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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,226 --> 00:00:11,821 [Man Narrating] Day 37. The food ran out two weeks ago. 2 00:00:11,896 --> 00:00:15,992 Our only hope for survival was to consume the other victims of the crash. 3 00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:18,627 Then, this morning, we saw a figure on the horizon. 4 00:00:18,703 --> 00:00:21,604 At long last, could this be our salvation? 5 00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:25,040 Oh, thank God you've come to help us! 6 00:00:25,109 --> 00:00:28,272 That's right! 7 00:00:28,346 --> 00:00:32,680 I've come to help you trim down to a slimmer, healthier you! 8 00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:36,015 - Richard Simmons? - Oh, my goodness! 9 00:00:36,087 --> 00:00:39,523 What are you doing? Give me that butt! 10 00:00:39,590 --> 00:00:42,218 You might as well go eat atJack in the Box. 11 00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:45,626 Ooh! I got a hair in my mouth. 12 00:00:45,697 --> 00:00:49,189 That's what you get for eating Italian. 13 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:52,168 - I've been eatin' brains myself. - Haven't you heard? 14 00:00:52,236 --> 00:00:55,433 A mind is a terrible thing to taste. 15 00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:59,738 I brought you something that's going to change your lives. 16 00:00:59,811 --> 00:01:02,507 The Richard Simmons Plan A Meal System. 17 00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:04,878 Here's how it works. 18 00:01:04,949 --> 00:01:09,079 You eat a person from economy class for breakfast... yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum... 19 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,747 someone in coach for lunch... ooh... 20 00:01:11,823 --> 00:01:14,485 and a sensible, first-class passenger for dinner. 21 00:01:14,559 --> 00:01:16,493 Oh, ta-ta. 22 00:01:16,561 --> 00:01:21,328 - I like dark meat. - Then you're going to have to find passenger 57. 23 00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:23,560 - See how easy it is? - [Biting] 24 00:01:23,634 --> 00:01:26,068 Ow! 25 00:01:26,137 --> 00:01:28,105 Food can be your friend. 26 00:01:28,172 --> 00:01:30,504 But this food was my friend. 27 00:01:31,609 --> 00:01:33,543 That's the spirit! 28 00:01:33,611 --> 00:01:38,639 Now, get off those patooties. It's time to exercise! 29 00:01:43,788 --> 00:01:46,586 I think I'm alone here. 30 00:01:46,657 --> 00:01:49,990 I thought you were a big, strong soccer team. 31 00:01:50,061 --> 00:01:52,029 Hey, I've got an idea. 32 00:01:52,096 --> 00:01:54,929 Come on! 33 00:01:54,999 --> 00:01:56,933 Let's play a game! 34 00:01:59,303 --> 00:02:02,568 You better try to stop me! 35 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,801 I'm gonna score! 36 00:02:04,876 --> 00:02:08,437 [Gasps] Tony! 37 00:02:08,513 --> 00:02:12,040 Oops. I almost forgot. 38 00:02:12,116 --> 00:02:14,050 You shouldn't play with your food... 39 00:02:14,118 --> 00:02:16,643 not when you can exercise with it! 40 00:02:18,489 --> 00:02:21,856 Look! I found a Thigh Master! 41 00:02:21,926 --> 00:02:23,917 [Grunting] 42 00:02:23,995 --> 00:02:26,327 I can feel my buns turning to steel. 43 00:02:26,397 --> 00:02:28,592 Gee, Richard, you're really startin' to look good to me now. 44 00:02:28,666 --> 00:02:30,600 You bet I am. 45 00:02:30,668 --> 00:02:33,193 - Nice and lean. - Thanks! 46 00:02:33,271 --> 00:02:36,035 - Succulent. - Stop it. I'm blushing. 47 00:02:36,107 --> 00:02:39,304 - Delicious. - Uh-oh. 48 00:02:39,377 --> 00:02:42,676 Someone's combining fruits with their proteins. 