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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,486 --> 00:00:02,475 - How you livin'? - What? 2 00:00:02,553 --> 00:00:03,645 - How you livin'? - What? 3 00:00:03,721 --> 00:00:05,848 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 4 00:00:08,293 --> 00:00:12,423 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 5 00:00:12,497 --> 00:00:16,763 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 6 00:00:16,834 --> 00:00:20,634 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 7 00:00:20,705 --> 00:00:24,971 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 8 00:00:25,043 --> 00:00:27,671 - ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 9 00:00:27,745 --> 00:00:29,906 - ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 10 00:00:29,981 --> 00:00:32,449 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 11 00:00:32,517 --> 00:00:34,041 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 12 00:00:34,118 --> 00:00:36,245 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin', listener♪ 13 00:00:36,321 --> 00:00:38,289 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 14 00:00:38,356 --> 00:00:40,381 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 15 00:00:40,458 --> 00:00:42,551 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 16 00:00:42,627 --> 00:00:44,822 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 17 00:00:44,896 --> 00:00:46,864 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 18 00:00:46,931 --> 00:00:49,024 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 19 00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,465 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 20 00:00:50,535 --> 00:00:52,230 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 21 00:00:52,303 --> 00:00:55,534 ♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 22 00:00:55,606 --> 00:00:57,631 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 23 00:00:57,709 --> 00:01:00,075 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 24 00:01:00,144 --> 00:01:03,477 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 25 00:01:03,548 --> 00:01:09,384 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 26 00:01:09,454 --> 00:01:13,891 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 27 00:01:13,958 --> 00:01:15,186 ♪ Go, go, go ♪ 28 00:01:15,259 --> 00:01:17,056 ♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪ 29 00:01:21,866 --> 00:01:24,391 Eight times five... 30 00:01:24,469 --> 00:01:26,937 Carry the three. 31 00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:28,938 Aw, damn it. 32 00:01:29,006 --> 00:01:32,498 I've got to make this speech tomorrow... 33 00:01:32,577 --> 00:01:37,071 and I still don't know what to do about the... economy. 34 00:01:37,148 --> 00:01:39,548 [TV: Male Announcer] Do you recognize this man? 35 00:01:39,617 --> 00:01:42,279 [Announcer Continues] If you don't, you're not watching enough television. 36 00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:44,617 - He's Tommy Wu. - [Tommy] Hey, idiot! 37 00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:46,816 Rotting in your own filth! 38 00:01:46,891 --> 00:01:50,224 - What do you think of this excellent lifestyle I'm living? - Ding! 39 00:01:51,996 --> 00:01:54,089 - Just a few moments to air, Mr. President. - All right. 40 00:01:54,165 --> 00:01:56,099 Okay. Let's clear. 41 00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,260 - [Exhales] - [Man] Okay, here we go. 42 00:01:58,336 --> 00:02:02,136 In five, four, three, two... 43 00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,140 Fellow Americans... 