Original subtitles

[Doorbell Rings]

- Hello. - Hi.

Uh...

I'm entertaining upstairs, and I ran out of coffee.

Well, it just happens I've got a pot brewing right now.

Why don't you come in and have some?

- Thank you. - I hope Tester's Choice will do.

Tester's Choice?

Mmm. So smooth.

Is it hot enough for you?

Hot and creamy. Just the way I like it.

Can I have another cup?

[Laughs]

You said that three cups ago.

Oh, my gosh.

I forgot about my guests. They'll be wondering where I've been.

- Well, don't you want another cup? - No, I really have to go.

Thank you.

- Oh, come on! - Oh, this is a great party, guys.

And great coffee.

[Doorbell Rings]

- Hello, Dan. - Hi.

- Can I come in? I brought some coffee. - Not now. We're having company.

Oh, I see.

You just drop by and drink my coffee, and then toss me aside like so many used grounds?

You've got responsibilities, Dan.

- What are you talking about? - You, me, my apartment.

Or were you just some neighbor stopping by to borrow coffee?

- Exactly. - I won't be ignored.

Maybe you should try the decaf. Excuse me.

Oh!

Just some crazy.

Okay.

[Man] Coffee so good it can't be ignored.

Good morning, honey.

It will be as soon as I have some Tester's Choice.

Did I hear someone say Tester's Choice?

- [Screaming] - [Laughing]

[Man] Tester's Choice.

The taste that just won't go away.

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪

♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪

♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪

♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin', listener♪

♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪

♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪

♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪

♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪

♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪

♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪

♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪

- ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪

♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪

♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪

♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go ♪

♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪

[Audience Cheering]

Hello, and welcome to The 100,000 Pyramid.

Our guest celebrities this week are two of America's favorite stars...

Tom and Tom, the Brothers Brothers.

[Cheering]

Yippee! Whoopee!

Well, welcome to the show, guys.

- Great to be here, Dick! - Hi, Mommy!

I understand you two are sponsoring a big golf tournament this weekend.

That's right. It's called the Very Vanilla Velveeta V-8 Classic.

In Vegas and Vermont. Va-va-voom!

You know how to play the game. You have 30 seconds to guess all six answers.

Tom, Mark, pick a category.

All righty. I think we're gonna go with Turn On.

[Dick] Turn On it is.

This category is famous celebrities associated with the '60s.

Ready? Go.

Okay, a famous black man persecuted for his beliefs.

- Ben Vereen. - Okay. He was an inspirational speaker.

- Uh, Nipsey Russell. - Uh, his name had a letter in it.

Um, um,J.J.

Uh, BeBe and CeCe. L.L. Um, the Bee Gees.

Pass! Next one, please. Okay. You'll love this.

Um, um, um, he was the Godfather of Soul.

- Wayne Newton. - Ah, no, no.

- The hardest working man in show business. - Um, Pat Boone.

- Darker. - Uh, Byron Allen.

Oh, come on. He's a dancing machine.

Next! Okay. Very famous '60s figure, associated with the Panthers.

Um, Marlin Perkins?

No. When you're cutting something you use a...

- Air freshener. - No, no. No. A meat...

- Cleaver. Cleaver. - More specific.

- Uh, Wally Cleaver. - Next.

Okay. Woman from the '60s, very famous, big hairdo. Her initials are A.D.

Um...

Ann B. Davis, the maid on The Brady Bunch?

No! This woman was a militant protester.

Gosh, I know that. I saw the episode where she poured the noodles on Greg's head.

[Buzzer]

Okay, once again, guys, no correct answers.

- [Tom Chattering] - Okay, Tom. Which category are you going to pick?

I'm gonna go with The Way We Were.

All right. Your subject is famous historical figures.

Ready? Go.

Short and bald-headed.

Telly Savalas.

He was anorexic. A lot of bedsheets.

Um, um, dot, dot, dot.

[Mimicking Indian Accent] Uh, "Welcome to 7-Eleven."

You lost me. You lost me.

Pass. Next one. Uh, he was a troublemaker.

This guy didn't like his seat on the bus.

Um, he didn't know he had it so good.

- Joe Piscopo. - [Groans]

He walked all over Alabama for no reason at all, got hit in his head all the time.

He was... He was, um, relative to Don King.

- Don King Sr. - Pass.

He was the father of our country, the greatest man who ever lived.

George Washington!

He was against those stupid programs like, um...

affirmative action and... and school lunches.

A... A politician. Um, h-he was the... the...

- on top of everything. - Bill Clinton!

[Buzzer]

Sorry, Trudy. Wrong answer.

The answer was Ronald Reagan.

- Why do I get stuck with the dummies? - Hey!

Once again, the score is nothing-nothing.

You know, I just can't take this anymore.

