All language subtitles for In Living Color - 5x21 - Loomis Simmons--Make Him Jealous - XviD.mp3

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,486 --> 00:00:05,115 Hi. I'm Loomis Simmons. 2 00:00:05,189 --> 00:00:07,123 Ladies... 3 00:00:07,191 --> 00:00:11,287 are the only breasts your man holds Kentucky fried? 4 00:00:11,362 --> 00:00:14,957 Does he think a "G" spot is a $10 bill? 5 00:00:15,033 --> 00:00:17,968 Well, I can make you the love bucket of his dreams... 6 00:00:18,036 --> 00:00:22,632 when you let me make him jealous. 7 00:00:22,707 --> 00:00:24,800 The plan is simple. 8 00:00:24,876 --> 00:00:27,310 We go to your place, get butt naked... 9 00:00:27,378 --> 00:00:31,144 and do the nasty on your front lawn... in full view of the neighbors. 10 00:00:31,215 --> 00:00:33,809 You can even take Polaroids, if you want. 11 00:00:37,255 --> 00:00:39,314 The Loomis Method has been endorsed... 12 00:00:39,390 --> 00:00:43,690 by leading scientists all over the world... even Albert Einstein. 13 00:00:43,761 --> 00:00:45,695 Let's listen. 14 00:00:45,763 --> 00:00:48,664 The Loomis Method works "indubitally." 15 00:00:48,733 --> 00:00:51,497 Thank you, Albert. 16 00:00:51,569 --> 00:00:54,663 Now, how often will we have this freaky-deaky sex? 17 00:00:54,739 --> 00:00:57,173 As often as possible. 18 00:00:57,241 --> 00:01:00,369 Just listen to another Loomis success story. 19 00:01:00,445 --> 00:01:04,108 Before Loomis, my husband never paid any attention to me. 20 00:01:04,182 --> 00:01:06,707 Now we're together all the time. [Coughs] 21 00:01:06,784 --> 00:01:08,718 Who are you talkin' to? Who are you talkin' to? 22 00:01:08,786 --> 00:01:10,947 I was telling the people how Loomis helps me all the time. 23 00:01:11,022 --> 00:01:13,616 You just get in the house. Get! Damn you, Loomis! 24 00:01:13,691 --> 00:01:16,159 Damn you! Damn you! You just get the hell out of here, Loomis. 25 00:01:16,227 --> 00:01:18,161 - Thanks, Loomis. I really... - Just get in the house. 26 00:01:18,229 --> 00:01:19,821 Just get. Loomis, you bastard. 27 00:01:19,897 --> 00:01:22,092 So what are you waiting for? 28 00:01:22,166 --> 00:01:24,100 Call today. 29 00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:28,002 The number is, uh, 555-3747. 30 00:01:28,072 --> 00:01:31,303 That's, uh, 555-3747... 31 00:01:31,376 --> 00:01:33,310 and that spells, uh... 32 00:01:33,378 --> 00:01:35,471 [Babbles] 33 00:01:36,881 --> 00:01:41,147 Remember, the secret to a happy marriage is Loomis... 34 00:01:41,219 --> 00:01:44,347 when you let me make him jealous. 35 00:01:48,726 --> 00:01:52,162 - [Laughing] - ♪ In living color♪ 36 00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:55,927 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 37 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,934 ♪ In living color♪ 38 00:01:59,504 --> 00:02:04,168 - ♪ In living color♪ - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 39 00:02:04,242 --> 00:02:06,403 ♪ In living color♪ 40 00:02:07,478 --> 00:02:09,412 ♪ In living color♪ 41 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:11,414 ♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪ 42 00:02:11,482 --> 00:02:13,473 ♪ You see, it's never too late and it's never too soon ♪ 43 00:02:13,551 --> 00:02:15,416 - ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪ - Hi-yah! 44 00:02:15,486 --> 00:02:16,919 ♪ In living color♪ 45 00:02:16,988 --> 00:02:19,582 ♪ And how would ya... How would ya... How would ya f... ♪ 46 00:02:19,657 --> 00:02:21,591 ♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪ 47 00:02:21,659 --> 00:02:23,820 ♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪ 48 00:02:23,895 --> 00:02:27,353 [Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪ 49 00:02:27,432 --> 00:02:30,890 ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ 50 00:02:30,968 --> 00:02:33,027 ♪ In living color♪ 51 00:02:34,105 --> 00:02:35,595 ♪ In living color♪ 52 00:02:35,673 --> 00:02:39,200 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 53 00:02:39,277 --> 00:02:43,543 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 54 00:02:43,614 --> 00:02:48,313 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 55 00:02:48,386 --> 00:02:52,322 - ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 56 00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:54,324 - [Turntable Scratching] - ♪ In living color♪♪ 57 00:02:54,392 --> 00:02:56,826 [Laughing] 58 00:02:59,997 --> 00:03:01,988 [Man] Fox Television presents... 