 20 years old. - Well, lucky for you. 93 00:04:37,128 --> 00:04:40,097 You'll probably find a picture of that dress you have on in there. 94 00:04:40,164 --> 00:04:42,325 Uh, what did you say your name was? 95 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,595 Slade the blade, to cut them funky braids. 96 00:04:44,669 --> 00:04:48,036 Uh, no, I don't think so. You don't touch my hair, okay? 97 00:04:48,105 --> 00:04:50,096 That's rule number one and two, all right? 98 00:04:50,174 --> 00:04:52,108 - What's wrong with you? - What's wrong with you? 99 00:04:52,176 --> 00:04:54,542 - Just come back here with me and be quiet. - [Babbling] 100 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:57,814 Okay, now this is not a space alien... 101 00:04:57,882 --> 00:04:59,816 it's a woman sitting up under the dryer. 102 00:04:59,884 --> 00:05:03,615 Now what I want you to do is set the control on medium for five minutes... 103 00:05:03,688 --> 00:05:06,156 then take her out and curl her hair, okay? 104 00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:09,021 - Any of that you didn't get? - Well, what I didn't get is how come... 105 00:05:09,093 --> 00:05:11,960 me and you don't get together, understand, yo, yo? 106 00:05:12,029 --> 00:05:15,430 Because I don't want to get what you probably got. Mm-hmm. 107 00:05:17,134 --> 00:05:19,068 Just do what I'm saying, okay? 108 00:05:19,136 --> 00:05:22,162 And when you finish that, go and put a tent in Miss Smith's hair. 109 00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:25,640 What she need a tent for? Her head goin' camping? 110 00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:29,009 Uh, welcome to Mom's Beauty Shop. May I help you? 111 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,014 I don't know. 112 00:05:31,082 --> 00:05:33,414 - Uh, my boyfriend says I should dye my hair. - Mm-hmm? 113 00:05:33,484 --> 00:05:36,044 I wanted to get curls, but my boyfriend says... 114 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,088 - I should probably leave it straight. - Mm-hmm. 115 00:05:38,155 --> 00:05:40,715 You know, I don't really know what I should do. 116 00:05:40,791 --> 00:05:42,884 Well, I know exactly what you should do. 117 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,622 You should probably get your boyfriend to comb your hair. 118 00:05:45,696 --> 00:05:47,721 Go on somewhere. 119 00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:49,732 Yeah, girl. I'll take you back to the crib... 120 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,769 throw on some Sly and the Family Stone, girl, so you can tease me. 121 00:05:52,837 --> 00:05:55,397 Then I'll comb you with that hot comb Crown Royal greaser. 122 00:05:55,473 --> 00:05:57,703 - Oh, Slade. - [Laughs] 123 00:05:57,775 --> 00:06:01,142 Excuse me. I'm sure that Chuck Woolery won't mind me... 124 00:06:01,212 --> 00:06:04,045 breaking up your little love connection, but what are you doing? 125 00:06:04,115 --> 00:06:06,379 What I'm trying to do is meet some nice people... 126 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:09,419 - and get more acquainted to the people in this staff. - Mm-hmm. 127 00:06:09,487 --> 00:06:13,423 I'm sure we can plan a little meet and greet function for you later, you know... 128 00:06:13,491 --> 00:06:15,925 but right now while you've got so much time on your hands... 129 00:06:15,993 --> 00:06:18,894 why don't you pick up a rag and clean up around here or something? 130 00:06:21,198 --> 00:06:23,996 And as for you, Madge the Mouthy Manicurist... 131 00:06:24,068 --> 00:06:27,265 I suggest you get back to work before you soaking in it, okay? 132 00:06:27,338 --> 00:06:29,329 Okeydokey. 133 00:06:29,407 --> 00:06:31,898 Oh, I know you didn't! I know... 134 00:06:31,976 --> 00:06:34,308 Do you wipe up the floor with your grandmother's wig? 135 00:06:34,378 --> 00:06:37,142 Don't answer that. This wig costs $500. 136 00:06:37,214 --> 00:06:40,445 Well, I'm just doing what you told me to do. I'm trying to clean up some stuff. 