49 00:02:42,747 --> 00:02:45,682 [Screaming] 50 00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:48,719 [Man Narrating] We never forgot Richard and all he did for us. 51 00:02:48,786 --> 00:02:52,244 He was the first hot meal we'd had in weeks. 52 00:02:53,758 --> 00:02:54,884 - How you livin'? - What? 53 00:02:54,959 --> 00:02:56,051 - How you livin'? - What? 54 00:02:56,127 --> 00:02:58,322 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 55 00:02:58,396 --> 00:03:02,492 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 56 00:03:02,567 --> 00:03:06,833 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 57 00:03:06,904 --> 00:03:10,704 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 58 00:03:10,775 --> 00:03:15,041 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 59 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,740 - ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 60 00:03:17,815 --> 00:03:19,976 - ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 61 00:03:20,051 --> 00:03:22,519 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 62 00:03:22,587 --> 00:03:24,111 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 63 00:03:24,188 --> 00:03:26,315 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin'listener♪ 64 00:03:26,390 --> 00:03:28,358 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 65 00:03:28,426 --> 00:03:30,451 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 66 00:03:30,528 --> 00:03:32,621 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 67 00:03:32,697 --> 00:03:34,892 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 68 00:03:34,966 --> 00:03:36,934 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 69 00:03:37,001 --> 00:03:39,094 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 70 00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:40,535 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 71 00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:42,300 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 72 00:03:42,373 --> 00:03:45,604 ♪ It's hard to believe, but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 73 00:03:45,676 --> 00:03:47,701 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 74 00:03:47,778 --> 00:03:50,212 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 75 00:03:50,281 --> 00:03:55,878 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪♪ 76 00:03:59,657 --> 00:04:02,785 Hi. My name is Loomis Simmons. 77 00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:06,227 Have you ever spent hundreds of dollars going to the gyms? 78 00:04:06,297 --> 00:04:10,199 Have you spent thousands of dollars on fancy home exercise equipment? 79 00:04:10,268 --> 00:04:12,498 I hope so, 'cause now you can spend... 80 00:04:12,570 --> 00:04:15,368 a little bit more on the new... 81 00:04:15,439 --> 00:04:18,875 Loomis Simmons Power Stretch. 82 00:04:18,943 --> 00:04:22,037 Now, these other machines have lots of movin' parts... 83 00:04:22,113 --> 00:04:24,274 hundreds of parts that can break. 84 00:04:24,348 --> 00:04:27,613 The Power Stretch is simplicity itself. 85 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:31,052 It look like an ordinary spring, but how could it be? 86 00:04:31,122 --> 00:04:33,147 Springs don't cost this much. 87 00:04:33,224 --> 00:04:36,352 Now, let me show you a few of the exercises you can do... 88 00:04:36,427 --> 00:04:38,725 with the Loomis Simmons Power Stretch. 