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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:02,408 - How you livin'? - What? 2 00:00:02,487 --> 00:00:03,579 - How you livin'? - What? 3 00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:05,782 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 4 00:00:08,226 --> 00:00:12,162 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 5 00:00:12,230 --> 00:00:16,690 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 6 00:00:16,768 --> 00:00:20,135 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 7 00:00:20,204 --> 00:00:24,903 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 8 00:00:24,976 --> 00:00:27,604 - ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 9 00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:29,840 - ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 10 00:00:29,914 --> 00:00:32,382 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 11 00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:33,974 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 12 00:00:34,052 --> 00:00:36,179 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin', listener♪ 13 00:00:36,254 --> 00:00:38,222 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 14 00:00:38,289 --> 00:00:40,314 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 15 00:00:40,391 --> 00:00:42,484 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 16 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,755 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 17 00:00:44,829 --> 00:00:46,797 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 18 00:00:46,864 --> 00:00:48,957 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 19 00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:50,398 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 20 00:00:50,468 --> 00:00:52,163 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 21 00:00:52,236 --> 00:00:55,467 ♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 22 00:00:55,540 --> 00:00:57,565 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 23 00:00:57,642 --> 00:01:00,008 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 24 00:01:00,078 --> 00:01:03,411 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 25 00:01:03,481 --> 00:01:09,317 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 26 00:01:09,387 --> 00:01:13,824 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 27 00:01:13,891 --> 00:01:15,119 ♪ Go, go, go ♪ 28 00:01:15,193 --> 00:01:16,990 ♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪ 29 00:01:21,632 --> 00:01:25,728 [Children Chattering] 30 00:01:26,904 --> 00:01:28,838 [Whistle Blows] 31 00:01:28,906 --> 00:01:33,434 Listen up, people. I am here, and I wanna help. 32 00:01:33,511 --> 00:01:36,878 This is our planet. Can I get a hurrah? 33 00:01:38,616 --> 00:01:40,675 What am I? Invisible? Doesn't anybody care? 34 00:01:40,752 --> 00:01:42,686 Listen to me! 35 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:44,847 Uh, I want one with relish. 36 00:01:44,922 --> 00:01:47,152 And I want mine with, um, mustard. 37 00:01:47,225 --> 00:01:49,159 I want you to stop this insanity. 38 00:01:49,227 --> 00:01:51,752 What do you think you're doing? 39 00:01:51,829 --> 00:01:56,493 - I'm trying to make a living here! - And the planet is dying.! 40 00:01:56,567 --> 00:01:59,400 Listen. I can't get a pulse. 41 00:01:59,470 --> 00:02:01,438 What the hell are you talkin' about? 42 00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:05,374 There are 50,000 hot dog cows in Kansas alone! 43 00:02:05,443 --> 00:02:07,775 - So? - [Voice Cracking] So? 44 00:02:07,845 --> 00:02:12,509 When those cows break wind, not only is it stinky... 45 00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:15,484 but it's cutting a hole in the ozone! 46 00:02:15,553 --> 00:02:19,853 Think of those hot dogs as one cubic foot of cow gas. 47 00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:24,892 Bon appétit. 