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1
00:00:01,519 --> 00:00:04,079
All right. Thanks for tunin' in.
2
00:00:04,155 --> 00:00:07,591
We're gonna be showin' you some of the
highlights from the past season of In Living Color.
3
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:10,560
That's right. We thought that America should
see these sketches because, again...
4
00:00:10,628 --> 00:00:14,724
they're very hard hitting, thought provokin'
and socially... re-le-vant...
5
00:00:14,799 --> 00:00:17,666
- All right!
- Yeah... than they've ever been.
6
00:00:17,735 --> 00:00:20,727
- I thought the network said it would be cheaper.
- Oh, watch it, now!
7
00:00:20,805 --> 00:00:24,241
- Shut up, man. Jokes comin' at ya.
- [Scatting]
8
00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:27,778
Hi, I'm Rodney King.
9
00:00:29,414 --> 00:00:31,439
And I'm Reginald Denny.
10
00:00:33,017 --> 00:00:37,317
And we're here to give you young people
a friendly word of advice.
11
00:00:37,388 --> 00:00:40,050
- Always think before you act.
- Right.
12
00:00:40,124 --> 00:00:44,288
See, it's not whether
you win or lose, but...
13
00:00:44,362 --> 00:00:47,388
Is it over when the fat lady sings?
14
00:00:47,465 --> 00:00:49,865
Can't we all just get along?
15
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:54,332
Staying in school
and staying off drugs is fine...
16
00:00:54,405 --> 00:00:57,704
but it ain't gonna do you any good at all,
if you don't have sense enough to...
17
00:00:57,775 --> 00:00:59,743
[Both]
Stay in your car.
18
00:00:59,811 --> 00:01:02,871
Right. See, we were stupid.
19
00:01:02,947 --> 00:01:05,279
We got outta our cars.
20
00:01:05,350 --> 00:01:08,444
We didn't use our heads
and now look what happened.
21
00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:12,888
We may have won the battle,
but the early bird got the worm.
22
00:01:14,192 --> 00:01:16,717
Can't we all just get along?
23
00:01:17,895 --> 00:01:19,829
And your friends are
gonna try to tempt you.
24
00:01:19,897 --> 00:01:22,422
They're gonna say,
"Hey, come on. Get out of your car.
25
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:25,128
What can it hurt?"
Take if from us...
26
00:01:25,203 --> 00:01:27,194
[Both]
It hurts.
27
00:01:27,271 --> 00:01:30,502
Right. See, it's like Confucius said...
28
00:01:30,575 --> 00:01:33,373
"He who hesitates..." Uh...
29
00:01:33,444 --> 00:01:35,378
[Whispering]
30
00:01:35,446 --> 00:01:40,247
"Can lead a horse to water, but he can't
get that bird out of his bush."
31
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:45,720
Can't we all just get along?
32
00:01:45,790 --> 00:01:49,954
- So, take it from us, Reginald Denny...
- And Rodney King...
33
00:01:50,027 --> 00:01:53,087
[Both]
Stay in your car.
34
00:01:53,164 --> 00:01:55,257
- You wanna drive?
- No, man. Let's...
35
00:01:55,333 --> 00:01:57,597
- [Siren Blaring, Distant]
- Let's talk about it in the car.
36
00:01:57,668 --> 00:02:00,193
- We could take the bus.
- No, there's people on the bus.
37
00:02:00,271 --> 00:02:02,865
- All right.
- [Siren Continues]
38
00:02:04,976 --> 00:02:06,068
- How you livin'?
- What?
39
00:02:06,144 --> 00:02:07,236
- How you livin'?
- What?
40
00:02:07,311 --> 00:02:09,677
- How you livin'?