44 00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:08,201 I've been staying up late, nighthawkin' it, burnin' the candle at both ends... 45 00:02:08,279 --> 00:02:11,373 thinkin' about this... economic mess we're in. 46 00:02:11,449 --> 00:02:15,249 And I'll tell ya, the whole thing makes me wanna exhale liquid. 47 00:02:17,555 --> 00:02:21,116 But I'm not gonna, not this time. 48 00:02:21,192 --> 00:02:23,422 I've got a little trick up my sleeve. 49 00:02:23,494 --> 00:02:28,397 Without further ado, please welcome my new chief economic advisor... 50 00:02:28,466 --> 00:02:30,400 the Donald Trump of the Orient... 51 00:02:30,468 --> 00:02:33,631 and the reigning king of late-night television... 52 00:02:33,704 --> 00:02:36,298 Mr. Tommy Wu. 53 00:02:36,374 --> 00:02:39,002 - Come on out here, Tom. - Thank you, Mr. George. 54 00:02:41,712 --> 00:02:44,476 Japanese say problem with U.S. Economy... 55 00:02:44,549 --> 00:02:47,575 is that American worker fat and lazy. 56 00:02:47,652 --> 00:02:50,678 - Oh, yeah. - But they only got it half right. 57 00:02:50,755 --> 00:02:53,622 American worker stupid too. 58 00:02:53,691 --> 00:02:57,058 You want to see nice picture of American auto worker? 59 00:02:57,128 --> 00:02:59,892 Then look up "imbecile" in dictionary. 60 00:02:59,964 --> 00:03:02,728 Whoa, Wu. Whoa. 61 00:03:04,135 --> 00:03:06,831 - Stick to the thousand points of light. - Sorry. 62 00:03:06,904 --> 00:03:11,432 Okay. Plan is so simple even American can understand it. 63 00:03:11,509 --> 00:03:13,602 Step one. 64 00:03:14,946 --> 00:03:17,813 Surround yourself with beautiful California girl... 65 00:03:17,882 --> 00:03:20,043 with intelligence of head lice. 66 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:25,054 Step two. Buy sport car. 67 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:29,024 That all makes perfect sense. Then what, Wu? 68 00:03:29,093 --> 00:03:31,584 That it, stupid! 69 00:03:33,297 --> 00:03:36,095 Now people lend you money... 70 00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:39,102 because they think you're so damn successful. 71 00:03:39,170 --> 00:03:41,968 I know it doesn't sound like much, but I've checked it out... 72 00:03:42,039 --> 00:03:44,564 scrutinized it, spanked it, diapered it... 73 00:03:44,642 --> 00:03:48,442 kicked it in the pants, ran it up the flag pole to see who'd salute. 74 00:03:48,513 --> 00:03:53,280 And I'm here to tell ya, Tom Wu's plan works. 75 00:03:54,285 --> 00:03:57,618 See, after I took the seminar... 76 00:03:57,688 --> 00:04:00,680 I picked up this house... no money down. 77 00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:05,353 - Why can't you do that? - And that's not all. 78 00:04:05,429 --> 00:04:07,260 President Bush got boat.! 79 00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,231 Got private plane.! 80 00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:12,667 He even take vacation in middle of Gulf War.! 81 00:04:12,737 --> 00:04:14,671 And I'll tell ya another thing. 82 00:04:14,739 --> 00:04:19,438 Not every woman I sleep with looks like she just stepped off a $1.00 bill. 83 00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,671 Hey there, Georgie's girls. 84 00:04:24,215 --> 00:04:26,513 That's right. Since Bush learn secret... 85 00:04:26,584 --> 00:04:29,178 no longer people call him "limp wimp." 86 00:04:29,253 --> 00:04:31,187 No way, Wu. 87 00:04:31,255 --> 00:04:35,385 Not since I bought up five defunct S and L's for 10 cents on the dollar. 88 00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:37,950 And how much profit you make on those, George? 89 00:04:38,029 --> 00:04:41,294 I made 300,000 G's. G's for George. 