59 00:03:02,066 --> 00:03:04,933 The Best of the 66th Annual Academy Awards... 60 00:03:05,002 --> 00:03:08,096 with your host, Whoopi Goldberg. 61 00:03:08,172 --> 00:03:10,163 Oh, what a year it's been. 62 00:03:10,241 --> 00:03:13,768 - With Robin Williams. - Looks like RuPaul with an orthopedic shoe. 63 00:03:13,845 --> 00:03:15,779 Genitalia not included. 64 00:03:15,847 --> 00:03:18,111 Take me, Malibu Ken. 65 00:03:18,182 --> 00:03:20,776 Whoops. Better get Maaco. [Laughs] 66 00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:25,255 - Uh, Irving Thalberg was a man of high ideals. - That's right... 67 00:03:25,323 --> 00:03:27,348 High ideals and high heels. 68 00:03:27,425 --> 00:03:29,359 [With Campy Voice] Yes, this spring Irving will be stepping out... 69 00:03:29,427 --> 00:03:31,418 in his pink taffeta ensemble that says... 70 00:03:31,496 --> 00:03:34,863 "Excuse me, garçon. I'll have the quiche." [Hisses] 71 00:03:34,932 --> 00:03:37,492 [Man] With glamorous stars like Rosie Perez. 72 00:03:37,568 --> 00:03:40,867 Hey, [Bleep] I didn't pay 100 bucks so you could get... 73 00:03:40,938 --> 00:03:42,929 a close up of a [Bleep] rented tux. 74 00:03:43,007 --> 00:03:45,475 I'm a [Bleep] Now get a shot of my [Bleep] or something. 75 00:03:45,543 --> 00:03:47,670 - [Camera Shutters Clicking] - Oh, Rosie... 76 00:03:47,745 --> 00:03:49,975 Oh, great goddess of Puerto Rican knockers. 77 00:03:50,047 --> 00:03:53,312 All hail to the lactating wet nurse from hell. 78 00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:56,376 Get some of this, you stupid [Bleep] 79 00:03:57,855 --> 00:04:01,757 [Man] It's a night you'll want to relive again and again. 80 00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:04,920 And now it is my great pleasure to introduce to you... 81 00:04:04,996 --> 00:04:08,261 a tribute to the history of sound effects editing... 82 00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:12,701 as interpreted by the Debbie Allen Dancers and the Bill Conti Orch... 83 00:04:12,770 --> 00:04:15,762 You tell 'em sister. Damn! [Laughs] 84 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:18,400 Hey, Whoopi, I'm white and I'm ready for you. 85 00:04:18,476 --> 00:04:20,410 Who says they can't jump, huh? Whoa. 86 00:04:20,478 --> 00:04:22,412 Man, why don't you just shut up? 87 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,414 Why don't you, for once in your life, just shut up? 88 00:04:24,482 --> 00:04:27,007 Hey, wait a second. [Groaning] 89 00:04:27,084 --> 00:04:29,052 - Shut up. - Whoa. Intense pain. Massive flesh wound. 90 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,953 Auntie Em, Auntie Em... I'm not in Kansas anymore. 91 00:04:32,023 --> 00:04:34,787 The 66th Annual Academy Awards... 92 00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:39,455 The most exciting nine hours ever on television. 93 00:04:41,465 --> 00:04:43,456 [Man] Okay, very nice. And... 94 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,900 Oh.! Good cut. All right, great. 95 00:04:45,970 --> 00:04:47,904 Butch is obviously very talented. 96 00:04:47,972 --> 00:04:50,167 We're going to be in touch with your agent. Thanks for coming in today. 97 00:04:50,241 --> 00:04:52,573 You were wonderful. Really. Thanks a lot for coming. Thanks a lot. 98 00:04:52,643 --> 00:04:54,577 Wow. She sucked. Whew! 99 00:04:54,645 --> 00:04:56,579 Next, please. Come on in. 100 00:04:56,647 --> 00:04:58,581 Next dog. 101 00:05:06,490 --> 00:05:09,789 That's all right now, Duke. Now just relax. You is a born actor. 102 00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:13,261 Excuse me, sir. This is the casting session for Beethoven's sidekick. 103 00:05:13,331 --> 00:05:15,697 You want to go down the hall to the left for Honey, I Ran Over the Dog. 104 00:05:15,766 --> 00:05:18,291 See you don't want him to be here. 105 00:05:18,369 --> 00:05:21,099 You want him to play a pimp or a thief'cause he's a black dog. 106 00:05:21,172 --> 00:05:24,369 Thing about it is, if the dog was light skinned, like Old Yeller... 