- ♪ In living color♪
41
00:02:09,747 --> 00:02:14,013
- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
42
00:02:14,085 --> 00:02:18,146
- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
43
00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:21,885
- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
44
00:02:21,959 --> 00:02:26,828
- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
45
00:02:26,898 --> 00:02:29,128
♪ Let's take a tripand sip on a dream ♪
46
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:31,293
♪ Glide with the guideon a funky scene ♪
47
00:02:31,369 --> 00:02:33,803
♪ Here comes another one of thosefunky, funny mo'money shows ♪
48
00:02:33,871 --> 00:02:35,429
♪ A cast for laughsand talented roles ♪
49
00:02:35,506 --> 00:02:37,497
♪ And sisters with twistersfor you been lookin', listener♪
50
00:02:37,575 --> 00:02:39,736
♪ It seems you don't believeso you believe what I convince ya ♪
51
00:02:39,811 --> 00:02:41,802
♪ Some booty to your short and thoughtWe'll make it snappy ♪
52
00:02:41,879 --> 00:02:44,109
♪ With jokes and pokesat folks to keep you happy ♪
53
00:02:44,182 --> 00:02:46,207
♪ No need to holdyour remote control ♪
54
00:02:46,284 --> 00:02:48,275
♪ ChillThis show's got soul ♪
55
00:02:48,352 --> 00:02:50,343
♪ All aboard, all aboardThe train never troubles ♪
56
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,082
♪ You'd better snuggle up ♪couple up ♪
57
00:02:52,156 --> 00:02:53,851
- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
58
00:02:53,925 --> 00:02:57,019
♪ It's hard to believebut some of the best things in life are free ♪
59
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,119
♪ So, fellas, grab your girlTell her that you love her♪
60
00:02:59,197 --> 00:03:01,495
♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin'when you're livin'in living color♪
61
00:03:01,566 --> 00:03:05,798
♪ Go, go, go, go,go, go go, go ♪
62
00:03:05,870 --> 00:03:07,201
♪ Go, go ♪♪
63
00:03:12,310 --> 00:03:16,144
[Woman]It's time to ask the question: Why?
64
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:19,439
Hello. I'm Chelsea Dream
of Eyewitness News...
65
00:03:19,517 --> 00:03:22,452
bringing you a live report
from the scene of a crime.
66
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:24,988
Can anyone tell me
what they know?
67
00:03:25,056 --> 00:03:27,081
I'm the investigating officer.
I was the first one on the scene.
68
00:03:27,158 --> 00:03:30,093
I can tell you what we have
assessed thus far.
69
00:03:30,161 --> 00:03:34,188
I'm an expert criminologist
with a doctorate in psychology...
70
00:03:34,265 --> 00:03:36,529
and I can assess the situation here.
71
00:03:36,601 --> 00:03:39,161
Yeah, but check this.
I seen the whole thing, right?
72
00:03:39,237 --> 00:03:41,637
I seen the whole thing.
I can tell you what went down.
73
00:03:41,706 --> 00:03:43,435
Good.
74
00:03:43,508 --> 00:03:45,772
[Woman]Stop!
75
00:03:45,843 --> 00:03:48,971
Why do reporters always choose
the most unintelligent...
76
00:03:49,046 --> 00:03:51,139
uninformed black eyewitness?
77
00:03:51,215 --> 00:03:53,547
Why?
78
00:03:53,618 --> 00:03:55,552
It was definitely
some people that did it.
79
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:57,952
I was just about
to get busy with my lady.
80
00:03:58,022 --> 00:04:00,183
'Cause she was naked,
and I was butt-naked.
81
00:04:00,258 --> 00:04:02,624
Then I heard someone...
I heard somebody say...
82
00:04:02,693 --> 00:04:04,627
"Yo! Yo, bitch,
get up off me," right?
83
00:04:04,695 --> 00:04:06,686
Then, peep this...
Is this gonna be on the news?
84
00:04:06,764 --> 00:04:09,528
Hey, what's up? Denise,
tell Mama to look at the news.
85
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,534
Hi, Mama.
86
00:04:13,404 --> 00:04:15,497
[Woman]Why?
87
00:04:19,010 --> 00:04:21,410
Hi.
88
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,449
Do you secrete
a reading dysfunction?
89
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:29,145
Do you have problems putting
your words in a colostomy bag?
90
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:33,122
That's why I've cremated
this new program called...
91
00:04:33,190 --> 00:04:35,556
"Booked On Phonics."
92
00:04:35,626 --> 00:04:38,857
I'll teach you
how to "testiculate" my way.
93
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:43,458
To "coputate" how it works,
I will "intersex" with a perverted deviant...
94
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:47,732
by using one of my own
penal implants.
95
00:04:47,805 --> 00:04:52,469
- Uh, "mastercate" this sentence. "See"...