90 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,526 Now, why can't you do that? 91 00:04:43,601 --> 00:04:47,401 And not only that, but Tommy Wu's plan worked for Barbara too. 92 00:04:47,471 --> 00:04:50,031 Come on out here, Bar. 93 00:04:51,842 --> 00:04:55,938 So, if you can read at all, read my lips. 94 00:04:56,013 --> 00:05:00,143 Stop stimulating yourself, and stimulate economy! 95 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:02,708 And read my lips. 96 00:05:02,787 --> 00:05:06,314 Ask yourself not what your country can do for you... 97 00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:10,121 - but ask yourself... - [Together] Why can't you do that? 98 00:05:10,194 --> 00:05:13,595 Good night and God bless. 99 00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:20,870 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 100 00:05:28,980 --> 00:05:31,346 ♪♪ [Woman Singing] 101 00:06:05,683 --> 00:06:09,141 ♪♪ [Ends] 102 00:06:11,822 --> 00:06:15,258 [Man] And now another episode of The Head Detective. 103 00:06:17,628 --> 00:06:20,688 This is pathetic. 104 00:06:20,765 --> 00:06:23,063 I'm shocked that an officer from this precinct... 105 00:06:23,134 --> 00:06:26,865 has stolen $20,000 in evidence money. 106 00:06:26,937 --> 00:06:29,838 Come on, Chief. No one in this room is a thief. 107 00:06:29,907 --> 00:06:33,673 I don't know, partner. Smells like someone stole your deodorant. 108 00:06:33,744 --> 00:06:37,805 I'm gonna search every officer's locker in this room, starting with the Head. 109 00:06:37,882 --> 00:06:39,941 Chief, you can't be serious. 110 00:06:40,017 --> 00:06:43,475 Head's never done a dishonest thing in his life. Look at this face. 111 00:06:44,889 --> 00:06:48,256 Sorry, Head. I've gotta do what I gotta do. 112 00:06:54,532 --> 00:06:58,093 Well, well, well. Look what we have here. 113 00:06:58,169 --> 00:07:00,831 I didn't do it. It's a setup. Can't you see? 114 00:07:00,905 --> 00:07:02,964 They're tryin' to set me up. I didn't take it. 115 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:04,974 You know what your problem is, Head? 116 00:07:05,042 --> 00:07:08,603 You're caught red-handed, and you can't even admit it. You have no guts. 117 00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,704 That shouldn't surprise you. I don't have any spleen. 118 00:07:10,781 --> 00:07:13,579 I got one genital and a half a colon. 119 00:07:13,651 --> 00:07:16,142 Shut up, Head. 120 00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:18,654 I'm sending you away for a long, long time. 121 00:07:18,723 --> 00:07:22,523 L-I won't go. You can't send me away. Tell 'im, partner. 122 00:07:22,593 --> 00:07:25,153 - Get outta here, you thief. - Oh! - [Loud Thud] 123 00:07:27,665 --> 00:07:30,259 [Inmates Chattering] 124 00:07:30,334 --> 00:07:32,268 Gee, I stick my neck out for the force all these years... 125 00:07:32,336 --> 00:07:34,270 and this is the thanks I get? 126 00:07:34,338 --> 00:07:37,501 [Sighs] I can't believe it. 127 00:07:37,575 --> 00:07:39,600 Hey, man, what are you in for? 128 00:07:39,677 --> 00:07:42,976 Oh, man, they said I looked up some lady's dress. 129 00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:45,015 It's not like I had any choice in the matter. 130 00:07:45,082 --> 00:07:47,016 Yeah. I know what you mean. 131 00:07:47,084 --> 00:07:49,018 You know, you got kind of a nice smile yourself. 132 00:07:49,086 --> 00:07:52,055 Hey! Don't touch me. I'm not into heads, okay? 133 00:07:53,791 --> 00:07:56,954 Say, look, pal, you really shouldn't run away from your feelings in here. 134 00:07:57,027 --> 00:08:00,463 I mean, we're gonna be here for three years together. 135 00:08:00,531 --> 00:08:03,967 Listen, buddy, you stay on your side of the cage. I'll stay on mine, okay? 136 00:08:04,034 --> 00:08:06,400 Just leave me alone. I wanna get some sleep. 