48 00:02:24,962 --> 00:02:28,420 That's it. See? We can make a difference. 49 00:02:28,499 --> 00:02:31,127 I'll make a difference in your face if you don't get outta here! 50 00:02:31,202 --> 00:02:34,763 Oh, the truth hurts, doesn't it, Captain Carnivore? 51 00:02:34,839 --> 00:02:38,297 [Hissing] 52 00:02:38,376 --> 00:02:40,776 Okay, little Ricky, now break the piñata. 53 00:02:40,845 --> 00:02:43,439 No! Parents, don't do it. 54 00:02:43,514 --> 00:02:45,607 Don't teach the children how to kill. 55 00:02:45,683 --> 00:02:47,617 This is genocide.! 56 00:02:47,685 --> 00:02:49,949 This is a birthday party. Would you get lost? 57 00:02:50,021 --> 00:02:52,717 Smoke screen, smoke screen, so the truth can not be seen. 58 00:02:54,725 --> 00:02:58,957 Listen, kids, first you hit a piñata, next thing you know, you're clubbing baby seals! 59 00:02:59,030 --> 00:03:03,490 This is real, children. These are the killing fields. 60 00:03:03,568 --> 00:03:06,264 The piñatas are piling up. Are you with me? 61 00:03:07,271 --> 00:03:09,239 The hell with you, then! 62 00:03:09,307 --> 00:03:12,208 Hey, hey, hey. Hey, man. If you don't get outta here, I will call the police. 63 00:03:12,276 --> 00:03:14,369 I oughta whip your ass! 64 00:03:16,214 --> 00:03:18,808 You've been eating hamburger, haven't you? 65 00:03:18,883 --> 00:03:21,613 I swear I could just strangle you! 66 00:03:25,690 --> 00:03:27,920 Whose is this? 67 00:03:27,992 --> 00:03:31,257 Hey, man. Give me the ball! 68 00:03:31,329 --> 00:03:33,126 Do you know what's in this thing? 69 00:03:33,197 --> 00:03:34,664 Air. 70 00:03:34,732 --> 00:03:36,666 [Scoffs] Of course there's air! 71 00:03:36,734 --> 00:03:40,534 Lots of air that we could be breathing! Free the air! 72 00:03:40,605 --> 00:03:42,095 - [Air Hissing] - Hey! 73 00:03:42,173 --> 00:03:44,733 Go, little airs, go! Go! Hurry! 74 00:03:44,809 --> 00:03:47,175 Fly away! Fly away! 75 00:03:47,245 --> 00:03:49,577 Are you crazy. Give me my ball! 76 00:03:50,581 --> 00:03:52,640 Good boy, Bruiser. 77 00:03:52,717 --> 00:03:56,619 Oh, you poor ignoramus, what are you doing? 78 00:03:56,687 --> 00:03:59,087 I'm taking care of my dog's business. 79 00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:03,354 You can't put his doodie in a plastic bag. It's not biodegradable. 80 00:04:03,427 --> 00:04:06,396 - All I wanna do is get rid of it. - No! 81 00:04:06,464 --> 00:04:08,955 Save the feces to feed the planet! 82 00:04:09,033 --> 00:04:12,161 You people make me so exasperated.! 83 00:04:12,236 --> 00:04:16,172 I could just rub your nose in it, but it'd be such a waste! 84 00:04:16,240 --> 00:04:18,674 By the way, cut down on the kibble. 85 00:04:20,845 --> 00:04:25,009 Oh, thank you! You're here! 86 00:04:29,287 --> 00:04:31,653 Uh, what seems to be the problem? 87 00:04:31,722 --> 00:04:35,158 The problem is... [Laughs] 88 00:04:35,226 --> 00:04:39,424 I'm trying to teach these people how to embrace the planet and they're not listening! 89 00:04:39,497 --> 00:04:42,159 It's insanity. I swear, it just makes me crazy! 90 00:04:42,233 --> 00:04:45,930 I wish somebody would just reach out and do something. I'm running out of breath. 91 00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:48,164 [Gasping] 92 00:04:48,239 --> 00:04:50,173 Listen. 93 00:04:50,241 --> 00:04:54,109 - I don't want any trouble. Why don't you just move along? - Ah! 94 00:04:54,178 --> 00:04:56,373 Does somebody have a camcorder? 95 00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:03,514 - All right. That's enough. - Don't touch me. I'm a vegetarian. 96 00:05:03,588 --> 00:05:05,715 Oh! 97 00:05:05,790 --> 00:05:08,054 We've got to stop them, people! 98 00:05:08,125 --> 00:05:10,059 We've got to stop them! 99 00:05:10,127 --> 00:05:13,585 We all have five pounds of undigested Bundt cake in our colons! 