107 00:05:24,442 --> 00:05:26,376 you'd give him a respectable part. 108 00:05:26,444 --> 00:05:28,674 But the thing about it, he could even get him... 109 00:05:28,746 --> 00:05:31,442 an Image Award or something, like Snoop Doggy Dogg. 110 00:05:31,515 --> 00:05:34,177 Sir, I'm sorry. No. We're not going to use your dog, okay? 111 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:37,687 - We're not going to. - Well, I guess I have to tell Spike Lee about it, huh? 112 00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:41,213 - Go tell whoever you'd like. - I guess I'll go to Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles... 113 00:05:41,292 --> 00:05:43,385 and get Al Sharpton then. 114 00:05:43,461 --> 00:05:46,919 All right, wait. Not Al. Okay, we'll give your dog a chance. 115 00:05:46,998 --> 00:05:51,560 - All right then. - All right. Now. Your situation... 116 00:05:51,636 --> 00:05:53,627 There's a suitcase of money up in a tree, and Beethoven... 117 00:05:53,704 --> 00:05:56,798 He got locked in a closet somehow, so Duke has to get the suitcase down... 118 00:05:56,874 --> 00:05:59,172 before the villains get to it and take it away from the family, okay? 119 00:05:59,243 --> 00:06:01,177 - All right. All right. - All right. 120 00:06:01,245 --> 00:06:03,213 - And... action. - All right, Duke, remember your lines. 121 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:06,078 Don't get nervous. Jump up and get the case, Duke. 122 00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:08,675 You see the case, don't you, Duke? 123 00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:13,957 Jump up and get the case, Duke. 124 00:06:15,526 --> 00:06:17,187 - Sir. Sir. - There you go, Duke. 125 00:06:17,261 --> 00:06:19,559 Look, sir, here comes the director. You'll have to talk to him. 126 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,564 Oh, look at that. Don't I know you from somewhere? 127 00:06:21,632 --> 00:06:24,931 Of course you do. I'm a world-famous director. I'm in charge of this film. 128 00:06:25,002 --> 00:06:27,436 Well, you're Miss Butterworth's boy, ain't you? 129 00:06:27,505 --> 00:06:29,530 - I'll be damned. - No, I'm not. 130 00:06:29,607 --> 00:06:32,872 I'll never forget. I knew you was gonna get into film 'cause you loved cameras. 131 00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:35,138 I'll never forget... One time you was takin' a picture of a lion. 132 00:06:35,212 --> 00:06:37,737 The lion rushed you, cut you up into, like, FarmerJohn bacon. 133 00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:40,306 Your mama was gonna cook you, but your father recognized your birthmark. 134 00:06:40,384 --> 00:06:42,318 He said, "Don't cook the boy." 135 00:06:42,386 --> 00:06:45,287 Uh, look, sir, I have no idea what you're talking about. 136 00:06:45,356 --> 00:06:49,292 And anyway, I do not use stuffed animals in my movies. 137 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,294 Well, you know, there's a lot of things that Duke is... 138 00:06:51,362 --> 00:06:53,387 - and one thing is, he is not stuffed. - [Sighs] 139 00:06:53,464 --> 00:06:55,591 He hasn't eaten since 1962. 140 00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,691 - Aah! - Sir! 141 00:06:57,768 --> 00:06:59,702 Okay, I'm gonna humor you. 142 00:06:59,770 --> 00:07:01,704 The dog in this movie has to be able... 143 00:07:01,772 --> 00:07:03,706 to revive the wounded woman... 144 00:07:03,774 --> 00:07:05,742 and get her away from the car before it blows up. 145 00:07:05,810 --> 00:07:09,246 Let's see if your dog can do that. [Chuckles] 146 00:07:09,313 --> 00:07:12,214 - Humor me. - Come on now, Duke. 147 00:07:12,283 --> 00:07:14,274 - There you go, Duke. - Oh! 148 00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:17,320 - Use your tongue, like I taught you, Duke. - [Spitting] 149 00:07:17,388 --> 00:07:19,754 This is disgusting. I quit. 150 00:07:19,824 --> 00:07:22,987 - Uh... - We need her. She won an Oscar last year. 151 00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:26,359 Come on back. Once you go shepherd, you don't go back. 152 00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:32,561 I'll tell you what. Why don't you have Duke sit right about there. 