137 00:06:40,518 --> 00:06:44,887 How come you didn't tell me that VO5 was your I.Q.? Never mind. 138 00:06:44,955 --> 00:06:47,219 Now, look. Look, look. 139 00:06:47,291 --> 00:06:50,089 Didn't I tell you to take her from under the dryer? 140 00:06:53,130 --> 00:06:56,156 [Screams] Oh, no! Oh, my God! 141 00:06:56,233 --> 00:06:58,292 I'm getting married tomorrow. 142 00:06:58,369 --> 00:07:00,894 Well, I guess you're going as the bride of Frankenstein. 143 00:07:01,972 --> 00:07:04,702 - [Screams] - [Babbling] 144 00:07:04,775 --> 00:07:06,709 Oh, for crying out loud. 145 00:07:06,777 --> 00:07:09,371 Won't someone please finish me off? 146 00:07:09,447 --> 00:07:12,541 Um, well, if you'll excuse me, Mr. Absentminded Hairdresser... 147 00:07:12,616 --> 00:07:14,607 Wait a minute. Who you calling absentminded? 148 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,949 Well, pardon me. I was unaware that you... 149 00:07:17,021 --> 00:07:20,650 turned down a full scholarship to Harvard so you could go to beauty school... 150 00:07:20,725 --> 00:07:23,091 and ultimately work your way up into the spotlight... 151 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,355 here at Mom's Beauty Shop. 152 00:07:25,429 --> 00:07:28,887 Come over here. Did you put the henna in her hair? 153 00:07:28,966 --> 00:07:30,991 Yeah, I put the henna Barbara in there... 154 00:07:31,068 --> 00:07:34,003 - and it's gonna look good as soon as it come up out. - Mm-hmm. 155 00:07:34,071 --> 00:07:38,405 Your confidence is very impressive. Let's just see that it works, okay? 156 00:07:40,811 --> 00:07:42,745 Oh... 157 00:07:44,248 --> 00:07:47,581 Oh! Oh, what have you done to my hair? 158 00:07:47,651 --> 00:07:49,585 Oh, oh! 159 00:07:49,653 --> 00:07:52,178 [Laughs] My bad. 160 00:07:52,256 --> 00:07:55,350 What did you do? Rinse her hair with 3000 Flushes? 161 00:07:55,426 --> 00:07:57,417 When I said I wanted a movie-star look... 162 00:07:57,495 --> 00:08:00,020 I wasn't thinking of Marge Simpson. 163 00:08:00,097 --> 00:08:02,588 - I want a refund. - That's all you want? 164 00:08:02,666 --> 00:08:06,295 Well, honey, before you go to Homer, let me put you in touch with the refund department. 165 00:08:06,370 --> 00:08:08,463 - Go on somewhere. - I don't believe it! 166 00:08:08,539 --> 00:08:10,530 Uh, Grandma? 167 00:08:18,182 --> 00:08:21,276 What do you want, you old heathens? 168 00:08:21,352 --> 00:08:24,378 You got a problem, you fish-eyed fool? 169 00:08:24,455 --> 00:08:26,787 Uh, yes, thank you. 170 00:08:26,857 --> 00:08:29,291 - Look what he did to me! - Ha. 171 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,488 Quite an improvement. 172 00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:36,192 Now your hair matches those veins in your legs. 173 00:08:38,402 --> 00:08:40,734 Listen, I demand satisfaction. 174 00:08:40,805 --> 00:08:43,535 Hey, look, lady. You don't tell us what we need to do, understand? 175 00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:47,737 - 'Cause we run this. - You better watch it, sucka. 176 00:08:47,812 --> 00:08:49,746 You fired. 177 00:08:51,415 --> 00:08:55,351 - Come on, honey. We gonna be late. - You can't leave me like this. 178 00:08:55,419 --> 00:08:58,047 The hell we can't. 179 00:08:58,122 --> 00:09:02,252 - We got an appointment with the hair dresser. - After you, Grandma. 180 00:09:07,398 --> 00:09:09,423 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 181 00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:12,298 ♪♪ [Men Rapping] 182 00:09:45,803 --> 00:09:48,294 ♪♪ [Orchestra Theme] 183 00:09:54,044 --> 00:09:57,810 Captain, the aliens have requested permission to board, sir. 184 00:09:57,882 --> 00:10:02,080 Permission granted. I am eager to see what these humanoids look like. 185 00:10:06,357 --> 00:10:08,450 Welcome aboard. 186 00:10:08,525 --> 00:10:10,755 Stop! 187 00:10:11,929 --> 00:10:15,296 Why is it that every black alien character... 