100 00:05:13,664 --> 00:05:18,692 You're only as clean as your colon! [Sobbing] 101 00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,129 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 102 00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:26,666 ♪♪ [Women Singing] 103 00:05:48,966 --> 00:05:52,902 ♪♪ [Ends] 104 00:05:59,343 --> 00:06:02,471 Well, I guess it all started 'cause my dad used to keep pot in the house. 105 00:06:02,546 --> 00:06:08,143 I'd sneak into the bathroom, smoke a few. I was nine years old. 106 00:06:08,219 --> 00:06:10,881 I guess I just did it to be cool. Know what I mean? 107 00:06:12,456 --> 00:06:13,855 Hey, man, you nodding off? 108 00:06:13,924 --> 00:06:17,690 Snap out of it. I'm tryin'to talk to you about smokin'pot.! 109 00:06:17,762 --> 00:06:22,961 Oh, young lady, you don't wanna do that. You wanna say no to the drugs. 110 00:06:23,034 --> 00:06:26,697 That's why you called us here today, to talk about our experiences. 111 00:06:26,771 --> 00:06:29,001 This one time, I was smoking a roach. 112 00:06:29,073 --> 00:06:32,474 Mmm. That's really cruel. Why not just turn the lights on and yell, "Raid!" 113 00:06:32,543 --> 00:06:35,011 They always scatter. 114 00:06:35,079 --> 00:06:38,048 No. You see, I was holding the roach with my clip. 115 00:06:38,115 --> 00:06:41,949 Oh, she brought a clip. Sandy, kick it. 116 00:06:43,354 --> 00:06:46,846 No, I'm saying I was nine, and I was already doin' reefer. 117 00:06:46,924 --> 00:06:48,858 Just like Clarence Thomas. 118 00:06:48,926 --> 00:06:51,360 You know, he did it at a young age, and look at him today. 119 00:06:51,429 --> 00:06:54,227 I think we got a superstar on the horizon. 120 00:06:54,298 --> 00:06:58,758 Sandra Day O'Connor, watch yourself. Yes. 121 00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:02,772 So, anyway, I was gettin' stoned in my room all the time, skippin' school... 122 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,172 sellin' my parent's stuff just so I could buy more. 123 00:07:05,242 --> 00:07:08,541 You ever watched somebody roll a joint? You really don't want none. 124 00:07:08,612 --> 00:07:11,308 First of all, it looks like they're pourin' some dirt in the toilet paper. 125 00:07:11,382 --> 00:07:13,680 Then they lick it with their big-ass lips... 126 00:07:16,587 --> 00:07:18,521 then hand it to you. 127 00:07:18,589 --> 00:07:21,558 No, thank you. Just spit on me. 128 00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:24,059 Let me ask you somethin'. Did you ever get to the hard stuff? 129 00:07:24,128 --> 00:07:28,087 - No, no. Just the small stuff. - Oh, strive to be number one. 130 00:07:28,165 --> 00:07:31,657 Let's give a big coke-booger round of applause to Anice. 131 00:07:31,736 --> 00:07:36,264 - Yes. Come back when you're doin' crack. Give it up! - [Applause] 132 00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:38,808 Now, I haven't read the milk carton... 133 00:07:38,876 --> 00:07:41,674 but my people tell me this next juvenile delinquent... 134 00:07:41,746 --> 00:07:45,477 is givin' Danny Bonaduce a big run for his money. 135 00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:49,349 Yes. He's gone beyond a transvestite. 136 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:51,581 Ethan, tell us all about it. 137 00:07:51,655 --> 00:07:54,180 I was 12 years old, and it all started with weed. 138 00:07:54,258 --> 00:07:58,752 Mmm. I love that movie, Ethan. Yes, Nick Nolte is one of my favorite stars. 139 00:07:58,829 --> 00:08:02,526 Did you see him in 48 Hrs. one and two? He and Eddie are magic. 140 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:07,469 Not as much as me and Eddie, oh, but I love Nick Nolte. 141 00:08:07,538 --> 00:08:11,133 I don't think you understand. I was smoking weed. 142 00:08:11,208 --> 00:08:14,302 Let me ask you somethin'. Why do people do pot? 143 00:08:14,378 --> 00:08:17,245 All it does is make you laugh at everything. 