[Dick] I'm getting pissed myself.

I'm telling you, Dick. This "bodinkey" is just getting under my skin.

Did... Tom, Tom. It's okay.

- I'm sorry. My nostril hair is flaring at this very moment. - [Gasps]

That's a booger.

Come on, now, guys. Are you saying that if you two were working together...

the two brothers... you'd do better than this?

- You're darn tootin'. - Well, then, come on. Take the challenge.

Come into the Winners' Circle, and go for $100,000.

[Audience Cheering]

- Hi, Dick. - Hey.

Oh, you have only 60 seconds to answer all the questions on the board.

- Let's see if you can do it. - Okay.

Go.

[Breathing Erratically]

Okay. Uh, violence, unemployed people, juvenile delinquents.

Things you'd find at a rap concert.

TheJohn Denver live album...

Cheez Whiz on a Ritz, a white girl.

Things you find on The Arsenio Hall Show.

Yeah! Great!

Arizona, Alabama...

- South Africa. - Uh, a place to go on vacation.

[Bell Dings]

Welfare, stale Wonder Bread.

- We're all out of mayonnaise. - Um, um...

- Things that make you mad. - Yes!

Going to work every day, paying your taxes...

- dinner at Bryant Gumbel's house. - Things that are fun to do?

[Bell Dings]

Hi. I'm a black guy.

- Uh, something a robber might say. - Yeah!

Unbelievable.! That's a Pyramid record.!

Congratulations, Tom and Tom. See you next time, kids.

- All righty. - Whoo!

- ♪♪ [Hip-hop] - ♪♪ [Man Rapping]

♪♪ [Ends]

[Panting]

I can't make it.

I can't take another step.

Wendle, you're it, man.

You're the last man on earth.

Do you realize what this means?

Well, l... Let me check.

That means that there is one man...

for every three billion women left on earth.

And that one man is me.

That means that I, Wendle K. Templeton...

am finally gonna get busy!

Yeah, that's right! I'm gonna get busy!

All right. It's me! Yes!

Get off me! Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

All right!

[Laughing]

Hey, everybody. I think I just saw a man headed in this direction.

[All Yelling]

A real man? Are you sure?

[Woman] I can't wait.

Here he comes!

- [All Squealing] - Party time.

That's right. Come and get it.

- Wendle K. In the house. - Ooh.

Right. I'm the last man on earth.

I'm the last fish in the sea.

The last weenie on the grill. Who wants some? Come get some.

Oh, baby.

There hasn't been a man around here in a very long time.

- Oh, oh. - And, you know, Wendle, there are certain things...

- a woman could use a strong man for. - Yes, I'm right here, baby.

- What are you doing tonight? - Anything you want me to.

I don't think you want to do any of that, Wendle.

- Aw, shucks. Vanilla. - You know, here's my phone number.

Why don't you call me?

Listen. I just want to get to know you better.

- Let's just get started right away. - Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Could you open this jar? And when you're finished with that...

I have a little garbage that needs to be taken out.

Oh, no. He won't have time for that. You've gotta mow the lawn...

- and you've gotta trim the hedges. - Hey, what about my car?

My tires need rotating.

[All Chattering]

[Women Laughing]

Is that the cutest, tightest little old butt you've ever seen in your life?

I mean, what a cute little tushy.

I think I've had a little too much booze.

Hey, Wendle. Bring it over here, sweet cakes.

Bring it home to mama!

You know, you all have no idea how to treat a human being.

I've done everything for you. Lfix your cars, I mow your lawn...

and still none of you will even sleep with me.

A man would never do that. He would at least have meaningless sex. At least!

Aw! Somebody made Wendle a little mad.

Wendie, Wendie...

don't get yourself all in an uproar, honey.

Here's a hammer, honey. Go build yourself somethin'.

You want to know what I think? I think you all should...

Who cares what you think? You're a man.

Just turn around and let us see that little booty!

Hey, Wendle. You know what you need?

I'm gonna tell you what you need.

You're right, you know. You need a woman.

Hey. Hey. Does anybody here want to do it with Wendle?

[All Laughing]

Yeah, you all laugh now, huh?

Laugh. Right. Laugh it up.

One day your biological clock is gonna start tickin'...

and you're gonna need Wendle K. To do the stickin'.

- That's right. - Hey. Hey, wait a minute.

Hey, he's right. I know I want to have a baby one of these days.

- Well, so do I. - Have a baby sooner or later. I mean...

Yeah, all right. Now who wants to see some butt?

Here, Wendle. Here's a paper cup.

- What's this for? - We're starting a sperm bank.

[All Laughing]

Hey, Wendle. It's showtime!

All right, all right. I'm coming.

♪♪ [Pop]

Go, Wendle! Go, Wendle! Go, Wendle! Go, Wendle!