- "See"...
96
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:54,477
- "Dick"...
- "Dick"...
97
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:58,982
- "Angina."
- [Stammers]
98
00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:01,610
- "Angina."
- [Stammering Continues]
99
00:05:01,686 --> 00:05:03,847
- You know what "gina" is, don't you?
- Oh... Oh, y-y-yeah.
100
00:05:03,921 --> 00:05:08,483
- Oh, yeah-yeah-yeah.
- You're "conjackulating" your verbs
and reaming your fibula.
101
00:05:08,559 --> 00:05:11,119
- Impeach me.
- Uh-huh.
102
00:05:11,195 --> 00:05:13,925
"Dick, alas,
your emasculated pace...
103
00:05:13,998 --> 00:05:16,432
- is accelerating at a promiscuous rate."
- Hey, man!
104
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:21,335
- That ain't what that says.
- Shut up. Suppress your defecation.
105
00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:25,466
See, reading is bisexual
in your mentality.
106
00:05:25,543 --> 00:05:28,706
I think it was Plato...
excuse me, Play-Doh...
107
00:05:28,779 --> 00:05:31,304
who stuck to the wall
when he said...
108
00:05:31,382 --> 00:05:35,876
"One must put his transvestite
in jeopardy if one wants...
109
00:05:35,953 --> 00:05:38,547
to become
a cunning linguist."
110
00:05:38,623 --> 00:05:43,151
Like Vanna White.
Now, hermaphrodite, try it again.
111
00:05:44,595 --> 00:05:46,563
- "See"...
- Uh, "See"...
112
00:05:46,631 --> 00:05:50,123
- "Jane"...
- "Jane"...
113
00:05:50,201 --> 00:05:53,102
Uh, uh, uh.
114
00:05:53,170 --> 00:05:56,731
SeeJane's
big "breastesses"?
115
00:05:58,175 --> 00:06:01,235
That's it.
That's it.
116
00:06:01,312 --> 00:06:05,112
Now, you're expectorating
your sphinx to stink wedge.
117
00:06:05,182 --> 00:06:08,015
- I gotta have me the big breasts!
I gotta have me the big breasts!
- Hold on now!
118
00:06:08,085 --> 00:06:12,249
- I gotta have...
- Hold on! I ain't no venereal fuddrucker.
119
00:06:12,323 --> 00:06:17,124
But I can teach you to appropriate
your hemorrhoidal retention.
120
00:06:17,194 --> 00:06:19,924
And you don't even have
to be clairvoyant...
121
00:06:19,997 --> 00:06:22,795
excuse me, Clair Huxtable...
122
00:06:22,867 --> 00:06:25,358
to ovulate
this amazing program.
123
00:06:25,436 --> 00:06:28,098
But how, uh, big
areJane's breastesses?
124
00:06:28,172 --> 00:06:30,402
- Gigantor.
- Uh-huh.
125
00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:35,377
So please, don't put off tomorrow
what you can castrate today.
126
00:06:35,446 --> 00:06:37,710
Send your colon in today.
127
00:06:37,782 --> 00:06:39,841
Soon, you'll be
on your ivory way.
128
00:06:39,917 --> 00:06:43,683
And remember, R-l-F...
Reading Is...
129
00:06:43,754 --> 00:06:45,688
[Together]
Fallopian.
130
00:06:45,756 --> 00:06:47,747
[Announcer]To order Booked on Phonics...
131
00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:50,988
"deflecate"$9.95to Oswald Bates...
132
00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:53,963
care of Mid-StateMaximum Security Prison.
133
00:06:56,734 --> 00:06:59,931
And they would've been counting
those positions against our administration...
134
00:07:00,004 --> 00:07:02,302
those bean counters
who were doing that...
135
00:07:02,373 --> 00:07:05,433
if I had appointed
white men to those positions.
136
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,943
I'm back!
137
00:07:08,012 --> 00:07:10,947
Thought you could shake me, didn't ya?
Well, let me ask you this:
138
00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:12,949
How you gonna inaugurate
yourselves a new president...
139
00:07:13,017 --> 00:07:15,815
if good old Ross Perot
done bought up all the airtime?
140
00:07:15,886 --> 00:07:18,684
And that's just what I done right now.