144 00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:21,478 When you're finished, you're tired, feel stupid about doin' it. 145 00:08:21,552 --> 00:08:23,520 Kinda like watchin' my show. 146 00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:28,081 Let me ask you somethin', Ethan. You're a young man. 147 00:08:28,159 --> 00:08:30,559 You're smoking weed. What are you, 12 years old? 148 00:08:31,495 --> 00:08:33,429 Doin' things that kids do. 149 00:08:33,497 --> 00:08:35,431 You ever find yourself just freakin' out? 150 00:08:35,499 --> 00:08:38,468 - Thinkin' maybe Super Mario is comin' to get you? - No. 151 00:08:38,536 --> 00:08:41,027 Pac-Man's tryin' to eat you? [Screaming] 152 00:08:41,105 --> 00:08:43,039 Pac-Man's after me! Pac-Man's after me! 153 00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:45,974 [Screams] 154 00:08:48,746 --> 00:08:50,680 Well, how about you, young lady? 155 00:08:50,748 --> 00:08:52,716 Now, you're on top of the missin' person charts... 156 00:08:52,783 --> 00:08:56,742 turnin' tricks for cigarettes, prostitution. 157 00:08:56,821 --> 00:08:59,619 At your age, you ever ask yourself, what's next? 158 00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:02,250 Feel like you're gettin' blasé? 159 00:09:02,326 --> 00:09:05,853 I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just waiting for my Mom. 160 00:09:05,930 --> 00:09:08,865 Oh, and I bet she's one bad mama jama. 161 00:09:08,933 --> 00:09:13,836 If she looks anything like you, I'm sendin' Paula Abdul back to the fat farm. Yes. 162 00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,164 Does your mom turn tricks? 163 00:09:18,242 --> 00:09:22,611 I know. Bad host, bad host. 164 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:24,910 Let's bring it back around to my man, Ethan. 165 00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,610 When did you start to say "no"? 166 00:09:27,685 --> 00:09:30,119 Well, I guess it was when I just looked at my life. 167 00:09:30,187 --> 00:09:33,816 I said, "Geez," you know. I was livin' in a bus depot. 168 00:09:33,891 --> 00:09:35,825 - [Giggles] - I washed my clothes in the sewer. 169 00:09:35,893 --> 00:09:38,657 - [Chuckles] - Smelled like it, too. 170 00:09:38,729 --> 00:09:41,459 - What's so funny? - [Laughing] 171 00:09:47,204 --> 00:09:49,138 What is so funny? 172 00:09:49,206 --> 00:09:53,108 Nothin'. Just thinkin' about my new haircut. Look like Gumby with a Jeri Curl. 173 00:09:53,177 --> 00:09:55,543 Oh. 174 00:09:56,647 --> 00:09:59,138 Let me ask you a question to all of you. 175 00:09:59,216 --> 00:10:02,276 - You ever do anything illegal? - Yeah. 176 00:10:02,353 --> 00:10:08,314 Well, let's say hello to my mystery guest tonight, L.A.P.D. In the house! Yes! 177 00:10:08,392 --> 00:10:10,690 What do you mean? You said you'd teach us a lesson, Arsenio. 178 00:10:10,761 --> 00:10:13,025 A very valuable lesson, Ethan. 179 00:10:13,097 --> 00:10:17,329 If someone ever asks, do you do anything illegal, just say no! Remember that! 180 00:10:17,401 --> 00:10:19,494 - Just say no! - [Excited Chattering] 181 00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,504 Strive to be number one! 182 00:10:21,572 --> 00:10:23,597 Look out for Bubba. He likes young white guys. 183 00:10:23,674 --> 00:10:25,608 Yes, boy. 184 00:10:25,676 --> 00:10:28,304 Take us home with some of that " crack pipe, overdose... 185 00:10:28,379 --> 00:10:32,315 layin' in the alley in your own vomit" funk. 186 00:10:37,583 --> 00:10:40,245 Hey, thanks, brother. All right. 187 00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:44,721 Good evening, madam. Could I have a moment of your time, please? 188 00:10:44,790 --> 00:10:47,418 - See, I'm a poet. - Oh, I love poetry. 189 00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:49,825 Well, good. If you like my poem, I'd appreciate a small donation. 190 00:10:49,895 --> 00:10:52,090 If not, then all I wanna hear is your honest criticism. 