137 00:08:06,470 --> 00:08:11,430 Well, yeah, but, uh, you know, the bed's on my side of the cage. 138 00:08:14,278 --> 00:08:17,611 Okay, but you're gonna have to shave first. 139 00:08:21,986 --> 00:08:23,920 He loves me. 140 00:08:25,289 --> 00:08:27,223 He loves me not. 141 00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:29,691 - [Snoring] - He loves me. 142 00:08:31,295 --> 00:08:33,388 - [Snoring Continues] - He loves me not. 143 00:08:33,464 --> 00:08:36,194 - [Loud Whisper] Psst! Head! - Yes, darling? 144 00:08:36,267 --> 00:08:39,828 - Head, wake up. It's me. - Hey, partner. 145 00:08:39,904 --> 00:08:41,838 Hey, who's that with you? 146 00:08:41,906 --> 00:08:45,205 Oh, that's just, uh... He's just Lou, a guy I met. 147 00:08:45,276 --> 00:08:47,870 - You didn't... - What, like it? No. 148 00:08:47,945 --> 00:08:50,004 I didn't like it. Of course I didn't. It was just a little footsie. 149 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:53,072 Shh, shh, shh, shh! Okay, okay. We'll deal with that later. 150 00:08:53,150 --> 00:08:55,277 - Listen, I know who framed you, Head. - Who? 151 00:08:55,352 --> 00:08:58,480 - It was the chief. - Oh, God, no. 152 00:08:58,556 --> 00:09:00,524 - You gotta get me outta here. - All right. Hang on. 153 00:09:00,591 --> 00:09:02,991 - Hey, partner. One other thing. - Yeah? 154 00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:05,858 Let's kind of keep this between me and you. 155 00:09:05,930 --> 00:09:09,661 Sure. Our secret, Head. 156 00:09:09,733 --> 00:09:11,428 Thanks. 157 00:09:16,507 --> 00:09:18,873 And where the hell do you think you're goin'? 158 00:09:18,943 --> 00:09:21,070 - Uh-oh. - They got us surrounded, Head. 159 00:09:21,145 --> 00:09:24,012 Nonsense, partner. Remember when you played with Pelé? 160 00:09:24,081 --> 00:09:26,641 Man, you were the greatest soccer player in the world. 161 00:09:26,717 --> 00:09:28,685 Head, this is no time to reminisce. 162 00:09:28,752 --> 00:09:32,017 No. Don't you see what I'm drivin' at? Kick me past 'em. 163 00:09:32,089 --> 00:09:35,581 - It's too dangerous. - Damn it! Just do it. 164 00:09:35,659 --> 00:09:37,559 All right. ! Juegan, amigos.! 165 00:09:40,297 --> 00:09:42,288 [Man] Go, man.! Yeah.! Yeah.! Yeah.! 166 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,598 [Cheering, Chattering] 167 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:48,866 [Cheering] 168 00:09:48,939 --> 00:09:51,931 Hey. Hey, bring him back here. 169 00:09:52,009 --> 00:09:54,000 I'll give you a pack of cigarettes. 170 00:10:00,351 --> 00:10:02,649 [Chortling] 171 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,654 All right. Yes. 172 00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:09,725 Peekaboo. 173 00:10:09,793 --> 00:10:13,024 Look like the game's over, huh, Chief? 174 00:10:13,097 --> 00:10:16,760 I just wanna know one thing. Why'd you frame me? 175 00:10:16,834 --> 00:10:19,132 I had to. 176 00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,865 For the last six years, you've won the office limbo contest... 177 00:10:21,939 --> 00:10:23,873 and I'm sick of it. 178 00:10:23,941 --> 00:10:25,875 With you out of the way... 179 00:10:25,943 --> 00:10:28,935 I was guaranteed to be limbo champ this year. 180 00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,205 [Whimpering] Now you've ruined everything. 181 00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:35,684 Yeah, well, now it looks like you're gonna do some time, Chief. 182 00:10:35,753 --> 00:10:38,415 I want you to say hello to my friend, Big Lou. 183 00:10:38,489 --> 00:10:41,686 - No! No, not Lou! Not Lou! - Yeah. Big Lou. 184 00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:44,751 He likes it when you touch his beard. 