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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,185 --> 00:00:02,243 - How you livin'? - What? 2 00:00:02,320 --> 00:00:03,412 - How you livin'? - What? 3 00:00:03,488 --> 00:00:06,252 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 4 00:00:08,059 --> 00:00:12,155 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 5 00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:16,496 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 6 00:00:16,567 --> 00:00:20,128 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 7 00:00:20,204 --> 00:00:24,698 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 8 00:00:24,776 --> 00:00:27,404 - ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 9 00:00:27,478 --> 00:00:29,639 - ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 10 00:00:29,714 --> 00:00:32,182 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 11 00:00:32,250 --> 00:00:33,774 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 12 00:00:33,851 --> 00:00:35,978 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin', listener♪ 13 00:00:36,054 --> 00:00:38,022 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 14 00:00:38,089 --> 00:00:40,114 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 15 00:00:40,191 --> 00:00:42,284 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 16 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,555 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 17 00:00:44,629 --> 00:00:46,597 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 18 00:00:46,664 --> 00:00:48,757 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 19 00:00:48,833 --> 00:00:50,198 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 20 00:00:50,268 --> 00:00:51,963 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 21 00:00:52,036 --> 00:00:55,267 ♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 22 00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:57,365 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 23 00:00:57,442 --> 00:01:00,377 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 24 00:01:00,445 --> 00:01:04,643 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 25 00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:08,982 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 26 00:01:09,053 --> 00:01:12,648 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 27 00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:16,057 ♪ Go, go, go, go, go ♪♪ 28 00:01:18,529 --> 00:01:22,625 [Man Announcing] And now, another episode ofThe Head Detective. 29 00:01:30,375 --> 00:01:32,536 I don't see anything, Detective Head. 30 00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:34,544 - It smells like a setup to me. - [Sniffs Deeply] 31 00:01:34,612 --> 00:01:38,048 But you wouldn't know anything about that, because you're just a stupid rookie. 32 00:01:38,116 --> 00:01:40,983 Hey, hey, hey! I'm not stupid, okay? 33 00:01:41,052 --> 00:01:43,384 Besides, why do they call you "Head"? 34 00:01:43,454 --> 00:01:46,048 Something crazy from your college days, huh? 35 00:01:46,124 --> 00:01:49,252 Just go check out the back. I'll keep an eye on things here. 36 00:01:49,327 --> 00:01:52,854 Okay. Wait, wait. We need a code word you can yell if you get in trouble. 37 00:01:52,930 --> 00:01:55,421 How 'bout "help," you idiot? 38 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:58,401 Got it. No problem. 39 00:02:02,740 --> 00:02:04,731 I'm gonna camouflage you. 40 00:02:07,278 --> 00:02:10,975 - Mmm, ripe and ready to eat. - [Switch Clicks] 41 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:14,916 And you, mi amigo, are ripe and ready to die. 42 00:02:14,986 --> 00:02:18,319 The Dominguez brothers... Manny, Moe and Joaquin. 43 00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:20,721 I thought I sent you to prison for life. 44 00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:23,852 Yeah, but with good behavior... Phht! Got out in three months. 