191 00:10:52,164 --> 00:10:54,098 - Oh, certainly. - Okay. 192 00:10:54,166 --> 00:10:56,566 This poem is entitled, "Food." 193 00:10:58,337 --> 00:11:01,500 "Growl, growl, growl. 194 00:11:01,573 --> 00:11:04,872 "Hunger pains in my belly all day long. 195 00:11:04,943 --> 00:11:07,844 "What shall I do to feed my hunger? 196 00:11:07,913 --> 00:11:11,280 "Shall I smack an old lady in the head with a brick? 197 00:11:11,350 --> 00:11:13,682 "Brick! Crack! Crack! Brick! 198 00:11:13,752 --> 00:11:18,155 "Blood! Brains! Snot! Eyeballs dragged up her cheek! 199 00:11:18,223 --> 00:11:22,387 "Whatever happened to that cute old lady, so sweet and abrup'? 200 00:11:22,461 --> 00:11:26,056 "I think she has fallen and she can't get up." 201 00:11:26,131 --> 00:11:28,895 Oh! Oh, Lordy, please don't hurt me! 202 00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:31,902 - [Screams] - Hey, thanks! 203 00:11:32,971 --> 00:11:34,905 Good evening, young lovers. 204 00:11:34,973 --> 00:11:39,637 Perhaps could I add a bit of romance to your evening? See, I'm a poet. 205 00:11:39,711 --> 00:11:43,408 Usually young love and poetry seem to go hand in hand. Don't you agree, beautiful? 206 00:11:43,482 --> 00:11:46,110 - Come on, honey. Let's go. - No, no. Wait a minute. 207 00:11:46,185 --> 00:11:49,643 This poem is entitled, "What I Gots To Have." 208 00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:56,750 "How do I love thee? Don't even try to count the ways. 209 00:11:56,829 --> 00:12:00,697 "I love your deep, hot kisses at the end of the day. 210 00:12:00,766 --> 00:12:04,930 "I love your silky, silky skin... 211 00:12:05,003 --> 00:12:07,267 "and your long, long legs. 212 00:12:07,339 --> 00:12:12,641 I love you, baby, and for your love, I'll howl and beg." 213 00:12:12,711 --> 00:12:14,736 - Honey, let's go. - No. 214 00:12:14,813 --> 00:12:17,441 "My love is like a red rose. 215 00:12:17,516 --> 00:12:21,077 "If somethin' gets in the way, I'll bust it in the nose. 216 00:12:21,153 --> 00:12:25,783 "So, kick, kick, and stomp, stomp goes my foot up against the little pea-headed man. 217 00:12:27,292 --> 00:12:32,229 And watch him "squiver" and shatter as I take his lady's hand." 218 00:12:34,533 --> 00:12:36,797 That was beautiful. 219 00:12:36,869 --> 00:12:40,202 Listen. I'm gonna go inside and get a couple of slushies. 220 00:12:40,272 --> 00:12:45,574 You do that. Listen, um, I have some poetry for you. 221 00:12:45,644 --> 00:12:49,876 - It's my phone number. Give me a call. - Thank you. 222 00:12:56,155 --> 00:12:58,680 Excuse me, brother. But could I have a moment of your time, please? 223 00:12:58,757 --> 00:13:02,557 - See, I'm a poet. - Well, excellent. I teach English over at the university. 224 00:13:02,628 --> 00:13:05,222 Well, good. If you like my poem, I'd appreciate a small donation. 225 00:13:05,297 --> 00:13:08,323 But, if not, then, perhaps you could give me your honest criticism. 226 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,560 Okay, let's hear it. 227 00:13:09,635 --> 00:13:14,504 I call this poem, "Nice New Jacket." 228 00:13:14,573 --> 00:13:18,065 "Punch! Stab! Kill! Cut you with broken glass. 229 00:13:18,143 --> 00:13:21,943 "Punch! Stab! Kill! Hide your body in the grass. 230 00:13:22,014 --> 00:13:24,209 "Have you seen him lately? Not I. 231 00:13:24,283 --> 00:13:26,217 "Hey, what's that smell? 232 00:13:26,285 --> 00:13:30,381 I don't know, but I got a nice new jacket, though." 233 00:13:30,455 --> 00:13:32,821 Uh, may I offer some criticism? 234 00:13:32,891 --> 00:13:34,324 What? You didn't like my poem? 235 00:13:34,393 --> 00:13:36,657 Well, I loved the choreography. 236 00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,094 I liked the physicality that you found in the piece. 237 00:13:39,164 --> 00:13:41,689 But I think you're a little too tied to structure. 