89 00:04:38,796 --> 00:04:40,787 There's the bend... 90 00:04:42,533 --> 00:04:44,524 the upward bend... 91 00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:48,862 the downward bend. 92 00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:54,276 Now, don't confuse these with the traditional bend. That's completely different. 93 00:04:54,345 --> 00:04:58,975 And, most important of all, there's the wobble. Ooh, yeah. 94 00:04:59,050 --> 00:05:02,918 See, this will trim all the fat from all up under your arms and your stomach... 95 00:05:02,987 --> 00:05:05,387 and it'll keep you from gettin' cancer. 96 00:05:05,456 --> 00:05:07,890 Now, there are 20 different exercises in all... 97 00:05:07,959 --> 00:05:11,053 though I did have to repeat a few just to make 'em come out even. 98 00:05:11,128 --> 00:05:13,858 But, heck, you don't have to take my word for it. 99 00:05:13,931 --> 00:05:18,300 Listen to what a few of my satisfied customers have to say. 100 00:05:18,369 --> 00:05:21,031 My breasts are firmer than they've been in years... 101 00:05:21,105 --> 00:05:23,300 thanks to Power Stretch. 102 00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:26,104 After long day chopping suey... 103 00:05:26,177 --> 00:05:28,941 the Power Stretch is perfect exercise. 104 00:05:29,013 --> 00:05:31,208 [Shouts Mock Chinese] 105 00:05:31,282 --> 00:05:34,479 I'm with them. You know, a lot of people say to me... 106 00:05:34,552 --> 00:05:38,682 "Loomis Simmons, why can't I just go to the hardware store... 107 00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:41,691 buy me a spring of my own for a lot less money?" 108 00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:44,227 And I say, "Shut up!" Let's face facts. 109 00:05:44,295 --> 00:05:46,889 You're not gonna stick with any exercise program. 110 00:05:46,964 --> 00:05:50,331 So why buy somethin' that's just gonna take up the whole room? 111 00:05:50,401 --> 00:05:52,835 But the Power Stretch, all you got to do... 112 00:05:52,903 --> 00:05:55,633 is stick it in the closet and forget it's there. 113 00:05:55,706 --> 00:05:58,504 The Power Stretch is $99.95. 114 00:05:58,576 --> 00:06:01,977 But, if you order now, I'm gonna include my special... 115 00:06:02,046 --> 00:06:06,915 Loomis Simmons Subliminal Weight Loss tape. 116 00:06:06,984 --> 00:06:09,748 All you gotta do is play this in the background all day... 117 00:06:09,820 --> 00:06:12,550 and you will lose the urge to eat unhealthy foods. 118 00:06:12,623 --> 00:06:17,526 [Loomis On Tape] Yo, fatty. Big, salt pork butt. 119 00:06:17,595 --> 00:06:20,689 [Mocking Pig Snorting] 120 00:06:23,768 --> 00:06:26,498 This tape alone is worth thousands of dollars. 121 00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:29,437 But I'm not done! I'm not done! I'm goin' crazy today! 122 00:06:29,507 --> 00:06:32,374 If you order today, I'm gonna give you free of charge... 123 00:06:32,443 --> 00:06:34,377 the Power Mini-Stretch. 124 00:06:34,445 --> 00:06:36,504 Yes, that's right. You use this when you're walkin' down the street... 125 00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:38,605 on the bus, after work, anytime, in your car. 126 00:06:38,683 --> 00:06:41,379 That's right. Have the body you always dreamed of. 127 00:06:41,452 --> 00:06:43,920 Or, at least, have a spring. 128 00:06:49,193 --> 00:06:52,788 - ♪♪ [Theme] - [Announcer] Welcome to The Info Group... 129 00:06:52,863 --> 00:06:56,128 where the stars of cable television's most popular infomercials... 130 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,259 tackle today's toughest issues. 131 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:02,635 And, now, here's your moderator, JuicyJay Kornish! 