153 00:07:32,636 --> 00:07:34,570 - Right here. Yeah. Right here. - Right there. 154 00:07:34,638 --> 00:07:37,163 Just have him sit there. We want him to... We want... There you go. 155 00:07:37,241 --> 00:07:39,903 Sit right there, Duke. Just sit still, boy. There you go. 156 00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:42,172 There you go.! Oh.! 157 00:07:42,246 --> 00:07:44,271 Okay, sir, he's dead now, all right? 158 00:07:44,348 --> 00:07:46,282 He's dead. D-E-A-D, dead. 159 00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:48,477 - Dead as Gacy's paperboy, okay? - What do you mean? 160 00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,747 Duke's career is never dead. See how he bounces back? 161 00:07:50,821 --> 00:07:53,790 Every time he gets hit, he bounces right back. 162 00:07:53,858 --> 00:07:55,951 All right, sir. Look... 163 00:07:57,862 --> 00:07:59,955 All right, sir, fine. But we're not looking for adult dogs. 164 00:08:00,030 --> 00:08:02,396 We're looking for puppies. We want puppies, okay? 165 00:08:02,466 --> 00:08:05,230 Aw, you should have said so, 'cause he got more bitches than Luther Campbell. 166 00:08:05,302 --> 00:08:07,395 Come on round here. 167 00:08:07,471 --> 00:08:10,804 Sir, we... We don't want... Oh, my God. 168 00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,809 There you go. There you go. All the litter right there. 169 00:08:12,877 --> 00:08:14,742 There you go. Hey, y'all stay in line now. 170 00:08:14,812 --> 00:08:17,110 - Security! Leon! Leon! - Boy, y'all some family dogs. 171 00:08:17,181 --> 00:08:19,115 All right, now, y'all gotta jump in the box. 172 00:08:19,183 --> 00:08:22,584 Come on now, Michael, uh, Tito, Jermaine. Come on now. 173 00:08:22,653 --> 00:08:25,383 Oh, y'all acting trifling, then, huh? 174 00:08:25,456 --> 00:08:27,390 Jump in, one at a time. 175 00:08:35,299 --> 00:08:37,233 Petey... 176 00:08:37,301 --> 00:08:40,737 This is so impetuous, running off and getting married like this. 177 00:08:40,805 --> 00:08:42,796 Nothin' too good for you, Tracy. 178 00:08:42,873 --> 00:08:47,401 Hey, look... They even throw rice at you for an extra five dollars. 179 00:08:47,478 --> 00:08:50,709 Five dollars for rice? Good Lord, that's a lot of money. 180 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:52,772 How about I give 'em a buck and a quarter... 181 00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:56,115 and they throw some black-eyed peas? 182 00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:59,782 Peter. But I'm telling you, I still want a honeymoon. 183 00:08:59,857 --> 00:09:02,883 I've always wanted to see the moon over Paris. 184 00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,986 Well, how about the sun over Compton? 185 00:09:06,063 --> 00:09:08,759 Welcome to the Chapel of Wildwood. 186 00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:10,892 Are you young lovers thinking of getting married? 187 00:09:10,968 --> 00:09:13,061 We sure are, Peggy Bundy. 188 00:09:14,772 --> 00:09:17,070 Now how much it cost to get married? 189 00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:20,577 Well, that depends. We have a flat rate of $35. 190 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:23,943 $35? Good Lord, that's a lot of money. 191 00:09:24,014 --> 00:09:26,983 Well, $25 of that goes for the marriage licences. 192 00:09:27,051 --> 00:09:28,985 All right, check this out. Check this out. 193 00:09:29,053 --> 00:09:32,648 How about I give you a buck and a quarter, and you give me a learner's permit? 194 00:09:32,723 --> 00:09:35,658 I'm sorry, sir. We can't do that. 195 00:09:35,726 --> 00:09:37,523 Peter, I can't believe you're acting this way. 196 00:09:37,595 --> 00:09:40,029 Don't worry. It's okay. I know how nervous people get... 197 00:09:40,097 --> 00:09:42,031 when they're about to get married. 198 00:09:42,099 --> 00:09:45,830 Now. We have a variety of ways to preserve the moment forever. 199 00:09:45,903 --> 00:09:47,837 Okay, seeing that you're a thrifty couple... 