Go ahead.
141
00:07:18,756 --> 00:07:21,884
Flip the channels.
See if I ain't lyin'.
142
00:07:21,959 --> 00:07:26,089
I predict a big doo-doo storm
coverin' this whole dang country...
143
00:07:26,163 --> 00:07:28,996
unless somebody finds me
a government job but quick!
144
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:30,966
♪♪ [Humming]
145
00:07:31,035 --> 00:07:33,868
I'm still here.
Say, folks...
146
00:07:33,938 --> 00:07:37,635
you ever notice how there's no blacks,
noJews, no Puerto Ricans on TheJetsons?
147
00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:39,767
Future looks pretty bright,
don't it?
148
00:07:39,844 --> 00:07:42,176
- [Crowd Booing]
- Now, come on, now.
149
00:07:42,246 --> 00:07:45,079
I don't tell you people
how to dig ditches.
150
00:07:45,149 --> 00:07:47,879
It's just common sense.
I got charts to prove it.
151
00:07:47,952 --> 00:07:49,852
I'll come...
I'll come out there!
152
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,855
Hello, caller.
You're on the Ross Perot Love Line.
153
00:07:52,923 --> 00:07:56,415
Why don't you tell me what you're wearin'.
I'm all ears.
154
00:07:56,494 --> 00:08:00,760
Now, that's downright sexy.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
155
00:08:00,831 --> 00:08:03,561
Yep, I can almost feel you right now.
156
00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:07,934
Drill for oil. We're gonna need
rented air to cap this one.
157
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:10,974
You wanna know my favorite position?
Well, I'll tell you.
158
00:08:11,041 --> 00:08:13,100
It's a cabinet position, dag nabbit!
159
00:08:13,177 --> 00:08:17,705
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
160
00:08:17,782 --> 00:08:21,240
♪♪ [Rapping]
161
00:08:21,318 --> 00:08:24,913
It's just that simple.
D.J. Ross in the house!
162
00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:27,685
See? I can get down
with you people.
163
00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,249
But, I'm warning ya,
when I come back from this commercial...
164
00:08:30,327 --> 00:08:32,261
I'm still gonna be here.
165
00:08:32,329 --> 00:08:35,924
I'm gonna be all over you
like Mike Tyson at a beauty pageant.
166
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,594
Now, "shamon."
"Shamon," now.
167
00:08:38,669 --> 00:08:40,728
[Needle Scratching Record]
168
00:08:40,805 --> 00:08:43,569
♪♪ [Rapping]
169
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,434
[Announcer]Coming soon to a theater near you...
170
00:08:48,512 --> 00:08:50,707
that bigmouth, bigoted ownerof the Cincinnati Reds...
171
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:54,945
in her first major motion picture,
Driving Miss Shott.
172
00:08:58,923 --> 00:09:01,653
You know, Hoke,
I don't understand...
173
00:09:01,725 --> 00:09:05,058
why I gotta go
to this damn hearing anyway.
174
00:09:05,129 --> 00:09:10,726
Well, they say it 'cause of
your racial hiring practices, Miss Ma'am.
175
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,928
Why, that's just insane.
176
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:16,871
If anything, I discriminate
in favor of the black man.
177
00:09:16,941 --> 00:09:19,967
- O-Oh, Miss Ma'am?
- Like when I hired you.
178
00:09:20,044 --> 00:09:23,241
I said, " I need a driver,
and he better damn well be black...
179
00:09:23,314 --> 00:09:25,248
the blacker, the better."
180
00:09:25,316 --> 00:09:28,114
- Well, thank you, Miss Ma'am.
- Not at all.
181
00:09:28,185 --> 00:09:31,746
You know, Hoke, did you know that I am
so sympathetic to the black man...
182
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:33,813
I've even taken a slave name?
183
00:09:33,891 --> 00:09:35,825
What's that now, ma'am?
184
00:09:35,893 --> 00:09:38,691
Master.
[Laughing]
185
00:09:38,762 --> 00:09:40,889
- That's just a little joke.
- Oh, look here.
186
00:09:40,965 --> 00:09:43,866
Don't get none on ya now, Miss Ma'am.
[Chuckling]
187
00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:46,835
But, you know, I wouldn't recommend
you say them type of thing...