132 00:07:02,707 --> 00:07:04,937 - [Applause] - ♪♪ [Fades] 133 00:07:10,014 --> 00:07:14,610 Hi! Juice man here, along with our panel of experts... 134 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:17,779 Dionne Warwick, Psychic Friends Line, 135 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:21,655 Jessica Hahn, Fantasy Love Line, 136 00:07:21,726 --> 00:07:25,093 Roscoe Popeil, Incredible Inventions, 137 00:07:25,162 --> 00:07:28,325 and Cher, Cher Fitness Systems. 138 00:07:28,399 --> 00:07:32,802 Issue one: The war in Bosnia. Dionne, what about Bosnia? 139 00:07:32,870 --> 00:07:35,270 One moment, Jay. 140 00:07:35,339 --> 00:07:37,273 [Whispering, Indistinct] 141 00:07:37,341 --> 00:07:42,335 Well, my psychic friend said the war in Bosnia is in for a stormy February... 142 00:07:42,413 --> 00:07:45,780 but watch out for romance and job opportunity on the 8th. 143 00:07:45,850 --> 00:07:47,784 Cher? 144 00:07:47,852 --> 00:07:50,377 Oh, I think the Bosnians will definitely prevail. 145 00:07:50,454 --> 00:07:53,116 They've got that sort of upper-body definition and hard buns... 146 00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:55,158 that can only come from... whoo... 147 00:07:55,226 --> 00:07:59,788 a good diet, exercise, and a scientifically-designed aerobic workout. 148 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,629 Who says all bimbos are blonde? Roscoe, Bosnia? 149 00:08:04,702 --> 00:08:07,000 Well, now, do you see this bald spot here? Huh? 150 00:08:07,071 --> 00:08:09,301 You see it? Do you see it? 151 00:08:09,373 --> 00:08:11,307 Well, watch this, huh? Watch this. 152 00:08:11,375 --> 00:08:13,866 - Oh, my eyes! - Huh? What do you say now? What do you say? 153 00:08:13,944 --> 00:08:15,809 What about the Bosnians, Roscoe? 154 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,043 The Bosnians, Serbs... It works on everybody. What's your solution, Jay? 155 00:08:19,116 --> 00:08:21,380 I say we juice 'em. 156 00:08:21,452 --> 00:08:23,386 That's the beauty of a Juice Weasel. 157 00:08:23,454 --> 00:08:27,914 It's patented filtering system separates the Bosnians from the Serbs. 158 00:08:27,992 --> 00:08:30,460 Jessica, Bosnia... What do we do? 159 00:08:30,528 --> 00:08:34,191 Well, it's funny you should ask, Jay... 160 00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:36,733 because I recently went to Bosnia... 161 00:08:36,801 --> 00:08:38,996 to talk to some of the people there. 162 00:08:39,069 --> 00:08:41,060 Let's take a look. 163 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:46,633 Hi, girls. Tell us your secret fantasy. 164 00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:49,508 - Well, I guess my fantasy would be... - Yeah? 165 00:08:49,580 --> 00:08:51,514 - To fall into a foxhole... - Right. 166 00:08:51,582 --> 00:08:55,040 - With a really sensitive, handsome Serb. - Right. 167 00:08:55,119 --> 00:08:57,644 - Then, while we're in the foxhole... - Yeah? 168 00:08:57,721 --> 00:08:59,916 You know. 169 00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:03,084 That's great. 170 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:06,357 Issue two: Somalia. Cher? 171 00:09:06,430 --> 00:09:08,864 Well, you can never be too rich or too thin... 172 00:09:08,933 --> 00:09:12,630 so they're already halfway there. 173 00:09:15,139 --> 00:09:17,369 Jessica, Mogadishu. 174 00:09:17,441 --> 00:09:19,636 Oh. Gesundheit. 175 00:09:19,710 --> 00:09:23,578 I've juiced grapes bigger than your brain. 176 00:09:23,647 --> 00:09:26,980 Now, what is it the Somalians need? 177 00:09:27,051 --> 00:09:31,988 Fiber, vitamins, minerals... the source of life. 178 00:09:32,056 --> 00:09:35,583 And it's right under their noises. Actually, it's under their feet. 179 00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:39,095 Sand! With just a little ingenuity and a juicer... 