188 00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:18,096 has to have a head like a butt, a foot... 189 00:10:18,168 --> 00:10:21,160 or some other embarrassing part of the body? 190 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,208 Thank you, captain. 191 00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,335 I hope you don't mind if my crew looks around. 192 00:10:27,411 --> 00:10:30,175 Not at all. Bring them in. 193 00:10:30,247 --> 00:10:32,545 This is Borkel. 194 00:10:35,085 --> 00:10:37,417 Welcome, Borkel. 195 00:10:37,488 --> 00:10:39,479 This is Crane. 196 00:10:43,193 --> 00:10:45,354 Welcome, Crane. 197 00:10:45,429 --> 00:10:48,023 And this is Quartz. 198 00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:55,603 Hey, Quartz. How are you doin'? 199 00:10:55,673 --> 00:10:58,164 Quartz is very popular on our planet. 200 00:11:00,945 --> 00:11:02,879 [Woman] Why? 201 00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,394 Gentlemen, we are the only studio in town... 202 00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:11,768 without a single black filmmaker. 203 00:11:11,839 --> 00:11:14,933 This is a key market that we simply have to tap... 204 00:11:15,009 --> 00:11:16,943 so today I have lined up meetings... 205 00:11:17,011 --> 00:11:20,503 with some of the hottest young black filmmakers in Hollywood. 206 00:11:20,581 --> 00:11:23,141 This must be the place! 207 00:11:28,923 --> 00:11:33,053 Now, wake up the dotted line 'cause the Funkateers are here to sign. 208 00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:35,687 On the good foot, you know? 209 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,697 Gentlemen, you're early. 210 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:40,325 And you look sweet enough to eat, honey. 211 00:11:40,401 --> 00:11:42,335 Oh, I get a cavity just lookin' at you, sweet thing! 212 00:11:42,403 --> 00:11:47,238 Look here, home skillet, save some for dessert, ya know? 213 00:11:47,308 --> 00:11:51,506 - Now, you must be... - Funky Finger Producciones. 214 00:11:51,579 --> 00:11:55,345 - I'm Clavell. - I'm sorry. I don't see your name here. 215 00:11:55,416 --> 00:11:59,477 - And I'm Howard Tibbs III. - Let me give you one of my business cards. 216 00:11:59,554 --> 00:12:01,920 You know, I'm fresh out. Howard? 217 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:05,356 Bam! 218 00:12:05,426 --> 00:12:08,589 All right, the number's here, but you're gonna have to read real quick... 219 00:12:08,663 --> 00:12:10,722 'cause it's growing back fast. 220 00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:15,132 - I'm gettin' ready to buy one of them blow out kits. - Basketball Afro for days! 221 00:12:16,637 --> 00:12:19,697 Well, it is certainly a pleasure to meet you both. 222 00:12:19,774 --> 00:12:24,234 Let me start by introducing you to our vice president of publicity, Lee Dagget. 223 00:12:24,312 --> 00:12:28,112 - Say what? - Bam! You're just the man I wanted to see. 224 00:12:32,954 --> 00:12:36,355 - You all right, homeboy? - All right. 225 00:12:36,424 --> 00:12:39,416 - Look here. - Don't push him out the car. 226 00:12:39,494 --> 00:12:43,191 Interesting title. Oh Knats. 227 00:12:43,264 --> 00:12:47,030 No, no, no. You got that backwards. Let me see this here. 228 00:12:47,101 --> 00:12:49,331 That's Stank Ho. 229 00:12:49,404 --> 00:12:51,429 See, it's a love story. 230 00:12:51,506 --> 00:12:53,531 It picks up where Pretty Woman left off... 231 00:12:53,608 --> 00:12:56,839 only this time, she does all her shopping at Fatburger, ya know? 232 00:12:56,911 --> 00:12:58,879 Did I mention I had a doctor's appointment? 233 00:12:58,946 --> 00:13:01,847 Block 'em at the door, homey! [Laughs] 234 00:13:01,916 --> 00:13:04,817 Gentlemen, it has just been a real pleasure meeting you. 235 00:13:04,886 --> 00:13:07,116 We ain't done yet, big legs! 236 00:13:07,188 --> 00:13:09,122 You know, it's a two-picture deal. 237 00:13:09,190 --> 00:13:11,124 Howard, show 'em the trailer. 