Oh!

Go, Wendle! Go, Wendle!

♪♪ ['80s Pop]

[Man] Cable access channel 96 presents Men on Film.

- Hello. I'm Blaine Edwards. - And I'm Antoine Merriwether.

[Together] And welcome to Men on Films.

Today we gonna look at films on videocassette...

from a male point of view.

That's right. And tonight we're brought to you by a brand-new sponsor...

Hungry Mens Dinners. Mmm, mmm.

Now, how do you handle a hungry man?

I wrestle him down and take advantage of his weakness.

First off, my favorite love story of all times...

is All the President's Mens.

Now this is a story about outing...

in which two male reporters...

has to investigate the goings-on in the White House.

- Mm-hmm. - Ooh, there was just too much intrigue.

But the real hero of this movie is a man they called Deep Throat.

See, he was the one that led them...

to the end of the trail, where they find Tricky Dick.

- Like they were gonna find something else. - You need to stop.

So, anyway, my favorite love story on video is Deliverance.

- Mm-hmm. - Now this...

This is a film about love and camping...

but the movie really doesn't start off until...

they meet up with them little dirty hillbillies...

who teach these mens about how to rough it in the great outdoors.

Mmm! Just make me want to squeal like a pigs. Ooh-eee!

My goodness.

I also like 48 Hrs.

I'm telling you. What with Nick Nolte...

handcuffed to that cute little chocolate brown Eddie Murphys...

Mmm! Two mens from different cultures...

learning to love one another...

and depend on each others for "strungth."

It was like a all-male version of Jungle Fevers.

I've got just two words to describe Another 48 Hrs.

Scrump-tious. I'm through.

Which brings us to our next category, musicals.

Now, my favorite musical is Grease.

With that young little John Travolta...

and all them little James Dean look-alikes...

slicked up in leather and wearin' that, um, uh... all them chaps...

to try to act butch, you know.

I just... It's just too bad they spoiled that film...

with that cold fish from Down Under.

Uh, Olivia Newton-Fish-John or somethin'.

'Cause when I look atJohn Travolta, let me tell you, child...

grease is the word.

Oh, you know what? I have a consumer alert for all our viewers.

- The film Black Stallion is not about Denzel Washington. - What?

Mm-hmm. It's just about some stanky old horse.

But I'll tell you one movie that did live up to its title.

- That's Shaft. - Mmm! Shut your mouth.

- But I'm talking about Shaft. - And I can dig it.

And that brings us to our next category, fish stories.

- First there's Little Mermaid. Hated it! - Hated it!

- Then there's Splash. Hated it! - Hated it!

And finally there's Thelma and Louise.

[Together] Double hated it.

I mean, who wants to see two scruffy old white heifers...

in a stank, dirty convertible...

screechin' and caterwauling?

- [Scoffs] - You know, I couldn't wait till they drove off that damn cliff.

Vete, vete.

- Now, listen. If you want some real excitement... - Mm-hmm.

I can recommend some videocassettes in the action film genre.

Oh. Like, you mean, uh, uh, like... like Pee-wee's Big Adventures?

No, I saw Pee-wee's adventure. It wasn't that big.

Moving on. [Chuckles]

But, you know, I particularly enjoyed...

the action and excitement of theJames Bond films.

Oh, me too. I especially like, um...

Thunderball and Goldfinger...

- and my favorite, Never Say Never. - Ooh.

And let's not forget Octopussy.

[Together] Hated it!

Which brings us to the time in the show...

when we discuss our two favorite films on video of all times.

Now, for me, it's got to be the movie Big...

starring Tom Hanks as a man with a little boy inside him.

I believe we can all relate to that.

My favorite film of all time is Psycho.

I particularly love the end...

where Anthony Perkins puts on his mother's dress, and he said...

"This is me. This is who I am. Let's take a shower."

And that old Alfred Hitchcock... his name alone drives me psycho.

[Chuckles]

So, for all the fine films on videocassette...

let's give it our patented films on video snap.

Two snaps and a rewind.

Join us next week when we'll be talking about The Dirty Dozen.

- Isn't that with that old husky, duskyJim Brown? - Mm-hmm.

Is he still throwing people out the window?

I don't know. He used to play football.

I bet he did.

Bye-bye. See yas.

♪♪ ['80s Pop]

♪♪ [Ends]

Tonight we have two of the dopest kids from Atlanta...

who are totally Krossed out.

From their backward clothing, to the Mac Daddy to the Daddy Mac.

Off RuffHouse Columbia Records, please put your hands together for Kris Kross...

performing their hit single "Jump."

- ♪♪ [Hip-hop] - ♪♪ [Rapping]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

♪♪ [Rapping Continues]

- ♪♪ [Ends] - [Grunts]