180 00:09:39,163 --> 00:09:42,257 you can turn a desert into a dessert. 181 00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:47,728 That's the beauty of the Weasel. 182 00:09:47,805 --> 00:09:51,468 [Gagging, Coughing] 183 00:09:51,542 --> 00:09:53,533 Mmm! Famine? 184 00:09:53,611 --> 00:09:55,704 Frankly, I don't see the problem. Roscoe? 185 00:09:55,779 --> 00:09:58,748 JuicerJay, I'm gonna take an apple. Now, look at this. 186 00:09:58,816 --> 00:10:01,046 A half-eaten apple. 187 00:10:01,118 --> 00:10:03,985 Now, watch. What if you could make this apple whole again? 188 00:10:04,054 --> 00:10:05,988 - Watch it. - Oh, my eyes! 189 00:10:06,056 --> 00:10:07,990 Huh? Huh? What do you say, huh? What do you say? 190 00:10:08,058 --> 00:10:11,494 - What do you say? - I say, predictions. Dionne? 191 00:10:13,063 --> 00:10:17,261 I predict Elvis will reappear, aliens will visit the White House... 192 00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:19,268 and, Wilt Chamberlain, don't worry. 193 00:10:19,336 --> 00:10:21,930 It's only a rash. 194 00:10:22,006 --> 00:10:25,737 Wilt, call me later. We'll talk juice. Cher? 195 00:10:25,809 --> 00:10:29,677 My next boyfriend will be born on Tuesday. Whoo! 196 00:10:29,747 --> 00:10:32,215 You're a tramp. Roscoe? 197 00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:37,880 I predict that these ladies will find my new underarm hair irresistible. 198 00:10:37,955 --> 00:10:40,651 Next topic: Outrage of the week. Dionne? 199 00:10:40,724 --> 00:10:43,818 - Safeway wouldn't cash my check. - Cher? 200 00:10:43,894 --> 00:10:47,295 I'm carryin' Macaulay Culkin's baby. Whoo! 201 00:10:47,364 --> 00:10:48,922 Final comments. Jessica? 202 00:10:48,999 --> 00:10:52,127 - Uh, my nipples hurt. - Roscoe? 203 00:10:52,202 --> 00:10:54,864 I'm gettin' high off these paint fumes. 204 00:10:54,939 --> 00:10:56,873 - You're all nuts! - I can fly, man! 205 00:10:56,941 --> 00:11:01,207 You're crazy! Info Group, next week: Economic summit. 206 00:11:01,278 --> 00:11:03,940 And juice, juice, juice, juice! 207 00:11:04,014 --> 00:11:06,073 See ya! 208 00:11:06,150 --> 00:11:08,084 ♪♪ [Theme] 209 00:11:08,152 --> 00:11:10,347 [Announcer] Funding for this program provided by the Chubb Group... 210 00:11:10,421 --> 00:11:14,187 Not a foundation, just a bunch of fat guys. 211 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,860 ♪♪ [Rap] 212 00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:51,055 ♪♪ [Ends] 213 00:11:52,256 --> 00:11:54,952 [Announcer] This week, In Living Color asks the question... 214 00:11:55,026 --> 00:11:58,962 what if Bob Hope were black? 215 00:11:59,030 --> 00:12:03,023 What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up? 216 00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:05,034 All right. All right. All right. All right. 217 00:12:05,102 --> 00:12:08,003 I want y'all to put your hands together for this next brother comin' to the stage. 218 00:12:08,072 --> 00:12:10,563 Give it up for Mr. Bob Hope, y'all! 219 00:12:10,641 --> 00:12:12,575 - ♪♪ [Theme] - [Cheering] 220 00:12:17,348 --> 00:12:20,749 Yeah. Hey, this is Bob "Def ComedyJam" Hope here... 221 00:12:20,818 --> 00:12:23,048 and I'm one angry brother, I wanna tell you. 222 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,054 Hey, I'm gettin' kind of tired of white people thinkin'... 223 00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:26,953 I'm gonna steal somethin' just 'cause I'm black. 