188
00:09:46,904 --> 00:09:49,270
when you go
for that hearin' today.
189
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:51,831
'Cause that's what got you
in trouble in the first place...
190
00:09:51,909 --> 00:09:54,776
and the press might not
take kindly to it.
191
00:09:54,845 --> 00:09:58,838
Oh, the press!
They're just a bunch of liberalJews.
192
00:09:58,916 --> 00:10:02,147
They're the ones who made me shorten
the team name to the Reds.
193
00:10:02,219 --> 00:10:06,519
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. What-What-What
did the name used to be, Miss Ma'am?
194
00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:10,720
- The "Color-eds." Get it? I got lines.
- You ain't got to tell me.
195
00:10:10,794 --> 00:10:14,059
It was just a little more fitting,
don't you think?
196
00:10:14,131 --> 00:10:16,463
You know, Hoke,
speakin' ofJews...
197
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:19,525
have you heard the one about
the new Jewish sports car?
198
00:10:19,603 --> 00:10:24,097
- Uh, ma'am?
- It stops on a dime... even picks it up.
199
00:10:24,174 --> 00:10:26,108
[Chuckling]
Oh.
200
00:10:26,176 --> 00:10:28,110
Oh, hush up now, Miss Shott.
201
00:10:28,178 --> 00:10:31,113
- I'm killin' myself.
- Oh, you killing me too.
202
00:10:33,984 --> 00:10:36,214
You know, Hoke...
203
00:10:36,287 --> 00:10:38,915
if you don't drive this car better,
I'm gonna trade you to theJaps...
204
00:10:38,989 --> 00:10:41,355
along with those other
uppity millionaires.
205
00:10:41,425 --> 00:10:44,189
Now, ma'am, you startin'
to work Hoke's last good nerve.
206
00:10:44,261 --> 00:10:46,195
Now, you shouldn't
say such things.
207
00:10:46,263 --> 00:10:49,027
I'll say what I want.
You're drivin' like an idiot.
208
00:10:49,099 --> 00:10:51,033
I can drive better
from back here.
209
00:10:51,101 --> 00:10:53,968
Miss Shott, that's the first sensible thing
you done said all day.
210
00:10:54,038 --> 00:10:56,438
- I got to go make water.
- What? Hoke!
211
00:10:56,507 --> 00:10:58,668
[Screaming]
212
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:02,501
[Announcer]Don't miss Driving Miss Shott.
213
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:07,910
Because sometimes what you saycan drive you over the edge.
214
00:11:08,511 --> 00:11:13,949
Hi. I'm Cher... singer,
actress, mother, model, slut...
215
00:11:14,016 --> 00:11:18,180
and you're probably wondering
what I'm doing hawking beauty products...
216
00:11:18,254 --> 00:11:22,190
when everyone knows my face has seen
more cuts than a Thanksgiving turkey.
217
00:11:22,258 --> 00:11:25,125
Well, I've made goo-gobs
of money doing this.
218
00:11:25,194 --> 00:11:27,128
And I'm Lorie Daves.
219
00:11:27,196 --> 00:11:30,131
And you're wondering how
someone who looks like this...
220
00:11:30,199 --> 00:11:33,930
could possibly have something
to say about beauty.
221
00:11:34,003 --> 00:11:37,131
You see, there were days when I didn't
feel good about how I looked...
222
00:11:37,206 --> 00:11:40,471
no matter how many young men
I had around me.
223
00:11:40,543 --> 00:11:44,843
But then I found out about the incredible
beauty system of Lorie Daves...
224
00:11:44,914 --> 00:11:48,941
and realized money was more important
than grinding a boy scout.
225
00:11:49,018 --> 00:11:52,613
[Laughing]
226
00:11:52,688 --> 00:11:56,089
Lorie, I used your product
for over a year...
227
00:11:56,158 --> 00:11:58,888
before I realized that
it wasn't your product at all.
228
00:11:58,961 --> 00:12:02,158
It was merely being around you
that made me look so great.
229
00:12:02,231 --> 00:12:05,200
[Sighs]
Exactly, Cher.
230
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:07,599
That's the secret
of beauty, you see.
231
00:12:07,670 --> 00:12:09,604
It isn't so much
looking good yourself...