200 00:09:47,905 --> 00:09:50,465 you'd probably want the Polaroid pictures. 201 00:09:50,541 --> 00:09:53,669 - Okay, I got one question. - It's 12.95. 202 00:09:53,744 --> 00:09:58,113 - Good Lord! How'd you know I was gonna ask you that? - Lucky guess, sir. 203 00:09:58,182 --> 00:10:00,377 Miss, you mentioned you have a variety of ways to record this event. 204 00:10:00,451 --> 00:10:02,385 What other ways do you suggest? 205 00:10:02,453 --> 00:10:04,614 Well, yes, we could videotape the service. That would cost... 206 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:07,088 Well, brace yourself, sir. You ready? 207 00:10:07,157 --> 00:10:09,318 39.95. 208 00:10:09,393 --> 00:10:11,725 39.95? Good Lord. 209 00:10:11,795 --> 00:10:15,754 How about I give you four dollars and we use a View-Master? 210 00:10:15,833 --> 00:10:17,767 All right, let's forget the pictures... 211 00:10:17,835 --> 00:10:20,167 but you just aren't a bride... 212 00:10:20,237 --> 00:10:22,171 - without the bouquet. - [Gasps] Oh! 213 00:10:22,239 --> 00:10:24,503 Oh, they smell exquisite. 214 00:10:24,575 --> 00:10:27,738 And a steal at 29.95. 215 00:10:27,811 --> 00:10:29,745 29.95? 216 00:10:29,813 --> 00:10:32,748 I thought when you stole something it was free. 217 00:10:32,816 --> 00:10:36,149 I'm gonna go get the minister. You might want to take a look at the wedding cakes. 218 00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:39,087 - See if you want to buy one. - Okay. 219 00:10:39,156 --> 00:10:41,090 [Gasps] Oh! 220 00:10:41,158 --> 00:10:43,991 - I like this cake, Petey. - Good Lord. 221 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,087 Oh, and look at this one. It has five tiers. 222 00:10:47,164 --> 00:10:49,496 - I don't care if it has two. - Mmm! 223 00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:52,160 Ooh. Look at this one. Cognac. 224 00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:54,261 Don't you like Pop Tarts? 225 00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,730 - [Sighs] - Good Lord. 226 00:10:57,808 --> 00:10:59,742 Petey, this is only $10. 227 00:10:59,810 --> 00:11:02,802 How about we give 'em two dollars and get a wedding pancake? 228 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,781 No. Whatever. We have to get this one because, lookit. 229 00:11:05,849 --> 00:11:08,647 - It has the figurines on it. - I don't care about no figurines. 230 00:11:08,719 --> 00:11:12,655 Why don't we just get a G.I. Joe with a Barbie on it? 231 00:11:12,723 --> 00:11:16,159 All right, let's begin the ceremony. 232 00:11:17,861 --> 00:11:20,227 ♪♪ [Organ Playing "Here Comes The Bride"] 233 00:11:27,037 --> 00:11:28,971 [Clears Throat] 234 00:11:29,039 --> 00:11:31,872 Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... 235 00:11:31,942 --> 00:11:35,605 in the countenance of the great almighty Lord... Excuse me. 236 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:38,807 - Which ceremony did they pay for? - Oh, the no-frills ceremony. 237 00:11:38,882 --> 00:11:41,578 I now pronounce you man and wife. Tag her and bag her. 238 00:11:45,222 --> 00:11:49,386 Now you listen here, Boss Hogg from The Dukes of Hazard. 239 00:11:51,195 --> 00:11:54,164 - A ring... How much it cost for a ring? - 65 bucks. 240 00:11:54,231 --> 00:11:57,325 $65? Good Lord. 241 00:11:57,401 --> 00:12:00,837 Petey, don't you think I'm worth a diamond ring? 242 00:12:00,904 --> 00:12:04,601 You mean a band of gold with a d-d-diamond on it? Check this out. 243 00:12:04,675 --> 00:12:07,041 How about I give somebody 42 cents... 244 00:12:07,111 --> 00:12:10,410 and we'll get you a Cheerio with a raisin on it? 245 00:12:10,481 --> 00:12:13,678 - Good idea. - All right, check this out. Check this out. 246 00:12:13,751 --> 00:12:15,685 How about I give you a Life-Saver... 247 00:12:15,753 --> 00:12:17,778 and you suck it till it fits your finger? 248 00:12:17,855 --> 00:12:20,449 I've never been so offended in my life. 249 00:12:20,524 --> 00:12:22,788 - Good-bye. - Come on, girl. 250 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,794 Cheaper car insurance. Come on back now. 251 00:12:24,862 --> 00:12:26,853 We, uh... We got hookers. 252 00:12:33,066 --> 00:12:35,534 Come on, Barry. The train's leaving. 