224 00:12:27,024 --> 00:12:32,121 Hey, what up with that, huh? Yeah. 225 00:12:32,196 --> 00:12:34,187 Yeah. Hey, I was in the store the other day. 226 00:12:34,265 --> 00:12:36,961 This saleslady was following me so close. Finally, I turned around and said... 227 00:12:37,034 --> 00:12:39,764 "Hey, look, bitch. Why don't you hop on? I'll give you a piggyback ride." 228 00:12:41,873 --> 00:12:43,807 Yeah. 229 00:12:45,843 --> 00:12:48,038 Yeah, but... Hey, how about these white girls? 230 00:12:48,112 --> 00:12:51,411 Ain't they somethin'? Yeah, they really go for us brothers, don't they? 231 00:12:51,482 --> 00:12:55,043 That's 'cause brothers know how to do the nasty. 232 00:12:55,119 --> 00:12:58,350 - [Man] Yeah! - You know what the nasty is, don't ya? 233 00:12:58,422 --> 00:13:03,485 Yeah. That's the wild thing with an attitude. 234 00:13:03,561 --> 00:13:06,462 See, brothers like to take our time with the ladies, don't we? 235 00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,964 Yeah. Man, I'm telling you, it's wild. 236 00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:12,230 We can stick... [Bleep] Hanukkah. Hey, peace! I'm outta here! 237 00:13:12,303 --> 00:13:14,533 ♪♪ [Theme] 238 00:13:19,343 --> 00:13:23,177 [Announcer] Sgt. Stacey Koon and other members of the Los Angeles Police Force... 239 00:13:23,247 --> 00:13:25,238 will soon face their second trial... 240 00:13:25,316 --> 00:13:27,307 regarding the violation of the civil rights... 241 00:13:27,385 --> 00:13:30,218 - of motorist Rodney King. - [Siren Wailing] 242 00:13:30,288 --> 00:13:32,222 - ♪♪ [Reggae] - Tonight, we present this special edition... 243 00:13:32,290 --> 00:13:35,987 of Sgt. Stacey Koon on Cops. 244 00:13:45,202 --> 00:13:50,731 [Severe Lisp] I'm Sgt. Stacey Koon, Los Angeles Police. 245 00:13:50,808 --> 00:13:53,470 My job is to right the wrongs... 246 00:13:53,544 --> 00:13:55,478 make the system work... 247 00:13:55,546 --> 00:13:59,915 subdue suspicious subjects by the seashore. 248 00:13:59,984 --> 00:14:02,976 Sorry a-about the spittle. 249 00:14:05,389 --> 00:14:08,051 Uh-oh. 250 00:14:08,125 --> 00:14:12,562 This is car 667. I've just sighted a suspicious male black... 251 00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:15,827 exceeding the speed limit substantially. 252 00:14:18,202 --> 00:14:20,568 He's about seven feet tall with the strength... 253 00:14:20,638 --> 00:14:24,836 of six psychotic sailors on steroids. 254 00:14:24,909 --> 00:14:27,434 I could need air support. 255 00:14:28,913 --> 00:14:31,006 [Woman] What's your location? 256 00:14:31,082 --> 00:14:34,313 - Heading south on Mississippi. - Spell that, please. 257 00:14:34,385 --> 00:14:37,616 M-l-S-S-l... Hey! 258 00:14:37,688 --> 00:14:40,623 - Cut that out, you guys. - [Snickering] 259 00:14:42,326 --> 00:14:44,556 I'll handle this myself. 260 00:14:53,037 --> 00:14:55,938 Okay, up against the wall, Football Williams. 261 00:14:56,007 --> 00:14:58,840 Wow! Are you a real police officer? 262 00:14:58,909 --> 00:15:01,605 What does it matter? Reality, fantasy. 263 00:15:01,679 --> 00:15:04,876 Its all the same to you dust-heads. 264 00:15:04,949 --> 00:15:09,147 Oh. What do you call this, Mr. Machine Gun Kelly? 265 00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:11,848 It's a water pistol... a super soaker. 266 00:15:11,922 --> 00:15:15,858 A super soaker? A super soaker? 