238 00:13:11,192 --> 00:13:14,252 I really don't think we have time for this. 239 00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:17,822 Whoo! 240 00:13:17,899 --> 00:13:19,833 Bam! 241 00:13:23,204 --> 00:13:25,672 Now, you see, this is a little ditty we like to call... 242 00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:28,004 Dirty Dancing With Wolves. 243 00:13:36,217 --> 00:13:38,344 Ain't no function at this junction. 244 00:13:38,419 --> 00:13:40,944 - I had the time of my life. - I'm just kiddin', y'all. 245 00:13:41,022 --> 00:13:42,956 But I never met this wolf before. 246 00:13:43,024 --> 00:13:46,050 - Let's take it downtown, home skillet. - Break it down. 247 00:13:47,728 --> 00:13:50,026 Look here, homey, I hate to interrupt this thing... 248 00:13:50,097 --> 00:13:52,190 but the costume got to be back in just about 15. 249 00:13:52,266 --> 00:13:54,166 - And the bus... - And here comes my bus. 250 00:13:54,235 --> 00:13:56,226 - There go the bus. - You got change for a dollar? 251 00:13:56,304 --> 00:13:58,636 I got it. Leroy, bring my camera by later, could you? 252 00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:03,368 Now how does that grab you, matzo grip? 253 00:14:03,444 --> 00:14:07,403 - Ahh! - Well, you know, I think I've seen just about enough. 254 00:14:07,482 --> 00:14:10,383 Your 12:00 is here, Lisa. 255 00:14:10,451 --> 00:14:13,818 Do you two know you left your sandwich cart outside? 256 00:14:13,888 --> 00:14:16,220 Well, ain't that a chocolate chip cookie? 257 00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:18,224 You know, I knew we forgot something! 258 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,692 Hey, look, y'all! Who's hungry? 259 00:14:20,761 --> 00:14:24,026 - Please show these gentlemen out. - Did I mention we also produced... 260 00:14:24,098 --> 00:14:26,032 My Afro's Too High to Box with God? 261 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:28,034 Right, and Teenage Mutant Negro Turtles. 262 00:14:28,102 --> 00:14:30,036 Say, say, say, brother! 263 00:14:30,104 --> 00:14:33,039 - Isn't that Wes Unseld? - Love your work, man! 264 00:14:35,476 --> 00:14:37,842 - Hi, I'm Rosie Perez. - And I'm Arthur Rainer. 265 00:14:37,912 --> 00:14:40,005 Tonight, we have something very special for y'all. 266 00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:44,142 We'd like to introduce one of the first and original Fly Girls, Deidre Lang. 267 00:14:44,218 --> 00:14:47,016 We are very proud of Deidre. She's come a very long way... 268 00:14:47,088 --> 00:14:49,352 and she's very special to us. 269 00:14:49,423 --> 00:14:52,756 - Very special. - So, tonight, ladies and gentlemen... 270 00:14:52,827 --> 00:14:54,852 Miss Deidre Lang. 271 00:14:57,365 --> 00:14:59,890 ♪♪ [Dance] 272 00:15:41,442 --> 00:15:43,910 [Woman] If you're an animal rights activist offended by... 273 00:15:43,978 --> 00:15:46,947 our treatment of animals, press 9-1. 274 00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:50,313 If you're LaToya Jackson, press 9-1-1. 275 00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,682 If you'reJoeJackson, punch 9-2. 276 00:15:52,753 --> 00:15:54,618 If you're Byron Allen, press 9-4. 277 00:15:54,689 --> 00:15:56,657 If you're... 278 00:15:58,759 --> 00:16:01,887 Doctor, do you have anything else, uh, to add? 279 00:16:01,963 --> 00:16:05,694 The information I've provided for you is just the tip of the iceberg. 280 00:16:05,766 --> 00:16:08,200 I mean, there's so much more evidence that clearly shows... 281 00:16:08,269 --> 00:16:10,965 that boxing not only causes great physical damage... 282 00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:13,199 but neurological damage as well. 283 00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:15,538 So you think boxing should be outlawed? 284 00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:18,875 - Yes, I do. - Well, thank you very much, Doctor. 285 00:16:18,946 --> 00:16:21,506 All right, send in the next expert witness, please. 286 00:16:28,456 --> 00:16:30,788 Hey, what's up? 287 00:16:30,858 --> 00:16:33,258 Yeah, it's good to be back in Caesar's Palace. 