45 00:02:23,928 --> 00:02:26,453 And we spent those three long meses dreaming of the day... 46 00:02:26,531 --> 00:02:29,591 when we could put you through your worst nightmare. 47 00:02:29,667 --> 00:02:33,626 No, no, not juggling. Help! 48 00:02:35,006 --> 00:02:37,634 - Freeze! - Help! 49 00:02:37,708 --> 00:02:41,644 Damn, that sounds like Head. But he definitely said, "Help, you idiot." 50 00:02:41,712 --> 00:02:44,704 He's just yelling "Help." [Laughs] 51 00:02:44,782 --> 00:02:48,513 He's probably testing me. Oh, it's a trap. 52 00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:50,713 Think you're slick, Head. 53 00:02:53,324 --> 00:02:55,315 Freeze. 54 00:02:55,393 --> 00:02:58,419 Buenas noches, la Cabeza. Pull! 55 00:02:58,496 --> 00:03:01,556 - Go on! - [Laughing Wildly] 56 00:03:04,969 --> 00:03:06,960 [Beeping] 57 00:03:11,909 --> 00:03:15,208 Doc! Is he gonna make it? 58 00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:20,444 It's touch and go at this point, son. We... had to amputate. 59 00:03:20,518 --> 00:03:23,612 Amputate? What-What part? 60 00:03:23,688 --> 00:03:29,320 - Maybe we should sit down. - Damn it, Doc! Give it to me straight. 61 00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:33,159 - His hands and his feet. - Oh, God! 62 00:03:33,231 --> 00:03:35,722 We were able to save his ears. 63 00:03:37,768 --> 00:03:41,568 - Can I see him, Doc? - Do you have a strong stomach, son? 64 00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:43,937 - Yeah. - [Whispers] Go ahead. 65 00:03:48,846 --> 00:03:51,838 - [Machinery Beeping] - Come on, sir. 66 00:03:51,916 --> 00:03:56,182 You're gonna make it. Just hold on. You're gonna make it. 67 00:03:56,254 --> 00:03:58,950 - Okay? - [Sustained Beep] 68 00:03:59,023 --> 00:04:01,514 No, sir, I won't let you go! 69 00:04:01,592 --> 00:04:04,152 Clear! 70 00:04:04,228 --> 00:04:06,526 - [ElectricalJolt] - Uuh! 71 00:04:06,597 --> 00:04:08,895 Clear! 72 00:04:08,966 --> 00:04:10,365 Ow! 73 00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:15,168 - Rookie? - Sir? 74 00:04:15,239 --> 00:04:17,639 - Is that you, rookie? - You bet! 75 00:04:17,708 --> 00:04:21,200 - I can't feel my arms. - They're in the other room, sir. 76 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,213 - Rookie, come here. - Huh? 77 00:04:23,281 --> 00:04:25,215 - Come closer. - Yeah? 78 00:04:25,283 --> 00:04:28,514 [Shouting] What the hell is wrong with you, leaving me alone like that? 79 00:04:28,586 --> 00:04:31,146 Get me out of here. It's payback time. 80 00:04:33,257 --> 00:04:36,420 - ♪♪ [Salsa] - [All Chattering] 81 00:04:36,494 --> 00:04:40,260 Hey, check here. We got a package for the Dominguez brothers. 82 00:04:40,331 --> 00:04:43,129 It's from Juan Valdez, a piñata-gram. 83 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,634 Hey, somebody likes us. All right! 84 00:04:47,004 --> 00:04:49,598 It'll make hiding from the law a little bit more fun. 85 00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:54,702 Ah, ¡mira! It's party time! [Chuckles] 86 00:04:54,779 --> 00:04:58,306 - Okay, freeze, jalapeños. You're under arrest. - ¡La Cabeza! 87 00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:01,943 No! N-No! Heads up, wiseguy. 88 00:05:05,923 --> 00:05:09,415 - Look out, Head! - You may have won this time, la Cabeza... 89 00:05:09,493 --> 00:05:12,587 but I'm going to have the last laugh. [Laughing] 90 00:05:13,598 --> 00:05:16,089 Head! 91 00:05:16,167 --> 00:05:19,193 Ha-ha-ha! ¡A y! 92 00:05:19,270 --> 00:05:23,229 I got you, Head! I got you! Come on, baby. Come on. 93 00:05:23,307 --> 00:05:25,298 - Whoo-hoo! - Thanks, rookie. 94 00:05:25,376 --> 00:05:27,367 Yeah! 95 00:05:32,283 --> 00:05:35,616 Head? Head? 96 00:05:35,686 --> 00:05:39,952 [Announcer] This has been another episode ofThe Head Detective. 97 00:05:43,861 --> 00:05:46,830 Excuse me, madam. Could I have a moment of your time, please? 