267 00:15:15,926 --> 00:15:19,191 That's a semiautomatic sidearm if I've ever seen one! 268 00:15:19,263 --> 00:15:21,424 Now, you get in the squad car... 269 00:15:21,499 --> 00:15:24,866 or you'll be playing Taser tag into next week! 270 00:15:27,171 --> 00:15:29,162 Get in! 271 00:15:30,174 --> 00:15:32,904 [Sighs] See what I mean? 272 00:15:32,977 --> 00:15:36,413 - It's brutal out there. - ♪♪ [Reggae] 273 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,471 [Siren Wailing] 274 00:15:40,017 --> 00:15:43,214 [Announcer] Cops. It's filmed on location as it happens. 275 00:15:43,287 --> 00:15:45,187 All suspects are considered guilty... 276 00:15:45,256 --> 00:15:49,158 until proven innocent in a court oflaw. 277 00:15:49,226 --> 00:15:51,160 ♪♪ [Rap] 278 00:16:26,197 --> 00:16:28,131 ♪♪ [Ends] 279 00:16:29,967 --> 00:16:33,403 - ♪♪ [Woman Singing: Disco] - [Announcer] Public access channel 96... 280 00:16:33,471 --> 00:16:36,531 presents Men on Fitness. 281 00:16:36,607 --> 00:16:38,541 ♪♪ [Fades] 282 00:16:38,609 --> 00:16:41,601 Hello. I'm Blayne Edwards. 283 00:16:41,679 --> 00:16:43,738 And I'm Antoine Merrywether. 284 00:16:43,814 --> 00:16:46,749 [Together] And welcome to Men on Fitness. 285 00:16:46,817 --> 00:16:49,479 Today's show is brought to you by... 286 00:16:49,553 --> 00:16:51,487 - Mr. Gulp. - Mm-hmm! 287 00:16:51,555 --> 00:16:54,888 - The ultimate protein shake. - Mm-hmm. 288 00:16:54,959 --> 00:16:58,122 It's the second highest source of protein around. 289 00:16:58,195 --> 00:17:00,755 - But it tastes just like the first. - Mm-hmm. 290 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,826 Now, we have looked at lots of different workout tapes... 291 00:17:05,903 --> 00:17:08,633 - but none of'em really work for us. - Mm-hmm. 292 00:17:08,706 --> 00:17:11,266 Like that one... that Cindy Crawford workout. 293 00:17:11,342 --> 00:17:13,276 [Together] Hated it. 294 00:17:13,344 --> 00:17:16,745 - They should have called it "Cindy Crawfish." - Ooh! 295 00:17:18,282 --> 00:17:21,877 - Then there was Jane Fonda's Ultimate Workout. - Mm-hmm. 296 00:17:21,952 --> 00:17:24,318 - Hated it. - Ha... Yes, we did. 297 00:17:26,891 --> 00:17:31,260 They could have just called that A Fish Called Fonda. 298 00:17:31,328 --> 00:17:34,559 Then, of course, there was little Dick Gregory's diet. 299 00:17:34,632 --> 00:17:37,499 You know, I always do what Dick say. 300 00:17:39,303 --> 00:17:42,170 I think you supposed to. 301 00:17:43,607 --> 00:17:47,805 Now, before you begin your workout... 302 00:17:52,716 --> 00:17:55,344 you always got to have you a good stretch. 303 00:17:55,419 --> 00:17:57,114 - Go on, Blayne, show 'em. - That's right. 304 00:17:57,188 --> 00:18:00,749 Most people don't know how important the neck is in fitness. 305 00:18:00,824 --> 00:18:04,351 So we're gonna begin by doing some neck stretches. 306 00:18:04,428 --> 00:18:08,762 And one, and two, and three, and four. 307 00:18:08,832 --> 00:18:12,199 And one, and two, and three, and four... 308 00:18:12,269 --> 00:18:14,203 - Blayne! Blayne! Blayne! - And five, and six... 309 00:18:14,271 --> 00:18:16,205 - What? - Why you keep lookin' to the side? 310 00:18:16,273 --> 00:18:18,935 Because I gotta make sure ain't nobody's coming up behind me. 311 00:18:19,009 --> 00:18:21,000 Ooh! 312 00:18:23,447 --> 00:18:26,712 Oh, well, now it's time to move to the bench press. 313 00:18:29,053 --> 00:18:33,251 Now, weight liftin' can be very dangerous. 314 00:18:33,324 --> 00:18:35,656 That's why you always got to have you a spot. 315 00:18:35,726 --> 00:18:37,717 Garçon! 316 00:18:37,795 --> 00:18:42,198 Ooh, I gotjust five words to describe that... scrump-dee-il-ish-us. 317 00:18:42,266 --> 00:18:46,225 - Mm-mmm! - I need to get me one of these spots for my bedroom. 318 00:18:47,471 --> 00:18:49,769 Now, the bench press really... 319 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,707 is for to build up your upper-body muscles... 