232
00:12:09,672 --> 00:12:13,403
but rather sitting next to someone
who can't help but make you look good...
233
00:12:13,476 --> 00:12:15,444
[Together]
By comparison.
234
00:12:15,511 --> 00:12:18,105
Whoo! Whoo!
235
00:12:18,180 --> 00:12:21,513
All of a sudden, I feel
light as a feather and rich too.
236
00:12:21,584 --> 00:12:23,779
And your hair even looks better.
237
00:12:23,853 --> 00:12:26,947
[Cackling]
238
00:12:27,022 --> 00:12:31,459
But, Lorie, what about all the millions
of people that purchase your products...
239
00:12:31,527 --> 00:12:34,087
that don't have the benefit
of being next to you?
240
00:12:34,163 --> 00:12:37,462
Well, that's what makes
my system so special.
241
00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:40,627
They can find an unattractive
person of their own...
242
00:12:40,703 --> 00:12:43,934
at D.M.V., Kmart, Weight Watchers...
243
00:12:44,006 --> 00:12:46,133
or any of the Slavic countries.
244
00:12:47,777 --> 00:12:49,768
Lorie, this is fun.
245
00:12:49,845 --> 00:12:52,678
Now let's hear from
another satisfied customer.
246
00:12:52,748 --> 00:12:55,410
- This is my best friend, Chelsea.
- Hi, Chelsea.
247
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:59,181
Chelsea, why did you agree
to participate in this commercial?
248
00:12:59,255 --> 00:13:01,746
Because your perfume's not selling...
249
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:04,384
and you said we had to do this.
250
00:13:04,460 --> 00:13:06,394
Read the cue card, honey.
251
00:13:06,462 --> 00:13:10,831
Oh. Because I wanted
to feel better about myself...
252
00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:16,065
and the Lorie Daves hair care system
is the product that can help.
253
00:13:16,138 --> 00:13:19,232
Having tried the products,
how do you feel?
254
00:13:19,308 --> 00:13:23,472
- Okay, I guess.
- Now go sit by Lorie.
255
00:13:28,150 --> 00:13:31,551
Wow! I feel great.
256
00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:34,646
Is that me?
I look beautiful.
257
00:13:34,723 --> 00:13:36,918
- You sure do, Chelsea.
- [Laughs]
258
00:13:36,992 --> 00:13:38,926
See what my system can do for you?
259
00:13:38,994 --> 00:13:41,053
And it can do that for anybody.
260
00:13:41,130 --> 00:13:43,655
Janey, come over here.
261
00:13:43,732 --> 00:13:46,792
Come on over here, Janey.
262
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:48,996
Ohhh, come to mommy.
263
00:13:50,806 --> 00:13:53,070
[Gasps]
It does work!
264
00:13:53,142 --> 00:13:56,578
I'm gonna buy the Lorie Daves
hair care system today.
265
00:13:56,645 --> 00:13:58,579
[Cackling]
266
00:13:58,647 --> 00:14:01,241
And, guys, you don't
have to be left out either.
267
00:14:03,953 --> 00:14:07,980
[Grunts]
Hey, I feel beautiful.
268
00:14:08,057 --> 00:14:09,854
And you can too.
269
00:14:09,925 --> 00:14:12,155
[Announcer]The Lorie Daves Beauty System.
270
00:14:12,228 --> 00:14:14,696
Because there's alwayssomeone uglier.
271
00:14:14,763 --> 00:14:18,130
- You look good.
- Because I don't.
272
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,760
[Cackling]
273
00:14:30,012 --> 00:14:34,711
[Laughing]
274
00:14:37,186 --> 00:14:40,417
Ahh!
275
00:14:40,489 --> 00:14:44,357
[Slavic Accent]
At last, I have found my prey.
276
00:14:54,703 --> 00:14:57,638
Gary Coleman,
you better stop.
277
00:14:57,706 --> 00:14:59,799
Stop, Gary.
278
00:14:59,875 --> 00:15:03,402
Ooh, it's cold in here.
I'm feelin' goose nippily.
279
00:15:03,479 --> 00:15:06,778
[Sniffing]
280
00:15:06,849 --> 00:15:09,784
By the depths of Hades,
what is that smell?