185 00:10:44,828 --> 00:10:46,762 The creep. 186 00:10:46,830 --> 00:10:48,764 - ♪♪ [Limbo] - [All] Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! 187 00:10:48,832 --> 00:10:52,290 - [Whooping] - [Cheering] 188 00:10:52,369 --> 00:10:54,599 All right, partner. Your turn. 189 00:10:54,672 --> 00:10:57,505 Heck. You better lower that about 25 inches. 190 00:10:57,574 --> 00:11:02,534 - I wanna go ankle-high. [Whoops] - Come on! 191 00:11:02,613 --> 00:11:04,604 [All Cheering, Chattering] 192 00:11:04,682 --> 00:11:06,946 [Cheering, Chattering Continue] 193 00:11:07,017 --> 00:11:10,578 - Lower! - [Man] Keep going.! Go.! Go low.! 194 00:11:10,654 --> 00:11:13,919 Ah-ha-ha! Whoo! 195 00:11:13,991 --> 00:11:16,482 [All Cheering] 196 00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:20,656 [Man] This has been another episode ofThe Head Detective. 197 00:11:23,661 --> 00:11:25,891 On behalf of the United Nations... 198 00:11:25,963 --> 00:11:29,729 I am pleased to announce that a peaceful settlement has been reached... 199 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,462 between the Palestinians and Israelis... 200 00:11:32,536 --> 00:11:34,902 and we hope it lasts a thousand years. 201 00:11:34,972 --> 00:11:37,440 [Delegates Applauding] 202 00:11:39,110 --> 00:11:41,806 Now, to help us celebrate this new beginning... 203 00:11:41,879 --> 00:11:44,541 I'd like to introduce a goodwill ambassador... 204 00:11:44,615 --> 00:11:46,810 who has brought laughter to thousands. 205 00:11:46,884 --> 00:11:50,115 Please welcome Don Rickles. 206 00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:52,712 - [Applause] - ♪♪ [Bullfighting] 207 00:12:03,467 --> 00:12:06,630 - ♪♪ [Stops] - Thank you, my darling, for that wonderful introduction. 208 00:12:06,704 --> 00:12:09,036 Now wait in the car. Anyway... 209 00:12:09,106 --> 00:12:12,769 Yeah, baby. Can I get a "Amen"? 210 00:12:12,843 --> 00:12:14,743 It's a good thing you cut it off, though... 211 00:12:14,812 --> 00:12:18,976 because the Arab was gonna make a bid. Aw! 212 00:12:19,050 --> 00:12:22,019 By the way, Habib, your wife called. The Slurpee machine is broke. 213 00:12:22,086 --> 00:12:24,748 Anyway... 214 00:12:24,822 --> 00:12:28,781 I don't know why he's here. Somebody rubbed a lamp, and I get three wishes. Aw! 215 00:12:28,859 --> 00:12:31,020 No, seriously, my friend... 216 00:12:31,095 --> 00:12:33,029 God knows I love the Arab people. 217 00:12:33,097 --> 00:12:35,031 I cough their names up every day. 218 00:12:35,099 --> 00:12:37,363 - [Hawking] Achmed! Aw! - [Man Laughing] 219 00:12:37,435 --> 00:12:39,300 That's very funny. 220 00:12:39,370 --> 00:12:42,635 You're an Israeli. Pardon me. I didn't recognize you without the gas mask. 221 00:12:42,707 --> 00:12:44,971 Aw.! 222 00:12:47,078 --> 00:12:49,672 Let me make you feel at home. Incoming Scud! 223 00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,978 - Now that's comedy. - [Chuckling] 224 00:12:55,619 --> 00:12:58,019 Who asked you? Aw! 225 00:12:58,089 --> 00:13:01,684 I think it's only fair at this time to address the Iraqi delegate here today. 226 00:13:01,759 --> 00:13:03,590 Put your veil back on, ma'am. 227 00:13:03,661 --> 00:13:06,494 Aw! You're scaring the Polish guy. Look at the Polish guy. 228 00:13:06,564 --> 00:13:09,761 He's puttin' on headphones. He thinks we're gonna show a movie. 229 00:13:09,834 --> 00:13:11,768 Fire on the wing! We're goin' down! 230 00:13:11,836 --> 00:13:15,772 Excuse me. I am Czechoslovakian. 231 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:18,035 Oh, big difference. Hitler took them both in 20 minutes. 