320 00:18:52,776 --> 00:18:55,506 makin' 'em ripple with all your "strungth." 321 00:18:56,714 --> 00:18:59,080 Okay, Serge, go ahead and spot him. 322 00:18:59,149 --> 00:19:01,845 You know, the view up from here is heavenly. 323 00:19:04,021 --> 00:19:06,581 Come on, Blayne. Use all your "strungth." Go ahead. 324 00:19:06,657 --> 00:19:08,852 [Squealing] 325 00:19:08,926 --> 00:19:11,417 Come on. Feel the burn. Come on. 326 00:19:11,495 --> 00:19:14,692 I'm flamin'! Get it off me! Aah! 327 00:19:14,765 --> 00:19:17,962 Oh! Oh! 328 00:19:18,035 --> 00:19:20,868 Could you put this in my car, please? 329 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,835 Gee, I am parched. 330 00:19:24,908 --> 00:19:29,368 You know, it's always good to replenish all your fluids any way you can. 331 00:19:29,446 --> 00:19:31,437 Oh, water boy? 332 00:19:42,359 --> 00:19:44,987 Please, sir, I'd like some more. 333 00:19:59,510 --> 00:20:03,776 And no workout would be complete without workin'... 334 00:20:03,847 --> 00:20:07,214 - The gluteus maximus! - Come on, guys! Come on. 335 00:20:07,284 --> 00:20:10,253 Come on, boys! 336 00:20:10,321 --> 00:20:14,951 Okay. So, what you wanna do first is warm up the buttocks muscles. 337 00:20:15,025 --> 00:20:17,323 - Mm-hmm. - And... 338 00:20:17,394 --> 00:20:20,454 one, and two, and three, and four. 339 00:20:20,531 --> 00:20:24,365 - Double-time! - One, two, three, four. Hold! 340 00:20:24,435 --> 00:20:26,596 - And release. - Whoo! 341 00:20:26,670 --> 00:20:29,104 - Come on, everyone. Down on your knees. - Down on your knees! 342 00:20:29,173 --> 00:20:31,164 Ooh, been there, done that. 343 00:20:33,210 --> 00:20:36,941 And one, and two... 344 00:20:37,014 --> 00:20:38,914 - and three, and four. - Double-time! 345 00:20:38,982 --> 00:20:40,916 One, two, three, four! 346 00:20:40,984 --> 00:20:44,351 - Hold. And release. - Whoo! 347 00:20:44,421 --> 00:20:46,855 Okay, everybody down. Down on the other side. 348 00:20:46,924 --> 00:20:51,258 I love this. I'm in control. Here we go. 349 00:20:51,328 --> 00:20:54,092 And one, and two, and three, and four. 350 00:20:54,164 --> 00:20:56,394 - Double-time! - And one, two, three, four! 351 00:20:56,467 --> 00:20:59,834 - Hold. And release. - Whoo! 352 00:20:59,903 --> 00:21:03,964 Okay, and you always wanna end with a great, big old stretch. 353 00:21:04,041 --> 00:21:05,975 [Squeals] 354 00:21:07,678 --> 00:21:09,976 Why-Why we always end like this? 355 00:21:10,047 --> 00:21:13,847 I don't know, but it's great for ventilation. 356 00:21:13,917 --> 00:21:16,784 Just breathe. Don't forget to breathe. 357 00:21:16,854 --> 00:21:19,721 [Inhales, Exhales Loudly] 358 00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:22,020 And that's it! Yea! 359 00:21:22,092 --> 00:21:25,858 - Thank you, boys. - Thank you, boys. 360 00:21:25,929 --> 00:21:29,057 Well, that's all the time we have for this week. 361 00:21:29,133 --> 00:21:32,830 Join us next week when we'll be showing you more exercises for... 362 00:21:32,903 --> 00:21:35,804 - What else? The gluteus maximus. - Here, here. 363 00:21:35,873 --> 00:21:37,841 I think this workout deserves... 364 00:21:37,908 --> 00:21:41,173 [Together] Two snaps and a pelvic thruster. 365 00:21:42,713 --> 00:21:46,979 Until next time, bye-bye. Race you to the showers. 366 00:21:47,050 --> 00:21:49,985 - I think I pulled something. - ♪♪ [Woman Singing: Disco] 367 00:21:55,025 --> 00:21:57,152 Good night, Grandma, and everybody else watching the show. 368 00:21:57,227 --> 00:21:59,457 Thanks. Peace. 30688

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