281
00:15:09,852 --> 00:15:12,150
Dog, I gotta quit eating
them pigs' feet.
282
00:15:12,221 --> 00:15:15,281
My gas is kicking up.
283
00:15:15,357 --> 00:15:20,522
I will take you away
from all of this, my love.
284
00:15:20,596 --> 00:15:22,655
- [Growls]
- Oh, my God.
285
00:15:22,731 --> 00:15:24,665
It's a man in my "boo-door."
286
00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:27,759
And I feel vulnerable,
and I'm almost naked up in here.
287
00:15:27,836 --> 00:15:29,827
Fear not, my love.
288
00:15:29,905 --> 00:15:33,841
I have crossed oceans of time
to be with you.
289
00:15:33,909 --> 00:15:37,504
You so crazy.
You could have just called.
290
00:15:39,348 --> 00:15:42,442
I want you to be mine
for all eternity.
291
00:15:42,518 --> 00:15:44,452
Listen, you don't know
what you're getting into...
292
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,454
'cause I'm telling you,
I'm just like a virus...
293
00:15:46,522 --> 00:15:50,253
once I get in your system,
it's hard to get me out.
294
00:15:50,326 --> 00:15:52,294
Wait, wait, wait.
Uh-uh.
295
00:15:52,361 --> 00:15:54,454
I don't want you
to see me like this.
296
00:15:54,530 --> 00:15:57,158
I just woke up.
Let me put my face on.
297
00:15:57,232 --> 00:15:59,166
Time is of the essence.
298
00:15:59,234 --> 00:16:01,464
You do not have to put on
appearances for me.
299
00:16:01,537 --> 00:16:04,631
I want to take you as you are.
300
00:16:04,707 --> 00:16:07,369
Look, you can have me now and have
a hamburger, but if you wait...
301
00:16:07,443 --> 00:16:11,539
you can have
a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
302
00:16:11,613 --> 00:16:16,277
I want to show you things
that you've never seen.
303
00:16:16,352 --> 00:16:20,584
Hey, word up, and I'm gonna show you
things that scientists ain't even seen.
304
00:16:20,656 --> 00:16:22,590
You must hurry.
305
00:16:22,658 --> 00:16:24,592
Daylight will be
upon us soon...
306
00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:27,356
and I am a creature
of the night.
307
00:16:27,429 --> 00:16:29,829
Hey, hold on a minute...
308
00:16:29,898 --> 00:16:34,164
'cause I'm a freak
24 hours a day.
309
00:16:34,236 --> 00:16:36,830
Give yourself to me
by the crack of dawn...
310
00:16:36,905 --> 00:16:39,499
and we shall rule
the underworld.
311
00:16:39,575 --> 00:16:42,874
I must drink
of your essence.
312
00:16:42,945 --> 00:16:44,879
Hey, word up.
313
00:16:44,947 --> 00:16:47,040
Then grab a straw,
'cause you're gonna drink it up.
314
00:16:47,116 --> 00:16:49,050
Clap on.
315
00:16:49,118 --> 00:16:52,781
- [Screams, Hisses]
- What's wrong with you?
316
00:16:52,855 --> 00:16:56,450
By the beard of Satan,
it's Beelzebub himself.
317
00:16:56,525 --> 00:16:59,460
- Clap off.
- Wait a minute.
318
00:16:59,528 --> 00:17:01,962
You said you had crossed the seas
and all that kind of stuff.
319
00:17:02,031 --> 00:17:06,365
- Clap on.
- I didn't know I was going to find land ho.
320
00:17:06,435 --> 00:17:08,369
- Clap off.
- Wait a minute.
321
00:17:08,437 --> 00:17:11,463
Who you calling a ho?
Clap on.
322
00:17:11,540 --> 00:17:13,474
I don't need no Eddie Munster-looking,
with-the-widow-peak...
323
00:17:13,542 --> 00:17:15,476
fake-wearing,
funky-breath-breathing...
324
00:17:15,544 --> 00:17:17,478
coming-in-through-my-window-
when-you-wasn't-even-invited...
325
00:17:17,546 --> 00:17:19,480
with-them-wearing-them-
tired-old-clothes...
326
00:17:19,548 --> 00:17:22,142
Iooking-like-Peewee Herman-
like-he-was-on-crack white boy...