238 00:13:41,767 --> 00:13:44,235 - You need to free up your imagery. - What are you tryin' to say? 239 00:13:44,303 --> 00:13:49,297 Well, if you don't mind, I have a little poem I've been working on myself. 240 00:13:49,374 --> 00:13:51,501 - It might help if you heard it. - Yeah, all right. 241 00:13:51,577 --> 00:13:53,909 Okay. [Clears Throat] 242 00:13:53,979 --> 00:13:58,541 I call this one, "Get Out Of My Face." 243 00:14:00,886 --> 00:14:04,583 "I could rip out your spleen and get you to chill... 244 00:14:04,656 --> 00:14:08,888 "or I could bore out your butt with a Sears power drill... 245 00:14:08,961 --> 00:14:12,954 "or drive a spike through your chest till my hand disappears... 246 00:14:13,031 --> 00:14:16,990 "or perform emasculation with my mom's pinking shears. 247 00:14:17,069 --> 00:14:20,266 "All this I could do, and much more in this place... 248 00:14:20,339 --> 00:14:25,606 if you don't get your funky, tired, rusty ass out of my face!" 249 00:14:30,882 --> 00:14:32,816 That's deep, brother. You the man. 250 00:14:32,884 --> 00:14:35,114 All right. Keep up the good work. 251 00:14:40,392 --> 00:14:45,989 ♪♪ [Slow Techno] 252 00:14:52,070 --> 00:14:54,868 ♪♪ [Man Rapping] 253 00:15:13,358 --> 00:15:17,055 ♪♪ [Ends] 254 00:15:19,131 --> 00:15:21,565 Gee, Mom, you're probably right. 255 00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:24,534 Yeah, yeah. If I wore a dress once in a while or wore a little makeup... 256 00:15:24,603 --> 00:15:26,571 I'm sure I would feel a little more like a lady. 257 00:15:26,638 --> 00:15:31,598 Gosh, mother, you know, feminine advice coming from you means so much to me... 258 00:15:31,677 --> 00:15:35,135 considering that you're about as feminine as roadkill! 259 00:15:35,213 --> 00:15:37,545 You abandoned me in a Dumpster and left me for dead! 260 00:15:37,616 --> 00:15:41,916 You're a she-bitch from hell! [Screaming] 261 00:15:41,987 --> 00:15:44,649 - Oh, uh. Yeah, yeah. - [Car Engine Revving] 262 00:15:44,723 --> 00:15:48,489 Uh, yeah, he's home, Mom. Talk to you later, Mom. Bye. 263 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,757 Honey, I'm home! 264 00:15:58,570 --> 00:16:00,765 Happy anniversary, pumpkin face. 265 00:16:00,839 --> 00:16:04,536 I don't believe it. You remembered, even after three months of rehab! 266 00:16:04,609 --> 00:16:07,942 Rehab? Hey, how about a drink? 267 00:16:09,848 --> 00:16:13,249 Sure thing, sweet cakes. Take your coat off and sit down. I'll just go get dinner. 268 00:16:13,318 --> 00:16:17,186 Okay, but hurry up, honeykins. 'Cause I've got a gifty-poo! 269 00:16:23,261 --> 00:16:27,630 Here we go, Sam. Happy Anniversary. 270 00:16:27,699 --> 00:16:30,463 Aw. Isn't that nice? 271 00:16:30,535 --> 00:16:34,062 A TV dinner. That's just wonderful. 272 00:16:34,139 --> 00:16:36,073 'Cause you know, when I was in Betty Ford... 273 00:16:36,141 --> 00:16:40,475 I was so whacked out of my mind, I didn't even know what you cooked for me. 274 00:16:40,545 --> 00:16:44,447 But here I am, clean and sober, come home, starving, dying to eat... 275 00:16:44,516 --> 00:16:45,847 and what do you serve me? 276 00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:48,283 A [Bleep] damn TV dinner? 277 00:16:48,353 --> 00:16:53,381 Salisbury [Bleep] steak from a dead cow that died six years ago.! 278 00:16:53,458 --> 00:16:55,926 Oh! Why don't you just take a bag and puke in it... 279 00:16:55,994 --> 00:16:58,861 and put it in the microwave, you [Bleep] bitch? 280 00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:03,893 You're a demon from hell, a demon from hell! 281 00:17:03,969 --> 00:17:06,267 Oh! Oh! Ohh! 282 00:17:06,338 --> 00:17:08,568 Oh. 283 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,938 Oh, wait. There's tater tots. I love tater tots. 284 00:17:12,344 --> 00:17:15,313 Oh, happy anniversary. 285 00:17:18,550 --> 00:17:20,518 [Bottles Break] 286 00:17:23,455 --> 00:17:28,188 [Both] Here's to five years of living hell! 287 00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:32,492 Do you know what? I'm putting my hand in my pants and I'm looking for your present. 