232 00:13:18,109 --> 00:13:20,043 Of course, he had an army. What did you have? 233 00:13:20,111 --> 00:13:22,875 Girl Scouts selling cookies at the border. Anyway... 234 00:13:24,215 --> 00:13:26,149 It's good to see the Germans reunited again... 235 00:13:26,217 --> 00:13:30,176 - Siegfried and Roy. - This is an outrage. 236 00:13:30,254 --> 00:13:33,087 This man is going to ruin everything we have accomplished here. 237 00:13:33,157 --> 00:13:35,625 I'm sorry. I really didn't know he would be like this. 238 00:13:35,693 --> 00:13:38,594 Give him a couple more minutes. I'm sure he'll calm down. 239 00:13:38,662 --> 00:13:40,596 Oh! Oh! Oh! 240 00:13:41,632 --> 00:13:43,566 Oh! The Greek has gotten restless. 241 00:13:43,634 --> 00:13:46,626 Let me say something to the Greeks. Stay in front of me, okay, pal? 242 00:13:46,704 --> 00:13:49,935 Anyway... Seriously, you're a big dummy. 243 00:13:50,007 --> 00:13:51,941 Aw! Why can't you be more like the Irish guy? 244 00:13:52,009 --> 00:13:54,307 I love the Irish... always quiet and happy. 245 00:13:54,378 --> 00:13:56,312 Watch me wipe the smile off his face. 246 00:13:56,380 --> 00:13:59,406 Last call! Anyway... 247 00:13:59,483 --> 00:14:02,213 Where's the Italian? Where is he? 248 00:14:02,286 --> 00:14:04,686 Oh. Bless you, sir. 249 00:14:04,755 --> 00:14:06,780 The Italians are very much a part of the foundation... 250 00:14:06,857 --> 00:14:08,791 of this great country we live in. 251 00:14:08,859 --> 00:14:13,296 Unfortunately, there are also a couple of them in the foundation of this building. Aw! 252 00:14:13,364 --> 00:14:17,664 - This man is scum. - Oh! Oh, great! 253 00:14:17,735 --> 00:14:21,603 I'm being heckled by a black guy from Zanaba... Zanama... Whatever. 254 00:14:21,672 --> 00:14:24,698 Aw! Didn't I see you on Trilogy of Terror? 255 00:14:24,775 --> 00:14:27,300 Anyway... 256 00:14:27,378 --> 00:14:29,209 What is your name, sir? 257 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,214 My name is Motumbo. 258 00:14:31,282 --> 00:14:33,773 Motumbo. English translation... Leroy. 259 00:14:33,851 --> 00:14:35,785 Aw! 260 00:14:35,853 --> 00:14:38,378 Is he coming towards me? Somebody get the elephant gun. 261 00:14:38,456 --> 00:14:40,390 Aw! Look! Tracks. 262 00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:43,723 Motumbo, white women... that way. Aw! 263 00:14:43,794 --> 00:14:47,594 Seriously, my friend, we're all the same on this Earth. 264 00:14:47,665 --> 00:14:50,759 And from the bottom of my heart... Oongawa! 265 00:14:50,835 --> 00:14:54,100 - Aw! - This man deserves to be tortured! 266 00:14:54,171 --> 00:14:56,571 - Let's rig his car with dynamite. - Yes. 267 00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:58,574 I can get it for you wholesale. 268 00:14:58,642 --> 00:15:01,873 I say shrink his head. Shrink his head. 269 00:15:01,946 --> 00:15:05,177 - Wait! Rain Man isn't over yet. - [Scoffs] 270 00:15:05,249 --> 00:15:08,047 [Muttering] Why don't you go up to the ice rink? 271 00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:10,313 You're a bunch of hockey pucks. 272 00:15:10,387 --> 00:15:12,321 ♪ I'm a nice guy ♪ 273 00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:14,380 ♪ I'm a nice guy ♪♪ 274 00:15:18,229 --> 00:15:20,663 - ♪♪ [Movie: Sound Track] - [Bodyguards Laughing] 275 00:15:22,967 --> 00:15:26,095 Oh, this is great... a theater that still shows The Golden Child. 276 00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:28,570 [Laughing] I should buy more movie houses. 277 00:15:28,639 --> 00:15:30,573 Then they could show Harlem Nights too. 278 00:15:30,641 --> 00:15:34,975 - Right, Fruity? - [Laughing] You're damn straight. 