253 00:12:35,602 --> 00:12:37,536 Barry. 254 00:12:37,604 --> 00:12:39,663 Get... 255 00:12:39,739 --> 00:12:41,730 Barry, hurry up. 256 00:12:43,409 --> 00:12:45,673 Oh, you're walking so good. 257 00:12:45,745 --> 00:12:48,680 - You're such a big boy. - I've been walking for 20 years, Mom. 258 00:12:48,748 --> 00:12:53,048 Has it been that long? It seems like yesterday. 259 00:12:53,119 --> 00:12:57,146 - [Indistinct] - [Groans] 260 00:12:58,725 --> 00:13:01,956 I told you to hold on to something, Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Daredevil. 261 00:13:02,028 --> 00:13:04,087 Now I've dropped my CD. 262 00:13:04,163 --> 00:13:07,326 You don't need your CD's. That's just noise. That's not music. 263 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,334 You wanna go deaf? Is that what you want? 264 00:13:09,402 --> 00:13:12,098 Yes! So I won't have to listen to you. 265 00:13:12,171 --> 00:13:14,503 Hey! Is this a snake? 266 00:13:14,574 --> 00:13:16,508 What's this, a boa constrictor? Could I pet it? 267 00:13:16,576 --> 00:13:18,544 No. It's an "embryo-a" constrictor. 268 00:13:18,611 --> 00:13:21,478 - Could I pet it anyway? - You dumb asp. Go sit down. 269 00:13:21,548 --> 00:13:23,812 It's his umbilical cord. You never seen one before? 270 00:13:23,883 --> 00:13:25,976 It's the source of life. 271 00:13:26,052 --> 00:13:29,579 - You can kiss my raggedy behind, lady. - You see what I mean? 272 00:13:29,656 --> 00:13:32,056 This is what happens if you stray too far from the uterus. 273 00:13:32,125 --> 00:13:34,059 - Don't talk to my jailer like that. - Go sit. 274 00:13:34,127 --> 00:13:36,322 Go sit. Go sit. 275 00:13:36,396 --> 00:13:38,330 All right. 276 00:13:39,432 --> 00:13:41,491 Oh, my God. 277 00:13:41,568 --> 00:13:45,095 - That's disgusting. - Oh.! 278 00:13:45,171 --> 00:13:47,799 - Sorry. - Oh, let him go. He doesn't understand. 279 00:13:47,874 --> 00:13:50,001 - Besides, you and I can be closer this way. - Yeah. 280 00:13:50,076 --> 00:13:52,044 How's your stomach doing? Are you hungry? 281 00:13:52,111 --> 00:13:54,511 - Mm, yeah. - Yes, you're looking very thin. 282 00:13:54,581 --> 00:13:56,845 Let's have a little nosh, okay? 283 00:13:59,218 --> 00:14:01,152 Mmm. 284 00:14:02,155 --> 00:14:04,089 Pastrami. My favorite. 285 00:14:04,157 --> 00:14:06,318 How come I never get to chew, Ma? 286 00:14:06,392 --> 00:14:10,123 What? And ruin those gorgeous teeth I spent thousands of dollars on? Never. 287 00:14:10,196 --> 00:14:12,289 Hi there, handsome. 288 00:14:12,365 --> 00:14:15,266 Is that your umbilical cord, or are you just happy to see me? 289 00:14:18,204 --> 00:14:20,832 Both, really. What's your name? 290 00:14:20,907 --> 00:14:23,307 - Tanya. - Ooh. Hello. 291 00:14:23,376 --> 00:14:25,310 You wanna have sex? 292 00:14:25,378 --> 00:14:27,471 ♪♪ [Humming] 293 00:14:30,049 --> 00:14:33,576 Gee, I don't know. Would it be all right if my mom's in the room? 294 00:14:33,653 --> 00:14:36,247 Well, that'll cost you a little bit extra, but... [Laughs] 295 00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:40,450 - [Belches] - Oh. 296 00:14:40,526 --> 00:14:42,289 - Ma! - What? 297 00:14:42,362 --> 00:14:44,330 I have... I have some gas. 298 00:14:44,397 --> 00:14:47,798 Oh! Get away my son Barry, you cheap trollop. 299 00:14:47,867 --> 00:14:50,495 What are you doing? You wanna go get us both syphilis? 300 00:14:50,570 --> 00:14:52,504 What's on your lip? 301 00:14:52,572 --> 00:14:54,904 I can't believe you'd sit next to someone like that. 302 00:14:54,974 --> 00:14:56,908 I think she liked me. 303 00:14:56,976 --> 00:15:00,537 Yes, and for $50 she'd like your Uncle Morrie too. 304 00:15:03,683 --> 00:15:06,015 You just don't want me to be happy, Mom. 305 00:15:06,085 --> 00:15:08,747 I want you to be happy. Forget it. 306 00:15:11,958 --> 00:15:13,949 Oh, Rabbi. 307 00:15:15,128 --> 00:15:17,289 Oh, baby. 308 00:15:17,363 --> 00:15:20,799 Oh! Oh! Get away from here, you cheap cur. 309 00:15:20,867 --> 00:15:23,131 Get away from me, you filthy dog. 310 00:15:23,202 --> 00:15:26,296 That's disgusting, Ma. I hate this thing. 