98 00:05:46,897 --> 00:05:50,355 - I'm sorry, I'm in a hurry. I've got a plane to catch. - Please, wait. 99 00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:54,530 You don't understand. I'm not a beggar, I'm a poet, and I'd like to read you a short poem. 100 00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:57,438 Now, if you like my poem, then I'd appreciate a small donation. 101 00:05:57,508 --> 00:06:00,204 If not, then all I want to hear is your honest criticism. 102 00:06:00,277 --> 00:06:02,768 All right, go ahead. 103 00:06:02,847 --> 00:06:05,077 Thank you. I call this poem... 104 00:06:05,149 --> 00:06:08,380 "Unidentified Flying Objects." 105 00:06:10,888 --> 00:06:13,356 Hark, who goes there? 106 00:06:13,424 --> 00:06:16,825 A bird, a butterfly... 107 00:06:16,894 --> 00:06:19,624 tender raindrops falling. 108 00:06:19,697 --> 00:06:23,793 A rock, a brick, a tightly clenched fist. 109 00:06:23,868 --> 00:06:26,928 Ka-bang! Crashing into the unsuspecting bitch's skull. 110 00:06:27,004 --> 00:06:30,337 Ouch! Groan! A bloodcurdling scream. 111 00:06:30,408 --> 00:06:35,107 Aa-aa-aahh! Fingers clawing at piercing blue eyes! 112 00:06:35,179 --> 00:06:38,979 All the colors of the rainbow, when all I wanted was some green. 113 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:42,349 Pain, agony, misery! 114 00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:46,015 These are a few of my favorite things. [Spits] 115 00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:48,888 [Stammering] Th-That was very good. 116 00:06:48,959 --> 00:06:53,623 - Um, here take this. Uh, just please, don't hurt me! - Hey! Hey, thanks. 117 00:06:53,698 --> 00:06:56,861 - Thanks for supporting arts. Have a nice trip, lady. - Excuse me, sir. 118 00:06:56,934 --> 00:07:00,734 - Would you like to buy some candy to support my troop? - Sorry, littleJohn Singleton... 119 00:07:00,805 --> 00:07:03,467 but I ain't got no... 120 00:07:03,541 --> 00:07:07,068 I ain't in a position right now to make a monetary contribution to your cause. 121 00:07:07,144 --> 00:07:11,080 But, uh, have a... Feel free to take this little poem back with you... 122 00:07:11,148 --> 00:07:14,174 to your little friends at the clubhouse, okay? 123 00:07:14,251 --> 00:07:18,654 I call this poem "Twinkle, Twinkle." 124 00:07:18,723 --> 00:07:22,215 You like that, right? "Twinkle, Twinkle." 125 00:07:22,293 --> 00:07:25,091 Twinkle, twinkle, little Smurf... 126 00:07:25,162 --> 00:07:28,131 selling Milk Duds on my turf. 127 00:07:29,133 --> 00:07:31,431 Disappear without a trace. 128 00:07:31,502 --> 00:07:33,834 On a carton of milk, you'll find his face. 129 00:07:33,904 --> 00:07:36,031 Twinkle, twinkle, candy man... 130 00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:39,702 punched in your mouth by this big, black hand. 131 00:07:39,777 --> 00:07:43,406 Hey, there, little fella. Is this guy bothering you? 132 00:07:43,481 --> 00:07:46,041 He's a bad man! 133 00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:48,745 All right, buddy, let's see your solicitor's permit. 134 00:07:48,819 --> 00:07:53,119 - Hey, man, since when do you need a permit to recite poetry? - Are you a poet? 135 00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:55,351 - Yeah! - Well, now, why didn't you say so? 136 00:07:55,426 --> 00:07:57,587 - I'm a bit of a poet myself. - Get outta here. 137 00:07:57,661 --> 00:07:59,754 - Yeah, and I'd like your honest criticism. - Okay. 138 00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:03,288 Now, I call this one "The Poet Near Gate 82." 139 00:08:03,367 --> 00:08:05,301 [Clears Throat] 140 00:08:05,369 --> 00:08:09,271 [Loudly] There once was a cop on his beat... 141 00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:12,138 who met up with a poet from the street. 142 00:08:12,209 --> 00:08:15,804 The cop threw him in jail, the poet couldn't make his bail... 143 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,577 and now his nickname is just "Sweet Meat"! 