279 00:15:35,045 --> 00:15:38,640 [Loud, Braying Laughter] 280 00:15:38,716 --> 00:15:41,913 I know the movie's funny, but this guy is laughing... 281 00:15:41,986 --> 00:15:43,977 This guy's laughin' so hard, I can't hear myself laugh. 282 00:15:44,054 --> 00:15:47,956 Hey, man, you wanna keep it down? 283 00:15:48,025 --> 00:15:49,993 Hey, man. That's it... 284 00:15:51,095 --> 00:15:55,759 Yo, man. What's... Hey, man. 285 00:15:55,833 --> 00:15:58,267 Yo, man, what's up? Why you laughin' like a jackass? 286 00:15:58,335 --> 00:16:01,498 Eddie! If the shoe fits, wear it. 287 00:16:01,572 --> 00:16:03,506 Oh, my main man, Eddie. 288 00:16:03,574 --> 00:16:06,566 Sit your leather-clad, wanna-be-a-rock-star... 289 00:16:06,644 --> 00:16:09,238 hunk of burnin' butt on down next to me. 290 00:16:09,313 --> 00:16:11,281 It'll be just like old times, Eddie. 291 00:16:11,348 --> 00:16:13,316 Hey, look, what... What are you doin' here? 292 00:16:13,384 --> 00:16:18,048 Oh. I'm surprised you don't remember me, Eddie. 293 00:16:18,122 --> 00:16:22,183 It was four long years ago that you sentenced me to my own show... 294 00:16:22,259 --> 00:16:25,057 when you knew I wanted to be a movie star, Eddie. 295 00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:27,427 Did you see Amazon Women on the Moon? 296 00:16:27,498 --> 00:16:30,763 Let me refresh your memory. [Screams] 297 00:16:30,834 --> 00:16:33,234 I should've won an Oscar for that one, Eddie. 298 00:16:33,304 --> 00:16:37,035 Now Byron Allen is doin' funnier sketches than me. 299 00:16:37,107 --> 00:16:41,567 Kadeem Hardison's out of town, and I got the Nielsens breathin' down my "back." 300 00:16:41,645 --> 00:16:44,580 So I'm afraid you're gonna have to give me some of that " Be my best friend... 301 00:16:44,648 --> 00:16:47,344 wanna hang out with me all night" Murphy magic. 302 00:16:47,418 --> 00:16:49,443 Back to the show! 303 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:51,647 Look, I wanted to do more cameos, but you was always around me. 304 00:16:51,722 --> 00:16:55,783 I needed some breathing room. I'm sorry for what happened to you a long time ago... 305 00:16:55,859 --> 00:16:58,157 but that was a long time ago, all right? 306 00:16:58,228 --> 00:17:00,355 I'm sorry. All right? 307 00:17:00,431 --> 00:17:03,662 Oh, you don't know "long time," Eddie. 308 00:17:03,734 --> 00:17:05,929 You have no concept of time at all. 309 00:17:06,003 --> 00:17:08,699 You've never had to interview Ed Asner. 310 00:17:08,772 --> 00:17:12,037 And pain? Have you ever tried kissin' Diana Ross? 311 00:17:12,109 --> 00:17:14,703 The hair moves while you're reachin' for the lips, Eddie. 312 00:17:14,778 --> 00:17:18,179 Besides that, I seen an old picture of Paula Abdul before the nose job. 313 00:17:18,248 --> 00:17:20,182 Now that's pain. 314 00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:23,185 Oh, look, man. You buggin', man. I'm outta here. I'm out. 315 00:17:25,823 --> 00:17:29,759 Vengeance is mine! Tell me, my people. 316 00:17:30,761 --> 00:17:32,695 Eddie. 317 00:17:32,763 --> 00:17:35,994 Eddie, let me make myself very clear. 318 00:17:36,066 --> 00:17:38,591 I get into 20 million homes a night. 319 00:17:38,669 --> 00:17:40,603 I can get into yours. 320 00:17:40,671 --> 00:17:45,267 I want your career, Eddie. Your career. 321 00:17:45,342 --> 00:17:48,607 Except for them last three music videos you done. 322 00:17:48,679 --> 00:17:52,240 ♪ I just wanna party all the time ♪ 323 00:17:52,316 --> 00:17:55,342 ♪ Party all the time ♪♪ 324 00:18:05,663 --> 00:18:08,359 That oughta do it. 325 00:18:08,432 --> 00:18:11,367 Now, let's see if he's still outside. 326 00:18:14,238 --> 00:18:18,334 Eddie, you been a bad boy. 327 00:18:18,409 --> 00:18:23,278 Now, my people tell me you have a restraining order against me, and that it's legally binding. 