327
00:17:22,217 --> 00:17:24,310
telling me that
I don't look good.
328
00:17:24,386 --> 00:17:26,445
Okay?
329
00:17:28,657 --> 00:17:30,591
You are right.
330
00:17:30,659 --> 00:17:32,593
I'm not good enough
for you.
331
00:17:32,661 --> 00:17:35,152
Hey, where you going?
332
00:17:35,230 --> 00:17:38,131
Don't be ashamed
just 'cause you're a white boy.
333
00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,760
I mean, I don't mind
having a little cream in my coffee.
334
00:17:40,836 --> 00:17:42,770
And I mean, no.
335
00:17:42,838 --> 00:17:44,772
And if you act right,
I'll do you like the bean...
336
00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,071
You know what I'll do?
Grind it up, hey.
337
00:17:48,143 --> 00:17:51,442
- Ugh! Ugh!
- Grind it! Grind!
338
00:17:51,513 --> 00:17:54,607
And I thought the crucifix
was repulsive. Ugh!
339
00:17:54,683 --> 00:17:57,277
Look, you don't understand.
I am a vampire.
340
00:17:57,352 --> 00:17:59,286
I have to have blood.
341
00:17:59,354 --> 00:18:01,288
Oh, okay, then.
342
00:18:01,356 --> 00:18:04,120
What kind of blood do you need?
I got "A" negative or "O" positive.
343
00:18:04,193 --> 00:18:08,562
- I got you.
- But you also have mirrors. I hate mirrors.
344
00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,621
You ain't got
to worry about that. Look.
345
00:18:10,699 --> 00:18:13,532
Mirror, mirror,
on the wall...
346
00:18:13,602 --> 00:18:15,536
There you go.
347
00:18:15,604 --> 00:18:17,538
Oh, my gosh.
Look at the time.
348
00:18:17,606 --> 00:18:20,097
I have to go sleep
in my coffin.
349
00:18:20,175 --> 00:18:23,372
You don't have to go nowhere.
I told you, I got you.
350
00:18:25,380 --> 00:18:27,678
Now let me rock
your underworld.
351
00:18:27,749 --> 00:18:30,445
What you do...Uh-uh.
352
00:18:30,519 --> 00:18:32,453
No, uh-uh.
353
00:18:32,521 --> 00:18:34,455
All right, don't you know
you a freak?
354
00:18:34,523 --> 00:18:37,219
Filet my soul,
filet my soul.
355
00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:40,194
I give up.
356
00:18:40,262 --> 00:18:43,254
You win, but I have to do it
with the window open.
357
00:18:43,332 --> 00:18:47,132
I love it in the sunlight.
358
00:18:47,202 --> 00:18:51,639
Okay then.
Let the world see.
359
00:18:55,944 --> 00:18:57,935
[Laughing]
360
00:18:58,013 --> 00:19:03,144
Free at last.
Free at last.
361
00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:06,119
Dog. I guess I was
just too much for him.
362
00:19:06,188 --> 00:19:08,952
He got hot and just burned up.
363
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,960
Charleesa?
364
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,962
Girl, yeah, I done
burned another one up, girl.
365
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:17,965
I told you, I be rocking worlds
all over the country.
366
00:19:18,033 --> 00:19:19,967
For real now.
367
00:19:23,338 --> 00:19:25,272
- ♪♪ [Hip-hop]
- Okay, thanks for watching the show.
368
00:19:25,340 --> 00:19:27,274
I want to introduce
a couple of people...
369
00:19:27,342 --> 00:19:30,607
royal princesses, my niece, Jaqueline,
my niece, Jennifer...
370
00:19:30,679 --> 00:19:32,943
my prince,
nephew Jonathan...
371
00:19:33,015 --> 00:19:36,007
my queen, grandmother,
Mrs. Mary L. Carter.
372
00:19:36,084 --> 00:19:38,712
And thanks for watching
the show. Good night.
373
00:19:41,490 --> 00:19:44,653
♪♪ [Hip-hop]
374
00:19:50,132 --> 00:19:52,999
- ♪♪ [Continues]
- [No Audible Dialogue]
375
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:15,087
♪♪ [Continues]
376
00:20:25,534 --> 00:20:28,765
♪♪ [Continues]
31204
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