311 00:15:26,372 --> 00:15:28,431 Well, this is the thing that gives you life. 312 00:15:28,508 --> 00:15:31,306 - I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. - I love you. I love you. I love you. 313 00:15:31,377 --> 00:15:34,813 - I hate it. I hate it. - I love you. I love you. I love you. 314 00:15:34,881 --> 00:15:36,906 I love you. I love you. I love you. 315 00:15:36,983 --> 00:15:39,008 Get out of here. 316 00:15:39,085 --> 00:15:42,282 - I hate you, Ma. - Well, I love you. 317 00:15:42,355 --> 00:15:44,289 Yeah? 318 00:15:44,357 --> 00:15:47,224 Oh. Sorry. 319 00:15:47,293 --> 00:15:51,024 Barry, I'm warning you. If you don't come back in here the doors are gonna close. 320 00:15:51,097 --> 00:15:53,031 - You're gonna be by yourself. - I'm not coming back, Ma. 321 00:15:53,099 --> 00:15:55,033 - All right, be a big man. - I'm gonna be my own man. 322 00:15:55,101 --> 00:15:56,932 - Learn your lesson. - I'm gonna be self-reliant. 323 00:15:57,003 --> 00:15:58,664 - Okay. - Independent. 324 00:15:58,738 --> 00:16:00,706 All right. You have a big thing coming out of your stomach. 325 00:16:00,773 --> 00:16:03,264 Don't forget that. Bye-bye, Barry. 326 00:16:03,342 --> 00:16:06,436 Yes. You see? You're all alone now. Is that what you wanted? 327 00:16:13,519 --> 00:16:16,579 - You got what you wanted, young man. - Ma! 328 00:16:16,656 --> 00:16:19,557 Maybe if you're good and you give your mother a little respect... 329 00:16:19,625 --> 00:16:21,616 I'll let you in at Grand Central. 330 00:16:23,896 --> 00:16:25,830 Doggy? 331 00:16:30,036 --> 00:16:33,699 Doug, is everything coming out in there okay? 332 00:16:33,773 --> 00:16:35,707 [Toilet Flushes] 333 00:16:48,221 --> 00:16:50,314 You know, Peggy... 334 00:16:50,389 --> 00:16:54,120 I think I put too much jalepeños on my pancakes this morning. 335 00:16:54,193 --> 00:16:58,152 These hemorrhoids are killing me. 336 00:16:58,231 --> 00:17:00,324 Well, Doug, you won't have them for long. 337 00:17:00,399 --> 00:17:02,924 That laser's over 12,000 degrees in Fahrenheit. 338 00:17:03,002 --> 00:17:05,061 They'll just burn those babies right off. 339 00:17:05,138 --> 00:17:07,163 - Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. - Oh, Peggy, stop. 340 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:09,606 - You're scaring me. - [Laughs] Oh, Doug. 341 00:17:09,675 --> 00:17:11,734 Don't be such a tight ass. 342 00:17:11,811 --> 00:17:14,336 All right, now here, honey. 343 00:17:14,413 --> 00:17:16,347 Let's just get up here. 344 00:17:16,415 --> 00:17:18,349 - All right, Peggy, let me... - Let me strap you in. 345 00:17:18,417 --> 00:17:20,351 Let me just get up here on my own. 346 00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:23,445 - Okay, now, careful. Careful. - Ow! 347 00:17:23,523 --> 00:17:25,514 - [Groans] - You okay? 348 00:17:25,591 --> 00:17:27,718 - Yeah, I'm all right, Peggy. - All right. 349 00:17:27,794 --> 00:17:30,160 [Groans] You know, it's good to see you again. 350 00:17:30,229 --> 00:17:32,163 Nice to see you too, Doug. 351 00:17:32,231 --> 00:17:34,563 - I didn't think I'd see you so soon. - Oh, well. 352 00:17:34,634 --> 00:17:36,727 Oh, while you're back there, could you loosen those straps for me? 353 00:17:36,803 --> 00:17:39,704 - Are you all right with that? - Oh, sure. Whoa.! 354 00:17:39,772 --> 00:17:41,831 These babies are about to blow. 355 00:17:43,576 --> 00:17:45,567 - Peggy. - Aw. 356 00:17:45,645 --> 00:17:47,579 Now don't be so sensitive, okay? 357 00:17:47,647 --> 00:17:50,445 Now I'm gonna go and see if they're ready for you in Surgery, all right? 358 00:17:50,516 --> 00:17:52,450 - Oh, Doug, one more thing. - Yeah? 359 00:17:52,518 --> 00:17:54,452 - Buzz, buzz! - Oh! 360 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,920 Peggy, stop it. You are such a card. 361 00:17:56,989 --> 00:18:00,447 - [Chuckles] - These dividers are needed in room 714. 362 00:18:03,329 --> 00:18:05,490 Uh, guys? Uh, excuse me. 363 00:18:05,565 --> 00:18:07,499 I'm not done with that. 364 00:18:07,567 --> 00:18:10,365 - Uh, Peggy. - [Bell Dings] 365 00:18:11,938 --> 00:18:13,872 Oh, my God. 366 00:18:13,940 --> 00:18:17,467 I didn't know hemorrhoids could get that big. 367 00:18:17,543 --> 00:18:19,477 Hemorrhoids? 368 00:18:19,545 --> 00:18:21,604 I thought he was giving birth. 