328 00:18:23,347 --> 00:18:27,340 But don't feel bad, Eddie. I could be Art Buchwald. 329 00:18:27,418 --> 00:18:31,582 Yes. We're gonna party all the time. 330 00:18:31,655 --> 00:18:34,590 Party all the time. 331 00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:38,186 That's it. I'm callin' the police. 332 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,963 Hello. This is Eddie Murphy. I'd like to report a crime. 333 00:18:46,036 --> 00:18:49,699 Huh? Okay. Just once. 334 00:18:49,773 --> 00:18:52,241 [Signature Laugh] 335 00:18:52,309 --> 00:18:54,368 What? All right. 336 00:18:54,445 --> 00:18:56,777 [Imitating Bill Cosby] I would like to talk to you about some of the things... 337 00:18:56,847 --> 00:18:58,781 that you've been sayin' on the show. 338 00:18:58,849 --> 00:19:01,147 [Drops Imitation] Now can I get some service? 339 00:19:01,218 --> 00:19:03,186 Okay. I'd like to report that somebody is... 340 00:19:03,253 --> 00:19:07,189 He's... That's funny. He's gone. 341 00:19:08,492 --> 00:19:10,426 Never mind. 342 00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:15,029 Boy, I'm thirsty. Consuela, can I get some Evian or somethin'? 343 00:19:18,435 --> 00:19:20,630 All right. Let's go, man. Let's do this. 344 00:19:20,704 --> 00:19:24,333 Oh, Eddie, don't you hate when your mouth get all dry... 345 00:19:24,408 --> 00:19:28,310 and you get that white stuff all up in here and that crust runnin' on the side? 346 00:19:28,378 --> 00:19:30,369 People be lookin' at you, goin', "Damn. 347 00:19:30,447 --> 00:19:32,779 Is that Eddie Murphy or Cicely Tyson?" 348 00:19:34,485 --> 00:19:37,613 Here's your water. Eddie, don't be frightened. 349 00:19:37,688 --> 00:19:41,419 I'm just here to do whatever it takes to have you come and do one... 350 00:19:41,492 --> 00:19:43,517 just one guest spot on the show. 351 00:19:43,594 --> 00:19:46,119 I'll clean the house. I'll shine your table. 352 00:19:46,196 --> 00:19:49,688 Hey, let me update your suit... take the bells out for you. 353 00:19:49,767 --> 00:19:52,099 Look, that's it. I'm callin'Joe Piscopo... 354 00:19:52,169 --> 00:19:55,036 and he's gonna come up here, he's gonna bust your ass. 355 00:19:55,105 --> 00:19:58,404 Well, you know, Joe... Joe could use the work. 356 00:19:58,475 --> 00:20:03,174 Yes. The steroids definitely affected his career. Oh. 357 00:20:04,414 --> 00:20:06,348 Yo. What seems to be the problem now? 358 00:20:06,416 --> 00:20:08,714 I don't know, my man. She seems to be stuck. 359 00:20:08,786 --> 00:20:10,720 Look, just gun it, all right? 360 00:20:10,788 --> 00:20:12,813 [Revving] 361 00:20:14,958 --> 00:20:17,984 You can run, but you can't hide, Eddie. 362 00:20:18,061 --> 00:20:19,995 You can't hide. 363 00:20:20,063 --> 00:20:21,997 ♪ We're just gonna ♪ 364 00:20:22,065 --> 00:20:26,729 ♪ Party all the time Party all the time ♪ 365 00:20:26,804 --> 00:20:29,705 - [Screaming] - [Announcer] Cape Fear II. 366 00:20:29,773 --> 00:20:33,436 Our people tell us it's coming soon to a theater near you. 367 00:20:35,279 --> 00:20:38,612 Yea! 368 00:20:38,682 --> 00:20:40,616 ♪ Bop doo bop-bop-dee-boo ♪ 369 00:20:40,684 --> 00:20:42,777 - ♪ Scoop doo doop-doop-doobety-doo ♪ - [Indistinct] 370 00:20:42,853 --> 00:20:45,583 ♪ Doop doo scoop-doop-dee-doo... ♪♪ 371 00:20:45,656 --> 00:20:48,420 - Once again, we'd like to thank y'all for... - Thanks for joinin' us... 372 00:20:48,492 --> 00:20:50,426 [Man Shouting, Indistinct] 373 00:20:50,494 --> 00:20:53,463 - Join us next week! Thank you! - [All Chattering] 374 00:20:53,530 --> 00:20:56,556 - ♪♪ [Hip-hop] - Hi, Mom! 31241

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