288 00:17:32,564 --> 00:17:35,465 - You're gonna have to look pretty hard. - I found it! I found it! 289 00:17:35,534 --> 00:17:38,526 I didn't think you got me anything, Sam. 290 00:17:38,603 --> 00:17:41,333 - Well... - Oh, isn't this sweet. Oh. 291 00:17:41,406 --> 00:17:44,307 Oh, look. It's birth control pills. 292 00:17:44,376 --> 00:17:48,176 Look at that.! Isn't that charming? 293 00:17:48,246 --> 00:17:52,649 I was expecting maybe a necklace or a bracelet, but no, birth... You got me birth control pills. 294 00:17:52,717 --> 00:17:56,585 I guess this means that we can have sex more than once a [Bleep] year! 295 00:17:56,655 --> 00:17:59,488 'Cause that's about how long it takes you to [Bleep], you pinhead [Bleep] bastard! 296 00:17:59,558 --> 00:18:02,288 Oh! Oh! Ohh! 297 00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,453 Oh, yeah? 298 00:18:04,529 --> 00:18:06,463 Oh, yeah! 299 00:18:06,531 --> 00:18:09,864 That's 'cause sex with you is like [Bleep] a corpse! 300 00:18:09,935 --> 00:18:13,894 You just lay there, you bloated, rotting, stinking carcass from hell! 301 00:18:13,972 --> 00:18:16,566 Oh, that's a real compliment comin' from you... 302 00:18:16,641 --> 00:18:20,634 someone who used to do the humpty dance with Jessica Hahn. Oh! Oh! Ohh! 303 00:18:20,712 --> 00:18:23,943 Oh, I love you, you gagging slob! Ah! 304 00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:26,245 You're the love of my life, snot bag.! Oh.! 305 00:18:26,318 --> 00:18:29,515 [Both] Oh! Oh! Ohh! 306 00:18:29,588 --> 00:18:33,718 [Joan River's Voice] Oh.! Can we talk? I'm tryin'to get some sleep in here. 307 00:18:33,792 --> 00:18:37,228 Oh, did we wake up our neighbor, Joan Rivers? 308 00:18:41,533 --> 00:18:44,024 Oh, we're sorry! Were we keepin' you up, Joan? 309 00:18:44,102 --> 00:18:47,299 Yeah, I hope we didn't disturb your beauty sleep. 310 00:18:47,372 --> 00:18:50,830 We know how desperately you need it, seeing as you look like a baboon! 311 00:18:50,909 --> 00:18:54,367 You'll never be Geraldo! You're a loser! A loser! 312 00:18:54,446 --> 00:18:58,041 Oh! You're the elephant woman! The elephant woman! Make it go away! 313 00:18:58,116 --> 00:19:00,710 I'm turning to stone! I'm turning to stone! 314 00:19:00,785 --> 00:19:03,253 - Oh! Oh! - Oh! Ohh! 315 00:19:04,422 --> 00:19:08,256 - [Baby Crying] - Oh, no. We woke up the baby. 316 00:19:08,326 --> 00:19:12,956 - Did Mommy and Daddy disturb your sleep, little muffin? - Oh. 317 00:19:13,031 --> 00:19:17,900 Did we interrupt your dream? 'Cause you've been our [Bleep] Nightmare you little bastard! 318 00:19:17,969 --> 00:19:22,929 We never wanted you in the first place! You were an accident! You were an accident! 319 00:19:23,008 --> 00:19:27,138 You're only here because I was so [Bleep] I didn't know where I stuck my [Bleep]. 320 00:19:29,814 --> 00:19:32,248 Well, gee, I'm sorry I'm such a burden on you guys... 321 00:19:32,317 --> 00:19:34,785 but, first of all, I'm not even sure you're my real dad! 322 00:19:34,853 --> 00:19:37,617 As for you, yeah, you're a mother... The mother of all [Bleep]! 323 00:19:37,689 --> 00:19:42,490 Your milk is cut with tequila! I'll be in rehab before I'll be in kindergarten! 324 00:19:42,561 --> 00:19:45,587 I wanna go back! I wanna go back! 325 00:19:45,664 --> 00:19:51,625 Waah! Waah! 326 00:19:54,439 --> 00:19:56,168 Oh! 327 00:19:56,241 --> 00:19:58,175 What can I say? 328 00:19:58,243 --> 00:20:00,336 I've never had more fun working with a cast. 329 00:20:00,412 --> 00:20:02,573 - This is the wildest group in television, man. - Oh! 330 00:20:02,647 --> 00:20:04,581 - I just wanna thank Keenen and everybody. - Oh! Oh! 331 00:20:04,649 --> 00:20:07,982 [All Shouting] Oh! 332 00:20:08,053 --> 00:20:14,014 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 28884

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