288 00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:36,524 I feel that the fight will go at least seven rounds... 289 00:16:36,597 --> 00:16:39,691 but, you know, he had me running, back on my heels. 290 00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:42,827 Sir, can you state your name, please? 291 00:16:42,903 --> 00:16:45,030 Oh, oh, s-s-straight up. Straight up. 292 00:16:45,106 --> 00:16:47,506 Uh, Carl "the Tooth" Williams. 293 00:16:47,575 --> 00:16:49,509 'Cause the Tooth will set you free. 294 00:16:49,577 --> 00:16:51,511 That's what I'm sayin'. 295 00:16:51,579 --> 00:16:55,538 Mr. Williams, you fought some of the world's greatest fighters. 296 00:16:55,616 --> 00:16:58,414 - That's right. - Uh, George Foreman, Muhammad Ali... 297 00:16:58,486 --> 00:17:00,420 and so on. 298 00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:02,513 What would you say they all have in common? 299 00:17:02,590 --> 00:17:05,184 Uh, they all kicked my ass. 300 00:17:05,259 --> 00:17:07,227 Basically, that's... that's what happened. 301 00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,228 You know, they... they all had kicked my ass. 302 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,628 But, you know, that ain't the thing though. I want me some... 303 00:17:11,699 --> 00:17:14,224 I want me some Tyson. That's what I want, understand? 304 00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,235 But he trying to hide from me, you know... 305 00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:18,328 but I'm gonna find him, 'cause I want some Tyson. 306 00:17:18,406 --> 00:17:21,967 - Uh, Mr. Williams, regarding your health... - Yes. 307 00:17:22,043 --> 00:17:24,807 Uh, do you feel that boxing, uh... 308 00:17:24,879 --> 00:17:28,110 has in any way affected your sex life? 309 00:17:28,182 --> 00:17:30,844 Well, she ain't with me no more, but... 310 00:17:30,918 --> 00:17:34,046 I don't think that really has anything to do with, you know, my boxing. 311 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:37,181 You know, I don't know who told you about all that, but, you know... 312 00:17:37,258 --> 00:17:39,226 it ain't like I can't still, you know... 313 00:17:39,293 --> 00:17:42,626 swing it when I get inside the bed, you know. 314 00:17:42,697 --> 00:17:44,631 Mr. Williams, wouldn't you agree that... 315 00:17:44,699 --> 00:17:47,327 boxers who have taken as many blows to their head as... 316 00:17:47,401 --> 00:17:52,168 as you have, shall we say, lost something upstairs. 317 00:17:53,474 --> 00:17:55,408 Uh, basically. 318 00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:58,537 Basically they have, and, uh... 319 00:17:58,612 --> 00:18:00,580 But, you know, it's nothing to do with boxing. 320 00:18:00,648 --> 00:18:04,311 See, what it is, it's a ploy and a plan for this senate and everybody here... 321 00:18:04,385 --> 00:18:07,786 to try and keep me away from Tyson, and I got to have some Tyson. 322 00:18:07,855 --> 00:18:11,951 I mean, according to our file, you've sustained multiple injuries... 323 00:18:12,026 --> 00:18:16,019 to your... your jaw, your head. 324 00:18:16,097 --> 00:18:18,895 Yeah, yeah. You look like that fellow on Star Trek. 325 00:18:20,735 --> 00:18:23,135 Don't he? Straight up, cuz. You look just like him. 326 00:18:23,204 --> 00:18:26,765 But anyway, I take... I'll take "exemptions" to that because, you know... 327 00:18:26,841 --> 00:18:29,503 even in the ring, you know, I keep my tooth polished... 328 00:18:29,577 --> 00:18:32,068 you know what I'm saying? 329 00:18:32,146 --> 00:18:35,604 And I'm selling these for 5.99 at the crib and stuff. 330 00:18:35,683 --> 00:18:37,947 If y'all want to come by and get you some, you can. 331 00:18:38,018 --> 00:18:39,952 - [Man] Uh, Mr. Williams? - Yeah? 332 00:18:40,020 --> 00:18:44,787 Over your career, how many blows to the head would you say you have taken? 