144 00:08:19,650 --> 00:08:23,643 Where you going, man? You're gonna miss the best part! 145 00:08:23,721 --> 00:08:26,815 All right, the show's over. Come on. Move a long, little guy. 146 00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:32,691 ♪♪ [Funk] 147 00:09:07,626 --> 00:09:11,118 ♪♪ [Man Rapping] 148 00:09:48,567 --> 00:09:51,035 [Cheering] 149 00:09:51,103 --> 00:09:53,435 Thank you. 150 00:09:55,341 --> 00:09:57,366 Thank you. 151 00:09:57,443 --> 00:10:00,571 But you know, waking up every morning... 152 00:10:00,646 --> 00:10:02,773 on a cold sidewalk... 153 00:10:02,848 --> 00:10:06,511 with no food or shelter, that's not so funny. 154 00:10:06,585 --> 00:10:10,214 The homeless don't need our scorn. They need our respect. 155 00:10:10,289 --> 00:10:15,556 - They shouldn't have to beg. - ♪♪ [Singing Soul] 156 00:10:21,467 --> 00:10:24,163 Okay, okay. All right, I'll bite. 157 00:10:24,236 --> 00:10:28,570 - Who-Who are you? - Oh, I'm Anton Jackson. 158 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,541 It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance. 159 00:10:31,610 --> 00:10:35,478 - Hey! - Hey, I'm an all-around entertainer. 160 00:10:35,547 --> 00:10:39,415 I'm surprised you didn't invite me to be on the show. 161 00:10:39,485 --> 00:10:44,149 See, I do comedy, magic... You know, I do all sorts of things. 162 00:10:44,223 --> 00:10:46,384 Listen, mister, we're doing a show here. 163 00:10:46,458 --> 00:10:51,293 You better get off me 'fore I move my bowels on you. 164 00:10:51,363 --> 00:10:55,231 Now, l... I don't think that'll be necessary. Look, just let him stay, you know. 165 00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:58,667 Since the show is about people like him... 166 00:10:58,737 --> 00:11:02,639 I think maybe it's only fair that we should let him perform, okay? 167 00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:05,506 - I think... What do you say? - [Cheering] 168 00:11:09,415 --> 00:11:13,181 So, okay. All right, so, uh... so let's-let's see what you can do. 169 00:11:13,252 --> 00:11:16,380 - Anton? - Yeah, okay. Well, my first magic trick... 170 00:11:16,455 --> 00:11:19,583 I'm gonna make Whoopi here disappear. 171 00:11:19,658 --> 00:11:24,789 Now, I say, hocus-pocus, broccoli and ocras... 172 00:11:24,863 --> 00:11:27,559 couple of Vienna sausage, a hard-boiled egg... 173 00:11:27,633 --> 00:11:30,796 and some leftover Chinese food. 174 00:11:31,804 --> 00:11:34,568 - Oh, God, man! - Disappear! 175 00:11:35,908 --> 00:11:37,899 Ta-da! 176 00:11:39,111 --> 00:11:41,102 Okay, just like Ghost. 177 00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:46,777 You know, its good to be back in L.A. I just spent time on the road. 178 00:11:46,852 --> 00:11:51,482 Actually, it was more like the ground. [Laughs] 179 00:11:51,557 --> 00:11:55,288 Ba-dum-bum. That's a "bum roll." 180 00:11:55,360 --> 00:12:00,821 I just flew in from the sperm bank, and boy are my arms tired. 181 00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:06,627 Seriously, folks, seriously, I was standing in line... 182 00:12:06,705 --> 00:12:09,936 at the soup kitchen the other day, a woman comes up to me. 183 00:12:10,008 --> 00:12:14,069 She said, "Hey, what's your sign?" I said, "Will work for food." 184 00:12:16,014 --> 00:12:20,110 And now, for another magic trick, ladies and gentlemen... 185 00:12:20,185 --> 00:12:22,244 the never-ending booger. 186 00:12:30,596 --> 00:12:32,928 Here, bring that home to your kids. 187 00:12:35,267 --> 00:12:39,499 All right, ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a good friend of mine. 188 00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:42,972 This is my little homeless pal, Squeegee. 189 00:12:45,410 --> 00:12:47,935 Say hello to the people, Squeegee. 190 00:12:48,013 --> 00:12:52,473 [Nasally] Hey, hello, how's everybody? Where we at? 191 00:12:52,551 --> 00:12:55,019 Oh, we're at the Comic Releef. 192 00:12:55,087 --> 00:12:58,853 Okay, well, then, let me relieve myself. 