369 00:18:22,715 --> 00:18:24,649 Now, excuse me. That was not called for. 370 00:18:24,717 --> 00:18:28,380 You people are professionals... Nurse Ratched. 371 00:18:28,454 --> 00:18:31,184 Peggy! Peggy. 372 00:18:31,257 --> 00:18:33,088 [Bell Dings] 373 00:18:33,159 --> 00:18:36,560 [Speaking Japanese] 374 00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,891 [Shutter Clicking] 375 00:18:44,370 --> 00:18:47,305 Excuse me. Ex... This is not a Kodak moment. 376 00:18:47,373 --> 00:18:50,308 Please! Peggy-san? 377 00:18:50,376 --> 00:18:53,812 Peggy-san. Help. Arigato. 378 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,280 Okay, Mr. Furguson's vital signs are finally stabilizing. 379 00:18:56,349 --> 00:18:58,783 - Let's get him over to I.C.U. - [Laughing] 380 00:19:03,389 --> 00:19:06,256 [Choking] 381 00:19:06,325 --> 00:19:08,589 Oh, great. We've lost him. Are you happy now? 382 00:19:08,661 --> 00:19:11,289 Your Tater Tot-lookin' [Blip] Killed a man. 383 00:19:13,032 --> 00:19:14,966 Peggy! Peggy! 384 00:19:20,006 --> 00:19:21,997 Ow. Ow! 385 00:19:23,509 --> 00:19:25,909 Are you trying to take my temperature? 386 00:19:29,115 --> 00:19:31,049 - Bang, bang! - Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! 387 00:19:31,117 --> 00:19:33,051 Aw, come on, kids. Come on now. 388 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,917 Hey. This is not a playground. 389 00:19:35,988 --> 00:19:38,115 This is a hospital! Stop it! Come on, kids. Time out. 390 00:19:38,190 --> 00:19:40,249 Are you all right with that? 391 00:19:40,326 --> 00:19:42,590 Boys! 392 00:19:42,662 --> 00:19:46,792 Oh! Stay away from that man's hemorrhoids. 393 00:19:46,866 --> 00:19:49,096 They might be contagious. 394 00:19:49,168 --> 00:19:51,295 That is not true. Peggy! 395 00:19:51,370 --> 00:19:53,634 - Peggy! - Doug, Doug. 396 00:19:53,706 --> 00:19:55,867 They're ready for you in Surgery. 397 00:19:55,942 --> 00:19:58,502 It's about time. Some kid just put an arrow in my butt. 398 00:19:58,577 --> 00:20:01,978 And before that a Japanese gentleman took a picture of it... 399 00:20:02,048 --> 00:20:06,678 - and I think I killed a fat white man, Peggy. - [Gasps] A fat white man? 400 00:20:06,752 --> 00:20:10,813 - Yes. I'm not all right with this. Damn it! - All right, mister. 401 00:20:10,890 --> 00:20:14,018 Just because you have hemorrhoids doesn't mean you have to be rude. 402 00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:15,890 - Peggy, I'm sorry. Peggy! - No! 403 00:20:15,962 --> 00:20:17,953 Peggy.! 404 00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:20,021 - [Peggy] Hi, guys. - Someone unstrap me, please. 405 00:20:20,099 --> 00:20:22,033 Oh, my God. 406 00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:24,592 Peggy! I'm not all right with this. 407 00:20:25,671 --> 00:20:28,640 Can I get over? Can I? 408 00:20:29,742 --> 00:20:31,676 - Oh, my God. - [Gunshots] 409 00:20:31,744 --> 00:20:33,769 Someone shot at me! 410 00:20:35,481 --> 00:20:37,506 - [Horn Honking] - Is that a train? 411 00:20:37,583 --> 00:20:40,518 Hey! That's not a tunnel back there. 412 00:20:40,586 --> 00:20:43,020 Peggy. Peggy! 413 00:20:43,089 --> 00:20:45,284 [Blubbering] 414 00:20:46,492 --> 00:20:48,460 [Horn Honks] 415 00:20:48,527 --> 00:20:51,985 Yeah, let's give it up for Ruthless Records recording artist Eazy E... 416 00:20:52,064 --> 00:20:54,191 performing "Real Compton City G's." 417 00:20:54,266 --> 00:20:56,200 You know it. 418 00:20:56,268 --> 00:20:58,202 Do the ladies run this house? 419 00:20:58,270 --> 00:21:00,864 - ♪♪ [Hip-hop] - Oh, yeah. 420 00:21:00,940 --> 00:21:04,137 Compton C-P-T style tonight. 421 00:21:04,210 --> 00:21:07,008 We gonna do something like this. 422 00:21:07,079 --> 00:21:09,013 Yo, E. 423 00:21:09,081 --> 00:21:11,072 ♪♪ [Rapping] 424 00:21:54,727 --> 00:21:57,195 ♪♪ [Continues] 425 00:22:06,105 --> 00:22:09,700 - All the ladies, make some noise. - [Crowd Roars] 426 00:22:09,775 --> 00:22:13,905 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make some noise. 427 00:22:13,979 --> 00:22:15,970 - Yo, Dre. - Yo, Drester. 428 00:22:25,057 --> 00:22:26,991 ♪♪ [Ends] 35016

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