333 00:18:48,629 --> 00:18:51,291 I took all of'em to the head. 334 00:18:51,365 --> 00:18:53,595 But that's the best way to take it. Take it to the head. 335 00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:56,397 You know what I'm saying? Come on down here, and let me show you. 336 00:18:56,470 --> 00:18:58,631 Uh, just let him do it, Senator. Go ahead. 337 00:19:02,877 --> 00:19:04,936 Now... Now, what you want to do... Come at me, now. 338 00:19:05,012 --> 00:19:07,947 Come out with your best shot. Come on. With your best shot. Come on! 339 00:19:10,985 --> 00:19:13,715 Uh, he caught me with one. It was a rabbit punch. 340 00:19:13,788 --> 00:19:15,779 I think... Don't stop the fight, though. 341 00:19:15,856 --> 00:19:18,552 Don't stop the fight. Don't stop it, man! I can go on! 342 00:19:18,626 --> 00:19:21,823 Don't stop it, man! Don't throw the towel in, man! 343 00:19:21,896 --> 00:19:24,091 Y'all want a Coke or Sprite or something? 344 00:19:24,165 --> 00:19:26,861 'Cause it's a two-drink minimum if you're sitting in these chairs. 345 00:19:26,934 --> 00:19:30,734 - Mr. Williams. - I gotta see some I.D. From y'all. 346 00:19:30,805 --> 00:19:35,970 I don't think you're helping your cause by demonstrating this kind of... 347 00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:38,978 Oh, you're trying to... You're trying to dog me. You're trying to dog me. 348 00:19:39,046 --> 00:19:41,037 - Mr. Williams... - Well, come on, Marcia Brady. 349 00:19:41,115 --> 00:19:42,605 Come on. 350 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,684 Well, basically, the reason that I didn't hit her... 351 00:19:48,756 --> 00:19:51,418 is 'cause I respect women and, you know... 352 00:19:51,492 --> 00:19:55,428 the whole boxing got my head dizzy, and she caught me off guard. 353 00:19:55,496 --> 00:19:59,865 Mr. Williams, you claim that boxing's been very good to you. 354 00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,528 Yeah, in a sense. In a sense. 355 00:20:02,603 --> 00:20:06,130 But I hardly think that your report... 356 00:20:06,207 --> 00:20:09,176 let alone your record, supports your claim. 357 00:20:09,243 --> 00:20:11,177 Oh, yeah, I do have a record out. 358 00:20:11,245 --> 00:20:13,338 It's called, uh, Carl "The Tooth"in the House. 359 00:20:13,414 --> 00:20:15,348 And it's like... 360 00:20:15,416 --> 00:20:17,782 ♪ Got to cake your icing Gonna get me some Tyson ♪ 361 00:20:17,852 --> 00:20:20,343 Your testimony's been very helpful and very enlightening. 362 00:20:20,421 --> 00:20:23,254 Thank you for your time, and you'll get our decision later. 363 00:20:23,324 --> 00:20:25,952 No, there ain't gonna be no decision. No, I got to have mine. 364 00:20:26,026 --> 00:20:28,824 That's how they took my last fight from me. It ain't gonna be no decision. 365 00:20:28,896 --> 00:20:31,091 What are you talking about? You sitting there all bourgeois... 366 00:20:31,165 --> 00:20:32,928 Uh, Charlie, please. 367 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,525 Sitting over there, all bourgeois... Hey, man! 368 00:20:35,603 --> 00:20:39,061 Get up off me, man! Get up off... My head is dizzy. 369 00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:45,503 [Woman] If you're a pimp offended by... 370 00:20:45,579 --> 00:20:48,412 our depiction of panderers, press 5-3-7-6. 371 00:20:48,482 --> 00:20:53,351 If you think Delta Burke is exactly the right weight, press 5-3-7-7. 372 00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:57,481 If you're a physically-challenged Eskimo, press 5-3-7-8. 373 00:20:57,558 --> 00:21:01,324 If you're a military personnel who enjoys Gomer Pyle in more ways than one... 374 00:21:01,395 --> 00:21:03,124 press 5-3-7-9. 375 00:21:03,197 --> 00:21:06,189 [Announcer] Now, the bad boys of comedy present television's... 376 00:21:06,267 --> 00:21:08,701 hardest-working staff and crew. 377 00:21:08,769 --> 00:21:11,329 The people who make In Living Color happen each week... 378 00:21:11,405 --> 00:21:15,739 want to thank you and wish you a happy, safe summer vacation. 379 00:21:15,809 --> 00:21:19,176 [No Audible Dialogue Or Sound Effects] 33317

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