193 00:13:03,295 --> 00:13:06,025 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, thank you. 194 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:11,858 Listen, ladies and gentlemen, I'm not gonna hog the whole show... 195 00:13:11,937 --> 00:13:14,303 because I'd like to introduce... 196 00:13:14,373 --> 00:13:17,035 a very personal friend of mine... 197 00:13:17,109 --> 00:13:19,441 a discovery of my own. 198 00:13:19,511 --> 00:13:22,002 I met this woman in my box... 199 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,208 and I've been trying to unwrap hers ever since. 200 00:13:26,652 --> 00:13:31,851 Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Miss Shirley Dupree! 201 00:13:34,259 --> 00:13:37,057 Give it up, damn it. I didn't come all the way... 202 00:13:37,129 --> 00:13:41,725 from the Betty Ford Center here tonight for you to look at me like I'm crazy. 203 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,668 Put them hands together and give up the clap! 204 00:13:45,737 --> 00:13:48,900 [Cheers, Whistles] 205 00:13:48,974 --> 00:13:54,344 Thank you. Yes, I just flew in from Betty's place... 206 00:13:54,413 --> 00:13:56,677 and I want you to know... 207 00:13:56,748 --> 00:14:01,048 that Betty can have my endorsement any day. 208 00:14:01,119 --> 00:14:04,555 I had a ball. 209 00:14:09,027 --> 00:14:11,723 [Coughs] By the way... 210 00:14:11,797 --> 00:14:15,392 I was introduced tonight as Shirley Dupree. 211 00:14:15,467 --> 00:14:18,231 But I'm known among my peers... 212 00:14:18,303 --> 00:14:20,294 on the jazz circuit... 213 00:14:20,372 --> 00:14:24,001 as Shirley "Thunderbutt"... 214 00:14:27,412 --> 00:14:29,642 Dupree. 215 00:14:29,715 --> 00:14:31,706 [Scattered Laughter] 216 00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:33,774 Why you laughing? 217 00:14:33,852 --> 00:14:36,548 I know why you're laughing. You're saying, "Well, where's the butt?" 218 00:14:36,622 --> 00:14:39,420 Well, I want all y'all to know something. 219 00:14:39,491 --> 00:14:43,154 I was a fine, young, sexy thing in my day. 220 00:14:44,696 --> 00:14:47,688 I had breasts as big as basketballs... 221 00:14:47,766 --> 00:14:50,200 and a butt bigger than Oprah Winfrey's... 222 00:14:50,268 --> 00:14:53,829 and Nell Carter's put together. 223 00:14:53,905 --> 00:14:58,137 And if I'm lyin', I'm flyin'. As you can see, I'm still here on the ground. 224 00:14:59,911 --> 00:15:04,143 I want to thank Whippi... 225 00:15:04,216 --> 00:15:08,550 Whoppi... Wonton... whatever her name is... 226 00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:11,248 for helping the homeless people. 227 00:15:11,323 --> 00:15:15,225 We homeless people got to stick together... 228 00:15:15,293 --> 00:15:18,524 and we've gotta get our own. 229 00:15:18,597 --> 00:15:24,433 Which reminds me of a song my good, dead friend Billie Holiday used to sing. 230 00:15:26,138 --> 00:15:30,302 ♪♪ [Singing Blues] 231 00:15:37,149 --> 00:15:40,084 Sound like her, don't I? 232 00:15:50,495 --> 00:15:52,986 Oh, yeah. Come on. 233 00:15:53,065 --> 00:15:55,898 Help me out here, Anton. 234 00:15:57,035 --> 00:15:59,196 Help me out, baby. 235 00:16:01,707 --> 00:16:03,698 ♪♪ [Imitating Harmonica] 236 00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:30,397 ♪♪ [Imitating Harmonica Continues] 237 00:16:39,978 --> 00:16:42,469 [Cheering, Applause] 238 00:16:49,087 --> 00:16:51,453 Thank you. 239 00:16:51,523 --> 00:16:56,222 Damn, I didn't know you could sing like that. Mama, you sure can blow. 240 00:16:56,294 --> 00:16:59,263 You ain't seen nothing yet. 241 00:17:08,707 --> 00:17:11,437 Hey, thank you very much. We had a great time tonight. 242 00:17:11,510 --> 00:17:15,708 And I just want to remind you... we all want to remind you... get out and vote. 243 00:17:15,781 --> 00:17:18,773 It's the only way we can bring about change. Vote! 244 00:17:20,385 --> 00:17:22,649 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 20556

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